ABisexualMenace



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  1. Rec *

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    And oh, Ilya was a weak, weak man.

    Because Shane had clearly gotten the wrong advice from someone along the line.

    And as his RA, his mentor and guide in the first year of Shane's college career, he was meant to correct that. Steer his charge clear of such horrible, terrible ideas as asking their “straight” RA to teach them how to kiss behind their boyfriend's back. Say no, malysh, you really don't need to worry about this, your first kiss should be with someone you love and trust and really want to kiss.

    “Okay,” he said, instead, and thought that at least he wasn't going to be sent back to Russia.

    He was going to be sent straight to hell.

    Series
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    30 Jul 2026

  2. Rec *

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    No matter the trope.
    No matter the universe.
    No matter the setup.
    They find each other.

    “What if I am boyfriend?” Ilya asked through a mouthful of noodles.

    “Huh?” Shane paused his nibbling on a piece of eggplant. The black bean sauce was outstanding.

    “I can be the boyfriend,” Ilya said. “When is the wedding?”  

    “February fourteenth.” Shane cringed.

    “That is so…. What is word, cliche?” Ilya clarified. Shane confirmed with a nod. “Fine, I will have time off then.”

    “I-I can’t ask you to do that,” Shane stammered.

    “Is not a big deal, Hollander, you need fake boyfriend and I get a trip to, where was it, Kauai?” Ilya grinned. “It would be nice to take a week off and enjoy the sun.”

    Shane thought about it for a moment. Actually, having Ilya there could be fun. And it would definitely get his family and friends off his back about him settling down.

    “Only if it’s not too inconvenient,” Shane said, picking at the sauteed pea shoots on his plate.

    “It will be fine. I am a great boyfriend,” Ilya said.

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    25 Jul 2026

  3. Rec *

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    “Does he go down on you?”

    Shane does his best to resist rolling his eyes. “Dude. He sucks my dick.”

    “No, I meant like…” Hayden makes the world’s most awkward circling gesture. “Back there.”

    “Oh! You mean does he eat my ass? Yes. And I eat his too.”

    “And the prostate — does he lick it?”

    Shane and Hayden get drunk together and Shane lets Hayden ask all the nasty questions he’s always had about gay sex.

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    25 Jul 2026

  4. Rec *

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    Hollander didn't realise that letting his teammates play twenty-one questions about who he was dating would be so intense. Within minutes the entire room of adult men goes from supporting him coming out as gay, to NHL-level detectives. Hollander watches in real time as they connect the dots: Same league... Rival team... European...

    "Oh my god is it-"

    or

    Hollander comes out, gets accepted (I'm choosing to ignore canon) and is then immediately roasted for having the worst possible taste in men (affectionately.)

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    355
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    18 Jul 2026

  5. Rec *

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    Stranger: u play hockey?
    You: Yes. You?
    Stranger: ya
    Stranger: what level?
    You: University, what about you?
    Stranger: mlh
    You: Yeah, sure lol
    Stranger: am serious
    You: Okay, well I don’t believe you. Why would an MLH player be on Omegle to talk about hockey lol
    Stranger: maybe i like to inspire people

    Language:
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    12 Jul 2026