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“Kitkat my love breakfast is ready,” Sauce yells up the stairs.
“Coming!” Kit responds. They put on their sunglasses to hide their orbs because the author doesn’t know their eye color, before leaving the bedroom.
She fanfics rancherly down the stairs and into the kitchen. Sauce is already sitting at the table, and they turn off the Billy Strings song playing in the background from an unspecified direction using their magic powers. On the table there are two bowls, both filled with KitKats and covered in ranch dressing. Kit wonders briefly if this counts as cannibalism on both their parts but decides she doesn’t care and digs in.
“Thank you my darling wife, this is delicious,” Kit tells Sauce. Sauce looks nervous but smiles anyway. After a few moments, Sauce opens her mouth and begins talking.
“Kit, I need to tell you something. I sold you to the Rejects. They’ll be here soon to come pick you up.”
“What?? But we’re married! You can’t sell me!!” Kit cries out.
Sauce looks sad. “I’m sorry but I can and I have. Jimmy promised he would make Tango cooperate so that I can finish writing this chapter.”
They pick up a piece of paper off the top of a stack on the table and hold it up. It’s their marriage certificate! But at the bottom, in very very small print, shows the words “Stygian Sauce now legally owns Kit Twodiamondhoes and can sell them to any band if she so chooses.”
Kit frowns. “Well, that’s convenient. Has that been there this whole time?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Sauce sniles sneetly before setting the paper back on the stack.
A sudden hiss and a creeper explosion sound, signaling that the Rejects must be here, since that’s their doorbell. Sauce stands up from the table and walks to the front door.
“Nooo, Stiggy, don't do this! We still have so much fanfiction to write together!” Kit pleads pleadingly.
But Sauce opens the door anyway and there are five people standing in the doorway. Wait, five? There are four members of the band—
“Why am I here?” Tango looks very confused. “I'm not even in the band.”
“Hush, my rancher.” Jimmy puts a finger against his lips. “You just stand there and look pretty.”
“Yes, honey.” Tango grins with a southern accent, all thoughts leaving his head as soon as Jimmy calls him pretty.
With Tango pacified, Jimmy turns towards Sauce who is still standing in the entryway.
“‘Ello bruv, is our deal still on?” he says britishly.
“Absolutely! This is Kit!” Sauce walks back to the kitchen table and grabs Kit's hand, prompting them to stand up.
Surprising everyone, Kit rushes towards Jimmy and pulls a notepad and pencil seemingly out of nowhere. They must have been in her inventory, if she has one of those. The author doesn’t know if this story takes place in Minecraft or not.
“Have you ever been a lacrosse player, or perhaps a fae?” Kit asks excitedly. “Or a traumatized bandit-turned-loverboy?”
“Maybe in a… past life.” Jimmy winks at the reader. “Now we have many things to discuss, come with me!”
“Okay! Bye Stiggy, I love you forever!” Kit follows Jimmy out the door with the rest of the Rejects.
Tango still hasn't moved since Jimmy called him pretty, but he seems to snap out of it once the door shuts and cuts off his view of his rancher.
“Wait, Jimmy, where are you going?” He goes to follow him out the door but it's mysteriously locked.
Sauce grins in the way only an author can when the stories finally stop fighting them. “You're with me now Tango! Jimmy promised me you'd cooperate with my fanfictions now!”
“What's a fanfiction?” Tango asks, but he doesn't get an answer before Sauce opens her purse and Tango gets sucked inside movie-style, swirling effects and everything.
“Yay!” she cheers, running upstairs to her computer. “Fanfic time!”