Chapter Text
Being an unexpected parent was already difficult. Regto was in his late thirties when he adopted Rudo.
He had never even thought he’d be a part of any type of family in his life. Not as a father, or having a partner, nothing of the sort.
Yet here he was being a single parent to the world's most curious kid.
He prided himself on how much knowledge he had about the world, reading and studying every day. He knew about medicines and tinctures, some levels of engineering and philosophy, and even studied various types of languages.
And yet despite all of his knowledge..
Regto had no idea how to care for a baby.
None.
But he had to learn and fast.
Regto had no idea how to swaddle or change diapers. He didn’t know how to get what they needed to eat either. The baby's father had left Rudo to him knowing he wouldn’t return.
He was stiff holding the baby for the first time. Big red eyes stared up at him. He had short white fluffy hair, chubby cheeks, and his black tipped fingers awkwardly gripped the blanket.
Regto knew babies were undeveloped. He wouldn’t use the term dumb or stupid. They didn’t know anything and could not physically regulate their own body or emotions. It was wrong to consider them like that.
Despite the father being gone, the baby hadn’t cried about its only parental figure leaving. He was in the arms of an unknown man now.
Regto wrapped him up in a blanket awkwardly. It was loose on one end and probably too tight on another. Time was of the essence and he had to learn the basics fast.
First and foremost was food. He walked into the library and mentally sighed seeing it empty as usual. No one wanted to pursue knowledge like he did.
Glancing at the baby, he wondered if he could guide him to be studious? Maybe.
Regto walked to the child section first. He realized his mistake moments into looking for the books. These were reading material for kids. Not about them.
He felt the weight he was holding shift and glanced at the kid. His red eyes were squinting and he looked uncomfortable for some reason.
He had absolutely no idea as to why. Was it cold? It wasn’t crying. That was inevitable. Maybe it was the atmosphere? The library did have a certain feeling to it.
Regto walked to the informational section and glanced at the spines. Each shelf was labeled accurately to finding the parental care portion was easy.
He moved Rudo from one arm to the other and flexed his now free hand since his arm was aching. Regto began to glance through the information.
He realized a new problem. Regto would have to check these books out and carry both them and the baby home. The idea of holding that much weight sounded horrid.
Instead, he set a few books on the ground and sat down with the child leaning against his chest. It was asleep luckily so Regto used this time to read as fast as he could through the books.
The top priority was still food. He could not breastfeed even if he was a woman, so he needed to learn what foods babies could eat.
At certain ages some foods could be introduced. Regto glanced at the kid. He had no idea how old he was. Damnit.
Regto flipped through another book and found a timeline of milestones with images of babies from zero months to three years.
He could only judge by its face right now, but it matched about eight months. Regto looked through the food book again.
Some fruits and vegetables were to be introduced. Not as chewable pieces, but as blended down. Over and over the book reminded the reader that if someone was determined to give them pieces to eat, to keep cutting them until they thought it was too small due to any choking hazard at all.
Regto’s heart rate skyrocketed. He hadn’t considered babies could choke if he didn’t cut things small enough. He quickly flipped through the first aide book he found and memorized the signs and what to do if his baby started to choke.
He sat there studying everything he could until he felt Rudo shuffle, then let out a warbled quiet cry. Regto’s eyes snapped down.
The baby was looking around and getting visibly more scared. When it looked at him, he could see the tears well up.
Right. He wasn’t familiar to the baby yet. Not only that but he was in a strange new place. Regto lifted him up and laid him on his chest where his head was on his shoulder. He pat the baby's back like how he read and saw in the book.
Of course Rudo kept crying. Even if someone did everything perfectly, babies would still do so. Regto put the books back but grabbed two to check out.
He knew what to get food wise now.
It was cold and windy out and the second he stepped outside Rudo's fussing got worse. He tucked the baby under his coat and supported him from under it. Sealed in cozy warmth, he could feel Rudo relax a bit.
Alright. Time to actually get food, supplies, and many more things he needed for this new baby he acquired.
By the time Regto was done, it was nearly night. He was carrying a lot of bags, some with bottles, cloth diapers, and others with food and other supplies.
His arms were arching from carrying all of this all day but he still had much to do.
Regto set Rudo on the couch first, then the items on the table nearby. He grabbed the cloth diapers he bought and unswaddled the kid.
The smell hit him hard. It made sense though. “Sorry,” Regto apologized. “I won’t let this happen again.” The baby didn’t respond of course.
He took Rudo to the sink and rinsed him off with a wince. Dealing with a child would be messy and gross, he understood that even before reading the books, but it was another thing looking at it and dealing with it.
It’s natural. Regro told himself. Not like he can control it. He pat the kid dry when he was all cleaned up, then laid him on the couch.
Now for the hard part. The diaper.
The City had two divisions, and the rich often used one time disposable diapers that were easy to put on and take off. He had looked at the price of just one bag and could not afford it.
Thus, reusable cloth ones he’d have to clean often. The issue was he’d have to learn to properly wrap it around him. He had the steps memorized from the books, but executing it was something else.
Regto lifted Rudos legs up and tucked the diaper under. He wrapped it around as he remembered, firm but loose so it wouldn’t leak but wouldn’t make Rudo uncomfortable.
Regto sat up. “Hows that?” It was moreso a question to himself than the kid. However he couldn’t help but snort seeing the baby staring at him with an annoyed expression. At least it seemed so.
The diaper was too tight on one side and way too loose on the other.
“Yeah I know.” Regto undid the diaper. “I’ll learn how to do it proper. Just hang with me.”
He tried again and while it looked fine, the moment he picked Rudo up it slid off of him.
Regto couldn’t help but sigh. If this was step one of hardly the basics then he had a lot to learn.
Then he felt his shirt get wet.
“You little brat! Why didn’t you pee when the diaper was on you!” Regto lifted his shirt away with a wince. He looked at the baby expecting it to be smug or amused but instead it was just staring at him with no real emotion.
Regto blinked at it, then shook his head. Right. A baby. It had no idea about these things. He was the adult here.
He took Rudo back to the sink and cleaned him then dried him off again. He laid him on the couch and tucked the diaper around him. Still not perfect but it would hold.
“Alright, stay here.” Regto said as he propped up some blankets around Rudo who was now free in just a diaper.
He went to the kitchen and washed his hands. Regto took off his soiled shirt and set it aside for now as he looked through the food he got.
He did buy some fruit pouches the kid could suck on. Those were cheap but would be a one time meal, maybe two if he only ate half of it.
Regto picked up a blueberry and pear flavored one. That combination didn’t sound appealing and the food was a pulp. He opened it up and pressed his fingers lightly, watching the food inside almost escape.
Alright, time to feed the kid.
Regto turned around to see Rudo roll off the couch.
He dove as fast as he could and hit the ground hard with Rudo still falling but it was padded by Regto’s hand and arm. Instantly, the baby was crying.
He picked Rudo up quickly and held him close, patting his back. The first thing he wanted to do was curse and chastise, but he bit his tongue.
It was difficult to remind himself that the baby was not a person yet and didn’t do things on purpose to make this harder.
It was a baby.
And this was only the first day.
It took fifteen minutes for Rudo to stop crying. His face was red, tears and snot dribbling down.
Frankly, it was disgusting and Regto wanted nothing more than to not touch it at all.
He got up and walked to the kitchen and got a rag and wet it. He swiped Rudos face once, and the second time he tried the baby turned its head away so he couldn’t.
Regto angled himself better and tried again, but Rudo was avoiding the rag wiping his snot, drool, and tears.
“Hold still, I’m trying to clean you.” Regto huffed out, but Rudo wouldn’t. He secured his head a bit firmer and rag the rag gentler under his nose, carefully squeezing it too, then wiping his cheeks and mouth.
Rudo was not happy at all. He was crying without tears now, but instead of fear it sounded different. Anger, perhaps?
Shit. Right. The food. Regto looked around and spotted it on the floor since he had dropped it to get to Rudo. He picked it up. Luckily the part the kid would suck on wasn’t touching the ground so it was clean.
“Alright alright I get it. Stop crying so I can feed you.” Regto spoke while walking Rudo to the couch and sitting down.
The baby kept crying, face red, and angrily pouting.
Regto found it sort of cute how the baby’s lip was trembling. It had so much rage but looked so unthreatening. “I have the food, stop it.”
It still wasn’t stopping. Regto sighed and held the pouch up to his lips and squeezed some of it out to hopefully get him to start eating.
The moment it touched his lips Rudo turned his head away, getting the pulverized fruit to smear across his cheek.
Regto was actually going to get a headache. He knew the baby was crying because it was hungry, but he had its food and it still wasn’t wanting to eat.
He tried again but this time managed to get some of the food on his lips before Rudo moved away. Regto watched the baby still cry, but some of it got into his mouth.
Regto watched in real time as his crying slowly got less, warbling a bit with confusion as he realized this was food. He was still fussing but it was with less anger and energy.
“See?” Regto said, bringing it to his lips. Rudo didn’t move away as Regto gently squeezed more of the liquid fruit into his mouth and moved it away, watching Rudo smack his lips to eat it.
The crying stopped instantly and Regto could hold it to him, taking his time squeezing more of the pulverized fruit out to let Rudo slowly eat it.
He only got about half before the baby was clearly full since he wasn’t eager to eat anymore. Regto wiped his face clean again. He set Rudo on the ground around a blanket and pointed at him. “Don’t move.”
He learned from last time not to leave a baby unattended on a couch where it can fall.
Regto went to the kitchen and put away the other supplies. He washed his hands and an item he got Rudo, then came back and crouched down.
It was a pacifier. He held it to Rudo to see if he would reach for it. He observed as the babys uncoordinated chubby hands moved up, but it was too far to reach.
Regto was startled when the kid rolled over and sat up, bouncing on his butt to reach. He managed to grab it and stared at the new item in his hands, fumbling as it turned it around and dropped it a few times.
Regto was mesmerized. He realized he assumed Rudo was younger than he was and couldn’t sit up on his own. No wonder he fell off the couch if he was this mobile.
He got up to do a few more things while the baby was distracted like washing his dirty clothes, changing into clean ones, and preparing his bed for the baby.
He had read a lot of warnings about parents rolling over in sleep when sharing a bed with a baby, but he didn’t have a choice. Cots were expensive and he couldn’t carry one back tonight even if he wanted.
So for tonight he was going to make a pillow wall around Rudo and sleep beside him on the other side of the pillow wall.
Tomorrow he’d need to get a few more things like clothes, a pair of shoes, a baby cot for him to sleep in contained, and a baby carrier so Regto’s arms wouldn’t give out holding him all the time.
He walked back into the living room to see Rudo had figured out what the pacifier was for and was sucking on it.
However he had somehow got his hands on a pen Regto had lying around, perhaps on the table, and was staring at it curiously while waving it around.
Regto picked Rudo up and tried to take the pen back. He was surprised by the insane grip. “Rudo, let go of it.” He tried to pull it away again to no avail.
“Its just a pen. You can’t even use it.” Regto argued, then realized he was trying to reason to a baby that probably knew, what, three words?
Rudo was now holding the pen with both of his hands and refusing to let it go. Regto sighed and gave up. He was too tired by now.
He laid Rudo in the pillow donut he made for him and crawled into bed. Regto laid beside him and stared at the baby.
Rudo showed no signs of wanting to sleep, just contently holding the pen and moving it around. Even in the dark his red eyes were big and bright.
“You gonna sleep?” Regto asked him. No reply or even looking at him. “Brat.” He said lightly, no malice behind it. He couldn’t sleep until Rudo did, so he got an idea.
Regto reached out and used the back of his finger to trail along his forehead, down his face, then his arm, to his hand, and back up.
The ceaseless movements of the baby moving the pen around stilled and his red eyes were watching the finger curiously.
“Like that?” Regto chuckled. “It’s called tickling.” He looped back around and did Rudos other arm and back up. Rudos eyelids drooped a bit.
He had read a lot. Every baby was different. Their routines, their likes, even small things as to what noises they responded to. Some were sensory driven, that tickling or physical reassurance would help while others were more independent.
He’d have to figure out Rudo from the ground up starting from nothing, but he’s already made a lot of progress.
Rudo had his eyes closed now, his breathing slowing. He was still gripping the pen but his fingers would flex and nearly drop it before holding it again.
Regto kept tickling his arms and face until he was sure the baby was asleep. He rested his arm on the pillows beside him and closed his eyes.
Usually he struggled to sleep, but tonight he was out within moments.
Regto woke up to crying.
At first he was confused and honestly kind of annoyed. His brain hadn’t caught up yet. Regto heard another cry and finally opened his eyes.
Shit. Right. He had a baby now. Regto looked out the window to see it was still dark as shit outside. It wasn’t even the next day.
He picked Rudo up and took his diaper off, washing him an it, then drying and putting a new one on. He offered Rudo the fruit pouch and watched him eat the other half eagerly this time.
This went a lot smoother than the first.
He cleaned Rudos face with some fussing, then got back into bed and laid Rudo down. But Rudo was fussing.
His foggy brain reminded him Rudo fell asleep with a pacifier and pen, both of which were missing. He sat up and looked around finding one discarded on the floor and the other on the bed.
He didn’t want Rudo to have the pen so kept it hidden.
Regto cleaned the pacifier off and handed it to Rudo who eagerly took it and got to chewing and sucking it. Then his hands reached up and made and grabbing motion all while staring at him expectantly.
His world froze in that moment.
This baby, who was supposed to not know much about the world, was heavily relying on him. Who already deemed him trustworthy and knew he’d give him what he wanted.
But it was his expression that made several things click for him.
Rudo was a person, not an it. And he was smart enough to know Regto had the pen he was keeping out of sight from him and wanted it.
Regto smiled softly and held the pen up.
Rudos red eyes softened seeing it, tracking where Regto moved it around.
“You really want it huh?” Regto sighed softly. “Alright fine.” He offered it to Rudo, watching his grubby hands take it. He laid beside Rudo and observed the baby playing with it for a while before tiring himself out.
Regto closed his eyes and fell asleep once more.
He woke up to it being quiet. His subconscious rang alarm bells. Regtos eyes snapped open but he relaxed instantly seeing Rudo asleep, randomly sucking on the pacifier weakly a few times before stopping.
He carefully got up and left the bed to do some quick chores. He moved anything out of reach Rudo could grab that may be dangerous. He swept the floors, cleaned things he knew a baby would touch, and made himself some food.
Regto made his plate and just as he sat down he heard a sleepy cry from his room. He got up and walked in, smiling when he realized Rudo had been staring at the door until he appeared. When he did, Rudo was looking at him.
His heart felt a bit full. This baby wanted him which made him feel fuzzy. Maybe he could be a dad? He certainly wouldn’t be perfect but he could do his best.
Regto scooped Rudo up. “Did you sleep well?”
He winced when two uncoordinated hands smacked his head hard. It didn’t hurt and clearly Rudo had no idea how to be gentle yet. He slowly opened his eyes to see Rudo was scanning his face.
Ah, right. He had read a theory in a book that babies couldn’t see far away, but could up close. Rudo was staring intently at him.
For a moment Regto hoped it was out of affection and love. Then those hands grabbed his beard and yanked it.
“Ow! Damn brat, OW!” Regto hissed when Rudo did it again, a sparkle in his eyes seeing Regtos reaction. “Oh you little shit.” Regto chuckled and held Rudo with extended arms, making him dangle.
Rudo was smacking his arms with his hands now. “Damn you’re energetic as hell. You hungry?” He didn’t get a response, not that he expected one. He carried Rudo into the kitchen and grabbed a new fruit pouch.
While he fed Rudo he used his other arm to eat his own food, some oatmeal, off of his plate. Regto could see Rudo watching him, trailing what his hand did, and observing as Regto ate.
It was fastenating to realize how much the baby was aware of already. He wondered what he was thinking.
This day went by a lot better since he had the supplies to handle a kid. He had gone out and bought a few of the remaining stuff he needed.
Luckily for him Rudo loved being carried around wether it be on his arm or in a swaddle strapped around Regto. His red eyes were looking at the clouds above most times.
Regto got the crib prepared that night. Rudo had sat nearby holding or gnawing on a pen as he watched Regto assemble it.
He had apparently left out an extra screw because as he turned around to clean up he watched as Rudo put it in his mouth instantly.
“No!” Regto shouted and picked Rudo up, squeezing his cheeks to make his mouth open.
Rudo had jumped, startled by the yelling, and tensed up, terrified confused eyes staring at Regto.
“Rudo, spit it out!” He squeezed his cheeks again, trying to make it come out. Regto was panicking! If he ate this he could choke, and even if he didn’t his tiny little stomach and gut lining could be torn up or unable to poop it out.
Would he have to bring him to a doctor for surgery? Would Rudo even survive that? Regto was losing his mind.
Rudo opened his mouth and the screw fell out now covered in drool.
All of the panic vanished as he held Rudo up. “You’re gonna kill me, kid.”
Instead of looking guilty like he had hoped, Rudo just teared up and began to cry.
Regto lowered Rudo down and wiped his cheek with his thumb. He shouldn’t say those things to a baby. “Sorry for scaring you. I was just worried.” Regto explained quietly.
To his surprise the wailing calmed down to just sniffles and hiccups. He got an idea.
“Some things are not food. It may be hard for you to tell what is and what isn’t, but usually if you can’t chew it, it isn’t edible.” Regto explained.
Rudos crying had stopped and he was staring at Regto with curiosity in his eyes.
“You like that?” Regto asked. “Me talking to you?”
Rudo still didn’t respond in any way or make any movements that indicated he understood. He probably didn’t after all.
“Your name is Rudo.” Regto explained, then realized something important. “My name is Regto. Reg-to.” He repeated his name again, slower, drawing out the sounds.
Rudo, who had yet to make sounds other than crying, began to babble. “Do-do.”
Regto made a sour face. “Absolutely not. Its -To. Tuh ooo.” Regto pronounced the T more clearly.
“Do.” Rudo repeated after him.
“No, you gotta move your tongue a bit.” Regto opened his mouth to show him. “To.” He repeated.
Rudo stuck his tongue out instead, drool spilling out when he did.
Regto realized the kid probably had very little motor control of his tongue so couldn’t pronounce several letters.
“What about G? Guh?” He sounded it out. “Re-guh-to.”
“Do do.” Rudo was mimicking to ‘to’ part.
“I’m not having you call me that.” Regto huffed. “What about Rudo, hm? Can you say Rudo?”
Rudo just repeated the word, really it wasn’t a word just a syllable of a noise, again.
“We will certainly have to work on your speech. Having you tell me things you need will be important.” Regto explained, watching as Rudo stared at his mouth that whole time.
“What noises do you know?” Regto asked.
“Do!” Rudo repeated.
He wracked his brain for a moment before noticing that he had said the actual word, do, to Rudo. Of course the kid picked that familiar sound up.
“You’re smart I’ll give you that.” Regto complimented and took another bite of his oatmeal. “I do know several languages but that is too complex for you right now.”
His eyes moved to Rudos hands where his black fingertips were grasping at nothing.
Regto ate more of his oatmeal while observing the baby. Rudo was staring at him. “Do!”
“I don't know what you want.” Regto grumbled. He offered the kid the fruit pouch again but Rudo moved away from it. He then reached out for Regtos bowl.
“Oatmeal?” Regto questioned. “Alright hold on.” He sat Rudo on his leg and got a small bite on a spoon. Despite it not being anything except lukewarm, he blew on it then pressed the spoon to Rudos bottom lip and tipped it so the food slid in.
Rudo chewed, made a face, then spat it out.
Regto cleaned him up and kept eating, but Rudo was reaching for his spoon again.
“I know you’re smarter than that, Rudo. You just tried it and didn’t like it.” Regto argued with him, but those red eyes kept staring at his bowl like it was delicious.
Regto sighed and tried again only for Rudo to spit it out a second time then instantly ask for the spoon again.
“I don’t get it.” Regto mumbled as he cleaned him up. “Be less confusing. If you could talk this would be simpler.”
Rudo reached out and grabbed Regtos shirt hard, tugging it for no rhyme or reason. He set the spoon down and tried to pull his hand off.
Rudos hand let go an he grabbed the spoon as fast as lightning and began to gnaw on it gently.
Regto blinked at him, processing what he was seeing. Rudo was no longer fussing or pissed. Had he wanted the spoon and not the food? Really?
He got himself another one and finished his oatmeal. Regto put Rudo in the baby carrier and tied it around himself as he did the dishes. Rudo kept the spoon in his mouth, both hands holding the handle as he watched Regto.
Really, Regto was the stupid one.
He knew so much about the world around him but when it came to babies he was useless.
He knew languages but Rudo had been clearly wanting the spoon, he had just not realized since his own logic was different to a child's.
Regto needed to learn nonverbal cues and communication, to memorize what Rudo did and how he reacted, what he thought, all to know what he was conveying and wanted or needed.
He sat on the couch with Rudo and opened a book. Rudo was instantly trying to grab the pages.
“No, Rudo.” Regto pulled him away and held the book out. “I’m reading to you.” He flipped the page. “Baby care one hundred and one. Table of contents. Chapter one, newborns. Chapter two, bathing. Cha–”
Rudo moved and was gnawing on his arm. Hard. It actually hurt.
“Ow!” Regto hissed and set the book aside. “Rudo, we don’t bite people.” He pulled Rudo off of himself.
Rudo looked pissed off. Was it the book? Did it bore him? “You can teethe on proper things, but my arm is not one of them.” Regto chasticed, pointing at Rudo.
Really he should have expected this. Rudo grabbed his hand and bit his finger, running his gums and some teeth along it.
Regto yanked his hand away and wiped it on himself. He grabbed Rudos arm. “I’ll show you why we don’t bite people.” He very carefully nommed Rudos arm. Not enough to hurt, but just enough to send the message.
Rudo made a face of confusion, anger, and Regto swore he saw disgust with some slight discomfort and pain. He was amazed a baby had such a wide range of emotions.
“See? It hurts and we don’t like it.” Regto explained. “No biting. Biting is bad. Got it?”
Rudo stared at him, then lifted up his own arm and bit it. Rudo began to lightly chew on his own flesh, nothing harmful to himself.
Regto stared in amazement. That’s what Rudo took from his lesson?
“No, no. Arm isn’t comfortable.” Regto tried to backtrack. “Some babies suck on their thumbs. Wait, hold on.” Regto picked him up and took him to the sink.
He had bathed him a few times already. He had tried to wash the dirt on his fingers to no avail. Regto held one arm out as he ran the water on Rudos hand. He used his thumb to gently try to rub the dirt off.
Rudo handn’t fussed when he touched his palm or the base of his fingers, but instantly tensed up and sobbed when Regto tried to wash where the dirt was.
He’s known the baby a day and a half by now. He knows his different cries. Anger, hunger, sleepy. This was none of those.
Regto stopped and looked at Rudo to see he was trembling. He turned the water off and sat on the couch, bringing his legs up so Rudo can sit against them.
“Rudo?” Regto spoke quietly. The baby looked terrified and unsure.
Regto gently grabbed his wrist and watched as Rudo yanked his hand back and balled it in a fist.
Oh.
This was pain. Rudo was in pain.
“I won’t touch it okay?” Regto tried to promise. “I just want to look. Can I?” But Rudo didn’t move.
He didn’t know Rudo that well yet. He was still in the process of trying to figure everything out. So Regto went through what he knew worked.
Regto held his own hand out, holding his own wrist with his other hand.
Rudo stared for a long time. First at Regtos calloused hand worn with age, then to his face. He still didn’t move, but when Regto grabbed his tiny wrist again Rudo didn’t pull away.
The baby didn’t open his hand and Regto promised not to touch, so he didn’t.
Upon further inspection he could see it wasn’t dirt, but some type of wound..? His skin sort of looked fine.
Ah, Regto knew what this could be. Frostbite. It matched up somewhat. This must have happened before getting here, and to be fair it was rather cold these days.
“I won’t let you get cold. Promise.” Regto moved closer to his hand and blew a hot breath on his fingers to warm them.
He winced when Rudo grabbed and tugged his beard without a second thought. “Brat.”
Regto settled back on the couch. He picked up the pacifier and gave it to Rudo since he learned the baby just wanted something to gnaw on given his instance to chew on arms.
When he got to reading, Rudo didn’t move much. He was staring but clearly not perceiving. That didn’t bother Regto.
Not ten minutes into reading outloud Rudo was leaned against him taking a well deserved nap. Regto picked him up and coddled him, smiling seeing his sleeping face.
He carried him to the crib he put together with a mesh net to keep Rudo safe. He laid the baby down and wrapped him in a warm fuzzy blanket to keep the cold out.
Rudo napped fine. It gave Regto about an hour of free time to clean up, get some diapers ready for next time, and organize. He took a shower, dressed, and continued to research about babies.
Overall the second day went better than the first. After Rudos nap he had showed him other objects that couldn’t harm him, read to him, and did their usual changing diapers and feeding.
No issues until it was night time. Regto was holding Rudo and rocking back and forth like how he read how to do trying to get him to sleep.
After forty five minutes Regto gave up when Rudo wasn’t closing his eyes to rest. He laid Rudo in the cot and swaddled him in the blanket just lime he did for his nap.
Almost instantly Rudo began to cry.
Regto picked him up and tried again to get him to sleep to no avail. He tried to lay him down again only for the baby to start crying louder than before.
“Rudo we can’t keep doing this. Either you fall asleep on me or in the cot.” Regto said. He watched Rudo keep fussing and crying and gave in, picking him up a third time.
He could see Rudo somewhat trying to sleep, but never actually doing so. Regto sat on the bed and pulled up a random book, opening it and reading from it.
Rudo watched and listened. It was like he was interested, but sleep slowly took over. Just like before, he gave in and leaned against Regto, finally asleep.
Regto set the book aside. He picked Rudo up and laid him in the crib tucked in nice and cozy.
He crawled into his bed and nearly fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
The only issue was Rudos sleepy crying as he woke up. Regto put his head under the pillow to muffle it. He was so close to being able to sleep.
Rudos crying got louder and worse.
Maybe he just needed to fuss it out? Regto hadn’t seem him cry that much. He had been in public all his life and observed parents from afar. Their babies would cry incessantly whether they tried to soothe them or not.
He didn’t stop crying.
Regto gave in a minute later and picked Rudo up. “What? What is it? Why can’t you stay asleep?”
It had come out rather annoyed and angry.
He could actually see Rudo’s emotions clear as day. The kid was upset by Regto’s tone.
“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that, Rudo. We are both tired and cranky, yeah?” Regto leaned Rudo on his shoulder, patting his back.
“Let me figure it out.” Regto walked around the room while patting him. “You seem to fall asleep when I’m with you. Makes sense to me since babies need support and neglect is the worst thing for their health.”
He focused on Rudos breathing. The kids eyes were closed but he was still awake. Listening and feeling.
“You like it when I talk to you.. and I think you like pens. Pens won’t help you sleep though.” Regto talked moreso to himself than anything. “You napped fine. You’re fed and have a clean diaper..”
What was the difference? What was Rudo upset about?
Regto pat his back, smoothing out Rudos little shirt he got him today.
He was so small. Regtos hand was bigger than his back. He was the babies whole world now, all without him wanting these changes.
Him too, but they were stuck with one another now.
“I hope you’ll forgive me for being such a shit parent. If I’m even a parent. More like a care taker.” Regto kept rubbing Rudos back.
One chubby hand was grabbing his shirt, refusing to let it go. It would relax slowly over time, then it was like Rudo remembered he wanted to hold him and would go back to gripping it.
“I still wish you could just tell me..” Regto stopped walking and looked out the window to the stars twinkling in the sky.
No. He had learned Rudo does tell him things. Just in his own way, without words.
He had to learn how to listen.
Regto looked back at Rudo to see his red eyes were open, staring out the window and up at the sky.
“That’s the night sky. All the bright white dots are stars, thousands of miles away. Theres a big one we can’t see that’s a moon, not a star. Made of rock, lights up the dark at night.” Regto explained despite knowing not a single word was understood.
“Sss.” Rudo babbled quietly. It sounded more like a ‘Z’ noise than an s, but Regto understood now that he was beginning to learn how Rudo saw the world.
“Yes. Many stars. If it wasn’t so cold I’d walk outside and show you the moon. I believe its a waning gibbous tonight.” Regto said warmly, leaning against the wall so Rudo could keep looking out.
“Mu. mmmm.” Rudo said, sounding more like humming than a word.
“Yep. Moon.” Regto repeated. He reached up and ran his fingers though Rudo’s short white hair. “You sleepy yet?”
He got a yawn out of him at least. Rudo rested his head against Regto and nuzzled into him, eyes closing, his hand still gripping his shirt. “Mu do.”
Regto had no idea what ‘moon regto’ meant if that’s what the words meant to the baby.
But putting it together in Rudo language he knew what it could mean. Rudo was asking him to sleep. From how he was holding him, he didn’t want to go into the crib.
Rudo didn’t want to sleep alone.
Naps were fine. They were short, quick. Sleeping was different. Longer, and it was dark and quiet.
Regto laid in bed and tucked the pillows around Rudo so he was surrounded. He rested his hand on him as a support, then closed his eyes. Regto felt exhaustion tug him under.
He woke up warm and slow, like his limbs were heavy. Regto looked to the side and saw the pillows were empty. Rudo was not in the middle of them.
Panicked, he looked around and froze when he saw Rudo curled up at his side tucked under his arm. He was curled up in a small ball with his face pressed into his side, sucking his pacifier, and gripping his shirt.
Regto’s heart was racing so fast. He checked his breathing, then felt his skin. He was alive and warm.
He shouldn’t be shocked the kid could manage to crawl out of the pillows he put around him. He should have expected it really.
Regto laid back down and stared at the ceiling, feeling the tiny warm weight under his arm breathing slowly in and out.
He could do this. He had to. Rudo was completely relying on him after all.
Regto was a caretaker now.
He wouldn’t call himself a parent because there was no way he could be. He’d be a mentor or teacher. That sounded better to him.
Regto could take care of Rudo.
Before he didn’t really have a choice. It was sudden, unexpected, and if he didn’t take the baby he’d most likely be abandoned.
The father had been fast and desperate. He handed Regto the swaddled baby with a box and a note, then left.
All the note said was to consult the book, to hide the gloves, and that the babies name was Rudo.
Really, he considered this a burden at first. He had debated giving Rudo to the orphanage nearby. Realistically, he still could.
Looking down at Rudos relaxed sleeping face as he clung to him, there was no way he could depart from this small child now. In just two days his old heart flipped from a completely solitary loner to a father of one.
He wanted to take care of Rudo now.
He was determined to do his damn best for him and would do anything for him.
But first he had to change his diaper.
One slow step at a time.