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“He isn’t even one yet. He doesn’t understand the concept of Christmas,” Bucky said as he walked alongside Steve. Steve stopped abruptly to avoid knocking over a toddler with Cap Junior’s stroller. A distressed mother ran after the escaped child, shouting an apology over her shoulder as she did. Bucky gave Steve a look, as if the incident somehow proved his point.
“C’mon, Buck. The picture will be so cute. And we can leave as soon as it’s over. I promise.” They started walking again. Past the blaring Christmas carols that flowed from the stores along with the stifling hordes of people. Bucky sighed. He hated the mall in general, and the holiday crowds weren’t exactly going to change his mind about that. But he’d loved Christmas back before the war, and now that he had Steve and Cap Junior, he felt like he could start to let the happiness it had brought him back in. He had to admit all the Christmas decorations were pretty spectacular. He looked down at Junior who was staring at everything with awe, and he felt a little lighter. Doing things for, or with Junior always made them seem better.
They arrived at Santa’s grotto and got in line. They had to wait for forty-five minutes. Around them, kids fought with each other and their parents screamed at them. Bucky had to duck out of the line a few times to get away from it, but Junior was incredibly well behaved and sat quietly playing with his shark rattle the entire time, only throwing it onto the ground once.
They’d intended for the photo to just be Junior and Santa, so Bucky stood to the side with the stroller while Steve handed Junior over to Santa. But despite being in a good mood just moments before, as soon as Junior was in Santa’s lap he started wailing.
Steve quickly took him back and tried to soothe him, but it only made him cry even harder. Steve looked helplessly at Bucky, so Bucky grabbed the shark rattle and ran over to them. He shook the rattle at Junior but he just turned his face away. Steve handed him over to Bucky but that didn’t help either. Bucky wasn’t sure he’d ever heard the kid screech so loudly. His little face had turned as bright as Santa’s suit. The woman in the elf costume who seemed to be in charge of keeping the line moving efficiently walked over to them. “Is he okay?” she asked.
“Uh…” Bucky said.
“He’s usually fine with meeting new people,” Steve said apologetically.
“Why don’t you hold him and just stand beside Santa while we take the photo?”
“Okay,” Steve said.
Bucky tried to hand Junior back to Steve but he had his little fist in Bucky’s hair and wouldn’t let go. “Ow,” Bucky said. He glared at Steve. “I’m going to have to be in this photo, aren’t I?”
Steve looked guilty. “Sorry, Buck. I’ll be in it too.”
“You’re going to have to do a lot more than that to make it up to me,” Bucky said, as he took his place beside Santa. Steve stood on the other side and smiled towards the camera.
As soon as they were twenty yards away from Santa, Junior stopped crying. In fact, he started playing happily with his rattle again as if nothing had happened. “What the hell was that about?” Bucky said.
Steve looked like he was about to admonish Bucky for saying ‘hell’ but then thought better of it. “I don’t know, but at least he’s stopped. Come on, let’s go home.” They quickly made their way to the car, but actually getting out of the parking lot took forever.
When they finally got home to their apartment, Bucky collapsed on the couch with a grunt. Steve set Junior on the floor with some toys and then sat next to him. He put his hand on Bucky’s knee. “Sorry.”
Bucky put his hand over Steve’s and moved it up his thigh a little. “I’m looking forward to you making it up to me later.”
Steve laughed. He pulled his hand away and reached over to pick up the envelop he’d thrown on the coffee table. He pulled out the picture. Bucky leaned over to look at it. He couldn’t help laughing at what a ridiculous photo it was. Steve had his golden boy smile, Santa had what Bucky assumed was a smile on his face, though it was hard to tell under the fake beard, Junior was mid scream, and Bucky was glaring at the camera contemptuously.
“Really cute,” Bucky said. He was being facetious, but it wasn’t untrue. Steve looked good, and Junior was always cute, even when he was being a nightmare. Because he was theirs.
“It’ll be better next year,” Steve said.
“What?” Bucky said. “What did you just say? You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”
Steve laughed. “But if I sleep on the couch, how can I do all the things I need to do to make up for today?”
Bucky sighed. “Fine, I’ll relent. But we are never going to see Santa again.”
One year later.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Bucky said. “How did I let you talk me into this again?”
Steve leaned close. “It was the other night. You know, when I was…” He looked around at the other parents waiting in line with their kids, then back at Bucky coyly. “Well, I can’t say right now.”
“Oh, yeah. That was really manipulative,” Bucky said, narrowing his eyes.
Steve laughed and shrugged without any attempt at denial. “He’ll be better now that he’s a little older. I really want a nice picture of him with Santa.”
Once again, Bucky stood to the side while Steve took Junior over to Santa. But this time he was with Sarah who was still only a few months old and too young to sit on Santa’s lap. He watched Steve hold Junior’s hand and walk him over to Santa, and it seemed like it was going fine, but as soon as Steve lifted him onto Santa’s lap he began to bawl.
“Well, at least he’s consistent,” Bucky muttered. He carefully lifted sleeping Sarah out of her stroller and walked over to where Steve was doing his best to console Junior. “Time for another family photo?” he asked.
Steve looked up and his concerned face relaxed into a smile. He nodded and picked Junior up, settling him on his hip.
Once again, Steve and Santa were the only ones smiling in the photo.
“Well, that was a very negative experience,” Bucky said later that night when they’d put the photo on the mantel and stood back to admire it. “Get it? Negative.”
Steve was quiet for a moment but then turned to Bucky with a smug look on his face. “Yeah, but then you and Sarah got in the picture too and everything just clicked into place.”
Another year later.
“What goes ‘Oh, Oh, Oh’?”
“Oh oh oh?” Bucky raised an eyebrow and smirked suggestively, resisting the urge to say ‘You last night,’ given it would be very inappropriate while waiting in line to visit Santa.
Steve laughed and shoved Bucky’s shoulder. “It’s Santa walking backwards. Jeez, Buck.”
Bucky shook his head. “Seriously, Steve. I think you need to leave the terrible dad jokes to me.” They moved a few paces forward as the family at the front of the line took their turn. “Do you think we should do this again?”
“We had that trial run with the Santa at that charity event last week. Junior was fine with him then. He gets it now. He’s not scared of Santa any more.”
Bucky was still skeptical, but at this point he knew Steve was determined to get a nice photo of the kids with Santa. Steve had taken extra care with their outfits. Junior in a dark green jacket, and Sarah in a bright red dress covered in glittery snowflakes. He’d even worn slacks instead of jeans, which made Bucky suspect he also wasn’t fully convinced Junior wouldn’t cry and they would have to end up in the photo again.
But when it was their turn Junior practically flung himself at Santa, yelling his name and giving him a huge hug. Steve grinned at Bucky and Bucky let out a sigh of relief. He plopped Sarah onto Santa’s other knee and he and Steve both moved to the side.
When he turned back to watch, he could see Junior grinning towards the camera, but Sarah was staring at him with the most heartbreaking look of abandonment he’d ever seen. Her face crumpled and she threw her head back to let out a piercing scream. Bucky could swear he could see her tonsils from ten feet away.
He turned to Steve in time to catch the defeated look on his face. “I guess we’re gonna be in the photo after all,” Steve said with a sigh, before running over with his arms outstretched. Bucky followed obediently. He didn’t even scowl at the camera this time. He’d accepted his fate.
Not surprisingly, Sarah stopped crying as soon as they had moved away from Santa, which was a relief since they’d planned to make a day of it. They headed to the foodcourt for lunch before they did some shopping.
“I think we’re going to have to accept that we will always be in the Santa photo too,” Steve said, as he cut Junior’s sandwich in half.
“It’s practically tradition at this point,” Bucky said. He watched Sarah, who now seemed perfectly content as she sat in the food court high chair and ate her chicken nuggets. He had to laugh. “What did Santa ever do to you, huh?” She answered by throwing a fry in his face.
After they’d had lunch, Bucky took the kids off on his own to ‘help’ them buy a Christmas present for Steve. They were going to meet back up with Steve in a half hour for him to take them and do the same thing. It was really just an excuse for Steve and Bucky to buy each other gifts, and mostly involved Bucky choosing items and saying “Do you think Daddy will like this?”
Junior yelled “YES!” to everything, and Sarah apparently had to hold the item before she could make a decision. She didn’t really know what anything was so she mostly just gave Bucky confused looks, but if she threw it from the stroller onto the floor, often accompanied by her favourite word–‘no’–Bucky took her advice and moved onto something else. Luckily, he hadn’t chosen anything breakable. He found a book on the history of motorcycles, which was too heavy for her to hold, but he knew Steve would like it so he showed her the cover. “What do you think?”
She whacked her hand against it and yelled ‘Dada’ so he knew it was a winner.
Junior, who’d refused to sit in his seat in the stroller, was starting to look bored and touch everything in sight. “Hey, Junior. What kind of motorcycle do you think Santa rides?” Bucky asked him.
Junior looked thoughtful, then shook his head. “Um, I don’t know.”
“Do you think he rides a red motorcycle?”
“Yeah!”
“Do you think it’s a Holly Davidson?” Bucky asked.
Junior shrieked with laughter. “Yeah!”
Bucky grinned and ruffled his hair. “Yep. My jokes are much better than Steve’s,” he said, though he knew Junior couldn’t have understood it at all. Shortly after they made their purchases, they met back up with Steve. He was carrying several toy store bags. They’d already bought so many of the kids gifts, Bucky wondered what else he’d been tricked into buying. He didn’t judge him too harshly though. He was just as guilty of spoiling them.
That night, after the kids were fed, bathed, and put to bed, Steve put the photo with Santa above the fireplace with the previous years Christmas photos.
Bucky stood next to him, getting his first good look at it. “Do you think we will ever have one of these where everyone’s smiling?”
“I think that depends on how many kids we have,” Steve said.
Bucky gave him an incredulous look. “What, after today you still want more?”
Steve laughed. “Maybe.”
Bucky sighed. “I’m too old.”
“Really? Because you still seem pretty fit and active to me.”
Bucky tried to glare, but just ended up yawning. One good thing about taking the kids out all day meant they were always exhausted and went to bed without any trouble. But unfortunately, Steve and Bucky were often also exhausted, and didn’t have the energy to use the alone time wisely. “Oh yeah? I don’t feel it right now.” He yawned again.
Steve smiled. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
Bucky groaned and closed his eyes as he settled into the soft mattress. He felt the bed dip beside him as Steve got in too.
“Hey, Steve?”
“Yeah?” Steve moved close, laying his head on Bucky’s chest.
Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulder. “What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?”
“Huh? I don’t know.”
“Silent Night,” Bucky said. Steve laughed softly before sighing the way he always did right before he fell asleep. Bucky smiled to himself. Every tear, every tantrum, every dirty diaper, every photo he had to take with a random stranger dressed as Santa Claus–it was all worth it. He wouldn’t trade it for anything.