Chapter Text
SIRIUS
Saturday 13th October 1973
“Oi, steady on, Black. Let’s at least have breakfast before we go,” James rubbed his eyes, yawning widely as he watched Sirius run frantically about the dormitory, pulling on his clothes.
“He’s got food at his house, James, no need to waste time at breakfast.” Sirius snapped as he searched for a pair of clean socks.
“I doubt he’s feeling up to getting you food, Sirius,” Peter said reproachfully, earning himself a harsh glare from Sirius.
“I can get it myself.” Sirius huffed as he grabbed his wand and tucked it into his robe pocket. Peter crossed his arms petulantly as James rolled his eyes and stepped between the two of them.
“Alright, Sirius, you can go ahead without us. Pete and I will get breakfast and we’ll bring some stuff with us for Remus too, okay?” James looked between Peter and Sirius imploringly. After a stubborn pause, Sirius nodded. Then, before Peter could get a word in, Sirius turned on his heel and headed towards the door.
“See you later!” He called as he flung the door open and strode out of the dormitory. He took the stairs down to the common room two at a time and had almost made it to the portrait hole when someone called out his name.
Sirius turned slowly on his heel and spotted Lily Evans sitting in an armchair by the fireplace, a huge book open across her knees.
“Need something, Evans?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Lily gave him an unimpressed look.
“Are you going to Remus’?” She asked.
“Shh!” Sirius looked around the room, panicked, “Godric Evans, announce it to the whole school why don’t you?” He snarked. Lily rolled her eyes.
“Calm down, Black, you’re so dramatic.” She huffed, “Anyway, if you lot are going I want to come. I have a book to lend Remus.”
“No.” Sirius glared at her, “You’re not coming with us.”
“And why not?” Lily raised her eyebrows, her green eyes glinting with ferocity.
“He’s sick. He’s not up to seeing loads of people.” Sirius lied smoothly. To his surprise, Lily’s eyebrows furrowed in concern.
“Is it getting bad?” She asked, her voice strangely brittle all of a sudden. Sirius frowned,
“What are you talking about?” He asked. Surely she didn’t know ? Remus would have told him if Lily knew about him being a werewolf.
“The cancer. He’s had it for a while, he must be nearing the end now. My Auntie only made it a year and a bit before she died.” Lily looked as if she might cry.
Sirius was in too much shock to speak. Why was she talking about Remus dying as if it were common knowledge? Had Remus really entrusted Lily with the knowledge of this cancer business and not Sirius? Not the Marauders? More importantly, was Remus actually dying?
“He’s… he’s dying?” Sirius whispered, cold fear washing over him. Lily gave him a sympathetic look.
“Sirius… there isn’t a cure for cancer. He must’ve told you this. He told me the first time we met.” Lily gazed up at him, her eyes full of pity, “He’s dying.” She reached out to pat his hand but Sirius jerked backwards, horrified.
“No he isn’t!” He shouted, drawing a few odd looks, “He’s not dying!”
Without another word, Sirius fled from the common room, suddenly desperate to see Remus. As he hurried through the castle, terrible images of Remus lying lifeless in his bed, his face pale and gaunt, his eyes glassy, flashed through Sirius’ head.
The journey to Remus’ house was a blur, and before Sirius knew it, he was standing in front of the faded blue door, his hands shaking as he knocked. For a long, dreadful moment, there was no noise from inside the house.
Then, a blurred shape appeared behind the window and the door slowly opened. Remus stood in the doorway, wrapped in a large blanket. He had dark circles under his eyes and a fresh cut across his hand. His tawny curls were a tangled mess and he squinted at Sirius in a way that suggested he wasn’t quite awake enough to register who stood before him.
“You’re alive,” Sirius breathed, staring wide-eyed at his friend. Remus laughed hoarsely,
“Of course I am, you silly plonker,” His voice was scratchy and raw, like a badly played violin.
Instinctively, Sirius moved forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Remus. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. Even with the blanket wrapped around him, Sirius could feel Remus’ thin, brittle frame.
“Ouch,” Remus winced, “Watch it, I think I broke a rib last night.”
Sirius let out a dry sob and loosened his arms slightly.
“What’s gotten into you?” The frown was evident in Remus’ voice, “What’s wrong?” Remus pulled back from the hug and Sirius took one look at his face before promptly bursting into tears.
Looking shocked, and somewhat terrified, Remus wrapped an arm around Sirius’ shoulders and guided him into the living room. He sat them both down on the couch and pulled Sirius into his chest.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius blubbered through his tears. Remus’ brow furrowed,
“Tell you what? Sirius, you already know that I’m a werewolf.”
“No!” Sirius cried, “Why didn’t you tell me that you’re dying?!”
“ What ?” Remus looked bewildered, “Since when am I dying?”
“Lily said you’ve got… cancer!” Sirius wailed, burying his face in Remus’ chest.
Remus’ shoulders began to shake. Sirius felt an awful, aching dread in his chest. If Remus was crying too, then Lily must have been telling the truth. Remus really must be dying of a muggle disease.
Sirius took a deep breath and pulled away, pushing his own emotions to one side so he could be there to support Remus. Only, Remus wasn’t crying at all. His shoulders weren’t shaking with sobs. Instead, Remus was laughing. He was clearly trying to keep it quiet, but there was no denying the fact that he was actually laughing.
“Why are you laughing?!” Sirius demanded, still distraught. Remus opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by his own giggles. For several long moments, Remus was doubled over, cackling. Sirius was absolutely bewildered, and slightly offended too.
He shoved Remus’ shoulder lightly, “Oi! What are you laughing at?! This isn’t funny!”
Remus managed to calm down slightly and looked at Sirius, still gasping for air as he spoke,
“I’m not dying. I- I’m a werewolf!” He broke into another round of giggles. Sirius was feeling very concerned for his friend’s welfare.
“Remus, is this- are you having a breakdown? Because of the cancer?” Sirius peered cautiously at his friend.
“No! Sorry, I can’t stop laughing,” Remus now had tears in his eyes. Sirius decided the best route of action was to wait it out. So he sat in resolute silence while Remus laughed until tears were streaming down his face. Then he waited some more as the tears of laughter became real, sad tears and Remus’ giggles became sobs.
Only then did Sirius move. He wrapped his arms carefully around Remus, and Remus buried his face in Sirius’ shoulder.
“I'm sorry,” Remus mumbled, his voice muffled by Sirius’ robes. “I promise I don’t have cancer.”
A great wave of relief rushed through Sirius and he squeezed Remus closer to himself. Remus took a great shuddering breath.
“Lily doesn’t know I’m a werewolf,” Remus murmured, “I told her I was sick and she assumed it was cancer. And I never corrected her. I can get away with using cancer as the excuse ‘cause that’s how my Mam died. So I know what it’s like.” Remus’ voice wobbled and Sirius’ heart ached.
“ Oh Remus ,” He murmured, rubbing circles on Remus’ back, “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
“S’ok,” Remus shrugged awkwardly, “Better than her knowing the truth.” He pulled away from the hug, wiping the tears from his cheeks.
“I bet she wouldn’t care, you know,” Sirius said, reassuringly, “She’s not the type of person to care about that sort of thing.”
“I know,” Remus smiled sadly, “But I put people in danger when they know. You, James and Peter knowing is almost unbearable. I can’t have anyone else know.” he looked down at his lap and Sirius felt a wave of protectiveness roll over him.
“Remus,” He said seriously, “Lycanthropy doesn’t define you. You’re so much more than just a werewolf. You’re a wizard, and a good friend. And you love The Beatles, and you make the best tea, and you make my life so much better just by being in it. You aren’t dangerous, Remus. I feel safe every time I’m near you.”
Remus stared at Sirius, his lips slightly parted and his eyes wide and glossed over with unshed tears.
“Oh,” Remus breathed. Sirius grinned.
“Yeah, oh. ” He paused, “But, and listen carefully, ‘cause I’ll only say this once, don’t you ever scare me like that ever again Remus John Lupin. I thought you were dying of cancer! And you just laughed at me!” Sirius gave Remus a very serious, very indignant look. Remus smiled.
“Sorry,” He mumbled bashfully, “I promise I’m not dying of cancer. Look, I’m as alive as I possibly can be, considering I transformed into a great big wolf last night.” Remus’ eyes glinted with humour and the knot in Sirius’ chest finally untangled.
“Alright, Wolf Boy,” Sirius heaved to his feet and pulled Remus with him, “Let’s get some breakfast, I’m bloody starving.”
✴︎ ☾ ✴︎
“Where have you been?”
Sirius froze as he turned the corner. In the corridor behind him, the one-eyed witch’s hunchback was just sliding closed.
“Well? Explain yourself.” Regulus crossed his arms, staring Sirius down. Sirius let out a slow breath, grappling with his mind to find some sort of excuse.
“We were-” James started.
“I wasn’t talking to you, Potter.” Regulus snapped, not even glancing in James’ direction. On James’ other side, Peter stared nervously between the Black brothers.
“We haven’t been anywhere,” Sirius shrugged, staring down at his little brother. Regulus scoffed,
“Don’t lie to me, Sirius, I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you were,” Sirius shot back.
“Where have you been?” Regulus craned his neck to look at the empty corridor behind the marauders. “You weren’t here a moment ago, where did you come from?” He asked, frowning.
“Ah,” James grinned, “That’s secret Marauder business, Reggie.”
In an instant, Regulus had his wand at James’ throat, his eyes so cold they were practically ice.
“Do not ever call me that again.” Regulus spat, his voice venomous as he stared at James with pure hatred in his eyes. Sirius jumped between the two of them,
“Woah, come on, let’s not fight.” He said, standing protectively in front of James. Regulus raised his eyebrows, something like hurt flashing across his face.
“Why won’t you tell me where you’ve been?” Regulus asked, his voice surprisingly small.
“Sorry, Reg,” Sirius smiled apologetically, “Top secret business. Marauders only.”
Regulus’ face contorted, “Ah yes, your idiotic little club ,” He sneered, a cool mask of indifference sliding into place on his face. Sirius flinched. Regulus looked so eerily similar to their mother with his cold stare focused on Sirius.
“Regulus!” Four people suddenly rounded the corner, catching Regulus’ attention. The boy at the front, evidently the one who had called out, had dark hair, a cruel look in his eyes, and a spiky earring dangling from one ear. This, Sirius knew, was Barty Crouch Jr., a foul little boy who took great pleasure in taunting younger students and terrorizing teachers.
“We’ve been looking for you everywhere, Reg,” A girl with long dark braids adorned with silver clips called. Sirius recognised her as Dorcas Meadowes. She was in Sirius’ year and they shared a few classes. She wasn’t well-liked amongst their year group and had obviously found her place amongst the second years.
“Snape was looking for you again,” A second boy chimed in. This boy, Sirius recognized too, and a curl of hatred wound its way through Sirius’ stomach at the sight of him. Evan Rosier was every bit the perfect pureblood son that every parent wanted. His light blond curls were perfectly styled and his icy blue eyes surveyed the scene before him with cool superiority.
“Yes,” A girl to Evan’s left added, “I think he wants your advice on Potions again.” Sirius recognised her too, although he had never encountered her outside a pureblood ball before. Pandora Rosier, like her twin brother, had blonde curls and blue eyes. Only, her hair fell in perfect ringlets down to her waist and her eyes were warm and slightly vacant, as if she wasn’t completely present in the conversation.
“I’d rather stick my head in a cauldron full of acid than help Snape with anything.” Regulus drawled, turning his full attention to his friends. Barty Crouch Jr. barked a laugh that made Sirius’ eye twitch.
Dorcas Meadowes was watching the Marauders with an expression of extreme disgust, as if they were all something foul on the bottom of her shoe.
“Come on, Reg,” She said coolly, “I’m losing brain cells standing in the same corridor as The Marauders ,” She said the name with a particular kind of vitriol that Sirius rather got the sense that Regulus and his friends often spoke about them with disgust.
“Yes, I rather agree,” Regulus sniffed, throwing a glare at Sirius. Sirius sighed and reached for his brother,
“Listen, Reg, I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. Okay? It’s secret-”
“Secret Marauder business. I’m aware.” Regulus sneered. “It doesn’t matter. I’m unbothered by your secrecy.” he gave Sirius an appraising look, “See you later, brother.”
With that, Regulus turned on his heel and stalked away to join his friends. Evan Rosier glanced back as the five of them walked away and gave Sirius a deeply disappointed look, which, for some strange reason, made Sirius feel oddly guilty for withholding the truth from his brother.
It wasn’t that Sirius wanted to keep things from Regulus. But Remus’ secrets were not his to tell and nothing in the world could make him betray his friend’s trust in such a way.
Comforted by the thought of what a loyal friend he was, Sirius followed James and Peter to the great hall for dinner. Yes, although it pained him to lie to his brother, he was proving himself trustworthy to Remus, and that, Sirius thought, was a very Gryffindor thing to do.