Chapter Text
“So, what do you think?”
Tony stared at his suit hanging in front of him. The team’s latest encounter with Doom had left a few more dents than Tony was happy with. He was elbow deep in the armor, portable soldering iron clamped between his teeth.
“Tony?”
It seemed that most of the hits were along the flanks. Maybe extra shielding along the sides will account for that. But how will that affect his flight capabilities? Adding any sort of weight-
“Tony, you listening?”
could upset the current equilibrium of the suit. Maybe a different concentration of the alloy? Different concentrations mean different yield strengths. Scratch that, maybe he needs more ammo. He’d run out of missiles halfway through the fight, and repulsors could only do so much. They were constantly faced with new threats; Tony needed the best suit out there to get the job done.
“Tony!”
Tony jumped, his hand going instinctively to cover the arc reactor, the other raising the socket wrench defensively. He stuttered to a halt, however, when he was met with the steely blue eyes of his husband. Dammit. Tony knew that look. That unimpressed gaze with a hint of fond disapproval that nearly screamed ‘I know you aren’t listening to me.’
Tony carefully lowered the socket wrench. “Yep,” he tried to cover, mouth popping at the end of his answer. “Good idea, Cap.”
Steve rolled his eyes. “Remind me, what were we just talking about?”
Tony bit his lip. “Where we should get dinner?”
“You mean whether or not we should order in?” Steve prodded. Tony nodded slowly even though Steve’s tone already confirmed that he was wrong. “That conversation? The one we had because it was dinner time? You know, last night?”
Tony glanced over to the clock on the wall, deflating.
11:47 A.M.
Well, that’s not good. A.M. meant morning, which meant he never went to bed last night. A bed, with which his favorite super soldier had been in. Alone. “Time flies when you’re having fun?” Tony tried to joke. The glare that Steve shot him was answer enough.
While Tony had definitely gotten better at balancing SI, the Avengers, and home life, sometimes there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Pepper was constantly hounding him and the R&D department for ‘the next big thing’. He would never regret walking away from making weapons, but because of it, Tony was always trying to impress and maintain the investors he had left. SHIELD, of course, was relentless; Fury and his goons continuously on the prowl for new tech. Clint went through arrows like crazy, Natasha could always use more charge in her Widow Bites, and the armor could regularly stand to be better. Tony had learned he couldn’t afford to ever leave his armor functioning less than one hundred percent. He never knew when the world would need saving; he never knew when he would need to protect his family. And speaking of family, Steve may or may not have convinced Tony that adopting a baby was a sane thing to do. While Peter was the absolute light of his life, even he still needed some Tony time.
“This is what I’m talking about, Tony,” Steve continued, pulling Tony away from his lab table. “You work too much.”
“Steve,” Tony started. He definitely didn’t want to get into this age old agreement.
“Tony,” Steve replied easily. “Come on, take a break. I was thinking we could take Peter out for lunch.”
“Can’t we just eat here? I swear, Steve. I’m almost done.”
“That’s what you said when I was going to bed. I promise the armor will still be here when you get back,” Steve continued, pushing Tony towards the door. “Today’s a great day for a picnic in Central Park.”
Tony whirled around, raising an eyebrow. “A picnic? Are those even a thing anymore?”
“Tony,” Steve sighed. “It’s a family thing; we’ll all be together,” argued Steve. “We’ll be creating memories for Peter.”
Tony snorted. “Steve, the kid is nine months old. He’s not gonna remember if we go on a picnic or not.”
Steve frowned at him. “He might not remember the picnic, but he’ll sure as hell remember if his father was there or not.”
Tony winced. Steve swearing did not mean good things. “Steve, I’ve got a whole lifetime of lunches to have with him. What’s wrong with me missing one?”
“Because one turns into two, and then two turns into a weeklong business trip, which turns into monthly sightings.”
Tony narrowed his eyes. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, Tony,” Steve said with exasperation, “is that you need to be there for our son.”
“Are you saying I’m not?”
“Tony, you just said that a picnic with him is a stupid idea.”
“He’s a baby, Steve! One meal is not going to define his life!”
“It’s not about the meal, Tony, it’s about spending time together! It’s about being a family!”
“So what, I’m not allowed down in the lab until Peter’s married with his own kids?”
“I’m not saying that,” Steve sighed. “All I’m saying is that we both have to make sacrifices if we’re going to raise him.”
“You don’t think I know that?!”
“Well, you certainly aren’t acting like you know!”
“I’m just working, Steve! What else do you want from me?” Tony snapped.
“Exactly! You’re just working.”
“Steve,” Tony sighed, “we have an obligation to keep the world safe.”
“You have an obligation to be a father,” Steve snarled.
“An obligation that, if I remember correctly, wasn’t my idea,” Tony barked back, instantly regretting that words as they slipped from his mouth. Even if Peter had never been on his radar before, there was now no life that Tony could picture without him.
Steve scoffed, his face burning with rage. “Well, excuse me, Howard. I just thought it would be nice for his father to bond with his son,” he all but hissed.
Tony’s breath stuttered, his brain coming to a screeching halt.
Howard.
That wasn’t right. Wasn’t it? Tony wasn’t Howard; he’d spent a whole lifetime proving that he wasn’t anything like that man.
Tony broke his eyes away from Steve, glancing back at his lab. His work bench was littered with papers, his tight scrawl covering them in indecipherable ramblings, the pages half covering a photo of Steve holding Peter for the first time. The Iron Man suit, staring blankly back at him, hung open, waiting for the new missiles Tony wanted to install. Lying innocently on the floor, Tony could see the wrench he had thrown at DUM-E earlier for another failed smoothie attempt. Coffee mugs were strewn about, but a sharp pain hit his chest when he realized that the liquid inside was amber instead of black.
Oh, god.
No. No. No no no no no no.
He was Howard.
He was his father.
“Tony?” He turned, barely able to hear Steve other the pounding in his head. A hand came to rest on his shoulder but he jerked back quickly. Tony accidently met Steve’s eyes, finding a look that was probably just as haunted as his own face. “Tony, I-I…,” Steve started again, shaking his head slowly. “I didn’t mean… God, Tony, it just slipped out.”
Steve was reaching for him again, but he dodged, backing away towards the suit. Tony was on fire even as his body froze over, searing tears burning as they spilled out over his now ashen cheeks. “Tony, please. I’m so sorry, I really didn’t -”
But Tony wasn’t listening anymore.
He spun quickly, rushing the last few steps until his body met the armor, the metal already shaping around his body. He could still hear Steve shouting at him, but Tony just blasted off, the damaged armor taking into a graceless flight.
He had warned Steve. He had told him, pleaded with him.
Getting Peter wasn’t the right move. He wasn’t cut out for it. He couldn’t do it.
But Steve had laughed, whispering promises and dreams into his ears as he showed him a picture of a tiny boy wrapped in a blanket. “I believe in you,” he had said. “I don’t know what I’m doing either, so let’s be lost together. Peter needs us. He needs you, Tony. You’ll be perfect for him, I just know it.”
But Steve was wrong.
There was a time when Tony would have laughed, jesting that yet again, he’d proven his husband wrong. But not this time.
Tony didn’t want to be right.
But he was.
Tony didn’t want to be him.
But he was.