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His eyes go wide and his mouth gapes as I explain my measuring cup theory. I don’t know him well enough yet to know all those feelings flashing across his face, but he should never play poker.
I think at first he’s confused or dismissive, then maybe surprised or shocked. But I can see it when the idea clicks, when my provided puzzle piece slots into his theory and he’s....amazed. I’m pretty sure it’s amazement.
Sebastian seems to realise that I’ve stopped talking and he’s been staring at me. He’s shaking and now becoming distressed.
He quickly whorls around to the white board where he scribbles a summary of the theory. I don’t miss how his hand is shaking and it shows in the utter chicken scratch of words on the white board.
“Oh my gods.” Sebastian says.
He’s still shaking.
“We’ll have to test it,” I say. “We’ll need to develop a few variations on it, but-”
I feel my smile fall away as I look at him. He caps the marker and throws it on his desk as he walks past me, starting to pace the lab.
Ok. Not exactly the reaction I was expecting. Is this good pacing? Bad pacing? I watch him move from one end to the other. Study him. It’s crystallizing for me how his whole body is expressive, not just his face. How he has to move, to be in motion, to process and to feel. I catalogue this bit of knowledge in my Sebastian library. Now if he would just start talking.
“Sebastian?” I prod.
No response. His brow is furrowed, deep in thought. I try again.
“Sebastian? Are you ok?”
Again, no response. It’s like he can’t hear me. Like I’m not registering with him. I thought my idea had potential, but I can’t tell if he thinks it was great, or shit. And I need to know. I need him to start talking to me. Words don’t seem to be penetrating his wall of emotions, so I move to stand in his path.
I watch as he turns around at the far end of the lab and starts towards me, eyes focused on the middle space. I realise he’s not going to stop, so I brace myself. He’s not exactly big and is one hundred percent human so I don’t have to brace that hard.
As expected, he runs right into me, bumping hard against my chest. He stops, stunned at the abrupt stop.
His eyes focus on my chest, then move up to meet my eyes.
Finally, I’ve got his attention. I start to take a breath in, to demand he talk to me.
I see his face and body moving towards me, up to me and before I can react his soft lips are on mine, his eyes are closed.
I freeze. My brain is static – no thoughts. There are absolutely no thoughts in my brain. I feel his warm soft skin pressed against mine.
It feels amazing!
My heartbeat kicks up and a moment later I register what is happening. Sebastian initiated a kiss. With me. And like hells I’m not going to let this opportunity pass. There will be time to figure things out later. I close my eyes and respond. I push back, take charge and open my mouth, demanding with my tongue that he opens for me. I take his head in my hands and tilt his head to where I like it and kiss him hard. Just Like I’ve wanted to kiss him since the day of the awards brunch. Since I saw him shirtless in the bathroom.
“Fuck,” I growl against him. “Sebastian, yes”.
This kiss is electric and there are tingles shooting down my spine and directly to my cock. I push my hips into his and I despite his oversized sweater, I feel him hardening too.
I’m shoved away by hands on my chest and the kiss breaks. I look to see Sebastian walking backwards, away from me, a wild look on his face. His lips are kiss swollen. He’s got that panicked ‘oh my gods, what did I do’ look, as they dart around the room. He looks like a cornered wild cat, so I stand still; don’t approach and instead extend a hand towards him and say his name softly. He’s spooked.
“No, no, no.” He says, not looking at me.
He reaches for a vile on his component belt and a moment later he disappears. Vanishes. Poof.
“What the...?” I yelp.
He used a gods damn vanishing spell.
As I’m processing this, the lab door is already closing. He used a vanishing spell and left! He was so spooked about kissing me that he left. He’s running away? I’m so confused, but park that thought for later and hurry out the room. In the hallway I listen for footsteps and doors.
There! To the right, towards the front entrance is the sound of someone running. I turn right and sprint towards the front of the building. Outside I scan the quad. Nothing. Vanishing spells usually last 10 minutes or so and I realise I’m unlikely to see him but I look anyways. I continue to scan for a moment or two longer, then head back to the lab, thinking maybe he’ll circle around the building to come back for his stuff. His laptop, his backpack, his jacket.
I hope he’ll be warm enough without his jacket.
There is no sign of him in the hallway or in our lab.
I call out for him. Nothing.
I cast a spell just to be sure he is not hiding in our lab, but he is not. I stand in front of his desk, staring. Maybe he’ll come back. If I wait here, maybe he’ll come back and we can talk.
I slump down in my chair and close my eyes. What the fuck just happened? I take a deep breath and replay the entire scene in my head. Picking it apart, trying to figure out what happened. I think he liked my idea and was excited by it, but how did he get from that to kissing me. The afterwards freaking out part, I get. Sort of. He shocked himself, because he...didn’t like it? No, he definitely liked it.
Fucking hells, I liked it. I really liked it. I touch my lips, replaying the kiss. It was one of those wow kisses.
He obviously didn’t plan to kiss me. He acted impulsively. Reactionary. In the moment. And in that moment he was so happy with me, with my idea, that it warranted a kiss? I had thought my idea was clever and worth looking into, but it was more than that. It was a revelation to him. A eureka moment (with clothes on). Maybe it was the missing piece of his theory? That is the only conclusion I can draw.
Sebastian was so overjoyed with happiness with the measuring cup theory that he needed to show me by kissing me? Sure.
Another thing crystallizes in my mind. This attraction goes both ways. I’m not the only one feeling it. He feels it too.
While I wait to see if Sebastian returns, I write out and play with the measuring cup theory in my notebook. But my mind wanders so most of my ideas lead to nonsense. In between my unproductive work, I pack up Sebastian’s laptop and things. Setting his jacket over his pack but not before I bring the collar to my nose and breath deeply. It smells like him. And now I also know what he tastes like.
Later, there is a knock at the door.
It’s obviously not Sebastian, so I answer, curious. It had better not be Arasne or Myrdin. It is instead Sebastian’s rawball player friend.
“Hi” I say. “Sebastian’s not here.”
“Hi.” the half-orc says. His voice is a deep barotone which matches his physical presence. He’s almost twice as wide as me and a head taller.
“I know,” He scowls at me “I’m here to collect his stuff.”
“Oh,” I say. “Sure, come in.” as I admit him and walk towards Sebastian’s desk to gather up his things.
When I turn around to give the jacket and pack to the half-orc, he’s much closer than I expected and I give an undignified “Ah!” and a jump. “Gods alive, you are quiet on your feet!”
He chuckles as he takes the proffered objects. “No one expects that. It’s my superpower”
We study each other for a beat.
“Is he ok?” I ask.
“He will be.” He sighs and continues “He panicked and Seb’s go-to option is always flight. He told me what happened.”
“Did he also tell you that he initiated the kiss? Not me.”
“Yah, he did.”
“So why did he panic?” I’m hoping his friend will be able to tell me if there could be more kissing in the future.
“He likes you, and he’s embarrassed that he sort of, like, jumped you.”
So I was right. We are both attracted to each other but I keep my smile to myself. I don’t know this friend or even his name. “What’s your name?” I demand.
“Orok. I’m Seb’s best friend.”
“Thank you Orok for letting me know he’s alright.” I say in clear dismissal. Now that I know he’s alright and his stuff has been collected, I want to get out of this lab. I pickup my gym bag and grab my coat and start to move towards the door.
Orok gets the hint and moves with me. I hold the door open for him and I turn the lights off and close the door behind us.
As I’m pulling my phone out to text Hordon, Orok says.
“Tomorrow evening, you might find Seb at Prismatic, with myself and the rawball team. He likes to dance.”
I stare at him and this unexpected olive branch. I haven’t exactly been friendly to him.
Orok continues, “For some reason, Seb really likes you, and these past few weeks he’s been happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. You’re helping him advance his theory on limiting energy draw and that’s really important to him.”
“He’s the most brilliant wizard I have ever met. Maybe even the most brilliant of our generation.” I say with complete honestly and bluntness.
Orok smiles but it’s tinged with sadness in his eyes. Which I don’t understand. It’s like he’s happy but there is sadness in that happiness. Like a cost has been paid to gain that happiness.
“Yes. Yes he is.” He agrees then walks away. I watch him for a moment, then text Hordon and walk in the opposite direction.
I visit my mother for most of the day then head home. My apartment is empty and cold as I prepare supper and eat it alone. I let my mind wander around the measuring cup theory and around the feeling of Sebastian’s lips on mine. The press of his body against mine. There is a buzz in my body and a building urgency to have him pressed against me again. As soon as possible.
I pick out my dance club outfit and prepare myself for tomorrow night.
“Sebastian Walsh, you have no idea what’s about to hit you.” I say to my reflection.
I’m going to show him how much I really like him.
How much I want to kiss him, again.
How much more I want from him.
How much I’m already in love with him.