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Standing next to an object covered in a white sheet, his golden Rubiks cube/alchemy tool/sex toy now gigantic and floating above the city, Geryon smiled cruelly as the alchemists rushed towards him. "I've been waiting."
He lifted the three pieces of the Philosopher's Stone obtained from the Abyssalis Kings as his new familiar transformed into a Dark Ether card.
"El Dragooon…"
As he took the card in one hand, the three pieces of the stone swirled together, a golden triangle forming between them, and transformed into a Driver wrapped around his belt.
EL DORADRIVER.
"With this power, my ideals shall take shape-"
"Hey, haven't we seen that Driver before?" Hotaro interrupted.
Geryon blinked. "What? What are you talking about? This is a new transmutation, never seen before-"
"No, he's right, we have seen that Driver before," Rinne interrupted.
Geryon gave her an incredulous look. "That's impossible."
"Nuh-uh, we totally did! When we traveled to the future to help my future self defeat the future you, you had a belt just like that!" Hotaro insisted.
Geryon blinked. "… What?"
"That actually happened," Spanner admitted grudgingly. "As much as I wish I could say it hadn't."
"And we met you and Lachesis's future daughter!" Hotaro said excitedly.
"She was not," Spanner insisted.
"She totally was! Except…" Hotaro frowned in confusion. "Wait, Lachesis is dead. So how can the two of you have a kid? Unless…" He gasped. "Spanner, did she have a baby and you never told any of us?!"
"NO!" Spanner shouted furiously.
"But then when did she come from?" Hotaro demanded.
"Hotaro, that was an alternate timeline, the events that led to that future didn't happen here, meaning that that child will never exist," Isaac explained.
"Oh, right," Hotaro realized. He pouted. "That's kind of sad."
"Yes, Ichinose, the fact that Lachesis is dead is extremely sad," Spanner snapped.
"What? No, I meant that we wouldn't be able to throw you two a baby shower or have a wedding where there would be lots of cake to eat and maybe mom and I could cater. But yeah, that's pretty sad too, I guess," Hotaro admitted.
Spanner looked as if he were seconds away from strangling the other alchemist.
Geryon blinked and wisely decided to continue as if that hadn't just happened. He swiped his card on the Goldauz Setter and inserted it into the Wise Henosis.
EL DRAGON!
As Geryon clasped his hands together, a giant projection of El Dragon appeared nearby and roared. Geryon pulled his hands apart and said, "Henshin…"
"Golden Breath!" The Dragon bellowed as Geryon pulled on the Trianglevoke, spewing golden energy into the air before breaking apart into multiple components as he was engulfed in the golden light.
GENESIS. EIS TON AIÓNA
He absorbed the light, a suit forming around him as the pieces of El Dragon locked into place on his body, forming armor. A pair of Dragon wings spread from his back before falling to form twin capes.
EL DORADO…
"Huh, you didn't look like that when you transformed in the future," Hotaro remarked as everyone else stared at the new golden Kamen Rider in disbelief. "Why is that?"
"I think it's because he's using a different card," Renge said.
"But why should that make a difference?" A confused Hotaro asked. "I put lots of cards into my driver all the time, but I always become Gotchard. Unless you're a new form of Kamen Rider Dorado?"
"No," the transformed Geryon declared. "I am Kamen Rider Eld!"
"No, you aren't," Hotaro said.
Geryon stared at him. "… What?"
"You can't possibly be the Elden Lord!" Hotaro said. He pointed at the giant cube in the sky. "That's not the Erdtree, that's a giant golden cube that you used to do alchemy and stuck in your pants! Speaking of which, now that it's so huge, how are you going to fit it in your pants to stick your penis into it again?"
Geryon stared blankly. Kyoka's jaw dropped. Rinne moaned. Renge burst into laughter and Sabimaru stuck his fist in his mouth, although that didn't stop Isaac from laughing. "What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
"What… What are you talking about?" A baffled Geryon demanded.
"If you watch a few lore videos from VaatiVidya it'll all make sense," Renge snickered, leaving him even more confused.
"Also, you can't be Elden Lord without a God to be consort to," Hotaro continued, further bewildering Geryon. "And you don't have one of those. Do you? I mean, the Abyssalis Kings are the obvious choice, but you turned against them, so…"
"Perhaps it's Clotho?" Isaac suggested. "After all, like her sisters, she is named after a Greek goddess."
"Oh, that's a great idea!" Hotaro said. "Geryon, are you Clotho's consort?"
"What?! No!" Geryon shouted.
"Fuck no! I have higher standards than that!" Shouted Clotho, Hotaro's insinuation so horrific she was summoned from the void to refute it.
"You're in love with Ichinose," Spanner pointed out.
"I AM NOT SHUT UP."
Rinne's eyes narrowed, and she stepped closer to Hotaro, daring Clotho to make a big deal about it. Clotho snarled.
"Oh, well, if you're nobody's consort, Geryon, then you can't be Elden Lord, that's just the rules, I don't make them," Hotaro said.
"Hey, treasure boy, does that make him… maidenless?" Renge giggled.
Hotaro considered this. "Well, he did originally have the Abyssalis Sisters, but all of them except Clotho are dead, and I don't think Clotho is working for him anymore?"
"I'm not!" Clotho insisted angrily.
"Well in that case, yes, Geryon is absolutely maidenless," Hotaro decided.
"… Are you calling me a virgin?!" Geryon demanded.
"What? No, of course not. Why, are you?" Hotaro asked sincerely. "Wait, hang on, does your big cube thing count as a partner? Renge, if he's had sex with his giant cube thing, does that mean he's lost his virginity?"
"No, Hotaro, that doesn't count," Renge informed him, torn between mortification and amusement.
"That-that's none of your business-" Geryon spluttered.
"Well, Miss Kongo did seem to have a worrying fixation on him," Sabimaru pointed out.
"Oh yeah, she kept that photo-" Hotaro called.
"It was the one time, and it meant nothing to me!" Geryon shouted.
Everyone stared at him.
"I should not have said that," a very embarrassed Geryon admitted.
"I think that is a lot more than any of us needed to know," a horrified Kyoka said.
"What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
"Why is anyone telling jokes?! My sister is dead!" Clotho shouted angrily. "Both of them are!"
"You're right, Clotho, this is no time for jokes," Hotaro agreed. "Which is why I must seriously ask Geryon what ending he was trying to get by becoming Elden Lord. I'm thinking Age of Perfect Order, anyone else have theories?"
"Not the Blessing of Despair or Frenzied Flame?" Rinne suggested. "I mean, he is trying to destroy the world."
Spanner shook his head. "No, Ichinose is right, Age of Perfect Order is the logical conclusion. Geryon seeks to turn the world to gold to make everything stay the same forever. Aside from the obvious connotations with the Golden Order, the Age of Perfect Order essentially does the same thing, setting the laws of the world to keep an eternal, static order where nothing changes, and nothing ever can change or alter the laws of the world again."
Everyone stared at him. "Wait, you play Elden Ring too?" Hotaro asked in excitement.
"… No," Spanner lied badly.
"You do!" Hotaro said giddily. "What's your favorite ending? Mine is Age of the Stars!"
"Well, of course, it's objectively the best ending – next to maybe Age of Duskborn – the most involved, interconnected, and lore-heavy one aside from Frenzied Flame – or, again, Duskborn - and it's one of the few endings that arguably doesn't leave the world about as bad or worse off than when it started," Spanner agreed, realizing to his horror that he and Hotaro shared a common interest.
"I don't know, there's some people who would say that's far from a good ending, since it basically means abandoning the Lands Between and everyone in them to deal with all the mess from the last thousand years or so by themselves, and Ranni, who's a somewhat controversial character herself, gets away with all the atrocities she committed scot-free," Rinne pointed out. "Remember, pretty much everything that went wrong in the game is her fault, since she incited the Shattering to begin with."
"Those people are wrong," Spanner scoffed, Hotaro nodding agreement.
"Also, there is some question as to whether or not Marika played a part in everything as well," Sabimaru quietly spoke up. "After all, the Black Knife Assassins are supposed to serve her."
"Yes, but like so much else in From games, that's deliberately left ambiguous," Rinne complained. "So the degree to which Marika was involved in the Night of Black Knives will never be clear."
"Well, even if it's all Ranni's fault, it's Marika's fault more for being a bad mother and a worse queen who made the Lands Between such an awful place to begin with, and also ruining her parents' marriage and driving her mom insane, which VaatiVidya implies may have been the plan all along, and everyone knows better than to argue with him, whenever he explains things in that really enthralling voice you just have to agree with him," Hotaro said stubbornly, which Rinne had to admit was a fair point.
"Honor Student, I get where you're coming from but consider this: if you don't do the Age of Stars ending, you don't get to hook up with a really cute bi witch," Renge pointed out.
Rinne considered this for a moment. "I see your point."
"So, we can all agree that Geryon is going for the Age of Perfect Order ending, but how is he going to do it without a Mending Rune of Perfect Order?" Hotaro asked. "There isn't a brilliant scholar and sage like Goldmask around to get it from. Well, except Rinne's dad."
Rinne gasped in horror. "My father?!"
"No, no, it can't be him, he's still alive," Spanner pointed out. "And if he had something like that Geryon would've taken it from him already, he's had plenty of opportunities, especially because your father keeps using the same safe house despite it being infiltrated multiple times."
"Maybe the Philosopher's Stone?" Sabimaru suggested. "It was obtained from the Abyssalis Kings, who are supposedly the inventors of alchemy, and they have quite a lot of gold in their designs."
"That's a great idea, Sabimaru!" Hotaro cheered as everyone nodded and murmured agreements to the blushing alchemist. "Now, do we need to make a Mending Rune of our own to beat his? Does anyone know how to make a Philosopher's Stone? Sabimaru? I'm looking at you, senpai."
Sabimaru shook his head. "Unfortunately, any instructions on how to make a Philosopher's Stone is heavily redacted," Isaac explained. "And even if we wanted to make a Mending Rune, how would we do so? Since Geryon already has his Mending Rune of Perfect Order analog and all of us can agree a Mending Rune of the Fell Curse is out of the question, that only leaves the Mending Rune of the Death-Prince, and where would we find an undead prince and someone willing to lay with him?"
Renge snapped her fingers. "Oh! Zukyumpire!"
Hotaro gasped. "That's a great idea, Renge! Zukyumpire is a vampire so should count as an undead prince, and there's plenty of people who'd like to lay with him! Hey, does anyone remember the name of that one girl that really liked him, the first of his followers?"
"Yua Yamashita, I think I've got her number somewhere, she'd totally be on board with this," Renge said.
"While that might work, alternately, we could pursue the Age of Stars," Spanner suggested.
"Spanner, I'm a Ranni stan too, but how would we pull that off?" Hotaro asked.
"Easily," Spanner scoffed. "Kudo has a higher affinity for Cosmic Chemies than either of us, and her MoonCerberus form not only uses the power of the moon, but has a blue coloration. Combine that with her being an alchemist and she could easily be a stand-in for Ranni."
"I could what?!" Rinne shrieked. "But I'm nowhere near as pretty as she is! And I don't have enough arms! Or faces!"
"Hey, don't sell yourself short, Honor Student, I think you look pretty good in witch cosplay," Renge told her.
"Yeah, she's right," Hotaro agreed, causing Rinne to blush. "Which means all we need now is someone to be your consort! So…"
He took her hand. Rinne gasped. Renge's jaw dropped. "Holy shit is this actually happening?!" Sabimaru shouted.
"NO!" A horrified Clotho wailed.
"Rinne," Hotaro said, looking her right in the eye. "Would you take-"
"YES!" Rinne shrieked enthusiastically. "Yes, I would!"
Hotaro grinned. "That's great! You and Clotho are going to be very happy together!"
There was a long pause. Renge collapsed in a laughing fit, Sabimaru started banging Isaac against his head, and Spanner scoffed, "What a ridiculous joke."
"Uh?" Rinne and Clotho both uttered.
"I've always suspected the two of you secretly liked each other, what with all the heated looks you've been shooting at each other lately when you think nobody is looking, just like you and Seina," Hotaro said with an utterly oblivious smile. "I thought you didn't like each other, but thanks to Renge explaining to me what lesbians are, I now realize you've been evergreening for her all this time, but felt like society wouldn't accept your tragic romance!"
He patted her on the hand. "But don't worry, Rinne, all of us accept you as you are! We're all alleys and don't care that you're gay!"
"But I'm not gay!" Rinne protested.
"Bi then."
"I'm not-" Rinne paused. Wait. Was she bi?
An increasingly red Clotho found herself wondering the same thing.
As Renge continued laughing, Rinne turned to her and calmly said, "I'm going to kill you."
"Worth it!" Renge shouted as she struggled to breathe. "So, so worth it!"
Kyoka stared at them all blankly. "…We've failed you kids in every conceivable way," she said slowly.
Spanner snorted. "What was your first clue? When you brainwashed and gaslit me my entire life?"
She grimaced, knowing she couldn't argue with that.
"What… What are all you talking about?!" Geryon screamed.
"It's a mystery to me, too," Kyoka confessed. "I think it's a videogame?"
"What does a game have to do with… No. No, I'm not doing this. I'm not going to get distracted like the Abyssalis Kings were," Geryon decided. "To commemorate the beginning of my everlasting brilliance… I dedicate this monument."
He whipped the sheet off the object behind him, and everyone gasped in horror, seeing a gold statue of Minato wielding a sword!
"Professor Minato!" Hotaro cried.
"Huh, I thought he still had a ways to go… I guess that digression did drag things out a bit," Geryon admitted. "Behold! This is the fate I have in store for you, and all the world!"
"You monster!" Hotaro yelled. "You turned him into horrible performance art!"
"I… What?" Geryon stuttered. "That… No, no, I turned him into gold! Wait, what do you mean horrible-" He shook his head. "No. No, no, I'm not doing this again. I'm going to turn all of you into gold, and then the rest of the world!"
"How?"
Geryon's eye twitched. Despite himself, he found himself asking, "What do you mean, 'how?' I will use the power of the Philosopher's Stone to perform the ultimate transmutation-"
"Well yes, obviously, I meant what form is that what it takes," Hotaro interrupted. "Are you going to turn into a giant and start having sex with the big cube, and when you climax it'll jack-in-the-boxing gold all over the world or-"
Everyone made outraged and disgusted noises.
"Ichinose! WHY?!" Kyoka shouted.
"Renge, I blame you," Isaac said.
"Yeah, I blame myself too," Renge said wearily.
"I did not need that mental image," a disgusted Clotho groaned.
"I just threw up inside my mouth a little," a revolted Rinne said.
"What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
"What is wrong with you?!" Demanded Kyoka, while Geryon kicked himself for not thinking of that, though he wasn't sure how he could turn into a giant.
Suddenly, a bullet train pulled up alongside them and a red demon man poked his head out. "Hey, did anyone mention a climax?"
That set everyone off again.
"Okay, I see you're dealing with something. I'll just get out of the way."
He retreated into the train, which rolled away.
"So, how are you going to turn the world to gold, then?" Isaac asked Geryon.
"I will use the power of the Philosopher's Stone to mass-produce an army of Dread Troopers who will spread out to cover the world in gold!" Geryon declared.
Everyone stared at him.
"Wait, that's it?!" Clotho screamed. "THAT'S your master plan?!"
"What's wrong with that?" Geryon asked defensively.
"It just seems kind of… Inefficient?" Kyoka said hesitantly.
Hotaro nodded. "I think an apocalypse in another Kamen Rider series… Of adventures consisted of something similar, Kaguya mentioned it during one of our weekly calls."
"You call him every week?" Rinne asked in alarm.
"Yeah, why?" Hotaro asked.
Rinne frowned, wondering if she might have another rival for Hotaro's heart now.
"Personally, I kind of assumed he was going to do some sort of big transmutation where he unleashed this big energy wave which turned the whole planet into gold," Renge admitted.
Sabimaru nodded. "So did I," interpreted Isaac. "Or maybe he'd touch the ground, and everything would turn to gold, like King Midas."
"That would certainly be more impressive looking," Spanner agreed.
Geryon kicked himself again for not coming up with that instead.
"Wait, how are the Dread Troopers going to turn the world gold?" Hotaro asked. "The ones you made in the future couldn't do that! Come to think of it, I don't think the future you turned the world to gold either, why didn't he do that?"
"How should I know, I'm not him!" Geryon snapped. "But my Dread Troopers are equipped with guns which will cover everything they touch in gold!"
"… What, like a paint gun?" Kyoka asked. "Are you seriously telling me your big evil plan is to paint the planet gold? Is that it?!"
Geryon hesitated. "Um."
"Hey, that sounds like Splatoon!" Hotaro said excitedly. "Maybe we can beat the Dread Troopers army in a Turf War!"
Spanner scoffed. "What a ridiculous joke… Is what I would say if that didn't sound almost like a good idea."
"Hey, I bet Sabi could whip us up some working alchemical weapons like in Splatoon!" Renge said excitedly.
"I think I could do that, yes," an intrigued Sabimaru admitted. "I should be able to use alchemy to whip up a solution to counteract the gold transmutation that could work as ink… What's everyone's preferred main weapon type?"
"Brushes!" Hotaro said energetically.
"Splatlings. Carrying a mini gun always makes me feel powerful," Rinne admitted.
"I'm a Sloshers kind of girl, no skill needed, just splash ink everywhere," Renge bragged.
"I prefer Chargers. Means I can shoot people from a distance and not have to interact with anyone," Sabimaru said.
"And what about you, Spanner? Splatanas, right?" Hotaro guessed.
"I… Like Rollers, actually," Spanner grudgingly admitted.
Renge gawked in disbelief. "Rollers? You?! I'd never have guessed!"
"There's no need to make a big deal about it," Spanner muttered defensively as everyone struggled not to laugh.
"Can… Can I play too, Hotaro?" Clotho asked shyly. She had no idea what they were talking about, but it sounded fun and, more importantly, she might get to spend time with Hotaro while doing it!
"Sure!" Hotaro said readily enough, much to Rinne's ire. "And since you're new to this, we can start you on a basic Shooter-"
"Why are… Why are none of you taking this seriously?!" Geryon demanded.
"Well, your evil plan is kind of bizarre, so…" Kyoka admitted.
"No it's not! I shall turn the world to gold, and I shall rule over it in perpetuity! Not an olden-"
"Elden," Hotaro corrected him helpfully.
"Whatever! Not that! I will be a true Lord, of all that is golden!" Geryon bellowed.
There was a pause, and then the young alchemists started laughing hysterically.
"Oh! Oh! Guy thinks he's Godrick all of a sudden!" Renge wheezed.
"What a ridiculous joke! He's not nearly ugly enough," Spanner guffawed. "He does have a dragon, though…"
"I'd like to see him fight Godrick! See how he likes it!" Sabimaru said.
"Oh, come on, we all know he'd beat Godrick… It's not like it's hard," Rinne snorted.
"Hey, not all of us are lucky enough to get him on the first try," Renge complained, though it was hard for her to keep a straight face.
"I just realized… Does that mean his Dread Troopers are all named Rick?" Isaac suggested, setting them off again.
"Oh! Oh, I just realized… His name also starts with a G, and he's obsessed with gold, he could totally be part of the Golden Lineage," Rinne gasped.
Spanner nodded. "Yes, one nobody talks about, much like Messmer, though for vastly different reasons."
"Who even is his dad, anyway?" Renge wondered.
"Probably Radagon, it would explain the hair and why he's cursed like just about all his children with Marika," Rinne suggested. "Though we'll probably need to wait until VaatiVidya puts out a new video about it to know for sure."
"Hey! Hey! Hey Geryon, say, "I Command Thee, Kneel!" Or "Bear Witness-" Hotaro managed to get out just before Geryon screamed in indignation and fired a golden energy blast at him, causing him to start to turn into gold from the feet up.
"Shut up!" Geryon screamed. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! Be still and silent and golden forever!"
Everyone promptly stopped laughing. "Hotaro/Ichinose!" They all cried.
"Don't worry, everyone!" Hotaro said with a confident grin. "After the rest of you are turned to gold, and possibly most of the planet, I'll break free of this using my heroic willpower and determination, transmute my Driver to give myself a new ultimate form which looks exactly like my base form, then transmute all the gold to create an exact copy of Earth which all the Chemies can live on so they can have a world of their own without worrying about being corrupted by human malice ever again!"
"Wait, what do you mean, 'after the rest of us are turned to gold?'" Rinne demanded. "Do you not have any confidence that we can beat Geryon on our own?"
"No," he said, much to her frustration and reluctant agreement.
"Why would your new ultimate form look exactly like your base form?" A bewildered Renge asked. "That makes no sense, it sounds ridiculously lazy."
"Ichinose, first of all, there's no way you can possibly do that because you're terrible at alchemy," Isaac reminded Hotaro. "Second, even if you did do that, how would creating a second planet for the Chemies to all live on possibly fulfill your dream of human Chemy coexistence, since this seems like… The exact opposite of that? Not to mention it would utterly screw with orbital mechanics and could drastically alter Earth's orbit."
"I think the Cosmic Chemies might be able to stabilize that? But either way it's a very strange idea and I don't think alchemy on that scale is actually possible without a Philosopher's Stone, or even with one!" Kyoka brought up.
"What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
Hotaro blinked "Huh, now that you mention it, I guess I might not have thought things through properly-"
He was cut off by his mouth turning to gold, followed by the rest of him seconds later.
"HOTARO/ICHINOSE!" Everyone shouted.
"NOOOOO!" Clotho howled.
Geryon cackled madly. "Yes! Finally! He's been shut up for good!"
"Wait, maybe he'll manage to break free after all?" Rinne suggested feverishly.
Renge nodded frantically. "Y-yeah, Treasure Boy's pulled off tons of miracles before, what's one more? He'll probably break out of there any second now!"
They waited a moment. Nothing happened.
"Any second now."
Still nothing happened.
"Any. Second. Now."
Even more nothing happened.
"I don't think it's happening-" Sabimaru started to say.
"ANY SECOND NOW-"
"You'll pay for this!" Rinne snarled furiously as she conjured her Driver and drew her Ride Chemy Cards.
MAJESTYDRIVER!
"This ridiculous joke has gone on long enough. Geryon, we will stop you!" Spanner declared, strapping on the Valvaradriver Kurogane and drawing his Ride Chemy Cards.
VALVARADRIVER KUROGANE!
LIGHTNESS LINK! DARKNESS LINK!
"The Sun!"
"Unicon!"
UNICON, TWILIGHT!
THE SUN, TWILIGHT!
Dancing in the dark… Two in one… Dancing in the dark… Two in one… Dancing in the dark… Two in one… Dancing in the dark… Two in one…
"Daiohni!"
"Machwheel!"
MACHWHEEL, CLINK! DAIOHNI, CLINK!
They both struck poses. "Henshin!"
They started to transform…
Only be struck by energy bolts from Geryon, turning them to gold.
"NO!" Kyoka shrieked.
Sabimaru sighed. "Is it sad that I saw this coming?" Isaac asked.
Renge offered Geryon a weak smile. "I don't suppose us being completely useless means you'll spare us?"
"No," he said bluntly, turning the three of them to gold.
Clotho trembled in rage. "No… I let my longing for power… Make me lose sight of what I truly wanted. Lachesis … And Atropos… And Ichinose… And even that Kudo girl, whom I'm suddenly reevaluating all my feelings towards… All I really wanted… Was the power to protect the people I love!"
She slapped on the Dreadriver.
DREADRIVER.
"Geryon!" Clotho shouted, swiping and inserting cards into the Khonsu Stiller one after another. "I'll make you pay for taking my family from me!"
STEAMLINER.
UNICON.
DAIOHNI.
"That is what I fight for!" She shouted, pulling the Nekhbetvoke lever to transform.
DREAD: TYPE THREE.
However, she wasn't finished yet. She began inserting even more cards into her belt.
BEETLX.
X WIZARD.
LIXION.
EXCEEDFIGHTER.
X-REX.
UFO-X.
X FORTRESS.
XEGGDRASIL.
GAIARD.
DRAGONALOS.
OVER CATASTROPHE!
Her body overflowing with energy, she charged at Geryon…
"Our little family charade's gone far enough."
He fired an energy blast at her, causing her to start turning into gold.
"Oh, COME ON!" She screamed in indignation as she was frozen only inches away from him. "Am I the only one who's starting to feel like Level X Chemies are overrated and-"
She was completely turned to gold, silencing her.
Geryon exhaled, turning in place to take in all the statues surrounding him. "And so, at last, all who could possibly stop me have been brought to heel."
Suddenly, Fuga Kudo appeared, fuming with rage for what had been done to his daughter and everyone else. "GERYON!" He bellowed, slapping on his Driver.
ALCHEMIS LINK.
GIGABAHAM! KUROANA!
"Hen-"
"Right, forgot one."
Geryon immediately turned him to gold.
He chuckled, leaning close to sneer in the face of his old rival. "Looks like I win in the end, Fuga."
He flicked him in the nose, causing the petrified Fuga to topple over, cracking the ground as he fell.
"And now… At last…" Geryon said, pulling the lever on his Driver.
UL EL DORADO CRISIS!
The giant cube in the air started revolving, wave after wave of Dread Troopers Type Army generated from the giant puzzle/sex toy, opening fire as they fell to the city below, screams ringing out as they began turning everything shot by their guns to gold.
"My dream of El Dorado will finally come true!" He shouted joyously. "The world will be perfect and golden forever!"
"Gold? Yes. Perfect? Far from it."
Startled, Geryon spun about as the air nearby shimmered, an Aurora Curtain forming from which a gorgeous Kamen Rider bearing a striking resemblance to Decade but clad in gorgeous gold gorgeously emerged. "For after all," the gorgeous newcomer said gorgeously. "Without people to admire its shine, gold is nothing but a useless lump of metal. For you to not understand that proves that, to paraphrase one of my senpais, there is nothing gold in you!"
"I am on the brink of success, and still more Riders appear to vex me?" Geryon demanded, on the verge of losing it by yet another interruption. "Who… Who the hell are you?!"
The gorgeous golden figure twirled gorgeously. "I? I am but a gorgeously passing through Kamen Rider… Behold… The gorgeous advent of I, Kaguya, the legendary Kamen Rider Legend! Remember it always!"
"Kamen Rider…Legend?!" Geryon stammered in disbelief.
The gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously snapped his gorgeous fingers. "Butler, do the thing! Gorgeously!"
The air around the giant cube shimmered as another Aurora Curtain formed around it, causing a huge tower to materialize inside it, sparks flying and metallic groans filling the air as the immense structure pierced the cube and held it in place, stopping the creation of more Dread Troopers.
"No!" Geryon protested. "The only spire that's supposed to penetrate that is mine!"
"Mine's bigger," the gorgeous Kaguya said gorgeously.
Irate, Geryon immediately blasted gorgeous Kaguya with his golden alchemy… And was shocked when it had no effect. "What?! My alchemy had no effect?!"
The gorgeous Kaguya chuckled gorgeously. "Of course it didn't. The problem with your chrysopeia technique is that it can only turn other things to gold. But… What good is it against someone who is already golden?"
"That… No! It can't be!" Geryon protested, shocked.
"And with your strongest alchemy technique negated, that drastically reduces your combat options," the gorgeous Kaguya said gorgeously. "But I, Kaguya… Have no such limitations!"
With a flick of his hand, he produced the Legend Kamen Riser and produced a card-
"Aha!"
Geryon blasted the card… And again, it had no effect. "What?!"
The gorgeous Kaguya chuckled gorgeously and gorgeously turned the card around to show it resembled his gorgeous self. "Sorry, that won't work on cards that are already golden, either."
He gorgeously inserted the card into the Riser and gorgeously fired it into the air. As a ring of spinning cards descended on him, he gorgeously removed the Legend Kamen Riser and gorgeously affixed it to his Legendriver.
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! L-L-L-LEGENDARY LEGEND!
The cards melded with the suit, creating a new gorgeous form, even more shiny and golden than the last one. Geryon staggered backwards in awe and terror at the gorgeous light radiating off Kaguya's gorgeous new form. "No… So shiny… So golden… What is this?!"
"This is the ultimate power of Kamen Riders past, their legacies turned golden!" Gorgeous Kaguya bragged gorgeously as he gorgeously posed stylishly to gorgeously show off his gorgeous form. "Legendary Legend!"
"That name is redundant!" Geryon shouted. "How dare you try to outshine me?!" Enraged, he charged at the gorgeous Kaguya, engaging him in battle.
"I cannot help but outshine you," the gorgeous Kaguya said gorgeously as the two of them exchanged blows. "True gorgeousness comes from within. If you cannot shine as brightly, it's because there is no gorgeousness within you! Your exterior may be golden, but your heart is pyrite!"
"HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING?!" Geryon shouted, livid as he spun the Golder Cubic Ratio on his Driver.
THEURGIA!
A ring of black and red energy exploded off him, flinging the gorgeous Kaguya back gorgeously. "That only proves my point," the gorgeous Kaguya said gorgeously as he gorgeously smoothly landed on his gorgeous feet a few meters away. "That attack wasn't very golden now, was it?"
"I'LL SHOW YOU GOLD!" Geryon bellowed, spinning the cube again.
ALCHEMIA!
Several rocks tore out of the ground and were launched at gorgeous Kaguya.
"That's not gold either," gorgeous Kaguya pointed out gorgeously as he gorgeously started shooting golden bullets from the Legend Kamen Riser at the rocks, shattering them…
Only to discover that the second wave of rocks had been transmitted to gold by Geryon's alchemy, and his shots had no effect, and he was forced to gorgeously brace himself as the gold projectiles impacted his gorgeous form, Geryon cackling gleefully. "Not bad. Guess I need to up my game."
He produced another card-
Geryon immediately shot it. Once again, it had no effect. "Another one?!"
"You didn't really think I would use cards without gold in them against you, did you?" The gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously mocked him, gorgeously inserting the card into the Legend Kamen Riser.
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! G-G-G-GORGEOUS! BLADE KING FORM! ABSORB QUEEN! EVOLUTION KING!
In another gorgeous flash of gold of gorgeous golden light, the gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously transformed into Kamen Rider Gorgeous Blade King Form, which looked basically identical to Blade King Form except he still had the Victoria Gorgeoustar and Bottom Gorgeoustar accessories over the suit.
"What is this? You look completely different! Like a totally different Rider!" The shocked Geryon exclaimed.
"That is because I, Kaguya, am, technically," the gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously bragged. "My Legendary Legend form has the power to let me transform into the final forms of any past Kamen Rider so long as I have the matching card… And thanks to my dimensional travels, I, Kaguya, have them all!" Beneath his gorgeous mask, he gorgeously grinned. "Including all the gold ones!"
"How many are there?!" Geryon demanded.
"A lot more than you'd think, actually," the gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously taunted him as he gorgeously produced the King Rouzer. "And all more golden than you!"
"I'll make you eat those words!" Geryon snarled, ripping off a piece of the nearby railing and transmuting it into a golden sword.
As the two Riders began clashing swords, the gorgeous Kaguya couldn't help gorgeously saying, "You know, just as you aren't the first golden Kamen Rider, you aren't even the first one to use a Philosopher's Stone."
"Preposterous!" Geryon snarled.
"No, it's true," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously asserted. "Agito had a Philosopher's Stone in his Altering, and another Stone was sought after and utilized by Wiseman and the Gremlin Phantom. I must admit, though, your ambitions far outstrip their own."
"Oh?" Geryon couldn't help preening at this.
Gorgeous Kaguya nodded gorgeously. "Oh yes. Wiseman just wanted to resurrect his daughter, and didn't care how many people he had to kill or turn into Phantoms to do so, while Gremlin wanted to be human again and also didn't care how many people he had to kill or turn into Phantoms to do so. But you? You want to transmute the entire planet! That takes gumption!"
"At least someone recognizes my brilliance!" A pleased Geryon remarked.
"There is, of course, another way in which you are similar to those failed villains," the gorgeous Kaguya said gorgeously as they gorgeously locked blades.
"And what's that?" Geryon demanded.
"They failed, and so will you."
Gorgeous Kaguya, who had gorgeously pressed his Legend Kamen Riser against the El Doradriver when Geryon wasn't looking, gorgeously squeezed the trigger and gorgeously opened fire, the resulting explosion causing Geryon to stagger back, crying out in pain as his armor crackled with electricity, his sword slipping from his fingers.
While he was distracted, gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously drew some cards, but these weren't Ride Chemy Cards, but Rouse Cards. He gorgeously quickly inserted them into the sword.
TWO OF SPADES!
THREE OF SPADES!
FOUR OF SPADES!
FIVE OF SPADES!
SIX OF SPADES!
STRAIGHT FLUSH!
Gorgeously gripping his sword as it crackled with energy, he gorgeously swung it at Geryon, gorgeously flinging and incredibly powerful energy beam at him.
ALCHEMIA
A Golem suddenly emerged from the ground before Geryon. "Be covered… In gold!" He grunted, firing a blast at the Golem, transmuting it into a Gold Golem. The Golem tanked the beam, though got pushed back a few feet, nearly colliding with its master in the process. He laughed as the beam finally ran out of energy, smoke rising from the Golem, which was still standing. "It seems your blade did not cut deep enough-"
The Gold Golem grunted and collapsed to one knee, cracks spreading across its chest where the Straight Flush had struck it. "What?!"
"The powers of Legend Riders are not to be underestimated," gorgeous Kaguya said gorgeously smugly as he gorgeously drew another card, this one a Ride Chemy Card. "Now, technically I shouldn't be able to use this card, since I'm only supposed to turn into Rider Final Forms while this is an Extra Final Form… But it still has 'Final Form' in it, which is good enough for me."
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! G-G-G-GORGEOUS! RISING ULTIMATE KUUGA!
Now Gorgeous Rising Ultimate Kuuga, gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously charged the weakened Golem, gorgeously firing his Legend Kamen Riser, the gorgeous energy flying into his gorgeous hand to gorgeously form a gorgeous flaming fist.
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! R-R-R-RISING ULTIMATE KUUGA!
He punched the Gold Golem in its cracked chest, causing the symbol of Kuuga to briefly flash over it before the monster exploded so hard it nearly flung Geryon over the railing.
"Impossible… It's too strong…!" He exclaimed.
"You're right, it is," gorgeous Kaguya admitted gorgeously as he gorgeously stuck his thumb up, gorgeously grunting as gorgeous gold and black electricity started gorgeously crackling over his gorgeous body. "Even I, Kaguya cannot control this much power for long…"
"In that case…"
ALCHEMIA!
Several more Gold Golems burst out of the ground. "Get him! Wear him down!" He commanded, sending the Gold Golems rushing at the gorgeous Kaguya. "Now, let's see how I can win…"
ASTROLOGIA!
A golden fortune cookie appeared in his hand. He broke it open and read the golden strip inside.
"'You can't win,'" he read out loud. He paused. "Wait, what? Let me try that again."
He produced another fortune cookie.
"'The gorgeous Kaguya is going to gorgeously defeat you.'"
Another.
"'You should just give up now.'"
Another.
"'Seriously, this is a waste of time and alchemy, no matter how many of these you make, the answer will stay the same.'"
With a snarl, he made one more.
"'Duck.' Duck? What's that supposed to-"
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! R-R-R-RISING ULTIMATE KUUGA!
Geryon glanced up to see gorgeous Kaguya, having gorgeously defeated all his Gold Golems, gorgeously flying towards him in a gorgeous Rider Kick gorgeously coated in gorgeous gold flames. Yelping, he jumped to the side as the fortune cookie had told him to, causing gorgeous Kaguya to gorgeously streak past him towards the city below. He sighed in relief…
And then gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously screamed, "Oh no! If I, Kaguya, hit the ground with this move, I, Kaguya, will destroy the planet!"
"WHAT?!" Geryon shrieked in horror, racing to the railing. "How is that possible?!"
"Kuuga is one of the strongest of all Riders! His power is unreal!" Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously shouted back.
"Shit! If you destroy the world, I can't rule it," Geryon wailed.
ALCHEMIA!
As the Golden Golem finished forming, Geryon grabbed it and threw it through the air, using alchemy to fling it just ahead of gorgeous Kaguya's gorgeous kick so he could gorgeously strike the monster, engulfing both in a gorgeous explosion.
Geryon sighed in relief. "Good, the world is saved… And now that that fool is out of the way, I can rule it-"
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! G-G-G-GORGEOUS! KIVA EMPEROR FORM!
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously soared out of the gorgeous flames like a gorgeous Phoenix, though he was actually more of a gorgeous bat Dragon, having changed into Flight Style. He shrieked gorgeously, gorgeously spewing gorgeous Hell's Flames from his gorgeous Big Jaw and causing Geryon to cry out as gorgeous explosions erupted around him.
As gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously transitioned back into Gorgeous Emperor Form as he gorgeously dove at the stunned Geryon gorgeously, he gorgeously fired his Legend Kamen Riser.
LEGEND FINAL ATTACK RIDE: K-K-K- KIVA EMPEROR FORM!
Gorgeous Kaguya's gorgeous legs were gorgeously surrounded by gorgeous energy blades gorgeously shaped sort of like gorgeous bat wings, gorgeously landing a gorgeous bicycle kick to Geryon's waist with the gorgeous blades gorgeously stabbing through him multiple times. He gorgeously slammed Geryon into the far wall, the gorgeous impact gorgeously forming a gorgeous crater gorgeously shaped like the Kiva symbol.
"If you think I, Kaguya can be beaten so easily, you clearly need to wake up from whatever delusions you're having," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously smugly stated.
Shouting in fury, Geryon spun his cube once more.
THEURGIA!
The powerful alchemical blast flung gorgeous Kaguya away gorgeously.
ALCHEMIA!
Geryon ripped chunks out of the ground, turned them to gold, and flung them at gorgeous Kaguya, who only smirked gorgeously. "Time for another cheat."
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! G-G-G-GORGEOUS! DOUBLE CYCLONEJOKERGOLDXTREME!
"It's time to count up your sins!" Gorgeous Kaguya cried gorgeously as he gorgeously transformed into Gorgeous Double CycloneJokerGoldXtreme, gorgeously spreading his gorgeous insect wings as he gorgeously glided from gold rock to gold rock towards Geryon.
LEGEND FINAL ATTACK RIDE: D-D-D- DOUBLE CYCLONEJOKERGOLDXTREME!
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously launched into a gorgeous flying kick at Geryon…
Which the evil Rider tanked, crying out as gorgeous Kaguya's gorgeous feet gorgeously impacted his waist, reaching out to grab gorgeous Kaguya's gorgeous ankles. "I have you now!"
He attempted to transmute him into gold…
And nothing happened. "Why?! Only a third of you is gold!" He protested.
"Yes, but it's called CycloneJokerGoldXtreme, so it still counts," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously asserted.
Geryon cried out from exasperation almost as much as pain as he was unable to withstand the gorgeous kick any longer and was engulfed in a gorgeous explosion.
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously flipped through the air, gorgeously landing in a gorgeous stance with his gorgeous back gorgeously turned towards the gorgeous conflagration…
THEURGIA!
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously dodged out of the way just in time as a tremendous blast of black flame erupted from the smoke, engulfing the spot where he had just been gorgeously standing. "That doesn't seem very golden of you!" He remarked gorgeously.
"If a novice like Kurogane could turn Gigist's black flame to silver…" Geryon snarled as he marched out of the flames, black fire burning on his hands. "Then surely I can make it gold!"
He concentrated his gold alchemy on the flames in his hands, which flickered a bit before suddenly blazing to new life, now pure gold. Geryon cackled gleefully. "Not even fire can escape my golden dream!"
"Gold flame? Impressive," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously conceded. "However… How does it compare to Dragon flame?"
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! G-G-G-GORGEOUS! WIZARD INFINITY DRAGON GOLD! VERY NICE! FINISH STRIKE! FABULOUS!
Gorgeous Kaguya, now Gorgeous Wizard Infinity Dragon Gold, gorgeously spread his gorgeous Gold Infinity Wings, his gorgeous Gold Infinity Tail swing behind him. "Let's see which of our flames burns the most gorgeously!"
LEGEND FINAL ATTACK RIDE: W-W-W-WIZARD INFINITY DRAGON GOLD!
The gorgeous Gold Infinity Skull on his gorgeous chest opened its gorgeous mouth and gorgeously released a tremendous blast of gorgeous golden fire. Geryon cried out and released his own stream of golden flames from his hands, as El Dragon manifested behind him.
"Golden Breath!" It shouted, adding its flames to its master's. Together, the Golden Inferno surged forwards, pushing back against gorgeous Kaguya's gorgeous flames, initially seeming to get the upper hand…
"Oh? Two on one is hardly sporting, isn't it? It's a good thing you aren't the only one who has a Dragon!" Gorgeous Kaguya taunted gorgeously.
DRAGORISE, PLEASE: HERE I COME, TO BECOME YOUR MASTER!
As his gorgeous wings spread and started gorgeously glowing, a gorgeous golden Dragon formed behind him and roared triumphantly; Wizardragon (Gorgeous Version), Gorgeous Kaguya's own version of Haruto Sohma's Enslaved Inner Phantom. The gorgeous Dragon Phantom gorgeously opened its gorgeous mouth and gorgeously exhaled its own gorgeous stream of gorgeous gold fire, gorgeously melding with gorgeous Kaguya's gorgeous flames, which very quickly gorgeously surged up to not only equal Geryon and El Dragon's, but quickly began to gorgeously surpass them.
"How are you doing this?!" Geryon demanded. "The power of gold is mine! You should not be able to turn it against me!"
"Kamen Rider Wizard is the hero of hope, who fights to protect the hopes of others," the gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously explained. "Which is why I, Kaguya shall win in the end… For as long as I eye, Kaguya stand, I, Kaguya am the last hope! It's gorgeous time!"
"No… No! NOOOOOO!" Geryon shouted as the gorgeous golden flames overtook his own, engulfing him in brilliant gorgeous fire. He howled in agony as they burned at his armor, El Dragon vanishing with an anguished screech. "You… How can you claim to protect people's hopes, while denying me mine?!" He wailed as he fell to the ground, rolling over to try to put out the flames.
"What hope?" Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously retaliated. "You want to turn the world to gold. That's it. An empty dream for an empty man, which gives hope to nobody. There is nothing gorgeous about them at all! Which is why I, Kaguya shall always oppose villains like yourself!"
"Damn you… Damn you damn you DAMN YOU!" Geryon shouted, spinning the Cubic Ratio once again.
ALCHEMIA!
Geryon conjured up over a dozen Malice Dolls and flung them away, throwing Replichemy cards at them in addition to blasts of golden alchemy. "Be covered… In gold!"
In flashes of golden light, several Gold Malgams were born.
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously scoffed. "You think these will do better than your Gold golems? Or should I call them Goldgems?" He frowned gorgeously. "Goldgems? Does that work? I'll run it by Butler later…"
He drew a new card. "This next fight I'll beat with no continues."
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! G-G-G-GORGEOUS! EX-AID MUTEKI GAMER! CLICK OPEN WIDE: INVINCIBLE! SHINE BRIGHT! LIKE A TRUE SHOOTING STAR! THE ULTIMATE GAMER, CLAD IN GOLD!
Despite himself, Geryon couldn't help but being mesmerized by just how shiny and golden Gorgeous Ex-Aid Muteki Gamer was. "You… You shine so beautifully…"
"Naturally," gorgeous Kaguya said with gorgeous grace. "Also, this is the first golden final form I've used since Gorgeous Blade King Form that couldn't be considered a cheat since it's a "true" final form… Which is somewhat ironic, because it's so powerful it might as well be considered a living cheat code, appropriate given Ex-Aid's videogame theme. Allow me to demonstrate."
LEGEND FINAL ATTACK RIDE: E-E-E-EX-AID MUTEKI GAMER!
His gorgeous figure gorgeously blurred, and he gorgeously moved so gorgeously fast he gorgeously became a gorgeous flash of light, gorgeously zigzagging through the entire mob before gorgeously coming to a gorgeous stop on the other side. Geryon tilted his head in puzzlement, and the Gold Malgams exchanged confused looks…
Hit!
The Malgams jerked.
Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit!
The Malgams cried out as their bodies were ravaged by multiple gorgeous Hit! Signs before exploding gorgeously violently. Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously grinned and gorgeously turned towards the horrified Geryon. "And you're next."
He raced towards Geryon.
THEURGIA!
Geryon once again conjured his golden flames and hurled them in a spectacular fire bolt that shot over gorgeous Kaguya's head as he gorgeously drove his gorgeous fist into Geryon's Driver, gorgeous game energy exploding around him as the evil Rider was flung back in agony.
"You missed," gorgeous Kaguya noted in gorgeous amusement. "Not that you could've hit me anyway at the speeds I was going."
Geryon laughed raggedly between anguished coughs. "What… Haha… Makes you think that I was…heh… Aiming for…heh… You?"
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously blinked. "What do you-"
There was the sound of a tremendous explosion.
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously spun around to gorgeously behold in gorgeous horror that there was now a giant hole piercing his tower, gold flames burning around it. "No," he gorgeously whispered as the structure groaned and slowly began to tip over.
Geryon cackled, only to start coughing again. "Once that tower has collapsed, my glorious cube will be free to start producing Dread Troopers again and turning the world to gold… Including anyone left in that tower! I don't suppose you care very much for the people inside?" He chuckled then winced. "I don't suppose any of your Legend Riders can turn back the hands of time, can they?"
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously clenched a fist in gorgeous anger, gorgeous body gorgeously trembling. "Well," he finally said gorgeously. "Now you've done it." He gorgeously looked back over his gorgeous shoulder, and for a moment Geryon wondered if he'd gone too far. "You've made me angry."
He gorgeously forcefully drew a card and seemed gorgeously surprised when it was abruptly enveloped in energy resembling several clocks. A ticking sound filled the air as the card shimmered and turned into something else. "… Well. I certainly wasn't expecting that. Dare I make a deal with this devil? Still, if he of all Riders is willing to lend me his power, then who am I to refuse?"
He gorgeously inserted the card into the Legend Kamen Riser and gorgeously fired.
FINAL CHEMYRIDE! G-G-G-GORGEOUS! OHMA ZI-OH! THE HALLOWED HOUR! THE GREATEST! MOST RIGHTEOUS! MOST PROMINENT! MOST POWERFUL! KING OF ALL THAT IS!
And suddenly Geryon was gripped with terror so great he forgot how to breathe. The Rider standing with his back to him was almost more black than gold, a cape in the form of two clock hands hanging down his back, radiating an aura of unthinkable, unshakable, unimaginable power, power greater than the Abyssalis Kings, power even greater than the Philosopher's Stone. "S-so," he stammered. "Which Legend Rider is this supposed to be?"
"Hmm?" The Rider glanced briefly over his shoulder, the red katakana making up his eyes almost seeming not to notice him, before chuckling. "Oh, I see. You think that I'm Ho-Oh Kaguya Quartz dressing up as another one of his predecessors. No. No, no, no. This time, I'm the one wearing him. Normally I wouldn't be able to do this – well, that's not true, I absolutely could if I wanted to – but since he was invoking the power of my younger, lesser self, I saw no reason not to give him a taste of the full thing given how very angry and very desperate you've made him."
"… Who… Who are you?" Geryon asked slowly.
The figure raised a hand, more clock energy forming around it, and suddenly time seemed to flow backwards, the crumbling tower rising back up to its full height, the golden flames extinguishing themselves, the hole piercing it reconstructing before his eyes. Geryon stared in disbelief and horror. Not even the strongest alchemy could rewind time like that! Even Timelord only allowed travel between separate times!
"I am the mightiest of all Kamen Riders, inheritor of their legacy," he said calmly, still not bothering to look at Geryon. "The demon king who rules over all of time and space from his eternal throne at the end of time, who has carefully shaped the destinies of every Sougo Tokiwa in existence so that, inevitably, they will all become me. The greatest and most beloved of all overlords… Ohma Zi-Oh."
"An overlord…? No! You will not rule this world! It's mine! El Dorado is MINE!" Geryon shrieked.
Ohma Zi-Oh chuckled in amusement. "All worlds are mine. I just let other people borrow them. However, I think it's high time you gave this one back. You've been making quite a mess of it."
"Never!" The irate Geryon screamed, firing his golden alchemy at the other Kamen Rider. Yes, he was fully aware it hadn't worked the last few times he used it, but this one was almost more black than gold, so it would totally work this time, right?
It did not. The blast didn't even make contact with Ohma Zi-Oh, freezing in place before could touch him. The demon king, having finished restoring the tower, turned and gave the frozen alchemy a curious look. "Hmm. Sloppy. Inefficient. Then again, this world's alchemy – and Kamen Riders, for the most part – have been overall a disappointment. Not enough of one to destroy this world and start over, though I have considered it."
"S-sloppy?! Inefficient?!" Geryon yelled. "That's what they said!" He snarled, pointing at the petrified Riders. "But they're not saying much of anything now, are they-"
Ohma Zi-Oh snapped his fingers, and with the sound of a ticking clock, suddenly they were no longer gold. "Yes! I broke free, just as I said I would!" Hotaro cried.
"Um, Hotaro, I don't think that's what's happening at all," Rinne said, staring at the demon king in alarm.
Renge whistled. "Wow! Look at the bling on that guy! It's almost as impressive as that gorgeous Kaguya!"
"Wait, is that Kaguya?" Sabimaru wondered.
"No," Spanner said after quickly checking to make sure the shaken Kyoka was all right. "No, this is… Something else."
"So long as he kills Geryon, I don't give a damn," Clotho snarled as she staggered to her feet.
"We should," Fuga warned her. "He may be even worse."
"You're right, I am, but you have no need to fear me," Ohma Zi-Oh said dismissively. "I'll be gone shortly."
"No… No! How did you do that?!" Geryon demanded.
"I said I am the inheritor of the legacy of all Kamen Riders," Ohma Zi-Oh said. "Not just the ones of the Heisei era. As such, alchemy is but one of the many talents I have learned over the eons."
Geryon snarled in irritation. "Dammit… I've come too far! This was supposed to be my moment of triumph! I defeated the boy and his friends! I defeated Fuga! And then you had to butt in!"
"I wouldn't have needed to if this world's heroes weren't so hopeless, though honestly I only did this on a whim," Ohma Zi-Oh admitted. "The form Kaguya was about to use would have been enough to finish this regardless, but I saw an opportunity for some fun and I took it."
"Fun? FUN?!" Geryon bellowed. "None of you, not even one of you has taken me seriously! I will make you regret that!"
ALCHEMIA!
As his whole body glowed with golden power, Geryon cried out, dozens upon dozens of Dread Troopers materializing, along with the forms of none other than the Abyssalis Kings!
As the local alchemists gasped, Ohma Zi-Oh mildly commented, "Oh, so we've reached the part where you bring back defeated villains to not only demonstrate your own strength and threat level but also to give everyone else something to fight. I've never really seen the point of this, honestly, if the revived villains were defeated once already, what's the point of bringing them back again? Are they likely to do better this time around?"
"Don't worry, we'll help you-" Hotaro promised, only for the demon king to laugh.
"That will not be necessary. The day when I require help from a Rider of your caliber is the day I consider retiring, because I'd clearly have lost my edge and most of my sanity to need to rely on someone of your faculties."
Hotaro blinked at him stupidly. "Was that an insult?"
Ohma Zi-Oh sighed. "The fact that you seriously asked that question only proves my point. Still, I suppose you're marginally less hopeless than Spanner. What a ridiculous joke he is!"
Spanner scowled.
"Get him-" Geryon started.
"Also, summoning a bunch of mooks. Has that ever actually worked? Really?" Ohma Zi-Oh interjected. "Kaguya was able to easily defeat all the Golems and Malgams you summoned earlier, and I'm much stronger than him, so why do you think this would actually work?"
"W-well-" Geryon stammered.
"Also, considering your love for gold, I'm surprised you didn't make your Dread Troopers golden either, which is a bit of a shame, really," Ohma Zi-Oh continued.
"And why is that?" Geryon blustered, briefly wondering why he hadn't thought to make the Dread Troopers gold as well.
Ohma Zi-Oh snapped his fingers. Clocks formed around the Dread Troopers, ticking loudly, and they started creaking and shaking, rust creeping up their forms as the demon king of time accelerated time around them so that centuries passed in but an instant. Finally, they collapsed in a pile of scrap and rusted metal, red dust spilling out around them.
"Gold doesn't rust," Ohma Zi-Oh said smugly.
"Wow! I've never seen alchemy like that before!" Hotaro exclaimed.
"That's because it's not alchemy," a very worried Minato said. "It's something… Else."
"Well of course it is, it's not like this is the first time we've encountered a Kamen Rider that doesn't use alchemy," Rinne pointed out.
"It isn't?" Hotaro asked in surprise.
Everyone stared at him. "… Ichinose. You remember Geats, right? And his friends? And Legend? And those evil Riders from Hundred?" Isaac asked slowly.
"In my defense, Kaguya uses Ride Chemy Cards too and I've seen so much incredible stuff that's apparently alchemy how am I supposed to know when it's not?" Hotaro retorted.
"… Fair point," Sabimaru conceded.
"So, you don't think my Dread Troopers are to be dreaded?" Geryon snarled. "Very well. You've proven your point. Perhaps THESE will!"
El Dragon manifested again, kaiju sized, and roared, "Golden Breath!"
It spewed gold into the air, which rained down and coalesced in the forms of at least a dozen gargantuan golden Dread Troopers, all aiming their weapons at a completely unruffled Ohma Zi-Oh.
"I've seen bigger," he said bluntly, snapping his fingers and causing half a dozen Dai Mazines to appear and start attacking the startled giant Troopers. "Also, my troops are much better," he said as wave after wave of Kasshine materialized in the city below and started attacking the Troopers on the ground.
"Those are… The same things Hundred used!" An astonished Clotho cried.
"Wait… Does that mean… That you're…?!" Hotaro demanded.
Ohma Zi-Oh burst into incredulous laughter. "Hundred? Those small-timers? Please! As if I would ever associate with such lackluster villains as those!"
"Lackluster – I thought they'd conquered numerous worlds," Rinne protested.
"Yes, using stolen technology and copied Rider powers," Ohma Zi-Oh scoffed. "They reversed engineered some of Quartzer's – and so my own – destroyed machines as foot soldiers and weapons and I simply haven't cared enough to do something about them. It's not like they're a real threat to the multiverse. Not like Dai-Shocker, or the Tojitendo. Now they made quite a mess… And certainly not like this buffoon," he sneered, gesturing at the shocked Geryon. "Just a small man with small ambitions from a small world. Turn one planet to gold? And then what? Will that make him happy, living alone forever in an empty, still world? Preposterous. Even I, the ultimate overlord, know that victory is meaningless without trustworthy comrades at your side."
For a moment, it seemed as if three other figures were standing beside him, one red and yellow, one white and green, and one white and gold.
"But Geryon? He's used and thrown away everyone who ever cared about him. He's pathetic. His plan is stupid and his execution of it even worse. Even Storious had a better endgame, and he was a bog-standard pseudo-philosophical fault-nihilistic JRPG final boss with a terrible suit design that only got as far as he did because all the heroes were complete incompetents!" Ohma Zi-Oh paused, then glanced at Hotaro, Spanner, and their very ashamed teachers. "Granted, that might be at least partially the case here."
"Hey, you don't need to be mean to Spanner!" Hotaro protested. "He gets enough of that from life!"
Spanner's eye twitched as the others laughed. "What a ridiculous joke…"
"And yet, despite all your insults, I was winning until that gorgeous boy showed up," a furious Geryon pointed out.
"A fair point," Ohma Zi-Oh conceded. "I suppose I've lived long enough and become so powerful that from my perspective, most villains are barely worth my attention. I'd better finish you off quickly, then, especially because I don't think Kaguya can channel me for much longer."
"You may have bested me so far, but you cannot defeat all of us-" Geryon bragged, gesturing to the revived Abyssalis Kings.
KUUGA!
BLADE!
KIVA!
DOUBLE!
WIZARD!
EX-AID!
"Oh, come on," Geryon whined as the six Legend Riders, in their golden final and extra final forms, all appeared from time portals on either side of Ohma Zi-Oh.
"Oh neat, he can do that too," Hotaro observed.
"How many Riders have the power to summon or transform into other Riders anyway?" A puzzled Rinne wondered.
"More than you think," Ohma Zi-Oh admitted, nodding at his summoned Riders, who immediately rushed forward to engage the Abyssalis Kings.
"El Dragon! Destroy him!" Geryon shouted at the giant toy Dragon, who'd been standing around awkwardly ever since it had created the Golden Dread Troopers. The Dragon roared and came towards them.
"I've seen better dragons as well," Ohma Zi-Oh scoffed. "And now, so shall you."
Several time portals open around him, unleashing Dragblacker, Dragreder, Castle Doran, Shoodoran, Wizardragon, Brave Dragon, Rune Bright Dragon, Rune Dim Dragon, Jaaku Dragon, Jaou Dragon, Primitive Dragon, Gigabaham, Dragonalos, and a gigantic Nijigon.
Hotaro gasped "Nijigon! What are you doing here?!"
"Sorry Hotaro, gotta obey the king when he calls, gon!" Nijigon roared.
"That's… Gigabaham, how did he-" the startled Fuga stammered, reaching for the Chemy, only to find the card was gone.
"All Rider Powers are mine to command," Ohma Zi-Oh bragged.
Renge whistled. "Wow! Where has this guy been all season… Of our lives? And is he seeing someone?"
"I'm married and far too old for you," Ohma Zi-Oh said.
"Oh," she said, disappointed.
"Golden Breath!" El Dragon roared, firing its breath weapon.
"Rainbow Breath!" Nijigon roared back, shooting its own breath weapon as the other dragons joined in.
Geryon looked around in horror, seeing the Abyssalis Kings getting thrashed by the Legend Riders, El Dragon getting pushed back by the combined dragonfire Ohma Zi-Oh had summoned, his giant golden Dread Troopers getting ripped apart by the Dai Mazines, and his regular-sized Dread Troopers getting slain by the Kasshine. "No… No, no, no! I won't let it end like this!"
EL ABSOLUTE!
His body glowed with pink energy and then started charging with black and yellow thunderbolts. He leaped into the air and performed a flying kick, his foot covered in red energy.
"Ah, time for the climactic final Rider Kick. An appropriate finale," Ohma Zi-Oh commented.
LEGEND FINAL ATTACK RIDE: O-O-O-OHMA ZI-OH!
Two time portals opened on either side of the demon king, discharging Grand Zi-Oh and Zi-Oh Ohma Form. They nodded at each other, and then jumped into the air as energy was channeled into their bodies. Gold "Kick" characters converged on their feet as all the other 19 main Heisei Riders in their final and extra final forms appeared from time portals around them, with all 20 Heisei Rider symbols and foot imprints manifesting behind them. They all merged with the three Zi-Ohs, engulfing them in multicolored auras, and the trio launched at Geryon with a triple flying kick, colliding with a thunderclap.
"I will not yield!" Geryon shouted. "I don't care who you are or what you're the king of, I will never stop! My dream of El Dorado will never die! As you said, gold doesn't rust!"
"No, but it does tarnish," Ohma Zi-Oh replied. "Which, actually, would make you somewhat more suitable for the role of Elden Lord."
Geryon made a strangled scream as Hotaro gasped. "You play too?!"
"I sit on my eternal throne at the end of time ruling over all of time and space. I need to find some way to keep from getting bored," Ohma Zi-Oh said in amusement.
"Enough of this!" Geryon yelled. "Enough of this stupid game and using it to mock me! I shall be the lo… Master of all that is golden! I am the one true Abyssalis King! Rightful wielder of the Philosopher's Stone! I am the greatest alchemist in the world, and I shall not-"
BUILD!
Without warning, another time portal opened, and the end of a line graph clamped onto the startled Geryon's waist as Build RabbitDragon Form slid down its length and struck the El Doradriver, smashing it open and ripping out the pieces of the Philosopher's Stone.
"WHAT?!" Geryon shrieked.
"No way! He got the Philosopher's Stone!" Hotaro exclaimed.
"Wait, does that mean we could've just targeted Drivers the entire time? Why have we never tried that before now?" An incredulous Rinne demanded.
"What a ridiculous joke," Spanner scoffed.
"Remarkable! Without the Stone, he'll lose most of his power!" Minato declared.
"Yeah, I think that's pretty obvious to everyone," Clotho snapped. "Seriously, what kind of teacher are you?"
"A very bad one," Minato admitted gloomily.
"No… How… How did you do that?!" The horrified Geryon protested as energy started crackling out from his Driver, parts of his armor flickering.
"During your previous battle with him, Kaguya prioritized attacks on your Driver, correctly deducing it was the source of your power," Ohma Zi-Oh explained. "As such, it only needed a little more strain to make the Philosopher's Stone vulnerable, and goading you into exerting more of your power and using a finishing move was just what I needed to finish the job."
"Wow! That's brilliant! I would never have thought of something as smart as that!" Hotaro gushed.
"No, you wouldn't have," Isaac agreed.
"Okay, so you're married, but I don't suppose you have room for a concubine or two?" Renge asked desperately.
Everyone stared at her.
"What? If I wind up with a guy like that, I'm set for life!" She insisted.
"But… Without the Stone…" Geryon quavered.
Below them, the Kasshine army claimed victory over the last surviving Dread Troopers as the Dai Mazines ripped the final giant Trooper to pieces.
EL Dragon's Golden Breath faltered, and Nijigon's powered-up Rainbow Breath punched through it and enveloped its dark gold doppelgänger, annihilating it.
TWO OF SPADES!
THREE OF SPADES!
FOUR OF SPADES!
FIVE OF SPADES!
SIX OF SPADES!
STRAIGHT FLUSH!
As Rising Ultimate Kuuga launched into his Rising Ultimate Kick, Blade King Form swung his sword, the two attacks striking Gigist at the same time, causing the symbol for Kuuga to appear briefly on his chest.
WAKE UP!
CYCLONE MAXIMUM DRIVE!
HEAT MAXIMUM DRIVE!
LUNA MAXIMUM DRIVE!
JOKER MAXIMUM DRIVE!
Kiva Emperor form and Double CycloneJokerGoldXtreme dashed forwards, cleaving through Germain with a cross slash as they shot by.
VERY NICE! FINISH STRIKE! FABULOUS!
FINISHER! HYPER CRITICAL SPARKING! ULTIMATE STRIKE! PERFECT VICTORY!
As Ex-Aid Muteki Gamer struck Gaelijah with Rider Kicks from all angles, Ex-Aid manifested the Gold Infinity Skull on his foot and dove at the Abyssalis King in a diving kick, striking just as she started getting ravaged by Hit! Signs.
The six Legend Riders landed side-by-side and dramatically turned their backs in unison as the three Kings cried out in agony and exploded.
"You're finished," Ohma Zi-Oh declared.
The El Doradriver exploded, Geryon's power fading in an instant as the triple Rider Kick impacted him, flinging him across the city and causing him to slam into the side of his frozen cube hard enough to cause the face to cave in, his body at the bottom of a deep crater, his armor crumbling and dissolving.
"And with that, I leave the rest to you, Kaguya," Ohma Zi-Oh said, vanishing in a flash of light as the summoned Legend Riders, Kasshine, and Dai Mazine disappeared, leaving only a slightly gorgeously disoriented gorgeous Kaguya behind.
"Kaguya!" Hotaro cried. "Are you okay?!"
"Of course, I, Kaguya, am okay, I, Kaguya M gorgeous," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously said with gorgeous diffidence. "But… I, Kaguya am never doing that again. I, Kaguya am not sure I, Kaguya even can, but I, Kaguya certainly don't want to."
He gorgeously aimed the Legend Kamen Rider at the distant Geryon. "Only one thing left to do now."
"Do you really have to kill him?" Hotaro begged. "He's suffered so much already! And maybe we can still be friends!"
"NO!" Everyone shouted at him.
"Kill the bastard!" Clotho bellowed.
"As the lady wishes," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously said with gorgeous grace.
LEGEND FINAL ATTACK RIDE: LE-LE-LE-LEGENDARY LEGEND!
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously pulled the gorgeous trigger, gorgeously firing a gorgeous rainbow energy beam with a gorgeous golden aura at Geryon.
As Geryon saw his gorgeous death approaching, a tear ran down his cheek from his left eye, exposed from damage to his mask. "So, in the end, my dreams of El Dorado were nothing but fool's gold after all… But at least… I shall die… GORGEOUSLY!"
The gorgeous beam struck, gorgeously vaporizing Geryon and causing the Golden cube to explode gorgeously, everything that had been transmitted to gold gorgeously reverting to normal.
"A gorgeous climax, from start to finish," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously said solemnly as he gorgeously canceled his gorgeous transformation, only to be gorgeously confused when everyone reacted in disgust. "What? What did I, Kaguya say?"
"It's… It's this whole thing from before you got here, you don't want to know," Rinne told him.
"I thought it was a legitimate question-" Hotaro started to say only for everyone to yell at him to shut up.
Suddenly, a bullet train pulled up beside them again and the red demon poked his head out once more. "Hey, did somebody say – oh, hey, Kaguya! Nice to see you again!"
Gorgeous Kaguya smiled gorgeously, causing quite a few present to swoon, including the demon. "Momotaros! How's everything going?"
"Good, good, just traveling through time, beating up bad guys, the usual," Momataros replied. "Hey, think we could do another team up sometime? It was really cool the last time."
"I, Kaguya don't see why not," gorgeous Kaguya said with gorgeous grace. "Thank you for stopping by, but I, Kaguya have a few things to clean up here."
Momotaros was devastated. "You mean I missed all the fun? Darn! Feels like it's been a while since my last scrap… Oh well, maybe next time."
"Give the others my regards," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously requested.
"I will not do that," Momotaros promised.
"Hey, senpai, who are you talking to?" A voice called from inside the train.
"Is that Kaguya? I want to talk to him!" Another, much more childish voice cheered.
A third voice snored very loudly.
"No, it's not Kaguya! And even if it were, he doesn't want to talk to you, he thinks you all suck!" Momotaros yelled.
"That doesn't sound like him," the first voice said doubtfully.
"You're a liar, Momotaros! Liar liar pants on fire!" The second yelled.
"Am not! I don't even wear pants!" Momotaros yelled, retreating inside the train, which took off.
Everyone stared. "What was that?" A very confused Kyoka asked.
"Oh, that was one of my senpai's, Kamen Rider Den-O," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously explained. "Well. One of them, anyway. It's a little complicated."
"Are… All Riders from other worlds that strange?" Rinne asked hesitantly.
"Oh no, some are truly bizarre," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously said to her dismay.
"Well," Hotaro said cheerfully. "All that matters is that Geryon is defeated and now the world is at peace and nothing bad will ever happen again ever!"
"Ichinose, the city has been seriously damaged, countless people have been traumatized from being turned to gold, the existence of alchemy, alchemists, and Chemies was still leaked to the world thanks to Gaelijah somehow learning how to use social media-" Spanner started.
Clotho whistled nonchalantly.
"The Alchemy Association has collapsed, the higher-ups are in the wind, our school has been overrun, and you still don't have any way to make your ridiculous joke of a dream of a world where humans and Chemies coexist a reality or even a clue on how to start," Spanner pointed out.
"Also, my sisters are dead," Clotho said miserably.
"Yeah, well… At least I'm not going around calling myself the King of alchemy and planning something stupid like destroying all Chemies and claiming they're the problem instead of the bad humans who want to misuse them!" Hotaro retorted.
"… I never called myself the King of alchemy…" Spanner muttered.
"Well, I suppose we could deal with the immediate problem by erasing everyone's memories again-" Minato started, only to be loudly shouted down by everyone else.
"No! We are NEVER doing that again!" Rinne shouted.
"Kajiki almost went insane because of you erasing his memory so much! His girlfriend broke up with him! And look what happened to poor Spanner because his mom kept erasing his memories instead of sending him to therapy," Hotaro argued.
"… I want to argue with him but he's probably right…" Spanner grumbled as Kyoka looked rightfully ashamed.
"So many of the problems we've had in the last few days are because you've kept erasing people's memories," Isaac complained. "And I have to wonder if all the people we've helped really turned out all right since we kept on sealing the memories of the character development they underwent from their interactions with Chemies, like that one boy and his abusive father who turned into a dragonfly and tried to kill him because he hated that he was friends with a cactus."
"Oh yeah, I wonder whatever happened to them," Hotaro wondered.
"Also, now that we definitively know it causes brain damage, I'm really worried about the fact that you mind-wiped my grandma and her entire village," a worried Renge admitted.
"Seriously, why is that your answer to everything? And I say that fully aware I used to do the same thing, including to Hotaro, and look how he turned out," Fuga said, gesturing at Hotaro.
Hotaro blinked. "Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"
"It feels like that's all I'm good for," Minato said miserably.
"Well, there's not much I, Kaguya can do to help you with that mess," gorgeous Kaguya said gorgeously. "But we can probably bring back Lachesis and Atropos using the Philosopher's Stone."
"We can?!" Clotho, Rinne, Spanner, and Kyoka asked hopefully.
"I, Kaguya don't see why not," gorgeous Kaguya said gorgeously. "After we use it to do so, though, I, Kaguya believe I, Kaguya will take it home with me. It will be much more secure along with all the other treasures I, Kaguya, have collected from other worlds in my tower – not even Diend has been able to break in – and I, Kaguya rather think it's done too much damage to this world already. And I, Kaguya am not sure any of you alchemists can be trusted to use it responsibly."
"… I want to argue with him but he's probably right…" Fuga conceded.
"We really screwed up," Kyukogo agreed.
"Oh yeah, I totally can't be trusted with that, I'd use it to make like a shit load of money," Renge said with full self-awareness.
"You're not going to take Nijigon too, are you?" Hotaro asked in dismay, clutching Nijigon.
"Don't take me, gon!" Nijigon wailed.
"No, you can keep him," gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously told him, to their relief. "I would never take your pet away, beloved."
"Oh, thank goodness!" Hotaro cried.
Rinne stiffened. "Wait…"
"Beloved?!" Clotho shrieked.
"Oh yeah, we've been dating for a while now, I never mentioned that?" Hotaro asked in surprise.
"NO!" Everyone shouted at him.
"Whoops, my bad."
Rinne and Clotho looked like they were about to burst into tears.
"Anyway, Spanner, you're wrong, because I have thought of a way to make my dream a reality!" Hotaro exclaimed. "First, we-"
There was a flash of light and Gotchard Daybreak suddenly appeared, grabbed Hotaro by the shoulders, and shouted "NO!" In his face before abruptly disappearing again.
"Well, guess we're not doing that, then," a dazed Hotaro said after a moment.
"Does… That happene often?" Fuga asked slowly.
"More than I'd like. You'd think he'd let me make my own mistakes instead of trying to choose my future for me," Hotaro complained.
"Considering he's from a post-apocalyptic nightmare, he may have a reason for it," Isaac pointed out.
"How Treasure Boy grows up to be that, I still have no idea," Renge muttered. "Also I hate you forever for getting to Kaguya before I could."
Hotaro blinked, confused. "I don't get it."
Gorgeous Kaguya gorgeously patted him on the shoulder. "It's fine, darling. Anyway, I, Kaguya might have an idea on how to make your dream a reality…"
With a gorgeous flick of his gorgeous wrist, he gorgeously fanned out several black and white envelopes with the DGP logo stamped on them.
"You've already met a certain divine Fox, yes?"