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It took a second ringing of his morning alarm for Till to actually realize he was no longer on weekend leave. Wiping the dry saliva from the corners of his mouth, he untangled his limbs from the mess of sheets he had wrapped himself into like a burrito. Till sluggishly felt around for his phone to have a glance at the time. He let out a satisfactory hum—for the first time this year, he wouldn't have to rush to get dressed and eat breakfast. A miracle truly unhoped-for considering that he was already six months into the school year already.
Till's phone buzzed and he unlocked it, staring blearily at the text popping in the middle of the screen.
> Hey Till, hope you slept well :)
Much to my sorrow, I can't wait for you today, got a supposedly important stu co meeting early this morning and they threatened to do mean things to me if I skipped it again.
> Try not to miss me too much :(
What else could Till do but roll his eyes? The gray-haired boy stretched his joints until he heard them pop, thinking of an answer that would muster up his utmost indifference. He didn't need a travel partner to keep him company anyway.
> I won't.
He hit the send button with a sigh. He blinked at what he'd just sent and shook his head.
Now, Till had more important matters to worry about, such as his outfit of the day. He popped on his school uniform, opting for the short-sleeved shirt.
The weather had reached that point when nobody knew if it was worth wearing a coat to leave the house in the morning, only to end up hauling it around under one arm the rest of the day because it got unexpectedly warm by the start of the evening. But Till had his personal solution to anticipate such a hurdle—his favorite green hoodie.
A cold morning? His hoodie would keep him warm and cozy through the first part of the day and fend off the naughty cold winds.
A hot evening? He only had to take off his hoodie and stuff it in his bag since it was a hundredth time less bulky than a winter coat.
Feeling cold and warm at the same time? Yes, he also had a solution to address this particular issue. Taking his arms out of the sleeves while keeping the hoodie draped over his shoulders. The hood would provide for the rest, shielding him against the breeze or the rays of the sun.
But more than an optimized piece of clothing, Till's green hoodie was like a relic, or a lucky charm. It had sentimental value, partly because he had been wearing it since he first set foot in high-school and it had practically grown on his frame, and also because it had lived through his happiest memories. It was a witness to the best moments of his life, and the very essence of what contributed to build him as a person was contained here within its seams. Losing his hoodie would be like losing parts of his soul.
And he couldn't find it anywhere.
Nothing in his closet. Nothing in the washing machine but boring black laundry. Nothing on the sofa or hidden between two cushions where he had found one of his missing superhero socks in the past. Hell, he had even checked the forbidden pile of dirty clothes sitting in the corner of his bedroom, and the only thing he got out of it was a feeling of shame and a waft of old sweat straight up his nose. He should definitely drop it in the washing machine before the sweaty radioactivity turned the pile into a sentient monster.
Dragging his socked feet across the wooden floor, Till double-checked every possible spot just to make sure he hadn't accidentally missed it, before giving up and resorting to his last option—asking his mom.
Io was peacefully reading her book, sitting in the armchair in the living room. She pulled up her glasses upon noticing that her son was making his way toward her, silently waiting for him to tell her all about his misfortunes of the day.
“Ma, I can't find my green hoodie! You know, the one with dried paint on the hems of the sleeves.”
“Oh, let me think,” She held her chin, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth, “Have you perhaps checked the pile of dirty laundry in your bedroom?”
Till winced, eyes darting to the floor. “Yeah… wasn't there.” He admitted, switching his weight from one foot to the other, “I checked everywhere, twice!”
“Maybe it's in the washing machine then, I just put a load of blue and green laundry on.”
“But there's no way, it was clean! It was washed like a week ago!” Till sighed, desperate.
“Well, sometimes I can be a little heedless, it happens.” She shrugged, “Come on Mr dramatic, it's gonna dry fast. Just wear something else today and you'll have it for tomorrow.”
Till groaned and let his arms hang at his sides, “Promise?”
“Promise!” Putting her book down on the table, Io stood up, squeezing her son's shoulder in passing, “You should get ready now and eat breakfast if you don't want to make Ivan wait.” She winked at him and the disgusted face he pulled made her laugh.
“He's not even coming. He's too busy.” Till rolled his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek. “Got an important meeting or whatever.”
“I understand why you're so grumpy now!” She teased, laughing like a devil as she paced for the kitchen.
“That's not funny! Fu– freak off!” He corrected himself. He was that close to signing his death warrant.
“Language young man!” She shouted. The coffee machine beeped on.
Pouting like a kid who had just been lectured, Till grabbed his backpack and threw it over his shoulder. He picked up his keys and made a beeline for the door, pausing as he put his hand on the handle. Whatever, he didn't need a jacket to begin with, a little breeze wouldn't kill him.
“I'm leaving now, bye ma!”
“See you later, honey!”
And just like that, he pulled the door open and he was off for school. Alone.
His eyes landed on the gates Ivan would usually lean against while waiting for him, every single morning. He could picture him in his mind if he closed his eyes. Ivan's side profile as he stared into the void, spacing out. Then Ivan whipping his head toward him once he heard the door close, wearing that stupid grin that made Till feel squirmy and strange from head to toes. And it wasn't any sort of grin, it was the one that had his eyes crinkling and his snaggletooth dipping into his lower lip. This one, he only ever saved it for Till.
But now the street was empty, and there was no clingy shadow to escort him to school. Till hated the way disappointment settled in the pit of his stomach. He pushed past the gates onto the street. Come on, Ivan wouldn't always be there to hold his hand–
Not the best statement he could have come up with.
Till mussed up his hair out of frustration and put on his headphones, played some Linkin Park and focused on the spring scenery.
The trees had started blooming and sprinkling white and pink petals all over the sidewalk—He did his best not to crush them under his shoes. He looked at the birds tearing bits of withered weeds, working relentlessly to get their nests done before their eggs were laid. It was peaceful. The ideal weather for inspiration to strike. He knew what he would be painting next time in Art club.
Above his head, the clouds were clear, scattered. The calm before the sun began casting its furious, burning rays, he pondered.
The top of the school building appeared in the distance right after he turned at the corner of the street, and he could see the huge century-old beech tree and its green leaves, which stood in the school's front yard. It was the spot he met up at with his friends every morning before class. He removed his headphones, letting them rest around his neck. Mizi's long, pink hair could be seen from miles away, and Till broke into a jog to join her as soon as he spotted her.
“Yo!” He clapped his hands on her shoulders to take her by surprise. She didn't jump, instead she burst out laughing.
“Look who's in a good mood!” She flashed him a smile, “Good morning, you little trickster!”
“Haha! Mornin’ Mizi.” He scratched the back of his head, “It was too tempting...”
“Hello.”
Till whipped his head to the side. He hadn't even heard Sua approach him. She nodded at him and he did as much, somewhat awkwardly.
“Hi, darling!” Mizi crooned before draping herself all over her girlfriend and holding hands. She brushed a strand of black hair behind Sua's ear. “You're wearing the hair clips I gave you, so cute!”
It was no secret that Sua liked her personal space, but it also happened that Mizi liked it even more… and the blush on Sua's face was indication enough as to how she felt about it.
Then Mizi's face lit up as if she had just remembered something. “Oh, right!” She snapped her fingers, grinning back at Till, “Did you see that Babymetal is gonna be at Busan Rock Festival this year? We absolutely need to go!” She clasped his shoulders, her eyes glistening.
“‘Course I did!” Till beamed, “You were going crazy about it in the group chat!” He chuckled, gaze jumping from the excited pink-haired girl to her unreadable girlfriend.
“Ah yes, sorry about that, maybe I overdid it a bit…” She shrugged, not at an ounce sorry for gushing about her current hyperfixation, “Man, I can't wait to see them live! I'm constantly checking the Festival's website just in case they'd open the ticket office!”
“I'd be forever in your debt if you could find me a ticket too!”
“Don't worry, Till,” She pushed her glasses up her nose, “You're talking to a veteran!”
Till had seen her work wonders in the past, unearthing tickets for Red Velvet's tour as soon as the website opened. He knew that if someone could miraculously get their hand on those tickets, it would undoubtedly be Mizi.
“You're not with Ivan?” Sua asked, looking around with narrowed eyes.
“Nah. Said he was busy with council stuff.” He didn't elaborate and it made the girl look at him suspiciously.
“Strange.”
Her gaze was so insistent, looking into his soul as if trying to find some hidden reason as to why Ivan might have left him alone, even for a single morning. Till felt like a small, cornered animal.
Despite being like cats and dogs, Ivan and Sua were probably the only ones capable of making him feel this way. Although if he had to be honest here, he was more intimated by Sua's stare than Ivan's, since often enough, an elbow in the guy's side sufficed to remind him of the line he wasn't allowed to cross.
“He-he's weird like that, I guess…”
Desperately seeking to change topics to one that didn't make him feel like he was at the end of his wits, Till glanced down, and a miracle happened. He noticed that the two girls both wore the exact same bracelet. He seized the occasion. The bunny-shaped plastic beads clicked together when Mizi intertwined their hands.
“That's new?” Till pointed at their hands hurriedly.
“What? We've been holding hands for years, silly!” Mizi teased him, without heat.
“N-no I meant…” He cleared his throat, “The bracelets, I've never seen you wear them before.”
“Oh, right! We got them when we went to the arcade last weekend. I found them cute, and that way we're matching!”
He swore he saw the corners of Sua's mouth lift for a split second. She seemed more than glad to talk about anything else but Ivan. The shorter girl raised their interlocked hands, proudly showing him their matching accessories.
Till felt his cheeks heat up, “It's nice…”
It wasn't unusual for them to partake in the more traditional couple stuff, as they often matched outfits whenever they hung out. However, this time it was more subtle, not easily noticeable at first glance, like some sort of secret vow between two persons bound by a strong connection. It was romantic, and Mizi loved showering Sua in romantic gifts and gestures.
Till wondered then, when—or if—he was to date someone someday, would he also get to match outfits with his future partner? Or would he find it too cliché, and cringe at the mere thought of it? Honestly, he'd much rather settle for a good old clothes swap. Less eyes would be drawn to him, it would only be a secret between him and the special someone with whom he'd share clothes, and it sounded all the more intimate and romantic in his mind.
“Aren't you cold like that?” Mizi asked, eyeing his short sleeves.
Till shook off the delusional train of thoughts he'd delved too far into. He sighed, “It's just that I couldn't find my favorite hoodie anywhere.”
Mizi pursed her lips, “Oh, you mean that green hoodie with ingrained paint stains on the sleeves? I haven't seen you wearing it in a while.”
“Yeah, that's the one.” He stuffed his hands in his pants’ pockets, looking down at his feet.
“I know it's important to you, but I'm sure you'll find it! I'll check my place just in case you forgot it last time we had a pajama party.”
“Thank you, Mizi. You're the best.” He gave her a small smile, “And I'm not that cold anyway. I've got thick skin!” He flapped his arms weakly. He had stopped counting how many times he'd had goosebumps on the way to school.
Suddenly, he watched Sua's expression change from mildly entertained to mildly annoyed as her eyes fell on something behind Till. He raised an eyebrow and was about to turn around, when someone taller than him brushed their shoulders together.
“Oh yeah? That's not what your skin was saying last year when you didn't apply sunscreen despite my many warnings, and you turned bright pink.” The guy barged in and settled in his usual spot beside Till, a hint of a smirk in his voice, “Be careful or you may get frostbites.”
Till furrowed his brows and sighed. No matter where he went, Ivan would always find his way back to him, like a particularly irritating boomerang that came back even after a bad throw done on purpose. Till knew that the moment his skin started to buzz, it meant that his annoyance gauge was filling up. Perhaps he should have savored his alone time from earlier a little more, although he didn't miss the feeling of uneasiness that had clung to him all the way to school, his morning routine having been disrupted by Ivan's absence.
“At least I wasn't being a stuck up asshole spending my entire evening sitting under a parasol and watching my friends like a creep while they're having fun together.” Till scoffed, reminiscing about their beach outing last year.
Back then, he couldn't believe his eyes when Ivan had swanned in with his long-sleeved anti-uv shirt and his dumb fisher bob, as if he was a vampire and sunlight could kill him if it merely grazed his skin.
“But I didn't get sunburns.”
“Yeah, and you didn't tan either!” Mizi added.
They chuckled together, and when Till whipped his head around to argue back, it was as if someone had poured a bucket of cold water over him. He first caught Ivan's narrowed eyes already stuck on him, and then when he glanced down, he froze.
It couldn't be… that green hoodie Ivan was wearing under his uniform jacket… Till swallowed, and the hair on his arms bristled.
It was his hoodie Ivan was wearing.
And of fucking course the guy had the gall to be waiting for Till's live reaction with sparkling eyes, and judging by the way his snaggletooth dug into his lower lip while Till's face crumpled, he must have been quite pleased with it. Of all the different ways he had found to furtively torture Till those past years, this one was a first, and probably the worst yet.
“By the way, Ivan, I was told you were supposed to be busy with student council matters. This kind of stuff usually takes forever, how is it that you're here before the bell has even rung?!” Mizi beamed at Ivan who smiled softly at her.
“Well, I think I found so many solutions to their problems that there won't be any more meetings for a while.”
“Nice way of saying they got fed up with your incessant blabbering.” Sua deadpanned, giving Ivan a once-over and scrunching her nose.
Till held his breath.
This was dangerous. After having mentioned the loss of his precious hoodie, if the girls noticed the paint stains at the end of the sleeves, it would be over for Till. And he really didn't want to have to fumble for an explanation.
Perhaps it wouldn't seem like a big deal to most people, like ‘okay my annoying friend nicked my hoodie to prank me’ and that'd be it. But no. To him, it would feel like defeat, like admitting that Ivan had finally put a finger on a weakness he didn't even know about and that he didn't want to acknowledge. Till couldn't let him have the satisfaction of getting what he wanted, he had to keep his composure and think fast, to swerve around this stupid game of chicken Ivan had initiated.
“Yeah, he's pretty good at that, annoying prick that he is.” Till grumbled while looking daggers at Ivan.
The latter did not pick up on it, instead he narrowed his eyes as if struck by another of his twisted ideas and Till immediately sensed what he would do next. So, right as Ivan was about to lift his arm to drape it around his shoulders, Till grabbed his hand mid-air and yanked it down between them, wrapping his fingers around Ivan's wrist to conceal the ends of the sleeves of his hoodie. The unprompted contact made Ivan grow tense, but Till couldn't care less in the moment.
“If you wanted to hold hands you could have just asked–ow!” Ivan whined when Till shoved at him and made him waver. Till knew he hadn't actually hurt him, he had made that sound to throw him off.
“Erm, sorry Mizi, I just remembered we still have a group presentation to discuss so we'll go ahead. Let's meet up later, bye Sua!”
Ivan tugged at his shirt and Till slapped his hand away, urging him to move already.
“Oh uh, okay? See you later guys!” Mizi raised a confused eyebrow at their suspicious behavior. “We'll talk about the festival's program later!”
Waving goodbye to the girls one last time, Till went on dragging Ivan away toward the main hall as fast as he possibly could, taking a fistful of the guy's jacket so that he wouldn't be tempted to glance back and let their friends believe that he had no idea what was going on either.
“Is that the best excuse you could come up with? We aren't even in the same group. You rejected me.” Ivan chuckled.
Till rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Oh shut up! You know damn well the groups were assigned randomly, you absolute moron!”
“How do I know you didn't perform a secret ritual not to end up in the same group as me?” Ivan asked, sounding falsely despondent. “Maybe that's why you've been inviting me over so frequently, to cast a spell on me.”
For a guy who could play pretend as easily as he breathed, he sure seemed to have a thing for acting poorly on purpose around Till.
“I wish I could curse your ass for real!” They turned at a corner where lockers were aligned in the hallway. “You're always being such a nuisan– wait a minute.” Till whipped his head toward a clueless Ivan who raised his eyebrows, “Is that when you stole it?”
When Till abruptly turned on his heels, Ivan almost bumped into him. Till balled his hands into fists and seized the taller boy's collar, tugging down at it until their eyes were on the same level. Ivan didn't put up much of a fight and complied despite the harsh treatment.
“I have no idea what you're talking about.” The guy simply smiled.
Staring straight into his void-like eyes, Till gritted his teeth. “I'm never inviting you over again.” He muttered, feeling his ears heating up. He let go of Ivan's shirt, shoving at him some more for good measure.
Without waiting for the other boy to quip back, Till walked up to his own locker to fetch the handbooks he needed for his morning classes. He unlocked the door and opened it fast to put some distance between him and Ivan who was still trailing after him. Till heard him whine like a hangdog and he rolled his eyes. Ignoring the twinge in his heart, he slammed the door shut, only to be met with the sight of Ivan attempting to take off the hoodie that seemed way too small on his frame, now that he had removed his uniform jacket.
Till's ears pricked at the sound of hushed chuckles coming from somewhere behind him, and when he peeked over his shoulder there was in fact a group of girls looking their way, hiding their faces in their hands and behind their notebooks. Because of his stupid prank, Till had almost forgotten how Ivan had fangirls stuck to the sole of his shoes wherever he went.
Till sighed, and his eyes grew wide when they fell on the exposed skin of Ivan's belly as his shirt rode up along with the hoodie he was struggling to pull over his head. Acting on a whim, Till tugged it down again and the chuckling ceased. He swore he heard one of the girls groan out of disappointment.
“You'll give it back later.” Till half-mumbled half-grumbled.
He picked up his stuff and began walking away.
“What about our presentation?” Ivan singsonged from where he still stood.
It wasn't a real question, so Till simply flipped him off without glancing back. He no longer had to fight the smile that threatened to break out on his face earlier, so he let it sprout freely as he jogged to his class.
One boring lecture and a savage lunch break spent fighting over the last servings of fries later, Till found himself dropping his gym bag on the bench of the changing rooms a little more roughly than he would have liked. He was stuck in PE class when all he wanted to do was take a nap under the stairs of the deserted lab building, where no one would bother him. No one but Ivan, of course. Only he knew every single place where Till liked to hang out alone. But he could never stay alone for long with Ivan around—the guy was attracted to his personal space like a moth to a flame.
“Your eyebags got worse.” Ivan chimed in. He put his own bag down next to Till's despite having plenty of room to put it down anywhere else, “You're getting closer to turning into a raccoon every day.”
“Yeah, invade my personal space and I'll bite your ass like one.” Till snarled as a warning, ignoring the way Ivan hummed, as if he was interested to find out if he'd actually do it. He unzipped his bag open to pull out his sports gear. “I had to pull all-nighters to finish my art project in time.”
“Yeah? What's your project about?” Ivan leaned against him. Till pushed him back.
“It's about nosy bastards who should stop prying into my business.” He side-eyed the taller boy who was staring at him expectantly, still wearing this stupid smile of his. “Give me back my hoodie now, you thief!”
Ivan tutted and crossed his arms, “You know what? I've changed my mind. I think I'll keep wearing it a little longer.”
“Fuck you! You're not wearing it during PE, you'll ruin it with your musty stink!”
“You bet I will~”
Till clenched his fists, cheeks furiously flushing hot and red. Something seemed to have gone off in his brain. Probably his self-restraint going up in smoke to protect his ego from a vile trickster that threatened its integrity. But the truth was that Ivan had already long since wormed his way inside his brain and taken roots so deep he could push Till's buttons seamlessly, any time he so wished. It was impossible to predict when he'd do it though, and Till hated feeling like he was hanging by a thread 24/7. Ivan wasn't synonymous with stability.
“Take. It. Off!” Till firmly grabbed a fistful of his hoodie before pulling it upwards and forcing Ivan's arms up as he did so.
“You're stripping me now? That's so naughty of you, Till~” Ivan teased, wriggling his body in a supposedly suggestive way, but Till only tugged harder, shoving the fabric in Ivan's face. He wished he could smother his smug face with it.
“Shut up, idiot!”
Despite his greatest efforts to pull it over Ivan's head, said head seemed too big to go through the collar hole. When he glanced down to possibly find a way to take it off of him more efficiently, Till was met with the taller boy's toned abdomen as his shirt had ridden up along with his hoodie, and it all felt like déjà vu. Whether to preserve the guy's mockery of decency or to find something to put between his eyes and Ivan's bare skin, Till set his jaw and tugged down at his black t-shirt, only for his fingertips to accidentally graze against his skin and provoke an unexpected reaction.
The sound Ivan made was between a pained moan and a muffled sigh—sound which he hastened to abort by pressing his lips into a tight line. He was also slightly curled up on himself, enough for Till to notice the way he was bending away from his touch.
Without thinking, Till did the most sensical thing he could think of, jamming his fingers right into Ivan's belly.
“Agh–” Ivan yelped before he huffed through his nose and made a low sound akin to a chuckle, and he leaned against the wall. He winced and stared at Till wide-eyed, as if he had done something he was embarrassed about.
Till looked down at his own hands with wide eyes, only now discovering the power they held. After all these years searching for a way to retaliate against Ivan's relentless teasing, it seemed that instead of keeping a reasonable distance between them, he should have closed it from the start and forced the guy to recoil.
When he glanced up at the taller boy, his void-like eyes didn't shine with glints of mischief no more. He swallowed, aware that Till would never spare him now that he knew of his new-found weakness.
“I'm giving you back your hoodie.” Ivan attempted. It was too late though.
Till felt his smile grow uncontrollably wide. In the next moment, he was pouncing on Ivan and jabbing his fingers into his belly and sides, not allowing him a second of respite as he gasped for air between frantic giggles. He wasn't even trying to push him away. Till felt so ecstatic that he didn't want to stop, and every fit of laughter he instigated in Ivan only served to fuel his tickle-craze on and on.
“Ha–p-please! Till–” Ivan rasped, breathless.
He was so overwhelmed by the constant onslaught of tickles that he ended up falling in slow motion on the bench, his legs kicking upwards in an attempt to defend himself.
“You should have thought twice before stealing my stuff, thief!” Till cackled, “You brought this upon yourself!”
Despite the fact that Ivan was using his arms to protect his abdomen, Till didn't hesitate to snake around them in order to find any opening he could. Not once did he consider that the way he was pinning Ivan down might seem inappropriate.
Till's ears were filled with the sound of Ivan's laugh, and he didn't hear the door open, much less the hurried footsteps coming their way. Then, there was a loud whistling and he jumped back as if he had springs in his legs. He grabbed at his t-shirt to stop his heart from bouncing out of his ribcage out of fright. Till's eyes darted between Ivan's red face and his PE teacher's angry scowl.
“You two! Outside now and run ten laps around the field!”
The sun had reached its peak and students were sweating through their smelly jerseys as they played match after match.
Till watched them with envy as they threw and dunked the ball into the opposing team's basket. He'd rather be sweating while playing basketball than while running around the court aimlessly.
He leaned forward, hands on his knees as he stopped for breath. Ivan caught up to him a minute later, looking much less tired than him, although he was a bit red in the face and his forehead was glistening with sweat. Till had resolved to get some distance on him after the guy had started to go on about how Till was such a bad influence on him that he had gotten punished because of him. It was just hot air, but it only served to remind Till of the searing embarrassment and shame that had him by the throat when the teacher had caught them red handed messing around.
“I can't believe you still haven't taken it off.” Till scrunched up his nose at the sight of his beloved hoodie hugging Ivan's frame.
Ivan stretched his legs nonchalantly. “At least it kept me company while I ran my laps, unlike someone whom I thought was my best friend…” He pouted.
“Drama queen!”
Ivan blew him a kiss and Till mimicked throwing up.
He turned on his heels, completely ignoring the childish whining Ivan did to grab his attention back. He dragged his feet to the nearest water fountain and freshened up by splashing water in his face. The sound of Ivan's footsteps got closer behind him and Till moved aside, barely giving him the room to use the fountain too.
The black-haired boy hummed before leaning forward to take a sip. “I didn't think your hoodie would smell so nice, to be honest.”
“Shut u–what the–?” Till frowned.
He'd been drying the ends of his hair which had gotten wet using his t-shirt. He whipped his head toward Ivan so fast he had to hold himself onto the ledge of the fountain not to crash into the taller boy.
The biting comment Till expected him to add to season his statement never came. Instead, Ivan simply side-eyed him, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
He was leaving the toughest part of their back and forth to Till. It implied finding the funny, sarcastic, silly comeback that would save the both of them from having to speak openly and honestly. Talk about poor communication skills.
So, Till settled for what he did best: a mix of fight and flight—digging his teeth hard enough to draw blood before running off so as not to see the damage he caused.
Till scoffed. Ivan directed his full attention on him to hear what he had to answer, an innocent glint of curiosity in his expression
Then, Till turned on the fountain and hurled cold water in Ivan's face, “And it's gonna stink soon if you don't take it off, asshole!”
Ivan blinked at him, with his big and round confused eyes. But firsthand shock quickly eased into an emotionless smile that didn't make his eyes crinkle and took away the spark in his eyes. He had slipped on the one mask that allowed him to dissociate on command. The one that made him feel like a hollow shell of himself
Till had no idea why in lieu of scampering off, he was watching Ivan's attitude metamorphosis happen before his eyes. He took a hesitant step back and his body followed stiffly. He left Ivan stranded behind, swallowing down the bitter taste in the back of his throat.
Five pm; The early morning clouds had dissipated, allowing the sun to finally hit the asphalt with its burning rays.
As he usually did on Mondays, Till had booked two additional hours to study with his friends at the school library. What these sessions meant though, was that Ivan and Sua would study thoroughly according to their model students reputation, while Till and Mizi would chat about their favorite bands and occasionally tease their studious friends.
Yet Till couldn't quite bring himself to be as eager as Mizi was, talking about their future trip to the Busan Rock Festival. While she scrolled on her phone to check resellers’ prices, Till mindlessly scribbled ugly sketches in the corners of his notebook. Sending a furtive glance across the table, he caught Ivan looking down at his notebook. The latter quickly averted his gaze once he realized he was being observed.
Weird.
Ivan hadn't even nudged his foot under the desk a single time today.
Till didn't want to think about why it bothered him so much.
Once the clock struck six, they all packed their stuff to leave. Mizi and Sua stayed behind to return a bunch of study books they had borrowed last week while Till headed toward the school's main hall, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. Ivan was following him in silence like a clingy ghost, except Till didn't feel the searing heat he did when he knew Ivan was drilling holes into the back of head.
Till stopped down the stone staircase at the entrance of the school and took out his phone to keep his hands busy.
“Aren't you hot like that?” He threw the question into the air while remaining as detached as he could.
There was a short moment of latency before the answer came, “It's bearable.” He sounded closer than Till had expected him to stand.
“Hmm.”
It was a lost cause to hope Ivan would keep the conversation going. Till sighed, slipping his phone back inside his pocket.
“Listen, I'm—”
“BOO!”
Someone clapped his shoulders out of nowhere and he screamed, instinctively jumping by Ivan's side.
“Hahaha!! Gotcha!” Mizi poked her own cheek, giggling, “That's revenge for this morning hehe!”
Till clutched at the front of his shirt, feeling his entire being buzz because of the sudden burst of adrenaline.
“I–I wasn't scared!”
“Why are you holding onto Ivan for, then?” Sua pointed out, clearly amused by the situation. She naturally motioned to hold Mizi's hand.
“Heh?” Till hadn't realized he'd been gripping onto Ivan's arm like a lifeline and he hurriedly released him, coughing against his fist. “That was–I was just checking something!”
“Right, checking something. Makes sense.” Sua raised her eyebrows.
“Don't worry Till, I like to hold onto Sua when I'm scared too!”
“I would have bet it was the opposite.” Ivan mumbled.
Mizi laughed and put a finger on her lips, “Anyway, look Till, do you think we should get normal or premium tickets for the festival? We get shirts as a bonus with the premium pass.” She shoved her screen in his face, so he stepped back to be able to read the description of the premium pack.
Unlike Mizi, Sua wasn't keen on letting Ivan's comment slide though, and she locked her gaze onto him, “Do you have something to say?”
Till kept an ear out, he was quite good at splitting his attention between tasks.
Ivan seemed to shrug, “Oh not really, I'm just wondering what you would do without Mizi~” He clasped his hands together.
Till took a peek at his friends above Mizi's phone, eyes darting left and right. Their rivalry didn't appear to worry Mizi all that much as she kept enumerating what bands would play at the festival with gusto.
“My, my…” Something changed in Sua's demeanor then, she chuckled, “You've got some nerves to say that when you're the one who can't seem to exist without constantly orbiting around Till!”
Till's eyes grew wide. His gaze met Sua's and he knew he was done for. She proved him right straight away.
“You've even been parading around school wearing Till's hoodie all day long. Thought nobody would notice?” She looked Ivan up and down while he kept smiling at her like an idiot, “I didn't point it out before out of politeness, but if you want to play that game with me, know that I won't hold back.”
Deep down, Till was aware that Sua had no intention to target him specifically, but it still felt like he'd been stabbed in the back with a thousand knives.
Mizi was the first to break the awkward silence, “Oh, right! I didn't even notice!” She squealed and winked at Ivan insistently, for some reason Till couldn't figure out.
For sure, Ivan had to have a backup plan, an excuse, or whatever to save his ass if he ever got called out. So, Till eyed him expectantly.
But his stomach sank, because at his side, Ivan's feigned confidence had vanished and had been replaced by a distorted smile and the nervous gesture of tugging at his own collar for air.
Well fuck.
They had no explanation. Till had no explanation.
It was HIS hoodie Ivan had taken without asking, and now he couldn't even tell them that. It would make the whole thing sound even more suspicious if he explained to the girls that Ivan had stolen it while he'd been over at his place, for the simple reason that he'd been inviting the guy over every week for the past few months now. It wasn't like him to have a one-on-one with Ivan, let alone several one-on-one, and he'd expressed his need to be far away from Ivan so many times that he was convinced Sua would start suspecting there was a secret thing going on between the two of them when there was NONE.
Till had so many thoughts happening at once that his brain began to feel like a steaming kettle. Mizi and Sua's attention on him made it harder to form a coherent thought so he just punched Ivan's arm and jabbed a finger in his sternum.
“YOU'RE SUCH A MORON, I FUCKING HATE YOU!!! B-BYE!” He bowed at the girls and stormed off faster than he had in his entire life.
He ignored the ringing in his ears and the way his calves cramped up with how wide he took his strides. The breeze was cold on his hot cheeks and it helped him cool down a bit. It almost obscured the sound of footsteps running after him. Ivan's shadow stretched next to his. He was out of breath. Till covered his ears.
“You run fast, despite having short legs.” Ivan panted, attempting to rub him up the right way.
Till didn't answer. It was a long walk back home and he kept quiet all the way until he reached his house. He pushed the gates open and turned around to see Ivan handing him his hoodie.
“I'm sorry for taking your hoodie without asking first. I didn't mean to… to hurt you.”
Till searched his face for a hint that would prove he was still playing him. There wasn't any. He finally recovered his hoodie and watched Ivan play with his thumbs once he was left empty-handed.
“It's fine, I don't care…” He couldn't look Ivan in the eyes.
A small smile lit up Ivan's face, “I'll see you tomorrow, then?”
“Yeah, yeah. Be there tomorrow. No more of that council meeting bullshit, got it?” He waved at Ivan with his back turned on him, only looking back once he had reached the door.
Ivan was happily skipping down the street and Till chuckled at how silly he looked in the distance. He rubbed the tears at the corners of his eyes before closing the door.
“Hey honey! How was school?” Io asked as he passed by the living room.
“It was shit!”
“Oi, language!” She warned without heat. “Dinner will be ready at 8!”
“Yeah!”
Till balled up his hoodie and threw it in the laundry basket before heading to the stairs. But then, as he was about to climb the first step and go chill in his bedroom, he backtracked to the laundry room and picked up the discarded hoodie. He stared at it for a while, looking around to make sure the way was clear, and he hesitantly brought the fabric to his nose.
It smelled like Ivan. It was a scent Till got a whiff of only when he would lean into Ivan a bit too close while they played video games or studied together in the library.
Hoodie in hand, he tramped up to his room, a decidedly bad idea blooming in the back of his mind.
He closed the door behind him, shook his head and implemented said idea anyway. He took his pillow and slipped his hoodie over it like a pillowcase.
“What are you doing… freak…” Till grumbled and pulled at his hair.
But now that it was all in place, he could at least try it out, right?
He sighed and lied down on his belly, burying his face into his new pillowcase. His grunt was absorbed by the padding of the pillow. He took a deep breath and let his body relax, evacuating the unnecessary stress he had accumulated all day. He didn't see why he couldn't indulge a little and let his weird thoughts win for once, especially now that there was no one around to judge him.
Inside his pocket, his phone buzzed and he groaned. He didn't want to move after having found such a comfortable position, but the urge to make sure it wasn't somebody spewing nonsense behind his back texting was stronger.
> I'm sorry :((
Till smiled.
This guy, he always had a good reason to keep texting Till.
> Piss off!
> I'm not mad anyway.
Ivan's response came instantly.
> :)
Till reacted to his message with a vomiting emoji. He was relieved, they were visibly back to normal.
Turning on his side, Till wrapped his arms around his pillow and hugged it to his chest. He closed his eyes, inhaling the nice scent which was taking over his most personal space.
Perhaps lending his hoodie to Ivan wasn't such a bad idea in the end.