Work Text:
[The microphone activates, but at first John says nothing. We hear shuffling papers, a chair shoved back, a throat cleared. Finally:]
JOHN:
Right—so. Sherlock's still asleep. It's been about twelve hours. I thought I could edit the Fairfax audio. But. I'm still thinking about that voice note. [gruffly] Didn't expect it to mean so much. I'm—I'm proud of him, right? All the time. Guess I never said it either. Maybe I should try. I didn't like going off on my own, even with Mari. I like it when he's there. I wonder if he knows.
Oh, you're up. Sleeping Beauty. Um. Feeling better?
SHERLOCK [still sleepy]:
Yes.
JOHN:
Pub for dinner? Get ourselves some fresh air?
SHERLOCK [indulgent now]:
All right.
JOHN:
And he's off to the shower. It's funny, living in the flat with him. We're together all day, most days. We talk all the time, but we don't talk much, right? Not like Mum does—ring me up and tell me to get my head out of my arse, pay attention to the people that love me. That I—love. I’d never have thought to look him in the eye and say, "I love—” Um. Ha. “I love you.”
[A minute's silence. The words feel strange said out loud. Nakedly true.]
Can’t think what he’d do. Would he know what I mean by that? Loving this? Us?
This is not podcast material. This is like "Dear Diary." I'm going to have to cut all of this out. Ooh, and he's back.
SHERLOCK:
I was wondering. If you'd like to go look for a person of interest. After.
JOHN [pleased and surprised]:
After the pub? Yeah, um, yes, who?
SHERLOCK:
A missing mobster's mother.
JOHN [entertained]:
An excellent alliterative.
SHERLOCK [baffled, since that was hardly the point]:
Thank you. She jogs round the park every evening, I'm told.
JOHN:
Told? You've got mob informants?
SHERLOCK:
No, Wiggins. Although he has run a few low-level—
JOHN:
I don't want to know. Ready for food?
SHERLOCK:
I am. You're in your pants.
JOHN:
Right. Ah, just a mo'.
[Audio cuts out. When it resumes, there's a murmur of birdsong, punctuated by the distant remarks of ducks. John sounds sated and warm.]
JOHN:
So it's definitely her?
SHERLOCK:
Looks like it. Unless she's got a twin.
JOHN:
Does she?
SHERLOCK:
We could detain her and determine that firsthand.
JOHN:
Hey, hey—let's not kidnap anyone, Sherlock, it's a nice night.
SHERLOCK:
Joke.
JOHN:
Right. Right. So, what next?
SHERLOCK:
I'd think some light stalking. [After a silence:] Or I could do that alone?
JOHN [earnest]:
No, um. I—thank you. For asking me along. I—it means a lot. I'm happy. To be—stalking someone with you.
[slightly strangled:]
I'm proud to go with you.
SHERLOCK [intrigued]:
Ah. You got the voice note.
JOHN:
Mhm.
SHERLOCK [intrigued, pleased]:
Yes. Good.
JOHN:
So are we jogging after her, or—?
SHERLOCK:
Oh, no, we're going to get ourselves into her flat. Shall we get a taxi?
[John swears under his breath; audio cuts out and in again. Road noise, a car radio. Sound is slightly muffled; we are in John’s pocket.]
SHERLOCK:
I really don't think you'd make a convincing electrician.
JOHN:
And you would??
SHERLOCK:
I did listen in when they came to rewire the flat. I believe I can reproduce the phrasing.—What?
JOHN [grinning]:
I'm just looking forward to watching this.
[There's a pause; then, SHERLOCK, thoughtful:]
You do look happy. To be in on this. I thought it might bother you.
JOHN:
Why?
SHERLOCK:
Well, it's both tedious and risky. And you've been on edge.
JOHN:
Um. Get edgy when I’m sad, I think. Better than weepy, hey?
SHERLOCK:
No, “weepy” would be fine. An essential element of emotional processing. You would probably be doing better if you wept more.
JOHN:
Oh.
SHERLOCK:
I shouldn't have sent you to Lausanne alone. You didn't like it. I thought you would.
JOHN:
Why?
SHERLOCK:
People enjoy vacations. Gentle scenery, breaks in routine. When they've been unwell.
JOHN:
...Did you look up how to fix a depression?
SHERLOCK:
Of course.
JOHN:
Of course. ...Thanks, mate.
SHERLOCK:
You're welcome. Mate. Ah, we're here.
[Sounds of Sherlock and John exiting the taxi. Faint sounds of evening traffic. Contemplative silence.]
JOHN:
I, ah. Um. I like it better when you're there. I know you needed to get some stuff done. But I just—wanted you to know it's better, um, with you.
[SHERLOCK is quiet. Then—a door opens. A warm, accented, mature voice, slightly uncertain:]
POSSIBLE MOB MOTHER:
Hello?
SHERLOCK:
Hello. We're from the council.
PMM:
Oh?
SHERLOCK [attempting a blokey tone]:
There have been irregularities found in the wiring ‘round this block. We'll just need twenty minutes to have a look-see.
JOHN:
Sorry. Thanks. Ma'am.
PMM [relieved at the explanation if still reserved]:
Oh, certainly. Come in.
[What follows may be convincing to someone who knows nothing about electricity. SHERLOCK keeps up an intermittent, vaguely competent-sounding patter while tapping on various surfaces, shoving chairs back, peeking into cupboards, etc. JOHN chuckles a few times, sotte voce. PMM is silent until SHERLOCK asks about a particular closed door.]
PMM [anxious]:
That is my bedroom.
Sherlock:
You live alone?
PMM:
Yes. Allow me a few minutes to make it appropriate.
[The door closes behind her. There is a quiet.]
SHERLOCK:
I had thought you might benefit from some time away from me.
JOHN:
Oh, we're still—. No. Um. Why?
SHERLOCK:
You had hoped—to get away from this. To settle down—with Mary. And your hopes were crushed. I thought I might be a reminder. The flatmate you're still stuck with after all.
JOHN:
Sherlock, no. I, um, I am settled. I've been settled. I mean—I told Mary no.
SHERLOCK:
Oh.
JOHN:
Maybe me as I was, fresh off the plane—she might have been what I wanted then. If I hadn't met you—but I'm different now. This is it, for me. This is what I want. If—as long as—as long as you want me around.
SHERLOCK [startled and deeply pleased]:
Always, then.
JOHN:
All—all right. Okay. Yes.
[Another silence, warmer than before; John laughs breathlessly, and Sherlock chuckles too. Then:]
SHERLOCK:
Oh. I think she's fled.
JOHN:
Oh—what??
[SHERLOCK tries the door handle. It rattles but does not yield.]
SHERLOCK:
I'll need to pick the lock.
JOHN:
I'll just—hold on. Shouldn’t we block the windows so no one sees us at it? Um—
[Audio cuts out. When it resumes there is the sound of traffic once more and Sherlock talking in the background, on his mobile with someone.]
SHERLOCK:
—access to the security footage, and a chance to conference with Interpol regarding the personal effects I've collected. Yes, Gwen, from the flat. No, I wouldn't ask. She can't have gotten far. If someone could just give us access—yes, I can wait, but we wouldn't want to wait long and lose the trail, would we? Yes, well, I’ll believe that when I see it.
[Nearer:] She says she'll see what she can do.
JOHN:
She puts up with a lot from you.
SHERLOCK:
Hm, well, so do you. You seem to think it's worthwhile.
JOHN:
I do. [Rougher:] I just—wish. I could have seen Mary settled too. She wanted it—so much. Some kind of peace.
SHERLOCK:
Mm.
JOHN:
After all they put her through. I wish I could have given her what she wanted.
SHERLOCK:
Love?
JOHN:
Yeah. Yeah. [Quietly:] I—I love you, you know.
SHERLOCK:
Yes. I know. Me too. ...High five?
JOHN [whispers]:
And a hug. Yeah.
[Once more the audio cuts. When it resumes the sounds of the outdoors are gone; a clock is ticking. Archie whines. JOHN is breathing slowly, unsteadily. He sniffles once, twice.]
JOHN:
And yet. I suppose. She did find her peace, didn't she? At the end. She seemed lighter. Having finished her dad’s work. Maybe there's more than one way to settle a life. She thought I was her dad, you know, when she was—yeah. I didn't—it terrified me, then, because it meant she was halfway out of this world. And I couldn't help her. But—he did. He was there, in her mind.
That's all we can hope for—isn't it? Someone there for you when you go out into the dark.
[JOHN cries.]
I'm not going to post this. But maybe I won't delete it. I think I'm glad it's all here to help me remember. Not going to do any more editing on the Fairfax file tonight. I'm going to let it rest, now.