Chapter Text
Gregor shook himself awake, gave one determined wrench at his bonds, then forced himself to lay back in apparent acceptance. Arms tied behind his back, ankles tied together, blindfold, gag. Wristcom gone. Splitting headache. On a carpeted floor, half-sitting, leaning against a wall. Standard procedure – see what happens next, wait for rescue. And fume with helpless, well-concealed rage. One minute he was wearily heading towards his rooms after yet another Midsummer Ball had finally wound to a close, the next he was – wherever this was.
He waited grimly for drugs, or a beating, or gloating from his kidnappers. All he could do was endure until he escaped or, more likely, was rescued. His only consolation was to start deciding just what he'd do to the kidnappers when ImpSec finished with them.
"Oh dear..."
Not the first thing he expected to hear. He waited, feeling slightly less worried. This didn't sound like a hard-core terrorist.
"Are you awake yet? It's not supposed to knock you out for too long. Hello?" He felt a touch on his shoulder, then some fumbling at the blindfold. "Ok, now I'm going to take this off, so we can talk. Well, I'll talk, you can listen. I can't take the gag off, sorry, I don't want you making a noise. But this is really important, so listen carefully, ok?"
His kidnapper pulled the blindfold away and gazed at his face.
Then gasped and rebounded, sliding backwards to sit on the far side of the small space – some kind of storage room, it seemed. And his kidnapper wasn't a hard-bitten Cetagandan Ghem, or a crazed Komarran terrorist.
He'd been kidnapped by a girl.
Gregor ground his teeth at the shame of it.
She had a mask over her face, but the rest of her was most definitely female. A young woman had just kidnapped him. He looked around, hopefully there were some men nearby. He couldn't have been kidnapped by just one girl.
"Ohhh bugger." She peered at him for a moment, then dropped her face into her hands. "You're not an armsman." She looked up at him accusingly, "It was dark in the corridor, I saw the house colours, I thought it was livery. I thought – I wanted an armsman." Her voice was quiet, but anguished, "I've kidnapped the bloody emperor! Ohhhh bugger!"
Not at all the steely professional he was expecting.
She whimpered quietly for a few moments, then took a deep breath, "Sire, I'm so sorry, this was a horrible case of mistaken identity. I wanted an armsman. I - " She glanced towards the door, "Ohhh no."
There was the sound of footsteps outside.
"Er, please excuse me for a moment sire." She scrambled to her feet and opened the door quietly, peeked out and then slipped through.
He heard a mumble of voices, a thud, and then the door was nudged wide and his captor backed into the room, dragging a large, still form. She briskly searched her new prisoner, flipped him over to remove his wrist-com and tie his hands behind his back, then lashed his ankles together and gagged him.
Gregor gazed at the familiar blue and gold House uniform and sighed. Ivan's sense of timing was, as usual, superb.
"He'll come round in a minute, it shouldn't knock anyone out for long." As she spoke the figure on the floor started to twitch.
"Now, sire, I wanted to give one of the armsmen a message for you, but since you're here – oh dammit."
Once again she slipped out, there were the same muffled noises, and like a mother cat bringing food for her young she dragged another body into the now-crowded room. This one was smaller, and in familiar brown and silver.
"At least he's not as heavy. How many more are out there?" She quickly searched and secured her newest captive, muttering to herself, "Vor lords, collect the whole set. Only fifty-seven to go."
By the time she'd finished and settled back against the opposite wall Ivan had woken up and, showing a praiseworthy protective instinct, wriggled to sit beside Gregor to shield him from whatever mad attacks she had in mind.
Miles was already blinking and wriggling, for a few moments they all watched as he struggled furiously against his bonds. Finally he settled down in sullen silence.
"Now," She went on as if there'd been no interruption, "Sire, I have a message for you. Well, some information. I really wanted to give it to an armsman to give to you, but this will be as good, I suppose." She took a deep breath to go on.
Miles started struggling wildly again, kicking and rolling around. She rolled him away from the door, "Please, you can't do that, you'll get hurt. Look, I'm not going to do anything, I just have to tell the emperor something, then I'll go, ok? You're all quite safe."
Miles's wild struggles had twisted his gag away from his mouth. He jerked his chin free of the fabric to snarl, "Safe? The emperor is bound and gagged in a cupboard. That's not a given value of safe that I recognise!"
"Well that's not my fault. I thought he was an armsman. I wanted an armsman."
"So put him back!"
"If you'd stop interrupting I would!"
They glared at each other like angry cats. Ivan watched helplessly. Miles's eyes flicked to the emperor, meeting a calm gaze. Oh wonderful, Gregor was having a 'let's see what happens' moment.
He hissed in helpless fury, "Fine, go on then."
She sat back and started again, "Sire, I came here out of my sense of Vor duty." She was obviously launching into a prepared speech.
"You know who you have here?" Miles growled the question as he wriggled in frustration.
"The Emperor. I recognised him from the vids, although he's a bit more ruffled right now. And … you're Lord Vorkosigan, the Imperial Auditor. And he…" she peered at Ivan, who tried to smile as his automatic girl-seeking reflex kicked in, "He's Lord Ivan Vorpatril, I think. Now, Sire, I came here because of some important and worrying information I - "
"You know you're in deep trouble, right?" Miles wriggled to sit beside Ivan.
"Ohhh yes, I know that. Sire, I have some important information for you…"
"Treason. That's what it's called when you kidnap an emperor. And an Imperial Auditor. And when you draw a weapon in the Emperor's presence."
"I didn't draw a weapon! Sire, I've discovered something that I need to tell you…"
"Yes you did. You stunned us all."
"It wasn't a stunner, it was just a little puff of sleeping gas. In a perfume dispenser. Not illegal at all. Well, the dispenser isn't. Now, Sire, I've found out about…"
"You know what the sentence for treason is? Death by starvation in the main square."
"Good, I always wanted to die thin and famous. Now, Sire, there's a…"
"And you've committed, by my calculations, at least three counts of treason and several other crimes."
"Well you can only kill me once, so I get the rest of my crimes for free, right? Now, SIRE, I was doing some research and I found…"
"It doesn't matter what you say right now. ImpSec will fast-penta you. So you may as well let us all go now, and then we can question you properly, and see just how real this important information is."
"I'm going to …avoid ImpSec. Once I leave you won't find me. And my information is important, so would you LISTEN for a moment, dammit! Sire, I've found a way that…"
"Just how do you think you'll get away from here?"
She glared at him, "When I finish telling the emperor my information, if I ever do, I'll stun you and then untie you. I've got a stun-gun ready for that, it lasts a whole lot longer than the sleep drug. I was going to stun the armsman I caught, anyway. By the time you wake up and untie the others I'll be gone."
Miles smirked, "You can't stun me. It sets off dangerous seizures. You could kill an Imperial Auditor."
"That's getting more attractive by the minute. But, ok, not you. I'll stun him." She pointed at Ivan, who looked alarmed.
"So you'll draw a weapon in the presence of the Emperor?"
She took a few deep breaths, "Fine. I'll drag him out of here and stun him, OUT of the emperor's presence."
"And leave him in the corridor?"
"I'll drag him back here."
"He's pretty big. And heavy."
"I know." There was a pause as both of them regrouped. "Look, this wasn't meant to happen quite so…"
"Catastrophically?"
"Awkwardly. Sire, please, I just need a few moments." Briskly she leaned forward and settled the gag in Mile's mouth again, to his muffled fury. "Sire, I'm sorry, I can't take your gag out, you'd order me to let you go and I couldn't refuse." Miles snarled in fury, why hadn't he thought to simply order her in the Emperor's Voice to let them go? Then he settled back, because Gregor wanted to see what was going to happen, that was why. So far they didn't seem to be in real danger. He started working at the bonds around his wrists as he listened.
"Sire, a short time ago I discovered some serious information that shows you could be in imminent danger. I tried to tell ImpSec, but the officer I called didn't think a mere girl would know anything important." She snarled, "So I decided I had to take action."
"Do you do this sort of thing often?" Ivan's voice startled everyone. He'd worked his gag loose. Gregor sighed, trust Ivan to free his mouth instead of his hands.
"What, kidnap the Emperor? Not as a regular thing, no."
"Aren't you worried? Scared?"
She studied her three captives, then spoke quietly, "I'm so scared I can barely breathe. But I have to do this. It seemed like a perfectly sensible plan at the time, although I'm beginning to wonder. Now, SIRE, I've found that there's a way into the palace."
"Obviously." Ivan smiled sunnily at her, "Otherwise, how did you get in?"
"Well, yes, but… oh for heaven's sake would you all shut up and LISTEN, dammit!" She covered her face for a moment, took a deep breath, and fixed her eyes on the wall over their heads, "I know there's secret escape passages out of the Imperial residence. Well, Countess Cordelia used one when she killed the Pretender. Everyone learns that story in school." She glanced at the three in front of her, "I suppose you all learned it from the source." She gulped, momentarily derailed. Gregor wondered if she had a mental image of Cordelia coming to rescue her son again, and smiled grimly to himself. "I was doing some historical research and I found… accidently found… an old passage that led into the Palace."
Ivan nodded, "There's probably lots of them. Place is riddled with passages and secret doors and who knows what."
"Yes, well when I followed the passage I found signs that it had been in recent use. And not from the Palace end – the final hatchway obviously hadn't been opened for some time. But there were some supplies, stockpiles, all set ready and obviously recent." She glanced at her audience, they were finally tuned in, "And there were some sets of Vorbarra livery." She definitely had their attention now. "And weapons. And maps of the Residence, showing where the Emperor's private apartments are. And the general duty rosters of the armsmen, and security information… I tried to get someone to listen, ImpSec or the municipal guard, but they wouldn't. And I didn't want to disturb the stuff and let whoever was collecting it know they'd been discovered, I thought it'd be better to see who turned up to use it." She glared at the emperor, "You really do need to do something about the way they treat women on Barrayar. If this was Beta they'd have listened to me." She huffed for a moment, then went on, "I set up some surveillance cameras. Here's the vids showing who turned up to check on the stockpiles," she held up a data disk, "And the information on how to tap into the feed to monitor what goes on from now. If you actually believe that a mere female knows what she's doing, you can find out who's getting ready to invade the palace. Apart from me, I mean."
She dropped the data disk in front of Gregor, then stood up. Ivan looked at her with trepidation, "Now, sweetie, you don't need to stun me. Truly. It hurts and it gives me a horrible headache."
"Well, I can't stun either of them." She grabbed his ankles and heaved him towards the door.
Ivan tried to kick away from her, "Wait! Let's talk about this!"
She dropped his feet wearily, "Please. I'm doing my best here. Could you at least try to help a little?"
Ivan wriggled back to the wall, "Do you have any idea what it'll do to this uniform, dragging me all over the place? These house uniforms are expensive, you know?"
She checked her wristcom and sighed, "This has all taken way too long. I'm sorry, but I'm out of time. And what's one more treason charge, anyway, you can only execute me once, right?" She reached into a pocket and drew out a small, serviceable stunner. All three men froze for a moment, watching.
Ivan babbled on, "You know that all energy transmissions are monitored right? As soon as you fire that, there'll be ImpSec agents coming from all directions."
She hesitated, then nodded decisively, "So you won't be here too long after I fire. Good. Again, sire, I'm sorry about this." She raised the weapon and pointed it at Ivan, then raised it a little higher and fired it over his head. Ivan flinched as the beam hissed above him.
A second later she was gone, leaving the three men in the dim cupboard. Ivan smiled at them both, "Nice girl, I thought. Wonder who she is?"
He met two identical infuriated cousinly glares. Miles, who'd wriggled his wrists free several minutes ago, quietly removed his gag, then untied his ankles and moved to free Gregor.
Both men stood up and swung their arms for a moment to restore circulation, then turned to the door.
"Hey!" Ivan looked up at them.
Miles sighed and glanced at Gregor, "I don't suppose we can leave him here?"
"The maids would complain when they came in here for their supplies."
"Fine." Miles deftly undid the bonds on Ivan's wrists, then scooped up the data disk and the wrist-coms, "Let's see what our little friend left for us."
"And then, Lord Auditor, you have a new job. Find that young lady." Gregor strode out the door.
As they headed down the corridor Miles spoke rapidly into his wrist-com, giving orders to close down the shuttle ports and hold all travellers for extra identity checks, paying special attention to young women. "Oh, and Gregor, I'll need Ivan for this one."
"Ivan?" Gregor gave his tall cousin a doubtful look, "Why?"
"We can't identify our quarry by her face, but Ivan is the Barrayaran Imperial expert on the female form. If anyone can recognise that girl by her figure alone, it's him."
Ivan brightened up and looked proud of his new status.
"Fine. He's yours as long as you need him. Just find her."
Miles grinned like a happy crocodile, "Oh, I will. We have unfinished business."
Ivan nodded, "Right then, Gregor, you promised us a quiet drink to wind down after all the guests went home after the Ball. I think we need it now."
Gregor sighed, "For once, Ivan, you're right."