Chapter Text
Alicent's weak, as the Aunts in the school tell her.
She's a Hightower, but does not act like one. She hears the gossip, and she's not stupid. Today, at lunch, Rhaenyra sighed."How can you ignore it? The girls?" "I have to," Alicent told her best friend."I will have to when I'm a wife." "I almost forgot why we're here," Rhaenyra said."It feels like just a normal school sometimes." "This is normal," Alicent reminds her. Rhaenyra scoffed."You don't believe that, do you?"
"I do."
Rhaenyra fixes the hem of her plum dress."It's itchy. I hate it." "Maybe the green dresses will be better," Alicent assured her. "I doubt it," Rhaenyra rolled her eyes."My father's more than determined to marry me off. Ever since my mother died."
"She's with God now, Rhaenyra."
Aemma died in childbirth, and the baby, an unbaby, they said. Rhaenyra's fiery spirit was probably the cause, it was her fault for being disrespectful. It wasn't, not to Alicent, but that's what the other girls said.
Her funeral had been almost a month ago now.
"He's looking for a wife," Rhaenyra admitted."Preferably one as young as us, they're fertile, they say." Alicent wasn't surprised."I'm sure she'll be beautiful too." Rhaenyra let out a sigh."I remember before Gilead." Alicent gasped."Rhaenyra, don't... say such things." "But it's the truth!" Rhaenyra whispers."Don't you?" Alicent thought about it."We were eight, I remember, but it's just reminders from God of our former sins."
Rhaenyra nodded.
Alicent can remember it pretty easily. She was getting ready for school, at the private school that wasn't too far from their home, when a van pulled up. Her mother entered the room."Come on, Alicent. We'll be going somewhere so much better." "Better?" Alicent asked. Her brothers were being led into the van. "Yes," Her mother assured her."Don't be afraid, you can just take my hand, I'll walk you."
She took her mother's hand.
Since then, this has been Alicent's life. A life of a Plum. Rhaenyra frowned."It doesn't matter, anyway. We'll be baby machines at the end of the day." "Rhaenyra, you can't just be like that, okay?" Alicent told her."We must be graceful."
"I know," Rhaenyra admits."My mother said the same thing. I should be a graceful girl."
At this point, Alicent doesn't know why Rhaenyra's stuck around. She must annoy her for being such a rule follower. She always has been. She's done what's expected of her. But she does it to hide a truth: Alicent doesn't want to be a wife. She wants to be free, to make a life of her own, something that is very much not allowed in Gilead. She has a chosen life for her. A perfect life, her father has said.
"I'm sure you will grow into one," Alicent assured her, taking Rhaenyra's hand to soothe her."We all are roots that will bloom into flowers." Rhaenyra didn't respond to that.
- -
At home, the Marthas were cooking up dinner in the kitchen. She had a lot more Marthas than some of the other girls, who envied her. Alicent saw her parents in the living room with an Aunt. This could only mean one thing.
Marriage.
Alicent can feel the dread in her body. It's a feeling she's been ashamed of for years. She quickly heads upstairs to her room. It isn't like she had any say in marriage. It's whoever her parents like the most. The illusion of being able to choose is there, but it's not real. She knows. "Alicent, dear, come downstairs," Her mother called. Her younger brother smirks at her."You're growing up, Alicent."
"Shut up," She replied.
She had two older brothers, one being Gwayne, a Commander and has a wife of his own, they are currently expecting. Her father's fertility was envied by the other men. She did not need a Handmaid if it meant she came from a line of fertility. She comes into the living room. "Blessed be the fruit, Aunt Lyra," Alicent greeted. "May the Lord Open, Alicent," She replied."Sit." Alicent does so.
She sits next to her eager parents.
"We've been discussing marriage for you," Her mother says."Isn't that wonderful?" Alicent nods. She confined in her Martha that she had started her period, which meant that she'd be graduating, and would no longer be a plum. She'd be a wife, or well, green.
"Only the best," Her father insisted.
"Of course, Commander," Aunt Lyra reaffirmed."Only the best for the Hightower daughter." Alicent just sat there nervously. What was she supposed to think? Was she meant to be happy? Her father looks at her, and says,"Smile." She smiles at Aunt Lyra.
"You have a few choices, Alicent," Aunt Lyra assured her."You can choose." Three photos are placed in front of her. Two of them were somewhat young, Tyland Lannister, and Larys Strong, but the one that stood out to her was Rhaenyra's father, Commander Viserys.
"I know it is a surprise, considering how close you are to his daughter," Aunt Lyra told her."But he's been a widow for a month. Remarriage is necessary, and he agreed. He thinks you'd be a good match."
She nods.
"I think so too," Her father intervenes."He'd be good for her." "We pick him," Alicent's mother announced. Aunt Lyra turned to Alicent."Do you want this?" Alicent nodded."I do." This was just picking. It didn't mean it'd be official, and it was somewhat of a long process. Aunt Lyra stood up, and after she left, Alicent rushed off to her room to start crying. This wasn't what she wanted. From the moment Gilead became official, she knew what her goal was, to marry, but it wasn't ever a desire of hers.
Could she become an Aunt?
No. No one would believe her, plus, it wasn't like her family would even believe she received a calling. "It'll be incredible for you, Alicent," Her mother said by her door."Why are you crying?" She sniffed."I'm scared." "Sweet girl, everyone's afraid at first, you'll love it," Her mother told her, soothing Alicent as she hugged her. "I hope," Alicent replied. At 15 years old, Alicent was naive to the world of Gilead.
In the morning, She had to give up her plum dress and pink one. Though, it'd just lingered in her closet. She hadn't worn it in years, not since she had been a girl. She was a woman now. Her roots had blossomed.
She'd be a wife.
A woman.
Alicent didn't feel like a woman, not really, she still felt like a little girl. The girl that was always crying in class from all the lessons they told them, or the stories. A weak girl, the Aunts always said. It's a shame, but it didn't matter when she became a wife. She didn't have to do much when she became one. that was the only role for her unless she disobeyed, then, she could be a handmaid.
Rhaenyra was her only friend, really, and she met her at the school. She sat next to her, and whispered,"Do you hate the uniform too?" Alicent had quietly giggled."It's too itchy. I prefer blue as a color than pink." Rhaenyra nods."I'm Rhaenyra." "Alicent," She introduced. Both girls honestly stood out in different ways. No one really wanted to be their friends. Except for Laena and Laenor. Twins, the children of Rhaenys and Corlys Velaryon.
Good children.
Then, when Alicent was fourteen, so only a year ago, she had witnessed the truth of Laena and Rhaenyra's relationship, when she had seen Rhaenyra in between Laena's legs. The kind of sins they warned about. She wanted to snitch, but she did not. it'd mean Rhaenyra and Laena would be on the wall, she did not want that. It did, however, made her imagine sinful things between her and her best friend, something that wasn't even allowed either, best friends.
Technically, anyway.
She's never told Rhaenyra of that incident, and she doesn't intend to. But she at least knows Rhaenyra does not just have interests in men. Or maybe it's just women, something that isn't even allowed.
A gender traitor, she'd be called.
She saw Rhaenyra at the park, and she walked over to her. She didn't really go out of the house, but her family allowed it just this once, to give her friend the news. "You seem happier than usual," Rhaenyra commented. They couldn't go on the swings, so instead, they sat on the benches.
"I'm to be married."
Rhaenyra process it for a moment."Already? You're bleeding?" "Indeed, don't you?" Alicent asked. "Well, yes," She admits."My father's in the talks. Who are you going to be married to? Or have they not chosen yet?"
Alicent is quiet for a moment. Silence concerns Rhaenyra.
"They want me to marry your father," Alicent admits. Rhaenyra stood up, stunned. "It's only been a month!" Rhaenyra exclaimed."My mother has only..." Alicent stood up too."I didn't ask to be married."
"It seems like you want to, and to my father? So, you want to be higher up in this social circle, Alicent? Did I do something to you?"
Why does she always assume the worst?
“Rhaenyra, Don’t act like I was hoping for this to happen,” Alicent insisted. “You’ve always been the perfect one, you said it yourself so many times you want to be a wife,” Rhaenyra told her. "Because I think I want it, but I'm not sure anymore, and anyway, I'm still going to school," Alicent told her.
"No. You go to the school for wives, they're probably planning the wedding right now. I bet you can't wait to have his babies, right?" Rhaenyra remarked."Seduce my father and then what? kill him in his sleep?" "And don't pretend like this is about him," Alicent snapped. "It couldn't be anything else," Rhaenyra frowned."I can't wait to be your stepdaughter, Alicent. Oh wait, they're marrying me off too."
It was the way of life, but she knew how opinionated Rhaenyra was, and with every attempt, her father failed at taming her. "Then i suppose we're not friends anymore, are we?" Alicent asked."We'll be family."
"I suppose we will be."
Apparently.
She liked the friendship, it was one of the only things in Alicent's life that felt normal. that felt right. Alicent's mother disapproved of her, saying that Viserys' only living child was troubled. He needed a boy to ease the trouble his daughter brought him into his life. Aemma seemed to fail at this task.
At home, Alicent pondered it.
Was the marriage worth the loss of Rhaenyra? She thought about her best friend more than she should, and the thought of a man was unappealing. Even someone as handsome as her guardian, Criston Cole. He was just her guardian. She told her mother that Rhaenyra was quite upset she'd be her stepmother. "I thought she'd be pleased," Alicent confided."We're friends, and now we'll be family."
"She's always been troubled, from the moment she was born, her father and mother spoiled her too much," Commander Hightower comments to his daughter."It isn't your fault. You did the best that you could. Sinners aren't so easily convinced. Once she is wed, maybe her husband will tame her."
"I hope, Father," Alicent told him.
"Some can't be tamed," Alicent's mother mumbled. Her brothers make some comments. One even thinks she's pretty enough to be a Handmaid. Her sixteen-year old brother was the one to remark that. He'll be eighteen and wed too. He just hasn't become a Commander yet. Otto agrees."She's fertile. One posting and time at the red center will make her shut her mouth." Alicent's mother giggles."Some whores are just born a whore. Look at her mother and bloodline."
Everyone's referring to Saera Targaryen, Jaehaerys' rebellious and slutty daughter. God knows what happened to her. Alicent certainly doesn't.
"She must've gotten what she deserved."
Alicent took her father's hand as she stepped out of the car. They were at Viserys' home, for a visit. They always do this at least once before the wedding. She must be presented as willing. It's the other illusion she has. Freedom of a decision. His Martha opens the door. Elinda, she thinks her name is. The one who has helped Rhaenyra since she was born. "Blessed be the fruit," Viserys says, smiling.
"May the Lord open," Otto replied.
Alicent knows to keep her mouth shut. She hasn't been permitted to speak. "We hear your daughter's in a mood," Alicent's mother commented."Like always." "She has those," Viserys chuckles."She got it from her mother." Alicent looks up. Aemma's portrait is by the staircase. He must still be grieving his wife, naturally. "Come," He added. Otto and Alyrie follow, so does she.
The house is beautiful, so much more than hers, and bigger. She sees the family photo of a younger Rhaenyra, probably around four years old, and pre gilead, but it's a good one. It's a reminder. "She's with God now," Otto told Viserys. "Indeed, I hope to join her when my time comes," Viserys replied. The garden intrigued Alicent the most. She could be there as often as she wanted to, to keep her mind at ease.
"Your Garden's beautiful," Alyrie smiled. "Aemma loved tending to the Garden," He said."Most of these flowers she picked." Still clearly grieving, but I understand, Alicent thought. Otto sighs."Alicent, you can make it your own. Isn't that great?"
She nods."It is, Father."
Rhaenyra's by the stairs, staring at her.
She's definitely angry at her. Alicent has no say in marriage, but maybe it's because she's more hurt by the fact it's her best friend. Alicent would be hurt too. "Have you found a husband for Rhaenyra?" Alyrie asks Viserys.
"Corlys' son, Laenor, is a good match, they'll be meeting tomorrow."
The son rumored to have queer taste? to prefer men? Alicent doubted it was true, considering people do rumors all the time to be negative, but if it is true, Rhaenyra won't have a good marriage. Alicent wants that for her best friend. She wants her to be happy, even if it's not when she's around. After touring the home, she heads towards the front door. "Under his Eye, Alicent," Rhaenyra told her.
"Under his eye."
Alicent left with her family but she sees Rhaenyra walk back up the stairs to her room. The guilt's going to consume Alicent, she just knows it. Maybe that's what Rhaenyra wants, for Alicent's guilt to consume her.
Praise be.
Alyrie sighed."Alicent, you cannot be fixated on what you did to Rhaenyra. She'll see her ways and understand Marriage is inevitable. You've got a good offer, and Viserys is a good man." Was he? Alicent didn't know him so she didn't know.
She may never know him.
Alicent practices her crocheting at home. It's something her mother taught her before school so she could perfect her wifely duties. God knows she won't be anything but a wife. At night, Alicent couldn't sleep.
She instead got on her knees at the window seat, praying for a good and peaceful life.
It was one of the only times her hair could be down was at night. Her hair was always in a hairstyle, or a elegant bun. As she prayed, she heard chatter, and she knew her parents had a discussion.
She went to the door and pressed her ear against the door. Was it forbidden?
"Otto? Don't you think three children is enough?"
Alyrie's mad, her mother's upset.
"Alyrie, another baby would do us wonders. We have more bedrooms," Her father argued. "Yes, but to bring a Handmaid into our home is absurd," Her mother argued."We've never needed one."
"Would you rather die in childbirth? if i recall, anymore childbirths would be destroying to your body," Her father argued right back. "But this wouldn't be necessary, we have enough children," Alicent heard her mother sob."We don't need anymore."
"Just one more. We'll never have a handmaid again."
"Fine."
Alicent knew her mother couldn't say no, not completely. Her father had total control. But a Handmaid? They'd get a handmaid in the household? Alicent's pretty concerned. What if they replace her and her brothers?
Would she be gotten rid of?
She might not be the only daughter, but it depended on what God wanted for them. She heads back into her bed. She imagines the red dress, and the white wings. As a little girl, they made her feel a little anxious, but also proud that there were women who could have babies.
Rhaenyra had always seen it differently from her.
Please God, Alicent thought. Guide me and Rhaenyra down the right paths. But her mind trailed to more sinful things, as it seemed to do a lot at night, especially in the warmer weather. But she told herself not to do that sinful act, not tonight.
She pressed those feelings back into repression, as she done for years. She could do it again.
It was the irony, her father was a very sinful man, but that was according to the rumors. He worked very closely with Viserys. Alicent had grown up with Rhaenyra, but this distance was something that hadn't ever happened before, not like this. Very early in the morning, the birthmobile went off. Alicent went to her window to witness it. She was still a bit young to witness a birth, so she wouldn't go.
She saw the Handmaids of the households go into the red one, and the wives, which included her mother, go into the blue one. "You'll see one, don't worry," Her Martha assured her. But Alicent doubted she even wanted to.
"Do we really need Handmaids?" Alicent quietly asked. "Of course we do, they have the most important role," The Martha assured her."Hopefully, though, you'll be fertile all on your own in the household you marry into."
"Hopefully."