Chapter Text
Someone ordinary stands in front of a hat display at the Braj Stop. It just so happens that today, January 30th, 1997, is this cool dude’s birthday. Though it was 22 years ago he was given life, it is only today that he will find his purpose.
Your name is Dennis Devita and you must have the biggest grin on your face, because you’ve just seen your favourite ventriloquism-based rap artist slouch into your aisle.
DENNIS: hey man!
DENNIS: i can’t believe i’m seeing THE lil cal under the glorious fluorescent lighting of my favourite damn store.
DENNIS: i am a HUGE fan dude, i have every CD you’ve put out. i had to buy TWO of Plush Tones III because my piece of shit roommate got his fuckin nacho fingers all over my first copy.
DENNIS: i was like broseph, i WILL press charges over this if i can’t get a replacement.
DENNIS: i was serious too, i know my fucking rights.
DENNIS: ANYWAY my point is dog, i fucking love your beats and i miss the SHIT out of you. where have you even been?
BRO: got a kid
DENNIS: oh dope!
Bro gives you a funny look. You laugh apologetically, not sure what you’re apologising for.
DENNIS: i mean, i love kids. and i bet your kid is UNBELIEVABLY cool.
BRO: hes pretty cool
BRO: were workin on it
You follow Bro through the store, telling him about your favourite songs of his and about your band (you do Dave Matthews covers and you’re this close to being discovered). You follow him all the way to the checkout and then to the ball pit, which is where you meet the cutest kid the world has ever seen. You step over the small barrier and pick the little guy up.
DENNIS: is this the man in question?
BRO: that is he
DENNIS: righteous.
DENNIS: he’s like a mini you!
BRO: thats the general idea
Bro steps into the pit too and picks up a pair of tiny sunglasses from the ground. He puts them on Dave’s nose in a practised move. You hold Dave out to Bro, but Bro makes no move to take him and Dave doesn’t seem to expect it, clinging to your arm instead of reaching out.
BRO: he can walk
You put Dave down and he clings to your leg instead. Bro makes a disappointed noise through his nose.
DENNIS: i should probably let you fellas get on with your day, huh.
BRO: or you could come hang out
BRO: just got the new madden
Bro holds up the plastic bag he got given with his purchase. You look at him in surprise. You kinda thought you were bothering him.
DENNIS: really?
BRO: sure
BRO: aint like daves much company
BRO: sides
BRO: lil cal likes you
You don’t think you’ve ever smiled so big in your entire life.
Lil Cal likes Dennis because Dennis thinks Lil Cal is cool. Lil Cal likes bros with hats and cool shades, and men who can curl 50lbs dumbbells without making a big deal out of it. Lil Cal calls Dennis a pervert when he holds Dave’s hand to help him cross the street, but you’re not so sure, and Lil Cal doesn’t really care what other people do the same way he cares about you. You love him for that, most of the time.
Dennis comes around again with a casserole and some home-pureed apple sauce his mom gave him after he told her about the two of you. Lil Cal’s philosophy doesn’t leave much room in itself for moms. You like the casserole, but don’t say so.
Lil Cal is more interested in what Dennis has to say, which is a lot. One day, Dennis brings over a Victoria’s Secret catalogue and he ranks the models based on a complicated list of criteria that includes how visible their nipples are in any given photo, whether their nails would be sexy or scary, and how friendly their smiles are. You disagree with some of his rulings, empowered by the strict guidelines that don’t demand intangible things like preferences. Even the criteria of “most motorboatable ass” refers more to the shape than the desire. You feel … included.
Dennis comes around most days, and then every day. Sometimes he brings food or a video game, sometimes even a toy for Dave. You like the puzzles he brings that improve Dave’s coordination and logic skills. You don’t like the teddy bear. People used to try and make you give Lil Cal up by handing you soft shit like that. You put fake blood capsules in it and then blow it up. Dave laughs and claps. Dennis thumbs some of the blood off Dave’s forehead and laughs too, but not at quite the right time. When he brings home a baby-sized Kermit, you decide it can stay.
It makes Dave cry less, which is a sorely needed improvement. You can’t or won’t hold him, and none of you like it when you give him Lil Cal. It hadn’t occurred to you to get Dave his own puppet.
(You have, shamefully, considered taking Dave’s shades off and leaving Lil Cal with him. But that connection is yours and you’re not sharing. A much quieter impulse, something bone deep that makes you catch Dave before he falls sometimes even though he’ll never learn that way, won’t do it for its own reasons. You try not to think about it.)
The first time Dennis sleeps over, it’s an accident. You’re marathoning horror movies from your childhood and halfway through The Fly you hear him snore, head fallen back against the futon and mouth comically open. You ask Lil Cal what to do, and he doesn’t give a shit. So you let Dennis sleep. So long as he stays on his side of the couch, you don’t mind.
After the third time he sleeps over, he brings over a spare toothbrush and asks to store a couple pairs of underwear and socks somewhere. Everything else he can get away with wearing again, he says. You ask Lil Cal. He doesn’t give a shit about this either. You tell Dennis you’re okay with it, and when he smiles in gratitude you think you actually are.
It’s 2am and the only light is coming from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 playing on Bro’s TV, a movie you saw with your older brothers when you were eleven (probably too young, but in a funny way) and Bro saw with his foster father when he was eight (definitely too young, and it’s kind of sad when it’s a dad doing it). Bro says that Lil Cal loved it. He has a habit of telling you how Lil Cal feels about things instead of owning them himself. Weirdly, you don’t think the two always align.
DENNIS: hey bro?
BRO: yeah
DENNIS: what’s the story with dave’s mom?
BRO: he doesnt have one
DENNIS: yeah but what happened to her?
BRO: seriously
BRO: he doesnt have one
DENNIS: okay, i can take a hint.
Bro looks at you with this expression he gets sometimes, like you’re not understanding something that he’s saying as clearly as he knows how. It’s not the expression he gets when you’re being too nosy or otherwise annoying him. You look back at him apologetically. You don’t mean to be stupid. He didn’t finish high school either, but he’s so much smarter than you.
BRO: i found him
You frown. You open your mouth, but you don’t know what to say. In the end, you decide on:
DENNIS: what?
BRO: i found him
DENNIS: what like he was left on your doorstep?
BRO: record shop
DENNIS: who were his parents?
BRO: didnt have any
DENNIS: don’t take this the wrong way, but did you CHECK?
Bro looks at you flatly.
BRO: yes
DENNIS: okay.
You stare at each other, ignoring the gruesome movie on TV.
DENNIS: why didn’t you give him up?
DENNIS: no offence bro, but you’re not winning parent of the year.
DENNIS: sometimes i don’t even know if you LIKE him.
Bro’s expression pinches into a distress you’ve never seen on him before.
BRO: i love him
DENNIS: what?
You think you heard him right, but he said it that quietly … Bro looks away from you, to the speaker that Li’l Cal is propped up on.
BRO: cal gets jealous
The first person you ever met on this Earth was Jake Harley. You know, because he tells you so almost every time he sees you. He plucked you from a wreckage just like the one you found Dave in and dropped you off with a family he’d pre-selected the same day. The family was paid an enormous amount to raise you well.
You don’t know what his pre-selection criteria was, but you weren’t a typical kid. They didn’t like you. You didn’t like them either. You didn’t need them, anyway. You had Lil Cal.
Every few years, Jake appears in your life again for anywhere from half an hour to a couple of months. He checks in on how you were doing and sometimes he takes you on an adventure, though you suspect that’s done with now you have Dave. One time, this was a visit to a ranch where you were allowed to pet and feed the animals. Another time it was bowling. Another time, when you were eleven, he told you to get your sword and a change of underwear and you didn’t step foot on dry land for five weeks, chasing pirates around Indonesia. Sometimes Roxy would come too, but you know that’s done with now.
Lil Cal doesn’t like Jake. This is the one point on which you disagreed during your childhood. Lil Cal thinks Jake is stupid, even though he knows more than anyone you’ve ever met; he thinks Jake is boring, even though you’ve never been interested by anyone else like him; and he thinks Jake is gay, even though he’s the manliest man you’ve ever met.
Jake thinks Lil Cal is funny. He’s never tried to separate the two of you, which makes him one of your favourite people. He doesn’t expect you to not be a freak cool on a level that the mere mortals around you could never understand.
For Dave’s third birthday, you go to the zoo. Bro covers Dave’s eyes in the reptile house when you go past the snakes (his own gaze lingering with a kind of fascinated revulsion), but not for the spiders. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him cover Dave’s eyes before, not even when the kid’s woken up while you’re watching horror movies. Dave laughs and grabs hold of Bro’s hand with both of his, lifting his feet off the ground and swinging. It makes you smile, even more when Bro doesn’t stop it from happening.
You think Bro might be a germaphobe. You can’t think of any other reason for the way he pulls back from Dave over and over. You’ve never seen him hold Dave’s hand to direct him or cross the street. When Dave had a nightmare the other night, Bro gave him Lil Cal to cuddle until you picked Dave up yourself. You don’t know if it breaks your heart more when Dave reaches for Bro and is denied, or when he doesn’t even try because he knows it won’t do any good.
You don’t have a lot of experience with kids. You have a lot of cousins on your dad’s side, but they’re all back on the Italy, and your mom was an only child. You don’t think your brother wants kids, even though his wife does.
Even so, you know enough to know that Dave … isn’t normal. He’s almost as fast as Bro when he wants to be and freakishly strong—one time Bro locked him in his room and he broke the fucking door down. He’s only just three years old and he can read. And it’s not just remembering books by heart or using the pictures, he’s read simple books to you the first time he’s seen them.
You’ve tried to say this to Bro, but he just shrugs it off. You get the feeling that he knows exactly what is up with Dave, but he’s not sharing. There’s a lot he doesn’t share with you. You’d feel hurt by it if it wasn’t for the fact that he doesn’t so much as talk to anyone else as far as you’ve seen. Even buying tickets today or otherwise dealing with customer service people, he just stares when they make small talk.
DAVE: tigers! tigers!
BRO: hold your goddamn horses kid
DAVE: TIGERS!
BRO: how far away are the fuckin tigers den
DENNIS: this map is NOT to scale.
DENNIS: but we’re in the big cat area so... not far?
Dave sprints forward so fast he blurs and you look at Bro. You’re pretty sure Dave’s too young to be going off on his own, but Bro doesn’t look worried so you try and chill too.
You stop for a way overpriced lunch after you’ve seen the tigers and you watch the Striders people watch. Dave stares at other kids like they’re potentially dangerous aliens. Bro stares at adults the same way.
DENNIS: they’re not gonna bite, you know.
Bro and Dave look at you with matching wary expressions.
DENNIS: i’m just saying. people are mostly good.
BRO: YOURE good
BRO: not the same thing
DENNIS: damn homie, it’s like you care about me!
You punch him on the shoulder as he looks at you with a grim mouth, assessing your words. Your grin doesn’t falter. He isn’t great at reading expressions beyond the obvious, which gives you an advantage. If you look like you don’t see anything wrong with what you’ve said, he’s trapped into considering that maybe there isn’t anything wrong with it.
BRO: were done here
For a heartstopping moment, you think he means that he’s dumping you—if a person can dump another person that they are determined not to date. You’ve pushed further than that before, but you should know better.
BRO: cmon kid
BRO: if youre not a bitch about leaving ill make dennis get you a penguin or some shit on the way out
DAVE: penguins are lame
BRO: penguins are dope youre the lame one
DAVE: no way im so cool
BRO: says who
DAVE: dennis
BRO: that dont mean shit
DAVE: dennis is cooler than you old man
BRO: what in the fuck did-
BRO: im twenty fucking one
DAVE: more like a million and one
BRO: dennis is older than me
DAVE: i dont believe you
DENNIS: it’s true buddy.
DAVE: ok so dennis is the boss
DAVE: because hes oldest
BRO: a second ago you thought i was the oldest
DAVE: bro im wrong sometimes im two
BRO: youre three you little shit
DAVE: oh yeah
BRO: if you dont want a penguin then youre gonna have to steal it yourself
DENNIS: for real?
Bro looks at you like he doesn’t understand your disbelief.
BRO: hes gotta learn sometime
DENNIS: he does?
Bro cocks his head to the side. This is one of those things that is obvious to him. The brief glimpses you’ve had into his childhood make you think that it probably wasn’t optional for Bro either.
DAVE: i can do it
DENNIS: well it ain’t like i’m desperate to pay for an overpriced stuffed tiger or whatever.
DAVE: tigers are lame
BRO: i dont get this kid
DENNIS: buddy you were just kookoo banana-nuts over tigers not 3 hours ago.
DAVE: yeah and they were BORING
DAVE: they just lied there
BRO: lay
DAVE: what?
BRO: they just lay there
BRO: ill make you a chart
BRO: lie is bullshit word but you gotta know
DAVE: ok
BRO: otherwise youll sound like a tool when you rap
DAVE: that would be bad
BRO: for real
DENNIS: which animal was your favourite, brotato?
DAVE: i liked the meerkats
BRO: acceptable
Dave gets the meerkat toy under his shirt pretty easily, but he’s three and it just kinda looks like a three-year-old stuffed a toy under his shirt. Bro clearly isn’t interested in helping, so you pick Dave up and put him on your hip, squashing the toy between you.
DAVE: but i WANT ONE!
You lean back out of the way of Dave’s outrageously loud voice. It takes you a second to realise what he’s doing. This kid is smarter at three than you are in your mid-twenties
DENNIS: i told you no little man.
DENNIS: it’s home time.
DAVE: FUCK
You choke on a snigger and rush out of the gift shop, avoiding everyone’s eyes. Back at your truck, Dave shows his prize to Bro and earns a solemn nod of approval.
BRO: be easier if i got you a sylladex
DENNIS: isn’t he a bit young?
DENNIS: you wouldn’t believe the shit i sent flying when i first got mine!
BRO: hes gotta learn sometime
DENNIS: sometime doesn’t have to mean today.
Bro considers this for a long, drawn-out moment. Eventually, he turns away and looks out the window. You take the hint and turn the key in the ignition.
You know every parent has a plan for their kid, even if they pretend otherwise, even if they don’t even know it. You can’t quite wrap your head around what Bro’s plan for Dave is. Not yet. But you don’t doubt for a second that there is a plan. And more than that, you know with absolute certainty that Bro doesn’t consider the plan open to compromise.