Chapter Text
Maomao had prepared for this moment. After days of quiet contemplation, she had finally admitted to herself that her feelings for Jinshi were real. She didn’t know if they matched his, or even what his truly were, but she was certain of one thing: with him, she felt safe.
There was something about his selflessness, so reminiscent of her adoptive father, Loumen. Jinshi always made sure she was safe, always seemed to prioritize her choices, her comfort, even when it went against his own wishes. And while that touched something deep inside her, it also left her uncertain.
Because the truth was, Maomao didn’t know how to love.
She knew the gestures, of course. Growing up in the pleasure district, she'd seen every imitation of intimacy. Her big sisters had taught her things no child should have to learn, things she’d picked up whether she wanted to or not. But what they showed wasn’t love. It was performance. A desperate mimic of closeness meant to chase fleeting satisfaction.
What she felt with Jinshi, elevated heartbeats, the flutter in her chest when they were alone, the occasional dizzy heat when his eyes lingered too long, that was new. Raw. Real.
When he looked at her with those hooded, longing eyes and whispered things he wished he could do to her, but wouldn’t, for fear he’d lose control, something in her tightened. A pressure coiled low in her belly, the kind that only subsided if she pressed her thighs together.
But she was ready.
With a small, anxious smile, Maomao approached Jinshi’s chambers. She had debated treating the encounter like a courtesan might, scripted, distant, but she knew he would see through that act instantly. He didn’t want the trained gestures. He wanted her.
She knocked. To her surprise, Suiren didn’t answer the door. Odd… Suiren often stayed late. But Maomao was grateful. No audience. No watchful eyes. Just the two of them.
Jinshi had been pacing moments before she arrived. He had imagined this night so many times, yet now that it was here, he found himself jittery and uncertain. Still, when he heard the knock, he took a deep breath and called out, “Come in.”
Maomao stepped inside, a small cloth bag clutched in her hands. Jinshi gestured toward the couch. “Please, sit.”
Instead, she sat on the edge of his bed.
Jinshi chuckled softly, nerves easing just a bit. He joined her, eyeing the bag in her lap. “What’s that?”
“A few things I need for tonight,” she said evenly.
His brow furrowed. “Need?”
She explained with clinical calm, herbs and mixtures to prevent pregnancy, preparations to make sure there were no consequences. Jinshi blinked, overwhelmed.
After setting the bag gently on the nightstand, Maomao returned to sit beside him.
“I’m sorry,” Jinshi said, suddenly pulling her into an embrace. He rested his forehead against her shoulder. “I shouldn’t have made you feel like you had to take care of everything. I’m sorry I made you the safe one.”
Her voice wavered with concern, “Is something wrong?”
“I… I can’t do this. I can’t make you shoulder all the risk for my desires.”
She pulled back. “Can’t do what, exactly?”
“This,” he said, motioning to the bed. “I can’t ask you to go through this just for me.”
Maomao stood. “I prepared everything for this, and now you’re saying it was for nothing?”
“That’s what you’re upset about?” he snapped, eyes narrowing.
It was the tone she had heard before, like when she once insulted his… frog.
“Ye..” she started, only to stop herself. Her gaze dropped to the floor. Jinshi’s eyes widened in anger but then quickly relaxed when he saw the saddened look on Maomao.
“There are other things people can do,” she said quietly, “that don’t lead to pregnancy.”
Jinshi reached for her hands, gently drawing her closer. He lifted each to his lips, kissing them with reverence.
“I know,” he said, eyes turning away again. “But I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop myself… once we start.” He sighed and looked at her finally.
“Maybe you should go..” Jinshi said defeated
Maomao became furious.
“You kiss me! You tell me what you want to do to me! I finally admit that I feel the same. And now you’re sending me away?”
“You… feel the same?” he asked, stunned.
Maomao hesitated. “I don’t know about love yet..I don’t know what that means yet. But I know I want this. I want you, and I want to stay”
Jinshi cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb across her skin.
He kissed her, deeper this time. Not chaste. Not restrained. Maomao responded with unexpected warmth, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing closer. His hands drifted to her waist, drawing her in. But then he pulled back.
“I shouldn’t,” he murmured. “I… I…oof!”
She had pushed him onto his back, straddling him.
“You worry too much,” she said before kissing him again, hungry, certain. He hadn’t even placed his hands on her yet.
Then she rolled her hips against him.
A sharp gasp escaped him. His eyes widened, hands gripping her waist but not stopping her. She did it again. Her own breath caught this time.
“You’re going to be the death of me,” Jinshi muttered, covering his face.
She chuckled, removing his hand and leaning in for another kiss. “Do you really want me to leave?”
“No,” he answered, pulling her close and kissing her back. This time, he moved, his hips bucking up, drawing another gasp from her.
She retaliated with a teasing bite to his neck. “Careful,” he warned, grin returning. “That’s dangerous.”
“Is it?” she smirked, biting the other side.
In one swift motion, Jinshi flipped her, pinning her beneath him. “I warned you,” he said.
“I was never good at following rules, especially yours” she replied, lips meeting again in a fiery kiss.
He held himself up on his elbows, grinding down against her. She moaned, fingers curling in his hair. Their breathing quickened. Their restraint cracked.
And then she moved again, slipping from beneath him to straddle his thighs.
Jinshi stared, confused. “What are you—?”
“I know you’re conflicted about actually having sex,” she said bluntly.
He winced.
“So we won’t. Not tonight.” She reached for the sash around his robes. “But I still want to show you something.”
Keeping eye contact, she slowly loosened his robes. “Care to find out.”
He swallowed, hard. The words echoed in his mind—his own, once said to her in a cave.
“How dare you use that against me,” he said with mock defeat, lips twitching.
He nodded regardless.
She undressed him slowly, methodically, revealing smooth skin and taut muscles, until only the last layer of silk separated him from her gaze. He was already hard. Visibly so. Her cheeks warmed, but her resolve held.
Maomao discarded her robe. Her undergarments, thin and modest in design, revealed more than they hid. She crawled forward, hovering over him.
“Ready?” she asked, voice just barely steady.
Jinshi nodded, eyes dark with anticipation.
She kissed him, then began to move, rolling her hips over the silk barrier between them. Moans escaped both their lips. She could feel every ridge, every pulse, and knew he could feel her too. The friction drove them both wild.
He grabbed her hips, anchoring her as she rode him. She bit into his shoulder, and he groaned—long and loud.
“Again,” he begged.
She obliged.
When her climax hit, it crashed through her. Her body arched, back bowed, as she ground down against him. Hard.
He came just after her, his voice ragged, hands gripping her tightly as warmth spread between them.
She collapsed on top of him, breath shallow.
He sat up a moment later and kissed her softly. Then placed his forehead on hers. “I love you, Maomao.”
Her eyes widened.
“I… I have feelings for you,” she whispered. “I’m so..” her words were broken with a passionate kiss.
“Don’t you dare apologize,” he said, kissing her again. “You don’t have to say it. Not yet. I’m not going anywhere.”
He kissed her forehead, arms wrapped around her like a promise. “I’ll be here. Always.”
And for the first time in a long while, Maomao didn’t feel uncertain. She didn’t fully understand love, but whatever this was, this warmth, this calm, it was enough.
They eventually cleaned up, curled beneath the covers, and fell asleep in each other’s arms.