Chapter Text
The Lower Elements, Haven City, Police Plaza, Detention Cell 5
When Ryn came to she was in an LEP interrogation room. For some reason, she’d always thought that police interviews would be different than ones on TV, but her older brother Zak had assured her they were accurately represented. And Zak was right, everything from the furniture to setup was exactly as she expected.
Root started off. “Okay, Fowl, start talking.”
He and Holly were facing her across a low plastic-topped table. A bright bulb aimed at her face, making her squint.
“Damn your breath smells bad,” she spat. “How’s that for talking?”
If Root didn’t look irritated already, he was now. “You think this is a game Mud Girl?”
“Hey, you’re the one who didn’t specify,” Ryn retorted, noting her hands were cuffed to the chair. “You want answers? Trying asking an actual question. “
Root made a noise, something like a cross between a groan and a growl. “I don’t have time for this. Foaly! Get over here!”
A figure emerged from the shadows. It had two arms, four legs, and a tail, and looked to be holding a pair of plungers.
“Alright, Mud Girl,” he said. “Try to relax, and this probably won’t hurt much.”
Then the figure stuck the plungers onto her face and everything went black.
Foaly ran the images of the goblin and the softnose laser through the Retimager. 193 on the first, 201 on the second.
“Another set of negatives. Sorry, Captain, but the Fowls are innocent. Neither of them have even seen a goblin, much less traded with the B’wa Kell.”
“They could’ve mind-wiped them.”
Foaly removed the seals from Ryn’s eyes. “That’s the beauty of this baby. Mindwipes don’t work. The Retimager operates on actual physical evidence. You’d have to scrub the retinas.”
“Anything on the computer?”
“Plenty,” replied Foaly. “But nothing incriminating. Not a single mention of goblins or batteries.”
Root scratched his square jaw. “What about the big one? He could have been the go-between.”
“Did him already with the Retimager. Nothing. Face it, the LEP have pulled in the wrong Mud Men. Wipe ‘em and send ‘em home.”
Holly nodded. The commander didn’t.
“Wait a minute. I’m thinking.”
“About what?” asked Holly. “The sooner we get Artemis Fowl’s nose out of our business, the better.”
“Maybe not. Since they’re already here…”
Holly’s jaw dropped. “Commander. You don’t know the Fowls the way I do. Give either of them half a chance, and they’ll be a bigger problem than the goblins.”
“Maybe they could help us with our Mud Man problem.”
“I have to object, Commander. These humans are not to be trusted.”
Root’s face would have glowed in the dark.
“Do you think I like this, Captain? Do you think I relish the idea of crawling to these Mud Kids? I do not. I would rather swallow live stink worms than ask Artemis Fowl for help. But someone is powering the B’wa Kell’s arms, and I need to find out who. So get with the program, Holly. There’s more at stake here than your little vendetta.”
Holly bit her tongue. She couldn’t oppose the commander, not after all he’d done for her, but asking Artemis Fowl for help was the wrong course of action, whatever the situation. She didn’t doubt for a minute that the human would have a solution to their problem, but at what cost?
Root took a deep breath. “Okay, Foaly, bring them around. And them with translators. Speaking Mud Man gives me a headache.”
Artemis massaged the puffy skin beneath his eyes.
“Sedative in the seals?” he said glancing at Foaly. “Micro needles?”
The centaur was impressed. “You’re pretty sharp for a Mud Boy.”
“Don’t encourage him,” Ryn warned, deliberately ignoring her irritated red rash under her eyes. “Even a little. We’ll never hear the end of it.”
Artemis ignored her, touching the crescent-shaped nodule fixed above his ear.
“Translator?”
Foaly nodded at the commander. “Speaking in tongues gives some people a headache.”
Ryn rolled up her sleeves as Artemis straightened his school tie. “I see. Now, how can I be of service?”
“What makes you think we need help from you, human?” growled Root around the butt of his cigar.
“Because your distrust for us is so obvious that it’d make no sense to keep us in your secret HQ simply for the sake of wasting our time?” Ryn deadpanned.
Artemis smirked. “I believe Ryn’s correct. If you did not need something from me, we would be regaining consciousness in our own beds, with absolutely no memory of this encounter.”
Foaly hid his grin behind a hairy hand.
“you two are lucky you’re not waking up in a cell,” said Holly.
“Hey don’t lump me in with him,” Ryn barked. “I didn’t ask to be part of his shit a year ago, and I certainly didn’t want to this time!”
“Language, Ryn,” Butler said.
“Fuck off,” she replied.
Artemis let the exchange play out with a tired expression, this was a script that’d been played countless times. “I shall guess then. There are humans trading with the Lower Elements. And you need Butler to track these merchants down. Close enough?”
The fairies were silent for a moment. Hearing it from Fowl suddenly brought the reality home to them.
“Close enough,” admitted Root. “Okay, Foaly, bring Mud Boy up to speed.”
While the others turned to the screen the centaur was setting up, Ryn sat back in her seat and rest her feet on the table. Relieved to be left out.
The consultant loaded a file from the LEP central server. A series of Network News clips flashed up on the plasma screen. The reporter was a middle-aged elf with a forelock the size of a tidal wave.
“Downtown Haven,” crooned the reporter. “Another contraband seizure by the LEP. Hollywood laser disks with an estimated street value of five hundred ounces of gold. The B’wa Kell goblin triad is suspected.”
“It gets worse,” Root said grimly.
Artemis smiled. “There’s worse?”
“Always,” Ryn said.
The reporter appeared again. This time flames billowed from the windows of a warehouse behind him. His forelock looked a bit crispy.
“Tonight the B’wa Kell have staked their claim to the East Bank by torching a warehouse used by Koboi Laboratories. Apparently the pixie with the golden touch refused to pay their protection fee.”
The flames were replaced by another news byte, this time featuring an angry mob.
“Controversy today outside Police Plaza as the public protests the LEP’s failure to deal with the goblin problem. Many ancient houses have been put out of business by the B’wa Kell’s racketeering. Most heavily targeted have been Koboi Laboratories, who have suffered six counts of sabotage in the past month alone.”
Foaly froze the image. The public did not look happy.
“The thing you have to understand, Fowl, is that goblins are dumb. I’m not insulting them, it’s scientifically proven. Brains no bigger than rats.”
Artemis nodded. “So who’s organizing them?”
Root ground out his cigar. “We don’t know. But it’s getting worse. The B’wa Kell have graduated from petty crime to an all-out war on the police. Last night we intercepted a delivery of batteries from the surface. these batteries are being used to power outlawed softnose laser weapons.”
Ryn’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh and Short thought Arty here was the human on the other end.”
“Can you blame me?” muttered Holly.
“Not remotely.”
Artemis ignored their comments. “How do you know the goblins aren’t just ripping off wholesalers? After all, batteries are rarely under guard.”
Foaly chuckled. “I don’t think you understand just how stupid goblins are. Let me give you an example. One of the B’wa Kell generals—and this is their top fairy—was caught trying to pass off a forged credit card, because he signed his own name.”
Ryn snorted, loudly. Nearly doubling over.
“No, whoever is behind this would need a human contact to make sure the deals weren’t fouled up.” Foaly finished.
“So you’d like me to find out who this human contact is,” said Artemis, cutting off Ryn (he guessed she was going to say something along the lines of “pun intended?”). “And more importantly, how much he knows.”
As he spoke, both the Fowl children’s minds were racing. Both were thinking on how to work this situation to their advantage. Artemis’s plans were on negotiations with mobsters. Ryn’s were on her brothers back in Chicago.
Root nodded reluctantly. “That’s it. I can’t risk putting LEPrecon agents aboveground. Who knows what technology the goblins have traded? I could be walking my agents into a trap. As humans, you three could blend in.”
“Butler, blend in?” smiled Artemis. “I doubt it.”
“At least he doesn’t have four legs and a tail,” observed Foaly.
“Or is the size of a toddler,” Ryn added.
“Points taken. And there is no doubt that if any man alive can track down your rogue trader, it’s Butler. But…”
Here we go, thought Holly. Artemis Fowl does nothing for nothing.
“But?” prompted Root.
“But if you want my help, I will require something in return.”
“What exactly?” said Root warily.
“I need transport to Russia,” replied Artemis. “The Arctic Circle, to be precise. And I need help with a rescue attempt.”
Root frowned. “Northern Russia is not good for us. We can’t shield there because of the radiation.”
“Those are my conditions,” said Artemis. “The man I intend to rescue is my father. For all I know, it’s already too late. So I really don’t have time to negotiate.”
The Mud Boy sounded sincere, and even Holly’s heart softened for a moment. But Ryn’s face remained impassive. And you never knew with Artemis Fowl, this could all be part of yet another scheme. Root made an executive decision.
“Deal,” he said, holding out his hand.
They shook. Fairy and human. A historic moment.
Root raised a suspicious eyebrow at Ryn. “And you?”
The blond girl held up her hands placentally. “I don’t plan on doing anything during all this. And if I do, I’ll just take an I.O.U.”
“fine by me,” said Root. “Now, Foaly, wake the big one and give that goblin shuttle a quick systems check.”
“What about me?” asked Holly. “Back to stakeout duty?”
If Root had not been a commander, he probably would have cackled. “Oh no, Captain. You’re the best shuttle pilot we have. You’re going to Paris.”