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In the warmth of the sun directly overhead, Wei Wuxian peers over towards the small clearing in front of the Library Pavilion. The smattering of benches are exactly as they should be, and the quiet that surrounds the entirety of the GusuLan sect is as oppressively quiet as always. The sky is a hazy blue, and the mountains provide the same brilliant landscape as any other day in which white-clad disciples scurry with controlled haste around the Cloud Recesses. Yet, Wei Wuxian cannot take his eyes off the colorful smudge of violet which marrs the serenity of the scene, disturbing it in a way that he misses from this life. Truthfully, Jiang Cheng had already been missing from his first life far before that one had even ended.
Cautiously, Wei Wuxian approaches the visiting sect leader, who sits rigidly with his hands clenched in his lap, borderline impatient, clearly expecting something important to happen. He wishes he had known about this visit, for no other reason than he could have come over here sooner, since all the Lan disciples have abandoned the intimidating leader of YunmengJiang, leaving him to wait alone. He hovers behind the other man for a moment, until Jiang Cheng whirls around and pins him with his sharp eyes. They flash like lightning before they fizzle out and dull down to ash.
“Wei Wuxian.” Jiang Cheng watches him, wariness softening all his rough edges into a muted shape that Wei Wuxian doesn’t quite recognize. It reminds him vaguely of staring into a watery reflection and not understanding the face floating before him, but he swallows past that memory. He is here, alive and present, and right now so is Jiang Cheng.
Can I still call you brother? Would that term make you ignite until you burn out or melt until you run too far?
“I didn’t know you were coming to the Cloud Recesses today,” chirps Wei Wuxian, too cheerful, too bright. Jiang Cheng winces. He feels his smile strain, as he tries to keep it from slipping entirely off his face. “What brings you here?”
Certainly not me.
Jiang Cheng tips his chin up in defiance and glowers down the length of his nose. The tick is eerily similar to one of Jin Ling's, and Wei Wuxian idly marvels that the boy might look handsome like his father, and possess a generous heart like his mother, but he has learned nearly everything from this uncle.
Jiang Cheng sniffs aggressively, as though he is being challenged, as though Wei Wuxian would question his authority or force him to justify his presence here. Jiang Cheng is more likely to make Wei Wuxian explain why he belongs here, as though Jiang Cheng is determined to pretend Lan Wangji doesn’t exist. “I have a meeting with Zewu-jun. Since he is now out of seclusion and GusuLan and YunmengJiang are long time allies, we have many details to discuss between our sects. There are things that have changed since… that day. Things that need to be worked out with Sect Leader Lan’s input, even though some sects would prefer he not put his oar into the waters at all.”
Bristling, Wei Wuxian throws himself onto the bench beside Jiang Cheng, who stiffens slightly. “What right does any sect have to ignore Zewu-jun?! He is the leader of one of the most influential sects, whether they like it or not.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” smirks Jiang Cheng, angling his body so he can face Wei Wuxian. “I want to inform Zewu-jun about this irrelevant mutiny amongst some of the smaller sects before it grows in number. The man has been through enough, he doesn’t need an uprising on his hands.”
“And YunmengJiang is on his side?” Wei Wuxian regrets the question as soon as it leaves his lips, and he sees purple energy crackle along Jiang Cheng’s knuckles.
When did talking to you become so difficult? I feel as though I’m walking barefoot over broken glass. When did you shatter so thoroughly as to become sharp and jagged and painful to tread?
“Of course YunmengJiang is on his side, I’m on his side!” Jiang Cheng barks out his reply before remembering their location. He shakes his head and squeezes his eyes closed. One hand reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose, a gesture Wei Wuxian fondly recalls from Jiang Fengmian on the rare occasions he would lose his patience. Jiang Cheng hisses, and his hand shifts higher, palm rubbing in distress over his forehead.
Wei Wuxian starts to move towards him, his arm stretched between them, but he pulls it back at the last moment. Regretfully, he is certain he has lost all right to touch Jiang Cheng in any manner, even for a gesture of comfort. “Are you feeling alright?”
“No,” snaps Jiang Cheng, face pinching in pain at his own outburst. He huffs out a breath, while rubbing his head in both hands. “I get headaches sometimes, it doesn’t matter.”
“Are they bad?” Wei Wuxian pushes past all common sense and slides closer. He makes sure that no part of him comes into contact with Jiang Cheng, but perches right beside him in a show of support. He is allowed to do that much.
For my brother, for my brother, for my brother.
“They don’t feel like a hug!” Jiang Cheng squints his eyes open and glances sidelong at Wei Wuxian. “I get them all the time now. Usually they last for days once they come, and I can’t get them to stop until someone forces me to stop self-medicating with pain relief and instead catch up on some sleep. Happy?”
“No,” breathes out Wei Wuxian, appalled at the assumption. “Why would I be happy? You should sleep more, Jiang Cheng. If exhaustion causes you agonizing headaches that last for days, you need to take care of-”
“Enough!” Jiang Cheng scolds him, and Wei Wuxian’s mouth snaps shut. Instead, he observes quietly as Jiang Cheng frets over his aching head. He feels utterly useless and that bothers him more than any other part of this exchange. Their relationship is not supposed to be this complicated, this tenuous, this laden with emotionally fatal quicksand that either of them could sink into at any moment.
Wei Wuxian begins to rise to his feet, but Jiang Cheng snaps out a hand and latches onto his wrist. “Jiang Cheng?”
“Stay,” pleads Jiang Cheng, the back of his neck flushing pink above the collar of his robes.
Why?
“Sure, I’ll stay, if you’d like.” Wei Wuxian cautiously sits back down. He waits for Jiang Cheng to say something, but that is a truly fruitless test of patience, made even more so by the quiet groans that escape the other man as he massages his temples. Wei Wuxian wracks his brain trying to come up with a suitable topic that won’t strain their abilities to have a civil conversation, mind uncharacteristically blank of even frivolous chatter.
This is all wrong. Help me fix it, brother. Please.
“So, did I ever tell you about the time that a bird shit on my head?” Wei Wuxian blurts out the first memory that pops into his head. He knows he hasn’t told Jiang Cheng this anecdote because it had happened shortly after he and Lan Wangji eloped, and they have had precious few conversations since then.
“No.” Jiang Cheng responds instantly, cracking his eyes open and peeking over at him in curiosity. A gleam of undisguised glee shines in his eyes, and Wei Wuxian mentally crows at being the one to put this expression on his face. “But I have to admit I’m all ears.”
The sun has noticeably moved lower in the sky from when he first sat down, but Wei Wuxian continues to entertain Jiang Cheng with his best stories from the road. He conveniently leaves out the fact that almost all of them had also involved Lan Wangji and their honeymoon, but those are details for another time. Right now, there is a temporary armistice between them, and it is a wispy, fragile thread, easily torn and tangled if he were to reach out and pluck at it like the string of a spiderweb. However, Jiang Cheng has ceased worrying his head, or glancing around for any sign of Lan Xichen, and sits more casually on the bench, chin tipped forward and resting on his chest as he listens. So Wei Wuxian carries on with his story-telling, regaling the other with his funniest vignettes. Most of them are amusing at his own expense, but it is completely worth it for the reactions he manages to elicit from Jiang Cheng.
One particularly humorous story involving a chicken, two cats, and Wei Wuxian’s boot, has Jiang Cheng snorting and glancing over at him in disbelief. “Wei Wuxian are you mad? Why would you think it was a good idea to give something like that to a chicken in the first place?”
“I don’t know!” Wei Wuxian wails, the dramatics increasing naturally as their formerly one-sided conversation slowly unravels and becomes less tense. “I just wanted to keep the cats away from Lan Zhan! He’s allergic! The poor thing gets swollen cheeks and fat lips and a runny nose, and I just feel so badly for him.”
After talk of his husband spills out of his mouth like vomit, Wei Wuxian realizes his mistake. Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng openly hold no love for one another, and Wei Wuxian is made vividly aware of that fact every time the two of them are in close proximity. He closes his eyes and waits for the inevitable flare of anger, the barbed glare, the words spit like poison at him while he tries to control his own temper in equal response. When nothing comes - no taunts, no threats, not even a sigh of sad resignation - Wei Wuxian cracks open one eye to check on Jiang Cheng.
One hand clapped over his mouth and the other pressed to his stomach, body quaking and eyes screwed shut, Jiang Cheng appears to be in excruciating pain. Wei Wuxian frowns slightly, concerned the headache has come back with his incessant babbling about stupid stories and jokes that Jiang Cheng could not care any less about. Now, without even trying, he has managed to cause more harm to the one person he should simply leave alone, for no reason other than if they do not interact, Wei Wuxian cannot bring Jiang Cheng more disaster and discomfort.
A high-pitched squeal sounds from Jiang Cheng, and Wei Wuxian’s eyes widen in sudden recognition. He gasps as the other man seemingly cannot control himself anymore, despite his valiant efforts. A loud wheeze turns into a noise which is more reminiscent of Little Apple than of any other human being on the planet. Wei Wuxian has not had the terrible honor of hearing Jiang Cheng’s bizarre braying laugh in far too long, and he gazes at him in stunned amusement. He can’t help but smile at the sight, as tears leak out of Jiang Cheng’s eyes and his shoulders shake. Finally, he pulls his hand away from his mouth, abandoning every attempt at quieting his mirth, the Cloud Recesses be damned.
Wei Wuxian gasps again. On Jiang Cheng’s face, in plain view of anyone who happens to be fortunate enough to see, are two perfectly adorable, round dimples, one on each cheek. Somehow, he has forgotten this feature on this familiar face that is typically twisted into a scowl, at least when it sees him. It’s been so long. Memories assail him, of a person he had thought lost forever to time and circumstance, a victim to his own anger and resentment, someone worth so much more than the half-life he curates while hidden inside a brittle shell.
Before he can restrain himself, Wei Wuxian maneuvers himself for better access and lifts his hands, stretching them towards Jiang Cheng. He extends both index fingers, one on each side of Jiang Cheng’s face, and pokes them into the other man’s dimples. He wiggles his fingertips like he used to do, trying to keep the pleasant smile on his brother's face.
The laughter dies in Jiang Cheng’s throat with a choked inhale. Wei Wuxian freezes, hands affixed to the other’s face. Jiang Cheng gapes at him, turning towards him, dragging Wei Wuxian’s hands along with him. They stare at one another, the thread hanging between them now pulled tight and stressed to its limit with a reckless action.
Finally, gaining back some semblance of sanity, Wei Wuxian begins to remove his fingers, an excuse already tripping off his tongue, when a hand snaps out and grasps his wrist. The stalemate returns, their eyes locked on each other. The blue in Jiang Cheng’s eyes nearly overshadows the grey, unwittingly reminding Wei Wuxian of lotus ponds and clear lakes, winding rivers and endless shoreline. In his mind, he returns to a different home from a different life. It was always fresh and warm in Yunmeng, filled with flowers and sunshine, laughter and youth. Sudden summer storms ravaged the skies, quickly clearing the air and dissipating the tension, washing away the dirt and replacing it with a clean canvas, a chance to start over.
“You should laugh more,” murmurs Wei Wuxian. He focuses on the feel of Jiang Cheng’s fingers around his wrist, clenching and unclenching as though they don’t know what to do, as he tries to quiet the voice in his head.
You’re the reason he doesn’t laugh so much anymore. How dare you tell him he should do it more. Maybe he’s perfectly content and laughs plenty when you are not around.
Wei Wuxian is certain that his mind has that last thought about Jiang Cheng completely wrong, and that realization makes his heart spasm with regret and dismay. He expects the sizzle of Zidian, a vicious retort, a dismissive scoff. Instead, his arm is lightly tugged forward, in a move likely more tentative than anything Jiang Cheng has ever done before. Normally, he is decisive and swift, every motion exact and executed with efficiency, sometimes perfectly planned, sometimes frighteningly reactive, but always performed with strength and confidence. This gentle and unsure gesture makes Wei Wuxian’s head spin.
“Can I…” Jiang Cheng trails off, scowling and turning his head to the side. He lowers his eyes until he glares at some distant blade of grass, anything a better option than looking at Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian’s heart pounds in his chest, desperate to be let out, a frantic bird beating its wings futilely against his hollow rib cage. He is too nervous to shatter this fleeting moment of peace between them, and he wills himself to relax. They have never been this hesitant with one another, even the first day they spent in each other’s lives.
Because you accepted me like a brother practically right away, sending away beloved pets in favor of choosing me. Because you always chose me, until I told you to stop bothering, that our brotherhood didn’t matter, that you should choose yourself instead. I didn't know that you'd only hear that you were unimportant to me, that you never mattered.
“Yes.” Wei Wuxian answers the incomplete query with full confidence. Whatever it is, he accepts it. He has never feared Jiang Cheng, even perhaps at a time when it would have been far wiser to do so. He surely has no intention of starting to fear him now. “Jiang Cheng, whatever it is that you want to do, go ahead and do it.”
“Wei Wuxian, don’t say things you don’t mean,” mutters Jiang Cheng, but he shifts to face him once more. There is a slight tremble in his fingers where they burn into Wei Wuxian’s skin, searing into him like a brand. With barely another moment’s hesitation, Jiang Cheng pulls him forward by the wrist, and slings his free arm around Wei Wuxian’s body. Their joined limbs are bent and crushed between them, and yet Wei Wuxian hardly notices any discomfort. There is no room within him for any sensation or thought beyond the wave of joy that crests over him.
“Jiang Cheng,” whispers Wei Wuxian, pulling his brother in even more tightly. Perhaps they do not need to communicate beyond this, using the honesty of their body language to listen, accept, forgive, and progress. Jiang Cheng grunts, a tiny gruff sound, and yet he doesn’t draw himself away to tuck himself back into his protective armor where no one can reach him, least of all Wei Wuxian. “I’m sorry.”
Jiang Cheng shakes his head vehemently, where it has somehow found itself buried in the crook of Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. “No, that’s stupid, I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“Jiang Cheng, really though, I apologize.” Wei Wuxian tries to tilt his head down to see his brother, but Jiang Cheng clings and won’t let him lean far enough back to do so.
“Don’t be an idiot,” argues Jiang Cheng, his face growing quite warm against Wei Wuxian’s neck.
“Okay, fine,” agrees Wei Wuxian with a light chuckle. His eyes are suspiciously damp, as is the fabric of his robes underneath Jiang Cheng’s face, but he ignores that. He has seen enough of Jiang Cheng’s tears to last him well into another lifetime. “I’ll never apologize to you again, you stubborn fool.”
Jiang Cheng sniffles once, then it turns into a wet snort. Before long, his shoulders start to shake, and Wei Wuxian assumes he has worked himself back up into a state, upset and ready to battle it out with him. He takes a deep breath, wishing they could call a truce. While he appreciates his history for what it is, he yearns to begin again with Jiang Cheng, letting all the old bitter anguish fall away from them, discarded like a dry chrysalis which has served its purpose, releasing resilient beauty into the world.
Then once more, Wei Wuxian hears the distinct noise that is his brother’s laugh, and it causes a bubbling, fizzing lightness to grow within him. It takes root in his core, one that has been gifted to him much like he gifted his to Jiang Cheng. In both cases it was given in a frantic attempt at making the best out of a bad situation, and Wei Wuxian chooses to see the positive impact in both exchanges, since there is nothing else to be done. At least he is here, alive and breathing, able to witness how stunning Jiang Cheng is with spiritual power thrumming through his veins, held in his palm and manipulated with his fingertips. He has made Wei Wuxian’s core uniquely his own, resplendent like lightning and deafening like thunder.
Wei Wuxian thinks he could float away right here in the middle of the Cloud Recesses, kept in place only by the force of Jiang Cheng’s hold on him. He needs to see that smile again, to remind himself it is real, because any emotion from Jiang Cheng is an honest one. “Come up here so I can see your face, Jiang Cheng.”
“No! Leave me alone,” protests Jiang Cheng weakly, wheezing for air amidst his laughter. He wiggles his hand free from where it has been pinned between them all this time. He blindly swats at Wei Wuxian’s finger, which is trying to dig into his exposed cheek. He burrows further into Wei Wuxian’s shoulder, but his laugh belies the thin veil of annoyance.
“You’re still hugging me, how can I leave you alone?” Wei Wuxian exhales and ceases his torment. This is too precious a moment to be joked away, the air shifting around them, like a protective bubble that he hopes will never burst. He wonders if somehow it is Shijie’s doing, sending them a blessing, ordering them to play nicely, since they only have each other for a brother. “Jiang Cheng.”
His older sibling tone of voice must stir some sort of deeply rooted obedience in Jiang Cheng, as he immediately lifts his head. His cheeks are flushed pink and his lips are still curved into a smile, charming dimples on full display. Wei Wuxian has heard rumors of Jiang Cheng’s requirements for a marriage partner, as well as that he has been blacklisted by every eligible partner in the widespread vicinity of Lotus Pier. Obviously the people of Yunmeng have not seen his brother’s smile in far too long. “What?”
“You don’t need to ask. You can hug me anytime you need or... want. I’m here. Just because I’m married and in Gusu doesn’t...” Wei Wuxian pauses, nerves swirling like a tempest in his gut. He has to give voice to these thoughts, as he is acutely aware that Jiang Cheng requires reaffirmation that he is memorable, worthwhile, irreplaceable, valued exactly as he is, flaws and strengths alike. He has always been all of these things to Wei Wuxian. Perhaps Wei Wuxian has moved on to a place where he isn’t stuck in the past, and he has opened his heart to include more people in it - his husband, his son, his nephew, his brother-in-law, a flock of disciples - but he will always have room for Jiang Cheng, if only his brother can see that and believe in it.
I’ll never leave you behind again. I never meant to, I never wanted to, but I didn’t know what else to do. Please.
“Go on,” murmurs Jiang Cheng, expression still relaxed and open, which gives Wei Wuxian the confidence to continue.
Please move on with me, let’s move on together. Let’s be brothers like we were.
“I’m here, Jiang Cheng. It’s not how it was, but I’ll always help you any way I can. And I know you’ll do the same for me. I know it.” Wei Wuxian’s throat feels thick, and he tries to swallow past it. He hasn’t felt the import of a moment weigh so heavily on him since Guanyin Temple many months ago.
Things won’t be like they were before. They’ll be better.
Jiang Cheng stares at him, a hundred expressions flashing across his face before they disappear. Wei Wuxian has forgotten how open his brother is when he feels safe with someone, like he won’t scare them away with his personality. He tries to avoid thinking about how long it’s likely been since Jiang Cheng has felt this comfortable, able to show his true self. Wei Wuxian wants to familiarize himself with every part of him that is still the same, and he wants to discover every facet of him that is new.
“I believe you, and of course I will.” Jiang Cheng attempts a fierce look to support the stark strength of his claim, but it dissolves into a tired smile. “Will you come visit Lotus Pier?”
“Of course I will!” Wei Wuxian agrees enthusiastically. He bobs his head and he means it, although he knows better than to promise. He hopes Jiang Cheng understands that and believes him anyway. If he is welcome again, nothing could possibly keep him away any longer. The Cloud Recesses and Lan Wangji are his new home, and he is content and happy and at peace here, but Jiang Cheng will always be his family. They may not be related by blood, but they are drawn to each other by something that seems more powerful. Once upon a time they ignored convention and chose one another, and Wei Wuxian wants to scream that choice again from the top of the highest mountain, he will shout it until he’s hoarse, if only Jiang Cheng will join him up on that peak.
“You will?” Jiang Cheng raises his eyebrows, the very picture of skepticism, except the hope he feels is as clear as the dimples re-emerging on his face. Wei Wuxian longs to poke at them again, but somehow this request is even better.
“Of course,” laughs Wei Wuxian, with a wave of his hand. “I’ll bring Lan Zhan and show him everything he hasn’t seen before and force him to eat food with flavor! Yunmeng blows Gusu out of the water for food, you know it’s true. You can show us everything that’s new and different and special. And once I start coming, you won’t be able to do anything to keep me away anymore, Jiang Cheng!”
“You’ll really come?” Jiang Cheng asks once more, voice small and tone unsure. A familiar crease is etched between his eyebrows, one that Wei Wuxian wishes he could smooth out with the force of his words. Instead, it will take time and diligence and effort for them to learn to trust one another again, to put faith in their sworn bond. Their relationship will be different than the one they had as boys, but scars heal twice as strong as unblemished skin, and Wei Wuxian believes they can be better together than they ever were in the past. He dislikes the tension that has returned to shoulders that have carried far too much on their own. They were both lost back then, isolated and alone, but Wei Wuxian can help Jiang Cheng carry his burdens now, and he hopes Jiang Cheng will learn to let him.
Wei Wuxian pulls his brother back into a hug, both arms snug and secure around him. If he's allowed, he'll never let Jiang Cheng go. “Of course I’ll come if you want me. After all, you’re there. You’re all the reason I need.”