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Everything had gone back to normal. Or…at least as much as it could. The Diamonds had been defeated, earth was safe, the barn had been fixed to the best of its ability…and Lapis had finally made her return.
Because she was a professional overthinker, this decision hadn't exactly come easy.
Even putting aside all her worries about the Diamonds, there was also the issue of a certain short green Gem.
Lapis had spent practically every day since she left wondering if Peridot would ever want to see her again. If she would ever be forgiven for what she had done. If they could go back to how they had been before.
(Of course, her anxious mind had already jumped to the conclusion that she wouldn't be forgiven.)
But she still knew she needed to try and talk things out with Peridot and apologize. She owed the smaller Gem that much after she not only ran away, but took their shared home, their entire life together, with her.
She noticed the Peridot in question sitting by the garden, and decided now was as good a time as any.
Taking a deep breath and trying to work up the courage, she began to walk over.
Peridot looked up to see Lapis approaching her.
Because she had been so preoccupied with helping Steven and the Crystal Gems fight the Diamonds, she hadn't had much of a chance to process the fact that Lapis had finally returned aside from a very brief exchange during the fight with the Diamonds.
(Keyword finally.)
And just like before, she had no idea how to feel about any of it since a myriad of thoughts and feelings began to cycle through her mind.
She wanted to pull a Lapis and run away.
She wanted to yell and storm off.
She wanted to talk things through.
She wanted to run up to Lapis and give her a hug and never let go.
She mentally ran through all her options and settled on crossing her arms and turning away.
Lapis paused. Okay, so that already wasn't a good sign. Maybe this was a mistake.
No, she told herself. No more running away. You can't do that to her again.
She continued to head over to Peridot before sitting by her, but making sure to leave a bit of distance.
Peridot heard Lapis come over, but she didn't look at her.
“Peridot,” Lapis said. Nice going, Lapis. Great opener. It almost rivals when you finally saw her again and all you said was “hey”.
…She really wasn't good at conversations like these.
“Leave me alone,” Peridot replied, her voice low. She remained facing away from the taller Gem.
Lapis fell silent. She knew it was warranted, but it still hurt a bit to hear.
But she of all people also knew how much space could be valued. And maybe Peridot still needed some of it.
She sighed and got up, beginning to walk away.
Peridot's hand shot out and clutched Lapis's hand as she rose to her feet. “No, get back here.”
Lapis stared down at her, trying to ignore the slight flutter she felt in her chest from the gesture. Now wasn't the time to be focusing on that. “Can you make up your mind?”
Peridot scowled up at her. “We need to talk.”
“...I know we do, that’s what I was trying to do once I came over here.”
“It sure took you long enough to come back, Lazuli.” Peridot side-eyed her and let go of her hand.
Lapis sighed. Okay, so they were really doing this right now. And she couldn't avoid it. “I know. I should've come back sooner. I shouldn't have left in the first place.”
“Yeah.” Peridot gave her a piercing gaze as if she could see right though Lapis and figured out everything she had been thinking and feeling.
It made the blue Gem uncomfortable, to say the least.
The two of them fell silent for a minute, the air over them even more awkward than it was before they became friends.
It was worse this time. They had that history as friends, and now neither was sure if that history was ongoing or not. Would this be the end of them?
“Why'd you do it? Why did you leave?” Peridot asked, staring up at Lapis. “You could've stayed with me. Or at least not taken the barn. The one that's also mine, by the way.”
“Peridot, you know why I left,” Lapis responded.
“Yes, I do. But you didn't have to.”
Lapis squinted down at her. “Do you have any idea how I was feeling at that point? I was panicking. You watched me do just that at least once.”
“I could ask you the same thing.” Peridot stared up at her, trying to keep up her carefully crafted mask of indifference and already knowing she was failing. “I was worried too, you know. I was also worried about the Diamonds potentially coming back. But I thought it would be more okay if I had someone I trust with me. I thought we could fight together and keep each other safe. But you just…you just ran.”
Peridot's frustration began to mount as she remembered just how depressed, worried, and lonely she'd been in the wake of Lapis's departure. Seeing her again was causing those feelings, along with a sense of relief, to resurface. “I know you need your space sometimes. I know that, and I get it, I really do. But there's needing space, and then there's literally going to space.”
“Do you get it, though? Because I don't feel like you do.”
“Yes, I get it. But that doesn't mean I agree with it.”
“You've made that clear.”
Peridot felt herself grow even more angry for some reason. Well, multiple reasons. “AND then you also took the barn! Our home. It wasn't enough that you had to run away and leave me behind, but you also had to do that. Really adding insult to injury here. I thought you cared about me.”
Lapis narrowed her eyes. “Hey, don't start with that.”
Peridot glared back, her voice rising a bit. “Why not? Is it really that much of a surprise that I'd wonder if you cared about me if it was that easy for you to just run away? That was a real clod move, you know! And here I thought you were better than that!”
“You seriously think that was an easy thing for me to do?!” Lapis snapped.
Peridot blinked, surprised by the increase in volume in the other Gem's voice. That hardly ever happened.
Lapis noticed, and a prick of guilt stabbed at her. She took a deep breath and lowered her voice again. “Peridot, do you really think it was easy for me to leave? Do you really think that I wanted to run away without you?"
“I- I don't know!” Peridot spluttered, running a hand through the front of her hair and pushing it back as her hand rested on her forehead. She dropped her hand to her side after a minute and looked up at the taller Gem. “It feels like it was! I tried to give you every possible reason to stay, and none of them seemed to be enough. You still flew away! You still left me! You didn't even say goodbye!”
Lapis fell silent. She really had screwed up this time.
She'd already known that, of course. But now, being confronted with the consequences, it sunk in that much more.
“None of the reasons I offered were enough to get you to stay. I wasn't enough!” Against her best efforts, Peridot's voice cracked.
Lapis looked at her, picking up on it. “Peridot…”
“Don't try and argue otherwise, I know I wasn't!” Peridot continued, her voice slowly growing less angry and loud and more sad and quiet. “If I was, you wouldn't have left!” She sank to the ground and hugged her knees, looking away.
Lapis stood there for a minute, then she sat by the shorter Gem. “Don't say that.”
“It's true,” Peridot insisted, keeping her gaze elsewhere.
“No, it isn't. Stop saying that,” Lapis argued.
Peridot curled up a bit more. “Then why?”
“Because like I said, I was scared, okay?” Lapis answered. “I was so freaked out by even the thought of the Diamonds coming back and there being another war that I ran away just like I always do. And I took the barn because, well…I guess because I needed at least one thing to stay the same. I wasn't thinking, and I just took it and left.”
“...I also needed something to stay the same,” Peridot admitted. “That's why I wish you hadn't taken it. Maybe it would've made things a bit easier for me on earth if I at least had our home to stay in. At least then I could sort of feel like you were still there.”
“I know. I shouldn't have taken the barn. And I shouldn't have left.” Lapis risked a glance over at her. “I know that, and I'm not trying to make it sound like what I did was okay.”
Peridot didn't say anything, instead opting to hide her face in her knees.
Lapis sighed, beginning to grow desperate. She couldn't lose someone she had come to trust and care about so much. “Listen, Peridot…I'm sorry.”
At that, Peridot raised her head slightly.
Feeling a bit encouraged by Peridot's small movement, Lapis went on. “I know that doesn't change what I did. I know I can't go back in time and undo it. And I understand if you don't forgive me or you don't want to keep being friends. I just need you to know how sorry I am. You deserve that much.”
A full five minutes went by, and no response was given. Lapis began to worry even more that she'd ruined things beyond repair.
Just like she always did.
Peridot was better off without her.
Lapis decided that she should probably cut her losses now and leave again. Peridot should (and would) find someone better. Someone who actually deserved to be around her. Someone who wouldn't panic and run away the minute things got hard. Someone who wasn't such a mess or burden.
But then Lapis saw Peridot's head turn towards her before she could get up and walk away.
And her face was…sad? Almost like she was holding in tears.
Lapis's sense of anxiety began to worsen. Had she done something wrong again?
The blue Gem's thoughts became silenced by Peridot throwing herself towards her and wrapping her smaller arms around her tightly.
Lapis blinked a few times, shocked by the sudden hug. She gazed down at Peridot.
Peridot looked up at her, the mournful expression ever more present on her face. “After you left, I was a mess.”
Lapis started to respond, her intent being to give more of an apology.
Peridot held up a hand. “Just…listen to me for a minute, please.”
Lapis nodded. “Okay.”
Peridot averted her gaze. “I'd gotten so used to you always being there. I'd gotten so used to our little life we’d built together. Everything just felt so right, and then it was just…all gone in an instant.”
Lapis listened to the shorter Gem, feeling even worse the more she spoke.
Peridot moved her eyes back over to Lapis, the first hint of tears starting to show. “I was mad at you for leaving, sad because I understood why you did but also wished you hadn't, and scared because I didn't know if you were okay. Nothing felt the same without you. Nothing was the same.”
Lapis nodded, some memories beginning to wash over her. It had been cold and lonely out in space and she had found herself missing Peridot just as much (and it got worse every time she used the moon’s surveillance system to watch Steven and the Gems), but she didn't feel like she had any right to complain when she had been the one who'd chosen to leave and stay away for as long as she had.
Peridot looked down again, the tears finally beginning to fall. “I just…really missed you. I kept hoping you would come back, I kept worrying about you, I kept wondering if you were even okay. Or if something bad had happened to you. And I would've had no way to know. If you had gotten hurt out there, I would never know. And I wouldn't have been able to help you. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if something happened to the most important person in my life and I wasn't there to help.”
Why am I the most important person in your life? I really don’t deserve that title, Lapis thought. She looked at Peridot, her eyes softening. She reached over and wiped away the other's tears before returning the hug, hoping to give the smaller Gem some comfort. “I know, Peri. I was scared, but I never should've left you. I should've trusted you more, not let my fear take over. I'm so sorry.”
Peridot slightly leaned against her, the blue Gem feeling just as simultaneously soft and solid as ever. Even just hearing Lapis's nickname for her again made her feel warm inside. She blinked away a few tears before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, trying to calm down. “I'm sorry, too.”
Lapis blinked. “Why? You didn't do anything wrong.”
“Well…I don't know, I feel like I could've been more understanding about how scared you were instead of being mad at you over it. I just wish you hadn't left. But you've been through a lot, so I get why you did it. Maybe it wasn't fair of me to try so hard to get you to stay.”
Lapis shook her head, gently moving Peridot's head up to look at her.
Peridot looked at the other's hand and then back at her face, feeling her own face heat up a bit.
Lapis held her gaze. “Don't say that. I know you just wanted me to stay because you care about me. I'm not mad at you for trying to stop me from running away. And you have the right to be mad about what I did.”
Peridot shifted her eyes, still feeling a bit strange. “Of course I care about you.”
“I know. You've only ever been understanding towards me. It's more than I could've asked for.”
“You’re my best friend. Of course I try to be understanding to you.”
Lapis looked down at Peridot, still keeping a hold on her. She tightened it just a little. “I know you do. And you have no idea how much I appreciate it.”
Peridot smiled a little, continuing to lean against the taller Gem. Words couldn't describe how good it felt to be held by her again. “I appreciate you, too.”
The two of them fell silent for a minute, both taking in the relief they felt from being reunited at last.
But one fateful question still remained.
Lapis glanced down at Peridot, trying to keep the worry she felt out of her expression. “...Do you forgive me?”
Peridot looked up at her with a little grin. “Of course I do, silly.”
Lapis blinked, unsure if she'd heard that right. “Wait, you do?”
Peridot poked the taller Gem’s nose. “In case you didn't hear me the first time, yes.”
Lapis chuckled a little, the touch tickling her.
Peridot silently regarded her for a minute before she spoke again. “And don't try to claim that you don't deserve it, because I know you're thinking that.”
Lapis looked away, not sure she liked how much of an open book she always seemed to turn into whenever she was around her barnmate. But something about Peridot always made her feel just a little safer to open up. “...Okay, I'll try not to. It's just hard when I've grown so used to those thought patterns.”
Peridot shifted so she was leaning against the taller Gem again. “I know. But you've already made a lot of progress. And I know you'll keep making more.”
Lapis looked over at her again, a small smile coming to her face. “I hope I do.” She ran a hand through the green Gem's hair, letting her mind wander a bit.
Peridot let her eyes flutter closed for a minute, the touch soothing her. “I really missed you.” She opened her eyes again to gaze up at the taller Gem.
Lapis hugged her a little closer, her feelings threatening to overwhelm her. “I missed you, too.”
Just then, Pumpkin dashed over. As soon as she saw Lapis, she made a beeline for her.
Peridot glanced over to see Pumpkin, and she chuckled. She let go of Lapis and knelt down by Pumpkin, beginning to pet the sentient pumpkin. “Hey, Pumpkin. Look who’s back: your other mom.”
Lapis smiled as she noticed the little one. That was another thing she had missed about earth: the pumpkin dog that she and Peridot were raising together. “Hi, Pumpkin. I missed you, girl.” She reached over to pet her.
Pumpkin rolled over, licking the Gem's hand.
And in that moment, Lapis began to feel whole again for the first time in months. She had returned to earth, put the now-fixed barn back where it was, talked things out with Peridot (and somehow managed to not lose her friendship), and now their shared pet was coming back to greet her.
Well, until the pet in question sprinted off to go chill in the hammock.
After a few minutes of calm silence passed, Peridot looked up at Lapis with a hint of worry in her eyes. “...Can you promise me you won't ever run away like that again?”
In the past, Lapis would've run away just from hearing that because of how scared she was to get close to anyone, to let anyone get too close to her.
But now she just nodded, not even hesitating. She didn't even have to think it over before making the decision to never leave the smaller Gem again. That was just how much Peridot mattered to her. “I promise. I’ll still need space sometimes, but I won't literally go to space again. And I'll try to be better at communicating that.”
Peridot laughed a little. “Good, good. Just had to make sure.” A sense of relief set over her upon hearing the other Gem's promise.
Lapis looked down at her, feeling even more guilty that she'd broken Peridot's trust enough for her to feel like she had to ask for a promise not to leave. “I really am sorry, Peri.”
Peridot gave her a little smile. “Lapis. I know. You don't have to keep saying that, I've already forgiven you.”
“But I am,” Lapis insisted, her expression growing sad. “I never should've left. You mean everything to me, and I made you feel like you didn't.”
“Shh, I know how much I mean to you. And you mean just as much to me.”
“...I shouldn't after I left you.”
“Well, you do. And if I'm going to have to keep reminding you forever, then I'm going to do that.”
“Peridot-”
“Nope, shh.” Peridot placed a finger to the other Gem's lips.
Lapis gazed down at her, not even sure what her most prominent feeling was right now. Guilt for having taken the barn and leaving Peridot, frustration at herself for the way she let her fear take control (again), regret, sadness, joy that she was finally reunited with her best friend, and touched by the other Gem's willingness to reassure her. Or maybe it was all just hitting her that she was finally with Peridot again.
Whatever it was, it manifested in her beginning to tear up.
Peridot noticed, and her expression grew a bit concerned. She moved her finger away. “Hey, wait, no. Don't cry.”
Lapis averted her gaze, feeling that much more vulnerable. Great, this was exactly what she always tried to avoid. She hated crying in front of anyone. It never failed to make her feel weak. Well, weaker than she already felt on a daily basis. And worst of all, this wasn't even the first time she'd broken down in front of the other Gem. “...Sorry.”
Peridot scooted closer to her and laid a hand on her arm. “Don't apologize, it's okay. I just don't like it when you're sad.”
Lapis looked back at her, then reached out and pulled her into a hug. As soon as she felt the smaller Gem in her arms, her tears began to fall.
Peridot returned the hug, trying to comfort the blue Gem. “Shh, you're okay.”
Lapis sniffled and held onto Peridot tighter, worried deep down that she would disappear if she didn't. “I am now that I'm back with you.”
Peridot gave a small smile, then reached up and wiped away her tears.
Lapis allowed herself to lean into the gentle touch a little. It made her feel better, but it also made her tears spill again. So…win-lose?
The two of them remained in the embrace for a long moment, both of them feeling more at peace than they had in months.
After a moment, Peridot looked up at the taller Gem. “Hey, I'm proud of you.”
Lapis blinked a few tears from her eyes. “Why?”
Peridot gave her another smile. “Because you came back.”
“Which I wouldn't have had to do if I hadn't run away in the first place.”
“Okay, true. But you still came back and helped us fight. Given how you were scared enough to leave earth, it couldn't have been easy to do.”
“...It wasn't,” Lapis admitted, thinking back to the fights she'd had with herself regarding the topic and how she ultimately did return.
Peridot leaned against her again. “And that's why I'm proud of you. You faced your fear.”
Lapis rubbed at her eyes before looking down at Peridot. “Yeah, I guess I did. Thanks for saying that, Peri. And for everything.”
Peridot slipped her hand into Lapis's. “Thank you for everything, too. I'm so happy you're back.”
“I'm happy to be back.” Lapis felt her heart skip a beat as Peridot's hand found its way into hers. She gently squeezed it.
The two of them remained in the warm embrace until Lapis calmed down a bit more and let go.
Peridot glanced up at her. “So…anything you want to do to unwind? I think we both need it after everything that's happened today. Well, after everything that hasn't only happened today for that matter.”
“Hm…” Lapis thought for a minute, then gave her friend a small smile. “Camp Pining Hearts?”
Peridot's whole face lit up. “I thought you'd never ask!” She jumped to her feet, took Lapis's hand, and began to sprint into the barn.
“Hey, slow down,” Lapis said, laughing a bit as she struggled to keep up with the green Gem's quick pace.
“I can't!” Peridot grinned more, placed a Camp Pining Hearts tape into the player, turned on the TV, and settled onto the couch.
Lapis smiled to herself as she watched the smaller Gem's excitement. It was cute, she had to admit. She took a seat next to Peridot, beginning to watch.
It felt so nostalgic for her, especially because she hadn't watched it since she had been gone. It just hadn't felt right to watch the show without the one who had gotten her into it in the first place and given how they had bonded over it. She just knew that she would've felt more depressed if she tried to watch it alone.
The pair ended up watching episodes (complete with lots of commentary on both their parts) until the sun set and the stars settled in the sky.
After the episode they were currently watching ended, Peridot paused it and rubbed at her eyes. “As much as I'd love to keep watching, I'm pretty tired. I think I'll go ahead and call it a night.” She got up from the couch.
“Same here,” Lapis agreed, feeling exhausted in more ways than one from the day's events.
Peridot headed over to the bed, but paused before actually getting on it. Part of her wanted to ask Lapis to join her, but she also wasn't sure if the other would agree to.
So she just settled under the sheets and began to close her eyes…until she sensed someone standing over her. She opened her eyes to see Lapis there.
“Is it okay if I join you?” the blue Gem asked.
Peridot blinked a few times. “You want to? I figured you'd want to sleep in your hammock like you usually do.”
Lapis shook her head. “That's all I'd been doing since I left. I've had enough space probably to last a lifetime at this point. So…” She looked at Peridot shyly. “...Got room for one more?”
A smile broke out across the green Gem's face. “Always.” She scooted to one side of the bed to make room for her barnmate.
Lapis climbed into the bed, immediately feeling relaxed as the cool sheets made contact with her skin.
She glanced over and reached for Peridot, but paused as if to give her the opportunity to decline if desired.
The shorter Gem wasted no time in cuddling up against her. As soon as she felt the taller Gem’s body against her own, a sense of safety hit her. She was finally home again in more ways than one.
Lapis pulled her into an embrace, beginning to feel even more comfortable. She looked down at her with a small smile. “Night, Peri.”
Peridot smiled back. “Goodnight, Laz.”
For the first time in forever, Lapis felt safe again. She was back with Peridot. She was back home. She never felt more at ease than when she was in the presence of the smaller Gem. She never wanted to leave her best friend again.