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The job so far had treated Charlotte well these past couple of weeks. Or even a month now. Whatever the case, time had passed and she was still here.
Some days would be slower, with little to do. Just busying herself with whatever task she'd find to do. Other days would be hectic and full of things to do and lots of running around the base doing whatever tasks the guys had asked, even when they weren't even there. But it was still work. And at least her pups could be with her. There was that.
The work itself was fine, but it was her… coworkers, at least she'd have to assume they are now, that she's unsure of. Some of them seem okay. Friendly and happy to chat. While others left her feeling off-put… whether they meant to or not. The whole group seemed… odd in general. But they were mercenaries, probably have had years of work that might've made them seen some shit. And hell, she considered herself just as weird too, so who was she to judge?
Yet despite how decently it was going, she couldn't help but keep that tension. She could never put her finger on why though…
Maybe it was knowing her coworkers were likely doing who knows what without her knowing. The things she'd hear before they'd quiet down, or quickly be told to shut up by another when she entered the room. Outlandish. Insane. and extremely illegal. Or maybe it was just how difficult people are for her in general. They're unpredictable, hard to read and gauge. So even when these people were friendly to her… she just couldn't shake that it wasn't all it seemed. And well, it's not like they all were, people always had so much more going on behind their eyes. And half the time she couldn't tell, or at least made a mistake in perception. Countless times she's made the error of mistaking peoples intentions and behaviour towards her as friendly when it was anything but…
Suppose it's just experience… People in her time have been bad to her.
Sure, other's have had it worse she knew that. She could be lying in a ditch somewhere on death's doorstep because life has handed folks a rough one. And growing up in Australia, well, just about everyone knew how their traditions were. Even people form other countries knew… it'd make the looks she'd get when actually hearing her talk, and outright say where she's from, hurt a little more. She's known her whole life she didn't fit in in Australia, she didn't need it rubbed in any further. She's weak. She's pathetic. She knew that. And she knew people saw it. Although someday she couldn't help but wonder if people just saw more wrong with her than she could fathom… It certainly felt that way.
People were just hard for her. This is why animals were easier, even the most deadliest creatures. They're still predictable. Easy to follow, even if they need observation, they can be understood.
She's struggled to understand people… and people have struggled to understand her even more. And she still didn't know what made her so strange to others. Was she really such a-
"--harlotte! Charlotte!". A voice snapped her out of her thoughts.
There was Engineer, who knows how long he had been trying to catch his attention. She just zoned out as she was having a break. Man how long had she'd been staring into her empty plate now.
"There you are. Everythin' alright? You seemed quite lost in your head there". Engineer chuckled, giving a relaxed smirk.
"Oh yeah…". Charlotte gave a soft laugh. He really had no idea. "Sorry. Um-what's up? You need something? I was just taking a break".
"Naw, nothing like that. Me and the fella's were talking and we thought maybe you'd wanna come join us for a few drinks tonight".
Crap.
Charlotte could feel herself freeze on the inside, almost like her heart stopped for a second. No no no not alcohol. Why did that have t obe such a huge part of adult socialising? Socialising alone was hard but bringing booze into the mix? It just made it messier, and for Charlotte particularly… it gave her so much fear. So much pressure…
"Oh.. haha.. I mean. You don't have to invite me. I'm still kinda new and I don't wanna make things weird or anything by you guys dragging the newbie along".
"Psh-Naw. Ain't a problem, Charlotte. It's all new but we all had to get to know eachother at one point years ago. Wouldn't be right to leave one out to drown all cause she got here later and all by her lonesome. You're part of the team now".
Was she though? She barely counted. They all went off for their missions and mercenary work every day… and she was here. At the base. Doing whatever they asked or they needed. Cleaning, organising, basic paperwork that wasn't blacked out to shit. So she couldn't help but feel this was different…
But… he was offering, at least… Did they really wanna be friends with her? No don't be silly. It was a professionalism thing, probably had a talk saying it was better to get on the newbies friendly side. Not like they'd wanna be friends with her. She hasn't had many before, why would that change now?
Charlotte fought another smile, trying to hide any nervousness. "I mean… okay. I guess it would be nice. I'm-I'm not much of a drinker though".
"Well I guess that just leaves more for the fellas". Engineer joked, even Charlotte couldn't help but giggle at that one. "We'll be just out back, we like to do a lil' bonfire kinda thing every now and again. Can bring the dogs if you want, I'm sure the boys would be happy to have them around".
"Who wouldnt? Dogs are great". Charlotte found herself saying instinctively, but whatever, it was the truth to her. But she then remembered the singular one who was not a fan of the dogs. Spy. "…You sure Spy will be okay with that? I know he doesn't really like them…".
"He's had a whole month to get his pissy attitude over with, he'll deal. And if he's got a problem, he can leave whenever he likes. Usually does anyway. So don't worry so much about him, Charlotte. He ain't worth your time".
If only not worrying about people was that easy. Spy especially, she'd catch his stares sometimes. The judgement, the annoyed glares, the eye rolls… it stung. She had no real reason to be upset, but still… it hurt. But he had a point, she shouldn't have to. And at least no one else seemed to have much of a problem.
"Okay, well then, sure! Okay! I'll be there!".
"Happy to hear it. Come round any time ya like. Usually starts around after sunset. Looking forward to getting to know a little more about ya, girl".
Engineer gave her a pat on the shoulder, she fought back a flinch. She knew he wasn't being aggressive, he was being friendly. His touch was gentle and harmless and he was barely in contact for no more than a second… but man. It still set off such a reaction to have someone touch her…
Charlotte fought it, she wouldn't let it ruin this, she smiled. "See you then!".
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And true enough, once that sun was down. She could hear voices already chattering outside. As well as he distant smell of smoke from a bonfire hitting her nose as she approached. She had already been outside, getting her dogs their dinner portions. Just so they wouldn't be trying to beg anyone else for whatever scraps were about… but knowing them, they'd likely still try. Her pups had been getting more comfortable around the group. Even with Spy who continued to give them looks and nothing more. but it didn't seem to phase them… all but Duchess. Guarded as ever… but suppose Charlotte wasn't much better. As much as she tried not to be..
But she was going to try and have fun tonight, that's what she kept telling herself. It was going to be fun. Even if there was drinking involved, and a bunch of guys bigger and tougher than her, it'd be fine. None of them had done a thing to her, they'd have no reason to… right? No. They had none. She was safe, she was fine… this was going to be a fun night.
As she approached the bonfire, already seeing a good couple of the guys were sat around, most of them had turned. Giving smiles to her as she approached, and she did the same, waving as she grew closer with the dogs.
Demoman raised a bottle as he grinned to her.
"Aye lass, good ta see ya showed up!", he reached down and held another bottle to her. "Drink?".
She clenched a her hand into a fist as she saw it, but quickly shook her head. "Oh no-no. I'm not much of a drinker".
"Suit yourself, lass. But there's plenty ta go around for tonight if ye change yer mind!". Demo cheered as he quickly took a huge gulp of his bottle.
"Unless you somehow get through it all". Sniper snickered, quickly getting a rough but playful kick in response.
A whistle caught her attention, turning her head to quickly see Engineer holding a bottle, but instead of booze, it was water. A gesture made it clear he was offering one, and with a nod from Charlotte. He gave a light toss and she managed to catch it. At least there were other options, or maybe Engineer remembered what she said… the thought of that made a smile come to her face.
The others soon slowly showed up, sitting or standing around. Much to the shock of the others, even Spy had showed up. Of course at a distance and leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette as usual. But he was watching… and in distance enough to have the dogs still approach him.
Bella at the moment was sat right in front of him, panting as she looked up a this. Almost as if she was giving a big smile to him.
Spy only rolled her eyes. "Eugh, shoo! Go on! I have nothing for you, dog!".
Bella didn't seem to flinch at all, in fact she only did…a bark? A howl? Whatever kind of sound the dog just let out. A few of the others laughed, Charlotte had given them a warning of Bella's tendency to be very vocal.
The others couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Spy being bugged by the pup, even Charlotte snickering a little.
"How can ya be so cold to a face like that? C'mon, Spook. Pup ain't doing nothing". Engineer shook his head as he laughed, almost in disbelief that Spy would be so closed off to a dog of all things.
"I still would prefer it go bother someone else". Spy huffed, glaring off elsewhere.
What a stubborn man. But Bella was still undeterred, even pawing at his pants leg. This made him step away with a huff.
Heavy gave a hearty laugh at this sight, quickly patting his knee and catching Bella's attention.
"Come to Heavy, dog. Spy is cruel to ignore you".
She gave one last glance up at the masked man, who only continued to ignore her, before running up to Heavy immediately. He gave a delighted laugh as he stared petting her, his giant hands ever so gentle with the affection. She loved it all the same.
"You are sweet little shchenok". Heavy chuckled, practically cooing over the little pup.
Charlotte smiled widely seeing how well the dogs were embraced by most of the dogs. Scout and Pyro were playing with Bosco. Scout throwing his ball again, while everytime he came rushing back Pyro would quickly swarm him with a flurry of pats and they'd repeat it again and again. Shepherd remained sat between Engineer and Medic, enjoying an occasional pat between them as they continued to talk nearly unfathomable science. And of course Bella was getting all the attention she could by the others, classic lovebug. Even Duchess had trotted about, occasionally letting a hand pet her. Right now she was sat next to Sniper, her eyes closed as he rubbed her gently between the ears.
Sniper chuckled again. "You like that, don't ya girl?".
Demo laughed again as he watched Sniper with the dog, giving Charlotte a soft nudge. "Honestly, swear he's been more friendly with the pups quicker than he was with any of us!".
"I don't mean to sound like a broken record but-can you blame him?". Charlotte giggled, paying little mind to the nudge. "It's dogs!".
"Aye, thas true lass. Speakin' of the pups, I been wonderin'. How'd you end up with all these pups? Said ye had them for years, aye? Thas a lot of dog for just one lass.".
"Yeah that's right. God how many exactly I guess. three years? Maybe four? God I dunno". Charlotte shrugged. "I lose track of the time… but yeah, I adopted them from a shelter I used to work at around I think… one of the Carolinas? North? Maybe north. God can barely remember…".
Engineer, who had been taking a drink, quickly turned his head, interested. "North Carolina? How'd you end up from there to all the way here in New Mexico?".
Charlotte shrugged, "Well, it wasn't anything like that. I was actually in Colarado trying to find to work. I hadn't had any luck finding anthing that would work out though, but then found that flyer". She took a sip of water before fidgeting with the bottle. "I've never really stayed in places long, mostly just trying to get jobs and then going elsewhere when I didn't have much else to do or stuff didn't work out…".
The texan winced a little, "Sounds mighty tiring… can't imagine it was easy having them dogs with ya trying to find places to stay neither".
Charlotte shrugged again, deciding to keep the homeless and living out of her car detail to herself. "I… I managed".
Sniper's smile had vanished as he listened in, he eventually spoke up "…What made you leave Australia if you don't mind me asking? Not trying to be a hypocrite here, mind you. I had much more opportunities up here. Same case for you?".
"…I… um…". As much as she tried to resist, Charlotte felt her expression tense. She quickly looked down at the ground, not sure how to answer this. she couldn't' say the truth, not now... "That's… That's a bit of a story… maybe for another time".
Sniper's look didn't fade, even though the glasses she recognised a look… concern, or pity. But he nodded, taking another sip of beer. "Alright…".
"Anyway, yeah. I was working at a shelter, didn't pay much but well… I didn't care. Frankly I loved it.". She gave a wide smile "Think it's easy for you lot to tell how much I love my critters".
"As if us seeing you happily deal with our little racoon problem weren't evident enough". Engineer chuckled again.
"How dare you call Lieutenant Bites a problem! He and his comrades are good american soldiers that happened to be little and furry! At least Charlotte gives them the respect they deserve! God bless!". Soldier yelled out, bringing a hand to his chest. Patriotic as always.
"Thank god I've had my share of rabies shots…". Charlotte joked quietly but cleared her throat to continue her story. "But yeah, they soon showed up and well…". Her smile faded as she stared at Duchess. "…Situation was rough for them. I'll put it at that. Don't wanna be a downer with their story, but I'll tell ya this". She clicked her tongue and Duchess immediately approached and sat next to her, staring up at her as Charlotte patted her lovingly. "It took a lot of work to get them to trust me… especially miss Duchess here. But it was worth it. They've helped me just as much as I've been around the states. Don't know where I'd be if I was all alone… ".
The others who sat around the fire stared at Charlotte, their expressions soft but nothing more. Thankfully the topic itself didn't dampened the cheery mood.
"Anyway, we're here now and… I'm hoping things will work out here!". she gave a large smile, looking around at the guys. They all raised a bottle and cheered to her in response, and she did the same with her own water.
Wow… this was actually going well…
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If it wasn't for her watch, Charlotte wouldn't have a clue how late it was. Just about a few minutes past ten at night. Not too late, but everyone was still kicking at this moment. Even someone made a quiet comment about how Spy was still around, even though he'd usually leave by now according to the others. And they believed he did for some moments before reappearing again… and still occasionally getting bothered by a dog before shooing them away.
But Charlotte paid that no mind, instead she was listening to the current anecdotes. Demo was going on about something now. The slurring of his speech and his accent made it hard to keep up, but from what she could pick it. It was quite a doozy of a story. So, of course she couldn't help but laugh along with the others.
"Really, lads. No bloody idea how I managed to get outta that without losing me other eye. I guess I canne even avoid a good blunder on the job".
Charlotte smirked as she spoke"…I guess you could say it really blew up in your face".
Demoman quickly roared with laughter, which only set off a giggling fit from Charlotte.
But as he quickly put an arm around her, squeezing her closely to him. She froze, immediately going silent.
Demoman only continued to to laugh, "Oh, I like ye, lass! Ye crack me up well good!".
But while he and some of the others continued to laugh, Charlotte could feel her panic start to rise. His grip was so strong, his voice booming in her ear as she felt far too close to him. The grip feeling far too close to a head lock, he'd only need to raise his arm the tiniest bit higher to trap her. To grasp his arm around her neck. No no no no. She needed out. She needed to get away. She didn't want that to happen again. Anything but that no no NO NO NO.
With all the strength she could, she quickly shoved Demoman and scrambled to her feet, rushing a few steps away panting. Duchess had quickly broken away from a gentle pat from Heavy at her sudden movement, following her and standing guard by her side.
She could feel tears welling up in her eyes as hands went straight to her neck protectively, she almost did think for a moment she was choking. The hands may not have gone around them, but she knew what it felt like… She quickly tried to take a breath, it was diffuclt now…
"…Charlotte?".
She froze, her shoulders tensing… oh no. What did she just do. Fuck… oh no…
Charlotte turned her head… all eyes were on her. She expected annoyance, anger, something along those lines but instead… she saw pity. Aside from glancing at eachother, they only stared silently at her. Even a glance at Spy she saw him staring right back at her from his spot against the wall.
"…You alright?". Sniper asked, even taking his glasses off. She could see his eyes more intensely now… fuck. She didn't know how to react.
Her mind began to race. Don't cry. Don't cry you'll only make it worse. Just.. play it off. It's fine. You're fine.
She clapped her hands together as she spun around and took a step back. She forced a smile to shield her distress. The smile almost too wide to look at all genuine.
"Ahaaaaa, oh. I'm…i'm so sorry! That was fucking weird. What an overeaction, right?! Haha… stupid me".
It didn't help. They only looked at eachother again… she couldn't even bare to look at Demo for long. He looked the most worried, he didn't even seem mad that she shoved him. His hand was almost raised up.
"Charlotte. I didnae mean to startle ya. I-".
"It's fine!! It's really fine! I overreacted! It's all good! I'm fine!". Charlotte quickly spoke up, waving her hands as she tried to keep laughing it off.
"Charlotte…". Engineer tried to speak up.
This wasn't working… she needed to leave. This was getting too much. She ruined this. Of course she did, why did she expect this to go without any problems?
She would've called her dogs, but all of them had quickly swarmed to her as this went on. They must've been picking up on her rising stress. Well, at least this this made getting away with them easier.
"Oh, look uh- I got them all frazzled up huh? Silly me ahaha... I'm-I'm gonna give em a walk! Else they'll be up all night and I don't wanna bug anyone with that haahaaaa".
"Frau Charlotte. It's ten'o clock. That seems a bit-". Medic tried to talk but she quickly interrupted him before he could finish.
"IT'S ALL GOOD! We've taken late night walks before. Have a good night guys, I'll let you lot have your fun again. Sorry about weirdness and everything! Byeeee!!".
God, she could tell her tone was weird, she was forcing the cheeriness way too much. Even if it wasn't working, it was all she could do. She could feel her eyes watering as she continued to speak and if she dropped the tone she knew they would come flooding down.
Charlotte quickly turned around and started walking, quickly, the dogs effortlessly keeping her pace. She didn't even hear the group talking. But she could feel the eyes, she could feel them burning into the back of her. It took all the strength she had in her to keep those tears away. She wasn't going to cry, not in front of them. She'd never come back from that…
When she finally felt far enough and had vanished across the base, finally the tears fell. At first quietly, but then came the sobs. Quiet to start with, but then it grew harder to keep them silent. And as she sobbed, her mind raced again.
God, she was so pathetic… she couldn't keep it together, for one fucking night she couldn't keep it together. And now she's likely made any chance at being friends with any of these guys an impossibility. She knows it. What kind of person, let alone a man, wants to be friends with a woman who can barely contain her emotions. She knows well enough none. No one could see them, they were a burden to people, an inconvenience… but that wasn't anything new. That's been drilled into her being for so long now, she was a waste of space. And it was a miracle people barely put up with her. That's what he always said… Dad. And in moments like this, maybe he was fucking right….
She hadn't even noticed she had curled up onto the ground until she had felt the licks and wet noses of her dogs at her face. She barely cared though.
Charlotte took a deep breath as she got back to her feet, her dogs still scurrying around at her in her distress…
"..Let's go, pups. Let's just go back to your kennels. Yeah?". She barely managed to speak out between her sniffles. Her throat was hurting now…
Usually at this time, she'd put the dogs to bed. While she missed having them with her at night, it was for the best they remained out here for the rules. At the very least they were enjoying the large space Engineer had built for them. And with the money Charlotte had been getting, they had been getting only the finest beds, kennels and toys.
But not tonight… she couldn't bare to be alone right now, not without her pups. It's not like she could go back to the group… she couldn't bare it.
After closing the gate behind her she leaned against the wall and slid onto the floor. All four of the dogs quickly laid down beside her, Bella of course laying on top of her, giving her an occasional lick to her hands.
Thank god no one was here to see her like this…
Charlotte let out a deeeeeep almost wailing sigh as she resisted curling up onto the floor…
"Fuck me… ".
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She had lost track of how long she sat there, it had to have been quite a while now. The pooches in fact had even fallen asleep around her. Except Duchess of course, who remained on guard. Although offered the occasional lick to Charlottes hand or face.
By now, while her face was red and her nose snotty and stuffed beyond belief, she had stopped crying. At most just a stray tear here and there as she continued to spiral mentally…
She'd jump as Duchess suddenly turned and let a low growl, before quietening down. It was someone she knew. Charlotte almost hesitated to look… but her eyes soon followed Duchess' gaze.
Outside the gate stood Heavy, at first she was terrified at the huge man looming silently. She didn't even hear him coming… or maybe that was more on her being stuck in her own head.
He was silent, his gaze, while usually difficult to read, she swore there was a… softness. Well, of course, pity.
She couldn't keep her eyes on him for long, her gaze quickly retreated back to the ground as she instinctively wiped any stray tears at her face.
"…May Heavy enter?". He asked, breaking the silence.
Charlotte still didn't look up, a habit she's unfortunately picked up when she's like this…
"…Okay…". She managed to squeak out, her throat still felt out of whack from her sobbing earlier.
The squeaking of the metal gate clued her in that he was entering, as hell as the heavy footsteps as he approached. Slowly. Likely to not set off the dogs who were all awake and watching him cautiously.
His large shadow loomed over her, she almost curled up more instinctively. Logically she knew he wasn't trying to be threatening, the evidence was there… but she couldn't help that fear. It was all instinct to her at this point.
"Here". He spoke again.
Charlotte looked up, confused what he meant… and saw something reached out to her in his large hands… a chocolate bar?
"Sweet is good for the sad. Take it". He said again, pushing his hand a little closer. But then quickly retreating it when the dogs started to sniff at it. "Nyet. Not for dogs. Is bad".
The tiniest stifle of a laugh came from Charlotte, after wiping at her face again, she took it.
"…Thanks".
She startled to nibble onto the chocolate bar, her gaze still directed at the ground, Heavy sat down next to her It was a little surprising that Duchess hadn't given him any issues with getting so close… perhaps she could sense he really wasn't trying to be a threat.
The dogs sniffled at him for a bit before going back to Charlotte, at first trying to get a nibble on the forbidden treat but eventually settled back down.
They sat in silence, while she didn't look up. She could feel he was staring at her…
"Is Charlotte okay?".
Charlotte only shrugged, still taking small bites of the bar.
"… Demoman feels very bad he made you upset".
"It wasn't his fault…". Charlotte finally spoke up again, her eyes still avoiding his gaze. "I overreacted. I made it weird for everyone…".
"No. Do not say stupid things like this".
While she wanted to say a response rebuffing this, thinking he was wrong or wanting to ask where the lie was… but she kept silent instead. And it remained that way for quite some time, until Heavy spoke up again.
"…Charlotte has been hurt before, yes?".
The tension shot through her body fast at the question. The grip Charlotte had on the chocolate made it almost break in her hands… Her eyes found themselves looking into Heavy's again. His eyes were soft… sorrowful.
"You do not need to speak of it… but is true. Yes? Is why Demoman touching little lady made her afraid?".
…She nodded. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to resist crying again… but it didn't do much. She sniffed and wiped at her face. It only made more fall, she wound up having to take her glasses off with how much she kept wiping at her face.
"…Does Charlotte want hug?".
The question almost caught her off guard, close enough to get her to stop crying; almost anyway. She jsut stared up at Heavy. Confused, almost surprised at the offer… and yet… she nodded. And so slowly and gently Heavy pulled her in and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.
At first, she was still instinctively tense. She was in the arms and at the mercy of a man that could easily break her bones… Yet the strongest his grip got was with the slightest squeeze of the hug, he was being nothing less than gentle.
Charlotte hadn't planned too, but she started to cry again. She could barely remember the last time she actually got hugged by someone. And taking a moment to fathom someone the likes of Heavy was doing right this moment, it was surreal. She couldn't help but dig her face into his chest, a huge hand would stroke her hair.
"Is okay… you are safe". He spoke softly as he continued to hold her, not at all bothered by her reaction. "…Heavy will make sure no harm will come to little lady. You are part of team now".
She'd soon put her own arms around him, just to at least have something to hold. Unlike Heavy who's arms went around her so easy, she could barely do the same… but at least he didn't seem to flinch at all when she'd squeeze harder or dig herself into his chest. He said nothing and didn't move an inch, determined to be the rock for Charlotte at this time.
While this night ended in disaster, at the very least Charlotte felt safe. Even if she was crying her eyes out, she felt safe in the huge man's arms.