Chapter Text
Blood.
It was something that the young tiger has been familiar with for years, even back when he was a little kid, back before he joined the Port Mafia.
He remembered reading a book he took from the orphanage’s library that said blood was what kept people alive, that it cycled through everyone’s body because of their hearts. It said a bunch of other stuff about it but he could barely read the words, let alone make any sense of them.
Maybe he should learn how to read better...
He remembered how so many other kids would come running to the Headmaster, tears running down their cheeks and blood oozing from their various grazes and bumps. He would pat their backs and tell them to head to the nurse’s office, that he would be there shortly.
Why didn’t he treat him with such care?
How it left a metallic, tangy smell after it had dried into the concrete of his cell.
How it never left no matter how many times he’d try to clean it.
Bleed, then clean. Bleed, then clean.
Absent-mindedly his hand reached up to the scar over the right side of his face. It never fully healed, his ability healed his eye but the burn scar was still there.
So he got used to the sight of it, the smell of it. It didn’t scare him as much as it did the other orphanage kids. It still meant he felt the pain whenever he hurt himself, but he wasn’t scared at the sight of the red goo.
Atsushi wondered if normal kids thought about the sticky goo outside of being hurt, about what it meant if the liquid was completely drained out of their bodies...
If it was a weird concept to think about at such an ‘innocent’ age.
However, now that he was away from the Headmaster and that shitty orphanage, he hasn’t really payed it much attention anymore. It’s really only when he catches rare glimpses of Chuuya's stained clothes as he’d try and hurry past into his room after missions when Atsushi thinks about it. Or when he sees a new bandage added to Dazai’s attire and the ones that have been exchanged on most of his body since he’d known the boy. Or when he has training with the latter and messes up-
His face throbbed and he didn’t know if he wanted to throw up or pass out, he could hear the tiger’s anxious growls deep in his mind as he continued to push his instincts to let it free down.
The were-tiger winced as he realised he was gripping his arms too tight again.
Breathe, he just needed to breathe and calm down before he feels like he’s dreaming again. Like he doesn’t exist.
Hold your breathe and release. Then repeat. Hold in your breath. He’d be okay.
He didn’t really like Dazai when they were training together... and Chuuya would often yell at the brunette afterwards when he thought Atsushi couldn’t hear.
He decided that he didn’t like his brother’s arguing over him with each other either.
But Dazai was just trying to make him stronger, help get his ability under control. Dazai was just trying to be a good big brother. It’s his own fault for not trying hard enough.
It’s his fault that he made Dazai so disappointed in the first place.
Despite that though, his combat and strategic skills have been improving over the past year, along with his health. Apparently enough so that Mori had summoned Atsushi, Chuuya and Dazai to come to his office on the Tuesday, having just called the surprised gravity manipulator days before as he has teaching the younger how to, quote, unquote, “properly kick someone’s lights out”.
“It’s important to know how to effectively manoeuvre and defend yourself without relying on your fists alone. Besides, you can learn all kinds of cool tricks!” his voice had sounded rather animated, but Atsushi could tell his eyes were conflicted with various emotions.
His chest felt warm when he caught it, but he ignored the feeling.
That was on the Sunday morning, now it was Tuesday, likely not too long after noon. On their way up to the boss’ office.
The curly haired brunette lazily leaned against the elevator, groaning about why he too had to come, while the orange-haired executive stood opposite him alternating between watching the number increase as they passed each floor and the younger boy stood near the glass backing.
It was too pretty of a day to not admire.
Taking care to not smudge the glass the boy leaned forward to try and get a better view of the sky, muttering “It’s so bright out day, not a cloud in sight.”
“Hhmm?” Chuuya hummed as he took a look out to the clear sky and the sun’s rays, “Yeah. Yeah it is too.”
The elevator was thrown into near darkness soon after.
•~☆~•
“Well if it isn’t my two youngest executives and my young were-tiger.” The older man smirked upon their arrival, “Let’s get straight to business shall we? I’ve got shit to do.”
“I’m great thanks for asking... I love the hospitality today Mori!” falsely cheered the bandaged teen as he glanced around the room with a bored expression on his face.
He always admired how cool Dazai sounded with his quick and confident remarks.
From what Atsushi has heard, the brunette often gets called up to Mori’s office – unlike him who could probably count on one hand how many times he’s even seen the adult. Sometimes it would be for a quick, short talk while others were meetings that could last for hours at a time. So his expression wasn’t all that surprising to the pre-teen. Although it didn’t save Dazai from Mori’s unamused glare.
The teen just glared straight back at him.
To the left side of him, Chuuya just sighed – most likely at Dazai antics towards Mori – before fixing his posture and standing up straighter with his hands staying in his pant’s pockets. And if Atsushi felt his own hands twitch towards his pants – they didn’t have pockets he realised – and felt like he had suddenly grown taller, he didn’t say anything.
It was simply just his imagination, nothing more.
“So boss... What’s this all about?” the gravity manipulator interrupted, cautious enough to not further aggravate the situation.
From Chuuya’s other side, Dazai piped up, breaking the staring contest, “It’s about the brat’s immediate future here you slug, what else would require the three of us to come here otherwise?”
“Shut up you mackerel.”
Here they go again, Atsushi quietly chuckled.
“I’m sorry but I don’t speak slug–”
“Enough.” Mori barked out, causing the two go quiet, “Dazai’s correct, it’s about Atsushi’s position here at the Port Mafia.”
So it was. Does this mean he can go on missions now?
“Told you, you idiot–”
Again, Mori ignored him. “Atsushi. You’ve been training under Dazai and Chuuya for a bit over a year now correct?” it sounded rhetorical but the boy nodded none the less, “And you have since improved from your first assessment here in both combat and health. Enough so that you should do well on the battle field.”
Atsushi’s head tilted to the side, “On the battle field? So you mean I can – like do missions?”
In the corner of his eye, he swore that he saw Chuuya shift towards Dazai. Weird.
“Of course. We can’t have one of our members sit around and leach off of our organisation now can we?”
Atsushi shook his head, of course not. That’s not what the Port Mafia was about, if it was, it wouldn’t be as powerful as it stood now.
It’d be more like a charity than anything else.
They kill hundreds of thousands of people, they trade illegal goods and weaponry across Yokohama – no doubt across Japan –, they do whatever they please because they know they can get away with it. The Port Mafia is an illegal, unauthorised, organisation who's members have all committed crimes to some degree.
Atsushi knew that.
He knew that the Port Mafia wasn’t actually a place for children – children unlike him – to be, that it’s a dark and malicious place. That it would devour his innocence and leave nothing but bloodied hands in it’s wake.
That if Atsushi were to run far away, away from it’s consuming grasp, he would likely be able to get away to somewhere that wouldn’t leave his hands dirty – but even if he did, where would he go?
Away from the only two people who have cared for him?
He knew this.
The idea of it should scare him... terrify him.
But yet... Atsushi couldn’t bring himself to imagine ever leaving. This was his home. He loves having Chuuya and Dazai around with him. He loves his big brothers and wants to be like them.
Even though you’ll turn out to be a criminal, a murderer?
“Of course not. I-...” Hold your breath, “I wanna help out. Besides, it was getting boring just standing around with nothing to do.”
Which was true, he was sick of doing nothing but training and standing around back at home.
He wasn’t the same weak little kid anymore.
The large office went silent for a few moments before Mori smirked at the boy, amusement clear in his facial features. But Atsushi didn’t understand what was so funny about it.
“Is that so?” the man hummed. “I see your combat skills aren’t the only thing that has changed over the year.”
Dazai just rolled his eyes.
“With all due respect boss, with the kid’s growing attitude...” Atsushi tried not to wince at the brunette’s harsh tone, “he’s just going to become an overconfident brat and cause more harm then good for the Port if left to his own devices.”
“That’s beside the point.” Chuuya quickly interrupted, his voice irritated, “Atsushi’s just a kid. Ability or not, he’ll be fighting against assholes triple his size with years of experience. Most of whom wouldn’t think twice about–”
“Kyu’s nearly half his age and handles themselves completely fine. Because they have an ability, just like Atsushi. I think you’ve just gotten attached ‘Chuu’.” He mocked the familiar nickname as he made his way over to Mori’s desk.
“You ever say that again and I’ll--”
“You'll what? You can’t even land a hit on me oh great Ex-King of the Sheep.”
The room went dead silent – excluding Mori’s sigh – as Atsushi saw Chuuya wince, hands quickly curling into tight fists as Dazai stared at him with a vicious smirk.
King of the Sheep? Atsushi hadn’t ever heard that term before. He didn’t even think there were any sheep in the city.
Unless... was it an acronym for a group or organisation of some kind? He’d have to ask Chuu – no he got mad when Dazai called him that, so he should stop if it annoyed him.
Hesitantly, the silver-haired boy looked to the older’s darker face and murmured, “Hey...-uh Chuuya?”
Only to be met with a burning red, glow and a grumble from the other side of the room.
Shit.
That was never good...
“Don’t you fucking dare call me that! That was you’re fault back there! They didn’t need to die.” He growled.
Dazai just leaned against the desk in response.
How he was so calm Atsushi didn’t know as he tried his best to keep his own composure intact. But by the way dulled, brown eyes moved to look – analyse him – him, he knew it mustn’t have been working as much as he hoped.
“You just bring misery to those around you.”
‘It’s not true!’ Atsushi wanted to cry to the Headmaster. Because it couldn’t be!
Atsushi tried to plead with him, if he was failing at playing as anything but distressed than he might as well try and put a stop to Dazai’s teasing. Fierce, sunset eyes found brown as he tried his best to convey his message.
Leave him alone Dazai. Stop whatever it is you’re planning.
“Oh come now Chuuya, you can’t be letting your ability go wild like that.”
Please don’t. Please don’t do that to Chuuya.
Please don’t out me, I’ll do a better job at suppressing them please.
Brown eyes abandoned purple-gold ones before turning to the tinted red ones.
“You’re scaring little Atsushi after all.”
Atsushi’s heart jumped to his threat as soon as Dazai opened his mouth, narrowly missing the way Chuuya clenched his fist tighter, too focused on the way Chuuya’s head shifted enough for blue eyes to gape at him. But Atsushi just stared at the floor instead, taking a mental note to ignore the ringing in his ears.
He didn’t have the courage to face him, not after his mistake.
He wasn’t scaring him, Chuuya wouldn’t hurt him.
But he said that about Dazai not too long ago too.
“I’m not--” he tried to choke out.
“Are you done Dazai?” Mori interrupted, resting his head against his hand that was holding him up. Although he wasn’t actually asking.
He still awaited a response nonetheless.
“Yep~” he sung.
How could he seem so cheerful yet scary?
“Alright then... honestly you two are lucky you’re both worth more than the trouble you cause.” The man grumbled the last sentence. “Very well, Atsushi Nakajima will proceed with assisting on missions with higher ranking members before being sent solo. First five months strictly under the supervision of Chuuya Nakahara or Osamu Dazai, no less, no longer. After that he’ll join other higher ranked members.”
He stiffly nodded. Five months didn’t seem like very long, but if that’s all what Mori thought he needed, he wouldn’t argue. The tiger boy didn’t think he’d have the energy right now even if he wanted to. Chuuya’s gaze still hasn’t really left him...
Maybe he should try and talk to him later? Would apologising for his slip up solve the issue?
Why would Dazai go and say something like that?..
Atsushi knows that the two teens haven’t been getting along as of late, they’d ultimately been avoiding one another. But he’s never seen Chuuya ever get this mad before, he’s only ever seen him get irritate at Dazai’s antics.
Was the Headmaster right about him? Were they like this because Atsushi had been around so long that he was making them suffer?...
After the conditions were set about his ability to attend missions, Mori requested that Dazai stay for a while longer to discuss something the boy couldn’t care enough about to listen to. Still too caught up in his hundreds of thoughts running through his head. Mori dismissed the other two boys soon after.
He was happy to have his position set in stone amongst the mafia, now all he had to do was sit around and wait until his assistance was required.
And yet...
As he and Chuuya should in the hall, waiting for the elevator to arrive to take them back to the apartment, he just felt like he could feel everything yet nothing at all. The scar on his face seemed to sting.
It was really starting to annoy and tire him out...
So in the silence of the dimly lit hallway, with the few guards at the other end, Atsushi let his head fall onto the other’s back. Snuggling his face into the soft, familiar jacket as if the fabric could hide him away from the world. As a silent apology.
He didn’t miss how Chuuya seemed to relax more the moment he did.