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2025-10-18
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My Friends Are Unintentionally Hilarious: A chatfic sampled from my own group chats

Summary:

Hermitcraft: Main Chat

---Friday, Sept. 19th, 11:08 AM---

GeminiTay: WHAT TIME IS IT!?

---Friday, Sept. 19th, 12:17 PM---

Pearlescentmoon: SHOWTIME!!! (I was running portal maintenance in the hub)

VintageBeef: :D

Pearlescentmoon: Hiiii

Notes:

My friends, if you read this, just know that these are characters that you probably have no hope of knowing who they are because y'all are so unmotivated in watching Minecraft YouTube stuff lmao

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Hermitcraft: Main Chat

---Friday, Sept. 19th, 11:08 AM---

GeminiTay: WHAT TIME IS IT!?

---Friday, Sept. 19th, 12:17 PM---

Pearlescentmoon: SHOWTIME!!! (I was running portal maintenance in the hub)

VintageBeef: :D

Pearlescentmoon: Hiiii

GeminiTay: I'M JOHN LAWRENCE IN THE PLACE TO BE, 2 PINTS OF SAM ADAMS, BUT I'M WORKING ON THREE! THOSE RED COATS, DON'T WANT IT WITH ME BECAUSE IMMA(insert John Lawrence sounds) THESE (????) TILL I'M FREE

VintageBeef: Hii

EthosLab: *Laurens *pop-chicka-pop *cops

GeminiTay: Now I'm making you do Lafayette's part cause I was using voice to text and I don't check it before I send.

EthosLab: OUI OUI, MON AMI, JE M'APPELLE LAFAYETTE, THE LANCELOT OF THE RELVOLUTIONARY SET, I CAME FROM AFAR JUST TO SAY "BONSOIR", TELL THE KING "CASSE-TOIR", WHO'S THE BEST? C'EST MOI

VintageBeef: Oh

EthosLab: Yuppers

VintageBeef: Yup

Smallishbeans: BRAH, BRAH I AM HERCULES MULLIGAN, UP IN IT, LOVIN' IT, YEAH I HEARD YOUR MAMA SAY, "come again!!!" (AYE) LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS AND HORSES, OF COURSE IT'S HARD TO HAVE INTERCOURSE THROUGH FOUR SETS OF CORSETS

Pearlescentmoon: NO MORE SEX! POUR ME ANOTHER BREW, SON! LET'S RAISE A COUPLE MORE (TO THE REVOLUTION!!!)

GeminiTay: WELL IF IT ISN'T THE PRODIGY OF PRINCETON COLLEGE!

Smallishbeans: AARON BURR! GIVE US A VERSE, DROP SOME KNOWLEDGE

GeminiTay: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, YOU'RE TAKIN' A STAND. YOU SPIT, I'MA SIT, WE'LL SEE WHERE WE LAND. (BOO!) BURR, THE REVALUATION'S IMMINENT, WHAT DO YOU STALL FOR?

EthosLab: IF YOU STAND FOR NOTHING, BURR, WHAT DO YOU FALL FOR?

Pearlescentmoon: OH, WHO ARE YOU?

GeminiTay: WHO ARE YOU?

---Friday, Sept. 19th, 3:44 PM---

Notes:

Legitimate thing that happened in my legitimate group chat, just with less people and with less Minecraft mechanics.