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“I’ll take that, Jesse.”
The gun is in Jesse’s hand. He shakes his head as he looks at Todd.
“I was gonna get us pizza tonight,” Todd is saying. “What kind of pizza do you like?”
This is his one chance. If he kills Todd now, he can drive over to Brock before anyone at the compound realises that Todd and Jesse are missing. Todd said his uncle would be away all weekend. It’s just you and me. Jesse’s stomach had turned at those words.
“You killed that kid.” Jesse’s hand is trembling but he keeps a firm grip on the gun. “You killed him, and you kept his tarantula as some kind of trophy.” He wonders if Todd has any trophies of him. Maybe the clothes he was wearing when he was brought to the compound.
“Just put that down, Jesse.” Todd sounds calm, reasonable. “You’re not a murderer.”
“You’re wrong.” Jesse thinks of the people he’s already killed. Todd deserves it so much more than they did.
“Jesse, what happened with Andrea, it wasn’t personal.” Jesse tightens his grip. “I had to do that, you understand. And I stood up for you, didn’t I? When Uncle Jack was making you run up and down on the rope. He used to do that to me sometimes, when I was a kid.”
“Shut up,” Jesse whispers. He can’t think of Todd as a kid. He can’t think of him as anything other than a monster.
“I saved your life,” Todd reminds him. “Mr White was gonna let them shoot you, before I stepped in.”
“I wish you had killed me that day,” says Jesse honestly. “But now I get my life back.” He pulls the trigger.
There’s a harmless click. Todd is still standing in front of him. The gun is empty.
Todd looks genuinely disappointed. “You failed the test, Jesse. I’m gonna have to tell Uncle Jack about this.”
“No.” Jesse drops the useless gun. “Please don’t.”
“I have to. This was all his idea.”
“You don’t have to tell him. Please. He’ll kill Brock, and then I won’t have any reason to keep cooking for you, will I?”
“I dunno.” Todd gives a shrug. “There’s still your parents, and your brother…”
Jesse sinks to his knees. “Please,” he whispers, tears falling into the desert sand. “Please, don’t tell him. I’ll do anything. I won’t try anything again, I promise. I just… the heat got to me, and the situation, it was messed up.”
Todd looks thoughtful as he picks up the gun. He takes some bullets out of his pocket and loads it. Jesse wonders if he’s going to put him out of his misery right now. Please God—
“Alright,” says Todd finally. Jesse looks up at him through his tears. “I’ll tell Uncle Jack you were good today. I’ll tell him you gave me back the gun. But I need the next few cooks to be really good, alright? I’m talking Heisenberg good. Like 99 percent pure.”
“I promise.” Jesse nods fervently.
“Good.” Todd puts the gun in his pocket. “You can stand up now.”
Slowly, Jesse does. Todd comes to stand next to him, putting an arm around Jesse’s shoulder. Jesse forces himself not to flinch.
“You know, Uncle Jack says life’s what you make of it,” says Todd. He almost sounds happy as they look out at the beautiful desert landscape.
This is my life now, Jesse thinks numbly. He won’t try to kill Todd again. He can’t risk anything happening to his family, including Brock.
Todd keeps his word too. That night he takes Jesse back to his apartment and gets them pizza and ice-cold beer. Jesse watches numbly as Todd takes the delivery at the door, too scared to even shout out that he’s a prisoner here.
When Jack returns after the weekend, Todd tells him how well-behaved Jesse was while he was away and Jack congratulates him on being a good rat.
He never eats pepperoni pizza again.