Chapter Text
Oklahomens!
Chapter One: Oh, What A Beautiful Morning/Surrey With The Fringe On Top
The sun was peeking over the vast Oklahoma prairie when Tracy shuffled out of the ramshackle house she shared with her nephew, Aziraphale. Tracy was a slender woman, face and body made hard by hard work and time. She wore a gingham dress, covered by a shawl that had once been dark blue but was now faded almost white by the sun. She walked over to the milk barrel and sat down on the three legged stool. Any minute now, she thought, and strained her ears. Sure enough:
“Oh what a beautiful morning!” The clear tenor voice carried well, and Tracy smiled. “Oh what a beautiful day!” The owner of the voice came into view and winked cheekily at Tracy. “I got a beautiful feelin, everything’s going my way!”
Tracy smiled at Anthony Crowley. He was such a wonderful man. And so handsome, with his fire red hair that went down to his shoulders, wide, golden eyes, high, sharp cheekbones, and legs that could make a filly do anything he wanted.
“Hiya, Tracy!” Crowley said into her ear, and she pretended to be shocked.
“Agh! What’re you doing here?”
Crowley grinned that grin that made every young lady in the county go weak in the knees. “Well, I...I’m here to serenade you!” He declared. “Oh, the sounds of the earth are like music, yes the sounds of the earth are like music. The breeze is so busy, it don’t miss a tree, and an old weepin’ willow, she’s laughing at me!” He sang, his arms out. Tracy patted his arm.
“Oh what a beautiful day.” Crowley finished. Tracy looked over at him.
“If’n I was younger, and a man, I’d get myself hitched to you, keep you at home and let ya sing to me all day long.”
Crowley snorted. “You would not, cuz I wouldn’t marry you. Nor any of your kin.”
Tracy stared at him. “Nor any of my kin, huh?”
“Yeah. Especially not that high hat nephew of yourn, Mr. Aziraphale Williams. He ain’t worth the trouble.” Tracy scoffed. “Uh, incidentally, Tracy, if I was to ask you where Aziraphale is, where would you say he was?” Crowley asked, most certainly not blushing.
It wasn’t as if Aziraphale wasn’t the most gorgeous man he had ever laid eyes on. Crowley could still remember their first meeting, and how tongue tied he had been at seeing such a vision. “So, um, where’s he at? Not that I’m asking! I don’t care. Just, sorta curious.”
“What makes you think I’d tell you? Far as I can tell, Aziraphale don’t want nothing to do with you.” Tracy said, hiding a grin. Crowley huffed.
“Well, why not? I ain’t that bad looking, am I?”
“Handsome as the day is long.”
“Well...I’m good with horses, ain’t I? Won every rodeo contest!”
Tracy nodded. “No man better.”
Crowley flopped onto the seat of an old wagon. “Well, what else does he want, the damn he mule?!”
“I dunno, but it ain’t you.” Tracy said. Crowley looked so shocked that she couldn’t help but laugh.
“Oh what a beautiful morning...” the bass voice made Crowley straighten up, and he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to look suave as the man he had a massive crush on came out of the house, the washing in his hands. Crowley gulped, watching as the sun caught that gorgeous white hair and made it into a halo. Aziraphale had on cream colored dungarees over a white button up shirt, and his feet were bare. Crowley loved how cute he looked in those dungarees. “Oh what a beautiful day...” Aziraphale looked over at Crowley. “Oh. I thought you were somebody.” He started hanging out the sheets, glaring in contempt at Crowley. “Is this all that’s come to visit and not even ten o clock on a Saturday?”
Crowley snorted. “You knew it was me, Angel.”
“Did not.” Aziraphale looked over at him, and as always Crowley found himself captivated by those blue eyes. “I knew no such thing.”
Crowley frowned. “You liar, you knew. You heard me singing.”
Aziraphale shrugged. “I heard something that sounded like a cat being strangled, true. Was that you?”
“You know damn well it was, and I do not sound like that. Keep up the attitude, Aziraphale Williams, and I may just change my mind about taking you to the social tonight!” Crowley said, arms crossed. Aziraphale turned and walked towards the house. “I mean it. I was all set on askin’ ya, but maybe now I won’t! How you like them apples?”
“I never said I was going, and even if I were, what makes you think I’d go anywhere with you? You don’t even have a rig to take us. Bet you expect me to ride on old Bentley.”
“Hey, she’s not old. But nah, if’n I was going to take you, which I ain’t, there’d be a way.”
Aziraphale turned and faced him, arms crossed. “Oh yes?”
Crowley grinned. “When I take you out tonight with me, Angel, here’s the way it’s gonna be.” He sauntered over to Aziraphale, putting an arm around him. “You will set behind a team of snow white horses, in the slickest gig you’ve ever seen.” Aziraphale looked over at him. Crowley smirked.
“Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry, when I take you out in the surrey, when I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top.” He sang into Aziraphale’s ear. “Watch that fringe and see how it flutters, when I drive them high steppin’ strutters, nosy folks’ will peek through the shutters and their eyes will pop!” Aziraphale blushed, and Crowley chuckled. “The wheels are yellow, the upholstery’s brown, the dashboard’s genuine leather, with isonglass curtains we can roll right down, in case there’s a change in the weather!” He made a rolling gesture. “Two bright side lights winking and blinking, ain’t no finer rig I’m a thinkin, you can keep your rig if yer thinking that I care to swap! For my shiny little surrey with the fringe on the top!”
Tracy whistled. “Would you say the fringe was made of silk?”
Crowley nodded and hopped back onto the wagon. “Wouldn’t have no other kind but silk!”
Aziraphale approached. “Does it really have a team of snow white horses?”
Crowley shrugged. “One’s like snow. The other’s more like milk.”
Tracy grinned. “So you can tell them apart.” Crowley gestured for Tracy to join him. She clambered onto the wagon seat.
“When we hit that road, hell fer leather! Cat’s an’ dogs will dance in the heather, birds and bees will sing all together, and the toads will hop! In that shiny little surrey with the fringe on the top!” Crowley belted out. Tracy sighed.
“You sure would feel special, sitting up in a rig like that.” She said to Aziraphale. Crowley stuck his tongue out at the blond.
“Only, he’s being so high hat that I’ve a good mind to not let him ride in it.”
Aziraphale snorted. “Who said I wanted to ride in it? Where’d you find such a thing, anyway?” He blinked, then began laughing. “I bet you went and hired it, thinking that I’d wanna ride with you! You went and spent every dime getting a rig, and now you have no one to ride with you!” Aziraphale howled in laughter. Crowley’s face darkened.
“I did not hire it! I made it up!”
Aziraphale stopped laughing. “Made it up?”
Crowley preened. “Yup. Dashboard and all.” He yelped when Aziraphale picked up a clod of dirt and threw it at him. “Oi!”
“Get off the place, you...you...bastard! Aunt Tracy, make him get off! Coming here, telling me lies, filling my head up with all those images! Get out of here!” Aziraphale yelled, chasing after Crowley with a trowel that he picked up. Crowley dodged.
“Hang on now! All I did was tole you a nice story, made up a few pretties. That ain’t against any law I know of!” He said from behind the sheets. Aziraphale snarled and slashed out at him. Crowley grabbed his hand and wrestled the trowel away. “You ain’t got no reason to be so worked up, Angel. So I made somethin’ up. But wouldn’t it be nice if it was real? You could go to the social, stay as long as you liked, then I’d drive you home.” He put an arm around Aziraphale. “I can see the sky getting blurry, as we ride back home in the surrey...”
Aziraphale sighed, resting his head on Crowley’s shoulder.
“My angel, he’s sleeping, angel got a dream worth keeping. Whoa, team, just keep a creeping at a slow clip clop. Don’t you hurry with the surrey with the fringe on the top.”
Aziraphale shook himself. “But you said yourself, you made it up! Oh, why’d you have to come onto the place anyway, getting me at sixes and sevens!” He cried, stomping away.
“Crowley, why don’t you just grab him and kiss him?!” Tracy asked. “He’s just aching for you to!”
Aziraphale spun on his heel. “I wouldn’t speak to him, let alone allow him to kiss me, the snake hipped, low life wished he had a fella degenerate!” And with that, he went into the house, slamming the door behind him.