Archive of Our Own

Heeseung laughs, head thrown back against Sunghoon’s ratty beanbag. “Dude, stop being such a pussy and just do it! He’s not as scary as you’re making him out to be.” 

Jongseong groans as Sunghoon throws a pillow at his head with one hand, using his other to bring a half-smoked joint to his lips. When he exhales, the smoke clears to reveal his sharp canines on display in a cheeky grin, his shoulders still shaking with silent laughter. “Yeah, you could be his fucking prom date.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Jongseong tosses the pillow back, spawning another round of teasing laughter. He slicks his hands through his hair, then raises a finger to point at Heeseung and Sunghoon in turn. “It’s not that I’m scared of him. It’s different now that I’m in college. It’s fucking weird if I’m lingering around my old high school campus, man.”

“But it wasn’t weird when you developed a crush on Jungwon before he even hit puberty?” Heeseung cracks, fingers toying with his vape. By his side Jake cackles, leaning against his shoulder. He’s practically half sat in his lap with how small the beanbag is, curled up into Heeseung’s side.

“Dude, why are you making it sound like you’re forcing him into shit? You’ve always been two years apart, it’s not like you have to start doing shit with him just because you date. Obviously you should wait if you want to, but at the rate you’re going it’ll probably take you like a year to peck him on the cheek, so you might as well start now,” Jake teases, reaching out to shove lightly at Jongseong’s shoulder. When he settles back into his seat he reaches for Heeseung’s e-cig, and he passes it over wordlessly, the transaction easy and familiar.

It’s just the four of them right now, because in spite of the general consensus that Jungwon and Jongseong being together made sense regardless of their age gap, Jungwon was still a senior and they all did their best to keep him separate from some of the dumber shit they did.

It wasn’t even that it came with the territory of being older, or being college students; some of the kids in Heeseung’s grade had gotten him hooked on edibles when he was in his junior year because he had been ridiculously overwhelmed and needed some sort of stress relief. He ended up branching out into smoking, because it was easier to stuff a vape or an altoid box in the pocket of his jeans than explain why there was a jar of “vitamin gummies” with the label ripped off in his room to his parents. And because they do everything together, he had (reluctantly) let Jake take a hit one day, which naturally led to Jongseong and Sunghoon wanting to try once they found out.

They knew what risk they were taking, so Heeseung has never held himself responsible for getting them “addicted”-- he probably still smokes the most out of all of them, and the three of them hadn’t truly gotten into it until their senior years when they had more access to the stuff, anyway.

Still, he had learned his lesson with what just one taste leads to with Jake, and they had collectively agreed it was better for Jungwon to make that decision for himself instead of feeling pressured by the four of them all doing it. (There was also the fact that even if Jungwon wasn’t ten times more responsible and mature than any of them were at his age, Jongseong was way too protective of him to invite him to their Friday group highs.)

“For the record, he’s made it perfectly clear that he’s not interested in dating right now.” Jongseong sniffs, crossing his arms and ignoring the way Jake glares at him for letting ash fall onto his carpet. (He mostly stuck to his bong, but he had miraculously managed to misplace it. Sunghoon begrudgingly gave him one of his precious joints.)

“You guys are practically dating anyway,” Sunghoon replies lazily, head lolling to the side. “You spent like, the entirety of your senior year helping him with his calc homework. That’s peak boyfriend material, you’re a fuckin’ shoo-in.”

Jake hums his agreement, the sound reverberating against Heeseung’s skin. Naturally, he brings his arm around the younger’s shoulders, huddling him closer when he feels his head start to get heavier. Jake always got a little drowsy when he smoked, and he had already looked exhausted upon arriving. In a couple minutes, he’s already drifting in and out of a light sleep, eyelashes fluttering against Heeseung’s neck.

Normally, this is something that would make Heeseung want to cry, but the beautiful thing about his current predicament is that he’s too blissed out to focus on the fact that he’s in love with his best friend.

Heeseung had started stroking up and down Jake’s arm without even realizing, fingers tracing a more intentional path once he blinks himself back to reality and gains a somewhat hazy control of his movement. When he looks up, Sunghoon’s eyes are on him, albeit half-lidded and barely in focus.

“It’s probably easier said than done, though. Asking out your childhood crush,” Sunghoon mumbles silently, though his intent speaks volumes, ringing clearly in the small safe space they’ve made for themselves– a tiny corner of the world where none of them had to give a shit. Jongseong pats him on the back, grumbling about how no one supports him in this damn household, but Heeseung only swallows, the knot in his throat refusing to untangle itself as Sunghoon’s gaze starts to feel heavier and heavier.

Thankfully, he looks away, an easy smile taking its place on his lips again. “We’re already halfway through the year. If luck fails you this time around, this time next year he’ll be in college and you won’t have anymore excuses.”

“Yeah, and by that point Jungwon’ll probably ask you out first. Hell, he’ll probably do it before then if you don’t manage to grow a pair and do it first,” Heeseung remarks, Jay barely listening at this point. 

They’ve been in this situation too many times for him to even take any of their teasing to heart anymore. Jay’s massive crush on Jungwon was pretty much public knowledge to anyone who was slightly familiar with them.

Sunghoon and Jake grew up in the same neighborhood as Jungwon, and went to the same church as Jay (later the same school), so they had all known each other since they were literal children, from when Jungwon was six, if Heeseung remembers correctly. He himself had only moved to the district when he was starting high school, but because it was a private school, he was still at the lower school campus when he was a freshman.

In the beginning, none of it had made fucking sense to him, and he found it weird that he was graduating from a sixth through eighth middle school just to be surrounded by them again during his first year of high shool. He wouldn’t have had it any other way though, obviously, since being there allowed him to meet everyone else.

In contrast, his sophomore year was kind of hell-ish, because he had to spend an entire year only seeing his closest friends after school or on weekends. Not that he didn’t have any other friends, but by that point he had already gotten pretty attached to Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon. Especially Jake. 

Jake was the closest thing Heeseung ever had to a gay awakening, but honestly living in Southern California, he’s not even sure if such a thing still exists. For Heeseung it had quite literally been as simple as knowing he found boys just as cute, if not cuter, than girls. That had always been somewhat contained to watching k-dramas and paying more attention to Choi Wooshik than Kim Dami, though. He hadn’t ever actually liked anyone until Jake.

It felt icky and cliche at his young age, coming to the realization that he was living the new-kid-in-town, first friend/first love trope out in real time, but there was something about Jake that was so alluring and comfortable, Heeseung allowed himself to fall into his charm, accepting his offer to eat lunch together. Every time Jake threw a boyish smile in his direction, laughing at him from across the classroom whenever their teacher fucked up another kid’s name on the role call, Heeseung was so smitten by his innocent nature that he would laugh with him each and every time. He knew it by the time he hit sixteen– he was in love.

The only issue was, it took Heeseung exactly one week of observation to catch onto the teasing Jongseong was bombarded by everytime Jungwon wasn’t around, the jokes piling on even during moments of temporary absence, like if Jungwon excused himself to the bathroom. They had all known each other for so long that it made sense for them to feel comfortable pushing the boundaries of their friendship like that, but being new and young and sensitive, Heeseung hadn’t wanted to risk anything getting in the way of his budding relationship with Jake; he was certain Jake wasn’t homophobic, even if he had his concerns upon hearing that he was a church boy– but he still wasn’t sure if the younger liked boys and he definitely didn’t know if he liked him back. It made much more sense at the time to be subtle and keep quiet.

it hadn’t failed him up until now. Even if Heeseung had only started to like Jake more and more as their friendship progressed and became one of meaning and trust, instead of just fucking around with everyone else on the football field, he said nothing. He was still desperate not to tip the scales and do anything that would beg for disaster, so nothing significant ever changed. The only major differences were that now he knew for sure Jake liked boys, and while Jake remains clueless, in a new recent development, Sunghoon has definitely caught on.

“Hyung.”

Heeseung looks down, hand moving up from Jake’s arm to pat his head. “What’s up, Jakey?”

“You wanna stay over tonight?” Jake mumbles, eyes still shut as he rubs his nose into the crook of Heeseung’s neck. “‘s been a while.”

It has, because having secret feelings for your best friend while sleeping next to him in his bed as a young adult quickly proved to be problematic, especially when said best friend is an absolute cuddle monster. Most of the time Heeseung just says he has to wake up early. (The homework excuse stopped working after high school.)

To be honest though, Heeseung has nothing better to do with his night, and he had been the first to arrive at Jake and Sunghoon’s place and the first to light up, so he was by default, absolutely smashed. It probably wouldn’t be safe to drive right now, and the one thing he could think of worse than Jake founding out he liked him, is hurting his feelings by doing something stupid because of it. Or really, just doing anything that would make him the slightest bit sad: while he would deny it vehemently if said to his face, Jake does get sulky when he doesn’t get what he wants. It’s adorable in Heeseung’s eyes, and whenever he stares at him with round puppy eyes, all he always wants is to kiss the pout off his lips. But he can’t, so instead he tries his best to avoid those situations entirely.

Heeseung nods, offering Jake a smile to appease him. “Sure.”

“Is no one gonna invite me to stay over?” Jongseong asks, raising his hand. “Helloooo ?”

Sunghoon sighs, but indulges, resting his arm on the back of the couch as he directs his body toward Jongseong. “D’you wanna stay over? Our parents would really love it if you accidentally burnt the bottom of their pan trying to cook lunch again.”

Jongseong glares at him, and with someone who wasn’t as thick-skulled as Sunghoon, he might have succeeded in burning a hole through their head. Because it’s Sunghoon, all he gets is a laugh in response, smoke clouding up in shaky puffs with each guffaw.

“Forget it. One day you’ll drown in your own self-satisfaction,” Jongseong closes his eyes, expression still much too butthurt to be anywhere near relaxed enough to fall asleep. Sunghoon only makes baby noises at him and pats his leg, still laughing quietly to himself.

Before Jay can reach over and strangle him, footsteps thud heavily against the stairs announcing another presence. All of them have just enough common sense left to register the new arrival, and turn to the stairs leading down to the den. Jongseong, with incredible survival reflexes, takes his joint and hides it behind his back, as if the musty air and table full of an impressive assortment of weed wasn’t enough to tip anyone off as to what they were doing. (Sunghoon and Jake’s parents obviously knew since there really wasn’t a way not to, but when Heeseung asked if they cared, Sunghoon had just shrugged and loopily informed him that was just the price for insisting their children continue to live at home for college.)

When he sees it’s just Jungwon and not the authorities , Jongseong somehow gets even more tense, and quickly snubs out his joint entirely, earning a half-assed protest from Sunghoon.

Jungwon only rolls his eyes, even if his nose crinkles at the smell. He finishes descending the remaining steps with his hands tucked in the pockets of his sweatshirt, backpack still secured onto his wide shoulders. “Calm down hyung, I’m not here to arrest you.”

“Jungwonnssss,” Jake slurs, more of his own volition and habit than due to any inebriation. “What brings you around?”

Jungwon blinks, temporarily distracted by the smoke-inflicted sting in his eyes, before he remembers why he stopped by in the first place. His eyes twinkle with excitement and he bounces on his feet excitedly. “Guess what I just heard?”

“The Antichrist is dead and the new world begins tomorrow,” Sunghoon supplies entirely unhelpfully, an arm thrown over his eyes as his head lolls to the side.

Jungwon grimaces for a second, clearly contemplating giving him a good smack on the head as he denies any theoretical armageddon. Heeseung takes pity on him, partly because Jake had begun toying with his fingers and he could use a distraction. 

“What’s up, Wonnie?”

Jungwon’s hands squeeze the straps of his backpack as he positively beams, teeth on full display as he finally discloses his news.

“Sunoo hyung’s coming back.”

The extent of Heeseung’s knowledge of Sunoo Kim was limited to this:

Sunoo is a year older than Jungwon, but a year younger than Sunghoon, Jongseong, and Jake, and he moved out of California before Heeseung arrived. He ended up applying to the same school that Sunghoon and Jake attended, because his parents were college friends with Jake’s father, and he had given them a recommendation. Sunoo got accepted, and made the brave decision to start his sixth grade year at an entirely new school. So if Heeseung’s math lines up correctly, Sunoo would have been around 11 when he met everyone else– probably around four years after them all being friends already, but from stories Heeseung has heard, he fit in pretty much right away. And they’ve all known Sunoo longer than they’ve known Heeseung, even if part of that time was spent with him in another state.

Apparently, some time during Sunoo’s sixth grade, his mother got an amazing job offer that would take their entire family (Sunoo also has a sister) to Ohio. It was such an incredible opportunity that it would have been stupid to turn it down, so his mother pulled every string she could to delay their move until the end of the school year, because she didn’t want to uproot Sunoo yet again. (Even though he said he would be okay with moving straight away, because he was just that kind.)

So, in an incredible feat of timing and sheer coincidence, Sunoo was gone in the beginning of summer after his sixth grade year, and Heeseung arrived a month later to begin his ninth. They had just barely missed each other, but Heeseung learned about his existence within his first week of being at school with Jake, because he spoke incessantly of him in the beginning.

It was impossible for Heeseung to be jealous of someone he didn’t even know, and he genuinely, to this day, felt disappointed he never got to meet Sunoo in person, even if he’s been present while the others FaceTimed him. They’ve greeted each other, and he knows vaguely what Sunoo’s like– bubbly and kind, matching the countless descriptions Jake has given him. But even so, it’s been nearly a year since the others have done even that much, only managing to text Sunoo every now and then due to their busy schedules and slight time difference. So Heeseung can’t deny that Jungwon’s news feels a little abrupt.

And again, Heeseung has had no reason to form any negative feelings toward Sunoo, so he’s absolutely looking forward to meeting him– but he’s also incredibly nervous. Not at being replaced or out of place because he’s the only one who never knew Sunoo, but because past all the biographical information or funny tidbits the others have shared with him over the years, there’s one outstanding fact about Sunoo that shakes Heeseung to his core:

Sunoo was Jake’s first, and biggest, crush.

Jake’s never gone out of his way to confirm or deny it, but it’s evident in the way Jongseong and Jungwon love to tease him, and above all else, the way his eyes light up when he talks about him.

Heeseung can see it for himself, hear it for himself. At first it was demoralizing to think that someone who lives across the country had a better shot with Jake than he did, but eventually he just came to be glad they all had each other in their lives; anyone who was able to make Jake smile the way Sunoo could was golden in Heeseung’s eyes, so he put that concern out of sight, out of mind.

Then again, he never thought Sunoo would come back into Jake’s life.

Jungwon’s announcement had been followed by as much fanfare and elation four people high out of their minds could offer, especially considering Heeseung never having met the guy, Jake still going in and out of consciousness, Jay constantly being a mess around Jungwon, and Sunghoon having reached the point of his high where he just started singing Buzz songs.

Once they were a little more sober though, the rest of the night had been spent feverishly discussing all the details of Sunoo’s arrival– who would be available to pick him up from the airport, if Sunghoon and Jake could ask their parents to host the surprise party because they were closest to Sunoo’s family and had an actual house and not a shitty college student dorm (the response was an enthusiastic yes), what foods they should prepare, etc.

Heeseung participated as much as he could but he didn’t really need to with Jake being giddy enough for both of them, tossing in the most suggestions out of everyone, even wildly unrealistic ones like getting a literal two-tiered cake custom designed and delivered in two weeks’ notice. He doesn’t really chalk that up to Jake’s old crush, though. That’s something that Jake would do for any of them, simply because he’s that type of person.

It’s not until the day that Sunoo is set to arrive that reality sets in for Heeseung, and he fully realizes he has no idea what to make of this situation. It’s been six and a half years since Sunoo moved away, six and a half years since Jake witnessed his first minor heartbreak, and six and a half years since Heeseung met the love of his life. Now, he has less than six and a half hours until he meets the guy for the very first time.

Luck seemed to follow Sunoo around, since his flight’s arrival day and time aligned with all of them being free. Sunghoon and Jake would be occupied from morning until after noon, and Heeseung had only one afternoon seminar. Jongseong was free the entire day after one morning lecture, so he would go to pick Jungwon up from his high school campus after his last class, which, four out of five days of the week, would end too late for him to join everyone straight away– but one out of five days, such as this one, his last period is free.

Right now, Heeseung finds himself wandering down the hallway after being let out fifteen minutes early, contemplating whether he should buy himself lunch or just hold off until Sunoo’s surprise party (which, thanks to Jungwon’s insistence, would basically have an entire buffet).

There’s white noise in his ears as he tries to remember the lyrics to a song he heard on the radio earlier, and it takes a few times until he registers someone calling his name. Heeseung stops in his tracks and blinks, looking around and locating the source of the sound straight away.

Even when he’s unaware of his surroundings and unreachable to the rest of the world, Jake will always be the one person who has the ability to shake him awake.

And in this specific case, he happens to be the one person jogging down a hallway while shouting his name, nearly crashing into three people in the process. “Yo, Heeseung!”

With the exception of Jongseong, all of them had grown up with siblings, so it was natural for them to use honorifics within their own friend group, even if they didn’t care much (or at all) for the notion of filial piety. Every now and then, though, Jake drops the ‘hyung,’ and it never fails to make Heeseung warm with silent appreciation.

He really only ever does it when he’s excited and Heeseung isn’t even sure if Jake realizes, but to him it’s always made him feel oddly included; regardless of whether he was a latecomer to their friend group, he was the oldest of all them, too. Jongseong was only a few months younger, but having been born the year later nonetheless, Heeseung ended up being the one of the youngest in his year and Jongseong among the oldest in his. That still doesn’t change the fact that he’s the only one who doesn’t get to call anyone ‘hyung.’ Jake found a way around that with ease, anyway. 

“Jaeyun.” Heeseung waits until he catches up to continue walking, their footsteps falling in sync. “When’s your next class?”

“I have like half an hour. I was gonna stop by to wait for your group to get out, but I bumped into Danny and he told me you guys already dismissed.”

“So you nearly bulldozed innocent students in your search to find me?” Heeseung quirks, chuckling when Jake groans exasperatedly.

“I apologized to them, and I was in a rush. I was trying to find you before you disappear, you’re always impossible to reach during the day,” Jake excuses himself. He throws an accusing glance at Heeseung before shrugging, unbothered as a smug smile spreads across his face. “Besides, it worked. I found you.”

“That you did,” Heeseung confirms amusedly, letting his feet carry him down his usual exit route. He was less than a ten minute walk away from a few restaurants and cafes, he could probably manage a coffee without ruining his appetite. 

They walk in relative silence until they’re out of the building, Heeseung taking the lead in striding across the courtyard. He doesn’t notice Jake chewing down on his bottom lip in contemplation until he speaks up, the two of them about to approach a crosswalk.

“But by the way, hyung.”

“Yeah?” Heeseung presses the signal change button, stepping back and sticking out his arm to take Jake with him. “Back up a bit, drivers here get way too close to the curb.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Jake shuffles back, looking up hesitantly. “There’s nothing wrong, right?”

Heeseung’s brow furrows, and he shoots Jake a questioning look. “Not… that I know of, what do you mean?”

Jake stutters and he shakes his head, lips wavering like he’s not sure to smile or not. “No, no reason, just… when I woke up Saturday morning, you were already gone. My parents said you left the house before even they got up, so… just wondering if anything happened. I guess.”

“Ah,” Heeseung mumbles in understanding, facing the street as Jake continues to stare at him intently, eyes wide and undeniably concerned. 

The truth of it was Heeseung had spent the entire night tossing and turning, worrying himself over Sunoo’s imposing return to the point of not being able to sleep. And it didn’t help that Jake was sound asleep, arms wrapped around him like a giant koala– most of the time Heeseung was too tired himself and would conk straight out, he never had to be awake for Jake’s most cuddly hours. 

So, all variables considered it was a fairly restless night, and by the time it hit a semi-reasonable hour (eight-thirty in the morning), Heeseung had carefully slid out of Jake’s embrace and snuck out with almost full success. Right outside Sunghoon’s room on his way down the stairs, the floor had creaked horribly loudly under his feet. Sunghoon had always been the lightest sleeper of all of them, so Heeseung was afraid he would come outside to check who was crazy enough to be awake before ten on a Saturday, but after staying stock still for thirty seconds, Heeseung deduced Sunghoon hadn’t been alerted to anything worth getting out of bed for, and continued down the stairs.

He hadn’t expected Jake to think anything of it, but clearly he was mistaken. He doesn’t like lying to him, but with something as insignificant as this, Heeseung does his best to just brush it off. It honestly shouldn’t even mean that much to him, so there’s no reason for Jake to worry.

The traffic light turns red and Jake and Heeseung are allowed to cross, striding briskly across the street as blaring numbers flash warningly their time is running out.

“Don’t worry about that,” Heeseung assures Jake as they reach the other side, hoping whatever face he’s making somewhat resembles an expression of nonchalance and indifference. “I haven’t been sleeping well, so I was basically up as soon as the sun rose. I didn’t tell Beomgyu I was staying out, so I wanted to sneak back in before he woke up. See if I could convince him I had just come in late after he fell asleep.”

Jake doesn’t look entirely convinced, quickening his pace to match Heeseung’s long strides. (He’s always had stupidly long legs.)

“Oh. I mean, you could have woken me up, I wouldn’t have minded. I’m sure if you texted Beomgyu it would’ve been okay too. Are you sure you’re fine? Have you not been able to sleep because of stress–?”

“Jake,” Heeseung cuts off his anxious rambling, laughing to himself under his breath. “It’s really nothing, don’t think too much about it, alright?” He pats Jake on the back, waiting for him to assent or otherwise give some indication he believes him. When he does, Heeseung nods in satisfaction, cupping his shoulder. “Come on. I’m buying.”

“I can’t believe we’re not picking him up from the airport,” Sunghoon complains, head dangling off the end of the couch. He’s sitting upside down, lengthy legs tossed over the back of the seat. His arms are hanging down by his ears, fingers picking at lint in the carpet. “Kinda ruins the surprise aspect if his parents pull up in our driveway, and he has to walk up our stairs to the door and then he’s literally in our house while we shout ‘surprise!’ Like he’s gonna know something funky’s up.”

“No shit, hyung,” Jungwon responds tartly, raising an eyebrow. His arms are bent, resting behind his head as he lets out a heavy sigh. “But it’s not like we can fight his parents, we’re basically stealing their son away from them the second they touch down, so. Might as well let them have him up until they land.”

Sunghoon harumphs, clearly crankier than normal. It’s fair, Heeseung is regretting his choice not to eat something heavier earlier: their flight had already been delayed by an hour, and then there had been an issue with boarding the plane, and they ended up needing to switch terminals and wait another forty minutes. Sunoo’s parents had been sending them updates, but it had been a while since any of them had heard anything at this point.

Jongseong, who had been laying eagle spread on his back for the last fifteen minutes, rolls over onto his stomach, eyeing the bowl of chips on the table in front of him. “Is anyone against me eating those? Because I haven’t eaten since breakfast and I don’t want the first thing Sunoo hears from me to be noises from my stomach.”

“Yeah, we already hear enough of those from your mouth,” Jake pokes his side with his foot, snickering when Jongseong pretends to take a bite at his toe. “Just hold out for another minute, guys. According to their last update, they’ll be here any second.”

“This was also true twenty minutes ago. I think I’m ready to break at any second now. Sunoo’s my best friend, but those melon balls are calling my name,” Jungwon laments, rubbing his eyes. His elbows are propped up on his knees and he sits next to Jake on the couch, just behind Jongseong’s corpse body. He braces his hands on his temples, staring intently at the bowl. “No seriously, who the fuck even owns a fruit baller? I swear to god, they’re like ten times better in ball form.”

“How did you not know you were gay until eighth grade ?”

“Shut the hell up, Heeseung hyung.”

“Hey now. Watch the language, you goddamn toddler.”

Sunghoon outwardly cackles as Jungwon flies across the room to land on top of Heeseung, the two of them toppling out of the loveseat the older had previously been perched in and falling onto the floor, a mere foot away from Jongseong, who squawks and scrambles to his feet.

Jake starts recording, while Sunghoon takes advantage of the distraction to head straight for the table of food, popping an Oreo into his mouth before proceeding to chant, “Fight, fight, fight!” and make obnoxious whooping noises only Sunghoon could be capable of.

Jungwon manages to straddle Heeseung and launch a fully-fledged tickle war, both of them fighting for breath as the former demands he surrender, struggling to form coherent sounds.

Jake and Jongseong both abandon their respective posts as video documenter and civilian bystander to join Sunghoon in stuffing their faces full, Jake swatting Sunghoon’s hand when he goes for the biggest drumstick. The sound of their own bickering rivals Heeseung and Jungwon’s unintelligible pants, no one quite paying attention to the front door until a voice rings out across the room.

“God, you guys are even more of a mess than when I left.”

At once, five heads whip in one direction, locating their target immediately.

Sunoo laughs, a magical tinkling sound that’s barely muffled by the hand held over his mouth, as he observes the scene in front of him. “I thought you would miss me more, but if you’re already eating my food, then…?”

The drumstick thunks onto the table as Jake and Sunghoon simultaneously release it, scrambling to wipe the grease off their hands before rushing toward Sunoo, Jongseong hot on their tails as Jungwon nearly trips over his own feet trying to get off the ground.

Sunoo shouts protests as they all envelope him at once, Jongseong managing to lift him entirely off his feet and hoist him above the fray. When he puts him down after no more than ten seconds due to the greedy hands grappling at his arms to get their turns, Sunoo heaves for breath, insisting they move to somewhere more comfortable.

“Oh, right.” Jungwon blinks, belatedly realizing they had all migrated to the small foyer adjacent to where the five of them were previously gathered.

Heeseung crunches on a chip as they shuffle in, coming to a comically abrupt stop when they see him still in the living room, leaning against the snack table where he had been watching the absolute chaos go down. “What?” He questions, blinking innocently. “I don’t even know the guy, you want me to lift him onto my shoulders?”

Jungwon shakes his head at his tactics, all of them laughing before retaking their seats, but Sunoo’s giggles ring the clearest in Heeseung’s ears as he steps forward.

“Heeseung, right? I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

“That’s me,” Heeseung smiles congenially as he ignores the rapid beating of his heart, reaching out to shake his hand. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you in person, I’m Sunoo,” Sunoo introduces himself with a grin.

“Well I would hope so, otherwise the banner Jungwon spent an hour making wouldn’t be put to any use.”

Sunoo turns around with a betrayed look on his face, glaring at Jungwon with eyes that Heeseung think resemble those of a fox. He’s cute trying to look angry.

“I didn’t see any banner when I walked in here.”

Jungwon clenches his jaw, huffing exasperatedly. “Well, the banner can’t be put to any use anyway, because Jay hyung spilled his coffee on it on the ride here,” he grits pointedly, watching as Jongseong squirms under his gaze, which softens as he looks back at Sunoo. “Sorry, hyung.”

Sunoo waves a hand in the air, still beaming. “Don’t be.” He sighs contentedly, looking around the living room. “It’s just good being back.”

Sunghoon ushers him to sit, demanding he share everything about what he did when he was in Ohio (and who he missed most), their conversation picking up pace quickly.

And god, just from being in this guy’s presence for five minutes, Heeseung knows exactly why they’re all so crazy about him– first, there’s the fact that he’s the literal embodiment of the sun, and that he hasn’t stopped radiating the best vibes since he stepped in. 

(Heeseung thinks if he was drunk, he’d probably legitimately mistake Sunoo for an angel, especially considering he’s on the verge of doing so completely sober.)

He’s learned a lot more about him over the course of the last few hours: he moved back because his mom wanted to start her own business with a friend back in California, and after working her Ohio job for a few years they had more than enough to finally (and financially responsibly) kickstart it. Sunoo’s sister had moved to New York for college already, so she was still on the east coast, but they talk all the time.

At this point, Heeseung feels like he’s known Sunoo for decades, because in the most endearing way possible, the guy was a chatterbox. No one was complaining, they had basically situated themselves in a semi-circle around Sunoo like he was a king, listening raptly as he continued to answer their many questions with a happy flush to his cheeks.

Sunoo is positively adorable. His ginger hair frames his forehead and contrasts his unblemished pale skin, small hands waving in the air enthusiastically as he speaks. He laughs whenever Sunghoon cracks a joke that’s not remotely funny, and when he teases Jungwon, the younger just accepts the blow instead of protesting like he would if any of the others made the same comment.

He makes Heeseung feel included, too, without even trying. When Sunoo finally gets his turn to ask questions instead of answering, it’s Heeseung he addresses first, honey sweet voice singling him out.

“How’s it been dealing with these guys for the last few years?” He opens, simple enough for Heeseung to reply honestly.

“Just constant hell,” he nods sagely, not even flinching when Jake shoves at his shoulder lightly.

“It must have been, right?” Sunoo agrees sympathetically, reaching over to pat his knee gently. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Heeseung accepts his condolences as Sunghoon begins passionately listing reasons why he wasn’t was the most difficult to deal with out of the group, providing a ranking and point tally system to match. Sunoo stops paying attention to him in favor of asking Heeseung who hit puberty first out of Sunghoon, Jake, and Jongseong. Heeseung tells him Jungwon had his growth spurt before any of the three stooges sitting to his right. Sunoo’s eyes widen with delight upon hearing this, and Heeseung promises to send him some photos of them all in their awkward teen phases. 

They keep talking like this, comfortable and warm, until Sunoo’s mom and dad return from dinner with Jake and Sunghoon’s parents, all four of them insisting the boys release Sunoo to let him get some rest. Begrudgingly, Sunoo stands to hug them all goodbye, including Heeseung (who willingly admits it’s one of the best experiences of his young life), and allows his parents to drag him out, not without promising he’ll text everyone later.

Regardless of his departure, Heeseung knows this much now:

Sunoo may very well be one of the most delightful people he has ever met, and even though Heeseung had to pause multiple times to discreetly wipe the sweat off his hands, he’s hardly someone to be afraid of. He seems to genuinely want to get to know Heeseung, not just as his old friends’ friend, but for who he is as a person. He finds it incredibly touching, and impressive, that he was able to leave such a strong and intimate impression in just a few hours. Sunoo truly is of another breed.

Heeseung also discovers this: whatever Jake used to feel for Sunoo doesn’t present itself in a charmingly awkward relationship like Jungwon and Jongseong have, or secret stolen glances similar to the ones Heeseung finds himself directing at Jake. 

Instead, it comes in the form of a smile that lingers long after Sunoo has gone, toying on Jake’s lips as he and Heeseung clear the snack table. Pauses, where Jake forgets that he’s supposed to be tidying up, and accidentally zones out for minutes on end before Heeseung taps him on the shoulder and he jolts back to life. Heeseung doesn’t bother asking him what he’s thinking of; the look in his eyes says it all.

At the end of the day, Heeseung walks away with Sunoo’s phone number, the promise of a new friendship, and an undeniable feeling of dread.

“I have no idea what you’re so upset about.”

“First of all, fuck you, and second of all, I’m not upset.”

Beomgyu snorts, eyes not leaving his monitor as he slams down rapidly on his mouse, swearing under his breath when a red FAIL crashes across his screen. It’s then that he turns around in his chair, brushing his silver bangs out of his eyes with one delicate swoop of his finger.

“That’s bullshit.”

Heeseung sends him an easy grin, flopping backward onto his mattress. “So what if it is? You gonna give me some advice? Make yourself useful for once?”

Beomgyu sneers, crossing his arms. “I could .” It gets him only an eyebrow raise in response, wordlessly giving him the go ahead. “Fine,” he huffs, slouching back in his chair. Heeseung waits silently, watching as Beomgyu squirms before rolling his eyes and throwing his hands in the air in defeat. “Dude, I don’t fucking know. Just ask him out before he asks out this Sunoo kid.”

Heeseung snickers, smug in spite of Beomgyu being just as unhelpful as he expected. It was still nice talking to him regardless, since he was closer to his own group of friends and wasn’t as involved as Jongseong, Jungwon, or Sunghoon. There was less at stake and it was just as comfortable, even if their conversations came with the added bonus of Beomgyu’s blunt manner of speaking.

“Forget it,” Heeseung shakes his head offhandedly. “It’s not even about whether I’m dating Jake, it’s just harder now that Sunoo’s back. At least when there wasn’t someone who he really, genuinely liked in the picture, I only had to feel guilty about hiding it from him. Now I feel guilty, and kind of like a dick should I somehow get in the way of anything potentially happening with them.”

Beomgyu fixes him with a scrutinizing glare, mouth dropping open into a small ‘o’ shape. “How are you preemptively guilt-tripping yourself over a hypothetical situation?” Heeseung shrugs, his back leaned up against the wall as his legs dangle off the shorter side of the mattress. He watches as Beomgyu mutters under his breath, speaking more to himself than him. “What am I going to do with you, Heeseung Lee?” He sighs deeply, propping his elbow up on his desk and leaning his head against his hand, fingertips landing squarely between his brows. “Okay. Look, here’s what I think. Hear me out for a second, alright?”

Beomgyu barely waits for an affirmative response before continuing, holding his hands out in front of him like a Youtube conspiracy theorist. “You’re a hot piece of ass, yeah?” Heeseung chokes on his own spit, but Beomgyu pays him no mind, keeping on. “But you’ve been single as long as I’ve known you. You could get mad bitches if you wanted to, but you don’t.”

“Is this you admitting you have a thing for me?”

“Shut the fuck up for a second. To my original point, if you wanted to date, you could. Same goes for our good friend Jake Sim. Local cutie, Australian accent that makes you want to raise a dog with him. He could date. But he hasn’t . So,” Beomgyu gestures toward Heeseung, palm facing up at the ceiling.

Heeseung looks at his outstretched hand, then up at Beomgyu, then back to the hand. “...Yeah?”

Beomgyu groans, slapping his forehead. “God, I thought gay people were supposed to be smart. No, I got you this far. Put the puzzle pieces together already.”

Heeseung scoffs, mouth opening and closing as he struggles to form a response. “Aren’t you missing the point? I’m not dating because I like Jake.”

Beomgyu blinks and says nothing. He pins Heeseung down with his stare, eyes not closing or moving even half a millimeter– they stay locked onto Heeseung, the rest of his body scarily still. Heeseung’s about to get up and check for signs of life when Beomgyu suddenly pushes himself up out of his chair, startling him so much he physically jolts, holding a hand over his heart.

“Dude, what are you…?”

The question fades away as Beomgyu approaches, taking slow, measured steps toward Heeseung’s form, which remains slumped against the wall. Heeseung eyes him in confusion as Beomgyu reaches the bed, bending at the waist until his torso leers over him.

“I’m trying to figure out…” Beomgyu tilts his head, like he’s in the process of coming up with a diagnosis, “how the fuck you’re this slow.”

Heeseung swats at him immediately, Beomgyu cackling as he jumps out of reach just in time, mischief written in bold, comic book letters across his face. He starts making weird, babbling noises, dancing around like a tiny monkey as Heeseung sits in disbelief.

“I’m never gonna get used to how fucking weird you are,” he shakes his head, stunned.

“Ah,” Beomgyu stills after another ten seconds of prancing around. “I feel a bit special, you know? Not many people know the true Heeseung Lee.” His eyes wander around aimlessly, head tilting to the side like a dog’s. “Everyone wonders what lies behind your mysterious facade… if only they knew you were all brawn.”

“No brains,” Heeseung affirms cheekily. Beomgyu chortles, turning back to his game.

“That’s what I’m here for. If you actually listened to me, you’d find some real gems of knowledge.”

“But then I’d have to put in the work of scrounging around for them. Easier to just tune it all out,” Heeseung teases. Beomgyu sticks his tongue out at him, already back to his game. Heeseung’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he slides it out, a notification flashing up on the screen.

(22:43) sunghoon: hey. wyd

(22:44) heeseung: you’re texting me first? i’m flattered

(22:46) sunghoon: just answer the question loser

 (22:47) heeseung: so touchy

i’m just  w beom rn

(22:47) sunghoon: wanna come over?

Heeseung purses his lips, pleasantly surprised. It’s not often that Sunghoon is the first to initiate any contact, whether it’s in group chats or individual conversations– for him to actually make plans is even rarer.

In the time he spends contemplating what the occasion might be, his screen goes dark before it lights up with another message.

(22:48) sunghoon: i have booze

“Do I even bother reminding you that you’re underage still?”

Sunghoon stares at Heeseung over the rim of his shot glass as he downs the amber liquid at once. “Why try?”

Heeseung grins, hopping over the back of the couch to land next to Sunghoon, grabbing the bottle to pour new shots for both of them. “Cheers.”

Sunghoon clinks their glasses together and they tip them down simultaneously, letting the alcohol glide down their throats, leaving a burning trail in its wake. Heeseung grimaces, twisting the half-pint, examining the label.

“This your dad’s?”

Sunghoon nods, tossing his head back against the couch. He twists his neck until he can see Heeseung, grinning lopsidedly. He’s quite handsome, even when he’s a mess. “My mom likes to say I inherited Jae’s alcohol tolerance.” He laughs softly, Sunghoon chuckling lowly as his smile turns wry. “Yeah. Spitting image of father number one, though.”

Jake and Sunghoon weren’t siblings by blood, even if they had been one family since before they could even understand what a family really was. Jake’s mother died when he was barely a month old due to lasting complications from the birth, and then his father, Jaehyo, remarried Sunghoon’s mother four years later. 

Sunghoon’s real dad split before he was born. He never knew anything about him, not even his first name. The only information he managed to scrounge up on him was a photo of him right before he enlisted, back in Korea. It was from before he had even married Sunghoon’s mom, before they moved to America and she learned she was pregnant.

Heeseung had seen it himself once, by mistake, way back in tenth grade. Sunghoon had asked him not to tell anyone else that he had it. He had stolen it out of his mom’s bedroom when he was five and hadn’t realized what it was at the time– if anyone else knew, word could spread to Jake, and then to his parents. Sunghoon didn’t want that, so of course Heeseung hadn’t said anything. He never brought up anything about his parents after that again. 

It was true, though. Sunghoon resembled his birth father very closely, nearly identically.

“You have your mom’s eyes, though,” Heeseung mumbles softly, catching Sunghoon off-guard. His eyebrow twitches in surprise, and he lifts his head so he can look at the older properly. Heeseung smiles, reaching over to pat Sunghoon’s hand. “Her humor, too. For better or worse.”

Sunghoon laughs, loud and unapologetic, the type of laugh which bursts out of his throat whenever his guard is completely down– it’s a sound that always fills every corner of the room he’s in, no matter the size or circumstance. It never fails to make Heeseung smile.

Then Sunghoon sobers a little, quieting down. “Sorry. I’m probably a little too tipsy already.”

Heeseung shakes his head, dropping his voice to match his volume. “Don’t apologize. You okay?”

He blows a raspberry, lips trilling in the loud silence of the room. Sunghoon squints up at the ceiling, eyes empty and swimming with thousands of thoughts at the same time. “I guess.”

Heeseung hums, looking down at their laps as he rubs his thumb over the back of Sunghoon’s hand. “That’s awfully convincing.” Sunghoon scoffs humorously but doesn’t respond, exhaustion setting deeper into the lines of his face with every second he allows his thoughts to consume him. Heeseung pushes him a little further, waiting for the dam to break. “How come no one else is here?”

Something shifts behind Sunghoon’s expression and he finally offers an opening. “Both parents working late. Jay’s cramming for some exam, and Jungwon took Jake to go meet his friend from high school, Ni-ki, I think?”

Heeseung hums, elbow propped up on the back of the couch as he rests his cheek against his knuckles. “And Sunoo?”

The corner of Sunghoon’s mouth twitches. Something like amusement flashes across his face and fades just as quickly. “Well, I’d have to be a lot more drunk to have this conversation with Sunoo.”

Heeseung understands immediately. There’s no doubt about what Sunghoon’s implying, and he seems to understand that Heeseung has caught on the second it clicks in his mind. Cutting off their short spell of wordless communication, Sunghoon smiles bitterly, still looking up at the ceiling, as if he was hoping an answer would drop down from above.

“Don’t worry. Your Jake secret is safe with me so long as you don’t rat me out, either.”

Heeseung nods slowly, taking everything in. Then he inhales sharply, leaning forward to grab the whiskey again. He refills their small glasses to the brim, watching as the surface tension threatens to break. As he lifts one to hand to Sunghoon, he takes care in accepting it without risking any spillage.

Then Heeseung grabs his own, a single drop splashing over and landing on the polished surface of the table barely audibly. He stares it down before wiping it off with his sleeve, other hand still poised to down the shot.

Sunghoon watches him, a pitiful empathy shared between them in each minor movement. He raises his glass.

“Drink ‘til we’re happy?”

Heeseung nods. “Until we’re happy.”

“This is so weird,” Sunoo wrinkles his nose, looking around. “I never thought I’d be back at this place.”

“You mean moving away from California for seven years only to return and attend a football championship game at your local high school wasn’t on your bucket list?” Heeseung questions rhetorically, dodging when Sunoo good-naturedly smacks his arm.

“Seriously though, I feel body snatched or something. It’s like someone forcing you back into a crib when you’re already a pre-teen,” Sunoo elaborates, his feet drumming against the bleacher below. His hands are placed on either side of his lap, gripping the metal bench, and with the way his shoulders bounce from the movement of his legs, he looks like a fascinated child.

“Jungwon will be glad you’re here, though. He busted his ass to make captain, it’s good the qualifier isn’t an away game so we can all come,” Jongseong mumbles, half-paying attention to the conversation. He’s not even really speaking to them, but speaking out at the field, rubbing his hands together nervously as each team does their final huddle before the game starts.

Sunghoon places his hands on both his shoulders, making Jongseong jump with surprise. He turns around with murderous intent in his eyes, but Sunghoon only starts massaging him over his jacket (leather, and much too nice for a high school football game), giving him directives like a coach.

“Alright, Jay. Everything you’ve done this year has worked up to this moment. Keep your head in the game, make sure to keep your throat hydrated for optimal cheering volume and longevity–”

“Piss off,” Jongseong groans, hoping no one notices the slight tremble in his voice as he shakes Sunghoon’s hands off him, pointedly ignoring him as he starts laughing at his own tactics.

Of course someone does, speaking up to provide more sincere consolation. “He’ll be fine. There’s no need to worry, hyung,” Sunoo offers with an unabashed air of confidence, even as he clenches his fists nervously. “Jungwon’s the best.”

A whistle blows and each team runs out onto the field, pads and all. Jungwon is recognizable from a mile away, leading the pack with a brilliant pearly smile stretched across his face. His feline eyes seek out the five of them easily, waving before realizing he’s holding his helmet, dropping his arm quickly so as to not whack anyone in the head with it.

Someone who Heeseung thinks looks vaguely familiar taps on Jungwon’s shoulder from behind, and he runs off with one last smile. Jake shouts his name, and then he remembers, Ni-ki.

Jake shouts Ni-ki’s name, and Jungwon’s, many more times throughout the game– each time they intercept the ball, or when the entire crowd is on their feet rooting for them to make it to the endzone– for every high and low he’s beaming wide enough for the two of them to see it all the way from the field, two thumbs up as they pick themselves up and carry on.

And since everyone else’s eyes are glued to the actual game anyway, Heeseung takes no shame in staring at Jake like he single-handedly hung every star in the sky, marveling in his unrivaled and unfailing support. He’s so enraptured by the excitement of the game and the tiny human golden retriever next to him that Heeseung can’t even really find it in himself to freeze up every time Jake squeezes his arm out of excitement (which happened basically once every three seconds)-- for once he just lets himself relax into his company, realizing how much he’s missed this.

Heeseung can’t even call it the way things ‘used to be.’ There was no normal that he fell from to devolve into his constant state of ill-disguised, pathetic longing. This is how Heeseung has always been: utterly and completely enraptured by Jake Sim. The person who, within hours of meeting him, immediately told Heeseung he could use his Korean name, Jaeyun, upon learning Heeseung mostly spoke Korean with his parents at home. He even went as far as extending permission to speak with him if it was more comfortable, although he followed it up by shyly admitting his own speaking abilities were rusty. 

But at some time in their friendship, there must have been a breaking point where Heeseung realized the gravity of his feelings. He may not be able to pinpoint it or reduce it to a single moment– maybe it was more comparable to a gradual descent– but regardless of how he got there, Heeseung had reached a point of no return. And from then on, there’s not been a single second spent in Jake’s presence where his anxiety didn’t rule over his actions, more careful about what he said or where he touched.

He had jumped willingly off a cliff into uncharted waters because in a corner of his mind, whether he wanted to admit it or not, there had been a promise. The desire for a day where he could hold Jake’s hand without his heart beating a mile a minute. Or rather, the understanding that even if he would never say goodbye to the butterflies in his stomach every time Jake looked at him, he wouldn’t have to silence them by clipping their frail wings.

But without all the introspective bullshit, what Heeseung really thinks is that it’s been especially hard for him lately, having to witness the allegedly legendary Sunoo-Jake chemistry, and it’s nice to just have some inner peace.

The inner peace lasts for as long as the game, ceasing as soon as Ni-ki catches the winning touchdown, and Jake throws his arms around Heeseung, still laughing giddily. He’s shorter, always has been, so he presses himself up on his tippy toes, jumping up and down as Heeseung belatedly reciprocates, squeezing his waist with one hand.

Then Jake lets him go, and Heeseung sees only a flash of his bright eyes, pressed into happy half-moons, before he’s turning to his other side and lifting Sunoo off his feet with the force of his monster hug.

The butterflies silence themselves.

“You’re a legend , Riki!” Jungwon crows, hopping in the air.

They’re walking down the street, headed for a fro-yo place nearby. Jongseong walks alongside a skipping Jungwon, demanding Ni-ki recounts the events of the game play by play. The three of them are the farthest ahead, Sunoo and Jake just slightly behind them as Heeseung and Sunghoon tail behind.

Every now and then Jake tosses a glance in their direction, gaze lingering as he sees the exact same thing each time: Heeseung and Sunghoon with their heads stuck together, chattering away in hushed voices. They hardly seem aware of their surroundings, Sunghoon’s brow furrowed as Heeseung shakes his head, lips drawn down into a slight frown. Jake wants to know what they’re talking about, but Sunoo keeps him from worrying too much, unknowingly doing him a favor by distracting him with his excited babbling.

Eventually, Jongseong raises his voice, walking backward in order to address the whole group. “I’m buying tonight!”

Sunghoon whoops loudly, and Jake takes that as his opportunity to finally cut into whatever conversation they had been occupied with for the last ten minutes. He turns around again, succeeding at last in catching Heeseung’s eye. His expression lightens, morphing from sight discomfort to an almost convincing one of contentment.

Jake raises his hand to wave nonetheless, silently beckoning him over. Sunghoon and Heeseung share a look (Jake wants to know why this was necessary) before they both quicken their pace slightly, bridging the small gap between them and the others.

“Hey,” Heeseung acknowledges, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Hi. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just needed to talk to Sunghoon for a second.”

Heeseung’s face is guarded, even if he’s smiling. That’s been the case more often than Jake would care to admit lately. Now’s hardly the time to say something though, so he doesn’t.

“I feel like I don’t see you a lot lately.”

Heeseung knocks his shoulder lightly with his own, with the same easy smile. “It hasn’t been that bad.”

And it hasn’t, but Jake hardly goes one day without texting Heeseung. He can’t count the amount of times within the last few days alone he’s stared at his phone in anticipation, waiting impatiently until a response comes three hours later. 

“Mm, maybe. Still feels like it though. Anything new and exciting in your life?” Jake prods hesitantly, Sunghoon and Sunoo now deep in their own conversation.

Heeseung scoffs, tilting his chin up to look up at the quickly darkening sky with little interest. “Hardly. Beomgyu has a new boyfriend, so I think I’ll be spending a lot less time in my dorm.”

Jake’s nose crinkles and he laughs under his breath, looking down at the floor. “Nasty.”

Heeseung mutters his agreement, sighing heavily at the thought of it. “Yeah, but he seems to really like this guy. It’s only been like a few weeks and he’s smitten as ever.”

“That’s good.”

“Not for me. Whenever he comes back all happy from his dates, he’s even more hyper than normal. An absolute menace in our room.”

Jake ‘ahh’s in understanding, looking up at Heeseung’s side profile. Despite his complaints, there’s a contented lift to his lips, and excluding the accompanying boost of energy, he seems to be genuinely happy for Beomgyu. It’s nice to see Heeseung happy.

“Well, you’re always welcome to escape to our house. I think my parents might like you more than me.”

It’s then that Heeseung looks back at him, raising an eyebrow. “Is that right?” Jake nods confidently, making the taller huff out silent laughter, eyes falling shut and reopening slowly. “Okay. I promise not to crash for too long.”

Jake wants to tell him he can stay for as long as he wants, but then Jay is throwing the door open grandly, ushering them all inside the small storefront. Sunoo tugs him toward the machines, shoving a tasting cup into his hands, and he decides it’s probably better that he didn’t.

Jake stands, staring blankly at all the machines for thirty seconds when laughter rings out from across the other side of the room. He chances a glance to see Heeseung wiping frozen yogurt off his cheek while Sunghoon, the obvious culprit, has his fingers frosted with the churned dessert. Jake feels the weight of their easy rapport press down on something inside him, tempting a very precarious balance. There's a dull presence lodged in Jake's stomach, like someone had shoved a wooden plank down his throat, and now it sits bearing the burden of each uncomfortable truth he forces himself to swallow. The wood bends, and one day it may splinter, but it never breaks. It threatens another fracture when his brother moves to help, grabbing a napkin and dabbing it against Heeseung’s skin.

Jake looks away, choosing a lever at random and serving himself a sample.

“Hyung,” Sunoo taps his shoulder, staring at the small cup in interest. “Can I try after you?”

Jake wordlessly holds it up to his mouth, waiting for him to taste before bringing it to his own lips to finish off the rest of it. “Good?”

Sunoo nods enthusiastically, jabbing his finger toward the machine. “I’m going to get this one. What do you think?”

His eyes are lit up in childlike wonder, looking delighted at once to have discovered the wonders the citrus cream flavor could hold. Jake’s reminded for the nth time of how much he missed him, unable to help the fond expression that inevitably takes hold of his features.

He frowns in thought, stroking his chin over-exaggeratedly. “I’m not sure? You should choose for me.”

Sunoo scowls, shaking his head. “This guy. You act cute whenever you don’t want to do anything yourself, right?”

“But it works, right?” Jake bats his eyelashes, tilting his head until Sunoo breaks and agrees, patting his head like a doting parent. “You’ll get your favorite hyung a cup, right?”

Sunoo pinches his cheek, muttering under his breath about ‘kids these days,’ shaking his head as he marches away. Jake watches him go, staring right up until the moment he returns, two cups stacked together. 

“I don’t know what you’d do without me, hyung. How’d you survive all these years?” Sunoo pretends to wonder, filling his own cup with his chosen flavor and handing it to Jake for him to hold while he steps back to survey the other options.

“I dunno,” Jake grins toothily. He bounces on his feet lightly, partly because he’s still riding the adrenaline high from the game, and partly because it’s air conditioned inside, so there’s a chill running throughout the store. Unlike the spring evening weather in SoCal, which doesn’t call for any extra layering, the powerful commercial conditioning raising the hairs on his skin.

Sunoo only exhales lightly, a knowing glint in his eye as he steps forward to make his selection. “I do.”

Bringing the lever down, he elaborates, “I always thought Jungwonnie would be the one taking supporting us when we got older, or Jay hyung even. But I was worried that even with all of us being so close, it’d be hard for us to not fight a little or grow apart. When I had to move, I was just hoping you guys would keep staying together.”

“We turned out alright in the end.”

Sunoo nods, his swirl nearly completely formed. He pays close attention as he reaches the end, cheeks puffed out in concentration. “Not by luck, though.” Sunoo releases his hold on the handle, topping Jake’s cup off (a coffee and hazelnut combo) with a near perfect tip. He walks back to Jake, handing him his cup in addition to his own. “You want toppings?”

He doesn’t, Sunoo nodding when he tells him as much. Then he pauses, words on the tip of his tongue before he evidently decides to say something, biting down on his lip. No longer holding anything, he raises a hand to pat Jake’s cheek, some hint of hope lingering in his touch. 

“Heeseung hyung takes care of everyone really well. You, Jungwon. Especially Sunghoon hyung lately.” Jake wonders what Sunghoon had been dealing with recently, dismissing the thought quickly. “He’s a great friend. So,” Sunoo brings his other hand up, squishing Jake’s face between his hands aggressively. “Don’t fuck it up. ”

There are things Jake starts to notice more.

Things like how he’ll sometimes catch Heeseung looking at him, and when they make eye contact, Heeseung will look away quicker now. There were times like that before, when Jake would feel someone's eyes on him, and know straight away who it was. He’d look back and that would be it– they would just look at each other. Sometimes one of them might smile or crack a joke, but most of the time, just being able to see each other was enough. Now Jake feels like if he doesn’t look at Heeseung straight away, he’d be wasting valuable seconds. But it’s a weird tango between wanting to instantly return his thoughtful gaze, and not wanting to look at him at all, because he knows once Heeseung thinks he’s been ‘caught,’ he takes it as his cue to slowly turn his eyes away. 

Jake also notices how kind and attentive Heeseung is to everyone, but maybe, Jake thinks, to him a little more. He’s with Sunoo one day and sees him texting Heeseung from his laptop when they’re supposed to be cramming (neither of them were working). It peaks his interest though, because for some reason, he hadn’t expected the two to talk much outside of group activities, so it comes as both a shock and relief when Sunoo tells him that they text pretty often. 

Jake asks what they talk about, and is a lot less surprised to find out that Sunoo had been the one to originally initiate conversation, but Heeseung had quickly taken the lead in asking him if he was settling back in okay, and making it very clear that if he was ever having a rough time, he would be there to lend a listening ear.

Heeseung’s played a big part in helping Sunoo’s move back be as seamless as possible, Sunoo informs Jake. He’s an incredibly caring person with good intentions who Jake owes a lot to, Sunoo adds. He keeps his voice light and pleasant even if he’s smiling pointedly. Jake takes the hint soon enough, returning his smile with one of his own just to shut him up.

It still makes him think though. He had gotten lunch with Heeseung earlier that day, and hadn’t paid attention to miniscule details that now stick out to him retrospectively: 

Like how when Jake was recounting the details of his pissy TA who refused to change his grade for a question they had incorrectly marked wrong, Heeseung had nodded and listened attentively the entire time, not taking his eyes off Jake even when he leaned forward to brush a smudge of dressing off the corner of his lips with his own napkin. 

When Heeseung’s phone kept vibrating with calls, he would barely even look at the caller ID before swiping it away, flipping his screen over and returning his attention to Jake without missing a beat.

He behaved as if his world revolved around Jake effortlessly. Heeseung never even considered it a choice; whatever the situation was, he chose Jake without second thought. Even when he was hanging out with Sunghoon a stupid amount (not jealous), or starting a new friendship with Sunoo– Heeseung was still undeniable devoted to Jake, and Jake alone. 

Jake realizes something else.

Heeseung is starting to feel far away, and he doesn’t like it.

Heeseung also starts to notice new things about Jake.

He always feels like he’ll reach a point where he knows every miniscule detail about Jake, like how many beauty marks he has (seven– two on his left arm, three on his right, one just above his collarbone, and one slightly down the base of his neck), or how to tell when he’s coming down with a cold just based on the way his lips begin to dry despite the copious amounts of lip balm he uses. 

But there’s always more to learn.

Heeseung discovers that the reason Jake stops waiting outside his 10:00 am Thursday lectures, is because Sunoo also has a class that gets out at the same time, and after he picks him up, they’ll go for smoothies together to celebrate the upcoming weekend.

He learns that the little things he would do silently and without Jake’s discretion, like occasionally slipping a protein bar into his backpack when he knows Jake’s skipped lunch that day, or raising the volume on his airpods to wake him up subtly when he’s fallen asleep studying in the library, suddenly don’t go as unnoticed as before. Jake texts him one time, nothing more than a photo of an empty protein bar wrapper next to his laptop and a heart emoji; on another day, when Heeseung turns the volume up and pulls his hand away, Jake catches his wrist and smiles drowsily, stroking his thumb over the back of his hand without saying anything. 

Heeseung thinks he should stop expecting Jake outside the doors of his lecture hall. He thinks it’d be better if he stopped doing little things. 

Heeseung doesn’t know what to think.

Heeseung receives the ball from Sunghoon, raising himself off the ground to toss it through the hoop easily before landing lightly back on his feet. He catches it when gravity brings it back down and tosses it back, wiping sweat from his forehead as Sunghoon dribbles, slightly farther back at the three-point line.

“So how are things for you lately?” Heeseung asks, walking over to the side of the court to grab the glass of iced tea he had brought from Sunghoon’s kitchen.

Sunghoon sighs, shooting and missing. He hadn’t even really been trying, arms flopping back to his side carelessly as he trudges over to receive the ball. He looks over at Heeseung, tucking it under his arm as he leans against the pole of the basketball hoop, eyes aimed up at the mercilessly bright sky. 

“I don’t even know anymore. I just feel kind of shitty. But also better than I have been in the last six years combined, you know what I mean?”

“No. Consider yourself lucky, I think I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum,” Heeseung scoffs, taking one last gulp, leaving only ice in his glass. He sets it back down on the small patio table adjacent to the basketball court, leaving the shelter of the umbrella positioned over it to return to Sunghoon. He sits himself cross-legged a meter away from where he stands. “I literally think I peaked the year I met Jake. It’s all been downhill from there.”

Sunghoon sits down, legs mirroring Heeseung’s as he sets the basketball in his lap, resting his forearms atop the round surface. “It’s strange. I know Sunoo feels weird being back but it’s kinda weird having him back, too. We only knew him for like, 10 months before he left but I don’t think any of us realized how much we missed him until now. Jungwon’s hardly even left his side.”

Heeseung snorts, nodding in agreement. “How he’s managing to juggle his senior year and also spend more time with Sunoo than any of us is a wonder.”

“If anyone could do it, it’d be him.”

“Mm.”

The sun is baring down on them harshly, sweat causing Heeseung’s shirt to stick uncomfortably to his back. His bangs are plastered to his forehead, which is a solid enough reminder to finally book a haircut appointment. He should probably go before he entirely goes insane, otherwise he might pull a hot girl summer move and dye it. Or buzz it.

“Could I rock a Caillou look?”

“No.”

Or maybe not. Sunghoon doesn’t even question him, squinting as he looks somewhere past Heeseung. He doesn’t say anything, letting the younger have his time to zone out without interruption. Sunghoon’s a lot more thoughtful than he gets credit for.

Jongseong is normally the first to come to mind in terms of people who are best with getting people to share their thoughts without fear of rejection or misunderstanding, and Jungwon has an uncanny ability to know exactly when someone is silently in need of support. Jake could probably be trusted with the entire world’s secrets and ensure each person who confided in him still felt heard and unequivocally safe.

But Sunghoon was tedious and cautious, and even if he was more hesitant to approach others first or offer himself up, there was never a time where he wasn’t giving thought to every possible variable in an uncertain situation. He possessed more self-control than any of them, maybe, and despite his ability to say the most out of pocket, unexpected things, his diligence brought a much needed balance.

“You could be wrong, though. Heeseung.”

He hums, motioning with his fingers. “How so?”

Sunghoon turns his gaze back to him, eyebrows still furrowed from facing the direction of the sun. He tosses the ball to Heeseung, pulling his knees into his chest to rest his arms there instead. “I haven’t talked to Jake about it, but it could be that he doesn’t even like Sunoo anymore.”

“Could be.” Heeseung bounces the ball back from hand to hand, letting his palm graze against the textured rubber before passing it back to the other side. His expression is transparent and unexpectant when he responds, “Doesn’t mean he likes me.”

“He won’t if you shave your head.”

Heeseung makes an entirely unbecoming noise as Sunghoon snickers, getting back up to his feet. He tosses the basketball at Sunghoon’s chest the second he’s risen, managing to catch him by surprise.

“And you? Are your reckless decisions still contained to single malt whisky?” Heeseung asks, walking closer to speak more comfortably.

A reckless smile toys on Sunghoon’s lips as he hums, raising a shoulder in a half-shrug. “For now.”

His eyes roam over Heeseung’s face in consideration, quirking one of his perfect brows. “You’re easy on the eyes, though. Your face could distract from your scalp if you truly do lose it.”

That earns a groan, Heeseung shoving at Sunghoon’s arm and using his temporarily distracted state to snatch the ball back, tossing it up in the air. “You wanna go one-on-one one more time or is it too hot?”

Sunghoon shakes his head, waving a hand in forfeit. “I’m gonna have a heat stroke if we stay out here any longer.”

Heeseung acquiesces, making sure to grab his glass before they head for the back door. He drains it of the now melted ice and exhales loudly in relief when he misses his mouth, some of the cold water running down his front.

“I gotta take a shower, though, I feel nasty.”

Sunghoon nods, setting the basketball down by the steps leading down to the door. “Shower here. I can give you something to change into.”

“Sounds good.”

He pulls the door open, letting Heeseung in first. They pass through the kitchen, Sunghoon stopping to deposit Heeseung’s glass and get new drinks for both of them. “You wanna just stay over? Both parents are out for the night, so it was gonna be pizza anyway.”

“Yeah, I just gotta text Beomgyu,” Heeseung agrees easily, reaching into his pocket to grab his phone as he continues toward the stairs.

“Hyung.”

Heeseung looks up from his screen, looking around before he locates Jake standing at the top of the stairs, freezing on the spot. Something brushes by his shoulder and Heeseung tears his gaze away, eyes following Sunghoon as he continues walking like any normal person would.

“When’d you get back?” Sunghoon asks, ascending the stairs to meet him, offering a shake as Heeseung follows behind.

“Twenty minutes ago. I was going out to get Sunoo, though.”

“Ah. Are you guys going out?”

Standing behind him, Heeseung can’t see the look on Sunghoon’s face, but he can hear the stiltedness in his voice at once. Jake only shakes his head, though, pointing at the front door, which lies at the foot of the stairs.

“He’s coming here, I was just getting the door,” Jake says, still mostly addressing Sunghoon, as Heeseung has kept quiet. He looks at him quickly though, eyes darting back to his brother in an instant. “I told him he could stay over too, is that…?”

Sunghoon shrugs, looking to Heeseung for confirmation. It prompts him to finally speak, Jake flashing him a grateful smile when he offers, “We’ll just have to order more pizza, then?” Heeseung forces himself not to stare at his gorgeous best friend, instead continuing up the stairs so he no longer has to crane his neck upward to look at both of them. “Hoon, I’ll use your bathroom?”

Sunghoon nods, both elbows resting on the banister of the stairs behind him. “I’ll set out clothes for you.”

Heeseung extends his arm to pat his shoulder in thanks, briefly catching Jake’s eye as he takes the steps two at a time to hurry up the stairs.

He passes Jake’s room in favor of entering Sunghoon’s, shutting the door behind him and taking only a brief look around before entering his en suite. He twists the lock, ensuring it closed before stripping his shirt off immediately, skin still tacky with sweat. Heeseung can see his reflection in not just the large mirror above the sink, but depicted atop the sheen of the clean marble walls.

Jake and Sunghoon were well off. All of their families were comfortable (a much overused, typical term, but best suited for them), but the Park-Sim household likely most of all of them.

Jake’s father was a CFO, Sunghoon’s mother a legal consultant. They didn’t boast their wealth, but there was a reason their household was the one they most often frequented, and why Jake and Sunghoon living at home throughout college made much more sense than slumming it in the dorms like the rest of them. (Sunghoon argued that it took away from having an actual life. Heeseung asked what he would do without his onhand supply of booze, and he backed down.)

It was never an issue, but Heeseung still finds himself marveling at the small luxuries his arguably more pragmatic parents– practical to a fault, on occasion– would never indulge in, such as the monogrammed towel he dries himself with, or the quite expensive looking bottle of lotion he applies generously.

When he exits, there’s a neatly folded stack of clothes set atop Sunghoon’s bed. Heeseung dresses himself quickly, gathering his own sweaty bundle of fabric to toss into the corner of his room. He pockets his phone and exits, neck bent in order to towel off his hair. He startles, jumping back when he nearly plows into Sunoo, who laughs at the sudden collision.

“Better I bump into you after than before I shower, right?”

Sunoo laughs, a tinkering sound, head bobbing side to side. “I don’t know. I’m kind of sad to have missed the game.”

“Oh? Do you play?”

The delightful giggle transforms into an amused chortle. “Oh, god no. I mean, I can and I have, but I wasn’t talking about participating. Sunghoon hyung gets really competitive and I’m sure you’re no better.”

Heeseung gasps, holding an offended hand up over his heart. “What ever could you possibly mean?”

Sunoo rolls his eyes. “Enough with the dramatics. Jake sent me up to see if you were done yet, pizza’s gonna be here in a few minutes.” He turns away without looking back, merely beckoning over his shoulder with a flick of his fingers. “Come on.”

Heeseung can only laugh, picking up the pace to follow him down the stairs.

Sunoo is a character, for sure. He has an infectious bounce to his step, and a face too honest to ever betray any of his emotions. Fleeting emotions, such as joy or sulkiness, are humorously clear at any time, but his thoughts are harder to gauge.

Heeseung has already decided Sunoo to be one of his favorite people, that much was an easy acceptance; but he does still take pleasure in trying to understand him. He’s eager always, but sly– his fox’s eyes suit someone as quietly intelligent as him. There’s meaning to his actions, something Heeseung lacks lately, moving lethargically, dragged down by his countless fantasies. He could learn from Sunoo how to live in the present, take charge of finding his own joy in simpler things.

When they make their way down the stairs, Jake and Sunghoon are already sat in the living room, facing each other on the opposing couches. Sunoo arrives before him, but excuses himself to wash his hands first, telling the three of them to start eating. Heeseung starts toward the table, feet unconsciously veering to the left, where Jake sits. He doesn’t realize he had been directing himself in his direction until Sunghoon waves him over, and he pauses barely noticeably before taking the last few strides to plop down next to him.

He removes the towel slung around his neck, swatting at his torso gently. “Monogrammed? Really?”

“I’m a rich asshole,” Sunghoon garbles through a mouthful of meat lover's pizza. “Sue me.”

Heeseung only laughs, leaning forward to grab some for himself. “Not when you feed me this well.”

“Eat a lot, hyung,” Jake bids, pushing the box closer to him across the table. 

Heeseung winks, ripping off the biggest slice he can see. “You should expect no less.”

Sunoo arrives, throwing himself over the arm of the couch, landing squarely atop Jake’s lap with a boisterous laugh. Jake matches it easily, throwing an arm over his shoulders as Sunoo wriggles around, body splayed horizontally on the entirety of the cushions.

“Out of someone who hits and someone who tackles, who would you rather have ended up next to?” Heeseung points the tip of his pizza at Sunghoon, a question meant only for him.

“I would just choose the cuter one,” Sunoo cuts in loudly, smiling angelically as he pointedly narrows his eyes at Heeseung. “What do you think, hyung? Who’s cuter, you or me?”

“Can I preserve my dignity by not answering?” Heeseung replies rhetorically, voice dry with humor.

Sunoo laughs again, sitting up and setting himself properly down on the couch. “I suppose so.” Then he points a finger at him, circling it in the air. “But not for long.”

“Hyung?”

Heeseung turns around slowly, hands still wrapped around his now lukewarm mug of tea. Jake stands in the open doorway of the balcony, looking sleep-weary and worried.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Heeseung shakes his head, stifling a laugh. “Sunghoon doesn’t snore super loudly, but–”

“You’re a light sleeper,” Jake smiles knowingly, stepping closer. His feet are bare, and Heeseung starts to slide his feet out of his own slippers only to get waved off, Jake not seeming to mind as his soles pad against the cold concrete. Summer approaches, but a soft breeze still sweeps his hair into a charming disarray of blonde strands across his forehead. 

Heeseung looks out at the view, city lights sparkling below. Like this, he and Jake don’t face each other, but outward. Jake only exists in Heeseung’s peripheral vision, so he doesn’t expect to be addressed when he starts shifting foot to foot.

“I can see you fidgeting, Jakey. What do you want to say?” Heeseung asks amusedly, crouching down to set his mug on the floor by his feet. When he straightens, he rests one elbow on the railing, turning his body to face him, a knowing look on his face.

Jake’s front teeth sink into his bottom lip, rendering it pale and deprived of color before he releases it in his rush to speak. “You could have come to my room.”

Heeseung almost laughs at how it mimics a confession, such a simple offer. He wishes he could offer a greater one of his own. Instead he steps out of his slippers, nudging them over to Jake. “It’s fine, I was the one who crashed so suddenly. Besides. Sunoo.”

His reasoning ends there. Heeseung thinks it’s self-explanatory, but Jake proves him wrong, rolling his eyes.

“Sunoo is sleeping downstairs. He insisted. Didn’t want to sleep on the floor, and he thought I would kick too much,” Jake explains, tone uplifted almost coyly, as if he was sharing a secret not meant for anyone else’s ears. 

Still, he doesn’t step into the shoes, so Heeseung hikes his baggy sweatpants (Sunghoon’s) up, bending down to settle on one knee. He takes care in wrapping his fingers around Jake’s ankle, lifting his foot to bring it under the fabric arch of the house slipper.

“Doesn’t explain what you’re doing still awake.”

Jake concedes defeat, wearing the other shoe on his own. Heeseung chuckles, placing a hand on his knee to push himself up. He’s closer to Jake than he was before, but he tames his surprise before it forces him to stumble backward.

Jake’s eyes are honest. They are in constant communication with his surroundings at all times, expressive when words don’t come. There are reminders of Sunoo’s tantalizing and brutally honest eyes tangled in the brown hues of Jake’s irises, and Heeseung wishes he could ignore them altogether. The two are similar, cruelly so.

“I had some things on my mind.”

Jake’s voice is soft, wavering. Heeseung can only hear it so clearly due to their proximity. The fact that he can make out every freckle decorating his pink cheeks, see each twitch and flutter in his long lashes under the silver moonlight, is irrelevant. Jake’s just standing close because he’s standing close. Heeseung could be almost entirely convinced it lacks significance.

“What’s keeping you up?”

Jake smiles wearily, feeling smaller each second he fails to think of an actual answer. He doesn’t know. It’s a paradoxical feeling– unable to fall asleep due to the constant search of what keeps him awake in the first place.

“Little things. Feeling restless, I guess.”

Heeseung nods, kind enough to pretend his response provided any sort of substance. “You can share, if you think it’ll help. I’m all ears.” Jake stays silent at first, willing himself to seize the opportunity to have an actual conversation with Heeseung, something he hasn’t had in what feels like a lifetime. Heeseung beats him to it, though, his hand rising only to fall onto Jake’s arm. “It’s cold. We can go back inside.”

His fingertips are warm, despite having been outside for however much longer than Jake, who has admittedly grown chilly. Goosebumps only grace his skin where Heeseung touches, though, a physical trace of his presence and the natural response to it Jake’s body provides.

“Okay.”

With his approval, Heeseung stoops down once again, hand falling away as he retrieves his mug. This time, he doesn’t even wait until he’s fully stood to grace Jake with his touch, taking his hand and wordlessly leading him back in.

They go all the way up the stairs straight to Jake’s room without speaking. Heeseung doesn’t release his hand until they’re sat on his bed, door firmly shut behind them.

Jake’s window is cracked open, allowing his sheer curtains to sway softly, light leaking in and spilling onto his hardwood floors. Heeseung stares him down in the most delightful way, smiling patiently.

“So? What ails you, Jakey?”

It makes him laugh unbecomingly, doing his best to muffle the sound in his hand so as to not wake Sunghoon. It’s an unneeded effort– his light snores are audible from across the hall. He shakes his head, leaning back, falling out of Heeseung’s line of sight. He only scoots back to join him, both of their backs lined straight against the wall.

“It’s really nothing. I guess I’m just stressed. The academic year’s already almost over, Jungwon’s graduating high school.”

Heeseung nods, listening attentively. Jake rotates his head, skull rolling against the wall dully as he looks up, seeing only darkness. Either of them easily could have flipped his lights on when they entered, but it seems between them both, there wasn’t a single person who cared enough to. They speak quietly even though they don’t have to, hushed whispers that paint wild pictures on the ceiling Jake directs his words to. Among them, a portrait of intimacy, shared amongst two kindred spirits.

“It’s weird, I think I’m just getting like, nostalgic, for things that are happening literally right now. Like, I miss just…fucking around with Sunghoon and Jay. And getting blazed .” Heeseung chuckles lowly. A gaggle of stars dance across the sky, teasing him from the corner of the window. “And I missed talking like this.”

Jake’s hand seeks out Heeseung’s again, gravitating naturally toward his as they join atop Heeseung’s knee. Automatically, Heeseung flips his palm up, feeling Jake intertwine their fingers. He continues, words carefully enunciated to compensate for their low voices.

“I think with the excitement of Sunoo returning, I forgot about the rest of my life.”

In a massive crescendo, all the colors splayed across the ceiling lose their vibrancy as a wave of blacks and grays crash over, bringing the room to a still. Heeseung’s fingers go limp, and he finds himself grateful for the dark. 

He doesn’t realize he’s fallen into a silence far too long until Jake calls his name.

Heeseung shakes it off, pushing away from the wall and pretending his entire body doesn’t feel cold when he pulls his hand away from Jake’s as smoothly as possible. He makes sure a smile rests on his lips when he sits facing Jake instead, just in case the moonlight should reveal any of his features.

“I think Sunoo has a funny way of making people forget about any and all unpleasantness at hand.” Heeseung whispers tiredly, only ruining himself further when he realizes how truthfully he’s speaking.

Jake huffs lightly, inclining his chin downward a little. He has to cast his gaze upward in order to meet Heeseung’s, making him appear even more irresistible, and impossibly unattainable.

“I wouldn’t call being with you particularly unpleasant,” Jake murmurs, eyes glistening with interest. “Would you?”

Heeseung must have some sort of death wish.

He shakes his head. “No.”

There’s some semblance of relief that tugs Jake’s lips upward into a slight smile, Heeseung can’t tell whether it’s ironic or not.

“Even with me, droning on about absolute nonsense at three in the morning?”

Heeseung nods this time, using his tongue to wet his suddenly dry mouth. He blames his insomniatic delirium for the way he imagines Jake’s eyes to fall briefly down to his lips before coming back up to meet his. 

“I guess I enjoy any sort of time spent with you.”

It’s the closest he’ll ever come to a confession. Still, he prays that if this is as much as he can give, Jake accepts it. Accepts him, and his coward’s attempt at the whole truth.

But unlike Jake, who stomached his temporary silence, Heeseung finds himself growing more self-aware with every passing second no further words are shared between them. Jake opts instead to seek his eyes out with what little illumination they have, holding him hostage with his searching gaze. There’s a second where Heeseung thinks he’s going to say something, and he’s too scared to make himself vulnerable to Jake’s honesty. So it’s him who diverts himself away from the dangerous path he’s leading them both down, sheltering himself like always.

“It is late, though.”

Jake blinks, as if he hadn’t realized until now. Then he nods, fluffy hair bouncing with each rise and fall. “Right.”

“Let’s try to sleep, alright? If you still can’t, just wake me up.”

Jake pulls the blanket back, raising his hips to slide underneath, while Heeseung does the same. He doesn’t hesitate in lifting his arm to allow Jake to cuddle up next to him, plastering himself against his side. One of the younger’s hands lands on Heeseung’s upper torso, the steady beat of his heart reverberating through his knuckles in a soothing melody.

“Night, Hee.”

“Mm. Sleep well, Jakey.”

Jake’s fingers curl into the fabric of Heeseung’s shirt, and he falls asleep making a vain attempt to convince himself he’s saved them both from a worse fate.

Sunghoon calling Heeseung to hang out is fairly common these days. Sunghoon calling Heeseung to hang out and get drunk is also fairly common.

What’s not as typical, is Sunghoon already being fucking wasted, and butt-dialing Heeseung while he attempts to recite what sounds like the alphabet in reverse. 

Heeseung knows for a fact that Sunghoon’s home alone for the weekend, Jake on an end of the year retreat with some of the people from his study group, and his parents out of town for a family wedding that they didn’t bother trying to rope Sunghoon into attending without Jake there, too.

It’s why he pauses his game and tosses his controller down, telling Beomgyu he’s going out for the night before getting in his car and heading straight for his house. When he gets there, he’s greeted by Sunghoon before he even parks, nearly getting a heart attack when he tries to pull into the driveway, only for his headlights to (barely) reveal a mass of limbs strewn about the concrete. Heeseung has to strain his eyes to make sure he’s not seeing things, but once he determines that, yes, that is Sunghoon wiggling around on the ground only inches from his car’s hood, he parks and contemplates his life decisions before getting out from behind the wheel. 

One cursory glance over his shoulder tells him that the rear end of his car is just tucked into the safety of the driveway, which puts Heeseung at ease enough to give his full attention to the human centipede clawing at his ankles with the coordination of a toddler. 

“How do you manage to drink yourself into a ditch every week without your parents noticing?” Heeseung asks mostly rhetorically, not expecting Sunghoon’s brain to have enough functionality to provide an actual response. He makes quick work of bending down to haul him up, tucking his forearms under Sunghoon’s armpits and raising him up until his feet are flat on the ground.

Sunghoon mumbles drowsily in response, his head instantly falling forward to crash onto Heeseung’s shoulder. “Fuck, man. Why’s your shoulder bone so sharp?”

Heeseung rolls his eyes, cursing Sunghoon’s existence. “Sorry,” he responds dryly, doing his best to walk Sunghoon backward toward the front door. “Why the fuck were you laying down in the middle of your driveway?”

“Thought I could become a car if I wanted it enough.”

“Did it work?”

“I think so,” Sunghoon giggles loopily as Heeseung pulls the door open. 

He tries to kick it shut with his foot, cursing under his breath when it stops just short of closing. He thinks Sunghoon is stable enough to let go of him, turning around as quickly as possible to push the door the rest of the way until it clicks into place. Heeseung slides the lock in and then shuts his eyes, leaning his back against the door. 

When he opens his eyes again, he frowns in momentary confusion before he hears his name called from below. Heeseung looks down and sees Sunghoon on all fours, grinning like a little kid.

“Hyung. Watch me drive.”

Before Heeseung can protest, Sunghoon starts grumbling ‘vroom vroom’ noises interspersed with occasional lip trills, as he crawls around on his hands and knees on the dirty floor of his foyer. There must be some sort of human-car traffic only visible to other drunk automobiles, because every now and then, he stops and skids, reversing and heading in another direction with high pitched screeches. 

“Very impressive,” Heeseung nods, resisting the urge to take out his phone and record. “What model are you?”

“I’m a 2015 Toyota hybrid. I’m saving the environment, hyung.”

“I’m sure you are. Do you have an eta for your destination?”

Sunghoon doesn’t respond, and Heeseung can only watch as he grits his teeth and pants, positioning himself with the utmost concentration at the bottom of his stairs. Sunghoon spends several minutes moving only a few inches, then eventually ends up scooting sideways until one of his elbows knocks against the first step. 

It’s then that he sits back on his shins and looks up at Heeseung with a proud smile. 

“Parallel parking.”

Heeseung opens his mouth, then clamps it shut, no idea what how to even respond.

Sunghoon blinks up at him expectantly, still beaming. His fingers are a bright pink from all of his weight being pressed onto them for the last several minutes and Heeseung thinks he’s a lovely child trapped in a menace of a young adult’s body.

“Do you think you can make it up the stairs to your room in car form? Or can you switch between human dumbass and dumbass on wheels?”

“I totally can. You fucking watch, hyung, I’m about to Sam Witwicky the fuck out of this.”

Heeseung crinkles his nose. “Who?”

Sunghoon hops to his feet, swaying dangerously before coming to be somewhat still as he attempts to focus his eyes. He ultimately ends up looking somewhere just off Heeseung’s actual face as he explains, “Transformers.”

“Never watched it.”

Sunghoon pshaws, spinning around dramatically and narrowly avoids tripping and falling headfirst onto his stairs. Heeseung rushes to catch him, sighing as the two make their way up step by step.

“Y’know, I think something’s wrong with ya, Heeseung.”

“Why’s that?” Heeseung asks, thanking whatever higher power miraculously helped them get to the second floor.

“I can’t think of a sssingle respectable man who hasn’t seen Transformers.”

Heeseung hums in consideration as they walk toward Sunghoon’s room, the latter’s arms draped over him in a sideways hug. “I’ve been on the Transformers ride at Universal.”

“Fake fan.”

“Bite me, Park.”

Sunghoon nips at his shoulder jokingly, pulling a soft laugh out of Heeseung as he dumps him on his bed. He lets out a soft ‘whee’ as he bounces onto his mattress, arms flying above his head. Heeseung strips his jacket off and tosses it onto Sunghoon’s chair, leaving him in the stretched out band shirt he had been too lazy too change out of when he left his dorm. 

He goes downstairs to grab a glass of water for Sunghoon, who had managed to fall asleep in the two minutes Heeseung was gone.

Heeseung shakes him awake gently, holding the cup out for him when he cracks an eye open, rubbing both lids aggressively as he sits up.

Sunghoon blinks, then rears his head back in apparent confusion as he accepts the glass from Heeseung.

“When’d you get here? Did you break into my house?” Sunghoon looks around, clearly disoriented as he waves for Heeseung to come closer. He bends down to get closer to eye level with Sunghoon, who clamps a hand down on his shoulder as he whispers conspiratorially into his ear. “Heeseung hyung. I think you’re here to rob me. But I won’t tell, okay? You can take my stuff. Because I love you. Like a bro. And bros should share stuff, right?”

“...Right.”

Sunghoon’s hand moves from his shoulder to his cheek, giving it a firm pat in a way that reminds Heeseung of his grandmother.

“Good. My oyster is your world. No wait, that’s not right. Your oyster is my house. My world’s oyster is your home. Fuck–”

“I get the gist. I appreciate it, thank you Sunghoon.” Heeseung extracts himself from his hold while trying not to keep a straight face, thinking Sunghoon wouldn’t appreciate his extreme generosity being met by laughter. “You should get some sleep. I’m going to stay the night, but you smell like a walking bottle of tequila. So respectfully, I will not be sleeping with you.”

“Roger that,” Sunghoon salutes him, eyebrows set in a firm line as he nods seriously. “I will see you at the morning time.”

Heeseung snorts and steps back, turning off Sunghoon’s lights as he exits. 

It’s well past two am at this point, and Heeseung could do with some sleep himself. He’s frankly too lazy to try and make himself a bed downstairs or in the living room, so with a mental note to apologize to Jake for breaking into his room, he heads straight for his bedroom, letting himself in and flicking the lights on.

It’s honestly been a while since he’s been in Jake’s room. Heeseung and everyone else had come over increasingly frequently as the school year started to come to a close, but that meant they were either outside, in the living room, or downstairs in the den. There’s been no reason for him to have come up to Jake’s bedroom, but it’s exactly as it always has been.

There’s a small bookshelf with photo frames, little trinkets, and books that Jake likes to reread over and over again. Heeseung’s never understood that– once he reads a book, he tends to never want to pick it up again, even if he liked it. There’s a small laundry hamper in the corner of his room right next to the door of his en suite, piled high with basketball shorts and hoodies.

His bed is made, which Heeseung knows isn’t necessarily a habit, but something Jake will try to do if he has the time, and something he’ll always do if he’ll be away from his house for a while, because coming back to a made bed reminds him not to immediately fall asleep in his dirty clothes once he arrives back home.

There’s a few posters on the wall: a tattered Paramore poster which Heeseung gifted to him for his birthday one year, because during the four years between ‘Paramore’ and ‘After Laughter,’ Jake had missed them so much he had gone through a phase of exclusively listening to their music for several months. There’s a Fleetwood Mac poster, which Jake had accepted as a hand me down from Sunghoon, who had loved their music dearly as an elementary schooler, but went on strike once he found out the story behind the ‘Rumors’. Beneath it is a Rina Sawayama poster, which is the newest addition, and a product of Heeseung’s music taste rubbing off on him.

Heeseung turns his attention away from the wall of posters, walking over to the bookcase and examining a few of the titles. There’s a book of poetry he had purchased for Jake as a gag gift when their school provided an opportunity to visit France over spring break. He had cracked his phone and didn’t have anything to do on the bus ride to their hotel, so Heeseung had grabbed the book nearest to him and presented it to Jake when they boarded the coach, fully expecting him to hit him on the head with it; Jake had expressed his gratitude with wide eyes and spent the entire ride trying to work his way through the dense, French poems. Even after they returned home, he refused to throw it away even though he still couldn’t understand half of it– flipping through the first couple pages alone, Heeseung can see his messy scrawling in the margins next to stanzas he had underlined in order to translate. 

He slides it back onto the shelf, scanning the other items surrounding it. There are two photo frames at Heeseung’s eye level, and a few others placed on higher shelves that he knows are probably more to fill space than anything else, since Jake was shorter than him and wouldn’t be able to view them easily, either. One is of Jake and his family, him and Sunghoon all thin limbs and big toothy smiles with their parents. 

The other is of Jake and Heeseung. There’s no one else in the photo, and Heeseung can remember the exact day it was taken. The second winter break after he moved to the area, Heeseung had invited Jake to join him in Big Bear. A family friend had a permanent accommodation they normally rented out, but because they wouldn’t be around to monitor the tenants that year, they had invited Heeseung’s family to stay as long as they wanted. It was big enough to house up to ten people, so once Jake was reassured he wouldn’t be crowding anyone, he gladly agreed.

Jake’s mom was mildly obsessed with scrapbooking, so she had sent him off with a disposable camera. Jake thought he wouldn’t have any use for it at all, but then Heeseung’s mom suggested they take it with them when they went swimming in the freezing lake nearby the house since they could risk it getting wet– being the doting son he was, Heeseung suggested they take at least one photo in order to not disappoint their parents. They snapped exactly one, set the camera down on a rock and jumped into the subzero water (a mistake, but their single photo turned out nicely). Heeseung didn’t know Jake had kept his own copy the entire time.

It makes him smile, temporarily remembering how simple life had been then. Bitterly, part of him wants to think, Just you wait. But the other part of him can’t find it in him to resent their baby-faced 16/17 year old selves. Not when he can see the unbridled joy in Jake’s smile. He looks harmless, near angelic. It’s a wonder Heeseung is so intimidated by him. 

At the same time, it’s taken him until now to realize how much of himself exists in Jake’s space. Without even trying, he can spot a dozen other traces of his own personality, kept safe in the confines of the four walls of Jake’s room; a kneaded eraser that used to belong to Heeseung, but that he had given to Jake when the younger signed up for a drawing elective to fulfill his arts requirement at school. Heeseung knows he only continued to use it because he liked to play with it when he got distracted in his other classes. There’s a small lighter and an old dish that Jake keeps on his desk at all times, in case Heeseung wants to smoke. Markings on the wall because the two of them had a bet about who would have grown the most by Jake’s sophomore year, a pair of soccer cleats that used to be Heeseung’s but gave to Jake because he didn’t use them anymore– the list went on.

It’s a biting comfort, because Heeseung’s reminded all at once that Jake has always been his home. He’s always been his safe place, his escape when things got too hectic. He just hadn’t fully recognized until now his own impact on Jake’s life. How intertwined they were. 

Heeseung and Jake. Jake and Heeseung.

Heeseung heaves a sigh and turns away from the photo, tilting his head side to side and groaning lightly when his neck cracks. It’s a reminder of how tired his body is, and his feet carry him to Jake’s bed on autopilot, kicking his socks off lazily and climbing under the sheets.

(They smell like Jake.)

(Heeseung falls asleep in seconds.)

Heeseung spends the next day over with Sunghoon too, choosing to study in the living room while the latter sprawls across the couch trying to nap his hangover away. He sits hunched over, one knee bent and the other folded on the ground as he rests an elbow on his raised leg, books scattered across the coffee table. They’re exchanging mumbled half-assed suggestions about what they should order for dinner when the front door unlocks.

Sunghoon frowns and raises his head from where it had been resting atop a throw pillow, craning his neck to try and get a look at the door. Jake pushes through seconds later, dragging a small suitcase behind him.

“You’re back already?”

Jake startles, eyes blown wide as his head whips toward Sunghoon. He clamps a hand over his chest, nearly tripping over his suitcase as the wheels scrape against the tiled floor, moving with his body. 

Sunghoon pays him no mind, not even acknowledging the fear he had instilled in his brother. “I thought you were out until tomorrow.”

Jake recovers, shaking the hair out of his eyes and shutting the front door. “Stephen got sick, so we came back a day early.”

“Did you have fun?” Heeseung asks.

Jake’s gaze lands on him and his face gives way to his surprise, like he hadn’t realized he was there before. Heeseung offers a small smile, if not just to make himself feel less awkward when his question goes unanswered for a few seconds, leaving what feels like a gaping silence before he finally nods.

“Yeah. It was nice to get away for a little. I just gotta unpack and I’ll come back down.”

“We were going to order for dinner but we hadn’t decided what yet. You have something in mind?” Sunghoon asks, still laying down with his feet dangling off the end of the couch. He’s stretching his arms up in the air, torso twisting around as he stretches. Heeseung hears his back crack and laughs, earning a slap on his nape.

Jake shrugs, grabbing the handle of his suitcase and starting up the stairs. He tosses another quick glance in their direction, eyes flitting from Sunghoon to Heeseung, who’s still glaring at the former and rubbing the back of his neck. His eyebrow twitches slightly, but then he’s shaking his head, resuming his flight up the steps.

“I’ll take anything. Sunghoon knows what I like.”

Sunghoon scoffs lightly under his breath, but when Heeseung looks at him questioningly, he only dismisses him with a wave of his hand, digging his phone out of his pocket. “Thai food?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll Doordash it.”

Heeseung hums in response and drops his pencil, giving up on studying. He allows himself to stare into space to try and regain some of his mental strength, barely even flinching when Sunghoon tosses his phone down onto the table.

“Choose your shit and then you can place the order.” Sunghoon yawns, smacking his lips. “You mind if I sleep in my room? I’m still kinda dizzy and I hate eating with a headache.”

Heeseung squints. “You’re literally the weirdest person I know.” Sunghoon flips him off and he jerks his head toward the stairs. “Yeah, knock yourself out. I’ll come get you when the food’s here.”

Sunghoon doesn’t stick around any longer than he needs to, stumbling up the stairs and slamming his door behind him. Heeseung can hear it from where he still sits on the ground and laughs to himself, standing up and stretching his legs. 

He walks over to the window and looks outside, where there’s sun and green and actual moving air– he’s been locked inside all day at no one’s fault but his own; realistically, he could have taken a walk around Sunghoon’s block since he had woken up about two hours before him and had time to spare. But today had felt like a lazy day, and he’d still honestly rather bask in the sun from the safety of the living room than go outside. He could be a cat if he wanted to. 

Heeseung meows experimentally.

It doesn’t feel quite right, and he’s thinking about trying it again when a lazily muffled snicker catches his attention. He turns around and sees Jake standing at the foot of the stairs, holding his hands over his mouth.

“Hyung, what the fuck?”

Heeseung sighs exasperatedly, and belatedly realizes he’s laughing, and possibly insane. “I don’t even know, man. I’ve been spending too much time with your brother.”

Something flashes across Jake’s face, but it disappears much too quickly for Heeseung to gauge his reaction. Instead, the shorter marches forward into the living room, eyebrows set in a determined line. 

“Come spend time with me, then. I’ll do my best to discourage any feline behavior.”

Heeseung scoffs, but allows Jake to grab his wrist and drag him back to the couch, sitting down where he pats the cushion invitingly. Jake’s leaning back against the arm of the couch, stretching his legs out to lay on Heeseung’s lap. He accepts the weight easily, resting his own arms atop Jake’s shins.

“Tell me more about your trip, Jakey. Sorry it got cut short.”

Jake brushes his condolences off, not looking too upset. “We did a lot while we were there, anyway. The juniors and seniors went to get us drinks, and Felix ended up jumping into the pool with all his clothes on. And Jules managed to convince everyone to go hiking the next morning, and the day after. I’m sore as hell.”

Heeseung’s body moves on autopilot, his hands reaching to pick up the leg closest to his torso as he starts massaging from his foot upward. Jake laughs at how it tickles, but doesn’t otherwise tell him to stop, sending Heeseung an appreciative smile. 

“That sounds fun. You nerds party hard.”

Jake pushes himself forward and shoves at his shoulder, rolling his eyes as he fails to bite back a smile. “Not all of us are born good at everything. If I didn’t have consistent study sessions to fall back on, I’d fucking flunk all my classes.”

“Apologies,” Heeseung retorts pointedly. His thumbs working at the arch of Jake’s foot, earning a pleased groan. He carries on diligently, spending extra time whenever his reactions get louder. “You wouldn’t, though. You were already in the top half of all your courses before you started studying with the others. You’re just an overachiever.”

“Mm. I hate settling,” Jake agrees, crossing his arms over his chest. “Feels better to know I did more than less, y’know?” Heeseung nods slowly, eyes trained on Jake. He watches as the younger’s face breaks into a small smile, looking back at him as he scrunches his nose. “I literally sound so gross. I can’t wait until summer starts and I don’t sound like such a geek.”

“Geek is acceptable, but not nerd?”

“Duh. Haven’t you seen Geek Charming?”

“Solid point. You and Sunghoon make the weirdest pop culture references, you know that?”

The smile slips off Jake’s face and Heeseung wonders what he said wrong. Before he can ask, Jake poses a question of his own, words drawn out carefully as he stares him down intently, gaze unwavering.

“You guys hang out a lot, huh?”

For some reason it nearly makes Heeseung laugh nervously, and his immediate thought is that he should refuse, as if him being friends with Sunghoon would somehow be offensive or pose an issue. They’ve definitely gotten closer in the last few months, but they had always run in the same friend group so he hadn’t thought it had been too noticeable to anyone else. He especially hadn’t thought Jake had picked up on it, thought if Heeseung thinks about it, maybe he had hinted at it vaguely in recent conversations. 

Ultimately, he still decides on responding affirmatively, albeit cautiously. He asks why, and Jake just shakes his head, picking at the fabric of the couch cushion. 

“No reason, I guess. I just hadn’t realized.” 

It sounds like shallow reasoning to Jake’s own ears, too. If he hadn’t realized, he wouldn’t have had any reason to ask about it, but Heeseung is kind enough not to comment on it. Jake chews on his bottom lip, rendering it pale and deprived of color where his teeth sink into the plush skin. When he releases it, all the blood comes rushing in and paints it bright pink. 

“I guess I have competition, huh?”

This does make Heeseung laugh, and he doesn’t bother holding it back, letting out a short exhale incredulously. Not only because Sunghoon, bless his soul, could ever hope to rival Jake’s position as Heeseung’s best friend (not that he wanted to), but because of the unwelcome implications that Heeseung’s mind automatically assign to Jake’s innocent comment.

Unlike the place his brain instantly took him to, Jake was not referring to the possibility of him being a contender for Heeeseung’s heart, but instead reminding Heeseung in a manner much more kind than he deserved, that in his haste to fall out of love he had become a terribly neglectful friend.

Heeseung moves onto Jake’s other leg, patting his knee in silent apology before he starts his ministrations. “No competition at all. If you think I would sit around massaging your brother’s nasty feet, you’re sorely mistaken, Jaeyun.”

Jake cracks a small smile, giggling and squirming away when Heeseung tickles the bottom of his foot.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to be weird,” he mumbles, voice sounding lighter than it was before. “I just… I don’t know, I might be going insane, too. Even Jay had said something in passing about it, I guess it got me thinking.”

Heeseung tilts his head in confusion, not following. “Said something about what?”

Jake shrugs half-heartedly, not meeting Heeseung’s eyes even as he tries to keep his tone neutral. “He thought there might’ve been something between you two. I guess the fact that it didn’t sound entirely stupid to me made me wonder if you weren’t telling me something.”

Heeseung blanches, chest aching. He hates seeing Jake so dejected and uncertain because of him, and if their friendship was guaranteed even in the face of extreme stupidity, he would explain and spill his guts about how he’s an idiot who has a heart boner for Jake right then and there.

He knows he can’t though, so instead he releases Jake’s foot to reach for his hand, internally sighing in relief when their fingers interlock easily, Jake’s smaller hand sliding into his eagerly. 

“Trust me when I say I’m not dating your brother. I’d say right now, he’s a lot less like my boyfriend and more like one of those dogs people use for therapy and emotional healing.”

“I didn’t know Sunghoon was capable of being emotionally supportive. He’s just a twat to me.”

Heeseung laughs, smile only growing wider when Jake chuckles along with him, using his other hand to run his fingers along both their knuckles. 

“I mean, not discounting his moments of absolute idiocy, he does have a weird ability to make me less stressed. He’s kinda like a human bong.”

Jake cackles, falling forward until his forehead bumps against Heeseung’s shoulders. He’s folded over in half, which looks uncomfortable, and probably is, because he readjusts himself so he’s no longer sitting with his back against the side of the couch, but right next to Heeseung. 

“So assuming you’re not interested in dating weed pipes, I can make fun of Jay for being wrong?” Jake asks, still a little apprehensive even if he’s expecting (hoping) Heeseung will say yes.

“Absolutely you can.”

Jake nods to himself, looking down at where their hands had stayed joined together and now rest in the slight gap between his and Heeseung’s legs. “Good to know.”

Jake is supposed to say something else here. He knows he is, but the words don’t come. The silence doesn’t feel pressuring though, and he would be content to let it stretch on for however much longer, until Heeseung takes it upon himself to break it first.

“Did I make you worry?”

Jake turns his head to the side to look at Heeseung, who’s already facing him, bringing their noses mere inches apart. “About what?”

Heeseung’s eyes flit across his face before coming back to meet his. “The thing with Sunghoon,” he responds softly, voice laced with worry. “You know I’m not interested in dating him.”

Jake nods, feeling guilt run hot through his body for how he had confronted Heeseung about his speculations. Part of him just wanted to put his fears to rest, because the idea of his best friend and brother dating had admittedly shaken him to his core. But also because even before the notion of them being romantically involved had even entered his mind, he had already been feeling uneasy seeing Heeseung suddenly gravitate toward Sunghoon. Half of the time he came over to their house, it wasn’t for a group thing or because Jake invited him, it was Sunghoon’s doing. It felt like Heeseung was slipping away, and that scared Jake for reasons he doesn’t like thinking about.

“Yeah. I guess I thought it was better to ask just in case.” Jake attempts a smile, even if it’s weak. “Dating or not, I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions about you hanging out with him more. We’re all friends, it’s not like you have to explain yourself to me.”

“But it’s different with you.” 

The response comes immediately and Jake’s breath hitches in his throat. Heeseung’s gaze is adamant, making Jake’s face flare red as he squeezes his hand earnestly. Jake doesn’t like the cliche of it all, but he thinks in Heeseung’s case, eyes truly are the windows to the soul– he feels like he’s being invited to view all of his innermost thoughts and feelings with the way Heeseung’s looking at him. 

“It’s not the same as with everyone else.” Heeseung asserts himself again just as decisively as the first time, knocking all the air out of Jake’s chest once more. “You know, don’t you? If it’s you, it’s different.”

Jake swallows heavily. His mouth is dry, and even though his tongue feels like a deadweight in his mouth, he still asks. “Is it?”

Heeseung falters, lids fluttering as he blinks rapidly. At once, the spell is broken, but the tension remains. He looks away, eyes focusing somewhere behind Jake’s head.

“Of course.” He clenches his jaw, then smiles in a way that makes Jake feel like another opportunity for something (anything) has passed them by. “You’re my best friend. It’s different.”

Heeseung doesn’t sound too happy about it, and Jake can’t say he’s faring any better, something bitter crawling up his throat, desperate to make its way out into the world.

He’s only saved by saying something he’d most definitely regret later by a knock at the door, which pulls Heeseung’s attention entirely away as he springs off the couch. He looks much too thankful for the interruption, feet carrying him away from the living room and Jake before he can get in another word otherwise.

Heeseung yanks the door open, expecting to see a bag of food on his porch and instead finding Sunoo (holding a bag of food on his porch).

If Sunoo’s surprised to see him there, he doesn’t say so, instead peeking inside the take out bag. “You think there’s enough for three?”

“Four, actually.” Heeseung steps back to let Sunoo in, waving in Jake’s general direction. “Jake came back early.”

“Sunoo? What’re you doing here?” Jake asks, grinning widely as he stands to wrap Sunoo in a bear hug. 

Heeseung averts his gaze, looking at the floor as Sunoo sighs in response. “My phone died last night, so I didn’t see it until a few hours ago, but Sunghoon hyung left me a voicemail– sounding piss drunk, by the way, and I got worried so I tried to text him but he hasn’t been responding. I figured I would stop by when I was free to make sure he was okay.” He looks over at Heeseung, who’s still terribly fascinated with the pattern on the rug and misses the calculating glance Sunoo sends him. “Looks like I got beat to it, though.”

When Heeseung still doesn’t say anything, Jake speaks up, a jagged edge to his voice. “Well, I wasn’t told anything about last night, either. But Sunghoon’s napping now, so someone has to wake him up.”

“I’ll do it,” Sunoo volunteers. He takes another look inside the bag before handing it off to Heeseung. “There’s actually a lot of food. I’ll call Jungwon to see if he wants to join since the four of us are here already. He can ask Jay and Ni-ki, too.”

Heeseung voices his approval, walking back to the coffee table to start emptying the bag’s contents. Jake silently joins him, digging around for the utensil sets. 

“I didn’t realize you slept over last night,” he mutters quietly, Heeseung almost missing it due to the plastic crinkling. 

He pauses, frozen as he grips a carton of rice. “Yeah. Sunghoon called me, too. I didn’t think it was okay for him to be alone.” Jake nods curtly, rustling around in the bag again. Heeseung raises an eyebrow, unsure of the sudden change in tone. “Should I not have?”

Jake yanks his hand out of the bag, and if it was a less turbulent situation, Heeseung might have laughed at how unserious he looks, fist clenched around a packaged spork. The look on Jake’s face hardly calls for laughter, though, so he doesn’t.

“I don’t know. I guess I just thought you were always too busy to sleep over, but if Sunghoon asks…” Jake trails off, the implied message clear. He shakes his head, dropping the small plastic packet. “I can’t be mad though, can I? If I’m the one who wants you to stay over, it’s different.”

His words bite, and Heeseung can’t help but feel hurt. It’s not often that he and Jake fight, and when they do, most of the time it can hardly even be categorized as fighting– they’ve always been able to communicate well enough that even if being upset was inevitable, neither of them ever got angry.

Jake stands, voice detached as he brushes past Heeseung. “I’m getting more forks.”

Heeseung nods. He doesn’t watch Jake walk away.

Jake clings to Sunoo’s side for the rest of dinner. Heeseung notices and doesn’t say anything– it’s expected, even if it stings that Jake tries to avoid him like the plague if they so much a reach for the same dish. Sunoo definitely catches on, too, and he doesn’t have to communicate verbally how weird he finds it: he raises his eyebrow once and that’s enough for Jake to know he’s being judged. 

He should have predicted his avoidance of Heeseung would lead to him defaulting to Sunghoon instead, the two of them retreating to a corner of the living room to talk amongst themselves when Jungwon, Jay, and Ni-ki come over to join in. It’s his own doing, but Jake can’t help the sour mood that settles over him and refuses to leave. 

He does his best not to let it show, so when Ni-ki (who miraculously hadn’t seen Jake’s house until now, despite being one of Jungwon’s closest friends) excitedly asks if they can go in the pool ‘to digest,’ pointedly ignoring Jay’s exasperated mumbling that that’s not how it works, Jake assents. He does feel a little better seeing the giant grin split across Ni-ki’s face as he drags Jungwon off to ask Sunghoon where they keep all their extra swim trunks. 

It’s half past six when they all finally change and make it outside, the sun still so overbearingly hot, there’s a resounding group consensus not to heat the pool when Jake asks just to be safe.

He opts to not jump in straight away, still feeling uncomfortably bloated– he had lost his appetite after his fight (if it could even be called that) with Heeseung, but forced himself to eat because the drive back from his retreat had been long and cramped, and Jake knew he would have regretted it later if he didn’t.

Sunoo joins him, sitting down on the edge of the pool and mimicking Jake’s position, feet dipped into the water. “Spill.”

Jake lets out a rumbling sigh, figuring it wouldn’t hurt to share; Ni-ki, Sunghoon, Jay, and Jungwon’s game of chicken was ridiculously loud, and Heeseung was inside grabbing a few drinks. 

“My life sucks.”

Sunoo laughs, patting his shoulder sympathetically when he kicks one of his feet in the water, causing a few droplets to land on their torsos. “A little dramatic, no?”

Jake rolls his eyes, leaning his weight back on his palms. “It’s literally stupid. But I’m still upset.”

“Come on. Tell me what happened.”

Jake walks him through most of the unpleasantness of his encounter with Heeseung, choosing to leave out the less important parts, like how he’s had a stick up his ass the last few weeks and that this was probably a long time coming. 

At the end of it, Sunoo looks like slightly more sympathetic, but he’s still (understandably) looking at Jake with a tired expression. “Jake. There are definitely things you have a right to be upset about, but Heeseung finding comfort in his friendship with Sunghoon isn’t one of them.”

“I know,” Jake mutters, chest caving inward as he lets out another drawn out exhale. Heeseung returns, carrying a few beers and cokes for Jungwon and Ni-ki. He watches as he goes around handing them out, teasing Ni-ki and pulling both hands out of reach when he tries for the beer.

Sunoo must be watching him too, because he hums thoughtfully. “He’s hot.”

Jake chokes on his spit, the tips of his ears burning as he shoves Sunoo’s shoulder lightly. “Back off,” he mutters petulantly, glaring when he only giggles in response.

Sunoo tuts, crossing his arms. “You can’t even admit you like him out loud, don’t try to claim your stake. If I was pining over Heeseung and saw him shirtless, I would just kiss him on the lips. Right then and there.”

“You would,” Jake retorts, no real malice in his voice. “It’s not that simple for me.” 

He knows Sunoo’s comments are harmless, but they’re also not , in that there’s a little too much truth to what he’s saying and he knows it, using it to his advantage to poke fun at Jake. Sunoo never minces his words– it’s part of his brilliant charm, and also holds the potential to do serious damage to Jake’s ego.

Sunoo looks slightly past Jake, smiling mischievously when he spots Heeseung approaching slowly, four cans left as he grips two in each hand. Jake’s eyes follow him as he reaches the pair, feeling his pulse pick up. Heeseung meets his eyes briefly before immediately looking away. Sunoo tilts his head, looking up in interest. 

“Nice body, hyung.”

Heeseung sputters, nearly dropping the cans as his head rears back in visible surprise. Sunoo only laughs, Jake determinedly looking at the water distorting his feet and keeping himself as removed as possible from whatever demented conversation Sunoo was trying to have. 

“Thank you?” Heeseung finally chokes out, his blush running down to his chest. (Literally. One ultra sneaky, ultra quick glance tells Jake he’s running bright pink.) 

“No problem,” Sunoo replies angelically, innocent smile ever present on his lips. He jerks his chin upward at Heeseung’s hands. “What are my options?”

Heeseung blinks, bringing the cans up to look at them like he had forgotten he was holding them. “Ah. Soda, beer?”

Sunoo tilts his head, quirking a brow. “I’m only a freshman, hyung.”

Heeseung rolls his eyes pointedly, leg darting out to nudge his arm with his foot. “ Yes, I’m aware. If I didn’t, I’m sure one of the three stooges would find a way to sneak you a drink anyway.”

“If I asked nicely, probably,” Sunoo acknowledges cheekily. “I think I could get Jay to break.”

“Oh, you definitely could.”

He laughs. “Not today, though. I think I’ll just take a soda. Does it have to be coke, though?”

Heeseung hesitates, squinting in thought. “I think I saw some old yakults that’ll probably taste carbonated by now.”

Sunoo purses his lips. “I’ll stick with the cola.”

“A fair choice,” Heeseung chuckles, bending down to hand him one of the red cans. He pauses, then looks at Jake, shifting on his feet hesitantly. “Same for you?”

Alcohol honestly sounds incredibly tempting, but Jake’s body is still on the mend from the monster hiking trips he was coerced into, and he doesn’t think he can handle waking up with a raging migraine come tomorrow morning.

Jake presses his lips together, nodding. “Yeah, I’ll do the same.”

Heeseung wordlessly passes him the other, pretending he doesn’t notice the way Jake flinches when his thumb brushes against his during the transfer. He clears his throat, giving them both a tight-lipped smile before walking away. 

Jake grips the can until the chilled metal starts to make his skin go numb, knuckles turning white from the amount of pressure he’s exerting on the poor thing. He doesn’t register much of his other surroundings, tunnel vision narrowing in as Heeseung deposits the other cans elsewhere, taking a running start and jumping into the pool. Jake watches and smiles to himself when Heeseung resurfaces and faces a soaked, sulking Ni-ki, whose pout is in full force when Sunghoon uses his arms to shove water at him teasingly. He sees Heeseung looking at their youngest just as fondly, and their eyes meet for barely a second, but it’s enough to make Jake forget why he was upset at all in the first place.

“Tell me why it’s not simple?” Sunoo asks, looking between the two. His tone is highly skeptical, but he manages to sound sympathetic at the same time. “This whole thing you two have. It seems simple.”

Jake sighs for the nth time, looking away from the others splashing around and shaking his head. “It’s just not. I’ve only ever liked one person and that was before I hit puberty. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing then, and I have even less of a clue now.”

Sunoo opens his soda with a satisfying pop, takes a massive gulp, then sets his can down on the cement next to his legs firmly. He turns his knees in to face Jake better, shoulders slumped both from exasperation and endearment. 

“You had a crush on me when we were twelve, hyung. You’re in love with Heeseung, and he feels the same way, you massive dork. It’s not the same thing.”

“Aren’t you just proving my point, then?” Jake rebuts stubbornly, taking a sip of his own drink. “Complicated. This,” he gestures with the hand still holding his coke, causing some to slosh out onto his fingers, “This is all very complicated. Very bad,” Jake shakes his head, raising the can to his mouth again before leaning down to rinsing his hand off in the pool water. “Besides, like I said. I have no idea what I’m fucking doing, and Heeseung…he hasn’t said anything. Done anything.”

Sunoo groans, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. He pulls his head out of his hands, sounding entirely unimpressed as he says, “Hyung. I say this with love, but you were not subtle as a thirteen year old loser. You were adorable, obviously, but also just obvious. I’m pretty sure you asked me on like twenty dates without even realizing.”

“Can you not kick me when I’m down?”

“The point is,” Sunoo continues, “We were young. We had no clue how to emotionally process anything back then, and while I’m convinced you and your very well built lover–”

“Watch it.”

“–are honestly still struggling in that area, you have grown since then. When you’re young, liking someone feels like the most fragile, paramount event of your social career. Of course your mind remembers it as being super intimidating, and it’s natural that you’re equating it to what you feel now, but this is is so much more special than that. This is so much more real.”

Jake can only sit and listen. Hearing all of it shouldn’t feel like a defeat, but he still thinks the hit to his pride nearly cancels out the wisdom he’ll gain. Sunoo grabs Jake’s hand tightly, a fiery passion burning in his eyes that implores him to listen. He speaks carefully, displaying a generosity with his knowledge Jake hardly thinks he deserves.  

“I know you’re scared. I’d bet anything Heeseung has been for a really long time. But that’s such a wonderful thing if you think about it, isn’t it?” Sunoo’s eyes sparkle as he smiles. “You’re scared because you don’t want to sacrifice your relationship with him. Shouldn’t it tell you something, that he means that much to you? He’s your best friend.”

Jake scoffs, unable to help it. “Apparently that’s the fucking issue.”

Sunoo glares disapprovingly. “None of that self pity shit. Heeseung has been in this position a lot longer than you have. He’s done stupid things for love, and he’s made a lot of mistakes that he’s still learning from. You can feel hurt by his actions, but you can’t resent him for them.”

Jake eyes him begrudgingly, reluctant to agree. “It’s not like I fell in love over night. I’ve just been confused.”

“Well first of all, that’s a verbal admission. So it’s a start,” Sunoo teases gently. He splashes back when Jake childishly kicks water at him in rebuttal. “And I know that. You’re playing catch up right now, and I think… it’s gotta be difficult for him, you know?”

“Meaning?”

Sunoo sucks his cheeks in, not looking at Jake, but at Heeseung, who’s helping Jay inflate pool rafts for Ni-ki and Jungwon. “If I were to put myself in Heeseung’s shoes… I’d want to be patient. It’d take a lot to convince me to give up on the possibility of my soulmate loving me back. But at the same time, watching you make the same realizations and struggle in the same way he did has to be a lot harder than going through it himself. Because you’re still testing the waters, your actions are gonna hold a lot less weight to you than they do to him. He knows what it all means already, but he has to level that with the understanding that you might not. It’s confusing, and stressful, and I think he needs it to be worth it in the end. Right now that’s not guaranteed.”

Jake bites down on his lip, heart thudding against his chest. 

There’s no way for him to argue with it– what Sunoo had said was the truth, the whole truth. Jake has always known his friendship with Heeseung differed from everyone else’s. It might’ve been part of the reason why it felt like a slap in the face to see that Heeseung had been facing the consequences of their relationship just as much as he had reaped its benefits. Not because he resented Jake for it, but because he didn’t. 

Jake hadn’t been blind to it, he hadn’t done anything to make sure they were doing the most they could or making the most of their bond, and Heeseung had been struggling to keep them afloat for as long as he could on his own, and he still didn’t blame Jake for any of it. Even if the turbulent waters of the emotions kept undisclosed for years managed to tip the tiny raft they were clinging on to, Heeseung would make sure Jake was the one who breached the surface of water first. 

Every time Jake thought they had had a breakthrough, thought he would be lucky enough for life to take them where they needed to go on their own, in reality what he had been doing was sitting on his hands. If he kept going with his dumbass boat metaphor, Jake knows what he really needed to do was take the helm and navigate to safer waters. 

He loves Heeseung. And he thinks, he hopes, that Heeseung could love him. Jake wants with every single fiber of his being for Sunoo’s winning streak of being creepily astute at perceiving people’s feelings not to end with them. 

He wants to clear the air about everything. Tell Heeseung that he’s here now, and he’s ready. That he behaved like a child about his friendship with Sunghoon because he didn’t want to be replaced, unless it was because he got promoted from best friend to lifelong partner and Sunghoon was just the corporate suck-up that took his spot because no one else cared enough to apply for it. Jake wants to put himself on the line so that Heeseung is the one who feels sheltered and comfortable enough in their friendship to proceed at his own pace instead of moving at Jake’s. 

Jake watches Heeseung help Jungwon get back onto his inner tube after Ni-ki flips him over with a resounding splash. He truly could’ve been doing anything at that moment, and Jake would have felt like it had set his future in stone. 

“What if I guaranteed it for him?”

Sunoo blinks in surprise, then smiles softly. “Only one way to find out.”

Heeseung steps outside, quietly sliding the porch door shut behind him. Sunghoon either doesn’t hear him or doesn’t bother acknowledging him, standing with his hands in the pockets of his shorts, staring up at the sky.

It wasn’t too late, but after stuffing themselves full and then thoroughly exhausting themselves swimming in the sweltering heat, most everyone had collapsed in the living room, dozing off under the cooling drafts of AC. Heeseung had forced himself to shower before passing out, wanting to get the chlorine stench off him (and it was an opportunity not to have to use the dorm bathrooms). 

When he went back out to the living room, Sunghoon was missing. A brief search of the kitchen, the backyard, the den, the bathroom, and his bedroom allowed Heeseung to come to a swift and intuitive conclusion concerning Sunghoon’s whereabouts using his incredible skills of deduction. 

Sunghoon’s parents bedroom was on the first floor of the house rather than upstairs like his and Jake’s. They had done it because there was an adjoining room originally meant to be a (massive) walk-in closet, which was instead adapted into a mini office (a desk, futon, and a singular framed wall art piece) where both of them could take calls in or work from home if needed.

There was also a small porch coming off their room overlooking a large square of grass adjacent to a rocky path, which would lead to the pool and the rest of the backyard if followed. One time Jake had been at home when Sunghoon had called Heeseung over to talk, and he hadn’t wanted his brother overhearing any of their conversation since he needed advice on a very Sunoo-centric matter. Heeseung suggested the den, but the bathroom down there had been renovated recently, and they still weren’t allowed in due to the chemical stench.

Sunghoon had seemed to have another place in mind anyway, leading Heeseung into his parents’ room straight to their small patio. This was of course, after reassuring him that his parents weren’t home and wouldn’t walk in on them talking shit inside their private sanctuary. (Heeseung often wondered how their family had such a healthy dynamic despite their parents working such long tedious hours. He had thought half-jokingly at times that the money certainly helped, but he mostly thinks it’s because they’ve all experienced enough hardship to know exactly what type of love they’re looking for, and what type of love they can provide. If it wasn’t so insensitive, considering the losses they had encountered, he might have even admitted to being envious of the Park-Sim family.)

Regardless, Heeseung knows now what it means to Sunghoon. Standing outside, looking up at the stars for an answer. Way back when Sunghoon had first moved in with Jake and Jaehyo, he had nightmares for a little while– his mom told him when he was a little older that she thought it was due to separation anxiety; the feeling of having lost his mother when she became a wife to his new father, living in a bigger house in a new neighborhood, having to accept his new brother.

One of them had been bad enough that Sunghoon still remembers it to this day. He had run downstairs in the middle of the night, nearly tripping on the stairs because he was in such a haste in the dark. He went straight to his parents’ bedroom, woke up his mom in a fit of tears, and begged to go back to their old place, their old home (a one bedroom on Sunset Boulevard with thin walls and weak pipes). 

Not wanting to wake Jaehyo up, Sunghoon’s mother had taken him out to the patio and taught him about the stars to calm him down. She pointed out all the constellations she knew of, and then made up a few at Sunghoon’s behest. That night, there had been a configuration of stars a couple degrees east of the Little Dipper that five year old Sunghoon insisted resembled a spider. His mother told him spiders represented fate, among many other things. It hadn’t been enough to quell his fear of insects though, and Sunghoon decided he wanted to think of another name.

So, the spider officially became known as 운명의 별자리 that night. Little Sunghoon had wanted his own mark in the sky, so that even if his world truly was as unsalvageable and unbearable as he felt it was, he could trust that everything would turn out okay. That his happiness was secured by the writing in the stars– his Constellation of Fate.

His mother had continued to reassure Sunghoon then that he was a strong boy with a strong heart. That he would learn to accept the good and bad in stride, and learn that maybe they weren’t so different; it was a matter of perspective, all of it. His mother had told him then that the special constellation that only the two of them knew about, was still just a twinkling blob of lights to everyone else. If Sunghoon wanted to share his knowledge with other people, he’d have to learn to trust them– for each person he allowed into his heart and into his life, in exchange he’d be granted someone who could show Sunghoon their own spot in the sky. It took time and care to make a blob of stars into a constellation. To turn something bad into something good.

Sunghoon told Heeseung all of this, laughing about how he was surprised he could remember that much considering there was so much more to the conversation that flew right over his head, being a toddler, and all. But Heeseung could see how much it meant to him.

Heeseung had talked to Jake separately about his childhood. Whether he wished he got to know his birth mom, if he resented his dad for remarrying. He knows that Jake had grown up without a maternal figure for a few years, but that even during that time, his dad had already started to date Jiyeon, and he was familiar enough to accept her as family without second thought. He had been perfectly honest with Heeseung that sometimes he felt guilty for moving on so quickly, but that for him, there had never been anything to move on from. 

It was nothing like Sunghoon’s situation. He has a father somewhere out there, doing god knows what with god knows who. Sunghoon had once confessed that he hated the idea that he might have a half-sibling that he would never get to know, never get to spoil. (Around the age of three, Sunghoon had started to want a younger sibling desperately.) 

He still rarely ever talked about his parents, but in the last half a year, Heeseung had gradually found out more, and what Sunghoon didn’t say, Heeseung could gauge from his demeanor alone. He knows how desperately he wants to have an opportunity to meet his real dad, or wanted to. He knows Sunghoon wanted to shout at him, and curse him for leaving him. He knows he wanted to embrace both his good and bad, like his mother had taught him to, and accept the fact that he was better off without his him. 

Heeseung knows that Sunghoon had to cope with a very real fear of people leaving him before he started to come to peace with himself, and that for a while that had translated to a deep insecurity in his relationships– that for the most important people in his life (Sunoo), Sunghoon still feels a pressure to do everything in his power to be someone who gets people to stay.

Heeseung also knows what giving up looks like. He’s come so close to doing it thousands of times with Jake, and he’s probably admitted defeat for much smaller battles a thousand times more. He can see it in the slump of Sunghoon’s shoulders, the defeat keeping his entire body weighed down.

He approaches with caution, taking a few steps from the door to stand next to Sunghoon. Now that he’s closer, he can see the smoke in the air dissipating from his vape. 

“Crossfading?”

“I didn’t drink that much.”

“Hmm.”

Heeseung pulls his own cig from his pocket, allowing himself to indulge– by Sunghoon’s standards, he hadn’t had that much to drink either.

“There aren’t many stars tonight,” Sunghoon mumbles softly. He smiles, and it’s sad. Bittersweet. “It feels like I’m being scammed for some reason.”

Heeseung hums. “It’s still early. They have time to come out.”

Sunghoon lets out a long sigh, brows furrowing as he lowers his chin, looking away from the sky. “Maybe,” he murmurs, before taking another hit. 

There’s a sturdy tree rooted in the grass they’re overlooking. There are a few others, a lemon tree and an orange tree, but this one is stern and unmoving with its millions of tiny branches unfurling and years of history etched into the tiny grooves of the bark. It provides an anchor for a bench swing, which sways gently despite nothing encouraging it to move. 

“Why are you sad?”

Heeseung and Sunghoon had learned over time that skipping the pleasantries was a lot more time efficient, and that after seeing each other at their worst a fair few times, there really wasn’t a need for them anymore.

Sunghoon exhales slowly, lips pursed to direct his smoke downward. “It’s just one of those days. Feeling a little more butthurt than normal. No reason really.”

Heeseung nods as he crouches down, sliding his legs out to stick out in front of him, falling over the short steps leading down the porch. He pats the ground next to him, inviting Sunghoon to join him. He does, bending his lanky legs and lowering himself down with a soft thud. Sunghoon shakes the hair out of his eyes, lips tugged into a thin line. 

Heeseung doesn’t say anything, waiting for him to initiate the conversation he needs.

Sunghoon is sensitive. It’s incredibly endearing, and despite being smack dab in the middle of their friends’ age range, one of the traits that makes Heeseung mistake him as the youngest on occasion: when he gets denied something he wants (ie. choosing a restaurant without an ample amount of protein-based courses), or when he only gets a moderate amount of praise instead of a street parade when he blatantly asks to be complemented, Sunghoon always pouts and sulks, brightening up the second he’s granted some sort of compromise. 

But he’s also just softhearted. He’s not someone who’s ever seriously insulted or thought poorly of anyone, even people who have underestimated his academic abilities or other capabilities because he was, to put it plainly, a handsome athlete. Sunghoon feels personally offended when his friends start to think poorly of themselves, as if he was the sole reason anyone around him lacked confidence. But he doesn’t think of his own self-deprecation as unnecessary, constantly using any disappointment or anger as motivation to work harder.

He’s simply a good person, and Heeseung hates to watch him sacrifice his own happiness time and time again for his brother; because as much as he understands (considering he’s doing the same thing himself, and because he knows how great both Jake and Sunoo are), it’s also painful to see Sunghoon get overwhelmed like this. It’s worse to know that he faces the hardship gladly, and welcomes it as due course– he’s only riding out the storm until Jake and Sunoo get together and it’s worth it. 

Heeseung sees the irony. All the sympathy he feels for Sunghoon should realistically be easily directed toward himself, too. But he thinks the difference in their situations is that Heeseung isn’t happy to be putting himself in such a shitty position. He accepts it, he knows he’s responsible for all his actions and doesn’t regret having to step back so Jake and Sunoo can be whatever they’re meant to be– but he derives no joy from this situation. He thinks he could in some time, when he’s healed. 

But Sunghoon is better than him. If Jake and Sunoo walked outside right then and announced they were getting married, Sunghoon would be the first to smile. He’d be the first to hug them and congratulate them, and he’d mean it. He wouldn’t need any time to know what his priorities are, and understand that his infinite love for his friends and family trumps any fleeting resentment or heartbreak.

Right now is one of the few moments where he’s not masking how worn he is. He’s not trying to crack any jokes to make both of them (but mainly to cheer Heeseung up) feel better about their predicaments. He’s not self-pitying, but for once, Sunghoon is acknowledging his own stake in all of this, and Heeseung can see on his face that even his resilience isn’t enough to let him walk away unscathed. 

“You know technically Sunoo was my friend first?” Heeseung turns to Sunghoon, raising an eyebrow. He nods, looking down as his feet tilt side to side. “I know it’s kind of a petty thing to hold onto. But seriously, for the first five months of knowing him, I thought that was the reason he felt so different to me. Because Sunoo felt like the first person who wanted to be my friend. The first one I made for myself, instead of someone who talked to me because they knew Jake.”

“Then you realized it was different?”

Sunghoon nods, fingers playing with his vape. “Mm. Probably a little too late. Definitely a little too late, considering he moved across the country before I did anything about it. But also by then, it was clear Jake had a thing for him, too. Even if he never made a move, it’d be a dick move if I did, right?”

“Well. Right now, that doesn’t bode well for either of us, because that would mean we’d be morally cockblocking ourselves from ever dating Sunoo or Jake.”

“Gross. Don’t say cockblock when you’re talking about my brother.”

“Shut up, don’t be weird. And I get your point, so as much as I want to say no, and claim it as more of a first come first serve situation where you have the right of way… I do get where you’re coming from.” Heeseung offers a comforting smile when the space between Sunghoon’s eyebrows creases, and he looks down at his lap with a frown. “But you’re a really great brother. And friend, for that matter. I haven’t been able to mope like this until you forced me to come out of my sexless loser shell.”

“Thank you, I think?” Sunghoon laughs reluctantly. Heeseung considers it a win, anyway. “And thanks for coming out to check on me.”

“Of course,” Heeseung nudges his shoulder. “I figure we’re both dying a little more on the inside everyday, but tonight I have beer and Sunghoon Park, so nothing can go wrong.”

Sunghoon snorts, leaning his weight back on his palms, effortlessly gorgeous. He looks back up at the sky, shaking his head with an exasperated sigh. “Yeah. We’re both lonely and in love. Nothing left for us to do but fuck up our friendship with something stupid. Something easy.” Sunghoon’s voice is dry and deprived of hope, but not entirely unserious. His eyes slide over to Heeseung, and his tongue swipes out to wet his lips. “Check off another item on our ‘sexless loser’ fuck up list.”

The offer is there, Heeseung can tell. 

There’s a moment of silence where he thinks about what Sunghoon is suggesting, slowly turning his head to meet his gaze head-on. Something stupid, he thinks. Something easy. Sunghoon only stares him in the eye, raising an eyebrow barely in question.

Heeseung leans over to kiss him.

Sunghoon kisses back.

Jungwon graduates, and it brings none of the disaster Jake had anticipated.

Instead, he finds himself elated as he watches his friend walk across the stage to accept his diploma, then promptly shrinks into himself when his brother starts hooting with reckless abandon, drawing the eyes of everyone in their row. But then Heeseung’s eyes find his, and he looks so proud, Jake doesn’t even care that Jungwon is pouting at them all the way from the podium to cut it out.

Heeseung is happy, too. He had gone shopping with Jongseong so he could look half-decent instead of showing up in worn jeans and his dad’s five year old dotted button down (reserved for family barbecues and baseball games). He thought he looked okay, and he had gotten Jongseong’s earnest approval as well, both of them much too pleased for a simple white dress shirt tucked into a pair of new, darker denim jeans.

It had been Sunoo that made him practically glow with pride, hiding his face in his hands when the younger gave an explosive reaction to his appearance when they all gathered at the Park-Sim residence to drive over together. He even offered (read: insisted) contributing his services as an amateur stylist, dragging him into Sunghoon’s bathroom to quickly fix his with gel.

(Maybe the real cherry on top had been when Sunoo presented his final product to everyone else, turning to Jake with a viciously sweet expression to ask him what he thought. Heeseung didn’t really want to know what was going through that ginger head of his in singling out Jake, but he ended up not really caring when Jake flushed pink and gave him a shy thumbs-up, telling him he looked handsome. 

It was adorable and endearingly awkward. Heeseung wasn’t in the mood to question it, though, since he didn’t want to do anything to throw off the rhythm they had fallen back into, whatever tension from their late night episode seemingly forgotten. He had chosen to return the compliment, letting Jake know he looked nice too, and that had been that.)

Heeseung watches now from the corner of the room as Jongseong wrestles a beer away from Ni-ki’s sneaky hands, smiling to himself as he raises his own can to his mouth.

It’s Jungwon who approaches him, holding a sparkling cider. (He could probably have convinced Jay to give him an actual drink. He never would, though.)

“How do you feel? Graduated and free from the shackles of high school, Berkeley bound,” Heeseung teases, watching Jungwon shield his face with his hand.

“God, I’m terrified. I can’t believe I’m the only one out of the seven of us who decided to leave the area for college.”

Heeseung hums, nodding in understanding. “Ni-ki has an entire year for apps, and god knows what’ll happen to him, he’s unpredictable. You’re probably the one most equipped to handle the change, if we’re being honest.” 

Jungwon smiles gratefully, but he still looks too distraught for a end-of-the-year party, worrying his lips between his teeth. Heeseung thinks of what he can say to ease his burden, scanning the room and spotting his solution straight away. 

“You should be more worried about Jongseong.” 

Jungwon tilts his head in question, and Heeseung would be hard pressed to let anyone convince him he wasn’t an actual kitten. He pushes the thought away, one hand in his pocket as he hides his smirk behind the rim of his can.

“Do you honestly think he’s going to be able to function without you in a ten mile radius at all times?”

“Shut up.” 

Jungwon nudges his shoulder harshly, biting back a smile. He joins Heeseung in observing Jongseong from across the room, round eyes following his movements demurely. Jongseong had finally managed to steal the beer away from Ni-ki and was now monitoring him carefully as he allowed him a single sip, ruffling his hair fondly when he willingly hands the can back. He keeps watching the two of them, unnoticing of the way Heeseung’s focus shifts to Sunoo and Jake. The two are huddled together on the couch, bodies turned toward each other as Sunoo speaks quietly, Jake listening with utmost care. 

“You guys will all visit, right?”

Heeseung scoffs, tearing his eyes away to fix Jungwon with an incredulous look. “I’m pretty sure we’re gonna become Southwest’s most frequent flyers. We’re gonna be hopping on two hour flights whenever we want just to take you out for lunch.”

It makes the younger preen, shuffling his feet. “Thanks, hyung.”

Heeseung chuckles lightly, patting his back. “Of course. Now come on, we should rejoin the party.”

“I only came here to get you, you loser.”

Heeseung glares, pinching his arm. “Remind me when you leave for college again?”

Jungwon snickers, stumbling forward as Heeseung jokingly pushes him toward the center of the living room. Jake and Sunghoon’s parents had offered to make themselves scarce so the seven of them wouldn’t have to confine their celebration to the den, giving only a single warning to not trash the place.

Jungwon makes himself comfortable on the couch where Ni-ki and Sunoo are already sitting. Heeseung passes him in favor of heading for the kitchen, needing some food to recharge. He loves his friends, but he’s an introvert at heart, it’s been a particularly day, and trying to gather himself by lurking in the corner of the room while watching everyone else joyously celebrate hadn’t done much to help him regain his pip.

He sets his beer down on the counter, opening the fridge. He scans the stocked shelves, deciding on the unopened bag of green grapes. Based on how fresh and inviting they looked, it was likely they were recently bought, but also– Sunghoon and Jake weren’t known for their love of fruits and veggies, so Heeseung happily helps himself.

Taking one off the stem with a satisfying snap, he pops one into his mouth before searching for a strainer to properly wash the others. He hums to himself in satisfaction, one which quickly turns frustrated when he can’t find what he’s looking for, checking each cabinet.

“Are you mad at me for something?”

Heeseung whips around, the heels of his hands hitting the counter behind him as he braces himself, fingers gripping the edge tightly. His wide eyes land on Jake, who’s leaning against the doorframe. His mind goes blank, the remnants of the grape’s sweet juices now bitter and drying.

“What do you mean?”

Jake pushes off the wall, eyes glittering with mischief as he shuffles closer, brushing past Heeseung to shut one of the many cabinet doors he had opened in his search. He finds a strange sort of pleasure in seeing Jake go up on his tippy toes to do so even though he doesn’t have to.

“I just mean I can’t think of any other reason you would be ransacking my kitchen like this. Are you possibly trying to rob my mother’s wedding china? Settle some grudge I’m unaware of?”

Heeseung feels a rush of unsolicited relief flood his chest, mouth falling open as he releases the granite counter, arms falling loosely back down to his side.

“No, I was just looking for a strainer. Wanted fruit.”

“Gross.” Jake crinkles his nose, poking around nonetheless. He trills his lips, then cuts himself off with a small noise of victory, producing the long sought after strainer. 

Instead of handing it to Heeseung, he takes charge of the washing festivities himself, picking up the entire bunch of grapes and plopping it into the bowl. Jake waves him away from the sink, nudging him with his hip to get him to evacuate when Heeseung insists on doing it himself.

They spend longer bickering over who should wash them than actually rinsing them off, Heeseung ceding to Jake’s ‘hospitality’ and deciding instead on grabbing another bowl to serve them in.

“Here.” Heeseung picks a grape, holding it up to Jake’s mouth.

He gets a fervent no in response, the shorter pressing his lips together firmly. “Don’t even try it.”

“It’s literally a grape, Jakey.”

“Nope.”

Heeseung sighs exasperatedly, fingers still presenting the single grape. “Yah, Sim Jaeyun. Are you going to eat or not?”

It’s rare for any of them to hold actual conversations in Korean, but Jake especially always gets flustered when he has to speak more than a sentence. It’s due to that, and the fact that his bashful smile always gets Heeseung even more caught off-guard that he doesn’t make the switch often.

It’s a lesson well-learned that he seems to have forgotten somehow, but that comes rushing back to him when he sees the way Jake’s eyes flit down to the grape, traveling slowly up to observe Heeseung when he lets the little bit of Korean slip.

For the briefest of moments, a tightly strung tether keeps them both bound together, their bodies the two pillars of support that prevent the string from wilting and losing its tension. If they moved any closer, it would sag and sadden without the comfort of a safe distance. Farther away, and its fibers would snap one by one, unable to manage the burden of separation.

But then Jake looks away, trying and failing to keep the smile on his face playful before he manages to hold one, tilting his head to the side like a puppy.

“Feed me?”

Heeseung pretends his body isn’t aching to hold Jake, to hold his hand instead of a silly little fruit. He pretends, and he plays along in hopes of forgetting whatever hidden thoughts he thought he saw lurking behind the lids of Jake’s eyes. 

“This?”

He brings the grape closer and closer to Jake’s face, waiting until he’s stretched his jaw open comically wide for such a small bite to throw it up in the air, catching it in his own mouth with practiced ease. Heeseung laughs as Jake sulks, chomping down obnoxiously and doing little to shield himself from the tiny punches raining down on his arm.

“Alright, alright. Just stop hitting,” he laughs, grabbing another grape.

Jake opens his mouth like a human Kirby again, only for Heeseung to begin waving his hand around, never actually reaching its destination.

“Cut it out!” Jake scolds around a laugh, literally taking matters into his own hands as he wraps his fingers around Heeseung’s wrist, stilling his rapid back-and-forth movements at once. He guides his arm, keeping his eyes trained on Heeseung as his lips wrap around the grape. Jake sinks his teeth into its flesh to pull it into his mouth, leaving Heeseung’s fingers grasping thin air.

He thinks at first he’s lost all control of his body, wondering why he hasn’t yet lowered his arm, but then he realizes it’s because Jake hasn’t let go of him yet.

Heeseung thinks he has to abort before he all but explodes. 

It’s with this thought in mind that he tugs his arm away softly, succeeding in retracting his hand but bringing Jake’s with it. He chuckles nervously, heart hammering against his chest. Jake isn’t saying anything, isn’t looking at him. His eyes are aimed somewhere like his jawline, unblinking and glazed over.

Heeseung does his best to speak clearly, voice sounding raspy and weak even to his own ears. “We should get back–”

“Hyung.” Jake pulls at Heeseung’s wrist when he makes the slightest move to step back, squeezing tighter and with purpose now. He still doesn’t meet his eyes, but there’s a rawness layering his voice that makes Heeseung falter. When Jake finally looks up, he looks scared. “Heeseung.”

Heeseung swallows dryly, hearing the blood pumping in his ears. “What–?”

“We’re bringing Jungwon’s cake out.”

Jake gasps sharply, stepping away from Heeseung at once, bringing his arm tightly into his side. Heeseung welcomes his second intruder as Sunghoon steps into the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest.

He’s explicit and unwavering as he jerks his head toward the living room, staring at Jake with an indifferent, calculating front, one Heeseung doesn’t think he’s ever directed at his brother before. It’s because he moves with more certainty and sensibility than either Jake or Heeseung possessed seconds ago, that Heeseung allows Sunghoon to reach out and take hold of the same hand that Jake had clung onto, leading him out of the kitchen.

“You do remember Jungwon’s cake, right? His graduation, the reason why we’re all gathered here to celebrate in the first place?” Sunghoon mutters, slinging his arm around Heeseung’s shoulder.

Heeseung rolls his eyes, secretly thankful for the save. He would have done something that warranted more regret his feeble body was capable of housing had Sunghoon not stepped in. So he returns the gesture, wrapping his arm on Sunghoon’s waist and letting it settle in comfortable after a few firm pats to his side.

“Of course. How could I forget?”

Sunghoon snorts, the sound drowned out by Jongseong’s loud offkey singing, a makeshift celebration song set to the tune of the happy birthday song, which he continues to warble while Ni-ki lights the ‘2022’ candles.

They join the circle that’s automatically been formed around Jungwon (and Sunoo, who everyone insisted join him as a make-up for the messy greeting he had received at his own welcome back party), Jake arriving seconds later and quietly standing on the opposite side.

“You know, I accidentally told Sunoo I liked the smell of his shampoo. Like, just no context, fully blurted it out,” Sunghoon whispers into his ear, as a distraction Heeseung thinks, but it’s effective nonetheless.

He can only laugh tiredly, head dropping into the crook of Sunghoon’s neck as he attempts to muffle his nonsensical giggling, brought on by the sheer madness of their situation. He can hear laughter rumbling in Sunghoon’s throat as he joins in, the two of them in their own world as everyone else cheers, clapping frivolously after Jungwon blows the candles out. Heeseung pretends he can’t see Jake staring at him from across the room, but in an entirely unrelated event, suddenly feels it very important to put more space between him and Sunghoon, pulling his head off his shoulder.

“We suck.”

“We do,” Sunghoon agrees, rubbing Heeseung’s back in a pitiful show of comfort. “Cake?”

Heeseung nods, sighing. “Get me a slice.”

Everyone ends up sleeping over, as they had more or less agreed on when planning the party, but it’s not until well past midnight that they realize no sleeping arrangements had been made. With Heeseung tipsy and agreeable to anything, Jongseong already half-slipping off the couch in his deep sleep, and Jungwon curled up like a cat in his lap, Sunoo makes the suggestion of all of them just setting up a fort downstairs, which is agreed upon easily.

He and Ni-ki head down first to set up the mattresses, Jungwon and Jongseong waking shortly after to help out. Heeseung volunteers to grab extra blankets, dragging his feet up the stairs to the linen closet. The light in Sunghoon’s room is on, and it’s then that Heeseung belatedly realizes he’s been absent for the last five minutes or so.

He shoves a few sheets under his arm, deciding he has enough when he physically can’t carry any more, opting to see if Sunghoon wants to return down with him, walking closer to his door.

“–being selfish, and you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.”

Heeseung pauses, brow crinkling as he inadvertently listens in, too surprised to remember to move. Sunghoon’s voice carries through the crack under his door, harsh and reprimanding. He’s certainly not drunk in the slightest, Heeseung remembers him having a hard seltzer and nothing else. It’s no wonder he’s so coherent– Heeseung doesn’t even know if he’ll remember this the next morning with how tired and emotionally drained he is.

“ And you do? You’re suddenly the expert on all things Heeseung?”

Two observations Heeseung makes, one after the other: that is Jake’s voice, and his name is Heeseung.

He readjusts the blankets under his arm, standing under the cover of darkness in the open floor that lies off the stair landing. 

“ Get over yourself, Jake. Why don’t you figure out what you feel before you start leading him on? You don’t think he has enough on his plate without you running him in circles?”

“I’m not fucking leading him on. And what is it exactly you’re doing?”

Jake again.

“Heeseung and I are perfectly clear on where we stand. God, you’re clueless . You’ve been so caught up with Sunoo that you can’t even tell when he needs support. Don’t lecture me on how to be a friend just because you’re not capable of opening your fucking eyes.”

There’s a longer pause this time and Heeseung is suddenly reminded that he’s lingering in the halls of Jake’s house, listening in on Jake’s private conversation. His head hangs low in a combination of both guilt and humiliation, not only due to his eavesdropping, but because of the knowledge that it afforded him– that as much as he’s tried to convince himself he’s okay, it’s burned to be this distant from Jake. 

He’s made excuses in his head that it’s neither of their wrongdoing, and that if he had someone special back in his life, he’d be preoccupied too. But the fact is, Heeseung is incapable of being objective when it comes to Jake, and Sunghoon, the one person he’s spoken with honestly and who would never judge him, is able to confront the truth he never could: Jake has had every opportunity to act on or reciprocate Heeseung’s feelings if he wanted to.

Heeseung’s no stranger to himself– he knows he hasn’t been subtle. He knows that for every careless remark Sunghoon has made about how cute or pretty Sunoo is, he’s spent just as many times staring at Jake from across the room, or silently pushing Jake’s favorite dish closer to him so he can get the first serving when they eat out together. And in the same way Sunoo hears Sunghoon and laughs off his comments each time, Jake always manages to catch his eye and smile knowingly, but never more.

The fact of the matter is, Heeseung should have given up a long time ago.

He likes to think the beginning of that process, his ‘healing’ process or whatever, would have begun with confiding in Sunghoon so both of them had a chance to work through their emotional constipation and crack jokes about their pining that sometimes center around wounds too fresh to be entirely funny.

Then Jake had started acknowledging him in the littest of ways, in ways that went past their usual friendly skinship or his puppy-like clinginess, and any hope of forgetting about his affections for him went out the window. Heeseung doesn’t want to fool himself into thinking he made it all up anymore. But he’s also too tired to keep competing with Jake’s fantasy. Not when Sunoo could make him happier.

He’s grateful for Sunghoon sticking up for him, but once he has to face Jake himself, he’ll lose. Heeseung will always lose when it comes to Jake.

Already sensing the possibility of tears, Heeseung prepares to retreat, weight shifting as he starts to take a step back only for Jake to break his silence, voice quieter than before but (thankfully) still loud enough for Heeseung to hear through the door.

“Heeseung’s my best friend.”

It’s a simple statement, one made without enough conviction to determine its intent. If Heeseung was a little less wrapped up in his thoughts, he might have been able to discern Jake’s underlying assertions. The challenge in Jake’s voice, the possessiveness he hadn’t made one move to suppress. All Heeseung hears is the uncertainty that rides on its underbelly like a parasite.

Sunghoon starts to respond, but Heeseung doesn’t stay long enough to hear it, decisively turning on his heel and going straight down the stairs. His chest rises and falls as he does his best to calm himself, blinking rapidly before any moisture has the chance to gather in the corners of his eyes. By the time his foot touches down on the last step leading into the basement, he’s schooled his expression into one undeniably exhausted, but passable for just sleepy.

Sunoo comes to help him with the blankets, taking half of them off his hands with a sympathetic smile. “Wasn’t Jake upstairs to help you?”

Heeseung huffs, hoping it doesn’t sound as bitter as he feels. “I didn’t run into him. He’s probably washing up still.”

Sunoo scowls, tutting loudly. “What a brat.” Then he squints, not watching Heeseung enough for it to feel scrutinizing, but he can still see the wheels in his head turning, knowing he must have done something or said something that tipped him off. (Or he’s just psychic.) “Are you okay? You look a little out of it.”

There’s too much genuine concern in his voice for Heeseung to feel comfortable about validating any of it with his troubles. He brushes Sunoo off, hoping to end the conversation before any of the others become lucid enough to join in. They’re still dozing off on the misshapen pile of cushions they had constructed. “Tired. I haven’t eaten much so it probably wasn’t a great idea to drink.”

Sunoo frowns slightly but doesn’t fight him on it. “Alright. Then sleep well, hyung. I’m gonna go get some water.”

Heeseung motions for him to hand the blankets back, offering to set them up so he can go.

He does his best to not wake Jungwon as he throws one over him and Jongseong, readjusting his position to a more comfortable one. He does the same for Ni-ki, leaving one out for Sunoo and then setting the extras to the side in case Jake and Sunghoon decide to sleep downstairs with them. 

Heeseung stares up at the ceiling for a long time, unable to fall asleep. He’s too overwhelmed to think properly about anything, but Jake and Sunghoon’s conversation plays over and over in his head, bearing down on him incessantly. As much as he can’t make sense of it, he can’t stop thinking about it either. 

Eventually footsteps pad down the stairs, and he clamps his eyes shut, lying flat on his back with his hands gripping his blanket.

He had pulled out an actual sleeping pad, since Ni-ki and Jungwon had chosen to drag the cushions off the couch (for whatever reason) and occupied those while Jongseong had conked out sprawled across the beanbag. It hardly looks comfortable, but it leaves one spot on the big armchair, which had an ottoman to accompany it and make it spacey enough for someone to sleep on, and, if someone decided they wanted to squeeze in, one next to Heeseung on the rollable mattress.

Even in the dark, Heeseung can make out Sunoo’s bright orange hair when he chances cracking his eyes open slightly. He observes quietly as Sunoo settles on the loveseat, pulling a blanket over his legs and sighing contently seeming to find rest easily. Heeseung doesn’t have enough time to envy him, freezing when he hears the door at the top of the stairs open again, announcing someone else’s arrival. He pulls his blanket tightly up to his chest, flipping over to lay on his side so his back is facing the staircase.

Distinctly, Heeseung can make out the sound of someone shuffling over, pausing at the edge of all their chaos, no doubt trying to navigate the bodies strewn about over each and every surface of the den. Whoever it is (Heeseung doesn’t know if he’d rather it be Sunghoon or Jake) seems to make a decision, and his breath shudders when he hears them approaching him.

Naturally they would. It’s the only open space left that’s not the bare floor or a couch frame without any padding.

Refusing to open his eyes, Heeseung only loosens his grip on the blanket so that whoever it is can slip under without having to pry the fabric out of his fingers. With his back still turned to them, he stares at the wall, tormented by not knowing. Then he can smell a fragrance and knows who it is at once.

He used Sunghoon’s lotion only weeks ago– it was floral, vanilla-y. Much unlike the scent of Jake’s, one which he’s well familiarized with. Grapefruit, but not overwhelmingly so. Almost baby powder like, too.

It’s the smell of Jake’s lotion that infiltrates his senses as the blanket is pulled back, a body slightly smaller than his own settling in as close to the edge of the mattress as possible.

If he wasn’t set on maintaining his sleeping facade, Heeseung would be tempted to turn around and pull Jake closer, if not just to prevent him from falling onto the floor when he falls asleep and inevitably loses the tenseness that practically radiates off his body.

He ends up not having to, Jake scooting closer inch by inch after minutes of teetering on the edge. Heeseung’s not sure if Jake expected him to suddenly wake up and push him away (though his body probably wouldn’t allow that even if he was actually asleep), but it takes him nearly a full torturous minute to relax, breath hitting the back of Heeseung's neck as he exhales shakily.

More due to his shock at the sensation than anything else, Heeseung opens his eyes.

It’s dark, without any real source of light, but there’s an extension cord lying on the floor a meter away with a neon on/off switch. Even still, there’s no way for Jake to tell he’s opened his eyes since they’re pressed chest to back. He says something anyway, voice barely above a whisper.

“Sunghoon is sleeping upstairs.”

Heeseung hadn’t asked. He wasn’t thinking about Sunghoon in the slightest. When he rolls over, seeing the small bit of fluorescent light reflected in Jake’s watchful eyes, he doesn’t think Jake looks like he wants to be thinking about Sunghoon, either.

“Okay.”

Jake opens his mouth, then closes it, nodding as he lowers his gaze.

“I’m sorry.”

Heeseung doesn’t want to know, at least right now.

He doesn’t want to know if Jake is apologizing for. Doesn’t want to know why he sounds so guilty, looks so crestfallen. For liking Sunoo, for not realizing Heeseung liked him. For not feeling the same way, or for not liking him enough to do something about it.

Heeseung nods once. He’s been in this position too many times recently. Hoping he’ll understand what Jake’s trying to do while remaining utterly in the dark. He sighs, rolling onto his back.

“Sleep, Jake.”

Heeseung can still feel Jake’s eyes on him, still feel him waiting for more. The ceiling stares back at him, too. Heeseung doesn’t know if he has any ‘more’ left.

But it’s Jake, and for once, Heeseung thinks the younger might be even more desperate than he is. He won’t be the reason why Jake is confined to the bounds of not knowing.

Heeseung’s not mad. He’s not in need of an apology. He’s just so, so in love.

His hand searches for Jake’s in the dark, lacing their fingers together as he shuts his eyes. It seems to be enough consolation, Jake squeezing back thankfully as he finally does the same. After a while, his breath evens out and Heeseung thinks he’s fallen asleep. It’s then that he finally allows a single tear to slip down his cheek, a drop of blood in shark-infested waters. He turns his head to look at Jake’s angelic, blissfully unknowing face, the latter’s grip somehow still secure even in sleep.

“I’m sorry, too.”

Heeseung spends the next few days on bed rest.

Even though he’s out of the dorms for the summer, Beomgyu invites him (and suggests he brings the others) to join him at the Six Flags trip he has planned. Heeseung thanks him and tells him he’ll get back to him soon, after consulting everyone else.

Instead of asking if they think it’d be fun, he holes himself up in his room, only going out to use the bathroom, eat, or shout at his brother for being too noisy in his own room across the hall. If his parents allow him, he takes his meals in his room with the excuse of needing at least a week to recover from finals. His phone remains mostly on do not disturb, all of his chats silenced as the notification count slowly ticks up.

After the party, he had come to the conclusion that space was best, at least for a little. He could take advantage of the summer to put whatever feelings were plaguing him to rest, and Jake would also be allowed some time to understand himself better.

It was one of Heeseung’s greatest fears that if Jake ever found out how he felt, he’d feel too pressured to reciprocate. Convince himself he felt the same way for fear of letting go. Heeseung wouldn’t want to sacrifice their friendship if he was put in that situation, either.

This way, any decision Jake made would be his own. Considering the party, it hardly seems as though he was unaware that there was an unspoken something, at least on Heeseung’s side. The choice is his, if he decides he wants it. And if he doesn’t, then at least Heeseung will have given them both enough time to come to terms with the fact that things might not be the same anymore, and grieve their losses.

It hasn’t been entirely bad, putting himself in self-isolation. It’s not too dissimilar to when he goes MIA for 72 hour gaming binges, since that’s part of how he’s been spending his time anyway. 

The only person whose messages he bothers to check is Sunghoon, and only because he’s sent the least and he knows vaguely what they’ll say anyway, so it’s not as intimidating. 

Heeseung lets him know not to worry, and not to be too harsh on Jake. He doesn’t mention anything about him having overheard their conversation, but he figures Sunghoon knows better than to fight him on it, anyway. It’s likely they’ve already reconciled– the two of them could never go too long on poor terms.

Things hadn’t been awkward at all after that night. 

Despite Sunghoon vehemently denying that he wasn’t sober, both of them were too tipsy to actually take anything too far, and neither of them wanted to. It had taken a few minutes of kissing at most to understand they weren’t hurting any less. If anything, it had been a depressing awakening for both of them– they had approached each other eagerly, teeth knocking together and biting down on the other’s lips more than once, but it had been painfully obvious what they were looking for. Each of their kisses had been a desperate shout for love. Every time they separated and came back together, they were looking to find someone else waiting for them. 

After a little while, Sunghoon complained about his ass being too sore from sitting on the wood steps. Heeseung nodded and stood up, helping him to his feet. He pulled him into a hug, both of them took a second to laugh at how fucking weird the night had been, and when Sunghoon murmured a thanks into his ear, Heeseung didn’t bother responding. 

Instead, he cupped the side of Sunghoon’s face and angled his chin down so he could place a kiss on his forehead, thumb stroking over his cheekbone. They had shared dozens of kisses that night, but that had likely been the only one that meant anything to either of them.

Sunghoon gave him a pat on the shoulder, and they went back inside. That had been the end of it, and they didn’t speak about it again, because they didn’t need to.

The whole experience had sort of made Heeseung wish everything else in his life could be so uncomplicated, but on his sixth day of being holed up, he does begin to feel a little better:

The more time he’s had to objectively think about it, the more he realizes that he’s been trying to put the pieces of too many different puzzles together. Everything happened too quickly for him to properly process it without putting some distance between himself and everything, but objectively, his life’s been a hot mess lately. 

At probably the height of his desperate pining over Jake, Sunoo came back into town and reminded everyone of how dull life was without him. It was inevitable for their lives to fall into an easy orbit around him, soaking up anything and everything he had to offer. Then, because of that, he had been forced to verbally acknowledge his feelings for Jake, which apparently had set off some sort of ticking time bomb in him, and Heeseung had found himself spending countless nights staying up talking to Sunghoon trying to screw his head straight again.

It had obviously only made things more confusing for both of them, trying to figure out the best course of action (coming to the sensible conclusion time and time again that honesty could never be the answer), while simultaneously having to watch Jake and Sunoo’s seamless friendship blossom right in front of their eyes. 

Without even considering the stressors of being a literal university student, and the few times Jake had sparked the most horrible, delightful hope in him, Heeseung thinks the fact that he had made it to this point earns him some credibility. It’s not until he had truly stopped to think about it all that he realized how overwhelmed he had been. Lying to Jake, doing his best to protect their friendship knowing he’s only digging himself further and further into a hole until he eventually reaches rock bottom– it’s a terrible feeling.

Offering himself the slightest bit of respite is the least he could do to be a bit kinder to himself, and it works a charm, because after 144 hours of considering the moral ramifications of being in love with your best friend, Heeseung finally makes the brilliant revelation that there are many, and he can’t be responsible for finding a fix to all of them. The most he can do is his best, and he supposes for now that means, finding a way to be in love with Jake without hurting himself, until the day comes where he’s just not anymore. Until a day comes where he can watch Jake and Sunoo maybe realize they’re right for each other, and be happy for them.

It’s the solution he settles on, but not without a small stipulation, because he deserves that leniency. Heeseung makes sure there’s a loophole in his plan, one which gives him full permission to be a human, who can experience sadness like everyone else. He does this, because if he wants to keep Jake in his life, he must admit the possibility that a part of him will always belong to his best friend and first love. 

So Heeseung decides that within his grand remedy to all lovelorn fools’ broken hearts, he is also allowed to wear his healing scars and mending wounds with pride; he is allowed to be someone who one day, might be able to speak both truths and be honest: he is not in love with Jake. And he will always be in love with Jake.

Decidedly, the next part of Heeseung’s healing process is reintroducing himself to society.

Society makes the choice for him on the second week of general hermitness. Heeseung, feeling sick to his stomach after getting no sunlight or proper exercise for several days, ends up going on a run on one of his favorite hiking trails, and as a part of his self-care shtick, goes for dessert at a cafe after.

He’s placing his order when he hears someone shout his name, a voice he knows well.

Heeseung looks around, then locates Sunoo at the door, quickly waving him over. It takes nearly a full minute of staring at him to realize what’s changed, gasping comically when he reaches him in line.

“You’re a brunette now.”

Sunoo nods, his dark brown hair bouncing and gleaming as it catches the light. He glares accusingly at Heeseung, poking his chest. “You would have known if you decided to show your face earlier.”

He smiles sheepishly, a silent apology. “I’ve been hibernating. It’s my main character flaw, Sunoo, I was born this way.”

Sunoo scowls, rolling his eyes but not pushing any further. He gestures to Heeseung’s wallet, then at the register. “Are you taking it to go or staying here?”

Heeseung startles, then feels his ears burn red when he realizes the cashier has been waiting for him to complete his transaction the entire time. He mumbles a hasty apology and slides his card across the counter, then waves Sunoo in.

“Choose your order. On me, then we can catch up if you have time.”

Sunoo beams, rattling off his coffee order and choosing a pastry for them to split. Heeseung accepts his card and receipt with both hands, tipping a little extra for the trouble. They find a table and settle down, Heeseung keeping an eye on the pick-up counter as Sunoo situates the plate between them. 

“How’ve you been, hyung?” Sunoo asks, beating Heeseung to the punch. He dips his spoon into the crepe cake, bringing it to his mouth and chewing, cheeks puffing out in a manner so disarmingly endearing Heeseung almost coos instead of responding.

“I’ve been a little better. I didn’t mean to ghost, I swear. It’s just an occupational hazard of the whole social recluse thing.”

“You’re a modern Thoreau,” Sunoo remarks dryly. “I’m less invested in the fact that you went AWOL than why you did.” He studies Heeseung’s face, tilting his head to the side curiously. “I know I don’t know you as well as everyone else, but I got a little worried. Most of the others didn’t seem to bat an eye, so I wasn’t sure what to make of it.”

Heeseung’s name is called but Sunoo volunteers to retrieve their drinks, sliding out of his chair and insisting Heeseung stay put when he tries to help. He returns quickly, passing one of the beverages to Heeseung, who accepts it with a muttered thanks.

“The kids are probably used to my disappearing spells by now,” Heeseung agrees, taking a sip of his drink. It’s slightly more bitter than it normally is and his upper lip crinkles upon tasting it. Sunoo slides one of his sugar packets over, nodding along as he shakes one for himself. The small gesture brings a smile to Heeseung’s face, which is quickly overtaken by a frown. “But that makes me a little upset.”

Sunoo’s eyes widen and his lips purse around a question. Heeseung squints, crossing his forearms on the table as he elaborates, “I think we’re still pretty good friends. Even if we met later.”

The younger scowls, swatting him on the arm. “Of course I think that way too. I just mean I’m not as familiar with all your mood swings.”

Heeseung feigns offense, drawing a giggle out of Sunoo. He waves his fork in the air before taking a bite of the cake, speaking through stuffed cheeks. “Not ‘ mood swings. ’ I’m a creature of habit Sunoo, you can’t deny I’m consistently inconsistent.”

“Maybe so,” Sunoo nods, pursing his lips in thought. “From what I know though, there’s really only one reason you would be so… inconsistent.”

Heeseung hesitates, making very steady eye contact with his iced latte. “What would that be?”

He chances a glance up and sees Sunoo with his hand propping up his chin, bunching his the pale, soft skin of his cheek up into a round mound. If it was someone else in his position, Heeseung might laugh at how intimidating Sunoo could be without even trying, all while looking the picture of innocence.

Sunoo’s not interrogating him, though. He knows it only feels that way because the idea of another person possibly knowing about his feelings for Jake makes his palms sticky with sweat. And Heeseung’s not the type to jump to conclusions– but it only makes sense that after Sunghoon, Jake’s brother, the next person in cue to realize would be Jake’s best friend. His other half.

“Hyung,” Sunoo says firmly, taking away any opportunity for false pretenses before Heeseung can even think of any to offer. He watches Heeseung unwaveringly, expression not unkind. “It’s okay to like someone. It’s only human.”

“I know that.”

“Okay.” Sunoo nods, unfazed. “Then do you know that it’s okay to like someone even when you don’t think the circumstances are ideal? And it’s not your fault.”

Heeseung squirms. He had to have the worst luck, or the best luck, to have friends who were able to read him like an open book.

But then Heeseung thinks that Sunghoon was only able to tell so easily because he had been in the same position as him, and suddenly feels sick to his stomach.

He tries not to let his suspicions show too clearly on his face, or let his voice sound as dejected as he feels, posing his question without having to ask it. “Sounds like you have experience with that. Getting caught in poor circumstances, I mean.”

Sunoo nods, the corners of his mouth quirking up into an amused smile. “I have my eye on someone.”

At once, Heeseung’s heart sinks down to the depths of his stomach.

He wishes it hadn’t, he wishes all his posturing about being ready to support Sunoo and Jake had resulted in him suddenly becoming a great, unselfish person.

But when at once he feels his last sliver of hope dry up and suck the life out of him like a sponge, he knows it hasn’t. He knows that any chance of him and Jake being him and Jake had gone from being a distant reality, to a fantasy much too close for comfort. In the beginning, before Heeseung had even shown up in Jake’s life, it was Jake and Sunoo. It had always been Jake and Sunoo.

Heeseung thinks right now he should feel sad that Sunghoon had probably come to realize this much before him, and that’s why he had confronted Jake that night. He thinks he should be more worried about comforting him in the same way Sunghoon had been doing for him while waiting for him to come to that conclusion on his own time. He thinks he should have been doing better to mask his emotions, so that Jake hadn’t felt the need to entertain his simpering until Sunoo put an end to it for all of them. 

There’s not much he can do outside of that right now, forcing a smile to match Sunoo’s so that he doesn’t start crying right then and there. Heeseung feels weak. He hates feeling weak.

“What’s holding you back? Anyone would be lucky to have you,” he says, entirely truthfully, and hating himself all the more for not wanting to hear the answer. 

Sunoo sighs dramatically, like he’s been waiting for the moment for someone to ask him this question. He leans forward like he’s sharing a secret only meant for Heeseung’s ears, and eyes him conspiratorially. “He’s really oblivious. To be honest, I’ve known him for a really long time? And I can tell he likes me. He’s just not doing anything about it.”

Heeseung wants to hate Sunoo. He wants to make this all easier on himself by thinking that Sunoo was going out of his way to discourage him from making a move on Jake. But not only is it humanly impossible to dislike the guy, it’s also not fair to him. Sunoo is kind, and charitable, and he doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body. He’s incredibly empathetic, and Heeseung doesn’t resent him despite knowing down to the last cell in his body, that he and Jake could be happy together. The white picket fence, two daughters and a dog, barbecues with their neighbors every Sunday type of happy. 

Heeseung’s tongue feels like a dead weight in his mouth when he asks, “Why don’t you do something about it first?”

Sunoo scoffs, unimpressed. “Because of my pride. Boys chase after me, Heeseung. Not the other way around.”

Heeseung has to laugh, nodding as he remembers, this was supposed to be a lighthearted catch up. Sunoo is having fun, and Heeseung can tell he’s trying to make him better by forcing him to have fun, too. Begrudgingly, he plays along.

“Of course. But is he worth it? If he’s causing you grief?” Heeseung toys with his straw as he pokes Sunoo’s arm teasingly. “You’re Sunoo Kim. Worlds fall at your feet.”

Sunoo shrugs. “I’d choose him over worlds. He’s worth it because I choose him.” He quirks an eyebrow, silently asking, “you understand?”, before taking a sip of his drink, looking out the window. “Wow, the weather’s seriously pretty today.”

Heeseung mumbles his agreement, suddenly feeling small. There it was.

Sunoo, who could make casual proclamations of his love as easily as talking about the weather. Sunoo, who knew his self-worth enough to not let his identity crumble because he likes a boy. Sunoo, who was better for Jake than Heeseung would ever be.

“I don’t blame him for the oblivious thing, though. He’s just a goof. His brother is, too, so it might be a family thing.”

Heeseung snorts, finding himself nodding in agreement. Jake could make him laugh with a single look, and Sunghoon was probably the most unhinged person in the entire world. 

But then Sunoo tacks on, “It makes my life harder, even if I think it’s somewhat adorable. If they both weren’t such idiots, you’d be less worried, though.” He shakes his head in disapproval and Heeseung’s smile fades. “He’s got you all tangled up for nothing.”

He doesn’t know how he’s managed to create such a mess– on one hand, he’s got Sunghoon reprimanding Jake for messing with his head, and on the other, Sunoo sympathizing with him because he thinks Sunghoon’s doing the same thing. And in all of this, he’s gained absolutely zero bitches.

He waves Sunoo off, feeling a strong headache coming on. Maybe he ended his bed rest too early. “Thank you, but Sunghoon and I have no misunderstandings. He’s definitely not the brightest, you’re right about that, but he and I are okay.” 

Heeseung feels a little relieved, knowing now that Sunoo hadn’t been talking about Jake at all. Still, he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do in this situation, because insinuating that he and Sunghoon are at all romantically involved makes him feel (as delicately as he can put this) quite icky. He decides on redirecting the focus of the conversation off himself entirely, trying to sound the appropriate level of invested when he speaks cautiously. 

“I never would have thought Jake would pose a problem for you, though. You two can practically read each other’s minds, I guess I assumed he would share everything with you.”

Heeseung tries not to question all of his life choices when he gets an exasperated sigh in response. 

(There’s always a strange pressure to earn Sunoo’s attention. Or maybe it’s not strange at all, but all Heeseung knows is that if Sunoo ever showed any sign of disinterest or apathy towards him, Heeseung would want to crawl into a hole and die.

Sunoo shakes his head, bangs swaying in a way that only seems so charming because it’s Sunoo. 

“I swear. The three of you are all the same. I feel like I’m the only one with functioning eyes.”

Before Heeseung has a chance to ask Sunoo what he means, he’s already continuing, his expression determined and take-no-prisoners. 

“Listen up, okay? The only reason I didn’t immediately track you down after the first two days of straight silence is because I was hoping you’d have used that time to gain some sense. That way I’d at least have one other ally in all of this, but apparently that’s not what happened.”

“Ouch.”

“Hush for now.” Sunoo points a finger at Heeseung, narrowing his eyes. “You need to do something here. Jake’s a beautiful soul and everything, but he’s not going to be the first person to make a move. I’ve been waiting for one of you to wise up ever since I stepped foot in that god forsaken house, but absolute jack shit has happened since then. Jake’s confused, and you’re too stubborn in your own beliefs to consider the possibility that he actually likes you back. You’re going to be a senior next year, Heeseung. It’s time to be an adult.”

Heeseung blinks. His jaw might be dangling open, he doesn’t know. He can’t feel anything on his face.

“I don’t know anything.”

Sunoo laughs, clearly reveling in Heeseung’s dumbfounded state, taking no liberties in hiding his glee. He sighs fondly, shaking his head like he’s observing a child who’s just made an endearing mistake. 

“Should I explain? I feel like there might have been a break down somewhere.”

Heeseung nods numbly, literally feeling like his head is going to explode. His head falls into his palms, fingers rubbing against his skin as he slides his hands up and down his cheeks. 

“I think I’m going insane, Sunoo. I have no idea what we’ve even been talking about for the last ten minutes.”

Sunoo sucks his lips in against his teeth, eyes equally sympathetic and full of mirth. “I figured as much. I’ll go slow, just try to stick with me, okay?” Heeseung thinks he nods. “You love Jake, yeah? In like a ‘you babysit together one day and see how good he is with children, then realize you want to have a baby with him’ type of way?”

Heeseung gains a minimal sense of awareness, most likely a result of panic and fear at saying the wrong thing. Sunoo is looking at him expectantly though, like he’s not going to be offended if he says yes. He probably doesn’t have a reason to be, Heeseung doesn’t pose any threat to him.

It’s only because Sunoo doesn’t seem like he’s scoping out his competition, but rather trying to help a snail learn how to read that Heeseung hesitantly nods, instantly dreading what comes next.

Sunoo only places a hand on his, patting the back of his knuckles placatingly. “Not so hard, right?” He’s still smiling with the patient of a saint, the slice of cake slowly depleting as he takes another nibble off the corner. “And Jake feels the same way about you, yeah?”

Heeseung feels like he’s being teased. He shakes his head slowly, watching Sunoo’s lips pull downward into a frown. The younger exhales softly, dropping his fork and clasping his hands together in front of him on the table so both of his pinkies rest atop the marble surface and his thumbs face upward.

An espresso machine grumbles loudly in the background, forks scrape against ceramic plates on the tables surrounding them. Heeseung can feel his pulse beating above one of his eyebrows, and at the tips of his fingers, and against the middle of his back, just off his spine. None of that mattered though– it could all stop in an instant, and Heeseung would still remain, feeling all the more lost in his own chaos.

“Can we try this instead?” Sunoo finally asks, voice soft. He cranes his neck downward slightly to make sure he can catch Heeseung’s eye when the taller stays unmoving, sitting rigidly in place. He finally unglues his eyes from where they had been stuck on the table and looks up at Sunoo, watching for any indication of a lie. “I’m telling you, Jake feels the same way about you. It’s not a question.”

Heeseung knows nothing. Everything Heeseung knows is wrong.

“No,” he croaks embarrassingly, shaking his head. He smiles and pretends he can’t tell from how much energy it took to do just that how pathetic he looks. “No, Sunoo. I don’t–” Heeseung clears his throat, hands bunching into fists atop his jeans. “I don’t believe that. I just can’t believe that.”

“Then how do you ever expect something to happen?”

“I didn’t.” Heeseung laughs for some reason. He could be going insane. It certainly feels that way as he repeats exasperatedly, “I didn’t. I don’t , Sunoo.”

“Then you’re gonna fuck this up and only have yourself to blame.” Sunoo purses his lips, setting them in a fine line as his expression hardens. His voice takes on another tone entirely as his level of intolerance seems to rise to match Heeseung’s, squaring his shoulders. “Look, I get trying to protect your friendship. I get trying to protect yourself, that’s all well and fine, but what happens when you keep pushing him away? Maybe Jake hasn’t been smart enough in the past to acknowledge your attempts to let him now how you feel, and I don’t doubt that would have stung. But have you ever actually given him the chance to tell you what he wants on his own?”

Heeseung shifts uncomfortably, fighting his immediate instinct to stay on the defensive and swallowing down whatever bullshit, half-truth excuse had already formed on the tip of his tongue. Sunoo seems to see right through it anyway, pinning him down with a challenging stare.

He wavers in his pointless resistance, any fight in him melting away with each second he considers what Sunoo’s asking– Heeseung knows the answer without having to pinpoint specific moments (though he definitely could) where Jake had looked at him a little too long, gotten a little too close. He can think of times when he had looked at Jake and seen a prayer written across his face, like he was about to confess, or begging Heeseung to do it first.

Of course he was scared. Of course he had taken those times as opportunities to run, to stretch the remaining time until their friendship inevitably became something else entirely to its thinnest. 

There were too many reasons for him to keep at their game of chicken instead of putting an end to it: Sunoo, upsetting the balance of their friend group, risking their relationship ending in disaster. Heeseung could handle himself being a coward. He could even handle Jake eventually moving on and finding someone else who would offer him the unapologetic love he deserves.

But Sunoo was spot on, in that each advance he made towards Jake, he was also only ever making safe gambles. No risky bets ever, never showing all of his cards. Because the thought of Jake being the one to break his heart was too much to bear. 

It was the one possibility Heeseung couldn’t ever come to terms with. He didn’t want it to happen, of course. But the deeper truth of it, the one that, if he chose to face, would lay every inch of his soul open and bare– was that Heeseung would let him a million times over.

He would suffer infinite heart breaks at Jake’s mercy because it was Jake. He’d become reckless and consumed by his love, and the only thing keeping him from potentially falling into a pit of bad decisions and personal carnage, was that he was still keeping his guard up.

“I can’t lose him, Sunoo.”

Heeseung’s voice wavers, and he’s on the verge of crying in their quaint neighborhood cafe. It shakes him more than he would have expected, the notion of no longer taking one step forward and two steps back, and instead paving a steady path to Jake. 

Sunoo squeezes his hand, expression softening again. He leans in, his voice a soothing lullaby luring peace back into Heeseung’s mind. “Neither of you are going anywhere. How would he be lost?”

“I don’t know,” Heeseung huffs, shoulders slouching in as he feels his eyelids drooping, barely having any energy left to stay present. He’s practically shutting down, his body trying to stop his brain from going into overload. “I don’t know how any of this is supposed to work.”

“You’re not supposed to.” Sunoo smiles, leaning back in his chair. He waves his hands in the air, rolling his eyes. “All the messiness, the confusion. Figuring out how you navigate it all together is the best part.”

Heeseung stays silent for a little, letting Sunoo’s words sink in as he chews on his bottom lip, the younger making himself busy with his drink to let him have some quiet. Then he remembers something that disorients him again for an entirely different reason. 

“Wait, so if you don’t like Jake–?” Sunoo lets out a dramatic groan, throwing his head back, and Heeseung gasps, hands flying up to cover his mouth. “ Sunghoon?”

Sunoo slams his hands down on the table, going from calm to incensed in the blink of an eye. “God, do you know how terrible he is? He’s worse than you are, and that’s saying a fucking lot hyung, no offense.”

“None taken.”

“He just doesn’t know how to take a hint,” Sunoo barrels on, eyes blown wide as he gestures wildly. “I mean, in the last couple weeks, I went over to their house a few times, right? And I kept trying to talk to Sunghoon, but he would always apologize for taking up my time and then excuse himself because, ‘ Jake was the one who invited you over, I shouldn’t intrude.’” Sunoo crosses his arms, looking off to the side and tapping his foot rapidly against the floor. He stays there for barely a second before his head whips back in Heeseung’s direction, lips curled up into an incredulous scowl. “Tell me hyung, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”

Heeseung laughs, scratching the back of his neck. “I mean, up until two seconds ago I was under the impression you and Jake were the star-crossed idiots, and Sunghoon’s been dealing with that for a lot longer. He’s bound to be just a little emotionally constipated.”

“Emotionally constipated, my ass. You two should have never been allowed to talk to each other,” Sunoo mumbles, sending Heeseung a joking glare.

He apologizes through a laugh, holding his hands up in surrender. “Maybe not. But I think we both would have been bigger disasters if we didn’t.”

Sunoo pouts, but nods. “I guess so. It was a good thing you had him then. But it’s different now.”

“How so?”

“You remember what I said? That there’s only one reason you’d get like this?” Heeseung nods, and Sunoo smiles knowingly. “Jake’s been a mess. I don’t know if it’s because you have some weird psychic bond and he just gets sad when you’re sad, or maybe you just can’t go a week without each other. Either way, it’s the same for him. I’ve never seem him this mopey before, and I can only assume it’s because you’re not picking up your phone.”

Heeseung grimaces. To be fair, he had sort of walked right into Sunoo’s trap. “I don’t know if I can talk to him yet.”

“That’s fair.” Sunoo nods, not yet yielding. “Would you be willing to let him talk to you?”

It’s a question he’s not quite sure how to answer, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Sunoo continues to stare at him inquisitively, eyes rounded and insistent. He looks so eager and hopeful that Heeseung would feel like an asshole turning him down. He lets out a hiss, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You’re sneaky manipulative, you know that?”

Sunoo grins, grabbing his glass and nodding as he toys with the straw. “Yeah, I’ve been told. So does that mean you’re in? Because I kinda have my own love life to deal with.”

Heeseung groans, which is answer enough for Sunoo. He smiles in satisfaction, already pulling his phone out.

“Perfect.”

“How was Six Flags?”

“It was fun. You should’ve joined,” Beomgyu complains, pouting as he leans back into Soobin’s hold. His hands grip the taller’s forearms, which are secured over his upper torso. “I swear, I’m just a hot roommate to you. Once the term is over, you don’t ever make plans to see me.”

Heeseung rolls his eyes in sync with Soobin, who instantly schools his expression when Beomgyu whips around to glare at him– how he sensed he was being made fun of is beyond Heeseung. “Stop overexaggerating, I was literally the one who suggested meeting up.”

“No, you were the one who told me to bring Soobin so you didn’t have to deal with me alone. I was the one who texted you first.”

Heeseung pauses. “Oh, you’re right.”

Soobin cackles as Beomgyu pouts, stamping his feet. “You guys suck.”

“Sorry,” Soobin grins, not sounding the slightest bit apologetic. He drops a kiss onto the top of Beomgyu’s head, which pacifies him instantly, smiling smugly as he allows the older to ruffle his hair. 

When Beomgyu looks back at Heeseung, he has a distant look in his eyes, silent as he observes the two of them. Head tilted to the side curiously, he ventures, “I haven’t heard from Jake in a little while.”

Heeseung can’t help but scoff, kicking at the ground with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Yeah, I haven’t either.” 

He knows technically it’s not his place to be upset, since he had probably given Jake reason enough to believe he didn’t want to see him, but for the last week, Heeseung had jumped at every text message, call, instagram notification, twitter alert that had come through, expecting it to be Jake. Sunoo had made it seem as though he was taking his master plan to completion straight away, but maybe Jake had changed his mind and decided Heeseung wasn’t worth the trouble. He doesn’t blame him. 

The conversation hadn’t been entirely pointless though– Sunoo had at least made quick work of his fixing his own dilemma, if the frantic keyboard smashes Sunghoon had sent him served as any indication. 

Heeseung was happy for them, genuinely, in the same way he was happy for Soobin and Beomgyu– he just thought at some point, everything would be resolved for him, too.

“Chin up, dude.” Beomgyu smiles softly, offering a half shrug. “You never know until you know.”

Heeseung pats him on the shoulder in silent thanks, nodding when he meets Soobin’s equally hopeful gaze. They’ve been standing at the corner of the block for the better part of ten minutes, and it’s only under both their watchful eyes that Heeseung realizes how long they’ve been lingering. He knows for a fact Beomgyu planned to introduce Soobin to his parents properly after they met up, and that it’s about time for them to get going.

“I’ll figure it out. Thanks, Gyu. Take care of Soobin, alright? Your brother is scary when he wants to be,” Heeseung warns teasingly, watching as Soobin’s skin pales. 

Beomgyu rolls his eyes, reaching out to pinch him and glaring when Heeseung readily slaps him away. “Stop scaring him. We’ll be fine, we’re going to pick up food to butter him up before we head over.”

Heeseung nods. He doesn’t know Beomgyu’s brother that well, but if they’re anything alike, food will work just fine. “Solid plan.”

Soobin rests his chin atop Beomgyu’s head, bringing the smaller even closer into his body. They’re a striking pair– Soobin’s kind eyes and soft, rounded cheeks to contrast the firm set of Beomgyu’s jaw, and the constant mischievous uplift of his lips. Beomgyu’s mellow auburn hair splaying across Soobin’s lap as his long, nimble fingers stroke through his bangs, Soobin’s thick-rimmed glasses dwarfing the thin bridge of Beomgyu’s nose when he would steal them to wear, despite always complaining about the prescription making him dizzy afterward. They fit together seamlessly.

Heeseung thinks what makes them complete though, is the matching look of adoration they hold for the other. There hasn’t been a moment of Heeseung knowing them as a couple where he couldn’t detect it; it was always there, the absolute essence of devotion lighting up their eyes.

It’s present even now, even though Soobin is directing his focus to Heeseung: he can tell he’s still hyper-aware of everything Beomgyu is doing (watching two squirrels climb up a tree).

“What about you, Hee? Going back home?” Soobin asks, checking his watch. “We still have an hour before we have to be there. We can take our time shopping if you wanna tag along, catch up more. We didn’t have super long today.”

“I know,” Heeseung replies, nose crinkling apologetically. “Next time, though. I think I’m gonna start walking back. Don’t wanna deal with Beomgyu once he starts getting cranky from from his post-caffeine crash.”

Beomgyu flips him off, eyes still trailing the two squirrels as they perch on a branch, tails curling into a delicate arch. He looks away once they climb out of sight, pouting slightly. “We’ll get going then. Text me, alright?”

Heeseung smiles, waving as he backs away. He can hear Beomgyu and Soobin bickering as they walk down the street, something about who’d pay for their housewarming gifts.

After Soobin had gotten all his acceptance letters and decided on a graduate program, Beomgyu had spiraled a bit. He still had a year left, and even though they planned to find student housing close enough to each other, they would be on opposing schedules and different campuses. It was the first time he had found a boyfriend that he actually really liked, and Heeseung couldn’t help but find Beomgyu’s panic adorable. 

He smiles to himself, thinking about how a drunken Beomgyu had once summoned Soobin to their dorm room. He had broken down sobbing, dropping to his knees and hugging his boyfriend’s legs the second he pushed through the door. A soft laugh escapes his lips as Heeseung recalls the look of absolute fear on Soobin’s face– he had taken a photo while lounging comfortably on his bed, then offered his assistance when Beomgyu only started to cry louder. 

They were a disaster in the making, and Heeseung thinks they wouldn’t have it any other way. (He wouldn’t either.)

The leaves crunch under his feet as he walks home, eyes scanning the area surrounding. His house was in a nice residential area– it wasn’t on a cul de sac, but there were a few on his block; when he was younger it made him feel just on the border of classic valley kid, but later on it became something he appreciated. 

His parents had tried hard to integrate him seamlessly into the neighborhood, which was stupid because he was surrounded by white preteens, but their zip code was also elligible for his school system (where he met Jake), and close enough to all his friends’ homes (where he could hang out with Jake). 

Countless memories flash by in the ten minutes he takes to reach his block– there’s a gentle incline down one of the sidewalks, which Jake once tried to skateboard down, only to trip on a pebble and go hurdling into Sunghoon. Heeseung still remembers trying to cheer them both up by jokingly offering some Powerpuff bandaids once they were all cleaned up. To this day, he has no idea why there was a 72-pack of them in his house. He also has no idea why Sunghoon was so adamant on choosing Buttercup. Jake chose Bubbles.

Details from that day that he hadn’t given much thought to before suddenly feel so vivid. Heeseung can visualize it all so clearly, the way Sunghoon had only laughed, brushing a wide-eyed Jake off when he hastily wiped his hands off on his pants to squeeze Sunghoon’s face between his hands and maneuvre his head around to check for facial harm.

He remembers the panic in Jake’s voice when he ignored Sunghoon’s guileless snickers as he showed off the quickly reddening skin around his new scrape to Jungwon. There wasn’t a trace of concern for his own minor injuries (of which there were multiple) as the younger tugged on his sleeve, desperately asking for as much medical advice as his sixteen year old self could muster.

Heeseung might’ve been too amused by the situation to pay too much attention at the time, but looking back he can only focus on the tenderness and silent worry in Jake’s touch as he helped secure a (slightly unnecessary) bandaid onto Sunghoon’s cheek, reluctantly letting a wet laugh slip when the latter slapped one onto Jake’s forehead in return, insisting everyone else don a plaster so he could take a photo for his instagram. 

That’s how the two have always worked. Caring for each other in little ways, Sunghoon there to lighten Jake’s incessant worrying over him, and Jake being there to incessantly worry over him so that he wouldn’t end up falling out of a tree. 

Heeseung’s so busy recounting these memories he barely notices when he’s no longer the only one on the long stretch of the sidewalk leading up to his house. As he turns the corner to reach his side of the block, he raises his head and sees a very familiar hoodie-clad back pacing in front of his porch steps. 

Heeseung’s steps slow and his heartbeat begins picking up without him realizing, until it’s already reached a jackhammer speed against his ribs. Jake is still chewing down on his fingernails, muttering inaudibly at the floor and unaware of Heeseung’s arrival.

He doesn’t think Jake is planning on looking up anytime soon, so it’s him that decides to make himself known, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Jake.”

His best friend’s head snaps up, and Jake stares at Heeseung with wide eyes, surprise evident.

“Oh,” he breathes, eyes flitting from where Heeseung stands hesitantly meters away to his front door. “W-Were you not home?”

Heeseung shakes his head, answering even though the answer is obvious. Sometimes they have issues with communication. He might as well entertain a question that’s easier to answer. “I was out with Beomgyu and Soobin.” Jake nods, biting down on his lip, and then it’s Heeseung’s turn to ask. “No one’s in right now. Did you knock, or… have you been waiting long?”

Jake’s cheeks flush pink and he stutters, tripping over his words. “No, I just got– well, I’ve been waiting for a little but I ha– haven’t knocked or anything. Just thinking for a little.”

In spite of himself, Heeseung cracks a smile, Jake too adorable to resist the temptation to laugh. “Okay,” he says slowly, amusedly. He takes a step closer, hands stuck in his pockets, reaching to pull out his key. “Do you want to come in?”

Jake’s hair has faded to a platinum-ish golden yellow due to a lack of consistent toning and maintenance, and his roots are grown out at least a few centimeters. It’s a beautiful complement to his tanned skin, which is only visible from his knees down, since he’s decided on basketball shorts to pair with his hoodie. He’s not sweating, though, even though Southern California is a bitch. Jake’s body had always run a little cold. It was his excuse for stealing most of Heeseung’s sweaters (and for holding his hand on occasion). 

Jake’s feet shuffle against the concrete, which crunches under his ratty high tops. He’s fisting the fabric of his sleeves, which cover the entirety of his hands in little sweater paws. Even though his shoulders tense and rise up to his ears as he hunches in on himself, Jake nods jerkily.

Heeseung smiles as reassuringly as he can, extending his arm to pat his shoulder once as he leads the way up the stairs. “Come on.”

He doesn’t turn around to see if Jake actually follows, deciding that he’d rather not be looking if he changes his mind. It’d be better for both of them if Jake ran without looking back.

Heeseung pushes his front door open, leaving it open as he walks a little further into his house to toe his shoes off. He can’t help the way his chest caves in with relief when he hears Jake gently shut the door behind him, following his lead. 

“Water?”

“I’m good.”

Heeseung nods, studying Jake’s expression carefully. His face is wary, but he’s relaxed now, the tension released from his body– Heeseung understands. That’s how he’s always felt at Jake’s house: at home. 

“My room?” Heeseung gestures down the hall. Jake nods.

Their feet pad lightly on the wooden floor, which creaks in the same spot it always does, about two feet in front of Heeseung’s door. It didn’t used to, but one time his brother had played a prank on him (cling wrap. Like a fool.), and Heeseung had promptly fallen to his knees with a painful thud. The floor hadn’t recovered since.

Heeseung drops his keys on his desk, then traipses over to the window by his desk, cracking it open. When he turns back around, Jake has already settled on his bed, looking around with blank eyes. 

“AC’s not working,” Heeseung says apologetically, reaching over to turn his small fan on. The blades begin whirring to life, and once he’s satisfied with the speed, he joins Jake on the bed. 

“We don’t really hang out here a lot, so I thought it might’ve changed since I last saw it,” Jake murmurs through a shy smile. “it’s the same, though.”

Heeseung shuffs sheepishly, leaning his weight back on the heels of his hands. “I’m barely here myself, so there’s not a lot of time to renovate. Otherwise, I might’ve gotten rid of that Adventure Time poster about five years ago.”

Jake laughs. “You couldn’t have done it before college?”

Heeseung shrugs. “Lazy.”

Jake’s smile tapers off then, and he looks down at his lap, eyes wistful. “I remember the first year you started. When I was in senior year.” 

Heeseung wishes he could remember in more detail, but it had honestly been such a stressful adjustment that all he really recalls from that time is a whole lot of missing Jake. Nothing was more than forty minutes away from each other– their houses, their college and middle school and high school campuses. But Heeseung had wanted a dorm experience, and his financial package covered it, and then he had met Beomgyu and liked rooming enough to stick around. 

It didn’t take him all that much farther from Jake, but then it was harder to rationalize going out to eat lunch with his friends and spending the extra time on driving to and there when he could just go to his mess hall. 

Still, Heeseung doesn’t remember it being that bad, but Jake seems to think otherwise, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling.

“God, I was kind of a wreck without you. I guess I had it in my head that I could still go to you for homework advice or to drive me everywhere, even if you were starting this… massive whole new part of your life.”

Heeseung raises an eyebrow curiously. It’s the first time he’s really ever heard about this. “Missed your personal chauffeur?” 

Jake hadn’t gotten his license until second quarter of his freshman year of college.

“No.” Jake looks down from the ceiling, a lazy smiling gracing his lips as he fixes Heeseung with a look so raw and fond, he feels terrified in an instant. “I just missed you.”

Heeseung blinks rapidly. “Oh.”

Jake scans Heeseung’s face, carefully, slowly. “I wanted you to take me with you somehow. I wanted to be at all your cool frat parties and go dancing and drinking with you. Do stupid stuff that only we could laugh about together.” He offers a half-smile, and it reads more regretful than he meant for it to. Heeseung takes pity on him, licking his dry lips.

“Jake.”

“Hmm?” Jake responds on instinct, eyes vacant as he stares unblinkingly back at Heeseung, who only shakes his head softly.

“Why are you here?”

Heeseung stands, sliding off the bed and rubbing the back of his neck tiredly as he turns back around in a semicircle to face Jake. His arm falls down a few seconds later, and he raises them helplessly before letting them flop to his sides exasperatedly. 

“I mean, why did you come here?” He ventures not unkindly, but about as exhausted as Jake feels. Heeseung looks down at him with searching eyes, and Jake hates that he can see just how much he loves him. It’s so clear that it’s impossible not to feel bitter about how much time they’ve wasted. “Are we gonna talk about this? Because I’ve been going insane trying to make sense of a thousand things, and then I finally think I’m ready to move on–”

Don’t , Jake thinks immediately, feeling his stomach churn uncomfortably.

“–and then Sunoo comes and I feel like I don’t know anything about anything all over again.” He sighs, pleading. Jake gulps, looking up at Heeseung with eyes daring him to do something. For all of his nervous fidgeting and aimless reminiscing, he’s not backing down now– he’s waiting for Heeseung to rise to the challenge.

Jake scoots to the edge of the bed, letting his feet touch flat on ground before he pushes himself up with his hands. He approaches Heeseung with measured steps, until their faces are just inches apart. Jake’s gaze is trained solely on his lips, as if he could will them into uttering the words he so desperately wants to hear. The second his eyes travel upward to meet Heeseung’s he knows he stands no chance.

Jake nods, a barely noticeable incline of his head, before murmuring, “Say it.” His hand floats up to find Heeseung’s, electricity flowing through their fingertips. “Say it, hyung.”

Heeseung doesn’t have anymore fight in him. “I just… I’m in love with you, Jake. And I’m tired.” His head bows forward and he lets out a soft exhale. “And I’m sorry.”

Jake’s brows furrow, and he welcomes himself into Heeseung’s space, practically chest to chest as he tilts his own head to try and meet Heeseung’s eyes, using his unoccupied hand to tilt his chin upward. 

“What could you possibly have to be sorry for?” Jake whispers, chest burning with something fiercely protective when he sees the unshed tears lining Heeseung’s eyes. He shakes his head, using the thumb that had previously been stroking under his chin to swipe away the first drop that streaks down his cheek. “No, hyung. You’ve been the most patient, and the most selfless.”

Heeseung’s hand finds Jake’s wrist, fingers looping around and holding his hand there against his face as he leans into the touch, eyes shutting tightly. “I was so scared,” he confesses silently, each word shaky as his body begins to shudder nervously. “I only ever wanted to be close with you. Every day, I felt like we were too far away. But I still kept pushing you away because if you came too close, then…”

Jake’s heart aches for Heeseung, watching the person he had relied on through countless storms crumble under the weight of his own emotions, too used to navigating everything on his own. He moves his hand back to thread his fingers into the hairs at the base of Heeseung’s neck, pulling him down to rest his head in the crook of his neck.

Jake feels the moisture seep into the fabric of his top immediately, and he has to blink back tears of his own as he licks his dry lips, treasuring the feeling of Heeseung in his arms after so long. “I missed you a lot, Heeseung,” he croaks out, words ragged and laced with relief. Jake squeezes his eyes shut when he feels the older’s body sag into his even more, feels the arm that wraps around his waist loosely to keep him from moving away. “I didn’t mean– I didn’t want this. I just thought I had to do it all right, but it only made things worse in the end. I kept you waiting too long.”

Heeseung takes deep breaths in, watery nose pressed against Jake’s collarbone as he allows Jake’s continued ministrations against his nape to soothe him as close to peace as he can. He figures he can’t look any more pathetic, and a part of him has always been too greedy for his own good, so he asks while he has the liberty of hiding his face.

“Will you say it back?”

Heeseung knows his voice sounds small and insecure, pitifully so considering Jake has literally accepted his confession with open arms, but he only gets an indulgent giggle in response. “I love you too, you big baby.” Jake allows himself to smile, basking in the light of the comfortable environment they’ve already slipped back into, even with their teary eyes and running noses. He tightens his hold around Heeseung’s hand, which still remained connected to his, and repeats himself, softer this time. “Of course I’m in love with you. How could I not be?”

Heeseung pulls away, not yet satiated. He only moves far enough back that he can see Jake’s face, raking over his kind eyes, and honest smile– Jake’s never been able to guard his expression, and in the same way that Heeseung knows when someone’s spoken too harshly with him and he needs a second to recover, or when he’s so happy his eyes fade into arched lines, he knows now that Jake isn’t lying to him.

Heeseung loves Jake, and Jake loves him back.

And how wonderful that is.

(14:12) jaeyun: hyuuunnnng

(14:14) heeseung: ?

(14:15) jaeyun: i miss u :((

can’t you leave early?

(14:15) heeseung: just wait fifteen more minutes jakey

i promise i’ll come straight to u

(14:17) jaeyun: u better hurry.

i refuse to get yelled at bc of u

(14:18) heeseung: i promise. not a second late.

(14:18) jaeyun: <3

Heeseung stays true to his word, packing up his stuff as soon as he senses his professor wrapping up, and practically shoving past some of his classmates in his rush out the door. He grins at the messages on his phone as he speedwalks to his car, silently thanking whatever gods had freed up street parking so close to his building. 

By the time he pulls up outside Jake’s house, the younger is already waiting for him, smiling once he sees Heeseung pull up. He bounds toward the car, yanking the door open and sliding into the passenger seat excitedly. 

“Come on, let’s go, I really don’t wanna be late! Taehyun texted me like 90 times to make sure Soobin– well, Soobin and Beomgyu wouldn’t totally lose their shit, I don’t wanna miss them coming,” Jake rambles as he pulls his seatbelt across his chest, bouncing in his seat like an excited kid. 

“We won’t miss anything, Beomgyu’s never arrived on time to anything ever.”

“Still,” Jake pouts, checking his hair in the mirror of his sun visor. When he’s satisfied with the way he looks, he glances over at Heeseung, who’s made no move to pull out of the driveway. “What?”

Heeseung raises an eyebrow expectantly. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Jake rolls his eyes (fondly), leaning over the middle compartment to give a waiting Heeseung a quick peck. “Happy?”

Heeseung shifts out of park, placing a hand on the back of Jake’s chair as he begins reversing with a shit-eating grin. “Happy.”

“How bad do you think it’s gonna be?” Sunghoon asks, looking practically giddy with a mischievous excitement he doesn’t bother to hide. 

He and Sunoo had arrived seconds after Heeseung and Jake, flagging them down in the parking lot as they approached, joined hands swinging between their bodies. Sunoo smacks Sunghoon on the chest as they continue to walk, paying no mind when the taller winces and nearly drops the present he has tucked under his arm. 

“Stop it. I don’t know about Beomgyu and Soobin, but Yeonjun hyung has dignity, and I’m sure he and Taehyun will handle the situation like adults.”

Heeseung shoots Sunghoon a skeptical glance, causing him to snort again, schooling his expression when Sunoo glares at him.

It’s a situation only they can find so much humor in because of the pure irony: even though he had only recently returned for his graduate degree, Yeonjun had attended high school with the others, so Sunoo had met him before he moved away, and Heeseung had arrived during the beginning of Yeonjun’s junior year. He had done his undergrad at MIT– ridiculously impressive, and was returning for his graduate education at Stanford– equally impressive. What a bitch. 

It was over his first summer visit to his family that Soobin had introduced him to Taehyun, who Beomgyu had been majorly crushing on at the time. Taehyun and Yeonjun had been an immediate match, and somehow managed to pull off the long-distance thing, surviving off winter and summer break visits, one of them flying out to the other, and mismatched texting and calling schedules which were only somewhat workable with the PST/EST time difference.

It had taken Beomgyu a while to get over it, after coming to understand that some freakish force of nature really wanted Yeonjun and Taehyun together (it must have, because only two people destined for each other could have persevered through being on opposite sides of the country and Beomgyu’s silent prayers for them to have an amiable, but quick break up), but Soobin had taken longer to come to terms with it.

Unlike Beomgyu, Yeonjun and Soobin actually had dated. It had only been for a short period of time (during middle school, hardly valid), but Beomgyu hadn’t found out about it until Soobin told him that he wanted him to accompany him to a birthday party for an “old friend who’s back in town.” When Beomgyu put two and two together and realized Yeonjun was the person Soobin had been best friends with since they were in diapers , he had a minor breakdown. 

Even though they had both attended the same university since freshman year, Beomgyu hadn’t actually crossed paths with Soobin until last year, and they had started dating months after, so their relationship was strong, but still very much in a phase of growth. Having not one, but two old flames, had been minorly stressful for Beomgyu. 

The timing of it all was all a little funny– Heeseung and all the others had known Yeonjun for years, so they could’ve met Soobin way back then if he had been in the same school system. It was sheer coincidence that Beomgyu had ended up meeting all of them later, considering how many overlapping mutual friends they shared as teens. 

Heeseung doesn’t know exactly how long, but he estimates it’s been at least a year since Soobin and Yeonjun have spoken to each other in person, so he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t just a little excited to see their dynamic. 

When they make their way to the restaurant, though, Taehyun and Beomgyu are nowhere in sight, and Soobin and Yeonjun are grappling over the iced tea cooler, the taller of the two wincing when Yeonjun reaches up to slice at his neck with the edge of his hand. There’s not a hint of awkwardness between them, and Jake thinks he can make out Yeonjun telling Soobin to, ‘let him have the first cup, punk.’

He snorts as he drops his and Heeseung’s joint gift on the table already piled high with boxes and bags, and envelopes that are probably filled with mediocre gift cards or just straight cash. It was a nice venue– they had reserved the entire back patio of a small place that served brunch through dinner, and the mossy-stone paved courtyard was bustling with life, a few familiar faces and a few unfamiliar. 

“Heeseung!” Beomgyu comes running out of the restaurant with a stack of plates teetering in his hands, two people trailing behind. He peeks over the tall ceramic dishes with a huge grin plastered across his face, rushing to deposit them onto the nearest table so he can pull Heeseung into a massive bear hug. “You should’ve shown up earlier! Maybe you could’ve helped me with these plates. These two fucks are useless,” Beomgyu says pointedly, turning around to glare at Taehyun, and someone Heeseung thinks is named Hueningkai. 

“Huening has a piano recital next week,” Taehyun shrugs. So Huening is right, Heeseung thinks distantly. “Huening” has platinum blonde hair, a sharp nose, and delicately sloped eyes. His long limbs don’t match his kind demeanor, giving him the impression of a baby deer. He’s seen him a few times on campus, but not enough times to say they’ve had any meaningful interactions. He knows he’s close with Taehyun though, so Jake has hung out with him a few times, more than him at least. 

“Okay, Kai has a recital and needs fully functioning hands,” Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “What’s your excuse?” He turns to Taehyun with slanted eyes. 

Taehyun grins cheekily. “I have a boyfriend I haven’t seen in three years.”

Beomgyu gags as Taehyun turns to Jake and winks, prompting the latter to burst into giggles, leaning into Heeseung’s side.

“That’s nasty , you freak, I did not need to fucking hear that–”

“BEOMGYU!”

“WHAT?”

Yeonjun joins them, full lips pursed into an angry pout as he drags Soobin along behind him. “Your boyfriend’s being annoying as shit.”

“Am not,” Soobin contests, draping himself all over Beomgyu. “I wasn’t even doing anything.”

Yeonjun scoffs, placing his hands on his hips. “ That. You were doing that , except you weren’t even standing next to him. You were smothering him with your horndog ‘I’m so deeply in love with this little bratty twink’ aroma, and spreading it all over my birthday party,” he sneers. Taehyun silently slinks over to his side, nuzzling into his chest like a cat (nuzzling into another cat).

“Why would you bring him over here then?” Huening complains, stamping his foot. “You could’ve suffered alone.”

“That’s very true. I could have,” Yeonjun nods, smiling pleasantly. Taehyun makes himself small in his arms, offering the same sickly sweet grin when Beomgyu sticks his tongue out at them. 

They have a silent stare off for a little while until Sunoo clears his throat, beaming up at Yeonjun. “Anyway, happy birthday, hyung! Jungwonnie just texted, he and Jay are picking Ni-ki up right now, they’ll be here shortly. Ni-ki can’t wait to meet you, he spent like half a month coming up with suggestions for a birthday gift…”

Sunoo continues to occupy Yeonjun’s attention long enough for Jake to pull Heeseung away, taking hold of his arms and pulling them over his shoulders so they can waddle toward the buffet table.

“See? They’re all doing just fine,” Heeseung whispers into his ear, chomping down on his earlobe lightly.

Jake scoffs, serving himself some of the salad and using the tongs to feed a crouton over his shoulder directly into Heeseung’s mouth (they probably shouldn’t, but whatever). “Excuse me if I expected a little more drama. Who thought they would be fucking normal about this?”

Heeseung can’t help but cackle, jostling Jake’s body as he moves onto the other dishes. “Just because we’re a mess doesn’t mean you can expect everyone else to be.”

“We were a mess,” Jake corrects pettily, lips jutting out forcefully. Heeseung hums indulgently, leaning in for a kiss. Their lips slide together slowly, Jake’s eyes falling closed easily as he angles his head to the side for easier access. 

“Excuse me, sirs. Would you do us all a favor and not ruin the sanctity of this carefully selected assortment of food?” 

Heeseung pulls away first, separating with a soft smack in order to turn and see a smug-looking Sunoo. Behind him stands a displeased Ni-ki and half-grimacing Jungwon. Jake groans softly, slouching back against Heeseung’s chest.

“Fuck off,” he replies brightly, unable to feel slighted when he can smell Heeseung’s cologne, feel the warmth of his body radiating against his skin. He’s too happy to care.

“I’ve got nothing against gross PDA, but could you at least hand over the serving spoon? I want some brussel sprouts,” Sunoo snorts in response. He holds a hand out for the ladle, lips quirking up in victory when Jake sticks his tongue out and smacks it into his palm. “Thanks, hyung,” he singsongs. 

Heeseung chuckles to himself when he looks down to see the sulky look on his boyfriend’s face. “Come on. Let’s go get a table.”

Jake allows Heeseung to slip his hand into his and drag him away, heading off in search of free chairs. They don’t try to fill the silence, enjoying each other’s company, and everyone else’s. It’s not often that they get to act like this– enjoy the more sophisticated side of their young adulthood. 

Maybe it’s a stretch, but Heeseung can’t help but think that this is what they could have one day, him and Jake; uncomplicated domestic bliss. Sunny days, surrounded by their most cherished friends, doing nothing but going on drives with the windows down and… spooning roasted vegetables. (It’s Heeseung’s life. He’ll do whatever he wants with it.)

On their way to a table, they pass Yeonjun’s– he’s smiling at something Taehyun’s saying while leaning back in his chair leisurely, the other seats occupied by Beomgyu, Hueningkai, and Soobin. Beomgyu catches his eye as he passes, winking terribly when he sees their joined hands– they’ve been dating for weeks and he still hasn’t grown tired of teasing Heeseung.

“He’s horrible,” Heeseung shakes his head, pulling out a chair for Jake.

He smiles in response, nodding in agreement. “Yeah. But it’s worth it, isn’t it?”

“Small price to pay,” Heeseung nods. A small breeze brushes past, ruffling Jake’s bangs. He reaches over and smooths them over, freezing when Jake raises an eyebrow knowingly.

“You always do that. Even before you wised up and confessed.”

“Habit,” Heeseung mumbles sheepishly. He clears his throat, straightening his posture. “And for the record, I didn’t so much confess as I did allow you to strongarm me into having a crying fest in front of you.”

“Same thing,” Jake grumbles, shoving a forkful of lettuce into his mouth. He chews aggressively, brows furrowed as he sends a dirty glare in Heeseung’s direction, pointing his fork at him. “Point is, it got you me, didn’t it? I’m yours now.”

Maybe Heeseung should be a little ashamed of the proud glow that settles into his skin, but he’s not. Instead, he watches with more love than his body should be capable of housing as Jake attempts to wipe a smear of dressing off his upper lip and fails. He reaches over and thumbs it off carefully, replacing his finger with his lips the second it’s gone. 

He catches Jake by surprise, laughing under his breath when he pulls away and sees his eyes blown wide with shock. Heeseung only sighs, rubbing their noses together.

“You’re right. You are mine.”

------------------------