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"You know what your mam told me the other day?"
Niall doesn't respond. He's curled up on his bed, facing away from Ruben so he doesn't have to look at him, or catch his eye, or have anything to do with him. If he closes his eyes, he can pretend he's not here, trapped in the bedroom with Ruben.
"She told me you were meant to be a girl," Ruben continues. "That she and your Da went to the scan and they said, oh yes Mrs Kennedy you're having a daughter."
Niall groans, he doesn't even know how Ruben got this topic of conversation into his head. It's a sweltering hot night, windows cracked to let the stale air in, and Niall's sweating in his pyjamas. Ruben's naked, of course, but Niall can't do that, can't be like him. He needs to keep himself covered, head to toe, like a fucking boiler suit.
"And they went home and painted the nursery," Ruben continues, oblivious or pretending he is. "Pink, like fucking Mr Blobby. But then oops, here you came slithering out your Mam with dick and balls and they had to redo the entire thing. Why'd you think you're called Niall, cunt? They didn't even have a proper name picked out."
"S'not true," Niall says. "I'm named after my grandfather."
"Exactly!" Ruben says. "Couldn't even come up with a name, had to nick someone else's."
Niall huffs and folds his arms across his chest. "You're just making it up," He says, but he's not so sure. Why is he named after his grandfather, when nobody in the family fucking likes him? Why is his bedroom such a weird colour, like someone tried to paint over something else?
"I'm not making it up," Ruben says. "Maybe I should start calling you Nicole."
"I'd have a better name than that," Niall says without thinking, and Ruben laughs.
"Yeah?" He says. "What do you wanna be called?"
"I don't know, anything's better than Nicole."
"Nessa," Ruben says. "Niven. Knickerbocker Glory."
Niall snorts he can't help it, covering his face with his hands. He's just - delirious because of the heat, he tells himself. That's all. It's so hot in fact that their mams are sleeping downstairs in the kitchen, where the linoleum gives some relief. The boys are kept upstairs of course, locked away like zoo animals.
"Imagine if you were a girl," Ruben says, sounding thrilled and oh god, he's kicking back the covers and climbing over onto Niall's bed. "You'd be fuck ugly, you know that right?"
"Ruben-" Niall says, because Ruben always has to take it too far, and then Ruben's on top of him, straddling his thighs.
"You'd have big bushy eyebrows and a whiny voice and everyone would laugh at you," Ruben says, fingers pinching. "Bet you'd be a swot still, little teacher's pet. Wear short skirts to make Mr Jenkins look at you."
"I wouldn't!" Niall protests, trying to buck Ruben off.
"Don't worry, I'd protect you though," Ruben says, suddenly serious. "I'd make sure you were okay."
His hands are on Niall's chest. "Make sure nobody touched you," He says, and his voice is low. "No fucking creeps getting their hands on you."
Niall swallows. He's getting hard from this, blood rushing from his head down to his prick.
"It's not funny," He says, and Ruben looks at him in the dark.
"I'm not laughing," He replies.
His hands move from Niall's chest to his face, cupping Niall's cheeks between his palms. Ruben's eyes trace every detail, tracking down his nose, across his eyebrows, focusing in on his mouth.
"You'd be so shit at doing make up," Ruben says softly. "Not like Mona. You'd go barefaced, yeah? Show off your natural beauty and all that bullshit."
His thumb rests against Niall's bottom lip. Niall wants to lick it, or kiss it, or - or -
"At least you'd have other things to make up for it," Ruben says, the words practically snapping from his mouth, fingers falling from Niall's face and down to his chest again. Niall squawks, trying to bat him away, the gentleness morphed into something worse.
"You'd have tiny tits," Ruben says, groping Niall. "Barely a handful. Wouldn't even have to wear a bra, I bet. Go out with your nipples on show like a right slag."
"Please," Niall says, red faced. "Stop it - I'm not a girl."
"You feel like a girl," Ruben says, pinches Niall's nipples through the fabric. "Fuck, you'd be so flat chested, we'd all make fun of you."
"Ruben, don't." Niall begs. "I'm not-"
The thought hits him out of nowhere as he's still trying to squirm away from Ruben's touch. If I was a girl, you could fuck me. Step siblings fuck all the time right? And if he was a girl, then it wouldn't be a problem if he wanted men to fuck him. In fact, it would be weird for him to like girls. A dyke, just like his mam.
"I'm not," Niall says again, weakly.
"Say it," Ruben says, eyes glittering. "Tell me you're not a girl."
"'M not," Niall says, but he is, oh he is. If he was a girl, then Ruben could do what he liked to him, what he wanted, and nobody could tell him to stop, nobody could say it was wrong.
"C'mon," Ruben says, and flicks Niall's nipple. "Tell me then, shagger."
Niall closes his eyes. He can almost see his doppelganger, a girl with dark eyebrows, no patchy excuse of facial hair, full lips, a snub nose. She wouldn't be pretty, but she'd be - a girl.
"I'm," Niall says, and then spills the words before he can stop himself. "I'm a girl."
"Fucking yeah you are," Ruben says and laughs. For one brief awful beautiful moment, Niall thinks that's the end of it.
Then Ruben wrenches Niall's pyjama top up, and sucks on Niall's nipple, hot and tight and too much. Niall cries out, covering his face with his hand, and Ruben groans, before moving onto Niall's other nipple, slurping and sucking.
"Please-" Niall says, and Ruben's teeth graze him. "Fuck nonono don't-"
"Not gonna fucking hurt you Bambi," Ruben mutters, and presses kisses all over Niall's tits. "You need your nipples for breastfeeding, not an animal."
Breastfeeding. Niall thinks of himself plump and swollen, and squirms underneath Ruben, cock now so hard that he's tenting through his shorts. Fuck, how can he pretend to be a girl now? Girls don't have throbbing cocks, or balls, or-
Ruben pushes himself back onto his knees so that they're facing each other. His eyes glance down at Niall's prick, and Niall whimpers just from being looked at. He doesn't want to break the fantasy, doesn't want Ruben to click out of it, and punch Niall, or worse, stop touching him.
"Your cunts dripping for me," Ruben says, and the shock of the words make Niall stop breathing. "Isn't it?"
Niall doesn't know what to say.
"Isn't it?" Ruben repeats, and for one second, there's a flicker of something , regret or pain, or something that Niall isn't clever enough to figure out. Who the fuck can figure out Ruben Pallister?
"It is," Niall whispers.
"What?" Ruben cups his hand around his ear, mocking. "I can't hear you."
"It's… dripping for you."
"Say it properly," Ruben says.
Niall swallows. "My cunt," He says. "It's dripping."
"Show me," Ruben says, and Niall doesn't know what he wants. His fingers go to the waistband of his shorts, he doesn't know if Ruben wants him teasing or wants him virginal, or wants him saying no as Ruben forces it in.
He goes for neither option, peeling down his sweaty pyjamas, all the way down his long hairy legs, and then flicks them onto the floor. Then he's there, and he's naked, and his cock is hard against his belly, drooling precome from the head, and Ruben licks his lips like he's found a feast.
"Look at you, you little fucking slut," He says. "So fucking wet for me, aren't you? Fucking whore."
"'M not a whore," Niall says.
"You think you're so innocent?" Ruben says. "Showing off your cunt to your step brother."
Niall feels the sting of shame on his cheeks and he moves to cover himself. Ruben slaps his arm away with his hand, eyes focused on Niall's cock.
"I don't know what you want," Niall says pathetically.
"I'll show you then," Ruben says, and wrenches Niall forward by the thighs, dragging him on the bed.
Niall squeals, and then Ruben's tongue is slathering at the underside of his cock, drooling all over his balls, dipping down to his - fuck, to his hole, where Niall's still too scared to put more than the tip of his finger inside himself. He sobs out in absolute pleasure, and Ruben groans around him, mouth wet and sticky.
"Fucking gorgeous," He says, takes one of Niall's balls into his mouth and sucks, and Niall almost chokes on his own spit. "So wet for me, all for me. Bet I wouldn't even need lube you're so fucking wet."
"Please," Niall says, and he doesn't know if he's begging Ruben to stop or continue. "Fuck-!"
"How many people you had inside you?" Ruben asks, and then forces his tongue inside of Niall's hole, too much and yet not enough, an intrusion that doesn't feel like anything Niall's ever felt before and he's going to cum in two seconds flat if he's not careful.
"N-Nobody," Niall says, panting up at the ceiling. "Nobody ever, you're the first."
"Taking your virginity," Ruben says, his breath hot between Niall's legs. "This what you wanted, yeah? This is what you've been fingering yourself over?"
"I don't finger myself-" Niall says stupidly, and it's the wrong thing to say because Ruben spits down onto his hand and forces his thumb into Niall's arse.
Niall sobs out in pain, clenching around Ruben who laughs, like Niall is funny. It's too much, it's so dry and sore, and Niall kicks out blindly, but luckily doesn't connect with anything. Ruben laughs, again, and withdraws his thumb before thrusting it in again, and Niall sees stars.
"There we fucking go," Ruben says, "Look at you sucking me in, this is what your cunt is good for, isn't it? What you were made for. You want me, don't you Bambi?"
"I want-" Niall says desperately, and he should beg to stop but Ruben's fucking him with his thumb and this isn't how losing his virginity is meant to go, and Ruben's burning hot and Niall wants -
"Tell me you love it," Ruben says.
"I love it," Niall whimpers.
"Tell me you love your step brother fingering your pussy."
"I love-" Niall swallows. "Love my brother fingering my pussy."
Ruben's face breaks into a grin and he ducks his head to suck wetly on the head of Niall's cock, like he's doing Niall a favour as he fucks him. Niall's entire body is on fire and he's going to explode if they're not careful and burn the fucking house down and then they really will have nowhere to live.
He's dangerously close to cumming.
"Fuck," He gasps out, hips thrusting up of their own accord and Ruben gags. "I'm close - Ruben you have to stop, or I'm gonna-"
Ruben lifts his head, eyes dark, like he's something from another dimension. Niall whimpers at just the sight of him, and Ruben pushes his thumb into Niall even further.
"Like I don't let my girls cum," He says with a snort. "You think I'm an animal? You think I only care about yourself? I'm a gentle lover, Bambi. I treat my girls right."
"Negh-" Niall says, clenching around Ruben's thumb and Ruben rolls his eyes.
"Look at you, anyway. Little whore, begging for my fingers. Surprised you haven't gone for my cock."
Niall wants Ruben's cock so badly. The thought makes him dizzy, blood rushing from his brain to his dick, and he imagines girl Niall on the bed, her skirt rucked up, Ruben furiously pounding into her, her little tits bouncing with each thrust, and Ruben of course wouldn't be wearing a condom, why would he, and Niall would beg pleasepleaseplease don't get me pregnant, don't cum in me, and Ruben would - Ruben would -
"Cum on my fingers Bambi," Ruben half growls, and Niall is powerless to resist.
His back arches and he spills messily over his own belly, white streaking his already pale skin. He thinks he might be crying. He might have said Ruben's name. His ears are ringing, and Ruben's still fingering him, and then Ruben's licking the cum off his stomach like it's nothing, and Niall drops down against the sheets and cries.
"God you fucking melt," Ruben says, sounding irritated. "Course you'd cry after sex."
Niall covers his face with his hands, sobs wracking his body. Ruben pulls out, which hurts, and wipes his fingers on Niall's bedsheets. His cock is also hard, bobbing against his hip, and Niall's worried that he might try and put it in Niall, force him open, get him on his hands and knees like a dog.
"Sorry," Niall bursts out, "I'm sorry-"
"What the fuck you apologising for?" Ruben asks bluntly. "Why'd you have to be such a fucking div?"
He forces Niall's legs apart but doesn't touch between them, instead wrapping one hand around his own cock. Niall watches, breathless, as Ruben begins to jerk himself off, grunting with the effort, using Niall's own cum as lubrication.
"Don't wanna-" Ruben says, as if explaining, "Get you pregnant."
Niall makes a noise at the back of his throat and spreads his legs wider. Ruben snorts, speeding up the pace, and trails one hand up Niall's body to grope his tits again. Niall pushes back against his hand, silently egging him on.
"You want me to cum on them?" Ruben asks roughly.
"I don't - I don't mind." Niall says, and the confession makes him shudder. "You can do it anywhere."
"You sure you're a virgin?" Ruben asks, thrusting into his hand. "Cause you talk - fuck - like a whore."
"I'm good," Niall says.
"Yeah," Ruben's grinning, close to cumming, and Niall doesn't want to drag his eyes away. "You're a good girl?"
"I'm your girl," Niall says stupidly, and Ruben groans and spurts white all over Niall's face and tits. It's humiliating, and it's hot, and Niall doesn't fucking move, takes it like a good little bitch.
God, he really is Ruben's bitch.
"Yeah," Ruben says, breathless. "God look at the fucking state of you. Fucking little Kennedy slag."
He drops forward onto Niall's bed with a low moan, twists against the sheets to wipe the excess of his cock. Niall continues to lay there, cum dripping down his cheeks, stunned into stillness. He can smell Ruben's cock and seed on him. He shouldn't be as turned on as he is.
"Least we won't make a baby," Ruben says, and licks his cum off Niall's face. "We don't need more of your genes in the world."
Niall goes pink and rolls away from Ruben. He doesn't get very far before Ruben's spooning him from behind, soft dick nestled against the small of his back. He's still burning hot, and Niall's scared of the morning, if Ruben will be angry, or worse, not want to talk about it at all.
"Stop trying to escape," Ruben says, and Niall goes still. "Good girl."
He nuzzles into Niall, like they've just had a polite chat about the weather, and Niall blinks with wet eyelashes. It's quiet now, without the two of them panting into each others mouths, and if he focuses, he can hear the rumble of cars in the distance from the motorway. For some reason, he pictures Ruben's dad as one of the drivers, and the image makes him shudder.
"Did my mam actually tell you that I was gonna be a girl?" He asks, and Ruben snorts, wrapping his arm around him.
"Course not," He says, and kisses the back of Niall's neck. "S'all bollocks, aint it?"
He pinches Niall's nipple with a fondness and drops his head down against the pillow. Niall continues staring out into the darkness of his room, trying to make out the shapes of his desk, the posters, the clothes on the back of the door, and listens to the sound of Ruben falling asleep.
He knows he'll never really be a girl.
But he could be Ruben's girl.