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Getting Lucifer to understand that his devil form was not something that made her want to start running and never stop was hard.
After he’d returned from Hell though, Chloe found it necessary.
It wasn’t that she enjoyed seeing the burnt skin and the jagged scars, but she wanted him to love and accept himself too. The devil face was a part of him. As far as she understood from him and from Linda, the fact that it was still there meant that his self-hatred persisted.
Chloe wasn’t delusional. She didn’t think that a few kisses, caresses, and nights spent together would magically heal the millennia of trauma her partner had suffered. However, she’d like to help him as much as she could.
Lucifer deserved the best. That entailed looking at himself in the mirror without flinching. It also included being himself around her. No walls. No hiding.
The first thing she thought about doing was directly asking.
“Lucifer?”
“Hmm?”
“I was thinking...” She hesitated. They were curled up on his couch together, not particularly doing anything. The moment was calm and serene, both of them just basking in the other’s presence. Could she really bring herself to break these beautiful moments of peace?
Well, she had to.
“Yes, love?” He murmured, pressing a lazy kiss to her shoulder, “You were thinking…?” He prompted.
“Why don’t you wear your devil face more often?” She asked in a rush.
“More often? What on Earth for?” He laughed, “Is this face boring you or something, Detective?”
“What? No!”
“Not that that’s possible or anything.” Lucifer added with a grin. She smiled back at him, her hand skirting through his hair. She pulled herself even closer to him, as close as possible.
“Why would you ask about that face, Detective?” He sounded nervous, “Is it…? Are you having second thoughts?”
“Second thoughts about what?” Chloe wondered, not sure what he was talking about.
“Us.” Lucifer stated, crestfallen, almost as though he just received the worst possible news.
In his mind, he had, hadn’t he? Chloe was getting increasingly good at reading him and just a bit better at following his erratic train of thought. Sometimes, like just then, it only served to break her heart.
“Lucifer?”
He didn’t reply, staring straight ahead, waiting for the metaphorical blow to come. He was tense against her, his hands shaky and his jaw too tight.
“Lucifer?” She asked again, louder, hoping to get his attention at least.
When he didn’t even blink, her hands rose to cup his face. Gently, she turned his head towards her. She waited for his beautiful brown eyes to meet hers before she leaned in to give him a soft kiss. He was frozen and speechless, taking quite some time to get over his shock and reciprocate.
“What did I say?” She wondered when they finally broke apart.
“I… You say a lot of things, my darling Detective.” He frowned, unsure of what she going on about.
Usually, it took him a while to begin processing things again after she kissed him like that. Her adorable, lovable, impossible dork...
“Lucifer, I meant when I gave you that incredibly long talk about how I won’t just suddenly decide to break up with you? About how I love you and I care for you? About how, if, by some miracle, I ever think of breaking up with you, I won’t just casually state it and leave?”
He looked guilty just then, hanging his head.
“Apologies, Detective.” He sighed, “I.. It’s hard, sometimes. To… to remember all of that and believe it.”
Of course it would be. Was she being insensitive? It wasn’t like she was going to change eons spent thinking like that and usually being right in a few months or years.
“It’s okay.” She kissed him again, “You’ll get the hang of it.”
He smiled again, eyes shining with a mixture of love, gratitude, and emotions that she couldn’t quite understand much less name. Chloe felt almost guilty when she brought up that subject again.
“So… Devil face?”
“Detective, I don’t understand. Why would you ask about that if not to… you know... leave because of it or something along those lines.”
“I got over it a long time ago.” She reminded him, “I can never apologize enough for how I reacted at first, Lucifer. That was just...”
Her biggest regret in life. The one thing that always haunts her thoughts and dreams. The one incident that she wished she could take back above all other incidents in her life.
Now that she spent her days and nights with this beautiful, wonderful man next to her, her grief at what she almost did was unbearable at times.
She couldn’t even stand to think about it.
Had it worked…?
There would be no freshly brewed coffee in bed every morning. No late night rides in the Corvette. No hours spent at the piano together. No stargazing while listening to the real stories behind the glowing lights in the night sky. No banter.
No Lucifer.
No one to annoy her beyond belief and to make her love them even more. No one to always have by her side no matter what. No one one to make her laugh and smile and blush and-
“Detective?” He stroked her cheek, eyes gleaming with worry, “Are you well?”
She shook her head, hoping to clear the overflow of harrowing, world-shattering possibilities. It hadn’t happened. He was here, safe and adorably confused, right next to her.
“I just meant that… If the devil face is a part of you, I… I’d like to learn how to love it too. I love you, Lucifer, after all. All of you. Crispy bits included, right?”
There it was again; that unfathomable look in his eyes. She gave him some time to process, waiting patiently as she caressed his face and traced random patterns on his chest.
After some time, he just nodded.
“I-I am not certain that I understand why, Detective, but I… Your desire is my command.”
She smiled and hugged him, burrowing into the crook of his neck. Had they just taken the first step?
“Why would you want to subject yourself to that though, darling?” He asked after a while, “Has the sight of my wings or my devil face itself… driven you insane?”
Right. Of course. What reason other than literal insanity was there to love him?
She was going to make him understand.
Eventually.
*cries in Deckerstar*
It took forever to get him to relax.
Sometimes, she believed that it took even longer than that to get him to change his face without her direct request.
It started out with the simple things. She’d him ask to show her his devil face after dinner when they were alone (he refused to even try when Trixie was nearby, claiming that he did not want to traumatize the poor child).
At some point, she could even get him to leave it on for a while.
“Are you alright, Detective?” He asked, glowing eyes narrowed. They were cooking a late dinner together in her kitchen and she’d convinced him to not shift back to his human form immediately.
“Perfectly fine.” She replied, smiling, as she stirred the sauce, “Are you alright, babe?”
His eyes lingered on her, studying her intently. Was he waiting for her to breakdown or something?
It was an interesting development when he sat down to eat without changing back. Something told her that he was trying to test her. Would she change her mind when directly faced with him looking like that? Would she drop everything and run? Would she realize what a grave mistake she’d made?
Chloe could see it in his eyes.
It broke her heart a little bit but she smiled and pretended that everything was the same as it always was. Lucifer often misinterpreted people’s actions; she didn’t want him thinking that her sadness and anger on his behalf for everything that he had gone through were sadness and anger because of her being with him or something like that.
Just act normal.
She wanted to kiss him when they were doing the dishes, but she didn’t want to push it. He was easy to spook and she didn’t want to break him with kindness. When she went to change for bed, she came back to find him in his human form. He was pacing the bedroom, clad in his dark boxers, deep in thought.
He was trying to see what was wrong with her. Lucifer couldn’t understand. He thought that he couldn’t find it. In reality, there was nothing there for him to find.
She kissed him and dragged him to bed, wondering if there was anything in creation that would soothe the pain residing deep in her chest. She loved him and did her best to show him that, wondering if it could ever be enough.
When Lucifer dropped off to sleep hours later, she just stared at his “normal” face until she fell asleep herself, nuzzled into his shoulder with his arm wrapped around her waist and her legs tangled with his.
Months later, he could keep his devil face on for prolonged periods of time. He even showed minimum signs of suspicion and discomfort. Chloe felt like she was accomplishing something. They were finally getting somewhere. They were happy.
A while later she surprised them both by kissing his devil face. It hadn’t been planned. They were watching a movie together one lazy Sunday afternoon. Lucifer was watching her instead, his red eyes narrowed again. She could almost see the cogs in his head turning. Chloe just turned to him, basically climbed into his lap, and kissed him.
This time, he didn’t kiss her back. He didn’t do anything actually.
“Lucifer?”
Had it been too much?
“Did you just…?”
She kissed him again, not sure what she was trying to prove but needing to prove it anyway.
“You’re beautiful.” She told him, smiling softly, “All of you, Lucifer.”
He barked out a laugh, staring at her as if she had gone crazy.
Was it really this hard to believe?
“You can’t tell me that you like this more than this.” He shifted back, wide brown eyes begging her to help him, “Much less that you think it’s… beautiful.”
“I don’t.” She said simply, reaching up to smooth his curly hair away from his forehead. “How could I when you’re so handsome?”
“See!”
“I don’t hate your other form though, Lucifer.” She continued, “I love it because it’s you. If I hate anything about it, I hate how it’s a manifestation of all your pain and issues because I hate thinking of you being hurt. I… I’m glad you have it actually. It’s a reminder of sorts.”
“A… reminder?” He whispered.
“I want to help you.” Chloe explained, “I love you. When you love someone, you take care of them, Lucifer. You’re there for them. You help them heal or you just… hold their hand through the bad stuff, you know?"
He was looking at her, helpless and lost. This was it. Lucifer did all those things for her, but he never quite understood why. He wasn’t too good at letting people love him either.
“What I meant is that you deserve someone to love all of you, scars included. You hide so well, Lucifer.”
“I am quite vocal about my issues.” He frowned, eyebrows pinched, “I complain a lot actually. At the most inappropriate of times too, according to you, Detective.”
She giggled at that, shaking her head.
“You do whine a lot, but there’s more that you… hide away. Bury. Ignore it till it goes away and all that.”
“I give up.” He shrugged, “I don’t think there is a force in creation that will make me comprehend this, Detective.”
He understood her previous actions and he had expected her to betray him. He was hurt by it, but not completely surprised. Have her love and cherish all of him on the other hand and this was the result? Their relationship made him ecstatic, but anything related to his devil form and he was instantly clueless.
She opened her arms and he rushed into them, staring at the television silently.
She spent hours tracing the scars, memorizing each one. Lucifer confessed that this form was more... sensitive. She made sure to be even more careful after that. After some time, he seemed to relax. He enjoyed her affections, letting pleasure override his suspicion.
Something fundamental changed that day.
It wasn’t until Trixie interfered though that everything seemed to change.
That had been an accident too. Again, they were just lounging on the porch, enjoying the stars. Luckily, they’d just gotten home after a very late night. Trixie burst into the Penthouse unannounced, angry and tearful.
“Monkey?” She instantly got up from where she’d been lying next to Lucifer, quietly discussing some details from that day’s case. “Aren’t you supposed to be at your friend’s sleepover?”
“She’s not my friend any more and-” Trixie paused, peeking behind Chloe. “Are you okay, Lucifer?”
“Apologies, spawn, I… I did not intend for you to see that.”
That?
Oh.
Chloe had gotten so used to his red form that she hadn’t even payed attention. Would Trixie...?
The little girl knew that Lucifer was the actual devil. She'd even seen his wings before. Lucifer had completely refused to show her his other face.
“I’m not scared, Lucifer.” Trixie rolled her eyes, “I’ve seen Maze’s true face ages ago. Looks way scarier and cooler, but yours is cool too.”
“I-I beg your pardon?”
Trixie marched up to where he had sat up, plopping down next to him. She was almost pressed to his side, her eyes focused on him and only him.
“Can I hug you first?”
Lucifer gave her a strange look, but he didn’t protest. Trixie buried her face in his chest, wrapping her arms around his rigid form. He was back to his angelic appearance. He'd shifted back the moment he saw her daughter.
“Urchin, are you well?” He cleared his throat, awkwardly patting her back, “Your eyes are… leaking. Do you want me to punish someone for you?”
Her little girl giggled a lit at that, shaking her head against his chest.
“Sarah was being mean.” She sniffed, pulling back to stare at him, “We fought and I told her that I didn’t want to be her friend any more. Then, I just ordered an Uber here.”
“Why didn’t you call either one of us?” Chloe asked, worried.
“What did you fight about?” Lucifer wondered.
“I… I don’t know.” She shrugged, “Sorry, mommy. I’ll call either of you next time.” She turned to Lucifer, “You.” She stated.
“Me?”
“We fought about you.” Trixie stated, “I was talking about how awesome the weekend the three of us spent at one of your houses outside the city was and about how you are one of my favourite people ever. Sarah called me a liar and said that her mother’s last boyfriend was mean and that meant that you couldn’t be that nice and amazing. Then, she said that the devil was evil and horrible and that you must be evil and horrible and crazy if you go around saying you’re the devil. I tried to get her to understand, but she wouldn’t listen! So, I said that I never wanted to talk to her again and I sneaked out without Miss Jones noticing.”
Wow.
Her poor little monkey.
Chloe made her way to her family, sitting on her daughter’s other side and wrapping an arm around her.
“You got into a fight over me?” Lucifer sounded shocked.
“Uh huh.”
“And you… my devil face doesn’t traumatize you or anything of the sort?”
“Maze’s is way scarier.” Trixie shrugged, “And it looks cool. Not like, nightmare-worthy. I mean you're the devil, but hers in more... Hellish? Yours looks like it just really hurts though. Does it?”
“Does it what?”
“Hurt.”
“It stopped hurting a long time ago.” Lucifer confessed after a pause, “Thank you, urchin. That was...”
“I love you too.” Trixie giggled, hugging him.
Chloe, all smiles herself, joined in on the family hug.
They were going to be just fine.