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Leon Kennedy felt like garbage.
He had the AC in his dorm cranked as low as it would go, trying to cool his desperately feverish skin. He'd had electrolytes, he'd had more cough medicine than the campus clinic had recommended, and he was slathered in so much Vicks VapoRub he felt more slug than human.
He'd even dipped into his savings to have comfort food delivered, because he'd never had a bad day that hadn't gotten better with a steak burrito bowl.
Unfortunately, this time it had just made him feel vaguely worse. It was sitting in his stomach like a rock, and he wasn't sure which end it was more likely to violently fly out of.
He was going to have to cancel date night.
Tuesday nights were the only night that Chris didn't have football or R.O.T.C. commitments- and so they had become date night quickly. Nice dinners, study dates, movies- whatever it was, it was always an excellent time, and it helped Leon and Chris stay connected despite their sometimes hectic schedules and the- frankly, insane- social demands of their wider circle.
Leon took a deep breath, ignoring the way his lip was trembling, and pulled his phone out. He'd never cancelled a date night in the seven months he'd been dating Chris, and what he wanted more than anything were those big stupid arms around him.
But it would be selfish to go- to risk Chris getting sick. Whenever Chris missed anything, the makeup game was hell. He was an engineering student on a D1 football team with military commitments to boot. He didn't want to be the reason Chris fell behind.
He typed the message slowly, forcing himself to type out each letter.
[SMS; o; Chris 💖✨] chris i am SOOOO sorry. i feel like shit. i've got the flu or something, i don't think I can make it tonight.
The minute he hit send, a text from Chris came through.
[SMS; i; Chris 💖✨] Baby I'm so sorry, I'm way too sick to do anything tonight. It feels like I got throatfucked by a lint roller.
Leon laughed, the effort of it hurting his sore, raw throat and churning his stomach. Where did he come up with that shit?
He quickly typed a response.
[SMS; o; Chris 💖✨] LOL
[SMS; o; Chris 💖✨] not lol at you being sick, lol at the lint roller thing. and the fact that we texted at the same time.
[SMS; o; Chris 💖✨] sorry.
[SMS; o; Chris 💖✨] i hope i didn't get you sick!!!
[SMS; i; Chris 💖✨] If you did then whatever you did was worth it.
Leon rolled his eyes. Chris was romantic to an absurd degree.
[SMS; i; Chris 💖✨] Anyway, now that I know you're sick, I'm coming over anyway. Gimme thirty minutes.
[SMS; o; Chris 💖✨] u sure?
[SMS; i; Chris 💖✨] Hell yeah. We'll eat soup and cuddle. Better to be miserable together than separately.
Leon smiled and his phone chimed with another text. He pursed his lips and backed out of his texts with Chris to see who it was.
[SMS; i; Will] Hey, have you heard from Albert?
[SMS; o; Will] will buddy why the fuck would i have heard from albert?
Leon closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. He opened them again when his phone vibrated against his palm.
[SMS; i; Will] Good question. Sorry to bother you.
Leon laughed and made a pitiful sound- awww-, staring at his phone. He didn't speak to either of the Wesker brothers all too often, but especially not Albert.
[SMS; o; Will] nonono i'm not mad at you, sorry if that came off as harsh. i'm just sick.
[SMS; o; Will] what's going on? is everything ok?
In all fairness to Will, if he was asking it meant he was probably pretty upset already. It wasn't often that Albert wasn't following him around like some sort of lovesick puppy.
[SMS; i; Will] Wait, you're sick too? Zeno and Ethan are both a wreck.
[SMS; i; Will] Flu-like symptoms?
Leon snorted and immediately regretted it, the pain in his throat flaring in response.
[SMS; o; Will] lol "Flu-Like Symptoms?" 🤓 you're funny. yes.
[SMS; o; Will] z and ethan too huh? damn.
[SMS; o; Will] anyway, is albert missing? do i need to call in the dogs or is he just being albert?
[SMS; i; Will] Not sure, hence why I'm asking around.
Leon squinted. Who the fuck used 'hence' in a text message?
[SMS; i; Will] I went to his place because he wasn't answering his phone, but that's where Zeno and Ethan are holed up.
Leon squinted against the bright light of his phone for a moment in thought. Four people in their friend group sick at once was strange.
[SMS; o; Will] and you're not sick?
[SMS; i; Will] Healthy as a horse. Feel better, Leon. I'll let you know if I find him.
Leon sighed and locked his phone, setting it down on the bed beside him. He grabbed his heavy duvet and fell sideways dramatically onto the mattress, staring at the wall above his desk.
He had a rare solo dorm room- just a twin bed, a desk, and a ten gallon fish tank with a single lonely betta fish in it that he lovingly referred to as his roommate.
He glanced back briefly at his phone and huffed.
William Birkin was a weird guy. He was a senior in a lot of Leon's freshman classes because the moment his feet touched campus he hit the ground running on advanced science courses- and was now hitting a wall of humanities and arts courses required for his degree.
He was also, evidently, the only person on campus who was able to make Albert Wesker feel anything other than sheer outrage or smug detestation.
Leon had pulled him under his wing because he was clearly uncomfortable in such large, much-rowdier-than-he-was-used-to classes. When you got past the mantle-thick layer of awkwardness, he was a nice guy.
The friend group didn't love having him around though, because having him around often meant having Albert on the outskirts.
Oh well.
It didn't take long for Chris to show up- or maybe it did, but Leon was so sick time felt like it was bending and warping.
When he heard the knocks, he stood- comforter still around his shoulders like some kind of puffy sage green cape- and crossed the room to answer the door.
When he did, he couldn't help but laugh.
Before him stood Chris Redfield- quarterback on the football team, future Air Force officer, and overall well-loved beefcake- looking just as miserable as Leon. His hair was mussed, he was in a hoodie about two sizes too large for him, sweatpants that had gone threadbare in the knees, and a pair of slides without socks.
His nose was red, his lips were chapped, and his eyes were set deep in his face- like he was tired or dehydrated. He was probably both.
In his arms was a blanket of his own, a box of tissues, and a paper bag from the campus cafe.
"I brought soup." Chris said, punctuating the words with a sniffle. He sounded congested and miserable.
"C'mon in." Leon said.
Chris began setting his things down on the desk, and the moment his arms were empty he crossed the small space to where Leon was leaning against his bed.
He looked into Leon's eyes with a crazed expression- eyes wide, brows up, lips parted. He grasped Leon's shoulders hard, shaking him slightly with the effort.
"Where's your whiteboard?" He asked.
Leon laughed nervously.
"Where it always is." He said, lifting one hand to point above his desk. On the whiteboard was currently a long list of assignments that would likely only get longer if he missed more class due to being sick.
Chris released his shoulders and moved immediately to the desk, pushing the things he'd just put there and Leon's laptop aside and climbing onto the top of it on his knees.
"Chris!" Leon exclaimed in surprise as Chris kneeled on his desk-top, erasing his list of assignments with the sleeve of his hoodie. "I needed that."
"We have a mystery to solve." Chris said- he would've sounded determined if he didn't sound so pathetic. He reached blindly around the desk beneath his knees until his fingers found a red Expo marker.
"Calm down, Columbo!" Leon insisted. He moved over to the desk and started unpacking the paper bag that Chris's legs were now dangerously close to knocking over. "What is going on?"
Leon peered into the paper bag and listened as Chris started writing on the whiteboard like a man possessed. Inside was two small containers of chicken noodle soup, two spoons, a pack of crackers, two Red Bulls, and a box of cold medication.
"Chris, what is the Red Bull for? I thought we were going to cuddle and rest?"
Chris looked down at Leon.
"That was until I saw Al at the pharmacy." Chris replied.
Leon's face darkened immediately. He didn't love it when Chris and Albert interacted at all, actually. Apparently there had been some sort of storied hookup history there that had ended so poorly they were at one another's throats constantly, but nobody would give Leon the details. At least that solved Will's mystery.
Chris was pointing at the whiteboard silently.
In bold red lettering was a single question and a list of names.
WHO THE FUCK GOT US ALL SICK???
Leon tilted his head slightly and read the list.
ALBERT, ZENO, JILL, CARLOS, ETHAN, CLAIRE, WILL, LEON, CHRIS.
"Take Will off the list." Leon said.
"Huh?" Chris asked.
"He's not sick. I just talked to him- he's fine." Leon continued.
Chris's face dropped in confusion. He looked from the whiteboard to Leon, and he sat back, legs folded underneath him.
"That's impossible." Chris said. "He licks his fingers before turning the pages on books. He's always touching his face, he chews his fingernails. And he's with Albert, who looks half-dead."
"He's fine." Leon said again with a helpless shrug. "Is- is everyone on that list sick too? Aside from Will?"
"Yes!" Chris insisted, gesturing at the board with both hands. "All of us, same symptoms, nobody else on campus. Somebody in our friend group got everyone sick. I need to know who."
"What about Piers?" Leon asked.
"He's out of town this week, lucky son of a bitch." Chris said.
Leon pulled one of the energy drinks from the bag and then walked back to his bed, climbing up into it, content to let Chris spiral on top of his desk. He grabbed his phone and fired off a text quickly.
[SMS; o; Will] mystery solved. al is sick too. chris saw him haunting the campus pharmacy.
[SMS; i; Will] Aw, poor baby. he's probably avoiding me so I don't get sick too. Thanks, Leon!
Leon laughed at the mere concept of Albert Wesker being called a poor baby. Before he could say anything though, his phone started ringing. Chris's did at the same time as well.
They both answered simultaneously, and were both greeted with an automated message from University Health Services. Leon listened intently to his own phone.
"Hello, this is a private message for patient Leon Kennedy. Please press one if that's you."
He pulled his phone off his ear just long enough to tap '1'. A recorded message from the doctor he'd seen that morning played.
"Hi, Leon. This is Doctor Tanner from University Health Services. I did want to let you know that we got your results back and you are positive for Mononucleosis. The best thing you can do is stay in, rest, and focus on symptom relief. We're going to go ahead and send an excuse note to your student email. If your symptoms get worse, feel free to come by and see us and we'll discuss additional medication options.
Mono is most often spread through direct contact with somebody's saliva, so please avoid sharing drinks, cigarettes, straws, and avoid kissing with other students to minimize risks. You may be contagious for up to four weeks. "
Leon and Chris looked at one another, both of their faces completely devoid of color. They'd clearly been delivered the same news.
"This makes no sense." Leon breathed as his phone disconnected. "Mono stays in your system for weeks before symptoms actually arise, and we're all sick at the same time."
Chris rested his head in his hands briefly, eyes wide.
"This is so much worse." He said. He looked to Leon briefly. "Be honest, you didn't kiss anyone else did you?"
"No." Leon said with a shrug. "Did you?"
Chris's face scrunched in thought for a moment, like he was trying to remember, and then he shook his head no.
Leon believed him.
"The rest of these idiots, though? God knows who's sleeping with who anymore." Leon said, gesturing vaguely at the board. He cracked open the energy drink and nestled it upright in the blanket so it wouldn't fall over.
Chris looked at the whiteboard thoughtfully.
"How did Will dodge it? This makes no sense. Unless he and Albert are on the rocks." Chris said.
"He probably didn't dodge it. It takes forever to incubate." Leon replied. "Which means that approximately one month ago, everyone on that board shared spit in the same two days, and now we're all hitting the wall at the same time."
"Who the fuck shared spit with Albert Wesker?" Chris asked, disgust lacing his tone. It was a valid question.
Leon picked his phone up to text Will and warn him, but the minute he did it started vibrating out of control.
A new group chat had been created.
ZENO WESKER added you to group SLUTS.
[GC; I; Zeno] ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS IT'S MONO.
[GC; I; Zeno] ROLE CALL. WHO IS SICK.
ALBERT WESKER has left the group.
CHRIS REDFIELD added ALBERT WESKER to the group.
[GC; i; Chris💖✨] OH NO YOU FUCKING DON'T!
[GC; O] chris and i are both sick.
[GC; I; Claire] I'm currently at Health Services begging for a z-pak.
[GC; I; Carlos] Just got the call. Mono.
[GC; I; Will] It's mono?
ALBERT WESKER has left the group.
The group chat went silent and Chris and Leon stared at eachother in horror.
[GC; I; Zeno] does he not kiss you?
[GC; I; Will] No, he does. Lots. (:
[GC; I; Zeno] GROSS. didn't ask.
[GC; O] you literally did, z.
[GC; I; Carlos] My roommate has it too.
[GC; I; Claire] "My roommate"? Bro just say Jill.
[GC; I; Will] Anyway, I've already had Epstein-Barr. When I was a little kid. Immune.
WILLIAM BIRKIN has left the group.
ZENO WESKER added ALBERT WESKER to the group.
Leon muted the group chat, and looked to Chris, who was now drawing blue lines between known couples in the group.
"Chris." Leon whined. "Put your phone down."
Chris waved Leon away dismissively.
"This is just getting good." Chris said. "I need to know who patient zero is so I can kick their ass. Mono's going to knock me out for weeks."
Leon giggled, and then threw his arm over his face and sighed dramatically.
"You're on your phone! Your boyfriend is dying and you're on your phone." He let out, punctuating it with a faux cough that quickly devolved into a real one, his swollen throat seizing painfully around nothing.
Chris sighed and climbed down from the desk.
"Sorry, baby." He said. He grabbed one of the soup containers from the desk and climbed into bed next to Leon. Leon was sitting up against the wall, the blanket around his shoulders insulating him from the cool surface.
Chris leaned hard into his side, his head on Leon's shoulder. Leon let out a long breath, pleased to get his promised cuddles.
They both stared at the whiteboard for a moment.
"It had to have been Carlos, right?" Leon asked. "He's the only single one in the group, aside from Piers."
Chris took a bite of soup. Leon could hear how difficult it was for him to swallow it.
"Had to have been. But that doesn't really explain how it left that little mess." Chris continued.
Leon nodded and extricated his arm from the blanket, letting it fall over Chris's shoulders.
Jill, Claire, and Carlos had something going on but none of them would acknowledge it out loud.
"How did Albert get it?" Leon asked. "Will's not contagious, obviously. They don't seem like the type to cheat on eachother, and Albert's way too big a germaphobe to share a drink with any of us."
Chris straightened up, spoon halfway to his mouth.
"That's actually a really good point. He once brought his own joint to a party so he wouldn't have to share." Chris said. "He brings a toothbrush with him everywhere."
"I'm not going to bother asking how you know that." Leon said.
Chris fed Leon a bite of soup, and Leon let out a quiet pleased noise as the warm broth soothed his throat.
"He could've gotten it from Zeno." Leon continued. "I wouldn't put it past those two to spit in eachother's drinks."
"Nah, they don't actually hate each other like that." Chris said. "It's weird, but if you fuck with Zeno, Albert will find you. It's like- they're the only ones allowed to be mean to eachother, you know?"
Leon nodded. He didn't actually believe that- he'd seen them outright brawl on the lawn of a frat house because they'd accidentally worn matching shirts. Both of them had landed in the hospital with mild concussions.
He didn't have the energy to argue the point, though. He instead just took a sip of his energy drink, eyes widening with realization as he had a thought.
"Your point about siblings stands though- you could've gotten it from Claire."
Chris thrust the soup into Leon's hands and shot off the bed, moving back to the whiteboard with clumsy haste.
"You're so right, Leon. You're so smart."
Leon smiled. He would've probably blushed if his face weren't already hot from illness.
"She stole my water bottle! My nice one- you know, the glass one with the basket for fruit?" Chris went on. "I got it back last month when I went over to Jill's place after practice!
Leon, earlier determined not to get sucked into the conspiracy theory portion of date night, was fully invested now.
"Write that down, write that down!" He let out, a bit desperate, the words coming out half-slurred through his swollen throat.
CLAIRE —> CHRIS —> LEON appeared on the board in Chris's blocky handwriting.
"When did you start showing symptoms?" Chris asked.
"It hit me like a train this morning." Leon said, taking another spoonful of soup. He set the container on the nightstand next to the bed, still feeling slightly queasy from the burrito bowl.
"Okay, so the buck stops with you, because the rest of us started feeling sick yesterday, I think." Chris said. "Jill, Claire, Carlos, and I all study on Mondays and we were all miserable."
"And they all obviously gave it to eachother." Leon observed, hopping down from the bed, shedding the blanket because it was starting to get a little bit gross with sweat.
"Ugh. Don't remind me, please." Chris replied, sounding a bit dismayed. He sniffled hard and Leon grabbed a tissue and handed to him. Chris was, at all times, deeply distraught that his sister was in some sort of situationship with his best friend, and even more distraught that Carlos orbited that situationship.
If you asked Claire, she'd insist she was a Gold Star Lesbian. If you asked Carlos and Jill, they'd insist they'd only ever slept together one time.
Somebody was lying- the whole group knew that- but Chris squashed absolutely every attempt to investigate further because the less everyone knew about his little sister's sex life, the better.
Chris hesitantly wrote JILL/CARLOS on the board with an arrow pointing to Claire and then stared at the board.
"That leaves Zeno, Ethan, and Albert as our possible origin points." Chris said, circling their names with the blue markers.
"Right." Leon said. "But if this theory holds, how did it break containment from them? It would make sense for Ethan, Zeno, Will, and Al to get sick together- how did it get to Jill and Carlos?"
"Well, and with Will out of the equation, it still leaves Albert a mystery." Chris went on.
Leon was pacing, one hand thoughtfully grasping his chin. He stopped every so often to take a sip of his drink or stare at the whiteboard.
Then he pulled out his phone.
The group chat Zeno had created had eighty new messages, but precisely none of them were helpful. It was just accusations being thrown around and complaints about symptoms.
He opened his texts with Zeno.
[SMS; o; Zeno] zeno when did you start showing symptoms?
[SMS; i; Zeno] saturday night, why?
[SMS; i; Zeno] ethan got it monday.
Leon stared at his phone, and then the board, and then at his phone.
[SMS; o; Zeno] thanks just wondering
"Zeno got symptoms before Ethan did." Leon told Chris, with all the seriousness of somebody in the CDC situation room. "Which means he didn't get it from Ethan."
Chris's jaw dropped momentarily, and he climbed off the desk, collecting the soup from Leon's nightstand. He took another bite of it, grimacing slightly at how it had gone lukewarm.
"That still doesn't answer how it jumped from those three to Jill and Carlos." Chris said. "It does tell us, though, that one of the Wesker brothers is patient zero."
Chris walked back over to the desk and rooted around in the cup of pens on it for a moment before finding a black dry erase marker and underlining Zeno and Albert's names.
Chris stared in silence at the whiteboard for a full minute.
Leon did not want to spend a single extra second dedicated to thinking about Albert or Zeno kissing anybody. The chill of the room was starting to get to him again, so he set the energy drink in his hands down and climbed back into the bed, wrapping himself in his blanket once more.
His phone buzzed again and he wearily picked it up.
[SMS; i; Zeno] when did YOU get sick????
Leon rolled his eyes. With the cagey way Albert was acting, he'd bet everything in his account- which wasn't much, but the point stood- that it was him. He probably did something regrettable to get sick and was dodging Will to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. He'd heard enough stories about the senior to understand he was known well for his intelligence, not necessarily his excellent decision making.
[SMS; o; Zeno] today!!
Zeno didn't respond.
Leon snapped a picture of Chris staring at the whiteboard and sent it to Zeno.
Chris huffed a sigh after a long moment and then left the soup container clutched in his hand on the desk and climbed into the bed, crowding Leon against the wall.
Ordinarily, Leon would crack a joke about loving having a twin bed because it forced Chris to cuddle all the way up to him.
Right now, though?
"Oh my god, you're hotter than the surface of the sun." Leon complained.
"I'm just going to kill both of them." Chris mumbled.
"That might get you expelled." Leon advised. "Whatever the case is, we're sick now."
"This is going to bother me until I figure it out." Chris said, though his words were stretched by a yawn. He turned his face away from Leon and sneezed into the crook of his arm before letting out a tragic, pained noise.
"Alright, Detective Redfield." Leon teased. "Move over, seriously, you're burning up."
Chris turned onto his side to give Leon some breathing room. They were facing eachother now, the shared air between them humid and warm despite the AC unit working overtime.
"At least we're sick together." Chris said with a half-cocked smile. "Would suck to go without you for four weeks."
"You're only saying that so I don't get mad at you for getting me sick." Leon replied, voice rough with sudden exhaustion along with the illness. He turned around so his back was to Chris's chest and pushed the blanket to the foot of the bed. Chris was warm enough for the both of them.
Chris laughed quietly and threw a leg over Leon's, pulling him closer until there wasn't any space left between them. He pressed a brief kiss into Leon's hair.
"Gross." Leon drawled out the word into two syllables, giggling. "My hair is soaked with sweat."
The combination of fever, warmth, and enough cold medicine to kill lesser men finally caught up to them.
"This sucks." Chris mumbled as he drifted off to sleep.
"Sucks less with you." Leon said. He stretched slightly- as much as he could with Chris's heavy arm and leg tossed over him, and then curled further against Chris. "Not the worst date night we've had."
Chris groaned and Leon giggled, deciding to spare him the reminder of how terribly their first date had gone.
They drifted to sleep like that.
They slept long enough that when they woke up to the shrill sound of Chris's ringtone, it felt less like waking up and more like being dug up.
"Holy fuck." Leon said, elbowing Chris in the ribs so hard he nearly tumbled off the edge of the tiny bed. "You are the warmest thing on the planet, get off of me."
"Baaabyyy." Chris complained, just snuggling against Leon closer.
"Chris, at least answer your phone, it's been ringing off the hook." Leon complained, trying and failing to wriggle out of Chris's grip.
Chris groaned like a man being told it was his execution date, but managed to dig his phone out of his pocket.
"Hello?" He said, groggy, pulling his leg off of Leon and pulling himself upright.
There was a pause as he listened to an automated message of some kind and stared at the whiteboard.
"Fuck." Chris cursed. "I forgot I scheduled an oil change for tomorrow."
Leon chuckled.
"You schedule your oil changes in advance?" He asked.
"It's cheaper that way." Chris replied, the words slow and thick coming from his hoarse throat. He hopped down from the bed and walked over to Leon's mini-fridge. He pulled out a water bottle.
"Just cancel it if you don't want to go. You should probably be resting anyway." Leon told him, sitting up and throwing his arms out in a dramatic stretch. He felt way too hot, and his skin felt tight and wrong- like he'd sweat out every ounce of water in his body during his nap.
"No, the dealership charges a cancellation fee within 24 hours." Chris said. "Besides, I need to get the truck detailed anyway, it's a mess after I let Zeno…. borrow….."
His voice trailed off and he fixed his gaze on the whiteboard momentarily.
Leon and Chris's eyes snapped to one another at the same time.
"The rave."
"The rave!"
They had the realization simultaneously. Chris, despite the exhaustion that had just weighed heavy on his entire frame, started pacing, stopping at the desk briefly to grab a whiteboard marker.
Nearly a month ago to the day, Albert Wesker had- as usual- gone partying downtown. He'd been invited to just hit the frats with the rest of the group, but had insisted that he had more interesting things to do, which usually translated to heavier drugs than would be considered acceptable at Kappa Sig.
Leon didn't manage to gather all the details, but something had gone wrong. Albert had reached out to Will, but Will didn't have a car, nor the funds for an Uber downtown.
Leon also knew that they'd been fighting at the time, and suspected that Will just didn't have the patience or nerve to deal with him.
So Will had reached out to Zeno, who ordinarily would've gone in a heartbeat, but his car was in the shop. Ethan didn't have a car for Zeno to borrow, but he'd texted Jill asking to borrow hers.
Jill said yes, but the problem with her car was that it was a manual, and neither Zeno nor Ethan nor Will knew how to drive a manual.
So Jill had called Chris.
And for as much as he didn't like the guy, Chris didn't want to leave Albert in danger, so he handed the keys to his beloved Toyota Tacoma over to Zeno, who had gone to pick Albert up and take him home.
Zeno had complained, the next day, that Albert hadn't even been hurt or all that fucked up. He'd just been upset, and he wouldn't even say what he was upset about- he'd just got himself so worked up that he didn't feel all that equipped to get home on his own, and somehow that ended up involving half of the school in a search for a working car.
Had he genuinely been in danger, Zeno would've never complained.
Leon pulled up his phone and opened the group chat. Chris did the same.
[GC; O] WE FIGURED IT OUT we're just missing two pieces!
[GC; I; Carlos] holy shit
[GC; I; Zeno] figured what out??
[GC; I; Ethan] Of course the Criminal Justice freshman is treating this like it's a trial. 😭
[GC; i; Chris💖✨] Easy, Ethan.
[GC; i; Chris💖✨] Don't give Leon the credit for my hard detective work. He just complained the whole time.
[GC; O] rude. anyway.
[GC; O] Albert did something stupid to catch mono at that warehouse rave.
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] no i did not
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] i resent that accusation
[GC; I; Carlos] 🤓 I Resent That Accusation
[GC; i; Chris💖✨] No you definitely did. Stand trial for your crimes.
CHRIS REDFIELD added WILLIAM BIRKIN to the group.
[GC; i; Chris💖✨] Tell us what you did, ugly Zeno.
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] leave william out of this
[GC; O] WHAT DID YOU DO ALBERT???
Both Leon and Chris looked insane, and they were well aware of it. Chris was drawing arrows between names on Leon's whiteboard, his hair a disaster, his phone clutched for dear life in his free hand. Leon was sitting on the bed, his shirt riding up, his hair flat on one side from falling asleep on it and not turning or moving once in the course of the nap- mostly because he didn't have room to what with Chris dominating most of the bed
[GC; I; Will] You guys he's really embarrassed about this, ok? He's sorry for getting you guys sick.
"He's not fucking sorry." Leon choked out in disbelief.
[GC; I; Claire] omg he cheated on will didn't he
Chris gasped.
"No way."
[GC; O] omg?
[GC; I; Ethan] No shot.
[GC; I; Zeno] LMFAO IS THAT WHY YOU WERE SO UPSET
[GC; I; Zeno] WHORE
[GC; I; Will] You guys really think I'd stay if he cheated on me?
[GC; O] Yes.
[GC; I; Claire] Yeah
[GC; I; Zeno] Yep.
[GC; I; Ethan] ✅
[GC; I; Carlos] yeah kinda
[GC; I; Will] Fuck you guys.
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] if you must know
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] i was dehydrated
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] and i did something that makes dehydration generally worse
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] and i passed out
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] and somebody gave me water
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] evidently it was a communal water bottle
[GC; I; Carlos] aint no way the squad is going down bc fuckin cocaine einstein got thirsty
[GC; I; Jill] Anyone want to explain why I just woke up to 172 messages from "SLUTS"??
[GC; I; Zeno] "Something that makes dehydration generally worse" COME ON
[GC; O] ok ok guys we still have a few holes to fill here.
[GC; O] HOW did ZENO get sick, and how did it jump from ethan to jill and carlos?
[GC; I; Will] That's easy.
[GC; I; Will] Zeno steals Al's weed pen when he's not looking.
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] i do NOT have a 'weed pen'
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] zeno thats disgusting? what the fuck is wrong with you i fucking hate you
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] genuinely thats like kissing me on the mouth
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] is that what you want to do? kiss me on the mouth? disgusting creature
[GC; I; Jill] Insane breakdown for somebody who doesn't have a weed pen.
[GC; I; Zeno] we are BROTHERS?
[GC; I; Zeno] i also finish all the half-finished gatorades you leave in the fridge. sue me.
[GC; I; Carlos] ethan and I shared a coke when we went to see a movie bc i wasn't going to pay $18 for two sodas when i could pay $9 for one big soda
[GC; i; Chris💖✨] You missed football practice that day to SEE A MOVIE?
[GC; I; Ethan] They were showing Phantom Menace.
[GC; i; Chris💖✨] A MOVIE YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN?
[GC; I; Albert Wesker] you people are fucking animals
ALBERT WESKER has left the group.
[GC; I; Will] Sorry about him. He's cranky.
[GC; I; Will] He does have a weed pen.
[GC; I; Ethan] LOL. Nobody tell him that I hit it too.
[GC; I; Will] That might kill him.
[GC; I; Zeno] oh so I can't hit the penjamin once in a while but he'll kick me out to suck face with
mr. touches-doorknobs-then-bites-his-nails. i see how it is.
WILLIAM BIRKIN has left the group.
Leon frowned looking at his phone and set it down.
"That was mean. Poor Will." He bemoaned, stepping down from the bed. He walked over to the mini fridge to grab a water bottle, and then straightened up. He downed half the water bottle in one pull while stretching his back.
"Mean, maybe." Chris considered, focused entirely on whatever he was writing on Leon's dry-erase board. "But not entirely incorrect. The whole germaphobe thing seems like an act to me, anyway. Put him in a dark room with loud music and he's all too happy to throw that out the window."
Leon frowned- an exaggerated expression that was halfway to a pout.
"You know, I always thought I wanted siblings. Being an only child was tough, but those two make me re-evaluate that." Leon said. "Have they always been like that?"
Chris shrugged and walked over to Leon, casually wrapping an arm around his waist.
"I've only been here a year longer than you, babe. They've been nightmares as long as I've known them." Chris replied.
Leon leaned into his side and glanced to the whiteboard, where Chris had proudly written out the sequence of events.
RANDOM GOOD SAMARITAN —> ALBERT WESKER (PATIENT ZERO) —> ZENO WESKER (VAPE THIEF) —> ETHAN WINTERS (ZENO'S BOYFRIEND) —> CARLOS OLIVEIRA (CHEAPASS) —> JILL VALENTINE (CHEATING ON MY SISTER?) —> CLAIRE REDFIELD (WATER BOTTLE THIEF) —> CHRIS REDFIELD (HAPLESS VICTIM) —> LEON KENNEDY (TOO CUTE NOT TO KISS)
"Aside from the incredible pain and the terrifying fever dreams, I'd say this was a pretty fun date night." Leon said, looking up at Chris.
Chris grinned, though it looked pretty pathetic given how sick he was.
"I'd say so. We'd make great buddy cops- Kennedy and Redfield on the case!" He said with a congested laugh. "We should do it again."
Leon looked at him, a helpless concerned smile spreading- lips upturned, brows raised and pinched.
"Maybe next time, we just play Clue." He suggested.
Chris exhaled sharply, an almost-laugh of agreement.
"You think we can actually cuddle and eat soup, now?" Leon continued. "I'm pretty miserable."
Chris glanced from Leon to the whiteboard, and then back to Leon.
"Yeah, got kind of sidetracked, sorry." He reached up and scratched the back of his neck, a bit embarrassed. "I can go get us some more soup. We probably shouldn't eat something that got left out, huh? Mono and food poisoning would be one hell of a combo."
Leon laughed.
"I think this situation calls for delivery." He replied, pulling his phone out.
"Good call." Chris replied. He shifted so he was behind Leon, leaning down to rest his chin on his shoulder. Leon relaxed under the weight of it, leaning back into him automatically as he felt arms snake around his middle.
Leon smiled despite himself as he scrolled through restaurants.
This had been the best cancelled date night he'd ever had.