ivyviolets



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    “Go?” Rozanov repeats, and Shane thinks he manages to nod, thinks he manages to spin some kind of excuse that he knows Rozanov doesn’t really buy, but he needs to go. He needs to get out of here. He needs to find somewhere quiet and calm where he can ride out this panic and painful tightness until he can catch his breath again. He needs-

    He needs to go.

    “I’m sorry,” he says, turning heel and resisting the urge to just book it right for the front door only because he’d rather not have to explain to Hayden why he returned from a hookup with Boston Lily in men’s clothes that he certainly didn’t leave in.

    It’s not until he makes it halfway up the stairs to Rozanov’s bedroom that it occurs to him in a cold rush that it isn’t just anxiety that makes it this hard to breathe.

    “No,” he tells himself firmly, white knuckling the bannister and trying to take a deep breath just to prove that he can.

    It wheezes.

    (how the tuna meltdown is averted through the power of food allergies and anaphylaxis)

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    22 Jul 2026

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    “Maybe—maybe Lily is sleeping,” she says. Bargaining, she realizes numbly. She’s bargaining for more time. And for whatever is unfolding here to stop unfolding and in fact fold itself back up. Her thumb shifts away from the call button. “And you should be sleeping too, mister.”

    “He’s not sleeping.” Shane flares his nostrils—another gesture Yuna hasn’t seen in so many years. “He’s waiting for me to call a third time. Mom. Please. He’s—he’ll be so worried.”

    Yuna shifts her thumb and lets it drop. Is Yuna a bad mother if she hopes "Lily" doesn’t pick up?

    -x-

    or: Shane needs to call someone the night he's laid out by Marlow, and Yuna reflects on her quietly, obsessively devoted son.

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    22 Jul 2026

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    Ilya knows that, between him and Shane, he's the more affectionate of the two. He's not sure if it's because he's from Europe, where everyone greets each other with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, or if it's because he grew up so starved for love and affection that he can't do anything except show Shane how much he loves him at any chance that he has.

    So, yes, he knows that he's the one most likely to kiss Shane on the cheek when he skates by him at practice or come up behind Shane when he's cooking dinner just to wrap his arms around him or fall on top of Shane while he's reading on the couch, desperate to have his skin touching Shane's.

    But, Shane… Shane loves Ilya differently. It's quieter. More intentional.


     

    Or, five times that Shane loved Ilya in his quiet way, and one time that he loved Ilya loudly.

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    11 Jul 2026

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    No one wanted the night to end, so the celebration party had moved from the locker room (where Shane had a few sips of warm beer out of the Cup and three-fourths of a bottle of champagne) to Monk's (where Shane had cold beer and too many jello shots that were in syringes of all things — that was 100 percent Dykstra's fault) to Bood's house (where he ate a few slices of pizza to sober up a little and washed it down with a Ginger Ale that Ilya had somehow acquired from seemingly out of thin air before Ilya and Troy challenged him and Luca to a game of beer pong, which Shane and Luca had lost spectacularly because Luca had no idea how beer bong worked). After the game, Ilya had brushed his fingers along Shane's spine as he ribbed Luca on his poor skills, and Shane's skin burned.

    Suddenly, he was done with the parties.


     

    Or, the story of how Shane and Ilya broke a dresser (and a front door) after they won the Cup.

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    11 Jul 2026

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    Daily posts on the Ottawa Centaurs social media.

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    10 Jul 2026