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Not far from the flattened plain that used to be the twin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, an angel and a demon were sitting together in a convenient oasis. The demon was trying to keep a scroll from rolling up as he wrote, elbow pressed to the flat rock he was using as a writing surface.
What I Did on My Sumer Vacation by Crawly, he scribbled, glancing up at Aziraphale to check the angel's reaction.
"Oh do take this seriously, Crawly. Aren't you worried about getting in trouble?" Aziraphale said, twisting his hands together.
"I'm the one signing the form, angel," Crawly replied, messily blotting out the words.
IN-SIN-DENT REPORT - 1978 B.C.[1]
On assignment in Sodom for several months spreading vice. City is -- was -- den of iniquity, full of prostitutes, gambling, and inventive mixed drinks. Recently encouraged the formation of a gambling ring.
"Is that what you call teaching kids to bet with pebbles?" the angel asked dryly.
"Pebbles today, gold tomorrow," Crawly responded, quill scratching on.
In the middle of a seduction[2] in the pub when Duke Hastur dropped in for surprise inspection. Cloud of maggots caused humans to vacate area.
Accused of being drunk on the job, which is generally encouraged. Nonetheless attended the Duke at his work riling up populace against strangers. Unfortunately strangers turned out to be vicious angels. All former city residents are now residents of Hell, which might be inconvenient for admissions department, but a good get for us at Satan's unholy work &c.
The suggestion that I was not working my hardest when the Big Guy decided to raze two cities to the ground is, and here Crawly paused, considering.
"Preposterous," the angel suggested.
"Preposterous," Crawly mocked. Aziraphale rolled his eyes.
-- insulting. However as city is in ruins it is difficult to prove. Congratulations to Duke Hastur on preventing a diplomatic incident with Heaven via fleeing angelic wrath. Also managed to slither away, awaiting next assignment.
I, the undersigned, swear to the truth of the above report. Lying on official documentation is an offense punishable by death. Crawly signed with a flourish.
"Punishable by death?" the angel squeaked.
"That's on all the forms," Crawly said, allowing the scroll to roll up and tucking it into his sleeve to deliver later. But not too much later. Beelzebub was probably manifesting from a pile of animal dung even now, and if they were, he shouldn't be caught here with an angel.
"Crawly," Aziraphale began. Crawly unfolded his wings, shaking them out.
"See you around, angel," he said, lifting off. Aziraphale watched, hand shading his eyes, until the demon was little more than a speck in the distance.
Aziraphale sighed. He still had to write his own report.
*****