Work Text:
Horrible heartbreak wreaks through Fives as Echo gets blown into nonexistence. He yells, wants to run, and collapse where he stands all at once, wishing it were him. The Citadel is incomparable to the type of practice runs they completed on Kamino, this makes Fives want to win the mission all the greater, knowing Echo would have wanted them to succeed even if he didn’t.
It pains him to do it, however he must carry on, must follow Captain Rex, and be a good soldier.
It had been a trial, one mess after another, but they come home.
The debrief is: Mission successful.
Fives knows that he should be happy, he is doing his duty to the Republic, except he sees the other, what they all like to refer to as twins and he feels bereft and cold.
The twin is an ironic little joke seeing as they are all, heart and blood, the same. A family, a dysfunctional functioning family, included twin pairs. Fives saw it in Captain Rex and Commander Cody, two brothers who complete the other in ways no scientist can explain, who seemingly are the other’s balancing weight. Millions of clones, and to know there is someone who looks back for you, and you in particular, is a feeling that the Longnecks tried their hardest to snuff out.
He and Echo were like that. Were.
Fives panics, still inside his armour, his hands clench at the rivets and dents in the white plastoid and he doesn’t know what to do. The feels of tiny pins and needles spread like a rash across his back and he twists in alarm. He gulps, shakes his head, feeling his helmet knock sideways, and feels worse. He can’t bring himself to move, he knows he should, knows he has to, but his legs don’t co-operate. Fives shudders.
‘Fives!’ he draws himself up sharply at the call of a commanding officer, standing to attention on reflex, his frame rigid and poised.
‘Sir’ he says, and Captain Rex walks into his field of vision to stand just off to his left.
‘Well done out there’ he says, and Fives rattles off something about just doing my duty, and then the Captain removes his helmet on a sigh, holding it up to his chest. ‘Look, I know you and Echo were close, it isn’t easy-‘ and Fives can hear the pity and the disappointment in his voice – he knows! He has the same one and has talked to himself enough times.
‘All due respect, Captain-‘ he begins, voice as wound tight as he feels, and is ready for the rage to be brought down around his ears at interrupting a commanding officer; only none comes.
Rex latches a hand out, grasping at his shoulder piece, and pulls him closer. He looks angry. No, his eyes tell of a guilt.
But he didn’t lose a twin!
‘Come with me, now’ he growls, and Fives gets his feet moving to follow his Captain’s order. Rex puts his helmet back over his head and leads them away from the main set of barracks, to the Captain’s quarters.
He hesitates and Rex all but shoves Fives forward when he takes a step through the doorway. He isn’t all that sure what he is doing here, so he gets what he hopes is a decent enough hold on the shakes. He doesn’t know what to do, so he waits to be told. He tracks Rex’s movements from how he settles his helmet off on the desk and then turns back towards Fives.
‘Take the helmet off’ Rex orders quietly, and Fives usually has no issue, but right now it feels disrespectful, because he shouldn’t be standing here.
He can hide under here, he can burrow everything away and be alright.
The cold creeps up on him, this shivering dread, and squints his eyes shut for a moment. Desperation and fear that he’ll be relegated or worse for how he is acting.
‘Fives’ Rex says, not Captain Rex, but another brother. ‘Let it out. You are safe. It’s just me’ he says, carefully.
He gives in. He takes another breath in, and on the forced exhale he stutters, feeling all the hurt and pain, and rage sputter through him. He yanks off his helmet and lobs it sideways. It crashes across the floor, clunking and sliding to stop.
‘Happy?’ he spouts wetly, Rex doesn’t react to him any more than passive support, and Fives can’t take it anymore. He roars. Hands going up towards his hair and he twists and tugs until his fingers seek skin and drag red marks down his forehead and wet cheeks. ‘It should have been me!’ he shouts, ‘Echo’s gone and it isn’t fair! He didn’t deserve that!’ Fives seethes at his own uselessness.
‘Echo would say the same if it had been you’ Rex replies, and Fives snarls, rearing away, stance morphing into a defensive position. He feels trapped.
‘You know nothing about him’ he sneers back, feeling the compression in his head, the stuffiness, like he can’t think. ‘I am the last one standing of Domino. It’s just me left!’ the thought slams into him, forcibly and he wants – no, he needs –
‘Alright’ Rex says, barely audible, and Fives gets little to no warning before the other man grabs at him, looping him into headlock in a practiced motion. Fives’ instincts kick in to fight. He struggles against the hold, rage at being duped like that, and Rex’s voice in his ear is low. ‘Stop. I am not your enemy. It’s okay. Let it out, brother’ Rex repeats, and Fives drops his weight, one knee buckling after another until he is all but sitting on the floor of the quarters. Rex follows him down, still holding him, securely grounding him. Fives focuses on the points of contact, his head clears, and he chokes on a sob. He jerks, his legs twitching of their own accord.
He squeezes his eyes shut, the tears roll down his cheeks which gleam red. Echo is gone. He is gone.
‘He’s gone’ he whispers, head settling on his armour. Rex sits by his side, his hold has lessened to something akin to a hug if Fives were to call it anything, and he doesn’t comment on Fives’ statement. ‘He was so proud of our promotion. So am I! But he was different from us’ Fives tries to smile, the laugh at the fond memory is hollow now.
‘You’re right about that’ Rex agrees, and then jostles, ‘But so are you. And you are still here’ Rex says, imploringly assuredly and Fives nods in assent.
‘Yeah. I am’ he agrees, vaguely. ‘I won’t forget him’ admits, like a soft benediction, and Rex makes a gruff sound.
‘No-one is asking you to. Keep him with you as you march on’ he advises and Fives questions, if the roles were reversed, and it was Commander Cody who was lost in battle, if he could utter the same phrase to his own Captain.
He isn’t sure he could. He wants to outlive this war, along with Jesse and Captain Rex and the rest of Torrent company. He wants to be more than what he is made to be, and hopes the life he leads will be one that would have made Echo proud.
He will keep marching on.
His grief shatters.
He will march on.