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“Oh! So you are the infamous Undertaker?”
Shin lifted his head from the school syllabus he was working on and blinked. It was the voice of a young woman he didn’t know.
She looked to be about his age, perhaps a little older. She had a very pungent perfume on and was wearing the Giadian’s female military uniform. She looked down at him, a smile stretching over her glossy lips as her eyes narrowed alluringly.
His red eyes scanned the room. He was currently alone at a study table in the Rüstkammer school’s library. It was already well into the afternoon with the sun beginning to set, casting long shadows and giving the sky an orange glow.
Everyone else had already left for dinner, but not Shin. Shin was waiting…
Waiting for his girlfriend, Lena.
Since returning from their last mission in the Orphan Fleet Countries, there was a brief pause to recuperate, refuel, and reorganize before they set out for their next battlefield. And Lena, being the head commander of the Spearhead Squadron, was always busy in the strategy meetings.
Shin was busy too with his own military work and squad meetings, but during his downtime he decided to focus on his much neglected academic homework. He didn’t care much about it before, but now that he had a clearer goal in mind for his desired future, he was beginning to see the value in it. (Also receiving praise from his girlfriend for the work he accomplished boosted his motivation greatly.)
As such, despite Shin and Lena finally hooking up, the two still couldn’t spend much time together, and would often use their meal times to see each other. Today, they were to rendezvous at the library after Lena’s meeting and have dinner in the cafeteria.
That was the plan…
“Hello? Did you hear me?” The stranger spoke up sharply.
Shin turned his red eyes back towards her.
“Yes, you. I’m talking to you, you-!” Her eyes suddenly widened, realizing she was beginning to shout. She straightened up and smiled once again at him, changing her tune to a singsong manner. “Excuse me. I didn’t mean to raise my voice like that. We are in a library afterall. Teehee.”
Shin’s expression remained taciturn, showing just how little he cared for her sloppy formality, but before giving her an answer, he looked around the room once more to confirm something.
The library was already closed by now, but the librarian was aware of his and Lena’s situation and allowed Shin to stay, asking him to lock the door on his way out when he left. No one else was supposed to be here.
So, who was this woman, and what did they want with Shin?
Finally deciding to speak, he said “I am. And you are?”
The smile immediately vanished from her face, replaced with a heartbroken expression as she exclaimed, “What? You don’t remember me?”
Shin shook his head in disinterest.
“But you… you helped me yesterday when I dropped all my papers in the hall!” She cried out dramatically as her posture began to crumble, bringing her hands to her face as her bare thighs began to rub together sensually.
What the hell… Shin looked at this performance in pure confusion. If he had met someone who acted like this the other day, he DEFINITELY would have remembered. “Paper…? Oh.”
A vague memory of someone dropping papers in the hall yesterday did resurface briefly. Shin just so happened to be walking by and stopped to help pick them up. To be honest, it was such an uneventful experience that he didn’t think twice about it, nor could he recall the person’s face in the first place. It was a normal thing to do. Any decent person would’ve stopped to help. So…
I don’t see why she’s being so dramatic about it… “Sorry, I do recall helping someone out in the hall,” Shin stated matter-of-factly, and the woman’s face lit up once again. “But that still doesn’t answer my question, who you are and what you need from me?” He said, his voice beginning to carry a hint of annoyance.
“Oh, I’m no one important.” She replied quickly. “Just someone who joined the military on a whim, but…” As the sun continued to set, the room continued to darken little by little. “I would love to know you better, Undertaker.”
She moved closer to Shin, gliding her long, acrylic-nailed fingers across the table, lowering her body down to emphasize her chest. She twirled her finger in her hair and sat on the table right in front of Shin. Her military skirt was hiked up higher than what was allowed by the Giadian military dress code, and looked to be a size too small for her, seeing how it bulged around her bare thighs like a supple muffin. She crossed one leg over the other in a grand motion, encouraging her audience to take a peek. She ran her other decorated fingers through her hair and leaned her face closer to Shin. Her potent perfume clung to her body, creating a scented barrier that attached to everyone within its vicinity.
Her eyes lowered in a dreamy expression as she continued in a whisper. “I just feel so grateful for what you did for me yesterday. I want to repay you.” She began to unravel her uniform’s tie. “How about it? We can both get to know each other bet-”
“If you joined the military on a whim, I would suggest quitting.”
“Huh?” The woman startled in surprise and blinked.
Without a word, Shin stood up, closed his syllabus forcefully, gathered his belongings, and began walking away.
“Hey! Don’t just walk away from me!”
Shin ignored her and continued walking.
Her heels stomped hard against the ceramic floor, hurrying after him as he weaved his way through the bookshelves, returning the books to their proper place.
This is annoying.
“Hey! Don’t ignore me!”
Can she not take a hint? Or is she just… dumb?
As Shin turned a corner, there she appeared in front of him, panting with her hair more ajar than before. “You’re… so rude… Undertaker.”
Shin let out an annoyed huff. “You use my call sign like that’s all I am. You don’t even know my real name-”
“Shinei Nouzen!”
Shin blinked.
“That’s your name, and you are the grandson of the Marquis of the Nouzen clan!” She spoke with a prideful grin as if trying to prove how smart she was.
Oh, she’s a gold digger. “Sorry to disappoint, but I am not financially connected with my grandfather or involved in any of the political affairs that happen in his family,” he said flatly.
“Is that so? Well, I’m not really interested in that,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
Confused, Shin hardened his expression. It was very obvious what she wanted to do with him. He was a Captain of the Eighty-Six Spearhead squadron, but in the grand military power hierarchy, he didn’t have any sort of influence. She also said she didn’t care about his family, so money and power weren’t something she was after, so why come after him specifically?
He didn’t care nor wanted to find out.
He attempted to walk around her, but she stood in his path. He stepped to the other side, and she followed suit, blocking him.
This happened a few more times, and a pleasing smile spread across her face. “We are so in sync with each other.”
Shin stopped. She was being… annoyingly persistent. Shin needed to put a stop to this here and now before it progressed any further.
By all reality of the situation he was currently in, Shin could’ve just used force and pushed her away, but with her being a lady and much smaller than him, he was hesitant to do so for fear of hurting her. However, they were both adults. So solving this issue in an adult manner would be more appropriate.
Looking down at her with cold blood red eyes, he spoke, “Stop beating around the bush. What do you really want?”
“I want you!” She took a step closer. “Shinei Nouzen, the cold-hearted Reaper of the Spearhead Squadron.”
Shin didn’t respond.
She sighed childishly. “Like I told you, I joined the military on a whim. I had no plans for what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. It was pretty drab in boot camp, I must admit, but once I heard about the wonderful feats of the Eighty-Six Spearhead Squadron, I had to join! I wanted to meet you!” Her eyes twinkled like a fairy tale princess as she recalled the stories she heard of him, and the choices made leading up to her request to be transferred to the Spearhead Squadron. “But…” She frowned, “My request couldn’t be fulfilled, and instead they dumped me here, doing pointless work like cleaning, helping teachers, and running stacks of papers back and forth between the office and classrooms!” She closed her eyes and clenched her fists.
“Being helpful around here is a good thing,” Shin pointed out absentmindedly.
“It is…” she said softly. “It must be fate that brought us together, because your helpfulness is what bound us together. It’s the red sting of fate! The same color as your eyes!”
Bound? An unpleasant shiver ran down Shin’s spine.
“You told me I should quit the military. That is very thoughtful of you. You’re looking out for my well-being. They call you a cold-hearted Reaper, but you are actually very kind. I’ve learned so much about you so recently, hehe, and…” She brought up her face, it was flushed with pure bliss. “I want to learn more about you. I want to be with you. I want you to hold me and make me yours!” She gasped, catching her breath.
She’s not dumb. She’s insane.
She moved silently, placing her hands on Shin’s arms, groping them. “Five minutes! That’s-”
“I have a girlfriend.”
“Huh?” Her eyes widened.
“I have a girlfriend, and have no intention of giving you what you want.” He shook her hands off abrasively and walked away, leaving her standing still.
To be honest, he didn’t want to bring up the fact that he already had a girlfriend. Lena had only recently confessed to him. Their relationship status was still fresh. It felt like a delicate situation to bring up, and he didn’t want to go throwing that information out at every minor inconvenience, parading her around like she was some sort of trophy he had finally won. All the things he said and did would also reflect on her now, too. He couldn’t be careless about his words and actions.
This other woman, however… was just so persistent. If he walked away, she would just follow after him, and would mostly keep pestering him every chance she got, hunting him down like a dog in heat. He needed to make sure this ended here and now. So this was the only option he could think of at the moment to get it through her thick head.
He was off the market and had no intention of hooking up with anyone else.
Ever.
“Colonel Vladilena Milizé…” She uttered coldly. “That poor Weißhaare.”
Shin stopped.
She huffed out a laugh. “Dating that Republic woman out of pity, I don’t know if that’s kind or cruel.”
Without a sound or warning, Shin grabbed her collar and shoved her back against the bookshelf, causing the books to rattle.
There was a long silence in the library as the last bit of sun set, and the birds flew past the window.
“Pity? Who are you to assume it's pity?” Shin’s words were cold like ice as he glared at her with animosity.
“Heh, what else could it be but pity?” A cruel smile spread across her face. “Why would anyone want to date a bigoted Republic officer like her, especially an Eighty Six? You took pity on that sorry girl, just admit it!”
Shin gritted his teeth.
She continued her blind insults about Lena. “After all they did to you, all the pain they caused, it makes sense why no one would want her. She must be a horribly depressed person by how much she’s loathed. No one would love a disgusting pig like that, but…” Her tone softened.
Shut up.
“You’re the kind-hearted Reaper, the gracious Undertaker. I understand it all now. It’s not love, it’s pity.”
“You know nothing.”
Shin tightened his grip, making the woman wince. He expected this would make her stop, but her smile just grew as a blush deepened as it spread across her face.
“I do know. It is pity, and saying it’s love is just a cruel lie to hide the truth.” She turned her head up towards Shin, tilting it to the side. “I can see now why they call you cold-hearted. It’s all just a facade. A mask to hide your true self, but you don’t have to hide it when you're with me.”
Was she actually enjoying this?
“I’ll be the one person you can trust. I know how tiring it must be to keep up this act. Just let loose. Vent all your frustration out on me. Use me. My body is yours to use. I can heal your heart. You can confide in me anytime while you’re still putting on that pitiful performance dating that pig.”
His skin crawled. Stop.
“You don’t need to keep lying to yourself. You don’t need to lower yourself to her level.”
Shin was beginning to feel nauseous listening to her words. He didn’t believe anything she was spouting out, but she just wouldn’t stop.
Just let her go…
“Just let her go.” She lifted her hand and placed it on his that was holding her collar tightly. Drawing circles around the back of his hand sensually, she continued. “That girl could never give you what I can.”
And walk away.
With her back still pressed up against the bookshelf, she raised her knee against his crotch, as her other hand ran her decorative fingers across the scar on his neck, saying, “I can show you what a real woman is like.”
“You poor, pitiful thing. You won’t live long, so let me show you what a real woman is like.”
“!!!”
“AH?!?”
Having been forcibly thrown to the side, the woman landed on the ceramic floor with a loud thud.
Silence hung in the room between the two of them, as if time had frozen in place.
Shin blinked in shock at what he had just done. It was a reflexive action. A certain survival instinct he hadn’t experienced in a long time suddenly came out.
He let out a long held breath as he shivered.
The woman on the floor began coughing violently as she slowly lifted herself up. “WHAT THE HELL?”
Shin said nothing and began heading towards the exit.
“HEY?! STOP! GET BACK HERE NOW!”
He didn’t stop.
She scurried to her feet and pursued after him. She winced in pain as she continued to scream. “WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? WE AREN’T DONE HERE! YOU CAN’T JUST TREAT A WOMAN LIKE THAT AND WALK AWAY! SHINEI NOUZEN, DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE!”
Shin reached the library door and opened it.
“If you leave, I will tell everyone you sexually assaulted me!”
Shin closed the door behind him.
✾
I feel sick…
Shin continued walking. He was trying not to think about what had just happened, but… Something from his past he had buried deep inside had suddenly resurfaced. Something malicious…
Back in his first year as a Juggernaut Processor in the 86th sector, a girl 7 years older than him snuck into his room one night.
Shin woke up immediately and saw her crawling on his bed.
At the time, Shin was much smaller, smaller than most kids his age. Seeing a teen much larger than him towering over him left him so confused. Why would she come into his room? And why in the middle of the night?
All of the Processors in this squadron either ignored or outright bullied him. So why was she here?
“What’s happening? Do you need something?” He asked innocently.
“You must be lonely. Are you sad, little boy?”
Shin furrowed his brow, “No…”
The girl smiled. “Aww, you don’t need to hide it.” She reached her hand up and stroked his head, making him jolt in surprise. He didn’t like being touched like that, it felt… wrong, but what she did next…
“I can make you feel better.”
She placed her hips down on young Shin’s body. Bearing her full weight down so suddenly made his lungs gasp out for air.
His mind began to race with confusion as the girl on top of him began to take her shirt off, showing her bare chest to him. Shin’s heart began to pound, his hands grew cold.
He was scared.
What was going on?
“Don’t look so scared,” she cooed. Reaching her hand up, she stroked the scar on his neck. “You poor, pitiful thing. You won’t live long, so let me show you what a real woman is like.”
“No!”
To the girl’s surprise, Shin’s small body lifted her and tossed her to the side, making her tumble to the ground.
“OW!!! Ow! Ow! Ow!” She belted out in pain.
Shin looked at her and noticed the blood beginning to trickle down her face.
What happened next was the commotion of several other Processors immediately bursting into his room. Their response time was too quick. In hindsight, they must’ve set up the girl to “have fun” with Shin, and were waiting outside, but at the time, he had no way to confirm this.
In the end, Shin was the one being blamed. He tried to defend himself, but no one cared or listened to him. The older male Processors tried to enact “justice”, telling Shin to prove his innocence, which resulted in Shin beating everyone up effortlessly in a fistfight.
After that night, Shin either slept in his Juggernaut or kept the door to his room promptly closed at night, placing a chair underneath the handle so no one would enter.
Everyone in this squadron passed away, and that one female Processor…
With tears streaming down her bloody, soot-covered cheeks, “I’m… sorry…” that was the last thing she said before Shin euthanized her.
He brought his hand up to his neck. The skin-crawling sensation of that woman’s gaudy nails was still fresh, as were the other places she touched him. Her perfume clung to him like death. In all honesty, he felt gross.
A much-needed shower was in order to wash it away, but the reality of the situation wouldn’t magically vanish. It happened. He tried to delegate it maturely, but ended up using force and snapped. It wasn’t sexual assault, but he did push a girl against a bookshelf and then toss her to the ground. It was loud, too. They were alone in the library, but someone could’ve heard it by passing or walking in and turning around. Depending on how that woman spun her narrative, he wouldn’t be able to walk away from this so easily as if nothing had happened.
Shin was used to being talked down to by others. Him being called names was nothing new, he could ignore it, but bringing Lena into this… it pissed him off. What made it worse was knowing that it was his fault for bringing up that he had a girlfriend in the first place, but…
Shin’s mind was rewinding the confrontation over and over. What could he have said differently? What could he have done? Was there a better way? Who should he talk to now? How should he address this? What were the consequences going to be? Would they even…
Would they even believe him?
He continued to wander aimlessly. His thoughts pedaling but going nowhere, unaware of where his legs were taking him.
“Lena…”
He stopped and looked out the hallway window. He could see his reflection in it. He looked more tired than he was expecting, and the sky outside was dark. He had been waiting for Lena. Waiting for her like he always did, but…
I’m glad she didn’t come.
Weißhaare.
She didn’t need to hear that. Not now. Not with everything else she had to deal with right now. She didn’t need any more problems. He didn’t need to give her any more problems.
Her feelings mattered to him more than anything. He wanted to make her happy.
Not only was she his girlfriend, but she was also his commanding officer. She would be dragged into this, and have to resolve the matter. Whether that be issuing an investigation to reach a fitting agreement to quietly settle this, or punishing her subordinate on the spot, it was going to cause a serious wave amongst the other Processors, and reflect poorly on her.
Lena was tied to him. Like a person tied to a rock and being thrown into the sea, he was bringing her down and causing her to drown.
No. No. No. I can’t. I don’t want this. She shouldn’t get involved. This is my fault. I need to fix this on my own. Asking another Processor for help is out of the question. It would just cause more unrest, and rumors could start spreading. Best keep it to myself. Another officer on base… but who should I go to? If I don’t choose the right one, they’re just going to go to Lena. No. There has to be another way, but… even if I get someone, would they even believe me? I did throw that person to the ground. I didn’t mean to, but… Wait! I didn’t even get her name! Shit! Would not knowing their name make this situation better or worse???
The more he thought about what he needed to do next, the more his mind spiraled. He hated himself for not being able to handle this better. It was exhausting.
Shin was a lone soldier lost in a dark forest with no way out and no one to turn to for help. This was his battle to fight. It was isolating, but he knew he shouldn’t get others involved, especially Lena. Her feelings would be hurt. But if she did find out…
His heart dropped into his stomach like a sack of bricks. His body froze in fear with a cold sweat.
What should he say? What were the correct words to use? He didn’t want to give the wrong idea or be accused of a sin he didn’t commit. Not again. But unlike last time, now he had a girlfriend.
Lena might not believe him… She could break up with him… She would never want to talk to him again…
It was a preposterous idea, but… it could happen.
And that slim chance of losing her like this scared him so much he felt like he was facing a firing squad.
Being unfaithful to Lena? Never. Shin would rather die.
His heart twisted painfully, just imagining the disappointment on her face. He mustn’t see her. He didn’t want to see her, not now, because if he did…
“Shin?” A silver bell voice called out.
Shin turned his head to see a silver-haired girl clad in the Republic’s blue uniform. She was standing alone in the hallway, an apologetic expression on her face. “I’m so sorry I’m late. The meeting went longer than I was expecting.” Her silver eyes softened as she looked at him. “Did you decide to meet me halfway? Thank you.”
Her smile was as radiant as the brightest star in the night sky and as gentle as a guiding hand leading a lost child out of the woods.
“…”
Lena frowned with concern. “Shin?”
In an instant, Shin quickly closed the distance and embraced her.
“Shin?” Lena’s eyes widened in surprise. The force of the embrace was so sudden that her heart began to beat so fast, all the blood rushed to her face, making her feel hot. “Shin?” She called out again.
But Shin only brought her in closer, holding her tightly as if he were afraid she would disappear.
Since becoming a couple, Shin had begun showing more and more physical affection towards Lena. It was something she adored and loved experiencing. She loved his embraces and the warm kisses he gave her. Nothing made her happier than spending time with him, but…
Something isn’t right…also-
It was like her thoughts were made vocal, because Shin suddenly let go of her and stepped away, quite far away. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Huh?” Lena tilted her head, confused. “Shin, you hug me all the time.”
Shin raised his eyebrows, realizing she was right, before lowering his gaze away from her. “You’re correct, but I shouldn’t be doing that so… thoughtlessly. I should be more considerate of your feelings.”
“My feelings?” Lena narrowed her eyes. “Shin, what happened?”
“Nothing happened,” he replied immediately.
“Shin-”
“Nothing happened. Nothing-” Realizing he rudely cut her off, Shin tried to recover. “Sorry. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
Don’t tell me you're fine when you’re clearly not. Lena sighed. “Shin…Be honest with me, have I ever said I was uncomfortable with you hugging me?
He shook his head. “No.”
“Have I ever looked upset or mad?”
“No.” He said, looking at her with pained red eyes.
”So why? Why are you suddenly acting so distant? It reminds me of what happened when we were in Roa Gracia. I don’t like it. It’s scaring me.”
Shin clenched his fist.
“Also…” Lena walked closer, leaning into Shin. She sniffed his chest. “What is this scent? This isn’t your cologne.” Her silver eyes eyed him sharply.
Shin’s blood red eyes widened with horror. His mouth opened but closed quickly. He was hesitating to speak.
“…”
“…”
The air between them felt like a chill frost had just blown through the window, freezing them in place.
Lena kept her eyes on him, observing his actions as she waited for an answer, but he remained silent. “Is it something you can’t talk about? Or…” Her sharp expression began to melt into a sad frown. “Is it something that involves me?”
“No! Not at all! It’s-It's not that. I… I just…” Shin was struggling to put his thoughts into words. Something had happened, and he was trying to hide it. He clearly didn’t want to get her involved. “It’s my problem and you- no… I don't want to burden you with my problems.”
“…Is that so?”
The next thing Shin realized, Lena had grabbed his hand and was leading him into a nearby classroom.
She didn’t turn the lights on, leaving the only sources of illumination being the hallway shining into the classroom windows and the stars in the night sky beginning to appear.
It was just the two of them.
Lena sat down on the floor. Tapping the spot next to her, she beckoned Shin to join her, and he did. There the two of them sat in the darkness. Neither of them spoke up, waiting instead for the other to speak first. So the silence between them stretched on, until…
“You remember what I said to you back in the Fleet Countries, right?” Lena said, bringing her legs up to her chest.
“Of course I do. I could never forget.” Shin gingerly smiled, recalling the long-awaited answer she gave him and the oath they shared. An oath of never abandoning one another and bearing their burdens together.
Shin felt a warm sensation as Lena leaned on him, resting her head on his shoulder. “I love you, Shin. I meant what I said then, and I still mean it now. I won’t abandon you. You believe me, don’t you?”
“I do, but...” Shin whispered, leaning his head against hers. “It’s just… finding the right words to say. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea and lose you.”
Lena chuckled lightly, “Well, unfortunately, I am a stubborn woman and won’t be giving you up so easily.” She flashed him a triumphant grin. “Not now, after we finally became a couple. You waited too long for my answer, right?”
Shin’s heart lightened tremendously just having her by his side. “Yeah, I know that stubbornness well.”
“And you better not forget it.” She cutely pouted before returning to a more serious tone. “I appreciate you looking out for me, but you don’t always have to be so overly concerned about my feelings. If something happened to you, I’ll help. It is my job as your girlfriend.”
Shin sighed in resignation, knowing full well she would help him even if she wasn’t his girlfriend. He really should break this stubborn habit of his. “Okay, you win, but…” Shin backed away from Lena. “Promise me you won’t be upset.” There was a moment's pause before he continued. “There was a woman in the library who was trying to get physical with me…”
“Wait, ‘physically’ as in ‘sexually’?”
Shin clenched his fist and lowered his blood red eyes, “Yeah…”
“Who?!” Lena shouted, standing up. “Who was treating you like that? Was it the librarian? Another Processor?! A volunteer?!”
“Lena, you promised you wouldn’t get upse-“
“I didn’t make any promise, Shin!”
Shin blinked. She was correct. She didn’t.
“You didn’t consent, right?”
Shin jolted and gave Lena a long stare. Her arms were crossed, and she wore a look intended to murder. He was completely innocent, and the idea of cheating on her sickened him far beyond whatever food poisoning he had consumed that was Annette’s cooking.
“Of course not,” he whispered.
It may have been the dim lighting in the room, but to Lena, Shin looked like he was holding back tears. Her heart was shot with a painful pang. She knew what his answer would be to her obvious preposterous question. She knew her boyfriend’s character, and who he was loyal to. He wouldn’t cheat on her. She believed him.
Still… perhaps her shouting was a bit too agitated. She wasn’t trying to imply that she suspected him of cheating. Shin was clearly the victim in this, and this sexual assault was affecting him more than he realized.
Lena knew just how strong Shin’s heart and resolve could be. He needed it to survive the cruel, harsh battlefield in the Eighty-Sixth Sector, but she also witnessed just how fragile he could be because of it. He was still human, just like her. All the weight of responsibilities and burdens he carried, it was heavy. It would be arrogant to think it never affected him. She hated seeing him so distraught and anxious.
Lena released her crossed arms and softened her tone. “Of course you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t do something like this.”
Her heart’s painful throbbing continued. Right now, making sure her boyfriend’s confidence healed was her top priority, but also… his heart.
“You believe me?”
Lena smiled, “You’ve never given me a reason not to.”
Her silver eyes glistened at him in affirmation. His red eyes began to lighten up with hope as his lips curled faintly.
“Which is why I am more than allowed to be upset about this!” Lena’s calm turned back to furious indignation, looking for justice!
Shin held his tongue and listened.
“First off, I’m not upset at you, Shin. You are innocent. I’m upset with the wench who thinks it’s okay to treat others like that!” She said firmly, placing her hands on her hips. “Second, I am your girlfriend, but I am also your commanding officer. If someone on the base is harassing or assaulting one of my subordinates, it is my job to resolve the issue.”
“Yeah, I know that.” Shin smiled sadly. Deep down, he always knew. He always knew she would want to set this right, but… “That’s why I didn’t want to cause you more problems. I was planning to solve this all on my own. Although… I don’t have any solid proof to show my innocence, only my words. Also… I should mention…”
Lena tilted her head, waiting.
“I did get upset, and… tossed her to the ground. It was a reflex response. I didn’t mean to do it, but she did hit the ground pretty hard.”
“Oh…” Lena’s eyes widened. This definitely could complicate things, but, “That part was an accident, right? You can apologize for that, but it was because she was getting sexually physical with you and making you uncomfortable that you acted in self-defense.”
“I did, but I shouldn’t have done it.” Shin buried his head into his knees. “I was so weak and frustrated. I lashed out like a child… I should be better than this. ” He let out a long held breath and looked at his hand. “You believe me, but…”
“Shin…” Lena came back down to Shin’s level and took his hand into hers. Her tone softened. “You’re not alone anymore. Spearhead, Grethe, Richard, and Ernst trust you too. They all believe in you. You make mistakes, yes, because you are also a human. But you have proven time and time again that you can be trusted, because that’s who you are. You don’t realize the identity you have built for yourself over all these years. You are kind and trustworthy. That is a strength people admire and place their faith in. ”
Shin remained silent. He took in every word she said, and he believed it. But acting on it took a tremendous amount of courage.
“Shin, the reason why I feel so strongly about this, asking others for help after being sexually assaulted or harassed, is not only because it is the right thing to do, but…” Letting go of his hands, she placed hers together in her lap, holding them together as a way to hide the shaking. She took a deep breath before continuing, “I never got that help back in the Republic.”
Shin blinked.
Lena’s eyes drifted as if looking into the past. “It’s not something I like to talk about, but yeah… it happened to me too, more than once.”
“Lena, you don’t have to tal-”
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s okay. I can talk about it.” She shifted, returning to sit next to Shin. She cradled her arms close together against her body and continued. “For starters, women in the military aren't common. We are often looked down on and called a lot of names, but that’s manageable, I just ignore it. I also happened to have family, my father and uncle, who were important figures in the army, so I didn’t get that type of treatment as badly as other women. They were too afraid to approach me. Too afraid I might tattle to my uncle.” Lena’s eyes moistened, recalling her deceased uncle. “He really was protecting me in so many different ways…”
Seeing his girlfriend like this, Shin wanted to hold her, but he held back and let her continue.
“It wasn’t until after I got demoted for setting off the mortars before your secret reconnaissance mission, that things changed…I no longer had my uncle to hide behind. The name-calling got louder and more frequent, but I continued to ignore it. However, as I was preparing for the Legion’s large-scale offensive, that’s when I started receiving… ‘offers’”.
“Offers?”
Lena clenched her uniform’s sleeve. “Some of the other officers heard I was planning something. They said they ‘wanted to help’, they wanted to ‘invest in the future’. I was already well aware what kind of people were in the army, and well aware of the people only after me were in it for my family’s money. I ignored it too, except one time...”
Shin’s eyes widened in disbelief, “Did you really?”
“No,” Lena said shakily. “He was an older friend of my uncle. He was always kind to me when we spoke, and one day he invited me to have tea in his office. Things were normal at first. It was a light conversation like I would have with my uncle, but then… he started touching me. Saying things like, ‘it’s okay. I will make you feel better. Things must be hard. I can help you.’ I would move away, but he followed and moved closer to me, becoming more persistent. He made offers, and I declined them every time, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. His hands wouldn’t stop reaching out and trying to grope me. It was so obvious what he was after. It made me sick. I stayed professional when I declined him, and walked away, but in the end, I was the one who got in trouble.”
“…”
“He told the other officers that I was the one to approach him. That I was the one who laid hands on him.” Lena gritted her teeth. “Through it all, I kept my composure. I stood my ground. I wore my Bloody Regina mask to protect myself. I wouldn’t sell myself to them. I wasn’t going to lose myself in their blatant lustful pursuits, because I don’t want to… cast away my own identity. Not to them nor anyone else. I know who I am.”
Lena stood up once again and walked in the dark classroom. She stretched and let out a long held breath.
“So yeah, that’s it. In the end, because of my good record, the punishment was another week of house arrest. Although, thinking about it, maybe my uncle…” her voice trailed off, knowing she would never get the answer to her question. She turned around to face Shin. “Sorry. I didn’t intend to make this about me, but the reason why I wanted to share was-“
“Who?”
“Huh?” Lena blinked, hearing Shin’s cold voice.
“Who was it? Who was the one who assaulted you?”
Lena blinked again.
“If the Legion didn’t already finish him off during the large-scale offensive, I’ll be the one to throw him to them. Personally.” His eyes were lit with pure indignation. He was ready to spill blood. Every word he said, he was dead serious. Which is why…
“Hahaha.” Lena burst out laughing. She covered her mouth, trying to contain it, but ended up folding in on herself and crumbling to the floor.
“Lena, I’m being serious about this.”
“I know. I know you are, which is why I’m laughing.” She wiped the tears out of her eyes. “See. Now you know how I feel.”
Lena’s lips curled into a beautiful, happy smile, making Shin blush sheepishly, realizing she was right.
They were both the same. They wanted nothing more than to protect one another.
Lena cleared her throat, “Back to what I was saying before, the reason why I wanted to share my experience is that I wanted you to know, you don’t have to face this alone.”
“…Thank you for sharing, Lena. I had no idea you had to deal with something like that.” He looked at his hand, his face sombering into self contemplation. “I should be more considerate of your feelings and how I handle you.”
Lena slapped her forehead with her hand. “Shin! That’s not- Gah!, that skank…” she snarled. “She’s not only causing trouble for my subordinate, but also making my boyfriend overly cautious about touching me!”
“What?” Shin looked up at her with a ‘that’s why you’re really upset?’ look.
“Well…” she began to fidget. “I don’t mind you touching me, Shin.”
Shin’s face began to blush.
“You don’t have to hesitate to hug me either. I like- no, I love it. I love feeling your warmth and your arms wrapped around me. I love the kisses you give me, and I love giving them to you too.” Lena came closer to Shin. She placed her hand on her chest and continued, “I love it, because it’s you. You make me feel so happy. Just being in your presence makes me feel that way. The love you give me, I know it’s real. It’s not a love tied to wanting something in return.”
Shin’s eyes felt hot. He wanted to speak, but he was left speechless.
Lena gingerly cupped his face. Gently, she rubbed his cheek with her thumb. Feeling him leaning into her hand made her heart swell up like a balloon, his warmth felt pleasant against her hands.
“I love you, Shin.”
Shin’s crimson gaze couldn’t be torn away from the woman in front of him. Her love made him feel like he could do the impossible.
Tears began to form in her eyes. “I’ll say it again and again. As many times as needed to make you understand that my love for you can not (and will not) be broken so easily.” Lena knew firsthand how delicately Shin handled her. She believed in him and the kindness he carried.
He would never hurt her.
Shin opened his mouth. “Can you say my name again?”
Lena tilted her head. “Shin. !!!!”
Lena gasped as Shin pulled her into his lap.
“Again.” He said, wrapping his arms around her.
Lena smiled and acquiesced, “Shin.”
“Again.” He placed his forehead on her shoulder, breathing in her violet scent.
Her hand gently trailed across the scar on his neck. She could feel his warm pulse as he leaned into her palm. “Shin.” Her lips curled satisfyingly before continuing her hand’s sojourn into his jet black hair, where she gently grabbed, released, and scratched his scalp in a soothing rhythm.
He exhaled with pleasure and brought his large hand up to stroke her long silver hair in return. He whispered into her ears, causing her to shiver deliciously. “Again.”
This time, she placed her hands on his face and looked into his blood red eyes. She loved the color of his eyes, and she loved the way her own reflected in them. “Shin…” She closed her eyes. “My Shin.”
Shin closed his eyes as well, and met her lips halfway.
The two shared a passionate kiss. Like a seesaw swaying back and forth, returning kisses again and again as if they hadn’t shared one in a century.
Lena tilted her head to give Shin easier access. It allowed his kisses to become more hot, deep, and passionate. He groaned in soft delight and tightened his hold on her, wanting to be as close as possible.
All was as it should be. Shin no longer felt hesitant. What he was feeling right now was nothing but love. He loved Lena. His feelings for her were always love.
He didn’t love her out of pity, but out of a genuine respect for her strength, kindness, and dreams. This was the woman he entrusted his wishes to. She never mocked him, or belittled his beliefs or dreams, but instead treated him like an equal.
He loved her. He loved her so so so much.
Her grip on him was possessive, blossoming from the desire to heal his heart. She wanted him to feel good. She wanted to give him a place to feel safe. She wanted to be the person he would never doubt to rely on. She wanted to be his equal. She wanted to stand by his side, always.
Did he know? Did he know just how much she loved him?
She pushed into his kiss with a kiss of her own. It was her way to tell him just how much she loved him. How much she wanted him. And he didn’t hesitate to answer back with another hot kiss.
His touch was like electricity. It was soothing yet alerting, causing her body to tingle with excitement. She squeezed his muscles in return, asking for more. He obeyed, and her thighs clenched reflexively against his waist in response. A hard grunt escaped Shin’s lips as his legs twitched. She could feel his delight pressing up against her own. Her core was lit like a fire. She moaned and rolled her body on him, craving more contact. He accepted her desires, pressing her down tighter into his embrace. Her approving hums of ecstasy encouraged his kisses to deepen even further, becoming more ferocious.
Neither one was satisfied. Each moan, each kiss, each touch, they hungered for one another more and more. They could feel their hearts pounding as one, temperatures rising higher and higher, fueling their adrenaline to keep going.
Lips still locked, Shin fervently continued his mission of displaying his steadfast devotion to his love. He didn’t want to stop. It wasn’t enough. Lena was feeling lightheaded, but she didn’t want to stop. She wanted more and to give more back to him. Two times more. Ten times More. 100 Times More.
More. More! More- !!!
Shin pulled away first. “Lena…catch your breath.”
I couldn’t give him enough love back. Lena let out a sad whimper, feeling ashamed of not being able to last longer.
Shin brushed her hair out of her flushed face, and planted a tender kiss on her cheek. “Please rest,” he whispered, stroking her burning cheek with his thumb.
Like a spell, Lena’s body felt heavy. Shin shifted his body down against the wall, allowing her body to melt into his. Still panting, trying to catch her breath, she rested her head against his chest. She smiled, hearing how heavy his heart was beating because of her. Cradling her, Shin soothingly stroked her silver hair, lazily planting more kisses on top of her head.
This was understanding.
This was acceptance.
This was kindness.
This was pure bliss.
This was love.
This was their love.
All of the world’s noises — even the endless cries of the Legion only Shin could hear — were silent. It was just the two of them alone in this classroom, enjoying the warm, silent comfort they brought to one another. Their hearts were in sync. No words were needed.
All they wanted was to stay by each other’s side, both in times of peace and war.
Lena nestled herself against his warm chest. She closed her eyes to breathe in his scent but quickly frowned in displeasure after smelling the assailant’s perfume on him.
“That hussy…” She clenched Shin’s jacket. “I’ll make sure she pays for what she did to you. Being thrown to the Legion should suffice.”
“Are you saying that as my girlfriend or as my commander?”
Lena lifted her head to look at him. “Can’t it be both?”
Shin’s eyes softened. “I love you, Lena.” His hand squeezed her waist, making her blush. She giggled lightly before leaning in for a second round, but-
Groogle groogle…
Lena pulled away as her face went beet red with embarrassment.
“You didn't eat anything again today, did you?”
As nice as kissing her boyfriend was, it wouldn't be able to satisfy her empty stomach.
Lena covered her face and buried it in his shoulder. This adorable reaction made Shin burst out in a much-needed laugh. That was all he needed to know.
Holding Lena in his arms, Shin stood up and then placed her feet on the ground. Holding her hand, he began to walk out of the room.
“I guess the dining hall will be closed by now, but the PX should still be open. We can grab something there and eat it together.” Lena nodded in agreement, and Shin continued, “After that, I’m going to take a shower and get this repulsive stench off me.”
Shin took a step forward, but was tugged backwards by Lena.
“Lena?”
With downcast eyes and a pink blush becoming redder by the moment, she said, “Why don’t we take a bath together in my room?”
Shin blinked.
Lena straightened up and looked him in the eye, “You are my boyfriend! It is my job to make sure that that home wrecker’s stench is removed from your body!”
Her lips formed a shaky smile, showing her possessive resolve.
Shin blinked again. “It is?”
“Yes!” From ear to ear, her face was red as a rose. “I’ll… I’ll do my best!”
✾
Lena and Shin consulted Grethe and Willem — two individuals with much higher authority and power in the Federacy’s army — about the situation. They believed them and wanted to help, because it turned out, Shin wasn’t the only one who had been approached by this woman. With the help of the others, they were able to identify her quickly.
As the war continued, the army grew more desperate for soldiers, but the Eighty-Six Spearhead Squadron didn’t need anyone like that working amongst them. And thus they were promptly removed.
The whole incident faded away into the breeze for Shin. He was content knowing that all these years of building up trust amongst his Eighty-Six comrades, they too believed and trusted him, along with Lena.
Because there was no way Shin would cheat on his lover, The Bloodstained Queen of the Eighty-Six.