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The cool water splashed Len’s face again and again.
He stopped with a choked exhale, hands slamming against the sink and keeping him upright. Beyond the bathroom door, he could hear the many hollow murmurs and beeps of the hospital. That sterile smell still clung to his clothes, stinging his nose; sometimes even his eyes. It was so stifling and terrible, an environment surrounded by various pressing sorrows, panic, and death…a place where his own daughter was stuck time and time again.
She wouldn’t get better. Not fully. And though she was alive, every time they came here; every time he had to see his little girl in that hospital bed, instead of outside enjoying the sunshine with her brother and friends…well…
It made him ill; sick to his very core. It made him sink into thick, encasing tar that filled his windpipes and destroyed his chest. In an already busy life, where he and Teto had sworn to not let their kids be swallowed up by the idol industry or suffer from absent parents…they still hadn’t been able to protect either of them from sorrows like this. Of course, they never expected such a thing to befall the family in the first place.
“Saki…” Len murmured, staring at his reflection through messy blond bangs. His tired blue eyes blinked back, and he groaned, rubbing the water off his skin. No parent wanted to see their child struggling like this, especially being so incapable of fixing it. He wanted to fix it; he knew Teto did too…even Tsukasa. The poor boy had to visit his little sister; see her sick and trapped. He pushed through and had fun with her, because…that was just how he was. But it hurt Len. Deeply.
He tightened and loosened his hold on the porcelain, then straightened and forced another classic, happy ‘dad smile’. He just had to keep smiling and being the pillar of the family. They would get through this, somehow.
Even if it meant feeling like his own insides were eating him alive along the way.
The door of the patient restroom creaked as he stepped back into Saki’s room. The lights were dimmer, and Teto sat at the young girl’s bedside. By now, Saki had drifted off, snuggled into blankets and hugging her loved rabbit plush close. Len padded over, and ever so gently tucked back a strand of her mussed, ombre curls. Teto caught his hand before he could retract it, and he froze, blinking at her.
She stared a moment, then pulled it close and placed a lingering kiss to his knuckles. “You’re trembling,” she said, and the blunt tone of voice was one familiar to him. His wife was an enigma—spirited and a bit of a klutz, but with a blunt, no-nonsense to her that kept him grounded.
“Um, yeah…just…” He sank into the chair beside hers. “Long day.”
Teto’s pink eyes searched his face, while she kept hold of his hand. “You know you don’t have to keep everything bottled up, dummy.”
He snorted at the old teasing insult: one they’d used back and forth, among others, when they were playful, rivaling idols back then. “You know how I feel…just like I know how you do.”
Her grasp tightened.
“No parent should see their child like this, you know?” he said.
“Yeah…” Face dampening, she gazed upon Saki. “She should be safe in her own bed, surrounded by her stuffies…in her room, and ha-” She choked and covered her mouth.
Len stiffened, immediately noticing the tears that misted. Guilt pierced and twisted his gut. “Teto, no, no.” He was almost falling off his chair in the next moment, in an attempt to pull himself to her. “I didn’t mean to- I mean, everything’s already so hard, I didn’t want to make you-”
“Oh, shut up.” She nuzzled him as she steadied him. “And be careful; we don’t need you in a hospital room too, babe.”
He huffed and pressed his face into her soft, red drill.
“It’s healthy to cry together,” she whispered, holding him tighter. “I-it hurts…a lot. But this sort of thing helps.” In sync, they looked back toward Saki. So innocent in her sleep…so peaceful.
“She’s so strong,” he whispered, and the next slew of words came out without his permission, “I-I wish I could…change this. I wish I could make her happy always.” His jaw trembled hard, and he clamped his eyes shut. “A-and I know Tsukasa keeps…k-keeps wanting that too.” Tears ran before he could stop them, and the façade he’d had up for his children crumbled in mere moments. “H-he shouldn’t have to see her like that; he shouldn’t have to be strong, and she definitely shouldn’t have to. They’re kids. This health stuff…it…i-it’s all so…so…”
He sank to his knees, now properly off the chair. Teto’s touch was gentle, guiding him down and then his head into her lap. She stroked his hair as he buried half his face in her skirt, sniffling and mumbling out, “It’s destroying me. This isn’t how our family was supposed to go.”
Teto sniffled and nodded, stroking deeper with quivery fingers. “I-I know…gah, I know. And I don’t really know what to say anymore, except th-that…we just keep pushing through, and supporting each other, and our children.”
Len nodded against her leg, and his eyes squeezed shut. “It’s killing me,” he whispered.
“Me too.” Teto leaned down and kissed his head, and he reached up, fingertips brushing her cheek gently. “M-me too…”
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
The next morning dawned, and Len had to practically drag himself out of bed and into the bathroom. There, he didn’t bother fussing with his fluffy mess of hair like he usually did, only giving a quick brush, before padding to the kitchen. Teto had spent the night with Saki, leaving Len alone with Tsukasa, whom Len assumed was still asleep this early.
However, the moment he entered and opened the fridge, a sudden voice shouted from the side.
“DAD!”
Len screamed and stumbled, crashing against the fridge door. Whipping around, he blinked bewilderedly at Tsukasa, who appeared to have been hiding behind a counter. He grinned and waved a sword around—not his usual foam toy, rather one made of a balloon typical for balloon-animal making.
“Like it?” Grinning wider, the young boy first climbed onto the stool, then the counter itself. Len yelped and rushed over the moment Tsukasa stood atop it and raised his weapon proudly. “I made it my- HEY!” He kicked his feet as Len grabbed him by the waist, then gently yanked him off and set him on the floor.
“Don’t do stuff like that.” Len huffed and booped Tsukasa’s nose. “Your mom would kill me if you busted your head open or something.”
“Wouldn’t happen to me.” He shook his head firmly, oozing innocent confidence, typical of a child like him. Len sighed, and the sound came out fond, despite the tiredness and lingering despair from yesterday.
Arms folding, he tipped his head. “Lemme guess, because you’re a legendary, expert sword-wielding hero?”
“Exactly!” Tsukasa snickered and bounced, waving the sword in Len’s face. He snorted and raised his hands in a halfhearted attempted to block it.
“Where’d you even get that balloon?”
“The closet.”
“Huh? We had some in the closet?” Len squinted, watching Tsukasa trot into the living room. “Which closet?”
“The junk closet of doom,” replied Tsukasa, triggering a shudder in Len.
“Ah…right. That.” He cringed toward a closet tucked in the very back of the main living space, dubbed that name by Len himself. It was infamously where anything they couldn’t find a place for went, particularly during spur-of-the-moment cleans.
“There was a book too.” Tsukasa sat cross-legged behind the couch. Head cocking, his dad entered the room with folded arms. Behind the sofa, somehow escaping his notice earlier, was a whole collection of balloon dragons, weapons, flowers, and…well, some other twisted balloons Len could not decipher the shape of. “So I taught myself some and made all this for when we visit Saki today.”
Len had been so busy glancing over everything and pondering how Tsukasa had done this (and when even!) that for a moment he didn’t register the next words. Then, he straightened, and some warmth bloomed in his chest. It was quickly dragged back down into his knotting gut. “Right…when he visit her,” he mumbled, now practically hugging his chest. Hastily, he mustered back a smile. “So, you made all these for her?”
“Yeah basically!” Tsukasa proudly beamed and rearranged his spread of creations. “I’m gonna perform for her again! But this time, I want to switch it up!” He grabbed a dog and raised it toward Len, who in turn approached to take it. “And then she can keep them after…” Tsukasa paused, then raised a finger, declaring, “If I don’t pop them during my super cool performance.”
Len examined the yellow puppy in his hands, mind and stomach a mix of thoughts and emotions. “You’re a good brother, Tsukasa,” he murmured, and it came out softer and sadder than he anticipated. Though he tried to fix the tone, he couldn’t. “She’ll really love that.”
Tsukasa cocked his head, eying Len, as if wondering why his dad had been acting so down lately. Though, he wasn’t dumb. Len knew he could guess; perhaps he already knew, and had for a while. Despite being a quote unquote master at hiding and burying his emotions, Len knew he wasn’t foolproof, even to his children.
“Hey, Dad?” Tsukasa said, standing.
It snapped Len from drifting thought, and he handed the dog back with a small, “Hm?”
Tsukasa tightened his jaw, eyes briefly roaming Len’s face. Then, a familiar determination lit, and he fisted a hand tight with a brand new grin. “After breakfast, I’m going to perform for you first!”
Len blinked once, then twice. Chest warming anew, he straightened, “Tsukasa…why?” He gave a short, hushed laugh. “I don’t want you accidentally popping them for me, before you see Saki.”
“Simple.” Tsukasa shrugged and strolled back toward the kitchen. “I want you to smile too!”
Len rubbed his next, watching his son disappear from the room. His grasp tightened, and he tugged at stray hair strands, before slowly…he did smile. Ever so faintly. It didn’t chase away all the sorrow, worry, and guilt that came with Saki’s situation, but…weirdly, that sweet, silly little boy already had Len smiling, it seemed. Of course, after he cooked them something sweet and delightful, he very much enjoyed Tsukasa’s overenthusiastic, adorable balloon performance.
When they headed out to see Saki and Teto, Len made sure to mention, “Thank you, Tsukasa. Just remember, we can do stuff to make you smile too, yeah?”
“Well yeah, but not as good as I can!”
And that, for the first time that morning, made Len laugh.
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
“Saki!” Tsukasa charged into the patient room.
Saki perked up, her previously distracted and slightly saddened face lightening. She lowered the coloring book she’d been scribbling in, and through a big smile said, “Tsukasa! Daddy!”
“Just wait till you see what I brought!” Tsukasa stopped at her bedside, hands pressing to the white sheets as he grinned ear to ear. “It’s going to be the best performance from Prince Pegasus yet! With brand new enemies and types of weapons!”
She clapped and nodded. “Oo! Yay, that sounds awesome!”
Len went farther in, setting the bag of Tsukasa’s balloons nearby. The boy beelined for it, while Len stepped to Teto, who rose from her chair and approached. “You look a little better,” she said, tapping his chin, then trailing it to his lips when he grasped her hand.
He left a kiss there, then lowered it with a shrug, mumbling, “Yeah, well…this whole situation is just…an up and down sort of thing. It’s terrible, but…” He motioned to her.
She nodded. “We’ll get through it.”
“Hm.” Len nodded back, then tucking an arm around her shoulders, they both turned to watch while Tsukasa rushed to perform for Saki who sat upright and already clapping. “It was actually Tsukasa who helped this time. Gotta say…” Len spoke through his own growing smile, “despite what they’re going through, we’ve got some pretty amazing kids.”
Teto wore a similar gentle expression, face shifting to nuzzle him. “We do.”
And so, the struggling but still standing family remained cloaked in a comforting, cozy atmosphere, watching Tsukasa perform his heart out for his dear little sister. Though it would all continue to be difficult and distressing, no matter what trial came next, he knew this family would make it.