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Any concept of a future that she might have once had, that she could have ever clung to is dissipating before her very eyes, a foggy mess that unravels at the seams. Her fate was sealed from the second she signed that deal. Maybe even before that, maybe her destiny was to be rendered helpless.
She asked One, begged even, as to whether she would return. All she got in return was a callous smile before her very being was dismantled.
Even if she tries to empty her mind, she cannot help but visualize flashing, scattered images of her loved ones. How Saw has been doing, since she’s been eliminated. How Pin is holding up in her new team. Whether Two is okay. Though, she honestly could not care less at the moment about anyone and anything. She used to. She’s supposed to.
Maybe if she were a better person, she would still be worried over those she left behind, but she cannot even muster up the energy to consider anything but herself. If only she were a little more selfish, stuck to herself, her own business instead of always trying to be the sensible one, she wouldn’t have ended up in this sort of situation anyways.
There is never any reason to think so hard in the first place– all of this introspection is unwilling. This sort of void leaves no room for empathy or emotion, so as she ponders upon the fate she left them in, she feels a slight tingle of concern before the emptiness returns.
The sights before her are almost otherworldly, it would be beautiful if it were not for the circumstances. A surreal swirl of all that has ever been and will be, to the degree that if she squints, she can make out more information regarding her friends and past Team8s. Saw painting her pink handle. Pin and Coiny arguing. Two going from planet to planet, from the glimpses and flashes she makes out.
It’s almost infuriating. She could not care less about their past or future. Even her very pain and torment at this moment and moments to come will be experienced while thinking of others. She has always thought of herself as blunt but kind– she has always cared for her surroundings. Clearly, to her detriment.
Occasionally, the pain of unraveling and coming back together constantly grows far too unbearable. When that is the case, Gaty finds it more tolerable when she submerges herself in pleasant memories instead.
Good memories are hard to cling to after what is most likely months of this agony, but if she focuses hard enough and closes her eyes…
⏾⋆.˚
“Isn’t this flower grEIGH-” Saw blushes in embarrassment, covering her mouth. “I mean, isn’t this flower so pretty?”
Gaty chuckles, leaning down to sniff it. To be frank, it seems insignificant enough to her, but as long as it makes her friend happy, she doesn’t mind tagging along. “It is! Though, since when have you been such a big fan of flowers?”
Saw shrugs half-heartedly, her characteristic nervous smile springing up at the sudden question. “Well- It’s hard to explain… I just like pretty things! And pink things! Like my handle!!”
Gaty nods in understanding. “Wow, isn’t that the truth!” Saw was the first person she had ever come out to, back in the LOL, and ever since then, they’ve grown closer and closer over their love for all things feminine. It makes her feel less alone, in a way.
Gaty looks back down at the plant. “Well, here’s to cute and girly things, then!” She nearly plucks the flower, before getting her hand shooed away by Saw.
✧
She smiles gently at the ground. Though, even her gentleness is often punctuated with a certainty that exists behind every word. “So, how were things on your home planet, Two? You’ve never told me much about it.”
Two tilts their head in consideration. “Well, there isn’t that much to say! I mean, there’s other numbers, I guess.” They punctuate the end of their sentence with a little shrug, their movements almost comically expressive.
“Well, surely you can say a little more than that.” She retorts. “Go on, tell me more! I mean, after Four there’s gotta be a Five, right?” She didn’t care that much about Two's backstory, but she enjoys hearing them talk on. It was charming, just watching them excitedly ramble is enough to make her happy.
“Oh, Algebra, Five was such a nerd! You see, they–”
Gaty enthusiastically listens as they ramble on, curiosity framing her expression.
⟡
Pin sits before Gaty with a cupcake in hand. "Ga-ty! You simply must try this cupcake! It is a masterpiece of culinary art!”
She tilts her head curiously, reaching for the dessert. “Oh, sure! Why’d you make this?” Gaty bites into the cupcake, closing her eyes to appreciate the flavor. It’s sweet and tasty, as per usual of what Pin makes, but it has a weird coarsely earthy flavor–
“I made this for Coi-ny!” She replies. “I put a yummy handful of dirt in-side of it to appeal to him!”
Gaty quickly spits it out. “Pin! Why would you feed this to me?” She sticks her tongue out in disgust, quite frankly annoyed.
“To taste-test the yummy gift for my friend! Was it a good gift for Coi-ny?”
Gaty narrows her eyes. “Uh, if he likes the taste of dirt, I guess? You really shouldn’t feed that to people-”
Before Gaty can talk further, Pin shoots up with a smile. “Coi-ny likes dirt, so he will like this! What an out-stand-ing review!” The pushpin walks off, a content smile on her face.
“... Okay then.”
⏾⋆.˚
She reopens her eyes, the reality of her situation once more slapping her in the face. She will never get to make any memories like that again. She will never again compete in a reality show, pick flowers, have stupid chats or eat dirty cakes.
Any proof that she has lived or once existed, as far as she is aware, has been wiped off the face of the Earth. Her very existence is a paradox. It is a miracle she is even conscious– abstract of a form she may be stuck in.
This sort of disembodied existence is difficult to describe. It is almost as though she exists within the very fibers of reality itself, without any much ability to perceive time flowing or any mass other than her discarnate self.
Surely, this is not a fate she has ever deserved. What could she have done to bring this sort of thing onto herself? Befriend the wrong person, surely. If she could go back in time, she would advise herself to never speak to Two. Any Algebralien, if that.
It’s a wonder that she had ever assumed it would be a good idea to converse with a strange creature from another planet. It doesn’t matter how friendly they seemed, how wholeheartedly they smiled every time she walked by, how they greeted her daily with an innocence that makes her smile even now.
In the end, this brought her nothing but misery. Maybe it’s unfair of her to blame it on the clearly unknowing Two, but when one is suspended within an infinite landscape of pure emptiness, there’s nothing much left to do but wallow in spite (and miss them, as much as it hurts). Stupid, bright, powerful and naive Two. Who’s going to stop them from making terrible decisions now? Certainly not her, not anymore.
Her happiness must be a horrible thing, if she’s prevented from any glimpse of joy to such a degree. It’s almost impossibly cruel the lengths that One had gone to ensure her nonexistence would be permanent, and as miserable as possible, as well.
She’s disappeared, and not just that, any fragments of her old personality have been rotted by her own fear. Even if she could come back, she would never be the same. Any leftover kindness she once held has been stained by spite and regret.
Her feelings might as well not exist anymore, because Gaty doesn't exist and likely never will again, but she cannot help but whisper a worthless ‘I miss you all’ that will never be heard.