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“There’s always lots more than you think to a conversation. Figure out what someone isn’t saying just as much as what they are.”
“Um… Got any 8s?”
Megumi didn’t smile, but Tsumiki could feel a sense of triumph coming from him. “Go fish.” Even those two words held hints of his satisfaction, perceptible only to those who knew him.
Personally, she wanted to lean over and ruffle his bird’s nest that he called hair until he gave up on the game altogether, but that’d be mean. Plus, he’d probably cry or something. She hadn’t seen him cry yet, but as a new big sister, she always tried to be prepared for her new responsibilities.
As she dug into the pile for a new card, the sound of knocking drew her attention. A knock on the door could mean anything - new mail, opportunity, your stepdad collapsing in the doorway sans an arm. The last experience had dissuaded her from opening the door since. Instead of acknowledging it more than she already had, Tsumiki kept her eyes trained on her hand. Papa could handle answering it just fine. She had a younger brother to beat.
“Oi, scamp.” The aforementioned man grumbled from his position on the floor. “Go get it.”
“Why?” Tsumiki pouted at him, knowing by now that ‘scamp’ meant her. “We’re playing a game.”
Papa rolled over on his side to face her more directly. Unlike her frown, his was ten times nastier. “Your damn fishing can wait. Go get it.”
If she was older, she’d understand the complex causes of her stepdad’s outbursts. Being the age she was now, Tsumiki just thought he was feeling grumpy. “‘Kay.” She said to him, standing immediately. Then she turned to her little brother. “Don’t look at my cards. No one likes a cheater.” She told him goodnaturedly as she set them down on the ground. The image of his scandalized expression was enough to make her loosen up a little. Unless Papa had a doppelganger, he wasn’t going to stumble through the door bleeding twice. It had to be one of their neighbors or even the landlord asking about rent. Those were the explanations that made the most sense to her.
“Coming!” She called as the person knocked again. Couldn’t they wait for someone to answer? It hadn’t been that long. Were they really that impatient? She tried to guess which of their neighbors would be so persistent and came up with nothing concrete.
The man staring down at her after she successfully unlocked the door did not look like a single one of them. Despite that, he seemed… ordinary. A thin mustache and strong jawline were his only features that stood out. Still, he was a stranger, and Tsumiki had been taught to watch out for those. “Who are you?” She asked. Questioning him was only fair.
He made a noise in the back of his throat, like he was amused by the fact that she could talk. “Where’s your stepfather?” He asked back.
“Mama says men who answer questions with questions are annoying.” Tsumiki toyed with the idea of closing the door on him for that, just for a moment, but that’d probably make Papa even more grumpy. There was something else about the man that made her hesitate too. His scent felt off. It was a sharp sort of clean smell, one that made her nose wrinkle. No matter how normal he appeared, there was something strange about him too. She decided to compromise with herself and settled for giving him her best glare.
Judging from how he continued to look at her, it wasn’t intimidating him at all.
“You’re funny, kid.” The man snorted before smiling in a way he probably thought was reassuring. “I just need to talk to your stepdad a bit. Okay?” The unspoken part - that he wouldn’t take no for an answer - rang loud and clear to her.
Her realization made her frown. She hated conflict; above all, she wanted to go back to playing cards with Megumi. If she had to argue with this stranger, she wouldn’t be able to do that. “... Okay.” Tsumiki nodded at him. “But I dunno if Papa wants to see anyone. He might throw you out. He’s grumpy.”
The man didn’t seem concerned in the slightest. “Papa, huh? Well, it should be fine. He knows me.” Tsumiki shrugged as he stepped past her into their home. If this stranger wanted to test his luck, that was fine by her. She had a card game to get back to.
Surprisingly, her stepdad didn’t explode. She couldn’t tell what the face he was making meant, but it wasn’t an angry one. Grownups were complicated like that. “Gong? How the hell did you find this place?”
“It’s not particularly hard to connect the dots. Fushiguro’s not a common surname.” Even as her stepdad rose to his feet in his slow, rough way, the man didn’t change his relaxed stance. “Besides, Megumi’s not hard to spot.” At the sound of his name, Megumi wrinkled his nose with visible dismay.
Papa cursed under his breath. Tsumiki followed Megumi’s example and pretended not to hear him. “You two. Keep playing poker.”
“It’s Go Fish.”
“Go Fish, poker, whatever.” Even though he was the adult out of the three of them, Papa rolled his eyes. “I need to have a talk with this one. No kids allowed.”
Megumi rolled his eyes in reply. They were both moody beings, not that either of them would want to hear it. Tsumiki only shrugged, resolving to try and eavesdrop anyway. The game continued in earnest.
From her position on the floor, she could hear little snippets of conversation, but none of them made sense. Nothing else was loud enough for her to hear. Weird. Distracted as she was, Megumi beating her was inevitable. Even then, she kept reflecting on the man in their house. Where had he come from? What did he want? Why was he so strange? Questions flooded her mind.
The two of them had gotten halfway through their second round when she was finally able to answer one. By pure chance, something clicked within her. The man, the stranger? Tsumiki knew what he smelled like. Gong Shi-woo, whoever he was, reeked of bleach.
“When you’re onto someone, keep pressing for more information. Either they’ll spit their guts, or they won’t. You don’t know until you try.”
“Who here can cook besides me?” So said Gong Shi-woo, who had been in and out of the house for a few weeks by now. Today, any natural scent he had was masked by cologne. Two days ago, he smelled like nothing at all.
If she had to be honest, Tsumiki didn’t quite know what to make of him yet. One moment, he looked like he might decide to live with them. The next, he was out the door, mumbling about figures and names she’d never even heard of. She had no idea what an accountant - she was guessing here - wanted with her family, but she knew enough to answer his question. “Me!”
“Good! You’re on cooking duty with me then, Tsumiki.”
Papa grunted, and then grunted even louder to get the other adult’s attention. “There’s food in the fridge, dumbass.”
“Takeout does not count as actual food, dumbass.” Gong-san scoffed, quick to reply. “Everyone needs the right nutrients, and none of you are getting those. It’s real dinner time.” Tsumiki couldn’t help but gawk at him. If she said dumbass out loud as a retort, she’d get grounded faster than she could say ‘help me, Megumi!’ It was another thing that made him strange, the way he could fire back and not get punished.
Gong-san was an oddity.
They went into the kitchen together, where he had already set out plastic bags filled with mysterious contents. “How good are you at cooking?” He asked her, smiling as kindly as he seemed to be able to do. It looked more like he was mocking her, but she tried to not take it personally.
“I’m okay.” Tsumiki admitted honestly. Mama had begun teaching her how to do it before she disappeared, and she didn’t have much practice at it. She knew enough to follow directions though.
“Well, that’s good enough! We’re going to be making saeng sun jun.” He said it casually, like he expected her to automatically understand what he was referring to.
“Saeng…” She struggled to pronounce it. “What is that, Gong-san?”
For a moment, the man looked perplexed by her perplexment. “It’s a Korean dish, Tsumiki, basically a type of pan-fried fish. You’ll love it. And no need to call me Gong-san. You’ll make me feel like we work together! Just call me Shi-woo.”
Tsumiki had never been encouraged to call an adult by their first name before. Mama was Mama, Papa was Papa, and everyone else had to be addressed with the utmost respect. But here was this man who didn’t seem to care about that. The very notion was exciting.
“Shi-woo, are you from Korea then?” She thought that was a fair thing to ask. His name certainly didn’t sound Japanese by any means.
“Of course I am. Moved for work, and I’ve been here ever since.”
Did accountants typically move to other countries for work? As he fished out the fish they were going to cook, Tsumiki puzzled it over. More importantly, how had Papa met him through work then? Papa sucked at math. In fact, he was so bad at it that he refused to help her with it under any circumstances. So how…
Shi-woo snapped his fingers at her. “Hey, Tsumiki! Don’t space out on me! Saeng sun jun’s a simple dish, like I said, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to pay attention.”
“Sorry, sorry!” Her cheeks burned from embarrassment. “Just… You met Papa through work, right?”
“Sure.” He said, sounding as calm as he looked.
Tsumiki eyed him, considering the plunge awaiting her. “How though, if you’re an accountant?”
The man furrowed his brow. “Now who said I did
that
for a living? Why would I? Listen, Tsumiki, let me give you some advice. Trust yourself first and foremost with your money before anyone else. Now let’s get cooking.”
“But what about the figures you talk about?” She couldn’t help questioning him further. It wasn’t that she didn’t know her familial situation was odd, but Shi-woo was a puzzle piece she couldn’t figure out. To Tsumiki, his shape was constantly changing.
“Oh, don’t worry about that.” Shi-woo said with a laugh. “It’s all perfectly legal amounts, okay?”
“Okay.” Tsumiki agreed, knowing even then that he had just casually lied about something that was very weird, if not incredibly disturbing. She was too young to know what else to ask him though. She was too young to even begin to know.
They started cooking.
Halfway through, when the aroma took over her entire sense of smell, Shi-woo began to speak again. “I know I must seem scary to you. I get it! I do! But I’m not out to cause any trouble or harm. I just feel somewhat… obligated to help out after everything, I suppose. I won’t pretend like it makes any rational sense, but that’s life, right?” The way he smiled made the hair on his upper lip shift and stretch. That stuck with her, that sight and the smell.
If she was braver, she’d demand more. If she was older, she’d demand more. If she was anything other than who she was at that moment in time, she’d demand more and more and more. But she wasn’t. “What’s ‘everything’?”
“Well, Tsumiki… That’s just not my story to tell.”
And perhaps it wasn’t, but Tsumiki still did not feel satisfied.
“Steel your body. If the world wants to harm you, make it so they can’t.”
Years passed without incident. Her first year of junior year began the same way, right until she came home on her very first day. “Oi. Scamp. Get changed. We’re going out.”
“Huh? Why? Who’s going to watch Megumi?” Tsumiki paused in the doorway, confused by such a sudden command and its logistics.
“The brat can watch himself. He’s old enough.” Her stepdad scoffed like it was obvious. “Besides, he’s got TV. Now hurry up, or we’ll miss the train.” His bad mood was apparent. She went to change.
Riding the train with Dad was not a pleasant affair, but Tsumiki was used to it. It was mostly not his fault. His appearance alone attracted nosy eyes, something she’d prefer not to deal with. Still, his scowls and body odor did not help, so part of the blame still rested on his shoulders. A bit exasperated with him, she directed her thoughts towards Megumi at home. Hopefully, he’d be okay. Surely he was smart enough to make himself a sandwich by now.
He was, right? Should she call Shi-woo or-
“Ow! Why’d you flick me?” Her hands flew to her forehead, less to soothe the pain and more to prevent him from striking the same area twice. “What did I
do?”
“Nuthin’.”
Tsumiki grumbled to herself, but left the matter at that. People were staring enough as is.
They got off at a stop she didn’t recognize. Like always, Dad moved through the crowd at the train station with the most unshakable confidence. Everywhere he went, he was a menacing presence. As she stared at his back, she tried to match his stride.
Mimicking Fushiguro Toji was easier said than done though.
“I’m getting you training in self-defense.” He announced once they were out in the open air.
It wasn’t an unusual concept to her. Some people online swore by it, saying that it reduced their anxiety immensely. But she had never considered it as a possibility for herself before, never seen it as something she’d actually be doing. “Just me? Why not Megumi? He’s old enough.”
“The brat doesn’t need it.”
Tsumiki couldn’t help her wince. His delivery had no malice, but it still stung. “And I need it?”
“Uh huh.” Dad nodded in agreement. “Compared to him? You’re weak as shit.”
She stopped walking entirely. People walked around her, even bumped into her, but she didn’t move. “What do you mean by that?” Hurt and anger warred in her voice, painting every word with harshness.
Her stepdad turned around. Unlike her, no one dared bump into him. “The fuck’s up with your attitude today, huh? What’s the problem? Don’t you already get it, scamp? We’re not like him.”
“Of course we’re like-”
“No.” He shut her down instantly. “We’re not like that brat at all. If you don’t get it now, you’ll get it when you’re older. Now hurry the fuck up.”
Pain. Her nails digging into her palms. Pain. Her heart aching in her chest. Pain. Her eyes burning from unshed tears. Pain. “Explain it now or I won’t!”
He looked indignant. How dare you, his dark eyes seemed to say, how dare you ask for answers from me of all people? “It’s simple, scamp. There’s people out there who think you’re nothing but scum from the moment you’re born. And some of those people will hurt you or leave you to die just ‘cause they can. So you’re gonna fight back, got it? It’s what we do.”
“But you said I’m weak.”
“Yeah, you are. But you’re not going to stay that way. And neither did I.” Off Dad went again, cutting through the crowd without a care for the hurt he caused.
Unable to do anything else, Tsumiki followed behind him.
“Start bending if you don’t want to break under the pressure.”
Two years went by. Megumi shot up like a weed, his attitude growing alongside him. Shi-woo popped in and out, forming a buffer whenever he made a showing, but he couldn’t be there for everything. At home, her stepdad and her brother clashed over anything under the sun. It wasn’t uncommon for one of them to storm off without finishing his dinner. The same problem persisted at school; there, Megumi clashed with everyone he disliked.
Tsumiki couldn’t bear to watch for long.
“Promise me something, Megumi. Don’t get into more fights with people, okay?” She offered him her pinky finger to seal the deal.
His look then was unreadable, but she could still remember how his finger hooked with hers. “Fine. They still deserve it though.” His statement was a warning sign, one she chose to ignore. She wanted to believe in him. He promised after all.
Even so, he let her down. Tsumiki hoped the sensation of strawberry milk got that across well enough.
“If you wanted to stop him,” Dad said around his mouthful of food, “you should have hit him.”
She stopped in the middle of her tirade, the wind taken out of her sails. “I should have what now?” It had been two years. Two years of self-defense lessons and getting stronger, of seeing her body change in something that could cause real harm. All in the name of protecting herself from an unknown enemy. Megumi wasn’t that. She
knew
he wasn’t.
She was furious with him, but her brother wasn’t that at all.
“He’s showing his thoughts through violence. So show your thoughts the way where he’ll get it.”
“Oh, and that works so well for you?”
Immediately, Tsumiki regretted the bite in her tone. Fighting with her stepdad wasn’t her goal. She just wanted Megumi’s reign of terror to stop. “Sorry…” She lowered her eyes, focusing on her plate.
Across the table, Dad laughed. “You’re getting stronger, scamp. But you have no spine. Can’t teach you that. Gotta grow one on your own time.”
That was the problem. How could she ever get one? The dance she did of finding the right words and actions while following everyone else’s will made it impossible.
“Anyway,” he said, “I don’t care what that brat does. Shi-woo can handle the teacher meetings or whatever. Not my problem.”
You’re his dad though! You! Isn’t it supposed to be your problem? Tsumiki wanted to say that, deep down. But she didn’t think it’d make a difference. She knew him first as Papa, then as Dad, but he wasn’t much of a father. It was enough for right now that he was there at all. She couldn’t say if that would still be the case once she was all grown up.
“Fine. Okay.” Tsumiki returned to her food, scarfing down the remains before wiping her mouth clean. “Just so you know, I’m going out tonight with some friends.”
“Don’t expect me to let you back in, scamp.” And that was that.
“No matter what, don’t be complacent. Don’t expect things to remain the same. If something’s too good to be true, it probably is.”
A rare moment of peace. Tsumiki accredited that more to Shi-woo’s presence than anything else, but dinner was peaceful all the same. Today, he smelled faintly of cigarettes. None of it lingered on his breath though, so she didn’t waste energy scolding him for it. The man had probably heard it all by now.
Her head hurt. She grimaced, pushing through it. Today had been tough, and she still had homework to do later. Right now, she wanted to enjoy being around everyone. In two days or ten, Shi-woo would be off again to do his perfectly legal job. She’d have to be in the moment now.
But her head did hurt. Tsumiki couldn’t ignore it.
“Can I have more water?” It sounded reasonable to her ears. Five simple words.
Everyone around the table looked at her with concern. “What was that, Tsumiki?”
“Water? I need some… for my head… Why are you guys sideways…?”
She didn’t hear the crash. Nor did she feel it. There was only white.
Then dark.
There was nothing but darkness for a long time.
Then… light.
Tsumiki cracked her eyes open, uncertain of where she was. The gentle beeping and general smell filled her in. She was in a hospital. Her head turned from side to side, so slowly that she worried. Were none of them here? Wouldn’t they have waited for her to wake up after collapsing? An idea began to form, one she didn’t like. If none of them were here, it was because waiting would be a waste of overall time. She was a long way off from the night she last remembered.
Her entire body felt heavy, like each limb was wrapped in weights. Her head no longer hurt though. It could have been the meds - she felt the IV in her arm - but she didn’t think that was the case. Her body was heavy, but her head felt painfully clear. She hadn’t felt this aware of something since she had worked out what exactly Shi-woo did for a living.
Pulling out her IVs hurt. Tsumiki didn’t recommend it to anyone, but it had to be done. Her roll out of bed lacked any grace. Being able to remain standing counted to her as an amazing feat, considering how weak her legs were. The lack of response confirmed one of her suspicions. No one was here. She sensed that in her bones. The decision she had to make was one she would be making without any external guidance.
After awakening a cursed technique, players must declare their participation in the culling game at a barrier of their choice within 19 days.
Cursed technique. Barrier. All things she did not know of before, but understand now. The knowledge existed within her. It was like someone unscrewed her brain to deposit the information. She was different now. Because of that, she had to kill. She’d have to end lives to live. And for what?
Tsumiki stumbled her way over to her room’s mirror. Someone older was reflected there. Someone tired. “What can I even do?” She whispered to the open air.
Fight back. It’s what we do.
Though she wanted no part in this violence, for the sake of her patchwork family, she’d have to try her best. There was nothing she knew better than following the whims of the world.