Hullhouse



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    “Kip, help,” Scott says. “Rozanov’s trying to make us play never have I ever because he never matured past the age of twelve.”

    “I am trying,” Ilya slurs more than says, “to make memories.”

    “Yeah, because you’re definitely gonna remember this tomorrow.”

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    01 Jul 2026

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    “We’ve made a trade,” Coach announces. “For Shane Hollander.”

    It’s like the ground drops out from beneath Ilya, and his heart falls from his chest. It tumbles past rock bottom, down to the cavern that shattered open inside of him on that night five years ago. The night when Ilya walked away from Hollander for the last time.

    He can’t breathe.

    (Or: Shane doesn’t get hurt, they break up, and they don’t talk for five long years. Until Shane is traded to Ottawa.)

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    30 Jun 2026

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    “Mm, not stuff his pockets with the drug everyone thinks makes you gay right before a press conference? Maybe!” Ilya’s voice chimed happily from the phone.

    “You wanna tell us why you’re so acquainted with Rush that you can identify it in 780p, Ilya?” Kip asked.

    “…I have so much leather to deodorize, Kip Grady. So many sports cars, you know.”

    --

    Kip can't believe no one else can tell how outrageously gay Ilya Rozanov is, but he's not complaining, he's happy to have someone else to talk to at all the hockey functions.

    Or: Perfect gaydar haver Ilya Rozanov finally gets a taste of his own medicine. A series of looks into Kip and Ilya's friendship, starting after the cottage.

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    30 Jun 2026

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    “Okay,” Ilya says. His thumb restarts its soothing. “Then say it all wrong, and I will understand anyway.”

    So Shane tries, reaches out and hopes for Ilya to reach back. “My first year with the Metros wasn’t… great. I mean, I played great hockey, but those first few years, the room wasn’t…"

    “Room wasn’t great,” Ilya repeats. “What does this mean? Not great like calling you slurs? Not great like hazing?”

    Shane stiffens, then forcibly relaxes. He tries to make his voice light, “A little, uh. A little of both, I guess.”

    OR

    Shane's metric for a normal locker room is skewed. Ilya (and the Centaurs) are happy to help.

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    30 Jun 2026

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    Ilya is not going to steal Shane Hollander's dog. That would be illegal. And wrong. And someone would probably find out and make Ilya give him back.

    So. Not stealing.

    But there is nothing wrong with giving Chernysh all the pats and treats that he deserves, is there?

    Nothing wrong with encouraging Chernysh to spend more and more time at Ilya's house until he doesn't even remember who Hollander is.

    Because Hollander is stupid and boring and does not deserve a dog as good as Chernysh. No, he doesn't, does he? Because Chernysh is the best boy in the whole world, yes he is.

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    30 Jun 2026