Chapter Text
REMUS
Gentleness is everywhere
Fear’s just in your head
Only in your head
Fear is in your head
Only in your head
So forget your head
And you’ll be free
Sunday 7th January 1973
Sirius wouldn’t look at him.
Even though he had been acting distant for months, Sirius had never avoided looking at Remus the way he was now. Remus kept trying to catch his eye, unease swirling in his stomach, desperate to gain some sort of understanding of his friends’ odd behaviour.
All three of the other Marauders had been acting off ever since they’d walked through the door. Peter kept shuffling about and wringing his hands nervously, and James was eerily still as he stared down at the book in front of him.
They had been sitting on Remus’ bedroom floor for a good two hours and none of them seemed inclined to explain to Remus why they were acting so strangely. The longer the silence droned on, however, Remus started to form a conclusion of his own.
He became quite sure that this would be the last time he ever saw the Marauders. It was really the only feasible explanation. The three of them had evidently grown tired of wasting their precious free time teaching Remus magic and had realised rather belatedly that he wasn’t worth the trouble.
Remus didn’t blame them. After all, he had been waiting for something like this to happen since the first time he’d met Sirius. Who in their right minds would want to be friends with a sickly, scrawny child who wasn’t allowed to leave his own house? Remus was honestly surprised it had taken the Marauders this long to come to their senses.
Although he had known this would happen at some point, Remus still found himself rather devastated at the prospect of losing his friends. He’d never had friends before and for the brief time he’d known the Marauders, he had been privy to something truly wonderful.
For a short, precious moment, Remus had caught a glimpse of the sun. And it came in the form of three wonderful boys who had, however briefly, given Remus a sense of joy and freedom that he hadn’t felt since his Mam was alive.
There was James, who was loud and energetic and unyieldingly kind. He was a natural born leader in a way that was reminiscent of great kings - fair and just and brave. James Potter was the antithesis of all terrible things. He was the huge, beating heart of the Marauders.
Then there was Peter, who was quiet but hysterically funny. He seemed to comprehend Remus’ appreciation of silence in a way that the other two couldn’t and the two of them had formed a bond through quiet games of chess and whispered jokes. Peter was the laughter. He was the soft, vulnerable joy of the Marauders.
And of course there was Sirius. Sirius, Sirius, Sirius. Sirius was, in a word, indelible. Sirius had found a place in Remus’ very being and settled there permanently. Sirius, who was haughty and nosy and brash. Sirius, who was thoughtful and protective and beautiful . Sirius was the lungs giving air to the Marauders. He kept them alive. He breathed purpose into their souls.
Remus was the tears. He wasn’t around all the time and when he was, it wasn’t for long. He was transparent, forgettable and briefly present. He was replaceable. He was insignificant in the grand scheme of things. He could not compare to the rest of the Marauders, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise that they had grown tired of him so soon.
Remus sucked in a deep breath and sighed heavily. If the others wouldn’t bring it up, then he would have to.
“Just say it.” His slightly hoarse voice shattered the stilted silence. James, Peter and Sirius all looked up at him warily.
“What?” James winced slightly and Remus levelled them all with his best glare.
“Come on, I know what you’re going to say, but I want to hear you say it.” Remus demanded impatiently. He really didn’t appreciate that his only friends were attempting to dump him without actually saying it to his face.
“You know? But how?” Peter’s eyes widened.
“I’ve always known. It was only a matter of time,” Remus snorted.
“Then why would you keep talking to us? You clearly don’t want people to know.” James frowned.
“Don’t blame me- wait,” Remus froze, “What? What are you talking about?”
“Remus, we know, ” Peter said, giving Remus a significant look.
“Know what?”
“You know…”
“No, actually I don’t please enlighten me.”
“Well-”
“We know that you’re a werewolf!” Sirius exclaimed.
Silence.
Thick, uncomfortable, stunned silence.
The room was so quiet that Remus was sure he could’ve heard a pin drop. He was in complete and utter shock. He had no idea what to say. He had known that the Marauders would stop being his friend, but he had never considered that it would be over the wolf.
“I understand,” Remus whispered after a long moment, “Please don’t tell anyone.” He took a deep breath, “I just- thank you for everything. It was brilliant, while it lasted.” Remus got to his feet, unable to look at the others any longer.
There was a pause.
“Wait, hang on, what are you talking about ‘while it lasted’?” Sirius spluttered. Remus stayed facing away but heard the shuffle of clothes as Sirius got to his feet.
“I get it,” Remus mumbled, “I’m a monster, you don’t have to explain yourselves.”
“Oi!” James got up too, “Don’t talk about yourself like that!”
“Yeah, that’s our mate you’re insulting!” Peter agreed.
Remus whipped around, completely shocked. The other three Marauders were standing across from him, all looking varying degrees of affronted, confused and worried. Sirius took a few steps towards Remus,
“Look, this isn’t how we wanted this to go,” He reached out but Remus stumbled backwards, “We we’re going to have a proper talk, and tell you that we knew. I’m sorry it just came out like that,”
Remus didn’t respond. He had no idea what to say and was waiting for the three of them to start shouting or to run screaming from the house.
“Remus, you’re our friend-” James started.
“Still?” Remus cut in, his eyes widening. Peter snorted a laugh,
“What are you on about? Of course still .”
“Stop it,” Remus snapped, “This isn’t a joke. I’m dangerous,”
“Oh yeah,” Sirius chuckled, “Because you’re so scary. Breaking news! Big bad wolf in fluffy jumper attacks innocent students with his record collection! I’m terrified. ”
Remus was stunned into silence. Peter and James both burst out laughing as Remus spluttered indignantly, trying to find something–anything–to say in response.
Sirius’ expression softened, “Remus, come on, you have to know this doesn’t change anything for us,” he moved closer again and this time Remus didn’t back away. He stood completely frozen.
“I don’t understand,” He murmured, “Why are you still here? Why don’t you hate me?”
“Mate, you’re a Marauder,” James said, as if that alone were explanation enough.
“Yeah!” Peter agreed, “Besides, being a werewolf isn’t that big of a deal.”
“What?!” Remus’ jaw dropped, “But- I turn into a blood-thirsty creature every month! How is that not a big deal?!” He couldn’t believe his friends were being so nonchalant about this.
“It’s just one night, though, isn’t it?” James shrugged.
“You’re our Remus for the rest of the time,” Sirius murmured. Remus stared at him incredulously.
“I- so you still want to be friends?” He whispered.
“Of course we do, don’t be daft,” Sirius grinned.
“You’re the brains of the operation, mate,” James beamed, “We need you.”
“And I need you for chess! These two can’t play to save their lives,” Peter added.
Remus, to his embarrassment, felt tears sting his eyes as he slowly let a smile take over his face.
“It really doesn’t bother you?” He asked.
“‘Course not,” James said.
“Remus, I hate to break it to you, but you’re stuck with us.” Sirius stepped forward and pulled Remus into a hug.
“Yeah! Once a Marauder, always a Marauder!” Peter cheered, throwing himself into the embrace.
“Only way out now is death,” James joined in too, “But even then, we’ll meet up in the afterlife and play pranks on really old dead people.”
Remus released a half-laugh, half-sob of relief and clung on tighter to his three friends.
“Thank you,” He whispered as his heart swelled.
The four of them held onto one another for a long time, all breathing in sync. And, for the first time, the Marauders truly became one.
✴︎ ☾ ✴︎
“Can I ask?”
“Ask what, Peter?”
“How it happened.”
Sirius hit Peter’s shin and Peter yelped, pulling his leg out of Sirius’ reach.
“What? It’s a perfectly reasonable question!”
The four of them had moved up to Remus’ bed and were sitting in a small circle with cups of tea. James was leaning against a post at the foot of the bed, with Sirius’ feet in his lap. Peter was sitting next to him, hunched up in order to keep out of Sirius’ hitting reach. Remus was leant against the headboard, his legs crossed with Sirius’ head in his lap.
Slowly, Remus ran his free hand through Sirius’ hair and looked thoughtfully down at his tea,
“Um, it’s not a particularly nice story,” He said, in response to Peter’s question.
“You don’t have to tell us,” James gave him a supportive smile.
“No, it’s fine,” Remus took a deep breath, “It happened when I was five-”
“FIVE?! But you were just a baby!” Sirius cried, his face contorting with horror. Remus snorted with laughter, then realised that James and Peter looked equally as scandalised.
“Well, yeah, but that’s his whole thing isn’t it? He goes after kids. I heard my parents shouting about it once,” Remus shrugged.
“Who?” Peter raised his eyebrows and took a sip of his tea.
“Greyback,” Remus murmured, the name feeling almost taboo spilling from his lips. Sirius choked on air and promptly spilt half of his drink all over himself. “What? Do you know him?” Remus asked.
“No. But I’ve heard of him. We all have,” Sirius looked to James and Peter for confirmation. Remus was shocked by this news.
“Yeah,” James mumbled, “My parents never did, but a lot of wizarding parents use him as a warning.”
“My Mum used to say ‘ Peter never stay out after dark or Greyback will get you!’ ” Peter shivered and wrapped his arms tighter around himself.
“My Mum used to tell me that if I didn’t behave she’d send Greyback to tear my flesh off,” Sirius murmured, almost thoughtfully. Remus blanched,
“Sirius, that’s horrible ,” He breathed.
“That’s my mother,” Sirius said, then quickly changed the subject, “Continue your story, Remus.”
“Right,” Remus coughed, mind still reeling from Sirius’ casual confession, “Well, basically my Da said some pretty anti-werewolf things at the ministry. All very publicly, too, it was all over the Prophet. And obviously Greyback wasn’t too pleased by it. So on the full moon he broke into our house and attacked me in my bed - almost killed me - and I’ve been a werewolf ever since.” Remus shrugged lamely, feeling highly uncomfortable with everyone’s eyes on him.
“Merlin, that’s awful,” James whispered, his brown eyes going wide behind his glasses.
“He could control himself as a wolf?” Peter looked horrified. Remus frowned and nodded.
“Yeah, I s’pose so,”
“Can you?”
“No,” Remus laughed, “I wouldn’t tear myself to shreds every month by choice,” He chuckled to himself and took a gulp of his tea. When he looked up once more, all three of his friends looked horrified.
“So that’s where the scars come from?” Peter breathed.
“I thought that was obvious?” Remus raised his eyebrows.
“Can I see it?” Sirius sat up suddenly.
“See what?” Remus felt unease creep into his stomach.
“ Sirius ,” James’ voice was low and full of warning. Sirius ignored him,
“The bite. Greyback’s bite.”
Remus stared at him, stunned. No one had ever asked so brazenly to see the wound before. Madam Pomfrey had seen it, of course, but other than his parents and Dumbledore, no one else ever had.
“Sirius!” James hit Sirius’ leg, “Don’t be rude!”
“No, it’s okay,” Remus reached for the hem of his t-shirt, “I don’t mind showing you.” Feeling extremely self-conscious, Remus tugged his top off and twisted his torso so the Marauders could see both sides of his shoulder.
A large row of puncture wounds ran along either side of his left shoulder. Unlike the rest of his scars, which were silverly and slightly raised, Greyback’s bite was angry, red and indented in his skin.
James and Peter both looked horrified and slightly wary as their eyes settled on the terrible wound, then travelled over Remus’ exposed chest which was covered in terrible, jagged scars.
Sirius, on the other hand, reached out without caution and gently ran his fingers over the bite wound. Remus shivered as their skin made contact and goosebumps erupted along his shoulders. Sirius did not stop at the bite - his fingers trailed over the myriad of scars littering his skin, his touch featherlight and tender.
Remus felt the very strange urge to cry. The air between them became thick as Sirius focused his attention solely on Remus’ many imperfections. Remus couldn’t take his eyes away from Sirius’ face. He was mesmerised by the way Sirius’ piercing grey eyes roved over his exposed skin. He was entranced by the tiny furrow of Sirius’ brow and had the urge to press his finger against it to smooth it out.
James suddenly cleared his throat, breaking the fragile moment. Sirius yanked his hand back, muttering an apology and Remus quickly pulled his shirt back on.
“Can you show us that muggle music again, Remus?” Peter asked hopefully, allowing the odd atmosphere of the last few minutes to disperse. Remus grinned and jumped to his feet, nodding brightly.
“Play your song!” Sirius demanded, splaying out across Remus’ bed once more. Remus raised an eyebrow and shot Sirius a quizzical look,
“What’s my song?” He asked.
“The one about the sun,” Sirius said insistently. Remus fought back a smile as he dug Abbey Road out of his crate of records. He flipped to the b-side and settled it onto the turntable.
There was a jolt of static as the needle met vinyl, then guitar began to flow from the speakers. Remus rejoined his friends on the bed and all four of them fell silent to listen. James’ expression went slack with awe and Peter closed his eyes, swaying slightly with a small smile on his face.
Remus smiled contentedly, feeling as if a large weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He suddenly felt a hand in his and he looked down to see Sirius already staring at him. Sirius smiled softly and began to mouth the words to the song as he held onto Remus’ hand.
Little darling
The smiles returning to their faces
Little darling
It seems like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
And I say, it’s all right
Remus felt warmth spread slowly through his chest as he looked down at Sirius.
‘Thank you,’ he mouthed.
‘It’s all right,’ Sirius mouthed back.