lookingupforheaven



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  1. Public Bookmark 17

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    Summary

    He thinks about Chuuya more than he breathes. His coppery hair. Sometimes Dazai wants to ask for a lock of it to be burnt with him when he dies, so he may use it as coin for the journey ahead. Then he would steal it back and keep it with him, so that he never forgets its exact hue, the way he used to watch it burn dazzling gold with sundown at the pier. So that he never forgets those far-and-few-between instances when he felt glad simply looking at Chuuya. And those eyes. God. Dazai will remember those eyes when even love eventually forgets its own name. His pale hands and paler wrists. The coffee colour on the backs of them, full of spite for the little sunlight they get. Bird-house bones. Hollow, so that he can flit off at a moment’s notice, dance away the apocalypse shaking his skeleton. Chuuya is the bloom and the serpent. The god and the convict. His fist-sized heart and all the black eyes it deals.  

    (Or, of course Dazai knows how to chop an onion. He just wants to hear Chuuya laugh.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,204
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    90
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    463

    24 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 15

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    Summary

    kismet
    kis·​met /ˈkiz-ˌmet/
    1. (n.) a hypothetical force or personified power that determines the course of the future events : fate

    Or: The five stages of grief are complicated. Chuuya's familiarity with them doesn't change that. Neither does the subject of that grief not even being dead.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,000
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    744

    06 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark 53

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    Summary

    Chuuya’s blessings had always been numbered, but his curses were plenty, and Dazai was stubbornly balancing on a thin rope between the two.

    OR: Chuuya spends three birthdays without Dazai before they finally start over

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,726
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    63
    Kudos:
    257
    Bookmarks:
    53
    Hits:
    2,124

    15 May 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Loyalty is the foundation of the yakuza code, something that was drilled into Chuuya at an early age. However, his lessons did not cover how to manage a political marriage with his organization's oldest rival.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    163,125
    Chapters:
    20/20
    Collections:
    14
    Comments:
    906
    Kudos:
    12,243
    Bookmarks:
    2,992
    Hits:
    400,071

    12 Mar 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “Fuck you,” Chuuya spits, his voice trembling. “This isn't a fucking game.”

    “Chuuya,” Dazai insists, ignoring him. “Truth or Dare?”

    Chuuya stares at him incredulously for a few seconds, frozen still, before letting out a sigh. “Dare,” he says, inevitably giving in, because this is the only way they know how to communicate, the only way they learned how to.

    Droplets of warm blood continue to trickle down Dazai’s throat, dagger cold against his skin, and Dazai lets out a slow breath. “Kill me.”

    Or: Truth or Dare but make it Soukoku but ramp it up to trauma level 3000

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,899
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    1,042
    Bookmarks:
    174
    Hits:
    7,300

    05 Feb 2026