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Catra barrelled along the busy shopping strip, weaving through the masses of evening shoppers as trashy Christmas music crackled overhead. No one seemed to take notice of how distressed she was, taking frantic glances at each storefront she passed, assuming her to just be one of those people who got especially worked up this time of year.
And she was distressed, yes, but not because of capitalism’s iron grip on the Christmas Spirit that forced people to spend exorbitant amounts of money once a year.
Catra and Adora had had a fight.
That’s why Catra is running around past nine on Christmas fucking Eve, looking for the penultimate gift that will show Adora how much she means to her. However the brunette hadn’t made much progress in figuring out what Adora would want, but that was the entire root of this problem in the first place; Adora never knew what she wanted, and it infuriated Catra to no end.
It was their first Christmas together, and neither had ever enjoyed the holiday, thanks to their foster parents. Thus, Catra had thrown herself into making it a Christmas they would cherish forever, but whenever she asked for input from Adora, the blonde had just told her to do what she wanted. It all came to a head that morning when Catra blew up at Adora when she didn’t know what she wanted to eat for Christmas dinner. She wouldn’t accept Adora’s answer that ‘whatever Catra wanted would make her happy’ so she stormed out in a fit of rage.
Glimmer, of course, caught wind of what went down so she took Catra out for lunch, told her to wise up, go home and apologise, but save their dispute for after Christmas, so they could actually enjoy the holiday for once. But sometime during the walk home Catra had gotten it into her head that she should get something special for Adora, to really nail the point home that she was sorry.
She’d started her search at quarter to three, when the sun was still high in the sky.
Now, most of the stores were closing their doors, the staff likely going home to their loved ones. Catra felt small stabs of envy when she passed them, but remained adamant in her search. She needed something that wasn’t tacky, not fancy, not stupid. It had to be an Adora gift.
As the minutes dragged on, the search bearing no fruit, Catra’s began to take shorter and sharper breaths.
‘I’m going to fail. I’m going to lose Adora and it will have been all my fault.’
Suddenly finding herself devoid of energy and willpower, Catra stumbled and collapsed against the polished marble storefront of some fancy designer clothing shop. The whole city seemed to be trying to crush Catra so she drew into herself, trying to become as small as possible. As much as she tried to stop them, she could not hold back the pathetic sobbing that had been threatening to make itself heard for over an hour now.
Catra tried to drown out the city but it demanded to make it’s oppressive weight present. Other last-minute shoppers passed her by, not one offering to help or ask if she was okay.
After an indeterminable amount of time sobbing and feeling weak and pathetic, Catra felt rather than saw or heard the presence of someone coming to kneel down next to her.
“Wow, dunno if I’ve ever seen you have a breakdown in front of a Louis Vuitton only a couple of hours until Christmas before. Not a good look if you ask me.”
Catra didn’t need to look up to know who had spoken, as she would be able to make out Mermista’s distinctive drawling tone amongst a sea of voices, but she did so anyway. Her sobbing ceased momentarily upon seeing the genuine look of concern upon the woman’s face.
“You wanna talk somewhere a little more comfortable and private?”
Catra nodded, and took the hand Mermista offered to help her up. They walked in amicable silence to a small park nearby, seating themselves on a bench. Catra was silently grateful that the deep-blue-haired woman hadn’t launched into comforting her physically or barraged her with questions.
Catra remained silent under Mermista’s unusually comforting and gentle gaze. She would speak, open up to her friend. She would. She just needed to get a handle on the writhing emotions for just a second.
“I wanted to get her something special.” The brunette finally said. “Something that could only be hers.”
“Hang on, I thought we went Christmas shopping, like, the second week of November?”
Catra smiles fondly as she recalls how Glimmer gathered everyone up and got them looking for presents mid-November so as to ‘get ahead of the game’ which Catra failed to find any sort of logic in nor an ounce of proper holiday cheer. What had been logical about the impromptu shopping spree was that they were organised into groups so no one would be shopping with their partners, allowing them to keep their holiday gifts a surprise. Catra, Frosta and Mermista, however, had actually spent most of the time making fun of other shoppers’ looks and complaining about the mall rats who strolled about like they owned the place.
“Yeah, but, after today…” She starts sheepishly. “I wanted to get her something even more… special.”
“What happened today?” Mermista asks the question without judgement or criticism.
“I kinda, sorta, maybe, definitely, got angry at Adora and, uh, yelled at her.” Catra stammered. “O- over what to do for Christmas dinner.” Mermista nodded but didn’t say anything. “I already talked it out with Glimmer, but I thought it would be nice to get one last Christmas gift, to really show I’m sorry.”
Mermista contemplates in silence for a couple of seconds before speaking. “Catra, I’m sorry you guys fought, and I’m glad you’re going about this a lot better than you would have three years ago…” Catra’s heart rate spikes a little as she anticipates for Mermista to drop one of those scathing comments she’s known for dishing out mercilessly.
“But you do realise that just being with her for Christmas will be enough? Adora’s just as likely to be freaking out as much as you, if not more. I’m surprised she hasn’t called the authorities to go looking for you yet.” The blue-haired woman smirked as she said the last part.
The corners of Catra’s mouth lift into a small smile. Briefly. Then it disappears. “But what if I do something like this again?”
‘She’ll leave me for sure next time. There’s no such thing as a ‘third chance’.
“Then you’ve just gotta apologise again, and make up, or, whatever. No one’s just gonna kick you out of their life if you mess up, especially Adora.”
“Bu- but, what if I do something so terrible, so unforgivable-” Mermista holds a hand up for her to stop talking.
“I’m gonna stop you there because that line of thinking is not gonna help you. You aren’t ever going to do something that bad because you care. Like, a lot.” Catra began to protest but her friend kept talking over her. “No, don’t try to hide it, you can’t fool me. Back to my point though, don’t beat yourself up over a mishap like this, you don’t deserve it.”
Tears spring to Catra’s mismatched eyes as Mermista spouts words of positive reinforcement. “We’re all here for you, always. Unless you try to destroy the world. I would really hate that.”
Catra laughs long and loud. “Some days it’s really hard not to.”
Mermista looks afraid for a second. “Riiiiight. Well, if you’re still looking for a gift, I know the perfect place.” She visibly notices the brunette's eyes light up, along with one of the biggest smiles she’s ever seen on her.
“Oh please take me there.” Catra doesn’t like to plead for things but her friend is offering a branch that she has to take, no matter what.
“It’s where I was heading to anyway, before I found you. Now c’mon, I’m getting cold. There’s only so much I’m willing to endure for you, y’know?” Mermista stands, offering her hand just like she did just before.
Catra takes it and somehow she feels a little more hopeful about tonight.
The two briskly walk out of the park, and Mermista leads Catra down a couple of streets she hasn’t been down before. They come to a shop nestled in between a couple of the city's older buildings. A wooden sign hangs above the door, the flaking paint only just revealing the name of the store to be ‘Madame Razz’ Ends and Odds’.
As they step through the doorway, Catra instantly feels at ease. It feels earthy and natural, and when combined with how cluttered and jumbled the arrangement is, gives off ‘Old Lady Forest Hermit’ vibes. Mermista strides off deeper into the shop with purpose, as if she already knows what she’s here to purchase. Catra however, is left staring in bewilderment at the bizarre ornaments, trinkets, and god knows what else.
She begins meandering through the shop, and the further she goes among the winding shelves, bookcases and tables, the more it feels like a maze. All sorts of things catch her eye; large purple crystals, a simple red mask with great white eyes that creeps her ther fuck out, there’s even a giant, fuck-off sword with golden filigree spreading out from the hilt.
Catra is currently viewing a piece of wood engraved with geometric shapes arranged into a heart when a voice pierces the silence permeating the store;
“Hello dearie! Found anything of interest?”
Catra jumps a little, startled, as she turns to face a short old lady with the wildest mane of frizzy white hair and large round glasses that make her soul-perceiving eyes as big as saucers. She radiates so much kind energy that Catra can’t do anything but relax in her presence. “I- well, yes. Everything in here intrigues me in some way.” There’s no hint at all of the old lady being a staff member, but something in the brunette is telling her that this is Madame Razz.
“Oho, you must have a sharp yet creative mind my dear. You will find just what you need from within this store, I’m sure.” Catra blushes a little from the praise, but hearing that someone, even if she only just ran into them, is hoping for her to succeed makes her feel a little lighter.
“Thanks, I’m trying to find something that will show a uh, friend of mine how much she just um, means to me.” She tries really hard to not tumble over the words, because as much as she would like to manage this task alone, she also really wants to get back to Adora as soon as possible.
“Ahhh I see. What is your friend like?” Madame Razz begins to wander away, and Catra follows.
“Well, she’s uhhh, amazing. So smart, and charming, and an absolute dork.” Catra doesn’t want to let it into her tone, but she talks about Adora quite wistfully. “She loves everything there is to love about horses and stars.” Razz turns and peers down a path every so often, and sometimes, they make a turn.
“And she’s everything to me.”
“I can see why, she sounds like such a special girl.” The old lady seems to be moving with much more intent now, but she’s weaving amongst the scattered knick-knacks almost like a dance, and Catra’s struggling to keep up.
“She is, and that’s why I want to find her something that will show that to her.” Catra calls out. The brunette rounds a corner to find Razz having come to a stop in front of a table with a variety of intricately carved wooden statues. They’re decently sized, most being around the size of Catra’s head or larger, and the painting is so immaculate they looked as if they’d only just dried. Razz picks up one from amongst them and presents it to Catra, and instantly she knows it’s the only thing she wants to walk out of this shop with;
It’s a horse with wings, and a horn on its head (meaning it’s an alicorn, Adora would tell her later), posed up on its hind legs atop the wooden stand it’s placed upon. The body is painted a sleek, unblemished white, it’s mane and tail a brilliant orange, and the wings in a pattern of blue, pink and yellow. She swears the wings, tail and mane also sparkle in the light. Its open mouth and the expression painted in its eyes suggest to Catra that it is standing in defiance of something; it cannot and will not budge an inch for anyone except those it trusts.
Catra can barely form a coherent thought, for she is so relieved and ecstatic she could cry. “This… this is perfect. ” She can barely hold back the tears. “H- how did you know?”
“Never question the methods of Madame Razz, dearie. Your brain will only run around in circles!” The old lady cackled, and Catra did begin to have thoughts, instead pondering just how sane the shop owner was.
“Okay, uh, where’s the register?” Catra asked, the rush of serotonin of having finally completed her self-imposed mission making her eager to leave and face Adora.
“Yes, yes, this way, be careful with Swifty. He would not be pleased if you damaged the fine handiwork. He is very proud of the amount of care put into him, y’know?” Razz started making her way further through the store, Catra struggling to keep pace with what was to her now the most delicate object in the universe.
“Swifty?” She queried as she just avoided catching one of the statue's wings on a collection of ornate ceramic pots arranged on a table.
“Yes, short for Swift Wind, the one and only.”
“Who made these?”
“Oh, his name slips my memory all the time. Kad-something or other. Interesting fellow. Quite reserved, but very passionate about his craft. Should be a plaque or whatever on the stand.”
Catra spares a glance at the plaque, even though she should probably keep an eye on where she’s walking. True to the shop owner's word, there is a golden metal placard placed on the side of the wooden base. Engraved into it are the words ‘Swift Wind 01/01’ in bold lettering and underneath that ‘Kadroh Kur’. In the short moment she glances down to take that in, she nearly runs into a shelf of more crystals (crystals seemed to take up a decent portion of the store's stock) and only just stops herself, breathing a heavy sigh of relief to calm the spike of her nerves.
After another minute of tailing Razz through what was absolutely the most difficult maze in existence, they made it to a desk with what Catra could only describe as a ‘really fucking old register’ sat upon it. Seriously, it looked like it was only just barely a step up from a typewriter. Mermista was leaning against the counter with an ornate ship-in-a-bottle that looked at least a hundred years old.
“Wow, you sure took your time. I tried calling for you with the bell, but it was broken. As always.”
Razz strode behind the counter, inspecting the price tag on the ship. “You cannot rush a happy ending dearie! What would be the satisfaction and sense of accomplishment in that?” Once again Catra was stumped on how this tiny witch-looking lady could be simultaneously so wise yet sound insane.
“You’ve got a point there.” Mermista says as she pays for her item. Razz places it within a box she grabs from underneath the counter. “And yes, I would like it wrapped.” She adds without any prompting from Razz at all.
“Of course dear, what takes your fancy?”
Catra only just now notices the vast array of wrapping paper and ribbons placed on shelves behind the desk. There are so many different designs and styles, ranging from deceptively simple to ‘belongs in an art museum’. The brunette only just now wonders where on Earth Madame Razz sources all of the shit crammed into this shop that seemed tiny on the outside. She begins to wonder if her stance on the ‘Forest Hermit’ vibe should change to ‘Forest Witch’.
Mermista opts for an ocean themed design in a pencil-sketched style, topped off with a plain red ribbon. The two friends watch as Razz gracefully wraps the box, nary a shoddy fold in sight. “You have to get it wrapped by Razz, no one else can do it quite like her.”
“I can see that.” Catra responds, not taking her eyes off the old lady as she ties the neatest bow she’s ever seen. She finishes with a flourish, pushing the box towards Mermista.
“All yours dearie. Have a Merry Christmas now will you?”
“Thanks Razz, and Merry Christmas to you too.” Mermista grabs the box and turns to Catra. “I’ll see you outside, yeah? I’ll give you a lift, seeing as we’ve only just got over an hour until Christmas.”
“Oh, really? Yeah I’d appreciate that thanks.” The brunette responds, placing Swift Wind on the counter.
“No problem. As I said before, always got your back Catra.” She saunters away amongst the bookshelves, and Catra panics for a moment as she remembers that she has no clue which way is out. She wants to make it back to Adora before midnight, she needs to.
“Don’t worry dearie.” Razz says, cutting her train of thought. “Once you’ve gotten what you came for, the way out will always present itself.”
Unsure of how to respond to such a cryptic statement, Catra just tapped her card, (how Razz made enough business to warrant having cashless payment capabilities was beyond her.) barely giving a thought to how much she was charged, because to be honest, he was worth any price (Adora was worth anything and everything). Razz placed the wooden statue in another box, and asked “So, what has caught your eye?”
“Huh?”
“Wrapping paper, dearie!”
“Wh- oh yeah, uh lemme see.” Catra scans the shelves, looking for the perfect compliment to the gift. She settles on a nice white, red and gold striped print while she remains undecided on a ribbon. Razz has nearly finished wrapping when she spots it. “That one! The blue one there, please.” She exclaims and points. It is the perfect tone of blue, as Catra could pick it out of an entire ocean of blues. It is the only tone of blue she ever wants to see for the rest of her life, because Adora’s eyes are the prettiest thing about her. She gets lost in them sometimes, but they make her feel safe and powerful and wanted. Something she didn’t feel a lot growing up.
Razz cuts a length of it, and sets to work. It compliments the design of the wrapping paper almost a little too well, but Catra isn’t complaining, far from it in fact. In her heart she knows this will show Adora just how much she values the dorky blonde.
Once Razz is done, Catra can’t help but grab it straight away, her nerves and excitement urging her to get a move on. “Thank you so much for your help Razz. You are incredible.”
“Oh it’s nothing dearie. Have a Merry Christmas!”
Catra is practically already rushing away as she yells a “Merry Christmas” back over her shoulder. She somehow stumbles upon the exit within just a couple of minutes, stepping outside to a slightly chillier night than before. Mermista is leaning against the wall waiting for her.
“I love Christmas.” Catra blurts out. The only fully formed thought in her head is ‘get to Adora’ running on loop, and she’s riding a high of emotions so she’s not really paying close attention to what’s coming out of her mouth.
“Yeah it’s pretty good once you get past how commercialised it’s become, but let's not go down that rabbit hole right now, we need to get you home in a good mood. C’mon, car’s this way.” They walk a few blocks to where a deep blue hatchback is parked, placing their presents in the boot.
“I’m glad you were around tonight Merm.” Catra says as they get in. “I’d probably still be on the sidewalk if you hadn’t shown up.” Just like she is about to do with Adora, she wants to tell her other friends how much she values them too.
“Don’t mention it. It’s the least I would do for you.” The ocean-haired woman replied. “And besides, no one deserves to be unhappy during Christmas.”
“But what about-”
“Let’s not engage in a philosophical debate on who does and doesn’t deserve to enjoy holidays. I just wanna go home, throw that present under the tree, go to sleep, and then watch Sea Hawk’s face when he opens it and all his other presents in the morning.”
“Okay, fine.” Catra just needed to talk about something so that she wouldn’t begin to stew in her own thoughts. It was dangerous, as proven by the events of today, and many other times before. “You think Adora will like my gift?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course she will.” Mermista’s tone is a perfect blend of her signature snark with some endearment thrown in. “You know how she is about horses. And if I’m to be honest, she’d appreciate anything you gave her, because it would have come from you.”
Catra is nearly on the verge of tears again because ‘ what the fuck did I do to deserve such amazing people in my life?’ plays in her head, a thought she has grown familiar with in recent years.
The two chat a little more, discussing Razz and her bewildering store, after a while pulling up in front of Catra and Adora’s house.
“Thanks again for the lift Merm, I definitely would not have made it in time even calling an uber.” Catra says as she gets out to grab her gift.
Mermista turns in her seat to call back to Catra. “Maybe I should become an uber as a side hustle and show everyone up, put ‘em in their place.”
“Hah you should.” Catra grabs the box containing Swift Wind, and places a hand on the hatch of the boot ready to close it. “Have an amazing Christmas Mermista.”
“I will if Sea Hawk doesn’t set fire to the tree this year.”
Catra chuckles deeply. “Tell him I wanna hang out with him more next year, he seems like my exact brand of fun.”
“Okay, will do. See you around!”
“Bye, have a Merry Christmas.” Catra closes the boot, and Mermista drives off, leaving Catra alone. She walks up the steps to their squat weatherboard dwelling, and comes to a stop in front of the door. She slowly brings a fist up to the door, and knocks. Thrice.
After several seconds of immense silence, Catra makes out the sound of heavy footfalls approaching the door.
‘Oh god this is a terrible idea this isn’t going to work she’s going to tell me to leave and never come back and-’
As the door opens, Catra barely has time to utter a ‘Hey Adora’ before being enveloped in a bone-crushing hug. It all at once feels too much yet not enough. She returns it, and for the first time since that morning, she truly feels like everything is okay.
“Were you waiting up for me?”
Adora pulls back to look at her, and Catra cannot resist the small smile that appears when she takes in the relief plastered across Adora’s face. “Of course, Cat. I needed to know you came home safe.” Catra melts right there and then because Adora just says things like that as if they’re a simple act of kindness, something that the blonde would preach and practice without a second thought, and that does things to Catra. “I was just about to report you missing when Mermista messaged me, I would have died from embarrassment.”
Catra giggles, and somehow Adora’s face lights up even more. She is sure that is one of her partner’s favourite sounds. “No one’s allowed to die on Christmas Eve, dork. Now let’s go in, I’ve had enough of the outside for today.” Adora nods and they step into the comfortable warmth of their home. Adora takes Catra’s jacket and hangs it up on the coat rack.
As she turns back, in the light of their hall she only now takes notice of what Catra’s got in her hands. “What’s that you’ve got there? This the reason you’ve been out all night?” She asks. “You cut it awfully close for last-minute Christmas shopping.” She quips playfully.
“Yeah, I did.” Catra responds, a little abashed. “I just needed to find the right thing. And it’s not exactly a Christmas gift either, it’s more of a sorry gift. For earlier.”
Adora suddenly looks crestfallen, which causes catra to panic. ‘ Did I say something wrong? Does she remember what happened? Is this the end of what we have?’
“Catra, I should be the one apologising, I couldn’t see how I was putting all this pressure on you for Christmas when I should have been doing more and-.”
Catra had set the box down on a stool near the doorway and put a finger to Adora’s lips. “No, we should have communicated more clearly, rather than let things take their course. We’ll talk about it later but I just want to enjoy this, for now at least, okay? Let’s have one good Christmas together.”
Adora grabs the hand on her face and kisses it gently. “Yes, let's.” It’s such a simple, effortless action but to Catra she feels like she just won the lottery. Maybe not the grand prize but she won something. The brunette picks up the box and they walk into the living room, their tree with a solid collection of presents taking up a whole corner of the space.
As they sit down on their plain grey couch Catra places the wrapped box in Adora’s hands. “You want me to open this now?” Adora asks incredulously.
“Of course dummy. And as I said, it’s not exactly a Christmas present, so you’re in the clear.” Last she checked, before getting out of Mermista’s car, she had about fifteen minutes until it hit midnight. That number was probably down to about ten now. As Adora grabbed an edge of one of the folds of wrapping paper Catra cried out. “Wait!” Adora paused, looking like a very confused puppy.
“If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to keep the bow and paper intact, please.”
“Okay, sure.” She doesn’t question it, doesn’t criticise her, because Adora knows her so well she understands. Catra doesn’t like explaining herself, making herself vulnerable, but she doesn’t have to do that with Adora, because she just Knows. And that makes Catra feel like they’ve got this Something that no one else has, this secret that only they share.
With pinpoint precision, Adora begins unwrapping with the grace of a world class gymnast, whereas moments before she would have tore through it like a rampaging bull. Setting aside the ribbon and the paper, she folds open the box, and then freezes as she takes in what’s inside. Catra waits anxiously as Adora just stares, then, after several moments pass in which it feels like entire lifetimes have been lived, she lifts Swift Wind out of it, and rests the statue on her lap.
The silence draws out, Catra waiting and waiting, until she finally can’t bear it and asks; “Do you like it?”
Adora slowly turns her head to face Catra, those grey-blue eyes drawing her in and sucking her down into their depths as they have done so many times before. “Like it? I- gods, Catra, I absolutely love it. I love it almost as much as I love you.”
There.
Those three words.
Catra’s heard them before.
Adora has said them to her before.
Doesn’t mean she isn’t gonna feel like fireworks are exploding in her head each time she hears it.
“Where did you even find this, it’s amazing!”
It takes a moment, but Catra finally registers that Adora said something to her and is expecting an answer. “I- uh, wh- oh, Mermista took me to this super weird shop that sold all this crazy shit. But I only had eyes for Swift Wind there.”
“Swift Wind?”
“Yeah that’s his name, look at the placard on the stand.” Catra scoots closer to Adora and points it out to her.
“Oh, wow!” She exclaimes. “And there’s only ever going to be one of him in the world?” Seeing Adora like this, because of something Catra did, makes her feel like she could take on the world and come out on top.
“Yep, just like you, ‘Dora.” Catra tries to put all of her feelings into that sentence, and she believes it works because something in the air shifts just slightly, and Adora turns and looks at her with an extra gleam in her eyes.
“What? Would two of me be too much for you?” Adora says, and Catra is fucking wrecked and there is no recovering.
“W-well, I, uh, could handle it, erm, definitely, yes.” Catra has gone redder than some of the baubles on the Christmas tree and her brain has completely shut down, unable to think. Thankfully, her rescue comes not a moment too soon as their grandfather clock, a housewarming gift from Adora’s cousin Mara, rings out as it hits midnight.
Catra mentally shakes herself down, climbs into Adora’s lap, and pulls her in for a kiss.
Catra thinks this kiss feels different to every other one they've had. A very good kind of different. She supposes it must be because it’s Christmas, and there’s all sorts of happy sappy feelings permeating the air. She never wants to pull away, to remove Adora’s lips from hers, where they belong, but when the clock stops chiming, she does anyway.
“Merry Christmas Adora.”