Chapter Text
Week 7
What a way to start a Sunday morning. After mumbling “Good morning, beautiful,” and exchanging a few lazy kisses with his boyfriend, Craig found himself on the receiving end of a phenomenal blowjob. Porn was full of exaggerated movements, loud slurping and excessive saliva meant to stir the senses of viewers so they could imagine themselves in the positions of the actors. In Tweek’s bedroom there were plenty of sounds and spit to go around, but Craig wasn’t shoving Tweek’s face down on his crotch, and Tweek wasn’t rubbing Craig’s dick all over his face like it was the latest coveted skin care routine.
Now, there was no posturing for the camera.
Though Craig swore his heart beat out of rhythm whenever he and Tweek locked eyes. That was the kind of magic film couldn’t capture.
It was absolutely fantastic. Tweek’s shining hair falling out of a stubby ponytail and tickling Craig’s thighs. Crisp, cool bed sheets against his skin. Getting edged over and over until he thought he’d go insane, then surrendering to the tease and back again. Craig was at ease, allowing himself to roll with the waves of pleasure rushing through his body, but in the moments where he wasn’t growling out curses or his legs didn't shake like a wet dog trying to dry itself off, his mind wandered.
This was the first time they’d done oral, and while that alone was a more than satisfying way to get off or be the culminating act of a sex session, Craig had certain desires that were becoming hard to ignore. Tweek’s tongue pressed into the vein on the side of Craig’s dick, firmly massaging the length of it. Craig’s mind went white-out blank at that, and stayed in that state as Tweek slid his fingers past Craig’s balls and stroked his perineum, obliquely stimulating his asshole. As Tweek’ mouth eased off for some gentle sucking, the hand between his cheeks only distracted him. Such a tease.
Little jolts of electricity struck him when Tweek’s fingers prodded particular areas. His balls were so tight and full, but he wanted more stimulation. He was going to nut in the near future, no doubt about it, though if he had his way it would be with a hand around his cock, a tongue down his throat and his ass-
“Craig?”
“Hmmn?”
“Craig!”
Craig’s eyes popped open and focused on the face of a disgruntled blond. He smiled sheepishly, but Tweek wasn’t amused.
“What’s up, babe?”
Huffing, Tweek blew a lock of hair out of his eyes. With how hard he’d been working and how warm it was being nestled between Craig’s legs, sweat quickly gathered around his hairline and chest. Even on his best days, Tweek wasn’t a particularly patient person, and honestly, he was a little hurt right now.
“I’m pleasuring you with the sensual arts and you’re ngh distracted!”
“What? No, of course not. I just have my eyes closed. Maybe I’ve fallen into some kind of tantric meditative state.”
Tweek grunted, but dipped his head back down.
Craig reached out to brush the damp blond hair from Tweek’s forehead. Openly admiring his boyfriend, he kept stroking Tweek’s hair; his eyes adoring the wavy mop, the pale lashes fluttering against his cheeks, the rosy blush splashed across his face. So handsome. Especially when he had a mouthful of dick.
Though blissfully living his best life, Craig’s mind wasn’t clear enough for tantric meditation. He had something on his mind that he wanted to discuss with Tweek, something that he couldn’t hold in any longer. Warm breath brushed Craig’s skin and a lick of anticipation curled in his stomach. Anticipation not just for the soft, slick tongue, but also for….
“Hey, Tweek?”
Tweek didn’t stop moving his mouth, but he sighed through his nose with an irritated huff. What the hell, why couldn’t he just suck his boyfriend’s dick in peace? He wasn’t sure what was up with Craig, but he could certainly try to coax him into a more relaxed state. While sinking his lips over the shaft, Tweek started to rub circles into Craig’s hips with his fingertips, massaging his skin while he licked his way down.
He gave Craig a hum of acknowledgement.
“Mhmm.”
Craig bucked his hips in exhilaration. His pulse rose as Tweek sunk his head deeper and caressed the jut of his hip bones. While heavenly, it did not help Craig find his words. He began to suspect Tweek was trying to keep him quiet.
Though desperately wanting to fuck his own throat raw, he tortured himself with a deliberate pace, hoping that calm energy and sensual movements would chill Craig out; like some sexy deepthroat version of reiki. That wasn’t a thing already, was it? Maybe Tweek should copyright it; sell it as a sexual wellness program and save the profit for a retirement fund. Making even more money off his father-mandated porn career was a delightful way to stick it to Richard even more. Squeezing Craig’s hips, Tweek held him in place as he sucked and bobbed his head.
“ Oh shit . I’d, um- Oh fuck yes. ” Craig’s brain shorted out for a second as Tweek sucked the head of his cock like a goddamn succubus. “Will you um. I want you to fuck me?”
The bedding rustled as Tweek sat up, crawling toward him and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He tried to make a pouty face so Craig would feel bad about interrupting him again, but that request was a total honeypot.
“You want to do it right now, you don’t want me to finish?” Tweek asked with a playful smirk, taking Craig’s spit-slicked dick in his fist and giving it lazy strokes. “This isn’t the only time we’re going to have sex, silly man. We don’t have to do everything today.”
Craig bit his lip and looked down. It took nearly all his courage to ask that. He kept silent for a few moments then slowly looked up at Tweek.
“I know. But I just… I really really want to. Right now.”
Tweek nodded, biting his lip to contain a grin and failing miserably. Craig was clearly nervous. He was always so honest and direct, even when it pained him, and Tweek felt his heart swell whenever he got flustered. Tweek climbed onto Craig’s naked lap and wrapped him in his arms.
“I’d love to,” he cooed, combing his fingers through Craig’s hair. “But, it’s not like I’m an expert or anything and it’s been a while. I can only count on my hands the number of times I’ve topped- wait! And one foot.”
Craig snorted.
“Oh, only one foot, a mere novice.”
Tweek flicked his ear.
“Anyway, most times happened in high school, all boys, and the other times were… well you’ve seen those .”
Oh yeah. The one where Bebe played his twin sister. And at her sleepover, her friends wanted to touch a dick for the first time. Craig certainly had seen those times, which were the only times he was legit aroused by hetero sex.
“Well, I haven’t ever. So…”
Tweek sat back on his heels, regarding his dear spaceman. Such a gentle, quick witted man, genuine and full of passion. Taking Craig’s hands, he brought them to his lips, pressing a kiss to each palm.
“Craig, I’ll do anything to make you happy.” He cleared his throat like he was going to make an important announcement. “And I would be honored to wreck that ass.”
Watching Tweek abruptly turn and rifle through his bedside table, Craig tried to think of a response to that . Random objects landed on the bed as Tweek searched for lube and condoms. As hair elastics, scribbled recipe ideas and the Architectural Digest magazine that Kenny smacked him with a couple weeks ago landed between them, Craig came to the realization that from Tweek, such a statement was very much a compliment, and an endearing one at that.
Soon, Tweek stuffed the random things back into the drawer and left only a new box of condoms and several bottles of lube. Hopping to his feet, Tweek yanked his trunks down and flung them in the vague direction of his laundry hamper. Both men only slept in their underwear and Craig had lost his boxer briefs ages ago.
Grateful to be free of restricting undergarments, Tweek wasted no time in reuniting with Craig. Just as he rolled onto his back, Craig leaned over and kissed him. They weren’t even chest to chest yet and their cocks already brushed together, stiff and standing between their bodies. Tweek hissed between his teeth as his dick slid against Craig’s, the lingering saliva on his cock cool and slick.
“Seven weeks is plenty of time to get to know each other, right? To work up to things? I don’t feel like we’re rushing it, but I’ve never really been a patient person, you know?”
“That’s why you have me, the kind of person that deliberates for ten minutes on whether to buy a light gray tee shirt, or a dark gray tee shirt.” Craig laughed as he rutted against Tweek. “And I don’t think we’re rushing it. Well, right now we’re rushing, but for the last two months, not at all.”
Tweek kissed Craig on the cheek with a light smack.
“Good. You wanna switch places?”
Nodding, Craig rolled onto his back. He tentatively opened his legs, then closed them a couple times as Tweek lubed his fingers. On one hand, Craig needed to spread his legs for access, on the other, he felt weird just spreading them wide open like a burlesque dancer. A small ball of tension in his stomach unwound as Tweek scooted against Craig’s side and ran his fingers up and down his torso. Tweek looked down at him with a small sweet smile, which was all he needed for his knees to fall open.
Tweek stared between their bodies as his fingers trailed over Craig’s groin. Around the base of his cock and the cute little mole that sat there. Over his balls with a gentle squeeze. He lingered longer at the perineum, enjoying the way his wet fingers slipped between Craig’s cheeks effortlessly. Stroking the often neglected skin with slow, petting motions, he inched his way to Craig’s entrance.
Craig tried his best not to squirm, but the anticipation was strong. If he moved too much, Tweek might stop. Whether he stopped to tease or to make sure that Craig was okay, it didn’t matter, the few seconds would be too long to wait for the fingers to resume. His cock was well past warmed up and he was clenching his muscles in anticipation of finally having something inside him. When Tweek traced over his hole, Craig tilted his hips toward Tweek’s hand, just barely dipping the fingertip inside.
Tweek leaned on Craig’s leg, resting his cheek against his knee and slipped a second finger in. Craig huffed out a heavy breath, but dug his heel into the bed and pushed down further on the fingers. At that, the atmosphere changed from soft, experimental petting to something primal. Rough breaths and heavy moans, while wet sounds of skin on skin punctuated the air.
Craig’s eyes fluttered shut, and Tweek took the opportunity to openly stare at the tiny movements of his hips. As he pumped his hand faster, he ran the fingers of his free hand over Craig’s chest, delighting in the way his breath swelled at the touch. Smiling at the man in front of him, the man that was willing to push boundaries, and was so very sweet.
“Do you usually finger yourself?”
“In the past couple years, a lot, actually. My fingers, toys.”
Craig knew Tweek had been staring at his body the whole time and even if he hadn’t noticed while taking a peek through his eyelashes, he could’ve accurately predicted it. Part of him was still self-conscious about his nakedness, but the affection and adoration that rolled off Tweek in waves made surrendering easier. And while fingers were wonderful, amazing even, what he really craved was a nice hard cock; to be filled with a hard, throbbing mass that pulsed and twitched inside him.
“Okay, okay, I’m ready.”
Tweek hummed.
“Mmm, let me see.” He leaned down and flicked his tongue over the precome pooling on the tip of Craig’s cock. “Yep, evidence checks out.”
Craig gasped.
“Oh my god, stop torturing me already, you asshole.”
What a little tease, a sexy, adorable, endlessly talented tease. Tweek just loved getting one over on him and making him squirm. But, if Craig really had a problem with being teased, why would he be so head over heels for the guy? That really said more about Craig’s proclivities than Tweek’s.
Tweek grabbed the bottle of lube and the condoms from the other side of the bed, but as he started to tear open a condom packet, Craig stopped his hand.
“Can we try it without? I mean, we got tested and whatever. And I kind of want to know what it feels like.”
His cheeks felt hot, but he’d got the words out without sounding like a blushing virgin, so that was a win. Honestly, Craig wanted to know if a creampie was as hot as it looked.
Smiling, Tweek looked up at his boyfriend. Craig looked a little shy, but was sitting tall and confident. He was such a catch, and this was just one of the many moments where he struggled to believe that he’d found someone so lovely. Tweek linked his fingers with the ones covering his fist and nodded.
“See, easing into the sex was useful for more than one thing; advance testing and ready to bareback whenever we want!”
Craig flopped down on his back, pulling Tweek on top of him. He laughed as he slipped a hand between Tweek’s legs and started to stroke him.
“God, we were freaking geniuses to get tested last week; we knew we were on the verge of breaking.”
Craig squeezed Tweek’s balls in his palm, chuckling at the deep groan that resulted.
“Mmm that feels so good. Keep going, get me good and hard for you.”
“As you wish.”
Tweek lubed himself up and crouched between Craig’s leg’s. Gently folding the long, tan legs at the knees, Tweek hitched Craig’s hips up a bit. He shuffled, trying to get Craig’s hips in a good position. After coaxing Craig to rest his ankles over his shoulders, Tweek rubbed the tip of his slick cock between Craig’s cheeks. Craig’s face had grown flush during the awkward logistics, but a soft smile sat on his face. Smiling back, Tweek swept his fingertips from Craig’s ankle to hip and let out a wolf whistle.
“Look at these gams. Legs for days!”
Scoffing, Craig wiggled his hips.
“Stop talking and put your dick inside me.”
With a gleeful grin, Tweek leaned forward so he could whisper against Craig’s lips. As Tweek spoke, he pressed forward, breaching the taut ring of muscle.
“Gladly.”
Craig sighed as he was filled, finally feeling satisfied. All the prep wasn’t necessary, but it was in his best interest to get as relaxed as possible; he was ready to go, and a slow tentative entry was not going to cut it. Once he felt Tweek’s scrotum pressed against his ass, Craig rocked his hips, curling his tailbone and pressing his heels into Tweek’s back for resistance.
Dumbstruck, Tweek sat back on his heels and watched as Craig began grinding his hips, his moans emerging and growing louder as he tried out different angles and rhythms. Craig seemed to be in the zone, testing different methods and repeating the ones he found most pleasurable, almost like he was tracking the data on a spreadsheet.
He probably was.
Tweek sure would like to see that spreadsheet. For science. Sexy science.
“Would you prefer I keep still, or do you mind if I do my thing, too?”
Craig’s eyelids fluttered open, a haze clearing as his vision focused on Tweek, who was smirking down at him with sparkling hazel eyes. His hips stilled.
“Shit, sorry! I didn’t realize…”
“Shh stop apologizing, I’m just teasing. I could watch you all day, honestly.” Slowly, Tweek thrusted in and out of Craig as he continued to tease. “Do you like it? Like being filled up?”
Craig pulled Tweek down and gave him a smattering of playful kisses behind his ear and down his jaw. He replied with a breathy laugh.
“ I love it .”
Tweek had figured that Craig’s maiden voyage would be a little intense, and that he’d get some pleasure out of it before deciding whether or not he’d like to try it again- but Craig was a marvel. Watching him in awe, Tweek tried to memorize the hazy lust in his eyes and the way the corners of his lips would turn up in a tiny smile when he gasped. He was vocal, more so than Tweek imagined he ever would be, and Craig’s nasally voice was like honey in his ears.
“I wanna give you more. You can handle more, can’t you?”
Craig nodded quickly, “Give it to me.”
“That’s my good boy.”
He quickly pulled out of Craig and flipped him over onto his hands and knees. He immediately pushed back inside without giving Craig any real time to catch his balance. He moved his hips in firm, leisurely thrusts, with a few rolls of his hips when he bottomed out, none of that pounding like a jackhammer business. No, this wasn’t an occasion for desperate and mindless fucking, Craig needed to know what he’d been missing, to get stroked in all the right places and get everything he deserved.
The drag of Tweek’s cock was driving Craig mad with lust. He wanted it harder and faster, but wondered if he’d go insane if he got it. Whenever he was about to shout, Just fuck me already, fuck me raw! Tweek changed his speed or teased his nipples, always changing something to reboot Craig’s flow. Not an expert, my stuffed ass. Craig thought he’d pass out when Tweek stroked his dick in time with his hips. So much stimulation, pleasure from every direction. And a million times easier than trying to do both to yourself.
Easing up, Tweek stood to his full height, giving Craig’s hips a squeeze and stilling. Craig took the hint, moving tentatively along Tweek’s cock. After about half a dozen thrusts, Craig began to move faster, greedily taking in the entire shaft. Tweek’s bedroom rang with the competing sounds of their moaning and the sound of their skin slapping together. God, he loved those disgusting, squelching noises. It was filthy and animalistic, and he couldn’t get enough of it. Yeah, he’d been fully converted, he was a proud switch, and anyone who couldn’t appreciate the merits of taking cock as well as giving it was a goddamn idiot.
“You’re too good at this. You have one of those suction cup dildos, don’t you?”
“Maybe.”
“I wanna see you fuck yourself on it while I suck you off.”
Craig laughed.
“God, you have a way with words. A poet, really.”
“Mhm. I’m a regular Cyrano de Bergerac.”
Tweek snapped his hips at random intervals, bouncing Craig’s little tan ass while growling through his moans. Intending to find his prostate, he probed until he felt Craig squirm. Mhm, there we go. Smiling as Craig’s asshole squeezed his dick, Tweek pressed harder, easing back before massaging the spot.
Craig shouted, the cries flying out of his mouth so reflexively that it took him a moment to realize they came from him. Leaning over, Tweek pressed his chest to Craig’s back and embraced him.
“Are you alright, you need me to stop?”
Craig was panting.
“No. No, don’t stop. It just- It feels so different having someone else do it, and with a real dick.”
Tweek laughed and gave Craig’s back a kiss.
“It sure does. You’re doing so well, Craig. A prodigy. I just wish I could get my mouth around your cock at the same time.”
“It’s your one flaw.”
Tweek sat up and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his arm.
“Can you turn over? I wanna look at your pretty face.”
“‘M not pretty.”
“Are too. Je t’adore. Je t’adore. ”
Craig pouted, but rolled onto his back, regardless. Moreover, he made no complaints while Tweek arranged their bodies and placed kisses on whatever skin he could reach.
Craig’s body was pretty much folded in half with his knees much closer to his chest than he thought possible, and his feet felt miles away as they hung over Tweek’s shoulders. In this position Craig was getting thoroughly and deeply fucked, the only drawback being that the only part of Tweek he could reach were his arms. Tweek’s ponytail had come completely loose at some point, the hair tie lost somewhere in the sheets. His lovely blonde hair swayed with their bodies and his waves were perking up with the moisture of his sweat. He looked so serious with his eyes closed as he groaned and pounded his hips.
Craig didn’t need to wait any longer, this was a fantastic moment to unravel. He reached between their bodies and grabbed his dick working with fast strong strokes that made the heel of his hand slap against his pelvis. From their position he could see himself clearly, the veins of his cock straining under the purplish red skin as he was moments away from coming.
Tweek pushed Craig’s legs further apart and dove forward so they could meet in an awkward kiss. He took deep inhales of Craig’s scent of clean laundry and fresh sage. Craig used woolen balls in the clothes dryer, adding drops of sage essential oil. Who even does that? Brilliant, sexy, laundry afficianatos, that’s who. Putting his hand over Craig’s fist, Tweek helped him jerk off, hoping that the increasing pitch of his moans meant he was coming.
Craig groaned as Tweek moved their hands faster, letting himself surrender to the rhythm of their thrusts. The tunnel of his fist slicked with more pre cum as he squeezed his cock, before going limp and coming over their stomachs.
“Come inside me, don’t you fucking dare pull out. I’ll slap the sass right out of your mouth if you fucking tease me.”
Tweek laughed and nodded his head happily.
Above Craig’s heaving chest, Tweek sat up to his full height to hold the long tan legs against his chest. With a few final thrusts, he came inside, making Craig’s dick spasm and release a small ribbon of cum from the force. Tweek made a shuddering, needy moan as their rocking hips slowed to a stop. They stayed connected as they caught their breath, uncaring of the drops of sweat rolling down their bodies.
Craig was floating. His pulse calmed enough that the blood was no longer thrumming in his head, but he felt light and airy as the endorphins surged. He glanced up at his groin to find that he could see a sliver of his ass cheeks and where Tweek was still buried inside him. A couple drops of cum slid down the shaft of Tweek’s dick and Craig moaned as Tweek rocked his hips for a moment. He had no idea he was that flexible.
There was… a lot of cum. It was already leaking out before Tweek even started moving again. Aftershocks of his orgasm rippled through him as Tweek gently pulsed his hips, and Craig stared at the cum-covered shaft as it disappeared inside him. When Tweek bottomed out, they both rolled their hips together, and Craig felt his nerve endings flare as more cum dripped out and started to run down his balls. He reached out, swiping his fingers in the gooiness and over his perineum, massaging the base of his sack.
Craig felt his dick twitch and wrapped his thumb and forefinger around the base of Tweek’s cock. He let it glide through the ring of his fingers, occasionally dipping down in the crack of his ass to slather more ejaculate over them. Soon, Craig was using both hands, simultaneously palming himself and teasing Tweek’s shaft with slick fingers as he moved with a curiosity he didn’t usually allow himself.
It was already happening again, the tightness pooling below his balls and radiating into a tingling sensation throughout his groin. Craig shivered as the walls of his ass clenched, and he realized he was going to come a second time. When he jerked his hips with a snap, a shuddering moan rang out above him.
Fuck .
He hadn’t forgotten about Tweek. Jesus Christ, like that was even possible! But he was just so wrapped up in feeling and touching.
Tweek was staring down at him, glazed eyes raking over the hands that were exploring their bodies. His pink tongue swept over his bottom lip leaving a glossy trail, and he blinked lazily with his eyelids not quite moving in sync. Tweek looked like the definition of wreckt .
Craig suddenly felt guilty, like he’d been caught humping the arm of the couch as a kid or something. He tried to pull his hands away, but Tweek caught his wrists.
“Don’t you dare, Craig.” Tweek took Craig’s cock in his hand. “That is so fucking hot, you don’t need to be embarrassed. You’re amazing. Funny. Ngh . Brilliant. Sexy.”
Tweek moved with each of his compliments, building to hard, powerful thrusts. He was close to coming again, too- how could he not when Craig was in front of him, doing that with total abandon? Generally, a messy creampie shouldn’t be called ‘endearing’, but to Tweek, it sure was. And hot as fuck.
Tweek pushed Craig’s thighs further apart, straining his neck as much as he could so their faces could meet. Through moans and kisses, they both came again before collapsing in a tangle of sweaty limbs and breathless laughter.
Craig stepped out of the shower and pushed his dripping hair out of his face. Squinting, he scanned the bathroom for a towel until Tweek wrapped one around his shoulders.
“I bet you want these, too, huh?”
Tweek held up Craig’s glasses, unfolded and lenses cleaned.
“Absolutely, thanks, babe.”
“Well, you can have them, for a price.”
Craig grinned as Tweek held his glasses out of reach. Cupping Tweek’s face in his hands, Craig leaned in and gave him a lingering kiss.
“Did that cover all costs?”
Quite satisfied, Tweek smiled dreamily and handed over the glasses.
“Mhmm, and then some.”
Stepping into his adjoined bedroom, Tweek left Craig to finish his daily routine. Of course, they’d showered together, styling their hair in mohawks with shampoo and playfully smacking each other’s soapy asses and saying, “Good game, bro,” but Tweek had continued on while Craig stayed in the shower for additional post-sex cleansing.
After rifling around in his dresser, Tweek pulled out an old Lorde concert tee and a pair of oversized boxershorts; perfect for a lazy Sunday at home. He watched as Craig rinsed the toothpaste out of his mouth and put his toothbrush next to Tweek’s in the old Chinpokomon juice glass he’d had since he was nine.
Always a planner, Craig had laid out his clothes on the bathroom counter before getting in the shower and was now pulling a fresh pair of boxer briefs over his long legs. Tweek took one last look at naked Craig before the underwear rudely covered the goods. Realizing that he now needed to catch up, he turned back to his clothes and began to dress.
Tweek looked good. Craig always thought he looked good, but the way he shook out his damp hair like a wet dog while wearing a faded concert t-shirt hit him really hard that morning. He took the moment to absorb everything he could about Tweek; the bizarre man who teased him mercilessly, but also praised and showered him with affection.
“What’s on the menu for the brunch matinee today? Uh, literally and movie-wise.”
“Mmm not sure about the movie- it’s Bebe’s choice today. But I think Kenny wants to order from this diner that has the most amazing huevo rancheros.”
Craig rubbed his stomach.
“Well, with food, relaxing, and using you as a pillow? I certainly won’t complain; any movie is fine with me.”
“Heck yes, dude,” Tweek agreed, “Though I don’t know about being used as furniture. I think that you, sir, shall be the pillow today.”
Lunging forward, Craig grabbed Tweek around the waist and pulled him in until they were chest to chest. Tweek squeaked in surprise as Craig savagely squeezed his ass cheeks in his palms.
“Nah, you have the pillows right here.”
They both laughed, uninhibited and without embarrassment that Tweek snorted or that Craig’s uneven teeth were on full display. Bad jokes always have the potential to become brilliant ones when with the right company.
Tweek lifted his head from Craig’s shoulder.
“So...you liked it?”
From the coy smile Tweek gave him, Craig didn’t have to guess what “it” was.
He combed his fingers through Tweek’s hair, slicking it back past his forehead. It made him look surprisingly sophisticated, like a classical musician or an executive vice president’s administrative assistant.
“Seriously? Of course I did, I wasn’t faking it. It was amazing.”
Tweek sighed in relief. Consciously, he knew that Craig’s enjoyment felt genuine, he’d certainly heard enough fake moaning back in the day, but there was always that insecure part of himself that needed explicit affirmation.
“Well, congratulations Craig, you’re a cock-hungry slut.”
Scratch that, Tweek looked like a smartass. Reaching out, Craig rubbed his hand over Tweek’s head, leaving hair splayed in every direction.
With an annoyed grunt, Tweek flailed and backed away from Craig. But Tweek’s sass couldn’t be tamed.
“You know, we could make our own movie, Craig. It’ll be one of those super high budget productions of erotica that go mainstream, like Deep Throat! A modern porno that warms the heart and engorges the dick.”
“You did not just say that.”
“But it’s gay porno gold! Come on , I know some people.”
Oh, Craig had no doubt that Tweek knew plenty of people to get that idea off the ground, but he wasn’t even going to consider the logistics of making an adult film; while Tweek could convince him to do all kinds of shit he wouldn’t normally do, that wasn’t going to happen.
“I choose to believe that you’re joking. And aren’t you out of the game, anyway?”
“Just one last big score, then I’m retired for good!”
Craig held up his hands.
“Just stop. You’re banished.”
“Banished? Where from, my own house?”
“From time and space.”
Tweek grabbed his hair, absolutely aghast and taking Craig’s impossible threat way too serious. At least he usually had a short attention span and was distracted from his “gay porno gold”.
“What? That’s not fair!”
“Eh, it happened to Clyde once, it’s not so bad.”
“What does that even mean? Whatever. We’ll call it ‘Love Actu-arial-ly’.” Tweek nudged him with his elbow. “Get it? Because you’re an actuary.”
Crap, Tweek was committed to this. Craig may not make it out of this conversation with his sanity.
“No.”
Tweek was bouncing on his heels, just bursting to divulge all the amazing details of his master plan. Jesus, how could one person have that much energy?
“That’s okay, I’ll explain it to you. I’ll be myself, or well, Henri . And I need an insurance policy, for my hot young body.”
Craig shook his head. Tweek’s idea was pretty funny- funny -not a reasonable thing he’d ever actually consider doing.
“No, I understand what the pun is. I’m saying, no , I-”
“But to know how much the policy should be, you need to collect data.”
“Let me guess, with my penis.”
Tweek nodded excitedly, and patted Craig’s arm. “With your penis, yes exactly! And you’ll take off your glasses all dramatically and stuff.”
Hoping to put this matter to bed- metaphorically - Craig hooked his arm around Tweek’s waist and steered him down the hallway.
“C’mon it’s movie time, let’s not be late.”
“But we’ll talk about it later, right?”
Craig gave a noncommittal grunt.
“Right?”
A mop of rumpled blonde hair popped out from under the blankets piled on the couch. They fell to the floor as Kenny stretched, curling his toes in satisfaction.
“O-M-G, it’s like one of those tiny yappy dogs and a ‘I’m too old for this shit’ German Shepherd.”
Bebe’s head popped up over the back of the recliner. Jeez, Craig was feeling outnumbered with all the blondes in this house.
“Hmm, I dunno. I think Craig’s more like a cat.”
Huffing, Tweek crossed his arms over his chest. Though Craig could only see the back of Tweek’s head, he could feel the dramatic scowl on his face.
“He won’t do it! He won’t do the video!”
Bebe lowered her feet to the ground, using her cherry red painted toes to swivel the chair and face the guys. She looked curious, but cautious of the possible shenanigans to come.
“Won’t do what?”
Kenny hopped to his feet and crossed the living room to reach Tweek and Craig. Craig’s mind immediately went to two months ago when Kenny threatened him with a shovel. He took a step backward.
“He won’t? Did you tell him the title?”
With sad puppy eyes, Tweek threw his arms wide and looked to Kenny.
“ Rrrgh yes! He still said no!”
“But that’s the best part!”
“I know!”
“Craig, dude, you’re a risk analyst. You have to know what a slam dunk this project would be. Guaranteed cash money!”
Of course Kenny would support it; Tweek and Kenny were two peas in a pod in regards to wacky schemes. Oh god, now they were gripping each other by the arms while they had the same incredulous expression on their faces. Craig was totally at a loss, thankfully, Bebe discreetly waved him over while the other blondes were occupied.
“Oh no, Tweek’s on a creative tear, isn’t he?”
Craig laughed, appreciative that Bebe didn’t tease him for snorting like a dumbass.
“Yep. I’ve seen him get a bug up his ass about something, but not with the help of someone else.”
A couple weekends ago they were spending the night at Craig’s place, and Tweek woke up at 3am. He had a brilliant idea, and that had to be researched right then. “ Nostalgia is in, especially for people like you who know how good gluten is! Retro snack cakes from the past! Hostess cupcakes, snoballs, ding dongs- and Twinkies!” He would’ve found the idea interesting if Tweek had shared it during daylight hours.
Bebe nodded, all too familiar with Tweek and Kenny’s quirks.
“Kenny’s usually very chill, but sometimes those two just feed each other’s manic energy.”
“Can you do anything to end my suffering?”
“Oh totally, they just need to be redirected. They’ll go on for hours if they don’t get derailed.”
With a flick of the wrist Bebe tossed her thick braid of curls over her shoulder. Damn, she could probably knock someone out with that thing. Giving Craig a serious nod, she picked up the tv remote.
“Alright boys, we’re watching Shaun of the Dead, and the entire Cornetto trilogy if you behave. My next shift is a double and I’d like to veg out until then, so for the love of socks please settle yourselves!”
Kenny and Tweek’s voices dropped off. They turned, two blond men with sparkles in their eyes; they would look angelic if Craig hadn’t known what little buttheads they could be.
“Really?”
Craig wasn’t sure which one of them said it, they probably said it in unison, which apparently was normal for this household, as Bebe didn’t flinch.
“No foolies. I’ll devote my entire day to quality time with my boys.”
Spinning on his heel, Kenny, scooped up his phone from the coffee table. As he flopped onto the couch he called out, “I’ll get the breakfast order started!”
Craig sidled up to Tweek and wrapped an arm around his hips. In what he hoped was not an obvious and heavy handed segue, Craig offered, “We’ll make coffee, right babe?”
In the kitchen, Craig embraced Tweek from behind and patiently waited for his body to stop vibrating; he just rested his chin in Tweek’s damp hair and gently swayed him in his arms. Tweek gradually stilled as his muscles relaxed and more of his weight came to rest against Craig’s chest. Soon, coffee; but first, calm down the bae.
Tweek’s personal thunder vest.
“ Nnngh too much?”
“Yeah. A bit.”
Tweek looked up at Craig through a swath of hair. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were like a remorseful puppy’s.
“Sorry.”
Craig gave Tweek a squeeze.
“You’re alright, honey. Just simmer down a little.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just- you’re gonna be ngh gone like all week and I wanted something to remember you by! And before you say anything, a Sunday afternoon is all you need to produce a good film.”
Whirling around, Tweek gripped Craig in a bear hug and lifted him off the ground. Shaking him, he growled out, “I rrrgh really, really like you. A lot. And I want to kiss your face. All. The. Time.”
Once his feet were back on the ground, Craig leaned against Tweek’s solid chest.
“Well, I feel exactly the same. And that is a plan I can definitely support.”
Tweek nuzzled into Craig’s neck, breath warm and cozy against his skin.
“Why do you have to leave tomorrow morning?”
It was endearing, Tweek’s unbridled honesty and lack of filter. Craig always knew where they stood and even if the realization was delayed, Tweek knew when he went overboard.
“I don’t want to go either, but at least I won’t have to much after this time. And we still have all day together, right?”
“Heck yeah we do.”
“Heck yeah.”