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Raphael doesn’t think he was always afraid of cockroaches, but he also can’t remember a time where he wasn’t.
The first real memory he has of seeing one was sitting at a table with the rest of his family, trying to enjoy his meal of worms and algae. Everything was fine and normal one moment, and the next, out came a cockroach from his pile of food.
Raphael remembers staring at it for a few seconds, uncomprehending in his young mind, and he remembers screaming— Splinter will tell you he was crying, too, though Raphael will deny that part— and falling off of his chair to try and get away. He remembers the cockroach, for some reason, following after him, landing on him and just causing him to freak out more.
Raphael can’t be exactly sure why he started freaking out in the first place. At first he thought it had something to do with it moving and coming from his food, but then he remembered that the worms technically also did that. Then he thought perhaps it was because of how unexpected it was, and how he was so young at the time— Master Splinter had barely begun teaching them, he hadn’t yet had a hardened mindset, hadn’t yet learned to deal with unexpected situations. Or perhaps he really did always have that fear, whether he knew it or not.
Raphael remembers Splinter coming to his rescue and getting rid of the cockroach torturing his son, but at that point it was probably much too late to save his psyche. Raphael left that encounter with a new phobia he was never quite able to get rid of.
———
There was a roach on the wall.
There was a roach on the wall.
Raphael prides himself on being confident. Sure, it leads to impulsiveness, some might argue recklessness, even, but he was confident in his actions and that was all that really mattered.
Right now though?
Right now there was a roach on the wall and Raphael could safely say he was anything but confident.
What was he supposed to do?? The damn thing was exactly too close to the ground, and therefore himself, for Raphael to want to move any closer, but the fridge is on the other side of it and he’s really hungry—
Fuck, he thinks he just saw it move.
A part of him really wanted to leave, but a much larger part of him did not want to let the roach leave his sight. And also he didn’t really want to back down.
Confidence, remember? Pride.
He could feel both of those crumbling to pieces in his gut as he watched the roach’s antennae twitch.
He refused to call for help, but unless the damn thing decided to scurry on further up the wall, Raphael was kinda stuck exactly where he was standing. Or further back, but he wasn’t about to show that kind of weakness.
He could feel someone else’s presence enter the kitchen behind him, and he risked a very brief glance back to see who it was. Leo. That was good, Leo would help. Probably.
True to form, as soon as Leo had seen what had his brother so frozen up, he scooped the roach into his hand and walked out of the kitchen with it.
Raphael scrambled out of the way, and as he was watching his older brother leave, he had the most inane thought that he was taking the roach somewhere else in the lair for Raphael to find again later.
He wouldn’t do that, though.
Probably.
Raphael turned around and opened the fridge. It was fine now, crisis averted.
He ignored how his heart still pounded uncomfortably in his chest.
———
“WHAT THE SHIT—“, Raphael cursed as he jumped onto one of the counters.
Mikey startled at the noise, whipping around to face their brother, “WHAT, WHAT’S WRONG WHAT HAPPENED??”
“THERE WAS A— ONE OF THOSE THINGS ON THE FLOOR I SAW IT CRAWL UNDER THE FRIDGE!”, Raphael continued screeching towards his brother.
“WH— wait, do you mean— you saw a cockroach??”, Mikey said, clearly holding back laughter at his older brother’s antics.
“YES I MEAN I SAW A COCKROACH— THIS IS NOT FUNNY MIKEY!”, Raphael exclaimed, not amused by this reaction to his plight.
“It’s a little funny dude— you jumped— you just jumped onto the counter— oh I can’t breathe—“, Mikey responded, devolving into a mess of cackles.
“MIKEY THIS IS NOT—“, he broke off, seeing the cockroach scurry out from under the fridge, “MIKEY— MIKEY IT’S BACK— IT’S BACK GET IT—“
Mikey laughed harder.
“MIKEY I’M SERIOUS YOU LITTLE SHIT—“
The cockroach continued on its journey through the kitchen, getting closer and closer to the counter Raphael had taken refuge on. Raphael had the distinct feeling it was doing it on purpose.
He just about fainted when the roach started climbing up the counter he was on, losing sight of it.
“MIKEY!!”
“Okay, okay!”, Mikey said, still giggling a little, “I gotchu you bro don’t worry,” and he grabbed the little creature from its place.
Raphael was not okay with how close it had apparently gotten to him.
“You should’ve gotten it a lot sooner! Some ninja skills, if you can’t even catch a damn roach,” the older turtle complained.
“Says the guy currently cowering in a corner on a countertop,” Mikey pointed out.
“I am not—“
“And is that any way to talk to the guy still holding the cockroach?”, they continued, holding the roach up for emphasis.
Raphael wisely shut up.
“…Just get rid of it already,” he said quietly.
“Only if you say the magic word~”
“Mikey—“, the roach was held up again, closer this time, “fuck— fine— please get rid of it already alright?? Just quit that!”
“That’s more like it!”, his little brother grinned, satisfied, and skipped away.
“Little shit,” Raphael muttered under his breath, only mostly annoyed with the behaviour. “You better not leave that damn thing in my room, Mikey!”, he called out after a moment.
“No promises!”, he heard as a response back, but he could tell it came from farther away than his room, so he didn’t get too worried.
It wasn’t going to stop him from checking, though, of course. It wouldn’t be the first time.
———
From what Raphael could tell, this new dimension was a lot brighter. And cleaner.
It made him miss the mess of his old home a lot, but he was grateful for it too. A cleaner environment meant less bugs trying to make it their home, after all. And that meant far less encounters with cockroaches.
Less, however, did not mean none. As was evident by the sight of one on the wall.
Seriously, what was it with bugs and walls? And kitchens, for that matter— not that this roach was in the kitchen. Raphael currently found himself stuck in the living room, the cockroach casually chilling right by the doorway that was his only escape.
Actually, Raphael could assume the kitchens was for food, and he’s pretty sure these new guys ate in the living room a lot, too, but still. Walls?? He seriously doubts that’s beneficial to anyone, least of all themselves. It’s ridiculous! And also very annoying for the turtle himself, who once again has his path blocked. This has happened far more times than Raphael has cared to count.
“Hey Tiny Raph have you seen my comic I coulda sworn I just had it, like, yesterday,” Leon, the new, alternate version of Raphael’s own Leo, said, walking into the room and making a beeline for the couch.
Raphael had in fact seen the comic, seeing as he stole it to read and was now partially the reason he was in this predicament in the first place.
He couldn’t bring himself to rise to the bait of the nickname the blue clad turtle liked to use from time to time, and this clearly must have grabbed said turtle’s attention because he stopped and turned to actually look at Raphael.
Not that Raphael would notice, since he was still staring at the damn cockroach several feet away.
“Dude what are you looking at you look like you’ve seen a gh-OHMYGOSH—“, he heard from his side and glanced over to see Leon jump back a little, then freeze and continue staring at, presumably, the very cockroach Raphael had been staring at.
“It’s blocking the doorway,” Raphael mentioned, a little petulantly, expecting to be laughed at.
There was no response aside from a small nod and a quiet, “Yeah, sure is…”
He looked back over to his older brother’s counterpart, who was still frozen. It looked almost like Raphael himself— oh. He gets it now. He guesses he’s not the only one that’s afraid anymore.
That felt kinda nice, to know someone else would get it for once.
That didn’t really fix their predicament though, because now they’re both stuck.
“I’m calling Raph,” he heard from his right, and before he could protest there was a much louder scream in his ear, “RAPH! RAPH THERE’S A BUG ON THE WALL!! RÁPIDAMENTE, POR FAVOR!!”
“Holy shit— a warning would’ve been nice!”, Raphael said, hands on his ears in a feeble attempt to protect them.
“I did give a warning, you just didn’t react in time,” was the chipper response. Raphael kinda wanted to maul the kid. He didn’t. Guess his self-control has gotten better.
“WHAT WHAT IS IT—“, Raphael’s own counterpart, Raph, asked worriedly as he came striding into the living room.
“There’s a bug on the wall and we’re both stuck,” Leon explained bluntly. Raphael was almost surprised there was no joke thrown in there, but he supposes the Threat(TM) was a more pressing matter at the moment.
“A what— oh, I see!”, Raph said, looking around for a moment before spotting the very thing currently causing all of Raphael’s— and Leon’s, apparently— problems, “Don’t worry, I’ll just take this little guy outside the lair.”
“That would be great, hermano ,” Leon said, obviously relieved as Raph walked away, cockroach safely in hand. Raphael couldn’t help but feel much the same way.
They didn’t say anything to each other, but Raphael felt a mutual understanding had been made regardless.
The moment was shattered when Leon finally made his way over to the couch and exclaimed, “Wh— hey! You did take my comic! You thief!”, and Raphael decided to hastily make his escape now that the coast was clear, snickering all the while at the yells of his brother’s counterpart behind him.
———
Raphael wouldn’t exactly say that he and this new Donnie got along, but they could both respect each other. Mostly.
If Raphael ever wanted to just sit around in silence without having to worry about expectations or talking to someone, he knew he could visit Don, and the softshell wouldn’t say a thing.
It was a nice change of pace from how Raphael usually had to interact with his brothers.
They might not like each other much, but they didn’t hate each other either. Raphael and Don could respect each other, and could respect the need to exist around somebody and nothing more. Raphael thinks they’re even starting to understand each other outside of all of that, after spending so much time together, even if it was all mostly in silence.
So it wasn’t exactly unusual for Raphael to walk into Don’s lab in the middle of the day, expecting to be able to lounge around in the bean bag chair he had claimed as his own, while the other turtle worked away on whatever project he had gotten absorbed in this time. What was unusual, was the tiny, metallic creature scurrying around the floor of the lab, sending a jolt of fear through Raphael.
“What the hell is that?!”, the terrapin exclaimed, not yet leaving the assumed sanctuary of the doorway.
“A remote accessed surveillance camera assistant, size little, or R.A.S.C.A-L for short,” Don responded promptly.
Raphael paused, trying to arrange the letters in his head, before, “You totally named it like that on purpose didn’t you?”, he accused, sounding somehow both exasperated and annoyed at the same time.
“Whaaaaat? Nooooo, no, I would… never… do something like that. Definitely not, not me, nope!”, Don said quickly, sweating nervously and avoiding Raphael’s eyes.
How anyone could be such a bad liar, Raphael would never know, but he didn’t push it. He just squinted and moved on.
“Whatever, but why does it look like that,” ‘that’, of course, being the very obviously cockroach shape that the metal appears to have been formed to. If it wasn’t for how purple and metallic it was, Raphael probably would be freaking out a lot more. As it stood, his heart was only beating a little bit faster than normal.
Don rolled their eyes, “Scoff, it’s obviously for stealth missions, so it needs to blend in better.”
“It’s literally purple,” Raphael pointed out, raising an eye ridge.
“Pshh, it’ll be too dark for anyone to notice that anyway, and I gotta make sure it stays on brand,” Don dismissed easily.
“Righht, okay. Still doesn’t explain why you didn’t just go with a mouse or something. Why— that of all things?”, Raphael asked, accompanied by a small glare.
“What’s the matter with what it is now? And for your information, I do plan to make a rat version for size large, but this is size little so it’s gotta be smaller. Obviously,” Don explained.
“Obviously,” Raphael echoed sarcastically. Don didn’t seem to notice. “And I don’t have a problem with it!”
“Kinda seems like you do,” Don said skeptically.
“Well I don’t,” Raphael rebutted petulantly.
Don simply stared at the other turtle, and casually pressed a button on the keyboard beside him. The roboroach immediately switched directions and started heading towards Raphael.
Raphael flinched and screamed, “WELL DON’T LET IT COME NEAR ME“, before trying to dive out of its path. Don just adjusted the robot’s directions to continue to follow after him. Like an asshole.
“WHY IS IT SO FAST??”, Raphael screeched, still running with the roboroach somehow managing to stay on his heels.
“It needs to be capable of escaping situations quickly and silently, especially if in danger of being destroyed,” Don explained, “Ain’t no way I’m leaving any chance to let my babies be crushed.”
“AND WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME WITH IT??”
Instead of answering outright, Don asked a question of their own, smug grin emerging on their face, “You still wish to say you don’t have a problem with Rascal?”
Raphael almost tripped, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?? THAT’S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT??”, Don didn’t answer, and the roboroach— Rascal, apparently— managed to creep closer, “OH FOR THE LOVE OF— FINE I’LL TELL YA JUST QUIT CHASING ME!”
Satisfied with that answer, Don obliged and ordered Rascal in a different direction, away from Raphael. His hand stayed poised over the keyboard, ready to retaliate if Raphael tried to get out of this.
Raphael stopped to catch his breath, glaring over at Don. Don only raised an eyebrow in response.
“You, are an asshole,” Raphael started.
“Thank you,” Don replied plainly.
Keeping one eye on the flash of metal still scuttling about, Raphael visibly sighed and said, “I don’t like roaches.”
Don stared back at him, “That’s it?”
“… it’s a fear,” Raphael begrudgingly added.
“Ah,” Don nodded, “yes, that makes more sense. In that case, I apologize for using that against you, this time,” they said, the last part being muttered under their breath.
“I heard that,” Raphael grumbled.
“Apologies are often supposed to be heard,” Don responded, feigning innocence. Raphael scoffed, but let it slide.
“Whatever, apology accepted I guess. Just don’t do it again or I’ll—“, Raphael paused, trying to think of a good threat, “I’ll tell the others you pulled two all nighters in a row last week,” he nodded, satisfied.
Don gasped dramatically, “You wouldn’t.”
“I would,” Raphael said.
Don scowled, scanning Raphael’s face to see if he was bluffing or not. He wasn’t.
“Displeased groan, fine! I won’t threaten you with Rascal again,” Don swore.
“Good—“
“Anytime soon,” they added, once more under their breath.
“Oi!”
“If it helps any,” Don continued, ignoring Raphael’s shout, “Rascal is meant for scouting missions, and would rarely be used with any of us on the field with it.”
“Whatever,” Raphael huffed, “like I care.”
Don didn’t say anything to that, merely turning around and getting back to work— making sure to keep a clear distance from Raphael’s space. Raphael was appreciative.
He plopped down in his bean bag chair with only a sliver of hesitance, trusting Don to not spontaneously go back on their deal under threat of being grounded from coffee.
They both stayed silent for a bit, left to their own devices and basking in each other’s presence, until eventually Raphael gruffed out, “Thank you,” voice sounding softer than he had originally meant it to.
Don only hummed in response, but the two have never really needed words to understand each other. Raphael knew he had been heard, and acknowledged, and he didn’t need to hear a “you’re welcome” to know it had been said.
———
Raphael had honestly never properly known about Halloween before coming to this new dimension. Like, sure, sometimes the TV in their living room would start showing horror movies back to back, but he had never really thought anything of it, and the others were all focused on either their own shows or something else, and there wasn’t exactly a lot of time to celebrate the holiday since they were all constantly being bombarded by some enemy plot.
So yeah, Raphael never got a proper chance to learn or celebrate Halloween. He’ll admit he was a little upset about missing out for so long, but he didn’t truly understand what exactly he was missing out on.
Not until now, anyways.
He was currently on a “solo” outing. “Solo” because he technically wasn’t alone. Leon was acting as his escort for the day.
Solo outings were apparently Donnie’s idea, as a way for the older turtles to both get some alone time away from the rest of their siblings and also get to know their new home better. It was supposed to be once a week, either Raphael or one of his siblings would get chosen to go on a solo outing, with one of this dimension’s turtles acting as a tour guide of sorts, or as backup in case things turned south somehow, but the outings had been ramping up in order to take advantage of the upcoming holiday.
Raphael didn’t really understand why until a little girl spotted him and Leon, wearing only their ninja gear and a couple extra accessories Leon had insisted on— Raphael thinks it’s from that one movie series that has all these new turtles enamoured. Raphael had heard her scream, and he had expected the worst when she turned to her mother, preparing to bolt, but he was just barely able to make out what she was shouting. She had been excitedly rambling about alien turtles, but not in the way Raphael had thought any human would upon seeing him or his siblings. It had taken several moments for it to click in his head.
She had thought they were wearing costumes. And her mother was nodding along, not even sparing Raphael or Leon a second glance, probably also thinking the same thing. They hadn’t even thought twice.
Raphael had been stunned for a little while after that, not quite wanting to believe that it had been that easy this whole time to interact with humans, but Leon was insisting they keep going, so he forced his feet to move and sent a scowl towards the slider in an attempt to appear unaffected as they marched onwards.
They were supposed to be heading towards Run of the Mill, although Leon had been adamant about walking there on ground level. It had been nighttime, so Raphael had assumed that it would be quiet and devoid of life, much like back home, and that that was the reason Leon had wanted to do it. After the child earlier, Raphael thinks he might know the actual reason now. He’s not sure if he should be grateful or not.
Either way, it was a much slower journey than it normally would have been, but eventually they reached the “entrance”. Raphael still couldn’t quite believe that a wall could turn into an entryway with a hand gesture, but he couldn’t exactly say anything against it after seeing it with his own eyes.
It also appeared that yokai weren’t out of the loop when it came to holidays, seeing as how inside the restaurant there were several decorations hung up— generic ones like fake spider webs and bats and themed center pieces on all the tables, and even a bowl of candy by the entrance. Raphael is fairly certain that candy has a lot to do with Halloween.
As they entered and passed by the bowl, Raphael noticed Leon put as much distance between himself and the bowl as possible.
Normally Raphael wouldn’t think anything of the distance, except Leon looked like he was trying and failing miserably to pull off one of their ninja moves to create even more space, and he looked exceptionally wary while staring intensely at the bowl of candy.
Raphael is fairly certain that is not a normal response to a bowl of candy, but he has probably seen some weirder shit even before this new dimension, and with the kind of bad guys these guys fight, Raphael wouldn’t be surprised if it somehow involved a bowl of candy.
They move on to further in the restaurant, heading towards their regular table, and Leon becoming visibly more comfortable the further they got from the entrance.
They sat in silence for a couple minutes before Señor Hueso, a skeleton man and owner of the restaurant that Raphael had only met a couple times before, walked up. He tried to keep himself looking calm and collected, but it was obvious he was a little harried— Raphael guessed that the holiday was making business ramp up more than usual.
“Hello, pepino, and eh, other Rafael. I take it, it will just be the usual today?”, the skeleton asked, not even bothering to pull out his notepad.
“You got it, señor! Nothing special for us today, unless you got anything in particular you’re hungry for, Raphael?”, Leon glanced over at Raphael, who merely shook his head response. Leon nodded and looked back at Señor Hueso, still smiling.
Señor Hueso nodded back, pulling something out of one of the pockets in his uniform, “Of course. Would either of you care for a treat while the meal is prepared?”
Upon closer inspection, Raphael realized Señor Hueso had pulled out two pieces of candy, both of which were labeled “Jolly Ranchers”. Raphael was going to reach out and grab one, but he spotted Leon across the table, pushing back against the booth he was sitting in and staring at the candy being offered to them, clearly uncomfortable again.
“Not really my thing, señor,” Leon said in a weak imitation of a joking voice, shaky smile accompanying it.
“Ah, right, my apologies, pepino . It has been a long day. And you?,” Señor Hueso said mildly, turning to address Raphael.
Raphael may be impulsive, but he’s not stupid, and he’s been trying to get better about treating his family right. He can tell it’s probably the candy that’s making Leon so uncomfortable, even if it was just near him, and Raphael knows better than to subject someone to a situation like that for longer than necessary.
Leon had apparently spotted Raphael’s glance in his direction, because he started directing that shaky smile towards him, “It’s alright, hermano, just cause it’s not my thing doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it! It’s— fine, really,” he tried to play off.
Yeah, Raphael wasn’t buying it. He stared at Leon for a couple more seconds before turning back to the waiting skeleton.
“Nah, I’m good,” he dismissed, and Señor Hueso nodded again before walking away.
Leon visibly slumped in relief, and Raphael is pretty sure he heard a sigh go along with it.
“You really didn’t have to say no, y’know, it’s not that big a deal,” Leon tried to say, but Raphael wouldn’t have it.
“Don’t be ridiculous, you were clearly uncomfortable. I doubt that woulda changed if I had taken that pile of bones up on the offer,” Raphael said, rolling his eyes.
“Well,” Leon started, then stopped, thinking better of what he was about to say, “okay, yeah, so I’d probably still be uncomfortable, but it’s really not that big a deal, I don’t wanna be the guy to take that experience from you.”
“It’s my decision,” Raphael declared before continuing, “Care to explain why candy makes you uncomfortable in the first place?”, he asked, tilting his head slightly.
Leon chuckled weakly, “It uh, might sound a little stupid…”, Raphael stayed silent, continuing to stare, and Leon cleared his throat and kept going, “It’s… technically a phobia.”
Raphael raised an eye ridge, “So you’re scared of candy, then?”
“That’s where the ‘technically’ comes in,” Leon said, “A phobia can be an irrational fear or— avoidance? No, sorry, it can be an irrational fear or aversion to something, that’s the word. They don’t always go together.”
“So…”, Raphael trailed off, trying to get Leon to explain further.
“So no, I’m not scared of candy, but I do have a phobia of it. I don’t really know how to explain it, it just makes me really uncomfortable, and I can’t even touch empty wrappers because of it. I don’t know how I got it either, I’ve had this problem since I was a kid,” Leon elaborated.
“Huh. Okay then, no candy around you,” Raphael said, mostly as a note to himself, but also as an assurance to the slider across from him.
Leon blinked before sending an almost tired smile at him, “Most people don’t really take me all that seriously when I explain it like that.”
Raphael shrugged, “Before we met you guys, nobody really took my— phobia, seriously either,” he said, tripping a little on the admitted vulnerability.
Leon nodded, and Raphael could see the weakness and vulnerability melt off the slider’s body to be replaced by the normal nonchalant jokester facade. Raphael was relieved that meant the Feelings Talk was probably over now.
“Right, well, bugs aren’t all that pleasant either,” he said, a more solid smile back on his face.
Raphael nodded solemnly in agreement.
He felt something kick him under the table, and retaliated by kicking back even harder, causing the slider to let out a yelp. Raphael knew that was Leon’s way of saying “thank you” while letting things go back to normal.
Raphael thinks he could, maybe, possibly, get used to this new family.