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The birth is terrifying.
Somehow, Ray is more terrified than Billy and Billy’s the one who ends up being in labor for five hours without an epidural. Ray’s the one that almost passes out when Billy needs him most. He most definitely does not deserve to name their son. This thought is weirdly at the forefront of his mind when Billy’s mid-scream and the full body of their child is pushed out onto Ray’s waiting arm.
It’s then he realizes that their son is actually their daughter.
Billy is coming down from hours of pain and stress while Ray hurriedly moves to snip the umbilical cord. Billy somehow also notices that the baby is a girl and manages to make one woozy comment.
“Huh. Didn’t expect that. What do you think of Princess Peach?”
After this, Billy immediately passes out.
There is blood everywhere.
Ray is left sleep-deprived with a crying newborn baby and a life partner who is out for the count. They had nine months to think this through and somehow, they aren’t prepared whatsoever.
It gets better.
Billy wakes up ten minutes later with a whimper, and a final series of cramps which help him push out the placenta. A necessary evil Ray is grateful he doesn’t have to dig in there himself to achieve.
“Never talking about this part ever again! Never ever. If you bring it up, you’re dead to me!” Billy warns, in hysterics, covering his eyes as Ray moves to sort away the placenta in a carefully sealed bag. He isn’t going to tell Billy he’s saving it just in case they have another food crisis.
When Ray’s closing the freezer in the back hall, Billy calls out,
“Ray?”
He sounds scared now, for the first time all night. He’s been in pain, he’s been fretting that there will be something wrong with the baby. He’s been tired, hungry. But he hasn’t sounded scared yet.
Ray tries not to run back to the makeshift birthing bed.
He almost trips in his rush.
Billy’s shoved the thin tablecloth they’ve been using the rest of the way over his lower half to hide the mess. They’ll need to clean it up very soon but Ray doesn’t voice that. He wants to give Billy a moment to come down from this whole biological nightmare. He can’t imagine what he’s been going through. Child labor without any type of pain killer would be life-changing for anyone. Billy looks okay, oddly enough. Aside from the frazzled hair and sharp glint of fear in his eyes.
“Where is she?” he asks Ray, swallowing hard. “She okay?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Ray is quick to assure, feeling bad because of course he’s wondering about their daughter. Or where she is for that matter. He’s surprised Billy doesn’t remember him rolling out the hand-made crib in the midst of his labor but then again, Billy was fairly preoccupied.
He moves behind the bed to pick their baby girl up.
It’s the first time Ray’s held her since he cleaned her up and set her down in her bed. She’d fallen asleep very soon after the whole ordeal so her eyes are closed behind brown lids, skin glowing in the fluorescent light of the Biodome. As he’s walking her over to Billy, he slows down instinctively, desperate to get a good look at their daughter. Oh my fucking god, this is my kid.
Ray adjusts her swaddling. It’s fabric cut from one of their many bedsheet replacements they have in storage. She looks so peaceful, and deeply warm in contrast with the white fabric.
“Ray,” Billy demands, a little desperately. “Can I…?”
“I’m sorry,” Ray blurts out, closing the distance the last couple feet to hand her to Billy. “I just, uh, got overwhelmed. This is a lot to take in, man. We made her. This is our—it’s a miracle.”
“Hey, c’mere,” Billy insists, not letting Ray go far. “Wasn’t telling you to go anywhere. Just wanted to see her. You’re daddy number two, okay, you get to be here just as much as me.”
“Why am I number two?” Ray teases as he slips an arm around Billy’s sweaty shoulders. He got on the bed shirtless because their baby woke him up in the middle of the night with contractions.
“Uh, did you birth an entire living being with no pain meds for five hours?”
“You’re going to hold this against me for the rest of our lives, aren’t you?”
“You’re damn right.”
Ray hisses at the swear word and Billy rolls his eyes.
“I am not going to restrain myself from using bad words just because we have a kid. There can't be social taboos when society is gone, buddy.”
“Point taken. But look at her,” Ray encourages, reaching out a hand to adjust the blanket swaddled around her again. She stirs fussily, brow cinching and tiny button-nose wrinkling. “She’s so small.”
They take a solid few minutes to admire her.
Billy’s got her cradled in his arms, rocking her with a level of paternal (maternal?) care Ray never could’ve expected from him. It doesn’t come as a surprise but it’s genuinely miraculous to see.
“She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Billy whispers.
“Yeah,” is all Ray can muster. “Our little girl.”
Billy grins up at him and Ray wants to kiss him so badly. He doesn’t know why he holds back, but he does.
Maybe he just wants to let this moment sit as it is.
Their daughter stirs again, writhing in the blanket as her eyes blink open. They’re just alike to Billy’s. A much lighter brown that almost harbors a hazel quality, veiled over saucer-wide orbs.
“Hi, Peachy,” Billy croons, lowering his forehead to hers. She gargles, not frightened by his size or imposition. She must sense he’s basically her mother. It makes this all the more real.
Ray doesn’t realize what Billy’s said until Billy cringes up at him.
“Sorry, we can, um…discuss, if you want.”
“Discuss?”
He still isn’t getting it.
“I just think that’s an adorable name. I wasn’t sure how serious I was about the Mario or Luigi name thing, and I know you hated it, but Peach is…”
Ray sighs because he doesn’t hate it either.
He can already envision himself calling her Princess as a nickname and he hates himself for not being mad about it.
“I like it,” he offers, sighing again when Billy responds with a shit-eating grin.
“A name of royalty,” Billy announces to their baby, wriggling a little finger against her chin. She gargles again, staring up at them in wonder. “Fitting for the first child born on New Earth.”
“Okay, we’re not calling it New Earth. It’s just Earth. We’re not in a sci-fi epic.”
“Fuck you, we so are in a sci-fi epic.”
“Shh.”
Billy’s finger strokes lightly against her cheek and Peach nudges towards it with her mouth, beginning to cry when she realizes it’s not what she wants. Even her cries are adorable, even if it’s worrying. Ray knows what being hungry sounds like these days, coming from any mouth.
“Crap, crap, crap, what do I do?” Billy starts to react poorly, holding Peach out in front of him like a bomb that’s about to explode. Ray’s worries are slowly replaced with mirth.
“Moment of truth, Billy,” Ray explains. “She’s hungry.”
“They eat this soon?” is the exclaimed reply.
“Yes, didn’t you listen at all to the seminars I put together for us?”
“You know I never listen to your seminars!”
“You’re impossible, just—here.” Ray moves to adjust a crying Peach in Billy’s arms, angling her so her mouth is by his nipple. He unswaddles her at the front so her arms can stretch out searchingly, pawing at Billy’s chest. The sight makes him ache. Billy makes a small noise like he feels the same about it. “Just guide her there, yeah, there you go. It should happen naturally.”
“What if it doesn’t work?” Billy questions, vulnerability drenching his soft tone.
Peach dispels his fears instantly, mouth latching onto his nipple. Billy winces and grumbles, “Ow” at the same time Ray replies, “Yeah, I don’t think we’re going to have a problem.”
After a few moments of suckling happily, Peach snorts, milk dribbling down her chin.
“Egh,” Billy mumbles. “This is so weird.”
“Circle of life, baby,” Ray muses, overly pleased. Their daughter is eating, seemingly healthy, and Billy is alive. Despite its rocky start, this night couldn’t have gone better in his eyes.
Thank God they fixed their food supply crisis from a few months back.
He can’t imagine what situation they’d be in if they hadn’t gotten their plants going again. If he maintains the garden, they should have no problem. And he hasn’t been worried about maintenance for a long time now. It’s almost as if the continuously growing lights outside have been helping their plants prosper. If the sun is coming back in any way, shape, or form, there are implications there that Ray isn’t sure their family can handle right now. Not when Peach’s start of life is the most important thing on everyone’s docket. However, if outer life is habitable again? They can start to grow food outside, hypothetically. Peach may have places to run, play.
The bowling ball is rolling towards a strike.
“She has your stupid face,” Billy points out when Peach starts winding down, falling asleep against his chest which could give even the most masculine of men like Ray cuteness aggression.
“You like my stupid face.”
“Yeah, well,” Billy mutters, unable to tear his eyes away from their daughter. He leans down to press a kiss into the sparse black curls on the top of her head. There’s barely any there. She’s so tiny and fragile. They have to dedicate their lives now to protecting her. It’s hardly a choice they have to make at all. It’s something Ray knows he’s destined to do forever, and he’s sure Billy feels the same. Billy then says, “We really did it. We made this scientific craziness happen.”
“Well, whatever gave you a magical vagina made it happen,” Ray corrects mildly.
Billy scowls, cradling Peach closer.
“I bet that magical force didn’t go through excruciating labor like I did.”
Ray frowns, reminiscing on the guttural screams Billy had been releasing. He’s never heard him in pain like that before and he’s seen him break both of his legs on a rock climbing trip.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Ray admits, jaw trembling with emotion.
Emotions in general have been running high between them for hours and it was a matter of time before the dam broke. It explodes and Ray finds himself breathing heavily, struggling to keep tears from falling. He can’t imagine what he would’ve done if Billy hadn’t made it through this.
“No, no, no, don’t,” Billy rattles off, stretching his free arm out to pull Ray in. “No, c’mere, don’t cry. It’s okay. I’m okay, I’m sorry. I’m okay, look. Look at me, we’re all fine. It’s gonna be fine.”
Ray buries his face in Billy’s neck, breathing jaggedly.
His scent calms him down, his warmth. Not to mention, the fact that the blood pulsing against his cheek is alive, well.
“I love you,” Ray confesses, quiet as snow. “I love you, Billy.”
Billy tenses up. The arm he has wrapped around Ray’s back tightens, nails curling into his skin through his shirt. He pulls him ever closer, pressing an instinctive kiss against Ray’s temple.
This isn’t something they’ve dared say to each other.
After the first time they had sex, most barriers between them broke down. They started having sex regularly once it wasn’t some scary, life-defining thing standing between them like the world’s biggest elephant anymore. They practiced intimacy in ways Ray never doubted. Foot massages, light caresses, two-person yoga, dancing. They did all the things they’d been scared to do before except say those three words. I love you always seemed like it would mean more than all the new things they’ve discovered together. Like it would mean something that’s always been there even in the days when Earth was alive where they’d go weeks without talking to each other. All the moments before, when they had chances to settle down with their girlfriends and refused for some unknown reason. Choosing career over connection, or maybe it was one connection over another. They knew each other their entire lives, for as long as either of them can remember.
“I got you to say it first,” Billy jokes, scraping his nails up and down Ray’s back. He knows Ray loves nothing more than when he does that. “And I got to name our baby. I’m a lucky gal, huh.”
Annoyed, Ray groans.
Billy chuckles, then says, “Man, I really need a shower.”
Five weeks pass.
Billy takes to parenthood better than Ray expects.
He gets up every night, every two or three hours without complaint, when the timer goes off for Peach’s feedings. Rolling out of Ray’s arms which causes him to stir. On his way across their bedroom to get to Peach, Billy always rubs Ray’s back really quick with the back of his palm so he knows all is well. Their sweet girl is never fussy, and never cries to wake them up. Not like she cried when she was born. She eats maybe seven or eight times a day which Ray understands is normal if not a bit less than she should be craving. He imagines it has something to do with Billy not eating as much as he should’ve during the pregnancy and Ray prays this doesn’t mean she’ll have developmental issues. Ray wishes he could provide for her in some way but they don’t have any formula here and Billy is the only parent that can help her when she’s hungry.
This means Ray overcompensates during the day.
He changes all of Peach’s diapers. Glad to, honestly. Billy is filled with exhaustion throughout the day with barely enough energy to play Mario Kart. He doesn’t want to slack and be a bad partner in this situation. And he loves their daughter so much, he’s often filled with so much restless energy from all the affection, he doesn’t know how to funnel it. So, this works.
They’re very lucky he stocked this place with diapers at all, anticipating the event that they’d grow old and incontinent one day. He packed enough away in here that he believes they’ll have enough to get through Peach’s diaper years, but likely not enough to help them in their later life.
They can only hope the environment outside continues to prosper.
The lights seem to get brighter everyday, like an aurora borealis.
Ray does the cooking, cleaning, and maintenance. It isn’t much of a departure from before, actually, which amuses him. What doesn’t amuse him is the lack of energy Billy continues to have. Every time Ray gets anxious about what it could mean, Billy’s usually playing peek-a-boo with their daughter and staring brightly down at her like she’s the best gift he’s ever received.
“I don’t think it’s postpartum,” Ray claims one night when Peach is asleep in her crib. They’ve rolled it next to the dining table. These days, they don’t let her go even two feet away from them. “You wouldn’t light up the room whenever you’re holding her if it were that. I’m worried about you, though.”
Apparently Billy had no idea Ray had been hypothesizing about this at all, if his gawking expression of disbelief is telling.
“Jiminy Christmas,” Billy utters, scooping some tomato puree into his mouth. “I didn’t realize I was being such a bummer, I’m sorry, man. I can help with the dishes after this if you—”
“It’s not about that,” Ray remarks.
He regrets that it comes out sounding so curt, though Billy doesn’t flinch. He simply waits for Ray to elaborate.
“It’s like you’re shutting down. I just need to know if you’re feeling like you're gonna be alright.”
Ray is asking more than that. He’s asking if Billy’s mind is going to give out. If something bad is going to happen to them because Billy can’t do this anymore. Maybe it’s a failing that during the pregnancy, Billy sort of became the person he’s been leaning on emotionally instead of the other way around. Ray used to be the only one with hope but he’s not sure if this whole thing they have here will stay stable if conditions revert back to the way things were. If Billy loses hope, Ray doesn’t know that he can hold all of this up on his own. These should be the happy times.
And Billy seems so far away.
“Ray,” Billy muses, like there’s a joke somewhere in all this. Ray doesn’t get what’s funny. “Hey, you think Peach is really out?”
Shifting gears, it takes Ray a minute to figure out what he means.
“Yeah, probably for a couple hours. Why?”
She usually sleeps hard for a scheduled amount of time.
There’s a glint of mischief in Billy’s eyes as he stands and reaches out a hand to Ray. Reluctantly, Ray takes it and allows himself to be led back to their bedroom. He only hesitates in the doorway, glancing back towards their baby girl left all alone in her crib. She’s sleeping peacefully, not a care in the world. And truly, there isn’t a threat in this world at all to justify his hesitations leaving her. They’ll certainly hear her if she starts crying; this is okay. They can do this. Billy shuts the door behind them, not closing it all the way, then he’s pulling Ray into him by the waist, hands starting low and then raking up towards the sensitive skin under Ray’s ribs.
“Mmf.” Ray grunts into the kiss that Billy deepens almost instantly, with an edge of need that Ray hasn’t felt from him in months. At a certain point, Billy had gotten self conscious about how bloated he’d become and refused sex. It hits Ray right in the chest how long it’s been since they’ve touched with the intent to touch more and it drags a groan out of him. “Billy, fuck.”
“Feeling a bit neglected, huh, big guy?” Billy rasps playfully, fingers skating up under the hem of Ray’s shirt, searching for those fine lines of muscle he always loves to trace and rub.
Ray shudders and asks, accusatorily, “Who taught you to talk like that?”
“You, probably.”
“Hnn. I don’t know ‘bout that.” Ray dips into him for another kiss, scooping his weight up from the backs of his thighs so he can tilt them both closer to each other and closer to the bed.
They collapse together, making out with the neediness of teenagers who just got a few seconds of alone time at summer camp. The two of them did summer camp once and spent their days inside watching VHS tapes. They should’ve been out kayaking with the other kids. Playing catch the flag. Instead, they hadn’t kept two inches from each other lazing about on a couch. Fuck, they were stupid.
Ray tugs his shirt off and Billy quickly follows suit, revealing breasts that have swollen from the birth and the feedings. Heavier set and pink and perfect. Ray can hardly help himself, lurching down to lick a stripe over one of his glistening nipples, causing Billy to yelp and swat at him.
“Chill out, pervert, they’re sensitive!”
“You were the one that came onto me,” Ray grouses, meeting his eyeline with feigned irritation. Billy isn’t looking him in the eye, scrounging up into a little, insecure ball of a human being.
He looks silly. Like a rollypolly.
“I didn’t know you had a…a mommy kink, or whatever.”
“You look nothing like my mother,” Ray deadpans.
“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to breastfeed two mouths in this house!” It’s not a house, first of all, and the vernacular his friend is using makes Ray laugh out loud and immediately soften.
He strokes down Billy’s waist, rubbing soothing circles over his stomach with his thumbs.
“That’s all you had to say, okay? Sorry, I got a bit overexcited. They just look…” Billy’s eyes glint with a shred of satisfaction, and rightfully a healthy amount of pride, as Ray stares down at his chest in pure admiration. They shouldn’t look so good attached to a man like Billy but, fuck, they really do. He’d simply reacted on instinct. “Can I still touch them, or does it hurt here?”
“No, you can—yeah, sure,” Billy rambles, flustered, rolling his chest into Ray’s palming hands, which keep exploring their shape. He shudders and makes a small noise when Ray tweaks one of his nipples, watching a bead of milk erupt from the tip. It’s biologically fascinating, beautiful.
Billy is glowing.
“I’ve missed this.” Ray murmurs soft compliments into Billy’s now-deflated stomach. It’s crazy to believe he was housing life here not weeks prior. Now, he’s returned to looking like his normal self, a bit rounder around the waist and breasts. Not anything Ray would ever complain about.
Billy’s fingers scrape through Ray’s hair, steering him up into a kiss.
“Missed you too.”
The rephrasing is warm, ghosting along Ray’s lips.
Hands fall to Ray’s pajama bottoms, pulling and tugging at the drawstrings. He only notices what Billy’s attempting when he feels knuckles graze over his erection. He shifts to grab his wrists.
“Hey, hey, you okay? Sure you wanna jump back into things?”
Usually there’s a recovery period for birth and Billy is normally fairly insecure about his anatomy, so Ray doubts he’d be initiating like this if he wasn’t sure his parts were all in working order. Still, it’s good to ask, and Billy casts him a tender look that makes his heart tighten.
“Yeah, yeah I need you.”
Ray’s mind fogs over with arousal. He nods fervently, helping Billy pull his pants down, and then moves to Billy’s to do the same. They toss Billy’s pants across the room, falling back into each other with desperate hands and panting mouths. Ray pushes his cock right up against the searing hot seam of his body, making Billy gasp into his mouth as they grind and writhe together.
Reaching down to take a hold of himself, he doesn’t push in. Ray looks just once to make sure he’s aligned with Billy’s clit, rubbing his tip over the wet mound, back and forth until Billy’s breathing sharpens.
“You’re fucking teasing me, when it’s been, what, months?” Billy asks, incredulous. He tries to shift down, catch Ray’s cock off guard and force it to slip in, but Ray’s in charge right now.
He’s got a good hold on Billy’s hip and his own erection.
“You get wet a lot faster than you used to,” Ray points out, teasing that fluttering hole of his with the tip of his cock, pushing very slowly and not letting it move inside beyond the head, pushing upward to make it graze hard against Billy’s clit again. Billy falls flat on his back, groaning, and gets even louder when Ray daringly taunts, “I think that means you like me more now.”
“Of course I like you more now. You’re my personal sex slave.” Billy seems to realize what he said the very second one of Ray’s eyebrows hitches up in plain, stunned amusement. He quickly rectifies, “You know I mean in the sexy BDSM way, not the racist way, doofus. You know? Whatever. I’ve got you wrapped around my finger. You’d probably die without my tight little pussy.”
Maybe that’s true, though Ray will never admit it.
“Don’t know how tight it’s gonna be after you had a full on human pop outta there,” Ray argues back, kissing at Billy’s neck to pass the time while Billy sputters in a series of indignant huffs.
“How can you even talk about that during this? C’mon man. If I had a boner, it’d be gone.”
“I guess scientists are just built different.”
Ray trails those kisses down Billy’s chest, careful to stay between his breasts and not go atop them, as much as he’d like to. He makes a damp path downward until his lips find that space between Billy’s legs, still throbbing and wet. He kisses over the clit there, admiring again the bigger shape of it. He’s never seen a woman with one this size, and it just makes Billy all the more unique. He sucks it into his mouth like he’s only done once before and Billy freaks out.
“Fuck, fuck, goddamn it Ray, you bastard, must you always win?”
It’s so easy to win when it comes to Billy.
He’s putty in his hands like this, sex pushed up against the rough texture of Ray’s beard, rolling back and forth into him like waves, desperate for more. Desperate to crash along the shore.
Ray licks into him for a good while, tonguing his clit and kissing his hole, labia flowering apart when he presses both hands on his thighs to spread him open for his mouth. He tastes soap and musk and a hint of blood from arousal or when his cervix bleeding stopped days ago and Ray cannot find himself to care about any of the ‘gross’ aspects of it someone else might be disgusted by. He’s wanted to do this again since he first tried, relishing the obscene noises Billy makes when he sucks and mouths at him. It sounds like he’s in pain, and he’s all too familiar with that.
Sounds even more pained when he pulls back and Billy begs him for more.
“Please, please,” he keeps muttering, eyes closed. “Please don’t stop.”
“You want me?”
Billy forces his eyes open, tears making his lashes stick together.
“Yeah,” he rasps. “Yeah, Ray. Come on.”
It’s a perfect feeling, climbing back over Billy to align himself with his wet heat. He's drenched, desperate for it. Ray can hardly stand it. Pushing inside a place he’s become so familiar with ever since those first few months after their first time, and getting adjusted to the slightly looser quality of the tunnel his body offers. It’s still tight, maybe even better now than it was before. Billy had been extremely tight the first few times they fucked, which was sometimes uncomfortable for both of them considering Ray’s sizeable cock. Whatever bodily changes caused this perfect resizing, both of them are over the moon. Billy throws his head back when Ray bottoms out and Ray has to bite his tongue not to come right there, whining in the back of his throat when Billy’s pussy clenches repeatedly around him.
“Too fucking long,” Billy mutters, trembling. “Been too fucking…just…please, c’mon.”
His hips are writhing, circling, trying to get friction. Ray doesn’t even know if Billy knows what he’s doing, being this tempting.
It’s all too much.
Ray needs to get in control here.
He pulls out for a second just to pull Billy’s thighs flush to his pelvis, and so he can grab him by the backs of his knees and start fucking him with the new leverage, staring down at him where he’s flat on his back, breasts shaking with every cruel thrust inside. Billy appears to be in shock.
“This doing it for you?” Ray asks behind gritted teeth, watching Billy’s gasp through a barrage of electric pleasure, stomach and chest tensing and untensing as Ray fucks him in a fierce rythm.
“Doing a lot,” Billy manages, humming deep in the back of his throat. “Doing a hell of a lot.”
Ray grunts in approval and keeps pounding.
When he has the wherewithal to reach a hand between them, leaving Billy’s leg to dangle in the air by itself, and rub his clit with a saliva-slick thumb, Billy seizes up immediately and comes.
He fucks him through it, stunned from how short of a time it took, relishing those chords of pleasure spilling from Billy’s tongue as he rides the climax to the finish line and beyond it.
Ray takes his hand off his clit and smiles to himself, slowing to a casual grind as Billy recovers and starts to babble, “That’s so fucking good. You can keep…yeah, hnng…that’s nice.”
“Just nice?” Ray asks, voice low with tempered arousal.
Billy smirks up at him and nudges Ray off of him with the jut of his knee. Confused, Ray follows where the knee pushes him. Flat on his back in their bed where Billy proceeds to climb over and straddle his waist. It’s an attractive sight, Billy taking his spot with creamy, unblemished thighs spread over Ray’s trembling waist. His cock sticks up obscenely between them. A bead of precum smearing into his best friend’s belly as he scoots closer to him.
Oh fuck, he wants to ride him.
“Wanna try this,” Billy explains, slurring the words in his excitement. He raises himself up and presses Ray’s cock back into his hole. Ray tries not to dig bruises into his hips when he lowers down. “Mmm. Oh God, that’s—that’s different.” A grin actually spreads on his face. “Christ.”
“Billy,” Ray warns as Billy starts to rock back and forth.
It’s too good. Billy’s wet and tighter like this. His weight rolling down on Ray in a sweet grind is overwhelming. His tits are bouncing slightly when he picks up the pace. He starts moaning when Ray reaches up to hold them, keeping them somewhat stable.
At this rate, Ray is going to come yesterday.
When they get a rhythm started, grunting and gasping building higher with each moment, Billy has to adjust, lowering himself on Ray’s chest, holding his weight up on the mattress as he grinds back onto Ray’s cock. The slapping throughout the room makes arousal itch at the base of Ray’s balls. He’s hardly hanging on to the thread of control he has left and he doesn’t want to. There’s a part of him that knows he shouldn’t let go, not yet. There’s some reason why that’s not a good idea. Of course Billy is ten steps ahead of him, which he hates, but is the case a lot of the time.
When Ray holds him in place by his ass and starts to fuck up into him, chasing an orgasm, Billy lets out a series of pretty noises in his ear and stutters, “Just don’t put another baby in me, okay?”
Psychotically, those words send Ray skyrocketing.
He pushes Billy off and rolls over him, jerking himself off across his stomach. Spunk lands all over his skin, pooling in his belly button. There’s so much of it because of how pent up he’s been. Billy whistles when he sees it, panting a little from how worked up he still is. He’s done, though, as far as Ray can tell. He can usually tell when Billy is looking for a second orgasm.
Ray barely gets to enjoy the pleasure, thinking about what would’ve happened if he’d gotten Billy pregnant again almost instantly after bearing their child. Who is in the next damn room.
Billy is laughing because everything is a fucking joke to him.
“Glad I said that so you didn’t, y’know.”
“I’m so dumb,” Ray hisses, deflating into the mattress. Upset with himself, he covers his face with his hands. “I should’ve—I can’t just impregnate you again.”
“I mean, you could.”
Billy shirks at the glare Ray shoots his way.
“Just saying it’s possible,” Billy clears up sheepishly. “Not that we should. Trust me, I’m not looking for a repeat of that labor experience again, not right now anyway.”
That latter part makes Ray freeze.
It wasn’t even a question before; he never thought of it like this.
They could have two. Or more.
They probably shouldn’t have more, or even two.
Fuck, his spent cock twitches again.
“I think you just have a breeding kink,” Billy decides finally, making Ray wince. “I mean, that’s not that weird of a thing. Most men have it, they just don’t admit it. You like that your man-juice can make babies. It’s a powerful drug, I get it.” He laments dramatically, “I used to make man-juice.”
“Stop calling it that,” Ray pleads.
“Sorry, I’m just saying.”
“We shouldn’t be going all the way like that, when this is a risk. We don’t have any condoms.” Ray loathes himself for even pointing it out, but one of them has to be the responsible one.
“Well, whose fault is that?”
“I wasn’t going to be packing condoms knowing you’d be the only damn person here!”
“Now who is swearing a bunch,” Billy mutters, rolling over on his side facing away from Ray. It’s a sight that is rare nowadays. There’s not a lot that can get between them anymore, and this is scarcely a fight though obviously Billy is feeling very vulnerable, and probably also riding out hormonal changes.
This all started because Ray pointed out Billy’s been acting off lately, anyhow.
“Didn’t mean to react like that,” Ray whispers apologetically, inching closer. Billy doesn’t turn but he doesn’t do anything to stop Ray from pressing along his back, slinging an arm over his side, pecking a kiss into the top of his spine. “You wanna tell me why you’ve been down lately?”
“I don’t want this to stop,” Billy confesses, aggravatingly quiet as if he doesn’t want to crack open what’s been bursting at the seams for a while now. “Us. And I didn’t know how to get it back up until now. And now it feels kinda like…like there are things that could break it still. And I don’t know why I feel that way. It’s not like you can run away from me in here, I just…”
“I wouldn’t run away from you even if I could walk to Wrigley Field from here.” Ray tries to make eye contact with him but Billy keeps staring at the wall the bed is pushed up against. Resolute. “It’s not like I ran away from you when the Earth was still on its feet, remember?”
That much doesn’t seem to matter.
“I hate myself, Ray.”
There’s pure, blanket distress in Billy’s voice.
Ray peels himself off his back to gently shove Billy over, gauging his red-rimmed eyes and the mortified expression on his tense face. Ray wants to wipe it away and never see it again.
“Why would you say that?” No answer. Ray gets frustrated. “What’s wrong? I can’t tell if you don't talk to me,” he implores, trying not to sound like he’s begging. “You’re not alone, Billy.”
It’s that reminder that seems to encourage his best friend.
“Some part of me is angry that those lights outside keep getting bigger. Not because I think it’s dangerous but because I think…it might not be. That’s fucked up, I know. I should be worried about it being dangerous, about if it’s going to kill us or not. If our family isn’t safe. But I just can’t. I keep thinking—I just thought to myself, if the world outside is going to keep growing, how am I going to be able to hold onto my little world in here?” Billy explains, baring his soul.
Ray sighs, understanding what he means. He isn’t angry, like Billy expects him to be.
He smiles instead, which makes Billy frown.
“Is that all?”
“That’s not a good thing, Ray. I should want the best future for our kid and here I am, fucking moping about not being able to keep you both to myself in this glorified fish bowl like some selfish, screwed up Kathy Bates—”
“It’s funny because I’ve been thinking just the opposite.” Ray smooths back Billy’s hair with a somber smile and explains deliberately, “Been thinking about growing a garden with the two of you, if we get to go outside again one day. About expanding our home here. About watching Peach play in fields of grass, and a sandbox I can make for her. Teaching her science. Watching you drink coffee outside with wind in your hair. That’s all I’ve been thinking about, to tell the truth.”
“Really?” Billy asks, like he can’t imagine it’s a possibility.
Like all he could imagine Ray would want to do with his freedom is get away from him. Like they weren’t connected their whole lives and now are connected deeper than two men ever will be. Or maybe ever were, when Earth was still standing.
“Yeah. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Promise?”
It’s not a difficult thing to do.
“I promise,” Ray swears, reaching out a pinky since he knows Billy likes his childish platitudes. Billy grins, uneasiness fading into nothingness as he wraps his own pink around Rays and shakes.
Peach starts crying. Both men startle.
“Guess that means the little bugger’s hungry,” Billy laments, shuffling on some of his clothing as quickly as his shaking hands can manage. He’s always a bit bow-legged after Ray’s fucked him.
Ray tries not to let that stuff go to his head.
“I’ll come with you.”
Automatically, Billy says, “You don’t need to.”
“Nah, I want to. I should’ve been coming with you all these nights.” Off Billy’s confused, guileless look in response to that, Ray concludes his point with, “I don’t want to be there for you both half-way anymore. I’m here to stay.”