Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

[A thin line separates the dead and the alive. What about those on the line?

Neither dead nor alive. That was Atsushi's reality. This wasn't just a normal mission anymore. To him, it was a nightmare that refused to end.]

Atsushi and dazai were tasked to go on a mission to find some files. Well, originally it was only Atsushi's but dazai tagged along out of boredom. Typical of him. Everywhere but the office, avoiding work. The files, important? Maybe. They could be. Could be not. They were tasked for a reason after all.

"Atsushi-kun,"

Hearing his name, Atsushi blinked once, refocusing his attention to his surroundings. Atsushi turned towards Dazai and nodded. Dazai's voice had cut through his train of thoughts, reminding him that the mission wasn't going to wait.

"Dazai-San." He replied with a light smile. Not forced, not overly bright. Just honest in Atsushi's own way - polite and full of warmth, like it had always been.

They continued walking, their footsteps echoing faintly through the corridor. It stretched ahead, narrow and eerily quiet. Other than occasional creaking of the ground as they walked, the silence was deafening. The paint tore down from the walls like they couldn't hold on any longer. The lights flickered unevenly, wavering between dim and dead. Well, not dead but, it was the type of darkness that engulfed them. The both of them had to rely on flashlights to navigate the hall.

A stench hit them halfway through the corridor. It smelled like death. Not recent, but just long enough ago for the rot to turn sour and wrong. Atsushi instinctively covered his nose, but not like that helped. The air was filled with it - dense and putrid. That horrid smell.

Dazai waved a hand in front of his hand. "Well," he muttered, "whoever lived here died real enthusiastically."

“Remind me again why we’re looking for files in a place that smells like the dead and looks like it should've been condemned years ago?"

Atsushi glanced around, brows furrowing. Not a single room was to be found. From there outside, the building looked normal enough. Inside it was just one long, seemingly neverending hallway.

"It should be around here somewhere...? Maybe old case records? Evidence? Something linked to an ability user?"

He really only had more questions than answers. No one explained anything, of course. God forbid the client actually telling them what they were supposed to do. "Just go there and grab some files." Direct quote.

Dazai hummed noncommittally, his hands tucked within his coat pockets, expression unreadable. “Scavenger hunts laced with disease. Ah, nothing like risking your life for paperwork.”

Atsushi let out a small chuckle despite the growing unease tugging at his chest.

Then he saw it. A glint of something near the base of the wall, half-buried under dust and broken tiles. A mirror. Atsushi slowed, squinting at the object. In such a broken place, it sat there - perfect. But that was wrong. Off, somehow.

But his legs moved anyway.

Drawn by an unknown force, Atsushi found himself stepping towards it, his hand reaching out. He didn't even know why he reached for it. His body just moved before his mind could catch up. It was like watching himself from the outside.

His fingers brushed against the glass. It was smooth and-

"-Cold..."

But not the kind of cold that came from neglect or dust. Not even because it was metal. It felt alive and bitingly cold.

Something stirred in the pit of his stomach
Before he could stop himself, he had already picked it up.

The mirror rested in his hands. Up close, it unsettled him even more. Despite the years building up on its bones, the glass was untouched. No cracks. No scratches. No dust. Dust collected on every surface except the mirror.

It should've decayed with everything else. Dull, dirtied, broken down by time.

But it hadn’t.

It wasn't.

It was pristine.

And that, more than anything, was what disturbed him.

Dazai's voice, a low murmur, barely registered. "Careful, Atsushi-kun. Not anything and everything should be touched."

But the warning came too late.

Something flickered inside the mirror. Something sharp. Not with his reflection, but with crimson red.

A light.

A red light.

It flared from behind him through the mirror's surface. It was faint at first, slowly becoming more and more prominent. It beamed from somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

Atsushi froze. The hallway was pitch black. His throat hitched as he spun around, catching the confusion written all over Dazai's face.

Nothing. There was nothing. Just darkness and the long stretch of ruined hallway. No glow. No light. He didn't feel it. Couldn't hear it. But the mirror saw it.

The fear gripped him by the neck. Slowly creeping in, seeping into the depths of Atsushi's mind. It was the kind of fear that never made sense. Didn't need a reason. There was a gnawing dread that sunk it's teeth into his guts. A chill ran down his spine. Indescribable fear emitted from his expression.

A thud. Like a false memory, loud and placed exactly where it would make him look. It was sudden and close. Right in front of him.

Atsushi flinched, his heart lurching into his throat as he jerked his head back to the front. His eyes drifted to the mirror in his hand as if drawn by instinct.

Then-

-crack.

Pain exploded through the side of his head. No time to think. No time to react. The world tilted sideways, no, he tilted. His knees gave out and the mirror slipped from his grasp. The background was loud. Too loud for him. Oh, how much he wanted for the world to just shut up. Every little sound crashed into his skull like waves he couldn't control.

His vision blurred. The edges of everything bled together.

And just before everything went black, he caught one last glimpse.

Dazai.

He wasn't smiling like he always was. His expression was tight. Anxious. His jaw clenched, eyes darting with barely hidden anxiety.

It was a look Atsushi had only seen once or twice and it was one he hated more than anything. One he despised even.

Though what hit him the most was that this time, he was the reason for it. He was the one who caused such an expression.

He wanted to say something. Anything.

Just one word to make that expression disappear.

But the darkness came first.

Chapter Text

"-ushi-kun,"

Atsushi stirred in his sleep.

"Atsushi-kun."

The voice reached him before his mind did - Familiar, warm and most of all, comforting.

A steady heat emitted from somewhere around him, wrapping him with warmth like a soft blanket. The ground beneath him was cold...yet warm at the same time. Too comforting. Why?

He jolted upright. Motion came too quickly his vision blurred, his lungs struggling to take in air. His heart pounded against his chest, threatening to escape.

Then came a sharp pain, a sudden jolt which pierced the corner of his skull. He grabbed his head, clenching tightly. As if that could stop the hammering beneath his skin.

"Atsushi? Oi, don't get lost in your thoughts now."

It dulled. The pain subdued. Not by a lot, but just enough for Atsushi to be able to refocus. His vision steadied and his head cleared. He look around, recognising it as the agency. His eyes landed on the figure standing ahead of him.

He, no actually, they were back in the agency. The office.

Again?

"...Dazai-san?"

"Hmm? Who else would it be, Sushi-kun?"

"Ah...sorry. I was just-"

"-sleeping?"

Atsushi huffed, mildly embarrassed.

It's not like he was wrong. I was most definitely sleeping just now.

Atsushi stood up and grumbled about not actually sleeping but just closing his eyes. Just in that moment, a wave of déjà vu struck him. Hadn't he done this before?

Hadn't he already done all of this?

"Atsushi?"

Hearing his name, the fog which clouded his mind cleared. He shook his head, no time to dwell on it now. Atsushi turned towards Dazai and nodded, reminding himself that the mission wasn't going to wait.

"Dazai-San," A soft, gentle smile spread across his face. Wasn't forced nor overly bright. Just honest in Atsushi's own way - polite and full of warmth, like it had always been.

He could've sworn he did the exact same thing before. Somewhere, somehow.

Atsushi blinked, it was the first time this happened yet a similar scene played out in his mind. He shook his head but the sensation lingered for longer than he'd like. A nagging doubt tugged at him. At his thoughts.

Has this happened before, or was his mind playing tricks on him? He couldn't even tell anymore, but he just went with the flow. He didn't have enough time to spare for leisure, much less worrying about things that couldn't possibly be true.

After a few moments of walking, at the corner of his eye, Atsushi could see dazai pause. So he did as well. He lifted his head to get a better look of the building. The moment he did, he instinctively tensed. Body moving faster than his mind. Something stirred in his gut like a quiet warning. Atsushi paused, debating whether to go in or not.  His throat tightened. He gulped on instinct, not thought.

His body was screaming, begging him to leave the place. Immediately.

Swallowing his fears and doubts, he turned to look at Dazai, who was standing next to him.

"This is the place right?"

Dazai nodded, hands stuffed into his coat pockets. His gaze slid towards Atsushi, clearly sensing the younger's distress. A playful grin spread across his face as he called out.

"Ne, Atsushi-kun."

Atsushi hummed in response, still distracted by his thoughts.

"Whoever finds the files first has to pay for dinner."

"Hah--??"

He hadn't even finished reacting Dazai let out a loud laugh, suddenly skipping towards the building, humming cheerfully.

"I get to eat free dinner today~"

"Dazai-san-!"

Dazai had already escaped from Atsushi's line of vision before he even had a chance to call out for him. Sighing heavily, he sprinted and tried to catch up to Dazai who was already gone from sight.

.

.

.

Heaving, Atsushi gripped onto Dazai's wrist tightly, worried that if he let go, Dazai would go as well. Atsushi bent over slightly, his hand on his knee as his chest rose and fell rapidly. Besides him, Dazai wasn't any better. Atsushi could hear his shallow panting, both of them breathless in the silent hallway.

"You-! Owe me dinner-.. And new lungs," Atsushi exclaimed, struggling to catch his breath as he shot Dazai a side glare.

"Wow, Atsushi-kun! I didn't know tigers were so low on stamina." Dazai straightened up, casually shaking Atsushi's hand off. He gave Atsushi a small pat on the back,

"Don't be so dramatic."

"I'm dying."

"...yeah, dramatic."

"Says the one who almost fell over after 3 steps"

"Mind you, I did it very elegantly."

Atsushi rolled his eyes but, he couldn't help but suppress a small huff of laughter.

Then-

The laughter died in his throat.

The air changed. The breeze now sharp and unnatural. That tugging unease returned. Something felt wrong. Very. The air, hallway, even the lights. The walls twisted into a rotting mess of rust, as if years of decay bloomed in the matter of seconds.

The unsettling feeling came back.
Again.

Dazai stopped. His gaze flickered towards the hallway, his body tensed feeling the chilling breeze.

"We should go."

That one sentence scared Atsushi more than any dark corridor could. The seriousness that never meant any good was back like it was never gone.

Atsushi stood up, gaze never leaving the hallway. Afraid that if he did, something very wrong might happen. His thoughts ran wild, every thought like a cold, sharp slice of a knife. And it scared him.

Atsushi gripped his arm till his nails dug into his flesh, grounding himself to reality. Ready to use his ability at any moment. A sudden shuffle came from behind Dazai, but neither from him nor from Dazai.

Then - it was silent.
Dead, heavy silence.

Except for the shallow, uneven breaths Atsushi occasionally took. The throbbing pain in his skull returned once again. Sharp and unforgiving. It was like a reminder. A reminder that something obviously wasn't right.

Atsushi turned away from the corridor and anxiously glanced towards Dazai, his eyes trembling with anxiety. The fear of the unknown slowly creeping into Atsushi. The expression plastered all over Dazai's face, it wasn't a pleasant one.

Atsushi opened his mouth, about to call out to Dazai, but stopped and gulped. The drastic change in Dazai's expression had him in a headlock, his unease grew increasingly untill it was sickening. He clenched his fists tightly and scanned the area behind Dazai. It was the place where he last heard any sound. Then came a bright red light. It blinded Atsushi but when he blinked, it disappeared.

Huh.? Was that just my imagina-

"Atsushi."

Atsushi startled hearing his name being called and froze. he snapped his head towards Dazai, breath caught in his throat. Atsushi felt a palm wrap around his wrist, then it tightened. He winced, the pain getting to him.

"Dazai-?"

Then it all happened too fast. Dazai yanked Atsushi towards him, Atsushi almost tripping in the process. It was too sudden for Atsushi to process, and it scared him. He had not a single understanding of what was happening.

Then a sharp pain in his abdomen.

He understood now. What Dazai was doing.

Atsushi's face twisted in excruciating pain. He so desperatly tried to grab onto something. Onto anything. He gripped his wrist tightly, nails digging into his skin. At this point even ripping his hand off would hurt less than this. Atsushi's breaths shallowed as his heartbeat rapidly pounded against his chest. Each breath burned through his abdomen, and a sickening warmth pooled beneath his shirt.

Blood.

The pain flooded his thoughts, cutting through every single one of them like a sharpened knife. The only thing keeping him grounded was the ice cold touch of something on his arm. It was silent yet deafening loud in Atsushi's ears. The edges of Atsushi's vision blurred, he couldn't keep his eyes open. He couldn't make out a single word. Just - his name.

"Atsushi!"

.
.
.
.

"Atsushi!"

Atsushi startled and quickly sat up, internally cursing himself when the floor wavered beneath him. His stomach turned at the sudden movement. He almost slipped off the office chair.
.
.
.
"...what?"

Atsushi straightened up and glanced around the place. It was no doubt the office again. Again. What happened just a few hours back was not a lie.

Atsushi got off the chair and sprinted towards the toilet, ignoring the clearly confused stares of his co-workers. His fingers trembled, hands too bitingly cold to be alive. He lifted up his shirt and there it was. A hole through his abdomen. Atsushi stifled a gasp as he ran his fingers across the hole. It didn't hurt but, it felt...wrong. A hole through his body, yet he isn't bleeding. It just stung, like there was something hard pressed against his organs, but not enough to hurt him.

That's when it hit him. The dream where he got hit in the head, the memory of him getting shot, they all happened. All of it was true, not a single lie told. He just got sent back. That single thought that occasionally flashed across his mind, he never gave it any care. Untill now.

He was stuck in a time loop.

Chapter Text

How? There was no way any sort of time loop could happen. Though at the same time, in a world like this, time loops aren't entirely impossible.

A sudden knock on the door slashed through his thoughts, pausing them. Atsushi dropped the hem of his shirt at the sound and quickly grabbed the door knob. Mentally preparing himself before he slowly - reluctantly turned the door knob to reveal a slightly judgemental Dazai staring right into his eyes.

Atsushi could feel the atmosphere tense by the second. Dazai's eyes were scanning every inch him, every out-of-place crumple on his shirt, heck even his hair strands which stuck out of his head awkwardly.

Before Dazai could open his mouth to speak, Atsushi spoke first, unwilling to let Dazai say whatever was on his mind. Knowing him, it wasn't going to be nice.

"Let's go. I just felt nauseous, that's all."

Atsushi forced out a small chuckle and scratched the back of his neck, he grew increasingly nervous as the clock ticked by. Though...what he said wasn't all that false. He really did feel nauseous at one point. Brushing his stray strand of hair back behind his ear, he flashed Dazai a smile. Kind and welcoming, but anyone could tell that there was a thin line of anxiety on his lips. Atsushi wasn't a good liar after all.

"Sure. Make sure you don't throw up on the way, wouldn't want to clean that up~"

Atsushi was a bit taken aback by Dazai's response as he had expected the elder to maybe clarify? Why he felt nauseous?

Not that I'm complaining.

Atsushi was glad that Dazai decided to brush things off, he didn't want to talk about his new found "discovery" if he could even call it that. More of a nightmare than a discovery if he thought about it.

They strode along the roadside, towards that - disgustingly dead - building. Dazai kicked away small pebbles with his feet, seemingly playing with them. It was kind of an enduring scene to Atsushi. After the last 2 rounds, this was a better, more refreshing scenery. It sat nicely within his comfort zone.

Closer and closer they came towards the building. It's eery atmosphere flooded through the air, already made its way to Atsushi's side. It cloaked him like a tight headlock, it suffocated him. His windpipe tightened, his breaths shallowed, didn't provide him with enough air to breathe properly.

They stood right in front of the building.

Then came the memories, flooding into his mind like crashing waves against the shore. Memories of his deaths. His last breath, last thought, last expression he saw on the one he held closest to his heart. All of them were unpleasant to say the least. He only died twice, it wasn't that bad. Right?

Atsushi clutched his shirt as tightly as his trembling hands could. He fell to the ground. It was as if his chest had been stabbed, indescribable pain hit him like a truck. His head spun rapidly and grew heavier by the second. It was getting increasingly harder to breathe. His breaths shallow and fast to take in enough air. Air...he couldn't breathe and it scared him. His fingers trembled as they grew numb till he couldn't feel them no more. Clutching onto anything nearby, a desperate cry for help. Tears blurred his vision, no, he couldn't even tell if they were tears or sweat. The lingering, residue heat on his face. It stung.

"Breathe."

The voice was soft, but Atsushi heard. He tried, but he couldn't. He just couldn't act. He held onto the closet thing he felt and never let go. His vision blurred, blacking out at times.

"This is a panic attack, and it will pass. Breathe in with me?"

Atsushi shut his eyes tightly, nails digging into whatever he was holding onto. Then he tried his best to follow, he took a deep breath in. It was shaky, though there was improvement.

"You're doing great. Breathe out."

He let out the breathe he was holding in, almost forgetting he held it. The pounding in his chest softened and his head lost its weight. Just a little, but it helped.

"Breathe in," Atsushi followed. "Breathe out." He did as so.

The fog in his mind lifted, he could at least hold a decent amount of information in his head.

"Atsushi, name me five things you can see right now."

Atsushi inhaled and exhaled a shaky breath, glancing around, avoiding direct eye contact with the one in front of him.

"The, the road.." Atsushi gulped. "Trees, ...buildings, my- hands.." He paused for a moment, hesitation sank in, taking over his thoughts. He chewed his inner gums, bringing him back to reality.

Am"And you." Atsushi titled his head just slightly enough above the ground to be able to see him. Hesitantly, he made direct eye contact. "Dazai-san."

He saw the older flash him an understanding smile from underneath his bangs. It never happened often, but when it did, it filled Atsushi with a soothing, calming warmth. That smile was one that said that it's okay to be in pain. Ironic, that same smile belonged to someone who thought that pain was a sign of weakness.

"Well done."

Atsushi could think straight now, fog all cleared. The trembling eased, he only shook a little now. Way better than it was before. He appreciated that Dazai never once intruded into his personal space. He was just, there. Just that fact alone comforted Atsushi way more than any other words could.

He instantly loosened his grip on Dazai the moment he realised that he was still holding on. He loosened, but never let go. Worries came crashing into his head. They were no longer just 'worries' - they had become anxiety-filled thoughts. A thousand thoughts ran through his mind, doubt slowly crept in like a shadow.

"If I let go, would you leave?"

No response was heard from the man. Panic had set in, settling in the depths of his mind and it was hard to ignore. Atsushi's nervousness had no bounds and it was getting to him. In a hurry he repeated, desperate to hear an answer.

"If I let go, would-"

"No."

Atsushi's eyes widened, the tears unknowingly tugged on his eyelids. His head shot right up and he was met with a gentle pair of eyes staring right back at him. A soft stammer escaped his lips, uncertainty was drawn all over his face.

A chuckle was heard not far away and a face slowly came into view.

"No. I won't leave. I have no reason to."

That was the breaking point. Atsushi found it hard to keep pretending he was fine. Dying was a scary thing, and to die twice yet still stay alive? It felt like hell for Atsushi. He let the tears fall, and he sobbed uncontrollably. His shoulders trembled as he tightly held onto Dazai's chest.

Dazai wrapped his arms around Atsushi. He traced calming and soothing shapes on Atsushi's back. Soft whispers of reassurance and "its okay"s were heard every few seconds. Dazai tried not to let the place go silent. Who knew what Atsushi's mind could come up with.

Seconds turned into minutes and minutes felt like eternity. Both of them sat on the ground. Atsushi's sobs turned into soft sniffles, he stopped trembling so much. Atsushi was huddled up against Dazai, his tears soaked Dazai's shirt and they were both outside in broad daylight. Just then, Atsushi was hit by a wave of embarrassment. He had a breakdown. In public. Atsushi slightly lifted his head and his eyes flickered around at every sound. A red slowly seeped into his cheeks, flushed with quiet embarrassment.

What's worse is that he knew that Dazai knew. How? Oh well because the figure in front of him started shaking uncontrollably. Not only that, he felt it because he was leaning on Dazai. There were sounds of quiet - stifled laughter escaping from Dazai.

Out of embarrassed rage, Atsushi shot up and pulled away from Dazai.

"If you want to laugh so bad, just laugh out loud!"

Atsushi directed a glare towards Dazai, his embarrassment increasing as Dazai continued his fit of laughter. The laughter was contagious though. Not long later, Atsushi found himself laughing along with Dazai. Just what he needed after a breakdown. It really did help, they said laughter is the best medicine.

They had a moment to themselves, like it was only them in the world. Laughing without a care in the world, and it was like a warm blanket on a cold rainy day. A warmth grew within Atsushi, and so did his resolve.

He was going to survive this round.

Atsushi startled a little when Dazai suddenly got up, it was starting to get a little awkward being on the ground. A smile spread on Atsushi's face as a hand extended out towards him, inviting him to stand as well. So he did. He took that hand and pulled himself up. Mentally pulling himself up from the depths of his overthinking.

"Atsushi-kun."

"Hm?"

"What do you say we go and play hooky? Anyways, I need a change of shirt because some tired little kitty cried all over me."

That struck a chord, in a light-hearted way. Atsushi felt the heat slowly but surely crawl up his face again. He shot a light-hearted glare towards Dazai and stared dumbfoundedly as Dazai ambled down the path towards their dormitories. His hands buried into his pockets, then he glanced back at Atsushi with a grin.

"You coming?"

Atsushi stood there, taking a few seconds to process then realisation hit him. He picked up the speed and hurried over to Dazai's side, not wanting to keep him waiting for any longer.

Both Atsushi and Dazai were having mini chats as they strolled along the road towards the place they had to call home. The conversation wasn't anything important. They were just light-hearted topics, easy for the mind.

Then- a familiar - dreadful red light. Atsushi froze on the spot, eyes instinctively darted towards the light. Anxiety filled his entire being. He thought that maybe if they didn't go into the building, it'd be different.

He wasn't ready to die again.

A hand rested gently on his shoulder, soft and light, but it anchored him. Atsushi flickered his eyes over towards the light, and a wave of relief washed over him. The tension melted from his shoulders and the storm within him quietened. It was just the red of a traffic light. Atsushi made a mental note that whenever he would see a red light, he'd need to double-check.

A hand tugged on him and he cast a look to the one who did it. Dazai nodded his head in the direction of the road, signaling Atsushi that it was a green light now. For some reason, the green light greatly comforted him.

Atsushi made his way across the road, expecting Dazai to be right next to him. In that small moment, he heard a scream. A scream of his name and before he could have any time to have any reaction, a metal slammed into his body. Time fractured. One moment, he was there - crossing the streets, alive and whole. The next the car broke through everything.

The impact sent him flying. A sickening thud. Then silence.

And it hurt like hell.

Chapter Text

And he was back. In one piece he may be, but it sure didn't feel like it.

Atsushi jolted awake, like he had just awoken from a bad dream. A nightmare would be a better word to say it. His whole body ached, an unbearable pain pressed into his head. Then he was engulfed in a sea of panic.

He couldn't hear a thing.

Only sharp, constant ringing pierced though his ears every second. The muffle of the agency's voices blended into the background. Couldn't make out a single word and this fact rattled him to the core. It brought him back to the days where he'd be in the orphanage. His head spun and nausea flashed over him.

It felt like he was dying,
But of course, he lives.
He lived again.

The world spun in Atsushi's point of view, he couldn't hold a proper thought in his mind. He couldn't even focus his vision onto the screen directly in front of him.

He mercilessly cursed himself under his breath. His newly founded resolve from the past life wavered.

'He was going to survive this round. ' or so he said. It felt so.. disgustingly stupid. Right after that, he goes and gets hit by a car. Atsushi shook his head, recalling his memories. He immediately regretted that. It worsened the pain in his head. It was as if his head was threatening to tear into two. Or he hoped it did. Maybe it'd hurt less then.

A tap on his shoulder followed by a certain recognisable chuckle like laughter. The sound was laced with light-hearted teasing.

How many times is he going to go through this again?

"Atsushi-Kun."

"Dazai-San." Atsushi replied with a light smile. This time forced, his slight exhaustion seeping through the cracks of his smile. This Atsushi was tired - On the verge of breaking down, but he couldn't betray himself. His smile polite and full of warmth, like he hopes it has always been. At least, that way he could say that he was always warm hearted.

Third time's the charm, no?

He raised himself from the seat and faced Dazai straight in the eye. Dazai still wore that same expression, that same smile that never once reached his eyes.

"Let's go, Dazai-san."

Same pathway. Same road. Even the same background noise. It wasn't similar, it was the exact same as the first loop. Maybe because he did the same exact thing this time.

Then- An uncomfortably scary thought invaded his mind.

If he killed himself, would he still loop?

The thought disappeared the moment it came, Atsushi shoved that question out of his mind. It was useless to think things like that, he should just be finding ways to survive.

"To survive.."

Atsushi muttered under his breath, gulping down his worries. He took a deep breath in and exhaled quietly, contemplating on what he should do.

Just a few steps away from Atsushi, was Dazai. Dazai had his hands shoved into his coat pockets, the coat swaying with every step he took. Dazai suspiciously eyed Atsushi. Unbeknownst to Atsushi, Dazai had heard the quiet mutter of his worries.

Atsushi made up his mind. He was going to go back to the cursed building and search for that mirror again. Looking back, that was the only thing that could've started the loop.

Not long after, the building slowly creeped into view and dread once again came over Atsushi. Not only dread, but boredom. It was only his third loop, yet everything was getting boring. Imagining life in another 10 loops, Atsushi frowned. Life must be boring by then.

They entered the building. This time the stench hit them directly in the face the moment they entered.

"Ugh- well, whoever lived here died real enthusiastically."

Atsushi startled and froze on the spot hearing that sentence. His head slowly turning towards Dazai, eyes wide. He stared at Dazai, unsure whether or not to cry or to laugh. He found it bittersweet, it reminded him of the first time they came to this terrible building. Now he just missed his past self - all bright-eyed and optimistic.

Now whenever chance he gets, Atsushi tries to be optimistic but fails miserably. It was getting harder and harder. To survive. Which was weird because it was only his third loop. Crazy.

Atsushi was snapped back to reality, finding that Dazai had been staring back at him. Worry meticulously covered up with confusion written on his face.

"What's up Atsushi-Kun?"

Atsushi opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it. Carefully thinking of what he should say next.

"Hm..nevermind. it's nothing, let's continue walking."

Atsushi said, flashing a smile to Dazai. Even he could tell that so-called smile was so extremely fake, no way Dazai wouldn't find out. The smile barely reached his eyes and his eyes... instead of smiling, they were dead like a pitch black the type of dead.

At the corner of his eyes, he could see Dazai stare at him, clearly unimpressed with how bad Atsushi's lies were. Dazai shrugged, and faced forward. Atsushi assumed that Dazai just didn't want to question it. Or he just didn't bother.

They walked, and walked. For seemingly forever.

"Atsushi-Kun. Enlighten me, what are we even searching for?"

There was silence for a brief moment, At that point, Atsushi didn't even know what they were looking for. The environment was barely breathable, it sure wasn't one suited for the living. The walls tore down, and dust collected everywhere. And by everywhere, it was really everywhere. Some had even gathered onto Atsushi's shoes.

"A mirror."

"I see, a mirror?"

Atsushi nodded, not even bothering to turn to Dazai and give him a proper response. If he was going to die anyways, no point pretending anymore. He just needed to understand what was going on with him.

"An antique hand mirror with a diamond carved onto the handle."

"Interesting. It's right here, Atsushi-Kun."

Atsushi spun around and faced Dazai. Eyes sliding over to where he was looking; The mirror was really there. Atsushi stood there, dumbfounded. They have been searching for what felt like eternity in this godforsaken place and the moment Atsushi mentions the mirror, it shows itself. Wonderful. Maybe he should've done that sooner.

Atsushi bent down and grazed his fingers against the mirror. It still was as pristine and cold as before. He picked it up and held it in the palm of his hand, the cold spreading through his fingers. He inspected the hand mirror. It was really just a normal mirror. The only strange part about it is that despite being buried under the cracks of the floor tiles in this rundown building, it carried not a single scratch.

On closer inspection, Atsushi found out that the handle had slightly corroded, staining his hands with a metallic brown.

Ew.

The mirror was untempered with, so it was strange how it didn't have any cracks whatsoever. An impulsive thought broke into his mind. What if he just broke it? The mirror which was in his hand suddenly felt really, really breakable. I mean, all he had to do was to slam in straight into the ground, no?

Atsushi stared at his reflection in the mirror. Dazai immerged from behind and Atsushi could see his reflection in the mirror as well. Dazai's face was so close to his, it felt awkward. Atsushi didn't dare turn his head, so he made eye contact with Dazai through the mirror.

"Dazai-San?"

"What's so interesting about this mirror?"

"I don't even know, but isn't it weird it doesn't have a single scrat-"

There it was again.

It flickered inside the mirror. Something sharp. Not with his reflection, but with crimson red.

That appalling red light.

Atsushi couldn't even be shocked this time round. He expected it. It seemed that this round was a repeat of the first one, but just a little different. Dazai could see the red light this time. As soon as he saw the light in the mirror, his eyes darted to the right, to where the light was found in the mirror. And again, it wasn't there. Only present in the mirror, like the light lives in the mirror. Maybe they were in the mirror that's why the loops are happening. If he broke the mirror, what'd happen to him?

Atsushi took a deep breath in the clear his thoughts. Clearly, they were getting out of hand.

He felt a hand rest on his shoulder.

"Atsushi-Kun. Let's run. Now."

The change of tone in Dazai's voice scared Atsushi more than the fact that he already knew what was going to happen. Aw man, how many times is this going to happen?

Atsushi didn't question Dazai's judgement. He would never. He just started running through the halls, Dazai following just a few steps behind. That run soon turned into a sprint for his life. He couldn't even catch a break.

There was something chasing behind them. Something inhumane.

The atmosphere changed, the walls twisted and contorted into a broken, black void. They couldn't see a thing, all the lights went out simultaneously.

Atsushi could feel his stomach twist, a bead of sweat dripped down his head, falling onto the ground. He was going to look back, but he didn't. He couldn't. He felt that if he did, he would suffer worse than death.

That 'thing' followed closely behind the both of them, the sound of it thumping onto the ground with every step it took. No, they weren't even footsteps. It was the scraping of nails - or claws - dragging against the walls, uneven and jagged. Sometimes the sound getting way too close for comfort, it carried a hunger with it. A promise that if one of them faltered for even a bit, it would most definitely catch them.

Atsushi and Dazai ran faster, shoes slammed against the floor tiles, their heartbeats loud enough to drown out every other sound. Their breaths came in shallow bursts, panic filled them to the brim. It was as if all the air around them thinned. If this wasn't hell, then what was this?

The hallway went on, and on, and on. No doors. No light. It was pitch dark, and that made it ten times scarier.

The only thing they could see - hear was that 'thing' that creature from hell, closing the distance inch by inch.

Their lungs burned, throats parched from the lack of water, the continuous desperate gulps of air contributed to that as well.

The hallway showed no signs of ending, leaving Atsushi to complain - why did they even go so far into the building??

Atsushi didn't dare to even look back, didn't even think of it, but his head slightly turned anyways and he caught a glimpse of the creature. Immediately cursing his body for moving against his will.

Oh my fucking days, what is that!?

The thing was not entirely there, yet not entirely gone. Its shape seemed to be carved out of shadow, wrong angles bending where no joints should even be. A face - or what it should've been - hung forward from the darkness, eyes like hollow lamps that burned white in the pitch void. It's mouth opened but never closed once, a silent scream filled the hallway with no sound, yet rattling in their skulls all the same.

Atsushi couldn't even help but want to scream. But really, if this isn't hell, then what is this.

Chapter Text

IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING LAST WEEK...and I'm sorry if you were looking forward to an actual update but it's just a small note...

I got hit with writer's block on Saturday when I was going to write! 💔 Sorry for that. The next chapter will be up by this Saturday I promise. In the mean time, if anyone is willing, comment maybe something you'd want to see in the following chapters? Or just some small ideas you have? It doesn't matter what, anything helps! I'll look through the comments and add them to the following chapters when they fit!

(Basically I'm starting to lose ideas on what to write before the next plot point...I never actually plot things properly - ughh...TT so sorry about that)

FYI I'M STILL GOING TO CONTINUE THIS FIC! I'M TOO INVESTED IN IT TO STOP WRITING - It'll just take a little time..😥

Chapter Text

Atsushi couldn't even help but want to scream. But really, if this isn't hell, then what is this.

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Atsushi could answer his own question. This was reality, and reality often proved more hellish than any hell imagined. Reality was cruel, twisted and merciless far more than hell. The irony was bitter - almost laughable actually.

Oh, but this was damn exhausting.

Atsushi had no way of telling the time, he only knew that for as long as he has been running, it felt like an endless nightmare. He wanted to slow down, catch his breath maybe, well, he couldn't for obvious reasons. His whole body burned, the heat unbearable. There wasn't even proper ventilation in this 'building'

This building should've been condemned years ago.

Atsushi felt like he was losing his mind. That screeching sound in the background echoed, not in the building, but in their heads. Like a silent cry, but instead of for help, it was a scream of hunger. It. Was. Hungry.

Both of them had been sprinting for easily over 10 minutes? In truth, it could only be a few minutes, but it felt like forever. Endless running, what a nice way to start a day.

Atsushi's chest heaved, lungs desperatly clawing for air as the sound of scraping claws got closer and closer. The world blurred at the edges, swallowed by the pounding of frantic footsteps belonging to both Atsushi and Dazai.

Atsushi glanced over to Dazai, he wasn't doing much better than Atsushi. It was perfectly normal though. Dazai caught Atsushi looking at him, and confidently chuckled, earning yet another ear-piercing scream. This one considerably worse than the others.

And that pissed Atsushi off.

At this point, he just wanted to rip his ears out. Mayhaps his ears were bleeding, he couldn't tell. The sound pierced though his ears, making him unable to hear a thing. Again. Every sound was muffled down, only the constant ringing in his ears, or was that from the creature? He couldn't tell. Just how far away was the exit? How much longer did they need to run for their lives in total darkness?

He couldn't tell.

Untill his eyes caught on something ahead.

A small speck of light beamed from somewhere, sparking hope within Atsushi. Maybe he could die a relatively less painful death. Salvation was just there, within reach, he only had to hope that his legs could carry him a little further.

He had a glimmer of hope, that they'd survive.

That is, if they actually do get out - which on second thought seemed impossible.

His legs burned with exhaustion and he felt like he was dying. Nevermind that - To Atsushi, rather than going through this hell, dying was the more appealing option. Atsushi was really tempted to just give up and get devoured by that creature.

He thought that there wasn't a point going through this pain if he could just restart again, but one glance towards Dazai shut his thoughts up. Guilt started climbing up his heart. Not because he was betraying the promise he made to himself - but because if he reset, this Dazai would have to experience Atsushi dying right in front of him. Then a train of thoughts crashed into Atsushi's head along with a heavy heart.

What happens to the timeline Atsushi was in if he dies? Do they continue happening? Just with a dead Atsushi? If he died now - would this Dazai also get killed?

What happened to all the Dazai's from past timelines?

What an unsettling train of thoughts, but now that he thought about it, he couldn't stop. Those thoughts were like parasites infecting his mind.

Caught up within his thoughts, his legs just, gave way. One moment he was running - the next he was down on the ground, a looming shadow engulfed him in the darkness. Atsushi didn't even have time to flinch - much less even react. It was just too sudden. A part of Atsushi felt relief that he could escape this hell - but, the other part felt rooted to the darkness. Sure, resetting was the easier way, but it haunted him to do so - especially after those thoughts. He couldn't just readily give his life away anymore. Not like he even should've in the first place.

Atsushi could barely hear Dazai's muffled screams - shouting his name - in the background. It was getting increasingly harder to focus on his surroundings, his vision blurred and melted, all he could hear were Dazai and that one thing that kept him from slipping into unconsciousness. Ironically, it was the creature's earsplitting cry. It sounded like one from hell, yet it kept him from disappearing into hell and only just because the cry had reminded him of something.

It reminded him of himself.

Which was weird. Atsushi was no way at all even similar to the creature. In both appearance and they way the think. I mean, it wasn't even a human after all. Still, it brought Atsushi great nostalgia, and pain. Every cry emitted by the creature brought back a dreaded memory from his past - ones that he thought he carefully buried deep into his mind. Maybe he didn't hide them deep enough.

Atsushi got lost in his thoughts. Once he found out, he tried to snap back to reality, but he couldn't. He was trapped in his own mind. By himself. Not the creature. Atsushi just didn't want to go back to reality. He wanted to run away and the only place he could run away to was his mind. Whatever he thought of in his mind, was his reality, not some twisted and cursed reality life had trapped him in.

He was just...coping. In his own way. And I guess, to ME that's enough.

He was done for the day. He lost all will to continue on in this loop, at this point, he was just waiting for death to come. He'd accepted his fate. The moment he did, the last thing he heard was a loud crunching sound. Possibly the sound of his own bones getting crushed by the creature. He thought to himself as he slowly drifted away,

At least I didn't have to see Dazai's expression again.

.
.
.
.

What loop was this again? The fourth? He was starting to lose track on time. It's fine, It's only his fifth time dying. It wasn't that bad.

Or so he thought.

This time, he woke up with an aching pain coursing through his whole body. His legs sore till he couldn't even use them anymore. He couldn't even get out of his seat. Atsushi started cursing the thing that made his injuries stay.

If he reset, why didn't his injuries as well?

Well, not like he'd ever know. There wasn't a single thing in this world who'd answer his questions.

Atsushi didn't feel like going to the mission - more like he can't. His legs refused to even listen to him, gluing him to his seat. Dazai could just go himself, but that thought destroyed itself before he could even ask.

It was supposed to be a solo mission which was assigned to him and only him.

Atsushi grumbled under his breath and held his head in his palms, regretting that he tried so hard to live the last round. If he had just given up earlier, he wouldn't be in so much pain now. Every slightest movement he took sent jolts of pain though his body.

The only good thing was that he could hear again. I mean, it wasn't the best but it worked.

Atsushi forced his legs to move. He winced as he slowly stood up. At this point, it wasn't that different from his legs getting cut off but still being attached.

That didn't make sense.

Realisation hit Atsushi and he scanned around the agency. Dazai was no where to be found. And that scared him - no, it was a worse feeling than just scared. It frightened him. What if something happened in the past round and Dazai disappeared? No way right?

There was just no way.

Atsushi swiftly turned to Kunikida, wasting no time in asking where Dazai had went.

"Kunikida-San. If I may ask, where is Dazai-San?"

At the end of the question, His voice trembled a little - slightly revealing the hidden anxiety laced beneath every word he said.

Kunikida seemed puzzled at Atsushi's question because Atsushi should've known what happened, but answered his question of course.

"He went home early, which reminds me, Atsushi can you go and bring him back? He didn't even complete his work yet."

Atsushi nodded in response and left the office, trying to hold his composure together.

Once he left the agency, he ran despite the aching in his legs which threatened to give way. He was sick of running - but if that meant that he could get there faster, he wouldn't hesitate at all. The worse case scenario could still happen after all. He just hoped it wouldn't. Or hadn't.

Unknowingly, Atsushi ran a red light, kind of funny - It was like escaping his death. He could care more, but he had no time to.

In no time, he reached Dazai's apartment door. He desperately prayed that Dazai was okay - that he was still living.

Atsushi raised his hand and knocked twice on Dazai's door, hoping he'd get an answer. His concern slowly took over every second he waited for Dazai to open the door. He was getting impatient, full of dread. Then-

Dazai opened the door. A towel was slung over his shoulders and his hair was still dripping wet with water. Relief washed over Atsushi and a shaky breath escaped his lungs. The tension slowly leaving his body. He could almost cry due to sheer relief that Dazai was still okay.

Atsushi's exhaustion slowly caught up to him and his legs finally gave way. He collapsed against the wall next to Dazai, he could rest easy now.

"Atsushi-Kun-?"

"Yeah."

Dazai eyed Atsushi half filled with worry, half filled with something Atsushi recognised as confusion. - or more like Dazai was flustered upon seeing Atsushi. It was something he couldn't have expected after all.

"Did you miss me that much that you would come invade my house?"

Atsushi kind of missed this - the light-hearted teasing Dazai directed towards him. This time, he thought it was okay to express his feelings.

"Yeah. I did, so now let me in."

It wasn't a very 'Atsushi' thing to say, but that's how be really felt right now. He pushed himself off the wall and trudged into Dazai's apartment as Dazai opened the door, allowing Atsushi in.

Atsushi honestly thought that Dazai would question at least once, or even refute but he didn't. Atsushi took in his surroundings, the faintest smell of peaches wafted across the room. To say that Atsushi liked the smell was an understatement. It was a pleasant surprise, finding out that Dazai uses a peach scented shampoo. The fact was quietly charming and unexpectedly adorable in a way.

Atsushi watched as Dazai walked over to his bathroom, assuming that he went to dry his hair. He stopped his in tracks and faced Atsushi, flashing him a bittersweet smile - almost as if he wanted to say more but couldn't. After that, he turned around and left the room.

Atsushi didn't pay it any mind, but it stuck at the back of his mind. It disturbed him somehow - like there was something he was missing. Something he wasn't getting.

All of a sudden, he remembered something. Something really important. Every time Dazai had attempted, there was always a peach scent on Dazai.

Then it all clicked in Atsushi's head. The worse case scenario he thought of, was happening. Right now. He sprung up from the couch and rushed to the bathroom. Much to his dismay, the door was locked, confirming his suspicions. He had no time to wait.

"Dazai-San!"

Atsushi banged on the door, every thought he held was about Dazai and how he could get him out.

He desperately clawed on the door, his nails bled from the impact. That was the least of his worries. He banged on the door again and again, each harder than the before.

Why was this door so damn indestructible??

Atsushi grit his teeth, his hand turned into the tiger's. He was going to break the door down, no hesitation given.

In no time, Atsushi tore the door down, revealing a distraught looking Dazai on the other side. Atsushi's eyes widened, landing on the gun Dazai held in his hand.

Atsushi's heart stopped. He froze on the spot, his mind ran wild. He couldn't possibly, right? Right?

"Dazai-San-"

"Ah... Atsushi-Kun. I guess you really did miss me that much. It hasn't even been 10 minutes you know?"

"Dazai-San."

"I mean, all I did was to leave to dry my hair you know?"

"Dazai-San!"

Atsushi's voice cracked at the end. He couldn't contain his emotions. He didn't even know what to feel. Was Dazai really going to do it? He never even once thought about it. Living in a world without Dazai.

Dazai went silent, the atmosphere changed. It was tense and cold.

Atsushi trembled, his throat getting dry as the pressure increasingly built behind his eyes. He took his eyes off Dazai, it hurt to look at him. He hoped Dazai couldn't see his expression. He knew it was an ugly one. Full of unsightly desperation.

"Atsushi-Kun. It was nice meeting you. You gave me a slight purpose to live."

Atsushi hurried and looked up, reaching his hand out towards Dazai. He wanted to stop him. He had to. He needed to.

It was as if time had stopped, but only for him. He watched Dazai raise the gun towards his head. The worse part was that Atsushi couldn't do anything about it. He was rooted to the ground, scared out of his wits. He saw Dazai's expression. His last one.

Dazai had a pained smile drawn over his face, his lips so slightly trembled as he pulled the trigger.

The sound rattled throughout the room.

Dazai was standing there. Then he was not.

Atsushi stared.

The pressure behind his eyes just, disappeared. He had no idea how he was supposed to feel.

He wanted to throw up. Wanted to leave this place. The stench of fresh blood mixed with flesh took over the room. Nevermind even speaking, Atsushi couldn't even hold a single thought in his mind.

Dazai was okay. He was still alive. He's still alive. He's okay. He is. He's alive. He's still in one piece. What gun shot? Must've been the wind.

Atsushi's mind went blank.

By the time he realised, he was on the ground next to Dazai's body. A tear escaped his eye and fell onto the ground. Soon after that another followed. In less than seconds, he was sobbing. He clutched onto Dazai's blood stained shirt as tightly as his trembling figure could. His head spun - round and round - he couldn't focus. He didn't want to. His breaths were shallow and uneven. He hated this, the world was loud. Way too loud yet too quiet at the same time.

His throat hurt and he couldn't even tell why.

Oh, he did know. He was screaming.

Someone could've told him beforehand. That losing someone that prescious would hurt this much.

.
.
.

He couldn't live in the timeline. Atsushi rubbed his eyes, how long has he been crying over a dead body? He didn't have to accept Dazai's death. He could just restart over again.

"Hah-!"

Atsushi could feel himself slowly losing his mind. He got way too dependent on restarting and it was starting to take a toll on his mind.

Atsushi eyed the gun which fell onto the ground when Dazai shot himself.

He pushed himself up from the ground and crept towards it. He bent down and picked it up, holding it in his hand. He rarely ever held a gun, finally understanding why Dazai liked using guns so much.

He took one last glance towards Dazai's body.

At least he could die with this Dazai.

His hands trembled and he pulled the trigger.

Bang.

Chapter Text

Yeah...He wakes again. Again and again. It just doesn't stop you know?

Atsushi sluggishly got up from the same seat over and over, again and again. How many more times must he do this? He walked over and entered the toilet. Once he made sure the door was shut tight and locked only then did he pull his shirt off. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, counting how many scars he has on his body. Solely just to remind himself what round he's on.

After some time, he found out that all his past injuries which lead to his death - other than being transferred over - turned into permanent scars on his body. He thought it was a good way to figure out which loop he was on.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. ...7-

Wait. There were just...too many to be his fifth round. Atsushi looked straight into the mirror, making eye contact with his reflection and only then did he notice. He had way too many scars on his body. Way more than he could count on both hands.

What loop was he really on? Has it really been that long? He couldn't tell.

He counted. He really counted properly this time.

There were 32 scars - big and small - staining his body.

It was his 31st loop.

It wasn't his fifth, not even sixth. 31st. That was how many times he had gone through this hell of dying then restarting then dying once again.

Atsushi put his palms onto the sides of the sink and sunk down, a heavy sigh escaping his lungs. Staring at his reflection, he couldn't even tell it was him. He looked...way worse than before - which was to be expected - but for it to be that bad? He brushed his hair back with his hand.

Time sure does fly when you don't notice it.

Atsushi spared one last glance at his reflection. His eyes barely open like they saw things worse then hell - true. - and his eye bags sunk till they reached his lips - not true, but it sure looked like it -

Atsushi's hair was a mess, each strand refusing to stay in place flying all over his face. He looked like he hadn't taken a shower in weeks, which reminds him, did he even shower yet?? The whole time, did he even shower?

Realising this, Atsushi grimaced, thinking about the germs he may have carried with him. Time loop or not, knowing he didn't shower just gave him the icks.

He pulled his shirt over his head, not even bothering to tuck his shirt in properly. No point if he was just going to reset again.

He left the toilet looking 10 times more exhausted than when he first stepped in. Without sparing a glance at the office, he escaped the building and walked towards his room at the agency dorm - he was going to take a shower no matter what others say - and that's a kinda funny thing to think about. Who would stop him from taking a shower??

.

Kicking the door to his dorm open, he slipped his shoes off and stepped into the room. He hadn't seen his room in so long, he let himself relax knowing that this was his safe space. If it continues to be that way - Atsushi wouldn't know, but for now it was somewhere he could stop acting.

He slumped onto the nearest thing - which happened to be his closet door. Speaking of closet door, Kyouka had moved in with Yosano - allowing him to be able to sleep outside the closet. Atsushi glanced at his futon, it was neatly kept and folded at the side - something he wouldn't have done if his current self had to. He grabbed his pillow and huddled against it, squishing it into his chest as he laid his head on it.

He did say he was going to take a shower, but this position was just too comfortable. Atsushi could feel his eyelids get heavier by the second. Now, all he wanted to do was to sleep - which was valid, I mean look at all the things he had gone through. Atsushi closed his eyes for a while, unintentionally drifting off to sleep.

Suddenly, his doorbell rang, awaking him from his slumber. He woke with a startle and pushed himself off the floor. He groaned and sent a glare towards the door, cursing the person who decided to ruin his alone time. Hidden underneath his light-hearted anger, there was a glimpse of anxiety.

Atsushi calmed his nerves and took a deep breath before opening the door.

"Yes?"

To his surprise, there wasn't anyone - but a package. It was delicately wrapped in a pink coloured wrapping paper. Pink was...an interesting choice of colour. Not saying he didn't like it, but it definitely was something Atsushi wouldn't have expected.

It still unsettled him nonetheless. It was just a pink package - no name, no recipient, just a pink coloured package, with a ribbon tied on it. It was cute tho.

Atsushi picked it up and went back into the dorm, lightly kicking the door close as he turned his back against the door.

He held the package like some sort of alien object in his arms. He didn't know what to feel about it, he couldn't tell who or why anyone would send this to him which spiked worry into him. Scared to open the package, he left it at the corner of the room - not wanting to deal with it for any longer.

Or so he said.

Atsushi couldn't get the package off his mind, his eyes always drifting to the corner where the package laid - and he thought that this loop could be a rest loop.

Atsushi squinted at the package and rolled his eyes. At that moment, the package looked really kickable to him - what was it even here for?

Atsushi racked his brain for some sort of answer, was there anyone who would send him a package? Why would they even send one? If it was from the agency, they wouldn't even have to send it to the dorms - so from the mafia? But that's nonsense. From a stranger...?

The thought that the package could've came from a stranger scared him more than if it could've been sent by the mafia. Atsushi spared the package one more glance then turned towards the bathroom in hopes that a cold shower would help him clear his mind.

.

Atsushi dried his hair with his towel and let it hang on his shoulders. He ended up taking a warm shower - he just isn't built for cold showers, but that's besides the point. He got cold easily especially in cold weathers. He felt clean now - the shower really helped him clear his thoughts and relax a little. He made up his mind to open the package.

"I mean, the worse it can possibly do is to kill me?"

Atsushi flopped onto the ground and placed his pillow on his lap. It gave him a sense of comfort and warmth against his cold skin.

He hesitantly picked the box up, mentally preparing himself before opening it. He took a deep breath and thought hard about it - was he really going to open it? His wet hair dripped water onto the package, guiding his eyes to the water droplet on it which stopped him from spacing out again.

Atsushi stopped contemplating on it and just ripped the wrapping off. He'd be lying if he wasn't feeling hesitant, but feelings don't get you far, so he just did it. He gulped before opening the box up, revealing a small piece of paper.

"Well, that just wasted my worry."

Atsushi grumbled under his breath. He was scared over a small piece of paper? Out of anything and everything it could've been, it was just a note. At this point, even a gun with the words "kys" would've been more climatic than this.

Atsushi didn't read the words on the paper - more like he didn't want to. He was just sleepy now. It was getting harder to keep his eyes open. They closed against his will and his body grew heavy. He thought that maybe this time he could get some proper shut-eye this time. He snuggled up against the pillow and laid his head on his folded futon, too tired to even properly set it up. Atsushi curled up, taking in as little space as he could even if he was alone - It was habit.

Atsushi shut his eyes, his brain automatically shutting off. Turns out he really was tired, exhausted even. No surprises there. The cool air from the outside seeped into his room through his windows, making his shiver slightly. Then he slept. Immediately and quietly.

.

When he stirred awake, it was already late evening. Atsushi squished the pillow he was hugging, taking in the warmth it gave against his ice cold skin. He stifled a yawn and pushed himself onto his knees. His mind was muffled and honestly he didn't know what was going on.

Atsushi looked around, taking in his surroundings. A slight pitter patter outside the window caught his attention. He moved to the window. Feeling the cold breeze of the rainy wind, he closed the window. He didn't like the rainy weather - didn't like the coldness that came along with it.

Heavy and non-stop raining poured down the dark and gloomy sky - raindrops just kept pelting down onto the window.

Atsushi watched as the cars drove through the rain, the traffic lights getting burred by the raindrops. He rested, back towards the wall. The sounds of the raindrops occasionally mixed with the sound of slight screeching of tires echoed within his room. Atsushi nudged his futon with his foot, internally complaining to himself.

Why can't the futon unfold itself.. I'm too tired to do it.

Atsushi grabbed his blanket from the futon and bundled himself in it which buried him in comforting warmth, contradictory to the cool biting atmosphere the rain brought along.

It was the perfect time to fall asleep - the warmth cocooned Atsushi, shielding him from the outside. It was late evening and the raindrops tapping on the window made it even more comfortable to fall asleep to. Atsushi had just woken up, but the sleepiness never left once.

Atsushi looked up, staring at the ceiling, counting the number of scratches on it. He never knew why he did this, but it helped him calm his mind amidst the chaos.

A sudden booming sound put all his efforts to dirt. Atsushi flinched, almost flinging his blanket off, his heart jammed in his throat. A flash of bright light slit through the room, telling Atsushi that it would be long over until the thunder stops.

Atsushi pulled his blanket in tighter, hanging onto it like it was his only lifeline. Atsushi could feel the pressure building up behind his eyes, soon to overflow. His mind ran wild. It felt like each flash of lighting and each crash of thunder got closer and closer. Atsushi's whole figure trembled against the blanket. He wanted to scream, but another crack of thunder splitting the sky, shut him up. A shaky wimper escaped his throat. His face felt wet, he couldn't even tell if he was actually crying. All he believed at that moment was that he was in danger.

Atsushi wrapped his head with his hands, a futile attempt at getting the sounds to stop. It was too loud - too loud for him. The thunder crashing along with the sound of harsh pellets hitting the window mixed into a nauseating combination, scaring Atsushi out of his wits. He was way more than just terrified now.

In truth is, he was always terrified of loud sounds. He just never told anyone. Not even the agency. Hiding his fear was the most optimal for the agency as they were often fighting and fighting... Was never quiet.

Atsushi's heart felt like it stopped every time thunder clapped near his ears. He so desperately begged for the thunder to stop. Atsushi lowered one of his arms and clasped his throat, his nails sinking into his neck. He couldn't breathe right.

Stop it. Stop the thunder. Please. Just stop it. I beg. Stop it. I can't take it anymore.

I'm scared.

There was a louder, more sudden crash which was then followed by frantic footsteps. In less than seconds, the figure was right by Atsushi's side.

As if his prayers were answered, the sounds muffled.

Confused, Atsushi lifted his head, his arms falling to his side. Right there in front of him, it was Dazai.

Dazai was drenched with the rain, water droplets fell from his wet hair onto Atsushi's blanket. Still, he wore the same usual stupid smile on his face. It wasn't it a smile - it was like he was mocking Atsushi. Of course Atsushi knew that wasn't the case. He knew Dazai too well, catching the hidden worry under his smile. The way his hands twitched when Atsushi made even the slightest movement.

Dazai signalled Atsushi towards his ears, leading his hands onto whatever blocked out the sound.

They were a pair of headphones. Headphones that blocked out surrounding sounds extremely well.

The violent, deafening booms of the thunder were muffled. Now, they were just faint rumbles which blended into the background.

Atsushi looked back at Dazai, taking in how Dazai's eyes followed his every move. Dazai let out a sigh of relief and leaned back onto the wall besides Atsushi. He spoke, Atsushi barely getting what he said - fortunately, he was able to read Dazai's lips.

I'm.... Glad..to have..got...on time.

Atsushi had to admit that he wasn't the best at reading lips. Though, he understood what Dazai was trying to say.

Dazai said a few more words. Sentences maybe. Atsushi unable to catch them just resigned and understood that he just wouldn't be able to get what Dazai was trying to say.

A soft smile cracked onto his lips, Atsushi let out a shaky chuckle - all tension leaving his body. Being with Dazai really helped him destress.

Although he wouldn't say it, Atsushi was eternally grateful towards Dazai. Doesn't matter which loop, which timeline, Atsushi would always feel blessed having Dazai around him.

.

.

Dazai knew that Atsushi wouldn't be able to catch what he said. After all, he only spoke to break the tension, in hopes that Atsushi would be able to calm down. He would never say it, but seeing Atsushi like that broke his heart.

Atsushi never said it, but Dazai learnt from analysing his body language. Every time someone got the slightest bit louder than usual, Atsushi would tense up, looking like he would run away at any moment. Atsushi did well hiding it, it was only until recently that Dazai found out that Atsushi had a fear of loud noises.

Dazai made a mental note to never raise his voice around Atsushi.

.

"I'm glad to have gotten here on time."

"For your information, those are my headphones. I, for one, know how good the noise cancelling of these headphones are."

"...I hope they helped. You can keep them."

Chapter Text

Ah....The following chapters may take longer than usual - I have a few "
EOY exams I consider really important and I need to study these few weeks (wake up and study grind...sighs...)

It's not really a break/hiatus - I'll just take longer to post. Now, it's mostly on the weekends, but maybe I'll finish later than usual and post later than usual.

(Atp I think I'm yapping bc idk what I just wrote)

Yep, Thank you for reading! All your support makes me more motivated to work hard and write the next chapters ^^

I was gna say smth else too, but I forgot. Ahem, well...if I forgot then maybe it's not that important.

Summary - I'll take a longer time (more than now) to write and post chapters because I need to study + EOYs.

OH YEAH, like I've said before, I'm open to any suggestions/ideas - always ^^ (could be whatever scenario you want to see next, which charas you hope will appear in the following chapters, etc)

I just thought that I needed to say this because if I don't... it'll make me feel like I'm ghosting my lovely readers...

It's not a chapter, nonetheless thank you for taking your time to read my not so important important notes.

Ehe. -V

Chapter Text

Both of them sat on the ground without saying a word. It wasn't uncomfartable. On the contrary, it felt peaceful - like no one had to act like someone else. At that moment, they could be themselves. Atsushi was Atsushi - A kid who was barely over 18, struggling with loud noises - and Dazai was Dazai - A 22 year old adult helping said kid with his struggles with loud noises.

He could be anyone, everyone, but he was not. He was just Atsushi.

The rumbling quieted down till it was almost gone. Atsushi glanced over at Dazai - this man, was always there when he was struggling. Why was that? How did he even know?

As if he read Atsushi's mind, Dazai shot him a gentle smile and got up from the ground. Dazai reached his hand out.

There was a beat of hesitation before Atsushi took Dazai's hand into his and pulled himself up. Atsushi slid the headphones off, letting them rest on his shoulders.

"Dazai-San?"

Dazai didn't say a thing. He only hummed in response. Their hands were still interlocked - it wasn't tight, Atsushi could still unhand himself if he wasn't comfortable. Dazai had long, slender fingers - and they were cold. His hands were warm. Not feverish warm, but it was more so than normal - or was Atsushi just cold?

Atsushi was about to say something, but Dazai was faster.

"Wanna go somewhere cool? Let's ditch this place." Before he could agree, Atsushi was dragged out of his dorm room.

Feeling a cold gush of wind flooding through the open door, Atsushi couldn't help but shiver. He wasn't wearing clothes fit for cold weather - which was why he counted on his blankets for warmth.

A sudden tug sent him out of the room, Atsushi couldn't even react - couldn't have Dazai done it gently? The wind smacked him right in the face.

"Dazai-San-!?"

Atsushi dumbfoundedly shot him a glare, the urge to wipe his - stupid - smug off got harder to keep in. All Dazai did was shrug - and that smirk never once left his face.

Atsushi sighed heavily and lightly nudged Dazai away from the door, so he could close and lock it. He was so not risking a potential break in which then would lead to his death and then he would loop again then -

"Ahem,"

Atsushi blinked and glanced over at Dazai from behind his shoulders. Upon making eye contact with him, Dazai raised his eyebrow - The sudden vision of Dazai's blown up head from the last time hit him like a truck.

He felt like throwing up his entire lunch - not like he even had any. Now the vision would disappear. It hung in his mind like a parasite, torturing him with Dazai's.. Dazai's head in pieces of flesh. The sickening smell of blood mixed with flesh, the way the whole room went too silent. It all came back to him and it was going to be more than a while until it disappears.

A hand came into view, shutting his thoughts up and dragging him away from his horrid visions. The have hovered over his - as if it were asking for permission if Atsushi was okay with physical contact.

Atsushi could feel the pressure building up behind his eyes. He blinked the tears away, he didn't have a reason to cry.

Atsushi grabbed onto Dazai's hand, squeezing it slightly - making sure he wasn't just dreaming. Dazai gave a light squeeze back, he wasn't cold. At least, not anymore. Dazai shared his warmth, the cold leaving his touch.

.

Atsushi had no idea where Dazai was taking him. Although he had a much better sense of direction than Ranpo, he didn't know the area well - always ending up somewhat lost until he finds a place he recognises.

Dazai still held his hand, though he was mindful to not overwhelm Atsushi by holding on too tight. Just the thought alone made Atsushi smile, filling him with warmth.

Atsushi would have asked Dazai where they were going, but he appreciated the peace and silence they had. It wasn't everyday Atsushi and Dazai would be out at this hour, exception being for work.

A small bright light caught his eye, making Atsushi tilt his head up. There were stars. Not one or two, but many of them filled the sky with a glistening glow. The small, shining white dots seemed as if they were painted across the dark misty sky. Not a single word could describe how Atsushi felt at that moment. It was like the world had stopped just for him, giving him a chance to unveil.

Upon further inspection, Atsushi realised that Dazai led them up a cliff, one where you could admire the scenery without disturbances. Something welled up within Atsushi. Perhaps it was warmth or perhaps it was his exhaustion catching up to him. He had slept the whole day, yet his exhaustion refused to crease. Like the world was telling him that it wasn't enough. That it would never be enough.

He had to tell someone. Anyone. He wasn't strong enough to keep going knowing that no one - absolutely no one - knows what he's going through.

A slight squeeze on his hand solidified his judgement.

"I'm stuck in a time loop and I've been repeating the same thing for gods know how long."

He just let it out. To say that it made him feel better, it wasn't completely true, but it wasn't false either.

Atsushi stood, rooted too the ground, his head never lifting once - afraid that he made the wrong decision. Maybe he should've just kept it to himself, bear with it - he always told himself.

"I see. I had a feeling it was something like that."

Atsushi let out a resigned chuckle. Of course Dazai would find out. Maybe Ranpo did as well, Atsushi just never interacted with him.

"So you knew."

"I didn't, until you told me. I only said I had a feeling."

"Well, that's true."

Silence took over and not a single sound was heard from Atsushi. Even after telling this Dazai, what could he even do about it? It's not like he was going to start looping too. It was a conflicting feeling. Sure, talking about it made Atsushi's heart lighter, but his unease only grew. Like he wasn't supposed to tell anyone.

"You don't have to do anything alone. Just call me - maybe I'll remember in my next life."

One sentence. One sentence was all it took to break down the walls Atsushi so carefully built up. Just the thought that maybe, just maybe someone might care for him in this godforsaken time loop - it was enough to make him break down. But he didn't want to cry. He couldn't cry. It would've been pathetic of him - he went through much tougher times, he didn't have to cry now. So he sniffled, and blinked back his tears.

Now, he could at least look forward to something as he continues the loops. Someone was waiting for him. Someone who would care even though they rarely showed it. He didn't have to do anything alone. Maybe, once he dies, he'll have to go back to being alone - but, at this moment, he wasn't. He wasn't alone.

He had Dazai.
And this Dazai knows.
He knew.

Atsushi let out a relived sigh, gliding towards the front of Dazai. He turned his back against the the stars and the sky, looking at Dazai in the eye - eyes full of unhidden affection.

The slight crumble of the dirt below him told him that his time was up.

The red light appeared again. This time it shone behind Dazai, making it seem like Dazai was one with the light.

Ah...I never even got to read what was on that note..

Atsushi flashed Dazai a smile. This time, it was real. Gentle and kind, the ones Atsushi always used to give.

"I hope you'll remember me."

That was his last sentence, his dying message perhaps - for this Dazai.

Before he shut his eyes, he found himself - once again, staring at Dazai. Drowning in his deep, dark brown eyes, filled with life. A contrast to how he usually viewed the world with lifeless eyes.

He looked good with red.

Just never that expression.

Chapter Text

- Dazai's pov -

Watching Atsushi became a strange habit he'd never even thought about. The kid was so...expressive - it was interesting. The way his eyebrows would scrunch up whenever he got stuck while writing a report, or whenever he would close his eyes for a few seconds and accidentally fall asleep. That was interesting. And today was no different.

Dazai's eyes were glued onto Atsushi as he sprawled over the office couch - though his eyes did occasionally drift towards the clock. Atsushi had a small mission he had to go to, Dazai dreaded letting Atsushi out of sight.

If Atsushi went alone, I'd be stuck in this boring office with a boring Kunikida and boring work. With Atsushi, it's a little more bearable.

Seeing that Atsushi got distracted with his thoughts, Dazai couldn't help but want to smile. Kicking his legs off the couch, almost skipping towards Atsushi.

It was funny how Atsushi didn't even hear him coming up - though that would be a real problem in the future.

"Atsushi-Kun."

A smile found it's way onto Dazai's face, watching as Atsushi snapped out of his thoughts to look him in the eye.

"Dazai-San."

Dazai's gaze softened, a gentle smile tugging on his lips. Atsushi's smiles had always been on Dazai's list of favorite things. They were polite and full of comforting warmth - just like how Atsushi has always been.

They continued walking, their footsteps echoing faintly through the corridor as it stretched far ahead. The darkness that covered them, the eerily quiet atmosphere was certainly not a first good impression. The silence was deafening, exception being the occasional creaking of the floorboards as they walked.

A stench hit them halfway through the corridor - was it even halfway through? They were walking for ages. - It smelled like death, one that wasn't very long ago - Dazai was familiar. It was the rotting of a corpse. The mission might be harder than they imagined. The air was filled with the stench - dense and putrid. It was everywhere.

Dazai grimaced, waving a hand in front of his nose. "Well," he muttered, "whoever lived here died real enthusiastically."

He didn't think that he would be stuck in a godforsaken corridor that smelled of hell with Atsushi. Even more so looking for files that might not even exist.

Dazai let out a resigned sigh, looking over to Atsushi.

"Remind me again why we're looking for files in a place that smells like the dead and looks like it should've been condemned years ago?"

As mean as that sounds, he wasn't wrong. The paint on the walls tore down, it wasn't even paint anymore - it was just rust and dirt. The headlights occasionally flickered on and off, really helping with the unsettling vibe.

Dazai looked around the place, eyes landing on Atsushi as they briefly made eye contact.

His eyebrows are furrowed - he's thinking hard. I wonder what he's thinking about. Can't he think of me instead of files we don't even know exist?

Dazai caught himself before he let his thought run wild. He scanned the place, not a single room was to be found. It was just one annoyingly - and disgustingly - long corridor.

"It should be around here somewhere...?"

Whatever Atsushi said next, Dazai forgot to listen. All he had on his mind was how to grab Atsushi and leave this place. Dazai shoved his hands into his coat pockets along with his unnecessary thoughts, shutting them up. He hummed in response to whatever Atsushi said, keeping a poker face on. No matter what, he couldn't let his feelings show up on his face.

It was embarrassing if he got caught thinking about these things. He wasn't a teenager anymore, and it was weird for someone like him to have such useless thoughts.

It's just because Atsushi-Kun is interesting. That's all.

“Scavenger hunts laced with disease. Ah, nothing like risking your life for paperwork.”

They were always risking their lives though and today, was no different.

Atsushi's forced chuckle in hopes of making the atmosphere less tense, Dazai knew that he was afraid. Well, not afraid, to him, Atsushi was more... unsettled. Perhaps he wouldn't be afraid.

Dazai just stared as Atsushi walked astray. He didn't know what Atsushi saw, but he knew it wasn't a good thing. Atsushi - he looked like he wasn't even in control of his own body. The expression on his face said so.

Dazai followed a few steps behind, seeing that it was a mirror Atsushi held in his palm. A mirror wasn't even the strangest part. It was that the mirror had no cracks, scratches, anything. It was clean, smooth, untouched by dust.

It was way more than just weird. Surely Atsushi noticed right? - or not. Perhaps Dazai gave him more credit than due. Dazai straightened up, his eyes focused straight ahead, digging deeper into the depths of the darkness which flooded the hallway. As difficult as it may be, there was a small flicker. There was something there. It wasn't just Atsushi and Dazai.

Being this deep into the building, they were far away from an advantage. God knows how much longer their torchlight batteries would last.

Then, It was dead silent. Dazai even thought that maybe he was just too paranoid. Letting out a heavy sigh, his gaze fell onto Atsushi - in contrast to the peace Dazai felt seeing Atsushi, Atsushi was clearly unnerved by fear.

Dazai leaned in, nearer to the kid. His voice, a low murmur, barely registrable, just for Atsushi's ears only.

"Careful, Atsushi-Kun. Not anything and everything should be touched."

Dazai startled, in a sudden, Atsushi was staring straight at him - maybe not him. There was nothing that could've happened which got such a reaction out of Atsushi. His face was etched with fear, his lips trembled.

Confusion was written all over Dazai's face. Seeing Atsushi anxiously turning left and right, there was something obviously wrong. Something Dazai didn't know. And he hated it. What could ever be worse than not knowing how things will play out?

Though he'd be lying if he said seeing Atsushi this worked up didn't worry him the slightest bit. He hated that as well. He wanted to take whatever caused Atsushi such dread and smash it into bits.

A thud. Catching both Dazai and Atsushi's attention, forcing them to look straight. Atsushi's worry becoming more apparent as the seconds went by.

Although he did turn to look, his eyes had never once left Atsushi. Noticing every bit of Atsushi that felt off.

He's seeing something I can't see.

But all he did was to take his eyes off of Atsushi for even barely a second. That's all it took.

That's all it took for Atsushi to lay unconscious next to him.

Dazai's smile faltered, his mask crumbling into pieces. He couldn't smile in this type of situation. His eyes darted around Atsushi with barely hidden Anxiety. Clenching his jaw, a million thoughts ran through his mind and all of them were about Atsushi - how to keep him alive.

He never had to try to keep someone alive before.

He stared, not knowing what to do as Atsushi's eyelids grew heavier.

"Don't. Don't close your eyes."

Dazai cried out, a futile attempt at keeping Atsushi awake. He couldn't let him close his eyes. He wouldn't wake up then. Just the thought terrified Dazai out of his wits.

The kid he found interesting, wasn't much interesting anymore, instead he now brought Dazai uncomfortable emotions - those which he thought he left for dead 4 years ago.

Despite his attempts, to no avail, Atsushi was gone. Far gone, he just didn't want to acknowledge it. He wouldn't - couldn't - acknowledge the fact that his favorite kid could die so easily just like that.

He couldn't lose Atsushi. Not like how he lost Odasaku.

But he did.

Dazai gave up after a while, knowing that no matter what he did, Atsushi wouldn't come back alive. That's just not possible.

"Ah...I guess my interesting kid is gone now."

.

"That's not very interesting."

Dazai wasn't even sure if Interesting was the right word. It was definitely more than not interesting - and Atsushi was surely more than just interesting. He couldn't be labelled under one singular word.

Dazai hovered over Atsushi's body, placing a hand on his chest - there really isn't a pulse.

I could've died instead of Atsushi-Kun right? Damn. Missed my chance.

Or so he thought - because not long after, his vision blurred. The edges of everything slowly bled together. Keeping his eyelids open became tougher and tougher.

Then, everything went black.

Chapter Text

- Atsushi's pov -

Raindrops rattled down into the glass windows, keep Atsushi wide awake. There was no way he could ever sleep in this situation. He pushed his knees closer to his chest for his own safely. He so desperately wanted to leave this place.

The hell he had to call home throughout his childhood.

The orphanage.

Waking up, Atsushi never knew that the loops could bring him back in time. Sure, it could've been expected, but it wasn't the littlest bit pleasant.

The stingingly cold touch of metal on his skin, wrapping his ankle, chaining him to the wall. The so-called fabric he wore as clothes barely fulfilled it's purpose. Big holes and loose threads.

Atsushi figured he was only about 5 years, his body boney and malnourished. Without even squinting, anyone could see the bones through his skin - that was how skinny he was. He wasn't tall either.

Atsushi started unmoving at his sad and freezing corner of the cellar. The cold starting to get unbearable. At that point, his body had to get used to it, but it's been a while since he was placed in such a situation, his mind couldn't help but search through his memories, finding ways on how to cope.

He didn't want to be here.

He could be anywhere. Just not here.

And he'd kill himself again just to get out of this cursed place they called heaven. Perhaps it was, to some of the kids out there, but too Atsushi, it was nothing but hell disguised as safety.

His small figure shook under the pressure of the cold. His mind making him remember things he never wanted to remember again.

Anything. Anything, but this.

Let me out of this hell.

Atsushi looked around the area, tightened his grip on his legs as the dreaded memories came flooding back like an unstoppable waterfall.

He recalled all the times he begged for their so-called Lord and savior desperately for help. Getting on his knees and praying from dawn to dusk till his knees bled from small, accumulating cuts. His old wounds would tear open the longer he stayed on his knees, but that was all he could do. As useless as it may be, it was something he could believe in. And if he believed in something, it pulled him out of the depths of his mind, the torture and the bullying.

Everyday, food was scarce - no, he never even got to eat everyday. "Worthless kids abandoned by their families do not deserve love." A direct quote from the orphanage director. Being told so many times, it engraved into his head even as he grew older - that thinking only stuck with him, making him believe that it was true.

The urge to die had never been as strong as it currently is. Perhaps bringing him back to this place was a punishment for telling someone about his loops. Maybe the gods really did despise him.

Leaving my prayers on deaf ears, you still being me back here.

Atsushi couldn't even stand. He physically couldn't. His body refused to listen, trembling under even the slightest pressure.

He had to do something to get out of here - and the only way he could think of was dying.

He couldn't handle being in the orphanage. Any longer and he would go insane, or maybe he already was.

The only good thing was that he still had Byakko. He still had the one who stayed with him from start to end.

It was both a good thing and a bad thing. Byakko would heal any wounds Atsushi sustained, but by having Byakko, it was easier for him to rip his head off.

Or, well, not rip his head off. That would be too gruesome.

His sweat soaked shirt clinged uncomfortably onto his skin, trapping him in a disgusting mess. Metal clinging from every slightest movement he took.

He surpressed a shudder, eyes looking forward with newly founded determination - for killing himself, which was a weird thing to say the least.

He took a deep breath in, and in almost an instant, broke the chain off his leg. He couldn't unlock them like how Dazai could, but at least he could tear them apart. The heavy metal fell to the ground with a 'clink' sound followed by a thud.

He was free, though when he tried to get up, he couldn't. Expected, but the truth still hurt. He could barely feel his legs, let alone even use them. They were scarred and pushed to the brink of exhaustion. Unable to get up, he dragged himself from his corner to the cage wall - gritting his teeth with hardly hidden agony as the his skin dragged against the rough, uneven floors of the cellar.

He tore the fabric from his shirt and wrapped it around his neck, tying the end onto the gate of the cellar. Before tightening the knot, he heard footsteps. Getting nearer, getting louder.

Atsushi's heart stopped in his chest, the only one who would come down, was the orphanage director. The one he despised the most.

Oh, how exciting it was to see the director frozen in place.

Atsushi looked him in the eye - taking in the director's expression, a wide, vicious smirk spread across Atsushi's face. His hand pulled into the fabric, tightening it. The last thing he saw was the director frantically running towards him - for what?

Before he died, he did something he had always wished to do.

He raised his hand -

- and flipped the director off.

.
.
.

And, yes of course. He's back to square one. Atsushi thought that the change in area meant that the loops were progressing, but his thought was sliced in half when he had looped back into the agency office.

Atsushi buried his head into his hands, he didn't even know what was going on anymore.

"This is so fucking confusing." Atsushi muttered to himself under his breath. He thought maybe the loops were ending - or something of the sort. And it brought him back?? Back to the agency?? Sure, he said he'd rather be anywhere but the orphanage, but he would've much liked it if they gave him different scenery. It was getting boring.

Increasingly more and more boring as each loops goes by.

Ah...if only someone could loop with me. I. am. so. bored.

Like always, Dazai walked up to Atsushi.

Before Dazai could open his mouth, Atsushi cut through his words.

"Yeah, I know. Let's go."

From the corner of his eye, he could see Dazai standing still, unmoving.

Before he could leave the office, a hand gripped onto his wrist, holding him back.

It was something different this time.

"How long have you been doing this?"

This time, it was Atsushi's turn to get startled. He froze and his head instinctively turned back to face Dazai.

Analysing Dazai's face, he could tell that Dazai was far from joking.

"Since when?"

"Since just now."

Chapter Text

It came as a surprise. A shock even. Atsushi was nowhere near prepared to hear that one sentence. His eyes darted around the room, looking at everything but Dazai. His thoughts were haywire. The only thing keeping him grounded was the pressure of Dazai's hand squeezing his wrist.

Atsushi hesitantly swallowed, but did not move a single inch - as if a small movement could reset everything. Could reset the fact that Dazai was here and conscious. That he finally had someone with him.

Shit...'s getting blurred.

Atsushi chewed on his lip, keeping the tears from accumulating. He desperately searched for something he could distract himself with. His eyes flickered from object to object, corner to corner, wall to wall.

Don't cry.
You can't cry.
You must not cry.

"Atsushi."

A single word, just a single word, softened the mess in his mind, silencing his thoughts and steadying his vision.

The tears dried before they could fall.

Atsushi instinctively looked up, back into Dazai's eyes. Those deep, dark brown eyes sucked him in. No matter how soulless they seemed, for Atsushi, they always felt like home. Since the beginning, Dazai had never once avoided Atsushi's eyes. As much as he liked looking into people's eyes, he couldn't do the same for Dazai. Like Dazai could uncover all the hidden secrets Atsushi buried inside him just from a single look. That scared Atsushi the most.

Atsushi tore his head away from Dazai's. His heart raced uncomfortably against his chest and it seemed like Dazai already knew how Atsushi was feeling from that brief moment of eye contact.

The hand around his wrist tightened slightly, then disappeared.

Atsushi slowly retracted his hand and held it close to his chest. The warmth from Dazai's hand lingered on his wrist - a comforting warmth. It kept him from straying.

"Atsushi."

"Yes, Dazai-San."

"Would you... You wanna see something cool?"

Atsushi glanced up, then back down. He knew Dazai was going to say something else. He wasn't one to retract his words, stirring up a mix of emotions within Atsushi's stomach.

Why would he change his question?

"Okay."

Atsushi took a deep breath in and the stuffy air felt less tense.

Deep breath in to calm the atmosphere. Deep breath out to calm the mind.

He could never remember who told him that, but ever since, he had always followed that simple, not-so-simple advice. It was always difficult for Atsushi to calm his mind. Though, recently, that may have changed a bit. It was getting easier and easier to silence his overthinking.

He didn't want to admit it, but it was only because of Dazai.

Dazai...

"What's this something cool?"

From the corner of his eye, Dazai cracked a smile; albeit small, it was still a smile. A genuine smile - the type Atsushi loved seeing. It always filled him up with some kind of happiness. Happiness in knowing people around him could still smile.

"Just follow me. You're safe in my hands."

Atsushi didn't respond with words, but with a nod. It was all he needed to convey his feelings.

After a short while of walking, Dazai stopped in front of a building. Atsushi paused and looked up from the ground.

"An...arcade?"

"Yes, arcades are fun no? Atsushi-Kun."

Atsushi pondered, he wouldn't know. He had never even been into one before, much less even play anything. He knew he couldn't give Dazai a satisfying answer when he didn't even have one.

"I wouldn't know, I've never been in one."

Atsushi scanned Dazai's expression from the side of his eye. Before he knew, Dazai was staring back at him - which made Atsushi turn away without delay. He could hear his own heartbeat rapidly beating.

Dazai chuckled and nudged Atsushi forward causing him to stumble a bit. Atsushi walked forward. It was his first time in an arcade, but all he could think about was something close to guilt flash across Dazai's face before it was covered up by his usual poker face. He knew it had to mean something. Something Dazai didn't want - or care to share.

Nevermind. If he doesn't want to tell me, I won't force it.

For some odd reason, the arcade was decently crowded when they went in. Not too much nor too less. Maybe because it was a weekday.

Still, Atsushi had no idea what he was supposed to do in an arcade - play games, of course, but he didn't even know what type of games there were. The only thing he was familiar with was the claw machine when he got a stuffed rabbit for Kyoka the other time.

Atsushi thought to himself, that if maybe he hadn't died and came back to life so many times, he would've enjoyed this. Would've enjoyed having the time to go to an arcade, but all he felt was nothing. It was just another place filled with games and people. Nothing interesting. Except for the fact that Dazai was the one who brought him here.

Dazai, noticing Atsushi's apparent disinterest, brought him to the game station farthest from the entrance - the one he used to play with Chuuya when they were working together. Not the same exact one; that one was too close to the entrance. Atsushi honestly looked terrified of it.

Atsushi let himself get pulled further in. Everything was intimidating - the flashing colours, the mix of people chattering combined with the mashes of buttons. 'Intimidating and loud' were the words Atsushi used to describe the place they were in, fun was...debatable in a way. It wasn't much fun.

"Yet."

"Hm?"

Atsushi startled at Dazai's sudden word. It was like he knew what Atsushi was thinking about.

It wasn't much fun. Yet. Or so Dazai had said. Atsushi didn't have to take it that way, Dazai could've just said 'yet' randomly - no meaning at all, but Atsushi... liked the sound of yet coming after. Of course it wouldn't be fun, he hadn't even tried a single game. 'Yet' gave him hope. Hope that he would have fun after playing.

It was more than just that.

Maybe I should start putting 'yet' at the end of my sentences.

Or not. I haven't died - yet sounded very bad.

Atsushi shook his head disapprovingly at his own thoughts. He sat down in front of the game machine.

"It's a pvp game. You just pick a character and get beat up by me."

Hearing that Atsushi shot his head up, earning Dazai a glare. Dazai just shrugged, a stupid grin on his face. Dazai's confident, almost complacent remark ignited a competitive fire in Atsushi. No way was he going down without a fight.

Slam!

Atsushi got up from his seat, ready to break the machine apart. How could he not win a single round when they played at least 15??

Atsushi pointed his finger at Dazai, not caring that it was disrespectful to point at elders.

"You're cheating. You're cheating somehow, I just can't prove it."

Dazai just laughed. A full laugh.

"Gosh, Atsushi-Kun. I didn't know you were so bad at video games!"

Atsushi just stared at Dazai. Remark, expected, but the laugh caught him off guard. He couldn't even remember the last time he heard Dazai laughed. Like a full on laugh, not a chuckle nor a mocking laugh.

Ah...this is fun.

Atsushi had long forgotten about his anger directed to the game. He smiled; then that smile slowly turned into laughter. Atsushi and Dazai were now just two misunderstood kids having fun with each other at an arcade.

Chapter Text

"It's dark out..."

Atsushi mindlessly muttered, not caring about who heard him. They played arcade games since late afternoon. Atsushi really didn't think he'd end up playing for hours. He wasn't even Interested at the start, but the longer he spent with Dazai in the arcade, it felt like his inner kid came bursting out. They went around playing whatever game there was in the arcade. Even the claw machine. They didn't get a single thing though, Dazai ran out of money.

"Atsushi-Kun?"

"Hm?"

"You ready to talk now?"

Atsushi recoiled at the question. He knew it was coming, but he really didn't feel like talking about anything from the past. He also knew that it was inevitable, so he might as well just get it done with.

He groaned and pushed the falling strands of hair away from his face, tucking them behind his ears. Sneaking a glance out of the arcade, Atsushi thought that maybe he should just up and run. He wouldn't have to answer any question then.

That's a stupid idea, it wouldn't even work.

Atsushi gave up the idea and sunk into the arcade seat, his eyelids gaining weight as the seconds went by. Even keeping his head upright was a challenge in itself. The exhaustion from the last round hit him right there and then and Honestly speaking, he hated the last around with all his might. Just thinking about it put him in a sour mood.

A frown appeared on Atsushi face, all the fun from a while ago forgotten in his mind. Now, it was just filled with unpleasant memories. Atsushi buried his head into his palms, tugging slightly at his hair like it could relieve the emotions he felt.

"Where's my reply?"

The sickening cold of the basement floors. The sound of rusty metal scrapping against the tiled floors. The smell of dried up blood which stuck to the walls like dread.

"Atsushi-Kun?"

The only better part of it was when he got to flip the orphanage director off. Orphanage director...

"Sushi-Kun~~"

Atsushi's jaw tightened at the thought of him. As much as he despised the director, he still housed him till he was of legal age - and that was why it was so conflicting. Atsushi knew, the director was an unpleasant man, but he was also kind and not to mention, he was like Atsushi's father. Perhaps that was why he cried when he learnt that the director had died.

A small groan escaped his lungs.

Then a hand landed on his shoulder. Atsushi flinched and pushed the hand off his shoulder. The touch seemed to burn against his skin, igniting the slightest bit of fury within him.

Atsushi opened his mouth, but stupidly closed it without saying a thing. No, he couldn't say anything when faced with a Dazai with such an expression.

"I've been calling you for a while now."

"Oh, sorry."

Atsushi wanted to say more - To just pour out his whole heart to Dazai right there. To tell him everything, but he couldn't. His body just wouldn't let him, so he let out a sigh and leaned back into the seat.

"What's your question?"

"That's more like it."

Atsushi's eye twitched at the tone Dazai used. Confident and...too proud. That part of Dazai's attitude irritated Atsushi. Like, couldn't he just read the room? No, nevermind. He just read the room a little too well.

"This isn't an ideal place for such a conversation, don't ya think? Sushi-Kun."

Atsushi glanced up, staring straight into Dazai's eyes. He would've commented on the nickname, but it felt personal - Dazai's nickname for Atsushi - It felt nice.

Dazai's smile never fumbled once. Never one to back down from a challenge - stared straight back at Atsushi with the same, if not more, determination.

Atsushi couldn't help but smile, but this one wasn't the one Atsushi always put on. It was more teasing.

All those rounds really did change his personality in many different ways.

"Then where would you suggest we go, Zai-San?"

Dazai's smile faltered for a second, but was quickly replaced by a sneakier - more genuine - smile. If it wasn't for the light, Atsushi could've said he saw Dazai blush for that split second, but that wasn't the case. He was just surprised at the nickname.

Old Atsushi would've never even have thought of it.

"My apartment. You up for it?"

"No. I'm always down for it."

Atsushi pushed himself off the seat and brushed the dust off his pants. He turned, but before he started walking, he glanced back at Dazai. Meeting his eyes, Atsushi signalled towards the entrance.

"Are you leading the way or am I supposed to?"

.

.

.

The same apartment. Well, of course - It wouldn't be different.

A frown was apparent on Atsushi's face. Memories from the last round came flooding back into his mind like it never left. It was sickening. The metallic smell of blood still thick on his hands, and the way Dazai's unconscious body slowly turned cold.

A chill went up Atsushi's spine, he hated it. Hated whatever that happened then. Atsushi shut his eyes tight and let the bitter night wind hit him, shoving his thoughts away along with it.

"Sushi-Kun, you coming in or not?"

"Don't be so impatient, Zai-San."

Atsushi snapped out of his stupor and obediently followed Dazai into his apartment.

The smell of peach wafted through the air, and Atsushi's breath hitched in his throat. His stomach twisted, threatening to send his lunch back up and the smell was nauseating.

If he did like the smell peaches then, he didn't now. In fact, he could never smell peaches again without his insides turning upside down.

Atsushi had to use everything to not throw up his lunch at that moment.

"Sit down."

Atsushi narrowed his eyes at Dazai. Dazai just shrugged and pat the space besides him - signalling for Atsushi to sit next to him.

What gave him the right to order me?

Atsushi huffed and crossed his arms around his chest - he followed anyways.

"Just like an obedient cat."

"What?"

Rage coiled up within Atsushi and he was simmering. He threw a sharp glare at the older sitting besides him.

"Nothing. Just thinking to myself~"

"Yeah right."

Rolling his eyes, he muttered, a flicker of irritated crossing his face.

"I'm serious, don't look at me like that,"

Dazai threw up his hands in exaggerated surrender, though his eyes sparkled with mischief.

Atsushi thought that Dazai was getting a little too comfortable living - but it was way better than when he was dead.

Dead.

One singular word replaced all Atsushi's frustration with anguish. He figured it was written in bold words on his face when Dazai's light-hearted teasing expression turned serious.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Atsushi didn't, but he really did. It was complicated. He felt as if he ever spoke it out, it would come true and that thought frightened him. Though at the same time, he wanted to vent it all out. Blame it all on Dazai for that.

Atsushi fought with his mind, trying to get a clear answer to what he should do - then he just gave up. Keeping it in was doing more harm than good. Plus, Dazai always wanted to remove himself from existence.

A soft, weary sigh slipped from him, coated with deep exhaustion. It was getting tiring, fighting with his mind.

I swear my mind is my biggest enemy of all.

Atsushi couldn't care anymore, pride? Who's she?

He pressed his head onto Dazai's shoulder, clinging to him silently. Feeling Dazai tense underneath his head, Atsushi let out a soft chuckle laced with barely concealed fatigue.

"You... Before my last round, you shot yourself in the head. Right in front of me and I hate you for that."

Dazai didn't say a word, but Atsushi knew he was listening. Closely at that.

"Makes me angry just thinking about it. The smell of peach twisted with the smell of your blood. It was unbearable."

Atsushi didn't want to go back to those memories. They felt so long ago, yet so fresh in mind.

Suddenly feeling chilly, Atsushi snuggled closer to Dazai - taking in his warmth. The already bright lights of the ceiling lights blurred, seemingly getting brighter and brighter.

My eyes hurt...

Atsushi shut his eyes, just for a while.

.

.

.

"Atsushi?"

No response.

Dazai expected it, it had been a long day for the kid after all. Right now, ge deserves all the rest in the world.

Dazai felt his body grow increasingly more sluggish. The sight of Atsushi sleeping so peaceful on his shoulder ignited something in him. Something different.

Ah...whatever. I'll make him tell me everything in the morning. Time to get some shut-eye.

Chapter Text

"...My neck hurts."

Atsushi's brows furrowed, wincing in response to the ache in his neck. He reflexively grabbed his neck, kneading his fingers into the muscle in hopes of loosening it up.

Barely did a thing.

He took in his surroundings, stifling a yawn. He didn't know how long he had been sleeping for, but for sure, not long enough.

Atsushi removed his head from Dazai's shoulder, mentally noting that he should never sleep on someone's shoulder again, much less on the couch.

The pain in his back was absolutely no joke, he wasn't sure how Dazai could even sleep like that. No, nevermind, Atsushi just hoped he slept well. Dazai had eyebags that reached his cheeks, concerning Atsushi. He knew Dazai wasn't one to really sleep much, but it wouldn't do him any harm to sleep a little bit more.

Atsushi spared Dazai's sleeping figure one last glance, silently going over each feature on his face. Dazai wasn't the worst looking, even more when he's relaxed. A sleeping Dazai... Is a good-looking one. He couldn't help but stare, eyes unconsciously drifting towards his lips.

Atsushi's eyes softened, the tip of his ears went red.

One second passed, and he immediately took back what he felt. Dazai wasn't deserving of such high praise.

"There's no point in pretending to be asleep Dazai-San."

"Ah. Seems like I've been caught."

Atsushi scoffed, irritated that Dazai would even think he wouldn't get caught. Atsushi stared at his face for long enough to know whenever he's awake or not. Atsushi noticed Dazai tense up for a split second, possibly because being st-

"Stared at while sleeping isn't the worse feeling. I didn't know you were freaky like that Atsushi-Kun."

Remind me why I tolerate this guy again?

Sending a glare Dazai's way, Atsushi quickly stood up and wanted to escape into the bathroom. Keyword, wanted to. He stood up far too quickly - a sharp, aching pain shot up his back and he froze. Atsushi was harshly reminded that his back was still sore and feisty as ever.

Atsushi ignored both the soreness and Dazai's unconcerned expression - he most likely wouldn't even care, which doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter didn't mean it didn't bother.

To the bathroom he ran.

.

Atsushi stared. He was always staring - either at himself or at Dazai.

He had to admit, that was the best sleep he ever slept in a while. He woke up feeling refreshed instead of the typical dread starting a new day. A very much appreciated change - he was already starting to get tired of feeling tired.

A knock on the bathroom door snapped him back to reality. It was Dazai. Well, of course it was Dazai. What was he even thinking?

"New toothbrush in the 2nd drawer"

Atsushi pulled the 2nd drawer open, inmemmediatly spotting the toothbrush. He mumbled a small thanks and took the toothbrush into his hands.

Things have... gotten a little more domestic.

.

A splash of cold water against your face is always a good wake-up call. It was cooling too, which made it 10 times better.

Atsushi strolled into the kitchen to surprisingly find Dazai cooking pancakes.

Pancakes... Sounded absolutely delicious right now. He'd been craving them for as long as many loops back. He just wished they could just be normal, actually pancakes this time. There's no way someone could mess up pancakes unless they actively sabotage them, Atsushi made sure Dazai wouldn't even think about it.

"I like pancakes, don't ruin them for me or I might just make them myself and you don't get any."

Atsushi watched Dazai go from shocked to hurt to... Whatever it is right now.

Said person then started to chuckle, the sound slowly turning into real, genuinely pure laughter. Hearing it eased something in Atsushi's chest.

The cold, foggy feeling in his heart lifted, allowing him to breathe - not to survive, but to live.

Atsushi smiled despite himself. He let out a small laugh, shaking his head and lightly smacked Dazai's shoulder.

“You’re smiling,” Dazai said lightly.

"Not the point, Hurry up with it." Atsushi teased, a laugh lingering in his voice.

They ate pancakes. To Atsushi's relief, safe and actually edible pancakes. Atsushi occasionally checked on Dazai, watching him chew on the pancakes...

No. That's weird Atsushi.

Feeling eyes on him, Atsushi quickly avoided looking in that direction - trying to escape Dazai's watchful gaze.

Feeling his ears burn, Atsushi fumblingly shoved a piece of a pancake into his mouth, shielding his embarrassment from Dazai.

"Atsushi-Kun?"

"Yes?"

Atsushi answered sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. He had answered way too quickly and had to look away. This time, to save himself from the first-hand embarrassment he was feeling. He cringed, wondering when he ever got this awkward.

I guess yesterday's nicknames are long gone now.

He cleared his throat,

"Dazai-San. If you're done eating, let's go to the agency."

Without delay, Atsushi stood up and brought his dish to the sink, averting his eyes from Dazai's. He pretended to busy himself with the dishes, to focus on anything else. Honestly, he didn't even know what was so embarrassing. Whether it was Dazai or the fact it was Dazai.

These are two very different things.

He could feel Dazai's eyes bore into the back of his head, "What is it, Dazai-San?" Atsushi asked, back still facing Dazai. He only slightly turned his head once to signal for Dazai to give him his plate.

I guess,
Washing dishes aren't the worst in this situation.

.

The two of them strode along the roadside towards the agency. The roads had been quite busy, vehicles zooming left and right - only stopping for the traffic lights.

Speaking of traffic lights, Atsushi liked to think that they were a way for him to describe his "looping" situation. Red lights were like.. stop. Remove the like, Red lights did mean stop.

The wind's breeze wasn't unbearably strong, it just cooled the surroundings with a less-than freezing cold. Better than it being way too hot, Atsushi thought.

He had a love-hate relationship with cold weathers. Both of which were from obvious, simple reasons.

They were stopped the moment they entered the office - more specifically, Atsushi.

Ranpo stared straight at Atsushi. Atsushi was... slightly puzzled. Not knowing what he should do, he stared back. Shoulders tensing uneasily. There was an uncomfortable silence between the three of them - yes three. Dazai was surprisingly quiet. Though he was always one to support Ranpo, he always had something to say. Silence was never an option and Atsushi knew.

If silence was an option, they'd be insanely cooked.

"Atsushi-Kun."

"Yes, Ranpo-San?"

...

The silence came back again making Atsushi squirm uncomfortably. Ranpo was... Thinking. Deducting. At this point, Atsushi was holding his breath. He probably already knew what Ranpo was going to ask. Expectedly, Dazai would've already known too.

It could've been entirely something else, but the timing matched too well for a coincidence.

Ranpo finally opened his mouth to speak,

"Both of you aren't ours. Who are you?"

Chapter Text

"Both of you aren't ours. Who are you?"

Real straightforward.

Atsushi knew with absolute certainty that in no way would any excuse make it past Ranpo - which made things way harder than it needed to be.

The whole thing was literally straight out of a fantasy manga, who'd even believe him? Well, life here is just as fantasy as ever. Maybe there really isn't any difference. Loop or not.

Atsushi fixed his gaze onto the slightly shorter male - planning on what he could say just to come to the conclusion that he doesn't even need to lie.

"Half right, half wrong."

Ranpo narrowed his eyes at Atsushi, looking towards Dazai who stood behind for an explanation - though all he got was a small nod from the taller.

In all honesty, Atsushi rather not have to explain the whole story. It'd be easier if Ranpo just... "Woke up", similar to how Dazai did. That'll save time - except that Atsushi had no idea how to forcefully "wake" someone up, so dump that idea down the drain.

"Could we talk later-?" Ranpo grabbed his wrist, trapping him with a look that good Atsushi he'd never hear the end of it until he spoke the truth.

"No."

Atsushi huffed and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Why not?"

"Because I want to know now. Whether of not you two are safe to be around."

But you already know that.

Atsushi groaned and ran his fingers through his hair listlessly.

Uh huh...

"...I want to eat oranges," Atsushi mumbled after a beat.

He spinned around and turned his back towards the office - might as well explain everything with a full stomach.

.

Ranpo nodded along as the Cafe's waitress gracefully set down two cups of warm coffee and one..."White chocolate latte with a drizzle of caramel," which seemed disgustingly sweet to Atsushi.

Atsushi's eyes glanced at the cups, the one set in front of him held a small white cat at the corner with paw prints. Reminded him of something he knew really well.

"So, what you're saying is," Atsushi slid his hand around the cup, slowly lifting it to his lips. Without making any eye contact with Ranpo, Atsushi let him conclude everything he heard.

"You've been stuck in a timeloop that brings you back whenever you die and here you are. What, 30 loops?"

"37." Atsushi corrected.

"Right. And you?" Ranpo nodded in Dazai's direction.

"Just."

"Uh huh,"

Silence took over the three of them with no words being said. Maybe they didn't know what to say or - could say.

Awkward silence.

Atsushi's eyes followed Ranpo as he continued taking little sips out of the white cup. He actually worried for his health, "that" was even worse than the ramune Ranpo insisted on drinking anytime he could.

"You're going to get diabetes," Atsushi shook his head in disapproval.

"I don't believe in it."

"That's... Not how it works."

Ranpo didn't respond immediately - Atsushi assuming he was just coming up with a sassy comeback like he always did.

When did he ever do that?

Ranpo's lips parted, drawing Atsushi's attention.

"Neither is dying thirty-seven times."

Dazai whistles in the background - which was countered by an annoyed look sent by Atsushi. He huffed and crossed his arms across his chest - like he even chose to die.

Rolling his eyes, Atsushi leaned back, his head resting atop the cafe seat's backrest. In contrast to how he acted, Atsushi was secretly relieved to have another he could confide in, albeit only one more. Like they say, more the merrier right?

However, Atsushi still didn't know what to do. This surely couldn't be a normal ability user considering Dazai's ability couldn't nulify it.

While Atsushi was lost in thought, Ranpo casually signalled the waiter - ordering another drink. Speaking of ordering drinks, was Atsushi actually forever rich? Like he could waste all his money away, reset, and still have the same amount of money as before! He could buy so many bowls of chazuke with that...

A snap of a finger caught his attention, and Atsushi lifted his head up. Mildly upset as his daydream was so rudely interrupted.

"You were giggling and smiling all weirdly to yourself. Has resetting so many times damaged your head?"

Atsushi slammed his hand on the table, a noticeable flush tinting the top of his ears. It was strangely hot today.

"Was not. And no, it has not!"

Of course it was Dazai. Leave it to Dazai to annoy Atsushi out of his wits every single given chance.

In the midst of their bickering, Ranpo was left forgotten, he was oddly quiet after all - more so than usual. Seamlessly blending into the cafe seats.

For once, it felt like a normal day at the agency. Except the other few were not around - this much was fine though. Atsushi thought, at least he didn't have to act in front of them.

Atsushi and Dazai's banter was cut short by Ranpo raising a question.

"So like, do you get a shock with every red light?"

Atsushi paused. Thinking on it, he did though.

"Hard not to, don't you think?"

"Maybe."

Then it went silent again - except this time. two pairs of eyes watched him intensely.

Atsushi squirmed uncomfortable under the gaze, occasionally making eye contact then breaking it immediately.

He knew Ranpo was just...observing. He did that at times. He was most definitely thinking though. Atsushi swears he can see the cogs turning in Ranpo's head - it was amusing in a way, if you ignore the fact that Ranpo was uncovering every single secret of his as time flew by.

Dazai just had a bone to pick with him. He'd grin like he'd won the war every time Atsushi made eye contact with him.

Atsushi stuck his tongue out at him out of annoyance. He really did change as the loops went by - stating the obvious by the way.

"Atsushi-Kun-"

"Did you know? I accidentally broke a traffic light somewhere the last rounds." Atsushi interrupted.

His glance drifted to the outside - as he watched a crowd of people disappear into their respective lives - before returning to Ranpo. His eyes held a quiet, almost pleading look; He didn't want to talk about that topic right now. Atsushi could probably guess what Ranpo was about to ask him.

Irresponsible of him - yes, but he was still somewhat a kid. He needed to let loose after a while.

Atsushi's expression softened at the thought - Dazai was the one who taught him that.

"I forgot when, but I was in such a rush and got a scare when the traffic light turned red. Couldn't help it."

Atsushi shrugged, recalling the faint details as they popped into his head. It was getting harder. Harder to remember things.

Though, there was scenes he could never forget regardless of how much he wanted to. Along with those were scenes filled with smiles and laughter he'd like to keep forever. All of them surrounded a singular person.

Guess who?

It was Dazai. Always Dazai. He was the first one too.

Atsushi cringed internally as he desperately held his thoughts together, not wanting them to drift off. Any longer and he might've lost his mind.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

Atsushi shot a curt reply to Dazai and looked away. Warmth crept up his neck as his ears tinted red.

It was really strangely hot today.

A tired groan was escaped Ranpo, directing their attention to him.

"Atsushi-Kun, you always change the subject. How am I supposed to understand you?"

"Uh... You will. Soon."

"Yeah right."

Atsushi watched as Ranpo melted onto the table, his head leaned on his arms.

"...Can I still get oranges?"

"Heard you the first time kid."

Atsushi's tense expression melted into something softer - almost childlike. It was one you'd see on a kid getting a toy he's been wanting.

He hadn't eaten oranges in a while.

.

He hadn't eaten in a while.