Seeing Double

Neil has a twin brother; his other half, his partner in crime. They share everything, even down to the same false identity. They've never had any secrets between them, but enrolling at Palmetto and joining the Foxes may change that.

Notes:

For theyoungphoenix.

This fic originated with a casual discussion about "what if Neil had a twin" that quickly spiraled out of control. Eight months and 770k words later, here we are :')

We will post this a chapter at a time but it's already complete! It's written in a roleplay style like our other fics, so the POVs alternate within each scene. We'll include chapter-specific CW's at the top of each, but expect it to be generally similar to canon in terms of violence, past & attempted rape/noncon, alcohol/drug use, trauma, etc. Also be prepared for many self-indulgent explicit smut scenes and a bit of light dom/sub exploration later on. We dive pretty heavily into mental health issues too, including PTSD, depression and a character dealing with an unspecified dissocative identity disorder.

This fic has been so incredibly enjoyable to write and is very dear to both our hearts. We hope you love our boy Eli Josten as much as we do!

EDIT: Also to clarify, Andrew was never on meds in this AU. That and the addition of Eli are the only changes we've made to their canon backstories.

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Dedicated to Phoenix, without whose enthusiastic reactions this fic almost certainly would not exist.

Chapter 1 Notes:

Content Warnings
- alcohol & smoking
- minor violence
- references to Andrew's past
- dissociation

Chapter Text

Andrew Minyard flicks his lighter, closes it, flicks it open again and watches the flame burn.

The TSA agent nearby gives him a stern look, and he stares flatly back until she turns away with an eye roll. He wonders, in a detached way, what Wymack would do if he got himself arrested for burning down the airport instead of retrieving his shiny new teammate. Especially considering Wymack doesn't even know Andrew is the one picking Neil Josten up today. It was supposed to be Nicky, because apparently their coach wants their new teammate dead in a car wreck before the season even starts. Well unfortunately for him, Andrew has his own plans.

He shoves the lighter back in his pocket as he spots Neil across the room, slightly obscured behind a crowd of people. Neil's eyes land on Andrew and then the crowd disperses, revealing a second, identical Neil Josten right next to him. Andrew blinks. With all of his planning and strategizing for this meeting, he hadn't managed to account for this.

The two of them walk toward him and stop a few feet away. One stares warily around the room, the other offers him a nod.

"There are two of you," Andrew says flatly. "This is a surprise. Did no one tell you I hate surprises?"

Eli very carefully does not roll his eyes at the man in front of him. Unsure which Minyard it is, but it hardly matters, so long as he keeps away from Abram. Eli keeps his eyes on Minyard while Abram scans the roaming crowd for any other threats, but Eli doubts any will be here.

"Who cares?" Eli says breezily, rolling the tension out of his shoulders and shifting the duffle bag he's carrying. Abram remains quiet, watching, perched on his feet and ready to run. Good. "Can we go? I need a nap."

It wasn't a long flight, but it was long enough. Eli hates airports almost as much as Abram, and he's cranky and tired. Nice of them to send an attractive chauffeur, but he really hopes it's the less stabby one.

Andrew's expression sours with distaste. His hands twitch for his knives but he keeps them still for now.

"We aren't going anywhere until you tell me who the fuck you are," he says. "I distinctly remember recruiting one Neil Josten, not two of them. Which one of you is the imposter?"

Eli smiles unpleasantly, ignoring the way Abram's eyes fall on him and flick quickly away. Abram's never been entirely comfortable looking in the mirror.

"Package deal, blondie," he says, gesturing to them both. "Which one are you, then?"

Andrew ignores the question. His gaze flicks toward the quieter clone, who is avoiding eye contact with both of them. Andrew's fairly certain he's the one he'd met in Arizona. Maybe 80% sure.

He steps forward toward the quiet one, whose eyes dart up to meet Andrew's. He's plain-looking at a first glance, mousy brown hair and brown eyes, with baggy clothing that hides his form, but he's undeniably attractive, which only irritates Andrew more.

"Neil. You are Neil, aren't you? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't leave both your asses here and let you find your own way to Coach’s place. And I don't like liars, so don't be one." Andrew draws a small knife from his armband and flashes the blade, holding it close to his body to avoid unwanted attention, but making sure it catches Neil's eye.

Eli sees a brief flash of a knife and his body does the thinking for him. He's standing in front of Abram in half a heartbeat, face split into the smile that still gives his brother nightmares. He feels the warmth of his twin at his back, comforting and familiar. The threat at his front is much the same, in a twisted sort of way.

It just had to be the stabby one.

"Don't talk to him," he says pleasantly. He keeps his body relaxed and is glad for the first aid kit tucked into the duffle. If he gets stabbed here Abram can sew him up. Sucks they don't have any vodka, though.

He nudges Abram, making a mental note to scold him later. He should've taken off the second Eli stepped in front of him, but he's been weird about that since their mom died.

"Fuck off, then," he says, giving a dismissive little wave. He doesn't give the knife a second glance; either the man will use it or he won't, and Eli will deal with it either way.

Interesting how the mouthy one is so protective. Andrew notes the complete lack of fear the man shows for his own well-being. He considers stabbing him just to teach him that actions do have consequences, but there are too many prying eyes around. Better to get his answers later.

The knife disappears and Andrew takes a step backward, affecting a bored expression. "Baggage claim?"

Abram's fingers curl in the back of his shirt and Eli can't help the narrowing of his eyes. Why the sudden de-escalation? He wonders if it's a ploy, trying to get them somewhere less crowded.

"It's fine," Abram murmurs to him. "Let's get out of here."

Right. Airports always set Abram off. Too many eyes.

To Minyard, Eli shrugs easily, the duffle jostling. "We've just got this."

A single duffle bag, packed full of all the things a person could need.

Andrew turns on his heel and walks away, not waiting to see if his charges will follow. He focuses on getting his cigarette lit as he pushes through people and walks in front of traffic.

When he gets to his car he unlocks it with a click. "Bag in the trunk," he directs them.

Eli and Abram exchange a glance and a shrug, and hurry after Minyard. Fuck, which one was it that kicked the shit out of those guys not long ago? Eli can't remember. Abram will surely know, the obsessive little weirdo, but Eli isn't going to stop and ask.

Minyard can move pretty quick for someone so short, and the twins hurry after him, holding up a hand in apology to the honking cars that screech to a stop in an effort to avoid mowing him down.

Eli is reluctant to part with their bag, but not as reluctant as Abram. A glance at him shows twitchy fingers and a posture poised to flee, and though it always hurts to see him like this, it's really the only way. Trying to project confidence, Eli drops the bag in the trunk and nudges his brother with a shoulder.

"Shotgun," he says, like anything else was ever an option. Abram rolls his eyes at him, but climbs into the backseat without a word.

Andrew takes his time finishing up his cigarette before he flicks it away and gets into the car. Of course the mouthy Neil (or not-Neil?) takes the passenger seat. Andrew eyes the quieter one in the backseat as he puts the car in reverse.

"So. Neil Josten and Neil Josten. Is one of you going to give me another name to call you, or should I just refer to you as Dumb and Dumber?" He looks from the backseat to the passenger seat as he speaks, to indicate which one he thinks is which.

Eli can't stop the grin from overtaking his face, flicking his eyes up to the rearview mirror to catch Abram's gaze. Minyard has no idea how funny he is, seeing as 'Neil Josten' is both of them, the twins switching in and out of the role depending on who suits the situation better.

But Minyard's already made his assumptions. No reason not to lean into them.

"You can call me Eli. Right, Neil?" He says the stolen name like a joke between the two of them, but Abram doesn't seem to find it funny. Probably caught on the fact that Eli gave out his actual name; or as close as he's willing to get. Well, Abram's always been better at swimming through their identities, letting go of one on the exhale and breathing in the next. Eli's more talented at holding his breath.

Andrew pays for parking, then guns the engine as soon as the bar is up. He revs the engine with satisfaction as he swerves through traffic, ignoring the honking of horns around him.

"Eli. E-lie. A fitting name for an imposter. Okay, E-lie, here are your choices," he says, counting on his fingers. "Number one: you convince me that I should bring you both to Coach’s place and let you near my family. I don't like to repeat myself, so I'm being generous by asking a second time. Number two, I crash the car and we all die. Up to you."

Jesus, Minyard drives like someone with a death wish. And judging by the words, he sure as shit has one one, too.

"It's too nice of a car to wreck," Abram says, trying to be helpful, but Eli wishes he wouldn't. The less said between his brother and the pointier Minyard, the better.

"Unclench, asshole," Eli says, rolling his eyes. "Your coach knows about both of us. I told you already, we're a package deal."

"Was that so hard to say in the first place?" Andrew says pleasantly. "I do hope you're telling the truth. For your sake, of course." If he isn't, Andrew will just kill him at Wymack's. Easier to clean up the blood there than in his car anyway.

He lifts his gaze to the rearview mirror to make eye contact with Neil. "Don't think I've forgotten you tried to run away from us last month. Kevin's still butt-hurt about that, you know. What did Coach say to get you to change your mind?"

Eli's "I did say that," is rudely ignored as Minyard turns his attention to Abram, who doesn't look at all comfortable with the question. But he soldiers through, giving a twitchy sort of shrug.

"Got to come out early, and Eli comes with." Abram looks a bit queasy using the name in front of someone else, where it has only ever been whispered in secret between them, or harshly spat by their mother before. He doesn't mention his Exy obsession or his hero-worship of Kevin Day, which is probably for the best.

Eli shoots a smug smirk at Minyard and mouths 'package deal.'

Andrew ignores the mouthy imposter and stays focused on Neil in the backseat who is squirming like he wants to duck out of the vehicle and run.

"So you both play," Andrew hums. "How boring. Neil, you already said you weren't good enough to play with us. Is the same true for your doppelganger here? Kevin wouldn't have agreed to take on dead weight, so he must have seen some potential in you. Unless Coach went over his head. Which is it?"

Abram predictably perks up at the chance to talk about Exy, the side of his mouth even twitching into a tiny smile.

"He plays goalie and he's great!" Abram says excitedly, then pauses and adds, "and sometimes striker."

The 'sometimes striker' Abram refers to is when Eli took his place on the court during a bout of illness. He hadn't wanted to, but if they'd have lost that game the season would have ended early and Eli would never have allowed that, especially since at the time they thought their access to an Exy court was limited.

Andrew raises an eyebrow. Another goalie, Coach, really? Andrew might be offended not to have been told about this if he cared about Exy at all. Still, having another goalie sub might get Kevin off Andrew's dick a bit. He won't complain about that.

"Coach will be pleased to have someone else around to clean up the team's messes," is all he says.

Abruptly done with this conversation, he cranks up the music and drives the rest of the way to Wymack's without speaking. He pulls up outside the apartment complex and hops out, opening the trunk with his key ring and joining his family on the curb. Kevin looks as surprised as Andrew was to see their additional guest.

"You didn't know about this, I take it?" Andrew asks him.

Eli gets out of the car, ears ringing, and watches Minyard join a small group. Abram grabs their bag and Eli huffs a laugh at the shocked look on their faces before turning to take in the twins. Eli's never really seen another pair of twins up close before, and it's... weird, seeing identical faces make different expressions.

"No, I didn't know about this," Kevin Day says, affronted, and he sounds so much like his younger self that Eli laughs. "Who are you? Which one of you is Neil Josten?"

If only they knew.

"I'm Neil," Abram offers, flicking a glance to Eli and back again. "This is Eli."

"Didn't know there would be a welcome party," Eli says, grabbing the duffle from Abram and slinging it over his shoulder.

"Apparently Coach signed off on it," Andrew tells Kevin, bored. Kevin's obvious annoyance is mildly amusing at least.

Nicky steps up to the newcomers with a smile and offers a hand for each of them to shake. "Hey. Welcome to South Carolina. Flight go okay?"

Eli shakes this new man's hand and smiles. At least the people here are hot. Completely fucking bonkers, but easy on the eyes. "Well, no crash landings so it could've gone worse."

Abram gives him a wide-eyed look as he reluctantly shakes his hand as well and Eli tries not to make his amusement too obvious.

"Glad to hear it. I'm Nicky," Nicky says, giving Neil's hand an extra squeeze before letting go. "Andrew and Aaron's cousin, backliner extraordinaire. And very curious if either of you swing my way, because—"

Kevin interrupts, frowning at Eli. "What do you play? Are you any good?"

Oh, well. That's interesting. Eli flicks a quick, appraising look up and down Nicky and decides he wouldn't be opposed. But then Kevin butts in and Eli gives him a withering look before turning his attention to more important matters.

"Well, Nicky, actually—"

"He plays goalie," Abram chirps up happily, completely oblivious. Eli sighs, slanting him a fond look, and figures he'll hit Nicky up later.

"I'm decent," he shrugs. He'd really rather not be dragged onto an Exy court unless it's to help Abram practice.

"He's great!" Abram says unhelpfully.

Kevin looks extremely interested to find out if this is true. Nicky is also eyeing Eli up very unsubtly, for different reasons. Aaron rolls his eyes and goes back to messing around on his phone. Andrew feels a headache coming on.

"No more Exy talk," Andrew says. "We'll be on the court soon enough."

"Suitcases in the trunk?" Nicky asks, heading to grab them. When the Jostens reiterate that they only have the one bag between them, Nicky looks baffled. "No way. Do you two seriously plan on living the whole year with one bag of clothes between you? I could never, I'm way too materialistic." He laughs at himself.

Abram's eyes flit over the car again, expression probably blank to the others but Eli knows he's thinking yeah, we can tell, and tries not to laugh.

"We get by," Eli says. "Don't need much."

The other Minyard heaves a huge sigh and drags his eyes up from his phone. He looks pissed and exhausted but not like he's about to pull a knife on them, which makes him the preferable twin in Eli's opinion.

"Can we get a fucking move on?" he says. "I have better shit to do."

Eli wonders what shit he could have to do during summer break but doesn't ask.

They pile into the elevator, a slightly tight fit between the six of them. Nicky has shuffled himself so he's next to Eli, and gives him a big wink. Andrew sighs internally. He supposes there's no harm in it, so long as Eli is telling the truth that he has permission to be here. At least Nicky is directing his flirtations at someone who might be interested for once.

Neil is glancing around the elevator in a squirrely way, a hunted look in his dark brown eyes. Andrew keeps his attention on him as they walk down the hall to Wymack's apartment and Aaron gets the door open.

"Home sweet home," Nicky says, gesturing inside. "Assuming you both are staying here? Coach only has the one couch, but my bed at Abby's is open for guests anytime."

Eli is not above a little flattering, and Nicky's very obvious desire is kind of doing it for him, at least for the moment. Eli is normally the one to make his interest known, not the other way around. It's nice to switch it up.

Abram freezes when they walk inside the apartment. Eli isn't sure if it's because they have a semi-permanent place to stay for a bit, or if it's because that place is with a man their father's age, but he leans his weight into his brother's side and feels him relax.

"We'll be sticking together," Eli tells Nicky. As much as he likes getting his rocks off, he's not about to abandon his brother to do it. "I'm taking the floor."

Abram doesn't say anything, but Eli knows it's more likely that they'll both end up there eventually, curled up back to back.

Nicky nods. "Offer stands if you change your mind. How about a tour?"

Neil and Eli follow Nicky and Aaron down the hall while Andrew takes the opportunity to rifle through Wymack's cabinets. He finds his quarry, a full bottle of whiskey, and shoves it behind a couch cushion for now. Then he kicks back on the couch and stares at the ceiling.

He needs more information. There's something very strange about these Jostens, but Andrew doesn't know what. He flips through the few memories he has of them: meeting Neil in Arizona, the tapes Kevin made him watch. Nothing jumps out. He thinks about the duffle bag that supposedly contains everything the two of them need. A place to start investigating, perhaps.

Kevin allows Andrew a few minutes of peace before he begins speculating about Eli's skills and what Coach had been thinking, recruiting him without consulting Kevin and blah blah blah. Andrew tunes him out until the doorknob rattles and Coach lets himself in.

"Coach, you've been hiding secrets," Andrew says, cutting off any of Wymack's usual complaints about Andrew breaking into his house.

Wymack looks around the living room suspiciously. "What did you do with them? I swear to god, Minyard..."

Nicky takes that moment to come trotting down the hall with the newbies and Aaron in tow. Andrew gestures toward them with a flourish. "Unfair accusations. Not a hair on their little heads harmed, see? Despite the lack of forewarning on your part. You know how much I hate surprises."

Wymack scrubs a hand over his face. "Not everything is your business, Andrew."

Nicky takes lead on the little tour, the better Minyard tagging along with his eyes glued to his phone. Eli briefly wonders what's got him so hooked before deciding he doesn't care. They head back to the living room when they hear the door open, in time to hear the coach give a tired reproach.

Andrew! That was the stab-happy one's name. Which means the better twin was Aaron. Mystery solved.

"Don't know why you care," Eli says, leaning against the wall. "So what if there's two of us? We're basically the same person anyway."

Abram tries to give him a sour look for dangling a secret like that so obviously, but Eli can see his mouth twitching in amusement.

A twin joke? Andrew glances at Aaron, both of their mouths twisting in disgust at the idea of being considered the same person.

Wymack looks over Neil and Eli and nods. "At least you got here safe. I was pretty sure Nicky's driving was going to get you killed."

Andrew eyes the Josten twins to see how they respond.

Abram and Eli share a look. Nicky, huh?

"We've suffered through worse," Eli says brightly, thinking of his mother swerving and the flip of a car, the sound of gunshots and the plodding of feet through the dark.

Wymack stares at them through narrowed eyes, then turns to Nicky accusingly. "Sure you have."

"Hey!" Nicky protests, putting his hands up in defeat but still whining, "I'm not that bad!"

"Yes you are," Aaron says, still not looking up from his phone.

Nicky pouts.

Andrew gets up and swipes the bottle from behind the couch cushion, passing it deftly to Kevin while Wymack is distracted. "Leaving now," he announces. "Is the fresh meat tagging along too?"

"Going where?" Wymack asks, eyes narrowed.

"Court," Kevin says, already halfway out the door with the bottle tucked behind his back.

"We can take them to Abby's after," Aaron says. "You didn't need them, did you?"

The three of them head out, while Nicky lingers. Abram turns his big eyes on Eli, who had no desire to keep him from his beloved Exy anyway. Even if he had been hoping for a nap.

"We'll meet you guys in a second," Eli tells Nicky. "Gotta talk to your coach about something."

A few minutes later, duffle bag locked away and a pair of jingly keyrings acquired, the twins head out to find their entourage waiting impatiently by the elevator.

The elevator ride down to the street is silent. Andrew figures he's not getting more information out of these tight-lipped strangers until he takes it forcibly for himself, so for now he draws back and watches them. The two have so far seemed oddly in sync, anticipating each other's moves without speaking and making all kinds of significant eye contact. He wonders distantly if that's what it's like for all twins who get to grow up together.

When they reach the car, Andrew slides into the front seat and leaves it to the rest of them to figure out the seating arrangement.

Nicky is the first one to realize the problem as they begin piling in. "Uh, Andrew? You've only got five seats and there are six of us."

"You should change your major to math with intelligence like that," Andrew says.

Kevin immediately slides into the passenger seat. Asshole.

"We'll double up," Abram says. Eli shrugs his assent and moves to the car when Nicky speaks up.

"You might be more comfortable on my lap," he tells Eli. Aaron looks up from his phone to grimace at his cousin, but Nicky smiles angelically at both of them.

"Sure, Nicky," Eli says. Abram blinks at him, confused, absolutely not picking up any of what Nicky's been putting down, and Eli feels another wave of fondness wash over him. He bumps their shoulders together before crossing to the other side and plopping himself on Nicky's lap, Abram next to them and Aaron at the other window, once again absorbed in his phone.

Well at least someone's having fun. Andrew peels away from the curb and heads off to the court. The sooner they get there, the sooner they can leave.

Nicky gives Neil and Eli a tour of the Foxhole Court and they all eventually end up in the locker room. Andrew plants himself on a bench with the stolen whiskey, sucking down a healthy amount. Nicky can drive them to Abby's, and Andrew needs something to get him through Kevin's obnoxious nattering while he watches his two new players.

His interest is piqued when he sees Neil slip away into a bathroom stall with his gear, while his twin stays in the locker room to change like a normal person.

Abram predictably takes off, going to change where no one can see. He would hate the questions and attention it garnered. He would prefer it even more if his brother would do the same, but Eli's had enough of hiding.

He strips down, ignoring the sudden silence that means people have frozen. Eventually, there's a choking sort of inhale and Eli glances over to see a stunned look on Aaron's face.

"What the fuck happened to you?" he asks, and Eli raises his eyebrows.

"Why you lookin'?" he returns, and it's enough to snap Aaron out of whatever horrified response his scars provoked. Instead he scowls, pink rushing to his cheeks, and Eli laughs. Definitely the preferable Minyard, he decides, pulling his jersey on. He’s cute. "I'm kidding, man. Horrible accident, don't worry about it."

He saunters over to the stalls and bangs twice on one. Abram scurries out, clothes in hand, and dumps them into the same locker as Eli.

"Can we play now?" he asks, oblivious to the tension in the room.

Despite himself, Andrew's mouth ticks in amusement at the way Eli is able to fluster Aaron. Serves Aaron right for asking a question that obviously has no good answer. These aren't scars from an accident, Andrew is sure. He spots cigarette burns and knife scars and even the pucker of an old gunshot wound before they disappear neatly beneath Eli's jersey.

Between these scars and Neil flat-out hiding to change his clothes, Andrew's distrust for these two is at an all time high, but there's nothing he can do yet. He follows lazily behind as Nicky and Aaron lead the two newbies onto the court, and plunks himself down on the sidelines to continue nursing his whiskey. Kevin stands with his nose practically pressed to the glass, waiting to see what these two are made of. He's already seen Neil play in tapes and at his final game in Millport, but Eli is a completely unknown factor. Andrew can't fathom how anyone can be as interested in this pointless sport as Kevin is, but he'll admit in the privacy of his own head that he is mildly curious to see if Eli's goalie skills are up to his standards.

Kevin Day apparently considers himself too good to get on the court with them, so it's Abram against two backliners and a goalie, which hardly seems fair. When Abram manages to sneak shots by the backliners, Eli barely moves, blocking sloppy and lazy, letting his brother show off to his new teammates.

He can feel Abram pouting about it, though. His brother gets whiny when Eli holds back on the court, insisting he wants the challenge.

Eventually, his majesty Kevin Day calls for a break and Eli is the first off the court. Kevin stomps over, pointing a finger in Eli's face.

"What do you think you're doing?" he demands. Eli looks between the finger and his face, unimpressed. "Is that the best you've got? What the fuck was Wymack thinking?"

Abram appears next to him, sweaty and out of breath, leaning into his side.

"Hey, he's much better than that!" Abram defends. Then, quieter, just for Eli to hear, "Why aren't you playing right?"

Eli has a feeling that telling Abram he wanted him to get some goals in wouldn't go over well, so instead he says flatly, "Sorry, just so tired from the flight."

Abram gives him that stupid pouty look again and Eli predictably crumbles. "Ugh, fine. I'll do better."

Andrew loses interest in the practice almost immediately as it becomes apparent that Eli sucks ass at goalkeeping. He's not the worst Andrew's ever seen, but Renee could block circles around him, and frankly Andrew is questioning Coach's already questionable judgement. He drinks more whiskey, hoping to drown out the sounds of Kevin growing increasingly frustrated next to him.

That is, until Andrew catches on to what Eli is doing. It's a subtle thing, but Eli's body is always positioned the exact right way to save the goal, always moving in the right direction. He's just moving too slowly to get there on time, or he changes direction at the last second for no apparent reason. Andrew narrows his eyes. He's pulled this same shit on Kevin before when Kevin was pissing him off. He knows what it looks like when a goalie is holding back intentionally.

What is Eli's game here? Trying to make his brother look like a better striker than he is? It's pointless, they all already know how much Neil's skills are lacking.

He watches with mild interest as Kevin finally confronts Eli, with Neil jumping in to defend his twin. Then they head back onto the court and this time, Andrew's fully paying attention.

Pleased with himself, Abram drags Eli back on the court, eager to get back to playing. Though he's still reluctant, Eli dutifully blocks any shots Abram manages to get around Nicky and Aaron. He still doesn't think this is fair, but as usual, Abram is only energized by the challenge.

Eventually, Aaron calls this practice to a halt. Abram is very clearly disappointed, but praises the backliners and thanks them for the practice.

"Yeah, well, you aren't terrible," Aaron says begrudgingly. "It'll take awhile to get you to where you need to be, but you'll get there."

From what Eli can tell, this is high praise from the man, and he gives Aaron a bright smile while Abram nods solemnly.

"Alright, let's go see what coach Kevin has to say," Eli says, rolling his eyes. Nicky laughs and begins a story about Kevin as an assistant coach as they file off the court.

It's clear to Andrew that Neil's clumsy shooting poses no challenge for Eli. He finds himself wanting to see the other goalie pushed to his limits, to determine exactly where that line is. He's so caught up in watching them that he's actually taken by surprise when Aaron calls an end to practice.

Andrew shakes his head, reminding himself he doesn't care about this stupid sport. He notices Kevin watching him with a look in his eye that Andrew really doesn't like. Andrew picks up his whiskey bottle and shoulder-checks Kevin on his way out.

"What the hell, Andrew," Kevin complains, but he's distracted by Neil and Eli coming off the court.

Andrew doesn't stick around to hear what Kevin has to say to them.

What follows is an interrogation about Exy skills from Kevin, and then a terribly awkward dinner at the nurse's house. Nicky reminds Eli that his bed is open and Eli smiles and turns him down.

The twins sleep curled up on the floor, back to back like always. If Wymack thinks this odd, he doesn’t mention it. And the next day unfortunately finds them back on the court.

Nicky turns his attention to Abram today, which would be fine if Abram was interested. Maybe the man took Eli turning him down as a full rejection instead of a raincheck. Abram discourages Nicky as best he can, but it's clear Nicky isn't getting it.

"Neil doesn't date," Eli eventually steps in. "Or hook up. Unlike me."

He gives Nicky a pointed look and gets a wide smile in return.

"What, at all? How are you not bored of your hand by now? Maybe you just need a little push," Nicky is saying in a wheedling tone to Neil as Andrew walks into the locker room.

Andrew takes in the scene: Eli standing halfway in front of Neil, Neil looking like he wants to be anywhere else, Nicky with his hands outstretched in what Andrew assumes is supposed to be a convincing pose.

Andrew looks sharply at Nicky. "Who needs a push?"

"Nicky's scheming to rape Neil," Aaron says, and blood rushes through Andrew's ears, nearly drowning out the next words. "Apparently Eli alone isn't enough, he has to go for both of them at once."

"You're such an asshole," Nicky says, heading for the door. He makes the mistake of turning his back on Andrew, who lunges at him and shoves him against the wall, hard. It's a stark contrast to when Andrew attacked those guys for beating up Nicky in the alley; this time Nicky is the threat, and Andrew's skin crawls at having to touch him.

"Hey Nicky," Andrew says quietly in German. "Don't touch Neil, you understand?"

Nicky protests, so Andrew slips out a knife and presses it to his ribs. Nicky goes abruptly silent. Andrew's hands are steady despite the fear and rage warring at the back of his head. Nicky is safe. Andrew knows he would rather die than hurt him or Aaron. And yet he still pulls this shit, pushes where he shouldn't, sets Andrew's teeth on edge and makes his scars itch. Andrew could never hurt Nicky. Andrew should have killed Nicky the minute he started making these jokes. It would be so easy to push the knife between his ribs, to snuff out that life. Terrifyingly easy.

One thought pulses louder than all the others: No one is ever going to hurt Andrew like that again. And no one is going to hurt any of Andrew’s teammates like that, not on his watch. Not even if it's Nicky.

Andrew is teetering on an edge, his control slipping away, and he's not sure which way he's going to fall.

Eli and Abram go still, watching warily as Andrew pulls a knife on his own cousin. What was that about? He doesn't give a shit about Abram, so this can't be some misguided attempt at protection. A sort of power play, maybe? Make sure Nicky knows who's in charge?

And oh. The German is a surprise. Eli glances at Abram with raised eyebrows, but Abram shakes his head firmly. Alright, then. Keeping that a secret until later, he guesses.

"Andrew," Abram says, voice calm but steely. Nicky swallows audibly. Eli is tempted to slap a hand over Abram's mouth, but it's fine. If this backfires and Andrew turns the knife on Abram, Eli will step in like always. "Andrew, hey. Put the knife away. We need to go play. Kevin's waiting."

Andrew's attention falters, drawn to Neil. Neil talking, telling him they need to go play Exy. Andrew wants to laugh. Exy has never felt less important.

But it's enough of a distraction. All at once the rage and fear slip sideways, back inside where Andrew can't reach them anymore. Suddenly he's just exhausted, his limbs heavy as lead.

He looks at Nicky, who tries to nod and shake his head at the same time, babbling in German that he won't touch Neil, that he's sorry. Andrew steps back and away, lets Nicky slump to the floor on shaky legs.

Andrew does not care.

He goes over to his locker and begins changing like nothing happened, his ears ringing loud enough to shut out all the sounds around him. When he looks up again, the locker room is empty.

Oddly enough, Abram's bid for attention seems to have worked. Andrew backs up, eyes empty and distant, and Nicky slumps to the floor. Aaron cautiously approaches, keeping eyes on Andrew, grabs Nicky by the arm, and lugs him out of the room.

Good idea, actually. Ridiculously, Abram looks like he wants to stay and say more. Like hell. Eli grabs him by the wrist and gently tugs. Luckily Abram hasn't lost his mind completely and that's all it takes to get him to follow. When they meet the others on the court, Kevin is already ranting about taking too long.

"So what the fuck was that?" Eli asks, ignoring him. Nicky lets out a laugh that's just slightly hysterical.

"That was my fault," Nicky says, and Eli's brows raise. "Andrew's boundaries aren't like yours or mine, and he won't let them be crossed. Just forget it."

"Right," Eli says doubtfully.

Underneath the emptiness and apathy is the gnawing need for a cigarette, which Andrew ignores. He's more than used to denying himself.

Instead he goes directly to the court and works his way through the warm-ups, barely aware of everyone else keeping their distance. Kevin is the only one who will come near him, and Andrew blocks his shots half-heartedly, tuning out Kevin's usual criticism and complaints.

Eventually Kevin demands they play a scrimmage game, three on three. He wants to put Eli's goalkeeping skills to the test, so he takes Andrew and Nicky, and puts Aaron and Neil on Eli's side. It's not even close to a fair matchup, so Andrew decides to even things out by standing still in the goal.

Eli doesn't really give a shit about Exy. It's fun when he's goalkeeping against his brother, and he likes hearing Abram prattle on about it. With their mother gone he's been doing that a lot this past year, no longer needing to keep it to whispers between them in the dark.

So when Kevin Day, son of Exy, decides to pit himself against Eli, he fully plans on doing jack shit. Kevin's skill and determination would be impressive, if Exy was something that could impress him.

But then Abram turns to him with bright, excited eyes, and his mouth twitching into a smile he can't hide, and Eli sighs. God damn him.

The scrimmage starts. Aaron is a better backliner than Nicky, and Abram has speed on his side, but Kevin is leagues better than them both. It doesn't take him long to break past defenses and shoot on goal. Eli blocks and swings it up to Abram, already darting down the court, and Andrew's goal lights up red right as Nicky checks Abram to the floor.

"You didn't even try," Eli can hear the whine in his brother's voice from across the court as he picks himself up. It's true. Andrew didn't so much as twitch.

Andrew responds to this deeply hurtful accusation by crossing his arms and leaning on his racquet to rest his chin on top. Kevin yells at Andrew a bit, but he's too busy trying to score on Eli to really make it a full-on lecture.

Andrew lets his eyes slip closed. He feels like he could fall asleep right here in the goal. Maybe he will.

What the fuck. It's so not fair that Andrew's over there practically asleep on his feet while Eli has to whack this stupid ball over and over again. Kevin gets three goals on him, which is even more annoying, but considering how often he manages to snatch the ball away from Abram and Aaron to shoot, it's not a bad showing.

And Abram looks to be having the time of his life, even though he keeps trying to cajole Andrew into opening his eyes and playing.

"Can I go now?" Eli says eventually. He's worked up a sweat and everything. Gross.

Andrew doesn't quite manage to fall asleep, mostly because Neil won't shut up the entire game trying to get him to play. He's nearly as annoying as Kevin. Andrew wishes them both a painful death.

Eli, on the other hand, is putting up a real fight against Kevin. Looks like Neil wasn't lying about his brother being good at Exy after all. Not just good, he's excellent. Andrew doesn't think he could have played better himself, even if he gave a shit. He supposes Kevin and Wymack won't be so reliant on Andrew anymore to keep their team hanging on by a thread.

Kevin reluctantly agrees to let them stop when Eli asks, though Andrew knows this has nothing to do with Kevin's merciful benevolence and everything to do with his once-a-week scheduled Skype call with Thea.

Andrew is off the court before anyone else. He can't handle a full shower right now but he barely worked up a sweat anyway, so he just wipes down the important areas, changes clothes and goes outside to smoke.

Eli throws a jealous look Andrew's way as he skips a shower, but Abram distracts him quickly enough, babbling happily about the scrimmage. Eli grabs his clothes from their locker, shoves it into his brother's hands, and gently pushes him in the direction of the showers. Abram takes the hint and scampers off while Eli strips in the locker room and grabs his towel.

From the corner of his eye he can see Aaron staring at his scars again. He can't really blame him; Eli knows his skin looks like a horror show, though the body beneath it isn't too bad. Bit thin, but food has been scarce until recently.

He turns and catches Aaron's eye, raising a brow.

"Keep staring and I'm gonna have to start making assumptions," he says, and Aaron flushes again. Eli is delighted to find that the tips of his ears turn red, too.

Aaron stammers out some weak defense, looking away, and Eli laughs, shaking his head and making his way to the lockers. He winks at a leering Nicky and locks himself in a stall.

Chapter 2 Summary:

Andrew gets some answers.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- drugs, alcohol, smoking
- a very mild attempted drugging

Chapter Text

Andrew spends the next several weeks being disinterested and useless on the court as Kevin focuses on getting Neil trained up in their limited daytime hours. Kevin manages to piss Neil off nearly every day, which is the only entertaining thing about practice. Nothing escalates to the point of Andrew needing to intervene, so he stays out of it all and only puts in the barest amount of effort here and there.

Eli seems mostly immune to Kevin's piss-poor attitude, maybe because he doesn't care what Kevin thinks, or maybe because Kevin has less criticism for Eli than he has for any of the rest of them. He even receives a few rare words of Kevin Day praise here and there, which is basically the equivalent of Kevin dropping down on his knees to suck him off in admiration. Andrew wishes the two of them would get a room, preferably halfway across the globe.

Kevin also tries many, many times to persuade Andrew to allow Neil and Eli to come to night practice, because he is an idiot with no sense of self preservation. Andrew does not allow this, because whether or not Kevin has forgotten, Andrew has promised to watch his back. It’s unclear whether the Jostens are a genuine threat, but everything about them screams untrustworthy, least of which being the way Neil seems to be obsessed with Kevin. Andrew sees him watching Kevin all the time, often with a strange fearful look on his face that he doesn't know how to decipher.

Andrew needs to get a look in that damn duffle bag, but he hasn't caught a glimpse of it in weeks. He also wouldn't mind getting Neil alone to interrogate him without his overbearing, protective twin nearby, but that proves to be impossible as the two of them never seem to leave each others' sight.

It's not until move-in day that he finally gets his opportunity to investigate. Eli and Neil are moving in with Matt and Seth, but Seth and Allison won't be arriving until later tonight. Andrew bides his time lurking in his dorm room out of sight. Nicky is lingering in the hall, being his usual nosy self, which suits Andrew's purposes just fine. He hears Nicky make a salacious comment to Matt as he heads out to pick up the girls, then a few minutes later he hears Nicky flirting with Eli in the hall. He doesn't hear Neil, but he assumes he must be with Eli, because when are they ever not together. When Andrew hears Nicky bid Eli a cheeky goodbye, he knows this is the shot he's been waiting for.

Nicky comes back inside and Andrew shoves his way past him out the door, shutting the door in his face when he asks where Andrew’s going. He crosses the hall and tries the door, finding it locked as expected, then takes out his lockpicks and kneels down to work. His skills are admittedly a little rusty, but he gets the door unlocked within a few minutes and steps into the living room. It's the same layout as theirs, though the furniture arrangement is entirely different. Andrew makes a cursory glance around the room for anything noteworthy, sees only Matt's crap everywhere, and heads directly to the bedroom.

He opens the door, expecting it to be empty, and freezes when he comes face to face with Neil Josten.

Neil looks up from going over class options, expecting to see his brother returning for something he'd forgotten. He freezes, eyes wide, when he sees Andrew instead. His eyes flicker first to the door behind him, then the window, habit making him judge the likelihood of surviving the fall.

"Hi," Neil says, standing slowly. He wishes Eli were here. Neil has been pretty good at keeping his head down and his mouth shut—except in Kevin's presence—but Eli always makes it easier by drawing the attention to himself.

And Neil knows Eli locked the door. Eli would never leave Neil somewhere without making sure he's safe.

Andrew steps fully into the room and shuts the door behind himself, not breaking eye contact with Neil. "Hi," he responds mockingly. "Where's your bodyguard? I thought you two were attached at the hip."

He looks around the room with faux concern, as if expecting Eli to appear from somewhere.

"We're not always together," Neil says. They couldn't be, when they were passing as one person. His lip twitches, just a bit, as he recalls all the 'jokes' Eli's been dropping. He shouldn't do that, but it is funny. A little bit.

"Could have fooled me," Andrew says. He takes a few steps closer to Neil. "It's better that we don't have interference, anyway. It's past time you gave me some answers. Why are you here?"

Neil doesn't like the way Andrew is closing the distance between them, but he doesn't take a step back. Andrew Minyard doesn't scare him.

"To play Exy," Neil says, blinking guilelessly at Andrew.

"Bullshit," Andrew says, cutting through the air with his hand. "I was there in Arizona when you tried to run, remember? Curious that a man who wants so badly to play Exy would hit the bricks when Kevin Day shows up to offer him a contract. Why is that?"

Neil really wishes Eli were here. How long has he been gone? When will he be back?

"He caught me off guard," Neil defends. He casts his mind around for a lie that might be believable. "I don't do well with surprises. I panicked."

"Let's pretend that's believable. Here's another question, then," Andrew says. "Why is there no record of an Eli Josten at Millport High School? I would think with his goalkeeping skills, at least one local newspaper would have made mention of him. But I can't seem to find a single article about him anywhere on the internet."

Neil swallows thickly, his heart beating quicker. Why is Andrew digging into their alias? What's it to him?

"Eli wasn't on the Exy team," he says, which is true enough. "He doesn't care about Exy, he only plays to help me."

Andrew’s gaze catches on Neil’s throat bobbing as he swallows. He hums. "Slippery Neil Josten has an answer for everything, doesn't he? So why do they all smell like lies?"

Neil's body language screams that he's ready to run, but he doesn't back away. Curious. Another piece of him that isn't adding up.

Andrew decides to take a different tactic with his interrogation. "Do you know Kevin told Coach and the school board that you'll go pro? He said you'd be Court in five years. Promised them, argued until they signed off on you."

Neil's mouth drops open in surprise and he blinks over and over like that will make the words Andrew said make sense.

"Wh—You—Kevin hates me," he splutters. "You're lying. There's no way he did that."

Kevin has spent the last few weeks tearing Neil down and it's been infuriating. The only person Kevin has had even the smallest praise for has been Eli, which would've made Neil burn with rage if Eli had given a shit. But the constant insults and criticism was almost worth it to see Kevin's face as Eli ignored him.

That gets a response, at least. Andrew shrugs. "What I can't tell is whether or not you hate him. First you tried to run away at the mention of his name, now you can't keep your eyes off him. Your loose ends aren't adding up."

Neil frowns—Eli would tell him he's pouting but he's not. "I'm not a math problem."

"But I'll still solve you," Andrew replies.

He's taken several steps closer to Neil while they've been talking. He’s close enough now to see the faint circle around Neil's iris that means he's wearing contact lenses. Neil's eyebrows are a lighter color than his hair and Andrew wonders if he dyes it. He wonders if anything about Neil isn't a lie.

"You are a conundrum," Andrew tells him.

Andrew gets further in his space and Neil's frown deepens. The other man doesn't go for his knives and he's not being particularly threatening, currently, or at least he's not doing anything to set off Neil's finely honed hypervigilance. He doesn't know what Andrew is playing at.

He bites his lip uncertainly, once again wishing his brother was here, and Andrew's eyes flick down to his mouth at the movement.

"Well—" Neil starts, but he's cut off by Eli throwing the door open. He takes a split second to take in the scene before his face splits into that terrible, awful smile that has Neil's gaze dropping to the floor.

"Oh, I think the fuck not," Eli says nonsensically, stomping over and shoving himself between Neil and Andrew, forcing Neil back a few steps. "Get out."

Andrew's gaze is drawn helplessly to Neil's mouth as he bites down on his pouty lip and he has only a moment to think oh, this is bad before the door bursts open and Eli is forcibly separating him from Neil's personal space. Andrew has done nothing, breaking and entering aside, but his skin crawls with guilty discomfort like he's been caught in some salacious act.

He leaves without another word and bypasses his dorm to go straight up to the roof. He smokes and envisions the ways he might kill Neil Josten, in vivid technicolor detail, until the image of Neil's lips stops burning in the front of his mind.

Eli's rage is tinting the world red. He's a fucking idiot. He left his brother here thinking it would be safer than dragging him along on the stupid shopping trip, and what happens? He comes back to find their dorm broken into and Andrew fucking Minyard in Abram's space, body leaning forward, and Abram's expression petulant and pouty and not at all aware that Andrew fucking Minyard wants to fuck him.

He waits until Andrew leaves, slamming the door behind him, before he spins around and grabs Abram by the shoulders.

"What did he do to you?" he says, voice sharp. Abram blinks his stupid cow eyes at him.

"Nothing!" Abram says. "He just asked some questions. I don't think he believed anything I said, but he didn't threaten me or anything. Just got in my space a bit."

Eli scowls.

"Stay away from him, Abram," he says, and sees a spark of defiance flicker in his brother's eyes. He briefly wages an internal war over whether to reveal Andrew's clear interest in him. "I'm serious. If anyone's gonna figure us out it'll be him. The asshole."

This is the correct thing to say, because Abram finally gives a tense nod. Eli tugs him in for a tight hug, then pulls back and shoves him towards the dresser.

"C'mon, let's get this shit in the safe, then."

*****

Between finding out about the Ravens switching districts (and oh, Kevin is on thin ice for keeping that secret, isn't he), dealing with the chaos of the other Foxes returning to school, and wrestling with his own tumultuous thoughts about Neil motherfucking Josten, Andrew's patience is worn down to the bone by Friday evening. He sends Nicky to deliver Neil and Eli their outfits for Eden's and locks himself in the bathroom to do his hair, ignoring Aaron's complaints that he wants to use the mirror too.

Going to Columbia is an obvious decision, especially after Wymack broke the news about the Ravens switching districts. What surprised Andrew was how easily Eli agreed to go, considering how pissed off Eli had been to find Andrew in his room earlier that week. In fact, Neil was the one who seemed more reluctant about the trip. Andrew watched with interest as Eli talked his brother into the idea, teasing him until Neil rolled his eyes and agreed with a fond look that Andrew wishes he could burn out of his memory with acid and fire.

Aaron bangs loudly on the bathroom door and Andrew stares into the mirror with a sigh. He nearly hits Aaron in the face when he kicks open the door. Aaron flips him off and scurries inside. Kevin's already dressed and impatiently waiting. Nicky ends up being the last one to be ready, because he can't decide between two nearly identical black crop tops.

Andrew picks the lock on the Jostens’ room again just to be a dick and lets his family into their living room. He forces himself to stop picturing what Neil will look like in his new clothes, and focuses on the purpose of tonight's outing: to determine once and for all if these two are a threat. This mysterious bullshit has gone on long enough. One way or another, tonight’s results will determine whether or not they can stay.

Eli tugs on his outfit with much more enthusiasm than his brother. Abram runs his hand all over his shirt, making sure there's no way anyone can see his scars. Eli doesn't much care. He smudges some eyeliner—helpfully borrowed from Dan for the occasion—on and even convinces Abram to let him put some on him as well.

"Okay, listen to me," he says as he carefully places the pencil near Abram's eye. "You do not accept any food or drink that is not packaged. If the bartender opens your drink for you, don't drink it. Sealed things only. Do not pour it into a glass. Do not leave your food or drink unattended. Understand?"

Abram stares at him skeptically, eyes watering slightly from the eyeliner. "You're not instilling a lot of confidence. Why do we have to do this again?"

"Because I want Andrew to back the fuck off," Eli says, tucking the pencil away and glancing in the mirror. Not bad. Sucks there's nothing to be done about their hair, but whatever. "Also I want to hook up with someone in a night club. It's on my bucket list."

Abram rolls his eyes, but doesn't protest further. They head out to the living room, only to find it's been invaded. Eli's temper flares but it's doused by a quick look at the outfits everyone is wearing. Nice.

His eyes linger a moment longer on Aaron, whose everyday look is probably the furthest from his club get-up. It's not a bad change.

Forcing his eyes away, Eli grins. "Well don't we all just look like a goth boyband."

Andrew's focus is shattered the moment Neil and Eli walk into the room. Neil is wearing eyeliner. Andrew's jaw clenches and he briefly considers leaping through the window to his death. He also considers murdering Eli, who is surely the culprit behind this act of psychological warfare, but then his eyes get caught on the way Eli's pants hug his ass and now he's back to wanting to jump out the window.

Nicky whistles in appreciation, giving both Jostens a very unsubtle up-and-down. Aaron fake-gags, but Andrew hates that he and his cousin can agree on something for once. Nicky is babbling something complementary and gross toward Eli, which Andrew ignores because Eli seems oddly charmed by it. Wonder of wonders, perhaps his cousin has learned to keep his hands away from those who aren't interested.

Andrew finally manages to pull himself together and stop staring at Neil. "We're going," he tells the group, and leads them down to the car.

Eli all but preens under Nicky's praise. If he were a girl he'd probably be twirling his hair and batting his eyelashes, but he settles for a smirk and dragging his eyes up and down Nicky's form. The man looks delighted. He's definitely at the top of the list tonight. Eli wouldn't say no to Aaron, either, but it's gonna take some serious time and effort to get past whatever issues he has, and Eli's on a time limit. He is going to fuck someone in this night club.

They head down to the car and Eli once again finds himself sitting on Nicky's lap as they drive. He's chattering away, flitting from one topic to the next, somehow always finding his way back to talking about his fiancé. Which is another check in the pro column, in Eli's opinion. A fiancé means Nicky won't expect anything more.

The drive is long and boring. At some point Eli leans over to sneak a peek at whatever Aaron is staring at so intently on his phone. It's a message thread from someone named Katelyn. Aaron notices him looking and scowls, hiding his phone screen from view. Eli grins.

'Girlfriend?' he mouths. Aaron hesitates, then shakes his head. Eli thinks on this, then mouths, 'Crush?'

This time Aaron frowns and shakes his head firmer. Eli tilts his head, then shrugs, and Aaron's shoulders relax. Eli turns his attention back to Nicky until the car pulls into a parking lot and they all clamber out.

"Sweetie’s?" Eli says, unimpressed. "I thought we were going to a club."

"Trust us," Nicky says, "this is where the fun gets started. Let's just say they have a special order that really adds some flavor to the evening."

"God, you make buying drugs sound so lame," Aaron says, getting out of the car.

"Spoilsport," Nicky pouts.

Andrew grabs two handfuls of cracker packets from the salad bar on the way to their table. Nicky orders them all the ice cream special and the waiter brings over six bowls of ice cream and a big pile of napkins. Andrew shoves the napkins aside and gathers up the dust packets, stuffing them into his pockets, then digs into his ice cream.

It's an admittedly interesting setup, though Eli doesn't know why they couldn't just buy their drugs at this club of theirs, but whatever.

"Seriously?" Abram says, voice laced with judgement. Eli hides his smile by taking a bite of ice cream and digs his elbow into Abram's side. Eli can only keep the attention off him if Abram keeps his trap shut, which his brother well knows.

"Judgmental much?" Andrew says through a mouthful of caramel swirl.

Nicky nudges Neil. "Try the ice cream, you'll love it."

Abram looks at the bowl of ice cream with intense doubt, and Eli makes the choice for him by grabbing the bowl and sliding it down the table, where it knocks into Andrew's before coming to a stop.

"Neil doesn't eat sweets," Eli says, but the pointed look he gives Abram clearly conveys ‘nothing that isn't pre-packaged’. Abram rolls his eyes at him but doesn't protest.

"Who doesn't eat sweets?" Aaron says skeptically.

"Diabetics," Andrew says, digging into a scoop of chocolate chunk. "Or untrustworthy liars."

"Or dedicated athletes," Eli says, nodding at Kevin, who pushes his melting ice cream around the bowl but makes no move to eat it.

This at least manages to divert Aaron's attention. Eli has a feeling Andrew would not be so easily distracted.

"Implying the rest of us are not dedicated?" Andrew says. "Words hurt, Eli."

"No one is as dedicated to Exy as Kevin," Nicky points out. "You'd have to be certifiably insane."

Andrew finishes off his own ice cream and takes Neil's abandoned bowl. By the time he's done with that, everyone else is ready to go.

"Not you, they don't," Eli tells Andrew. 'Words hurt.' Yeah right. And Nicky clearly hasn't spent any time talking to Abram about Exy if he thinks Kevin is the only obsessed nutjob at this table. But he keeps that part to himself, because the less people focused on Abram the better, and Eli would hate to have to hurt Nicky before they even kissed.

Eventually the ice cream is finished and they head back to the car. Eli is excited to finally see this club, and delighted by all the leather and chains and bare skin he can see when they finally arrive.

"Kink club?" Eli asks Nicky, raising an eyebrow. Nicky laughs.

"There's a lot of overlap but no, not specifically," he says.

Ah. Shame. Then again, Abram would probably be even less comfortable so perhaps that's for the best.

Andrew sends Nicky off to park the car and leads the rest of the group past the line, saluting the bouncers on the way in. He hasn't worked here in over a year but it's mostly all the same faces. Aaron stops to give someone a dorky handshake and Neil watches him with clear fascination.

As Andrew steps inside, the wall of sound and smell hits him in the face and crashes over him, surrounding all his senses. He doesn't let his guard down as a general rule, but his familiarity with the environment and staff here affords him a certain level of control which allows him to get as close to relaxed as he ever is. Home court advantage, if you will.

Aaron finds them a table while Andrew drags Neil and Eli up to the bar. He catches Roland's eye right away but it's a busy night so they have to wait a while before he's available. When he finally comes over to them, he gives Andrew a smile, gaze flicking briefly over his chest and biceps. "Back so soon, Andrew? Who're your newest victims?"

"Nobodies," Andrew says. "It's the usual for us."

Roland nods and looks at Neil. "And for you?"

Abram looks immediately overwhelmed, so Eli walks as close as he can, pushing people out of the way when he has to. They wait for a specific bartender, so Eli doesn't trust him on principle.

Abram startles at being addressed, and his eyes flick to Eli before he answers; more out of habit than for support, probably, or maybe just reassuring himself that Eli's still here. Eli leans more of his weight against Abram's shoulder.

"Bottled water," Abram says tonelessly and Eli grins at the look on the bartender's face.

"Designated driver," he quips, if only to see the look Andrew gives him.

Andrew barely manages not to roll his eyes at Eli's shit-eating grin. The bastard thinks he's so clever, micromanaging everything Neil does.

Roland reaches into a nearby fridge and hands over a bottle of water. "And what about you?" he asks Eli as he begins pouring them a tray of shots.

"Double vodka shots," Eli says. Abram gives him a wounded look, probably for being a hypocrite, but whatever. Abram's safety matters more, and who knows, maybe with Eli drunk and Abram sober Andrew will switch targets for the night.

Roland's grin returns at that. He puts together a tray of enough alcohol to kill an incoming freshman twice over, and Andrew lifts it up one-handed and shoves his way through the crowd. He sets it down on the table and Kevin reaches for it, downing two shots in rapid succession before Andrew can even sit down.

"Cheers," Nicky yells. Kevin holds up his third shot to cheers with the rest of them.

Andrew dutifully throws back a shot with them and settles into his seat, eyes locked on the side of the table where Neil and Eli are bunched together.

Abram sticks close by his side as they travel through the crowd, and they sit shoulder-to-hip at the table. Abram opens his water and takes a sip, then screws the cap shut and keeps hold of it under the table. Good. Eli tosses back a shot, the vodka burning down his throat. It makes him think of their mom, and dingy hotel rooms, and the sharp pinprick pain of needles through skin.

Eli leans back, gaze roaming over the group. Nicky is chattering to Aaron, who is ignoring him and glancing at his phone. Kevin seems to be trying to drink the whole tray by himself. And Andrew is staring at him and Abram with that annoying blank expression. Eli cocks an eyebrow at him before reaching for another shot.

Andrew has no plans to get fucked up himself, since he needs to keep his wits about him, and he’s also not letting anyone else drive his car tonight. Still, his tolerance is high enough that he doesn't need to worry about slowing down for a while yet.

When Eli reaches for another drink, Andrew picks up a dust-laced shot and slides it across the table to Neil. He lifts one to his own lips and raises his eyebrows expectantly.

Abram glances down at the shot, then up at Andrew.

"I don't drink," he says blandly. Nicky groans and starts cajoling him, but Eli swipes the shot and downs it. He slams it onto the table and glares at Andrew.

"He doesn't drink," he repeats. "Means there's more for me. And I'll be taking any other party favors you try to slip him, too."

Abram glances at him, expression remaining placid, but Eli can read the surprise there.

Andrew sighs. He supposes it was never going to be that easy. How tedious. How frustrating.

Despite himself, he is impressed. Eli and Neil have been one step ahead of him this entire time. Andrew has gone through the motions of all his tried-and-true methods with absolutely shit-all to show for all his efforts. The fact is that no one else has put up even remotely as much of a challenge as them before. It's as intriguing as it is infuriating. Andrew is going to be very disappointed if such an interesting pair of individuals turn out to be working for boring Riko in the end.

Last time in the dorm, before Andrew had gotten sidetracked by Neil's... distracting qualities, they'd been having something almost like a real conversation. Even though Andrew's nearly positive Neil was selling him lies the entire time, it was the closest thing he's gotten to real answers since these two showed up. Andrew still can't make heads or tails of their motivations, nor of any possible connection to the Ravens' recent transfer, but he recognizes when his current tactics aren't working. Perhaps he needs to offer the two of them some honesty in exchange, some reason to give him an inch. It pains him to offer anything when there is no reason to trust them, but it's the only thing he can think to do, aside from slitting Eli's throat here at the table, which, as satisfying as that would be, still wouldn't net him any new information.

"Wasn't giving him anything I wouldn't take myself," Andrew says, lifting his hands up in joint surrender and confession. "But suit yourselves. Neil's free to remain clean and sober, cross my heart, scout's honor, hope I die and all that."

He draws an X with his finger over his heart and drinks his shot to seal the deal. He digs in his pockets for the cracker dust, laying the packets on the table, and Nicky, Aaron and Kevin help themselves. Andrew picks up a packet and dangles it, locking eyes with Eli.

"Cracker dust," he offers, an easy truth to start with. "Not addictive, just gives you a rush, makes things all shiny and sparkly for a while. And dehydrates you the next morning."

He tilts his head toward the bar, another truth. "Roland has a supply on hand, he knows what it means when I bring outsiders here. Last year it was Renee, Dan and Matt that I needed to test. This year it's you two.

"You arrive on my doorstep, an identical pair of lies from Arizona who somehow managed to catch Kevin's eye. Now Edgar Allan is in our district and you two are on my team. One of you can't stop staring at Kevin—" he jerks a thumb at Kevin, who frowns, "and the other has no paper trail under his name. You don't give me anything real. Only suspicious non-answers and evasions. So tell me, Eli Josten, what am I supposed to think? What would you do in my position, to protect your family?"

He waits, tense with the amount of truth he's just spilled and hating them both for it.

Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin fell silent when Andrew started talking, and they remain that way as Abram and Eli turn Andrew's words over in their heads.

Finally, Abram says, disbelief lacing his voice, "You think we're moles?"

Eli throws his head back and laughs, long and loud, until his eyes feel wet. It takes him a moment to get himself back under control, but he's still grinning as he speaks.

"We didn't ask for you and your coach to show up," Eli reminds him. "And how the fuck would we have any sway over district changes? And Kevin's a fucking Exy star, and my brother’s been obsessed with Exy since we were kids. Doesn't make for complicated math. Your paranoia is intense."

Andrew waits, unimpressed, as Eli makes a big show of laughing at him. When Eli regains his composure, his responses are predictable, the same set of non-truths and evasions as always.

"I'd hate to hear what you call your own paranoia then, if you think mine is intense. You never let Neil out of your sight, you hardly even let him speak for himself. What are you afraid will happen to him?" Andrew tilts his head. "And don't think I didn't notice you skipping over the paper trail question."

Eli raises an eyebrow at Abram, who frowns at Andrew.

"Eli doesn't do anything I don't want him to," he says, and Eli smirks at Andrew. "I don't want to talk to people."

True enough, if only because Abram's smart mouth got them into trouble more times than not.

"Neil told me about your little internet research," Eli says. "I don't know what to tell you. I was never on the Exy team, why would there be articles about me?"

"No one by your name attended Millport High, either," Andrew points out. "Are you going to try to convince me you were homeschooled?"

Abram tenses next to him but Eli gives a lazy shrug.

"Not exactly," he says. He casts his mind out for something that's close enough to the truth. "I wasn't exactly allowed to attend school with Neil."

Abram cuts him a sharp look, a clear what the fuck are you doing, but Eli only bumps their shoulders together.

Andrew eyes the way Neil tenses up and glares at his brother. "Why weren't you allowed?" he asks.

Eli grins and feels Abram's gaze jerk away from him. He feels guilty, but he can't help the face he has.

"Well, mom was even more paranoid than you," Eli says. "Couldn't have both of us out there. What if something happened? Then she'd have no one."

Also true. Eli sometimes wondered if she even realized he and Abram were two people; she used their aliases more than their given names, not seeming to care which one answered. She probably wouldn't have noticed if one of them got killed, except it would mean one less mouth to feed.

Andrew looks between Eli's menacing grin and Neil's averted gaze.

"Your mother," he repeats. "She was willing to give one of you up in exchange for keeping the other." He feels Aaron’s eyes on him and refuses to look back.

"What would have happened? What was she so paranoid about, that she wouldn't let one son go to school? It's the same thing you're afraid will happen to Neil, isn't it. Or maybe it's not a what, but a whom."

It's a swing in the dark, but it hits. Andrew can see it in the way Neil hunches over, the hunted, rabbit-like look on his face so familiar from when they first met.

Eli sneers at Andrew, his gums aching with the need to bite down on something, but he pushes that aside to turn to Abram, grabbing his hand under the table.

"It's fine," he says quietly. The pulsing music of the club will hopefully keep anyone but Abram from hearing. "It's fine. He's not here, he hasn't found us. We don't need to run yet."

Slowly, Abram untenses. He looks up, locking eyes with Eli until he can breathe normally again. Eli's eyes flit over Abram's face, taking stock of his emotional state, before he nods slightly and looks away.

"You've asked a lot of questions and gotten a fuckton more honesty than we owe you," Eli says. "This isn't your business. We don't give a fuck about your family and we aren't fucking moles for the Moriyamas. Neil just wants to play Exy. So back the fuck off."

The fear on Neil's face is too stark and plain to be anything but the truth. It's enough, Andrew decides. It will have to be enough.

Andrew meets Eli’s gaze for a long moment. Then he nods, approval and acceptance in one sharp tilt of the head. "Okay," he says simply. "It's your business. I won't interfere anymore, so long as you don't give me a reason to."

He rips open a dust packet and tilts it into his own mouth, washing it down with a third shot, then offers a packet up to Eli. A peace offering.

Eli doesn't know how trustworthy Andrew's word is, but he's willing to take the truce for now. He accepts the packet and pours it on his tongue like pixie dust, then tosses back another shot.

"Well," he grins. "Now that that's over, I think it's time to dance."

This seems to break the tension at the table. Nicky cheers, grabbing another shot, and Aaron slumps back in his seat, gaze trained on Eli. When Eli raises his eyebrows at him, though, he looks away, back down at his phone, a little frown tugging at his lips. Kevin all but melts into his seat, pulling a small army of shots towards himself.

Eli stands and tugs Abram to his feet. Abram looks like this is the last thing he wants, but Eli isn't about to leave him with Andrew.

With that issue finally dealt with, Andrew has nothing left to distract him from the way Neil's eyes glimmer in the dim, glowy light of Eden's as Eli drags him off to the dance floor. They disappear into the crowd but Andrew still catches a glimpse of Neil here and there before he's blocked once again by more anonymous dancing bodies.

After a few more drinks, Nicky persuades Aaron to come out and dance with him too. Kevin stays by Andrew's side, his eyes glazing over more and more with each drink. He stares at Andrew for a while, then seems to remember something. "Night practice?"

Andrew sighs. "Fine. They’re all yours."

Kevin's lips curl up in a small, satisfied smile. Andrew hates him so much.

Eli does his best to get Abram to relax and dance. He can feel the alcohol and dust hitting, making his head feel full of cotton, his limbs looser. Abram reluctantly sways back and forth, shifting his weight, while Eli dances with abandon. He can see Abram look at him with exasperation and gives a closed-mouth smile that Abram doesn't immediately look away from.

Eventually, Eli catches sight of Nicky on the dance floor, and he leans in to yell in Abram's ear.

"Fifteen minutes," he says. "Dance with someone who isn't likely to stab you. Call me if anyone even breathes on you."

He pulls back to see Abram rolling his eyes, which Eli takes as agreement, and he pushes his way through dancing bodies until he finds Nicky, who looks delighted at his appearance. He says something Eli can't hear over the music, and Eli grabs him by the wrist and tugs, pulling him through the crowd until they emerge victorious near the bathroom.

Eli pushes Nicky through the door, and doesn't bother looking to see if anyone else is already in there before shoving him against the wall.

"Uh, Eli? Andrew just agreed to leave you alone, I don't think—" Nicky laughs nervously.

"Let's make this quick, Hemmick," Eli cuts him off. He leans up on his tip toes and shoves his tongue in Nicky's mouth.

Neil, meanwhile, takes this opportunity to disengage from the mass of bodies, only getting his ass squeezed once on his way to freedom. He heads back to the table and collapses into his seat, shooting a glare at the crowd of people.

Andrew goes to the bar once more to get another round of drinks. Roland raises an eyebrow in question and Andrew answers by leaving without a word and taking his drinks back to the table. It's not a good night for it, with Andrew already vigilant and on edge. If Roland ‘forgets’ not to touch him tonight, Andrew might just stab him, and then where would they be?

He resigns himself to spending the evening babysitting an increasingly drunk Kevin. At some point Neil returns to the table alone, looking sweaty and annoyed. His eyeliner is a tiny bit smudged underneath his eyes, and Andrew's fist clenches under the table.

"Have fun dancing?" he asks Neil, who looks like he'd rather shoot himself in the face than go back out there.

Neil frowns, flicking his eyes back to the crowd. "No. Grabby bastards."

He eyes Kevin with only slight disdain. The man doesn't notice, too busy sucking down more alcohol and fiddling with his phone. Neil still doesn't understand why they're here.

"Why did you try to drug me?" he asks, switching his gaze back to Andrew. He's kind of thirsty, but he'd left his water unattended and Eli would kill him if he tried to drink it after that.

"To find out the truth," Andrew says. "You weren't giving me a lot of options."

Neil's frown deepens.

"I told you the truth," he says. "It's not my fault you weren't asking the right questions. Besides, drugs and alcohol aren't a truth serum."

Andrew studies Neil's face. He looks pissed off and gorgeous and magnetic. Andrew’s been finding it harder and harder to stop looking at him, which is not a good sign.

He shrugs. "They tend to loosen peoples' tongues. It's worked in the past. Of course you had to be more difficult than the others."

He isn't sure what Neil wants from him, now that he's already promised to leave them alone, but he's willing to play along. It's far more interesting than watching Kevin get progressively more inebriated.

Neil leans back in his seat, a little smug on his brother's behalf. Like Eli would ever let something happen to him. Hah.

He digs his burner phone out of his pocket and checks the time. When will Eli be back? Neil assumes he's found someone to help him with his bucket list, but he doesn't know how realistic fifteen minutes is.

Sighing, he shoves his phone back in his pocket and looks back at Andrew. The lights pulse different colors over his hair and the planes of his face. It makes him interesting to look at.

"Why don't you like Exy?" Neil asks. Kevin's eyes snap up from his phone like a dog hearing the word 'treat.' "You're a good goalie. Maybe even as good as Eli."

"I don't like anything," Andrew says dismissively. "Exy isn't special."

Neil's comment about being ‘maybe’ as good as Eli makes his jaw tick, but he ignores it.

Neil considers this for a moment.

"You like ice cream," he points out.

Andrew stares at Neil. This conversation is not going the way he would have predicted. "It's ice cream. What is your point," he says flatly.

Neil shrugs.

"You clearly like some things, if you like ice cream," he says. Kevin's mouth is twitching oddly and he ducks his head, eyes glued back to his phone.

Andrew fights against the sudden urge to haul Neil across the table. He's not sure whether he wants to strangle the little shit or shove his tongue down his throat.

"Exy is pointless and boring," he says. "There's nothing to like about it, especially not on a hopeless team like the Foxes."

Neil would argue that Exy has plenty of points, actually, typically scored by strikers, but Andrew is radiating tension and he's pretty sure that wouldn't go over well.

He doesn't have to find something else to say, thankfully, because Eli pushes out from the crowd and falls into the space beside Neil, throwing his arm around the seat behind him.

"You're supposed to be dancing," Eli tells him pissily, but he seems to be in too good of a mood to hang onto it, either from the alcohol or the drugs or, Neil assumes, the orgasm. He grins at Neil and Neil looks sharply away, feeling a twinge of guilt for it as he looks back at Andrew.

Some unhappy emotion passes over Neil's face when Eli smiles, but it's gone as quickly as it came, and now Neil is staring at Andrew again. Andrew's fingers dig into his thigh under the table and he forces them to unclench. He's beginning to regret walking away from Roland. Whether he ended up stabbing him or not, it might have taken a little of the edge off the roiling heat in Andrew's gut.

"Is that a hickey?" Kevin says, squinting blearily at Eli's neck.

Eli's grin takes on a smug edge.

"Could be," he says. He sees Abram roll his eyes, but he knows his brother will listen to him recount the experience later without complaint. Abram may not understand, but he's as supportive as he can be.

Must be nice, Andrew thinks irritably, shifting in his seat.

"Going for a smoke, then we're leaving. Kevin, go get Nicky and Aaron," he says, pointing.

He considers going to find Roland instead of a smoke, but then someone bumps into him a little too hard and instinct has him elbowing them back, harder. He hears a yelp and hopes they'll be pissing blood later. Discomfort skitters up his spine and settles there, pushing him firmly into no for tonight.

He takes his time in the alley, sucking down two cigarettes before he feels steady enough to come back inside.

Eli considers hanging back, having more fun dancing and drinking. But Abram looks so relieved to be leaving that Eli sighs. Ah well. At least he did what he came here to do.

And what he did is pulled from the dance floor mere minutes later by a grumpy Kevin. Nicky grins at him and Eli shoots him a wink. Kevin disappears again and returns with a sweaty, flushed Aaron in tow. Eli is drunk enough to openly enjoy the sight. Aaron is drunk enough not to notice.

Andrew eventually returns and they file out of the club like good little minions. In the car, Eli sits on Nicky's lap and stretches his legs out across Aaron, his feet resting on Abram's thighs.

"It's cramped back here," he says to Aaron's protests. It absolutely isn't. Andrew's short stature means plenty of leg room, but no one calls him on this. Aaron scowls at him but goes back to squinting at his phone, resting his elbows on Eli's shins like a table. That's fine with him.

Andrew drives them to the house, eyeing Eli in the backseat who looks altogether too pleased with himself, sprawled across Aaron's lap. Andrew's hands tighten on the steering wheel, but Aaron doesn't seem to care enough to shove Eli off, so Andrew leaves it alone.

Nicky's hands are wrapped around Eli's waist with casual familiarity and he keeps giggling and whispering things to Eli. It's not difficult to put the pieces together and determine the owner of the hickey. Andrew doesn't particularly care about that. Nicky can fuck who he wants, as long as they want it too.

The house is dark inside and Nicky goes around flicking on lights and showing the Jostens around. Kevin flops down on the couch flat on his face and passes out immediately. Andrew grabs a blanket and throws it at his head, and Kevin grumbles at him. Andrew hopes he suffocates on it.

Nicky gives them a tour of the house, then offers to share his bed with Eli while Abram would take the chair. Eli doesn't even have to think about his answer.

"Another time," he says. "We'll take a blanket and some pillows if you've got 'em, though."

It takes a few minutes, but Nicky fetches them. Aaron disappears into the kitchen, and when he reappears he tells Eli, "Drink some water. Dust will dehydrate you like nothing else."

And then he's drifting off to his own room. Eli takes his advice and downs a glass of water. He makes Abram drink one too, then finds an easily defensible corner of the living room (away from the windows but in view of the door), and they curl up, back to back, with Abram between Eli and the wall. He's never told Abram this, but he insisted on this arrangement so that if anyone burst in guns blazing, Eli would be hit first and Abram might have time to flee.

It's actually kind of nice, sleeping like this again. They have to sleep in separate beds at the dorms, and the mattresses are too soft. Eli hasn't been sleeping well there.

Nicky predictably tries to get Eli to share his bed, and Andrew is a bit surprised when Eli turns him down. It makes him curious enough to linger in the living room to see what the Jostens will do. He goes to lock the front door and sees them lying down back to back in the corner, Neil practically smushed into the wall. It can't be comfortable, but Neil looks perfectly happy about it.

Andrew retreats to his own bedroom and locks that door too. After a moment of inner conflict, he gives in and shoves a chair under the knob as well. It's not something he's felt the urge to do in a while, but there are strangers in his house tonight. He knows it's stupid. It doesn't make him safer. But it helps a little, and Bee keeps telling him to let himself do things that help, no matter how stupid he thinks they are.

He lies flat on his back and stares at the dark ceiling. He can't imagine falling asleep with someone else behind him like that, not even Aaron. Especially not Aaron, because even if Andrew did somehow manage to fall asleep that way, he's sure the slightest twitch of the body laying beside him would have him waking up in a violent panic to lash out at them.

He turns on his side to face the door and watches the crack of light under it for shadows, waiting for his body to let him doze off. It's dawn before he manages to get any sleep at all, and when he does, his dreams are full of monsters.

Chapter 3 Summary:

Andrew makes a new deal. Aaron gets drunk.

Notes:

Content Warnings

- canonical character death (sorry Seth...)
- alcohol, drugs, smoking
- vomit mention
- Andrew/Roland (brief, non-explicit)

Chapter Text

Andrew, to Eli's surprise, actually does back off. The other Foxes are appalled to learn that they went to Eden's with the group and confused when they don't seem completely traumatized by it. Kevin stops by to drag them to Exy night practice, and throws a fit when Eli refuses to change out and get on court.

Abram is more than willing, though, so the two of them run around to their hearts' content as Eli and Andrew sit seats apart in the bleachers, occasionally trading barbs, but mostly watching in boredom. At least Kevin is hot. Too bad his personality is so rancid.

Abram improves on the court by leaps and bounds. The Foxes as a whole do not. Nicky flirts with Eli, sometimes he flirts back. He flirts with Renee, who doesn't reciprocate. He flirts with Dan, who seems charmed but amusedly tells him she's dating Matt, so Eli flirts with him, too.

It's not a bad way to pass the time as school gets closer to starting. Eventually they're told they have to see a shrink if they want to play on the team, and Abram looks like he'd rather go toe-to-toe with Lola again, so Eli offers to take his place. It's about time he took Neil Josten for a spin, anyway. All Abram has to do is stand in goal and look bored while Eli is off talking to the shrink.

Renee tells Andrew, while they're jogging around the court, that the Foxes are taking bets on whether the new kids will like Bee. Andrew informs her that Neil will hate her, and she, proving herself a fool, says she's placing her bet in the other direction. Andrew does not understand how all of the Foxes seem to view Neil as a harmless child when he's clearly a hell-raising menace.

For Andrew’s own part, he hasn't been able to get their brief conversation from Eden's out of his head all week. The faux-innocent look on Neil's face when he'd backed Andrew into a corner with that stupid ice cream comment... Andrew gave in the very next morning and stripped his dick in the shower while envisioning himself cumming all over that smug face. Just once, he told himself, to work it out of his system. But then it happened again and again and, well. He's stopped fighting it now.

It's easy enough during the day to pretend like he's never touched himself to the thought of his hand snaking down Neil's pants, Neil hard and leaking on his tongue or whispering dirty things in his ear as Andrew takes him apart. It's so completely removed from reality that it's laughable, which makes it easy to ignore. It's purely a fantasy version of Neil. Because the real Neil so far has shown zero interest in anyone that way. Not when Allison sat on his lap to piss off Seth. Not even a single untoward glance at Matt's abs, which Andrew knows are like gay catnip. Nicky's words, but Andrew has to admit he's right.

For the most part, life is boring and normal. The return of the rest of the Foxes means practices are even more chaotic, and Kevin is in top form as his Exy-obsessed asshole self. When Bee day comes around, Neil is one of the last people called to go see her. Neil and Eli disappear off the court together for a few minutes before Eli returns to the goal alone. Andrew watches him from his side of the court, frowning as a strange uneasiness crawls up through the back of his mind. He can't quite put a finger on it, but something is off.

Eli uses his racket to prop himself up in the goal, watching practice progress with a bored expression but a sharp gaze. With his brother off the field, he doesn't bother trying to block any goals. This pisses Kevin off, but Eli stares at him dispassionately as he rants until Dan demands his attention again.

Feeling eyes on him, Eli locks gazes with Andrew. He raises his eyebrows in question, but the other goalie doesn't give him any sort of reaction, so he only pulls a smirk onto his face before turning his focus back to the practice unfolding in front of him.

That same odd feeling niggles at Andrew's brain throughout the rest of practice every time he looks at Eli. Eli's acting like his usual dick self, and he looks the same as always, but something is just... off.

Andrew stares and stews on it with no answers for the next hour, until Neil comes back from Bee's. Allison and Matt hurry over to bug Renee about who won the bet. Andrew expects Wymack to send Eli off to see Bee since he's the only one who hasn't gone yet, but instead Wymack just calls an end to practice. Eli doesn't say anything. No one else seems to notice anything.

Andrew's eyes narrow. Suspicion turns into theory turns into Andrew flicking through his mental catalogue of Neil and Eli Josten images, and he finally zooms in on the detail that's been catching like a burr in the back of his head. It's the fucking shoes. The whole team has the same model of fuck-ugly orange shoes as part of their practice uniforms. But Neil double-knots his laces, and Eli doesn't. Andrew looks at the shoes Eli has on now: double-knotted. No one else would notice, but Andrew has a picture-perfect image of everything he's ever seen in his head, and part of his brain must have noticed the discrepancy.

As the team heads to the locker room, loud and chaotic, Andrew bullies his way through them to reach the twin in goalie gear and shoves him up against the wall, just hard enough to take him by surprise so Andrew can get a good look. And now that he's close enough to see his face, it's completely obvious. Andrew's eyes roam over the tiny scars and distinctive freckles that are undeniable proof that this is not Eli Josten.

The team falls silent as Eli is pushed roughly against the wall, Andrew's eyes darting all over his face. From the corner of his eye he sees Neil, tense and frozen.

Eli pulls a grin onto his face, keeping his limbs loose as he raises his eyebrows.

"And here I thought we'd reached an agreement," he says. "I'm shocked and appalled by this unpredictable betrayal. Truly."

"I believe I made that agreement with Eli. Not with you," Andrew says, not breaking eye contact with the man in front of him.

No one speaks for a moment, and then Matt cuts in. "Dude, what are you fucking talking about? That is Eli."

Andrew tilts his head to look at Wymack, who's watching them with his arms crossed over his chest. "Did you know about this, Coach? Were you planning on telling us, or were you just hoping to keep us in the dark all season?"

Eli blinks a few times, then laughs, a harsh sound. "You should really talk about your paranoia with your shrink."

Wymack sighs, but his gaze is sharp as he observes the scene in front of him. "Tell you what, Andrew?"

Neil is practically buzzing with tension, but he doesn't move from his spot, dark eyes wide and wary.

"Oh, don't play dumb, Coach," Andrew says, shaking his head.

He turns to Eli—the real Eli—who looks as tense as Andrew's ever seen him. "You told me yourself on that first day, didn't you. Package deal. Two Neil Jostens for the price of one, is that right? It explains why I couldn't find any record of you. How long have you two been doing this, then? Since before Millport?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Matt repeats. He is promptly ignored.

"Hey, don't talk to him," Eli snaps. Neil's eyes flit warily between him and Andrew.

"Let him go, Andrew," Wymack says. "Go change out. Team meeting in the lounge."

Andrew's eyes lock back onto Neil's as soon as he speaks up. He holds Neil's gaze for a moment longer, just because he can, before he obeys Wymack and lets go of him.

He goes directly to shower and change out, brushing past Nicky and Kevin who are peppering him with impatient questions. His mind is churning quickly over all the past interactions he's had with the Jostens, recontextualizing some comments they've made here and there. Everything strange about them and their arrival here is finally making a weird sort of sense.

When he gets to the lounge, Aaron sits next to him in his usual spot and mutters to him. "They've been swapping places, right? Is that what you figured out? But why?"

As soon as Andrew lets him go, Eli steps in front of Neil. A hand fists in the back of his jersey, and they hang back as the team heads for the changing room. Wymack gives them a look, but he leaves too, and then it's just the two of them.

Shedding an alias is usually easy, but when it's his brother he's pretending to be, it tends to stick. They know each other so completely that it's easier to fall into and harder to get out, the mind clinging for long minutes as they come back to themselves.

Finally, Eli mutters, "Jackass thinks he's so fucking smart. Are you okay?"

Abram nods. "I'm fine. What do you think gave us away?"

"Who the fuck knows. He had to fucking announce it, too. Couldn't just keep it to himself. Drama queen." Eli rolls his eyes and jerks his head towards the changing room. "C'mon, let's change out."

Eventually they find themselves walking into the lounge, where everyone is waiting. Wymack nods to them and clears his throat, getting the team's attention.

"Listen up, idiots. I didn't plan on discussing this because it's really not the team's business, but I'd rather hash things out now so Andrew stops trying to murder these two." Wymack jerks his chin at Neil and Eli, who both look tense and unhappy.

Andrew waits.

"When we signed Neil, part of the agreement was that Eli would come with him. I told you that earlier. What I didn't mention is that Eli's not technically on the team. He can't play in games because he's not a student here. He's just joining us for practices."

"What?" Kevin's indignant voice echoes around the room. "But—he—not on the team?! Why did you let us think he was, then? He's good, Coach, you've seen him play. We need him."

Wymack shakes his head. "We have Andrew and Renee, we'll be fine. There wasn’t any more room in the budget to offer Eli a real spot on the team this semester, anyway. Though now that I've seen you play, kid, I would offer you one in a heartbeat if I could." He says the last part to Eli directly, who stares blankly back at him.

"What I'm still not sure about is what got Andrew to think assaulting Eli in the hall was a good idea," Wymack says. He looks to Andrew with raised eyebrows. "Care to explain?"

"I was just asking Neil why he was dressing up as a goalie instead of going to his therapy appointment," Andrew says lightly.

Eli crosses his arms.

"Neil did go to his appointment," he insists. Andrew looks like he wants to kill him with his mind.

In German, Abram says, "He's not lying. Drop it for now and we'll explain later. Without an audience."

There's a moment of silence, and then Seth groans.

"Does every new motherfucker we get on this team have to speak German?" he demands.

This breaks the tension, and suddenly the team is peppering them and Wymack with questions. Abram keeps up his staring contest with Andrew, but Eli looks to find Nicky and Aaron looking caught out.

"Exactly how much did you guys hear?" Nicky asks reluctantly.

"Enough," Eli smirks. Interestingly, this causes Aaron's ears to flush pink and Eli wonders what German conversations he wasn't privy to.

Oh, this just keeps getting better.

Andrew bares his teeth at Neil and replies to him in German. "How many languages do you speak, Josten? I'm sure I've told you before that I hate surprises."

Abram shrugs.

"A few," he says. "You're still not asking the right questions."

Eli laughs. He should probably stop him before his smart mouth gets them into trouble again, but god is it funny to see the look on Andrew's face.

Andrew regrets never learning how to throw knives, because Eli's face is looking like a nice target right now. "Fine. Later," he grits out. Switching back to English, he turns to Wymack. "My mistake, Coach. Nothing more to discuss. Are we done here?"

Wymack looks dubiously from him to the Jostens.

"Above your paygrade," Andrew reminds him.

Wymack throws his hands up. "Get the hell out of here, then, Christ."

"Wait, no, we need to talk about having Eli play in games," Kevin protests.

Wymack pointedly leaves the room and Kevin follows him, yapping his ear off. Andrew takes the opportunity to get the hell out of there.

*****

'Later' unfortunately turns out to be later that night. Andrew shows up at their door, demanding their presence. Matt offers to tell him to fuck off, but Abram shakes his head and so they go. Andrew takes them across the hall to his dorm. The others are in the living room, Nicky and Aaron playing a game on the TV and Kevin staring intently at his laptop.

They look up when Eli and Abram trail in after Andrew. Nicky opens his mouth to say something, but Andrew throws open a door and waves them inside, then shuts it. Eli and Abram exchange a look and take a seat on one of the beds. Neither say anything.

Andrew sits down on the dresser by the window and lights a cigarette. He takes a drag, glaring at Neil. "I'll take that explanation now."

Abram looks at Eli, and Eli shrugs.

"Neil went to his appointment," he repeats his words from earlier. "I was just Neil at the time."

Abram nods. Eli grins at Andrew.

"I told you day one, we're practically the same person," he says.

"You pretend to be each other. That's not the same as actually being the same person. I am a twin, too, remember," Andrew points out.

Abram shakes his head,

"It's different," he says. "We're both Neil. You assumed it was me because I was the one you met first, so I've been the one using the name since coming here, but we've always switched out. This is probably the longest either of us has stuck with it."

Andrew stares at him, the pieces slotting together in his mind. "Neil Josten is an alias," he says slowly. "What is your real name then?"

Eli frowns, but before he can speak, his brother quietly says, "Eli calls me Abram."

"Look," Eli butts in, displeased. "There's only one of us, officially, okay? One birth certificate, one social security number. One person. It's all mom got. So we trade it off when we feel like it. There just hasn't been a reason for me to take it until today."

"Package deal," Andrew repeats with a nod.

He tilts this new information around in his head, examines it from every angle. It's not what he had expected, but it makes sense somehow. It's not that they've been lying to him, exactly. They literally are the same person, for all practical purposes.

"But Coach doesn't know," he guesses. Neil shakes his head.

Andrew's thoughts drift around for a moment before his eyes sharpen on Neil again. "Your mother. Where is she now?"

Abram shares an uneasy look with Eli.

"Why does it matter?" Eli demands.

"Did you kill her?" Andrew asks.

"What? No!" Eli says, glaring, but Abram tilts his head to the side.

"Did you kill yours?" he asks, voice taking on that curious tone that spells trouble.

"I don't have a mother," Andrew says dismissively.

"Because you killed her," Eli says, nodding.

Andrew shrugs. "Not exactly."

The Jostens have given him a lot of truth tonight. It's time to even things out. "I don't have a mother because Aaron's mother surrendered me to the system. I didn't meet her until I was sixteen. She was hurting Aaron. I warned her not to lay a hand on him. She didn't listen, so she died in a car accident. Does that frighten you?"

Eli and Abram look at each other and give identical shrugs.

"Neither of us have a car," Abram says.

"Or plan on hurting Aaron," Eli adds. "So not really."

Andrew's mouth twitches. "Good. It'd be a shame to have to bury you before the season starts. Kevin would weep."

Eli rolls his eyes.

"God forbid," he mutters. Abram raises a hand to hide his smile, and Eli says louder, "Is the interrogation over, then?"

Andrew waves a hand at him. "Fuck off, then."

They both get up to leave as Andrew lights a new cigarette. Before they reach the door, he speaks up again. "Columbia this weekend. You're coming out with us again. Yes?"

He flicks his gaze up to Neil, then Eli.

They pause, exchanging a glance.

"Are you going to try to drug us again?" Eli asks.

"Not unless you ask me to," Andrew says pleasantly. The Jostens don't seem to appreciate that and he rolls his eyes. "No. You have a choice from now on."

They look at each other again. Eli raises an eyebrow. It's up to you.

Abram looks back at Andrew, eyes flitting across his face thoughtfully.

"Yes," he says finally. "We'll be there."

Neil's eyes bore into his, and Andrew's chest burns, a red-hot coal of interest buried in his esophagus. He turns away and faces the window in a silent dismissal.

Eli rolls his eyes at Andrew's dramatics, grabbing Abram by the wrist and tugging him out the door. In the living room, three heads swivel their way.

"Well, what was that about?" Nicky asks.

"Why did you switch?" Aaron adds.

Kevin remains silent, but his glare is trained on Eli, who shrugs.

"Looks like we'll be joining you in Columbia again," he says, grinning at the looks this receives. "Well, see ya."

He tugs Abram out of the dorm without another word.

*****

The first game of the season comes and Abram is so excited he nearly vibrates out of his skin. Eli spends it hidden in the stands, no one paying him any mind. They lose, but that's not surprising. Neil did well, and Abram is buzzing with happiness, and that's all that matters.

Then Kevin announces his stupid interview, and Wymack insists that they come along. But Eli gets sick the night before, puking his guts up in the toilet and telling his roommates to find somewhere else to piss when they come knocking. He tries to tag along to the interview, but Abram refuses to let him go, so Eli spends it curled in bed with a trashcan nearby, while Seth and Allison probably fuck in the living room. He idly wonders if he could get in on that one day, but figures he'd probably have better luck with Dan and Matt.

The interview does not go well.

Andrew spends the bus ride back watching Kevin to make sure he doesn't jump out the emergency exit, and periodically glancing at Neil, who sits a few seats ahead of them not speaking to anyone.

When they arrive at Fox Tower, Dan the busybody thinks it's a good time to schedule a team lunch date. Andrew disagrees. He shoves Kevin into the bedroom with instructions to Nicky to give him alcohol and not let him leave. Then he follows Neil down the hall to his dorm room.

Neil opens the door and freezes. Andrew looks over his shoulder to see what’s causing the holdup. Seth and Allison are mostly naked on the couch, and Allison belatedly pulls a pillow over her thong. Andrew rolls his eyes and shoves Neil inside. Matt and Dan follow them in and begin filling in the other upperclassmen on what happened, but Andrew leads Neil into the bedroom.

Eli glances up at them from the bed, his face paler than usual thanks to his illness.

"Do you know, I actually thought you were the troublesome one." Andrew says to Eli.

Eli blearily blinks at Andrew and Abram from the bed. He's not a fan of the way Andrew has a grip on the back of Abram's neck, nor the way Abram's eyes seem glassy and far away.

"Yeah, everyone does. That's the point," he says. "What's he done now?"

Andrew looks sideways at Neil. The instigator doesn't seem inclined to explain himself, more likely halfway to a panic attack. Serves him right, Andrew thinks as his hand tightens on the back of Neil's neck, it's his own damn fault he's in this situation.

"He's a fucking idiot," Andrew says. "Riko was there. Kathy brought him as a surprise guest, you know, and Abram here thought it was a good idea to call him... oh, what was it? A selfish, talentless backstabber? Something along those lines. All in front of a live studio audience and the entire nation, of course."

He's still not sure if he's more pissed off or turned on about Neil unleashing his big fat mouth on Riko. He hates Neil for making him feel anything, but he hates himself more for not having been able to kill Riko for Kevin. He can still feel the hands on his wrists holding him down and sending skittering chills up his spine, unable to move or even yell thanks to Renee's hand clapped over his mouth. Focusing on problematic little Neil is a welcome distraction.

"Riko didn't take it well, as you can probably imagine. But your precious twin is still in one piece. For now."

Eli sits up, alarmed.

"Riko Moriyama," he repeats, dread coiling in his gut. "The fucking mafia brat."

Abram's eyes finally meet his and he has that hunted, haunted look in them. It took Eli months of work to get that to fade after their mother died, and fucking Riko Moriyama brought it back full force.

And Christ, Riko is going to know. Abram cutting him down on TV isn't something he'll be able to let stand, so of course he's going to figure out who Neil Josten is. That their fathers worked together. He'll tip their father off the first chance he gets, and Nathan may be in jail for now but his people aren't.

Eli takes a deep breath, pushes down his panic and strengthens his resolve, and gets out of bed.

"Okay," he says calmly, tugging their duffle bag out from under the bed. "Okay."

He walks over to the dresser and starts methodically packing.

Andrew watches Eli with detached curiosity. "Leaving so soon? Are you really so afraid of Riko? He has connections but he can't touch you here, Kevin is proof of that."

"Riko Moriyama is as scary as a wet pomeranian," Eli says.

He finishes packing the clothes away and turns to find Abram staring at the duffle with regret. He still hasn't moved away from Andrew. Eli sighs.

"C'mon, Abram. It's been fun being two people, playing Exy, but we knew it wouldn't last," he says.

"I know," Abram finally speaks, voice quiet.

"Hold on," Andrew says. It's occurring to him that they're actually going to leave, and there's a sudden sharp pang in his gut that he really does not like. "What is this about, then, if not Riko?"

He looks back and forth between the Jostens, hating the way this moment feels like sand slipping through his fingers.

Eli gusts out another sigh, resting back against the dresser. He frowns at Andrew and considers his options, but what the hell. They've told him more than they've ever told anyone, even if it's not the whole truth.

"Look, we've got worse things to be scared of than Riko Moriyama, and we don't need him tipping them off," he says. "So, y'know, thanks for the hospitality or whatever the fuck you call what you've been doing, but we're leaving. If we're ever in the neighborhood again we'll be sure not to look you up."

Worse things.

Andrew's mind is working fast, slotting together the few puzzle pieces he has.

He knows the Jostens and their mother have been afraid of a big bad somebody. Likely that somebody is the reason the twins have a false identity to begin with. It's a person they've been running from for a long time. Someone who Riko knows. A mafia connection?

And all they know how to do is run, so they're going to run again. A stupid choice. But he can see they're panicking.

Andrew drops hold of Neil and grabs onto Eli's chin. "Hey, Eli. Eli, listen. Look at me. Running won't save you this time."

Eli tries to shove him off, but Andrew tightens his grip. "Don't you understand? Running was only an option when no one was looking. Riko and all his adoring fans know who you are now, they've seen your face. Riko will get his answers, and he'll find you, and bring whoever you're afraid of with him. If you run, you die."

Eli scowls and very seriously considers punching Andrew in the jaw.

"If we stay here we die," he counters. "Running is all we've got."

Andrew sighs at Eli's obtuse stubbornness. "You have everything you need to survive here. You're just too afraid to see it.

"Riko will find out the truth, but he can't sell you out yet. For one thing, Riko isn't allowed to associate with the main family, seeing how they belong to separate branches. But more importantly, Coach Moriyama won't let him. This year is about Kevin and Riko, see? He won't want news about your untimely deaths getting out and distracting people from the showdown. They're free to make your life a living hell and they'll try to use the truth against you, but they can't sell you out yet.

"Use that time to narrow the angles they can get at you. Kevin wants to make Neil Josten a star, so let him. Take what he is giving you and make it your shield. It's hard to kill a man when everyone's eyes are on him. Make them love Neil or hate him, I don't care. Just make them look at him. You have one year to figure it out," Andrew says, putting a finger in Eli's face. "For one year, I'll stand between you and the Moriyamas if you stand at Kevin's side. Next year your life is your problem again, understand?"

Eli narrows his eyes, rolling this around in his head. Unfortunately, he can see the logic in it. If they stay, they might eke out another year, and Abram can keep playing his precious Exy. And when time's up they can still take off, if they're alive to do so. If they leave now, there's nothing stopping Riko from getting their info to their father, and they might be hunted down sooner rather than later.

"You think you can hold off the mafia?" Eli asks doubtfully, but the fact that he's even entertaining the possibility makes Abram raise his eyes from the floor, hope flooding his expression, and Eli knows his decision is made.

"It's not the whole mafia," Andrew says dismissively. "Riko can't go tattling to daddy yet, and I can take care of him easily."

He lets go of Eli now that it seems like Eli's not going to run out the door. "I don't make deals like this lightly," Andrew warns him. "If Riko or any of his people try to touch you, I'll kill them."

"Abram," Eli corrects. He sees his brother twitch at his name, but he keeps his gaze locked with Andrew's. "He takes priority. You keep him safe and we'll make sure your idiot boyfriend doesn't go running back to his keepers."

Andrew’s lip curls at the insinuation about Kevin, but doesn't argue with Eli's terms. "Abram takes priority," he agrees. Makes Andrew's job easier anyway.

"Eli—" Abram starts up in the tone that means he's going to try to argue, but Eli gives him a hard look and Abram falls quiet. They stare at each other for a long moment before Abram grits his teeth and looks away.

"Well," Eli says, smiling at Andrew. "Now that that's decided. Get the fuck out. Oh, and if you grab me like that again I'll slit your throat with your own knife."

Andrew bares his teeth. "Don't worry, I hated it as much as you did."

He turns to go and pauses in the doorway to remind them, "Columbia in three hours. Nicky will bring you clothes." He gives them a two-finger salute and leaves.

"Stop buying us clothes!" Eli yells after him, but Andrew doesn't even break stride, slamming the door closed again behind him.

"Asshole," he mumbles, then turns to his brother. Abram still looks shaken, and Eli sighs, kicking the duffle bag aside and going to wrap him in a tight hug. "You're a fucking idiot. Who the fuck put you in front of a camera?"

Abram laughs weakly, shaking his head, but says nothing.

It takes nearly two hours for Eli to bring Abram out of his pale, shaky state, but the hunted look remains. Nicky stops by to drop off their stupid little outfits, and they tug them on. Eli doesn't bother with the eyeliner this time, and when the time comes he leads them out into the hall and knocks on the door.

"I thought you were joking about coming with us again," Aaron says when he swings the door open, raising his eyebrows at their clothes.

Eli gives him the sweetest smile he can muster.

"Would I do that?" he asks. Aaron rolls his eyes.

By the time Andrew gets back from talking to the Jostens, Kevin is deep into the vodka, hunched over in a beanbag chair and panicking about what Riko is going to do to them. Andrew doesn't believe in regret, but sometimes he considers making an exception for his deal with Kevin. Andrew really must be self destructive to do this to himself.

And now he's taken on another couple of flight risks on a stupid whim. Maybe they really will be helpful in getting Kevin to stick around, but the discomfiting truth is that Andrew hadn't been thinking about that when he told them to stay. He's not sure what that means, but it can't be good. He can't afford to be getting soft, not with Aaron still under his care too. Andrew's going to stretch himself too thin with these deals one day, but for now the spinning plates are still in the air. The inevitable crash will be a problem for Andrew’s future self to handle.

He calls Renee over after Kevin shares his suspicion that Riko will retaliate sooner than later. Renee takes that information as easily as ever, promises to watch the upperclassmen as always, and asks Andrew if he wants her to take Neil and Eli under her care as well. He declines and she smiles at him a little too knowingly.

Andrew half-expects the Jostens to disappear despite their deal, but true to their word they show up right on time to leave for Columbia. On the way out, their group runs into the upperclassmen in the hall, and Andrew watches as Allison checks Seth's pockets for drugs and comes up empty. Nicky warns the others against leaving campus, but of course they don't listen. Not Andrew's problem. Dan and Matt express their concerns about Andrew taking Neil and Eli back to Columbia, but Eli assures them that it's fine, and they back off reasonably quickly.

Even with Andrew's disregard of the speed limit, by the time they get to Eden's there's only an hour and a half before closing time—midnight on Saturdays, thanks to South Carolina’s blue laws. Roland looks surprised to see the Jostens again, and Andrew tells him to keep their drinks clean from now on. Roland passes Neil a sealed can of soda and pours some shots for the rest of them, and Andrew's group starts getting trashed as quickly as they can. Andrew breaks away after a hopefully nonsuspicious amount of time to take their empty cups back, itching for something that only Roland can offer him right now.

Roland looks pleased when Andrew jerks his head toward the back room, and follows him. Roland snaps the cuffs on behind his back while making some irritating comment about thinking he'd been replaced by the pair of twins. Andrew tells him to shut up, and gets on his knees.

Back at the table, Aaron has been drinking almost as quickly as Kevin, and taken several packets of dust as well. Nicky's wandered off somewhere so it's just the four of them left at the table, and Aaron watches the Josten twins with curiosity. He really hadn't been expecting them to come back. They must be at least a little fucked in the head if they haven't been scared off by Andrew yet. Aaron doesn't mind that; he's pretty fucked up too.

He notices how Eli has positioned himself on the outside of the table with Neil tucked next to him. It seems like Eli's always doing protective things like that. Aaron swallows down the bitter jealousy that it doesn't seem to come with the controlling price tag attached to Andrew’s protection. He doesn't realize how long he's been staring at them until Eli makes eye contact with him and gives him a smirk.

Aaron's ears go hot and he looks down at the table. He's not sure why he keeps seeming to embarrass himself around Eli. At least Eli isn't being a dick about it the way Andrew would.

Eli's smirk widens into a grin when Aaron looks away. Cute. He doesn't know where the fuck Andrew is and doesn't really care, but this is the first time he's seen Aaron without his brother hovering like a stormcloud. He's not about to waste the opportunity.

"Hey, Kevin," Eli says. Kevin lifts his head from where it had been resting on the table and squints at him. "Go over strategies for the next game with my brother."

The squint takes on a suspicious edge. Abram glances at him, equal parts confused and grateful, and immediately distracts Kevin with questions about their next opponents. Perfect.

He throws back another shot and asks, "Katelyn not up this late?"

At Aaron's sharp look he says, "You're not on your phone, and you're always staring at that thing. You really text people that much?"

Aaron frowns and shrugs. "I guess. What does it matter?"

With a jolt of paranoia he wonders if Eli's going to tell Andrew about Katelyn. Eli probably doesn't know about their deal, so if he did bring it up it would likely be an accident. Still, not good.

"It doesn't, I guess," Eli says. "I just can't imagine texting so much. Do you replace letters with numbers to make things shorter? Lots of smiley faces?"

He glances down at Aaron's frown and laughs.

"Guess not," he teases.

The way Eli teases Aaron makes him feel flustered, but not in a bad way, exactly. Maybe that's what it's supposed to feel like when you have a normal friend. One who isn't using you for drugs or whatever. Aaron hasn’t had many normal friends, even before Andrew chased everyone out of his life, so he wouldn't really know. Not that Eli's his friend, but maybe he's someone who could be, if Andrew allowed it.

"Nicky's the one who uses smiley faces," Aaron says, rolling his eyes. "Katelyn does, too. But yeah, it's a lot faster if you shorten the words and stuff. Do you not text at all?"

Eli smiles wryly.

"Who would I text?" he asks. "My brother's the only number in my phone, and we're together all the time."

He wants to wheedle some information about this Katelyn girl, but the two times he's asked Aaron tensed so much Eli's surprised he didn't pull something.

Aaron is a little surprised. Sure, Eli seems to have a weird, fucked up life considering the whole thing with his mom not letting him go to school, but he's so chatty it's hard to imagine him just not having friends.

"If you want someone to text, you should get Nicky's number,” Aaron suggests. “He never shuts up on the phone or in person, so you'll get plenty of practice.”

Okay, well Aaron's either oblivious or letting Eli down gently. From what he knows about Aaron, it seems unlikely to be the latter.

"Nah, it's fine," he says. "I don't think I could handle my phone going off every five minutes anyway. I'd probably throw it out the window."

Aaron nods. "Smart choice."

He picks up another shot and tosses it down. He's got a reasonably high tolerance despite how small he is, probably from all the years of taking stronger shit, but he's definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol right about now. It loosens his tongue enough to let him ask one of the questions he's been wondering about. "Why did you guys switch the other day at practice?"

Eli doesn't let his surprise show at the sudden subject change. He shrugs.

"Shrinks make my brother anxious. Makes him feel like they can see in his head," he says. "But I don't give a fuck. If anyone could see in my head they wouldn't know what to make of it anyway."

Aaron glances at Neil, deep in the throes of Exy discussion with a drunk Kevin. Neil doesn't seem to notice he's being talked about.

"I hate shrinks too," Aaron admits. He smirks a little, looking up at Eli. "I haven't said a single word to Dobson in any of our appointments. I just sit there in silence."

A grin splits Eli's face.

"No shit?" he laughs. "That's hilarious. Wish I thought of that. I just made shit up about Exy to see if she'd pick up on it. I think she was figuring me out near the end."

"That's not a bad idea either," Aaron says, a little impressed. Eli seems cool, Aaron thinks. He's talkative and friendly like Nicky, but tough like Andrew.

Aaron chews on his lip, thinking. "Hey, can I ask you something else?" He waits for Eli's nod to go ahead. "Why did you come to Palmetto? Coach said you don't have a scholarship, so what's the point of moving here just to practice with us?"

Eli idly traces a finger around the rim of a shot glass while he thinks of how to explain.

"I wanted to stick with my brother," he says eventually. "He gets himself in trouble. I mean, you were there today, you saw. I'm supposed to keep him out of trouble."

He frowns at this, still pissed at himself for letting something stupid like sickness get in the way of protecting Abram.

Yeah, after today it does seem pretty apparent that Neil likes to get himself in some deep shit. Still.

Eli is frowning, and Aaron feels kind of bad for bringing it up, but it's too late now, so he pushes on. "You're giving up your whole future to watch him, though. I mean, you never even went to school, right? Are you just planning to be his bodyguard forever?"

Eli blinks himself out of his thoughts and forces a smile onto his face.

"Pretty much, yeah," he says. "He's all I've got, so until he tells me to fuck off or I die, I'll be here."

Eli smiles, but his words hit Aaron like a kick in the gut. Aaron thinks of himself at thirteen, learning he had a twin, writing a letter to Andrew, so hopeful and excited only to be told to fuck off. Even now, Andrew clearly wants nothing to do with Aaron outside of being able to control him through their deal. Jealousy and hurt constrict Aaron's throat, making him feel sick. Or maybe that's just the alcohol.

"He's lucky to have you, then," is all Aaron says. He takes another shot, then immediately regrets it as the room begins to spin. He grits his teeth against the sudden queasiness. "Fuck."

Eli doesn't know if Abram is lucky to have him; he's pretty sure it's the other way around. But before he can follow that thought, Aaron clenches his jaw and goes pale, and Eli leans forward.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asks.

Aaron nods. He’s had much worse. He breathes shallowly through his nose to fight the nausea. Ugh, why does he always do this shit to himself? He leans back and stares up at the ceiling, watching it spin.

Eli watches Aaron, concern mounting. And isn't that surprising? Eli doesn't usually worry about anyone but Abram.

He stands and says, "Neil, I'm going to get some water. Do not leave this table."

Abram looks up at him and nods, then turns back to his conversation with Kevin. Eli gives Aaron's shoulder a quick squeeze on his way by, then disappears into the crowd. He calls down a bartender and gets half a dozen bottles of water—one for Andrew, too, because Eli's feeling magnanimous after being given a chance to chat up Aaron.

He comes back, plopping himself next to Aaron instead of where he was sitting before, arm slung around the seat behind him, and shoves a bottle in his hand.

"Drink," he says, then tosses a bottle to Abram and Kevin as well.

Aaron's oddly aware of his shoulder tingling in the spot where Eli touched it. It's strange; as a backliner he's always bashing into people on the court, so he should be used to random people touching him. But those touches are all violent, he supposes. Nicky's the only one who hugs him, and even that's pretty rare. Aaron sometimes wonders if Nicky mixes up him and Andrew that way, thinking Aaron will stab him if Nicky gets too close, too. Even Katelyn’s only ever hugged him once. It was right after they'd gotten done with a particularly difficult test, and Aaron went so tense that she let go immediately and hasn’t tried it again since. He doesn’t know how to tell her that he didn’t dislike it, he just didn’t know how to react.

He decides to stop thinking and just focus on not getting sick for a while.

He's not sure how much time passes before Eli comes back. It feels like only a few seconds but it might have been half an hour. Aaron forgot why he even left in the first place, so he's confused to see a water bottle appear in his hand. He looks at Eli, who is apparently sitting next to him now. Aaron's not sure what kind of face he's making back at Eli, but he tries to stop making it. He doesn't think he's successful based on the way Eli's watching him with a mix of concern and amusement.

Aaron looks down at his hands. Oh, right, water. He uncaps it and drinks it down. Fuck, that's good.

It takes Aaron a concerningly long time to drink his water, but when he does he nearly chugs it and Eli laughs.

"Good job," he says, knocking their knees together companionably before opening his own bottle and drinking. Their shoulders brush when Eli returns his arm back to its position dangling over the back of the seat and he smiles at Aaron.

Aaron smiles back at him, his inhibitions fully gone at this point. "Good job to you too," he says.

He's not sure what they're really talking about, but it seems like the polite thing to say in response. Aaron doesn't usually care about being polite, but he thinks he wants Eli to like him. He doesn't want to fuck that up yet.

The sound Eli lets out could probably be classified as a giggle, but he would deny it 'til his dying breath. Aaron is too cute, though, glassy-eyed and drunk, lips tilted up. And Eli might be a little drunk, too. Just a little.

"Hey, that's the first time I've seen you smile," he says, eyes crinkling at the corner as he grins. "It's nice."

Eli's laugh makes everything seem really funny. Aaron smiles more when he hears it, and then Eli says his smile is nice, and Aaron feels really, really weird. Weirder than just being drunk and cracker high. His heart pounds and he quickly looks back down at the table and tries to school his face into looking normal.

Eli makes a questioning sound but then all of a sudden Andrew is there, looming over them, and Aaron's stomach sinks. He hates how just Andrew's presence can make him feel so shitty sometimes, especially when his face is all stormy and glaring like that. Aaron isn't even sure what Andrew is pissed about this time. He’s always pissed about something.

"Time to go," Andrew says in a warning tone, acid in his voice.

"It's not even midnight yet," Kevin complains.

"It's five minutes til," Neil points out.

Eli is pretty sure he's making some progress here, but then Andrew stomps up and Aaron shuts down. Eli scowls, wishing he'd fuck back off to wherever he was before he ruined Aaron's good mood.

"Here, dickhead," Eli says, throwing Andrew a bottle of water a little harder than necessary. Unfortunately, Andrew catches it. "Don't you have a cousin to wrangle before we can go?"

Like he was summoned, Nicky stumbles up to the table, all smiles, and takes another shot. He seems surprised when Eli passes him his water, but eagerly drinks it.

"Well, I guess we're going," Eli sighs.

They stumble to the car. Eli sits on Nicky's lap, his legs thrown across Aaron and his feet in Abram's lap. He grins when Aaron doesn't protest this time, and digs out his phone. He opens up a new contact and types in Aaron's name, then uses the phone to nudge Aaron's arm. He holds it out and gives him an expectant look.

The weight of Eli's legs on Aaron's lap isn't as startling as last time, and Aaron finds he doesn't really even mind it. Eli holds out his phone to him and Aaron blinks for a few seconds before he realizes what Eli wants. He takes the phone and puts in his number, squinting and having to retype it twice with clumsy fingers, then hands it back to Eli.

Eli grins and texts him something, and Aaron feels his phone buzz. As he goes to fumble for it in his pocket, it starts ringing and Aaron looks at it in confusion. He flips it open to see who it is, then makes a face and answers. "Do you know what time it is?"

Wymack's voice is rougher than usual when he responds. "Yeah, listen. I don't know how to break this to you so I'll just say it: Seth overdosed. He... he's dead. I just got the call from the police."

"What?" Aaron says. His fingers feel cold and numb. "Wait, what? You're lying. I don't believe you!"

He shoves the phone at Andrew.

Eli beams when Aaron passes his phone back and quickly opens his contact information and drunkenly presses away at the buttons until he manages to successfully make a smiley face and texts it to him. It might just be the lingering dust in his system but he feels nearly giddy as he hears the vibration from Aaron's phone.

But when he goes to grab it, the phone starts ringing, and whoever it is must say something Aaron really doesn't like, because he protests and leans forward over Eli's legs, shoving the phone to Andrew.

Andrew grabs it and holds it to his ear. Eli moves his leg, nudging Aaron's stomach with his knee and raising his eyebrow, but Aaron won't look at him. When Eli glances at Abram, his brother only shrugs.

Andrew takes the phone and keeps driving. "What do you want?"

Wymack takes a deep breath, the sound crackling over the phone. "Seth overdosed."

"Overdosed like how?"

"Like someone found him face down in the bathroom, drowned in his own puke, that's how." Wymack says roughly.

"Again?" Nicky says from the backseat. "That stupid bastard."

"Never again," Andrew tells him. "He's dead."

"No. What?" Nicky risks life and limb by grabbing Andrew's shoulder and shaking him.

"Your lot needs to come home tonight," Wymack says. He sounds as tired as Andrew's ever heard him.

"Not a good idea," Andrew says, pushing Nicky off. "I'll call you when we're back in town."

Wymack sighs. "Fine, just... be careful. Don't let anything happen to those idiots."

Andrew hangs up. He fills the group in on the details and Nicky is now fully freaking out. Andrew doesn't understand how Nicky can give this much of a shit about the death of a man who calls him slurs on a daily basis, but that's Nicky for you.

Eli looks at Abram, who doesn't seem to be moved by the information, but does seem to be curious about the others' reactions to it. Eli looks at Aaron, who has a scowl on his face, and then Nicky, who looks devastated, nearly trembling beneath Eli.

Belatedly, he takes stock of himself. Seth was an asshole, but he was funny sometimes. He guesses that it sucks that he's dead, but also this means that Neil will be moved up to a starting position, so Abram will be pretty happy.

Eli looks back at Nicky and hesitantly pats him on the arm. Nicky looks at him with teary eyes. Eli pats him again and Nicky gives a reluctant, trembly laugh, which Eli takes as a victory. With that success under his belt, he reaches over and pats Aaron, too.

Andrew watches warily as Eli pats Aaron on the shoulder. It's looking like Andrew might need to teach Eli that just because he's agreed to protect Abram, doesn't mean he won't still cut Eli's hands off his body if he gets too handsy with Aaron.

Aaron, again, doesn't seem to be bothered by it. This does not set Andrew's mind at ease in the slightest.

He pulls into the driveway and gets out of the car. No one else moves.

"What about the line-up?" Kevin asks, because he might just be an even bigger asshole than Andrew.

"Kevin, the man is dead," Nicky says, pained. "Like, permanently."

"It's not a major loss," says Kevin.

Well, looks like Kevin won't be needing any shoulder pats. Eli gets out of the car and reaches in, dragging Nicky out, too. Abram gets out on his side. Nicky still looks upset, so Eli pats him again a few times. Nicky gives him a fond look and shakes his head. Abram blinks at him, confused, not sure what he's trying to do. Eli goes and bumps their shoulders together.

"C'mon," Eli says. "Let's go inside. You guys need more water and then we need to sleep."

He starts ushering them towards the house.

Nicky looks at least slightly comforted by whatever Eli is trying to do. Neil on the other hand seems completely unaffected by all of this, only giving Eli a bemused look. Andrew heads up to unlock the front door and lights up a cigarette while he waits for Eli to herd them all inside. When Neil comes up the porch, Andrew points his cigarette in his face.

"That's interesting," he tells Neil. "That apathy doesn't bode well for your sanity."

“I don’t understand suicide,” Abram says. “Staying alive has always been so important I can’t imagine actively trying to die.”

Eli sighs. He really doesn't give a shit about Seth or this conversation. He just wants everyone inside.

"Can you two hurry it up?" he demands. Abram glances at him, then jerks his head towards the house. Eli gives Andrew a severe look.

"Your throat, with your own knife," he reminds him. Andrew looks unimpressed and Eli heads inside. Nicky has disappeared, probably to his own room, and Kevin is already splayed out on the couch, a bottle of alcohol clutched in one hand. Eli manages to catch Aaron before he heads down the hallway.

"Hey, come drink some more water," he says, grabbing his wrist and tugging him to the kitchen. "Dust and dehydration, remember?"

He fills them both a glass from the sink and they drink it in silence, Aaron glancing at him every so often. When they're finished, they deposit their glasses in the sink and Aaron heads to his room.

Andrew leaves his family to sort themselves out and takes up a post at the front door. He already knows he won't be able to sleep tonight, and it's better if someone keeps watch. He sits in the dark hallway as the rest of the group settles in for the night.

At some point Kevin begins snoring from the couch, loud enough that Andrew can hear him all the way down the hall. Andrew decides to steal his liquor bottle as punishment. Something to keep himself entertained for a while. As he's retreating with his prize, leaving Kevin none the wiser, he feels eyes on him in the dark. He looks over sharply and sees Eli sitting awake in the corner beside a sleeping Neil. Andrew lifts up the bottle, a silent invitation.

Eli urges Abram to lay down and sleep, though he stays sitting, lower back warm where it's pressed against Abram's. It doesn't take his brother long to fall asleep. Eli intends to stay there for the night, but Andrew comes and snatches the alcohol out of Kevin's sleeping hand, and raises it in offer to him.

Eli considers, glancing back at Abram's sleeping form, before he carefully stands and follows Andrew to the darkness of the entryway, where their voices won't wake his brother.

Andrew sits on the floor with his back against the front door and Eli sits across from him. Andrew unscrews the bottle and takes a long swig, then passes it over to Eli.

Eli takes a long drink, the burn of the alcohol dulled by his still-tipsy state, and he vaguely wonders what happened to his water bottle. He passes the bottle back to Andrew, settling in for a long night. If Andrew keeps his stupid mouth shut, it may even be companionable.

Andrew sits in silence for a few minutes, letting the alcohol loosen his tight shoulders a bit. Not so much that he can't defend his family if needed, but enough that the boredom is tolerable.

"Seth didn't kill himself," he eventually offers up by way of conversation.

Eli hums thoughtfully.

"You think it was an accident?" he asks.

Andrew shakes his head. "Kevin said Riko would retaliate soon. Seth didn't leave with drugs tonight, I saw Allison check his pockets. He only uses when they're on the outs. The timing is too convenient."

Eli stills, his heart rate spiking.

"We should leave," he says after a long moment. "If Riko is willing to murder the Foxes, what would stop him from going after Neil?"

Not that Eli would ever let anything happen to Abram, but he'd rather avoid a confrontation if possible. Eli doesn't have a good track record of getting out of things unharmed.

Most things about Eli are beyond irritating, but Andrew grudgingly has to respect his single-minded dedication to protecting his brother.

"He won't," Andrew says. "One death is a believable tragedy. Two brings us below the bare minimum number of requisite players to compete. Coach Moriyama wants Kevin and Riko to face-off on court, so Riko can't risk disqualifying us."

Eli frowns and leans forward to grab the bottle from Andrew. He takes another long drink and passes it back.

"How sure are you of that?" he asks.

"I can't give you proof, but I know I'm right," Andrew says. "I knew what I was agreeing to when I took Kevin's side. I knew what it could cost us and how far I'd have to go. Understand? You aren't going anywhere. You're staying here."

Eli glares at the wall, then glances Abram's way and heaves a sigh.

"I'm a fucking idiot for trusting you," he grumbles, mostly to himself. But Abram will be happy, sticking around and playing Exy, and having another body between his brother and danger can only be a good thing. They'd lost their mother, after all.

"You're a fucking idiot, period," Andrew says.

Eli shoots him an unimpressed look for that and Andrew raises his chin. "It's just funny how you've been flirting with Aaron, considering you're so worried about your safety. Do you not realize I would stab you for touching him?"

Eli rolls his eyes.

"They were upset," he defends himself. "I was being comforting. You should try it sometime, but you won't 'cause you're an asshole."

Andrew scoffs. "Yeah, and I'm sure you'd like to comfort him right into bed, wouldn't you. He's not interested."

Eli grins in a way that's more a baring of teeth.

"Okay, hypocrite," he snaps. "Like I don't know you want to fuck my brother."

Andrew clenches his teeth. He doesn't deny it, because that would be a blatant lie, but he refuses to admit to it either.

"Just stay away from him," Andrew spits out.

"Fuck you," Eli says. "Just 'cause you agreed to protect Abram doesn't mean you get to tell me what to do."

He laughs quietly.

"He's not gonna fuck you," he says. "Abram's not interested in sex. Never even had a crush. Don't know if mom beat it out of him or if it's just how he is, but either way you keep your little stab-happy hands to yourself."

Beat it out of him? Oh, Tilda, why are there so many mothers like you?

Andrew's face sours even more. "You think I can't tell that? Obviously he's not fucking interested, and I don't go after someone if it's a no."

Eli's surprised, and he knows it shows on his face.

"Oh," he says, righteous anger fully doused. "Well. Good."

There's a moment of awkward silence. Then, feeling oddly guilty, he adds, "I don't either, you know. If Aaron tells me to fuck off, I'll fuck off."

Andrew glares at Eli. He does seem genuine about it, but Andrew knows better than to trust someone's word. Better to let their actions tell the truth.

"I'm overjoyed to hear it," Andrew says. "Do you want a prize for not being a pushy piece of shit? You'll have to look elsewhere for that, I'm afraid."

"Too busy coveting the prize for yourself to share?" Eli asks, raising an eyebrow. God, what a dick. Eli doesn't know how Abram can stand to have a conversation with this asshole.

Andrew’s mouth twitches and he tries to cover it up with a swig of liquor. Fuck, Eli can really give as good as he gets. It's a shame he's such a smug prick, otherwise Andrew might almost tolerate him.

"Fuck you," Andrew says, but it's not particularly heated.

Eli smirks, a feeling of victory settling over him.

"Yeah, yeah," he says, reaching over and tugging the bottle from Andrew's hand. "Stop hogging the alcohol, dick."

He takes another drink, and a silhouette approaches. Eli looks up, seeing Abram's shadowed face squinting at them in confusion.

"What's going on?" Abram asks, his voice scratchy from sleep. His hair is mussed and he kind of looks like a disgruntled kitten. Eli's lips twitch but he manages not to smile, not wanting to scare his brother in his sleepy state.

"Nothing, Abram. Just talking," he says, voice soft. "What's up?"

His brother shrugs, crossing his arms, and Eli realizes the problem. Abram woke up and he wasn't there. The lack of warmth at his back is probably what woke him up in the first place.

Eli unfolds himself, standing up, and hands the bottle off to Andrew.

"C'mon," he says, grabbing Abram by the elbow and beginning to lead him away. "Let's get you back to sleep."

They move towards their little nest on the floor. Abram glances back at Andrew curiously. Eli doesn't.

Chapter 4 Summary:

Andrew gets a phone call. Neil joins a study group. Eli fixes the line-up.

Notes:

Content Warnings

- references to drug addiction
- internalized homophobia
- medical discussion of scars
- self-harm (andrew punching a wall)

Chapter Text

Aaron wakes up the next morning with a hangover the likes of which he hasn't had in... oh, at least a few weeks. Worse than the pounding headache and slithering sickness in his guts, however, are the flashes of memory from the end of his conversation with Eli that make Aaron want to punch himself repeatedly in the face. He doesn't even know why he feels so embarrassed about it. He's certainly made a much bigger idiot of himself plenty of times before, but he can't stop thinking about the way he'd just been staring and smiling at Eli and—ugh, fuck, it just makes him cringe. He needs to stop thinking about this shit.

Luckily (or not) the news of Seth's death occupies a large amount of Aaron's mental space over the next few days. The thing about addiction is that it doesn't just go away when you kick the habit. It's always there, waiting for your brain to remember that oh yeah, getting high feels really fucking good and maybe we should do that again. He spends most of Sunday drinking and dusting his way through his personal stash, the one Andrew had demanded he keep for moments like this. He doesn't tell Andrew about it but he thinks his brother suspects anyway, because he can feel Andrew’s eyes on him every time he leaves the room.

Beyond Aaron’s personal struggles, things with the team aren't much better. Kevin won't shut up about the line-up, Andrew gets into a minor brawl with Matt, and Nicky has been an understandably pathetic mess about the whole thing. Eli and Neil have been off doing their own thing, so Aaron's just been stuck with his dysfunctional family for days. It's almost a relief to finally get back to the court on Wednesday, even with Seth’s death hanging over them all.

Andrew drops the rest of them off at the court and drives off to Reddin Medical Center to go see the shrink, which for some reason he does on a regular basis instead of just their twice-yearly mandated appointments. Aaron doesn’t understand what Andrew could possibly get out of talking to that woman, but maybe he’d be even crazier without her, so Aaron won't question it too hard.

When their group gets into the lounge, Aaron realizes they're going to have to shift the seating arrangements around to fit Neil and Eli. He and Kevin drag three chairs over to bracket their usual couch, two on one side and one on the other. Nicky looks at Seth’s old empty chair with a broken expression and quietly disappears into the bathroom.

When Eli and Abram arrive in the lounge, Aaron and Kevin are doing some redecorating. They glance at each other, then turn back to watch, bemused.

"Did you two suddenly discover feng shui or what?" Eli finally asks when they appear to be done.

Aaron's game plan is to ignore Eli as best he can, at least until he figures out how to behave less like a weird loser around him. He keeps his head down but he can't help smiling to himself a little at Eli's joke.

"We needed a new way to make us fit," Kevin says. "Unless you wanted to stare at an empty chair all season."

Eli grins at Aaron, but Aaron avoids his gaze. Huh. Eli thought they were cool. What happened?

"And the new way just so happens to add two extra chairs to your side of the room?" Eli cocks an eyebrow at Kevin. "Cute."

With a shrug, Eli saunters over and plops himself down on the couch.

"Andrew likes to keep all his things in one place," Kevin says haughtily, like this is an obvious statement.

Aaron rolls his eyes and takes the chair on the very end for himself, glad for the chance to no longer be smushed onto a couch with three other people. Kevin sits in the chair on the other side of the couch, leaving the one next to Aaron open for Nicky.

Abram sits next to Eli, leaving a chair and a couch seat open, and Eli doesn't have high hopes for Andrew taking the chair.

He pulls a smile onto his face.

"Call me a thing again," he dares. Kevin stares down his nose at him like he's trash, but he doesn't open his mouth. At least there's some sort of intelligence bouncing around in that vacant head of his.

Wymack's voice travels down the hall from his office. It sounds like he's arguing with someone about their team size. Whoever it is seems to not be easily convinced because he's still on the phone by the time Dan, Matt and Renee walk in. The three of them halt in their step and Dan's eyes zero in on the new seating arrangement.

"What is this?" she demands of Kevin, pointing at the Jostens.

"You knew what it meant when we took them Saturday night," Aaron says. He's not sure why Dan has to make such a fuss about everything their group does. She's a decent enough team captain when it comes to strategizing for games but he wishes she would stay out of their business off the court.

Wymack loudly hangs up the phone and stomps down the hall into the lounge. He, too, pauses to take in the new layout. "Last I checked Andrew didn't like you two," he says, eyeing Eli and Neil.

Eli didn't know what it meant when they took them Saturday night. If he had... well, he probably wouldn't have changed anything.

When Wymack stomps out, Eli grins at him.

"Still doesn't," he assures. Wymack eyes them for a moment before apparently deciding to give it up.

Nicky finally returns from the bathroom and stops in his tracks when he sees the upperclassmen. “Hey,” he says, subdued. “Holding up?”

“Somehow or other,” Dan says, her face stony.

Nicky says nothing for a bit, then, “How is Allison?"

“Do you care?" Matt asks. Nicky flinches and Aaron scowls.

"Matt," Renee says quietly. To Nicky, she says, "She's having a hard time right now, as expected, but we make sure she's never alone. She still won't speak to Betsy, but I think she'll open up soon."

"Yeah," Nicky agrees, barely a whisper.

Wymack waits until he’s sure they’re done, then gives them some approximation of a motivational speech about Seth's death. Aaron thinks it could have been workshopped a bit better, but at least Wymack isn't bullshitting them. The man can always be counted on for that much at least. At the end of his speech, Wymack threatens them with the usual marathon if they’re not on the court in five, and they break apart to get changed out.

Aaron's eyes keep drifting over to Eli while he's changing. He's a bit morbidly fascinated by Eli's scars. Just from a medical point of view, they're ridiculously extensive, and Aaron is curious what caused them all. Too late he remembers he's supposed to be ignoring him. Eli catches his eye and Aaron quickly looks away, his heart pounding.

Eli only half listens to Wymack's speech, bored out of his mind. Eventually, they're freed to go change out. Abram disappears to the showers, but Eli strips down in the open as usual.

As he's pulling on his jersey he notices Aaron staring at him. Well, staring at his scars, anyway. Eli would probably be insecure about the searching gaze, if he had ever had time to worry about that sort of thing. He catches Aaron's eye, but Aaron immediately looks away. Eli checks and—yep, there are those blushing ears.

He's not interested, Andrew had said. Hah. Shows what he knows.

With renewed swagger, Eli makes sure to lean into Aaron as he passes, bumping their shoulders. When Aaron looks up at him, startled, Eli smiles and continues on his way.

Aaron feels Eli bump into him and for a heart-stopping second he wonders if Eli's had enough of his staring and has come over to—Aaron’s not sure what. Kick his ass? Yell at him? But Eli just smiles at him and walks away.

Aaron flushes deeper. He glances surreptitiously around the room to see if anyone else noticed whatever that was, but no one is looking his way. He finishes getting his gear on and goes out into the lobby, trying to shake off the nervous, unbalanced feeling in his body. It's probably just everything with Seth that's throwing him off right now.

After the team goes through warm-ups and stretches, Andrew shows up and goes to change. Wymack's office phone rings again and he steps away to answer it in obvious irritation. A few moments later, Wymack comes back and kicks open the door to the men's locker room. "Andrew Joseph Minyard, what the flying fuck have you done this time?"

After a few seconds, Andrew appears, looking unconcerned. "Coach, you called?"

"The police are on the phone for you," Wymack says, holding his hand over the mouthpiece of the receiver. "You'd better come clean with me before I get the unabridged version from them."

"It wasn't me. Ask my doppelganger?"

Aaron shoots Andrew a dirty look, mid-stretch, but Andrew doesn't bother to look back at him.

Wymack scowls and brings the phone back up to his ear. "What seems to be the problem, Officer... Higgins, you said?"

Aaron stops stretching and straightens up, suddenly on alert.

"Oh," Andrew says. He looks as startled as Aaron feels, which is unnerving. "No, Coach."

Wymack shushes him but Andrew grabs the phone from him. Wymack holds onto Andrew's jersey, clearly thinking he's about to run off, but Andrew stands stock still, staring at the phone like he doesn't know what to do with it.

"Don't make him wait all day," Wymack says after a moment.

Andrew turns to look at Aaron and they lock gazes. For a brief moment, Aaron can see confusion and something darker behind Andrew's eyes, but it's gone in an instant, and Andrew shrugs and answers the phone.

"Pig Higgins, is that you?" Andrew says. "Oh, it is. Yes, I'm surprised. Did you forget I don't like surprises? What? No, don't stall. You wouldn't hunt me down after all this time just to chat, so what do you want?"

Andrew goes quiet for a few seconds, listening, then says, "No," and hangs up.

The phone starts ringing again. All the Foxes and Wymack are staring at Andrew openly now, including Aaron.

Andrew yanks away from Wymack roughly, and steps away to lean against the wall. He answers the phone again. "What? No, I didn't hang up on you. I wouldn't do that. I—no. Shut up."

He hangs up again, but Higgins calls a third time.

Andrew waits five rings to pick it up, sighing loudly. "Talk to me."

Higgins goes on for several minutes and Aaron watches with growing concern as the tension mounts in Andrew's frame, his foot tapping the floor and his grip growing tighter around the phone. Andrew meets Aaron's gaze for a second, then stares up at the ceiling.

"Go back," Andrew finally says. "Who complained? Oh, Pig, don't give me the runaround. I know where you work, you see. I know who you work with. That means there's a child in her house. She isn't supposed—what? No. Don't ask me that. I said don't. Leave me alone. Hey," Andrew says, a little louder like he's trying to drown Higgins out. "Call me again and I'll kill you."

He hangs up, and this time the phone stays silent.

Eli's ears perk up and he and Abram share a curious glance. A cop asking for Andrew? Eli typically wouldn't care, but he needs Andrew to not be in jail to complete his deal. And after all the obnoxious nosing around in their identity Andrew did, it's only fair to listen in.

It's pretty funny, watching Andrew grow more and more agitated as he continuously hangs up on the cop. A quick glance around at the team's faces shows he's the only one who thinks so, so he keeps himself from smiling as best he can.

"So are you being arrested or not?" Eli asks when the silence lingers.

Andrew's expression is flat and blank, but Aaron is close enough to see his fingers shaking almost imperceptibly. Andrew doesn't get freaked out like normal people do, except that clearly he does, Aaron is realizing. It must be something pretty fucking bad to upset him like this.

"Not," Andrew says to Eli, after the silence has stretched long enough to be awkward.

"What have you done now?" Wymack asks.

Andrew blinks. "What makes you think this is my fault?"

"I hope that's a rhetorical question," Wymack says. "Why is the Oakland PD calling you?"

Nicky tries to catch Aaron's eye from across the room but Aaron doesn’t look at him. He hasn't thought about Higgins in ages. Aaron wonders if Andrew has been keeping in touch with him all this time. But why would he bother?

"The pig and I go way back," Andrew tells Wymack. "He just wanted to catch up."

"You lie to my face one more time and we're going to have a problem.”

"It was mostly the truth." Andrew tosses the phone across the room. It hits the ground so hard the back pops off. The handset slides in one direction and the battery goes the other. "He worked with the Oakland PAL program. Thought he could save at-risk kids by teaching them sports after school. Kind of like you, yes? Idealistic to the core."

"You left Oakland three years ago."

"Yes, yes, I'm so flattered he remembers me, or something." Andrew waves a hand and starts for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Wymack puts an arm into his path. "Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving." Andrew points past Wymack in the direction of the exit. "Didn't I say I'll see you tomorrow? Maybe I mumbled."

"We've got practice," Dan says. "We have a game on Friday."

"You have Joan of Exy over there. Make do without me." Andrew’s voice is bland, but his posture is tense, muscles coiled tightly and ready to snap.

"Cut the shit, Andrew," Wymack insists. "What is really going on here?"

Andrew puts a hand to his forehead dramatically. "I think I'm coming down with something. Cough, cough. Best I leave before I infect your team. There's so few of them left. You can't stand to lose anyone else."

"Knock it off," Kevin says, irritated. "You can't leave."

Andrew gives Kevin a dangerous look. The look that Aaron remembers from right before Andrew shut him in a bathroom with a pile of towels and a week's worth of food and water. The kind of look that makes Aaron give up, because at that point no one can change Andrew's mind, not even with the threat of death. "I can't, Kevin?” Andrew says calmly. “I'll show you what I can't do. Try and put me on your court today and I'll take myself off it permanently. Fuck your practice, your line-up, and your stupid fucking game."

Kevin idiotically tries to protest again, and Andrew smashes his fist into the wall, blood spilling from his split knuckles. Kevin makes a noise of distress and Andrew rears back to do it again.

"Stop," Abram says suddenly. Heads snap to stare at him but his gaze is locked on Andrew's bleeding hand, and his lips are tugging downward. Probably thinking about how fucked the team will be if Andrew can't play, Eli thinks fondly. "Just go. No one's going to stop you."

Kevin opens his mouth to protest, but Eli's faster.

"Shut up, Kevin," he groans. "One missed practice isn't going to impact shit. Shouldn't you be celebrating that he's not getting arrested or something? Christ."

Kevin falters but Wymack looks like he's still going to try and stop Andrew.

"Coach, let him go," Aaron says, staring at his feet. "Please." In the corner of his eye Andrew goes impossibly more tense.

Wymack sighs. "You and I are going to have a very long talk about this later."

"Sure, Coach," Andrew says brightly. Then he's gone, the door slamming shut behind him.

"Answers now, Aaron," Wymack demands. But Aaron doesn't have answers. Wymack clearly doesn't believe him, but all Aaron can do is insist Andrew was telling the truth about the pig being his mentor or whatever, and that Aaron has no idea why he'd be calling.

"He obviously left an impression if you still remember him," Wymack says suspiciously.

"Oh," Nicky says. "Is he—?"

"Yeah," Aaron says, still looking at the floor. "He's the one who told me I had a brother."

Eli looks at Aaron. Andrew had said something about foster care, but Eli hadn't realized they hadn't known about each other. He knows that he and Abram hadn't had the most conventional upbringing, but he doubts that he'd have made it this far without his brother at his side. To be separated like that is terrible. To not even know that there was a gaping void where his brother should be? Horrific.

Aaron keeps his eyes firmly on the floor and Eli is struck by the urge to wrap him in the kind of squeezing hug that calms Abram down from his panic attacks. But he doesn't think that would go over well, and he's too far away to try for the patting technique that had worked in Columbia. So he opts for another way he soothes Abram; keeping the attention on himself.

"As interesting as this tragic backstory is, I'm getting bored," Eli says loudly. Disbelieving eyes turn to him. "Shouldn't we get back to playing Exy before His Majesty Kevin Day drops dead from withdrawals?"

Abram looks at him, knowing what he's doing but confused about why. Eli doesn't offer an explanation.

Matt protests, "Dude," at Eli’s tactless comment, but Aaron is just grateful for the distraction.

It works like a charm. Kevin is already in a pissy mood after Andrew leaving, and he tears into Eli and the rest of them with his usual brand of discouraging, guilt-tripping criticism. Aaron itches to leave as well, but it would only draw more unwanted attention onto himself. He decides to just stick it out and follows them onto the court, doing his best to play along while also avoiding everyone's eyes.

For the rest of practice, Eli keeps his attention split between Abram and Aaron. Abram seems a bit distracted, but he runs the drills and does what he's supposed to. Aaron looks like he wants nothing more than to disappear, so if Eli thinks anyone's starting to pay him any more attention than they should, he either launches a ball at their helmet to draw their ire or needles Kevin into one of his shouting tirades.

It works fairly well, even though practice ends with most of the team annoyed with him, and even though he doubts Aaron noticed, he feels satisfied.

After practice is finally over, Nicky tries to check on Aaron in the locker room but Aaron shuts him down, telling him he's fine. Andrew left Nicky the car keys, apparently more willing to let him drive his car today than have to ride back in it with all of them. They give Neil and Eli a ride back to Fox Tower too and on the way in from the parking lot they come across Andrew, sitting on the curb in front of their building.

"You shouldn't be outside if you're sick," Kevin says, obviously still pissed.

Andrew blinks at him. "Don't cry, Kevin. It's nothing a nap and some vitamin C can't cure." Whatever was spilling through his cracks earlier has been fully reined in, walls now all the way back up. Aaron feels relieved and annoyed at the same time. He wishes he could feel nothing, the way Andrew seems to be able to.

The upperclassmen pull into the lot and Andrew greets Renee, leading her off to go punch each other or whatever weird shit Andrew must think constitutes flirting. Aaron watches them leave and then heads off to the library himself without looking back. Katelyn should be showing up soon. Aaron just can't fucking stay here right now. If he goes into the dorm he's going to drink himself into oblivion and his grades can't handle him going on a bender this many times in one week. Not to mention his stash is getting tragically low. Better to throw himself into studying, the one other tried and true method for wearing out his brain.

The team, plus Eli and minus Aaron, Andrew, and Renee, gather in the dorm with booze as Nicky tells the story of twin brothers separated at birth, and the coincidence that made them aware of each other.

Eli's chest aches, thinking of growing up without Abram. He presses even closer to his brother and feels an equal pressure back. Like they're trying to meld together, so no one could ever pry them apart. When Nicky sees them his face gets sad, but he continues on.

He cannot fathom Andrew's reasoning for rejecting Aaron once he'd reached out. Maybe it was just because he's an asshole, or maybe because he didn't consider Aaron one of 'his things'—to use Kevin's words—at the time. Whatever the reason, it must have cut Aaron deep. Then Andrew got sent to juvie, and when he got out he went to live with Aaron.

And of course after that he'd killed their mother.

It's certainly an interesting story. It doesn't change anything, and it doesn't explain why the cop is trying to contact Andrew now, but Eli feels on firmer ground knowing more about the Minyards, considering how much they know about them.

Nicky and Kevin stay for dinner, and afterwards Dan and Matt fairly beg them to try uniting the team. Abram gives a reluctant agreement to try. Eli asks if succeeding means he can be their third. They both laugh and Matt flusters, just a bit, which is good enough for him.

After that is homework, and Neil drops a class, which is nice. And then good little Christian girl Renee comes in beat to shit, and they learn that she regularly spars with Andrew.

Interesting.

*****

Aaron spends nearly all day with Katelyn in the library, only coming home after the building closes for the night. The next day after practice he meets her there again. Nicky gives Aaron a conspiratory look as he's leaving, like he knows exactly what Aaron is up to. Aaron ignores him, because Nicky doesn't know shit.

The whole team seems to think Katelyn is Aaron's secret girlfriend, or that he wishes she was, but it's more complicated than that. When he first met her, he thought that was what he wanted just because he'd never had a friend who was a girl before. But with the rules of his and Andrew's deal, Aaron couldn't ask her out. They ended up studying together all the time as an excuse to hang out, and over time Aaron started to realize that while he still thinks she’s cute and pretty, he likes their friendship for what it is.

Of course, Andrew doesn't allow Aaron to have friends, either, so that doesn't change much. Aaron still can't bring her around the dorm and he has to sneak around and hide when he's hanging out with her. It's a problem he's decided to delegate to Future Aaron, because Current Aaron already has enough on his plate.

He meets Katelyn in their usual spot, tucked away on the third floor of the library in a research alcove. She's got her books spread out already and gives him a sympathetic smile when he drops down heavily in the seat across from her with a sigh.

"Practice was that bad, huh?" she says, her voice lowered to a hushed whisper.

Aaron grimaces and shrugs. "It's actually been better than usual, not having Seth. But everyone can tell it's better, which makes it awkward as hell. I don't know how Friday's going to go."

He flips open his textbook and starts highlighting parts of the chapter to make flashcards about later. "Andrew's not making it any easier on anyone," Aaron adds. "All he does is stand in goal and antagonize Kevin and the Jostens.”

"Ooh, speaking of the Jostens," Katelyn says, her eyes widening, "I found some scarring photos that I think match the description of what you told me." She pulls out some photocopied pages and Aaron looks over them with interest.

"That one definitely looks like one of Eli's.” Aaron points at a photo of a wound that was apparently made by a sawtooth blade. "I got a really clear look at it the other day."

Katelyn raises her eyebrows. Aaron's face feels warm. He feels sort of guilty for being fascinated by Eli's scars and wanting to know more about them, but it also seems like Eli doesn't care if Aaron looks at them. He's not like Neil, who still won't change out in front of them. Aaron and Katelyn have spent a lot of time speculating about whether it's because Neil has scars too, or if there's some other reason he hides his body.

Neil doesn't particularly like the library, but there are worse places to be. Eli is back at the dorm, working through homework, and Neil is here to check out books for—surprise—more homework. He hadn't realized being on the Foxes would require so much non-Exy related work.

On his way to the shelves, he spots a familiar head of blond hair. For a moment he thinks it's Andrew, but a second look reveals it to be Aaron. Eli's been weird about him lately, drawing attention away and doing that weird thing where he pats someone on the arm or shoulder three times and looks at them expectantly. But he hasn't asked to sleep with him so Neil doesn't know what's going on there.

Whatever. It doesn't matter. He's just going to walk by Aaron and the girl he's studying with, but then he hears his brother's name and stops. He peers over at them curiously, wondering what it is they're hunched over.

"What about Eli?" he asks, approaching their table.

Aaron startles and nearly falls out of his chair. Neil is standing right next to him. When the fuck did he get here?

"Uh," Aaron says, feeling uncomfortably caught. "Nothing, don't worry about it." He tries to grab up the papers and put them away quickly.

Neil stares at Aaron as he fumbles with his papers and shoves them roughly into his bag.

"You know that was suspicious, don't you?" he asks.

The girl next to him laughs, and when he looks at her she smiles.

"Hi!" she says. Her chipperness is off-putting, and he wonders if she's doing it on purpose, like Eli does. "I'm Katelyn. I was just asking Aaron about his new teammates."

"And what did Aaron tell you?" he asks, looking back at Aaron.

"Nothing!" Aaron insists a little too loudly. Someone from another table shushes him and Aaron scowls at them but lowers his voice. "Seriously, it's not a big deal. Katelyn and I are pre-med, so I was just curious about some of Eli's scars."

He's not happy about the death glare Neil is giving him, or the fact that Neil has discovered him with Katelyn. Neil doesn't know what that means yet, but he's bound to figure it out, and then he'll have something to hold over Aaron's head for the rest of college. Or worse, he might let something slip to Andrew without even knowing the significance.

Neil scowls.

"Eli's scars aren't your business," he snaps. He grinds his teeth and tries to calm down, wishing his brother was here because he wants to run his mouth and that always leads to trouble.

Besides, Eli's practically been flaunting his scars, changing where people can see them. He says that now he's able to be a full person he doesn't want to waste his time hiding away unless he has to. And Eli seems to genuinely like Aaron, though Neil doesn't know why.

"He'd probably tell you, if you asked," he admits begrudgingly.

Aaron frowns, ready to respond defensively, but then Neil seems to calm down a bit. Aaron tries to imagine himself asking Eli about his scars directly, and for some reason he pictures going up to ask him while Eli is shirtless. He feels his ears turning red as he blinks to get rid of the mental image.

"You think so?" he says dubiously. He’s not sure if Neil is just fucking with him to try and get Aaron to make Eli hate him. "I don't want to bother him about it. You're right, I know it's not my business."

Aaron’s stomach squirms with guilt at the idea that this might get back to Eli and make him feel uncomfortable, like Aaron has just been creepily watching him. Which, well, he sort of has, but it's not like that.

"It's not," Neil agrees, then sighs. "If you want to continue your weird investigation or whatever, go ahead. He'll probably think it's funny."

Where Neil would be pissed, Eli would be amused. He'd probably use it to flirt somehow, but as far as Neil knows he's still got eyes on crossing a threesome off his bucket list with Matt and Dan.

Curious despite himself, Neil pulls out a chair and sits down.

"What have you got so far?"

Aaron looks at Katelyn, unsure what to do here. She shrugs and leans over the table to yank the papers back out of his bag.

"Well first there's this one on Eli's lower abdomen that Aaron’s described as looking similar to this photo," she begins, and continues on down the list, giving Neil all of their information and theories so far. Aaron is so fucking endeared by her intense interest in the same medical shit he likes, but at the same time he wants to melt into the floor with embarrassment because holy shit, she's making him sound like a total stalker.

Neil looks over the photos and the lists and blinks. This is a lot more than he anticipated. He looks up at Aaron, who kind of looks like he wants to die.

"Huh," he says after a long moment. Katelyn looks at him with a wide smile.

"Well?" she urges.

"Well what? I'm not telling you anything. If you want to know you have to ask Eli," he says.

"I have to meet him first," Katelyn tells him. "I keep bugging Aaron about it but he won't introduce me."

"Yeah, and now I never will," Aaron says huffily. "Not if you're going to completely sell me out like this."

He doesn't really mean it, and Katelyn knows he's just being an ass. She grins at him.

"Actually, about that," Aaron says, looking at Neil seriously. "You can't tell Andrew about this, okay? Not the scar research, but just about seeing me and Katelyn together. I'm not supposed to... it just wouldn't go well, okay? Trust me."

He hates showing any kind of weakness like this that can be exploited, but there's not much choice if he wants to avoid Neil blabbing something to Andrew by mistake.

Neil's brow furrow.

"You don't want Andrew to know you have a girlfriend?" he asks, and Katelyn giggles.

"We're not dating," she says. "We're friends."

Neil looks between them, Aaron hesitant but determined, Katelyn amused and bright-eyed.

"That's weirder," he tells them. "Why don't you want Andrew to know you have a friend?"

Aaron grimaces. "It's complicated. Can we just leave it at that?"

Not even Nicky knows the full details about the deal Aaron made with Andrew back when they were sixteen, which they renewed at the end of high school. Katelyn knows about the potential danger she's in if Andrew finds out about her—Aaron had to tell her what she was getting into once it became clear that they were going to be in each others' lives—but he hasn't told her the full story of how the deal came to be in the first place.

Neil wants to press, but he's pretty sure Aaron wouldn't spill his secrets in front of this girl anyway.

"Fine," he says eventually. "I won't lie to him if he asks. But he doesn't usually ask the right questions."

Aaron lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Thanks," he mutters, looking down at the table.

"Do you want to study with us?" Katelyn asks Neil. "What classes are you taking?"

Aaron shoots Katelyn a look and she blinks innocently at him.

Neil hesitates, then sighs.

"I could use some help with chemistry," he admits, because neither he nor Eli excels in the subject.

Katelyn practically beams happiness his way.

"Aaron is fantastic at chemistry!" she says. Aaron stares hard at the table. "What are you working on now?"

Leaning over to dig in his bag, Neil pulls out his notebook and chemistry book.

"Well..."

Aaron reluctantly helps Neil through his chemistry homework with Katelyn kicking his shins under the table anytime he's being overly rude. Aaron thinks he actually does a decent job in the end because Neil seems to understand more of the material, even if Aaron did piss him off a few times.

Aaron gets some of his own homework done as well, and when Katelyn picks up their usual dinner at the library cafe so they can keep studying, she gets a sandwich for Neil too. Eventually Neil packs up and leaves to meet Kevin for night practice, because he's as insane about Exy as Kevin. Katelyn tells Neil before he goes that he should definitely join them again to study sometime. Aaron catches Neil's questioning look and he shrugs in response. He guesses it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

*****

Eli has to text Abram, asking where the fuck he is. Abram belatedly tells him he ran into Aaron at the library and that they're studying together. Eli frowns and makes a mental note to go to the library more often, if it's one of Aaron's regular haunts.

He subtly grills Abram when he returns and finds out he ran into Aaron and Katelyn, who Eli still hasn't met. An unusual jealousy washes over him and Eli steadfastly ignores it. Aaron's cute and if Eli can nudge him enough into bicurious territory maybe they can bang, but it's not like Eli wants to date him or anything.

The next day finds the team gathering in the lounge for another meeting instead of going to practice right away. Eli plops himself onto the sofa, bored already.

Aaron takes his seat in the lounge, watching with amusement as Andrew sits next to Eli on the couch and Eli's face twists in a displeased expression.

"We need to talk about the lineup," Wymack says grimly. "Dan and I have been figuring out the striker line. You know I can't get us a sub yet. Kevin's played full halves before, but not since last fall. I don't think you've ever tried," Wymack says and Neil shakes his head. "Neither one of you can play an entire game right now, we'll have to work you up to it one week at a time."

"In the meantime, we're mixing things up to stay afloat. Our solution isn't pretty, but it's the best we've got on such short notice, so pay attention." He picks up his clipboard and begins reading. "The starting line-up for Friday's game goes as follows: Andrew, Matt, Nicky, Allison, Kevin, Neil. First half subs: Aaron for Nicky, Dan for Kevin, Renee for Allison."

"Wait." Nicky cranes his neck at Renee. "What?"

Wymack holds up a hand to cut Nicky off. "Second half line-up: Aaron, Nicky, Allison, Kevin, Dan. Matt's on for Nicky, Neil's on for Dan, and Renee's on for Allison again." Wymack looks up. "Tell me you got that, because I'm not repeating it."

"Is this a joke, Coach?" Aaron says in disbelief. "Renee's a goalkeeper."

"Dan's the only one who can fill in for the striker line," Renee says. "Coach and I talked about it. I know I haven't played defense since middle school, but I'll give it my best shot." She gives Aaron a smile, which he does not return.

Eli spends Wymack's speech glaring at Andrew, who doesn't acknowledge him with even a glance. At least there's a good inch or two of space between them.

"Eli plays striker," Abram says, and Eli stops glaring at Andrew to look around the room, wondering what he's missed.

Wymack stares hard at Abram before he says, "Eli isn't on the team."

Abram looks at him like he's an idiot. "Who's gonna know?"

Wymack crosses his arms, leaning back against the wall and switching his gaze to Eli. Eli slumps down in his seat.

Aaron looks from Neil to Eli, surprised when Eli doesn't deny what Neil says. Huh. Aaron wonders how good Eli is at playing striker since he’s already an amazing goalie. Aaron tries to picture Andrew playing striker. It would probably be entertaining, assuming his brother was in a mood for giving a shit, but it would also almost certainly result in bloodshed.

"Let's try him out, Coach," Kevin says. He looks like he's about to piss himself with excitement.

Wymack scratches his chin. "I shouldn't even be considering this, but if I'm honest, we're out of good options here. What do you think, Eli?"

Eli sighs. Abram stares at him with stars in his stupid eyes, and all it takes is one look for Eli's resolve to melt away.

"Fine," he says. "I do okay as a striker but don't expect any miracles."

He hasn't been out there every night running drills and training with Kevin, unlike Abram. Stomach sinking with dread, he realizes that is going to be his fate now that he's agreed to this. God dammit.

Wymack claps his hands. "Right. Neil, you've got your spare uniform here? Eli can wear that. Now all of you get your asses changed out and on the court."

Aaron keeps his eyes to himself this time when he's changing, but on the court his gaze keeps being drawn to Eli over and over. It's weird seeing him in Neil's striker uniform instead of his usual goalie armor. Eli and Neil do look extremely identical, even more so than Aaron and Andrew since they also style their hair the exact same way. There's no way anyone outside the team would ever suspect the swap, especially since Aaron’s pretty sure the Exy news world has no idea Eli even exists. After all, he’s never officially played on a team. As ridiculous as this plan is, it might actually work.

Wymack has them all do warm-ups first, then he sets the rest of them to running drills on one side of the court while he, Kevin and Dan work with Eli on the other side. The team are all too curious about watching Eli and most are half-assing their drills, just moving around enough that Wymack won't yell at them. Everyone except Neil, who keeps running his drills like a little Exy-obsessed robot, and Andrew who is pretending to take a nap on a bench.

Eli doesn't know how Abram has managed to not punch Kevin in the face yet. Kevin begins lecturing him like Eli's never touched an Exy racket before while Eli ignores him, swinging Neil's racket around and adjusting to the lighter weight. It feels fairly like air in his hands compared to his usual goalie one.

It's been a while since he bothered playing striker. Abram has always been better suited for it. He's faster, for one. Abram clocks close to a four minute mile, and Eli's best has only ever been five minutes.

But Eli's not the worst at it. Once Kevin has run out of words, he's able to demonstrate that, while perhaps not quite better or as good as Abram anymore, he can certainly hold his own.

As it turns out, Eli is pretty damn good at playing striker. Not on the same level as his goalie skills, which Aaron had been delighted to discover were on par with Andrew's, but he's easily good enough to be on the court with them. And that's with Eli being out of practice, too.

Kevin is shouting and yelling criticism nonstop, but it's in an excited tone, rather than the defeated one he typically reserves for Nicky and Aaron. Wymack nods approvingly and Dan has a wide grin.

"Holy shit, this is really gonna work," Matt says in awe.

Aaron nods, watching Eli's body twist as he slams a ball into a cone. They might not be completely fucked after all. It'll still depend a lot on whether Andrew decides to give a shit on Friday, but at least with Renee back in goal they won't be wholly dependent on him for an entire game. And Eli, for all he likes to antagonize Kevin, seems to be completely whipped for Neil so it's unlikely he'll do anything to sabotage their success.

Wymack finally notices that they're all standing around doing nothing. "No more slack-jawed staring or I'll sign you all up for a marathon," he yells at them. “Andrew, get your lazy ass up! I know you’re awake.”

Andrew sits up from his bench looking displeased and stomps off toward the goal. Aaron takes one last look across the court. Eli is bent over and facing away from him, hands on his knees, breathing hard while he listens to Kevin. Aaron's stomach squirms and he goes back to his drills.

Eli is sweaty and out of breath, hands braced on his knees and Kevin still won't fucking stop talking. Eli glares up at him but he doesn't notice.

"Kevin," he gasps out. "Shut. Up."

Kevin does not shut up. Eli picks his racket up off the ground, quickly hooks it around his ankle, and pulls. Kevin goes down and for a moment there is blessed silence. Then he's pushing himself back up, face red as he yells, and Eli feints the racket back towards his feet. Kevin jumps back and scowls. Eli points the racket at him.

"Shut up," he insists.

Aaron looks over, slightly alarmed at the sound of a body hitting the floor, but it's just Kevin. Kevin looks unhurt but livid. His eyes are bulging and his limbs flail as he scrambles to get up, yelling and huffing and puffing while Eli threatens to knock him on his ass again. Aaron begins to laugh so hard that he starts coughing.

"Can it, Minyard!" Wymack shouts.

Aaron covers his mouth with a snort and meets Nicky's eye, who looks equally delighted to see Kevin getting his comeuppance.

Distracted by the sound of laughter echoing across the court, Eli looks around to find it coming from Aaron and his stomach flips pleasantly. He hadn't realized anyone was watching him, but he's pleased to have made Aaron laugh. That's the first time he's heard it.

He looks back at Kevin with a smug grin, which only sets him off again. Still. Definitely worth it.

When practice is called to an end, Abram runs over to clack sticks with him, sweaty and vibrant.

"You were great!" he says, and Eli rolls his eyes, pushing him towards the locker room.

Wymack calls him over to say that he'll be put in the upcoming game and acting as striker during practices from here on out. Eli's shoulders slump at the news and Wymack chuckles, waving him away.

He catches Aaron's eye when he enters the locker room and smiles at him before removing his jersey. He feels Aaron's eyes linger for a moment and doesn't let him know he knows; wouldn't do to scare him off, after all. And after the last little while of regular meals between the both of them, he and Abram have packed on a bit more fat and a lot more muscle. Still lean, as is their way, but less skeletal. Better to look at, in Eli's opinion, even with the scars.

Aaron is distracted throughout the entirety of practice, half his brain trying to listen across the court to whatever Eli and Kevin are up to. If Eli knocks Kevin on his back again, Aaron definitely doesn't want to miss it.

In the locker room, Eli smiles at him and then takes his shirt off, and Aaron's gaze drops to Eli’s torso. Except this time Aaron doesn't focus on the scars. Instead his eye gets caught on Eli’s toned muscles, his skin flushed and sweaty from a long practice. Aaron rips his gaze away and locks eyes with Nicky, who is staring at him. Nicky slowly raises both eyebrows and looks pointedly from Aaron to Eli's naked torso and back, and Aaron flushes and scowls, turning to forcefully shove his gear into his locker.

He hurries into the shower, internally yelling at himself. What the fuck is wrong with him? Apparently he's been staring at Eli so much that even Nicky has noticed, and has gotten the wrong idea. So, so wrong.

Aaron shuts his eyes, letting the water pour over him, and fists his hands in his hair. He doesn't know what's going on with him, why he feels so weird and nervous and just wrong. He needs to get his shit together fast, before Andrew catches on. Aaron doesn't even know what there is to catch on about, but whatever it is, he's sure he doesn't want Andrew to find out about it.

Once the sweat has been washed away and casual clothes put back on, their group heads back to Andrew's car. Abram is chatting excitedly with Kevin about their prospects in the upcoming game with Eli playing as well. Eli lingers a bit behind, walking with Aaron, far enough away not to touch but close enough to be in his personal space.

"What do you think?" Eli asks, nodding towards the Exy freaks. "Think we can win?"

And if he's trying to ferret out what Aaron thought of his performance as a striker, well. That information couldn't be waterboarded out of him.

Eli comes up to walk beside Aaron on their way to the car and Aaron feels a tiny thrill that Eli wants to spend time with him. Then his stomach churns and drops straight down to his feet. He knows he's being so fucking weird about Eli and he can't seem to stop himself, it just keeps getting worse somehow.

Aaron can feel Nicky straining to eavesdrop on them from a few paces ahead, and he grits his teeth, feeling like the walls are closing in. "It might work," Aaron says, keeping his eyes on the ground. "Better than Coach’s stupid plan anyway."

Eli laughs.

"Yeah, probably," he agrees. "Gotta admit I'm not looking forward to it."

He much prefers standing in one place to darting around the field, trying to dodge around various other players.

"I'll do what I can, though. God forbid we lose," he rolls his eyes. "My brother will look at me like I stabbed him, and Kevin might actually kill me in my sleep."

Aaron's chest is constricting and he nods, barely hearing what Eli is saying. "Yeah," he says distractedly.

He's relieved to get in the car and let Neil's excited chatter fill the space. Aaron avoids looking at anybody, especially Nicky, who is very unsubtly attempting to catch his eye.

Eli frowns at Aaron's short answer. They get in the car, Eli now on his usual perch on Nicky's lap, and Aaron determinedly doesn't look at anyone, even though Nicky is very obviously trying to get his attention. Eli refrains from stretching out his legs over Aaron's lap because the man is giving off some very strong 'don't touch me' vibes.

Was it something he said?

As Eli replays the last bit of conversation in his head, Abram leans forward and Kevin twists in his seat so they can continue blabbering on, oblivious to anything else.

Aaron realizes halfway back to Fox Tower that Eli hasn't draped his legs on his lap the way he's been doing lately. It's simultaneously a relief and a disappointment, and the fact that it's disappointing makes Aaron panic even harder because what the fuck. Why does he want that? That's not a normal thing to want.

When they park, Aaron opens the door and jumps out before the engine even cuts off. He rushes straight upstairs and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. After a few minutes there's a light knock and Nicky lets himself in.

"Hey," Nicky says hesitantly. "You doing okay?"

Aaron breathes silently.

Nicky takes a step closer. "Want to talk about anything?"

"Get the fuck out, Nicky," Aaron growls.

"Okay," Nicky says easily, which somehow pisses Aaron off even more. "I'm here if you change your mind, though." He leaves and gently shuts the door behind himself.

Aaron buries his face in his pillow and yells.

Abram finally clues in to Aaron's bad mood when the man practically shoves him out of the car and all but runs to the building. Abram stares after him, then looks at Eli, baffled.

"What's his problem?" he asks.

"No clue," Eli shrugs. He feels Andrew's gaze boring into him, scowling automatically when he meets his eyes. Asshole probably thinks he groped him or something, but Eli has kept his hands well to himself.

"He'll be fine, guys," Nicky assures them, heading up the steps to the building. "He's probably just cranky because we're out of Red Bull."

Eli tucks that little tidbit of information away before he even realizes it.

Chapter 5 Summary:

Aaron has a crisis.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- dissociation/DID symptoms
- internalized homophobia
- a bit of externalized homophobia too

Chapter Text

The next afternoon is the Foxes' second match of the season, an away game. Andrew goes to his morning statistics class, then stops off at the dorm to pick up his merry band of assholes and take them to the stadium. Allison's car is parked in front when they arrive, the first time she's shown her face all week. They find her sitting in the lobby. Her hair and makeup are perfect as always, but she's staring at the floor and doesn't acknowledge them. She looks completely dead inside. Andrew thinks it suits her.

The rest of the team arrives and the girls go directly to Allison to comfort her. Wymack comes in and tells them to get their gear and pack up their racquets and get on the bus, and Andrew heads to his seat at the back row, with Kevin right in front of him. Nicky leaves a seat in front of Kevin for Neil and Eli, as Andrew instructed him to do. It's nice when people can learn how to follow directions.

Abram is awkward around Allison's obvious grief. He doesn't try to talk to her, but his eyes keep straying her way. Eli wonders if he's seeing his grief for their mother reflected in her grief for Seth.

He nudges him to the bus. Nicky practically herds them into a seat. Eli briefly considers forcing his way into sitting next to Aaron, but he figures he'll wait to antagonize Andrew until after the match. Abram would be gutted if Andrew threw the game because of something Eli did.

The two of them plow through their homework during the drive, but that doesn't take long. Despite all the differences, Eli is reminded of long drives with their mother, pressed together in the backseat, both terrified and bored. It's easy to fall back into old habits, murmuring under their breath to each other, playing the games they'd invented to pass the time.

The six-hour drive to Belmonte University is boring, but at least Andrew's teammates know better than to bother him during it. Andrew spends most of the drive staring out the window, taking the occasional break to stare at the back of Neil's head instead.

When they arrive, they're led into the locker room to change out. Andrew notices the lack of private shower stalls and wonders what Neil will decide to do. Out in the main room, Wymack arranges them in line by position, with Dan in front as their captain. Eli is instructed to stay in the lobby and out of sight until he's needed. Wymack turns the TV on so he can watch the game live.

Andrew and Nicky roll the stick rack with them as they follow the rest of the team out into the stadium. Andrew tunes out the roaring crowd and scans the court. Belmonte's mascot is dancing around like an idiot. It comes over to harass the Foxes, thrusting its hips at them, and Nicky does a few thrusts right back. Wymack swats Nicky in the head. Like Andrew said: idiot.

Dan leads them through warm-ups, then earns them first serve. The announcer calls the players onto the court: Kevin, Neil, Matt, Aaron, Dan, and Andrew is the last one called. Dan serves the ball down the court to Andrew and he slams it up to the strikers, enjoying the sensation of hitting something as hard as he can. It's one of the few things that makes Exy tolerable.

Eli watches the game, bored. Abram spends his time passing instead of trying to score, which is stupid but whatever. He really has improved, Eli is pleased to note. Then his mood sours, realizing that if they're going to keep up this stupid charade, he's going to have to improve as a striker right along with his brother. Ugh. Why don't they just train him on all the stupid positions?

Substitutions are made, points are scored and blocked and scored and blocked. God, Exy is boring. Abram is lucky Eli loves him.

At one point, Abram tucks his body in and trips up the backliner going after him, and Eli laughs aloud in the empty room. He uses the opportunity to score. With halftime nearing, Eli reluctantly gets up from the couch and starts doing his own warmups, anticipating slipping in as Neil.

Andrew follows his teammates back to the locker room at halftime. He eyes Neil, who is rotating his shoulder gingerly. It's a miracle the idiot didn't get himself flattened with that stunt he pulled.

Andrew leans against the wall while the rest of the team stretches. His half is done, now it's up to Renee.

The mood in the locker room as the team files in is pretty upbeat. Eli beelines for Abram, gently prodding at his shoulder and frowning when he winces.

"I'm fine," Abram tries to assure him, but this means fuck all coming from him. Nicky fist pumps, thanking Abram for being predictable, and claims he's just won ten bucks. Eli stares at him, exasperated, and Kevin puffs himself up into a lecture about not ignoring injuries, waving his scarred hand about.

Eli rolls his eyes.

"I think we know more about being injured than you do, Kevin," he says. This seems to bring Kevin up short, like he'd never realized Eli's scars came from being injured, nor that Abram might have some of his own.

Andrew smirks. Seeing Kevin get taken down a peg and not even having to do it himself is fairly enjoyable. Abby comes over to examine Neil's shoulder. She brings him an ice pack and tells him to let her know if anything else feels off.

Before long, it's time for them to go back on. Andrew watches with mild interest as Eli gets ready to become Neil Josten.

It doesn't take much to slip into being Neil. He gives himself a brief mental goodbye, vaguely wondering if, one day, he'll never come back. And then his face clears, his posture changes, his mind sharpens and focuses on Exy.

They get into line, and Neil is practically vibrating with excitement. He sees Kevin give him a vaguely approving look, and then they're being called back onto the court.

The sound of cheers hits him like a physical thing, and he blinks around at the crowd, but it's not like they matter. They were just here to watch. Neil gets to play. He gets into position, heart pounding in his chest, and the moment the whistle sounds, he's darting forward.

Eli, whose opinion of Exy is the same as Andrew's, is suddenly locked in and looks genuinely thrilled to play. Andrew isn't sure if Eli’s just that good at acting or if he's been lying about hating Exy this whole time, but either way it's fucking creepy. He throws himself into the game with as much fervor and intensity as Neil had, zipping down the court like the devil is on his tail.

"Holy shit, where did that come from?" Matt yells.

Yeah, Andrew is wondering the same thing.

Neil is having the time of his life on his second wind, and his backliner mark yells at him, "How the fuck aren't you tired!?" as Neil dodges around him. It almost makes him want to laugh, but he shakes the urge away and snatches up the ball, throwing it up ahead of him.

He can tell his teammates are starting to flag, but Neil feels like he can go all day. The roar of the crowd when the Foxes pull ahead energizes him further. Matt gets into a brawl with one of the Terrapins and Renee breaks up the fight. Neil is itching to get back to the game as the ref doles out yellow cards.

With a minute left, Kevin scores a goal, putting them ahead again. Neil feels electric.

Andrew watches from the bench while Eli-as-Neil zips around the court and thinks, fuck, Kevin is going to be unbearable about this.

With eight seconds left on the clock, the Terrapins’ striker gets the ball. Aaron slams into him in a way that implies more of an exhausted sort of desperation than any kind of skill, but it sends the striker sprawling and the ball rolling harmlessly away as the final buzzer rings out. Neil turns to see the score, beaming at the Foxes’ first win of the season.

The sidelined players pour onto the court in celebration, whooping and cheering. Andrew follows them, curious to see Eli up close after that little performance. Eli looks like he's the happiest boy in the world, and his mood doesn't drop an inch when he sees Andrew walking up to him.

Andrew studies Eli’s face. "What the hell was that?"

Neil blinks at him, confused.

"Exy?" he tries. When Andrew continues to stare at him, he tilts his head to the side. "What? We won."

"Yes we fucking did!" Nicky whoops, running up and shaking him by the shoulders. "That was crazy!"

Neil tries not to show how pleased he is by this, and allows himself to be herded in line to shake hands with the opposing team.

Andrew's eyes narrow. What is Eli playing at? He leaves it alone for now and when they get back to the locker rooms, Neil is practically jumping up and down with excitement as he greets them. Andrew notices Neil has already showered, so he guesses the question of away game stalls will remain unanswered for now.

Dan and Kevin go to talk to the press while everyone else heads to shower. Andrew is halfway out of his uniform when he realizes Eli hasn't begun to undress. Eli’s standing still and clutching his towel, looking uncomfortable as hell, and Andrew gives him a questioning look.

Neil isn't quite sure what to do with himself. The showers here don't have private stalls, and he doesn't want to sit on the bus for six hours covered in dry sweat.

Abram notices his dilemma and grabs his wrist, taking him to the side. Quietly, he says, "It's okay, you can be Eli again."

Neil stares at him for a long moment before these words sink in. He glances around nervously, and then tries to shed this skin. Neil sticks more than previous identities, and Eli thinks it's probably because the more Abram holds onto him, the more of his brother bleeds into Neil.

Soon enough, though, Eli is back to himself. He's sweaty and tired, but Abram is happy with him, and he reaches out and ruffles his hair.

"You're so fucking lucky," he tells Abram. "I don't even like Exy."

Abram rolls his eyes and pushes him away, and Eli laughs, shrugging out of his jersey and heading to the showers.

Andrew can't tell what Neil and Eli are talking about over in the corner, but he watches their faces. Eli looks nervous for a moment, then he looks like he's thinking really hard, or perhaps constipated. Then all of a sudden it’s like he’s back to normal. He ruffles Neil's hair and laughs and goes to the showers.

Andrew glances around the locker room to see if anyone else is paying attention to this, but of course they aren't. He sighs and goes to take his own shower, mentally filing this incident away under Weird Josten Bullshit. It's getting to be a very fucking large file.

After his shower and pulling on clean clothes, Eli is ready to drop. He finds himself in Aaron's orbit at one point and smiles at him.

"Nice save there at the end," Eli tells him. Aaron looks like he's contemplating running away, but his ears turn red. His hair is still damp from his shower, not styled the way he usually has it, and Eli's tempted to touch it.

"Thanks," Aaron says, turning away and starting up a conversation with Nicky. Eli's surprised by the blatant dismissal.

On the way to the bus he digs out his cell phone. He opens the very sparse message thread between him and Aaron. He presses the buttons with furrowed brows until his message is complete, sends it, and tucks his phone away.

Eli: :( ?

Aaron's phone buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out as he gets onto the bus. He sees who it's from and his heart leaps into his throat and then sinks down into his stomach.

He feels like such a fucking dick for avoiding Eli right now, but he just doesn't know how to be normal around him. It's for the best, anyway. Eli's so cool and smart and interesting, and sooner or later he's going to figure out that Aaron isn't worth his time. It might as well happen sooner rather than later to save everyone the trouble.

Aaron shuts his phone without responding. He slides into his seat on the bus and leans against the window and tries his best to take a nap, but he keeps thinking about the surprised hurt on Eli's face when Aaron had turned away from him earlier. It makes Aaron’s chest ache. God, he’s such a piece of shit.

Aaron doesn't respond. Eli didn't really expect him to.

That night finds him ducking out of the dorm to head to the nearest gas station. He feels like a fucking fool for it, but he buys a pack of Red Bull. He removes one from the pack and tosses it in the trash.

The next day he brings it with him, knocking on the door of Aaron's dorm. He's weirdly nervous as he waits, shifting from foot to foot like the subtle rocking motion will help him calm down.

Someone knocks and Nicky gets up to answer the door. Aaron doesn't look up from the screen where he's preparing to snipe Nicky in the head. It's not bad sportsmanship to shoot someone who's AFK if they chose not to pause the game.

"Hey, Eli," Nicky says cheerfully. Aaron's finger slips on the controller and he misses his shot.

"Hey Nicky," Eli greets, grinning. "Is Aaron here?"

"Yeah, c'mon in," Nicky says. If he's surprised that Eli is looking for Aaron he doesn't show it.

Eli walks into the dorm to find Aaron perched on the couch with a controller in his hands, looking very much like a deer in the headlights. Eli doesn't know why he's looking at him like that.

"Hey," Eli says, forcing a smile on his face. He gestures with the pack of Red Bull in his hand. "Do you want this? I tried one but it tastes like shit and I don't want it to go to waste."

Aaron is not prepared to be facing Eli at this juncture in the day. He's in his pajamas. His hair is greasy. He hasn't even brushed his teeth yet.

"Uh," he says. "Sure?"

Nicky, standing behind Eli, shoots Aaron an exasperated look like really? that's the best you can do?

Eli's smile feels easier at Aaron's acceptance. At least he's not telling him to fuck off and turning away when Eli comes bearing gifts. And Aaron looks cute, hazel eyes wide with surprise, hair still messy from sleep. So that's a nice image to start the day off with.

"Cool, thanks," Eli says, putting the Red Bull on the table. He glances at the TV, but doesn't know what they're playing. He looks back at Aaron and smiles again. "I gotta get to class. Enjoy your game, guys."

With that, he gives Nicky a little wave and takes his leave. As he's closing the door he hears Aaron say, "I thought he wasn't enrolled here?"

Whoops.

Nicky shrugs. "Maybe he just goes to class for fun? Like how Kevin watches documentaries. But who cares about that!" Nicky points a finger at the box of Red Bull. "Why is Eli Josten bringing you gifts on a weekday morning?"

Aaron shrugs, feeling his face heat up.

"Are you guys...?" Nicky cocks his head to the side and moves his eyebrows up and down. He grins.

"What? No!" Aaron yells, dropping his controller. If his face was hot before, it’s burning now. "Fucking... no, Nicky. God. Why do you have to make everything about that freaky shit?"

Nicky's face falls and Aaron immediately feels like an asshole. But Nicky is wrong, he's got things all backwards and Aaron needs to make him see it. Otherwise he might go around saying shit to people that really, really isn't true.

Nicky rallies quickly and pulls a grin back on his face. "I just want to know my little cousin is getting some, that's all. We both know Andrew isn't, and Erik's ass is tragically too far away for me to reach, so the Minyard-Hemmick unit is relying on you to get laid for all our sakes."

Aaron groans. "That's so fucking gross. Jesus, do you ever stop?" He rolls his eyes and gets up, turning off the game console. "I gotta go to the library. I'll see you later."

He leaves to get ready and Nicky calls after him, "Make sure you wear a condom!"

Aaron slams the bedroom door.

*****

Neil makes his way to the library, wondering if he should feel alarmed at all the time he's been spending there lately. Eli's got class covered today, but chemistry is really kicking their asses, so Neil is off to the library to study with Aaron and Katelyn once more.

They aren't really so bad, he thinks, once you get used to them. Katelyn's chipper attitude is kind of weird, but it reminds him of Eli a little bit. And Aaron's definitely an asshole, but he's smart and he never stops explaining something until Neil actually understands it.

He reaches the library and heads to their usual table, finding Aaron and Katelyn already there.

"What's going on?" Neil asks, because Aaron looks like someone died again.

Aaron, having just finished telling Katelyn the whole sordid tale of the Red Bull incident, drops his head onto the table at the sight of Neil fucking Josten approaching.

"Fuck you," Aaron says, muffled into a book. He turns his face and glares at Neil, his cheek smushed into the pages. "This is all your fault."

Neil thinks back but can't remember doing anything to warrant this reaction from Aaron.

"What did I do?" he asks doubtfully, glancing between Aaron, his head mashed against a book like he's trying to force the information in through his face, and Katelyn, her hand gently rubbing his shoulder.

"You brought your brother to this godforsaken team," Aaron says miserably.

The shoulder rubs feel nice, but Aaron isn't in the mood to feel nice right now. He sits up to look at Neil, who seems even more confused.

"I don't know how to explain it," Aaron says to Neil very seriously, “but Eli is ruining my life.”

Neil frowns. He thinks over the times he's seen Eli and Aaron interact and grows even more confused.

"How? Eli's been nice to you. He likes you." As he says it, Neil realizes it's true. Eli doesn't generally like people past climbing into bed with them, but as far as Neil can tell Eli is kind to Aaron where he wouldn't be with anyone else.

Aaron chokes on his spit. "He what?" he says, horrified, between spluttering coughs.

Katelyn gently pounds him on the back.

Neil leans back a little, away from Aaron.

"He likes you?" he repeats. He feels like maybe they aren't having the same conversation, if this is Aaron's reaction. "Eli talks to people a lot but he doesn't really have any friends."

He doesn't mention that a lot of that talk is to keep him from running his mouth.

Friends. Right. Of course that's what Neil meant. Okay, that's okay. Aaron can deal with friends. Theoretically.

"Aaron, you're doing a really bad job explaining this," Katelyn says sympathetically.

Aaron glares at her, then goes back to glaring at Neil. "It's not something he did, it's... I don't even know what it is. He's just throwing me off or something. I keep acting so fucking weird every time I talk to him. It's humiliating."

Neil is probably the least qualified person for Aaron to talk to about this, but he gives it his best shot.

"O...kay..." he says, biting his lip as he thinks. "How exactly do you act weird? And what sets it off?"

Katelyn sends one of her bright smiles his way, but her eyes are amused. Neil doesn't know why she would find this funny. Aaron seems to be unreasonably distressed. He hopes this doesn't affect the backliner's performance on the court.

Aaron shakes his head, already regretting bringing this up. "It's hard to explain... it's like my brain just shuts off and stops working? I can't act like a normal person. I can't stop staring at him, and he's definitely starting to notice that. It's like I just get freaked out by whatever he's doing, and I can't fix it. I hate it. I don't want to make him uncomfortable."

Okay, that is weird. Neil thinks that Aaron has good reason to be distressed.

Katelyn presses her lips together and avoids eye contact, which is suspicious.

"Well. I don't think you need to worry?" Neil tries to be comforting. He thinks he fails. Briefly he thinks about Eli patting Nicky on the arm when Seth died, but he disregards that idea quickly.

"It takes a lot to make Eli uncomfortable." Like a gaping wound and no vodka to numb the pain of stitching it up. "I don't think staring and acting weird will do it. And he knew people would stare at his scars, so I doubt he cares. He hasn't mentioned anything."

Neil’s attempt at reassurance isn’t very convincing, especially not with the concerned look on his face.

Aaron drops his head into his hands, elbows propped up on the table. "Let's just get back to studying." He gives Neil what he hopes is a sharp look, but he thinks he probably looks more pathetic than intimidating. "You won't tell Eli about this, right?"

Neil stares at him. Not tell his brother something? The idea of it is so alien Neil can't even find it in himself to be offended. Although he hadn't told Eli about Aaron researching his scars. He frowns. That wasn't intentional, though. He had just forgotten. Intentionally keeping a secret from Eli? That doesn't feel right.

"Shouldn't he know?" Neil asks eventually. "Maybe he'll know what's wrong with you. Eli's smart. He can help."

Katelyn covers her mouth with her hand. Neil can't tell if she's horrified or amused.

Aaron blanches and shakes his head. "No. No, no, he can not know. That would definitely make things worse."

He doesn't know why he feels this way, but the flood of panic and embarrassment at the idea of Neil telling Eli any of this shit is a powerful enough reason on its own.

Aaron looks like he might faint. Or puke. Neil eyes him warily.

"I tell Eli everything," he says. "We don't have secrets."

But if Eli knowing would make things worse, Aaron might actually be ill. What if he couldn't play in games? Without people knowing about Eli, that would put them under the minimum number of players.

Neil chews on his lip anxiously.

"Fuck," Aaron says. His breathing is coming faster and he drops his head to the table again, covering it with his hands. He knows he's having a disproportionate response to this but he can't stop it. "Why did you let me tell you all that shit, then? God, Neil, you're such an asshole!"

Katelyn shushes him softly, a reminder that they are still in a library. Aaron nods, his breath hitching, trying to get himself under control.

Neil watches Aaron, alarmed, his suspicions confirmed. Fuck.

Part of him wonders if this is what he looks like when he's having a breakdown. Pale faced with wide eyes, breath coming too fast. Eli always wraps his arms around him and squeezes tight, which helps remind him that he's not alone. He doesn't know if that would work with Aaron, and he doesn't want to touch Aaron like that anyway.

"Okay, calm down," Neil says. Aaron's head snaps up and he looks like he's close to murder. "I—I won't tell him. It'll be like with Andrew, okay? I'll only tell if he asks."

Guilt squirms uncomfortably in his gut. But Eli will understand, and there's no guarantee that he could help anyway.

Aaron's stomach twists as he stares at Neil, unsure if he can believe him. But what choice does Aaron really have? It's not like he can threaten people and make them do what he wants the way Andrew can.

"Okay," Aaron finally says. He wonders if he's indebted to Neil for all this stupid secret-keeping shit, then decides he isn't, since it's Neil's fault for nosing around and finding it all out anyway. Mostly.

Katelyn gives Aaron’s shoulder a squeeze and he looks at her gratefully. She looks sympathetic but amused, probably because she's secretly a bit of an asshole herself. Aaron really likes that about her. He gives her a small smile which she returns with a big one.

"So, homework?" Katelyn says, looking at Neil. "What have you got today?"

Aaron very quickly calms down at this, which unfortunately strengthens Neil's resolve to keep his word. It's not like he's going to be lying to his brother, he just won't offer up the information unless asked.

This does not make him feel better. But at least Aaron will be able to play in games and they won't get disqualified.

"Oh, right," Neil says, letting Katelyn guide them into studying. "Chemistry again. I hate this class."

Chapter 6 Summary:

The boys work out some tension.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- minor violence/threats
- references to Andrew's past
- ableism about mental health issues
- explicit sexual content

In case you missed the tag about Andrew hooking up with people other than Neil, this is your final warning!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Andrew is thinking about the Jostens. He's been thinking about them all week, all month, all summer since they arrived, really, despite his best efforts not to. It's highly irritating, just like they are. He's already determined they're not a threat. He knows their spooky little backstory, or at least enough of it. And yet the two of them keep grabbing his attention and running away with it.

First there's whatever is going on with Eli and Aaron. Eli is obviously into Aaron, which is horrifying, but at least Aaron seems oblivious to that fact. Andrew was a bit concerned at first with how much the two of them were getting along, but Aaron seems to have cooled off towards Eli. Andrew wonders if his brother finally caught onto Eli's interest and is trying to subtly shut him out, but Aaron isn't really big on subtlety so it seems unlikely.

Then there’s the weird shit that happened at the game on Friday, where Eli seemed to be acting like he actually was Neil Josten, even without the cameras watching. Andrew isn't sure what to expect in their next games, and he doesn't like uncertainty. It's a mystery that he intends to solve one way or another.

And the final, biggest problem is Neil himself. Andrew, much as he hates himself for it, can't stop looking at Neil. Worse, he can't stop wanting him. Neil is the prettiest thing Andrew has ever seen, and Andrew wants him in his mouth and in his bed, but he can't have that, so Neil is just taking up all the space in his head instead. Andrew would rather claw his fucking eyes out than see Neil running around the court in his little tight shorts ever again, but it wouldn't even matter because the image is already burned into his retinas.

That last problem is not one that's going to be solved so easily, but Andrew can at least get to work figuring out the mystery from the game. He waits for an afternoon when he knows Matt and Neil have classes, then heads over to Eli's dorm and picks the lock to let himself in.

Eli is making no headway with Aaron. Even after the gift of Red Bull, Aaron ignores him unless he has to give a terse, polite reply. Eli, ridiculously, finds himself feeling hurt. This does not stop him from subtly giving Aaron more gifts.

Little things, mostly. An extra bottle of water Eli kept on hand for practice, so Aaron didn't have to run out and refill his. A pen that writes super smooth that Eli stole from a classmate. A bag of sour gummy candy he'd overheard Nicky mention Aaron liking, that he'd opened and claimed weren't to his taste so would Aaron take them off his hands so he didn't have to feel guilty about wasting food?

Stuff like that. Things with plausible deniability, because giving Aaron something outright made him feel unaccountably nervous.

None of it matters, though, because Aaron is still pissed at him and Eli doesn't know why.

He's moping in the bedroom over this, staring up at the ceiling, when the door opens. For half a second Eli sees blond hair and thinks his thoughts may have summoned Aaron, but sadly it is the lesser of the Minyard twins.

"What do you want?" Eli asks grumpily. "I'm busy."

Andrew flattens a look at Eli, who hasn't even gotten out of bed. "You look it," Andrew says. "I'm sure it takes all your brainpower to focus on staring at the ceiling."

"You'd know," Eli replies, but his heart isn't really in it.

Heaving a morose sigh, he pushes himself up so he's sitting.

"Okay, so what's got you breaking and entering this time?" he asks.

"I'm trying to figure out if you're a liar, or if there's something else wrong with you," Andrew says thoughtfully. He snaps his fingers at Eli. "The game. Friday. I thought you hated Exy. Were you lying about that?"

Eli stares, trying to work out Andrew's logic, but comes up empty.

"I do hate Exy," he says.

"No one is that good at acting," Andrew says. "You were playing like you meant it. Like Neil plays. And after, in the locker room, you were acting like him too, not wanting to change out with the rest of us."

"Yeah, 'cause I was Neil," Eli says. He still doesn't get why this conversation meant Andrew had to break into his dorm. Again.

Andrew's jaw tightens at Eli giving him that tone, like Andrew is being stupid. He steps closer to Eli, glaring up at him in his bunk. "You were being Neil Josten for the purposes of the game and the cameras. There was no reason to act like him once it was just the team."

It clicks, suddenly, and Eli laughs.

"God, you're annoying," he says. He drops down to the floor. "You're always so busy reading between the lines you don't understand the words on the page."

Andrew glares at him. Eli rolls his eyes.

"Did I say I was 'being Neil?'" he even does air quotes with his fingers to get across Andrew's sheer stupidity.

Andrew fist twitches at his side and he holds himself back from grabbing Eli by the throat and wringing his neck. The condescending, lying little shit. "You said you were Neil. I fail to see how a slight difference in wording changes anything.”

"That's because you're an idiot," Eli says. He sighs, running his hand through his hair and wondering how to explain this to someone who has no frame of reference for it.

"You know, you've never met Abram?" he says after a moment's contemplation. Then he corrects himself, "Well, maybe once, at the studio."

Andrew stares. He wonders if the stress of running for his life has gotten to Eli and he's finally cracked. Or maybe it's Andrew who's losing his mind and he's hallucinating this entire conversation. "What the fuck are you talking about."

"Ugh," Eli tells him, disgusted by his stubborn idiocy.

"Look, me and Abram don't just 'switch places,' and we don't just wander around acting out Neil Josten like it's a role in a play," he says. "I don't know what the fuck else to tell you."

Andrew's patience is hanging on by a thread. "You don't just switch places? That is exactly what you have been doing. I've seen it. Start making sense before I am forced to beat it into you."

Eli is going to throttle him, he doesn't give a shit if Abram will give him sad eyes when the Foxes are disqualified.

"How much clearer can I be?" he demands. He takes a deep breath. "Fuck, okay. I don't know if you even can understand this."

Andrew looks unimpressed and Eli waves a hand dismissively.

"That one wasn't actually a shot at your intelligence." He pauses. "Moron."

Another calming breath.

"So when you switch places with Aaron, you're still you, you're just acting," Eli tries to explain. "That's not how it works with Neil. There is no you. There is no acting."

Andrew bites his tongue and listens, ignoring the pounding anger in his temples to try and make sense of Eli's words.

"There is no you," Andrew repeats, turning it over in his head. "You believe you can literally become your brother, with everything that entails." He stares at Eli for a long moment and begins to laugh. "Oh. You are insane. That is interesting."

Andrew's laugh is not nearly as nice as his brother's. For a moment Eli recalls hearing Aaron's laugh travelling across the court when he'd knocked Kevin on his ass, and the memory is enough to stop him from decking Andrew in the face.

"I told you you couldn't understand it," he says, sneering. "Ask Neil. Ask Abram, if you can find him. We'll all tell you the same thing."

Andrew pretends to wipe tears of laughter from his eyes. "Oh, I understand. And I believe you."

It actually makes a sick kind of sense. Andrew's a little disappointed in himself for taking so long to put it all together. The way Eli and Neil were raised, being forced to shift identities all the time, it must have fundamentally broken something in them. Never being allowed to know who you really are, unable to stay in one place long enough to figure it out. Andrew can’t truly fathom what it was like for them, but he thinks he understands enough.

"I know Coach likes to recruit people who are fucked in the head. I'm just surprised he finally found someone even crazier than me. I didn't think it was possible, but here you are. A man with no sense of self." Andrew hums, amused. "No wonder you don't care whether you live or die. All you know how to do is either be Neil, or protect him."

Eli pulls his lips back in the mockery of a grin.

"I know exactly who I am," he says. "And I know how to keep my brother safe without making him hate me. Too bad you can't say the same."

Andrew's amusement drops in a blink and he moves forward before he can even think about it, shoving his forearm into Eli's chest and pushing him up against the wall. His knife presses under Eli's chin, their faces only a few inches apart.

"Say that to me again," Andrew dares him. He keeps his tone light and pleasant, but he can feel his body shaking with barely contained rage.

Eli's smile is knocked off his face as he's knocked into a wall, but he pulls it back on when he feels the sharp edge of a blade pressing into his skin. Andrew is pissed, and the surge of adrenaline makes Eli giddy.

"You think I didn't want to kill Mary every time she slapped Abram around?" he laughs. "You can't kill someone's mother and expect forgiveness and gratitude, you stupid fuck."

Andrew's pulse is roaring in his ears. "Shut up," he snaps. "Shut the fuck up!"

He wants nothing more than to carve Eli's shit-eating grin off his face, but he can't. He made a deal to protect Eli, and killing him would unfortunately violate that agreement.

So Andrew does the next best thing and crashes his mouth into Eli's instead. The knife falls and hits the carpet, forgotten.

Eli expects to have his throat slit. Maybe, if he's lucky, he'll be stabbed somewhere Abram can stitch up once he's back from class.

He does not expect Andrew Minyard to kiss him.

Kissing is better than stabbing, though, and Andrew is hot, and Eli has all this energy bubbling underneath his skin, so it takes hardly a second before he's kissing back.

Andrew presses a biting kiss into Eli's mouth, hating him and wanting him in equal amounts. It's better than he expected and Eli kisses him back with just as much force.

After a few seconds, Andrew pulls back, panting, and wipes at his mouth. "Is this okay," he grits out, needing to know before things go any farther.

Andrew pulls back and it's only his arm still pinning Eli to the wall that stops him chasing after his parting mouth. When his words sink in, Eli stares incredulously.

"God you are stupid," he says. "Yes, it's okay. For fuck’s sake."

He reaches out to grab Andrew's shirt in his fist.

"Now shut the fuck up," he says.

Andrew's skin crawls when Eli reaches out to grab him, and his hand shoots out, locking around Eli's wrist tightly enough to bruise.

"I have rules," he warns Eli. "Rule one, you don't touch me." He pauses to make sure that one sinks in. "Rule two, if you don't want something, you tell me no. Do you understand?"

Eli raises an eyebrow, feeling the bones of his wrist creak under Andrew's grip.

"I understand. Jackass," he says, yanking his hand back. "But if I gotta follow your rules, you're gonna follow mine. If you don't like something, use your fucking words. No knives. And stop fucking grabbing me."

Andrew's jaw clicks with annoyance. "Fine."

He kicks his knife across the room. The other one is still in its sheath, and he's got several others stashed in various places on his person, but he won't use them. Not during this, at least. He raises his eyebrows at Eli, waiting for him to put his hands out of sight.

Eli rolls his eyes. Like he believes for a second that Andrew doesn't have more knives on him. Still, he shoves his hands behind his back and raises his eyebrows pointedly.

Andrew leans a hand against the wall and shoves his mouth forcefully into Eli's again. It's still an angry kiss, nothing gentle about it, but it's a controlled anger this time instead of explosive rage.

Fucking finally. Eli bites down on Andrew's lip and shoves his tongue in his mouth, keeping his arms firmly behind his back. A low groan builds in his throat.

Part of him wonders if Aaron would kiss like this. Not that Eli will ever get a chance to find out, since Aaron is indifferent to him at best. Still, the two of them are identical, so maybe hooking up with Andrew just this once will get whatever this is with Aaron out of his system.

The kiss tastes like relief, something to scratch the itch that's been building in Andrew for weeks. Eli isn't Neil, no matter what he says, but he's hot and he kisses back like he's been craving this as badly as Andrew, and that's more than enough.

Satisfied that Eli is keeping his hands to himself, Andrew moves in closer. He threads his fingers into Eli's hair and tightens his grip, swallowing the groan it pulls out of Eli, then moves his other hand down and tugs at Eli’s waistband in silent question.

Unfair that Andrew gets to tug his hair and feel him up but Eli can't do the same to him. He's not able to voice this, however, because Andrew's fingers dip into his waistband and give it a quick tug.

Eli pulls back enough to pant out, "Yeah," and then licks his way back into Andrew's mouth.

Andrew slides Eli's sweatpants and underwear down his hips. He breaks the kiss to look down as he takes Eli in his hand, feeling the satisfying weight of him. Andrew wonders if Neil’s dick is identical to Eli’s before he slams that thought away and wraps his fingers firmly around Eli. His knuckles brush against Eli's balls and he licks his lips.

Eli's scars are extensive even down here. There's a big patch of scraped skin on his waist that continues down over his hip, as well as the same menagerie of knife cuts that litter the rest of his torso. A second bullet scar sits lower on his thigh. Andrew glances over these marks impassively as he jerks Eli to full hardness. Andrew is getting hard too, which is expected but still irritating.

"Can I blow you, yes or no?”

Eli leans his head back, bumping against the wall as Andrew strokes his cock. Not the most comfortable since it's dry, but with his next words Andrew proves to be willing to fix that.

"Fuck," Eli says. "Yeah. Condom?"

Eli always carries one around with him because. Well. But he doesn't have one just hanging out in the pocket of his sweatpants. He'll have to dig it out of his jeans.

Andrew pauses his stroking. "Don't have any," he says. He never bothers with condoms since he's never willingly gone further than oral with anybody.

In high school, after his first sex ed class, Andrew had quietly called a health clinic and gotten himself tested. He needed to know whether his abusers had ruined him that completely. But somehow the results had come back negative on all counts, so as long as Roland hasn't caught chlamydia lately or something— "I should be clean."

Andrew stops moving his hand and Eli bucks his hips once to try to get it moving again, but then he stills.

"Top drawer of the dresser," Eli says, nodding his head to the dresser in question where he keeps his stash of condoms. He has to keep Abram safe, which means he can't risk dropping dead from an STD. He doesn't care how sure Andrew is.

Andrew steps away and opens the dresser drawer, then grabs the box and fishes out a little square packet. He rips the packet open and stares at the loose condom, suddenly realizing he's never actually put one of these on someone before. Eli's hands are still behind his back, so Andrew attempts to put it on for him. On the first try, the condom won't unroll and Andrew frowns. He flips it over and this time it rolls all the way down, snugly fitting over him.

Andrew palms Eli’s rubber-covered dick, giving it a few experimental jerks. He’s not thrilled with the texture, but he supposes it'll have to do.

Andrew knows what to do with the condom but only in theory, it seems. Eli bites his lip and lets him figure it out without laughing at him, but it's a close thing. A very small part of him is even mildly endeared, but he squashes that down mercilessly.

Finally the show is back on the road. Andrew doesn't look too pleased about the condom, but he doesn't say shit, which is good.

Andrew drops down to his knees and sets a hand on Eli's hip, holding him still against the wall. He takes Eli in his other hand and licks up the side of him. The condom tastes like shit but Andrew doesn't bother showing his reaction. If this is what Eli wants, Andrew can deal with it.

He feeds Eli's dick into his mouth, getting acclimated to the feeling of it. Then he begins to move more purposefully, bobbing his head up and down, swallowing Eli to the root. Andrew is dimly aware of his own aching need, straining in his jeans, but it's easy enough to tune out if he focuses instead on the stretch in his throat and the weight of a hard cock on his tongue.

Eli tosses his head back, eyes closing to better feel the warmth of Andrew's mouth around him, tongue stroking up the underside of his cock. Jesus Christ. The breath is punched out of him as Andrew takes him to the base and swallows. He can't hold back the moan he lets out.

Forcing his eyes open, he looks down, trying to burn the sight into his brain of Andrew on his knees, lips stretched wide around him, brows furrowed and eyes focused. He doesn't even try to lie to himself that he isn't going to be using the image later, pretending it's Aaron.

Andrew's hand presses firm against his hip, pinning him to the wall, but it isn't necessary. Eli likes to consider himself a very good blowjob recipient; no thrusting into someone's mouth unless it's requested.

"Fuck, you're good at this," he breathes out.

Andrew knows this already, but it never hurts to hear. He hums smugly, enjoying the way the vibration makes Eli's thighs tense.

Eli doesn't seem inclined to start facefucking him, but Andrew keeps holding his hips down just to be sure. He watches Eli's face contort in pleasure and takes in all the noises he's making, trying and utterly failing to avoid picturing Neil having the same reactions. It helps Andrew stop thinking about it when he starts to really deepthroat Eli in earnest, letting the back of his head go a little fuzzy as he focuses in on his single-minded task.

Andrew seems to take Eli’s praise as some sort of challenge, speeding up and taking him to the base on each pass. The feel of his cock pushing into the tight clench of Andrew's throat is incredible. He's panting, mouth slack, hands clutching at forearms behind his back.

"God fucking—" he feels the muscles in his thighs twitching, his chest heaving.

"Close," he chokes out.

Andrew is buzzing with satisfaction at the reactions he's able to draw out of Eli. It's perhaps his favorite part of this, aside from the simple appreciation of the way a cock feels in his hand or his mouth. He doesn't slow down, keeping his eyes open even though they're beginning to water so that he can watch Eli's face when it happens.

Eli’s orgasm crashes over him like a wave, pleasure shooting through him head to toe. His eyes flutter shut as he spills, his quiet gasp a counterpoint to how loud he's been until now. Andrew keeps swallowing around him until Eli opens his eyes, pupils blown wide and gaze glassy.

Andrew is watching him with a smug aura, and Eli is too fucked-out to even be annoyed.

"You want help with that?" he asks, nodding to the obvious bulge in Andrew's jeans. "Promise no hands."

Andrew might be against some face-fucking, but Eli isn't.

Eli's expression when he cums is unbelievably fucking hot. Andrew's eyes dart around his face, hungry for every detail, cataloguing flushed cheeks, wet lips and eyes scrunched closed which, once opened, are dilated like Eli's flying high on some drug.

When Eli's finished, Andrew eases back, eyeing the condom tip filled with spunk. What a waste. Eli offers to blow him but Andrew shuts him down with a quick "No," not bothering to tempt himself by considering it. He knows himself well enough by now to be certain it wouldn't go well. He can't go back to the dorm like this, though, not with Nicky and Kevin around, so he stands up, knees sore and dick uncomfortably stiff, and goes into Eli's bathroom to take care of the problem.

Andrew says no and Eli raises an eyebrow, reaching down to pull off the condom. He ties it off and throws it in the trash, then pulls his pants up. Andrew heads to the bathroom, leaving Eli feeling a bit robbed. What, he doesn't even get to watch? Rude.

Whatever, though. If Andrew doesn't want to experience one of his truly stellar blowjobs that's his business. He goes to the kitchen, grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge and downing half of it. He thinks for a moment, then sighs and gets one out for Andrew, too. He tosses it to him when Andrew finishes in the bathroom.

Andrew shoves his hand down his pants as soon as he's locked the door, and the sudden pressure on his hard, aching dick nearly makes him double over. He yanks his boxers down and jerks himself quick and dirty, closing his eyes to replay the memory of Eli's orgasm. He’s helpless to stop himself from imagining it as Neil, and the thought has him tipping over the edge, cupping a hand around himself to catch his release. Pleasure and shame wash over him in equal amounts as his body wrings itself apart in a terrifying moment of helplessness.

Afterward he washes his hands and tucks himself away, then takes a deep breath. The familiar fear and disgusted guilt are prickling at the back of his neck and threatening to drag him under. He breathes in and out, staring at himself in the mirror. He's safe. No one touched him. He only did what he wanted to do. He didn't hurt anyone. After a few more breaths, the creeping feeling begins to pass. This, too, is normal and expected.

As Andrew leaves the bathroom, a water bottle comes flying at his face and he snatches it out of the air automatically. He cuts his eyes over to Eli, who's standing in the kitchen drinking his own water. Andrew twists open the cap and chugs the water, then crumples the bottle and tosses it on the counter as he turns to leave.

"Hey, asshole," Eli calls out. He waits until Andrew turns around to pick up the knife he'd rescued from his room, waving it lazily. "Forgetting something?"

Andrew rolls his eyes but walks back over, reaching to take the knife from Eli.

Eli grins, holding the knife just out of Andrew's reach, and flips it in the air a few times. His mood has successfully been boosted, and taunting Andrew seems like a great way to celebrate this.

Andrew does not agree, going by the look on his face. Eli laughs, delighted.

"Is this a one-off or a regular thing?" he asks, flipping the knife again.

Andrew tracks the movements with his eyes as Eli twirls his knife between deft fingers. His irritation makes way for interest.

"You know how to use a knife," he observes in lieu of giving an answer.

Eli pauses, then smirks and adds a bit of flair to what he's doing, showing off.

"What gave it away?" he asks.

Andrew imagines socking Eli in the face. "Your condoms taste like shit. Buy flavored ones next time."

He holds his hand out for the knife.

Eli grins, handing over the knife.

"Buy them yourself, jackass," he says brightly.

Andrew slides the knife into his armband and turns away. He leaves Eli's front door wide open, because it's what a jackass would do, and goes up to the roof to continue working on his slow death via lung cancer.

Notes:

Fun fact, this is actually the scene/concept that set this whole fic in motion.

andrew has Feelings for neil but he finds both twins insanely attractive so he sleeps with the slutty one over and over trying to get neil out of his head

This was before Eli even had a name, he was just the slutty twin lmfao. I feel like he'd get a kick out of that tbh

Chapter 7 Summary:

Eli gets Aaron's attention.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- homophobia (slurs & physical violence)
- internalized homophobia
- fighting & injuries
- alcohol, drugs, smoking

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Andrew spends the next several days replaying the memory of his confrontation with Eli over and over. Partly because it makes for excellent jerkoff material, but also because of what Eli said to him about Abram.

From what little Eli explained to Andrew before they started mauling each others’ faces off, it sounds like Neil Josten is a persona that Eli and his brother are able to shrug on and off at will. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to Andrew, but he’s less concerned about that and more interested in Eli's insinuation that Abram, the man underneath the mask, is perhaps the truest version of Neil. And that he was the version who had been unleashed on Kathy's show.

Andrew wants to meet Abram again. This is why he is waiting behind Neil's classroom door to ambush him on his way out.

Neil is very pleased with how his mathematics class went. He's understanding the material easily, and even managed to work through half his homework before class officially let out, though some students left before that, when the professor made it clear the lecture portion was over.

He's shoving his notebook in his bag as he walks out the door, ignoring the glances he's getting from a girl who asked him about coffee before class. He doesn't think she's the type of person his father would employ, but it never hurts to be cautious.

Andrew falls into step alongside Neil without saying anything and snags the loop of Neil's bag to pull him away down the hall.

Neil is so busy pretending not to pay attention to the coffee girl that Andrew is able to sneak up on him. Curious, Neil follows without complaint, trailing behind him quietly.

Eventually, he says, "Hi, Andrew."

The way Neil says his name immediately buries itself in Andrew's brain, the sound of his voice caressing the syllables. Andrew wants to stab himself in the fucking ear.

"Hi, Neil," Andrew parrots back. He isn't familiar with this building, but everywhere has a rooftop, so he heads for the stairs. "I heard you have someone I want to meet."

Neil frowns, but he follows up the stairs. Andrew has to pick the lock, but soon they're on the roof. Neil doesn't know why.

"What does that mean?" he asks.

Andrew steps closer to the edge of the roof, fear spiking dully through him. Familiar, grounding, exhilarating. He lights a cigarette and inhales deeply.

"It means Abram,” he says. “I've been told I haven't had the chance to truly meet him yet, with the possible exception of Kathy's show."

Andrew steps back from the ledge and closer to Neil, blowing cigarette smoke in his face. "Will you show me?"

Neil automatically breathes in the smoke, mind twisting off to his mother. He blinks the thought away.

"Why do you want to meet him?" Neil asks, confused.

Andrew tilts his head. "Why wouldn't I?"

Neil frowns. He's been Neil for so long—since coming to Palmetto. The only time he hasn't been Neil is when he was Eli. Neil fits like a second skin now, and he's reluctant to shrug it off for no reason, even if it's Andrew asking.

"I think it's better if I stay for now," Neil says.

Andrew considers this, taking another drag off his cigarette. "What does it feel like when you're him?"

Neil gives him a weird look. "What does it feel like when you're you?"

"Fucking fantastic, thanks for asking." Andrew sighs out a puff of smoke and turns away. "You are infuriatingly interesting. I hate that about you."

Neil shrugs. He doesn't control what Andrew finds interesting or not. Something in him is pleased about it, though. He isn't sure why.

"Abram causes trouble," he says, feeling like he needs to explain. "If Abram causes trouble, Eli has to get us out of it."

Andrew hums. "And what happens if Eli gets into his own trouble? What does Abram do?"

Where does Andrew even come up with these questions? "Eli doesn't get in trouble."

"The scars on his body would indicate otherwise," Andrew says. "As would his propensity for verbally provoking others.”

"Like I said, at first I thought Eli was the problem child, but you both have assured me it's Abram. You do realize this doesn't make me any less curious to meet him. I wonder, what other havoc might he cause for the team this year?" Andrew turns back to Neil, studying his face.

Neil frowns.

"Eli only got those scars because of Abram," he says. Bitterness rises up in him and he repeats, "It's better if I stay."

Andrew sighs. "I made a deal with Eli to protect Abram. How can I protect a man who does not even allow himself to exist? Trouble is going to find you whether you are Abram or Neil. You stand a better chance of surviving if you allow me to see what I am up against."

Neil hesitates, then glances at the edge of the roof. He'd rather not take his chances, just in case Andrew decides to chuck Abram to the ground below.

"No," he says. He turns around and heads for the door.

Andrew watches Neil leave. In his baggy, shapeless clothes there admittedly isn't much for Andrew to stare at, but Neil's unflinching ability to stand his ground against Andrew is just as irritatingly attractive as the rest of him. Neil insists that Abram is the troublemaker, but Andrew feels certain that Neil can cause him plenty of trouble all on his own.

*****

There's no game that Friday, so they make plans to go to Columbia after practice. Andrew brings his group across the hall and knocks politely on Neil and Eli's door instead of breaking in, just to mix things up. It doesn't do to become too predictable.

That Friday, Matt enters their room and announces that Andrew is at the door for them. He looks troubled by this, so Eli pats him reassuringly and says, "Don't worry, babe, we got this."

Matt's concern turns to exasperation, so Eli considers it a victory.

They head to the door, Abram trailing behind him. Eli raises an eyebrow at Andrew.

"What?" he asks.

"Columbia," Andrew says. He turns to Nicky, irritated. "Did you not tell them? Why do they not have clothes."

Nicky holds his hands up in defense. "You didn't ask me to!"

Andrew is surrounded by incompetence.

He pushes his way past Eli and into the bedroom. "You'll have to wear something old, I suppose. I'd offer up Nicky's skin, but I don't know if the bouncer would let him in without it." He starts digging through their drawers, looking for something acceptable.

They watch as Andrew bullies his way into their room and starts going through their dresser. Abram looks bemused.

"I told you to stop buying us clothes, anyway," Eli says, pushing Andrew aside and opening the bottom drawer. He grabs the outfits they'd been given before, tossing one to Abram. They're a bit wrinkled, but it'll do.

"Matt!" Eli calls to the living room. "I need to talk to our lovely girlfriend! I need her eyeliner!"

A brief pause, then Matt calls back, "We aren't dating!"

Eli pokes his head out, widening his eyes. "You broke up? How do you feel about a rebound?"

Matt buries his head in his hands, laughing despite himself.

Oh, the accursed eyeliner. Andrew makes sure Eli and Neil are equipped with outfits that aren't T-shirts and jorts before he shuts the door on them and waits in the living room with the rest of his group. And Matt.

Eli forces Abram to sit down and let him apply eyeliner. Abram isn't happy about it. Eli has to head into the bathroom to do his own, going maybe a little bit heavier than usual. He stares at himself in a mirror, fingers gripping the counter, and hates himself a little for entertaining thoughts of how to get Aaron to give him more than a quick glance.

On a whim, he pockets their contact cases and heads out to the living room with Abram at his heels.

Neil in eyeliner and club clothes is as devastating a sight as it was last time. Andrew comforts himself with the knowledge that he can fuck Eli about it later.

"We're going," Andrew says, shooing everyone out the door.

"No complaints here," says Matt. Kevin flips him off on the way out.

Unfortunately, Andrew's mind-blowing bj had not gotten Aaron out of Eli’s system.

Aaron doesn't so much as glance his way and Eli tries his best not to pout about it. He doesn't try engaging him in conversation, not feeling up to the blatant rejection just yet. Instead he listens as Nicky chatters, and focuses on the weight of Nicky's arms around his waist as they drive.

Maybe he can find someone hot to hook up with tonight. He can even take longer than ten minutes if he wants, since Andrew will be looking out for Abram. He's like 90% sure he can fuck this whole Aaron problem away if he tries hard enough.

Aaron is not happy to be going to Columbia. He is, in fact, very unhappy to be squished in the backseat of the car between Neil and Nicky with Eli perched on Nicky's lap right next to him. Because Aaron’s weird, confusing Eli problem has not gone away. In fact, it's only gotten worse.

Aaron has basically one tool at his disposal here, which is to avoid and ignore Eli until whatever's going on with his fucked up head fixes itself somehow. Unfortunately Eli doesn't seem to be getting the memo that Aaron's trying to stay away from him. Instead he keeps bringing Aaron shit and trying to talk to him. The other day he brought Aaron his favorite candy, which was just fucking unfair. It's almost like Eli's trying to fluster him on purpose, except Neil swore up and down when Aaron confronted him that he hadn't said a word to Eli.

When they finally get to Sweetie's, Aaron chokes down a few packets of dust along with his ice cream, desperate for something to take the edge off. Andrew eyes him judgmentally from across the table.

Eli watches as Aaron downs a few packets of dust and figures hey, fuck it, and pours a packet of his own onto his tongue. Abram looks at him like he's the reason Exy has been outlawed, but Eli puts a hand on his face and pushes him away, earning him a laugh from Nicky.

Neither Eli nor Abram bother ordering any ice cream, and Kevin only pushes his around as usual. Nicky is an endless stream of cheerful chatter, and Abram starts up a conversation with Aaron, which is weird.

Eli eyes them curiously. He knows they studied together at the library that one time, but he didn't think it had been enough to get them to almost-friendly conversation.

Neil asks Aaron about how his test went today, since he knows Aaron was worried about it. Aaron says he thinks he passed, though the professor was seriously sadistic with his essay questions. Neil nods in understanding. Then Aaron asks him something about chemistry, which leads to them talking about the Vixens' weekly movie night that Katelyn keeps trying to invite them to. Aaron wouldn't mind going sometime, depending on the movie. Neil definitely doesn't want to go, but Aaron thinks he should.

They get so caught up in conversation that it takes Aaron a minute to notice the rest of the table (minus Kevin) staring at them.

"Since when are you two the bestest of friends?" Nicky says incredulously.

"We're not," Aaron and Neil say at the same time, in the same irritated tone. They look at each other and scowl, looking away.

Eli watches Abram and Aaron interact with a detached feeling of hurt and wrongness. He's missed something. Something important was going on with Abram, and Eli didn't know about it. It makes him feel weirdly adrift, like the ground has turned to water beneath his feet and there's nothing to keep him afloat.

Below that, there's a coiling feeling of jealousy, that Aaron is so freely talking to Abram, when he won't even look at Eli.

He's... upset. At who, he isn't sure, but with a sinking feeling he thinks at least a little might be directed at Abram. He's never been upset with Abram before. Not when his smart mouth earned them both harsh slaps across the face, not when Eli stepped in front of a bullet for him, not even when Eli took the blame when they were kids, leaving him bleeding and angry at their father's feet.

But he's upset with him now, and the guilt of that threatens to eat him alive. His thoughts are confused. Doesn't he deserve to know what's going on with his brother, after everything Eli's done for him? How dare he be upset with Abram now, over this, over everything else?

And Aaron still. Won't. Look. At. Him.

"God, my eyes are so fucking dry," he complains suddenly. He pulls a contact case out of his pocket, sets it on the table, and pops his contacts out. "That's better."

He grins at the group. Abram stares at him, horrified.

Aaron looks from Neil's horror-struck expression over to Eli, who is grinning at them all with blue eyes. Not brown, the color that his eyes have been for months. Ice blue, piercing blue, the kind of blue that could hypnotize you. All of Aaron's determination to stop staring at Eli falls apart and he just. Looks at him. And Eli is looking back.

Andrew slams his empty ice cream bowl across the table at Eli, who bats it away without a blink. "Fucking excuse me?" Andrew hisses through his teeth, standing up to his full height and slapping his hands on the table. "Colored contacts? What else are you lying about?" He glares at Neil, who is frozen in his seat next to Aaron.

Neil looks genuinely terrified, but not of Andrew. His gaze is still directed at Eli.

Andrew's over-the-top reaction has Eli throwing his head back and laughing. He feels alight with Aaron's gaze finally, finally on him.

"So dramatic," Eli taunts Andrew. "What, you thought you knew everything? Your ego is astounding."

Nicky, who had been shocked quiet, lets out a noise like a teapot.

"You've got beauties like those in your head and you go with brown!?" he demands. Eli gives him a smile that's all teeth, and he quiets down. Only Kevin doesn't seem to care about this revelation.

Gathering his courage, Eli looks back at Aaron, who hasn't looked away from him once. His ears are red, the color spilling across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and Eli is delighted.

Aaron feels heat crawling across his face and neck and he still can't look away. Eli is grinning and laughing and his eyes are burning into Aaron's, the black rings of eyeliner only adding to their intensity. Aaron is unsettled to find that he agrees with Nicky. Eli’s eyes really are beautiful. But it's not just his eyes, it's also his smile and his toned muscles and the way that he holds himself...

Aaron reminds himself to breathe, anxiety thundering in his chest. He can admit that Eli's a good-looking guy. It doesn't mean anything. Aaron thinks Kevin is good-looking as well. So does everyone. It doesn't have to mean Aaron is like Nicky.

Eli quirks a smile at Aaron, softer by far than any that usually take up residence on his face.

"No dramatic declarations from you?" he teases.

Aaron's heart jumps into his throat and he can't even get his voice to come out. He shrugs, finally dropping his eyes to the table. It feels like everyone is staring at him, even though it's probably just Nicky.

Aaron looks away without saying anything, and Eli feels his heart plummet.

"Are we done here?" Kevin asks, annoyed. It's enough to rouse them from their table. Abram's done looking horrified and now he's wearing an expression of betrayed bafflement, but there's no time for a private conversation before they're piled back into the car.

Nicky makes another comment about his eyes, and Eli twists around to bat his eyelashes. Nicky pretends to swoon and Eli laughs. None of this makes Aaron look up from his phone, where his fingers are flying rapidly across the keypad.

Aaron: SOS. eli emergency. his eyes r BLUE
Katelyn: ?? wat do u mean
Aaron: hes been wearing brown lenses. no idea why but he took them out & keeps looking at me. help?
Katelyn: o_o
Aaron: shut up n help me!
Katelyn: lol wat u want me 2 do abt it

Aaron huffily snaps his phone shut and shoves it in his pocket as they arrive at Eden's.

The group heads inside and finds a table to camp out at. Andrew still looks pissed at Eli, but he goes off to get their drinks anyway. Aaron avoids looking at anyone and goes back to texting Katelyn while he waits for the alcohol.

When they claim a table at Eden's, Eli offers Abram the empty contact lens case. Abram looks at him like he's just stabbed him in the kidney and Eli leans close.

"C'mon, I know how uncomfortable they are," he says. "It's not like it's a secret anymore, anyway."

Eli can see Abram's temper attempt to flare behind Neil Josten's visage.

"It would be if you hadn't—" he starts, scowling.

"They already know so much," Eli cuts him off. "What's one thing more? Just tell them not to spread it around."

Abram continues glaring for a long moment before he sighs and snatches the container from Eli's hands. He plucks his contacts out and stores them away, blinking as his eyes adjust.

Andrew returns to the table with a tray of drinks and a can of coke, sees Abram without his contacts, and slams the tray down with much more force than necessary. Eli smirks at him. As long as Andrew keeps his hands off Abram, his little crush is kind of funny.

Though Aaron attempts to tune everything out and focus on the distraction of Katelyn, his attention is brought back by the sound of Neil raising his voice. Aaron looks up to see Neil glaring at Eli in actual anger. Huh, that's new. But instead of escalating to anything, Neil sighs and takes his contacts out as well.

Aaron startles as the tray of drinks smacks down hard onto the table. He looks up at Andrew warily. Oh yeah, he's pissed. Aaron averts his eyes and starts drinking quickly, just in case Andrew decides to crawl across the table and shove his fist down one of the Jostens' throats.

Eli reaches out and throws back three shots in a row. Aaron is determinedly focused on his drinks and nothing else and Abram is pissed at him. He empties another dust packet onto his tongue and stands up.

"Gonna go dance," he says, heading for the floor without looking back.

Neil watches his brother disappear, jaw clenched. He can't remember being so angry with him, but what the fuck was Eli thinking? They had their disguises for a reason, and Eli took out his lenses without even looking at Abram to see what he thought about it.

Pissed off, rebellion simmering in his veins, Neil grabs a shot and drinks it before he can think twice.

Aaron glances up to see Eli heading off, feeling a mixed rush of relief and disappointment. He knows it's hypocritical of him to ignore Eli and then be upset when Eli ignores him back, but that doesn't make it feel any better. At least it's easier to breathe now, without the danger of getting trapped in Eli's eyes every time he looks up.

"Holy shit, Neil! Yes!" Nicky cheers as Neil takes a shot, the first time Aaron's seen him drink any alcohol. "What day is it? Oh damn, I gotta let Dan know she won the bet."

Kevin rolls his eyes, a couple empty shot glasses in front of him already. "If you assholes would pay as much attention to Exy as you do to your stupid bets, maybe we would win more games."

"No Exy talk." Andrew says. He slams back a shot and continues glaring at Neil. Aaron's family is so fucking weird.

It's unsettling seeing Neil with a different pair of eyes, but once Aaron adjusts to the shock of it he realizes Neil still looks pissed. Aaron nudges him. "Hey, you good?"

Neil looks at Aaron sharply, but quickly softens just a bit at the concern.

"I'm fine," he says, and Nicky groans. Even Kevin sighs. "Eli's just being an asshole. It's not like him."

Andrew scoffs. Neil ignores this. "Hey, could you guys not tell people about the contacts?"

"Why am I not fucking surprised," Andrew says flatly.

"What, you mean you're going to go back to keeping those gorgeous peepers a secret?" Nicky gasps. "That's a crime, Neil, an actual crime."

Aaron glares at them. "We won't tell anyone. Right guys?" Andrew gives Aaron a piercing look, like he's trying to x-ray vision his way into his brain. Aaron has no idea what he's looking for, but it makes him uncomfortable anyway.

"Who cares about any of this," Kevin grumbles. "Can we move on already?"

"No Exy talk," Andrew repeats. Kevin sighs and slumps back in his chair. Andrew looks at Neil, his expression still clearly displeased, but he says, "We won't tell."

"But—!" Nicky's protest cuts off abruptly when Andrew’s hand disappears under the table, presumably wielding a knife. Nicky doesn't try to continue.

Neil feels himself relax and twitches a smile Aaron's way. He's still an asshole, but he's not so bad once you get used to him. Neil is pretty sure Aaron feels the same way about him.

After a couple more shots, Nicky gets up to dance. Eli hasn't returned yet, but he's probably found some person willing to swap spit—and maybe other things—with. Kevin is well on his way to plastered, and Aaron keeps looking at his phone between drinks.

Rage banked for now, Neil leans back and tries to relax as much as he can in this crowded, loud place.

Katelyn: u dont need 2 keep avoiding him! just talk 2 him <3
Aaron: no
Katelyn: he just wants 2 be ur friend :’( he doesnt care that ur weird n awkward
Aaron: wow fuck u 2
Katelyn: :O rude!
Aaron: ugh. idk. maybe ur right
Katelyn: :)))))

Shoving his phone away, Aaron looks around the table. Neil seems tense and uncomfortable, which is typical for him at Eden's. Andrew looks bored and vaguely pissed off, and Kevin of course is steadily drinking his way towards blacking out.

Aaron looks out to the dance floor. Going to look for Eli and inevitably making an ass of himself can't be any more painful than sitting here with this bunch of downers, right? Maybe it'd even be fun, if Aaron can just be normal for once. Maybe the alcohol will help with that too.

Aaron chucks back a couple more shots, grimacing at the burn in his throat, and heads out onto the dance floor, feeling nervous and hopeful.

It takes a bit of searching to find someone to entertain him for the while. Eli ends up a man a few years older than himself, tall with dark hair and light eyes. He actually looks a bit like Kevin, which suits Eli just fine. He needs to get his thoughts away from Aaron.

They dance. He yells something in Eli's ear that Eli pretends to hear. Eventually they end up kissing, hips grinding together, the man's hands on Eli's ass and his hands tugging at the man's hair. No one around them seems to notice or care. It's good.

Okay, well. It's not bad, anyway. It would probably be good if Eli's heart was in it and his brain didn't keep drifting to hazel eyes continuously avoiding him.

Pushing through the crowd, alcohol buzzing pleasantly in his veins, Aaron searches for Eli. It's crowded and dark, but after a while of wandering around and shoving past people he thinks he spots Eli's head from the back, bopping around to the beat of the music. Aaron pushes through a group of dancing girls and makes his way straight up to Eli. He only realizes once he gets up close that Eli is locked in an embrace with another man. Their mouths are pressed together, Eli's hands are tangled in the guy's hair, and this stranger is grabbing Eli's ass like it belongs to him.

Aaron's brain completely shuts off and he gapes at them. "What the fuck," he says loudly.

Eli breaks away from the man, feeling breathless. Aaron stands still in the mass of bodies, finally looking at him again. His expression is shocked, and Eli feels concern wash away the jealousy and anger he's been feeling all night.

"Aaron? What's wrong?" Eli says. The man he'd been dancing with tugs him closer, trying to recapture his attention and squeezing his ass. Eli shoves him back, telling him to fuck off before turning back to Aaron.

Aaron feels, inexplicably, like his heart is ripping apart in his chest. Eli looks confused and concerned, clearly having no idea why Aaron is interrupting him right now. Aaron doesn't fucking know why he's interrupting him either. Is he surprised, maybe, that Eli is gay? Sure, but that's nothing to do with him. Aaron shouldn’t even be here right now.

Humiliation washes over him and then anger, at himself and at Eli and most of all at this random fucking man who is still trying to grab Eli. Aaron wants to tear the man apart piece by piece for touching him. But Eli obviously wants the guy to touch him, so that doesn't make sense. Nothing is wrong, so why does Aaron feel like the world is falling apart?

The pounding music and thrashing bodies and Eli staring at him with those fucking eyes are suddenly too much, and Aaron turns and runs.

Eli is startled when Aaron bolts, pushing people out of the way. He follows without a glance back at the man, spotting Aaron break through the crowd and push himself through a door Eli hadn't noticed before. It takes him longer than he'd like, but he manages to get to the door at last, and finds himself outside in an alley, the cool air a shock on his skin.

Aaron is leaning against the opposite wall, arms crossed, eyes glaring at the ground. A little ways away, closer to the street, a couple of guys linger, smoking. Eli doesn't see anyone that could be a current threat, so he approaches Aaron slowly.

"Hey," he says. "You okay?"

He wonders what happened to put that look on Aaron's face. Maybe Andrew was a dick to him, or he ran into someone he knew in the crowd? Maybe he had a fight with that not-girlfriend of his.

Eli follows Aaron outside, which is just fucking great. Aaron really can't catch a break, can he?

"I'm fine," he spits, every word coming out bitter. "Sorry for interrupting you in there."

He can't get the image out of his head of Eli and that stranger tangled up together, grinding on each other and kissing. Every time he thinks about it, it feels like someone is punching him in the stomach. Aaron can't even look at Eli, afraid of what Eli might see on his face.

"What?" Eli asks, then remembers the guy he was dancing with. "Oh. Who cares about that? What's going on?"

He edges a little closer. Everything about Aaron seems pissed and Eli doesn't know how to help.

"I just didn't know you were gay, that's all," Aaron blurts out, still angrily staring at the ground. It's not what he wants to say, but he can't exactly tell Eli what he's actually upset about when he doesn't even know what's wrong himself.

Eli tilts his head. That can't possibly be what Aaron's upset about, but he lets the deflection go for now.

"I'm not," he says easily. "I don't care if someone's a man or woman. Sex is sex."

That gets Aaron to look up, confusion cutting through his anger. "What? How does that even work?" Aaron always thought you either had to be gay, like Nicky, or straight, like himself. He's never heard of someone who would just have sex with anyone.

Suddenly he remembers the comment Eli made to Matt before they left tonight. At the time Aaron just assumed it was a joke, but now his eyes widen. "Wait, are you really hooking up with Matt and Dan?"

Finally, Aaron looks up from the ground. Satisfaction rushes through Eli, and he laughs at Aaron's question and surprised face.

"Nah," he says. "Not for lack of trying. I think I'm wearing them down, though. Always wanted to have a threesome."

As for the first question...

"I just find people hot. Gender doesn't really factor into it," he shrugs. "I think the universe had to even things out and I got all the attraction my brother was supposed to have."

Aaron tries to picture what a threesome between Eli, Matt and Dan would look like. He only has a vague idea of what gay sex is like, so it's not a very clear picture, but it's enough to make his face flush hot. He's glad it's dark outside.

He nods at what Eli says, thinking over the explanation. It sort of makes sense, about Eli getting all the attraction that Neil was supposed to have. Aaron sometimes feels like Andrew got all the strength and talent and bravery that he was meant to have. He doesn't think he really got anything of Andrew's, though.

It also seems pretty clear that the random guy Eli was making out with really was just a random guy. He couldn't have meant anything to Eli, or Eli would be back in there with him instead of out here with Aaron. That makes Aaron feel a little better, though he isn't sure why. Maybe he's more like Andrew than he thought, bothered by the idea of outsiders coming into their group.

He kind of feels like a huge dick for messing up Eli's game. He should just tell Eli to go back inside and get back to doing his thing, but the idea of Eli leaving him to hook up with that guy makes Aaron's chest twist painfully. He frowns, frustrated with himself.

Aaron looks a little less upset but still conflicted about something, and Eli eases forward, well in his space now. He notices movement from the front of the alley but pays the men no mind, focused on Aaron. He reaches out and touches Aaron's arm.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks. "You can talk to me. I won't tell anyone your business."

From closer than comfortable, he hears a disgusted sound and snaps his eyes up to meet the gaze of one of the men who'd been smoking. They'd ambled closer to the door and took issue with how close Eli is standing to Aaron, it seems.

"Queers," the man sneers.

Aaron looks into Eli's eyes as Eli touches his arm, soaking up the comfort and acceptance this man is so willing to offer him. Even when Aaron's being a total fucking ass to him for no good reason. It feels like maybe he hasn't fucked everything up with Eli after all.

So of course some homophobic dickbag has to ruin the moment.

Aaron is aware that he's five foot nothing, that he doesn't carry knives like Andrew and he can't hit like Matt. He should do the smart thing and ignore this guy. Just take Eli and go back inside and pretend this whole shitty night never happened.

But Aaron is also an Exy backliner on the worst team in his league. He's not in the habit of flinching back from a potential fight, even one he has no hope of winning. He steps around Eli and scowls at the man who interrupted them, fists clenched at his sides. "Hey, why don't you fuck off, asshole."

Eli opens his mouth, habit intending him to draw fire while Aaron flees, hopefully returning with help. But then Aaron leaves him speechless when he steps around Eli, not to leave him but... Defend him? Maybe? Eli isn't sure. Maybe he's just upset about someone thinking he's gay.

"Jesus, they're infecting you freaks young now aren't they?" the man says, taking a threatening step forward. The only good thing is that his friends look bored, like they'd rather be back inside drinking.

From the corner of his eye he sees Nicky's head peek out from around the door and disappear again. Well, at least backup will arrive soon. All Eli has to do is keep Aaron safe until then.

"—think I can beat it out of you," the man is saying as Eli turns his attention back to him. He pulls his father's jagged smile across his face.

"Too bad you can’t beat any brain cells into that vacuous space between your ears," he says. The man pauses his advancement, maybe confused about what the big word means. "Didn't you hear what happened to the last guys who tried beating up on a dirty queer at this club?"

"Oh, yeah," Aaron says, meeting Eli's sharp grin with a smirk of his own. "I heard about them. I heard the guy who nearly beat them to death was about my size, too."

"Are you pussies trying to threaten me?" The man steps forward again and Aaron can smell the reek of alcohol on him.

Aaron looks up at him, lip curling in anger. "We were trying to mind our own business before you butted your ugly head in. Now why don't you just go back to your little friends and leave us alone." He makes a shooing motion.

*****

Neil watches Aaron disappear into the crowd, again wondering what the draw was. Strangers crushing in on him, grabbing at him and rubbing various bits of their anatomy on him to the beat of too-loud music? No thanks.

He looks back at their table. Only him, Andrew and Kevin left. Kevin is drinking like he's trying to figure out the line between black out drunk and alcohol poisoning. Andrew, Neil is startled to note, is staring at him intensely.

"What?" he asks, a little defensively though he has nothing to be defensive about.

Andrew does not know what in god’s name possessed Eli to choose tonight to reveal his and Neil’s special secret eye color, but he wishes he could go back in time and murder Eli before he had the chance to do so. Instead, Andrew now has to endure the agony of staring into Neil Josten's uncovered eyeballs. Even if Andrew didn't have to stay sober enough to drive tonight, there is not enough alcohol in the world to make that a bearable experience.

"Why," Andrew says, gesturing to his own eyes to clarify the question.

Neil freezes, mind trying to go down twists and turns into dark memories, but forcibly closes those thoughts off. He glances warily at Kevin, wondering if he's drunk enough to not realize what's being said, or at least not remember it in the morning.

There are a few truths he can answer with, but he goes with, "They're kind of recognizable."

Well, Andrew can't dispute that. "Then why reveal them now?"

Though he tries not to, Neil grimaces.

"Eli thinks you already know so much it doesn't matter," he says.

So far it seems like Eli decides everything important for the two of them. Andrew hadn't thought much of Neil's shocked reaction back at the diner, but now he catches Neil's unhappy expression and his specific wording.

"Eli thinks," Andrew repeats. "You disagree?"

Neil has to look away, clenching his jaw. He's disagreed with Eli on things before, but always let himself be talked down because Eli was just trying to look out for them. For him. But this doesn't feel like Eli being protective. This feels like Eli being reckless, and Neil doesn't know why.

"He's been acting weird," Neil says.

Andrew's eyes narrow. "Weird how?"

Neil flounders, wondering how he's supposed to explain.

"He wouldn't have done that," he says. "Just—take out the contacts like that. And he was mad at me. I could tell. Eli doesn't get mad at me."

He thinks that might be the most unnerving part of this. The anger he'd seen directed at him, even if it was only for a few seconds. He doesn't think Eli's ever been mad at him before.

Andrew, whose own twin is always mad at him, cannot relate to this predicament. Normally this would be where he loses interest and leaves the topic alone. As a rule, he does not care to discuss other people’s interpersonal entanglements. But Neil, god damn him, remains interesting, entanglements and all.

"Did you do something to make him mad?" Andrew asks.

Neil thinks guiltily of agreeing not to tell Eli about Aaron's... whatever. Ailment? Illness? They haven't figured it out yet. Neil suspects Katelyn knows more than she's letting on, but she's keeping a tight lid on it.

But even if Eli found out about that, Neil doubts he'd be mad. Hurt, maybe?

"I don't think so," he says. He sighs, grabbing another shot and pouring it down his throat. Two isn't enough to get him drunk, and he's not going to touch the dust.

Andrew's throat feels dry as he watches Neil take another shot. He wants to lick the alcohol off Neil's tongue. Fuck, he needs to stop thinking about this.

"I seem to remember you saying Eli never gets into trouble," Andrew muses. "Maybe he's gotten tired of following the rules."

Neil frowns.

"Eli doesn't get into trouble," he insists, that defensive tone creeping back. Andrew doesn't know anything about Eli. "He's right. It—it doesn't matter if you guys know, as long as you don't go around telling people."

He still feels off-balance, but it's true. And it will be nice not having to sleep in their contacts at the Columbia house anymore.

"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself," Andrew says. "I already said we won't tell anyone."

He licks his teeth, considering. "Have you always let him make all the decisions for you?"

Neil feels his anger beginning to bubble back up.

"Eli doesn't make all the decisions," he says, and it's true. He chose Millport, and he chose to play on the Exy team, and he chose to come to Palmetto. Eli has only ever held on, trying to keep him safe, caving over and over at the slightest hint that something might make Neil happy.

The defensiveness in Neil's face is heating up into something more like anger. Andrew wants to see Neil break. He wants to push, and take, and devour everything that makes up Neil Josten like flames eating up a building, until all that's left of the both of them is burnt rubble.

Kevin is basically catatonic, but Andrew lowers his voice anyway, leaning closer to Neil. "Sure looks like he's in charge from where I'm standing. You and I both know the only reason you're still here is because Eli trusts me to protect you. If he really wanted to leave, you'd both be gone, whether you like it or not."

It's not something Andrew likes to think about, but he's sure it's the truth.

The ebb and flow of his anger is giving him whiplash, tonight. Amusement flickering in his eyes, Neil leans closer to Andrew.

"You've got it backwards," he tells him like a secret. "The only reason we're still here is because I want to stay."

Neil may pretend to be a prey animal most of the time, but the glint in his eyes right now is all predator. He's close enough that Andrew can smell his cheap shampoo and sweat. Neil's voice so close to Andrew’s ear sends an actual fucking shiver down his back, and it takes an extra few seconds for him to process what Neil said.

Andrew clears his throat and takes a sip of whiskey, giving Neil a dubious look. "How's that, exactly?

Neil isn't entirely sure what the expression on Andrew's face means, but it makes something in him curl with satisfaction at having put it there. He leans back, radiating smugness.

"Eli doesn't care about Exy or the Foxes," he says, a little surprised Andrew hasn't figured this out for himself. "He doesn't think you can protect me, but he's betting on you being able to buy enough time for me to get away. It's a risk, but he's taking it because I want to be here."

Andrew frowns. "Why doesn't he think I can protect you?"

He shoves down the satisfaction in his chest that threatens to pop up when Neil says he wants to stay here. He doesn't mean with you, monster, he's talking about his precious Exy.

The almost-smile that Neil had been wearing disappears, and he has to look away from Andrew's searching gaze.

He picks at his nails underneath the table, frowning.

"You've never asked about Eli's scars," he says finally. "You've got to have theories."

Andrew pauses. This is new. This is Neil inviting him to ask, rather than Andrew breaking down the door to demand answers.

"I do," Andrew allows. "But they are only theories. All I really know is that someone wants to kill you. Someone that Riko can get in contact with."

Kevin looks up at the name, his glazed eyes fearful. Andrew waves him off and switches to German. "You never told me what happened to your mother? Is she alive?"

Andrew says one of Kevin's trigger words, but the man goes back to resting his head on his arms when Andrew gives a lazy wave. He switches to German, which won't help if he says Riko's name again, but Neil appreciates the thought.

"She's dead," he confirms, also in German. "We didn't kill her."

"But someone did," Andrew guesses, his tone matter-of-fact like he's discussing the weather. "Who was it?"

Neil shakes his head, almost endeared.

"Wrong question," he says. "Who ordered it, that's what's important. Do you understand? You're just one person, Andrew."

Andrew looks at his glass of whiskey, swirling the last inch of it around. "Eli asked me if I could hold off the mafia. I am not delusional. I know I am only one man. Protecting Day from his old owner throwing a tantrum about losing his favorite broken toy is not the same. I understand this."

He sets down his glass and looks Neil in the eye. "But I promised to protect you, and I will. Whoever wants you dead will have to kill me to get to you, and I will take down as many of them as I can get my hands on. I will buy you both time to run. Do you believe me?"

Neil swallows, uneasy about the guilt that threatens to surface. He's never felt guilty about getting anyone killed before, but this feeling is too much like having to stitch Eli up in a dingy bathroom after Neil got them caught; like watching his mother backhand Eli for something Neil said, only because Eli stepped in front of it.

He shouldn't feel guilty. Andrew Minyard doesn't mean anything to him. Eli has been protecting him since they were five years old.

"I believe you," Neil says. Part of him wishes he didn't.

"Good," Andrew says, and tips back the rest of his drink. He's had about all he can take of staring into Neil Josten's tragic blue eyes right now.

Nicky, who has apparently learned good timing for once in his life, hurries up to the table, anxiety written on his face. "You better come," he says, gesturing to the side door. "Aaron and Eli are in the alley. Some guys are harassing them. Might be bad news."

Andrew is up before Nicky's done talking, but Neil is already gone.

"Kevin, up!" Andrew orders in a sharp voice. It seems to break through Kevin's drunken stupor and he stumbles to his feet obediently. Andrew hooks a hand in Kevin’s shirt, dragging him along after Neil and trusting Nicky to follow.

Neil sees Nicky's anxious face, hears 'Eli' and 'alley' and he's out of his seat, bolting for the door. He shoves people out of his way without thought, adrenaline shooting through him.

Pushing open the door reveals a man twice Eli's weight holding him by the neck against the brick wall opposite the club. Eli is smiling that terrible, violent grin, blood dripping down his chin from a split lip. Aaron is being held back, struggling and cursing in the grip of two other guys. One has a black eye, the other a bloody nose, but Aaron doesn't look injured.

The anger that's been sloshing around inside him all night bubbles over as rage. Without thinking, Neil leans down, grabbing a rock, and lobs it at the head of the man holding his brother. He lets out a stream of curses, holding his skull and spinning around to glare at Neil.

"Hey, ugly," Neil says, grabbing another rock and throwing it up and down. "Could smell you all the way inside. Walking in daddy's footsteps right to alcoholism, huh? Think if I lit a match you'd take the place down with you?"

Ugly's mouth falls open and he splutters, "What the fuck did you just say to me?"

Andrew gets into the alley in time to hear Neil unleashing his sharp tongue on a much larger man, and he is instantly and viscerally reminded of the Neil who defended Kevin on Kathy Ferdinand's show. The man that Eli calls Abram. There is no time to appreciate this, however, because two strangers are holding onto Aaron.

Andrew walks over to them, cold fury burning through him.

"Stay out of this, you little shit," one of them warns. Andrew kicks him in the dick, then slips out a knife and slashes the other man across the cheek. Not too deep, just enough to make him bleed everywhere.

Both men immediately let go of Aaron. The one not on the ground clutching his balls begins yelling, "What the fuck, you psycho brat! You cut my face open!"

"Aaron," Andrew says. "Go to Nicky."

Aaron does.

Andrew hopes these men do not try to fight back too hard. It would be very inconvenient for him to go to prison right now, what with all these people he's made deals to protect.

There's yelling and movement over where Aaron is, but Neil pays it no mind. When the man doesn't immediately let Eli go, Neil launches his second rock, striking him in the forehead and causing a howl of rage. Eli drops to the ground and tackles the man around the middle, knocking him over before he can take a step Neil's way.

Neil has never been great in a fight, but he can't leave his brother to fight alone. The last time he'd done that their mother had ended up dead, and Neil refuses to have the same thing happen to Eli.

He darts over to where they're struggling. Ugly's managed to pin Eli beneath him and Eli spits blood in his face.

"Best hope you don't catch anything," Eli laughs, the sound edging on manic. Ugly rears a fist back but Neil gets there before he can bring it down, kicking as hard as he can in Ugly's side. He hopes something ruptures.

The force of the kick is enough to send the man off balance, so Neil kicks him again. Eli cackles, pushing himself to his feet.

"They make you faggots in pairs now?" The man spits out, eyes bouncing between Neil and Eli and the other scuffle happening.

"Sure do," Eli says, chipper. "Which means you're outnumbered. Better run."

The man on the ground stays down, groaning, but the one whose face Andrew cut lunges at him and knocks him over. Andrew manages to press his knife against the man's ribcage, which makes the man panic and start to back off. As soon as he does so, Andrew punches him several times very hard in the face and shoves the man onto his back. He sits on the man’s chest and sets his knife against his neck.

Andrew reminds himself that Aaron is safe. He's fairly sure these men did not even injure Aaron. He tells himself this in the hopes that he does not go too far and try to kill them.

Ugly turns and runs, leaving behind his two friends. Neil glances over and sees Andrew sitting on top of one of them, knife to his neck, and the other one bent over and groaning. Seems he has it under control.

Turning back to Eli, Neil grabs his shoulders. He wants to shake him, but stops himself.

"What happened? Why didn't you run?" Neil has no doubt he'd had an opportunity. These weren't their father's men, they were just some drunk assholes. Eli could have gotten away if he wanted to.

Eli blinks at him. "I wasn't gonna leave Aaron to deal with them by himself."

Neil gapes. Eli has never tried to protect anyone but his brother, and suddenly he's putting himself in harm's way for Aaron?

He swivels his head to stare at Aaron, like he'll have an answer for this. But Aaron looks just as surprised as Neil feels, staring at Eli like he can't be real.

Nicky makes a noise that sounds an awful lot like a squeal and claps his hands together.

"Oh, that's so sweet," he says happily.

Andrew's blue-balled friend finally manages to get himself off the ground and runs away down the alley, cursing at them as he goes. Once he's out of sight, Andrew gets up off the bleeding guy, skin crawling from having to touch him. He gives the man a little kick in the ribs.

"Looks like you get to live," Andrew tells him. "Lucky you."

The man stares at him.

"Goodbye," Andrew says pointedly.

The man stumbles to his feet and hurries off, looking dazed and bloody but definitely not dead, so Andrew figures it'll be fine. He wipes his knife off on his black jeans and returns it to its sheath, turning to check on his family. The guy attacking Eli is gone now too, so Andrew goes straight to Aaron.

"Did they hurt you?" Andrew runs his eyes over Aaron's face and neck and arms. He doesn’t see any injuries, but there could be something under his clothes.

Aaron turns his gaze from Eli to Andrew.

"No, I'm fine," he says. Neil has no doubt that's Eli's doing, and he turns back to his brother with a frown.

Besides the split lip, bruises in the shape of fingerprints are starting to form on his neck. But more concerning than that is Eli's unfocused gaze.

"Did you hit your head?" Neil asks, and Eli grins at him. He already knows Eli is concussed because Neil flinches at the sight and Eli doesn't notice. "Fuck. Okay."

The faint sound of sirens echoes in the distance. Andrew's not sure if it's for them, but he's not taking the chance.

"Time to go," Andrew says. "You can play nursemaid for Eli in the car." Neil ignores him and Andrew snaps his fingers in his face. "Now, Neil."

Neil somehow resists the urge to bite right through Andrew's fingers. Instead he grabs onto Eli's arm and starts leading him towards the street. Fuck heading back inside; the lights and noise would be killer on Eli's head.

"C'mon," he urges, and Eli lets himself be led.

He doesn't let Eli sit on Nicky's lap in the car, forcing his brother onto his lap instead. Eli slumps, his head resting against Neil's shoulder, but he has enough energy to sling his legs across Aaron and put his feet in Nicky's lap, so that's something.

Aaron is mostly quiet, but he keeps glancing at Eli. Neil doesn't know what he's thinking, but Eli gives him a bright grin when he catches him at it, which makes Aaron look away and pull his phone out. Nicky drunkenly plays with Eli's shoelaces, humming a song to himself. Neil hears Kevin snoring up front.

It's too dark and crowded in the car to do much in terms of checking on Eli's head injury, so Aaron just has to sit there, guilt weighing heavy on his shoulders.

Why did Eli have to take the hits for Aaron? No one's ever done that. Well, technically Andrew did once, the night he killed their mother. But that's not the same thing. Andrew just hated her, he wasn't trying to protect Aaron.

For once, Aaron is grateful for Andrew's disregard of the speed limit, because they pull up to the house after only a few minutes. Aaron sits tight in the backseat while Neil maneuvers Eli out of the car, then he follows them into the house.

Eli's head is pounding. He's pretty sure that asshole throwing him against the brick wall landed him with a mild concussion, but it's hard to tell between the booze and the drugs already in his system. Vertigo makes his head spin and he nearly sicks up outside the house when Abram firmly but gently urges him out of the car.

Abram is a familiar warmth at his side as he's led indoors. Kevin falls face-first onto the couch and is snoring in seconds, so Abram pushes Eli into the chair. Eli grins at him, feeling his lip split open again, and becomes aware of dried blood flaking on his chin.

"I'm fine," Eli says. "Nothing needs stitched."

Abram nods like he knows this already. Eli can't remember telling him before.

Aaron goes upstairs for a first aid kit and a flashlight and brings them over to where Eli's sitting in a chair. Neil is already examining his brother and Eli is grinning back at him with a bloody mouth.

"Hey, Eli," Aaron says.

Eli looks at him, his grin widening.

Aaron scans Eli’s face and clicks the flashlight on. "Can I check your eyes? I need to see how bad you hit your head."

If Eli knew this was all it took to get Aaron talking to him again, he would have smashed his head against a wall ages ago.

"Knock yourself out, future doctor," Eli says.

Nicky is suddenly there, handing Abram a bowl and a washcloth. Abram sets it on the table and perches next to it, staring at Aaron with his arms crossed.

No one's bothered to turn on the living room lights yet, which suits Aaron's purposes well. He bends down slightly to look Eli in the eye and tells him to look straight ahead. It's... kind of a lot, being up this close and staring directly into Eli's eyes. Eli’s eyeliner has gotten a little smudged, but that just makes him look even cooler. Aaron does his best to ignore all his weird Eli-related feelings and issues, and focuses on his task.

Eli's pupils are the same size as each other, which is good, but they're pretty dilated. That could be from the dust, though. Aaron tests their constriction with his flashlight and it looks normal too.

"Follow my finger," he tells Eli, moving it back and forth in front of Eli's face. Eli does without issue.

Aaron chews on his lip, thinking. "How are you feeling? Headache, nausea, dizziness?"

Eli does as he's asked and only flinches back a little when light is shined in his eye. Aaron's face is close to his and Eli takes the opportunity to rove his eyes over his features. His face is shadowed and the room is dim, but Aaron is still attractive. His eyes look darker in this lighting, but Eli knows there are little spatters of gold and even some green in them.

"All of the above," Eli says, when it sinks in that Aaron asked a question. He tries to smile reassuringly. "I'm fine. Just need some sleep. Are you okay?"

It takes Eli a second or two longer than normal to answer, which is somewhat concerning, as are his answers. Though, again, dust and alcohol are probably muddying the water there.

Aaron looks to Neil in disbelief that Eli is asking if he’s okay, but Neil just stares back at him. Neil is honestly being kind of intimidating right now and Aaron doesn't know what to do with that.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Aaron says, turning back to Eli. "Thanks to you. Do you remember where you are now? And what happened?"

Eli nods, then stops when that makes the pain worse.

"We're at your house," he says, just to put Aaron more at ease. "We got in a fight behind Eden's."

"What happened?" Nicky asked. "I mean, what started it?"

Eli blinks in his direction a few times while the question processes. He shrugs.

"Thought we were gay," he says. "Probably overheard me talking about trying to sleep with Matt and Dan." He smiles. "I'm wearing them down."

Nicky lets out a little laugh, then yawns. "Of course you are. Since you guys have this handled, I'm going to sleep. Night guys."

Eli offers a little wave, because talking is starting to hurt. Nicky smiles and wanders off to his room.

"I think you should be okay, but we'll have Abby take a look at you tomorrow," Aaron says, more to Neil than Eli since he's not sure how well Eli's retaining information right now.

Aaron’s eyes catch on the bruise marks on Eli's neck, and he moves the flashlight to look at them with a frown. "Definitely have Abby check on those too." Even if Eli seems okay right now, there could be serious delayed issues from it later.

Aaron pockets the flashlight and picks up the washcloth. He dips it in the water and begins carefully wiping the blood off Eli's chin and lip.

The cool washcloth feels good on Eli’s heated skin, but Aaron's dedicated attention feels better. For a moment Eli thinks about leaning forward and kissing him, but he just got back on Aaron's good side. He makes a mental note that forgiveness—for whatever he'd done; Eli had never figured that part out—is easily earned by taking a few punches in Aaron's place. Simple enough.

"Talking hurts," Eli eventually remembers to say. His eyelids are starting to droop, but he keeps them mostly open by force of will, peering at Aaron from beneath his lashes.

"Okay, don't talk then," Aaron says, wiping the last bit of blood from Eli's chin. Eli's lip has mostly stopped bleeding, so Aaron leaves it alone. He drops the washcloth back in the bowl.

"You guys take my room," Aaron tells Neil, who is still hovering next to Eli like a bodyguard. "I'll sleep out here."

Andrew has been lurking in the background watching all this. He kicks off the wall he's been leaning on and heads upstairs without a word.

"Just keep an eye on him, let me know if he starts vomiting or anything like that," Aaron says to Neil. "Maybe wake him up a couple times to check on him."

Aaron starts talking to Abram, turning away, and Eli frowns at him. He tries to follow the words, but only one thing sticks out to him.

"Where are you going to sleep?" he asks. His voice is starting to sound weird. Scratchy and hoarse.

Aaron frowns at the roughness of Eli's voice. "I thought I told you to stop talking. Rest your voice."

He points to the recliner chair that Eli's currently occupying. "I'll be fine here. Chair leans back, see?" It doesn't go back all that far but Aaron's short enough he can curl up in it without issue. He's slept there a few times before when he’s been too drunk or high to make it upstairs.

Aaron hands Neil the ibuprofen bottle from the first aid kit and tells him to wait a second, then goes to retrieve an ice pack and a glass of water. "For his neck," he tells Neil, handing him the items. "You need a hand getting him up the stairs?"

"No, I got him," Abram says, but Eli isn't sure what he's talking about. Eli eyes Kevin with contempt, considering rolling him off the couch and onto the floor, but Abram takes him by the arm and leads him upstairs to a bedroom. Eli looks back at Aaron as they go, giving him a dopey smile and a little wave.

Abram has him lay down and scoot until he's not hogging the bed, and Eli frowns when his arm touches the wall, confused.

"Wall?" he asks, certain that Abram will understand.

"You're on the inside. I'm looking out for you tonight," Abram says, in that voice that means arguing is hopeless. Eli sighs. Abram makes him take some pills and puts an icepack on his neck before joining him in bed. "Sleep, Eli."

Eli closes his eyes. He is very tired.

Aaron kicks off his shoes and curls up in the recliner, cranking it back as far as it will go. Kevin's loud snores fill the room, but otherwise the house is quiet.

What the hell had Aaron been thinking tonight, trying to fight that asshole? He was feeling reckless and self destructive, not concerned with his own safety, but he hadn't ever wanted Eli to get hurt. He really thought Eli would just leave and get help if there was trouble. Aaron meant nothing to him. Right?

Aaron opens his text thread with Katelyn. The last one is from earlier in the car.

Katelyn: im glad u guys r safe! plz txt when ur home
Aaron: sry home now. eli def is concussed & neck bruised. not hospital worthy tho, i think he'll b ok
Katelyn: glad 2 hear it! now go 2 sleep <3

Aaron does try to fall asleep, but it takes a long time for the adrenaline of the fight to leave his body, and when it finally does, all he can think about is Eli and that guy in the club. The way they were touching each other. The memory makes Aaron’s chest hurt and his stomach squirm uncomfortably.

Is Aaron homophobic? He didn’t think he was, but why else would he react so strongly to seeing Eli making out with a dude? But Aaron likes Nicky just fine even though Nicky’s gay. Although it is gross when Nicky talks about wanting to bang every one of their teammates. But that’s because Nicky's his cousin and kind of a pervert, not because he’s gay.

Aaron thinks about Eli being gay—or, not gay, but whatever he is—and it doesn't gross him out. Now that he's over the shock of it, it sort of makes sense. Eli's just a likeable guy. It's easy to imagine people of any gender being into him. Like that guy from tonight. Who'd been grabbing onto Eli's ass. Ugh.

Aaron grimaces and smushes his face into the arm of the recliner. He really hopes this doesn't make him even more awkward around Eli. Even if it does, though, Aaron decides he's just going to push through it and deal with it. He's done trying to ignore Eli. It hasn't been helping anyway, and Aaron just can't handle seeing that disappointed face Eli gets when Aaron ignores him. It doesn't matter what freaky jokes Nicky tries to make about it. That's just Nicky being Nicky. Aaron will just try his best to be normal around Eli, and if he can't, well, Eli can make fun of him for it or something. That's fine. It's all going to be fine.

Notes:

in case any of you were too young to have a cell phone in 2006, just know this really is how we used to text... o_O

Chapter 8 Summary:

Eli meets Katelyn.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When they get back to Palmetto, Aaron insists Eli see Abby first thing. Eli says he's fine, but Abram and Aaron outnumber him, so he lets himself be bullied into seeing the nurse. She does the same tests Aaron did and declares he has a mild concussion, and tells him to keep an eye on his breathing, in case of a delayed reaction to being strangled.

That finished, they head to the dorms. Eli spends the rest of the weekend in bed, avoiding lights and the questions of the other Foxes. He hears them wondering if the bruises are because of Andrew and uses his croaking voice to set them straight.

By Monday he's feeling okay. Still dealing with a lingering headache and his throat is sore, but he's good enough to wander around campus. He's getting cabin fever, locked up in the dorms. It wouldn't have bothered him just a few months ago, but he's enjoying his relative freedom here.

While Abram is in class, Eli uses the opportunity to duck out and head to the dining hall, his stomach rumbling. After piling food on his tray and swiping his card, he's stopped by a happy voice calling out, "Neil!"

He turns around to see a girl he's never met before beaming at him. More noticeably, however, is Aaron at her side. His presence throws Eli off enough that he hesitates in slipping into Neil.

Even without the light bruise marks on Eli’s neck, Aaron still would have known it's him standing there and not Neil. He's not sure when he got used to telling them apart. Maybe it's a twin thing, since he's used to telling himself and Andrew apart? That doesn't really make sense, but whatever.

Aaron nudges Katelyn's arm with his elbow. "That's Eli, not Neil."

"Oh!" Katelyn says, her eyes lighting up. "Oh my gosh, hi, I'm Katelyn. I've been wanting to meet you so bad, Aaron talks about you all the time." Aaron glares at her.

"You should come sit with us for lunch," Katelyn continues, uncaring of Aaron's suffering.

Aaron barely restrains himself from grimacing. He guesses he did tell Katelyn he was done avoiding Eli, so perhaps this is his own fault. Eli’s expression looks unsure, so Aaron gives him a nod of encouragement.

So this is the Katelyn girl Aaron is always texting. She's pretty and upbeat, and Eli doesn't like her on principle. But then she says Aaron talks about him, and warmth spreads through his chest. Maybe she's not so bad.

She invites him to eat with them and he hesitates. Aaron was kind to him before, but it could just be because he was injured, and Aaron wants to be a doctor. But then Aaron gives him a nod and tension flows out of him. Guess getting into that fight really did earn him forgiveness.

"Sure," Eli smiles. "I've been wanting to meet you, too. I think the only time Aaron isn't texting you is when we're at practice."

Katelyn giggles at that and Aaron rolls his eyes at her. They sit down at the nearest table and Katelyn starts chattering at Eli before he's even set his tray down.

"I heard you guys got in a big fight over the weekend," she says, her eyes going wide. "Are you still hurt? Aaron said you really got yourself banged up protecting him."

Aaron stabs at his food, his ears turning pink.

"Nah," Eli grins. He wants to bite at the pink on Aaron's ears. "I'm fine. It's a bit blurry 'cause of the head injury, but I'm pretty sure Aaron's the one who was protecting me. I only got hurt because I was too dumb to run, but I saw Nicky so I figured backup wouldn't take long."

He tries not to sound too pleased, but he's never had someone step in front of danger for him before. That's always been his job. Of course, he'd prefer if Aaron never did it again but. It's still nice.

The pink on Aaron's ears is darkening and spreading to his face. Eli is delighted by this.

"Aww!" Katelyn coos at Aaron. "Well I'm glad you guys are okay, it sounded really scary."

She turns back to Eli with a big smile. "Are you coming to watch the game Friday? I bet you were so proud of Neil last week, he played like crazy! I couldn't believe how much energy he still had by the end."

Aaron hasn't told her about Eli and Neil swapping for games. He trusts her, but he also knows how much she loves to gossip with the other cheerleaders, and this secret could get their team extremely fucking disqualified if the wrong people found out.

Eli laughs.

"Neil is crazy about Exy," he says. "He could play all day and still want more. Who knows how he does it."

He makes eye contact with Aaron and smirks. He hasn't been able to drop his little jokes about being the same person as Abram in a bit, and this feels like a suitable replacement.

"I usually watch the games on TV," he says. "Not a huge fan of crowds, and it means I can meet my brother right after."

Aaron's stomach flips over when Eli gives him a knowing smirk, like he's enjoying sharing a secret with him. Even with Eli having his brown contacts back in, it's hard for Aaron to hold eye contact. He looks down at his food but his lips twitch in a small smile.

"Oh, that's a great idea," Katelyn gushes. "Do you wish you could play in the games with him? Aaron told me you're a goalie but you can't play on the team because you're not a student, right?"

She leans in toward Eli and lowers her voice conspiratorially, her eyes sparkling. "He says you might even be better than Andrew. Is that true?"

"Oh my god," Aaron mutters under his breath. He's going to fucking kill her.

Eli thrills at every little smile he manages to coax out of Aaron, even when he looks away from him.

"Nah, I'd hate to play in actual games," Eli says. "I only started playing to give my brother someone to practice against. Exy is all Neil's thing."

"He said that, huh?" Eli asks, grinning smugly at Aaron and feeling his face warm. "Could be. It's not like we've held a competition or something."

Aaron's mouth twists in amusement despite the way Katelyn seems intent on embarrassing the hell out of him.

"Good luck getting Andrew to agree to that," Aaron says. "I bet he'd rather concede victory to you than let Kevin catch him willingly trying at Exy." He shrugs. "It's a hard call, though. He does seem to hate you a lot."

"Kevin doesn't have to know," Eli says easily. "He's been on my ass about not being enthusiastic enough in practices. I'd rather chew my arm off than give him the satisfaction."

Remembering he has food to eat, Eli picks up his fork.

"Andrew's an asshole; the feeling is mutual," he says. Andrew is, admittedly, less annoying when he's going down on him, but it's not like a blowjob is going to make them suddenly besties.

"Andrew is... yeah. He's Andrew," Aaron says wearily. "I mean, I'm an asshole too, but he really goes out of his way to make enemies. You definitely got the better twin deal here. I know Neil has a talent for pissing people off too, but at least he actually likes you."

"Yeah, I mean, I don't know what I'd do if—" Eli cuts himself off, because the rest of the sentence is 'my brother treated me the way Andrew treats you,' and he doesn't think that would go over well. Instead, he shakes his head like that might chase the thought away. "Besides, you're a likable asshole. Andrew's just an asshole. There's a difference."

Eli thinks Aaron is likable? That's what Neil said before, that Eli liked him. Aaron doesn't know what to say to that. With the notable exception of Katelyn, people don't typically like Aaron. They tolerate him, maybe. Nicky loves him—or at least, Aaron’s pretty sure he does. He’s never said it, but it’s not the sort of thing people say out loud in their family. But even he finds Aaron abrasive and difficult to talk to more often than not.

Aaron's chest feels warm and so does his face. He shrugs at Eli and goes back to picking at his food.

They continue chatting while they eat. Aaron mostly stays quiet, but it isn't the same kind of silence as when he was ignoring Eli. It's more like he's observing, chipping in with his two cents when he's got them.

"How often do you guys study with Neil?" he eventually asks. He wonders if, every time Abram had gone to the library, he was meeting up with Aaron and Katelyn. He doesn't know why Abram would keep something like that from him, and thinking about it makes his chest feel tight.

"Oh, a couple times a week I guess," Katelyn says. "But it's not all studying, they've been getting plenty of work done on their independent research project too."

She blinks meaningfully at Aaron and he kicks her under the table, wishing the ground would swallow him up. Or her. That might be better.

Eli's heart plummets. A couple times a week? No wonder Abram and Aaron seemed so chummy, if they've been spending so much time together. While Abram lied to him and Aaron acted like he didn't exist.

"What kind of research are you doing?" Eli says, trying to be normal. It takes a moment for him to put a name to what he's feeling. Betrayed. He feels betrayed. It's not an emotion he's familiar with, because the only person he trusts is Abram, and he and Abram don't keep secrets from each other. Or he thought they didn't.

"Uh," Aaron says, mind racing to come up with an explanation. "Just like, some medical research?"

Eli doesn't look particularly convinced by that. Shit. Eli’s definitely going to ask Neil about this and then Neil's going to tell him all about Aaron's weird problems, and Aaron is going to have to change his name and move to another state.

"It's kind of personal," Aaron says quickly. "Neil's just helping me out a bit."

Fucking Katelyn.

Aaron is very obviously lying. Eli tries and fails not to be hurt that he's willing to share personal shit with Abram but not him. It's clear which twin Aaron prefers. This sort of hurt is also not one that he's familiar with; no one's ever known there were two of them.

"Sure," he says, pulling on an easy smile. "No big deal."

He asks Katelyn about her cheerleading, and that's enough to fill the rest of the time until he's finished eating. He says his goodbyes and heads back to the dorm, where he crawls into bed and pulls the covers over his head. He weighs how likely it is that Kevin will come to physically drag him to practice later if he just doesn't go. He sighs and concludes that it is, in fact, very likely.

Eli doesn’t push back on Aaron’s flimsy explanations, which is a relief. Aaron’s not sure if Eli actually believes him, but that's a problem for another time. Aaron can check with Neil later and find out if he spilled his secrets or not.

Eli heads off after he’s done eating. As soon as he’s out of sight, Aaron turns to Katelyn with accusing eyes. "Hey. What the fuck was that?"

Katelyn blinks at him innocently. "What was what?"

"Oh, Aaron talks about you all the time, he thinks you're the best goalie, blah blah," Aaron says in a high pitched voice. "Independent research project? Really?"

Katelyn shrugs. "I think he bought it."

Aaron gives her a flat look. "He did not buy it."

Katelyn rolls her eyes. "Come on, Aaron, you do talk about him all the time and he doesn't even know you want to be friends with him! Did you see the look he gave you when I asked him to eat lunch with us? He thinks you don't even like him. I'm just helping to fix that."

"I didn't ask you to fix it!" Aaron runs his fingers through his hair, agitated. "It doesn't need fixing, it was fine the way it was. And now he's going to talk to Neil and find out all the weird shit I told him, and my life is going to be ruined!"

"You're being dramatic," Katelyn says, crossing her arms with a frustrated huff.

Aaron glares at her.

She softens, looking a little guilty. "Okay, maybe I went a little too far. I just got so excited to meet him, he seems really good for you! I think he likes you a lot, Aaron."

Aaron feels his face warming again and he groans. "You are the worst."

"But you forgive me?" Katelyn says hopefully.

Aaron sighs and bumps his shoulder into hers. "Whatever. Fine. But I'm never letting you meet any of my friends again.”

Katelyn beams, knowing Aaron is lying through his teeth.

*****

The next time Andrew breaks into the dorm, Abram and Matt are out again. Eli's been half expecting this and smirks at him.

"Should I be working this into my schedule?" Eli asks. In response Andrew pushes him against the wall and kisses him hard, then pulls away and refuses to do anything else until Eli removes his contacts.

"Freak," Eli tells him, but obliges. He even does Andrew a favor and makes eye contact while being sucked off, one of his fancy new flavored condoms wrapped around him.

When he's finished he notices Andrew eyeing the condom—or more specifically, the recent addition to it. Eli waggles his eyebrows as he pulls it off and asks, "What, you want it?"

Andrew is hard enough to make him a little lightheaded, or maybe the dizziness is simply from being out of breath due to choking himself on Eli's cock. Either way, he's so horny that he really considers it. Fuck. He shakes his head, a few seconds too late to be a very convincing denial.

"Next time you can finish on my face," he says, annoyed, like he's doing Eli a favor and not like his mouth is watering at the idea of licking up his spend.

He ducks into the bathroom and takes care of himself while thinking of a different pair of blue eyes. There's still the usual rush of shame afterward, but he's also more relaxed, his limbs loose and easy, and he tips Eli a salute on his way out. Andrew will admit it's pretty convenient having a hookup that lives right across the hall, even if the guy is an asshole. At least Eli knows how to follow directions and keep his hands to himself.

After flipping Andrew off as a means of goodbye, Eli imagines finishing on Andrew's face but it quickly turns into imagining Aaron, and the negative emotions there kill any chance of him going for round two.

Instead, he distracts himself by reading a book he stole from one of the students in Neil's Spanish class until Abram returns.

If his brother has noticed anything off about him the past day or two he hasn't said anything. Eli hasn't confronted him about it yet. He doesn't know if he will. He feels weirdly tense and knotted up inside when he thinks about it.

"Hey," he greets. "Anything noteworthy?"

He waits for the usual debrief they give each other after any time spent away, a holdover from past lives where they were more one person than they are now.

Neil stops by the library after chemistry class to get Aaron's help on a couple homework questions. This quickly turns into Aaron and Katelyn squabbling about some lunch they had with Eli, then Aaron grilling Neil about whether Eli's been asking about him, and more fruitless speculation about Aaron's mysterious condition. All in all Neil ends up spending over an hour with them before he heads back to the dorm.

Eli's there already, lounging on his bunk with a book, and he looks up to greet Neil. He seems normal, but Neil's been having a weirdly hard time reading his moods ever since Eli took his contacts out at Eden’s. He's not totally sure what's going on in his brother’s head lately, and it’s kind of freaking him out. He’s just been trying not to think about it too much.

"Nothing really," Neil says. "Chemistry sucked as always. Got my test back from last week and it looks like I passed. Seventy-five percent." He waves the paper at Eli in sarcastic celebration.

He doesn't tell him about seeing Aaron and Katelyn. Ever since Aaron asked him to keep his problem a secret, Neil's gotten in the habit of avoiding talking to Eli about their library meetups at all. His stomach swirls with unhappy guilt every time he does so, but it makes it easier to avoid letting anything slip about Aaron’s weird issues.

"Cool," Eli says. "Nice job."

He sets his book aside and stretches, sitting up.

"Andrew stopped by while you were out," he says, then pauses. He frowns as he flicks through his memories. Oh well. Abram listens to his exploits to be supportive, not out of any actual desire to hear them.

"I guess I forgot to tell you. Andrew broke in last week and we hooked up. Or I guess I hooked up with him. He wouldn't let me do anything back and then went and jerked off in the bathroom. Current theories are absurdly big dick, absurdly small dick, or some kind of botched surgery. Thoughts?"

"Oh," Neil says, stunned. He feels like Eli’s just slapped him in the face, though he has no idea why. A tangled ball of emotion lodges itself in his chest and he tries to pull it apart to figure out why he feels so horrible all of a sudden.

There's no reason this information should be upsetting. Eli always tells Neil about his hookups. Neil doesn't really get the appeal, but he supports his brother doing his thing and it seems to make Eli happy, which is what matters. This shouldn't be any different, so why does Neil suddenly feel awful?

He focuses on the part that's bothering him the most, maybe because it reminds him of how Eli took his contacts out at Sweetie's without talking to Neil about it first. "Why didn't you tell me before?" he asks, trying to sound casual and not accusing.

Eli shrugs.

"Forgot," he says again. Then he looks a little closer at his brother and realizes that Abram looks upset. He frowns. "Are you okay?"

No, Neil thinks, he really isn't okay. But he doesn't know why. He wants to tell Eli to stop hooking up with Andrew. Then maybe he would feel okay. But he doesn't have any right to do that. Eli does everything to keep Neil safe and make him happy, and if he wants to hook up with Andrew, he should be able to. It doesn't matter if it makes Neil feel like shit.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," he says, aiming for a convincing tone. "Um, botched surgery is my guess. With all those knives he carries, maybe he did it himself." He forces a laugh.

Eli narrows his eyes.

"You're upset about something," he says. "Tell me."

And, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice, he asks, "Why are you lying?"

Neil frowns, pissed at himself for not being able to hide his emotions better. He's never had to hide them from Eli before, and he's no good at it. His stomach clenches with guilt, because now he's hurting Eli too.

"It's nothing," Neil insists, because it's the truth. He's just being an idiot and getting upset over literally nothing. "I don't know, I'm just in a weird mood, I guess. But I'm not lying."

Eli jumps to the floor. He really, really wishes he could believe him. Before meeting Aaron and Katelyn in the dining hall, he would have. But he knows better now. He approaches his brother and puts his hands on his shoulders.

"Abram," he says quietly. "You know you can tell me anything, right? We tell each other everything. Right?"

Eli still doesn't believe him, and it's starting to make Neil kind of angry. Because Neil's not lying, he is fine, nothing is wrong, he's just in a shit mood for no reason. And Eli is the one who—

"Do we, really?" Neil counters, hurt in his own voice now. "Because you didn't tell me when you decided to throw out our disguises. I still don't even know why you did it in the first place."

Eli's eyes widen. It's not unusual for Abram to get angry and snap at him, but this doesn't sound angry. This sounds hurt. He hadn't even realized Abram was still upset about the contacts.

Choking down his own knee-jerk response is hard, but he never wants to hurt his brother, so he can't throw it in his face that he knows Abram's been lying to him. Even though he really, really wants to.

Taking a deep breath, Eli drops his hands and steps back.

"You're right," he admits, and it's painful to say. "I shouldn't have done that without talking to you first. Do you want to know my reasoning or why I did it?"

Neil nods. "Yeah, I do." Guilt squirms in his stomach that he still hasn't told Eli about Aaron and his weird Eli-related symptoms, but he promised Aaron, and the team depends on it. And he really wants to know what Eli was thinking.

Heaving a big sigh, Eli nods. He sits down on Abram's bunk and scoots until his back is to the wall.

"Justifications first, I guess," he starts. "I fucking hate wearing contacts. They're itchy and annoying and uncomfortable. You aren't supposed to wear them for as long as we do, and you're definitely not supposed to sleep in them. It'll be good to give our eyes a break, since Columbia seems like it's going to be a regular thing, and they already know so much anyway."

He looks up at Abram, then back down at his hands. He picks at the skin around his thumb nail.

"None of that is really why, though. It's just why you shouldn't be mad at me about it," he says. "I know you're the one who mouths off whenever you get angry, but I inherited a temper, too. And I was pissed off because Aaron was ignoring me and I couldn't figure out why, and then you two were being all friendly and I didn't see that one coming. So I just. Did something he wouldn't ignore."

Neil's brow furrows as Eli explains. Wait, so this is all about Aaron? Like, Aaron Minyard?

Neil joins Eli on his bunk, sitting sideways cross-legged so he can look at him. "Okay, I guess I get the justifications. I probably would have agreed with you if you just told me before you did it. But why did you care if Aaron was ignoring you? Or if he and I were being friendly?"

He frowns, remembering something else. "At Eden's that night, you got in a fight for him too. But you never do that for anybody besides me. Why him? What makes Aaron so special?"

Eli groans, running a hand through his hair.

"I don't know," he says miserably. "I just thought I wanted to sleep with him at first. That's how these things usually go. But like obviously he isn't interested, and that's fine, because it's always fine, but it's not, because I'm out there doing stupid stuff just to make him look at me!"

He slumps against the wall and looks at Abram like he might have all the answers.

"I thought we were friends, at least, but then he started ignoring me and I still don't know what I did to piss him off so bad. And that really fucking sucks, because I might do it again now that he's talking to me again, and I wouldn't even realize I was doing it."

Oh. Huh. Neil really hadn't expected Eli to notice Aaron's stupid plan of trying to ignore him. He doesn't know what to do. He can't tell Eli the truth or Aaron will have a nervous breakdown and the team will be disqualified. But he can't just let Eli think Aaron might start randomly hating him either, when it's clearly eating Eli up inside.

"He wasn't pissed at you," Neil says carefully. "He's... just going through some shit, I think. But it's nothing you did, I know that for sure. You don't have to worry about that."

Right. For a second Eli forgot that Abram is allowed information about Aaron that Eli isn't. Irrational jealousy flares up through him again, but when it disappears it leaves him feeling tired and morose.

"If it wasn't anything I did then why was he ignoring me?" Eli asks.

Eli looks so sad and tired and Neil's stomach shrivels up with guilt. Fuck, he should have just told Eli about this from the beginning. He just never imagined Eli would care about Aaron's weird problems, but apparently he was wrong.

"I'm sorry," Neil says miserably. "I—I can't tell you. Aaron made me promise not to. I know I shouldn't have agreed, but he was having a whole panic attack about it and I didn’t know what to do." He shakes his head. "It's nothing bad, just… he's gonna get so upset if he finds out I told you anything."

Neil feels like scum. He's never kept a secret from Eli before. It feels awful. He never wants to do it again.

Abram looks miserable and it breaks Eli's heart right in half. Without thinking, he leans over and pulls Abram into a tight hug.

It still hurts that Abram lied to him, and it still hurts that Aaron likes him better, but Eli would give anything to wipe that look off his brother's face.

"It's okay," he says. "You don't have to tell me."

He wishes Abram would. There's a part of him that rebels against the notion that they would ever keep anything from each other. But he's not going to make him.

Neil hugs his brother back tightly, feeling awful. He knows Eli cares about him more than anything and would do anything for him, and Neil would do the same for him. And now that he knows how much this secret is bothering Eli, there's no way he can justify keeping it, not even for Exy.

"I'll talk to Aaron," Neil promises. "I'll get him to understand that we don't keep secrets from each other and he'll understand, I think. I just need to explain it first so he doesn't freak out too bad."

If this ends up with Aaron flipping his shit and jeopardizing their whole team, then so be it. Neil can deal with that. What he can’t deal with is being the person that hurts Eli.

Eli reaches up and runs his hand through Abram's hair the way he does when his brother is sick or recovering from some injury. He feels lighter, somehow, even though this conversation has fucking sucked.

After a few moments, Eli pulls back and gives a small, closed-mouth smile. Not enough to make Abram flinch away.

"Will you tell me why you were upset earlier?" he asks.

Eli's hand running through Neil's hair makes him feel safe, and he relaxes into the familiar touch. He hesitates at the question, not sure how to explain.

"I really don't know why," Neil admits. "When you told me about hooking up with Andrew, it made me feel... weird. Bad, I guess. I don't know, it doesn't make sense. That's why I said I was just in a weird mood." He looks at Eli pleadingly. "But that's all it was, I swear."

He still feels like shit when he thinks about it, and he still doesn't know why. But that’s an easy enough fix. Neil just has to avoid thinking about it, then it won’t be a problem anymore, right?

Eli hums, tilting his head consideringly.

"Me hooking up with Andrew made you feel bad," he repeats. His first thought is that Abram has a crush, which is ridiculous, because Abram doesn't get crushes. His second thought is that Abram is concerned for his safety, which is more realistic, but he seems to trust Andrew well enough. After that, his theories run dry.

It doesn't ultimately matter, though.

"I won't do it again, then," he shrugs. It's an easy decision to make. Abram will always be more important than getting his dick sucked.

It's exactly what Neil wants to hear, and part of him wants to just thank Eli and move on, but he can’t. He won't be so selfish as to take away one of the few things that make Eli happy. Eli already has to take care of Neil in so many ways, has given up so much for him. The scars on his skin are a physical reminder of how often he's leapt in front of danger to protect Neil.

"No," Neil says, his voice hot with determination. "I don't want you to stop. If it makes you happy, you should keep doing it. I'm serious, Eli, I don't even know why I got upset. I'm sure I'll get over it before you even see him again, so it's really fine."

Overwhelming fondness for his brother hits him and Eli reaches out, cupping Abram's face in his hands gently. Then he smushes his cheeks and laughs.

"Andrew's hot, but so are a lot of people," Eli says. "There are plenty of options to choose from, ones that won't make you feel bad, and any of those will make me just as happy. Maybe more, because Andrew's an asshole."

He pauses, thinking, and adds, "Sucks I won't get to cum on his face, though."

Neil chokes on air, his face flushing red, burning cheeks still squished against Eli's palms. "On his face?" Something hot squirms low in his stomach, and this time it's not guilt.

Eli laughs at his brother's red face and lets go.

"Yeah, guessing he likes the taste or something 'cause he was looking at the condom like it personally offended him," Eli says. "He's a little freak. Made me take out the contacts before he did anything."

Neil's eyes widen and his flush deepens even more. He makes a face and starts laughing. "What the fuck?"

The hot squirmy feeling is still there, but it's far overshadowed by intense relief that things are okay with him and Eli. They've never fought like this before, and Neil feels like the ground is settling back under his feet after an earthquake.

Abram's laughter sets him off, and that's when Matt comes in to find them both laughing like fools. Eventually, when the laughter has died down to giggles and hiccups, Eli drags Abram into the living room and settles on the couch. He passes the remote to Matt.

"Anything but Exy," Eli tells him. Abram makes a wounded noise and Eli smirks at him, leaning to the side and letting his weight melt against his brother's shoulder. He feels a little bit scraped raw, but also relieved.

Maybe things will be okay. Maybe.

Notes:

andrew finding out this conversation happened: 👁️👄👁️ 🔪🔪🔪

Chapter 9 Summary:

Eli gets stuck.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- dissociation/DID symptoms
- alcohol

Chapter Text

They have a home game the next day, so Neil decides to talk to Aaron once it's over. Just in case the conversation goes badly enough to mess up Aaron's playing.

At halftime, Neil swaps places with Eli again. He showers and changes as fast as he can, eager to get back to watching the game on the TV in the lounge. The Foxes are behind 4-7 to the Raleigh Raptors, whose offense completely ran them over in the first half, but Andrew's in the goal now so Neil hopes that will make a difference. He watches Andrew lazily block a shot, excitement pumping through his veins. Neil wishes he was still out on the court but watching his brother play is almost as good. Allison catches the ball and sends it up to Kevin, who gets stick-checked but saves the ball and sends it back downcourt. Aaron ends up with it and there's a bit of a scuffle when both of the Raptors' strikers converge on him at once, knocking him down. Aaron takes a moment to get up, and when he does he avoids putting weight on his right leg. He waves to Coach to call him off court, and a whistle sends the game into time-out.

The TV cuts to a commercial and Neil waits impatiently to find out whether Aaron is badly injured. After a few minutes the lounge door opens and Neil stands up as Aaron limps in with his foot wrapped, Abby helping him along.

"Are you ok?" Neil asks, concerned.

"Twisted ankle, but it's not sprained," Abby says. "I'm benching you for the rest of the game though," she tells Aaron, who scowls at her.

She sets him up on a chair with an ice pack and his foot elevated. "Stay off it for now, okay? I'll check on you in a bit," she says, handing him some painkillers as well.

Once Abby leaves to rejoin Wymack on the sidelines, Neil takes a seat next to Aaron and they watch the game together in silence. Neil cheers when Eli manages to score a point. When it cuts to commercials again, Neil figures it's as good a time as any to bring up the Eli thing with Aaron. Aaron looks completely horrified and panicked when Neil tells him that Eli figured out he was keeping a secret, which makes Neil confident he was right to wait to bring this up.

"He was just so worried you were mad at him about something," Neil says, trying to explain. "And I knew you weren't, so I had to tell him something. He already could tell I was hiding something anyway. I told you we never keep secrets from each other."

Aaron inexplicably looks like Neil just punched him in the stomach. "He was worried?" Neil nods.

Aaron looks down at his hands in his lap. "Shit." He takes a deep breath. "Okay, fuck, tell him whatever you need to. Just... try not to make me sound completely crazy, if you can."

Neil isn't sure that's possible, but he agrees anyway, relieved that Aaron isn't going to fight him on it.

A little before halftime, Eli starts his warmups. He pulls on Neil Josten's persona like a favored coat, feeling his mind sharpen, focused on Exy. He switches with his brother seamlessly, and then he's on the court, lost in the game.

They win by a slim margin, just one point scored by Kevin, and Neil is sweaty and exhilarated by the final buzzer. Matt runs over and scoops him up into a bear hug, lifting him off his feet, and Neil lets out one bark of breathless laughter.

They head back to the locker room victorious, and Neil sees Abram sitting on the bench, already showered.

"We won," he tells him, buzzing with it. He gathers his clothes from his locker, gives Abram the tick of his lip as a tiny smile, and turns to head for the shower stalls.

Andrew follows his team off the court, watching everyone celebrate and chatter about their win. He feels disconnected from them all, separated by a wall of apathy that he can't punch through and doesn't particularly want to. He pauses by Aaron to glance at his elevated leg and wrapped ankle. Nicky comes over to hover and scold Aaron for getting injured, as if it's somehow Aaron’s own fault. Aaron seems annoyed with his injury and with Nicky but otherwise perfectly fine, so Andrew leaves to go change out.

He walks past Eli, who’s heading in the direction of the shower stalls with his clothes in his arms, his uniform still on. Neil gently grabs onto Eli's arm and tugs him back around, and Andrew stops walking to watch them.

"You can change back now," Neil reminds Eli quietly.

Andrew frowns. Is this going to be an issue after every game?

Neil blinks at Abram, confused, until it hits him what he means. That Neil is meant to go back to being Eli. The reminder makes him feel off-kilter, wrong-footed, because for a moment, in the midst of playing Exy and celebrating their victory, he forgot Eli existed.

He hesitates. Being Neil, even for this short time, has felt much better than being Eli. But Abram is asking, so Neil tries to shrug off his identity. It sticks more than usual, like gum in his hair, or little tines clinging to his skin. It doesn't want to let go. Neil is guiltily relieved by it.

After nearly a full minute of trying, he looks at his brother and shakes his head. Abram's face falls.

Andrew watches as Eli clearly attempts to go back to being himself, but there's no obvious shift in his behavior like last time. Eventually Eli—or Neil? Andrew doesn't know what the fuck to call him—shakes his head at Abram, who looks upset.

"What's wrong?" Andrew says, stepping closer to them, ignoring the rush of movement around him as their teammates head off to shower.

Matt gives them a questioning look on his way out and slows down, seeming like he wants to stick around and check on his roommates. Andrew flicks his hand at him in dismissal and Matt gives him a frown but keeps moving.

Abram frowns at Andrew. Neil feels sweat drying on his neck and hopes this doesn't take long.

"He's stuck," Abram says after a long moment of eyeing Andrew distrustfully.

"Stuck?" Andrew says, raising his eyebrows. "Does this happen often?"

These two really are crazier than him. Andrew wants to congratulate Wymack on one-upping himself in his propensity for recruiting people who are fucked in the head.

Abram shrugs.

"It's happened a couple times before," he admits. "But not with Neil."

"He's sticky," Neil says helpfully. Abram gives him a look that's a mix of concern and fondness.

Andrew stares at ‘Neil’ in mild interest. "How do you fix him?" he asks Abram without shifting his gaze.

Neil frowns at him.

"There's nothing to fix," he says, not liking the way Andrew is looking at him. Abram sighs.

"There's not much to do," Abram explains. "When it's happened before we just wait awhile and then he tries again. It's never lasted more than a day."

"I could try hitting him a few times," Andrew offers, stretching out his fingers. Maybe it wouldn't work, but it'd probably make Andrew feel better.

He doesn't like this. It's unsettling to have Eli just—gone. What does this mean for Andrew's deal? Is he supposed to prioritize protecting both of them now, or just Abram?

"Don't," Abram says, slapping Andrew's hand away. Neil looks back towards the showers and wonders if he has to be present for this.

"Can I go now?" he asks. Abram sighs again and nods. Neil heads for the showers with his gathered clothes, ignoring the eyes of his teammates following him.

Andrew watches ‘Neil’ go off to change. The man seems unbothered by his own identity crisis, but Abram certainly looks unhappy. Unfortunately there's nothing Andrew can punch or threaten to fix this problem, so he leaves to shower and change out himself.

After his shower, they head back to the dorms. Neil notes Aaron pulling Abram aside, talking to him quietly and glancing at Neil. Abram shrugs at him and says something, and then he and his brother disappear into the dorm room.

Abram keeps frowning at him, and insists he try to switch back again before they sleep. It doesn't work, and Abram seems that much more worried.

The fall banquet is the next day. Abram insists that Neil can't go when he isn't able to switch back to Eli if he needs to. Neil doesn't want to go, anyway. He'd very much like to avoid Riko Moriyama, but he doesn't want Abram to face him, either.

Abram assures him he'll keep his head down and his mouth shut, so Neil reluctantly agrees.

*****

When the Foxes gather to board the bus to the banquet, Andrew is surprised to see Neil—the real one, Abram—joining them. Andrew just assumed Eli would want to go in his place, since he was already ‘being Neil’ anyway. That way they could leave Abram safe at home, out of Riko's reach.

"What are you doing here?" Andrew asks Neil while they wait for Wymack to pull the bus around.

"He's still stuck," Neil mutters, knowing what Andrew is referring to. "I can't let him go like that. He didn't want to anyway."

Andrew frowns sharply at this, but then the bus is there and Neil steps up into it.

Aaron has brought the cheerleader as his date, and both of them look at Andrew nervously for his reaction when he passes them on the bus. He walks by them without a glance and sits at the end of the bus, keeping his eye on Neil as well as Kevin, who already looks like he's barely holding it together. Andrew has a feeling he's going to have his hands full keeping his idiots out of trouble tonight.

When they arrive at Blackwell, Andrew has to talk Kevin down from a panic attack and Wymack hands the man his emotional support vodka. Neil tries to leave the bus with everyone else, but Andrew stops him.

"Don't leave my sight tonight," Andrew orders him.

Wymack gives them a confused look but Andrew doesn't bother explaining, and Neil reluctantly agrees.

They meet the team inside and change into dress clothes. Neil looks infuriatingly attractive in black pants with a sport coat and button-up, his clothes picked out by Nicky earlier that week so they wouldn't all be subjected to Neil showing up in jeans. Andrew tries not to stare at his ass and searches around for a distraction, and a perfect one provides itself in the form of the Foxes' seating arrangement. Sharing a table with the Ravens. Lovely.

Andrew leads his two anxious charges to the table and seats them on either side of him. The Raven backliner Jean Moreau leans in and says he recognizes Neil, dropping a few unfamiliar names that for some reason make Neil flinch and stop breathing. Andrew's eyes flick back and forth between them. Neil seems to pick himself back up but then Riko begins to speak directly to him, trying to provoke him. And it’s working. Neil is clearly struggling to keep his mouth shut, and Andrew steps on his foot as a reminder. But then Riko says something about Neil's mother, and—

"You know, I get it," Neil starts, but then Andrew realizes it’s not Neil speaking. It's Abram.

Andrew is fully aware that it's a terrible idea for Abram to be antagonizing Riko like this. He also does nothing to stop him. How could he? It would be like trying to stop a hurricane, a bullet, a nuclear fucking bomb. Abram’s eyes are fire and his tongue is sharpened steel as he spits out one cutting remark after another, verbally eviscerating Riko in front of both their teams. Andrew thinks he might be ruined by this. He's actually, literally hard in his fancy slacks right now as he stares at Abram sarcastically telling Dan that he tried to be nice. Andrew clenches his fingers against his thighs and reminds himself very forcefully that he's not allowed to grab this man and kiss him with tongue.

Neil is boiling with rage, at Riko, at Kevin, at himself. He promised Eli he would keep out of trouble. He'd promised that he would keep his mouth shut. But Riko managed to get under his skin, and now Kevin is all but having a panic attack next to him, and Jean Moreau is staring at him, horrified.

Neil grits his teeth and tries to get himself back under control. He hopes Matt is quick about this. Eli is already going to be disappointed in him, if he ever manages to shake off this new identity crisis. He's going to panic and drag them from Palmetto, right when things were becoming okay between all of them.

"You can't say things like that," Jean tells him. Neil gives him a withering look.

Wymack comes over to break up the party and bullies his team out of their seats to move to another table. Before Neil can step away, Jean says something in French that knocks a terrified moan out of Kevin. Neil's face drains of color and he shoves Kevin backward, making him stumble. Neil looks terrified, even more than he did after the debacle on Kathy's show, and Andrew’s concern rises sharply.

When they sit down at the coaches' table, Kevin and Neil speak in French some more, effectively and irritatingly shutting Andrew out of the conversation. Kevin rushes out of the room and Andrew tells Abby to go check on him and get him drunk, because fuck if he's leaving Neil alone after all that.

"Neil," Dan says, taking Kevin's seat on Neil's other side. "Are you okay?"

"Does he look okay to you?" Andrew asks dryly. Dan glares at him.

Wymack comes up to yell at Neil for starting a fight, but deflates when it becomes apparent that Neil is panicking too hard to listen. "Do you need to be somewhere else?" Wymack asks. "Abby can take you out of here, get some fresh air."

Neil is staring at Andrew like he’s the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth. It’s ridiculous. No one looks at Andrew that way. Andrew has people he protects, but even those people fear him. He's not anyone's security blanket.

"Stop looking at me like that," Andrew bites out.

Neil averts his eyes and speaks in German, his voice wooden with terror. "Eli was right. We should have left when he wanted us to."

"What happened?" Andrew asks calmly. "What did Jean say to you?"

Neil flinches, his eyes darting around the room, his breathing coming faster.

Andrew drops a heavy hand on the back of Neil's neck, as if it can help hold him together. "Listen to me, Neil. I told you then that it was too late to run, and that's still true. But Riko still can't touch you either."

Neil looks up at him, desperation and fear in his eyes, but he slowly nods. Neil still won’t tell Andrew what Jean said, but Andrew lets it go for now, deciding he can bully it out of him when they’re back in Palmetto.

After the tables have been cleared away, the Ravens come around to bother them again. Andrew tenses as Coach Moriyama takes Kevin's left hand and inspects the scars on it. He's distracted and almost doesn't notice when Neil tries to slip off, but manages to grab him by the shirt collar as he's stepping away.

"Oh no you fucking don't,” Andrew says. He looks over to where Neil was heading and sees Jean Moreau scowling at them. Andrew flips the French bastard off and tugs Neil to his side, wrapping his arm around Neil's back to hold him in place. He expects the usual repulsion and skittering panic at having someone's body so close to his, but it doesn't come. Neil looks back to Jean, who seems to give up and walk away.

It's a relief when Wymack finally lets them back onto the bus, but Andrew knows his night is far from over. He speaks to no one for the four-hour journey, conserving his energy until they get back to Palmetto and keeping his eyes firmly on Neil and Kevin.

Neil's hands are shaking, and he can't get them to stop, so he sits on them and stares out the window. This was a mistake. He shouldn't have gone to the banquet; he should've stayed behind with his brother. They never should have come to Palmetto at all.

But Andrew is right. It's too late now.

They pile off the bus and Neil still feels like he's in shock from hearing his father's false name on Jean Moreau's tongue. He starts dazedly in the direction of the dorms, wondering how he can possibly tell Eli about what he'd done.

Wymack drops them off in front of the dorms and Andrew follows Neil and Kevin off the bus. As soon as they're outside, he grabs onto both of their shirts. "We're going to talk. Now."

Neil is silent but Kevin puts up a tired protest.

"Nicky," Andrew calls over his shoulder. "Bring me vodka. We'll be in Neil's room."

Kevin doesn't say anything else.

Andrew herds them into the dorm. When Matt tries to go into the bedroom, Andrew pushes him out of the way, shoves Kevin and Neil in, and slams the door in his face.

"What's going on?" Eli asks, sitting up in bed, blinking sleep away.

"Eli?" Neil asks hopefully. Eli blinks at him a few more times and shakes his head. Neil's shoulders slump. It's never lasted this long before.

Okay, so Eli still isn't back to normal. That's... not ideal, but Andrew can deal with that later. First he needs answers.

"What did Jean say that upset you?" he asks Neil bluntly.

Kevin moans and slumps to the ground. Andrew ignores him.

Neil feels whatever color he'd regained slip away again at the reminder. He stares at his brother with wide eyes, and Eli frowns, jumping down from his bunk.

"Jean?" Eli repeats. Kevin lets out another low noise. No one looks at him. Eli's eyes dart around Neil's face, finding meaning in the micro-expressions, and it's so like his brother that Neil wants to shake him until Eli comes back for real. "What happened?"

Neil's voice is trapped in his throat. Eli turns to Andrew and repeats the question.

Andrew gives Eli a brief recap of the night's events, at least what he was able to understand of it.

"I don't know what they were talking about, though, because it was all in French," he says, shooting Neil and Kevin an irritated look. "That's why I brought Kevin. He knows something."

There's an impatient knock on the door.

"Not a good time, Boyd," Andrew says loudly.

"It's me," Nicky says.

Andrew opens the door wide enough to snatch the vodka from him and closes it in his face again as Nicky starts to ask him a question. He takes a swig of the vodka himself and pointedly holds onto it himself, ignoring the betrayed look Kevin is sending him.

Neil watches his brother's face darken as Andrew relays the details of the banquet, including Neil's little diatribe at Riko. Nicky arrives with vodka, but Andrew keeps it to himself, and then Eli kneels in front of Kevin. He roughly grabs Kevin's chin.

"Tell me what you said to my brother, Day," Eli says, and his lips pull back into a threatening smile. Neil feels his knees go weak with relief.

"Eli?" he says, but he already knows the answer. There's none of Neil Josten's quiet timidity lingering in his posture.

"Sit down," Eli tells him, and Neil collapses onto his bed like he was waiting for Eli's command to cut his strings.

It's more of a relief than Andrew expects, having Eli back. He supposes he’s gotten used to having another person around who can take charge of things. He realizes, somewhat horrified, that without him even being aware of it he’s begun to trust Eli. Or at least to rely on him. After all, Eli was the one who made sure Aaron didn't get a scratch on him during the fight at Eden's before Andrew could get him out of there.

In any case, it will be inconvenient if Andrew has to kill him, so when Eli grabs Kevin by the chin, Andrew speaks up in warning. "Mind your hands. If you hurt Day, I hurt you."

"Don't worry, Andrew, I won't leave any lasting damage," Eli says, and Kevin whimpers. "'Course I won't need to do any damage at all if he answers the question."

Kevin swallows audibly, but he meets Eli's eye.

"Butcher," is all Kevin says, his voice trembling, and Eli flinches back like he's been struck.

Andrew stares at Eli. "Butcher? What does that mean?"

Letting Kevin go, Eli stands up and goes to sit next to Neil. He wraps his arm around Neil's shoulder and Neil melts against his side, feeling tension drain out of him now that his brother is back.

"It means Riko knows who Neil Josten is, and who to tell," Eli says.

"You're supposed to be dead," Kevin croaks. "Both of you."

Dead? Oh, Andrew is getting very sick of these cryptic answers that only bring more questions.

"We knew Riko would find out who Neil is," Andrew points out. "Nothing has changed. Yes? This was always going to happen sooner or later. He still can't give you up without risking his precious Ravens' season."

"This changes everything," Kevin says, burying his head in his hands. Eli gives him a glance but doesn't say anything. "God, he's never going to let you go, not after this. He owns you."

This gets everyone's attention.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Eli demands, arm tightening around Neil. There's a sinking feeling in his gut.

"How can you not know?" Kevin stares at Eli in disbelief. But Andrew can see that Eli is telling the truth. He looks as confused as Andrew feels, tense and afraid, holding onto Neil like he's ready to bolt with him at any second.

Andrew sits down and leans back against the door while Kevin begins to speak. It takes him a while, and there are a few stops and starts while he has to remember how to breathe, but in the end this is what he tells them:

Neil and Eli are the sons of Nathan Wesninski, the Butcher of Baltimore, a notorious serial killer and the former right-hand man of Kengo Moriyama. They were meant to be like Kevin, gifts to the Moriyamas, intended to grow up playing Exy just like Kevin. As children they were brought to audition for Tetsuji, and if they failed, they would have been executed by their father. But they never made it to the second practice, because their mother ran away with them. And then Eli was presumed to have died while on the run.

What this means is that the Jostens are misplaced Moriyama property. They belong to Riko.

Andrew doesn't interrupt once while Kevin is speaking, and when Kevin finally stops, his whole body shaking with tremors, Andrew wordlessly hands him the vodka.

Neil feels sick. He can't wrap his mind around his father, the scariest man Neil has ever known, working under someone. How could Nathan's ego stand it? But Kevin would know, wouldn't he?

"You should run," Kevin says miserably.

"We can't," Neil finally manages to say. "Andrew's right. We're safest if we stay here."

Eli goes tense next to him and Neil pulls away to look at him. Eli meets his eye with a deadly serious expression.

"You can run, Abram," he says. "Riko only knows one of us is alive. No one will know to look for you."

Neil stares at him, horrified and betrayed and angry, the worst he's felt all night.

"No," he spits. "Don't suggest it again."

Eli presses his lips together so hard they turn white and averts his eyes.

"No one is running anywhere," Andrew says, irritated with Eli's obvious martyr complex. "What I told you in August is still true: you are safer in the spotlight than on the run. Nothing has changed. Riko still cannot kill you until the season is over. Tetsuji will not let him take Neil from the team, either, or his little showdown matchup between Kevin and Riko is over before it starts."

"It isn't Riko we're worried about," Neil says, when Eli remains silent. "Our father wasn't happy when we ran."

"Your father is the man you've been running from," Andrew realizes, the final clue slotting into place. "He ordered your mother killed too, didn't he. Where is he now?"

"Prison," Eli says finally. "But not for long. They got him for embezzlement or something. Nothing that will keep him locked up, and nothing that will stop him from ordering his people around."

"But he still works for the Moriyamas," Andrew says impatiently. "And Neil is, as Kevin put it, Moriyama property." His face twists with distaste.

"Your father wants you dead out of spite, but Neil can still be a worthwhile asset to the Moriyamas as an Exy player. So become that asset. Spend the rest of the year convincing them that you are more valuable alive than dead. When you succeed, your father will not be able to touch you."

Eli's gaze turns contemplative. At this point, Neil doesn't care what they decide. Stay, go, it doesn't matter, as long as they stick together.

Before Eli can speak, Kevin lets out a drunken, bitter laugh.

"Doesn't get rid of Riko, though, does it?" he slurs. "At least the Butcher will kill you eventually."

Eli gives him a disgusted look.

"The only person scared of Riko Moriyama is you, Kevin," he says.

"Kevin, time for bed," Andrew says, standing up and opening the door to let him out. "Your cowardly services are no longer required."

Kevin stumbles up and Andrew swipes the nearly-empty vodka bottle from him as he's leaving. Kevin's reflexes are too booze-addled to even attempt to stop him, but he tries to snatch it back. Andrew shoves him out the door and Kevin grumbles and wanders off.

Andrew looks at Eli and Neil, sitting on the bed. "Our deal still stands. You stay and keep Kevin here, and I will watch your backs. And yes, Abram takes priority," he adds when Eli opens his mouth.

Eli's lips quirk in a more genuine smile than Neil's ever seen him direct Andrew's way.

"Thanks, Andrew," Neil says. Andrew gives them his two finger salute and heads out. The second he's clear of the doorway, Matt stampedes in from the kitchen.

"Are you guys alright?" he asks, looking them over from head to toe like he expects to see blood. "What happened?"

"Worried about me, Matt?" Eli smiles tiredly, blinking his eyes weird in Matt's direction. "I knew you'd come around."

Matt laughs, relaxing. "Yeah, okay, you're fine. Don't you ever get tired of flirting with me?"

Eli holds a hand to his heart. "I could never."

Matt suddenly pauses, looking intently at Eli's face. "Dude. Have you always had blue eyes?"

Neil and Eli both freeze, glancing at each other with mirrored panic. Eli looks back to Matt and asks. "Um. Can we keep this between us?"

Chapter 10 Summary:

Eli solves a mystery. Neil finds out he has friends.

Chapter Text

The next day, Neil goes to pick up food in the dining hall to bring back for his and Eli's lunch. He's exhausted, he slept like shit last night, and he's still half terrified of seeing his father's people around every corner, but having Eli back as himself is such a relief that it almost makes up for everything else.

As he's picking through the fresh fruit bin, Aaron comes up alongside him with a nervous look.

"What's wrong?" Neil says, suddenly on alert.

"Did you tell Eli yet?" Aaron asks. He's radiating so much tension that it takes Neil a moment to remember what he's talking about.

"Oh," Neil says. He actually forgot all about it, but he doesn't think Aaron would take kindly to hearing that. "No, I was going to today. I'll let you know."

Aaron nods, chewing on his lip. "Is he okay? He was acting really weird after the game on Friday, and then Nicky said you guys were talking with Andrew and Kevin for a long time after the banquet. Did something happen?"

"He’s fine, he just wasn't feeling like himself for a few days,” Neil says, neatly omitting most of the truth. “Andrew came by to tell him how I pissed Riko off at the banquet. He brought Kevin to warn us about what Riko is really like. I guess he was hoping to scare me off from antagonizing him more."

Aaron seems to buy Neil's explanation, so Neil waves goodbye and goes back to the dorm. He doesn't feel bad about lying to Aaron. Neil envies him for not having to know all the things he knows, and he doesn't have any desire to make Aaron's life worse by giving him that information.

Eli's lounging on the living room couch when he gets back, and Neil brings over the food, setting it all on the coffee table. "I ran into Aaron. Forgot to tell you he gave me the okay to tell you everything. Do you want to hear it now?"

In the midst of everything, Eli had completely forgotten that Abram was supposed to spill what was going on with Aaron. He and Abram barely slept last night, until Eli climbed down from his bunk to sleep back-to-back in Abram's, squished together in the small bed. If Matt noticed he didn't say anything about it.

This is a welcome distraction from focusing on everything else. He grabs a sandwich and takes a huge bite, nodding at Abram to continue.

"Okay," Neil says, sitting sideways to face Eli. "I’ll just start from the beginning, I guess.” He tells Eli about meeting Katelyn and Aaron in the library, about the photocopied papers and theories and Aaron being curious about Eli’s scars.

"Aaron asked me to keep Katelyn a secret from Andrew too,” Neil adds. “I remember that was weird. He said he and Katelyn weren't dating, but that Andrew couldn't know about her, and he wouldn't tell me why.”

“Then Aaron tutored me on chemistry homework and it actually helped a lot, so I kept going back and studying with them.” Neil looks at Eli worriedly. "I didn't mean to keep it a secret from you at first, I swear. I just didn't really think about it."

Eli's faintly amused at the thought of Aaron searching through textbooks, trying to match up pictures to the memories of the scars on his body. He could have just asked. Eli likes him enough that he might have even told the truth.

And another assertion that Aaron and Katelyn aren't dating. But Katelyn's a secret. It makes sense why Aaron was so tense every time Eli mentioned her name then, if he doesn't want Andrew finding out for whatever reason.

"It's okay, Abram," Eli says, trying to will his brother into believing him. "I forget stuff too. A lot of shit happens around here; it's hard to keep it all straight."

Neil nods, reassured. "I think around the third or fourth time I met them, that's when Aaron started complaining about this 'problem' he was having with you."

He frowns, not sure how to explain it because it still doesn't make sense to him. "He said he was acting weird around you and he didn't know how to stop. Like he can't stop staring at you, and his brain stops working when he talks to you? He was really worried about it and I told him we should ask you for help, but he freaked out and said I couldn't tell you anything."

Neil's mouth turns down unhappily. He unwraps a sandwich and starts pulling the vegetables off it, dropping them onto the empty wrapper. "I told him we don't have secrets, but he was so upset. I thought he wouldn't be able to play Exy if I told you, and then we would get disqualified. And I figured you didn't care anyway so it wouldn't matter.”

“I guess I was wrong about that. I really am sorry," Neil says, looking up from his sandwich. “But that’s why Aaron stopped talking to you for a while. He thought maybe that would fix his illness or whatever it is, and make him able to act normal again. I thought it was a stupid plan, but we couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, none of the medical textbooks were helping. I think Katelyn might know something too, but she won’t help us."

He shrugs and bites into his now acceptably vegetable-free sandwich. It's such a relief to have that secret off his chest, and now that Eli knows, maybe he can help them figure out Aaron's problem too.

Eli listens with disbelief, sandwich forgotten. When Abram's finished explaining, he has to bring a hand to cover his mouth, lips twitching into a smile he can't control. Warmth spreads tendrils from his chest to his fingers and toes and he feels his face heating up.

"You are both so stupid," he says into his hand, then loses the battle and starts laughing until his eyes sting with tears.

Fuck! Aaron was avoiding him because he has a fucking crush on him! And he doesn't even realize it. God. It's so adorable it's almost disgusting.

Neil stares, baffled, while Eli cracks up laughing until there are tears in his eyes.

"Why are we stupid?" Neil demands. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, nothing," Eli says, trying to calm himself. He wipes at his eyes. "God, there's no way Katelyn didn't realize. Has she really been watching you guys looking up symptoms in medical textbooks this whole time?"

What an asshole. Eli has to get to know her.

Neil sets down his sandwich with a pout. "Eli!" he says, his voice whiny in a way it only ever gets with his brother. "Come on, tell me what it is. Then I can tell Aaron and then he'll stop freaking out about it."

"Oh no, you can't tell Aaron," Eli says. "Not yet. I have stuff to do first. Just tell him you told me and it doesn't bother me."

Eli is going to make the most of this opportunity. Aaron Minyard isn't going to know what hit him, and by the time he actually realizes he has a crush he won't want to say no, no matter what Andrew has to say about it.

Neil stares at Eli in disbelief. "Is this your way of punishing me for keeping a secret?" He supposes perhaps he deserves it. It is very annoying being on the other side of things.

"No," Eli insists. "Do you promise you won't tell him what I figured out?"

He waits for Neil's nod and Eli gives him an unbearably fond look.

"He has a crush on me, Abram," Eli says, and the words have giddiness flooding through him.

Eli looks so pleased with himself and Neil has no idea why. "Is that a good thing?" Neil asks, bewildered. "Wait, are you sure that's what it is? How do you know?"

Eli shakes his head in disbelief.

"He can't stop staring? His brain stops working?" he repeats, ticking them off his fingers. "Plus he's always blushing. I thought he just blushed easily but this is so much better. Have you noticed his ears turn red?"

Eli has never understood the phrase 'floating on cloud nine' before this moment.

Neil thinks about this. He has to admit it actually does make some sense. "He's always staring at you in the locker room when you have your shirt off, too," he realizes. "I thought he was just studying your scars, but maybe he's been ogling you."

Neil frowns as a new issue occurs to him. "But if he has a crush on you, doesn't that mean he's going to want to date you or something, not just sleep with you? Won't that be a problem?"

Eli blinks. He hadn't considered that.

He thinks about it. He definitely wants to sleep with Aaron. Preferably more than once, and in a lot of different ways. But the thought of sleeping with him and then acting like nothing happened, which he usually does, makes him feel... bad. Uncomfortable. He doesn't want to do that.

He thinks about flirting with Aaron and watching his ears turn red, how smug he feels every time Aaron lets him touch him, how he lost his mind when Aaron was ignoring him.

"Oh my god," Eli says, feeling like he's been concussed again. "I have a crush on Aaron."

"Oh," Neil says. His mouth falls open as the pieces start to slot together. "Oh. That's why you've been acting so weird about him! With the contacts and the fight at Eden’s and everything."

Neil can't believe his and Eli's first real fight was entirely Aaron's fault. Man. Aaron is such an asshole.

"Yeah, I guess it is," Eli says, still a bit dazed from this realization. "I think I really like him, Abram."

He blinks until his brain clears and looks back at his brother. "So you won't tell him, right?"

Neil shakes his head. "Of course not. He's really easy to lie to anyway. It won't be a problem at all."

He tilts his head, looking at Eli. "It's kind of weird, I've never seen you act like this over somebody before. So what are you gonna do about it?"

"I don't know. I've never tried to date anyone before," Eli says. "I guess the stuff I normally do, with the flirting but like. Subtler. And I think he liked it when I was giving him stuff, but I don't know how much more plausible deniability I have left with that."

He hums, thinking, leaning his head back against the couch. "He seemed to like when I got that asshole to punch me instead of him. Think we could orchestrate another fight like that?"

Neil vaguely remembers Aaron complaining about Eli giving him candy and getting on Neil's case about it. "Oh yeah, he definitely noticed the gifts. He thought I told you his secret and you were messing with him on purpose."

He scowls at Eli's suggestion of orchestrating a fight. "You're not seriously considering getting another concussion just to make Aaron pay attention to you."

Eli frowns. "I wasn't messing with him. I was trying to get him to forgive me. I thought I did something to piss him off."

He turns wounded eyes on his brother. "I am absolutely considering getting another concussion to make Aaron pay attention to me. It worked, didn't it?"

And Aaron was so nice to him after, checking his concussion and getting him ice for his throat and giving up his bed. Eli hadn't been able to appreciate it the way he should have, what with the concussion, but he remembers the bed was soft and the sheets smelled nice.

"Eli, no," Neil says, exasperated. "Aaron said he wasn't going to ignore you anymore anyway." Eli doesn't look convinced and Neil rolls his eyes. "Do not give yourself another head injury."

He scrunches his forehead. "Why don't you just, I don't know, talk to him. You could ask him to watch Exy together," he offers as an idea.

Eli grimaces.

"I want him to like me, Abram," he says, exasperated. "Maybe something else, though. I don't know what stuff he likes to watch, but I know he plays video games. Think I can convince him to teach me?"

Eli has never played a video game in his life, but it sounds better than getting another head injury.

They never had time to play video games on the run. Neil doesn't see the appeal, but he also doesn't see the appeal of dating Aaron, so.

He shrugs. "He's pretty okay at teaching chemistry, so I guess I don't see why not."

Eli beams at his brother.

"I'll do that, then," he says. "And bring snacks. And Red Bull. What kind of snacks does he bring to study sessions? Do you know? Maybe I should ask Nicky."

This is definitely going to work.

Neil frowns, trying to remember what snacks he’s seen Aaron eat. "I think he likes sweets. He always eats the ice cream at Sweetie's, right? I'm pretty sure I've seen him eat Doritos and Reese's before too."

He looks at Eli, hoping that's enough to go on. It's not like Neil ever expected he'd need to recall this information.

Eli nods. "Right, yeah, okay. Doritos and Reese's. And ice cream. He always gets the cookies and cream kind, right?"

Suddenly afraid that he will forget this vital information, Eli sets aside his food and goes in search of paper and a pen. He scribbles down his small list, adding the gummy candy and Red Bull, and tears the list off and shoves it in his pocket.

"Perfect," Eli declares, plopping back onto the couch.

Neil watches, bemused, as Eli writes down Aaron's favorite snacks as seriously as if they're coded instructions to a stash of money. Neil really doesn't get it, but just like with Eli's hookups, he feels only fond and supportive toward his brother's newfound interest.

Then he remembers something else, something incredibly crucial that he's forgotten. "Oh, shit. Andrew’s going to kill you, isn't he?"

Eli rolls his eyes.

"Andrew has no room to talk," he says. "And he can take his opinion and shove it. If Aaron tells me to fuck off, I will, but until then I have a plan to see through."

Neil isn't so sure, but he figures Eli can handle himself with Andrew. "What do you mean he has no room to talk?" he asks, confused.

"Just that Andrew doesn't exactly want the most appropriate people, either," Eli evades. It doesn't matter if Andrew likes Abram; he won't pursue him because Abram has no interest.

Huh. It's never occurred to Neil to consider who Andrew would be interested in, but now he's kind of curious. He knows Andrew and Eli hooked up—which still inexplicably feels like a knife in the gut, so Neil quickly puts that out of his head—but other than that, he has no idea what Andrew’s taste is.

"Well, we have the duffle bag, so I can always stitch you up if he freaks out," Neil reasons.

"I can always count on you, Abram," Eli says gratefully. He truly is thankful that Abram is supportive of this. He doesn't know what he would have done if he didn't want him to pursue Aaron. He would probably drop the idea, but he'd be miserable about it.

Neil knocks his knee into Eli's leg fondly. "Of course. It's always been you and me, right? That's never going to change."

Needing to do something to relieve the emotions those words make him feel, Eli reaches over and musses up Abram's hair with enough force that his brother tries to squirm away. Eli laughs when Abram ends up slithering off the couch.

"You and me against the world," he confirms. "Always."

*****

Monday morning practice is just as annoying as ever, but instead of taking off for the library immediately afterwards, Aaron texts Katelyn to let her know he'll be late. He waits for everyone to pile out of the car, then gets out and opens the passenger side door before Andrew takes off to wherever the fuck he goes when he isn't babysitting Kevin.

Andrew looks at him with his infuriating blank face when he sits in the passenger seat, closing the door behind him.

"What happened after the banquet?" Aaron asks, cutting to the chase.

Andrew considers telling Aaron to get out of his car, but decides against it. If Aaron wants to present himself on a silver platter for Andrew to cross-examine and highlight all the many ways he's failing to uphold his end of their deal, he may as well take advantage of the opportunity.

"I can only assume you and your cheerleader scurried off somewhere to defile each other," Andrew says, "but you would know better than me."

Aaron immediately knows that this conversation, like all conversations with his brother, is going to make him want to bash his head against a wall.

"Katelyn and I aren't dating," he repeats for the hundredth time. "And you know that me and Nicky were hanging out in the dorm afterward. Unlike you, because you disappeared with Kevin and the Jostens for like two hours."

"Careful, Aaron. You keep paying such close attention to my whereabouts and I might start to think you don't trust me," Andrew says dryly. He ignores Aaron's usual pointless denial about the cheerleader.

Aaron scowls at him and decides to switch tactics.

"Why was Eli acting so weird after the game?" he asks. "Why did he let Neil go to the banquet? He's so protective over him there's no way he wouldn't go himself knowing Riko was going to be there."

"Why indeed," Andrew muses. "It's almost like Eli is an unpredictable, deceitful person. Who can say why he does the things he does?"

Andrew has no intention of telling Aaron anything. Not because of his deal to protect the Jostens—Aaron knows how to keep his mouth shut, he's at least good for that much—but because denying Aaron what he wants is just so much more entertaining.

"Speaking of Neil," Andrew says, pinning Aaron with his gaze. "You've been spending a lot of time with him lately. What does he want from you?"

Aaron is starting to realize this is pointless. Part of him wants to defend Eli—he's been cool to them, after all, fitting in with their fucked up little family and not letting Andrew scare him off. But there's no point in it. Andrew is probably just saying it to piss him off, anyway.

"He wants a chemistry tutor," Aaron answers. "Is that illegal now?"

"I don't know," Andrew hums. "Tutoring, maybe not. But in Columbia, you seemed awfully close for a student-teacher relationship. Bordering on unprofessional, even."

Andrew knows Aaron hates him. Aaron resents the deal that ties them together, but he is also too cowardly to outright break it. Instead he skirts around its limitations and goes behind Andrew's back with excuses and secrets. The arrival of the Jostens in their lives seems to only be adding to the weight bearing down on their already strained deal and threatening to make it snap, and Andrew can do nothing but watch and wait for its inevitable collapse.

Aaron groans, throwing his head back and wishing the headrest was hard enough for it to hurt.

"You're the one who brought them in with whatever bullshit deal you made," Aaron says bitterly. "Them and Kevin are the only people I'm allowed to hang out with. Can you blame me for trying to be friends? No, don't answer that."

A spark of anger flickers in Andrew's chest but he keeps his face impassive. "My deal with Eli does not excuse you from your deal with me. I protect them from Riko, same as Kevin. They are not here for your benefit."

Aaron sneers.

"What, and it's fine for me to watch history docs with Kevin but not study with Neil?" He’s so fucking sick of Andrew controlling him like this. "You're such an asshole."

He practically kicks open the door of Andrew's precious car and storms out, leaving it open behind him. Fuck Andrew so much.

Andrew reaches over and calmly closes the door after Aaron leaves. He starts up the engine and pulls out of the parking lot, turning the music up to a deafening volume, and drives around in no particular direction for hours. He only comes home when it's time to take Kevin and the Jostens to night practice. They don't seem to notice anything off about him, which probably says a lot about his usual demeanor. He doesn't speak to anyone for the rest of the night.

*****

Neil heads to his now standard study session with Katelyn and Aaron at the library. He's feeling pretty good, today. Practice has been going well, and Eli has actually been focused. Instead of wasting as much time as he can arguing with Kevin and dragging his feet, Eli's been putting in real effort to improve as a striker.

He finds Katelyn and Aaron already seated at their table and sits down. Katelyn gives him her usual chipper greeting as Neil pulls out his books.

Aaron hasn't had a chance to talk to Neil privately since running into him on Sunday at the dining hall. Eli hasn't really acted any differently towards Aaron the past few days, if anything he's been even friendlier than normal but definitely not pissed off or weirded out, so maybe Neil still hasn't told him yet?

"Well?" Aaron demands impatiently, leaning over the table. "Did you tell him?"

Neil looks up from flipping through his notebook, blinking.

"Huh?" he says. "Oh. Yeah. I told him."

At Aaron's nervous, expectant look, he sighs.

"He says it doesn't bother him," Neil says. Katelyn looks intrigued. "I told you he'd be fine with it. He doesn't think you're a crazy freak or anything. Don't know if I agree with him. There's definitely something wrong with you."

Katelyn laughs, belatedly covering her mouth with her hand.

Aaron scowls and flips them both off, but he's incredibly relieved to hear that Eli isn't weirded out by him. It makes him feel uncomfortably vulnerable to know that Eli's aware of his confusing issues now, but as long as Eli doesn't hate him, it's okay.

"You're one to talk," Aaron retorts. "You willingly talk to Andrew. That's not a sign of mental stability."

"What's wrong with talking to Andrew?" Neil asks, confused. Andrew's the one who makes the most sense on the team. He has his rules and as long as you follow them Andrew doesn't care, and if you break them you get a knife waved your way and possibly stabbed.

In second place is Kevin, because he is endlessly dedicated to Exy, even if his dependence on alcohol is baffling. Everyone else exists as a confusing mess of humanity in his mind.

Aaron looks at Katelyn and gestures to Neil like he's proved his point already by asking that question. She makes a face and nods.

Aaron turns back to Neil, shaking his head. "It'd be faster to list what isn't wrong with him. He's impossible to deal with, he's violent and unpredictable and refuses to use his words. He doesn't even let me have friends. When it comes to Katelyn I can at least kind of get his logic, as stupid as it is, because he doesn't know her at all, but he told me the other day that I can't be friends with you either." He rolls his eyes."Can you believe that? He's such a fucking hypocrite."

Neil stares at Aaron, a little shocked at him saying so much all at once. He doesn't know where to start. He doesn't find Andrew impossible to deal with; in fact, Andrew seems to work best with deals in place. Violent, sure, but he's not really unpredictable, and he talks to Neil and Eli well enough.

His mouth chooses not to say any of that, though. Instead, it asks, "Are we friends?"

Katelyn suddenly looks like she's been wounded.

"Oh, Neil," she says in the same tone as Nicky when Neil does something that makes him remember there's a reason he's on the Foxes. "Of course you're friends! We all are."

She reaches across the table and squeezes his hand for a second before withdrawing.

"Oh," Neil says. "Okay."

Aaron looks at Neil with a mixture of annoyance and disbelief. "You idiot."

No wonder Neil doesn't think there's anything wrong with Andrew, since he himself can't read basic social cues.

Neil shrugs. "How was I supposed to know?"

He pauses, something Aaron said catching up to him. "Wait, if that makes Andrew a hypocrite does that mean me and Andrew are friends, too?"

Aaron rolls his eyes. "Andrew would deny it since he's as stupid as you are, but yeah. You guys are friends. Kevin's your friend too, and so is Nicky."

Christ, this is even more pathetic than watching Neil try to learn chemistry.

"Oh," Neil says, feeling overwhelmed by this information. That's so many people. Neil's never even had one friend before, and now he's got five? That's just... so many.

He shifts, a little uncomfortable with the weight of this knowledge. "Am I supposed to... do something?"

"What? No." Aaron glares, disgusted with Neil's stupidity.

Katelyn pipes up, "You're doing a great job already, Neil."

Neil gives Katelyn a tiny smile and she reaches over to give his hand another squeeze.

"Have you never had friends before?" she asks, brown eyes staring at him with what he thinks might be pity.

"Uh. No, not really," he admits. "Me and Eli didn't exactly have the kind of life that. Uh. Had room for friends in it."

"Wow. That's really fucking depressing, Neil," Aaron says. "Way to bring down the mood."

Katelyn shoves him. "Aaron!"

Aaron rolls his eyes. "What? I'm not going to start being all nice to him just cause he had a tragic childhood."

"What about because he's your friend?" Katelyn says with a little pout.

Aaron shakes his head. "Nah."

Neil kicks Aaron under the table, smirking when he gets a glare in return.

"I'm not gonna be nice to you either, then. Dick."

Katelyn lets out a gusty sigh. "Is this just how boys are friends?"

Neil shrugs. "I wouldn't know."

For a moment Katelyn looks like she wants to staple her mouth shut, but then she must catch the amusement in Neil's eyes because she laughs.

"You two are the worst," she complains. "Now come on. I really do need to study sometime today."

Chapter 11 Summary:

Eli plays video games.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- discussion of drug addiction

Chapter Text

The most peaceful part of Aaron's day begins at ten o'clock in the evening after Andrew and Kevin leave for night practice. On this particular night, Aaron is hanging out in the living room with Nicky, watching movies and attempting to catch up on homework, when someone knocks on the door. Nicky is half asleep on the couch already and just mumbles at the sound, so Aaron sighs and goes to answer it.

When Aaron sees who it is, he freezes, eyes going wide. "Eli. Hey."

Eli pretends to be sick so he can skip night practice. He sneaks off to the store earlier that day and buys a bunch of goodies and fakes a rebound headache from the concussion. Abram knows what's up, but Kevin bitches until Eli throws a book at him, then he leaves in a huff. Andrew will probably think Eli's avoiding him after turning him down earlier, which the man took surprisingly well.

He smiles wide when Aaron answers the door. He holds up his bag of snacks, a container of ice cream tucked under his arm.

"Hey, Aaron," he says. "I was hoping you'd do me a favor. I brought bribes."

Eli's smile kicks the breath out of Aaron's chest, and it takes him a moment to respond. "Yeah, come in," he manages to say, stepping back from the door.

Nicky blinks sleepily at them from the couch, then sits up, suddenly much more awake. "Oh, hey Eli! What's up?"

"Hey, Nicky," Eli greets. "I'm bribing Aaron into teaching me how to play video games. I heard he's a good tutor."

Nicky beams at him, smile almost blinding.

"I'll leave you two to it, then. I was falling asleep anyway," he says, standing up and taking the carton of ice cream. "I'll put this in the freezer."

Nicky takes his leave and Eli turns his smile back on Aaron. "So, what do you think?"

Aaron is suddenly alone with Eli for the first time since the night in the alley behind Eden's.

"Video games?" Aaron asks once he finds his voice. Why would Eli want to learn those? It's not like it's a useful skill. But Aaron doesn't mind helping out, if it's what Eli wants.

He sits down on the couch, leaving space for Eli where Nicky had been. "Sure I guess, but why?"

Victorious, Eli plops down onto the couch, just a tiny bit too close. Not touching, but definitely within Aaron's space.

"I'm kind of trying to catch up on things I missed out on growing up," Eli says. "I've never played a video game before, but I'm told they're a pretty big part of most people's childhoods."

Aaron nods. "Oh. Okay." He has no idea what else to say, his mind going blank with Eli so close to him. Eli is looking at him with his full attention and Aaron feels his face heating up.

"Well, we have a few games," Aaron says, looking away. "Here, I can show you." He hops off the couch and digs around in the pile of games on the floor next to the TV, gathering up a few of the better ones.

He hands the pile to Eli uncertainly. "I don't know what kind you'd like. We mostly have shooters and racing games."

Aaron blushes and Eli's stomach twists pleasantly. How did he not realize before? God, he's such a moron.

He looks over the games and picks one called Mario Kart: Double Dash.

"I think I've heard of Mario before," he explains. "Is this one okay?"

Aaron nods. "That's probably a good one to start with. It’s not too hard."

He takes the case from Eli and kneels down in front of the TV to set it up, then sits back on the couch and hands Eli a controller, taking the other for himself.

"This one has co-op mode so we can both play," Aaron explains. He shows Eli what buttons to press and then sets up a race. "Ready to try?"

Eli blatantly eyes Aaron's ass as he sets up the game, and smiles brightly at him as he explains the controls.

"Yep! Just don't get too pissed at me when I completely fuck up," he says. "Half of the snacks are for earning forgiveness."

They play, and Eli is predictably terrible. He can't remember what button is where so he has to keep looking away from the screen, and when he looks up again the opportunity is gone. He tries to just press buttons at random, but that goes poorly, too.

"Wow, you're really bad at this," Aaron says when the race ends and Eli has still barely managed to move his car at all. It’s honestly kind of impressive. Aaron didn’t think it was possible for someone who wasn't like eighty years old to be this bad at a video game.

“Okay, let me see, what are you doing?" He puts the game in single player mode for the next race so he can focus on just watching Eli.

Admittedly, Eli did not expect video games to be so difficult. People play these things all the time! How can they be so hard?

He plays another race, stomach squirming at Aaron's eyes on him. He wishes it wasn't because he was bad at something, but he'll take what he can get.

At the end of the race, still in last place, Eli rubs his itchy eyes with a hand before looking hopefully at Aaron.

"Advice?" he begs.

Aaron has plenty of advice, but he gets distracted by the way Eli rubs at his eyes.

"Are your eyes ok?" Aaron asks with a frown. "You know, you really shouldn't have those contacts in all the time. It's better to give your eyes a break when you can." Aaron’s been telling Neil this too, but of course Neil never listens to him.

Oh, right. Eli can probably stop wearing his contacts around here and his own dorm, too, since Matt knows now. It's just such an ingrained habit. Eli can't remember the last time he went a full 24 hours without wearing them.

"Yeah, you're right," he says, tilting a little smile Aaron's way. "One second."

He heads to the bathroom to take his contacts out. He hadn't thought about it at the diner, but he doesn't want to risk making Aaron uncomfortable when he pulls them out of his eyes. He puts them in their case and heads back to the living room.

"God that's so much better," he says happily.

Aaron hasn't seen Eli's real eye color since that night at Eden's, and seeing it again now is nearly as potent as it was the first time. He realizes belatedly that maybe this wasn’t a good idea on his part. But Eli looks happier and much more comfortable, and Aaron can't regret that.

He looks down at Eli's controller and tries to focus on the task at hand. "Okay, so the main issue is you keep looking away from the screen. You need to learn where the buttons are by muscle memory instead. Maybe just keep your thumb on this button and don't worry about braking right now, so you can just focus on steering."

Aaron starts up another round, but Eli still seems to be struggling, so Aaron pauses it and hums. "How about I hold one side of the controller and you do the steering part? Then you only have to focus on one thing," he suggests.

Eli tries his best, but he still isn't really getting it. Improving, perhaps, but not by much. Maybe video games just aren't for him.

And then Aaron makes his suggestion and Eli feels like he hit the jackpot.

"Yeah, let's try it. Here," He scoots closer until their legs are touching and holds out the controller for Aaron to grab.

The warmth of Eli's leg against Aaron's is so distracting that he almost forgets to grab onto the controller. He can feel his heart pounding. Shit. He's been doing an okay job being normal so far, but being in close proximity to Eli might just mess all that up.

But then he remembers Eli already knows about his issues. Which is fucking humiliating, but maybe that means it's not a big deal? At least hopefully Aaron won't be making him uncomfortable.

Aaron holds onto his side of the controller and starts up the race, taking charge of accelerating and braking while Eli attempts to steer.

Aaron's warmth against him is distracting as fuck, and Eli desperately wants to look and see if he's blushing, but he doesn't want to give himself away just yet. Even with his distraction, this race goes much better than the previous ones. He doesn't even end it in last place.

"Cool, so I can halfway play a video game," he says, but he hides his pleasure over the improvement poorly. "Better than when we started."

Aaron lets go of the controller as soon as the race is done, trying to calm himself down.

"Nice job," he says, looking at the controller in Eli's lap so he doesn't have to stare into Eli's eyes. "Want to try it on your own now?"

He would scoot away, except that Eli is right in the middle of the couch so there's really nowhere for Aaron to move to. His palms are sweaty and he wipes them surreptitiously on his jeans.

Normally Eli would make a joke about Aaron staring at his crotch, but he doesn't want to scare him off.

"Sure," he says instead. "Are you gonna play too this time?"

Aaron nods, glad for a distraction. "Yeah, okay."

He starts up another co-op race and glances over at Eli throughout it to see how he's doing. Eli seems to be getting the hang of it a little more now. His look of concentration is kind of endearing, Aaron thinks. The guy is trying so hard. It's funny how he's so effortlessly good at Exy, but Mario Kart is what gives him a real challenge.

Aaron remembers to look back at his own screen just in time to watch his own character drive off a bridge and he curses.

Eli is determined to do better during this race, and he nearly manages it. But Aaron's cursing distracts him and when he looks back at the screen, everything's different.

"Aaron," Eli says, vaguely distressed. "Aaron, I think I'm in space."

On his half of the screen, his little character floats in a black void. Eli doesn't know how this happened.

The concern in Eli's voice is so unexpectedly sincere that Aaron can't help cracking a smile.

"It's okay," Aaron says, trying not to laugh. "See, you're back on the track now. It just happens when you fall off the side of the road."

Aaron's amusement is obvious in his voice, and when Eli looks over there's even a smile on his face. Eli doesn't know what to do with the unfamiliar happiness that floods his body, but he knows he wants Aaron to keep making that face.

"They didn't even give my little guys a spacesuit," he complains, deploying the little frowning pout that Abram uses to manipulate Eli into doing stupid stuff like agreeing to join an Exy team.

Eli's goofy comment and the pouty look on his face are just too much, and Aaron snorts a laugh.

"You're ridiculous," he says, giving Eli a fond look. "It's not really outer space. I think your little guys will be okay."

Eli practically preens over the soft look that Aaron sets on him. God, this was the greatest idea he's ever had.

"You're the expert, I guess. Your word is law," Eli says. "Hey, I think I might actually be getting the hang of this."

That by no means translates into being good, but he's able to move his little guys around without crashing into something every second, and he rediscovers the buttons to press to launch shit off of his tiny cart to fuck with his opponents.

Eli really does seem to be getting better, at least compared to when he started. He even manages to hit Aaron with a red shell at one point. Aaron calls him an asshole for it and Eli laughs delightedly, which makes Aaron's stomach do a weird backflip.

After a while, Aaron sets his controller down and stretches. "Okay, I need a break. What snacks did you bring?"

Eli's still squished next to him on the couch, their thighs pressed together with the whole other side of the couch empty. Aaron thinks about mentioning it, but decides to keep his mouth shut. He figures it doesn't really matter. As long as Eli isn't uncomfortable about it, Aaron won't make a fuss.

Eli tries not to be too obvious about sneaking a look at Aaron when his shirt rides up to reveal a sliver of stomach. He regularly sees Aaron in the locker room. A peek of skin shouldn't affect him so much.

"Oh!" Eli says, reaching for the bag on the table. He pulls everything out as he lists them. "I got a bunch of stuff. Reese's—cups and pieces, because I couldn't decide. A bag of Doritos. Classic, of course. Oh, those gummy candies you like. There's the ice cream in the freezer. And a couple cans of Red Bull."

He looks over to see Aaron staring at him and, suddenly worried his offerings are inadequate, says, "Sorry, I don't really know what else you like to drink."

"Whoa, that's so much," Aaron says, looking at all of it on the table, a little overwhelmed. "You have good taste. Man, this is like all my favorite stuff."

He reaches for a Red Bull and cracks it open. "I drink these all day long, so it's fine. I'm probably not sleeping tonight, anyway. I have too much studying to do."

He frowns, suddenly remembering something. "Wait, aren't you supposed to be at night practice right now?"

Eli watches, smug, as Aaron sets in on the snacks. But then he brings up practice, and Eli freezes, caught out.

"Um. Yeah?" he admits. Aaron raises an eyebrow at him and he groans, slumping in his seat. "I told them I had a rebound headache from the concussion. I just wanted to come and play video games with you. I don't even like Exy."

Aaron laughs, bright and happy at the idea that Eli tricked Kevin just so he could play hooky and hang out with Aaron instead.

"I won't snitch," he promises. "I don't know how you can stand to spend that much time with Kevin anyway. I get sick of him enough just during the day."

Eli grins. Aaron's laugh makes his chest feel buzzy.

"God, he's such an asshole," Eli complains. "Sometimes I just wanna take his stupid Exy stick and break it in front of him. But my brother wants to play as much as he can, and if I'm going to keep standing in for him in games I have to keep up."

Aaron nods, opening the bag of Doritos. "I guess that makes sense. Are you and Neil just planning to keep swapping for games until you graduate, or what?"

Until they graduate. Hilarious.

"I'll keep doing it for as long as he needs me to," Eli says. "Probably just until your coach can get another couple strikers on the team."

“Oh, right. Well, it's pretty cool of you to do that for him anyway," Aaron says, once again feeling jealous of the easy relationship Eli has with his twin.

He thinks about his own frustrating, pointless conversation with Andrew the other day and frowns at the memory of Andrew trying to forbid him from hanging out with Neil. What fucking bullshit.

Aaron's easy laughter has disappeared and Eli doesn't know what he's done to chase it away. He nudges Aaron gently in the side.

"You good?" he asks.

Aaron grimaces. "Ugh, yeah. Just reminded me about some stupid shit Andrew's been trying to pull." He rolls his eyes. "You know the other day he told me I couldn't be friends with Neil? God, he's such a fucking hypocrite."

He shoves some chips in his mouth, still annoyed about it.

Eli frowns.

"Why can't you be friends with Neil?" he asks. Andrew is going to fucking get it if he's on some trip about Abram not being good enough to be friends with Aaron.

Aaron swallows his mouthful of chips and sighs. "It's… complicated."

He taps his fingers against the Red Bull can he's holding, trying to figure out how to explain it. "Andrew and I have a deal. He protects me, but in exchange, it has to stay just the two of us until graduation. No friends or girlfriends or anything. That's why he hates Katelyn, he thinks she's a violation of the deal."

Aaron huffs and leans back against the couch. "So then he brings you and Neil around, and I figured he trusts you, so I could at least hang out with you guys, right? But no, he still freaked out when he found out about me and Neil studying together. Accused me of breaking the rules." He lets out an unhappy laugh. "Like I said. Hypocrite."

Eli stares, his stomach twisting, but not from the feel-good effects of having a crush. He can't help but see the parallel there, between him and Abram and the Minyard twins. The only difference is that there's no official deal there; Eli protects Abram, and Abram stays by his side. But Eli would never tell Abram he couldn't be friends with someone. Maybe that difference is enough.

"That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard," he says. "Protects you from what? And what about Kevin? He gets to hang around just because Andrew made a deal with him?"

He sits back, offended on Aaron's behalf.

"You should make your own deal," he suggests. "If Andrew gets to do it, you should too. Make some dumb official deal with my brother. You tutor him and he like, keeps you stocked up on energy drinks or does your laundry once a month or something."

Aaron's eyebrows go up, surprised by the indignance in Eli's voice. Aaron thinks his brother's logic is stupid too, but for years now Andrew has been the main controlling force in his life and Aaron's gotten used to just unhappily living with his rules. Seeing it from an outside point of view is kind of eye-opening. It does sound pretty fucked up, now that he thinks about it.

What Eli is suggesting... it's something Aaron has never considered, but it seems so obvious.

"That's a really fucking good idea," Aaron says. "Shit, I probably should have thought of that forever ago."

He hesitates, wanting Eli to understand more about the situation, but knowing that the backstory doesn't exactly make him look good. For some idiotic reason, though, he feels like he owes it to Andrew to explain. Even though he knows Andrew wouldn't give a shit. It just doesn't feel right, throwing his brother completely under the bus without context.

"It's not all Andrew's fault," he admits unhappily, looking down at his knees. "I agreed to the deal. Twice, actually."

Aaron takes a breath to steel himself. "I had a lot of issues with addiction back in high school, and he got me clean. But a lot of my friends and the girls I was hanging out with were into drugs too, so part of his reasoning for cutting everyone out was to keep me out of trouble. It's not as crazy as it sounds. He just takes it too far, like he does with everything. There's no room for gray areas with him."

Aaron doesn't look up, not sure if he wants to see Eli's reaction.

Eli has never personally dealt with addiction, or been close to someone who has. But his mother dragged them through some seedy places, and he's seen addicts strung out on the street, sickly thin and desperate. He intensely hates the idea of Aaron like that.

"I get it," he says. "I'd do anything to keep my brother safe. But you obviously aren't that person anymore. Maybe getting you away from those people was the right thing, but he shouldn't be keeping you from everyone. He should be proud of you for choosing people who are good for you."

Eli wishes Aaron would look at him, but his eyes stay glued to his knees, so Eli tries to inject as much sincerity into his tone as possible. He reaches out and pats Aaron's hand a few times.

"I get that he wants to protect you," he says. "You're his twin brother; of course he does. He's an asshole, but he cares about you in his own asshole-ish ways. But he shouldn't be hurting you like this, either."

Aaron's hand feels warm where Eli touched it. He sort of wishes Eli would do it again.

The idea that Andrew cares about Aaron at all, though, is laughable. Andrew doesn't give a shit about him. He just wants to control Aaron and thinks he knows what's best for him.

Back in senior year after they accepted Wymack's offer, Aaron agreed to renew his deal with Andrew for two reasons. Firstly because the logic did make some sense. Aaron didn’t want to risk relapsing, after all, and he didn't expect to meet anyone he wanted to befriend or date either, since he was just here at college to get his degree. But the main reason he agreed to it was that it was the only real connection Andrew had ever offered him. Part of Aaron knew it was a stupid idea, but how could he say no? It wasn't the solid, supportive relationship with his brother that he'd been wishing for ever since he learned of Andrew's existence, but it was better than nothing at all.

But Aaron doesn't know how to explain any of that to Eli, who is so close with his own twin. Sure, Neil can be an asshole, but he's obviously just as devoted to Eli as Eli is to him. Eli probably can't imagine what it's like to receive nothing but total apathy and disinterest from your own brother.

"Yeah, I guess," Aaron says dubiously, instead of voicing any of that. He shakes off his doom and gloom, and gives Eli a smirk. "I'm definitely trying your deal idea, though. I can't wait to see him try to argue his way out of that one."

Aaron doesn't seem convinced, but he seems to bounce back a bit anyway. His mischievous little smirk makes Eli feel warm all over. The light in the room makes his eyes look darker than usual, like maple syrup. Eli wants to kiss him so bad.

"Yeah, he'll be pissed," Eli says, forcing his eyes away. It doesn't work for long because a second later he's back to staring at Aaron. "Please let me be there when you tell him. Also I can make sure you don't get stabbed."

Eli doubts Andrew would stab his brother, but he might rip into him, and Eli will not have Andrew getting in the way of Abram's chance at a friend. Or Aaron's chance, either.

Aaron huffs, amused. "I don't know if having you there will reduce the chances of someone getting stabbed. It seems like his blood pressure goes up about twenty points every time you're in the room. But sure, why not, at least it'll be funny."

Eli's eyes are sparkling at him and Aaron gets stuck staring back at him for a few seconds before he flushes and blinks, looking away. "Anyway, you didn't come over to hear me bitch about my brother. Did you want to try learning a different game, or play more Mario Kart?"

Eli smirks, pleased with how easy it is to get under Andrew's skin. Everyone acts so fucking scared of him, it's good for his ego to have someone willing to fuck with him sometimes.

Aaron blushes and all thoughts of Andrew flee his mind.

"Oh. Yeah, let's try something else," Eli says. "Maybe racing games just aren't my speed."

"We could try an FPS instead? First person shooter," Aaron clarifies at Eli's confused look.

Eli agrees, so Aaron gets up to switch the games. He has to root around under the TV table to switch the wires for the game consoles, and he swipes at his messy hair when he gets back up.

"This is Halo," he says, plopping down on the couch again, his leg knocking into Eli's. "This one actually does have some outer space shit in it, but mostly it's just about killing people."

Aaron thinks he’s getting a little more used to this, the proximity to Eli and all this physical contact. It’s not quite as overwhelming now. Eli’s presence still makes him feel flustered and inexplicably embarrassed, but it's easier not to worry about it now that he knows his awkwardness isn't going to make Eli feel bad.

Another chance to ogle Aaron without him noticing, and Eli takes full advantage. And then he runs a hand through his hair, messing it up all adorably and Eli has to grip his controller tight not to reach out and touch.

This game goes a little bit better than the last. Eli keeps accidentally running into shit, and he can only shoot things that aren't moving with any sort of accuracy. It's a bit frustrating because in real life, Eli is quite handy with a gun. Both he and his brother are. But apparently that skill doesn't transfer to video games.

He leans forward in his seat, eyebrows furrowing as he tries to get the hang of this.

Aaron glances over at Eli, who is staring at the screen with intent focus. It's honestly kind of cute, Aaron thinks with amusement.

Then he blinks, alarmed. Is it gay to think another man is cute? It definitely sounds gay. But maybe it's like with babies and cats, where it doesn't mean anything romantic. Aaron still feels weird for thinking it, his heart thudding anxiously in his chest, but there's really no other way to describe how Eli looks right now, a frowny little pout on his face as he focuses all his concentration on the game.

Eli is definitely better at this game. He gets the hang of it quicker, at least. Still...

"I think I liked the other one better," he admits. "Even though I sucked. I liked my little guys."

Besides, Eli's has enough of violence and murder in his real life. At least the cart game was colorful.

Aaron's lip twitches at the mention of the 'little guys.’ Eli's kind of a huge fucking dork, Aaron’s beginning to realize. In a good way, though.

"That's cool, we can go back to the other one," Aaron says, getting up to switch the plugs around again.

They play Mario Kart for a while longer, with Eli slowly improving and seeming to have a pretty good time even when his little guys fall off into space. They settle into a rhythm of cracking jokes and shit-talking each other and the time passes quickly. Eventually Aaron remembers the ice cream in the freezer, and now that it's on his mind, he won't be satisfied until he eats it.

He goes to the kitchen to grab the carton and a couple of spoons, and brings them back over, handing a spoon to Eli.

"We don't have any clean bowls right now," Aaron says apologetically. "Kevin's been eating this gross bean soup all week and he hasn't done the dishes, so we'll just have to share germs, I guess."

Spending time with Aaron like this is practically euphoric. Aaron keeps sitting close to him, despite having room enough to sit so they aren't touching. Eli's never had someone to trash talk with before—he and Abram don't have that sort of relationship. And Aaron is funny.

"Germs don't bother me," Eli smirks, taking a spoon. He's not a huge fan of ice cream, so the scoops he takes are small, and he lets Aaron eat it to his heart's content. Eli does have a bigger sweet tooth than Abram, though, so he's able to stomach it.

"This is the right flavor, right?" Eli double checks, digging a chunk of cookie out.

"Yeah, this is the good shit," Aaron says happily through a mouthful of ice cream.

His face scrunches up in consideration and he flicks his gaze to the coffee table where all the snacks Eli brought are sitting, half opened and devoured. "Wait, how did you even find out I like all this stuff? Did Nicky tell you?"

Eli looks away, feeling caught out and a bit guilty.

"I mean, I already knew about the Red Bull and gummy candies," he admits. "But no, I asked my brother what kind of snacks you bring to your study sessions."

He risks a glance back at Aaron, hoping he isn't scared off.

"Besides, it wouldn't be a very effective bribe if I brought over a bunch of shit you didn't even like," he says.

What the fuck, that's so thoughtful? Aaron honestly doesn't know how to respond to this revelation.

Eli looks kind of nervous for some reason, so Aaron hurries to reassure him. "Well hey, consider me effectively bribed. Did you get your money's worth?" Aaron asks jokingly. "How do you rate my services?"

Relieved, Eli beams.

"A solid ten outta ten," he says. "Couldn't've asked for a better teacher."

Aaron's lip quirks in a sweet little smile, but before he can say anything, the door opens and Andrew and Kevin walk in, freezing at the sight of Eli and Aaron on the couch.

"What the hell?" Kevin demands. "You're supposed to have a migraine!"

"It got better," Eli says, smirking. Kevin looks like he wants to strangle him.

Aaron watches with amusement as Kevin gawks at them, looking like he's about to pop a vein in his forehead. Andrew is scowling too, annoyance breaking through his usual blank facade. Their reactions are hilarious and Aaron glances at Eli, sharing his smirk.

"I was keeping an eye on him," Aaron says innocently. "In case he needed medical attention." He shoves a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth, feeling incredibly satisfied.

"He's pre-med, Kevin," Eli adds. "I was only looking out for my health."

Kevin sputters and makes a sweeping gesture to the junk food spread across the table. "And how is this looking out for your health!?"

"That's for my mental health," Eli says seriously.

Aaron snickers at Eli’s joke and they make gleeful eye contact.

"What are you doing with my brother, Eli?" Andrew asks, his voice cutting cold and dangerous through Aaron's amusement.

For some reason Aaron is reminded of the time Andrew caught him behind the gym talking and holding hands with a girl from his drama class. She hadn't asked him for drugs or anything. She'd just liked him and he liked her back, but Andrew had terrified her so badly that she ran off before Aaron could try to reason with him. She wouldn't even speak to him at school after that.

Aaron sets down the ice cream with apprehension. "It's fine, Andrew. We were just hanging out. I need to get back to studying, anyway," he adds to Eli apologetically.

Eli gives Aaron a reassuring little smile, then rolls his eyes in Andrew's direction.

"I wanted to learn how to play video games," he says. "I asked Aaron to teach me. Problem?"

Andrew stares at Eli, then runs his gaze over the snacks on the table and up to Aaron. Aaron cringes back automatically. He’s not sure what he's even done wrong but he feels caught out and guilty at the look on Andrew's face.

"No problem, as long as Aaron is keeping up with his responsibilities," Andrew says pointedly.

"Seriously, it's fine," Aaron says quietly to Eli. "You should probably get going so Neil doesn't worry about where you went."

Eli kind of desperately wants to punch Andrew in the face. Aaron had been relaxed, soft around the edges in a way Eli hadn't seen before, and they'd been having fun. And then Andrew barges in with his stupid vague accusations and makes Aaron act like—like he's trying to protect Eli from his abuser.

But he doesn't want to make Aaron hate him, so he's stuck offering Aaron a small smile and a nod. He bares his teeth in a grin at Andrew when he leaves, shoulders slumping as he goes back to his own room. Abram is, predictably, worried and nervous when he steps inside.

"Hey, I was hanging out with Aaron," he says. Abram stops his fretting.

"Oh, did it go okay?" he asks. "Did we get the snacks right?"

Eli nods. "Yeah, we did. And it was going great until Andrew came back and acted like a dick about it."

Abram frowns. "What did he do?"

Eli shakes his head. "Nevermind. I just want to lay down and get some sleep."

Abram nods, letting it drop, and they head to bed. Eli digs out his phone and types up a message.

Eli: thx 4 teaching me! it was fun. sry andrews a dick :( hope i didnt get u in trouble

Aaron is relieved that Eli leaves before Andrew has the chance to threaten him with a knife or something. Kevin goes off to bed, sulking about his precious night practice, and Aaron gets up to put the ice cream away, feeling Andrew's eyes on him.

He slams the freezer and swivels around to glare at his brother. "Why do you always have to be such an asshole? Just fuck off and stay out of my business."

Andrew says nothing, just looks back at him with that horrible blank face. Aaron lets out a frustrated growl and stomps into the bedroom. Kevin is somehow already asleep, his shoes still on. He doesn't stir, but Nicky wakes up with a mumbled, "Whuzzat."

"Nothing," Aaron mutters, changing out his clothes. "Go back to sleep."

His phone buzzes as he's plugging it in, and he sees it's a message from Eli. Aaron's heart picks up and he bites his lip.

Aaron: i had fun 2! sry abt andrew. see u tmr 4 practice

He puts his phone away and climbs up into his bunk, too pissed off to focus on studying. He'll just go to the library early tomorrow morning to make up for it.

Eli smiles when his phone buzzes not too long later. He reads the message and quickly types out a response, not expecting Aaron to read it until later. Abram said his attention can be difficult to grab while studying.

Eli: andrews not ur fault. dont study 2 hard! see u tmr :) for practice :(

He tucks his phone under his pillow and replays the night over in his head until he falls asleep.

Chapter 12 Summary:

Aaron makes a deal.

Notes:

Content Warnings:
- references to parental abuse

Chapter Text

Andrew crouches in front of the Jostens' door and picks the lock. He steps inside and Matt glares at him from the couch.

"You know you could just knock, right?"

Andrew looks away from him dismissively.

The bedroom door opens and Eli's head pops out, adopting an irritated expression as soon as he sees him. Andrew wants to fuck that stupid expression off his face and he takes a moment to silently lament the fact that he can no longer do so.

The last time Andrew broke in, Eli told him he was putting a stop to their whole hookup arrangement. Andrew hadn't thought much of it at the time, but then he came home to find Eli snuggling up to Aaron on the couch and it didn't take a genius to put those pieces together.

Part of Andrew's anger at finding them together came from the usual bullshit of Aaron attempting to get around their deal, but a much larger and, Andrew hates to admit, more frightened part of him does not care for the way Eli's eyes linger on Aaron when his back is turned, or the way Aaron seems so oblivious to Eli's real intentions with him. So far Eli has kept his hands to himself like a good boy, but Andrew is ready to slit his throat if he even thinks about touching Aaron against his will.

He gives Eli a salute and heads toward him, burying the fear and anger deep down under a thick layer of apathy.

Eli is not ready for Andrew's bullshit. He's still pissed about how he'd fucked up his and Aaron's night, but Andrew looks like he's on a mission, so Eli reluctantly lets him into the room. Abram looks up from his desk, where he was doing homework.

"Oh. Hi, Andrew," Abram says.

"What do you want?" Eli asks, plopping onto Abram's bed where his half of the homework is spread out. "We're busy."

"Not that busy," Abram says, eager to avoid schoolwork. He stands up and stretches. Eli crumples up a piece of paper and chucks it at Andrew preemptively to stop him from eyeing up his brother.

Andrew catches the paper and throws it back, aiming for the spot right between Eli's eyes. Eli bats it away.

Andrew kicks the door shut behind himself and leans against the bunkbed opposite Eli and Neil. "You know how to use knives, yes?"

Abram tenses, but Eli shrugs.

"Yeah, a bit," he says. "Why? Want us to teach you?"

Andrew shakes his head. He pulls two simple switchblade knives out of his pockets and presents them to Neil and Eli.

"I cannot be by your side at all times," he explains. "It is stupid not to carry a weapon when you know someone is trying to kill you."

Eli gets up and takes both knives. He pockets one and flips the other open, testing the weight in his hand. He flips it around his fingers a few times, then shrugs, closes it, and pockets that one too.

"Cool," he says.

"Eli," Abram says quietly. His face is pale and he looks more frightened than when Andrew pointed a knife at him, that first time they met. Eli walks over to him and bumps their shoulders together.

"Relax, Abram. No knives for you," Eli promises. Abram relaxes and leans his weight solidly against him.

"Yes knives for him," Andrew argues. "He spends more time as Neil Josten than you do, so he is at greater risk."

Neil's face goes even more pale and Andrew stops, frowning. "What is the problem?"

Eli scowls at him for being blatantly unhelpful.

"You know you hold your knife like you learned it in a street fight?" he says. "Which is fine, if that works for you. But we were trained by a professional. And Abram was always better at it than I was."

Nathan had thought he'd had quite a little protégé in Abram, before everything with the Moriyamas happened. He'd noticed Abram's talent and given him extra attention. Abram used to come up from the basement pale and wide eyed, smelling of bleach. Eli had tried to swap with him, but Nathan became so enraged at 'Abram's' mistakes that Eli had to be dragged back to his room. Abram had refused to switch with him after that. Not for Nathan's special lessons.

"If this is you trying to convince me Abram shouldn't carry a knife, you are doing a bad job of it," Andrew says. "I will ask you again, what is the problem?"

He doesn't bother taking offense to the 'street fight' jab because it's mostly accurate. That's how Renee learned, and she taught Andrew nearly all of what he knows.

Eli is so fucking sick of Andrew.

"The problem is that he's fucking traumatized, shitlicker," he snaps. "If Mary couldn't beat him into using a knife, what makes you think you can? Come back with a gun and we'll talk."

Abram is trembling slightly beside him. Eli can only tell because they're pressed so close together, but there's a tremor running beneath his brother's skin. Eli wraps his arm around him and pulls his brother closer.

Andrew crosses his arms and considers this. If Neil is too traumatized to even keep a knife on his person, the likelihood of him actually using it in a fight seems very low. Andrew accepts this new information and readjusts accordingly.

"I have no intention of beating anything into him," he says, his lip curling. "I'm sure you remember how I take issue with mothers who beat their children. So no knife for Abram, then. Would you like me to get him a gun? I can, if you are serious."

Andrew has no idea where to get a gun, but he assumes he can figure it out. Renee probably knows a guy.

Eli considers this, tilting his head to rest it against his brother's.

"What do you think? You want a gun?" he asks. Abram takes a deep breath and lets it out loudly.

"It's better than a knife, but what if I get caught?" he asks. "I'll definitely be kicked off the team."

Eli laughs at Abram's predictability.

"Don't get caught, then," Andrew suggests dryly. He sighs. "I was going to suggest you both train with Renee if you didn't know how to use a knife yet, but Matt can fight too. Boxing, not knives. He could teach you."

"I know how to use knives," Eli confirms. "Practice couldn't hurt, though. Renee's cool with knife fights?"

He raises his eyebrows, surprised. He probably shouldn't be. This is the Foxes, after all.

"I'll ask Matt to teach me," Abram says.

"Tell him to focus on defensive shit," Eli suggests. "Stuff you can do to give yourself a chance to run."

They know better than to fight their father's men.

"Renee taught me," Andrew says. "Her skills might not be as professional as what you’re used to, but she should be adequate as a training partner." He doesn't elaborate further. If Renee wants to tell Eli about Natalie, that's her business.

"Talk to Matt," Andrew tells Neil, who is already looking less panicked. "And let me know if you want that gun."

Abram looks at Andrew curiously. Eli wants to groan. Life would be so much easier if Abram would be less curious about Andrew.

"We'll think about it," he says. "Now shoo. Homework awaits us."

Abram turns to him with his stupid pout and says in the wheedling, whining tone he only uses on Eli, "But we have practice soon! We hardly have any time to do anything."

Eli sighs, folding like wet paper. "Fine. Homework time over."

The adorable fucking whiny voice that comes out of Neil is almost too much for Andrew to handle. He helplessly imagines Neil using that voice in a very different context, and briefly wishes Eli would use his brand new knives to put Andrew out of his misery.

He spins around and exits the room without another word, but pauses by the couch to tell Matt, "You will teach Neil to fight."

"What?" Matt says, because he's an idiot who can't understand basic English.

Andrew leaves.

*****

Matt agrees to teach Neil to fight. The first lesson doesn't go too well but Neil is not discouraged. It's hard to fit in fighting lessons with his already packed schedule, but they make it work.

The next time he meets up with Aaron and Katelyn at the library, Neil has a bruise on his jaw. He has to admit to them he got it from neglecting to block an obvious punch from Matt, and then has to explain that Matt is teaching him how to fight.

"Oh yeah, Matt hits hard," Aaron says approvingly. "It's come in handy on the court a few times."

Katelyn looks at Neil, curious. "Why are you learning how to fight? Is it for self defense, or is it a fitness thing?"

"Nah, I'd put money on it being for Exy," Aaron says with a smirk.

Neil scowls at Aaron. Dick.

"It's for self defense," he confirms. Then pauses. "But if it helps with Exy that'll be good, too."

"You're so predictable," Aaron scoffs.

They work on homework for a while and eventually Aaron decides that it's time to bring up what he's been wanting to talk to Neil about. He kicks Neil under the table to get his attention and receives a glare and a sharp kick to the shin in return.

"So, I assume Eli told you about me and Andrew's deal, right?" Aaron says.

Katelyn looks up from her notes, perking up at the juicy change of topic.

Neil thinks back to Eli's recount of the evening. He'd been unbearably pleased by it, telling Neil all about how he'd gotten Aaron to laugh and relax. Eli had also complained about Andrew a bunch, but he can't remember a deal being mentioned.

"No," Neil says. He's pretty sure Eli must have forgotten, instead of hidden it from him. He wouldn't do that after the fight they had. "He said Andrew's an asshole and he's pissed about how he treats you but he didn't say why. Or maybe he did but I kind of stopped listening after a while."

Turns out Eli has a lot of opinions about Andrew, and only like 30% of them are about his oral sex prowess.

"Oh," Aaron says, deflating a little. He didn't really want to have to explain this twice. "Okay, well, the long and short of it is that Andrew protects me, but I'm not allowed to have friends or date anyone. Remember I told you Andrew can't know about me spending time with Katelyn? That's why."

Katelyn nods at Neil with wide, serious eyes.

"...Okay," Neil says. He's confused. Andrew would certainly protect Aaron without a deal, because he's his twin brother, so Neil doesn't see why that would be necessary. But he doesn't understand a lot of things when it comes to people. "Is that why Andrew got mad at you for being friends with me? Aren't you worried that you're like, voiding your deal? Why have it if you're going to break it?"

"Ugh, you're just like him," Aaron complains. "Well that's where Eli gave me an idea of how to work around it."

Katelyn's eyes are sparkling with interest, her study materials fully forgotten. Aaron shakes his head, so fucking fond of her.

"See, Andrew's a fucking hypocrite because he keeps Kevin around," he tells Neil, "and his excuse is that they have a deal too, so it doesn't count as being friends. So..."

Aaron gestures back and forth between himself and Neil. "What if we make a deal too? Eli suggested something like I tutor you and you do my laundry, but I don't want you touching my clothes. I don't think you know how to take care of them properly." He makes a face at Neil, who is wearing one of the few worn-out T-shirts that he owns, all of which he seems to share with Eli. "Anyway, it doesn't have to be laundry, it can be whatever we want."

Neil frowns.

"Eli's telling people I'll do their laundry?" he asks, focusing on the most important part of this.

"Oh my god, are you even listening?" Aaron says, exasperated. "What do you say, can we make a deal or not?"

Katelyn hides giggles in her hand and Neil ignores her.

"Sure, I guess," he says. "My chemistry grade has gone up a lot and unfortunately I'm pretty sure it's your fault, so. What do you want?"

Aaron blinks. He actually hadn’t thought of anything he wanted from Neil. He was so focused on just making the deal in the first place. He figured they'd just settle on something random like laundry or energy drinks and leave it at that, but since Neil is offering an actual trade here...

"What if you teach me French?" Aaron suggests. "That way we can talk without Andrew knowing what we're saying. Plus I can mess with Kevin."

Katelyn makes an unhappy noise. "No fair, I wanna learn French with Neil too!"

"Okay, teach me and Katelyn French," Aaron amends. He and Katelyn both look at Neil expectantly.

Neil thinks Eli would probably be better at this, but he nods.

"Okay. I'll probably be a bad teacher but. I can try to teach you," he says. "Me and Eli kind of learned because we had to."

"Wait, Eli speaks French too?" Aaron asks, getting thrown off track. "Are there any languages you guys don't know?"

He taps his pen against the table, an idea forming. "Well, what if we make Eli part of the deal too? You guys can both tutor us, either take turns or we find somewhere to meet up all together. That way I have an excuse for hanging out with all three of you."

Katelyn squeaks in excitement. Aaron suddenly remembers the last time she and Eli spent time together, and wonders if he's going to end up regretting this.

"Sure. I mean I'll have to ask but I think he'll say yes," Neil says. He is, in fact, positive that Eli will say yes, because it means spending more time with Aaron. Neil wonders if this is wise. He doesn't want to watch his brother try to subtly woo Aaron.

"When and where, though?" he asks. "If me and Eli both have to be there our schedule is kind of full."

"What schedule does Eli have? He's not even a student—" Aaron begins to ask.

"Oh!" Katelyn interrupts, practically bouncing in her chair. "I can host you guys at my place! My roommates are both busy a lot so it shouldn't be too hard. Here, I'll write down the times that we'd have the place all to ourselves."

She writes out a list in perfect handwriting and hands it over to Neil. "I put Aaron's schedule on there too, so you and Eli can figure out if anything works within those times."

"Why do you know my schedule?" Aaron makes a face at her. "Stalker."

Katelyn sticks her tongue out at him. "You wish you had a stalker as cute as me, Aaron Minyard."

He puts his hand on her face and shoves her gently away and she giggles.

Neil watches Aaron and Katelyn and is oddly reminded of himself and Eli, when Neil is being particularly annoying. He wonders how anyone could look at Aaron interacting with Katelyn and think they're dating, but everyone seems completely convinced. Despite Aaron's repeated denial.

"Yeah, this could work," Neil says, looking over the list. Katelyn's handwriting is almost aggressively pleasant. "I think we could fit in something twice a week, here and here."

He points to the hours he's referring to. "Is that often enough?"

Aaron nods. "I think so. Any more often and I'll have to start taking something stronger than energy drinks to deal with the sleep deprivation, so this works for me."

Katelyn beams at them both. "I'm so excited, oh my gosh. This will be so fun!"

Aaron would never admit it, but he kind of feels the same way.

*****

Eli walks into a building he's passed by countless times without thinking about it. He's exactly ten minutes behind his brother, and he nods mindlessly at a girl in the hall who smiles at him. Up a flight of stairs, down a hallway, and he's arrived at the right door.

He knocks and waits, and then Katelyn swings the door open with a beaming smile, pulling him inside and practically bouncing with energy.

"Eli!" she greets. "It's so good to see you again! Thanks for coming."

He smiles at her, and it only grows when he spots Abram and Aaron in the living room. Abram has perched himself on the edge of a recliner, while Aaron sits on the couch looking over the books Abram brought with a frown.

Aaron looks up at Eli's arrival and feels the corners of his mouth lifting up. He bites the inside of his cheek. It's stupid how much he's been looking forward to starting these French lessons. He doesn't even care that much about learning French, aside from the way it'll be fun to fuck with Andrew and Kevin. Aaron didn’t have a particularly difficult time learning German, but it wasn't exactly fun either, and it took a long time and a lot of work. There's no reason for him to feel this giddy with excitement about essentially having given himself extra homework.

"Do you want anything to drink?” Katelyn asks Eli. “I made coffee, or we have some iced tea." She’s absolutely in her element, clearly thrilled to be playing hostess. Aaron really does not understand her sometimes, but he's glad she's having a good time.

"Wow, you didn't offer me any iced tea," Aaron says, just to fuck with her. He sips on his coffee. "Way to play favorites, Katie."

"Shush," she tells him, swatting the back of his head. "You don't even like iced tea."

"I'll have some iced tea, thanks," Eli says. Katelyn eagerly bounces off to the kitchen, and when she emerges she has two glasses of iced tea in her hands. She passes one to Eli and takes a sip from the other cup, settling on the couch next to Aaron.

As much as Eli would like to sit next to him, too, he'd really prefer to be able to see them both for this, so he sits on the floor, across the table from them.

"So, I know Aaron speaks German," Eli says, smiling at him. "But do you have any experience with other languages Katelyn?"

"I know a bunch of swears in Spanish," Katelyn says. "And how to count to ten. And the word for cat. That's about as much as I remember from middle school language courses, though."

Eli laughs.

"Okay, good to know," he says. "Well, we're gonna start with the different sounds French uses. You want to get those down as soon as possible, otherwise you end up talking like Kevin, and no one wants that."

Abram lets out a huff of amusement and Eli smirks at him.

"So the most obvious is the French 'r,' which is made using the back of the mouth instead of the front. When we were learning it felt a lot like gargling without mouthwash," he explains. "French uses a lot of the same sounds as English, but there are a few that are just a little bit different."

Eli runs through the differences between French and English sounds, and where and how they're produced. He goes on a bit of a tangent about the glottal stop, but gets back on track easy enough.

Aaron swallows a tiny bit of disappointment when Eli doesn't sit next to him, but he's quickly distracted by Eli jumping right into the lesson. Aaron takes down notes as Eli speaks, frowning with concentration.

It's obviously not quite like learning German, but the concept of having to pronounce sounds in different ways is similar enough that it feels familiar. And Eli is already a way better teacher than either Nicky or Aaron's high school German teacher who was always mixing him up with Andrew and yelling at him for things he didn't do.

Neil mostly hangs out off to the side and pipes up with the occasional comment, but Eli seems comfortable running the show.

Aaron takes notes with a focused little frown and Eli wants to grab him and kiss it off his face. He tries not to stare, but his eyes drift to Aaron with frequency, and Katelyn notices. She gives him very pointed looks, eyes bright and smirk sharp, but she doesn't seem upset, which is good.

He explains the basics of French grammar for Katelyn's sake, since Aaron is more familiar with the flow of a language other than English.

"The quickest and easiest way to learn a new language is through immersion," Eli says. "Your brain will pick up on patterns you'll consciously learn during the dedicated lessons. So starting next time, we're going to be speaking entirely in French. We'll have a focused lesson to start with, do some structured practice, and then spend the rest of the time conversing in French."

"You'll probably feel stupid at first," he tells them. "You'll spend a lot of time frustrated and doing charades and pointing at shit and asking what things are called. But you'll catch on quick."

Eli finishes off the last of his iced tea and says. "Okay, homework is to practice pronouncing the French 'r.' You can use English words if it helps. Don't worry if you don't have it down by the next lesson, it can take some time to adapt."

"Any questions?" he asks, resting his arms on the table and placing his chin on his hands. He looks up at Aaron from under his lashes and Katelyn lets out a little giggle that she smothers behind a hand.

Aaron blinks, his cheeks warming under Eli's gaze. It's always a lot, having Eli's intense attention focused on him, but something about the way he's looking up at Aaron through his lashes makes it even more a lot than usual.

"No questions," he manages to say, hoping his voice doesn't sound too strained. He shuts his notebook and rips his gaze away from Eli, his eyes landing on Neil, who's giving him a weird, almost exasperated look. Aaron has no idea why, so he just looks back down at the table.

Eli catches Abram looking at Aaron with a disbelieving expression, and he raises a pointed eyebrow. Who was it that spent time looking through medical textbooks with Aaron, trying to pinpoint what his 'symptoms' meant? Abram catches his meaning and his cheeks pink.

"Katelyn?" Eli asks, turning his attention to her. She tries to keep her face straight but Eli can tell she's amused by the antics of the boys around her. "Any questions?"

"Nope!" she says brightly. "Thanks for agreeing to teach us! You sound like you know what you're talking about."

Eli smiles at her. "I like languages."

She nods, hair bouncing with it. "It shows. Would you mind helping me take the dishes to the kitchen?"

Oh. Well. At least she's not likely to stab him, even if the kitchen is where the knives are kept.

"Sure," he says. They gather the empty cups and plates and head to the kitchen. Eli sets them down in the sink and turns around to find Katelyn mere inches away.

"Youuuuuu," she quietly sing-songs, "have a crush."

Eli laughs. "Yeah. I don't think he's realized yet."

"Oh, definitely not," she agrees. "Did Neil tell you about their research? I don't know how they're so smart and so stupid at the same time."

"He told me you were very unhelpful," Eli smirks. Katelyn giggles.

"I get my entertainment where I can," she says. "So, what's the plan?"

"Spend time with him and ply him with gifts until he realizes he wants to date me?" Eli says, but it sounds like a question. Katelyn hums.

"Gimme your phone," she demands. She saves her number as a contact. "We'll talk details."

Aaron watches with suspicion as Katelyn takes Eli off to the kitchen. That can't be good. He considers following them to make sure she doesn't say anything else weird or incriminating about him, but Neil distracts him by complaining about how dictatorial Kevin was at practice this morning, which Aaron can't resist joining in on, and they go back and forth shit-talking him.

"I can't even feel my fucking legs," Aaron complains. "It's like, if you're gonna ride my ass this hard, at least wear a condom."

Neil snorts and then looks up at Eli, who has just walked back in. Whatever he sees on Eli's face has him bursting into a rare bout of actual laughter, covering up his mouth as he does so, and Aaron smirks, pleased with himself.

Eli's eyes widen. He doesn't know what sort of conversation he walked in on. He's not even able to appreciate his brother's laughter because he feels like he's been hit over the head. Abram's amusement means it must be a joke, so the sinking feeling in his gut is completely unnecessary.

"Uh," Eli says, only mostly because he's now thinking of fucking Aaron until he can't feel his legs. "What? Who?"

Abram's laughter, which had almost died down, starts back up again. Katelyn laughs so hard she bends over, grabbing his arm to steady herself. Aaron looks unbearably smug.

"We were just talking about Kevin," Aaron says innocently.

He's not sure why Neil and Katelyn are finding this as hilarious as they are. Aaron didn't think it was that good of a joke, but he's enjoying the dumbstruck look on Eli's face. Usually Eli's the one who gets to tease him, not the other way around, so it's very satisfying to get that kind of reaction.

Eli's mouth falls open.

"You're fucking Kevin?" he asks, appalled. "Kevin!?"

"Oh my god," Katelyn gasps, wiping at her eyes. "You are all so stupid."

Aaron cracks up at the horrified look on Eli's face and the way Katelyn has tears streaming down her face.

"No, Jesus, absolutely fucking not," Aaron says when he can breathe again. "I was just bitching about how he destroyed my legs at practice today."

Eli lets out a breath of relief. He leads Katelyn over to the couch where he gently deposits her, then plops down next to Aaron.

"Thank fucking god," he says. "You could do so much better than Kevin Day. Jesus Christ."

He punches Aaron lightly in the shoulder. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

"What's wrong with Kevin?" Abram speaks up. Eli raises his eyebrows. "I mean he's an asshole but everyone here is too. Except Katelyn. Maybe."

Katelyn grins at Abram. "Thank you, Neil. I am definitely also an asshole, though."

"What isn't wrong with Kevin?" Eli grumbles, sinking further into the couch.

Eli seems so genuinely relieved to hear that it's a joke. Aaron isn't sure how he feels about that. Shouldn't it have been obvious? Aaron is straight, so of course he wouldn't really be sleeping with Kevin. Does Eli think Aaron is gay? He has no idea where Eli would have gotten that idea, but he needs to correct it as soon as possible.

Aaron rolls his eyes at Neil. "First you ask what's wrong with talking to Andrew, and now you ask what's wrong with Kevin? You have to be the only person in the world who would need those answers clarified for you." He scoffs. "Even if I was into guys, I still can't imagine wanting to fuck Kevin."

He glances sideways at Eli, his stomach twisting uncomfortably. Hopefully that clears up any misunderstandings.

Eli shrugs at this, unbothered. Aaron obviously is into guys, since he's into Eli. He doesn't know how or why Aaron hasn't realized it yet, but Eli plans to be there when he does.

"At least your taste isn't that questionable," Eli says. "Kevin's hot, but he'd probably fuck like a drill sergeant. At least save the critiques until after."

He makes a face. Abram, as usual during these types of conversations, looks baffled at the words Eli is saying. Katelyn is nodding sagely.

Eli doesn't seem surprised at all by what Aaron says, which is a good thing. It's good to make sure things are clear, and to get people to understand what is true and what is not true. Right? Aaron’s not sure why the twisting feeling in his stomach still hasn't gone away, but he tries to ignore it.

He can't help picturing what Eli is describing and grimaces. "Ugh, I hate that I completely agree with you. I never wanted to think this much about Kevin's sex life. It's bad enough that I have to know what his farts smell like after he drinks those nasty protein shakes."

Eli laughs hard enough that he snorts. He covers his mouth and nose, eyes wide and blood rushing to his face. Abram's mouth drops open and his eyes glint with the knowledge that he has new ammunition to use against him.

"Do it again," he demands. Eli flips him off and wants to kill himself. Katelyn looks torn between amusement and sympathy. Eli refuses to look at Aaron.

Aaron's eyes widen in surprise at the inelegant snort that comes out of Eli. And holy shit, Eli is blushing so hard right now. His face is bright red and he's covering it with one hand and flipping Neil off with the other.

Cute, Aaron thinks again, helpless to stop the thought from appearing in his brain even as he fights back an amused smile. He honestly feels a little bad for Eli with how embarrassed he looks, though he's also mesmerized by the sight.

Neil looks like Christmas and his birthday arrived at the same time, so Aaron decides to turn this back around on him. "You laugh, but at least Eli didn't sneeze boogers all over my textbook like someone did last week," he says, raising his eyebrows at Neil.

Eli's face still feels hot but he drops his hand to smirk at his brother, quietly smug at Aaron's defense of him.

"You snot rocketed all over Aaron's books?" he asks, delighted. Abram crosses his arms.

"Aaron!" he scowls.

"I hope you're planning on replacing those. They're a biohazard now," Eli tells him. Abram digs a throw pillow out from behind it and throws it at him. Eli cackles.

"I cannot believe you guys are making booger jokes right now," Katelyn scolds them. "You know, mucus is a very important element of a healthy, functioning body. It's nothing to... sneeze at." She looks at them with a very serious face but her eyes are sparkling with mirth.

Aaron groans at her and grabs the throw pillow from Eli to bonk her over the head with it, and she breaks down in hysterical giggles.

Eli smiles, watching Katelyn and Aaron interact, and thinks he has a better understanding of the relationship there. It's funny, Eli thinks, that Andrew is so determined to keep her away. He'd be less worried about her if he didn't.

"We should probably get going," Abram says, looking at the time on his phone. "We still have an essay to write before night practice."

Eli sighs, but agrees. He says his goodbyes and slips out first. Abram will follow behind him in ten minutes, and they'll meet up in their room.

Neil leaves ten minutes after Eli, and Katelyn asks Aaron if he wants to stay longer to work on practice quizzes for organic chemistry. They have a lot to do, so he doesn't get home until late, but Andrew doesn't seem to suspect anything. Aaron figures he'll tell him about the deal in Columbia this weekend, so Eli can be there like Aaron promised him.

*****

Their game that week goes well enough, considering Matt is out with the flu. Renee subs in as a backliner, so Andrew has to play the whole game. He lets in a few goals on purpose, which causes Kevin to practically shit himself with rage, but he lazily shuts it down once it seems like they might actually lose.

Nicky has dressed Eli in something particularly Nicky-esque for Columbia tonight, and it takes some effort for Andrew to keep his eyes off the several inches of bare midriff on display as they walk down to the car. Luckily he doesn’t have to see it while he's driving. When they arrive at Sweetie’s, Andrew is tempted by the view again, but he quickly gets distracted by Aaron and Neil picking up a conversation across the table.

Nicky has discovered that Eli gives zero shits what he wears, and he's having a wonderful time playing dress up. He smugly places his hands on Eli's bare stomach as they drive, and Eli is pleased enough with the way Aaron keeps darting little glances at him that he allows it.

At Sweetie's, Abram strikes up a conversation with Aaron about classes again, and Eli doesn't lose his shit like before. He's in a much better place with both of them, so he just listens in as Abram subtly brags about his grade and recent test score, and Aaron asks if the teacher graded on a curve.

Andrew, however, is not having such a good time. His anger is almost palpable, and Eli is greatly enjoying this.

Andrew listens, silently seething as Aaron blatantly chats with Neil about studying together. Aaron obviously wants to provoke a response from him, and Andrew has no desire to give him one. But when Aaron dares to bring up the cheerleader, talking about her like she's a regular fixture in his life, like she and Neil and Aaron are all constantly spending time together, Andrew's will to remain silent dies a quick death.

"Do you get off on testing my patience, or are you really this stupid?" Andrew asks, cutting right through whatever inane bullshit Aaron is chattering on about. Aaron has the audacity to affect a confused look, but Andrew can see the layer of smug satisfaction underneath it.

"I'm sure you haven't forgotten what we talked about," Andrew says through his teeth. His knives feel heavy in his armbands.

Eli is giving Andrew an amused smirk across the table and Andrew imagines what his face would look like turned inside-out.

Eli can feel Aaron's smugness oozing from him and it makes him want to laugh, but he contains himself to smirking. He doesn't want to interrupt Aaron's moment.

"Of course I haven't forgotten," Aaron says innocently. Eli wants to lick that tone off his tongue. "But me and Neil made a deal, so we'll be studying together as much as we need to for the foreseeable future. You understand."

Eli bites the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. Abram is watching Andrew with an unblinking gaze, his head tilted slightly to the side.

"A deal," Andrew repeats, feeling like Aaron has scraped out his insides. Aaron is blinking at him and looking enormously self-satisfied, clearly pleased to be getting one over on the twin brother he loathes.

Andrew says, "What kind of a deal?" because it seems like the thing to say next.

He has the odd feeling that he's reciting the lines in a play. Like the whole unhappy script of his life has always been pre-written, his circumstances directed by forces outside of his control, and only now is he able to see how it ends. Aaron pulling away from him, or is it Andrew pushing him away? Both, maybe. Andrew supposes it doesn't matter when the end result is the same either way.

Aaron shrugs. Andrew has stilled, his expression blank. He doesn't seem angry anymore, which is a bit of a let down, Eli thinks.

"Mutual exchange of knowledge," Aaron says vaguely. "I mean, you have your whole deal with Kevin. It's only fair."

Oh. Using Andrew's deal with Kevin as leverage is very interesting. Interesting because in all the time Andrew and Kevin have had their deal so far, not once has Aaron attempted this strategy before. Nor has he ever challenged Andrew with this level of unearned confidence.

Andrew's eyes slide over to Eli, whose eyes are dancing with obvious enjoyment. Eli, who has been spending more and more time with Aaron, and going behind Andrew's back to do so.

"That's very clever, Aaron," Andrew says, staring at Eli. "Did you come up with that all by yourself?"

Oops. Eli figured he'd have at least a bit of time before Andrew figured it out.

He smiles as sweetly as he can.

"Problem?" he asks.

"I am simply wondering why a man who makes a deal with me to protect his family would see it as his place to interfere with mine," Andrew says, his voice flat and empty. Perfectly neutral.

He feels frozen, his face stiff and unmoving. There is a roiling pit of emotion in his chest, but his body is a cold, empty wasteland. Even if he wanted to, he can't seem to remember how to translate the emotions onto his face, like a muscle he's lost the ability to flex.

A childish voice inside him is crying, Not fair! To be met with this betrayal after everything Andrew has done for Eli—no, everything he’s done for Aaron. Because that's where the hurt really comes from, isn't it.

Andrew is disgusted with himself. He hadn't realized he'd put himself in a position that would allow Aaron's hatred to cut him this deeply. He knew, of course he already knew how much Aaron hated him. Andrew had all but guaranteed that would be the case when he first wrote back to Aaron telling him to fuck off. And then he ensured Aaron’s hatred of him would remain permanent as soon as he killed Tilda. Andrew hadn't known that would happen, but by the time he figured it out it was too late. Anyway, he wouldn't have taken it back even if he had known, because all that matters is that Aaron is safe. As long as Tilda and Drake and the drugs can’t touch Aaron, it doesn't matter that he hates Andrew. It shouldn't matter.

But clearly it fucking does, doesn't it? Because why else would Andrew's chest be caving in, right here in the middle of this shitty diner with all his family surrounding him, fearing him and hating him.

Perhaps without his realizing it, a part of Andrew had clung onto the idea that Aaron also needed this, their idiotic, self-destructive pact, just as much as he did. That Aaron understood even just a fraction of what Andrew has done for him, what he's given up for him in this life. Whatever the reason for his mistake, this—being slapped with his own promises by a brother who can't wait to shove Andrew out of his life—hurts so much that it's hard to imagine how anything else could register as pain right now. And yet somehow, Eli's betrayal still stings too.

Eli puts his elbow on the table and rests his head on his hand.

"You're so dramatic," he says. "Aaron has a study buddy; so what? You think talking about chemistry homework in the library is going to lead to him doing drugs? You're in college, Andrew. If he wanted to, he could get something from just about anyone. Surely he's earned a bit of trust on that front."

"Whatever you think you know, you are wrong," Andrew says, bored with Eli and bored with his own ridiculous hurt feelings. "This is not about drugs. This is about Aaron's inability to keep his word and nothing else."

Andrew glances at Kevin. "Perhaps I should cut Kevin loose after all. I'm finding it unpleasant to have him held over my head like this. How long do you think you would last without me, Day?"

Kevin, who has been watching all this with mild disinterest, turns pale and shakes his head. "You wouldn't! You promised."

Andrew sighs. "Yes. I did do that, didn't I? Isn't it so inconvenient when we have to keep our promises?"

"Stop being a dick, Andrew," Aaron scowls. "You decided that making outside deals isn't breaking ours."

"Um, guys," Nicky, who had been uncharacteristically silent while watching the twins argue, finally pipes up. He looks around at the restaurant nervously. "Can we try to keep it down? I like coming here."

Nicky is ignored by all parties.

"Do you believe the lies you say or are they just for our benefit?" Eli asks. "Your deflections are so thin they're transparent. This isn't about Aaron's 'inability to keep his word.'" He uses his fingers to make quotation marks as he speaks. "It's because you're an idiot who thinks the moment your control of him slips he's going to walk away from you."

Aaron's eyes snap to him. "What?"

Eli ignores him, too.

"Keep your fingers around his throat and prove yourself right," Eli says. "It's easier than the alternative, isn't it?"

Eli's sharp words cut through the thick layers of calculated apathy and disinterest that Andrew has spent years wrapping around himself like gauze. He is suddenly naked, flayed bloody and raw, his insides burning as Eli pours salt into his open wounds. He is someone to be pitied and not feared. He knows it, and Eli knows it, and Andrew despises both of them for it.

His words dry up in his throat and he clenches his hands under the table. He can feel Aaron staring at him from the side, but he can't bring himself to look at him. Instead, Andrew’s gaze lands on Neil. Neil looks confused and concerned, but not like he pities him, and Andrew clings to that desperately even as he hates himself for it.

All of a sudden, like vomit rising in his throat, he realizes he has to get out. If he stays here any longer he is going to hurt someone. Most likely himself, but there is a high risk of collateral damage, which is unfortunately unacceptable because Andrew—stupid, weak-willed and pathetic Andrew—has made it his obligation to protect every single fucking person at this table.

He digs in his pocket with an unsteady hand and drops his keys on the table in front of Nicky. Then he stands up, his chair falling over with a loud crash, and walks out into the night.

Eli leans back in his seat, victorious but not feeling like it. His words got through, at least. Maybe Andrew will actually take them to heart, if he can find it buried beneath all the apathy and disdain he's wrapped it in.

"Dramatic," Eli says, watching Andrew's form from the window get smaller and smaller until it's gone.

"Eli," Nicky says. When Eli glances at him, he looks on the verge of tears. "I don't know if you should have said that."

He shrugs. "It needed to be said."

"Why would Andrew be afraid of Aaron leaving him?" Abram asks, curious now that the show is over.

"It's not true," Aaron says. "Andrew doesn't care about me. He just gets off on control."

Eli leans over, placing a hand on Aaron's shoulder. He looks deep into his eyes and says, "You are so stupid."

Aaron frowns at Eli. He feels torn between gratitude to Eli for taking his side, and irritation that he would say all this untrue bullshit just to piss Andrew off. And underneath that there’s a flicker of real anger at Eli for being the one to put that look on Andrew's face, that horrible mixture of panic and rage and pain that flashed over his features for a moment. Aaron's never seen Andrew look like that before, and it terrifies him as much as it confuses and frustrates him not to understand why.

"You barely know him," Aaron argues, shrugging off Eli's hand. "What makes you such an expert on how he feels?"

Despite himself, Eli's eyes flicker towards Abram. The parallels are painful, but even more so are the differences.

"I know him enough," he says, forcing his gaze back to Aaron. He doesn't seem too pleased with Eli right now, and that sucks. But Aaron, as endearing as he is, is just as blind to Andrew's regard for him as the reverse. Eli hadn't consciously made the decision to fix their relationship, but he couldn't sit there and not... nudge it in the right direction when given the chance.

Although perhaps his little speech had been more than a nudge. Neither he nor Abram are good at doing things by halves.

Aaron stares out the window, frustrated. Nicky picks up Andrew's fallen chair and apologizes to the waitress who comes over to pointedly check on them.

"Guys, I think we should get going," Nicky says worriedly after she walks away. "I don't know where Andrew would go, but he has to come back to the house eventually, right? We should probably just call it a night and wait for him there. It doesn't feel right to go to Eden's without him. And there's alcohol at the house too.”

Kevin looks irritated but doesn't protest. Aaron isn't in the mood for being around people, so heading home is perfectly fucking fine by him.

Aaron isn't pleased with the answer Eli gives. He sighs. With Nicky driving, Eli gets his own seat in the back. He takes the middle, squished between Abram and Aaron. It would've been nice, normally, except Aaron is radiating displeasure. When they get to the house, Aaron storms off to his room. Eli checks in with Abram before following.

He knocks. The door swings open and Aaron scowls at him.

"Hey," Eli says. "Can I come in?"

Aaron glares at Eli for a few moments, then sighs and lets him in. He slumps back down on his bed where he'd been staring at his phone and debating whether or not to text Andrew. There's nowhere else in the room for Eli to sit down, so Aaron scoots over down the headboard to make space for him.

"Why did you say all that shit to him?" Aaron asks. "I thought we were just planning to piss him off a bit. Not... whatever that was."

Eli sits. Not exactly the way he'd hoped to get into bed with Aaron, but he'll take what he can get.

"I'm sorry," he starts. "I say shit without thinking sometimes."

He sighs, leaning back against the headboard. "I meant what I said, though, and I know I'm right."

"You're not," Aaron insists heatedly. "There's no fucking way he cares if I leave him or not. He hates me. It's not like with you and Neil."

Aaron flips his phone closed and throws it onto the bed, watching it bounce. "Nicky said he told you about how me and Andrew didn't grow up together, right? How mom gave him up and kept me."

He pulls his knees up to his chin. "Well, that was true, but it's not the whole truth. She actually gave both of us up at first, but she changed her mind a week later and took me back. I think that's why Andrew hates me. Because I got the life he was supposed to have, as shitty as it was, and he got nothing."

Eli tries to radiate calmness while Aaron talks. He pulls his own knees up to mirror Aaron, and tilts himself to the side until he bumps against Aaron's shoulder. He rests his weight there.

"Andrew told me about your mom," he says.

He hesitates before speaking, but he really thinks it's important that Aaron understands.

"Did you know I was gonna kill my mother?" he says, and feels Aaron tense beside him. He doesn't look up. He's afraid of what expression Aaron might be wearing. "I had a plan and everything. One night she beat the shit out of my brother. Worse than she ever had, probably worse than she meant to. She locked me in the bathroom so I wouldn't get in her way, because she knew I would. The only time she treated us like separate people was when we fucked up."

He takes a deep breath and continues, "I was pissed. I was gonna spike her drink with sleeping pills, put her in the bathtub and slit her wrists. Clear cut case of suicide. Then I was gonna grab Abram and we would take off. I could take care of him. We didn't need her."

"I didn't do it," he says. "Abram was fucking concussed and told me he deserved it, he should have known better, she was only teaching him a lesson. Don't be mad at her. I knew he'd hate me if I killed her, and that's the only reason I didn't. I don't think Andrew knew that, though. I don't know if he would've done it anyway if he had, but I don't think he understood."

Aaron is quiet for a long time. The weight of Eli's shoulder against his is comforting and he doesn't move away. His heart hurts for Eli and Neil, and grief tears a ragged-edged hole in his chest, making it hard to breathe. It's been years since she died, but he doesn't think that hurt will ever really go away. He understands what Eli is saying, what he's implying, but—

"He didn't kill her for me, though," Aaron says, his throat aching. "That was the difference. He just hated her.”

“On the second night home with us, after he found out she was hitting me, he promised to protect me from her." Shame crawls up Aaron's neck at the way he had believed Andrew, had trusted so readily that his brother would swoop in and save the day. "That was the first time we made a deal. But he waited five months to kill her. You didn't see the bruises she left on him when she thought he was me that night."

Aaron doesn't push him away or tell him that he's a horrible, disgusting person, which is a relief. Eli slowly relaxes and peers up at Aaron's face, heart clenching at the raw emotion there.

"Aaron," he says as gently as he could. "She meant to leave those bruises on you. Do you think Andrew wouldn't realize that? Do you think he could let himself do nothing when there was proof of your pain on his skin?"

He waits for Aaron to meet his eye, and keeping with the gentle voice he says, "Maybe I'm wrong. But it's something to think about, right? You'll think about it?"

Aaron doesn't know what to think, grief and anger and exhaustion weighing down his thoughts, but he nods. "Yeah. Okay. I'll think about it."

He leans against Eli more heavily, hoping to offer him some comfort in return. Sorry your mom sucked too, he wants to say, but it gets caught in his throat. Hopefully Eli understands anyway. He seems to be pretty good at picking up what Aaron isn't saying.

"Hold on," Aaron says, his thoughts catching up with him. "Did you call Neil 'Abram'?"

Aaron says he'll think about it, and Eli feels relief rush through his body. Then Aaron leans more firmly against him and the motion is so familiar from Abram that Eli melts into it, gratefully taking comfort where it's offered.

"Oh," Eli says. Fuck, he did say 'Abram,' didn't he? He hadn't been paying attention. "Yeah, it's his middle name. We... kind of take turns, y'know, being Neil? So when it's us we call each other by our middle names."

"Oh," Aaron says. "Wait, so Eli’s your middle name? What's your first name then?"

"Elijah, actually," Eli says.

He pauses. He looks up at Aaron and his heart squeezes painfully in his chest. This boy makes him so incredibly stupid.

"Promise not to tell anyone?"

Eli's looking up at Aaron through his eyelashes again and Aaron nods, putting as much sincerity into his face as he can. He thinks he would do almost anything for Eli, who has been nothing but good and kind to him ever since they met. "I swear I won't.”

Eli crooks a little smile at him, but it falls off his face quickly. He takes a deep breath.

"Nathan," he admits, a tremor snaking up his spine. "I was named after my father."

Eli's smile disappears and Aaron can feel him shaking slightly.

Aaron is not good at comforting people. He hasn't had a lot of examples to learn from, but he's seen Nicky do it, so he tries to imitate that now by wrapping his arms around Eli's shoulders and pulling him close in a hug. Eli feels so small in his arms, so unlike the big personality he has, and Aaron is suddenly struck by the fact that Eli is actually younger than him. It's easy to forget, because Eli often seems so much older and wiser than his nineteen years, but in this moment it feels like they're both just kids trying to comfort each other.

Aaron pulls him into a tight hug, the kind that Eli gives Abram to keep him from having a panic attack. Eli has never had anyone do it for him before. For some reason, his shaking worsens, and he can't stop it. His hands fist in Aaron's shirt and he feels, ridiculously, like he might cry. He forces out a laugh.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he says. He wishes it would stop. He buries his face in Aaron's shoulder and lets out a shuddering breath.

"He's a lot like her, y'know. Less with the punches and hair pulling, but. He takes after her," Eli says. "Not me, though. I'm my father's son."

Eli starts trembling harder, clutching onto Aaron like a lifeline, and Aaron holds onto him tight and listens closely to the shaky words Eli mumbles into his shoulder.

"You're not," Aaron says forcefully. "I don't know your dad, but I can just tell. You're not like him. You're not like either of them. You take care of Neil. You stand up for me. You're even looking out for Andrew, for fuck's sake, even if it's not in a way he'd appreciate."

Eli's breathing is ragged, puffing damp and warm against Aaron's shoulder.

"It's okay," Aaron says, unsure what else to do. "It'll be okay."

Aaron doesn't know, can't know all the ways Eli is just like his father. He's reminded of it every time Abram flinches at the sight of his smile, when he can play with a knife but Abram can't bear to touch one. But it helps to hear the words anyway.

Slowly, with Aaron holding him tight and quietly telling him that everything's going to be okay, Eli calms down. His breathing evens out, and his shaking gentles to a light trembling beneath his skin. He is so fucking tired.

Eli reluctantly pulls back. He hasn't shed a single tear, but he can feel his eyes are wet and weepy, and that's embarrassing. He smiles shakily at Aaron.

"Sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to barge into your room and have a mental breakdown, I swear."

Eli pulls away, leaving Aaron's arms feeling oddly cold and empty, and Aaron wraps them subtly around his own stomach. "Don't apologize," he says, rolling his eyes. "We're friends, no matter what Andrew's stupid rules are. That means you're allowed to have a mental breakdown on me."

He offers Eli a small smile. "I don't know if you're right about Andrew or not, but either way, I think I needed to hear what you had to say. About your mom and everything. You didn't have to come up here after me, but I'm glad you did."

Needing to do something with the emotions Aaron's words cause him, Eli leans forward again and tugs him into a quick, tight hug, and presses a kiss to his hair. He pulls away again and smiles, sheepish.

"Thanks, Aaron," he says sincerely. "I'm glad we're friends."

It's true. He appreciates Aaron's wit, his determination, his patience, the compassion and comfort he gave when he could've easily told Eli to fuck off. Eli wants more with him, but even if Aaron never realizes his feelings or chooses not to act on them, he's glad they're friends.

"I should go check on Abram," he says, glancing at the door. He stands up and the air is cool on his exposed stomach. He kind of forgot he was wearing club clothes.

Aaron feels Eli's arms around him and the quick press of lips to his hair for only a second before Eli’s standing up to leave. He feels dazed. The spot on the side of his head where Eli kissed him—kissed him!—tingles softly and he swallows. It's obviously nothing romantic, just friendly, but Aaron can't stop thinking that this is his first time being kissed by a man. First time, what, as though he's expecting there to be more times?

He wouldn't really mind if Eli did it again, though. But Eli's not going to, because this was a weird one-off mental breakdown friendship situation, so there’s no reason it would happen again. Fuck, Aaron's head is spinning and he hasn't even had anything to drink tonight.

He looks up at Eli, standing by the door in his little black crop top, and his brain short circuits. For a good three seconds he just stares at Eli's abs and when he finally tears his eyes away and looks up at Eli, Aaron can see amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Yeah. Abram. Good idea," Aaron says, his voice sounding odd and strained to his ears. He clears his throat and looks down at the bedspread. "Um. Goodnight."

Aaron's eyes are glued to his stomach and Eli resists the urge to flex. When Aaron finally looks up, Eli smiles warmly at him. Eli is so ridiculously enamored with him.

"Goodnight, Aaron," he says. He closes the door behind him and heads back to the living room, where an Exy game is playing on the TV. Kevin clutches a bottle of alcohol close. Abram is locked in on the game. Nicky keeps peeking out the window worriedly.

"Eli!" Nicky nearly shouts when he spots him. "How'd it go? Is Aaron okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine," Eli says. "He's going to bed, I think. You planning on staying up all night?"

Nicky looks caught out. Eli says, "I'll wait up for Andrew. You should try to get some sleep tonight."

It takes awhile, but Eli gets Nicky to agree. When the Exy game ends, Nicky heads off to bed. Kevin keeps swigging from his bottle until he passes out snoring loudly, and he and Abram curl up in their little corner on the floor. Eli keeps his eyes on the door.

Andrew has to come back eventually.

Chapter 13 Summary:

Andrew comes home.

Notes:

I hope you like twinyard angst :)

Also since I've gotten a couple comments asking about upload schedule- there isn't an official one but I'm aiming for once a day!

Content Warnings
- brief references to suicidal ideation
- alcohol
- self-harm
- fighting & injuries
- dissociation
- depression
- selective mutism
- references to parental abuse

Chapter Text

It's dark, and Andrew walks. Down sidewalks at first, and after those run out, along the shoulder of the road. Cars and trucks roar uncaringly past him, and Andrew wonders if one might hit him. Would be easy to, with him wearing all black. Would be easy to walk in front of one too, though he doesn't give it much more than a passing thought. He decided a long time ago that was the easy way out and he was going to survive kicking and spitting for as long as this world could bear him. Anyway, he has Bee to talk him out of those sorts of ideas now. He could call her, but it's not the kind of relief he's itching for. Might call Renee if she were close enough to meet him here, but she's not.

After a while of walking, the roaring in his ears quiets down to a buzz and Andrew becomes aware of his surroundings again. He keeps walking until he comes across a seedy-looking bar and goes inside. He is obviously too young to be here, looks younger than his age even, but nobody cards him. He orders four shots and throws them back in quick succession, then four more. Then he scans around the bar, sizing up its occupants and looking for the right sort of person.

Ten minutes later he's standing in the parking lot, facing a man a decade or two older than him and about a foot and a half taller. He has a scraggly beard, and nicotine stains on his fingers, and he’s wearing a leather jacket that’s seen better days.

"Fifty bucks," Andrew repeats. He shows the man the bill.

"And you just wanna fight me?" The man asks dubiously. "No weapons, nothing dirty?"

He's a good choice, Andrew thinks. Will throw a punch and make it hurt, but not take advantage. Hopefully. Andrew nods.

"Okay," the man says. Without further ado, he winds up and throws a punch.

Andrew dodges the first hit and avoids the second one too, but the third hits him right in the jaw. He hisses and socks the guy in the gut, then takes a hit to the nose for his trouble. Pain explodes in his face and blood runs into his mouth, and he spits it out and punches back, kicks, fights, dodges and punches again. His reflexes are dulled by the alcohol and he gets hit more times than he can hit back, until finally he's panting on the ground with the stranger's boot on his chest.

"We done?" the man asks. His lip is split and his eye is swelling a bit, but he looks otherwise unbothered.

Andrew takes stock of his body and his brain, and nods. He's done. The guy offers him a hand up but Andrew doesn't take it. He gets to his feet by himself, pain lancing through his body in too many places to count, and hands over the fifty dollar bill.

"You need me to call someone?" The man hovers in front of Andrew, though he clearly wants to leave.

Andrew bares bloody teeth at him. "Fuck off now," he says, and the man takes the hint.

It's a long walk back to the house, and Andrew’s body jars painfully with each step. He's fucked something in his hand, he thinks. Maybe dislocated a finger. Dull pain throbs all down his chest and abdomen where a patchwork of bruises are beginning to form. His nose is the worst of it, red-hot pain throbbing through his face each time he tries to breathe through it. But thankfully the rage and fear and hurt from earlier have been pushed so far down that he can't even see them anymore. The dull embrace of apathy returns more and more with each jolt of pain, and by the time he recognizes his surroundings, the familiar suburbs and chain restaurants, he is perfectly numb inside.

It's nearly dawn when he arrives back home, the sky starting to lighten at the edges. His car is parked in the driveway. The lights are turned off inside the house. The door is unlocked, and he lets himself in.

Eli waits up all night, and the later it gets the more worried he becomes. Abram's even breathing at his back keeps him grounded, but the anxiety coils tight in his gut.

Eventually, the doorknob turns, and Eli pushes himself up, moving silently. Andrew comes in and he's covered in dried blood. His knuckles are scabbed over and there's a dark bruise around his eyes and nose.

They lock eyes. Eli jerks his head towards the kitchen and raises his eyebrows.

If Andrew had bothered to spare any thought for it, Nicky is the only one he might have expected to stay up and wait for him. But it's Eli who greets him in the hall, his face unreadable as he silently gestures toward the kitchen.

Whereas before Andrew felt burning, betrayed anger at Eli, now there is nothing. His chest is empty and hollow, his eyes dead. He intended to go upstairs to clean himself up, but he follows Eli first, simply to see if he will do anything interesting. Maybe Eli wants to get a few shots in at him too. Andrew might even let him.

Andrew surprisingly follows him into the kitchen. Eli directs him to a chair, then ducks out and heads to the bathroom where he grabs a bottle of tylenol out of the medicine chest. He comes back and hands the bottle to Andrew, filling up a glass of water and placing it next to him on the table.

Andrew stares blankly at the bottle in his hand while Eli fills up a bowl with water and grabs a washcloth. He places these on the table, too, then drags a chair to sit in front of Andrew.

"Hey," he says, voice quiet so it won't travel to the living room. "Need to get this blood off you. Can I touch you?"

Apparently Eli has gotten it in his head to play doctor. Too much time spent with Aaron, perhaps. How boring.

The tylenol Eli hands him is not a good idea with eight shots of whiskey already in his stomach. Besides, Andrew’s earned this pain. He doesn't want to let it slip away too quickly.

He sets the bottle down on the table. Eli asks to clean him up, and Andrew does not have the words to tell him no, so he gets up to leave.

Andrew stands up, not giving him another glance, which is... fair. Eli doesn't reach out to grab him to make him stay, but he wants to.

"Andrew," he says instead. He takes a deep breath, lets it out in a gust of air. "I'm not a delicate person. I recognize this is a delicate situation. Maybe I should've kept my mouth shut."

Hazel eyes are darkened to brown in the overhead light. Andrew stares at him but keeps silent.

"He won't leave," Eli says. "If you give him a little bit of breathing room, he'll come back. He'll probably even be grateful for it."

Eli's words pass through Andrew's ears like the empty air that they are. Andrew registers the bullshit non-apology and continued insistence on meddling with Aaron, Eli still thinking he knows what's best for everyone. It’s infuriating, or at least it would be if Andrew could bring himself to give a shit about anything anymore.

Andrew stares at Eli until he stops talking, then goes upstairs to lock himself in the bathroom. Resetting his finger hurts like a bitch, but he gets it done fast. He tests his nose next and winces at the feel of it, but it doesn't seem to actually be broken, so he leaves it alone. He washes the blood off his face and hands, and bandages his knuckles. His clothes are a mess, but the blood won't stain the black fabric.

He should really ice his nose or it's going to swell like crazy, but he can't bring himself to go back downstairs, so he just shuts himself in his room and sits on his bed, his body one big throbbing ache. It's better this way. Helps keep him empty of anything else.

Eli watches Andrew leave, something hollow aching in his chest. He's never been good at letting people suffer. Well, not the people he cares about. And, unfortunately, somehow, Eli cares about Andrew. He hadn't realized it until this moment, but despite everything of himself that he sees in Andrew, Eli cares about him.

God damn it.

He gets the kitchen back to normal and flips off the light. He returns to Abram, pressing their backs together, and stares out into the living room, the greying light of dawn starting to lift the shadows. He doesn't sleep.

Andrew watches the sky grow brighter through his window and the shadows slowly move across the walls, thinking of nothing much at all. At some point the sound of footsteps going past his room and down the stairs pulls him back to awareness and he blinks, his eyes dry and scratchy. Nicky's voice carries up faintly from below, then Andrew hears quick footsteps thumping back up the stairs and his door is thrown open. He really should have locked that.

Nicky stares at him tearfully. "Oh, thank god," he says, his voice too loud. "When did you get back? Where were you? Andrew, I—shit, what happened to your face?" He steps closer to the bed, hovering, his hands reaching out to fix and grab and touch, but he backs away quickly when Andrew pulls out a knife.

"I just wanted—are you okay?" Nicky says unhappily. Andrew keeps pointing the knife at him, his fingers throbbing as he clutches the handle tightly.

More footsteps, and Nicky is pushed aside by the other man who wears Andrew's face. Aaron looks at him from the doorway. "Hey," he says after a moment.

Nicky glances between them and gives Aaron a clap on the shoulder and a tight smile. His voice echoes as he heads back downstairs. "Who's making breakfast, or do I have to do everything myself around here?" His words grow muffled as he gets farther away, but Andrew can still hear him loudly talking to himself in the kitchen.

Aaron takes a step into Andrew’s room. The bags under his eyes are even more pronounced than usual and he's looking at Andrew like he isn't sure what to make of him. "Is it true, what Eli said?" Aaron finally asks.

Andrew grips harder onto his knife.

"Andrew. Just talk to me," Aaron demands, his voice pleading.

It's funny, really. How Andrew can never actually give Aaron what he wants. How Aaron hates everything Andrew does try to give him. Andrew's sure it would be a hilarious joke if he could remember how to laugh.

He slides his knife away and shoves past Aaron to leave, and Aaron doesn't try to stop him.

Andrew's face looks worse in the morning light. Eli doesn't say anything to him, but Abram frowns.

"Is it broken?" he asks. Andrew glances at him but says nothing. Abram leans closer, looking at the bruising, keeping his arms at his side. "Did you win?"

Andrew remains mute. Eventually, Abram pulls back and nods, and that's that, apparently.

The ride to Palmetto is tense and awkward. Nicky's fingers skitter across Eli's bare stomach anxiously, until Eli grabs them and forcibly moves them to Nicky's sides. Nicky offers a quiet apology. Eli pats his shoulder.

When they arrive, Andrew is the first out of the car and walks off without a word. Eli sighs, climbing out.

"I don't understand," Abram says to him later. "Why are they so afraid of each other?"

Eli doesn't have an answer.

*****

Andrew didn't realize how much he'd stopped resisting Exy until he's suddenly not able to make himself play anymore.

It's not due to any physical injuries. Abby had scolded him and splinted his finger but otherwise found him uninjured, aside from all the bruising, so he's not benched. The issue is that he just doesn't care.

Oh, they try to make him care, of course. Kevin screams himself hoarse. Wymack tells him to talk to Bee. Nicky hovers anxiously and asks him what’s wrong. Even Renee comes over to quietly ask if he needs anything. Andrew shrugs them all off and feels nothing about it. He wonders, in a detached way, what will happen at the game on Friday. Will Wymack put him in even though he's refused to block a shot all week?

Andrew moves through the days as if wading through a thick sludge, every action costing him energy and willpower that he doesn't have. He goes to see Bee, because it's less work than explaining to Wymack why it's pointless, but he has nothing to say to her. He stares at the ceiling while she talks to him, and leaves when the time is up.

Eli watches as Andrew walks through life in a daze, mentally checked out completely. It reminds him unpleasantly of Abram in the days after their mother died. He feels guilt churn heavily in his stomach, and takes to passing little things to Nicky to give to Andrew, making him promise to claim they're from him, not Eli.

Aaron stares at his brother a lot, but they don't talk, that Eli can tell. He wonders if Aaron has thought about what he said, but he doesn't ask. Abram watches this all happen with an air of confusion.

The game that week does not go well. The team is fractured and distracted. Neil gives a strong showing, and Kevin does too, but a pair of strikers cannot carry a team, especially when one half of their goalies spend the game staring off blankly into space instead of blocking goals.

Kevin goes off at Andrew in the locker room after the game. Andrew gives him his dead-eyed stare, and Eli sighs.

"Kevin," he calls, hating that he's about to do this. "Can you explain how you made that last shot? You haven't shown us that move in practice."

Kevin is immediately distracted. Aaron looks at him quizzically, but Eli gives him a subtle shake of the head.

With Kevin distracted by Eli, Andrew is able to shower and get dressed in peace, but a flicker of annoyance breaks through his apathetic haze at Eli's unsubtle efforts to make things up to him.

It took Andrew a few days to figure out that Eli was behind the little offerings Nicky's been giving him all week supposedly out of the kindness of his own heart. The chocolate bar wasn't anything out of the ordinary; Nicky's been known to grab Andrew snacks from the convenience store. But the pack of cigarettes the next day had Andrew raising his eyebrows in suspicion. Nicky doesn't like that Andrew smokes, and usually only picks up cigarettes when Andrew tells him to. It was the bottle of expensive black nail polish that really gave the game away, though, because Nicky's a total cheapskate when it comes to beauty products. Andrew won't say no to free cigarettes and candy, but he threw away the nail polish, not willing to wear something that Eli gave him. He did so right in front of Nicky, who gasped and dug it out of the trash, complaining, "This is a really nice brand, Andrew!"

On his way out of the locker room, Andrew is stopped by Wymack, who insists he come to his office. Andrew follows him and Wymack shuts the door and turns to him with a sigh. "Clearly you are going through some shit. What do you need?"

"Nothing," Andrew manages to say. Words have been hard this week, but he's gotten a few of them back.

"We're playing Edgar Allan next week," Wymack says. "I know that you know what it will do to Kevin if you stand in the goal and do nothing all game. I have a hard time believing you’ll be okay with having done that once you snap out of whatever this is."

Wymack is probably right. Andrew is having difficulty summoning up any concern for his future self right now, but he knows it will be exhausting if he creates more work for himself where Kevin is concerned. He thinks about Kevin actually leaving, going back to the Ravens, and. Hmm. That does sound unpleasant. It’s only an echo of a feeling, but Andrew thinks it would be better to avoid that outcome.

"I'll talk to Bee," Andrew says, the words dragging out of him painfully slowly.

Wymack looks at him for a moment, then nods. "Get out of here, then."

Andrew does.

Nicky approaches Eli guiltily the day after the disastrous game and tells him that Andrew threw out the nail polish. He asks if he wants it back, very reluctantly, but Eli tells him to keep it. Neither he nor Abram wear nail polish anyway. After that, Eli sticks to things that can be consumed instead of worn.

Abram thinks he's being stupid, and should talk to Andrew and apologize. The thing is, though, that Eli isn't sorry. He's sorry that Andrew's hurting, and he's sorry that he ran his mouth in front of everyone, but he's not sorry for saying what he said. And Eli knows that Andrew is smart enough to pick up on the nuance, if he'd even appreciate an apology in the first place.

So he contains himself to the gifts, and keeps his distance. More distance than he'd had since they arrived, and he hadn't realized just how enmeshed Andrew had become in his and Abram's lives. It feels oddly empty without his presence.

At least there's still Aaron and Katelyn. The second and third French lessons are filled with laughter as the two of them try to get the hang of French phonetics and learn their first words, pointing at random things in Katelyn's room and asking 'c'est quoi?' Then repeating the answer clumsily. Once, Katelyn picks up a grumpy looking stuffed animal, and tells Aaron "C'est toi."

It's a fun time. It almost makes Eli regret never having friends before.

This time, when Andrew sits across from Bee in her office, he talks and she listens.

He tells her what happened in Columbia. About Aaron’s deal, and Eli’s interference, and Andrew getting himself beat up. How he hasn't been able to care about anything, since. How speaking had felt impossible for days. How he needs to muster up the ability to give a shit about Exy by Friday.

Bee says things like "depression" and "nonverbal" and "coping strategies," all of which Andrew has heard before both from her and other therapists. Then she offers up a plan to figure out different ways Andrew can cope with strong negative emotions that don’t involve getting beat to shit until he can't feel anything anymore. She gives him some suggestions to try, and homework to come up with ideas of his own. Andrew is doubtful that any of this shit will work, but Bee has unfortunately pleasantly surprised him before, so he is willing to give her a shot.

He feels exhausted after the session, but also a tiny bit lighter. It's barely anything, a flickering spark in the darkness, but it's enough to remind him that this hole he's dug himself into doesn't have to be permanent. When he drives back from Reddin to the court after his appointment and sees Aaron waiting for him outside, Andrew doesn't immediately turn around and drive away. Instead he parks, unlocks the car and waits for Aaron to get in.

Aaron has watched his brother wander around like a zombie for a week and a half, and on top of being creepy, it's worrying. He's never seen Andrew like this before. He has his moods, periods of time when he withdraws and doesn't seem to care about anything, even food. But it's never been this extreme.

He times his moment carefully, right after Andrew's therapy appointment, when he'll hopefully be feeling at least a little more talkative already. He skips the second half of practice, telling the rest of their group to find their own way home. Kevin starts to pitch a fit but Eli throws an Exy ball at his helmet, then says "oops" in such a sarcastic voice that Kevin starts in on him, instead.

Aaron is half-expecting Andrew to see him and drive off, but he lets Aaron get in the passenger seat and starts to drive. Aaron doesn't know where they're going but it doesn't really matter.

"I need you to talk to me," Aaron says after a long silence. "Will you do that?"

Andrew drives the car aimlessly, taking random turns and eventually getting on the state highway.

When Aaron breaks the silence, Andrew considers the request and says, "Yes.”

Aaron lets out a relieved breath. He doesn't know what he would've done if Andrew said no. But now that he has permission, he doesn't really know where to start. He feels like any sort of explanation about Eli prompting him to think about what he said will just lose Andrew's interest, so he decides to just ask the question that's been bothering him the most.

"Why did you kill mom?"

Is this what Aaron got all worked up to ask him? How disappointing.

Andrew slants a bored look at him. "Don't ask questions you already know the answer to."

Aaron grits his teeth and wishes not for the first time that Andrew was easier to talk to.

"I don't know the answer. That's why I'm asking," he insists. "I thought I did, but then Eli..."

He looks away. He doesn't feel like divulging Eli's secrets. Not after how inexplicably kind he's been, how vulnerable he was that night.

Andrew prickles at the mention of Eli, but Aaron cuts himself off before saying whatever he was going to say.

"She hit you,” Andrew says flatly. “I told her what would happen if she raised her hand to you again. She had no right to look so surprised."

Aaron clenches his fists, anger flaring alongside the familiar grief. Oddly enough, there's a tiny, flickering piece of hope making itself known underneath everything else. He breathes through it, grinding his teeth until he's calm enough to reply without snapping.

"It's not because she hit you?" He has to know, has to be sure.

Andrew scoffs. "Why would I care if she hit me? She was no different than most of my foster parents in that regard."

It's unbelievable that Aaron still doesn't understand, after all this time. Anger begins to pour hotly into Andrew's veins and his grip clenches around the steering wheel, making the leather creak. "I made you a promise," he says through gritted teeth, "and I did not forget it just because you chose not to believe me. I did what I said I would do, and fuck you for expecting anything else."

Aaron stares at his hands and bizarrely feels the urge to laugh. He keeps it inside, picking at his nails absently as he thinks.

He hadn't really thought that Eli might be right. He entertained the possibility because he'd said he would, but he hadn't had any hope in it. But now that hope is starting to flare brighter. Part of him wants to snuff it out before it can hurt him.

Had Andrew really just been protecting him, the best he knew how, not realizing that it would drive Aaron away? And if Eli is right about that, is he right about the rest of it, too? That Andrew is so fucking controlling because he's afraid Aaron is going to leave him?

He's thought about it. Spent his limited free time daydreaming about being out from under his brother's thumb, in medical school somewhere far away, with people who cared about him. But that was before Aaron realized that Andrew might actually give a shit about him.

"Why did you wait?" he asks, because that part doesn't make sense to him. "She was hitting me the whole time. Why then?"

Andrew watches the outside world zoom past as his car eats up the pavement below them. The car that was paid for by Tilda's life, after she herself had died in a car with Andrew. Fitting, really, for this to be the stage for their conversation.

"The child she abandoned comes to live with her after a stint in juvie, and she mysteriously dies right after?" Andrew makes a 'tch' noise, frustrated with Aaron's stupidity. "No, they would send me right back. And you off to Luther, or worse."

Andrew could never have allowed that to happen. Not when he knew how Luther felt about people like Drake and their 'misunderstandings.'

"I made a promise," Andrew repeats. "I couldn't keep that promise if they split us up. It had to be believable."

Aaron swallows thickly. He feels like a sucker for wanting to believe this, like he's that naïve kid again, trusting that his twin brother will protect him because they're meant to love each other.

"How would you keep that promise if you died, too?" he asks softly. It's something that always pissed him off, that Andrew tried to take both his mother and his brother from him. But he buried it, dwelling outwardly on Tilda, because Andrew couldn't be trusted not to throw it back in his face.

Something in Aaron's voice sounds different. Angry and sad still, but not full of poisonous hatred the way he usually sounds when they talk about Tilda. More vulnerable, like he’s letting down a wall that he normally keeps all the way up.

"I saw no other option. It had to be believable," Andrew repeats, but it doesn't feel like the whole truth. He sighs. "I was not trying to die. But… it was an acceptable risk."

Aaron feels the rage flare back up, bright and blinding, and snaps before he can stop himself, "It's not acceptable to me, you fucking asshole!'

Pissed off, he slams his fist against the door. The angle is all wrong, so it's very ineffectual, but it helps.

"God, you're so fucking annoying," he hisses.

Andrew's anger rises in tandem with Aaron's. "Like I said, I did not have many options. First you are upset that I didn't kill her soon enough. Now you take issue with my methods. I did what I could with limited resources. I knew you would be safer once she was dead, so my own death would not have constituted a breach of my promise to you as long as she died too. I had to take that risk."

Aaron could fucking strangle him.

"I'm not fucking upset that you didn't kill her soon enough, you jackass. I'm confused, because you never fucking use your words!" Aaron closes his eyes and takes deep breaths, trying to get himself back under control. When he thinks he's wrangled his anger well enough, he says, "I don't care about your promise, Andrew. I care that you could have died."

He looks back down at his hands, watching the bones in his hand as he splays his fingers. He can name almost half of them. He taught himself in high school, after he was sober, and suddenly time felt so real and so much again.

For the first time since they started driving, Aaron looks at Andrew. His own face in profile, still looking pissed and tired.

"I'm sorry about the deal with Neil," he says. The words hurt to say, but not as much as he thought they would. "I just wanted to piss you off a bit. I didn't think it would matter so much."

Andrew does not understand. Outside of Andrew’s promise to Aaron, why would Aaron care if he died? He could understand Aaron being upset about it before they met, back when Andrew still existed as an imaginary twin in Aaron's head, someone far less twisted and broken than the reality of him. But then Aaron did meet him. And then Andrew killed Aaron’s mother.

Aaron has made it very apparent throughout the years following her death that he is not happy about this. He’s also made it clear that he does not fucking like Andrew at all. Doesn't want to be around him, resents his very existence. Andrew is generally not bothered by this, because he feels the same way toward himself. It makes sense.

So if those things are true, there is no reason for Aaron to care that Andrew could have died in that crash, aside from perhaps his own fear of being left alone. But that wouldn't make sense either, because Aaron has other people now. Nicky and Kevin, of course, but also Katelyn and Neil and Eli. Or at least he would have them if not for his deal with Andrew. Andrew is the one making him more alone and isolated, and they both know it.

If Andrew were pressed to interpret Aaron's words, he would have to say it sounds like Aaron is saying he actually cares about him. As a person. As a brother. As someone whose life he values. But this does not fit with any of the other information Andrew has collected throughout the years about Aaron or about his own value as a person.

Aaron’s apology is equally baffling. Andrew does not know what to do with any of this. "What do you want from me?" he asks, anger seething in his throat. "What is the point of this conversation?”

That is the question, isn't it? Before he'd gotten his answers, Aaron would have said that he wants out of the deal. No more controlling, smothering brother making him afraid to talk to someone too long lest he decide Aaron is breaking his promise and take drastic measures. No more brother who he hated, who hated him right back, stuck together through their own fear and stubbornness.

But Andrew cares about him. Maybe only a little bit, maybe not the way Aaron wants him to. And fuck but he's weak and naïve and pathetic, but he's already grabbed onto that tiny thread of hope and wrapped it around his heart like it might suture him back together.

And, operating under the assumption that Eli is right about everything, that means Andrew is afraid of losing him. That he doesn't think Aaron will stay without a deal binding them together.

"I want to change our deal," he decides finally.

Andrew doesn’t know what answer he expected, but it certainly wasn't that.

"Change it to what?" he asks, too curious to say no outright.

Not really expecting this to work, Aaron says, "For every outsider you bring in, I get a friend." Before Andrew can say no immediately, he hurries to explain, "It's not fair that you get to make your deals with whoever you want. It was supposed to be just us. It's... unbalanced."

Andrew thinks about it for a long time, then says, "No."

Aaron grinds his teeth together. "Why. Not."

"Because you are too stupid to judge whether or not someone is dangerous," Andrew says.

This was made horribly apparent during their high school years, in which Aaron attempted to befriend any and every strung-out teenage dipshit he laid eyes on. Andrew is not interested in watching a re-run of that for the remainder of college.

Aaron takes a deep, calming breath.

"Then you can vet them," he says.

He knows he's taking a risk here. He knows that Andrew hates Katelyn, even though he doesn't know her. But Katelyn is so fucking good that Aaron can't imagine anyone, even Andrew, disliking her after spending even a few hours in her presence. And if Andrew really does care about him, when he sees how good Katelyn is for Aaron he'll approve her. He will.

And if he doesn't...

Aaron's heart squeezes painfully. His best friend or the chance at having a brother who cares? He doesn't know how he could possibly choose. He thinks losing Katelyn would feel like losing a limb. But losing this tiny thread of potential between him and Andrew feels like it might kill him.

But it won't matter. Because he won't have to choose. He has to believe that.

"You have to give them a real, genuine chance, though," he says. "No judging off of preconceived notions, or rejecting them over something arbitrary because you don't like their music or something."

Andrew very nearly says no. He doesn't think highly of Aaron's ability to stick to the terms of a deal in the first place, so it seems pointless to hash out a new agreement just so Aaron can break that one too. More than that, Andrew hates the unknown factor, the idea of leaping headfirst into such nebulous terms as having to 'give someone a chance.' A ‘no’ is easy and safe and simple. Andrew has every right to refuse.

It's Eli's comment from that night in Columbia, about giving Aaron breathing room, that holds Andrew back from his knee-jerk response. Andrew had dismissed Eli’s words at the time, simply because Aaron had never given him a reason not to. Aaron plainly did not care about him, so why on earth would he come back if Andrew let him go? But Aaron is also in Andrew's car right now, seemingly trying to understand him. Not demanding to dissolve their deal, but requesting an adjustment of terms. And when Andrew puts Aaron's behavior and Eli's words together, he has to admit there's a logic to be found there.

Breathing room.

Andrew turns the car around and begins the long drive back home. They drive in silence for miles as Andrew thinks and taps his fingers on the wheel and watches the trees go by.

When they're a few minutes away from campus, he says, "Okay."

With every minute of silence that passes, Aaron's stomach sinks further. He's so convinced of Andrew's rejection that it takes him a long moment to process the acceptance.

"Okay?" he repeats, disbelieving. He can hear his heart beating in his ears.

"Do not make me repeat myself," Andrew says, merging into the off-ramp.

God, he's such an asshole. But even that can't stop the smile from dawning on Aaron’s face like a sunrise. He turns his head away, looking out the window.

"Okay," he says quietly to himself. That little flicker of hope has quickly grown out of control.

Andrew counts on his hand. "Kevin, Neil, Eli. One, two, three. Yes?"

He lifts the hand up to Aaron. "Who am I vetting for you?"

Aaron nods. He lifts his own hand to count on his fingers. He doesn't even have to think about it.

"Eli, Neil, and Katelyn," he says. He feels a very tiny pang of regret for not including Kevin. After Andrew absorbed him into the family, Kevin was the closest thing Aaron had to a friend for a long time. But Kevin has always been Andrew's person. Aaron isn't good enough at Exy to earn Kevin's regard as anything more than someone who will put up with his history documentaries.

Andrew jerks the wheel roughly to cross lanes. Of fucking course Aaron wants to use this to sneak in his cheerleader.

"We said friends, not girlfriends," Andrew says, his tone bored. "Try again."

Aaron slumps, dropping his head back against the headrest, and sighs.

"We aren't dating," he says tiredly.

Andrew shakes his head, disappointed. "No, no, you were doing so well, Aaron. Why bother with such an obvious lie?"

Aaron rolls his eyes heavenward.

"I'm going to kill myself," he tells the roof of the car.

He looks back at his brother and tries to inject every ounce of sincerity he possesses into his words. "Andrew. Listen to the words that I am saying. Katelyn and I are not dating. We were never dating. We will never date."

He doesn't know how to explain that Katelyn is more interested in writing romance than living it. Aaron doesn't understand it at all, but, like with Neil, he shrugs and accepts it. Sometimes people just don't want sex or romance, he guesses. He prefers that to Nicky, who is so aggressive about being gay that it borders on harassment.

Andrew parks the car and turns to study his brother’s face. Aaron has always been terrible at lying, and right now he does appear to be telling the truth. But there is little point attempting to judge this cheerleader through the lens of Aaron's stupidity and devotion.

"I will meet her," Andrew decides. "Halloween. Columbia. Bring her if she's brave enough. And she's not allowed in my car."

Aaron brightens. Fucking finally. No one ever believes him when he says they aren't dating. Except the Jostens. They both believed him right away.

"You can't drug her," Aaron says immediately. "Nothing she doesn't choose to take herself."

Andrew rolls his eyes. "I will not drug your precious cheerleader. Pinky promise. Now get the fuck out of my car."

Aaron stifles a small smile. Good enough for him. He lazily flips Andrew off and gets out of the car.

He thinks this is the longest conversation he's ever had with Andrew, and it didn't even end in fratricide. Incredible.

*****

While Aaron is out doing who knows what, Eli and Abram are ambushed by the upperclassmen and once more pleaded with to unite the team. Abram thinks the best way to do this is to get Andrew to agree to having the entire team attend Halloween at Eden's. Eli decides to leave the convincing to Abram, considering where his relationship with Andrew is at.

They busy themselves with homework and talk about classmates. They don't talk about the Ravens game on Friday, but Eli can see the tension curled in Abram's body.

Eventually, Matt peeks his head into the room.

"You've got a visitor," he tells them. "This one didn't break in."

Aaron shoulders him aside, pushing his way into the room and closing the door on Matt's face. He walks over and plops onto Matt's bed. Eli smiles reflexively at him, noting that Aaron seems happy.

"Hey," he greets. "What's up?"

Aaron thinks he must be glowing with how giddy he feels. He still can't quite believe it worked. He half-expects Andrew to say "just kidding" and kick them back to square one, but for all his faults, Andrew has never been one to go back on his word.

"I think you were right," Aaron tells Eli. "I talked to Andrew about mom, and he said it was exactly how you thought." He shakes his head in disbelief. "And on top of that, he agreed to change our deal. For every person he brings into our group, I get a friend."

Despite Abram's presence, Eli can't help the grin that splits his face. He kicks his leg out, knocking their ankles together across the cramped space of the bunk beds.

"That's awesome!" he says. "And it's always nice when someone finally admits that I'm right about everything ever."

Abram rolls his eyes, reaching his own foot out to push obnoxiously at Eli's hip. Eli swats it away absently.

"Who are your picks, then?" he asks, trying to seem casual and hoping he made the cut.

Eli's grin is as contagious as ever, and Aaron returns it with his own smile, which turns into an amused smirk at the way the Josten brothers kick and swat at each other.

"You two, and Katelyn of course," Aaron says. He’s surprised Eli even has to ask. It’s not like Aaron has that many potential friends.

"There's a caveat though." Aaron grimaces. "He gets to vet my picks. It was the only way he'd agree to it. He's already fine with you guys, of course, but... this means he's going to have to meet Katelyn. He promised to give her a real chance and not just judge her on his preconceived bullshit. So it's going to work, right? It has to work."

Relief swamps Eli. Not that he doubted it, really, but. Eli is half a person. They've been lax with it here, but no one is supposed to know he exists. Aaron is real, and he has the world to choose from. And still, he chose to include Eli. It makes him feel incredibly warm.

"It'll work," Eli assures, because Aaron's happy expression is being replaced with anxiety. The light from the window makes his eyes look almost green, he notes distractedly. "We'll make it work."

Aaron nods, a little calmer now that he knows he has Eli at his back for this.

"He told me to bring her to Columbia for Halloween," Aaron says, worrying at his lip. "He promised not to drug her. I don't know if she'll even agree to go, but I'll ask her."

"She'll agree," Eli says. There's no doubt in his mind that Katelyn would do anything for Aaron. "Oh, and Abram's going to get Andrew to let the upperclassmen come to Eden's too. That'll be interesting. Maybe Katelyn could bring some of the Vixens? They could watch her back."

If Andrew promised not to drug her, Eli believes him. But it might make Katelyn and Aaron feel better.

Abram kicks him particularly hard and Eli looks back at him, annoyed. Abram's eyes are wide and keep flicking between Aaron and Eli. When Eli doesn't immediately understand, he mouths 'Abram.'

"Oh," Eli says. "He knows I call you that. It's fine."

Abram does not look like it's fine, but he stops kicking him, so a win is a win.

Aaron feels incredibly pleased that Eli's told him something Neil considers a secret. He's definitely going to rub that in Neil's face later.

"I would say there's no way you're getting Andrew to agree to that, but after today... who knows," Aaron says with a shrug. "It's worth a try."

He gets up reluctantly. "I better get going. I'm sure Kevin is just dying to yell at me about what I missed at practice today. Wouldn't want to deprive him of that. I just had to come tell you guys right away." He gives Eli a small smile, nods smugly at Neil, then heads out.

Eli stares at the door with hearts in his eyes.

"What a prick," Abram says. "You're sure you want that one?"

"Yeah, positive," Eli says. He hears Abram sigh.

"If you're sure."

Chapter 14 Summary:

The Ravens visit PSU. The Foxes get drunk at Abby's.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- alcohol

Chapter Text

The week leading up to the Ravens game is a nightmare. Each day is themed for some reason. Students are excited to show school spirit. The Vixens bounce round waving pompoms in people's faces. There are reporters with cameras and microphones, which Abram is expressly forbidden from.

All the scrutiny means that Eli and Abram have to revert back to being careful not to be seen together again. Eli walks to and from practice, leaving well before his brother, just in case.

Game day finds the team grim. No one expects to win this, least of all Kevin, who looks like he's genuinely contemplating suicide as they all change out in the locker room. Eli kicks at his shoe to get his attention.

"Riko can't do shit to you with so many witnesses," he says quietly. "Besides, Andrew's got your back, right?"

It doesn't look like this helps much, but Kevin nods. Then he puts his big hand on Eli's head, roughing up his hair and pushing him away. Eli swats at his hand and gapes at him, appalled, which brings a tiny smile to Kevin's face.

"Watch yourself, Day," Eli warns, then heads to the lounge to watch the first half of the game on the TV.

Wymack tells Neil and Eli that they have to score a combined six points tonight or he'll make them both run a marathon. Andrew wonders if Wymack realizes this is only a punishment for Eli.

The plan is for Renee to sit this game out for as long as Andrew can keep holding down the goal. Wymack tells him to play for once like he actually wants them to win. Andrew looks at Kevin, who's staring back at him, pale and shaky. I will if you will, Andrew dares him with a look. If Kevin plays tonight like he still wants to be second-best to Riko, there's really nothing left that Andrew can do for him.

The announcer calls the Foxes out first, and Andrew follows his team onto the court, settling into the goal and weighing the heft of his racquet in his hand. His finger still aches a bit when he grips it tightly, but it's nothing that'll hold him back tonight.

Riko strides onto the court and up toward Kevin. They take off their helmets but Andrew can't hear what they're saying to each other and he tenses when Riko reaches forward to pull Kevin into a hug. Kevin stands frozen after Riko walks away, and Andrew smashes his racquet against the wall loud enough to snap him out of it. That son of a bitch, Andrew thinks. Both of them. He smacks the wall again and Kevin finally pulls his helmet back on.

The buzzer sounds and Allison deals to Andrew. He backhands the ball all the way up the court. His head is still foggy and he feels half-dead inside, but the desire to destroy Riko Moriyama puts a fire in his veins that he hopes can carry him through the game.

The Ravens, unfortunately, have them outclassed and it's immediately apparent. They move with the kind of synchrony that speaks of hours and hours of practice. They're fast, brutal, and efficient. Within the first four minutes, Riko scores on Andrew. Eli doesn't need to be on the court to know that there's murder in his eyes.

It quickly becomes clear that Andrew is carrying this game. He deflects goal after goal after goal, and every time one slips by he comes back with increased determination. It's incredibly impressive. Even Eli is impressed.

Matt and Aaron are sent on and the game shifts. Neil gets the ball and passes it to Kevin, who scores their first point. The brutality increases after that. A timeout is called when Neil gets a bloody nose, and Eli freezes, but he's allowed back on the court so he must be fine. Neil manages to score a goal on the penalty shot.

When the first half comes to a close, the score is at an astounding five-four. Despite himself, Eli feels excitement bubble in his blood, and he decides it must be Neil's.

He meets the team in the locker room, bee-lining to Abram to check his nose, but he really is fine. He's near shaking with adrenaline, but he beams at Eli.

"Did you see the score?" he asks.

"I saw it," Eli confirms. "Not bad."

Andrew's vicious motivation keeps him focused, and he's playing harder than he can ever remember doing before. Unfortunately by the start of the second half, the whole team's energy is beginning to flag. The Ravens have a fresh line-up and the Foxes don't, and it shows. Andrew clears away as many goals as he can, but the Ravens are running right through the Foxes' defense, taking shot after shot at him. His shoulders are on fire and he can't feel his fingers at all.

The one bright point in their second half is Eli, who is running up and down the court like he's being chased by the devil, continuing to outpace the Raven strikers. It's not enough to make up for the Foxes' lagging defense, but between Eli scoring three goals and Kevin two more, the ending score of thirteen-nine is far less tragic than any of them expected.

It's still the most goals anyone has ever taken from Andrew. When the buzzer goes off, he drops his racquet, unable to feel anything in his arms anymore. Every other muscle in his body burns and his lungs ache. He tries to pick his racquet up but it slips out of his hands and clatters on the floor. He tries again and fails, then gives up and slumps down on his knees next to it.

Neil feels bruised and exhausted and exhilarated as the game comes to an end. They lost, but it was not an embarrassing defeat. He and Kevin make their way to Andrew, who sits on the floor of the court. Kevin kneels down, eyes sparkling but face serious.

"Did you have fun?" he asks. Andrew looks like he would murder him if he could lift his arms.

"You are despicable, Kevin Day. I don't know why I keep you around."

Neil uses his racket to poke at Andrew's leg. It twitches, and Andrew swings his gaze to him.

"That was incredible," Neil tells him sincerely. Andrew stares at him.

"Foxes," Riko greets as he approaches. His eyes move from Andrew, still on the ground, to Kevin, barely holding himself up, to Neil, who feels like he could play for another twenty minutes at least. His eyes linger uncomfortably on Neil.

Riko gives a little speech about how terrible the Foxes are, but Kevin says, "I'm satisfied," and talks about the team's potential. Neil boggles at him, completely caught off guard.

Eli, still in Neil-mode, compliments Andrew’s playing, which is a bizarre and unsettling experience. Riko comes over to mock them and express his disbelief and ridicule at Kevin's confidence in the Foxes, but Kevin doesn't waver. Whatever confidence he managed to find for this game seems to have provided him with at least the semblance of a spine, at least for the moment. Andrew doesn’t expect it to last.

Renee helps Andrew off the court while Wymack talks to the reporters, and when they get back to the locker room the real Neil is waiting for them, barely able to contain himself with glee about the game. They lost, but it doesn't feel like a defeat. It feels like the start of something. Maybe Andrew is just too tired to put up his usual resistance to Exy, or maybe it's Neil's inhuman enthusiasm or the way Aaron offers him a congratulatory nod. For whatever reason, Andrew feels a small spark of pride in his performance tonight. If nothing else, he managed to give it his all.

The rest of the team trickles back into the locker room and Wymack tells them to clean up and head over to Abby's where a large stash of alcohol is waiting. Andrew somehow manages to shower and get himself dressed despite not being able to lift his arms above his head, then drives his group to Abby's, brushing off Nicky's offering to take the wheel tonight. He sips on whiskey at the side of the room and Neil joins him to watch the rest of their group get trashed.

Neil still sticks to him uncomfortably, but the persona comes off eventually, with the help of Abram murmuring into his ear that he doesn't need Neil right now, he needs Eli. The whispering between them after a game is normal by now, and no one bothers them about it.

Afterwards, they go to Abby's. Eli feels a bit weird about getting drunk in her house, but no one else seems to, so he shrugs it off and throws back some shots. While Abram goes to pester Andrew, Eli finds his own preferred Minyard. He plops down next to Aaron and grins, throwing his arm around the couch behind him. Not touching Aaron, but close enough.

"You did great tonight," Eli tells him. Aaron gives him a sardonic look, and Eli laughs. "I'm serious. You and Matt kicked ass."

"Got our asses kicked," Aaron says. "I'm one big bruise."

"You'll live," Eli says.

"Is that your professional opinion?" Aaron asks.

"You're the med student here, Doctor Minyard," Eli smiles.

"Pre-med," Aaron corrects, but there's a smile playing around his lips.

"You guys are too cute," Nicky interrupts, dropping into Eli's lap. He is significantly more drunk than either of them, somehow. Eli steadies him with hands on his waist, otherwise he would've slipped right off onto the floor.

Aaron suppresses a frown of irritation at Nicky's arrival. This is the first time Aaron’s been able to hang out with Eli without having to worry that Andrew will kill them both for it, and he'd been enjoying it.

His eyes flick down to where Eli's hands are cupped around Nicky's waist, and a thought hits him like a lightning bolt. Are Nicky and Eli into each other? Nicky's gay, and Eli is... whatever Eli is. It's not completely out of the question. Aaron doesn’t know how he feels about that. It's gross because it's Nicky, but Aaron also feels weird about the Eli side of things in a way that he can't put a finger on.

He remembers the first few weeks after the Jostens' arrival, when Nicky had been nonstop flirting with Eli. But Nicky hasn't done that in a while, aside from a few perverted comments here and there that seem more out of habit than anything.

Nicky calls him and Eli ‘cute’ and Aaron raises an eyebrow at him. What is he talking about? They’re just sitting here and talking. "How are you this drunk already?" Aaron asks him disdainfully.

"Lots of practice, dear cousin," Nicky says, toasting him with his cup. He hiccups and nearly falls off Eli's lap again.

Eli laughs, holding onto Nicky's waist more firmly.

"Maybe you should drink some water for a bit?" he suggests. Nicky flaps his hand at him, almost smacking him in the face.

"Nooooooo," he whines, clutching his drink tighter to his chest like Eli might try to pry it out of his hand. "Drunk Nicky is a happy Nicky."

"Well drunk Nicky better get ahold of himself because drunk Eli isn't gonna save him from falling again," Eli warns.

Nicky laughs hard enough to unbalance himself and, true to his word, Eli lets him collapse to the floor. Nicky stares up at him with glassy eyes.

"You betrayed me," he says, making no move to get up. He cranes his neck and drains his cup, then lets his head fall back and clunk against the floor. "I cannot go on."

Eli nudges his head with his foot and Nicky dramatically drapes an arm over his eyes. Eli shrugs. "Suffer, then."

He turns his attention back to Aaron. "How do you put up with this all the time?"

Aaron smirks and lifts a shoulder in a lazy shrug. "Once you spend enough time around Andrew, Nicky starts to seem like the lesser of two evils," he says.

Nicky lifts his arm and pouts up at Aaron. "Rude. I can hear you, you know."

Eli peers down at Nicky. "It's hard to tell which of them is more dramatic."

Nicky's pout increases. "You both suck."

Across the room, Neil watches this interaction, bemused.

"Why is Nicky still on the floor?" he asks Andrew. "Is he hurt?"

"He's fine," Andrew says. "Just drunk."

Aaron seems like he's in a good mood, talking to his now-official friend while they make fun of Nicky together. Andrew's eyes narrow at how close Eli is sitting to Aaron, but at least Eli is keeping his hands to himself. Andrew supposes there are benefits to having all his people in one place. If they're getting along, at least it makes it easier for him to keep an eye on them all.

He glances around to look for his other charge, who is—ah, yes, clutching a bottle of vodka and speaking exuberantly to Wymack, who looks like he's developing a headache. Andrew would bet his entire goddamn car that Kevin is talking about the game right now.

"Already?" Neil asks, surprised. But then he had seen Nicky grab a bottle and mix a drink for himself. Maybe he made it really, really strong. Or maybe he just drank it really fast and Neil hadn't seen him make a new one. "That's impressive."

He watches the three of them for a while longer. Nicky eventually clambers to his feet. He sits down on the couch, but ends up half on top of Aaron, who pushes him off. Eli laughs, and Neil flinches, looking back at Andrew. He's glad Eli is having fun.

"Will you let the upperclassmen come to Eden's for Halloween?" he asks, not bothering with any lead up. It's nice, seeing the entire team celebrating together. He thinks it might be nicer without real adult supervision.

Andrew sees Neil flinch at the sight of Eli’s smile. It’s not the first time he’s seen Neil do this, but before he can ask about it, Neil distracts him with a non-sequitur of a question.

"Why?" Andrew asks. He stays facing the rest of the room, but his attention is on Neil now.

"Kevin told Riko we'd see them again at semifinals. I'd like us to get our act together before that rematch," Neil says. He gestures to the room at large, everyone happily chatting and laughing. "The team seems to all enjoy a decent party, at least. Might as well start with that."

Andrew considers this. He doesn't think Neil has any hidden motivations. The man is unfortunately just that crazy about Exy, so much so that he's willing to risk provoking Andrew to try to improve the team's chances. Or maybe he’s just caught on to the fact that Andrew never manages to stay pissed at him.

"What makes you think they would come?" Andrew counters. "After what we did to Matt last year, I wouldn't expect them to want to party with us."

"They want it, too," Neil says, looking back at Andrew. His face is in profile, and Neil thinks that he has a nice nose. Then he blinks, because that was a weird thought to have. He focuses back on the important thing: Exy. "Dan wants the team to work better together, and Matt wants Dan happy. Besides, it's not like you plan on doing it again, right?"

Andrew hums and finally turns to look at Neil, whose earnest face is tilted just slightly down to meet his gaze. Neil's logic does unfortunately make sense, which Andrew tells himself is why he agrees. "Fine. Tell the busybodies to come along if they dare."

He turns back away and sips his drink.

Neil nods, satisfied.

"I'll tell them," he says.

He does so the next day, and Dan is flabbergasted but delighted. She shakes Neil by the shoulders and tells him, "I knew you could do it. You're like the Andrew whisperer."

Neil does not know what this means, but he's glad Dan is happy.

*****

Over the next couple hours, Andrew keeps an eye on Eli, and when Eli eventually gets up to go use the bathroom, Andrew follows him. He waits outside the door and when Eli comes out again, Andrew holds up his cigarettes and tilts his head, indicating to follow him outside.

Eli is pleasantly drunk when he peels himself away from Aaron to use the bathroom. He's surprised to find Andrew waiting for him in the hallway. Andrew's continued to ignore him since their fight at Sweetie's. Though he's been taking most of the gifts from Nicky. He's rejected a few of them, and Eli hasn't offered those things again.

He raises his eyebrows and nods, following Andrew outside. The air is cooler and pleasant against his skin, and he leans forward, resting his elbows on the porch railing.

Andrew takes his time tapping out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a few drags. He holds it over the side of the railing and stares at the glowing orange tip, the trail of smoke winding up and out into the darkness.

"Stop buying me shit," he says. "You are not as subtle as you think you are."

Eli tilts his head.

"I gave up on subtle after the nail polish," he says. "I just figured Nicky would get a better reception than me."

Andrew draws in and blows out smoke, which lingers bright white for a moment in the cold air before disappearing. "I do not want your charity or your useless apologies. Stay out of my business."

Eli hums.

"It's not charity, and I'm not apologizing," he says. "But okay. No more buying you shit."

Andrew nods. After another moment, he brings up the real topic he'd pulled Eli out here to discuss. "I assume Aaron relayed to you the new terms of our deal. I hope you are aware it is not a free pass for you to crawl into bed with him. You ended our arrangement conveniently right before deciding to cuddle up to him. Don't think I failed to notice that. If you put your hands on him, you and I will have a problem."

Eli looks at him, amused.

"You think I stopped hooking up with you to seduce Aaron?" he asks, trying to suppress a smile. It doesn't work. "Well, that's more believable than the truth, I guess."

He lets out a long breath. "I told you before, I'm not going to force myself on Aaron. If he ever suddenly realizes he's not as straight as he thinks, I won't say no. But until then you've got nothing to worry about. I do enjoy having him as a friend, you know. No sex necessary."

Andrew's grip tightens on his cigarette and it nearly snaps in half. "You seem to be under the impression that you have a choice in this. I do not care if Aaron says yes to you. If you touch him, I will stab you to death. How is that for a choice?"

Eli raises his eyebrows.

"It can't be the gay thing," he muses, staring at Andrew curiously. "Is this another part of your weird deal? Is Aaron expected to stick with his right hand forever? As long as he wants it, what's it matter who he fucks?"

Andrew stares at Eli, unimpressed. "You do not need to understand the reasoning. It is part of our deal, until graduation, and it goes both ways. He agreed to it, that's all you need to know."

Eli laughs.

"You literally had my dick in your mouth," he reminds him. "How is that considered going both ways?"

Andrew sighs in irritation. "That counts for nothing, because you and I mean nothing to each other, you idiot. If Aaron wants to go have meaningless hookups, that is his business. Unfortunately for you, however, he actually seems to care about you. Not meaningless. Therefore, not allowed."

"Interesting," Eli says, looking out at the starless sky. He doesn't say anything more on the subject, because he's not going to agree to saying no to Aaron. People have tried to stab him to death before. It was unpleasant, but it didn't stick.

He looks back at Andrew. "You know I consider you a friend, too, don't you?" Andrew's eyes flit to him and Eli laughs. "Don't worry, it's fine you don't think the same. Doesn't bother me."

The desire to walk away and end this conversation rises up in Andrew, but curiosity is strong enough to keep him locked in place. His face creases into a frown. "I threaten to kill you on a regular basis. Last I checked, that is not a typical feature of friendship."

Eli smiles, eyes crinkling in the corners.

"Could be normal," he says. "How would I know? I've never had friends before. Besides, people actively try to kill me on a regular basis, and mom would threaten to throw us out of moving cars if we talked too loud. It's nothing I'm not used to."

Andrew looks at him flatly. "You are seriously fucked in the head. Do you know that?"

Despite himself, Andrew feels a bit of that betrayed anger and hurt scabbing over. He lets his cigarette burn, ashing it over the balcony, and looks out into the darkness. He doesn't tell Eli to fuck off, which feels like an embarrassing concession. Bordering on sentimental.

"It's my best and only feature," Eli agrees.

They sit in silence while Andrew smokes, and it's not a bad time. He thinks Andrew might be on his way to forgiving him, one day, even if he doesn't want Eli buying him stuff anymore. It's more of a relief than Eli wants to admit. Caring for Andrew Minyard is difficult.

Eventually, Andrew stubs out his cigarette and gives him his little salute. Eli mimics him, and Andrew heads inside. Eli stays on the porch for a while, finishing his drink and enjoying the quiet. Until the door opens and Aaron steps out, looking tense and suspicious. When he sees Eli, his posture relaxes.

"Hey," Eli says, when Aaron joins him at the railing. "Worried about me?"

"Neil said he thought you were out here with Andrew," Aaron says. "Considering what happened the last time you two talked? Yeah, I was a little worried."

He glances at Eli. "Any stab wounds you need me to check on?"

Eli smiles, so painfully fond.

"Not this time," he says. "I think me and Andrew are good. Or better, at least. He just wanted to threaten me a bit. I think it makes him feel better, like when Nicky picks at his nail polish."

Aaron's mouth twists into a small smile. "Maybe it's like with predatory animals in captivity. They need enrichment. You're like the human version of a puzzle feeder for Andrew."

Eli's laugh sounds more like one of Katelyn's little giggles than he'd like. Man, that's embarrassing. He hopes the darkness hides the heat he feels on his face.

"I'm the pumpkin they throw into the lion enclosure," he agrees. He peers at Aaron and says, "Fitting, considering our uniforms. Think I look good in orange?"

Aaron feels smug at the laugh he pulls out of Eli. "No one looks good in orange," he says, rolling his eyes. Even though Eli actually does.

Aaron looks down, idly brushing cigarette ash off the railing. "Hey, can I ask you something kind of weird? You don't have to answer."

Eli tilts his head, taking in Aaron's nervous posture. "You can ask me anything. I might even tell the truth."

Aaron huffs a silent laugh. "It's just... you and Nicky. Are you like, into him? Do you guys have some kind of a thing?"

Aaron doesn't know why he's bringing this up, except that he hasn't been able to get it off his mind since the thought occurred to him.

"I'm surprised he didn't tell you," Eli says. "He doesn't seem the sort to keep quiet about stuff. We hooked up once that first time at Eden's. Nothing since."

He frowns, anxiety starting to simmer. "Is that... okay? I mean I'm sure Nicky wouldn't say no if I offered but I'm not really into him."

Aaron feels like he's been kicked in the stomach. This whole time... Eli and Nicky. And Aaron never knew. But it only happened once? Eli's not really into him?

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be okay?" Aaron says. His voice comes out mostly normal, thank god. "I was just curious."

In reality he feels like he wants to die just thinking about it. He desperately needs another drink all of a sudden.

Aaron doesn't look like it's okay. He looks like Eli told him he just shot his dog. Eli doesn't know what to do. It's not like he can go back and undo it. Cautiously, he reaches out and grabs at the end of Aaron's sweater sleeve. He tugs at it a couple times until Aaron looks at him.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't start ignoring me again."

Aaron blinks forcefully several times, trying to erase the thoughts of Nicky and Eli together, Nicky's hands on Eli's stomach in the car, always sitting on each other's laps. Fuck, he's so stupid, how is he only now figuring this out?

Guilt pangs in Aaron’s stomach at the reminder of his attempts to avoid Eli. "I won't," he says sheepishly.

Eli still looks anxious, so Aaron leans closer toward him and shakes his head intently. "Seriously, I won't. I'm sorry I ever did in the first place, it was stupid. I guess I never actually apologized for that."

Eli's anxiety quiets down with Aaron's assurance and he smiles gently.

"It's okay, I'm not mad at you about it," he says. He lets out a quiet laugh. "You have no idea how hard I tried to figure out what I did to piss you off so bad, though. I was making actual lists."

"Oh my god," Aaron says, burying his face in his hands and feeling his ears flush warm. "Well I guess it's good Neil finally broke down and told you why."

There's something about the idea of Eli agonizing over what he did to make Aaron upset that makes him squirm with guilty pleasure. The fact that Eli cared enough to worry about it... well, it's just nice, that's all. That Aaron matters that much to him.

Eli giggles again and reaches out, running the tip of his finger over the top of Aaron's ear. Oh. He might be more drunk than he thought.

"Did you know your ears turn red when you're embarrassed?" he asks. His fingertip is tingling.

"Fucking hell," Aaron groans through his fingers. His ears go even hotter and the flush travels up his neck and into his face.

He drops his hands and shakes his head, glaring at Eli. "Not fair, man. You're just making it worse."

Eli pokes him first in the cheek, then on the nose, watching excitedly as Aaron's face fills with color.

"How red do you think you can get?" he wonders. Aaron keeps glaring at him and Eli gives him a lopsided smile. "What're you so mad about? It's cute."

"Cute?" Aaron says, his voice pitching high. Katelyn calls him cute sometimes and pinches his cheeks to annoy him, but the way Eli says it sounds different, something teasing and lilting in his voice. He can feel himself turning even redder, which was probably Eli's exact intention.

"Very cute," Eli confirms with a decisive nod. Aaron's face turns a shade darker.

"Wow," he says, impressed. He holds his hand out, about an inch from Aaron's cheek, to see if he can feel the heat of his blush. "Intense."

Aaron splutters and grabs Eli by the shirt, shoving him back. "Shut the fuck up. Holy shit. You're the worst!" His hands stay clutched in the fabric of Eli's shirt for just a moment too long before he pulls away, crossing his arms and determinedly staring out over the railing.

"You owe me a new drink for that," he huffs. He doesn't know where his drink went, anyway, and he seriously needs more alcohol to handle whatever it is that Eli's doing to him.

Eli laughs hard enough that his stomach hurts, but he relents in his teasing, joining Aaron at the railing again.

"Have the rest of mine," he offers, passing his cup over. There's not much left, but Eli doesn't want to have to head inside just yet, not when time spent just the two of them is so rare.

After a moment of silence, running back the last few minutes in his head, he speaks up with, "Hey, Aaron? Y'know you're my first friend?"

Aaron's face is slowly returning to its normal color. It's just a little bit pink now when Eli looks at him.

"You have to tell me if I ever do anything wrong, 'cause I won't know otherwise," he says. "I don't know what lines there are. So. If I ever fuck up, tell me, okay?"

Aaron accepts the cup, scowling when he sees how little is left in it. Whatever. Thankfully Eli lays off and Aaron's burning face has mostly cooled off by the time Eli speaks again. His tone is more serious this time and Aaron listens to him carefully.

"Sure, okay. I will," Aaron says, confused. "But why haven't you had friends before? You're like, a cool guy. I know you didn't go to school, but you must have known other kids at some point?"

Even homeschooled kids have some friends, don't they? Aaron's pretty sure about that. It's not like he himself had ever been popular in school, but he hadn't been completely alienated either. And Eli's way more likeable than Aaron is.

Eli chews on his lip, thinking.

"Maybe, when we were real young, but it was never really... encouraged, to have friends." He means 'safe.' It wasn't safe for anyone. "Our parents... they weren't good people, in very different ways. It was better if it was just us."

"Oh. That sucks," Aaron says, his brow furrowing together unhappily.

He pictures Eli as a child, the only people in his life being his shitty parents and the twin he has to protect from them. It makes Aaron think about Andrew growing up alone in foster care, not knowing he had a family out there somewhere. Andrew never talks about his childhood, but Aaron knows it can't have been good. He still wishes Andrew would tell him about it. It feels wrong that he hardly knows anything about the first sixteen years of his brother’s life.

"Neil said you wouldn't mind if I asked, so don't kill me for this, but...your scars,” Aaron says hesitantly. “Are they from your parents?"

Eli twitches a little smile in Aaron's direction. "Told you, you can ask me anything. No killing, promise."

He feels over the bumpy texture of one of his scars under his shirt. "Some of them are from my parents. All of them are because of them." He pauses, then adds, "'Cept the one on my knee. Got that one tripping over a rock when I was chasing a frog to show to Abram."

"Shit," Aaron says. He looks down at his drink and takes a sip. He tries not to think about how Eli's mouth has been on this cup, and fails.

It really does seem like Eli doesn't mind what Aaron asks him. For all his mystery, he's kind of an open book. The complete opposite of Andrew. Or Neil, for that matter. Aaron finds himself wanting to learn everything there is to know about Eli, but he isn't sure what will be pushing too far. He can vividly remember Eli shaking in his arms after telling Aaron his real name, and he doesn't want to accidentally trigger that again.

"Did you catch it?" Aaron decides to ask, hoping it will make Eli smile. "The frog, I mean."

Eli is surprised by the question. He expected to be asked more details about what caused his scars, since Aaron was so curious. But asking about the frog has a smile sneaking across his face.

"Yeah, I did," he says. "Brought it to my brother all victorious and smug and shit. I was very put out when all he cared about was the blood running down my leg."

Aaron is pleased that he got a smile out of Eli, and he snickers at the answer. "I can definitely picture that. Neil is way protective of you too."

The front door opens and the noises from the party spill out into the night, breaking the calm quiet. Aaron turns around and scowls at Allison, who is glancing back and forth between him and Eli like she's calculating something. "They're out here," she shouts over her shoulder to someone.

Dan follows her outside, her cheeks flushed, likely from the alcohol. She grins at both of them. "You guysss! We did so good tonight! Both of you. I'm so proud." Yeah, definitely alcohol.

She goes off in detail about how amazing their playing was tonight, mostly focusing on Eli and ignoring Aaron, which, rude, but fair. Eli did absolutely kill it on the court tonight. Aaron sends him a smirk when Eli looks at him over Dan's shoulder, clearly overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of praise.

Matt follows Dan outside shortly, and then Renee shows up, and Nicky, and soon half of the team is on the porch laughing and chattering. Aaron heads back inside eventually to refill his drink, though he sticks to using the same cup Eli gave him. The rest of the night passes in a blur of alcohol and celebration, and Aaron doesn't get another chance alone with Eli, but it's okay. There will always be more time later.

Chapter 15 Summary:

Andrew gets a visitor. The monsters celebrate Halloween.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- references to Andrew's childhood
- drugs, alcohol & smoking
- brief sexual harassment/groping

Chapter Text

Andrew's group drags them shopping for Halloween costumes, because Eden's gives a free shot to anyone dressed up. While the others browse the racks, Eli texts Katelyn, working out the details of his own costume. Aaron wanders over to him at one point while Nicky tries to harangue Abram into agreeing to something revealing.

"Aren't you going to pick a costume?" he asks. He waves around at the store. "Not enough options for you?"

Eli shakes his head. "Got my own plans."

Aaron squints suspiciously at his phone. "Who are you texting?"

"That's a secret," Eli says.

Aaron isn't happy with this answer, but Nicky demands their presence at the register. On the way back, with Eli planted on Nicky's lap and his legs thrown across Aaron's, Abram tells them, "Dan messaged. She says something important came up, but wouldn't tell me more."

Nicky spends the rest of the ride coming up with more and more outlandish ideas of what it could be.

Dan's idea of something important is usually quite different from Andrew's, so Andrew ignores Nicky's speculation as he drives them home. He lingers at the back of the group, barely paying attention as they head upstairs. Neil goes to knock on Dan's door, and the wary look she gives Andrew when she opens it puts him on alert.

"What is it?" Neil says.

Dan looks at Neil, then back at Andrew. "We've got a visitor. He came by looking for you. I sent him to the library cafe to wait and called him when Neil said you were on the way back. I'm surprised he's not back yet."

"Someone important?" Nicky asks.

"Yeah," Dan says, and then pauses when the elevator dings. The man steps out and Andrew's stomach sinks, his feet freezing to the ground.

"This is Officer Higgins of the Oakland PD," says Dan.

Dan is acting shifty, looking at Andrew warily, and that makes Eli oddly defensive. But then the cop shows up, and Eli, Abram, and Andrew go tense.

He remembers not that long ago, Andrew getting those phone calls. He remembers Andrew slamming his fist into the wall afterwards, only stopping when Abram told him to go, that no one would stop him. Eli doesn't know what exactly it is about this man that fucks with Andrew so bad, but he won't let it happen again.

Subtly, Eli pushes Abram to the back of the group as the man gets off the elevator, then he steps forward, pulling on his father's smile.

"Yeah, I don't fucking think so," he says. "Andrew told you to fuck off. Turn around and leave."

Pig Higgins spots Andrew right away, of course he does. Andrew considers walking into his dorm and locking the door, but his feet still won't move. Then in a baffling move, Eli steps in front of Andrew and tells Higgins to fuck off for him.

Andrew stares at Eli. So does Higgins.

"I need to talk to him," Higgins says to Eli. "He's not in any trouble. It's important." He cranes his neck around Eli to look at Andrew. "You said not to call you, so I figured I'd show up in person instead. Just give me a few minutes, won't you? I came all the way out here to see you. Doesn't that get me any sort of consideration?"

Andrew finally finds his voice. "You didn't come out here for me. You came on a witch hunt I already said I wouldn't help you with. Give me one good reason not to cut your throat, would you?"

Dan hisses at him but Higgins doesn't react, too used to dealing with Andrew. "I was wrong," he says. "The investigation on him turned up nothing."

"I warned you," Andrew tells him, unsympathetic.

Eli keeps himself in front of the cop, so he can't try to grab at Andrew. Not that Andrew couldn't win in a fight—the cop doesn't look very athletic, but Eli doesn't want Andrew in jail for assaulting an officer.

Still, he holds his tongue as long as he can, gritting his teeth, because he knows Andrew won't appreciate him fighting his battles. But the cop pushes and pushes, until Eli snaps.

"He said no!" Eli sneers. "Aren't you aware what that word means? Not surprising from a cop. Fucking leave."

Dan tries to call him back, but Eli refuses to move, not taking his eyes off the man in front of him.

Andrew blinks as the shock of Higgins' arrival fades into the surprised realization that Eli is genuinely concerned for him. Eli thinks Higgins is a threat, and he's putting himself in between Andrew and that threat.

"It's okay, Eli," Andrew says, doing his best to keep his voice cold and steady. "Pig Higgins and I are old friends. He's just come by to ask me to clean up his mess."

Higgins looks like he wants to step closer to Andrew, but thinks better of it when he sees whatever look is on Eli's face. "We were looking at the wrong person, weren't we?" he says. "I think I've got it right this time, but I can't do anything without a complaining witness. The other kids won't speak up. They don't trust me that much. You're all I've got."

Andrew's blood turns to slush and he feels the world tilt sideways. "Kids? Kids, plural. You only mentioned one before, Pig. How many has she had?"

"You wouldn't care about the number unless there really was something there for me to find," Higgins says, quietly accusing. "Just yes or no, Andrew. That's all I need. I'll give you a name, you give me an answer, and I promise I'll go away."

"You promise," Andrew says, darkly amused. "You'll break that promise inside a week, Pig. Don't pretend otherwise. Do I have to walk you out to make sure you leave or will you—"

"Drake," Higgins says, and Andrew goes silent.

Eidetic memory is a funny thing. It only takes a tiny reminder, a familiar sight or smell or word uttered, and Andrew's mind will supply him with a vivid photographic memory, almost as if it's happening right now, in front of his eyes.

He breathes in and out slowly, fighting a wave of nausea. "How many kids, Pig?"

"Six, since you," Higgins says.

Oh. Oh, no no no. Andrew cannot be here right now, in front of all these people, having this conversation.

He shoves past Eli, past Higgins and out into the stairwell, and climbs up to the roof.

Andrew says it's okay, so Eli falls silent. He doesn't know what kind of fucked up shit happened in whatever foster home Andrew was in, but it obviously fucked him up good to get him to react like this. And whatever happened to him likely happened to six more kids.

Andrew flees, and the cop tries to follow after. Eli steps in front of him, grinning broadly.

"Whoops," he says. Higgins tries to step around him. Eli moves with him. "Oh, my bad." They repeat this a few times. "Sorry. Excuse me. Oops."

Finally, Higgins stops moving, giving him an exasperated look.

"Move, kid, this is important," he says. "I need to talk to him."

"Neil," Eli says, staring the cop in the eyes. "Go check on Andrew."

Abram moves quick but quiet, slipping in behind him and opening the door to the stairwell. When it closes, Eli says, "You need to leave. I think you got your answer. You don't need to hear him say it."

Andrew can't fucking get his cigarette to light. Spark, spark, no flame. Hands too shaky. The roof door opens behind him and his whole body jerks in alarm, turning to see who it is. Just Neil. The door swings shut. Nobody else follows behind him.

Andrew turns away. Flicks his lighter again, and this time it works. He sucks in smoke and stares out over the edge of the roof as Neil comes over to sit with him.

Looking down off the roof means fear, but the controlled kind. The kind he can choose to walk away from at any moment. It’s a reminder that he desperately needs right now.

Neil doesn't know why Eli told him of all people to check on Andrew, unless it was just to keep him away from the cop. Neil isn't good at comfort. Even if he was, he's not sure Andrew would accept it.

He takes a seat on the edge, a few feet of space between them, and looks down. He doesn't think the fall is enough to kill him.

"Were you going to jump?" he asks, but he already knows the answer.

Andrew exhales smoke. "Don't be stupid."

He peers down at the building entrance, letting the dizzy fear flood through him. After a few minutes Higgins appears, his balding head bobbing as he walks through the parking lot. Andrew watches him get in the car and drive off. Only then does he turn to Neil. "Why are you here?"

Neil shrugs.

"Either to get me out of the way or to make sure you weren't going to jump. Maybe both," he says, watching the cop leave with smug satisfaction. He nods to the little figure. "Eli wouldn't let him up here. He tried to follow you."

He hadn't known that Andrew made it onto the short list of people Eli cared about. He wonders when that happened.

Andrew scoffs. "I do not need Eli's protection. Perhaps he has forgotten the direction of our deal."

He takes another drag and blows it in Neil's face. Strangely, Neil seems to lean in toward the smoke rather than away. After a moment of consideration, Andrew lifts his pack in a silent question.

Neil nods and Andrew taps out a cigarette for him, passing it over. He flicks his lighter and Neil leans in, breathing in until it catches. He moves back and lets out a cloud of smoke.

"Eli doesn't work like you do," he says. "He doesn't make deals to protect people, he just does it. I don't think he knows how to do anything else. Before we came here it was just me, but now he's stepping out in front of others, too."

He frowns. He doesn't like that. Eli puts himself in enough danger already just protecting him. How is he meant to survive when he's throwing himself in front of so many people so they don't get hurt?

Andrew nods. This fits with what he knows about Eli. Irritating as it is to have that protective instinct turned toward himself, Andrew can at least appreciate it where Neil is concerned.

"What about you?" he asks, studying Neil's frown. "How do you work?"

"Pretty poorly, I think," Neil says. "I don't know how to do anything but run."

It's something that kept him alive, but leaves guilt roiling in his stomach, weighing him down. His mother died because he ran. She might have survived if he didn't. He knows Eli is pissed at him for it, but he hasn't been able to abandon Eli to danger since then. He can't lose his brother, too.

That makes him fairly useless, though. Can't fight, won't run. At least the lessons with Matt are progressing well.

"A frightened rabbit and his faithful guard dog," Andrew muses. "You didn't run from Riko, though, at the interview or the banquet. And in the alley at Eden's, you got there before I did."

It's part of what makes Neil so frustratingly interesting. Eli is easy enough to read. A man with one simple directive: to distract and protect. Neil, on the other hand, is made up of contradictions. He is sharply observant yet oblivious to Andrew's interest in him. He cares for nothing but Exy and his brother, but his eyes follow Andrew with curiosity and not fear. He shakes in terror one instant, then spits fire from his tongue the next. He has layers that Andrew does not yet understand, but he finds he wants to.

Neil nods reluctantly.

"I get stupid when I'm angry," he says. Anger clouds his judgement, makes it hard to think, makes it difficult to do the smart thing. Riko's stranglehold over Kevin makes his blood boil, and of course he would do anything for Eli.

Andrew stares at Neil like he's a puzzle he can't figure out, but Neil feels like he's easy enough to understand. It's everyone else that's confusing.

"You are stupid all the time," Andrew corrects him. "Running is stupid. So is your obsession with Exy. The only intelligent thing you have done since arriving here is to stay put and let me deal with Riko."

Neil feels his mouth twitch and forces back a smile.

"I'm a math major," he points out. "Some people would argue you have to be pretty smart for that."

"You willingly choose to study math," Andrew returns. "This just proves my point."

Neil’s smile gets more determined to break out across his face, so he brings a hand up to cover his mouth just in case it's successful.

"What's your major, then?" he asks.

Andrew takes another drag and exhales. "Criminal justice."

Neil pauses, blinking as this sinks in, then lets out a short, choked laugh.

"Did you choose that purely for the irony?" he asks.

Andrew allows a tiny smirk to cross his lips. "What irony? Am I not an upstanding, law-abiding citizen?"

Neil doesn't understand the triumph that bubbles in his gut at the little smirk on Andrew's face, but it's certainly there.

"Sure, just as much as I am," Neil says.

"So not at all, then," Andrew says dryly. His eyes linger on Neil's face. He can never get enough of looking at him, and Neil equally never seems to be bothered by his staring.

The door opens again and Andrew flicks a glance at it. Eli's head pops out first, followed by the rest of him. Andrew turns away and looks out across campus.

It takes a bit more convincing for the cop to leave. Eli gets into it a bit with Dan, who worries about Andrew getting arrested despite everything the cop said. Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin stare at him like they aren't sure what to do with him so Eli ushers them into their dorm room, then heads up to the roof.

Abram and Andrew are sitting on the edge of the building, smoking, and Eli feels his stomach lurch unpleasantly. He knows the building isn't tall enough for someone to die, though, so he doesn't immediately run and pull his idiots away.

"Is this a suicide pact?" he asks as he approaches. "I would've brought snacks if I knew."

"If we are calling others suicidal, perhaps you should look in the mirror first," Andrew says, still looking off the roof. "Or didn't anyone ever teach you not to antagonize cops for fun?"

"Mom tried," Eli says, taking a seat. "It didn't stick."

He leans forward, peering at the ground. Abram follows his example.

Andrew ignores the unpleasant tug of anxiety at the way the two Jostens are peering over the edge. He stubs out his cigarette butt and leans back, propping himself up on his hands.

They sit there in a silence that's not exactly comfortable, because Andrew is never really comfortable, but is not unpleasant either.

Eli watches the people below, wondering at how none of them ever look up and see them. Eventually, his phone vibrates in his pocket and he pulls it out, seeing a message from Aaron.

Aaron: evrthing ok?

He smiles. He's tempted to tell Andrew that Aaron is asking after him, but figures there's a reason he didn't just text his brother.

Eli: all good. omw back down

He pushes himself to his feet, taking one more glance at the ground far below.

"I'm heading back," he says, walking to the door. "Take care of him."

He doesn't clarify who he's talking about. He doesn't think it matters, at this point.

*****

Katelyn shrieks with excitement when Aaron calls to tell her the news about his new deal with Andrew. He has to hold the phone away from his ear while she gets out all her squealing, which quickly turns into anxiety as she spirals about making a good impression on him. Aaron tries to comfort her and play it off like it's not too big of a deal, but they're both all too aware that their friendship hangs on the whim of Andrew’s decision.

Aaron offers up Eli's idea for Katelyn to bring a few of the Vixens along with her. He assures her that the rest of the team is already going, so Andrew probably won't give a fuck, but she insists that he ask him first, not wanting to make a bad impression right off the bat. Aaron asks, and Andrew testily responds that he may as well invite the whole fucking school at this point, which Aaron takes as approval.

During their French lesson that week Aaron has a hard time focusing. Between the unsubtle grins Katelyn keeps sending Eli—which she refuses to elaborate on after, the traitor—and the way Eli's voice wraps so smoothly around the foreign vowels, Aaron keeps spacing out and forgetting to write down notes. He realizes this is possibly the happiest he's ever been. He can't imagine going back to not doing this, not having all these people in his life. Andrew just has to accept Katelyn, there's simply no other option.

Halloween falls on a Tuesday this year, so the celebration at Eden's happens the Friday before. The Foxes have a game that day as well, but it's a piece of cake compared to the Ravens match last week. Afterward, they pile into Andrew's car and Matt's truck, with the four Vixens driving separately in Katelyn's roommate Marissa's car. Nicky goes with Matt and Aaron rides with the Vixens to give them directions to Sweetie's. He sits in the back with Katelyn and texts Eli to ask if he's enjoying having a seat all to himself for once.

Aaron's group arrives at Sweetie's first. Andrew reserved them a table ahead of time, and there are so many in their group that the staff have had to pull up an extra table next to the booth to fit them all. Aaron leaves the cracker dust business to Andrew as usual and slides into the end of the booth with Katelyn at his side and the other Vixens next to her.

Eli spends the lead up before the game in Katelyn's dorm, where she coaches him on shaving his legs for the very first time. When he's finished, she demands he stick his leg out and rest it on her thigh where she sits on the toilet. She runs her hand over his shin and nods approvingly.

At his confused look, she says, "When you shave your legs you have to demand someone feel how smooth they are. You gotta."

Eli decides this is just a confounding girl thing, but he thanks her for her help. She pats his leg a couple times, which is less comforting than he'd thought it was. Huh. Why do people always smile at him after he does that?

After the game, they head to Sweetie's. Nicky keeps whining at him about not wearing a costume, gesturing to Abram in his zombie cowboy getup and bemoaning the state of things. Eli ignores him with a smile and keeps texting Aaron.

Once arrived and the seating decided, Katelyn grabs her bag, grabs Eli's wrist, and they head to the bathroom. She does his makeup—heavy eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, a fine layer of glitter spread across his cheeks and the tip of his nose, and some chunkier kind of glitter specifically for high on his cheekbones. She digs out his borrowed uniform and has him change, then pulls an actual spray bottle out of her bag. She sprays his hair with water, runs some sort of product through it, and tells him she's done.

He looks into the mirror and grins sharply at what he sees. It would only be better if he didn't have to wear his stupid contacts.

"You're a miracle worker," he tells her. She beams at him.

"I had a good base to start with," she says. "Now come on. Aaron is going to short circuit and I want to see it happen."

He laughs and follows her out.

Aaron is surprised to see Eli's the only one not wearing a costume. He figured of the two of them it would be Neil who might wriggle his way out of it. But then Katelyn drags Eli off to the bathroom, saying they'll be back soon and Aaron's eyes narrow in suspicion.

The ice cream arrives and he digs into it, hungry after playing a game tonight. He's just begun to wonder if Katelyn and Eli got lost somewhere when Nicky lets out a shrill, ear-piercing noise. Aaron frowns and looks up to see what got that reaction. When he sees what Nicky's looking at, Aaron chokes and knocks over both his ice cream bowl and Nicky's water. Allison hoots and Dan wolf-whistles and Aaron's ears are ringing, because Eli is wearing a cheerleader costume. Specifically a Vixen uniform. Skirt and all. There's something glittery on Eli’s face that's making him look even prettier than usual, and his hair is styled. And he's grinning right at Aaron.

Something hot swirls in Aaron's gut as he stares, gaze dipping down to watch Eli's bare muscular thighs flex as he walks toward their table, and he suddenly realizes he is half-hard in his pants. More than half, if he's being completely honest. He flushes bright red and grabs napkins to try to mop up the spill and distract himself from his panic, mumbling curses and apologies.

Aaron's reaction is even better than Eli anticipated, and he struts to the table, waving his pom-poms, and sits down. Katelyn takes her seat as well and winks at him before grabbing extra napkins to help Aaron with the spill.

"Oh my god," Nicky says. "You look incredible! I can't believe you kept this a secret!"

Eli grins. "I wanted it to be a surprise. Kevin's always telling me I need to be more involved in Exy, so I'm showing team spirit." He gives his pom-poms a little shake. They're actually pretty fun. "Go Foxes."

The girls on the team and Nicky proceed to fawn over him, which he accepts smugly. Katelyn watches on with amusement, but Eli catches the other Vixens sneaking glances at the scars that litter his skin. He ignores them, because they aren't important.

"Dressing for the job you want?" Eli asks Aaron, who is wearing a lab coat with a plastic stethoscope around his neck. He's just finished cleaning up the table, and when he looks at Eli again he almost knocks over a second glass. Katelyn steadies it just in time, giggling.

"You're not even drunk yet, Aaron," she says.

Aaron is going to kill Katelyn. It turns out Andrew was right all along, and Aaron should have gotten rid of her from the very beginning in order to avoid having to experience this particular humiliating moment.

"Shut up," he hisses at her, but she just grins at him in return.

Aaron shifts in his seat and wants to scream because what the fuck. How is he sporting a boner right now from seeing his male friend in a cheerleading costume? Did his brain get some wires crossed and think Eli was a girl for a second? Some girls have short hair and flat chests, he guesses. Maybe it was all the glittery sparkles that confused him. But most girls don't have biceps like that. Aaron's eyes travel across Eli's arms and broad chest and up to his face, with his square jaw and strong nose. His lips look shinier than normal, too, Aaron thinks helplessly.

Eli is looking at him like he expects an answer, and Aaron focuses very hard on not knocking anything else over. "Are you?" Aaron counters, trying to keep his cool despite the uncomfortable tightness in his pants. "I've never seen you do a backflip, I don't know if you're qualified."

Eli's eyes light up and Abram groans, burying his face in his hand. Andrew is staring at Eli intensely and he wants to laugh, but he has a challenge to meet. He puts his pom-poms down on the table and stands.

"Excuse me, ladies," he says, shuffling past the Vixens. There's not a whole lot of space between the rows of tables, but compared to the cramped hotel rooms where he and Abram taught themselves to do this it may as well have been an entire Exy court.

Shooting a grin at Aaron, who is watching him with his mouth already open slightly, Eli launches himself into a tight backflip, landing on his feet and straightening up to shocked faces. Then Nicky lets out a whooping cheer, and the silence breaks. A waitress hurries over, telling him there are no acrobatics allowed in the diner, and Eli promises not to do it again before taking his seat.

"So? Am I qualified?" he teases Aaron, who looks like may have swallowed his tongue.

Aaron has no words to answer that. He just stares at Eli, his mouth slightly open in defeat, and slumps back in his seat. Katelyn pats his hand.

Matt and Dan are laughing and Nicky looks ecstatic. Allison is staring between Eli and Aaron and whispering something to Renee, who smiles back at her. Dan grins at Eli and tells him they could use him cheering them on at the next game, and Katelyn chimes in that there's an open spot on the squad if Eli ever wants it.

Aaron hazards a glance at Andrew, who is watching Eli with unusual interest. Aaron's not sure what that's about, but at least Andrew isn’t glaring daggers at Katelyn the way he was when he first walked in.

Victorious, Eli shoots a quick wink Aaron's way, and loudly tells Katelyn that he thinks cheerleading is more interesting than Exy, anyway. This almost gives Kevin an aneurism, and leads to him arguing with the Vixens about whether cheerleading or Exy is more physically demanding.

"Are you happy with yourself?" Abram asks him, rolling his eyes.

"Unbearably," Eli tells him truthfully.

Eventually, everyone finishes their food, and it's time to head back to the cars. Eli bounces peppily along, like he's seen the Vixens do at games, and waves his pom-poms in their faces, which makes them giggle. Nicky complains about being ignored, so he does it to him, too, and then Aaron for good measure. He turns a contemplative look at Andrew, who unamusedly taps at his armbands. Eli grins and waves his pom-poms at him from a safe distance.

Aaron is relieved to escape into Marissa's car to get a break from having to look at Eli in that costume. He slides into the back, slumped over in agony. Katelyn gives him one look and starts cracking up.

"Alcohol, now," Aaron demands, and directs them to Eden's.

The line is packed with people in costumes, and the bouncer gives Andrew three VIP parking passes, looking bemused by the number of people in their group tonight. Inside, Andrew leaves the rest of them to find a table while he drags Neil away to get their first round.

Eden's is packed with bodies dressed in all kinds of costumes. Eli isn't even the only guy wearing a skirt. Finding a table to fit their group is impossible, and they have to split up across a couple, dragging over abandoned chairs from tables piled high with various bits of costumes.

Thanks to a bit of witchcraft from Katelyn (fitting, considering her own costume), Eli manages to snag a seat next to Aaron. Nicky sits on Eli's other side, meaning Abram will have to sit elsewhere. Eden's is familiar enough to them now that Eli isn't bothered by this. Besides, Abram needs to be pried away from the table with a crowbar, so he's not worried.

Abram and Andrew return to the table, both with trays of drinks, and everyone descends upon them. Andrew waits a moment, then tosses the dust packets in the middle and sits back to watch the carnage. Eli rolls his eyes, holding out a hand in askance. Andrew stares at it for a moment before letting out a silent sigh, reaching into his pocket, and pulling out another packet. He drops it in Eli's hand and Eli grins at him, opening it and pouring it onto his tongue.

From the corner of his eye he sees Aaron watching him, so he only takes half. He holds out the rest and wiggles the bag at him in offer.

Aaron is surprised that Eli doesn't insist on having Neil sit next to him, especially with this big group. Actually now that he thinks about it, it's kind of surprising that Eli keeps letting Neil go off with Andrew on their own. Eli even sent him off himself the other day after Higgins showed up. Aaron wonders what's changed between Eli and Andrew. He's relieved they seem to have resolved things since the last trip to Columbia. Andrew isn't usually the forgiving type, but the way he indulges Eli with his saved packet of dust indicates that he's made an exception this time.

Eli offers Aaron half his cracker dust and Aaron obligingly accepts it, pouring it into his mouth. Then he takes several shots of whatever alcohol is closest to him. Eli twists back and forth on his stool as he chats with people, and his skirt keeps brushing against Aaron's leg, drawing Aaron's attention down to his bare thighs.

Katelyn is seated across the table from Aaron with her girls, and Aaron wonders how exactly Andrew is planning on judging her worthiness when it's so loud in here tonight he can barely think. Andrew's the one who suggested this place, though, so he must have some sort of plan.

Aaron offers Katelyn a packet of dust, explaining what it is, but she declines and says she wants to stick to alcohol. Marissa, however, takes a packet for herself with a grin and sidles up next to Neil to try to share it with him. Neil looks vaguely offended and tells her no, then turns away to continue doing his weird thing where he stares at Andrew but doesn't actually talk to him.

Katelyn's mouth twitches and she gives Aaron a meaningful look across the table. Aaron snorts and glances at Eli, who seems to be watching the same thing, amused.

"Has he always been like this?" Aaron says, leaning close to talk in Eli's ear. "Completely oblivious?"

Oh, that little Vixen girl is interested in his brother. Abram, of course, takes no notice of her except to reject the drugs, but Eli wonders if Andrew will get jealous. That might be fun to watch.

Aaron's breath is hot against his ear, making goosebumps break out across his skin. He turns his head to answer and their noses almost touch. Aaron jumps and Eli forces out a laugh, pretending his heart isn't pounding loud enough he's surprised it can't be heard over the music.

He leans forward to say, "Always! He's not interested so he assumes no one else is either. Idiot." He turns a fond expression on his brother.

Aaron can feel Eli's breath on his face and it makes it difficult to focus on what he's saying. He blinks and tries to pay attention, but his eyes keep getting caught on the sparkles covering Eli's nose and cheeks.

Marissa doesn't look too discouraged by Neil's rejection. She just throws back the whole packet herself. Aaron isn't sure how well she can handle her dust, so he glances at Katelyn, who's already rolling her eyes and holding her hand out for Marissa's keys. Well, Katelyn had said she wasn't planning to get trashed tonight anyway, so Aaron supposes that works out.

After downing a few drinks, the upperclassmen and Nicky and the Vixens head off to dance. Katelyn pulls Aaron and Eli along to join them, grinning at them both. Aaron stumbles into Eli by accident as the crowd pushes in on them, and his hands land on Eli's bare arms.

He lets go with an apologetic smile and shouts, "Sorry!" over the pounding music.

The group decides it's time to dance, so Eli quickly tosses back another shot, throws a pom-pom at his brother to get his attention and, when he has it, waves and points to the dance floor. Abram nods at him and turns back to Andrew. Eli doesn't even think they're talking. Freaks.

Aaron gets tossed around by the crowd a bit, and Eli does his best to steady him, shaking his head, smiling when Aaron mouths an apology at him. Katelyn starts dancing and it's easy enough to lose himself in the booze and dust and flashing lights, moving his body. Aaron lacks the sinuous movements Katelyn has, and the energy that Eli does, but he has his own kind of grace. They meet each other's gaze every so often and grin.

People flow around the three of them, sometimes dancing with them, most times not. At some point a man sidles up to Eli and they dance, which is fine and fun, until his hands slip under Eli's skirt and squeeze his ass. Eli shoves him back, scowling.

Dancing and playing Exy are the only things that make Aaron feel completely comfortable in his body. It makes him forget that he's only five feet tall with a permanent scowl and too-pale skin, because all that matters is that his body can move and feel good, if only for this short moment. He supposes the drugs were similar, back in the day, in terms of their ability to get him out of his head. But this is better. Especially with Katelyn and Eli here.

Aaron glances over at some point to see Eli scowling and shoving some guy away, and he pushes through the crowd and parks himself bodily between Eli and the stranger, blocking the man out and dancing perhaps a bit more aggressively. He doesn't want to start a fight tonight, he just wants Eli to have a good time.

"You good?" Aaron mouths to Eli.

Eli's expecting the asshole to come back and he's absolutely ready to punch him in the nose, but Aaron pushes himself between them. Eli is so surprised that his anger immediately fizzles out. Just like before, Aaron shows up trying to protect him. Doesn't he know that's Eli's job?

But just like last time, Eli can't help but be touched by the gesture. He feels his expression go soft and gooey, and he moves closer to yell his thanks into Aaron's ear. He presses his lips to Aaron's temple, light and quick, and some of his hair sticks to the gloss on his lips. Eli pulls back, laughing.

Katelyn appears, touching his arm and looking concerned. Eli smiles at her and shakes his head, gesturing to Aaron, and mouths 'my hero.' She nods in understanding, and then they're dancing again.

It's so quick that Aaron nearly misses it, but Eli presses a kiss to his hair again. Aaron is no less taken by surprise than the first time. He wonders if this is just a weird Eli thing? He's never seen Eli do it to anyone else, but it's really fucking sweet, honestly. Aaron does his best to brush off the weird feeling in his chest and keeps dancing.

Eventually they all get tired and overheated and head back to the table to take a break. Aaron gets water bottles for everyone, considering all the cracker dust they've been consuming. He hands a bottle to Eli and is unable to look away when Eli tips his neck back and chugs it down, a few stray droplets running down his bobbing throat. Aaron drinks his own water very quickly after that, his mouth feeling dry.

Katelyn has struck up a conversation with Allison and Dan across the table, and she keeps looking at Aaron gleefully with her hand over her mouth. Whatever gossip she's getting from them, Aaron’s sure it's going to bite him in the ass later somehow. He flips her off casually and Dan looks affronted, but Katelyn just flips him off right back and giggles into her hand.

Abram is seated right where Eli left him, only instead of staring at Andrew he's now in a heated debate with Kevin, presumably about Exy. The Vixen is nowhere to be seen, which means she probably gave up. Either that or she's taking a breather before trying again.

Andrew looks like he's regretting every decision that ever led to this point. Eli catches his eye and smiles, miming holding a gun to his temple. He thinks Andrew's lip twitches, but he can't be sure. Andrew nods his head in the direction of the alleyway exit, and Eli tilts his head and nods.

"Be right back," he says into Aaron's ear. "Look after Abram for me."

Drunk and affectionate, he gives a little tug to a lock of Aaron's hair, then stands to follow Andrew outside.

Andrew has been watching Aaron’s cheerleader all night. So far she has exhibited no obvious red flags, but it's too early to tell if it's just an act. If she were an obvious problem he would have been able to spot it already, but he knows he will need longer than just one evening in order to gauge her true character. And frankly, Andrew does not want to spend the amount of time with her that this task would require. This is why he pulls Eli outside partway through the night.

"Katelyn," Andrew says, once they're in the alley. "You have spent some time with her, yes?"

Oh, that's what this is about. Eli thought maybe Andrew was going to threaten him about not making moves on Aaron again.

"Yeah, some," he confirms.

Andrew nods. "Do you trust her with Neil?"

Eli knows that Aaron would want him to say 'yes' unhesitatingly, but his brother's safety isn't something he fucks around with. Maybe that's why Andrew is asking him instead of someone else; the only person as obsessive about keeping their brother safe.

He chews on his lower lip, trying to get his hazy thoughts in order.

"Katelyn... isn't a threat," he says, eyes drifting along the bricks of the opposite wall. "She wouldn't cause physical harm unless in self defense. She likes to gossip but can keep a secret under normal circumstances. If she was tortured she'd break in a day or two, probably. Less if her family is involved. I don't trust her to step in the way of my brother if there's danger, but I trust him to run from it so maybe that evens out. She could probably be bought; most people can. But she's loyal to Aaron and she likes Abram, and he's his friend, so the price would have to be pretty high."

He blinks himself out of his thoughts, looking back at Andrew. "Does that help?"

Andrew raises an eyebrow at the mention of torture, but otherwise keeps his face impassive. The judgments Eli offers him are extensive and relayed with more objectivity than Andrew had hoped to expect. It’s clear Andrew made the right choice by asking him.

He thinks about Eli's answers, running them backward and forward in his head to check for any gaps in important information and finds none.

"You will tell me if your opinion changes?" Andrew says eventually.

"Promise," Eli says, and means it. As much as he likes Katelyn, if he thinks she's a danger to Abram or Aaron, he will snitch to Andrew without hesitation. Aaron would probably hate them both for it, which makes his gut clench uncomfortably, but he wouldn't regret it.

Andrew nods. As far as he's concerned, that's good enough. He'll reserve the right to revoke his approval, but Aaron can have his precious cheerleader.

That being dealt with, he eyes Eli up and down. "Whose idea was this, anyway?" Andrew asks, flicking his hand to indicate Eli's costume. "You or her?"

"Like it?" Eli preens. "We were brainstorming. I was leaning towards some kind of slutty angel and making Abram be a devil to match, but Katelyn said she might be able to find a Vixen's uniform for me."

Andrew unfortunately does like it. His eyes linger on Eli's hemline and he sighs internally at himself. If he had any pride, he would just walk away, but if there's a chance of Eli ever letting Andrew suck his dick again, he'd like to know about it.

"You never told me why it became a 'no' for you," he says. "You said the truth was not believable. What did you mean?"

Eli hums, wondering if he should tell Andrew the truth or not. On the one hand, he's kind of made it a thing, not lying to Andrew Minyard, and he'd hate to ruin the streak he has going. On the other, he doesn't want Andrew trying anything with Abram.

But Andrew has said before he doesn't go after people who don't want it, so as long as Abram says no it won't be a problem. And if, for some reason, Abram says yes? Well, Eli doesn't really trust anyone with his brother, but Andrew is the closest he's come to it.

"Abram said it made him feel weird," Eli says.

"Made him feel weird," Andrew repeats slowly. His heart is pounding. What the hell does that mean? What does Eli think it means? And why on earth did Eli tell Neil they hooked up in the first place?

Andrew tells himself he does not care. This does not matter. Go inside now.

"Elaborate," he demands.

Eli shrugs.

"Abram is not the most emotionally intelligent," he says dryly. "He couldn't explain why, but it made him uncomfortable and that's what mattered to me. Current theory is that he thinks it would fuck up the team somehow, but ask him yourself if you're so curious."

Eli isn't blind to Abram's curiosity about Andrew, or the way he stares at him so often, or how Abram doesn't seem to carry the same awkwardness around him as other people. He would be convinced Abram had a crush if it weren't for the many conversations where his brother tried to explain he just doesn't feel things that way, and doesn't understand why or how other people do.

As it is, he's half convinced anyway.

"Fine," says Andrew. Maybe he will ask Neil. He hasn't decided yet.

He's been successfully distracted from any ideas of sucking Eli off, at any rate. It seems pretty clear that Eli's decision is firm, since it's about his brother's comfort. Maybe Andrew will go see what Roland is up to. It doesn't sound like a terrible idea.

"Tell Aaron he can keep his cheerleader," Andrew says, "but I reserve the right to change my mind." He’s had enough of dealing with Aaron for right now, and he figures his brother will be more excited to hear the news from Eli, anyway.

Eli nearly bites his tongue off stopping himself from asking which cheerleader he means. Instead, he gives a sloppy version of Andrew's salute and heads back inside where it's warm. Andrew doesn't follow after, so Eli figures he's probably going to hang out there for a while longer.

He pushes his way through the crowds of people, back to their tables. One of the Vixens has seated herself next to Aaron, and Eli grabs the back of the chair and wiggles it back and forth increasingly violently until she abandons it, shooting him a poisonous look. Eli ignores her, claiming his seat again.

He's so eager to share the news that he leans too far into Aaron's space, overbalancing and needing the other man to steady him. Aaron does so, amused, and Eli beams at him when he says, "Andrew said yes to Katelyn!"

Aaron watches with growing amusement as Eli shakes poor Teya's chair until she leaves in irritation, then nearly falls over onto Aaron. But then Eli tells him the news and Aaron forgets anything else.

"No shit! Really?" Aaron’s eyes widen and he looks around for Andrew but can't see him anywhere. He turns back to Eli, hope rising in his chest. "Are you serious? You're serious."

Eli nods his head furiously.

"I'm serious!" he insists. "I wouldn't joke about this! He told me to tell you he reserves the right to change his mind, though."

"Oh my god," Aaron says. He grabs Eli by the shoulders and shakes him. Eli looks as excited as Aaron feels.

"We did it! Katelyn!" he calls over his shoulder, looking around. Where is she? She should be here for this amazing moment. Oh, she's off dancing with Marissa and some guys. That's fine, Aaron will tell her in a minute. He might be a bit drunk right now.

"What happened? What did he say to you?" Aaron asks. He's leaning close to Eli now, his hands are still on Eli's shoulders. He frowns at them, confused about how they got there, but forgets about it when Eli starts talking.

Eli laughs as Aaron shakes him roughly, glad he can share in Aaron's glee. And then Aaron asks what happened, which Eli honestly should have seen coming, but he's a little worried that when Aaron realized Eli hadn't only sung Katelyn's praises he'll be upset.

"He asked if I would trust Neil with her," he says, smile dimming. "So I told him the truth."

Aaron tilts his head at Eli, confused. "Why do you look sad? Is the truth bad?” Andrew said yes, so it can't have been that bad, right?

Eli shakes his head.

"It's not bad," he assures. "I told him she's not a threat. But I was realistic."

Aaron doesn't understand. He's squinting very hard to try to understand Eli better, but it’s not helping. "What does realistic mean?"

Eli bites his lip. He doesn't have a great gauge on what a relatively normal person will be upset about when it comes to making judgements on a close friend. He thinks Aaron might be insulted if he says he thinks Katelyn would break under torture or could be bought off for the right amount.

Instead, he says, "I trust her not to hurt my brother but I don't trust her to keep him safe."

He watches Aaron process this with wary eyes, hoping he didn't just ruin everything.

Eli looks so worried, and Aaron is even more confused by what he says.

"Okay?" Aaron says, seeing if there will be more. Eli just looks at him. "She—it's not her job to keep Neil safe. Or me. She's our friend, not our bodyguard, right? That's okay."

He pats Eli on the shoulder, then finally pulls back when he realizes he's still clutching onto him. "You look worried," Aaron tells him, in case Eli’s not aware.

Eli's brows draw together. Is that okay? Eli would do anything to protect Abram, obviously, but so long as it didn't put Abram in danger he'd do anything to keep his friends safe, too. Maybe that isn't normal, for friends. But Aaron had tried to protect him, too! Twice now.

More than a little confused, and kind of worried Aaron doesn't think Eli will protect him if he needs it, he tells him, "I will keep you safe."

"Yeah, man," Aaron says, nodding emphatically. "I know you will. I'll keep you safe too."

He looks over at Katelyn, who is laughing and dancing with her other friends, completely carefree in this moment. Sometimes Aaron feels like she belongs to another world than him entirely, but somehow even though she doesn't know all the gory details of his life, she still gets him.

"Katelyn's… not like us," Aaron says, turning back to Eli. "She hasn't had to fight so hard to survive, you know? And I'm glad she hasn't. That's why it's okay. I don't want her to have to worry about me that way."

Relieved that Aaron is aware, and obscenely pleased to be protected in turn, Eli relaxes. He thinks about what Aaron says, and decides it makes sense. He wouldn't want Aaron to have to worry about him the same way he worries about Abram. He doesn't want Aaron willing to step in front of a knife or a bullet for him.

"Okay," Eli says. "I think I understand."

"Okay," Aaron echoes. He smiles, glad that Eli doesn't seem worried anymore. "Cool. Shit, I gotta go tell her. You coming with?"

He tips the rest of his drink down his throat and stands up, stumbling a bit.

Eli quickly hurries to his feet, steadying Aaron with a hand on his elbow. When Aaron seems like he isn't going to fall over, they make their way over to Katelyn, who lights up when she sees them. She bounces over to them, grabbing them each by the hand and swinging them wildly while giggling.

Katelyn is ecstatic to hear the news and they all dance together a little more to celebrate before Aaron and Eli head back to the table again. Neil is still there with Kevin, except now Marissa is attempting to hold a conversation with Neil, relentlessly bringing up one topic after another. He looks absolutely miserable, and Aaron laughs.

After a while, Andrew returns from wherever he fucked off to, and the rest of the group find their way back to the table as well. On their way out to the cars, Marissa catches up to Neil and offers him her number.

"What for?" Neil says, seeming utterly bemused.

Her face drops, but she recovers quickly and puts a hand on his arm. "I would like to get to know you better. I think we could have a lot of fun together, just the two of us. You're very interesting, Neil."

Neil frowns at her. "I wouldn't call you. I socialize with the Foxes or not at all."

Aaron smacks at Eli's arm and claps a hand over his own mouth so he doesn't bust out laughing.

Aaron is making it extremely difficult for Eli to contain his own laughter. Katelyn's Vixen friends storm off in the direction of their car, and Katelyn swats at Abram's arm.

"You couldn't have been nicer?" she complains. "I'm stuck driving them home for an hour!"

Abram, ridiculously, still hasn't caught on. "Why would I be nice? I don't know her."

"Jesus Christ, Neil," Nicky says.

"It's not his fault she can't take a hint," Eli says. "He's been ignoring her all night. Now come on, I'm freezing."

When they clamber into the car, Eli takes his usual place on Nicky's lap, thinking nothing of swinging his legs over Aaron's thighs and resting his feet on his brother. It isn't until Abram comments, confused, "Did you shave your legs?" that Eli realizes what he's done.

Now that Aaron knows they've hooked up before, seeing Eli on Nicky's lap puts an unpleasant twist in his stomach. He guesses he'll have to get used to that feeling, since that is Eli's usual seat. Maybe Aaron should offer his own lap instead. But that would be weird since he sits in the middle. It wouldn't be as comfortable for Eli. And Nicky would want to know why.

Aaron is distracted from this problem by Neil asking if Eli shaved his legs. He looks down at where Eli's legs are draped over his lap—where he can practically see up Eli’s little skirt, jesus—and. Wow. Yeah. Those are some smooth, hairless legs.

Aaron is just drunk enough that he reaches out and strokes them. "Whoa. Did Katelyn do this too?"

Eli almost chokes on his tongue when Aaron runs a hand over his very naked thigh. Horrifyingly, he feels his blood rushing south and prays that these stupid little shorts are enough to keep him from tenting his skirt.

"Uh, y-yeah," Eli says.

"Ooh, lemme feel," Nicky says, and very unhelpfully reaches out to touch Eli's leg even higher up than Aaron. "Oh wow you got them so smooth!"

Eli gives Abram a wide-eyed, helpless sort of look, which takes Abram aback. But a second later Abram is reaching out and slapping both Aaron's and Nicky's hand away.

"Stop feeling up my brother," he commands frostily. "He's drunk."

Nicky whines his innocence at him but notably doesn't put his hand back on Eli's thigh.

"Oops," Aaron says, glancing at Eli and pulling his hands back. "Sorry, Eli."

Eli looks slightly mortified, and Aaron feels bad for putting that look on his face. "It looks good," Aaron tells him, hoping to make up for it.

Andrew raises his eyebrows at him in the rearview mirror. Aaron frowns back, confused, but Andrew just rolls his eyes and looks back at the road.

"Thanks," Eli says quietly. He wonders if this is stab-worthy in Andrew's eyes. Regrettably, this thought is not enough to kill his half-chub. Somewhat regrettably, there is no further thigh touching for the rest of the drive.

When Eli stumbles out of the car, the night air making him shiver in his little uniform, Eli realizes, "Shit. Katelyn has my clothes in her bag."

He looks down at himself and tries to imagine sitting through an hour long version of that when they drive back to campus.

Aaron is distracted by how glittery Eli's face looks in the moonlight, and it takes him a moment to realize what Eli said.

"I have some clothes here you can borrow," he offers hopefully. "Pants might be a little short, but they’ll probably fit you better than Nicky's."

"Thanks, Aaron," Eli says gratefully. His stomach does a stupid little flip at the thought of wearing Aaron's clothes.

Andrew gets bored of waiting for them and heads to the house, prompting the rest of them to follow. Kevin collapses on the couch and is asleep in moments. Nicky gives Eli a lingering once-over and says, "Get tired of sleeping on the floor yet? I'm still willing to share my bed."

Eli shakes his head, a little endeared, a little exasperated. "Sorry, Nicky. Not interested."

Nicky only sighs and says, "Yeah, I figured. Good night, guys!" and heads to his room.

Aaron’s stomach sinks when he hears Nicky’s flirtatious offer, but Eli declines and Aaron is flooded with relief. He leads Eli up to his room and digs through his dresser to find something that might fit him. Aaron keeps most of his clothes in Palmetto, but he does leave a few things here for Columbia weekends.

"Here," Aaron says triumphantly, pulling out a baggy pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. He holds them up for Eli. "This okay?"

Eli takes the clothes and nods.

"Yeah, these are perfect," he says. "Promise I'll get them back to you."

He goes to change out of the uniform and pulls on Aaron's clothes. The pants are a little bit too short on him, and despite the weight and muscle he and Abram have put on, the shirt is loose in the arms and chest. That isn't too surprising. Eli's seen what Aaron can bench. He washes as much makeup off as he can, but a lot of the glitter refuses to budge. Rolling his eyes, he messily folds the uniform so Katelyn doesn't murder him before Andrew gets the chance.

He wanders out into the hall and to the kitchen, where he runs into Abram and Aaron bickering about something or other. He drops the uniform on the table, pushes past them both, and fills himself a glass of water.

Aaron is fruitlessly trying to convince Neil that yes, Marissa was very obviously hitting on him. Literally every other person there but Neil could understand that that was happening. Then Eli distracts Aaron by coming downstairs in his clothes. Eli still has some glitter on his face, but he looks cozy and sleepy. Softer than usual. Not like he couldn't still kick someone's ass, but maybe like Aaron wants to protect him so he doesn't have to.

Aaron suddenly feels guilty that Eli has to sleep on the floor every time he's here. And Neil too, he guesses. Why haven't they done anything about that yet?

"We gotta get you guys an air mattress or something," Aaron says, waving at the living room floor. "Since we're all here practically every weekend it seems. Remind me to tell Nicky."

Eli and Abram give Aaron identical surprised looks.

"We don't need an air mattress," Abram says, confused. Eli nods.

"We're used to sleeping on the floor," he says. "Don't worry about it."

"What? That's so sad." Aaron frowns, still fairly drunk. "No." He shakes his head, then nods. It's a lot of movement, and it makes him dizzy. He blinks. "We’ll get you an air mattress. It's better."

He offers them both a thumbs up and, without waiting for a reply, goes upstairs and falls asleep with his costume still on.

"He's so drunk he's talking nonsense," Abram remarks after they watch Aaron leave the room. Eli nods.

"Yeah, hopefully he's not too hungover tomorrow," he says. "C'mon, let's sleep. I'm tired."

Chapter 16 Summary:

Eli tries sparring. The Minyards have a birthday.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- PTSD & flashbacks
- violence
- dissociation
- minor injuries

Chapter Text

Andrew tells Renee to expect Eli to come along the next time they spar. She agreed to train with Eli as soon as Andrew asked, not even questioning why, which Andrew appreciated. Since neither of them really know how Eli fights, Renee wants to watch Andrew and Eli take each other on first so she can get a sense of him.

She picks the lock of the gym practice room that they typically use, and Andrew drags some stray equipment out of the way, clearing an empty area for them to fight in. He shrugs off his jacket, leaving him in a T-shirt and athletic pants.

"Knives?" Andrew asks Renee.

She looks to Eli, tilting her head. "Is that okay with you?"

This had seemed like such a good idea at first, but now that Eli is standing in front of Andrew and Renee, he's not so sure.

"Yeah," Eli nods hesitantly. He's here to practice fighting with knives again, after all. What would be the point if they didn't use them?

He pulls his gifted switchblade out of his pocket. Andrew and Renee are dressed in athletic gear or loose, practical clothing. Eli is in his usual baggy jeans and t-shirt. Might as well practice in the clothes he'll likely be caught in.

Andrew pulls a knife from his armband and sets his shoulders, locking eyes with Eli.

"Don't inflict any serious injuries," Renee instructs them for Eli's benefit since he doesn't know their house rules. "Nothing that will get either of you benched. If you're done, say 'stop' or tap the ground three times. Got it?"

Eli nods again, eyeing Andrew uncertainly. His reluctance climbs. He doesn't want to hurt Andrew.

The first part of the fight has Eli dodging and fleeing. This is more Abram's skillset, but Eli's decent at it, too. He doesn't try to attack, wondering if he can just do this the whole time until Andrew grows too exhausted to go on.

Eli is slippery as fuck and Andrew can't get his hands on him. But Eli doesn't try to attack him either, just dodging over and over. Andrew lunges at him again, growing more frustrated as Eli continues to evade him.

Renee speaks up after a while of this. "Eli, you're good at dodging but I need to see you try to fight back, too," she says, gentle but firm.

"Are we sure that's a good idea?" Eli asks, quickly moving out of range when Andrew lunges again.

"I need to see you fight, Eli," Renee repeats.

Eli takes a deep breath, and switches tactics. Two things that made him valuable to Mary are his complete disregard for his physical safety and his high pain tolerance. As long as he manages to get a hit on Andrew, the small slices on his own skin don't matter.

Each little stinging pain makes it easier to slip back into the familiar mindset of fight or die, and his movements become less controlled, more desperate. Eli has never had a friendly spar, and he doesn't know how to hit or cut without the intent to harm. He was raised and trained by a masochist murderer; pain and death is in his DNA, and with every passing moment his body remembers this and his mind hides itself away.

Andrew makes a quick attack, aiming for his arm, but instead of pulling away Eli pushes into it, the sharp burn of the knife digging into his skin. Andrew is thrown off enough that Eli is able to tackle him to the ground, raising his blade to jab it into Andrew's throat. Mom'll be pissed about the cleanup but better to be slapped around by her hand than dead by someone else's.

Something shifts in Eli. From one moment to the next, it feels like Andrew is fighting an entirely different person. Whereas before Eli had been dodging and avoiding him, now he acts as if Andrew's attacks can't hurt him at all. Andrew startles when Eli pushes his arm into his blade instead of backing away. He tries to pull back so Eli doesn't get injured, but then his back hits the ground and Eli is suddenly on top of him with his knife raised.

A chill goes down Andrew's spine at the dead look in Eli's eyes. Eli looks like he doesn't even recognize him, and that's what finally tips Andrew off that something is very wrong.

"Stop," Andrew says sharply. His knife is still in his fist and he sees Eli's gaze flick to it. "Eli, stop."

Hearing the man beneath him say his name is enough to make Eli pause. This person shouldn't know that name. Only mom and Abram call him that. And he seems weirdly familiar, but he's still got a weapon in his hand, and that makes him a threat. Mom will kill him herself if she sees him hesitate.

He feels... weird. Instead of the usual sharpness that adrenaline brings, his mind feels filled with fog. He doesn't know who this is, or where they are, or why he knows his name. More importantly...

"Where's Abram?" Eli tries to make his voice demanding, but it sounds confused and scared to his own ears.

Shit. That's not a good sign. Andrew tenses up, heart pounding in his ears. "Abram is safe. He's in class. At Palmetto, remember?"

He tries to loosen his grip on his own knife, but his body won't let him, not with a man on top of him radiating danger and holding a knife above his throat.

Abram is safe. The words make Eli relax a tiny bit. Trying to think logically feels like wading through wet sand.

"Palmetto," Eli repeats. Fuck, that sounds familiar. Why is that familiar? Where is Abram?

Distracted by his thoughts, Eli doesn't notice the other person in the room sneaking up on him until there's a hand wrenching his arm back, twisting, making him lose his grip on his knife. The man beneath him bucks and tosses him aside. Eli kicks out desperately, his foot making contact with something and the other person lets out a curse.

Eli scrambles away until his back hits the wall, eyes wide and wild as he keeps his two assailants in his sight. His face hurts and it takes him a moment to realize it's because he's wearing his father's smile, bright and threatening.

Andrew sees Renee coming up behind Eli, but he keeps his eyes locked on Eli's until Renee lunges to grab Eli and wrenches his arm backward. Eli drops his knife which allows Andrew to shove him away, but Eli kicks out and catches him hard in the gut. Andrew curses and stays down, panting and clutching at his side as Eli backs up against the wall with an unhinged grin splitting across his face.

"Eli, stop it," Andrew says, and spits on the ground. "It's me, Andrew. Andrew Minyard and Renee Walker. From your brother's stupid Exy team. Calm the fuck down."

Neither of the people try to approach him, and Eli's mind whirs as he runs through his options. Two on one while he's unarmed are bad odds, and he can only hope whatever distraction he's provided thus far is enough for Abram to get away.

The man is speaking, but only two words cling to his brain. Andrew. Exy.

Heart still pounding, Eli finds he can breathe easier. The fog slowly clears from his mind and the smile slips away. His legs tremble, and Eli slides down the wall onto the floor.

Abram is safe. They're at Palmetto. Andrew isn't trying to kill him. Mom is dead.

"Andrew?" Eli says, like he's not sure.

Andrew stays where he is, not wanting to get up off the floor in case Eli perceives it as a threat. He watches as Eli's face slowly begins to clear.

Eli says his name like a question and Andrew answers him, speaking slowly and clearly. "Yes. It's Andrew. Abram is safe. Do you remember where you are?"

Renee stays silent but remains a solid, calming presence at Andrew's side. Andrew finally manages to set down his knife and he lifts his empty hands up to show Eli.

Andrew gestures with his hands, and it takes Eli a moment to realize he's showing that they're empty. He nods, looking down at his own hands, and jolts when he sees one of them is bloody. The arm is bloody, too. Eli looks at the wound, but he doesn't think it needs stitches.

"Palmetto," Eli answers finally. "At the gym. We were... fighting." He swallows and asks nervously, "Did I hurt you?"

He was going to stab his friend in the neck. He feels sick.

Andrew shakes his head. "No." The kick to his side doesn't count. Renee has given Andrew far worse during their usual sparring sessions.

Renee finally speaks up, her voice soft and neutral. "May I come over and check on your arm, Eli? You can say no."

Eli eyes her warily. She doesn't look pissed, but he did just try to kill someone right in front of her. Maybe the anger will come later, but Eli doesn't want to risk it.

He shakes his head, slowly pushing himself back onto shaky legs. "I'll deal with it. Where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall," Renee tells him.

Andrew eyes Eli as he stands up with some difficulty, not sure if he should follow him. Renee puts up a hand to stop him before he can get up.

"Go ahead, Eli, we'll stay here," she says.

Not turning his back to them, Eli leaves the room. He hurries down the hall to the bathroom, where he locks the door. Cleaning himself up with hand soap and paper towels is nostalgic, and he wishes Abram were here.

The cut will probably need a butterfly bandage, but for now it's fine. He cleans off the other nicks Andrew gave him, too, and then clutches the edges of the sink and tries to breathe.

He doesn't know what the fuck that was. He's never forgotten where he was like that before. He's never known who someone was one moment and forgotten the next. Fuck. What's wrong with him?

Once Eli leaves the room, Renee offers Andrew a hand up, which he accepts. He winces at the twinge in his side, already knowing it's going to bruise like a motherfucker.

"Have you seen him react like that before?" Renee asks, even though Andrew is sure she already knows the answer.

Andrew shakes his head. He thinks about the time that Eli got 'stuck' as Neil, but that felt like something different. Anyway, he doesn't particularly want to get into dissecting Eli's entire fucked-up psyche with Renee. It's not her business, and he knows she would understand that.

Renee hums. "I don't know if this is going to work. That can't happen again. Andrew, if I'd been a little slower..."

Andrew looks at the place on the ground where Eli's knife fell. Unfortunately Renee is right. Eli really could have killed him just now. It’s not a good idea to try that again.

"Abram is Neil?" Renee asks.

"Yes," Andrew confirms, because there's no point in lying about it. He knows she can keep a secret. "Don't spread it around."

She nods.

There's nothing else to say, so they wait in silence for Eli to return.

If Eli waits for his trembling to stop, he'll be in here for hours. So he settles for waiting until it's less violent before heading back. He sends a message to his brother in the meantime, and gets a response immediately.

Eli: safe?
Abram: yes. you?
Eli: yes
Abram: ok

Tucking his phone into his pocket and feeling more secure, knowing Abram is fine, Eli heads back. He's still anticipating anger from Andrew and Renee, but it's not what greets him when he arrives.

Eli looks exhausted and wary when he returns. Andrew resists the urge to go over to him and check his injuries.

"Are you okay?" Renee asks Eli, her brow creasing in concern.

When he is not immediately buffeted by angry screaming, Eli relaxes slightly.

"I'm fine," he says automatically. "No stitches necessary."

He's lucky Andrew pulled back when he did, otherwise Eli would have had to stitch himself up and hide his wound so Abby wouldn't try to bench him.

"I'm glad to hear it, but I was also asking about your mental state," Renee clarifies.

"Mental is the word for it, all right," Andrew says dryly. "What happened? You went all—" He twirls his finger by his ear.

"Andrew," Renee reproaches lightly, but it makes Eli smile for a moment.

"I don't know," he admits reluctantly. "It's like I forgot where I was. Or when I was? I thought mom was still..."

He trails off, eyes unfocusing as he remembers the peculiar feeling.

"Flashback," Andrew says shortly. The haunted look on Eli's face reminds him all too much of the one he sees in the mirror some nights after he's woken himself up lashing out at empty air.

Eli frowns at Andrew like he doesn't understand.

"Traumatic memories. Your brain tricks you sometimes." Andrew looks away from Eli's gaze. "Ask Bee about it."

"Do you know what set you off?" Renee asks Eli.

Eli will absolutely not be asking Bee about it. He isn't about to go dump his life story on a stranger, no matter how much Andrew likes her.

He glances at Renee, then back to Andrew. He's pretty sure it was just the act of having to attack someone with a knife, when his only previous experiences with such a thing were to kill or die. But he trusts Renee only slightly more than the shrink, so he shrugs.

"No idea," he lies.

Andrew isn't sure if Eli is telling the truth, but either way it's obvious they're not getting any answers out of him right now. Eli looks like he's still not fully back to himself, glancing between the two of them like they might attack him at any moment. Renee looks like she wants to ask more questions, but Andrew speaks up first.

"We should go back and wait for Neil," he tells Eli. He’s fairly sure Eli is not going to calm down until he sets eyes on his brother. "He'll be out of class soon. Renee can lock up for us, yes?"

She nods and gives Andrew a slightly sad smile, clearly upset about what Eli's going through. Andrew does not understand how she has the patience or interest for others' emotions, but since she doesn't make it his problem, he can accept it as an eccentricity. He opens the door and lets himself out first, then waits for Eli to follow.

At the mention of seeing Abram soon, Eli perks up a bit. He trails after Andrew quietly, feeling weirdly distant from himself.

"Sorry I almost killed you," he says after a moment, kicking at a rock on the ground and sending it skittering over concrete.

Andrew slants a look at him. "Save your apologies. I did not take it personally."

Now that Andrew’s initial panic response has worn off, he can appreciate that it was an impressive showing on Eli's part. Andrew might have to rethink all those times he's threatened to stab Eli to death.

Eli nods and they walk back to the tower in silence. He's a little surprised when Andrew follows him to his dorm instead of splitting off, but Andrew doesn't offer an explanation and Eli is too tired to ask for one. He lets them in, slips off his shoes, and collapses in an inelegant heap half sprawled on the couch.

Andrew checks the clock. Neil should be back in twenty minutes or so, so Andrew sits on the other end of the couch and turns on the TV, scrolling mindlessly until he finds something tolerable.

It will be easier to get answers out of Eli once he's been able to lay eyes on Neil and confirm that he's safe, Andrew thinks. There's no point in leaving just to come back in a few minutes. Andrew sticking around has nothing to do with the way Eli still seems so shaky and out of sorts. Andrew's mind keeps flickering uneasily back to those strange few days where Eli wasn't Eli. He blinks, irritated with himself, and turns the TV up louder.

Andrew watches TV. Eli stares at the screen but couldn't say what was on it. Eventually, the door opens and Abram steps inside, and it's like the tension throughout his entire body eases. If he hadn't already been sitting he would have fallen.

Abram takes one look at him and his eyes go worried.

"You said you were safe," he accuses.

"I was," Eli says. "I am."

"What happened?" This time Abram aims his question at Andrew.

Andrew mutes the TV. "Sparring practice.” He looks at Eli slumped into the couch and adds, "It did not go well.”

There's no point in tiptoeing around the truth, so Andrew gives Neil a blunt yet brief explanation. "Your brother forgot who I was and tried to kill me. Renee made sure he did not succeed, but it was a closer call than either of us would have preferred."

Abram comes to sit between them on the couch, and Eli leans his weight against him, feeling reassured now that he's here. The warmth of him makes it easier to breathe.

"How could you forget?" Abram asks. It's confused, not accusing, and Eli has never loved his brother more. He shrugs helplessly.

"You told me Neil was the one too traumatized to use a knife," Andrew says to Eli, "but you seem to have left out the fact that you are, too."

Andrew doesn't sound accusing either, but Eli feels defensive anyway.

"I can use a knife," Eli insists. "I've never been in a knife fight that isn't kill or be killed. I just... I got confused, I guess."

He peers up into Abram's worried face. "Andrew said my name and he wasn't supposed to know it. I kept thinking that mom was gonna be pissed when she found out I hesitated."

Abram looks like he's been struck. "You thought mom was alive?"

Andrew sighs. "Eli had a flashback. PTSD. Trauma responses. Does any of this ring a bell?”

Eli and Abram look at each other, then back at Andrew.

"Not really," Abram says. Eli nods.

Andrew grits his teeth. "If I tell you idiots to ask Bee about this. Will you do it." He has a feeling he already knows the answer.

Abram shrinks back against Eli like he thinks Andrew is going to try to drag him to see the psychologist right then and there.

"No," Eli says, wrapping an arm about his brother. "Abram doesn't like her."

Andrew rolls his eyes. "Bee's harmless."

He tries to think how to phrase this so that an extremely stupid child could understand it. "Are you familiar with the concept of shellshock? Where soldiers come back home from a war and hear fireworks and they get confused and think it's gunshot noises?"

Eli frowns. He is vaguely aware of this. "Yeah, but I'm not a soldier."

"Very clever observation, Eli," Andrew says in a bright, condescending tone. "That's correct, you are not a soldier. But it happens to other people, too. It's called PTSD."

He spells it out very slowly for them, like he's reading to a classroom of children, which earns him an annoyed look from Neil.

"It means that if something particularly traumatizing happened to you in your past—" Andrew blinks past the shadows in his own mind that threaten to creep forward "—you might forget where you are sometimes. You might suddenly think you're back there, when the traumatizing things happened. Now, does that sound familiar at all?" Andrew spreads his hands open and gives them a questioning look.

Andrew is being his usual asshole self, and it makes Eli feel like the world has been righted again, for the most part.

"It's never happened before, though," Eli points out. "Maybe it's just a one-time thing."

Abram nods, backing him up, and Eli squeezes his shoulders in thanks.

"Maybe," Andrew allows. "Are you willing to stake my life on that?"

Eli frowns, avoiding Andrew's gaze, and feels sick again. His hand trembles against Abram's arm, and his brother leans more heavily against him.

"No," Eli says quietly.

"Good," Andrew says. "Neither am I."

He taps his foot, thinking. "Unfortunately, this presents a problem for your self-defense practice. Was it the knife specifically that set you off?"

"I don't know," Eli admits. "I was fine when I had the knife in my hands but I was just dodging. But then Renee said I had to fight back, and the cuts you landed made me think... I don't know. I just saw someone attacking me, and I had to keep Abram safe."

Andrew nods. "We will stick with hand-to-hand combat, then. You can continue training with me and Renee, or join Neil with Matt."

He waits for Eli to state his choice. Either way should be fine, Andrew thinks; there's no way Eli can accidentally kill Matt with just his bare hands. Even if he can, that’s not really Andrew’s problem anyway.

Eli frowns, hesitating.

"Will you be okay with me joining you again?" he asks, concerned. He knows Andrew said he didn't take it personally, but Eli's been attacked by a lot of people with a knife before. He can't imagine being okay with having a friendly spar with any of them.

"Don’t be an idiot," Andrew says. He stands up and cracks his neck. "I'll tell Renee we're on for next week."

He gives them a salute and heads out the door, leaving Neil to pick up the rest of Eli's broken pieces.

Well. That answers that, Eli supposes. Abram watches as Andrew leaves, then turns and buries his face in Eli's shoulder. Eli gives him a squeezing hug. They remain like that for a long time.

*****

It's Katelyn who lets it slip that the Minyards’ birthday is coming up, and soon. Aaron groans, telling them all not to get him anything. This is promptly ignored. Abram would have listened, except Eli insists on meeting up with Katelyn alone to come up with a list of ideas. She is incredibly helpful. Neither he nor Abram have ever had to get a gift for someone, and it's surprisingly difficult. Abram is significantly worse, and they have to brainstorm themselves to come up with ideas for Andrew, but eventually they're able to go out shopping with a list prepared.

Wrapping the stupid things is another issue. Matt walks in on them covered with tape, the wreckage of wrapping paper surrounding them. He laughs and helps them. (Eli very carefully hides his gift for Andrew until Matt leaves, then wraps it himself.)

The day of the Minyards’ birthday dawns crisp and clear, and Nicky invites them over to their dorm room. Katelyn is invited, too, and she's understandably nervous. Andrew grants her a singular bored look and doesn't pay her any more attention, which is better than expected. Aaron sighs when they deposit their gifts in a little pile on the table.

Every year Nicky tries to get Aaron and Andrew to celebrate their birthday together, and every year they blow him off. But apparently having Eli, Neil and Katelyn on his side makes Nicky more confident, because this time he doesn't bother asking them beforehand. He wakes them up that morning and tells them to be ready in an hour for their party. Aaron throws his alarm clock at him, and Nicky yelps and ducks behind the door.

Andrew hogs the shower because he's a dick, so Aaron has to rush to get ready. His hair is still damp when he sits down at the kitchen table. Kevin is asleep in the seat that Nicky presumably pushed him into, head lying on his crossed arms. He doesn't stir when the others drop their gifts in front of him. The rest of them sit down and Nicky runs over to dim the lights. He picks up a cake with lit candles from the counter.

"Shall we sing?" Nicky asks gleefully. "Happy birth—"

"No," says Aaron.

Eli grins at Aaron.

"You don't wanna be serenaded?" he teases. "But Nicky's beautiful voice—"

"No," Aaron repeats, rolling his eyes at him. Eli laughs, shaking his head.

"Make a wish at least, guys," Nicky whines. "The candles are going to burn out!"

Andrew and Aaron both sigh, then lean over and blow the candles out. Andrew looks around at them and says, blankly, "It didn't work."

"You two are so mean to me," Nicky complains.

It turns out the cake is an ice cream cake, which Aaron supposes is almost an acceptable payment for being woken up to attend a party he didn't want. It's half delicious mint chocolate chip and half disgusting bubble gum flavor, because Andrew has terrible taste. Aaron sometimes suspects he picks awful flavors on purpose so that no one else will eat his ice cream.

Nicky tries to cut the cake with a plastic knife and it immediately snaps in half. He gets up to grab a proper kitchen knife but Katelyn interrupts him. "Ooh, wait, let me give you your gift, Andrew! You can use it on the cake," she says, handing him one of the wrapped packages from the table.

Aaron tries to catch her eye to wordlessly ask what she's on about, but she’s too enthralled by watching Andrew unwrap her gift. Andrew rips open the paper and reveals a 20-inch Bowie knife with a leather sheath.

Aaron chokes. "What the fuck, Katie? Where did you get that?"

"Oh, I have a ton of them lying around," Katelyn says cheerfully. "My dad keeps giving me knives to try and bribe me into going hunting with him more often. I skinned a deer with this one once, but it's definitely clean now."

Aaron cannot fucking believe her. Andrew is lifting the knife up to his face and examining it with a look of intense interest that does not bode well for anyone. At least he seems satisfied with his gift. The rest of them can console themselves with that fact after he stabs them all to death.

Eli's surprised at Katelyn's nerve, giving Andrew a knife when he hates her so obviously. Still, Eli leans in to see the knife close up, and he nods. "Nice."

Andrew shrugs and uses the knife to cut the cake. Eli and Abram turn down taking a piece. Kevin gives Nicky a bleary-eyed glare when he places a piece in front of him, pushes the plate aside, and puts his head back down. He's lightly snoring seconds later.

"Maybe we should feed him," Eli suggests. "Like a baby. Think he'd notice?"

Nicky looks intrigued, but Aaron points out his piece of cake is melting. When the cake is consumed and put away in the freezer, it's time for presents. Eli feels a little nervous, even though Katelyn assured him Aaron would like his present.

"Open mine first!" Nicky demands, handing each of them a gift bag. One of the bags swings into Kevin's head as it crosses the table, and he grumbles but doesn't sit up.

Both gift bags contain clothes, which is unsurprising but not a bad thing. Nicky's fashion sense isn't the worst. Aaron gets a soft hoodie and a studded belt, and Andrew gets two band tees, presumably of some loud bullshit he likes to listen to, and a dumb little chain for him to attach to his pants.

"Who's next?" Nicky asks, clapping his hands.

Wanting his nerves to settle down, Eli passes them his gifts next. Andrew's is significantly smaller than Aaron's, and he opens it to reveal a key.

"It's to our room," Eli explains when Andrew stares at it like he's never seen one before. "So you can stop picking the lock all the time."

"Oh my god," Nicky gasps, "I didn't know it was getting that serious between you two!"

Aaron kicks him under the table and Nicky cracks up at his own joke. Honestly, Aaron feels a little jealous at the idea of Andrew having a key to the Jostens’ place. It speaks of a level of intimacy and trust that Aaron wishes he had with Eli too. But maybe he already does, just in a different way?

On the other hand, it's also kind of hilarious, because— "Does Matt know about this?" Aaron asks Eli.

Eli wonders how Nicky would react if he knew Andrew had sucked his dick, but Aaron distracts him from that thought with his question. A wide grin splits his face.

"Nope," Eli says. "I thought that little surprise could be part of the gift."

Aaron snickers at the mental image of Matt's face when he finds out. Andrew looks like he does not care one way or another about this gift, but Aaron's pretty sure he's full of shit. Like, sixty percent sure. Andrew tucks the key away in his pocket and Eli looks pleased with himself.

"So what'd you get me?" Aaron asks Eli. "A key to Coach's apartment?"

"Oh, I didn't think of that," Eli says. "Open yours and tell me what you think."

Aaron tears apart the paper to reveal a video game: Mario Party 6 for the GameCube.

"Oh shit, nice, we don't have this one," Aaron says. His face breaks into a smile at the reminder of their night playing games together, and he looks up at Eli and shows him the case. "Did you recognize your little guys?"

"What does that mean?" Abram asks, exasperated. "That's what he said when he saw it in the store."

Eli smiles sheepishly, feeling his cheeks heat. He runs a hand through his hair. "The lady at the store said you don't need to have played the first games, so I thought we could see if I'm better at this one?"

"Oh, you are so cute," Nicky tells him. Eli flips him off.

"I can return it and you can pick out something else if you don't like it," he tells Aaron. Abram stares at him and Eli knows it's because he's never seen him act so nervous and bashful before. He's never felt so nervous and bashful before. God, he's an idiot.

"What? No, this is great," Aaron says quickly. He pulls it to his chest as if Eli is going to take it away. "Seriously, thank you. Maybe we can try it tonight?"

Kevin lifts his head up, eyes half closed. "No skipping night practice."

Aaron rolls his eyes. "Before night practice, then."

Kevin grunts and puts his head back down to fall asleep again immediately. Aaron shakes his head. Un-fucking-believable.

Relief and giddiness swamps Eli, that Aaron likes his gift. Katelyn wiggles her eyebrows at him, and then Kevin pipes up.

Eli eyes Kevin disdainfully and leans closer to Aaron. Quietly, he says, "Fuck night practice. I think I feel another migraine coming on."

Abram makes an offended noise and Eli nudges him in the side with his elbow. Abram retaliates in kind, and Katelyn quickly jumps in with, "Oh, Neil, you next!"

Abram nudges Eli one more time, then passes his gifts to Aaron and Andrew.

Aaron watches Andrew open his gift first, admittedly curious what Neil would get him. Andrew holds up a keychain—no, two of them. One is a flat plastic cat face with pointy ears, and the other is some kind of rectangular gadget.

"Aww, they're so cute!" Nicky says. "...What are they?"

Andrew looks at Neil, waiting for an explanation.

Abram points at one of the keychains and says, "That one's for sharpening your knives." He points at the other one. "That one's for if you ever can't have your knives on you. It looks like a cat, see? But when you hold it in your fist the ears are a weapon."

His brother had been delighted when he discovered them.

Andrew slips his fingers through the holes to try it out, and Neil nods approvingly. Andrew stares back at Neil and says nothing, but puts the keychains in his pocket. Aaron cannot for the life of him tell if Andrew is pissed or bored or pleased with the gifts, but Neil seems perfectly satisfied with the reaction.

"That's so thoughtful, Neil," Nicky says. "Did you guys coordinate that? A key and a key-ring?"

“No?” Neil looks confused, like that idea never occurred to him.

Aaron opens his present from Neil next, which is a fancy leather-bound notebook. He runs his fingers over the cover of the notebook appreciatively. "This is awesome, thanks."

Aaron didn't expect Neil to actually get him anything nice. Shit, now he’s going to have to get Neil something for his birthday too, isn't he. God damn it.

Aaron seems to like Abram's gift, which is nice. Abram had refused to budge on the notebook idea, claiming that it's 'personal' since they study together, and Eli and Katelyn pushed him to at least get a nice one.

"Katelyn, you didn't get Aaron anything?" Nicky asks, surprised.

Somehow, Katelyn's sweet smile looks malevolent. "Oh, no, I gave it to him earlier."

Interestingly, Aaron glares at her and pink floods his face. Nicky is intrigued. "What did you get him?"

"Mind your own business," Aaron snaps, and Katelyn giggles into her hand. Eli raises an eyebrow at her and she gives him an over-the-top wink. Aaron whips a pillow at her, which only makes her laugh harder.

Katelyn did indeed give Aaron her gift earlier, handing it to him yesterday at the end of class and telling him to wait until he was home to open it. He’d been half afraid it was going to be some kind of sex toy, but the reality was somehow even worse. It’s a framed picture of Eli in his cheerleading costume. The photo is blurry, having been taken on Katelyn’s cell phone, and it has part of Matt's head in the shot, but it shows Eli's whole outfit from head to toe, including his sparkling grin. Aaron thinks Katelyn must have taken it right after Eli did that backflip, because it shows him striking a little pose with his arms in the air.

Aaron had stared at the photo for several moments after opening it, face growing hot as his eyes flicked from Eli's bare legs to his face to the frame Katelyn decorated with macaroni and orange glitter. Then he shoved the picture in the bottom of his dresser drawer and buried it under a pile of socks, deciding to never think about it again. He’s already failed miserably at that multiple times.

Nicky only looks more interested and delighted by Aaron's reaction, and Aaron regrets ever having met any of these people.

Kevin finally sits up and squints around at them, rubbing his eyes. "What are you all doing in my house?" he says crabbily.

Katelyn starts laughing all over again and Kevin scowls at her.

With the cake and gift giving over, guests are shooed out of the room. Eli promises Aaron that he'll come over later to play the game, and then corners Katelyn when she makes for the elevator.

"Okay, what did you get him?" he asks curiously. "Sex toy? Porn?"

Katelyn bursts into giggles, shaking her head. "Better. I snuck a picture of you on Halloween, printed it out, and gave it to him in a frame."

Eli's mouth falls open, brain grinding to a halt.

"I—you—wh—" he splutters, and Katelyn pats him condescendingly on the head while he tries to make words make sense again. "Did he... like it?"

This sets off her laughter again, until she's wiping wetness from her eyes. Eli frowns at her, impatient.

"No idea, I told him to open it alone," she tells him. "But I'm guessing yes, even though he's embarrassed. Don't worry, we'll get him through this internalized homophobia shit."

She says this like he knows what she's talking about. "What's that?"

"...Oh." Katelyn says.

As soon as the others have left, Nicky starts harassing Aaron about what Katelyn got him. Nicky is absolutely convinced it's a dildo, and Aaron goes bright red and protests loudly. They go back and forth while Andrew slips away to the bedroom, taking his new knife with him.

Andrew sits down on his bed and inspects the knife. It's a baffling gift choice on Katelyn's part, considering she knows both that Andrew doesn't like her and that he likes to threaten people with knives. Perhaps it's her way of telling him that she accepts her fate. If he decides to stab her, she'll know that she's brought it on herself. Or maybe she's just an idiot.

He sets the knife on top of his dresser and fishes Neil and Eli’s gifts out of his pocket. He holds the key in his palm and stares at it. What a stupid gift. It only takes Andrew a minute or two to break in at this point; the locks on these doors are not very secure. Eli should not have wasted his money on something so pointless.

Andrew slides it onto his keyring along with the two keychains from Neil, and shoves the whole mess of them back in his pocket. He spends the next half hour using his new knife to carve lines into the wooden side post of his bunk. As far as birthdays go, he's certainly had worse.

Chapter 17 Summary:

Nicky gets an invitation. Aaron answers some questions.

Notes:

It means so much that you folks are enjoying this story and our Eli :') just want to say thank you for all the love and the comments!! <33

Content Warnings
- references to Minyards' & Jostens' childhoods (abuse, violence, drugs, parental death, underage sex)
- scars

Chapter Text

Later that same day, Nicky barges into their dorm to have a mental breakdown about his parents inviting him over for Thanksgiving, with the caveat that Aaron and Andrew also attend. Nicky all but begs them to convince Andrew to say yes, which Eli almost rejects outright, but Nicky talks about missing his mom and Abram melts like butter on a hot day.

So the two of them head back to the others’ room. Kevin doesn't glance up from his laptop when they enter, but Aaron perks up from where he's watching TV on the couch. Eli greets him with a smile and an embarrassingly dorky little wave, promising video game time after talking with Andrew.

Andrew is smoking by the window in the bedroom and looks up to see Neil and Eli walk into his room.

"Just because you gave me a key to your place doesn't mean I want you in mine all day long," he says, pointing his cigarette at them. "Why are you here?"

"Nicky has an extra special request for you," Eli says, sitting on Kevin's neatly-made bed. He tosses the pillow on the floor and reaches over to the corner near the wall and tugs the sheet loose.

Abram sighs at his antics, but turns to Andrew.

"Nicky's parents invited him home for Thanksgiving, but they want you and Aaron to tag along," he says.

"Oh, that's an easy one. Request denied," Andrew says brightly.

It's irritating that Nicky would enlist outside help to manipulate him. Even more so because it means Andrew’s cousin may be catching on to the way he has difficulty saying no to Neil.

Eli nods. He grabs Kevin's fancy duvet and tugs it up from the bottom, leaving it in a crumpled mess on the sheets. He stands, looks over his handiwork, and nods again.

"Cool," he says, and starts to leave, but Abram grabs his wrist.

"Why won't you go?" he asks Andrew.

Andrew looks approvingly at Eli's efforts to annoy Kevin. Between that and Eil’s easy willingness to take Andrew's ‘no,’ this is perhaps the most positive Andrew has ever felt toward him. So of course Neil has to ruin it.

"Why would I go?” Andrew asks. “Luther and I aren't friends.” A bit of an understatement, but Neil doesn't need to know the details.

"Last I checked, we're not your friends either," Abram says. "You still put up with us, so why won't you tolerate Luther? Nicky assumes it has to do with the way you met, but Luther's the one who got you out of juvie and back home with your mother, isn't he?"

"He's my friend," Eli chimes in. Abram turns to him, startled.

"Since when?" he asks. Eli shrugs. Abram presses his lips together, frustrated, but returns his focus to Andrew.

Andrew shoots an unimpressed look at Eli, then focuses back on Neil.

"She was not my mother." He pauses to make sure this sinks in. "And I don't tolerate Luther because I am not inclined to give second chances to men who break my trust."

Abram frowns. "How did he break your trust?"

Eli is admittedly also curious, but he has a feeling too many questions from too many sources will make Andrew clam up, so he puts to use a rarely used skill and keeps quiet.

Andrew hums. "You ask a lot of questions. What will I get in exchange for answering them?"

Abram tilts his head, observing Andrew with a steady gaze.

"What do you want?" he asks. Eli, well aware of what Andrew wants with his brother, resists the urge to shake him by his shoulders until he comes to his senses. He settles with giving Andrew a warning glare instead.

Andrew ignores the death glare Eli shoots him. "Truth for a truth. If you want one of mine, you'll have to give up one of yours."

Eli raises his eyebrows. It's a surprisingly even offer, coming from Andrew. But unlike Eli, Abram holds his secrets close to his chest, and Neil does, too.

Abram frowns and looks at him, silently asking what he thinks of it. Eli shrugs, then nods, and Abram turns back to Andrew.

"Okay," he says. "But we can choose not to answer a question if we want."

Andrew is a little surprised that Neil agrees so easily. He must really want this for Nicky. Andrew has no idea why, but he may as well use the leverage to his benefit.

"Fine," Andrew says. "My turn first. Why don't you change out with the rest of us? Do you have worse scars than Eli?"

This surprises a laugh out of Eli.

"No one has worse scars than me," he says. Abram shoves him reproachfully, and he shrugs, moving back to the mess of Kevin's bed, since it seems they'll be here a while.

"I have scars, but not as many as Eli," Abram says. "I don't want people seeing them and asking questions. Eli doesn't care. I do. Now how did Luther betray your trust?"

Andrew sighs. "Luther wanted to make things right with me somehow. Christian do-gooder nonsense, you see. He knew Aaron’s mother wanted nothing to do with me, but Cass did. Cass wanted to keep me.” Speaking her name sends a dull stabbing pain through Andrew’s chest, and it takes some effort to keep his face blank.

“Andrew Joseph Spear, she said. She collected all the paperwork but she wouldn't file without my consent. She thought I was old enough to choose." He takes a drag off his cigarette, hoping the smoke will choke off the flow of unwanted memories. "Luther was willing to help, to fight on her behalf to get it approved. Couldn't have that, though, could we? So I told him why. Gave him a secret, a truth for free. He repaid my generosity by refusing to believe me."

Abram's brows draw together, confused. "I don't understand. Why wouldn't you want her to adopt you?"

Eli feels a familiar sinking feeling in his gut, a foreboding as his mind reluctantly clicks pieces together. He remembers that stupid pushy cop mentioning a Richard Spear; presumably this Cass Spear's husband. The cop was investigating the household, and Andrew's reaction to that was extreme. He doesn't know what, but someone there made it unsafe, and Andrew told Luther, and Luther didn't believe him.

"Abram," Eli warns. His brother doesn't acknowledge him, eyes locked on Andrew.

Andrew shakes his head. "Me first. Why do you flinch at your brother's smile?"

He’d noticed it during the party at Abby's, but he's fairly sure that wasn't the only time. Perhaps it's a bad question to ask in front of Eli, but maybe Eli’s reaction will help answer Andrew's curiosity even if Neil refuses to.

Abram looks away from them both, face pinched with shame. Eli's chest clenches painfully at the expression, and he kind of wants to punch Andrew in the mouth for putting it there.

"We look like our father," Eli says, so Abram won't have to. "He was always worse when he was smiling."

Interesting. It's irritating that Eli decides to jump in and answer for Neil, but Andrew supposes that in itself is a telling piece of information. Looks like questions about dear old dad make Neil upset and Eli defensive.

Andrew thinks about Neil’s next question, but ultimately there's no way to answer it without giving up information that he has already planned to take with him to the grave. "I pass on your question," Andrew says, expression flat. "Ask a different one."

Abram doesn't look happy, but he doesn't protest.

"Okay, so Luther didn't believe you. What would you have wanted him to do if he did?" he asks.

"Let me stay in juvie. And make sure Cass didn't get any more fosters.” Six more. Nausea rises in Andrew’s throat and he forcibly snuffs it out with anger. "How did your mother die?"

Abram visibly tenses, and Andrew radiates displeasure, and Eli thinks that maybe this is going a bit far.

"She was beat with a pipe," Abram answers stiffly. "She died of internal bleeding getting us as far away from them as possible. We burned her body and buried her bones on the beach."

Abram had been inconsolable. Once the panic and adrenaline had worn off, he was practically catatonic. Eli had dragged him along from place to place, until one day Abram pointed at a map and they found themselves settling in Millport.

"Abram," Eli says firmly. "Enough. Andrew said no, and he told you why. Stop letting your feelings for mom sway you so much."

His brother turns to him, fury written on his face. Eli meets it with his own determination.

"Fixing Nicky's relationship with his mom isn't going to make you feel better," he says. "Do you really want them to fix it? They sent him to some sort of torture camp, and they can't even invite him over without demanding something of him?"

Abruptly, Abram's anger disappears, his shoulders slumping.

"No," he says. "I guess not."

So that's Neil's motivation here, hm? Mommy issues? Andrew should have guessed.

He watches with interest as Neil shifts from red-hot anger to quiet acceptance in an instant. Where does all that anger go? It can't have been extinguished that easily. It must be buried within Neil somewhere.

"You still have one question," Andrew says. "Use it now or later, I don't care."

Abram thinks about this, then says, "I'll save it."

Eli lets out a gusty sigh. "Does that mean we're done now? I'm supposed to play that game with Aaron."

"We're done if Neil is done," Andrew says, stubbing out his cigarette with finality. "He is the one who brought this interrogation to my door."

"Abram?" Eli asks. His brother nods.

"Yeah, we're done," he says. He sounds tired, and Eli knows this took a lot out of him. Neither of them expected to have to talk about their parents. Abram will have nightmares tonight for sure, which means Eli is going to squish into his bunk for the night. Until then, though...

"Good," Eli says. "Game time!"

He jumps up from Kevin's bed and claps Abram on the shoulder, shaking him lightly.

"Watch an Exy game with Kevin or something," he suggests, and Abram nods. Eli gives Andrew his silly little salute, and strides into the living room.

"God, Kevin," he says disdainfully, sitting on the couch next to Aaron and throwing a disappointed look over his shoulder to where Kevin sits at the table. "You're such a slob. Didn't anyone ever teach you how to make your bed?"

Confused and annoyed, Kevin stands up and marches into the bedroom. Moments later he starts yelling. Eli relaxes into the cushions, smiling at Aaron.

"Game time?" he asks. "I didn't bring a bribe this time, sorry."

Aaron crosses his arms. "Maybe you could make up for it by telling me what's going on. First Nicky gets a mysterious phone call from his mom and hangs up on her, won't say what it's about, and then you guys march in to have a little hush-hush chat with Andrew. What gives?"

For some reason, Eli feels like he's been caught in a lie, despite not having told one.

"I guess it makes sense Nicky didn't tell you, if he didn't tell Andrew," Eli says. "Nicky's mom invited him to Thanksgiving. He wanted to go, but they said he had to bring you and Andrew, too, so he asked me and my brother to talk to him."

"Oh," Aaron says. He doesn't know what he expected, but it definitely wasn't that. "I assume Andrew said no? Waste of your time to even ask him. Not that I'd want to go either, but he really, really hates Uncle Luther."

"Yeah, I got that," Eli says. "I wouldn't want to go, either. I don't know why Nicky does, after what they did to him." He pauses, thinking, and adds, "Then again, maybe I should go with him and we can make out in front of them. With any luck they'd have matching heart attacks."

He shoots a grin at Aaron, already planning on mentioning this plot to Nicky later. Hopefully it will cheer him up after hearing that Andrew said no.

Aaron hears ‘we can make out’ and nearly chokes until he parses the rest of the sentence. Right, of course, Eli meant Nicky. Because Eli's fucked Nicky before.

Aaron's stomach clenches and his face feels warm, but he does his best to return Eli's easy smile. "That might make them hate you even more than they hate Andrew." He picks at his fingernails and looks down at them. "But yeah, I dunno. I kind of get it, why Nicky wants to go. I think it's a bad idea, but if I'm being honest, I'd probably do the same thing."

"Really?" Eli asks. He knows Aaron's mom was shitty to him, that she hit him so much that Andrew decided to step in and kill her. Why would Aaron ever want to go back to something like that? If his mom was alive, Eli would never want to see her again. "Why?"

Aaron keeps his gaze down. "I mean, it's my mom. I know she mostly sucked, but I still loved her. I can't just stop feeling that."

Eli feels like shit, watching Aaron turn himself small and avoid eye contact. He covers Aaron's hand with his own, stopping him from picking at his nails.

"It's okay," he says. "You don't have to stop. I just... I can't relate to that. I guess I never loved my mom. I had to watch what she did to Abram and I can never forget that. But Abram still loves her, even after everything she did. So. It's okay."

Aaron dislikes the implication that he and Neil are anything alike, but Eli's words are nevertheless comforting. Eli’s hand on top of his is a welcome distraction, too. Aaron drops his hands away to his sides once he realizes Eli's trying to stop him from picking at them.

"Yeah, I guess," Aaron says. "Andrew doesn't get it either. He didn't know her growing up, though. I mean, it's not like she was that much better back then, but..." he trails off. "I don't know. She wasn't completely awful all the time. But he’ll lose his shit if he hears me say that."

"Andrew can fuck off," Eli says, pulling his hand back after Aaron withdraws from his touch. "You're allowed to feel and think and say whatever you want about her, just like he is."

He sighs, thinking about his mother and trying to empathize. "Y'know, one time my mom let me have an extra shot of vodka when she was stitching me up even though we were running low. So I guess I kind of get it. She could be nice sometimes. On occasion."

Aaron raises an eyebrow. It's easy for Eli to say Andrew can fuck off; he doesn't have to live with the man. But Aaron appreciates the sentiment anyway.

Then Eli offers up that horrifying anecdote from his childhood, and Aaron stares at him. "Vodka? Wait, why was she stitching you up? You guys couldn't go to the hospital?" He still doesn't really know anything about how Eli got all his scars, aside from Eli’s parents somehow being involved.

Eli quirks a smile, reluctantly endeared by the question. "Aaron, do you have any idea what a hospital worker would do if they saw what I look like?"

He gestures a bit pointlessly to his body. "They'd rip me from Abram in half a second. 'Course we couldn't go to the hospital."

"Oh," Aaron says, feeling dumb. "Yeah, that makes sense. So is your mom the one who did all your stitches?"

Aaron suspects she's not, because he knows that while some of Eli's scars are puckered with crooked lines, most of them look like they were almost done professionally. His guess, which Katelyn agrees with, is that they were done by at least two different people. But it's also possible Eli's mom started learning on him and then improved her skills over time.

"Nah," Eli says. "She did a lot of them, but me and Abram did some, too."

He lifts the hem of his shirt and points to a faded, textured scar about three inches long. "That's the first one I did myself. Abram's first is on my leg, right here." He runs a finger over the fabric of his pants, on the outside of his thigh.

"You did your own stitches?" Aaron says, horrified and impressed. Fuck, he doesn't think he could stomach doing that himself. Not with only one vodka shot in his system anyway. His eyes linger on Eli's bare skin, tracing the shape of the scar.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to just start interrogating you about this." Aaron shoots Eli an apologetic look. "Do you wanna try the game?"

Eli doesn't know what the look on Aaron's face means, but he doesn't think it's a good thing. He drops his shirt, feeling a bit wrong-footed in this interaction suddenly. He'd thought Aaron was interested in his scars? But maybe he just wants a dry, medical explanation, and not the messy story behind them. Laceration three inches long, required eighteen stitches, patient twelve years old at time of injury.

"Yeah, sometimes," Eli says. "It's okay, I told you before, you can ask me anything. But yeah, let's play."

Eli looks a bit uncomfortable, and Aaron feels like maybe he's said something wrong.

"I know you said that. I just feel like a dickhead asking you all this personal shit nonstop," Aaron says, rising to set up the game. "You know, you can ask me weird shit in return if you want. I definitely owe you for it at this point."

He offers Eli a small smile and a controller and sits down next to him again.

"I can?" Eli perks up, taking the controller. He crosses his legs on the couch and his knee bumps into Aaron's thigh and stays there.

He thinks of all the things he wants to ask Aaron. Why does he want to be a doctor? What drugs was he hooked on, and how did he get clean? Why does he make faces when Nicky talks about guys but not when Eli does? Does he ever feel like half of him is missing when Andrew isn't around? Does he know that Katelyn has a collection of unflattering candid photos of him on her phone that she refuses to show Eli? Does he ever plan on getting a piercing? A tattoo?

"Sure, go ahead," Aaron says. It's not like he has anything to hide from Eli at this point.

His leg tingles where Eli's knee is touching it, and he feels that same strange giddiness that often comes from seeing Eli. It's like his mood skyrockets just from having his friend in the room.

Eli hums, thinking.

"What's the dumbest thing you've done to impress someone?" he asks.

Aaron's smiles ruefully. "Stole a bunch of my mom's pills to sell to this girl I liked. It was stupid twice over, cause she was very obviously not into me at all and never talked to me again. And then my mom found out I took her shit and beat my ass for it." He shakes his head.

"Aw man, you didn't even get laid? That sucks," Eli says. He privately thinks that girl was an idiot, because Aaron is hot as fuck.

Aaron snorts. "Nope. Completely not worth it."

He boots up the game and scrolls through the start menu. "Any other burning questions before we check on your little guys?"

"So many," Eli admits. "Can we do a lightning round?"

Aaron raises his eyebrows, surprised that Eli is curious enough about him to suggest that. It puts a pleasurable squirm in his stomach and he stifles a smile.

"Sure, why not," he says. He's already made a huge ass of himself in front of Eli multiple times and Eli's still hanging around, so Aaron’s not too worried about being judged.

Eli grins and takes a deep breath.

"What's your favorite dinosaur? When did you lose your virginity? If you had to give up one sense what would it be? What's the best gift you've ever gotten and given? Do you know that Nicky calls you and Andrew his boys and half his marketing class thinks he's a father? What's your favorite color? Do you believe in ghosts? What do you do when you can't fall asleep? Have you ever been camping? What animal do you think you're the most like?"

He limits himself to ten questions, because he doesn't want to be overwhelming.

"Uh," Aaron says, his eyes going wide. "Okay, you're going to have to repeat some of those for me. What animal am I the most like? Hmm." He looks down at himself, as if this will somehow answer the question. "Maybe like a dog? Or a hamster."

"Camping, no I've never been camping." He shakes his head. "Wait, what did you say about Nicky?"

Eli doesn't think Aaron is very much like a hamster, but he doesn't have a lot of experience with them. A dog is better, because there's a bunch of different breeds. Maybe Aaron would be a dalmation, or one of those big fluffy dogs that deliver aid to people lost in the snow.

"Nicky calls you and Andrew his boys when he talks about you, and a lot of people think he's a very young single father supporting little twin boys," Eli says. "It's really funny, actually. I don't think he started it on purpose but he definitely isn't stopping it."

"Should I say the list again?" he asks, trying to be helpful.

"Christ," Aaron says, feeling the usual mixture of embarrassment, annoyance and fondness at Nicky's bullshit. "Of course he isn't stopping it. I'm sure he's milking that sympathy for all it's worth."

He blinks at Eli. "Uh, maybe one at a time?"

Eli nods and asks, "What's your favorite dinosaur?"

"Triceratops," Aaron says. "Classic."

"Acceptable," Eli approves. "When did you lose your virginity?"

Aaron's ears feel warm and he just knows they're turning pink. "I was fifteen. Emily G., from marching band. We skipped class, parked somewhere and did it in her car."

Aaron looks horribly embarrassed, his ears turning pink. One day Eli is going to be allowed to bite them.

"How bad was it?" he asks, smirking.

"I mean, it was good for me," Aaron says with a grimace. "But I don't think she would give me a glowing review. I'm just glad I got it in the right hole. I remember I was weirdly worried about that."

Eli laughs. "I don't think you can mix them up very easily."

"Okay, next question. If you had to give up one sense what would it be? And why?"

"Oh, smell for sure," Aaron says. "Remember how I live with Kevin and his protein shake farts?" He makes a face.

"That's so incredibly understandable," Eli tells him. "I worry about the noxious fumes you're forced to endure every day."

He runs the list through his head, counting on his fingers, and asks, "What's the best gift you've ever gotten and given?"

Aaron chews at the inside of his cheek, thinking. "I don't know if it really counts as a gift, but Nicky buying us the house was pretty great. And him taking me and Andrew in, too. Don't tell him, though, he'll be completely insufferable if he hears I said that."

"I'm not sure what's the best gift I've given, though,” Aaron says, thinking about it. “I kind of suck at giving gifts. I guess I only really get stuff for Andrew and Nicky. But Andrew hates everything I've gotten him, and Nicky loves everything I've gotten him, even stuff that’s objectively terrible. Like, once when I was mad at him I gave him a single unshelled peanut as a birthday gift, and he just acted like he loved it. So that doesn't really help answer anything."

It's nice, hearing Aaron talk about Nicky. It's obvious how much he cares about him. Eli's glad he has that kind of closeness with someone. Eli rests his cheek against the back of the couch while he listens to Aaron. He has a really nice voice. Eli likes the cadence of it, the rise and fall. He nods, promises not to tell Nicky anything.

"The next one's kind of basic, so here's two for you: what's your favorite color? And do you believe in ghosts?" he asks.

"Blue, and no," Aaron says.

Eli looks kind of cute with his cheek smushed into the couch, which is an observation that Aaron tries not to notice himself making. He's still not sure if it's weird to think of your friends as cute. Aaron definitely never thinks Neil is being cute, but maybe that's just because Neil sucks.

Eli pouts a little. "Aw, no ghosts? Boring. Why blue?"

Aaron shrugs. "Just like how it looks, I guess."

He belatedly remembers Eli's eye color is blue. Oops. Well, hopefully Eli doesn't think that's weird. Blue is a totally normal color to like, anyway, it's like, the standard boy color. It's fine.

Eli accepts this with a nod and says, "Last question, since you answered the other ones before. What do you do when you can't fall asleep?"

Aaron makes a face. "Get up and study, usually. Sorry, it's a boring answer. You want a bonus one?"

Aaron thinks he might be enjoying this. Even if it's kind of embarrassing, it's fun to have all of Eli's attention on him.

"You should text me," Eli says. "Next time you can't sleep. I have trouble sleeping a lot."

Even with the months in Palmetto, Eli hasn't adjusted well to sleeping without his brother at his back. Sleeping on the floor in Columbia is the best rest he gets.

"Okay, for my bonus question: why a doctor?" he asks.

Aaron's chest feels warm and pleased at Eli asking Aaron to text him. He smiles a little at the next question, too.

"Pediatrician," he clarifies. "That's my plan, at least." He shrugs. "I want to help sick kids, cheesy as that sounds. And be able to intervene if a kid is getting hurt at home."

He tilts his head, curious. "Why do you have trouble sleeping?"

He wants to help kids. God, Aaron is too precious for this world. There's no way he's real.

"Y'know how me and my brother sleep at your house? That's how we've slept for years," Eli explains. "Can't really do that here, though. It's been a rough change. I wake up a lot panicking because I can't feel Abram at my back."

"Oh," Aaron says, frowning. He doesn't like the idea of Eli spending every night stressed out and panicking. "Yeah, I guess the beds here are too small to really share. That sucks. I wonder if you guys could shove your mattresses together into the corner of the living room or something instead? Might be a bit cramped but I bet Matt wouldn't mind if he knew you weren't sleeping otherwise."

Matt is annoyingly nosy, and too cheerful for Aaron's taste, but he seems to like the Jostens and he obviously feels some kind of responsibility to look out for them. Mostly by protecting them from Andrew, but still.

Eli shakes his head. "Matt's nice, and he lets us get away with being maladjusted freaks most of the time, but I feel like even he'd have some questions about that."

He shrugs. "My brother's finally just about gotten used to it, anyway. He's always been more adaptable. It's not that big of a deal, because I can usually calm down and fall back asleep when I hear him breathing. It just happens again a few hours later."

Aaron thinks Matt should just suck it up and deal, but Eli seems resigned to his current situation so Aaron nods and nudges him with his elbow in sympathy.

"You can always text me if you're not sleeping, too," Aaron offers. "I'm awake most of the night more often than not. Kinda have to be, to get all my classwork done on top of Exy practice."

Eli's chest warms at the offer, even as he feels concerned about how much sleep Aaron gets. He looks a bit tired more often than not, but Eli hadn't thought too much of it. Now he wonders when Aaron finds the time to sleep.

"I will," he says. He looks down at the controller in his hands and back up at Aaron. Instead of prompting him to play, he asks, "Do you have any other questions you want to ask me?"

"Lots," Aaron admits, "but I think I'll save them for later. I really want to try out this game. You ready?"

It's crazy, Aaron thinks, how quickly Eli has become such an important person in his life. A few months ago they didn't even know each other, and now Eli is the guy who buys Aaron a birthday present and asks Aaron questions about himself like he's really, genuinely interested in what Aaron has to say. It's not something Aaron thought he would get to have in college, and now that he has it, he really doesn't want to lose it.

"Ready," Eli confirms.

He is significantly better at this game than the others. He likes that he gets to practice the mini-games beforehand, and he has pretty astoundingly good luck with his rolls.

Eli still doesn't win, but he comes in second, which is the best he's done on any of these games so far.

Eventually, Abram emerges from the bedroom with Andrew and Kevin. Kevin tries to convince him to come to night practice for about ten minutes, before Eli points out that he's wasting valuable time. Abram gives the TV and then Aaron a judgmental look before following Kevin out the door.

Aaron smirks at Neil as he leaves, ridiculously pleased that Eli is choosing to spend time with him instead of going off for night practice.

They play one more round of the game before Aaron tells Eli he unfortunately has to get back to studying. Eli gives him a smile when he heads out, and tells Aaron not to study too hard. Aaron keeps thinking about Eli while he's trying to focus on his textbook, and when he finally goes to bed, Eli is still on his mind.

Aaron: hope u can sleep 2nite
Eli: thnx, u 2 :) nite aaron
Aaron: zzz. gnite

He turns off his phone and is actually able to fall asleep quickly, although he wakes up a few hours later when Andrew, in the bunk below him, loudly smacks a limb against the wall. Nicky startles awake too, and asks if he's okay, and Andrew grunts in affirmation. Aaron quickly falls back asleep, and in the morning he barely remembers it happened.

Chapter 18 Summary:

Andrew has a very bad day.

Notes:

This is a rough chapter! Please take care of yourselves.

Content warnings for this chapter are particularly spoilery so I've put them in the drop-down, you can click to read it.
Content Warnings
- attempted rape
- violence & injuries
- homicide
- arrest & imprisonment
- vomiting
- discussion of Andrew's childhood
- references to self-harm
- selective mutism
If you want a fully detailed summary of the chapter, click here:
Drake shows up at the dorm. He concusses Andrew and assaults him, and attempts to rape him, but Aaron, Eli and Neil show up in time to stop him. Eli attacks Drake with a knife but gets knocked down. Aaron stabs Drake in the neck to kill him. Aaron goes to jail overnight. Andrew and Eli both get concussions but all are otherwise physically unharmed. Andrew, Aaron and Eli meet with a lawyer and Andrew tells them about his history with Drake.

Chapter Text

French lessons have been going strong for a good few weeks now, and the progress is agonizingly slow. Eli assumes this is because, when he and Abram learned, they were surrounded by the language constantly and had their mother's fists as motivation. Aaron and Katelyn only practice twice a week for a couple hours at a time, and if they mispronounce something or get a word wrong the harshest correction they get is a bit of teasing.

Despite how slow it's going, Eli thinks he likes it this way much better. His two favorite students have picked up some basic grammar and started building out their vocabulary. They're always full of questions, and sometimes Eli gets to sit back and appreciate the way Aaron's tongue forms the familiar sounds of the language. Abram and Katelyn have both caught him at this a few times each, but Aaron never seems to pick up on it.

Or maybe he has, and he puts it down to the same weirdness as his own crush on Eli. Katelyn finally took the time to explain 'internalized homophobia' to Eli, but he still doesn't really get it. He thinks it's probably because, as Katelyn explained, it stems from the pressures of society, and Eli's lived a life as removed from society as possible. There's so little good in life, he can't understand why anyone would deny themselves something as simple as attraction.

French is harder to learn than German, Aaron is pretty sure. He would swear the human tongue was just not made to pronounce these sounds, until of course, Eli says something in French and it sounds perfectly natural and fluent.

It's honestly been a bit of a problem, the whole Eli thing, when it comes to their French lessons. Aaron isn't sure why, because it doesn't seem to happen when Neil speaks French, but whenever Eli does, Aaron loses the ability to focus, the same way he used to when he was first getting to know Eli. It's like Eli's casting a spell on him or something, making Aaron's head all fuzzy and useless if he focuses too hard on how good Eli sounds. Aaron complained about this to Katelyn once, wondering if she was having the same issue, and she laughed at him so hard she almost peed her pants. He still hasn't forgiven her for not explaining what was so funny.

During their French lesson today it's been happening a lot, the fuzzy-head problem. Aaron really tries to focus on the words Eli is saying, but he keeps getting caught up in the smooth sound of his voice instead.

"Can you repeat that?" he asks Eli apologetically in French for probably the tenth time today. That was one of the first phrases he learned how to say, and he’s gotten a lot of use out of it.

Eli smiles and patiently repeats himself, making sure he's speaking slowly but not dragging out the words too much. Aaron's been a bit unfocused today, and Eli thinks it's because he was up studying again last night. They'd texted each other on and off, when Eli would jolt awake, positive someone had snatched his brother away while he slept. Texting Aaron helps a lot to calm him down, he's found.

Katelyn keeps giving Aaron amused glances, which is kind of mean of her. She should know how tiring it is, being under the same workload and also involved in a sport. She'd suggested earlier that he try flirting with Aaron in French, because he wouldn't understand and it might make Eli feel better, but he's pretty sure she just wants to watch the drama and giggle about it.

"Why are you so stupid today?" Abram asks Aaron, not bothering to slow his speech. Eli gently whacks him upside the head. Abram crosses his arms, pouting.

Aaron scowls at Neil. "Go fuck yourself." Another phrase that gets a lot of use.

Watching Eli smack Neil lightly on the head is satisfying, even if Aaron wishes he would hit him a bit harder. Neil's not wrong, though; Aaron does feel especially stupid today.

"Yeah, Neil, go fuck yourself," Katelyn says cheerfully. She’s taken to cursing in French at every possible opportunity, which Aaron thinks is hilarious given she hardly ever swears in English.

"Go fuck yourself," Eli parrots, roughly messing up Abram's hair. He swats Eli's hands away and tries to bring order back to his messy locks. Eli flicks his earlobe and Abram lets out a string of curses in multiple languages.

"Fuck all of you," Abram says, returning to French.

"French only," Eli reminds him sweetly. "I'm going to have to dock you points."

"We don't even have points!" Abram protests. "I'm not even one of the ones learning!"

Aaron smiles and lifts his chin at Neil, extremely smug. Having Eli side with him against Neil is one of the most satisfying things in the world.

Neil gives him an unimpressed look and retorts quickly, “Je te dirais d'aller te faire foutre, mais je pense que mon frère veut faire ça pour toi.”

Aaron doesn't catch most of that, only a few disconnected words, but whatever Neil said makes Eli choke and swat at his brother again. Eli's cheeks look pink, and Aaron glances at Katelyn questioningly. She shrugs, looking just as clueless as Aaron is.

Eli feels the blood rush to his face and tries to smother Abram with a pillow.

"Don't tell him that!" he says as Abram struggles. He manages to throw the pillow off him and tackles Eli to the floor, where they tussle until Eli's leg kicks the table and knocks over a glass. This is enough to break them up and have them apologizing to Katelyn, who fetches a washcloth to clean up the spill.

"Siblings," she says, rolling her eyes.

Aaron snickers as he watches the Jostens wrestle each other to the floor in Katelyn's living room. After they calm down and clean up the spilled water, Aaron tries to get Eli to explain what that was about, but he flatly refuses. Aaron's curiosity burns but he eventually gives up when it's clear Eli is not going to budge.

Their lesson is interrupted again a little later when Katelyn's phone buzzes on the table and she picks it up and gasps. "Oh my god! Andy just dumped Teya," she says, switching to English. She looks up at them with wide, expectant eyes and they all stare blankly at her. Aaron knows Teya as the roommate that isn't Marissa, and… yeah, that's pretty much all he knows about her.

Katelyn sighs at them, exasperated. "You're all so useless. They've been together for like, two years! This is major. Teya's coming back from class early, so you guys better head out now before she gets here."

Aaron starts packing his books away and Katelyn rushes off to the freezer to check their ice cream supply.

Eli does not understand why this necessitates Teya leaving class early, but he does know that he does not want to be here when she arrives. Typically he and Abram stagger their departures, but neither of them want to risk running into a weepy Vixen. So Eli puts his hood up and they bid Katelyn goodbye while she runs around gathering things Eli assumes are suitable for recovering from a breakup.

"I don't get why we had to leave early," Abram complains. "Couldn't she just go cry in her room?"

Aaron shakes his head. "Trust me, you do not want to be there for this. Girls have like, a whole ritual about breakups."

Aaron unfortunately got an up-close view of it once himself when another of Katelyn's friends showed up at Katelyn’s door in tears during one of their study sessions. Aaron had tried to leave at first, but it just made the girl start sobbing harder that of course every man wants to leave her, so he ended up staying out of awkwardness. Then he had to sit through an hour of weeping and consoling, and they made him join in on doing something called a face mask, which was wet and unpleasant. The ice cream part was okay, but it was definitely not worth all the rest.

"Do they?" Abram says doubtfully.

"That's weird," Eli says. "But I've never broken up before so I guess I can't judge."

They head towards Fox Tower, having nowhere better to go.

"Do you wanna play Mario Party when we get back? Or do you have to study more?" Eli turns to Aaron with wide, hopeful eyes.

Aaron smiles, pleased that Eli wants to spend more time with him. "I always have to study more, but yeah, I could hang out and play for a bit."

He glances at Neil somewhat reluctantly. "You can join too, if you want. It's four player."

Abram shrugs. "I guess. Nothing better to do until practice."

Eli feels giddy, getting to spend time with two of his favorite people together. He thinks Andrew isn't in class right now either, so maybe he'll even join. Probably not to play, but hang out in the background, ignoring them but in their presence. Like a cat.

They approach the tower and head inside, taking the elevator to their floor. Aaron makes to head inside but Eli pauses, grabbing his wrist.

"The door's open," he notes, suspicious. The door is, indeed, open just a crack where the knob didn't catch when it closed.

Aaron frowns. That's weird. Andrew should be home, but he always keeps the door shut all the way. Is weirdly insistent about it, in fact. Nicky and Andrew frequently have arguments about this because Nicky wants to leave it open to invite people to come by and socialize, and Andrew obviously does not.

There's a dull thump from somewhere inside, and Aaron forgets all that, his heart leaping into sixth gear. He yanks his arm out of Eli's grip and shoves the door open, stepping inside with Eli and Neil close behind him.

There's no one in the living room. For an eerie moment of silence, all of them stand still, listening. Then a louder thump and a scuffling noise comes from behind the bedroom door. Aaron quickly walks toward it but Eli steps in front of him and gets a hand on the doorknob first, holding a switchblade in his other hand.

Fuck. There's loud thumping coming from the bedroom, and Aaron is about to rush headfirst into it. Eli whips out his switchblade, stepping in front of him and Abram, who lingers behind warily. He holds up a finger to his lips, then slowly and quietly turns the doorknob.

He peeks inside, eyes widening at the sight of a large man holding someone down on a bed. The person is struggling, but the man is bigger and stronger. Eli pushes the door open silently and approaches. There's movement at his back but he pays no mind.

His heart drops when he realizes it's Andrew. There's blood staining his hair, smeared down his face, and his pants are unbuttoned and pushed down his hips. Eli wastes no more time taking this in, bringing his knife down and burying it in the man's shoulder.

With a pained howl, the man whips around, smashing his fist into Eli's face and sending him flying. He lands hard, staring dazedly up at the ceiling.

In the brief moment it takes to recognize his brother's blood-streaked face being shoved into the mattress, Aaron feels his world turn upside down. Eli rushes forward and stabs Andrew’s attacker in the shoulder, but gets punched in the face and falls down hard. The man twists around and tries to grab at the knife in his shoulder.

Aaron gets there first.

The knife comes out surprisingly easily, its blade slick with blood. Aaron stabs it into the man's neck once, twice. The man falls over onto the floor with the knife still stuck in him, blood gushing rapidly from his throat. Aaron didn’t realize there would be so much of it. Carotid artery, he thinks. After several long, terrible moments, the man goes quiet and stops moving.

Aaron stands frozen and terrified, staring at Andrew. At the blood slowly leaking from Andrew's head, at his pants pulled down his hips and the horrible, blank expression on his face.

"Andrew," Aaron says helplessly. "Andrew, I didn't—he—"

Andrew blinks at him, blood trickling into his eye. His gaze sharpens on Aaron and he quickly tries to sit up, reaching for Aaron and opening his mouth to say something, but apparently it's too quick of a motion, because Andrew blanches a sickly pale color and then hunches over and begins retching. Aaron hurriedly helps him lean over the edge of the bed as he chokes and spits. Aaron’s legs suddenly threaten to stop working, so he sits down heavily on the bed, fingers clutched tight around his brother's arm.

Eli forces himself to sitting, pushing himself up on his elbows. The room is spinning, and Abram is at his side, running fingers over his throbbing face. He tries to focus on Andrew, who straightens up and touches Aaron's temple where his own injury is, like he's expecting to find a matching one on his brother.

"It's everywhere," Andrew notes. His voice is hoarse. "Did he touch you?"

"Andrew—" Abram starts, helping Eli to his feet.

"Quiet," Andrew snaps, not looking away from Aaron. "Tell me. Did he touch you?"

"What did he—" Aaron begins.

Andrew knots his fingers in Aaron's hair and yanks it roughly. "Answer me."

"No, he didn’t," Aaron says. He shows Andrew his hands, like that will somehow calm him down. "It's his blood, not mine."

Aaron stares at the body of the man on the ground. The man he just killed. Stabbed in the throat until his heart stopped. He feels detached from this knowledge, like this whole situation is happening to someone else and he's just watching it. "Andrew, I—how—what did he—"

"Shut up," Andrew says, his voice hollow and terrible.

Eli takes in the scene before him. Andrew and Aaron, both covered in blood. The dead body, blood pooling out of its neck and shoulder, staining the carpet. The knife, dropped on the floor near Aaron's feet. Eli once again looks at how big and muscular the man is.

"We don't have the time or resources to clean this up," he tells Abram, who nods. "Fuck, okay. We'll have to call the police. Abram, go hide somewhere until they're gone."

Abram frowns, staring at Andrew.

"But—" he starts. Eli shakes his head, then regrets it. Fuck, this is another concussion. God dammit.

"Go," he gently pushes Abram away. His brother casts a last look at Andrew and leaves the room. Eli approaches the bed, stepping over the body. Andrew tenses, but Eli doesn't look at him.

"Aaron," he says quietly. Aaron pulls his eyes away from his brother with what seems like great difficulty. "Aaron, listen to me. The police are going to come, and they're going to ask what happened. You can't mention me. I'm Neil, okay? Neil was here. There is no Eli. Do you understand?"

Aaron blinks and frowns. Listening to Eli speak feels like wading through thick mud, and Aaron struggles to keep up. "What? I don't—no Eli?"

What the fuck is Eli talking about right now? Aaron needs to be focused on Andrew, not whatever this is.

"Aaron," Eli says sharply. "This is important. No Eli. Only Neil was here. You do not know an Eli. Tell me you understand."

Aaron looks stunned, dazed. Eli touches his shoulder gently. "It's going to be okay, but I need your word. You can't mention an Eli to the police. Okay?"

Eli's tone is harsher than Aaron has ever heard it directed toward himself, and it startles him. Even more startling is the way Andrew reaches forward and grabs Eli's wrist when he touches Aaron's shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch him," Andrew says darkly.

Eli pulls his hand back without argument but he keeps his eyes on Aaron, his gaze intense and desperate. Aaron doesn't understand what's going on, but clearly this is extremely important to Eli, and Aaron trusts him, so he nods. "Okay," he agrees. "I don't know an Eli. Promise."

Eli lets out a relieved breath.

"Good," he says, tone gentling back to normal. "Thank you, Aaron. It's going to be okay."

He turns his attention to Andrew. Looking at the bleeding head wound makes his own head throb.

"Andrew—" he starts, but Andrew is already peeling off his armbands, and the knives along with them. Eli nods, and quickly hides them under the living room couch cushions and hurries back.

Taking a breath, he dials 911. Fuck, he hates dealing with cops. When a woman answers, Eli explains what happened as quickly and with as little detail as possible. He gives their location and hangs up before he can be questioned, then sits on the bed opposite Aaron and Andrew.

"Who is he?" Eli asks after a moment, but he thinks he knows.

When Andrew answers, it sounds like he's forcing himself to speak through a throat full of razorblades. "Drake Spear."

Aaron doesn't know the name, but Eli's eyes widen with recognition. Aaron looks back and forth between the two of them. He feels sick, afraid of the answer but needing to know. "Who is he? You know him?"

Andrew's grip tightens painfully on his wrist, which Aaron didn't even realize he was holding until now. He stares at his brother. "Andrew? What—"

Aaron deserves to know who the man he just killed is, but it doesn't seem like Andrew can make himself say it.

"Aaron," Eli says quietly, frowning at the grip Andrew has on him. That's going to bruise. "Remember that cop? He was investigating him. The Spears are a foster family."

Aaron's stomach lurches. He thinks he might vomit.

"Andrew—" he says again. It feels like the only word he knows how to say anymore.

Andrew lets go of him and wraps his bare arms around his stomach. They're still sitting pressed side-to-side and Aaron can feel his brother shaking, though he's not sure if it's rage or fear or just adrenaline.

"Cass and Richard Spear," Andrew says, his voice trembling slightly but devoid of emotion. "I was supposed to be their last foster."

Aaron's face drains of blood. "This has happened before." He stares at Andrew, feeling like he's never seen him before in his life. It's too awful to even think about, too horrific to be real, and yet it’s the reality Andrew has been living with this whole time.

Andrew doesn't meet Aaron’s eyes. "Tell Coach to call Higgins.”

Eli nods. Right. Wymack. He didn't even think of him, but of course he'll have to know.

He makes the call. He tries to act like a normal person would after seeing something traumatic for the first time, but he thinks his performance is probably subpar. Wymack keeps asking questions.

"Call Higgins," Eli tells him. "And get a lawyer. A good one."

He hangs up. Outside, he hears sirens approaching.

*****

The police get there first, followed shortly by the ambulance. Eli, Andrew, and Aaron are made to leave the room, and the police file in presumably to check if Drake Spear is actually dead. They're each questioned. Wymack arrives as Aaron is being arrested. The look on Aaron's face breaks Eli's heart in half. He wants to promise him that everything is going to be okay.

Andrew and Eli are looked over by paramedics. They both have a concussion. Andrew's is more severe. He was smashed in the temple by a bottle of alcohol, the surprise attack stunning him before he could even attempt to defend himself. Their wounds are documented and photographed, and they both refuse to be taken to the hospital.

Instead, Wymack takes them to Abby's. The drive there is silent. When they arrive, Nicky and Kevin are already there. Their presence seems to relax Andrew slightly, but he tenses up again when the barrage of questions starts.

"Go," Eli tells Andrew, nodding to the stairs as he steps in front of him, facing the concern of everyone else in his place. He hears the plodding of Andrew's feet moving up the stairs, and when he hears a door close he takes his phone out of his pocket and texts Abram where to go.

Abram shows up not long after. Eli messages Andrew to tell him that he's here, but he gets no reply. Wymack spends a lot of time on his phone in the kitchen, but Eli doesn't know who he's talking to. Eventually, they're given dinner. Some time after that, they're told to go to bed, but Eli can't sleep, too busy thinking of Aaron, alone in a cell, and Andrew, alone with his thoughts.

Aaron refuses to speak to the police at all. They make their unhappiness with his silence very apparent, but he keeps his mouth shut and lets himself be cuffed and led off to the station.

They hold him in jail overnight. At some point he’s told that a lawyer is here to meet with him, but Aaron refuses to speak to him either. He doesn't care if they keep him here forever. His stomach curdles at the thought of spilling any of Andrew's secrets without his permission, and he has no idea what Andrew and Eli told the cops, since they were all questioned separately. He doesn't want to say anything that might contradict their stories.

The room where they hold him feels freezing cold, though that might be thanks to Aaron’s shitty circulation. They cuff him to the table and he rests his head on his arm and shivers violently all night, unable to sleep. It's probably for the best, because every time he closes his eyes he sees Drake again. He imagines if he and Eli had arrived a few minutes later than they did, or if Drake had gotten his hand on the knife instead, and the nightmare visions have him wrenching his eyes open again and again in terror.

At the same time, he feels sick with the knowledge that he just killed someone. He took a human life. Up until this point in his life, he wouldn't have thought himself capable of that kind of thing, but he saw Andrew in danger and his brain just shut off. Aaron doesn’t regret it, not at all. But he’s a murderer now. What does it say about him that it was so easy and simple for him to snuff out a life? He can't stop thinking about it, and he has nothing to keep him company but his awful churning thoughts as the hours slowly tick by.

At some point the cops bring in food and water, both of which Aaron refuses. He hasn't eaten anything since breakfast the day before, but he's sure that if he eats anything now it’ll just come right back up. They uncuff him a couple of times to escort him to the bathroom, but other than that he stays at the table, sitting in the same position for hours.

He's not sure how long it's been since there's no clock or window in here, but his body is cramped and aching when a cop finally comes in to tell him he's being released. Aaron follows, pins and needles spiking up and down his stiff legs, into the lobby where an unfamiliar man is waiting for him. The man introduces himself as Mr. Waterhouse. Apparently he's the attorney who tried to meet with Aaron last night.

On the car ride to Abby's, Waterhouse informs him that Matt Boyd's mother of all people paid his bail. Aaron has no idea what to think of that, and he’s too exhausted to speculate. He follows Waterhouse up to Abby's front door in silence and she lets them in, her face full of motherly concern.

Aaron can't handle looking at her right now. "Where’s Andrew?" he asks, his voice a harsh croak. It's the first thing he's said aloud since the cops showed up yesterday.

Nicky is the first one to Aaron's side, practically teleporting from the living room to sweep Aaron into a bone-crushing hug.

"You're okay!" he sobs into Aaron's hair. "Oh my god, Aaron, I'm so sorry! I was so worried!"

Abby tries asking how Aaron is feeling, if he's hurt. Kevin hovers awkwardly near the doorway, and Wymack sighs, taking the lawyer aside to talk. Eli can't understand how none of them see that Aaron's about to fall apart if he doesn't get his eyes on Andrew.

"Upstairs," Eli tells him, speaking loudly to be heard over everything else. "Usual room."

Aaron meets his eyes and nods, freeing himself from Nicky and fleeing upstairs. Eli returns to the couch, sitting next to his brother and staring mindlessly at the TV.

Aaron knocks on his brother’s door. There's a shuffling sound and the door opens to reveal Andrew staring dead-eyed back at him. He looks like hell, but the sight of him safe and alive smothers some of the panic that Aaron's been choking back for hours. Andrew steps back to let him in, and sits back on his bed, leaning against the headboard and watching him.

Aaron hesitates before awkwardly perching at the foot of the bed. "I didn't tell them anything.”

Andrew says nothing. He keeps his flat, empty gaze locked onto Aaron's.

"Are you okay?" Aaron asks, then winces at the look of disgust that flashes briefly across Andrew's face. "Right. Stupid question."

“If you are going to babble incoherently, do it elsewhere and leave me alone,” Andrew says, sounding as bored as always. His words cut through Aaron, sending his heart sinking into his stomach. Aaron has killed a man for his brother, but he still doesn't know how to talk to him.

Aaron gets up, his throat feeling tight. "I just—whatever. Okay. I'll be downstairs."

Andrew doesn't respond, and Aaron closes the door after himself when he leaves. When he gets back downstairs, Abby tells Aaron she got him a fresh change of clothes from the dorm and left them in his room here. She offers to get him some breakfast, which he reluctantly accepts. He still half expects he won't be able to keep it down, but he's starting to get lightheaded from not eating. He sits down at the dining room table and stares at his hands in his lap, rubbing at his wrists to try to get rid of the phantom sensation of cold steel.

Aaron returns downstairs a short time later, without Andrew. Eli fidgets for about ten minutes before Abram shoves him exasperatedly off the couch and gives him a pointed look.

Eli walks into the kitchen cautiously. Aaron picks at a bowl of increasingly soggy cereal, expression distant. Abby stands at the sink, washing the same dish over and over and sending him worried glances. Eli pulls out a chair, the legs scraping against the tile loud enough to make Aaron jump, and sits down.

"Hey," Eli greets. He nods at the cereal. "Not hungry?"

Aaron drops his gaze back down to the cereal and shakes his head. He feels numb and sick. He wants Andrew to talk to him. He wishes, stupidly, that his mom were here. That she would wrap her arms around him and hold him. Not that she ever did that sort of thing when she was alive, but unfortunately knowing that doesn't prevent him from wanting it.

Aaron pushes the cereal bowl away.

"Do you want something different?" Abby asks, the anxiety in her voice making him feel claustrophobic. "I can make you eggs or toast?"

He grits his teeth and shakes his head. He does drink the water she gave him, though even that makes him feel a bit nauseous.

Eli glares at Abby until she goes back to washing her dish. It's her house, so he won't tell her to get out, but he doesn't need her interrupting when he's trying to help.

Underneath the table, Eli extends his leg until his ankle bumps against Aaron's. He leaves it there, offering comfort through hidden touch.

"You manage to sleep at all?" Eli asks, taking in Aaron's pale face and the dark circles under his eyes. He remembers Aaron holding him as he fell apart and wishes he could do the same, but he doesn't know how welcome that would be. Aaron doesn't look like he's in the midst of a panic attack; he looks like he's shut down.

The feeling of Eli's ankle touching his under the table is such a comfort that Aaron has to close his eyes for a moment to breathe through the emotion that rushes through him. He's so fucking grateful for Eli. If Eli hadn't been there... Fuck. Aaron can’t think about that or he’s going to lose it.

Eli asks if he's slept, and Aaron thinks of the night he spent upright in a chair, cold down to his bones in the ill-fitting clothes the police gave him to replace his blood-stained ones. Which... he should probably go change out of those. Or take a shower. Or sleep. Or—

Aaron shakes his head again. He wishes Abby would stop washing that fucking dish. "What did you tell the cops?" he asks Eli quietly.

Of course he hasn't slept. He probably wasn't given anything to eat, either. Eli's sure the only reason Aaron was given a clean shirt is because they had to collect the other one for evidence, otherwise he'd still be covered in blood. Rage at the mistreatment flares in him, but he pushes it aside.

"We came back to the dorm to find Drake attacking Andrew. I stabbed him in the shoulder. He punched me across the room. You stabbed him in the throat. We called the police," Eli recites. He flicks a gaze at Abby, still pretending to do dishes and obviously listening in. "You wanna go upstairs?"

Aaron’s stomach twists as Eli recounts the events of yesterday. A childish part of him is still desperately hoping that he’s somehow imagined all of it, but the more time passes, the more horribly real it’s all beginning to feel.

Eli suggests going upstairs and Aaron nods gratefully. He gets up and leaves his bowl on the table for Abby to deal with. Give her a real dish to wash, at least. He leads Eli up to the room he’d stayed in this summer, then hesitates before shutting his door, wondering if Andrew might need him for something? But for what, though? It’s a stupid concern. Andrew doesn't want to see him on a good day, let alone now. Aaron sighs and closes his door.

He suddenly feels the intense urge to change into his own clothes, so he does, turning away from Eli to shuck off his pants and shirt and pull on a new set. God, he’s still so fucking cold. He sits down on the bed next to Eli, who looks as exhausted as Aaron feels, his posture hesitant like he isn't sure if Aaron is okay with him being here right now.

Aaron nudges Eli with his foot. “Thank you,” he says. For taking him upstairs, for staying, for having been there to protect Andrew. All of it. Aaron can't bring himself to say it, but he hopes Eli hears it anyway.

It's a mark of the seriousness of the situation that Eli isn't even tempted to eye Aaron up as he changes. He's soon dressed in a loose pair of sweats and a hoodie.

Eli's surprised by the gratitude, brows drawing together.

"'Course, Aaron," he says. He's not exactly sure what he's being thanked for, but Eli would do it all again. The only thing he'd change is aiming closer for the spine, so Aaron wouldn't have had to save his ass, and wouldn't be in this situation.

Uncertainly, he opens his arms, offering a hug if Aaron wants the comfort.

Aaron doesn't hesitate before leaning into Eli's arms. He wraps his arms around Eli's middle and drops his head onto his shoulder, feeling the tension bleeding out of him.

"I didn't tell the pigs about you," Aaron says, a little muffled into Eli's shirt. "I didn't say anything at all. I wasn't sure… Andrew won't talk to me. I don't know what to do."

He feels abruptly and ridiculously like he might burst into tears, something he hasn't done since his mom died. Ever since then, whether Aaron wanted to or not he’s had to rely on Andrew to make all their decisions. Nicky is technically their guardian, sure, but they all know who’s really in charge. And seeing Andrew in danger yesterday, completely unable to defend himself—it terrified Aaron more than he wants to admit. He wants Andrew to tell him what to do, to take charge and make everything okay. It’s childish and selfish and pathetic, and Aaron hates himself for it. It’s no wonder Andrew wants nothing to do with him.

Aaron melts into his arms, clinging to him, and Eli holds him tight, rubbing a hand slowly up and down his back.

"I know you didn't," he says softly. He hadn't doubted that Aaron would keep his promise. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

He's sure it's shaken Aaron to his core, seeing his protector brought low when Andrew's always projected such an undefeatable image. Abram, at least, knows that Eli is fallible, human, beatable. He's never shocked when Eli bleeds for him. When his family is looking, Andrew acts like he can't bleed at all.

"You're going to have to give a statement," Eli explains. "Tell the truth, just call me Neil and don't mention my brother being there. The lawyer is going to want to talk to you about legal shit, but there's nothing to worry about, okay? For now, you need to sleep, and then we'll get some food in you. Don't worry about anything else."

Carefully, he lowers them so that they're laying on the bed, Aaron closest to the wall. Eli never stops rubbing his back.

"Try to get some sleep," he says. "I'll keep watch."

Aaron has more things he wants to say, things to ask about, but he's so tired and Eli's hand rubbing his back is so warm and gentle that he can't keep any thought in his head long enough to act on it. He closes his eyes and drifts to sleep, too exhausted to hold it off any longer.

Minutes or hours later, he wakes with a jolt, covered in a layer of cold sweat. The remnants of a nightmare linger in his head as the details drain away, leaving just a few horrible snapshots that he can’t get rid of. His heart is rattling in his chest, his breath coming too harsh and fast, but he can't slow it down, can't stop seeing the blood on his hands and all over his brother.

Aaron falls asleep quickly, so fucking exhausted after everything. When he's sure that Aaron's deep under, Eli fishes out his phone and texts Wymack that if anyone wakes him up, Eli will kill them himself.

Hours pass like this, Aaron curled up warm and protected in his arms. Eli lets his eyes roam over his features, staring in the way he's always wanted to but never let himself. He can hear vague, distant noises from downstairs, but they never approach the room so he pays them no mind.

Eventually, Aaron starts twitching. His face scrunches up, his breathing quickens. Eli tries to soothe him back to dreamless sleep with gentle words and a hand in his hair, but not long after, Aaron jerks awake.

"Shh, it's okay," Eli tells him, heart clenching at the panic in Aaron's eyes. "You're okay. You're safe. Andrew's safe. Everything's okay."

Aaron gasps and tries to steady his breathing. The bedroom lights are off but it's still daytime, a bit of sun peeking through the window. Eli's brown eyes meet his, care and concern etched across his face.

Eli says Andrew is safe, and Aaron clings to that like a lifeline. He focuses on the feeling of Eli's hand in his hair, stroking gently over and over. Aaron’s mouth is dry and tastes terrible, and his head aches, but eventually his breathing slows down and he lets out a shuddering sigh.

"How long did I sleep?" he asks, his voice sounding wrecked.

Eli keeps running his hand through Aaron's hair, gentle and rhythmic, like he does to calm Abram down from a nightmare. Sweat has gathered at the roots and the strands are a little greasy, but Eli doesn't let that stop him.

Painfully slowly, Aaron calms down, tension releasing from his body.

"Three or four hours, maybe," Eli answers. "Better than nothing. Do you think you'd be up for eating something, or do you want to try for more sleep?"

The lawyer left some time ago, Wymack had informed him, pissy that his client was napping instead of talking to him. He'd relayed all the relevant info to the coach, though, and would stop by when Aaron gave his statement to the police.

Aaron shakes his head quickly. "No more sleep. I can't—no." Honestly he doesn't want to sleep ever again, but he knows that's not possible, so he'll just put it off as long as he can.

"I could try eating," Aaron says dubiously. "Is the lawyer still here? Did Andrew talk to him? Shit, I need to call Katelyn. She doesn't know—she was expecting me at the library today. What time is it? Where's my phone?"

He pats his empty pockets, then remembers he left his phone in his backpack during French class. It’s probably back at Fox Tower, then. He must have put it down somewhere after everything, or during it, but he can't remember.

"The lawyer left a while ago. He'll be back later," Eli says, keeping his voice calm to counteract the anxiety working up in Aaron's. "I don't know if he's talked to Andrew yet. It's about two o'clock. You focus on eating, and I'll catch Katelyn up."

Reluctantly, he releases Aaron and sits up, feeling cold without the warmth built between them.

"Want me to bring you food up?" he offers.

"Hold on," Aaron interrupts. In the dim light, he can see the shadow of a bruise on Eli’s nose and cheek, and he suddenly remembers Eli getting hit pretty hard. Hard enough that he was on the ground for a while. "Did Abby check your head? Are you okay?"

Eli touches his cheek, reminded of his own injury. It throbs beneath his fingertips.

"Bad bruise, mild concussion, nothing broken," he reports. "Paramedics looked me over. I'll be fine."

Lips thinning, Eli averts his eyes. "I'm sorry. I should've—" he shakes his head. "I was pretty useless. Sorry."

Aaron frowns in disbelief. "What? What are you talking about? If you hadn't been there..." He takes a shaky breath. "Fuck, I keep thinking about that. If it had just been me."

The idea that Eli thinks he was useless, that he feels ashamed of himself in any way, is simply ridiculous. It's completely unacceptable to Aaron.

"I'm glad you weren't badly hurt," Aaron tells him directly, because he's starting to get the feeling Eli almost wishes he had been, so that he could count himself as having been more useful. Like he sees himself as a human shield that's only good for getting beat up. "It's a good thing that you're safe."

It's nice to hear, that Aaron's glad he's okay, but it doesn't ease up the tight feeling of shame in Eli’s chest. Aaron should never have had to come to the rescue. Eli should have taken care of it. If his mom were alive, she'd be disgusted at his sloppiness, and she would've given him a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.

"Thanks," he forces himself to say. With some effort, Eli pulls a smile onto his face and stands up. His head throbs at the motion and he ignores it. "Come on, you need to eat."

Aaron gets up and follows him, relieved to have someone to tell him what to do. "Is Neil okay too?" he asks as they go down the stairs. "Did the cops get a look at him?"

He still isn't sure what the whole 'Eli doesn't exist' thing was about, but it seemed pretty important that Neil needed to be gone by the time the pigs arrived.

Eli shakes his head. "Nah, he found somewhere safe to hide 'til I told him to meet us here. He's fine. Worried about you guys."

More worried about Andrew, because he was the one physically hurt. Abram is more pissed on Aaron's behalf that he was arrested at all. It's been so long since they first had to kill someone that it's hard to remember the kind of emotional toll it takes.

Eli leads Aaron downstairs. He's not sure where Kevin disappeared to, but Nicky and Abram are in the living room. Nicky pops up from his seat when he sees Aaron, acting like he's ready to rush him, but Eli's threatening grin has him slowing down, so his hug is more careful when he reaches them.

"Are you okay?" Nicky asks. "Did you get some sleep? Have you seen Andrew? He hasn't let anyone but Betsy in to see him, and that was hours ago. Have you eaten? Do you—"

"Nicky," Eli cuts him off. "Go make Aaron some toast."

"Right, yeah, of course," Nicky says, letting Aaron go and marching determinedly to the kitchen. Eli sighs.

Aaron sends Eli a grateful look for dealing with Nicky. It's almost comforting how no matter what the situation is, Nicky will always run his mouth and be too much for Aaron to deal with. And Andrew will always not fucking talk to anyone. Aaron’s family may be a bunch of assholes, but at least they’re predictable assholes. It makes Aaron feel a little better that he isn't the only one Andrew is icing out, though. At least Andrew let him in the door, even if he hadn't wanted to talk to him.

Aaron steals Nicky's seat on the sofa because it makes him feel a little better to do so. He tucks his socked feet up on the cushion and wraps his arms around his legs, then glances at the TV, which is playing something on mute. "What are you guys watching?" Aaron asks Neil.

While Abram explains what he's gathered about the movie while watching without sound, Eli digs his phone out of his pocket and starts pecking out a long message to Katelyn, explaining what happened. She, predictably, freaks out but thankfully abides his request not to call.

Eli takes the seat in the middle of the couch just as Nicky returns to the living room with a plate piled high. He offers the army of toast he's prepared to Aaron, looking like he's about to burst into tears. Eli sighs again, pointing him to the recliner. He appreciates Nicky, he does, but Aaron doesn't need to console him right now.

"Tell us what the movie is actually about, Nicky," Eli commands. Abram makes an offended noise, but listens with a frown as Nicky proceeds to contradict nearly everything he'd said.

Aaron chews on his toast, feeling small and oddly taken care of. Almost like a child, except that he can’t recall ever feeling this way during his actual childhood.

Neil describes movies like he's never seen one before in his life, and it's honestly kind of hilarious to watch him frown as Nicky refutes his entire summary of the film. Aaron smirks a little and hides it behind his toast. He still feels shaky and awful and like the world is falling apart, but he's surrounded by his family and friends, and Andrew is safe upstairs. They're alive and they're together, and if that's all Aaron is allowed to have in this moment, he'll take it.

*****

When Wymack realizes Aaron is awake, he calls the lawyer and takes Aaron back down to the station to give his statement. Eli wishes he could go with, but Wymack shoots him down. Aaron had just started to look a bit better, less pale and tired, but as he walks out the door it's like any progress has been erased.

Eli is restless for the next little while. Abram doesn't know what to do with him, and eventually Nicky pulls a pack of cards down off the shelf. Everyone is scattered and distracted, and Eli abandons the card game the moment Aaron returns, looking wrung out and exhausted.

"Hey," Eli says. Aaron looks at him with dead eyes and Eli opens his arms.

Upstairs in the guest room, Andrew’s phone buzzes and he picks it up, contemplating what to do with it. If it's Nicky, he decides, he's going to smash it. But when he flips it open, it's only a text from Neil telling him that Aaron and the lawyer are back.

Andrew's been sitting in bed for hours, knees drawn up to his chest, staring at the wall. Thinking. Wishing he was unable to think. Bee came in a while ago with hot chocolate. That was okay, or as okay as anything can be right now. She did her job and made sure Andrew wasn't getting ready to off himself. He assured her that he couldn't, since Eli took his knives away, and she just smiled and said she was glad he didn’t take Andrew’s sense of humor too.

Andrew’s knees crack as he straightens out his legs and gets out of bed. He steps into the empty hall and hears faint voices downstairs. Uses the bathroom, because it's been hours. He's starving, and thirsty as well. He hadn't even realized. How long has it been?

He stands at the top of the stairs and suddenly, dizzily, feels uncertain if he is capable of doing this. Of facing them all. It’s a ridiculous thing to be afraid of, the opinions of his family. Especially considering everything else he's survived. But still, Andrew’s heart is pounding in his throat like he's standing at the edge of the roof of Fox Tower.

Nothing else to do but jump.

He forces himself down the stairs one step at a time and enters the living room, and there they all are, staring at him. Except Aaron, whose face is hidden in Eli's neck. Eli is holding onto him and staring Andrew down with a defiant look on his face, but Andrew does not have the bandwidth to even think about dealing with that fucking mess today, so he just looks away.

Aaron folds himself into Eli's arms like he was just waiting for the invitation, regardless of the audience. Eli strokes a hand down his spine, ignoring the staring, and not moments later Andrew comes downstairs. The eyes swing to him, instead. Eli's half expecting him to rip Aaron from his arms and punch him in the face, and lifts his jaw in defiance. But Andrew just looks away, and the fight is snuffed out of him.

"Hey, jackass," Eli greets. He doesn't let go of Aaron, but Aaron does lift his head to peek at Andrew over Eli's shoulder. "Hungry? Should be leftovers in the fridge."

Andrew flips Eli off without looking back at him, and goes to the kitchen. He mindlessly roots around in the fridge and finds some leftover french toast. He eats it straight from the tupperware while standing in front of the open fridge, letting out all the cold air. Then he ducks his head under the faucet to drink until his body stops crying out in thirst.

Back in the living room, Eli and Aaron are standing next to each other with the lawyer, clearly all waiting for him. Waterhouse looks to Abby, who is hovering in the back of the room, and clears his throat. "Is there somewhere I can speak privately with Aaron and Andrew?"

After a while, Eli reluctantly lets Aaron go. Nicky keeps glancing between the two of them, and Wymack is giving them a searching look. Eli scowls at both of them, resisting the urge to pull Aaron close again.

When Andrew emerges from the kitchen, the lawyer asks to speak with them privately, and Aaron tenses. Eli tugs at his sweater sleeve, raising an eyebrow.

"Eli too," Aaron says, voice guarded like he's expecting to be rejected.

"'Course," Eli says immediately.

"You can use the dining room," Abby offers. "It's enclosed, so you can shut the door."

Andrew does not particularly relish the idea of 'Eli too' being in the room with them. This conversation is going to go to places that Andrew hoped would never see the light of day, and he wants to minimize the amount of people who know his fucking business as much as possible.

But Aaron looks like he's about to fall apart, and Andrew does not have the ability to deal with that. Not ever, but especially not right now. Aaron is about to hear a lot of things that are going to upset him quite a lot, and he needs to remain functional and coherent so the lawyer can get whatever information he needs out of him. And, well. It's only Eli, after all. He already knows so much, and Andrew thinks he’s guessed at even more of the truth.

Delegation of tasks, Andrew thinks as he follows Waterhouse into the dining room. Eli can deal with the Aaron fallout so Andrew doesn't have to. It will be easier for everyone if Eli just stays.

Andrew, surprisingly, doesn't protest. Eli keeps hold of Aaron's sleeve as they follow Abby to the dining room. He wants to grab his hand, but they've never done that and he doesn't want Aaron to stress any more than he is already. They sit next to each other, and Eli hooks his ankle around Aaron's under the table.

All three look at the lawyer expectantly.

Andrew sits across from Aaron and Eli, and the lawyer takes the head of the table. He informs them of the charges laid out against Aaron and says that based on what Wymack told him over the phone, he feels very confident about Aaron's chances at winning the trial. Then he asks them to go over the events that took place yesterday in as much detail as they can remember.

Andrew goes first. His voice is dull and emotionless as he describes coming out of his bedroom and being hit over the head with a bottle, and everything that followed. Drake had been hiding behind the door. Andrew hadn't heard the lock being picked. He doesn't know how long Drake was there waiting for him.

Eli and Aaron retell their side of things as well, and Waterhouse takes down notes. It's easy enough for Andrew to stay detached throughout this part, since he's already told this story to the police, and everyone in the room already knows parts of it anyway.

The difficulty starts later, when Waterhouse asks Andrew to explain when and how he first met Drake Spear. Andrew opens his mouth and freezes up. He can feel his scars brushing against his sleeves.

"I was twelve," Andrew manages to get out. And then, suddenly, he can't speak at all.

Waterhouse waits patiently as Andrew tries, he really tries to force out another word. He was my foster brother, he thinks, trying to push the words out with his mind. Just fucking say it. Aaron already knows. It won't make a difference. What is wrong with him?

Andrew shoves his hands under the table and pinches at the skin on his arms as hard as he can. He bites at the inside of his cheek. He can feel himself starting to breathe harder, feels the panic-fuzz in the back of his brain making everything dizzy and cloudy white, and he gives up on speaking and just tries to focus on breathing normally. Bee's trick: what can he see and hear and smell? Dining table covered in scratches and drink rings, many of them left by Andrew himself. Heater whirring by the window. Stench of his own fear sweat that he still hasn't washed off. He sits there breathing and saying nothing for several long minutes, and no one says a word about it. They just wait for him.

Eventually the feeling passes, leaving Andrew even more exhausted than before. He decides not to look up from the table. Maybe this way it will be easier to pretend he's alone. Or that he's just at another appointment with Bee. No, that's no good, because even Bee doesn't know these things.

Andrew closes his eyes. "He was my foster brother," he says. "Cass and Richard Spear's biological son. I met him the day I moved in with them. We shared a room."

Aaron recites his version of the story dully, and Eli wonders how many times they've made him repeat this. Then the lawyer starts digging into Andrew's past, and Eli wonders if he should be here. But Andrew didn't kick him out, so even though he's obviously struggling, Eli remains seated.

"Twelve," Aaron breathes, so quiet Eli can barely hear him.

That's so young. Eli and Abram had been on the road for two years at that point, while Andrew was suffering under a monster and Aaron was all alone with his mother. Eli thinks about how small Andrew must have been back then, and remembers how hulking Drake Spear was. He thinks about how Andrew made him hold his hands behind his back when he sucked Eli off. He feels sick.

Underneath the table, Eli takes Aaron's hand and squeezes.

With Waterhouse's prompting, Andrew describes in a monotone how the abuse started and what he'd done to keep quiet about it so Cass wouldn't know. He yanks down a sleeve and shows the lawyer, though he doesn't allow himself to look over toward Aaron and Eli's side of the table. Aaron's already seen, because Andrew didn’t start wearing his armbands until a while after juvie. But he thinks if he looks across the table and sees a look of pity from either of them, he might just walk out and not come back. And then where would Aaron be? So, better not to look.

Andrew tells about how Cass wanted to adopt him. How she wanted to be his mother, and he would have let her. Drake had almost finished high school and he was about to leave for the military. But then Drake deferred his enlistment.

"Why did he do that?" Waterhouse asks.

Andrew squeezes his fists under the table, stomach churning in disgust and anger. He shakes his head. Spits it out. "Aaron. He found out about Aaron."

Eli and Aaron sit, frozen, as Andrew recounts his time with the Spears. His voice is toneless, detached, and Eli thinks it's worse than if Andrew had been crying. Eli feels sick. Aaron is tense beside him, holding onto his hand so hard it hurts.

"Me?" Aaron says, surprised. Then, in a horrified voice, "My letter."

Eli recalls Nicky telling them about how Aaron found out about Andrew. How he'd sent a letter full of hope and wonder at having a twin brother. How Andrew had replied, rejecting him.

"You were keeping him away from Aaron," Eli says, a bone-deep understanding settling in him. Andrew was keeping his brother safe before he even met him.

Aaron takes in a sharp breath. He stares at Andrew like he's never seen him before.

Andrew finally looks up at Aaron. There is a relief in finally being understood by his brother, and immediately on its heels is fury that after all his hard work to keep Aaron safe, to bear this secret himself so Aaron would never have to know, Drake found Aaron anyway. Came into the place where he sleeps at night, spilled his blood all over his hands, sent him to jail and saddled him with a murder charge.

"He was never supposed to meet you," Andrew says, glaring at Aaron, anger burning hot under his skin. It's not an apology, it can't be, but it's the closest thing to regret Andrew will allow himself to feel. This should not have happened. Andrew should have prevented it, but he couldn’t.

"Andrew..." Aaron breathes, but any other words stay stuck in his throat.

Waterhouse calls attention back to himself, looking a little unsettled at the intensity between the brothers.

"And what happened after the deferment?" he asks.

Andrew looks back down at the table, trying to pull the anger back inside himself and smother it down.

"I got myself sent to juvie. He couldn't follow me there. Luther came to visit. He said he would fight to put me back with Cass, to put the adoption through, if that was what was right for me. I told him about Drake, to make sure he wouldn't. He didn't believe me. He said it was a misunderstanding." His voice goes bitter on that word. "That I was too unbalanced to understand normal brotherly affection."

He stares at the table blankly. "He promised to talk to Cass, to make sure she wouldn't foster any more children after me. But he lied."

"Luther knew?" Aaron says, shocked and hurt. "I don't—Andrew, they wanted us at Thanksgiving, just randomly, and then Drake shows up when we say no? Do you think..."

Eli grits his teeth, his father's rage building inside him. Did this Luther plan on surprising Andrew with Drake at Thanksgiving? Maybe to help clear up this brotherly misunderstanding? Eli will kill him. The cops took his switchblade as the murder weapon, but Eli still has the one that was meant for Abram.

But why would Luther do that? Why now? So many questions, not enough answers. Eli will cut them out of him.

Andrew’s head jerks up to meet Aaron's horrified eyes. He'd forgotten about the Hemmicks’ invitation until now, buried it under everything else that's happened. It doesn't make sense, though, why Luther would do that. Have them all sit down for a big family gathering to talk out their feelings, sure. But to send Drake to Andrew's dorm unsupervised? It doesn't fit his Christian do-gooder M.O.

Still, "It's too big of a coincidence to ignore," Andrew agrees. He looks at the lawyer. "If I were you, I would find out what Luther Hemmick knows."

Waterhouse nods.

Terror mixes with the rage simmering in Andrew's stomach at the thought of having willingly brought Aaron into that house. Aaron is safe and alive now, yes, but that’s in spite of Andrew, not because of him. A helpless, defeated feeling settles over him. He thinks he hates himself for this failure more intensely than any other before it.

Eli grinds his teeth. The lawyer should keep his nose out of it. If he and the police are poking around it gets in the way of his own interrogation plans. But it's fine. Everything is fine. Eli can be patient. He can wait until the interest dies down and find Luther Hemmick then.

Aaron's hand is trembling in his. He runs his thumb soothingly over his knuckles.

"Andrew—" Aaron starts, but Andrew stands suddenly and storms out of the room. Aaron stares after him with a kicked-puppy expression.

"I think we're done here," Eli tells the lawyer.

Aaron battles the urge to run after Andrew, to follow him and demand—what, his attention? His affection? What does Aaron possibly have the right to ask him for, after all this? Nothing at all.

Eli's hand in his keeps Aaron from melting down and shaking to pieces, but just barely. He's hardly aware of it when the lawyer bids him goodbye, shutting the door after himself and leaving the two of them in the closed-off dining room.

Aaron looks at Eli. His lip trembles. He opens his mouth to try to speak, but all that comes out is the sound of his shallow, desperate breathing.

Aaron looks like he's going to shake apart, and Eli finally gives in, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him close.

"It'll be okay," he promises, burying his face in Aaron's hair and holding him tight. "Give him some time."

Aaron's arms cling around Eli's torso, and he shudders, his breath hitching as he tries to hold himself together. His vision goes blurry and he feels wetness on his cheeks.

"I didn't know," Aaron chokes out. "He never said—I always thought he hated me. But—"

This is worse, he thinks miserably. It would have been better if Andrew just hated him, if only it meant that none of this ever had to happen.

"I know," Eli says quietly. He brings a hand up to sift gently through Aaron's hair. He feels fingers gripping tight to the back of his shirt. "It's not your fault. How could you know?"

Eli only knew because he and Andrew are the same, at their cores. Anything to protect the ones they care about.

"You and Andrew... It's like you speak different languages. You need a translator, or something," he says.

Aaron lets out a broken sound that might be a laugh or a sob. "Maybe you and Neil should be teaching me that instead of French. Andrew seems to be able to talk to both of you easier than me."

He shakes his head as guilt twists through his gut. "It's all my fault, Eli. Why he never got a family. Mom picked me instead, and then I sent the letter and ruined everything with Cass. He should hate me."

"Fuck Cass," Eli spits. "Her son was a monster, and she delivered kids right to his fucking room. If she didn't suspect then she's a fucking negligent idiot who doesn't deserve to have kids, and if she did then she's a fucking monster just like him."

He gently dislodges Aaron so he can look him in the eye.

"You think it would've been better for him if he stayed there?" he asks. "A mom who loved him and a brother who raped him every time he came home? Missing half of himself and not even knowing it?"

Eli leans forward, placing a firm kiss to his forehead.

"Andrew has a family. He has you and Nicky," Eli tells him. "Maybe your relationship has been kind of shit so far, but you can fix that, if that's what you want."

Aaron clutches desperately onto Eli’s reassuring words. The kiss Eli presses to his forehead is so soft and gentle that Aaron has to resist following Eli's mouth when he pulls away. He has the strangest urge to return the gesture, even though he knows Eli's only doing it because Aaron is falling apart. Eli doesn't need comforting right now, so kissing him back would be weird and unwanted.

"I do want to fix it," Aaron admits. "More than anything. Do you really think it's possible? I mean, do you think Andrew would want that?"

Aaron doesn't know if it's possible, but if Andrew wants them to be proper brothers, ones who can actually stand to talk to each other, Aaron will die trying to make that happen.

"Yeah, I think it's possible," Eli says. "He's an asshole, but he's been looking out for you since the moment he knew you existed. That's gotta mean something, right? Maybe he won't admit it, but I think Andrew wants it, too."

He brushes Aaron's hair behind his ear, letting his hand trail down his neck and rest on his shoulder.

"Give him some time, but maybe once things have calmed down you can ask him about it," he suggests.

Aaron nods, searching Eli's face and taking strength from his calm steadiness. He bites his cheek and looks down. "Can we go back upstairs? I don't think I can sleep, I just—can't be around everyone. Nicky and Abby. I know they're going to want to talk."

"Yeah, we can go upstairs," Eli says, taking Aaron's hand. "Come on."

He leads Aaron from the dining room. Nicky and Abby spot them as they make for the staircase, but Eli gives them each a fierce look. He spies Abram and Kevin in one of the bedrooms, chatting. Abram sees him and starts to stand, but Eli shakes his head and continues on.

Aaron feels the weight of everyone's eyes on him as Eli leads him through the house and up the stairs. Part of him is self-conscious about Eli holding his hand and wonders what they might think, but Eli doesn't let go of him and Aaron can't bring himself to let go on his own.

Not wanting to sleep, Aaron grabs a book from Abby’s shelf and brings it into bed, sitting up against the headboard. Eli climbs up after him and sits with him companionably. After a little while, Aaron glances over and blinks in surprise to see Eli soundly asleep, head tilted at an awkward angle. He’s going to wake up with a stiff neck if he sleeps like that, but Aaron can’t bring himself to wake him. He assumes Eli didn’t sleep much the night before, especially not in this strange house, when Eli already has trouble sleeping even in his dorm room.

Aaron's eyes trace over Eli’s profile, taking in all the details of his sleeping face. Eli looks so much younger and more vulnerable like this. A protective feeling swells up in Aaron and he decides to stay up and watch over Eli until he wakes. Eli’s always taking care of the rest of them, but he deserves to be taken care of too.

Chapter 19 Summary:

Neil tries something new.

Notes:

I hope this makes up for the last chapter? 😅

Content Warnings
- smoking, alcohol

Chapter Text

It takes a few days, but eventually the dorms are no longer considered an active crime scene. Neil is relieved to get back to the tower. Eli has been stuck to Aaron's side like glue, and Neil is feeling a bit neglected, admittedly. He's been spending most of his time trying to decode movies with Nicky and talking Exy with Kevin, but his days feel mostly empty without Eli.

Neil's also woken up a few times at night to find that Eli isn't there with him, and when he goes to find him, he's always sitting up with Aaron, sometimes talking quietly, sometimes sitting in silence.

But back at the dorms, things will go back to normal. Andrew won't be locked away alone in his room, and Eli will be back to spending his days with Neil, and Exy practice will be back on the table.

Andrew spends the next several days in self-imposed isolation, only leaving his room to grab food and use the bathroom. He wishes he had alcohol or at least cigarettes to numb his thoughts. The cops took away his pack, since it was in his pocket when they confiscated his blood-stained pants. Andrew’s head has been aching from the nicotine withdrawal, but he can't bring himself to leave the house or ask Nicky to go pick up a pack for him. He's already given up more control than he can stomach. Asking for anything, right now, feels impossible.

When they move back into the dorms, their group hovers in the living room, no one willing to enter the bedroom yet. Andrew forces himself to go in first. It smells strongly of bleach and there's a jagged spot in the carpet where someone has cut away a large section and replaced it with an ill-fitting one. He shoves the window open to air out the smell despite the bitter November chill that rushes in. Neil has followed him into the bedroom and Andrew turns around to look at him. Neil returns his look without pity, only curiosity. Andrew wonders if Eli hasn't told him anything yet, or maybe Neil just isn't built for pity.

Andrew digs a fresh pack of cigarettes out of his dresser and throws on his jacket. On his way out of the room, he glances at Neil again and tilts his head toward the door, a silent offer. He doesn't need comfort or company, not the way Aaron does, but a distraction might not hurt. And Neil is very distracting.

Eli stops Andrew on the way out to hand him his armbands. Andrew takes them without a word and walks into the hall toward the stairs. He slides the armbands on, the familiar heft of his blades a comfort he hadn’t allowed himself to miss.

Neil follows Andrew out to the stairs and nods at Eli. He feels his brother's eyes on him as he leaves, but Eli doesn't follow. He'll probably want to spend time with Aaron, Neil thinks, rolling his eyes.

He and Andrew head to the roof, and sit on the edge. Andrew lights up a cigarette and Neil leans closer to take in the smell.

As far as he can tell, Andrew's recovered okay, which is good. Neil can't imagine what his emotional state currently is, but he seems to be dealing better than Aaron, who will apparently fall apart if Eli leaves his side.

"I want to use my question," Neil decides.

Andrew waves his cigarette at Neil, indicating for him to go ahead and ask.

"What's up with you and Kevin?" Neil asks.

Andrew frowns at him, not sure what Neil is getting at. "Kevin is Kevin. He irritates me, and I prevent him from running back to the Ravens. Why are you wasting a question on something you already know?"

Neil shrugs. "Eli would say there's a vibe there. If even I can pick up on it, it must be bad."

"A vibe," Andrew repeats in disbelief. "Are you asking if Kevin and I are fucking each other? The answer is no. It would be impossible with that stick permanently lodged up his ass."

Neil huffs out a laugh. "What's with the vibe, then? Is Kevin just like that?"

"There is no 'vibe'," Andrew insists firmly. "Kevin has a girlfriend, you moron."

As irritating as Neil is, the inane nature of this conversation mixed with the nicotine in his lungs is at least helping to finally loosen the tension from Andrew's body.

Neil goggles at Andrew.

"What? Kevin doesn't have a girlfriend," he says. "What girl would put up with him?"

"Someone as insufferably uptight as he is," Andrew says. "She is a Court-ranked player and a Raven alumnus. I'm sure they'll have a whole brood of terrible Exy-obsessed children together one day."

Neil frowns, thinking. After a moment, he says, "Thea Muldani? Really?"

Andrew nods and takes a drag off his cigarette. "They're not official. Ravens are not allowed to date, and even though she has graduated and Kevin is a Fox, they're still keeping it secret. Both of them still allowing Riko and Tetsuji to run their lives from a distance, hm? Like I said, they are well suited for each other."

"Huh," Neil says. He feels the familiar bubbling anger at the reminder of how much power Riko still holds over Kevin. But there's nothing he can do about it for now.

"Your turn, I guess," he says.

Andrew tilts his head up at the cloudy sky. After his conversation with Eli on Halloween about why Eli stopped wanting to hook up with him, Andrew had decided he wasn't going to ask Neil about it. It would be too revealing of his own interest to bring it up out of the blue. But Neil's probing question has brought it back to the front of his mind and given him a plausible opening to ask.

Andrew tells himself he does not care about the answer. It’s just an entertaining distraction, like Neil himself. "Why did you want your brother to stop hooking up with me?"

Neil tenses. He hadn't realized Eli had told Andrew that.

"I didn't want him to stop," he says, but realizes that's not exactly the truth. "I didn't tell him to stop. I said it made me feel weird and bad, but that he didn't have to stop. He made his own choice."

"Why did it make you feel 'weird and bad', then," Andrew says, waving his cigarette when he makes the air quotes.

He watches Neil with intense interest. It seems impossible that Neil could have no idea what Andrew wants from him, and yet here he is, clearly still oblivious.

"I don't know," Neil admits. He hasn't given it much thought, since Eli said he wouldn't be with Andrew again. He isn't good at identifying his own emotions, and he definitely isn't good at knowing why he's feeling them. "It just did. Eli said it doesn't matter why, just that it's how I'm feeling."

"Well, it matters to me," Andrew says flippantly, "considering it's the reason I'm not getting laid."

He blows cigarette smoke into Neil's face and is irritated when he just leans in to smell it as always. Everything about Neil is irritating.

Neil breathes in the smoke, letting it relax him. He wants to ask why Andrew doesn't just sleep with someone else, but thinking that makes his stomach twist into knots. The same weird and bad feeling from before. He doesn't understand it.

"Why Eli?" Neil asks instead.

"This counts as one of your questions," Andrew tells him, and Neil nods in acquiescence.

"There are several reasons," Andrew says. "He is attractive. He was available. He can follow my rules. And he made a good substitute for something I couldn't have."

Neil tilts his head, processing this. Then asks, "What couldn't you have?"

"It's not your turn," Andrew reminds Neil.

His heart is pounding in his chest. His own fault for answering. Could have refused, but he didn't. He thinks part of him wants Neil to know, wants to see the look of disgust or rejection or whatever it's going to be. Maybe that will finally get him out of Andrew's head for good.

Neil frowns, lip poking out just a bit the way it does when Eli is being especially annoying.

"You can have two questions later, then," he barters. "C'mon, tell me."

Andrew grinds his cigarette out on the concrete and flicks it over the edge. He lights another, his pulse ratcheting up even more. “Fine.”

He turns to face Neil, who is looking back at him with that stupid pout on his face. Andrew drops his gaze very deliberately to Neil's lips, lingers there, then slowly flicks back up to meet Neil's eyes.

His lip curls. "Get it? Or do I need to spell it out for you like everything else."

Neil's stomach squirms, strange and pleasant, when Andrew looks intensely at his mouth. He feels his face go inexplicably warm. Andrew's tone is taunting, and Neil's pout becomes more pronounced.

"You didn't even say anything," he complains. He finds himself noting that the mid-day light makes Andrew's eyes golden, like honey.

"Why should I have? You don't swing," Andrew says. "Nothing will come of it."

Neil's pouting mouth looks soft and wet and warm, and his cheeks are adorably pink. Andrew hates him.

It sinks in that the thing Andrew wanted was him, and that sends a rush of tingles from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. He feels a bit light headed. Neil stares at Andrew with wide eyes and it takes him a long moment to realize that he's pleased with this turn of events. He's happy that Andrew wants him. How strange.

"You like me," Neil says, because he needs to hear the words out loud. His voice is a little smug and a lot surprised.

"I hate you," Andrew corrects him. "But that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you."

It's a rush just to say it out loud, to taste the words. Even though Andrew knows nothing will happen, he finds himself savoring this moment, observing the intensity with which he is feeling. It is not entirely unpleasant.

Where Neil’s cheeks were dusted with pink before, they turn red now. He recalls Eli's very detailed explanations of Andrew's skills, and him lamenting that he'll never get to finish on Andrew's face. Andrew wants to do that with him?

"I don't swing," Neil confirms. "Or I haven't before. I don't—I mean I—Do you—Could—"

He stumbles over his words, unsure how to phrase what he wants to say.

Andrew's eyes trace over Neil's red cheeks and the surprised and confused look on his face, drinking in every detail. He can’t help leaning in a little closer, drawn in like a magnetic pull.

"What do you want, Neil?" Andrew asks, his voice low and serious.

Andrew's low voice sends a new sort of sensation skittering down Neil’s spine. It's all he can do not to shiver. His mouth suddenly feels dry and his tongue darts out to wet his lips.

"Could we... try?" he asks. His heartbeat pounds loud in his ears.

Andrew's gaze drops down helplessly to watch Neil's tongue flick over his lips. He doesn't understand what's going through Neil's head. Neil doesn't swing, but he wants to try anyway? Try what, though? How far does he want to go?

Abruptly, Andrew realizes it doesn't even matter because he’ll take whatever Neil wants to give him. If all he gets is one kiss before Neil decides he’s not into it, Andrew will still be pathetically grateful for it.

He drops his cigarette and catches Neil's face in his hands, then leans in to bring their lips together.

Andrew holds his face firmly in his hands, and Neil can feel the strength there. He leans in and then there's warm pressure against his lips, and Neil's entire body lights up. He freezes, uncertain how to handle these new sensations, but not wanting them to stop.

Andrew's eyelashes are a light brown, which Neil has never noticed before. Neil finds that endearing, for some reason. Slowly, Neil relaxes, his eyelids lowering, and finds the courage to try to return the kiss as best as he's able.

Kissing Neil is nothing like kissing Eli. Instead of teeth and tongue and biting angry tension, this is sweet and almost unbearably tender. Andrew is desperate for Neil, needs to taste him and swallow down every drop of him that he's allowed to have, but he refuses to overwhelm him. He keeps a tight control on himself and carefully moves his mouth against Neil's, brushing their lips together. His heart flutters in his chest like a dying bird as he feels Neil kissing him back. Neil's inexperience is obvious, but he's a quick learner, mirroring Andrew's movements with his lips.

After too long and not long enough, Andrew backs off, his throat bobbing as he swallows heavily. He keeps his hands on Neil's face, studying his expression carefully. "Tell me no.” His voice is somehow already wrecked.

Neil loses himself in the gentle pressure and pleasant warmth of Andrew's lips against his own. He tries to copy what Andrew does, because it feels good to Neil so hopefully it will feel good for him, too.

When Andrew pulls away, Neil feels dazed. He blinks slowly as he processes Andrew's words, and then he says, "Again?"

"You want me to kiss you again," Andrew says, struggling to believe it. Even with Neil's flushed face in his hands, glowing with obvious pleasure, it feels like a trick of his mind. He has to know for sure. "Words, Neil, I—tell me what you want. Yes or no."

"Yes, Andrew," Neil breathes. "Kiss me again."

He leans forward, meeting Andrew's lips again, and is happy to find the pleasant tingles and stomach flipping and spine-skittering sensations all return. It feels so good. Neil never feels this good.

Neil leans in first this time, and Andrew feels like he must be hallucinating. He buries his hand in Neil's hair, breathing him in as they kiss and kiss and kiss.

Neil's lips are soft and a little chapped. His skin is smooth except for a missed patch of stubble under his jaw, and he tastes dangerously good. Andrew wants to drink him down, inhale him, burn him up inside his lungs. He opens his mouth, deepening the kiss and licking into Neil's mouth, and Neil makes a sinfully hot noise that is immediately and forever seared into Andrew’s brain.

"You can't touch me," Andrew finally remembers to say, breaking apart to rest his forehead against Neil's. "Understand?"

Andrew's hand in his hair introduces a whole new mess of feeling, and Andrew's fingers dance across his skin, leaving little sparks in their wake.

When Andrew's tongue presses into his mouth, Neil makes a noise in his throat he's never heard from himself before. It's low and groaning and embarrassingly loud.

Andrew pulls away, and it's like there's a delay in his brain as he tries to understand the words. He's breathing fast, and he's suddenly very aware that he's hard and aching in his pants.

"Wha—" he pants. "Yeah, no touching. I won't touch."

To make it clear how serious he is about that, Neil shoves his hands under his thighs to remove the temptation.

"More?" he asks hopefully, leaning back in.

Fuck, Neil is so disgustingly adorable, panting and eager and unquestioningly accepting of Andrew’s boundaries. Andrew wants to tear him apart. He hates him. He leans in again, unable to resist rewarding such good behavior. He wants to make Neil make that noise again, wants to feel it under his tongue, vibrating from Neil's body into his own.

He works Neil's lip between his teeth, gently tugging at it and licking once more into Neil’s mouth. He leaves one hand firmly gripped in Neil's hair, enjoying the way it makes him easy and pliant to move around. It's so much better than any of Andrew's fantasies about what touching Neil would be like. They’ve hardly even done anything and already he feels completely fuck-drunk just on Neil’s mouth.

The drag of teeth against the soft flesh of his lower lip has Neil gasping into Andrew's mouth. His tongue slides against Neil's own, his hand in Neil's hair letting him direct Neil exactly where he wants him, and Neil can't stop the shuddery moan that escapes him.

There's a little tremor starting up under his skin, intense in a good way. His dick throbs and Neil whimpers against Andrew's lips. He leans in further, licking into Andrew's mouth. It's a weird feeling, and Neil explores thoroughly to satisfy his curiosity. He licks the backside of Andrew's teeth, flicks his tongue along his soft palate, slips their tongues purposefully against each other.

He likes that Andrew is breathing quicker, that his grip in Neil's hair tightens when Neil does something he enjoys. That wonderful, squirmy pleasure sits low in his abdomen, building with every moment.

Neil is clearly enjoying exploring Andrew's mouth. He licks into every corner of it, moans and shudders, and all of it spirals Andrew higher and higher into a hazy fever of need. It's unbelievably fucking good. It's so good that Andrew knows he has to pull the brakes now, or they might drive off the edge of this cliff together.

Shivering with the effort it takes to pull himself away, Andrew lets go of Neil and puts up a hand when Neil tries to lean back in with a confused look on his face. Andrew makes the mistake of glancing down and sees the hard line of arousal in Neil's pants. Fuck. He looks away with a grimace, pressing a palm over his own uncomfortable hard-on.

"We should stop for now," Andrew says, hating the words but knowing it's the right choice. Neil is brand new to everything they're doing, and Andrew has just been forced to relive his childhood nightmares. He has no idea what might set him off right now or what Neil will be comfortable with, and he refuses to let this be something Neil regrets.

That delightful feeling builds and builds, until Neil is sure there couldn't possibly be more than this. Andrew pulls back and Neil tries to chase him, only stopping at the firm hand on his shoulder. He blinks dazedly into Andrew's eyes, catching movement from his peripheral as Andrew presses a hand against his jeans.

Neil dick throbs in sympathy, but he's too afraid of shooting off in his pants to try to adjust himself.

"For now?" Neil repeats hopefully. He's surprised at how raspy his voice sounds. "Does that mean more later?"

Andrew wants to go back in time and stab himself in the ears so he doesn't have to know what Neil's voice sounds like when he's turned on and asking for more. It's burned into Andrew’s memory now, and there's nothing he can do about it.

"Yes," Andrew says. "If you want." If, that is, Neil decides he still wants this with Andrew specifically after he’s calmed down. Because there are a whole lot of simpler options out there for him to explore his sexual awakening with.

Andrew looks down at the bulge in his pants with disdain. Fuck, he really did not think this through. He can't go anywhere until his dick calms down, and neither can Neil, so they're both stuck up here with each other. Thinking about Neil being hard makes Andrew's head spin and his cock throb. At this rate he’s going to be here all day.

"Talk about Exy," Andrew suggests unhappily.

Uplifted by Andrew's agreement to kiss more (a lot more, hopefully), Neil nods. He twists his head to drop a quick kiss to the hand still on his shoulder and sits back.

"You want me to talk about Exy?" he says, trying to contain the bubbling laughter in his chest. "Now?"

Andrew's hand tingles where Neil kissed it, and he draws it away with a scowl, heart flipping over in his chest. Unbelievable.

"Yes," he says, his face twisted in displeasure. "It will help."

Neil lifts a hand automatically to cover the smile that ripples over his face at Andrew's disgusted look. He only lowers his hand again when he's gotten it back under control.

"Sure," he says. "If you say so."

He launches into a cheerful explanation of their strategy for the upcoming game, sneaking glances at Andrew's bored expression every so often and feeling his heart trip over itself.

*****

Aaron watches Neil and Andrew leave for the roof together with a feeling of frustrated jealousy. Even though they're probably just going to sit up there and stare at each other silently the way they always do. Aaron just wishes things weren't so difficult between him and Andrew, but it makes him more determined to fix their relationship, the way Eli said.

None of them really want to be in this room right now, so by mutual agreement they all go across the hall to Eli and Neil's dorm. Matt is inside waiting for them, and he gives Eli an enormous bear hug and Aaron a sympathetic punch to the shoulder (which really fucking smarts). Matt texts the other upperclassmen to come join them, and Aaron messages Katelyn to invite her too.

Within a half hour or so the whole group has assembled, with everyone fighting for a seat on Matt’s couch. Nicky decides it's time for an impromptu movie marathon and he brings over their beanbag chairs as additional seating.

After Abram and Andrew head up to the roof, Eli steps closer to Aaron. Hidden by their closeness, Eli takes Aaron's hand, giving it a quick squeeze before letting go and suggesting they head over to his dorm for movies. Aaron's been twitchy about spending too much time in his own dorm.

Nicky overhears this and tags along. Matt is already there, and he messages the other Foxes. Aaron invites Katelyn, and suddenly it's a big Thing instead of Eli getting to have Aaron to himself. But he only sighs and shoots a message to Abram, letting him know what's going on.

It's the first time Katelyn's seen them since the attack. She'd called, talking to Aaron for nearly an hour, but she hasn't come over until now. She throws her arms around Aaron when she arrives, whispering in his ear. The girls start whispering to each other almost immediately, shooting looks between them and Eli. The whispering intensifies when Katelyn pulls away from Aaron and does the same to Eli.

"We're okay, Katie," Eli says, hesitantly wrapping a hand around her waist. She's taller than him, but she feels so tiny. He knows she's strong, muscled from cheerleading, but Eli still feels a little anxious about squeezing too hard and breaking her.

Having Katelyn and Eli in the same place with him is such a relief. Aaron hadn't realized how much tension he was still holding in his body until she showed up, and he holds her tight, only letting her go so she can give Eli a hug as well. He loves her so fucking much.

Dan and Allison are paying way too much attention to the three of them, whispering away to each other like crazy. Aaron is sure there's some bet going about who Katelyn's hooking up with, him or Eli. Joke's on them. Aaron glares at them until Renee tactfully steps in and asks the group what movie they want to watch.

Of course, this causes an enormous argument that can only be resolved via a bracket-style competition of rock-paper-scissors. Matt wins and donates his pick to Dan, because he's a fucking sap. Dan picks some cheesy 80s action flick that Aaron already knows is going to be stupid, but at least it's better than Nicky's tearjerker romance bullshit.

There aren't nearly enough seats, so Katelyn takes a beanbag while Aaron and Eli sit in front of her, leaning against her legs. She ruffles their hair as the movie starts, and Aaron swats at her hand.

Eli hadn't realized how much he missed Katelyn until she was here. She always manages to bring out a special sort of energy in Aaron, a kind of exasperated, fond sass that he doesn't give to anyone else. Eli is a tiny bit jealous, but mostly just happy that Aaron has that in her.

They sit on the floor, the two of them leaning on her legs, until about twenty minutes into the movie when Eli's butt and legs start going numb. He shifts uncomfortably for a few minutes before obnoxiously poking Katelyn in the back of the knee until she leans her head down so he can tell her his dilemma.

Eli watches as her eyes light up and she giggles. Aaron squints at her suspiciously. And for good reason, because after a lot of whispering and shuffling, both boys join her on the beanbag, which is absolutely not big enough to hold the three of them. Aaron is squished in the middle, with both Eli and Katelyn's legs thrown over his lap in a tangled mess.

Aaron would be exasperated with Katelyn and Eli teaming up to smush him into oblivion if it wasn't so incredibly comforting to have them piled on top of him. Between their quiet giggling and whispering and the comfort of the physical closeness, it feels like a layer of the past few days' awfulness is being washed away. It feels so wonderfully normal that Aaron can almost ignore how much they're being stared at.

Nicky looks like he's running calculations in his head and Dan is simply goggling at them with her eyebrows raised. Allison whispers something to Dan and holds out her hand like she's expecting to be paid.

"Is there a problem?" Aaron says loudly over the movie.

"No problem," Matt says immediately, holding up his hands in surrender. Allison points a manicured fingernail at them.

"Yes, problem," she says. "We have bets to settle so what the fuck is going on with you three?"

"What do you mean?" Eli asks innocently, tilting his head to rest his cheek against Aaron's hair. Katelyn giggles at him.

"I mean who's fucking who?" Allison insists. "We have good money riding on this, so fess up."

"Actually, all three of us are fucking your mother," Aaron says, scowling at her. "Get over yourself. No one cares about your stupid bets."

Nicky raises his hand. "I care. A lot, actually! Aaron, come on, give us something."

"Eli, do you have a knife on you?" Aaron asks casually. "I think I've got the hang of using one after last week, but I might practice on Nicky to make sure."

"Oh god, too soon with the murder jokes," Matt groans. "Don't you start acting like Andrew too. This team can't handle two of him."

"I think Aaron's allowed to make jokes about it," Katelyn pipes up, "seeing how he's the one on trial for doing the murdering."

Eli cackles, and once he's calmed down he turns wide eyes on Allison.

"Sorry, Allison, I'm saving myself for Matt and Dan," he claims. Matt and Dan exchange exasperated, amused looks. Nicky's mouth drops open.

"You aren't saving yourself for shit!" he says. Eli holds a hand to his heart, affecting a wounded expression.

"Nicky Hemmick, are you calling me a slut?" he asks, lower lip wobbling. Nicky sputters.

"If the shoe fits," Katelyn says sympathetically.

Aaron laughs so hard at the affronted look on Eli's face that Katelyn almost falls off him. She squeals and has to hold onto Eli for dear life.

It takes a few minutes for everyone to calm back down and return attention to the movie. Eli tugs at a bit of Katelyn's hair as revenge and she reaches a hand around Aaron to jab him in the neck. Aaron reaches up and grabs them both by the wrist, bringing their hands down and holding them firmly.

The door opens, and Abram walks in, Andrew trailing behind him. Katelyn beams.

"Neil!" she says, holding out a hand excitedly. "Come join us!"

Abram looks at the beanbag they're sitting on dubiously.

"I think that's going to pop," he says. "Pass."

Katelyn drops her hand, pouting.

Allison looks slyly at Neil. "You spend a lot of time with those three, don't you?" she says, pointing at Aaron, Eli and Katelyn. "I'll give you twenty bucks if you can tell us which of them are screwing each other."

Neil gives her a confused, somewhat disgusted look. "Why would you want to know that?"

"Why wouldn't I want to know?" Allison says. "Don't hate me just 'cause you're not blessed with my natural curiosity."

"Matt! Dan!" Nicky says, sitting up abruptly. "Quick, who would you pick for your third, Neil or Eli?"

Matt shoves Nicky, but Dan looks appraisingly between the two Jostens. "Definitely Neil," she says, nodding. Her mouth twitches, and she breaks into laughter at Neil's horrified expression.

"Dan! After everything we've been through?" Eli jokes, only a tiny bit hurt. "That's fine, I know Matt's got me."

Matt freezes, looking guilty, and Eli gasps.

"Et tu, Matt?" he says. "No one appreciates me."

Aaron feels strangely defensive on Eli's behalf, hearing that Matt and Dan don't consider him the more attractive twin. He's also seriously questioning their intelligence, because really? Neil?

"You're both crazy," Allison says, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Eli's the hot one, no question."

Never mind, Aaron hates hearing that even more.

Eli preens. "Thank you, Allison. At least someone here has some taste."

Abram raises an eyebrow, moving to sit on the floor with his back against the couch. Andrew walks to the kitchen and begins rifling through their fridge. "I think I should be offended, but I don't want to sleep with any of you. Sorry Dan, Matt."

"It's all good, buddy," Matt says, leaning forward to pat Abram on the shoulder. "No hard feelings."

Eli grumbles about holding a grudge, mostly for Aaron and Katelyn's benefit. Katelyn giggles at him. He'd thought he was wearing Dan and Matt down, but guess not. Ah, well.

Andrew cracks open one of Matt's beers and joins Neil in front of the couch.

"That’s a good idea," Aaron says. "I refuse to deal with you people sober."

"On it, boss," Nicky says, catapulting himself off the couch and scurrying out the door. He comes back a few minutes later bearing a few half-full bottles of liquor. "Our stash is running a tad low. This is all we got."

Kevin frowns, grabbing the vodka. "That's mine."

Aaron swipes a bottle from Nicky and takes a swig, then passes it to Katelyn, who drinks and passes it to Eli. Allison and Dan go off to search their room and bring back a few contributions, and Matt pulls out some more beers from the fridge.

Booze acquired, the group settles down for maybe forty minutes. A new movie is put on—some cheesy paranormal horror—and as their blood alcohol levels rise, so does their volume. Allison and Dan start up a debate about a student from a shared class last year, while Renee plays peacemaker. Matt and Nicky argue about ghost hunting, though Eli can't tell what exactly it is they're disagreeing on. Kevin throws in a caustic, bitchy comment whenever he sees the opportunity.

Even Abram and Andrew have a conversation, though theirs is quiet enough that Eli can't hear it over everything else. He's surprised Andrew hasn't started waving a knife around due to Eli and Katelyn's positions on top of Aaron, but he's been surprisingly less protective since the attack, letting Eli show his affection to Aaron with barely even a glare.

Feeling his buzz kicking in, Eli absentmindedly starts playing with Aaron's hair. He feels startlingly content, surrounded by these people.

Aaron is tipsy enough to kind of enjoy the movie despite how stupid it is. It's even better when Eli starts playing with his hair, and he relaxes even more, comfortably squished under the weight of his friends. His eyes keep flicking automatically over to Andrew, checking to make sure he's still there. He figures he'll probably be doing that for a while.

They order dinner at one point and put on yet another movie, and by the time the credits roll, almost everyone is yawning and ready to go to bed. The girls say goodnight, Nicky and Andrew go across the hall, and Aaron walks Katelyn back to her dorm. On the way back, he feels oddly alone, and he realizes this is the first time he hasn't had Eli nearby since everything happened. Aaron’s gotten so comfortable with Eli, so used to having him around at all times. It’s strange to think back on the start of the year when he was trying to avoid him. It feels like a whole lifetime ago.

When Aaron gets back to his room, the others are getting ready for bed. He decides to stay up in the living room and study for a while instead. He's so fucking tired, but he doesn't want to go back in that bedroom. He already knows he's going to have nightmares tonight, and he's sure they'll only be worse if he's sleeping in the room where it happened. He doesn't understand how Andrew can possibly sleep there. Doesn't he have nightmares too? Why is Aaron so much weaker than his brother?

Aaron’s eyelids droop as he tries to read, but eventually he falls asleep on the couch with his textbook on his stomach.

*****

Eventually, everyone clears out. Matt heads to bed with a yawn and a wave. Eli will probably stay up awhile, see if Aaron texts him after a nightmare. He expects Abram to go to sleep, too, since he has classes tomorrow, but as soon as Matt closes the door, his brother plops down next to him on the couch, a determined look on his face.

"What's with you?" Eli asks, raising an eyebrow. "I swear to god, if Kevin is trying to convince us to practice even more I'll kill him myself, Andrew be damned."

Neil has been ready to burst with this news since he came back downstairs and saw Eli, and he doesn't waste any time getting to the point. "Andrew kissed me," he says in a hushed voice. His lips tingle again just at the reminder of it, and he lifts a hand to touch them in awe.

Eli freezes, staring at his brother. Abram looks back with wide eyes, hand pressing gently to his lips. Rage is threatening to tint his vision red, but Abram doesn't look disgusted or betrayed. He forces breath into his lungs.

"Did you want him to?" Eli questions levelly. He is very aware of the weight of his switchblade in his pocket. A knife Andrew gave him. Fuck, he'd hate to have to kill Andrew after everything.

Neil nods, still a little in shock about it himself.

"I asked him to," he admits. "We actually kissed a lot of times. It felt so good, I didn't want to stop at all, but he said we should."

Neil doesn't know what to make of his sudden, intense desire to kiss a person, when he's never, ever felt this way before. That's only part of the reason he could hardly wait to tell Eli, though. He mostly wanted to because he feels... proud? Excited? He's not exactly sure, but it's definitely a good feeling, and he wants Eli to be happy for him, too.

At this, Eli relaxes, relief sweeping through him so intensely it makes him feel shaky and weak. Abram's voice is quiet and pleased and eager to share in a way Eli's never heard it before. He gives his brother a small, closed-mouth smile.

"Do you want him to kiss you again?" he asks, fairly sure he knows the answer, but he needs to be positive.

"Yes," Neil says. It's the one thing he's certain about. "He said we could later." His stomach flutters at the thought.

"He made me talk about Exy afterward," he says. "You know... to help him calm down before he could go downstairs." He feels his cheeks going pink, and covers his mouth as it threatens to break into a smile.

Eli bites his lip hard to keep from laughing.

"He made you talk about Exy as a turn off?" he repeats, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice. Abram's cheeks are flushed and his eyes are practically sparkling, and it makes his heart clench painfully in his chest to see his brother so happy. Abram should always look like this. "Well, whatever works, I guess."

He pulls his legs up on the couch, hugging them to his chest. "Okay, start from the beginning. I've told you every detail of every hookup I've ever had and I expect to be repaid in full, starting now."

Neil faces Eli and folds himself to sit cross-legged. He's a little bit embarrassed, but mostly just eager to tell his brother everything.

"Well it started when he asked why I wanted you to stop hooking up with him. Thanks for that, by the way." He punches Eli lightly in the shin.

Eli blinks.

"Was it supposed to be a secret?" he asks, confused. He hadn't considered that Abram might not want him to tell; he'd only kept it from Andrew in the first place because he hadn't wanted the man to jump to conclusions. Which he apparently would've been right to. "I guess now we know why it made you feel weird, so that's one mystery solved."

"Ohhh," Neil says, his eyes going wide. "That's why?"

He stares at the wall for a moment, taking this in. "I didn't want him to sleep with anyone else either. I guess that makes sense too."

Eli hums. "Yeah, pretty sure you generally don't feel good about the person you have a crush on fucking someone else. Not that I have much experience there."

Until Aaron, he's never cared about if someone was off doing someone else, as long as they were willing to do Eli, too.

"A crush..." Neil says. "Yeah. Wow." He shakes his head.

Something occurs to him and he frowns at Eli, confused and a bit concerned. "Do you feel weird and bad about me kissing Andrew too? Or is it different because you don't have a crush on him?"

Eli shakes his head.

"Nah," he says. "Andrew was fun while it lasted but I don't mind. He can barely stand me and even though he's my friend he's still an annoying jackass. Kiss him all you like."

He nudges Abram's leg again, a little harder, and jokes, "Hands off Aaron, though. I'm definitely calling dibs on him."

Neil makes a face and fake-gags. "No problem there. I think I might puke just thinking about it. No offense."

He really, truly does not get what Eli sees in Aaron, but to each his own, he guesses.

"Hey!" Eli says, offended. "Aaron's hot!"

Neil shakes his head at Eli in disbelief. "He really isn't. He's just so... blugh."

"He is not blugh!" Eli defends. "He's great! He's hot and funny and he wants to be a doctor to help save little kids!" Eli flails an arm around like that might make Abram see sense. "Besides, he looks just like Andrew. They're as identical as we are, stupid. More, even, since they don't have a bunch of scars that don't match up."

"He wants to do what?" Neil raises an eyebrow. That’s the reason Aaron spends hours and hours hunched over his textbook every week? What a waste of time. "That's so lame. But I guess it's nice or whatever."

Neil wrinkles his nose and shrugs. "I know they’re identical, but... I don't know. Aaron's just not hot. But Andrew is." He flushes, surprising himself with the words as they come out. "Yeah, he definitely is."

Eli pouts. It's not lame. It is nice. Having a doctor like that wouldn't have saved him and Abram from the lives they've lived, since they were never taken to the hospital, but it might have saved Aaron. It might have saved Andrew.

"You're ridiculous," Eli says. "They're both hot. Anyway, you've distracted me. What happened next?"

"Andrew was complaining about how you stopped hooking up with him, so I asked why he wanted to hook up with you,” Neil says. “He said it was because you were attractive and you could follow his rules. And he wanted something he couldn't have, but you made a 'good substitute'." He winces, realizing how bad that sounds.

"Relax, Abram," Eli says, rolling his eyes. "I knew Andrew wasn't interested in me. Just like he knows I'm into Aaron. Also, you do realize that was him calling you hot, right? Most people aren't like you; if they think one twin is attractive, they'll usually think the other one is too, at least on an aesthetic level."

Neil's eyes go wide. "He thinks I'm hot?" This had not occurred to him, although it makes sense now that he thinks about it. What with Andrew getting hard from kissing him and all.

Neil frowns, confused. "But why would he call you a substitute if he thinks we're both hot?"

"Of course he does. Why else would he kiss you?" Eli casts his brother a fond look, shaking his head.

"He thinks I'm an obnoxious asshole, and you're an exciting little mystery," he says. "He was only with me 'cause he didn't think you were an option. If he'd known I bet he never would've wasted his time."

Neil isn't sure how he feels about Andrew thinking Eli's an obnoxious asshole. Eli's the best. But Eli doesn’t seem bothered by it, so it’s probably okay.

"I didn't know I was an option either," Neil says, shrugging. "So I guess there's no way he could have."

"Guess not," Eli shrugs. "So, Andrew explains his terrible life choices. Then what?"

"I asked what you were a substitute for, and he stared at my mouth. I didn't get it at first but then I figured out he was trying to say he liked me. Or—" Neil’s cheeks go hot again. "He said he hates me but he would still blow me."

Eli smirks. "Yeah, that seems to be his M.O. So then what? You were just like hey a bj sounds great but maybe lets start with first base?"

Neil huffs a laugh and shakes his head. "I didn't really know what to say. I asked if we could try. And then he just kissed me."

The memory of it floods over him again and he covers his face, overwhelmed and embarrassed and pleased.

Eli covers his mouth to choke back his laugh as Abram hides his beet red face.

"Try a blowjob? How forward of you," he teases, and Abram lets out a high-pitched whine like a tea kettle that makes Eli laugh again. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. So he kissed you. How did he kiss you though?"

Abram still keeps his face covered, and Eli bites back his smile, nudging his leg over and over until his brother glares between his fingers.

"Abram, come on," he whines. "I've always told you."

"Shut up," Neil groans, but he drops his hands. How does Eli always tell him all this stuff without feeling embarrassed about it? Neil has a lot to learn.

"Okay, fine," he says. "But what do you mean how? He used his mouth, I guess?"

Eli rolls his eyes. "Have you not listened any of the times I told you my shit?" he complains. "Obviously he used his mouth. Like when we kissed it was always like really rough and harsh, lots of biting. Not sure if that's just what Andrew's like or if it's because we were about to punch each other. So?"

Neil furrows his brow and shakes his head. "No, it wasn't like that. He was really gentle. It was kind of surprising. It was just really nice and soft and warm."

His face is still hot and he keeps thinking about the way Andrew's lips felt against his. The way he tasted.

"He made me tell him yes or no to more kissing, and I said yes.” Neil’s chest feels all soft and squishy inside from thinking about it. “It felt really good. I didn't know kissing could feel like that."

Eli's surprised too, actually, but he's glad to hear it. Warmth fills his chest at Abram's soft voice and open expression.

"Yeah, it's supposed to feel good," Eli says. He knows Abram tried kissing a girl a long time ago, and didn't really enjoy the experience. He enjoyed it even less afterwards, because their mom caught him at it and barely waited until the girl ran off to backhand Abram so hard he fell over. Eli told him to try again with a boy, and their mom figured out he was acting as a distraction while Abram did that. Not a pleasant experience for either of them.

"Okay, so he kissed you all sweet and gentle and your little virgin heart couldn't hardly take it," he teases. "Then what? I doubt some chaste kissing was enough to get Andrew so hard he needed a cold Exy talk to cool off."

"Shut up," Neil protests in a whiny voice, shoving Eli's leg to try and topple him over. Thinking about Andrew getting hard is making him feel all hot and dizzy again.

He runs a hand through his hair, trying to focus his thoughts. "We started kissing again, and he used his tongue. And then I made this—noise." Neil squints, not sure how to describe it. "Like a sex noise, I guess? And, you know, I got hard as well." He knows his face has to be bright red but he powers through. "He said I couldn’t touch him, so I put my hands under my legs. And then we went back to kissing more."

"It felt so good," Neil says, almost in disbelief. "I think it was maybe the best thing I've ever felt. But then he said we should stop, and he told me to talk about Exy."

With great difficulty, Eli holds back from teasing his brother about his 'sex noise.' By the time Abram is finished with his explanation, his face is so red Eli thinks he can feel the heat radiating from it.

"Why do you think he wanted to stop?" Eli asks. He's glad Andrew knew to pump the brakes, because Abram is obviously overwhelmed just by the kissing. But he does wonder if it was more for Abram's sake or Andrew's.

Neil shrugs. "I don't know, I didn't ask. I wasn't sure if it was one of his rules."

He thinks he would have liked to keep going, just based on how good the rest of it felt, but it didn't really bother him to stop, either. It meant he got to keep hanging out with Andrew and even had an excuse to talk to him about Exy, which Andrew never lets him do. That, and the feeling of knowing that Andrew might kiss him more later, was almost as good as the kissing itself.

Eli hums.

"If you think it might be a rule, you should probably ask," he says. "That way you'll know not to do it, right? I mean, Andrew's pretty good at making sure his boundaries are kept intact, but I prefer you unstabbed."

"And speaking of boundaries, if you've got any you should tell him, too," Eli advises. "Not just 'cause it's pretty important, but because if Andrew hurts you I'll have to kill him, and I really don't want to do that. But I will, even if he's my friend and Aaron's brother."

"He won't stab me," Neil says, rolling his eyes. "But yeah, probably a good idea. I'd kill him if he hurt you, too. Same goes with Aaron. One wrong move and that asshole is a doornail." He slices a thumb across his throat.

Eli huffs out a little laugh.

"Aaron won't hurt me," he says. "Andrew, though... he might, if I ever make any progress with Aaron."

Realizing that he hadn't explained before, Eli tells Abram about the 'no meaningful hookups' thing that Andrew had claimed. He frowns.

"Do you think since Andrew's all preoccupied with you now that changes the deal?" he asks hopefully.

Neil frowns, thinking. "I don't know. I'm not sure if it's meaningful to him or not, so it still might not count. It's kind of a confusing rule. I guess you could ask Aaron what he thinks?”

Something else occurs to him. “Wait, does Aaron even know Andrew is gay? I'm pretty sure I've heard him talking to Katelyn about how he thinks Andrew and Renee are into each other."

Eli frowns.

"I... don't know," he realizes. "Is Andrew like, not out? I didn't know it was a secret. I mean, they've all seen how him and Kevin interact, right? There's nothing straight about that."

He sighs. "I should probably ask Andrew about that before I go around outing him, I guess."

"Oh my god," Neil says, remembering all of a sudden. "I almost forgot. Andrew told me Kevin has a girlfriend."

Eli stares, bewildered.

"What? No he doesn't," he denies. "What girl would even put up with him long enough to date him?"

"That's what I said!" Neil waves his arms in emphasis, then winces, realizing he'd practically been shouting. Sorry, Matt. He lowers his voice. "It's Thea Muldani."

"Seriously?" Eli says. He frowns. "Why would he date a Raven? I mean, even if she graduated. I guess she's kinda hot, but that doesn't make up for the whole cult thing."

Neil shrugs. "It's Kevin. When does he ever make sense, especially when it comes to the Ravens? Andrew said it's still unofficial between them because Ravens aren't allowed to date, so I guess they're both still buying into that bullshit." He makes a sour face.

Eli scowls.

"He's out of there now," he says. "He shouldn't—"

He cuts himself off, shaking his head. Thinking about Kevin pisses him off more times than not, and not only because he's an Exy-obsessed freak. Kevin has already rebelled against Riko and the Ravens, why wouldn't he try to throw off all the shackles they put on him? Eli doesn't understand, and it frustrates him.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter," he says. "What matters is that you like someone. I'm really happy for you, y'know? And even if he is a pain in the ass, I think Andrew's a good choice."

Neil agrees with Eli's frustration at Kevin, but he doesn't push to keep talking about it. He does, however, practically glow with happiness at Eli's approval of his crush.

"I think so, too," Neil confesses. "He makes me feel safe. I don't even think I could feel all this attraction stuff otherwise. Maybe that's why it's never happened before?"

"Maybe," Eli agrees. "I don't think it really matters, does it? You like him, you should try to enjoy it. Who cares if it's the first time?"

Neil nods. Eli is right, there's no point in thinking too hard about it. If Neil feels good, then that's a good thing.

He bumps his leg into Eli's fondly. It's been a relief to have Eli to himself for a while without Aaron getting in the way. Neil's missed his brother, even though they haven't technically been apart, but he also thinks he's beginning to understand why Eli wants to be around Aaron all the time. Neil kind of feels the same way about Andrew.

"How are you doing?" Neil asks, "Is Aaron holding up okay? Don't tell him I asked."

"Don't worry, I won't tell him you care," Eli says. "I... kind of feel like shit. I should've been able to take Drake out immediately, but I wasn't thinking, I just moved. Aaron never should've had to clean up after me."

Eli takes a breath, holds it, sighs it out.

"Aaron's doing... alright," he says. "I don't know if you remember the first time. I barely do, but I remember it gave me nightmares for a long time after. I'm trying to be there for him, in any way he'll let me. He lets me hug him now, and squeeze his hand. I don't know how long it's gonna last, though. Like if once he feels better he'll be like 'okay personal space now thanks.' So I'm enjoying it while I can, even though I feel kind of guilty about it."

"It's not your fault," Neil says, frowning. Of course Eli is blaming himself for this whole thing. Whenever he gets like this about Neil getting hurt, there's nothing Neil can do to convince him otherwise. This time Neil doesn't bother trotting out all the usual arguments about why Eli isn't responsible for everything that goes wrong, he just puts a hand out for Eli to hold.

Neil’s not sure if he remembers the first time he had to kill someone himself, but he definitely remembers the nightmares Eli had after his own first. Seeing his brother all messed up like that had scared Neil a lot more than the idea of having to kill somebody.

"You don't have anything to be guilty about either,” he tells Eli. “It's not like you're doing anything he’s uncomfortable with. I really doubt he's gonna want personal space anyway, since he's completely obsessed with you." Neil rolls his eyes. "But if he does get weird about it later, I bet Katelyn can talk him back to normal."

Eli takes his brother's hand gratefully. He ticks a little smile when Abram claims Aaron is obsessed with him (if only).

"Yeah, maybe," he agrees. His phone chooses that moment to vibrate and he digs it out of his pocket.

Aaron: cant sleep. movie?

Eli knows that 'can't sleep' means 'woke up from a nightmare.' He looks up at Abram.

"Speak of the devil," he says. "I'm gonna go hang out over there for a bit. You should get some sleep."

Neil sighs and lets go of Eli's hand. Of course it's Aaron. "Fine, go and comfort your not-boyfriend."

He yawns and rubs his eyes. It is pretty late, and Neil hasn't been sleeping that well at Abby's with so many people in the house. "Night, Eli," he says sleepily, standing up and heading to the bedroom. "Tell Aaron I said he sucks."

"Take your contacts out," Eli calls after him. He takes a moment to do the same thing, then heads over to the other dorm, knocking lightly. When Aaron opens it, looking exhausted and worn down, Eli tells him, "My brother said to tell you that you suck."

Aaron squints and lets him in. "What an asshole," he says mildly, too tired to really be offended.

He texted Eli as soon as his hands were steady enough to type after waking from his latest nightmare. At least he got a couple hours of sleep. That's better than the night before.

Aaron moves his books onto the floor to make room on the couch for both of them and gives Eli one end of his blanket. "What movie?" he asks tiredly.

Eli shrugs, covering himself with the blanket.

"What about that one western space movie you were talking about?" he says. "That one sounded cool."

"Oh, Serenity?" Aaron says, brightening a bit. "Yeah, okay."

He finds the DVD in the messy stack of cases by the television and sets it up for them. When he sits back on the couch, he glances over at Eli and blinks as he realizes Eli's eyes are blue tonight. Oh. Aaron hasn't seen those in a while.

Eli shuffles a bit, getting comfortable under the blanket, when he feels Aaron's eyes on him. He looks over at him, quirks a little smile, and asks, "What?"

Aaron returns his smile, feeling a little caught out.

"Nothing, just." He gestures at his own eyes. "I haven't seen your real eye color in a while. You guys were pretty careful about it at Abby's, hm?"

"Oh, yeah," Eli says. "We don't really want anyone else knowing. But now that we're back at the Tower I'm going to stop wearing them around the dorms, since Matt found out awhile ago."

"Yeah, I remember Neil was mad about it when you first took them out at Eden's," Aaron says. "I guess I never asked, why don't you want people to know?"

He had kind of chalked it up to just another weird Josten twins quirk, that they didn't like their natural eye color or something, but he's wondering now if there's an actual reason for it.

Eli sometimes forgets that Aaron doesn't know everything. That he knows so little, actually. Part of him wants to spill his guts, the other part never wants to put the weight of his past on Aaron's shoulders. He chews on his lip anxiously.

"We don't want our dad to find us," is what he finally decides on. "The eyes are kind of distinctive."

Eli seems to hesitate about his answer. Aaron almost tells him to forget about it, not wanting to make him uncomfortable, but Eli answers before he can.

"Oh," Aaron says, surprised. "Is he... looking for you?"

Eli swallows thickly, fear making it hard to get the words out.

"Yeah," he says quietly, looking down and fidgeting with the edge of the blanket. "He's... dangerous. Mom kind of pulled her own version of witness protection when we were young."

"Oh," Aaron says again. Eli looks upset now, and Aaron feels like shit for bringing it up. "Hey, I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about it."

He offers Eli a hand to squeeze, the way Eli's been doing for him the past few days.

Eli glances up, smiling softly as he takes Aaron's hand, squeezing it gently and running his thumb over the knuckles.

"It's okay. Sorry I never have any fun answers to your questions," he says.

Aaron's heart thumps at the feeling of Eli's thumb stroking his hand. When it's just the two of them like this, late at night, he can almost forget about the rest of the harsh, terrible world and just live in the softness of this moment.

He gives Eli a wry smile. "It's okay. I mean, me and Andrew's backstory isn't exactly a barrel of laughs either."

Aaron hesitates. "I meant to ask about what you said before, about not wanting the cops to know about you. Is that—you don't have to answer. But uh, I'm guessing that was related to the stuff with your dad?"

"Yeah," Eli says quietly. "I think I said before how our mom was really paranoid? She had a good reason to be, with our dad. She only got one set of papers for us, because he was looking for two boys. So, y'know, technically only one of us exists."

He shrugs, avoiding looking at Aaron.

"That's fucked," Aaron says. "It makes sense, though. You guys must have to be really careful about it all the time."

He can't imagine trying to live his life in hiding like that, having to share an identity with his brother. In a weird way, it’s kind of the inverse of how he and Andrew grew up. The two of them didn't know each other existed, whereas Neil and Eli have to pretend one of them doesn't exist.

Eli nods, risking a glance at Aaron and is relieved to find only concern there. They're still holding hands, too, which is nice.

"We dye our hair, too," he says, something Andrew hasn't even been told, but may have guessed by now. "We're probably due to touch it up, honestly."

Aaron's eyebrows go up. "What's your real hair color, then?" He tilts his head, trying to imagine Eli with different colors of hair.

"Red," Eli says. "But more brown than orange. It figures that we had to get a really notable hair color, too. Mom hated it."

"Yeah, that sounds like a lot of work to try to hide,” Aaron says. He squints at Eli, trying to picture him with reddish brown hair. He thinks it would look good on Eli, but so would anything, Aaron’s pretty sure.

"Okay, I'll stop grilling you so we can actually watch this.” Aaron lets go of Eli's hand and scoots closer to him on the couch to slump against his shoulder, his finger hovering over the play button. The warmth of Eli's body is comforting, reminding Aaron where he is and keeping the shivering remnants of his nightmares at bay. "Is this okay?"

Aaron lets go of his hand and Eli feels painfully disappointed, only for that to disappear in the next moment when Aaron scoots close to him. All thoughts of his past are replaced with the giddiness of the boy he likes sharing his space.

"Yeah, this is good," he says. He hesitates a moment, then lifts his arm and wraps it around Aaron's shoulder and gently tugs him closer. "Here, get comfy. I'm hoping you're going to fall back asleep at some point so I don't want you laying on your neck at a weird angle."

Aaron leans further into Eli, a pleasant squirmy feeling running through him as Eli tucks him in close. Eli is so warm and he smells good. Aaron feels so incredibly safe with him, but he still grimaces at the idea of falling asleep again.

"I'd rather not sleep if I can help it," Aaron admits. "I'll just wake up freaking out again."

"Then I'll calm you back down," Eli says immediately. "You need sleep, Aaron. How are you supposed to remember all those crazy medical facts when you're hallucinating from sleep deprivation? I mean, I can't make you, obviously, but like. If you start to feel drowsy, don't fight it, okay?"

He runs his palm up and down Aaron's upper arm, wishing he could do more than offer himself as a pillow. He feels pretty useless.

Aaron sighs. "I know I can't avoid sleeping forever, I just... it sucks. I keep seeing—" He cuts himself off, feeling sick. He knows Eli’s right, though. "I guess I can try.”

"I know," Eli sympathizes. "I'm sorry. But not sleeping isn't the answer. And I'll be here when you wake up."

Eli and Abram had to catch whatever sleep they could, nightmares be damned, because slowed reflexes and impaired cognitive function could get them or their mother killed. Unfortunately this means the only advice Eli really has to offer is 'sleep anyway and have someone hold you after you wake up screaming.'

Aaron nods reluctantly. He hits play on the remote and pulls the blanket closer around them, wiggling to get comfortable. "Thank you," he says softly.

"Anything, any time," Eli says back, glad he can offer at least a little bit of support. He waits until Aaron settles down, then turns his attention to the movie, absentmindedly stroking Aaron's arm. His eyes start to droop somewhere near the middle, and not long after that he's fallen asleep.

Chapter 20 Summary:

The Twinyards go for a drive.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- references to Andrew's past
- references to self-harm
- dissociation
- smoking

Chapter Text

Andrew spends most of the night staring up at the underside of Aaron's empty bunk, unable to sleep. He tries to, but his body keeps remembering the fear and horror of the last time he was in this bed and won't let him relax. He only manages to drift off into a light half-sleep for a half hour or so in the early morning before Kevin's alarm clock wakes up the entire room.

"Shut it off," Nicky groans.

Kevin slaps his arm around blindly until he finally manages to hit the button, then immediately falls back asleep. Andrew yanks him out of bed, blankets and all, and dumps him onto the floor, and Kevin hisses at him like an angry cat.

Morning responsibilities now taken care of, Andrew heads out into the living room. He stops in his tracks when he sees Aaron and Eli cuddled up together on the couch fast asleep. Andrew’s eye twitches.

"Oh my god," Nicky whispers from behind him. Andrew cuts him a glare and Nicky pouts. "Andrew, come on, even you have to admit that's adorable."

Eli isn't sure what wakes him up, but he knows he wants to go back to sleep. He's warm and comfortable, and he didn't wake up with a start so that probably means they're safe. He rubs his face against his pillow.

"Shut up, Abram," he grumbles.

A quiet laugh, and then a voice that definitely does not belong to his brother whispers, "Who's Abram?"

Eli blinks his eyes open to find a phone pointed at him, held by Nicky. He squints, then becomes aware of Aaron still curled up asleep against him. It takes probably too long for him to realize that Nicky must be taking pictures.

"Send me those," Eli says, and Nicky smiles blindingly at him.

"You got it," he says. Aaron makes a little rumbling noise, turning his head further into Eli's chest, and Nicky covers his mouth to dampen the sound he emits. "Oh my god."

"Shut up," Eli hisses. "You're gonna wake him up."

"He needs to wake up," Kevin says from the kitchen. "We have practice."

Then he presses a button on the blender, the loud noise making Aaron flinch awake. Eli is going to kill Kevin Day.

Andrew ignores his idiots as much as he can while getting ready for the day. Kevin tries to foist a horrible protein shake on him and sputters indignantly when Andrew shoves a Pop-Tart into his mouth instead. At morning practice, Aaron seems a little more awake than he did yesterday, like maybe he's actually gotten some sleep for once. So Andrew supposes Eli's useful for that at least.

After practice, Andrew drives them all back to the dorm. Eli gets out of the back, but instead of leaving with the others, he slides into the passenger seat. Andrew stares at him and waits for whatever fresh bullshit this is about to be.

"Hey," Eli says. Kevin, Abram, and Aaron have gotten out already, but Nicky stills in the backseat, leaning forward and listening in. "Wanna get a milkshake? My treat."

Andrew blinks at him. "You know I'm the other twin, right.”

Eli rolls his eyes.

"Yes, Andrew, I know which one you are," he says. "I need to talk to you and thought I'd be nice about it, but if you're turning down a free milkshake maybe I will ask Aaron instead."

Andrew sucks on his teeth consideringly for a few moments. "Nicky, get out."

"But—" Nicky protests. Andrew meets his eyes in the rearview mirror and Nicky pouts. "Fine." He leaves in a huff.

Andrew starts up the car and cranks the music up deafeningly loud, then heads off in the direction of a nearby diner.

Eli settles into his fancy new spot up front with plenty of leg room and tries to pretend like his ears aren't suffering permanent damage. Luckily, the place Andrew takes them to isn't far away.

Andrew orders a large chocolate milkshake and Eli gets a hot chocolate. For a few long moments neither of them say anything, then Eli puts his cup down.

"So. Here's the thing," he starts. "You're my friend, and it would really suck if I had to kill you. But I'll do it without hesitation if you hurt my brother. Do you understand?"

Andrew stops sucking on his straw. Oh. That's what this is about.

"He told you," Andrew says warily, not really a question. He supposes he isn't surprised, he just wasn't expecting to have to deal with it this soon. "What did he say?"

"Of course he told me," Eli says, surprised. He wonders when Andrew will actually absorb the fact that he and Abram are practically a singular being.

"He didn't have any complaints," he says. "He said he asked you to, and you were the one who said you two should stop, and he said he wants to do it again."

Eli takes another sip of his hot chocolate.

"I should be clear about this. I don't think you'll hurt him. If I were to trust my brother with anyone else, it would be you," he says. "But just so you have fair warning, if you do hurt him, I will kill you."

Relief floods through Andrew and his body lets go of a tension he didn't know he was holding. Neil did want it. He wants it again. Andrew didn't force him or pressure him into anything.

The idea that Eli trusts Andrew with Neil, though, that's... fuck. It's a lot. Andrew knows exactly what that means, how significant it is for Eli to tell him that. He hadn't expected Eli to be okay with this at all, let alone to practically give them his blessing.

Andrew nods. "If I hurt him, you have my permission to kill me," he says, no trace of humor in his voice. "I would not fight you on it."

Eli nods his acknowledgement, appreciating the words. He truly doesn't think Andrew will hurt his brother. Not intentionally, at least.

"The last thing I needed to talk to you about," Eli speaks up again after a while. "Are you out? Abram mentioned something and I realized I didn't actually know, so I figured I'd ask before I go spilling your secrets everywhere by accident."

Andrew blinks and shakes his head. "Only you, Neil and Renee know." It’s not that Andrew is ashamed of it, only that it's not anyone else's business. In retrospect, he probably should have warned Eli, but it had slipped his mind, piled on top of all the secrets they've already been keeping for each other.

"Renee? Really?" Eli knows she and Andrew are about as friendly as Andrew lets people get, and that the rest of the upperclassmen are very unhappy about it. But he hadn't realized they were 'revealing closeted sexualities' close.

"Huh, okay." Eli shrugs. "I'll keep my mouth shut about it, then."

Andrew nods, taking Eli's word for it. "The others were betting on us,” he explains. “I didn't want her to get her hopes up."

Eli raises his eyebrows.

"Did Renee have a crush on you?" he asks, amused. "You must have crushed her poor little heart when you told her."

Andrew rolls his eyes. "If she did, she is long past it by now. I'm sure getting to beat me into the ground afterward was an adequate remedy for any disappointment she may have felt."

"That's a good point," Eli allows. "Good for her. Next time I'm rejected I'll beat their ass and be done with it."

"As long as it's not Aaron," Andrew warns him. "Speaking of which. What's going on between you two? He says he is straight, but I'm beginning to wonder if he's actually just stupid."

Eli laughs.

"There's nothing going on," he says, and it's true. "He's been avoiding sleeping, and when he does he has nightmares. Also I think he's not really used to being touched by people? Like even Nicky doesn't really hug him or anything, that I've seen, and he's the touchiest out of you guys."

He continues, glad he can share his theory with someone. "But I'm pretty touchy, so I think he's like, making up for it with me. Katelyn too, but she's also generally pretty hands off unless she's trying to be annoying."

At the mention of Aaron's nightmares, Andrew's insides curl up in shame. Right. Of course Aaron isn't sleeping. He had to defend Andrew against a monster in their bedroom. He had to kill someone, too. Most people are bothered by that sort of thing.

Part of Andrew still prickles defensively at the idea of anyone else being a significant person in his twin’s life. Of Aaron having friendships and connections outside of Andrew and Nicky. But Aaron does seem... better, lately. Less miserable and angry all the time. More like he's beginning to find Andrew merely annoying and difficult rather than completely intolerable.

"I think you are good for him," Andrew says, his mouth twisting in disgust. It's an enormous concession, but it feels necessary to balance things out now that Eli has decided to trust him with Neil. Andrew drinks some of his milkshake to wash away the bitter taste of his words. "Don't let it go to your head," he adds sourly.

"Too late," Eli says, grinning. Andrew's approval, reluctantly given as it is, makes him feel wonderfully warm.

He finishes off his hot chocolate, wondering if he should keep this next part to himself. But after a moment he says, "He wants to talk to you about something. When he tries, will you try to listen?"

Andrew narrows his eyes, not liking that Eli knows something he doesn't. But he supposes there's no harm in just agreeing to listen. It doesn't mean Andrew has to agree to whatever it is that Aaron wants.

"I would have listened anyway," he says irritably. "He just thinks I don’t, because he assumes things about me and does not ask the right questions."

"Wow, something you two have in common," Eli gasps dramatically, then laughs at the look Andrew gives him.

"Alright, that's all I've got," he says. "You wanna get another milkshake for the road?"

Andrew does, in fact, want another milkshake for the road. He recognizes that he is absolutely being handled by Eli right now, who has somehow learned how to manage his moods better than anyone else, save for maybe Neil. But Andrew’s irritation about that is unfortunately less potent than his desire for more ice cream. In any case, Kevin's squawk of outrage when Andrew walks into the dorm sipping on it is enough to make up for the indignity of having his weaknesses known.

*****

Aaron has run this scenario through his head plenty of times, and unfortunately most of them end in Andrew telling him to fuck off and wandering off to do whatever it is he does. Which is why Aaron tries to catch him in a good mood—or, good for Andrew. He waits until Andrew comes back from hanging out with Neil, which he seems to enjoy, weirdly enough.

But whatever. Andrew comes back to the dorm. Aaron is sitting on the couch, and he waits for Andrew to grab himself a soda and a snack from the kitchen before he twists around.

"Andrew?" he says, trying not to sound as jittery and anxious as he feels. "Can we go for a drive?"

Andrew's mind flashes back to the last time Aaron joined him on an impromptu drive, and he narrows his eyes, suspicious. But he remembers what Eli said, that Aaron wants to talk to him about something. And Andrew had agreed to listen.

"Fine," Andrew says. He grabs his keys. "Let's go."

Aaron tries to hide his surprise at how easy that was, and Nicky gapes at them. Aaron flips him off as he leaves, trailing behind Andrew.

They're silent as they get in the car and Andrew pulls out of the parking lot. The silence remains for another few minutes as Aaron stares out the window. He's tried to figure out how to start this conversation for days. He even asked Katelyn for advice, and though she was moderately helpful, it still feels daunting.

"Fuck," he says under his breath. Then, louder, for Andrew to hear, he admits, "I don't really know how to say this."

Andrew's tension ratchets up higher the longer Aaron goes without speaking. He has no idea what this is about, but the shifty, nervous way Aaron is acting makes him certain he's not going to like it.

"Just say it," Andrew tells Aaron impatiently. He thinks again about Eli's request, grits his teeth and adds, "I will listen," just in case Aaron needs to hear it.

"Okay, um, well," Aaron says. "I want to try to... fix our relationship, I guess. I don't really know how, but I want to."

He picks at his nails. He's been doing it so much lately the area starts bleeding almost immediately.

"I really thought you hated me, you know?" he says. "I figured you had to, because you took away my mom and my friends, and then you took away the only thing that made life bearable. You made it so you were the only thing I had and then you wouldn't even talk to me. It was the only explanation that made sense."

"I get it now, kind of," he continues. "Eli helped explain shit. It still really fucking sucks, and I'm still really fucking pissed about a lot of it, but I kind of understand."

Andrew stays quiet and listens the way he promised to, but his irritation quickly flares into bitter anger at Aaron’s words. 'Taking away his mother' is a funny way to phrase Andrew doing exactly what Aaron had asked him to do: protect him. Same with Aaron’s shitty friends and his drugs. If Andrew had wanted him to suffer, he would not have promised to protect Aaron in the first place. That should be plainly obvious, but clearly Aaron doesn't see it that way.

"I do hate you," Andrew says, because it's true. He sees Aaron flinch in his peripheral vision and takes a breath, trying to explain himself. "I—I can't—"

Andrew cuts himself off with a growl, frustrated by his own difficulty with words, his inability to ever make himself heard or understood. He starts over, trying a different tactic. "You know a bit now about my life before we met, yes?"

He swallows against the sick choking feeling in his throat. "Drake Spear. He was not an exception. He was only the last one. Do you understand?" His finger taps rapidly against the steering wheel, over and over.

Only the last one. Aaron feels fucking sick. God. The Spears were the last family Andrew was with, which means that he was even younger when—

Aaron closes his eyes and tries to breathe through the sudden nausea. Jesus. Fuck.

"Yeah, I understand," Aaron says. He wishes he didn't.

Andrew nods and exhales slowly. "So I hate you," he says carefully. "And I hate Nicky. And I hate Kevin, and Neil, and Eli. There is nothing else that I can—"

He cuts himself off again, this time with a frustrated jerk of his hand. He does not know how else to explain it.

Fuck, it's like Andrew is speaking another language and Aaron is without an interpreter. It sounds like Andrew is just using 'hate' as a placeholder, but words mean things, and Aaron doesn't get why Andrew can never just say what he means.

"Okay," he says. So Andrew hates him, or maybe he doesn't. It doesn't change anything, really. "I guess... that's fine. If you hate us, or whatever. But I still want to fix this."

He looks at Andrew, whose face is scrunched in frustration. "Eli said you might want that, too. And I think it could be nice, if we were in each other's lives because we're brothers instead of because of a deal."

Eli, Eli, always thinking he knows best. How dare he presume to know what Andrew wants, much less go around telling people about it?

"I don't want anything," Andrew spits out. It's true, isn't it? It has to be the truth. It's not safe for anything else to be true. Ice cream, he can want. Sex, or an expensive car. Frivolous things that won't matter if they are ripped away from him. But he is not allowed to want any more than that.

He tries to calm down his spinning thoughts. What is Aaron actually saying here? "What do you mean, 'fix this'?" Andrew asks, his voice straining with the effort to hold back his anger.

Somehow, this is going worse than Aaron thought it would. He thought maybe Andrew would get annoyed and kick him out of the car, or maybe say a few awful barbs about killing his mom. He did not expect this sort of simmering anger and inability to understand each other. Maybe they really are too different to make this work. Maybe Eli was wrong, and Andrew will be perfectly content walking away from him when their deal ends.

"Nevermind," Aaron mutters, scrunching himself down. "Forget it."

Andrew fumes. "This conversation was your idea. I do not understand what you mean. Explain it.”

Aaron picks a piece of skin off the edge of his thumb, blood pooling in the area. The stinging pain is grounding.

"Fuck, Andrew, I just thought it would be nice if we could hang out without being at each other's throats all the time," he snaps. "Like maybe when we graduate you wouldn't disappear and I'd never hear from you again because we don't have one of your stupid deals tying us together anymore."

Andrew's stomach drops. He yanks the wheel and pulls off onto the shoulder of the road, ignoring the honking of horns around him. He cuts the engine and turns to Aaron, glaring at him.

"I would disappear?" Andrew says, voice pitching loud in his disbelief. "You are the one who—How can you—" He scowls, furious. Hating himself and Aaron and Tilda and the whole fucking world.

"You are my brother," Andrew bites out. "I don’t need a deal to stay. You are the one who can't stand to be around me."

"Jesus Christ, Andrew!" Aaron yells as Andrew swerves sharply off the road. He flinches back at Andrew's anger even as his own rises up.

"Because you act like I'm some terrible burden you never asked for!" he snaps back. "Because you isolated me from everyone and then wouldn't even fucking look at me! Because you'd rather have me dead than addicted!"

He takes a deep breath and holds it, trying to snuff out his bubbling anger. It only works a little bit.

"The only reason I agreed to your stupid deal in the first place is because you were miserable and pissed and I thought you'd run off the first chance you got," he says, crossing his arms.

Andrew starts laughing. Because—yeah, Aaron is right. He is a terrible burden that Andrew never asked for. So was Cass, and anyone or anything else that Andrew has ever cared about enough to try to keep for himself.

Andrew knows he is a corrosive poison. Aaron can clearly see it too, but he's too stupid to walk away. He just keeps letting Andrew clutch onto him with acid-soaked fingers, ruining him the way he ruins everything else he touches.

Andrew’s laughter cuts off and he stares into Aaron's livid gaze. "I am not a good person, Aaron. This—" Andrew waves an arm over himself, "it's all shit. Do you get that? There's nothing to fix, because I am nothing. You want a normal, happy brother who can love you. You don't want me."

Andrew's laughter is harsh and startling, but it's better than what he says next.

"Don't tell me what I want, Andrew," Aaron spits. " I don't give a fuck if you're a good person or not. I don't want some fucking perfect example of a twin. You're my brother and I just want you to give a shit about me without a price tag holding you to it."

Andrew thinks, in an oddly detached way, that he might be angrier about this than anything else Aaron has ever said or done. It cuts right through him, tears him to shreds.

"How can you believe I don't give a shit about you?" His voice is shaking with rage. "I have done everything for you. Leaving Cass. Killing Tilda. Accepting this stupid fucking Exy scholarship so you can become a stupid fucking doctor. I didn't want any of that, but I did it for you. You ungrateful piece of shit. What else can you possibly want from me? I have nothing else left to give you!"

Andrew is breathing hard, fists balled up at his sides in a desperate bid to stop himself from taking a swing at the window or at Aaron’s face. His self control is hanging on by a thread and he hates himself with an intensity that he hasn't felt since he was fourteen, bleeding lines into the bathroom sink.

"Yeah, except I didn't know any of that because you never fucking talk to me!" Aaron shouts. "You act like I'm just supposed to know what the things you do mean but I can't read your mind, Andrew! Every day you act like you'd be happier without me weighing you down and then you do something like accepting a scholarship and I'm just supposed to assume you did it for me?"

His hands are shaking, he realizes. The blood has dried around his thumbnail, maroon and flaky. Aaron squeezes his hands into fists. Releases. Does this a few more times.

Finally, he mumbles, "I am grateful, you know. For the scholarship. And for—"

Fuck, he can't even say it. Andrew never should have had to protect him from a rapist. He keeps circling back to how young he was. Nausea churns his stomach.

Andrew has run out of words.

He stares out the windshield at the winter-gray sky and the endless highway as the anger bleeds out of him, sluicing away like dirty water down a drain. He feels empty and exhausted, but there's a tiny flicker of relief there too, that Aaron might finally understand, or at least is beginning to.

Andrew does not know the words to say and he wouldn't be able to get them out even if he did. He pulls the key out of the ignition and gets out of the car, shivering in the cold wind from the cars passing by at high speed, then walks around the front of the car to Aaron's side and opens his door. Andrew holds out the keys to him, tilting his head in a silent question.

The longer Andrew remains quiet, the more hopeless Aaron becomes. When Andrew gets out of the car, his stomach drops, positive that he's really fucked things up beyond repair this time. Excellent job, Aaron, you only ever ruin the things you try to hold close—

And then his door is opening, and Andrew is offering him the keys, and Aaron is well and truly speechless.

Andrew never lets anyone drive his car, only him and very occasionally Nicky. He's certainly never let Aaron even touch the keys. Throat tight, Aaron nods, reaching out to take the keys in careful fingers.

He still doesn't understand his brother. He doesn't know what this gesture is trying to convey. I trust you? I'm sorry? I care about you? Something else entirely? Aaron can't say with certainty, but at least he knows it means something.

Andrew steps out of the way so Aaron can get out, and takes his seat on the passenger side.

He feels fragile and hollow, like a paper mâché balloon. Like Aaron could reach out and flatten him into a crumpled ball if he wanted to. But he’s starting to think Aaron might not do that, at least not on purpose.

Aaron sits in the driver's seat, glances at Andrew like he might change his mind. When he doesn't lean over and snatch the keys away, Aaron starts the car and pulls them back onto the highway.

It's weird, driving a car again. Aaron used to have a junker for a while before it crapped out on him completely, but he really enjoyed the freedom it brought him for a time. Now, though, he mostly feels anxious, like one small mistake will make Andrew realize he was right to never let Aaron drive before.

Andrew watches Aaron drive for a little while just for the sheer novelty of it. Then he turns to stare out the window, leaning his head against the doorframe.

The silence between them still isn't comfortable, but it feels different from earlier. Less simmering resentment and more… something else. Something new that Andrew doesn't know how to name yet.

Aaron glances at Andrew a few times while he drives, but mostly he just seems tired, shoulders slumped and head tilted towards the window. The rage from earlier seems to have left him completely, but it didn't leave anything in its place.

Unsure where else to go, he gets them back on the way to Fox Tower. Slowly, the anxiety leaves him, and he can enjoy the drive. The silence is a bit awkward, but much better than it was before.

Eventually, they arrive, and Aaron parks in Andrew's usual spot. He's tempted to say something, but he's not sure if Andrew would answer and being ignored by him right now might just kill him. So he only holds the keys out for Andrew to take.

Andrew accepts the keys. He gives Aaron a small nod and gets out of the car. He's not sure where this leaves them, but he doesn't have the capacity to figure it out right now. It will have to wait for another day. He waits for Aaron to get out before he locks the car and leads them upstairs.

Aaron follows after Andrew quietly. When they reach their room, Aaron feels his nausea return.

"Wanna go bother Eli and Neil?" he says suddenly. He feels Andrew's eyes on him but can't will his stare away from the doorknob. He just doesn't have the emotional capacity to be in this dorm room right now, and he hates the idea of his brother being in there, too.

Andrew shrugs. He follows Aaron down the hall to the Jostens' room, then pulls out his keys to unlock the door.

"Oh, come on," Matt grumbles when he sees them. Andrew pockets his keys with a conspicuous jangle and Matt gapes at him. "How the fuck did you get a key to our place?"

Upon hearing this, Neil's voice calls from the bedroom, "Andrew's here?"

His head pops out from around the doorframe and he says "Hey Andrew. Oh. And Aaron."

"Aaron's here?" Eli's muted voice says.

Aaron gives Neil a lackluster middle finger while Matt points accusingly at him. "Neil! Did you do this!?"

"Do what?" Neil asks, as if he doesn't already know.

The Jostens exit their room, and Eli makes his way to Aaron's side with a smile, leaning against his shoulder and taking his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before dropping it again. Aaron immediately feels a little better.

Andrew traces his eyes over Neil's lips and shoulders and hands and his terrible fucking clothes. He allows himself to zone out into it, watching as the others greet each other and banter. He feels like he's not quite in his body. It's not a particularly pleasant feeling, but he doesn't feel like he needs to escape just yet, so he simply floats inside his head for a while and waits to see if anything will happen that requires his attention.

Neil wanders over to Andrew, tilting his head in that weird way of his while they stare at each other like weirdos. Eli tugs at Aaron's sleeve and when Aaron cocks an eyebrow at him, he asks, "You okay?"

Aaron hesitates, eyes flicking to Andrew and back to Eli, who definitely picks up on this. Aaron shrugs.

"Roof?" he hears Neil say to Andrew.

Andrew blinks and looks at Aaron with a slight crease in his brow, wondering if he objects to Andrew leaving.

Surprised that Andrew is paying him any mind at all, Aaron nods his head towards the door. It's fine if they're on the roof. He just doesn't want Andrew stepping in that fucking room again.

"Right," Matt says, apparently tired of being ignored. "I'm going to go see if Dan wants to go somewhere."

He gives a lazy wave goodbye and heads out, Neil and Andrew on his heels.

It's cold and windy on the roof, and Andrew has to cup his hand around the flame to light his cigarette. He offers it to Neil, who accepts, then he lights another for himself.

Neil seems content to sit next to Andrew and do nothing at all, switching between looking out over campus and silently watching him. Andrew leans back against a cement pillar and gazes unseeingly off the roof, letting the cold wind and smoke in his lungs numb him inside and out.

He thinks today was probably necessary for him and Aaron. Maybe even good. But he has nothing left in him to manage the aftermath of it. Neil's quiet, undemanding companionship is all that he can handle right now, and Neil seems to know that without Andrew even having to ask.

*****

As soon as the other three leave, Eli tugs Aaron over to the couch, where he all but collapses. Eli sits next to him, taking his hand and thumbing over his knuckles.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" he asks.

"We went for a drive and talked," Aaron says. "It was... difficult. Kind of fucking awful. There was a lot of yelling. He said he hates me, but also that he hates Nicky and Kevin and you guys?"

He squeezes his fingers lightly in Eli's. "I told him I want to fix our relationship, and I thought he might want that too, but he got pissed and said he doesn't want anything. But then he also got mad at me for saying I thought he’d disappear after graduation and never talk to me again. And then he let me drive the GS on the way back."

He looks at Eli, hoping he can help him make sense of all that. He doesn't mention the other thing Andrew said, about Drake not being the only one. It's not something anyone else needs to know, not unless Andrew wants to tell them himself.

Aaron looks hopelessly confused. It's both a very endearing and very heart wrenching look on him.

"I can give you my interpretation of all that, if you want, but I can't be sure it's right," Eli offers.

"Yes please," Aaron says, desperate for any kind of an explanation.

"Oh," he remembers, "he also said he only took the Exy scholarship here so that I could go to school too. I never knew that. He said it was like with Mom and Cass." Aaron’s stomach turns and he squeezes Eli's hand harder. "That he's done everything for me. But I don't know why he didn't just tell me all that from the start. How was I even supposed to know?"

Eli hums.

"Okay, well. It can be dangerous to care about people," he says. "Before I came here the only person I cared about at all was Abram. But you and Andrew met later. Maybe saying he hates you is the only way he can admit that he cares and still keep himself safe. That way if something ever happens, like if you die or reject him or hurt him he can say it doesn't matter, because he only ever hated you anyway."

"I have no idea what letting you drive could mean, though," Eli shrugs. "Sorry."

"Do you remember when me and Andrew got into it at Sweetie's and he didn't talk for like a week?" he asks. When Aaron nods, he continues, "I think maybe Andrew has a hard time saying things sometimes. And if he ever came out and said those things were for you, you'd realize how much he's willing to do for you, and then you could use it against him."

Aaron listens, frowning and nodding. "I never thought about it being dangerous to care about people. I guess that could be part of it. Or maybe he does care about me but he also hates me at the same time?"

He thinks of how Andrew brought up Drake and the others while trying to explain why he hated him. It seemed completely unrelated as far as Aaron could tell, but he’s sure Andrew must have brought it up for a reason. It's not the sort of thing he would just casually drop in conversation. Maybe he thought it would help Aaron understand what he meant, but Aaron only feels more confused.

"I think you're right that talking is hard for him," he says. "That's happened before, where he just doesn't talk for a long time. After we first moved in with Nicky, he barely talked for like, three months. And then only ever to me, not anybody else. Man, I almost forgot that happened."

It was really annoying, especially at school, because they shared almost all their classes and Andrew refused to answer the teachers, so Aaron had to speak for him. He assumed Andrew was just being a dick or doing it to mess with him, but maybe his brother had actually been struggling and was truly unable to make himself talk. Aaron doesn't know. He wishes he did.

"I don't want to keep assuming things about him," he says, the thought solidifying as he speaks it out loud. He's not sure about much else when it comes to dealing with Andrew, but he thinks that's a good starting point. "I think I should talk to him again and try to get more answers directly. If he's willing to answer."

He'd been surprised by how much Andrew was actually willing to tell him today. It wasn't the usual feeling Aaron gets from talking to his brother, which is akin to running headfirst into a brick wall that hates your guts. He thinks Andrew was actually trying to communicate with him this time. Which must mean he does want something, right? At the very least, he wants Aaron to understand certain things about him. That's a lot different than wanting nothing from him at all, like he claimed.

Eli nods.

"Yeah, that would probably be a good idea," he says. "I'm just guessing. But maybe give it a couple days? Or at least until you know he's not having trouble talking. And some advice for you: don't let him push you around, but if he says to stop talking about something, listen, okay?"

"Yeah," Aaron agrees. "I can do that. Or I can try, at least. God, it’s just so fucking hard to stay calm when I'm talking to him. It's like most of the time he's being infuriating on purpose, but somehow it’s even worse when he's not trying to be."

Aaron sighs. "Do you and Neil ever fight like this?"

"Not really," Eli says. "I don't get mad at Abram. He gets pissed at me sometimes, but he usually wears himself out and listens to logic eventually. I just have to wait him out."

He can't imagine having such a fraught relationship with Abram. It would tear him apart, being on such bad terms.

Aaron raises his eyebrows. "Seriously, you don't ever get mad at him? Like at all? How is that possible?"

Eli remembers the sick feeling of anger he'd felt towards Abram that night at Eden's. He never wants to feel that again; it was completely at odds with who he is.

"I don't—Everything I do is for Abram," Eli says, confused. "How could I get mad at him?"

Aaron shrugs. "I mean, Andrew says he does everything for me, but he's plenty capable of being mad at me too. So I don't think those things cancel each other out, necessarily. Maybe it's just cause you're a nicer person than he is?"

Eli laughs. "I'm not a very nice person, Aaron. I don't think that's it."

Aaron shrugs again and smirks. "You're nice to me, I think that's what counts."

"Yeah, well, you're easy to be nice to," Eli says, which isn't entirely true. Aaron has some intense wary-stray-dog behavior, suspicious of kindness at first. But given enough time and consistency, he accepts it easier and easier. He just has to warm up to you first.

"Maybe you could tell that to Andrew," Aaron says dryly. "I don't think he got the memo."

He checks the time. "I gotta head out for class in a minute, but would you mind if I came over later just to study in here? I might drag Andrew along too, if he lets me. It's just, being in our room..." He trails off and shakes his head. "He acts like it doesn't bother him, because of course he does, but I'm not sure he's actually slept a full night since we moved back in."

Eli frowns.

"I can't believe they put you guys back there," he says. "Of course you're not going to sleep or feel safe there anymore."

An idea starts to form in his head, but he decides to talk to Abram and Matt before mentioning it. Best not to get any hopes up.

"You and Andrew can come hang out here whenever you want," he says. "No invite needed. I should get you a key, too, actually."

"Matt's going to kill you," Aaron says, but he can't stop himself from smiling at the thought of Eli wanting him to have a key too. "But yeah, I agree, it's kind of fucked. I guess they didn't have any other open rooms, so it was that or nothing."

He gets up from the couch, giving Eli's hand one last squeeze. "Okay, I gotta go or I'll be late. I'll see you at practice and then come over after, yeah?"

"Yeah," Eli smiles helplessly at Aaron. "Good luck in class."

He waits until Aaron shuts the door behind him to dig out his phone, texting Abram his idea along with a request that he doesn't tell Andrew just yet, then messages Matt to come back to the dorm.

It takes a lot of convincing on their part. Some begging, some guilting, some promises to watch a list of movies with him, but eventually Matt agrees, too. Perfect.

*****

Practice goes poorly today, with Kevin starting off in a shit mood that only gets worse the more Andrew spaces out and ignores him. Aaron and Eli both try to get Kevin to back the fuck off, but he doesn't listen, and Aaron sighs as his brother eventually walks off the court despite Wymack's yelling.

He finds Andrew after practice, showered and fully dressed in the locker room like nothing happened. At least Kevin manages to keep his mouth shut on the drive back to the dorm. Kevin and Nicky head directly into their room, but Aaron stops Andrew at the door again. Andrew looks at him with dead eyes and Aaron tries not to flinch.

"I'm going over to Eli and Neil's room to study, do you want to come with? They said we can hang out whenever," Aaron offers.

Andrew turns away and follows the others into their room, and Aaron's heart sinks. Damn it.

He follows Eli to his room and starts pulling out his books at Eli's desk. A few minutes later, Aaron looks up in surprise as Andrew comes in carrying a pint of ice cream and drops down on the couch next to Neil without a word. Aaron looks back down at his homework, that tiny hopeful feeling blooming in his stomach again.

Eli exits the kitchen to find his people all in one room, which makes this next part easier. He plops down into the chair and says, "Hey, Aaron, before you get too into studying I wanted to ask you guys something."

When Aaron looks at him curiously, Eli smiles. "Would you be willing to switch dorms with us? I know how much trouble you've been having with sleep, and you can't keep passing out on your couch. You never should've been expected to go back to that room in the first place, and maybe if you're all over here it will be easier to sleep."

He deliberately doesn't mention that this is for Andrew, too, putting the weight of his reasoning solely on Aaron. Andrew will probably see through it, but maybe it'll make it easier for him to accept the help, if it's on Aaron's behalf.

Aaron stares at Eli, not sure if he's being serious. He knows Eli wouldn't joke about something like this, but the idea that it's a legitimate offer seems equally outlandish. Aaron looks at Matt over in the kitchen, expecting him to shoot this down, but Matt just shrugs at him and nods. Neil rolls his eyes but also doesn't protest.

"Are you guys actually serious?" Aaron asks. God, it would make everything so much easier for him and Andrew. But then Eli, Neil and Matt would have to stay in that horrible room instead. Aaron doesn't like that either, but he likes the idea of Andrew staying there much less.

"Yeah, of course," Eli says. Aaron has a reluctantly hopeful look on his face and it kind of makes him want to plant kisses all over it. Instead, he tugs his legs up onto the chair, wraps his arms around them, and rests his chin on his knees.

"It doesn't bother us," he says, nodding at Abram. "And Matt can be bought."

"Hey," Matt protests, but it's weak because he knows it's true.

Aaron's heart aches at the easy way Eli offers the trade. Like it's not a huge pain in the ass for them to move dorm rooms in the middle of the year just to make Aaron and Andrew's lives a little better. What the fuck. Eli is so fucking kind that it actually hurts Aaron's chest to think about it too much.

Aaron looks at his brother, anxious about what his response will be. Andrew is idly chipping away at his ice cream with a spoon and he looks up from it with a blank expression. If it were anyone else, Aaron might think he hadn't even been listening to the conversation.

"Can we?" Aaron asks him. He's not going to bother asking Kevin or Nicky. Whatever Andrew says, the others will follow.

After a long moment, Andrew gives a limp shrug and goes back to staring at his ice cream.

Aaron takes that as a yes and looks back at Eli wide-eyed. "Okay," he says, overwhelmed. "Shit, I owe you guys so hard for this one. Thank you." Thank you doesn't even begin to cover it, but he doesn't know what else to say.

"You don't owe us anything," Eli assures, sending a soft smile Aaron's way.

"Actually—" Abram starts to say, and Eli grabs a pillow from behind himself and whips it at his brother's face, thwapping him in the side of his head. "Hey!"

Uncurling, Eli stretches. "Okay, well. Moving time!"

Matt heaves a great sigh, but nods his head and goes into the bedroom to start packing up his stuff.

"You want to go tell Kevin and Nicky?" Eli asks Abram. "Kevin will probably be pissy about the inconvenience."

That's enough for Abram to perk up as he nods.

Kevin is, in fact, pissy, but he gets over himself without anyone having to actually wave a knife at him. Nicky has zero complaints and is immediately and effusively grateful to the others, and Aaron realizes he's probably been just as worried about Andrew as Aaron has.

It takes a few hours to move everything around. Swapping the couches and TVs takes the most work, but they get it done in the end, and Nicky orders them all dinner as a thank-you to Eli, Neil and Matt. They eat together on the haphazardly placed couch and beanbags in the middle of their group's new room. Aaron looks over to Eli and gives him a grateful smile when Eli looks back.

It doesn't take nearly as long as Eli anticipated to switch all their things around. Everyone seems pretty happy with the results except Kevin, who is rarely happy with anything. Aaron keeps looking at Eli with this sort of grateful puppy-dog gaze and it makes his heart trip over itself every time.

During dinner, Eli wedges himself between Abram and Aaron on the couch, smushing Abram up against Kevin until the man gives up and switches to the floor. Pleased, Eli grabs a piece of pizza and turns to Aaron.

"You didn't miss out too bad with studying, right?" he asks. "Not going to bomb some test because I picked a bad time for this?"

Aaron shrugs. "Nah, it's as good a time as any. I can just catch up tomorrow. Neil, on the other hand..." Aaron eyes him. "Are you ready for your chemistry test tomorrow morning?"

Neil shoots Aaron a dirty look but it's tinged with guilt.

"Yeah, thought so," Aaron says. "Okay, what do you have left to cover?" He holds out his free hand and makes a grabbing motion for Neil.

Neil sighs but gets up and fishes around in his backpack for his notes. Kevin immediately tries to steal his spot back on the couch and Eli shoves him back down.

"Sit. Stay. Good boy," Eli tells Kevin, who glowers at him. Eli pats his head condescendingly and Kevin swats it away, offended.

Dinner passes with Aaron helping Abram grudgingly studying for his chemistry test. Eli is beyond grateful that he won the coin flip that decided which classes they'd each take. Fuck chemistry. Nicky and Matt have a lighthearted discussion about... something. Eli isn't sure. A movie? A TV show? Some form of media. Kevin complains, as he always does, about the nutrition of what they're eating, but Eli cajoles him into a second slice of pepperoni. Andrew sits quietly, watching them with a bored expression, looking about as content as he ever does.

"Don't you have homework to do?" Abram whines at him after some time.

"Nah, I finished the history essay before practice," Eli shrugs. Abram turns on his pouty look and Eli cocks an eyebrow, flicking a glance at Andrew and back to Abram. Save it for Andrew. Abram flushes.

Matt heads out after dinner, but not before Nicky goes through a whole round of thanking him again. Eventually the others leave to go to night practice with Andrew filing after them silently as their chauffeur, and it's just Aaron and Nicky left in the dorm. Nicky tries to talk to him and check in about how he's doing, and Aaron tells him he's fine, which is at least a little more true than it was before they moved rooms.

When he gets too tired to keep studying, Aaron follows Nicky off to their new bedroom. He falls asleep easily, and though he still wakes up with a start when Andrew gets back from night practice, and then again several more times throughout the night when he jerks awake from nightmares, at least tonight it's a relief to wake up and realize where he is, instead of an additional source of panic.

He and Eli text sporadically back and forth throughout the night, sending each other a message each time they wake up. Sometimes they're both awake at the same time, and sometimes not. It's still not an easy night, but Aaron manages to get some decent sleep, and in the morning he feels better than he has since the attack.

Chapter 21 Summary:

Neil attends a banquet. Abram stays home.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- dissociation/DID-type symptoms
- references to Drake
- threats of rape
- fighting

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Eli and Abram argue about the Christmas banquet. Eli absolutely refuses to let his brother face Riko again, but Abram wants him to stay back, too. Honestly, Eli is tempted, but he doesn't want any of his people around Riko, and it's not like the Foxes as a whole can skip it.

So when the day arrives, Eli once again shrugs on the Neil Josten persona while Abram sulks.

Neil heads to the bus, giving Wymack a nod and going to wait near Andrew until the doors open to let them all in.

Aaron brings Katelyn as his ‘date’ again for the Christmas banquet. Normally he doesn't give a shit about these events, but Eli is coming along this time instead of Neil and Aaron is admittedly a little interested to see him all dressed up in his fancy clothes. He’s also looking forward to spending time hanging out with his two best friends, even if most of that time will be on a boring seven-hour bus ride.

Aaron is confused and disappointed, and more than a bit hurt when Eli goes right over to wait by Andrew without even glancing at him. Aaron tries to catch Eli's eye but Eli doesn't look at him. Is Eli mad at him? Did Aaron do something to piss him off? It seemed like everything was fine the night before, during the Foxes' end-of-semester party. Eli was smiling and chatting with Aaron with no indication that anything was wrong.

They pile onto the bus and Aaron sits with Katelyn, hoping that he's just reading too much into things and Eli will come sit near them soon.

Neil and Andrew don't talk, but Andrew does give him a quick glance. They file onto the bus, and Neil sits in front of Andrew near the back, settling in for a long, boring drive. He runs through his Spanish vocabulary in his head as he stares out the window, ignoring the curious looks some of the Foxes cast his way.

Hours pass that way, until they pull over at a rest stop for everyone to change. Nicky insisted on Neil not wearing the same thing as last time, so now he's in an uncomfortably tight suit. He leaves the jacket unbuttoned and the tie undone because he hates it, just draping it around his neck to be abandoned once back on the bus.

Aaron keeps glancing back at Eli, but Eli just ignores him and stares out the window. It makes Aaron's chest hurt more each time it happens and eventually he forces himself to stop looking. Maybe Eli's just having a really bad day?

Katelyn whispers to Aaron to ask what's up with Eli, and Aaron shakes his head, saying he doesn't know. She gives him a sympathetic look and squeezes his arm, and he's pathetically grateful for the comfort. She does her best to distract him by talking about other things for the remainder of the bus ride, but after the first few hours she falls asleep on his shoulder and Aaron is left alone with his thoughts.

They stop and get out to change before arriving at Breckenridge. On the way back to the bus, Aaron hurries to catch up to Eli and nudges his shoulder.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Aaron asks, trying to sound normal and not upset.

Neil tilts his head at Aaron, confused.

"I'm fine," he says. "Why?"

Aaron keeps sending Neil these weird wounded looks and it almost makes him feel bad, a bit, but it's not like Neil's done anything to Aaron.

Aaron frowns, taken aback by Eli's short response. He doesn't seem like he's upset with Aaron or anything, more like he just... isn't interested in him at all.

Aaron blinks and swallows around a sudden lump in his throat. "Uh. No reason I guess. Did you want to come sit with me and Katelyn on the bus for a bit?" They're only half an hour or so away from the school, but he figures he'll ask anyway.

Neil looks from Aaron to Katelyn and shrugs.

"As long as you don't make me do homework," he says, still sore about having to study chemistry after hours of helping switch furniture around.

"What?" Aaron says, completely thrown. "Why would I make you do homework?"

Eli's not even a student at PSU. Is he taking a class somewhere else that Aaron isn't aware of? When would he even have the time for that? He's nearly always either at the dorm or at practice.

Neil rolls his eyes, approaching the bus. "Excellent question."

He gets on and sees Katelyn, who waves at him as he nears. He nods at her.

"Hi, Eli!" she beams. "You look so good!"

Neil pauses, startled.

"I'm not Eli," he says. His heart rate picks up just a bit and his brows furrow in confusion. "I'm Neil."

"Oh, right, sorry," Katelyn says. "I forgot. Promise I won't call you that when we're there."

This only confuses him more.

Eli does, in fact, look very good, but Aaron isn't even able to appreciate it because he's so preoccupied with how weird Eli’s acting.

Aaron slides into his seat next to Katelyn and Eli sits in front of them, seeming a bit awkward about it. "Are you sure you're okay?" Aaron asks him, his eyebrows drawn together in concern.

Allison drops into Eli's seat with a grin, practically purring at him as she squeezes in alongside him. "Well, well, don't you clean up nice. Thanks for being my date, by the way." She pats down Eli’s lapel and reaches for the tie around his neck to start tying it for him. Aaron's jaw ticks in irritation.

Neil tries to push Allison's hands away but she has a firm grip and he gives up, slumping.

"Do I have to wear this?" he whines as she ties it around his neck.

"Yes," she says, finishing up and looking her work over with approval. Neil grabs at the tie and starts to loosen it but Allison slaps his hands off. "Leave it. You look great."

"Well I feel like I'm being strangled by a very weak child," he complains, but she only starts fixing his hair and he sighs, defeated.

Aaron and Katelyn exchange a confused look. Aaron is torn between relieved amusement that Eli so obviously does not want Allison draping herself all over him and growing concern at how strange Eli is acting. Eli just really doesn't seem like himself and it's kind of freaking Aaron out.

Aaron glances over at Andrew in his seat at the very back of the bus. Andrew stares back at him blankly. Aaron raises his eyebrows and motions his head toward Eli. Andrew blinks, then after a moment he looks away. Yeah, Aaron doesn't know what he expected there.

Allison keeps touching him, and Neil mostly puts up with it. He is supposed to be her date, after all. She seems a bit exasperated by him, but he doesn't know what she expected.

The rest of the drive is short, and before they pile off the bus, Wymack tells Kevin to stick close to Andrew and Neil.

Inside, the court is decorated with tables and a Christmas tree that is far too large. This time, the Foxes and Ravens aren't seated anywhere near each other, which is a relief. He doubts it's possible, but Neil would very much like to avoid having to face Riko tonight.

Eli continues to mostly ignore Aaron, and Aaron tries to shove down his own growing concern as they walk into the banquet. The Foxes are seated across from the Hornets, and Aaron grabs a seat next to Katelyn who cheerfully starts introducing herself to the other team's members. Aaron ignores all of them and watches Eli.

The Hornets are mostly fine. They don't pick any fights, at least, and soon enough Tetsuji is announcing rankings. The Foxes make it to the spring championship, ranked only behind the Ravens. When the announcements and congratulations are made, one of the Hornets tries to interrogate Neil about how they—meaning him and Kevin—managed to make it so far.

"Wasn't just us," Neil shrugs.

Dinner conversation is loud and boring, for the most part. Allison chats with one of the Hornets girls about some big fashion line, Kevin chats about Exy, and Aaron keeps looking at him. Neil doesn't know why. He meets Aaron's gaze and raises his eyebrows in question.

Eli finally meets Aaron's eye from down the table and raises his eyebrows like he has no idea why Aaron is looking at him. A sick jolt of rejection stabs through Aaron, and he feels his ears go hot. He looks away quickly, shame crawling over his skin.

It's stupid. He doesn't even know why he's so upset about this. If Eli wants to hang out with other people and ignore him for the day, he's allowed to do that. Aaron doesn't have any claim on his attention. He guesses he'd just gotten used to Eli wanting to be around him all the time, but maybe that wasn't ever going to last.

Aaron turns away, some sort of crumpled expression on his face, and Neil feels an echo of guilt, but he doesn't even know what he's doing to make Aaron look like that. But whatever, Katelyn can take care of him. Neil needs to focus on getting through the night, then he can figure out what Aaron's problem is.

Eventually, the dinner tables are carted off the court and loud music starts playing. The teams break apart to mingle and dance.

"Let's go," Allison says, grabbing his hand and pulling him forward. "We're going to dance."

Neil doesn't want to dance, and is very much regretting agreeing to be her date. He allows her two songs before he tells her he'd rather shoot himself in the face than spend another minute on the dance floor. She looks torn between being insulted and amused and waves him away.

He finds Kevin and Andrew lingering near the snack table and joins them, relieved to be free.

Aaron mopes throughout dinner and lets Katelyn pull him away to dance as soon as the tables are cleared away. She gives his shoulder a sympathetic squeeze as they sway back and forth.

"I'm sure it's nothing," she says quietly. "You guys can just talk it out when we get back to campus, right?"

Aaron nods and gives her a weak smile. He tries to look less pathetic and just put the Eli situation out of his mind, but every time he catches a glimpse of him across the room he feels a stabbing pain in his chest like someone's lodged a knife between his ribs. He apologizes to Katelyn for being such a shitty date and she gently shushes him.

After a while he goes off to the bathroom just to sulk and be alone for a bit. He runs into Nicky on his way back.

"Hey, what's going on with Eli?" Nicky asks him. "Have you noticed he's acting kind of weird?"

Aaron sighs heavily. "Yeah. I don't know."

"Are you okay?" Nicky says, frowning at him.

Aaron gives him a forced smile and a thumbs up. "Doing great, Nicky. Thanks for asking." He walks away before Nicky can respond.

It takes about half an hour for Riko to make his way over to them, and when he arrives his attention is solely focused on Kevin, even when Neil mouths off a bit. He thinks this is a bit strange, until he sees Jean Moreau lurking nearby. When their eyes meet, Jean jerks his head to the doors, and Neil's curiosity gets the better of him. With Andrew and Kevin preoccupied with Riko, Neil slinks off.

In the quiet hallway, Jean wastes no time. "You will come to Evermore over break, and you will train with the Ravens."

"Pass," Neil says, turning to head back, but Jean puts a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"Do not be an idiot," he says. "You are Riko's property, and the more you fight the worse it will be."

"I'm not anyone's property," Neil says, shrugging the hand off. "And I'm not afraid of Riko."

"Then you will do it for your goalkeeper," Jean says, mouth set in a harsh frown. Neil freezes.

"What? What about Andrew?" he demands.

"You did not think he was attacked at random, did you?" Jean sweeps a pitying look over him. "Riko did not even have to try very hard to arrange it. And Spear is not the only rapist in your goalkeeper's past. You are fond of him, yes? You will come to Evermore, and Riko will not send another after him."

Neil's feet are frozen to the ground, his eyes wide as he stares up at Jean. The tall man looks almost regretful as he reaches into his jacket and pulls out a piece of paper.

"Your ticket," he says simply, handing it to Neil. He turns away, striding back inside, leaving Neil alone in the hallway.

Riko set Andrew up. He sent Drake after him, to rape him. He's going to do it again, unless Neil stops him.

Feeling strangely detached from his body, Neil returns to the party. Riko is still taunting Kevin and Andrew, and he's suddenly overcome with rage at an intensity he's never felt before. Striding over, picking up speed, Neil clenches his hand into a fist. When he reaches Riko, he slams it into the side of his face without a word.

As Aaron walks toward the drinks table, he sees Andrew, Kevin and Riko gathered there. Riko's face is smug as he says something that Aaron can't hear. Then, from out of nowhere, Eli strides up to Riko with fury emanating from every inch of his body and punches him in the face in one smooth motion.

Aaron's jaw drops. He shoves his way through the crowd and by the time he gets to them, Eli and Riko are on the floor trading blows. They're only down for a few moments before Matt grabs Eli and drags him off Riko. One of the Ravens gets a hold of Riko as well. Eli and Riko lunge at each other furiously, trying to pull away from the hands that are holding them back.

Hands roughly yank Neil away from Riko and that just won't do. Fury is still pounding through him and he intends to take it out on Riko's worthless face.

"You're going to regret that," Riko promises, and somehow Neil breaks free enough to land another hit, noting with vicious glee the blood that drips from Riko's nose.

"If you even fucking think about—"

Wymack suddenly hauls Neil off of Riko like he weighs nothing at all. Neil struggles for another few moments before giving it up, snarling a twisted, murderous smile at Riko.

The coaches demand an explanation that neither Neil nor Riko are willing to give. They're given orders to keep their teams to either side of the court, and then Wymack is shoving Neil away, though the court door, with the Foxes following behind.

Aaron watches helplessly as Wymack pushes Eli onto a bench with bodily force. Katelyn and Nicky's date both hurry after the Foxes through the court door but Wymack waves them off impatiently. Katelyn shoots Aaron a worried look and he nods and waves to indicate that she should leave. She doesn't know about all the Moriyama bullshit, and he intends to keep it that way, to keep her safe from Riko's whole fucked up family. She frowns at him but follows Nicky's date back onto the court, throwing one last concerned look at Eli.

"What the hell was that?" Wymack says to Eli, furious.

Neil stays silent, grinding his teeth. When it's obvious that he's not going to say anything, Nicky asks, "No, really, what happened?"

"He hit Riko," Matt says. "It was beautiful."

"What?" Nicky squawks. "Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again. Or not," he adds quickly when Wymack levels a death glare at him.

"I'm waiting," Wymack says.

Neil looks at Andrew, who slowly raises an eyebrow at him. He looks at Aaron, who is watching him with concern. He doesn't want to say it in front of everyone, but what else is he supposed to do?

"Riko brought Drake here," Neil spits out.

The Foxes go silent. Aaron's ears are ringing as he looks at Andrew, who is frozen like a statue.

"No," Aaron says, shaking his head, his stomach churning. It can't be true. It's too horrible to even consider. "No way, Eli, that's not possible."

"Stop calling me that," Neil snaps. His hands are shaking from leftover adrenaline, and he's starting to feel the hits Riko landed.

"It was always weird that he would come here, especially when he was being investigated," Neil says, trying to keep his voice steady. "Riko has money and connections. He's not above hurting people. It makes sense."

Eli's voice when he snaps at Aaron is more harsh than he's ever spoken to Aaron before. It cuts Aaron down to the core and he flinches as though Eli's physically struck him. Who gives a fuck if he calls Eli by his real name right now? It's only the Foxes back here, and they all know who he actually is. Aaron has no idea why Eli would care about something so unimportant after what he's just told them.

Eli acts like he doesn't even notice Aaron's reaction. He keeps talking about Riko, and Aaron's hurt flares into anger. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Aaron spits out. "Why are you saying this?"

Neil glares at him. "Coach wanted to know what happened. That's what happened."

Nicky gapes at him. "He told you this?"

"Moreau did," Neil says.

In French, Kevin asks suspiciously, "Why would he tell you that?" When Neil doesn't respond, he continues, "Riko's using it against you somehow. What's he threatening? What does he want from you?"

"It doesn't concern you," Neil replies, also in French.

The glare Eli sends Aaron is angry and uncaring, and Aaron feels like someone is ripping his heart out of his chest. He's furious and hurt and so, so confused. His French isn't good enough yet to understand everything that Eli and Kevin say to each other next, especially with how fast they're both speaking.

Andrew finally speaks up in German, his voice flat and calm. "Do you believe he's telling the truth, Neil?"

Neil looks at Andrew, wondering how he can act so calm while Neil feels like he's losing his mind.

"Yeah, I do," he responds in German as well. "I should've stabbed him through his eye instead of punching him in the face."

"I'll take care of it," Andrew says. His hand goes to his armband, then drops away empty and Aaron remembers Wymack made him leave his knives on the bus. Andrew's eyes flick around the room and land on the Jackals' stick rack at the side of the court wall. He walks over to it and pulls out a heavy racquet, and heads toward the court door before Wymack stops him, grabbing onto the other end of the stick.

"The hell are you going with that?" Wymack barks.

"Let go," Andrew says evenly.

Aaron's brain finally catches up and he realizes that Andrew is going to murder Riko Moriyama in front of a room full of witnesses. "Andrew, you can't," he says, his voice breaking. "Please—"

Andrew's eyes flash at him, the first sign of any emotion breaking through since Eli dropped that bomb on them. "You know I hate that word," he says through his teeth. "Why would you use it?"

"I'm sorry," Aaron says, cursing himself. "Just don't—don't go out there."

Neil is entirely prepared to watch Andrew go kill Riko Moriyama. He'll hold him down while Andrew swings the racquet and high five him afterwards. It's only Aaron's pleading that reminds him there would be consequences to this.

"He's right," Neil says in German.

Andrew swings his gaze to Neil, visibly frustrated.

"You have promises to keep, Andrew. You can't do that from a prison cell," Neil reminds him. "At least wait until there aren't any witnesses."

Aaron watches Andrew's jaw clench as he struggles between his two choices.

"Coach, can we leave? Now?" Aaron asks desperately, before Andrew can make up his mind.

Wymack doesn't take his eyes off Andrew. "Renee, go get Katelyn and what's-his-name." He holds on tight to the racquet until Renee returns with them, then yanks it away from Andrew and tosses it off to the side. "Everyone back on the bus," he demands, still blocking Andrew's way onto the court.

For a moment Aaron thinks Andrew might just try to kill Wymack instead, but the anger simply disappears from Andrew’s face, buried somewhere far below the surface.

Neil follows behind, walking on the bus and taking his original seat in front of Andrew. He wonders if he might be able to stage some sort of accident while at Evermore where he smashes Riko's brains out of his head and onto the court floor.

The ride back is silent. When they arrive, Wymack drops off Katelyn and Nicky's date first, then drops off the Foxes. When they walk inside, Abram is suddenly in Neil's face, apparently having been waiting in the lobby.

"Are you okay?" he asks frantically, running hands over him as he checks for injuries. "Matt told me what happened."

"I'm fine," Neil says, and Abram's eyes snap to his. He frowns.

"It's okay," Abram says, resting his hands on Neil's shoulders. "You can be Eli again."

Neil blinks at him, then nods. He doesn't want to be Neil very much right now anyway.

When they get on the bus, Katelyn tries to get Aaron to tell her what happened, but he shakes his head silently. Whatever she sees on his face makes her go quiet and she doesn't ask again. Aaron spends the bus ride staring out the window, trying to ignore the toxic sludge of anger and hurt bubbling inside him.

When Wymack drops them off at Fox Tower, Aaron hangs at the back of the group, wanting to keep an eye on Andrew and also not wanting to be anywhere near Eli. Neil is in the lobby waiting for them, full of anxious concern for his brother. Confusingly, Neil tells Eli that he can 'be Eli again', and Eli nods like that statement makes any sense.

Aaron's confusion sparks into anger and he glares at both of the Jostens. When neither of them offer up an explanation, Aaron bursts out, "What the fuck does that even mean?"

Neil is still stickier than the others, but it comes off easier this time, and sucking in a breath as Eli feels like breaking through the surface of water. Aaron's angry voice startles him enough that he jumps a bit, and he looks at him with wide eyes.

The guilt he couldn’t feel as Neil comes rushing to the surface, the emotion no longer blunted by tucking himself away. Each of Aaron's wounded looks, his attempts to reach out to him, his obvious hurt at each little rejection. Eli hates himself for causing that.

"Uh," Eli says. He doesn't know how to answer the question. Andrew laughed at him and called him crazy when he tried to explain. He doesn't want Aaron to think he's crazy. He looks at Abram, who is just as uncertain as he is, and then at Andrew, who is the only other person who knows.

Eli just looks blankly at him, then turns to Neil and Andrew as if he expects them to answer for him.

"Why are you looking at them?" Aaron demands. "Why won't you just fucking talk to me? Jesus, Eli, I thought—" Horrifyingly, Aaron feels tears spring to his eyes and he blinks them back quickly.

"Never mind," he says, shaking his head. "Just fucking forget it." He shoves his way past them all into the stairs and stomps up to his room.

"Fuck," Eli says under his breath. He's leaving tomorrow, he can't just let Aaron think he hates him or something before he disappears. He turns pleading eyes to Abram, who looks extremely exasperated with him, but nods.

Relieved, Eli takes off after Aaron. He's made it all the way to his dorm, but Eli still has his key from before the switch, so he lets himself in, but he does knock on the bedroom door first before opening it.

Aaron sits on the bottom bunk and swipes angrily at his eyes, willing himself to get it the fuck together before the others come upstairs. After a few moments there’s a knock on his door and it swings open to reveal Eli. Of fucking course.

Aaron's face flushes hot and he looks away, digging his fingernails into his palms. "What do you want?" he asks in a rough, quiet voice.

Aaron's face is splotchy and his eyes are red-rimmed and his voice is rough and being stabbed hurts less than seeing him like this.

Eli closes the door behind him and sits on the bed across from Aaron's, pulling his legs up and wrapping his arms around them.

"I'm sorry," he says softly.

Aaron's chest aches. He feels sick with humiliation.

"Why are you even here?" he says angrily. "You—I don't understand. You didn't want anything to do with me all day, and now you won't leave me alone."

Eli closes his eyes and gathers himself. When he opens them again, he says miserably, "You're going to think I'm crazy."

He's never cared what people think about him before. It's an unpleasant feeling, knowing how much Aaron's opinion of him means. But Aaron thinking he's crazy is better than thinking he hates him.

"What?" Aaron says, frowning. He's so fucking tired of being left out of the loop.

Eli looks genuinely upset and that just confuses Aaron even more. What does Eli even have to be upset about? Besides all the Riko shit, of course, but Eli was acting weird before any of that even happened tonight.

Aaron shakes his head, frustrated. "I don't understand. Just talk to me."

Eli nods, but doesn't say anything for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain this.

"I told you about how me and Abram would switch, right? We'd take turns, being whatever name mom got put on the paperwork," he starts.

Aaron has no idea what possible relevance this could have, but he offers Eli a dubious nod. "Yeah, I remember."

"Right, so, it's kind of more than that," Eli says nervously. "I think it started as a game, at first? We were real young when mom took us and ran, and she had to make sure we like, knew who we were supposed to be and wouldn't get us caught. So she'd get us a name and we'd make up a person. Everything about them, completely different from us, and then we'd be that person."

Aaron still looks confused. "I don't really know when it changed from just... acting. Abram doesn't get it as bad as I do, I don't think. He's always been better at switching between people. I get stuck, sometimes. Like who I am gets tucked away in my head and can't come back out."

It's a bizarre enough answer that Aaron's curiosity stirs despite the hurt and anger still simmering in his veins.

"So... what, are you saying you literally forgot you were Eli today?" he asks, frowning. "Like by pretending to be Neil, you sort of lose your sense of identity?"

"It's not... I don't forget, not usually," Eli tries to explain. "I'm aware that I'm someone else, but yeah, kind of. I'm still there, but it's... buried. The things that I'd normally feel from doing something only happen once I'm me again. Which is why I kept treating you so shitty tonight. I'm sorry."

He frowns slightly. "I really didn't think you'd even be able to tell I was me. No one has before, except Andrew at practice that one time. And he won't even tell us what gave it away."

"Seriously?" Aaron says, his frown deepening. "Dude, the entire team knew it was you. Like, yeah, that first time way back at the start of the year we couldn't tell because we didn't know you yet. I don't know how Andrew figured that one out, he's just weird." Aaron shakes his head.

"But now that I know you, I can just tell it's you." He shrugs. "Especially up close, since your face scars aren't the same. I mean, you can tell me apart from Andrew even without the armbands, right?" He lifts up his arms in demonstration.

"The whole team?" Eli says, mouth falling open. "How?"

He frowns at Aaron's arms like they might have the answer. "Yeah, but you and Andrew act completely different. Your body language is different. How you hold your weight, how you move. Me and Abram are Neil exactly the same. I know we are."

He lifts a hand and presses his fingers to his face, feeling along a scar on his cheek. They've been lucky to not get too many on their faces, and the ones they do have healed up nice and blend in well. Still, if you know what you're looking for... "I guess the scars make sense, at least."

Aaron shrugs again. "I don't know, I could just tell. You were acting weird and not like yourself, but it was still obviously you. That's why Allison kept flirting with you. I don't think she would have done that if she thought you were Neil." His expression sours at the memory of it.

"Katelyn and Nicky both asked me about you too," he adds. "They definitely knew you were you, and just thought you were acting super weird."

"That's disturbing and upsetting," Eli tells him. "I'm disturbed and upset."

He returns his arm to its position around his legs and hugs them closer. "We've never actually gotten close to people before, I guess. No one's really had the chance to try to tell us apart except on a really surface level."

It's a frightening thought, that there are people able to recognize him even when he's someone else. It makes the back of his neck prickle like he's being watched.

"Fuck, I don't know why that's so unsettling," he says.

"I mean, your mom must have been able to tell you guys apart at least, right? It's not too different from that," Aaron says, trying to offer Eli some comfort. Eli seems genuinely fucked up about this, and Aaron hates seeing him upset.

Eli shrugs. "Maybe she could, I'm not sure. She never acted like it, though. She always called us both by our fake name and unless one of us really fucked up she didn't care which one got slapped around for mistakes."

Aaron's heart breaks at the casual way Eli shares this information.

"Jesus, Eli, that's..." He shakes his head. "From one guy with a shitty mom to another, that is seriously fucked up. You know that, right? I mean, my mom… at least she treated me and Andrew like two different people."

He picks at the skin around his thumbnail. "I think I kind of understand it now. I get that this is something you guys have to do, but it really sucked not knowing why you were treating me like that. Could you maybe tell me next time you switch, so I know what to expect?" He feels pathetic for asking, but he really doesn’t want to go through this confusing, painful process again.

"I mean, I guess it's kind of fucked up," Eli allows. "I always saw it more as a good thing, though, because it meant I could step in whenever she went after Abram."

He drops his eyes back to his knees, guilt swamping him again. "Yeah, I can do that. I'm really sorry, Aaron."

"It's okay," Aaron says. He doesn't think he’s mad at Eli anymore, just really fucking sad about him having to grow up the way he did.

"It's not like you were being a dick to me or anything really." Aaron feels embarrassed now about how he reacted, like a jealous girlfriend or something. "I just thought you decided you didn't give a shit about me anymore. That's why I got so pissed."

He sticks his foot across the gap between their beds and nudges Eli's leg. "I'm sorry I yelled at you about it when you were Neil. That was probably super confusing."

"Aaron, no," Eli says, heart aching. "I'll never not care about you. You know you're my best friend, right?"

Slowly, he uncurls, and moves to the other bed to sit next to Aaron. He keeps a tiny bit of space between them, just in case, but he really wants to lean into him and let Aaron carry some of his weight for awhile.

"It's okay," he says. "I understand."

Aaron's stomach squirms at Eli's words, but in a shy and pleased way, not the sick, unhappy clench he's been feeling all day. "You're my best friend, too," Aaron says. "I mean, so's Katelyn, but. It's just different. She doesn't know all the stuff about me that you do."

Eli looks so small and sad next to him and Aaron opens his arms nervously, hoping he’ll accept a hug.

Eli immediately collapses into Aaron's arms, hands slipping around his waist, face hiding in his neck. He breathes in the smell of him, clean laundry and a nice cologne.

"You give good hugs," he tells Aaron's throat, trying to burrow into him further.

Aaron holds onto Eli tightly, feeling a rush of such intense relief that it almost makes him dizzy. He's still confused and concerned about how Eli apparently just semi-forgets who he is sometimes, and he definitely plans to ask Eli more about that later, but right now he's just incredibly glad to have his best friend back.

Eli's mouth moves against Aaron's neck when he speaks, and Aaron's stomach squirms about that too. He feels sort of embarrassed, but he doesn't want Eli to stop. It doesn't feel bad, just... kind of a lot.

"You do too," Aaron says, mumbling quietly against Eli's hair. "Just returning the favor."

Eli lets out a couple small puffs of laughter, eyes drifting shut. He's pressed so close he can feel Aaron's skin against his eyelashes, and still he wants to be closer.

For now, he contents himself with memorizing Aaron's warmth, the soft stretch of his neck, how tight he holds Eli in his arms. He sighs out a breath and wishes he could stay here forever.

Unfortunately, there are things he needs to do tonight, so he reluctantly pulls back.

"I should go talk to Abram," he says. "I need to explain everything that happened."

Aaron nods. "Yeah, that makes sense. You want me to come with?"

Eli's stood by Aaron's side through everything, so Aaron wants to offer him the same support, especially after what they've all been through tonight.

Eli is helpless to stop the soft smile that spreads across his face. Aaron is so good. Eli hopes he knows how good he is.

"Thank you," he says sincerely. "But I'll be okay. You should get some sleep."

Giving in to a nagging desire, he runs a hand through Aaron's carefully styled hair, grinning when it ends up an awkward mess and patting it down into something like how he usually wears his hair.

Aaron laughs and makes a face, swiping at his hair. "Jerk. Go on then."

He walks Eli to the door of his bedroom, and when Eli opens it, the others look up at them from the living room.

"Are you guys finally done?" Kevin complains, apparently already halfway into a liquor bottle. "I want to go to sleep already."

"Eat glass, Kevin," Aaron says pleasantly.

Eli gives Aaron's hand a quick squeeze accompanied by a little smile before exiting. He waves lazily at everyone else and heads to his own dorm.

Abram is waiting for him on the couch. Eli assumes Matt is either in the bedroom or with Dan. He sits down heavily on the couch and wishes he didn't have to do this.

"You're not going to like this," Eli tells him tiredly.

*****

It takes forever for Eli to come back from making up with Aaron or whatever. Neil doesn't even know what Aaron was upset about. The others were completely useless as far as information went. All anyone could tell Neil was what he already knew from Matt's text: that Eli punched Riko because Riko claimed to be responsible for Drake's attack, and the Foxes left the banquet early.

"What," Neil says warily. He already doesn't like the exhausted, resigned look on Eli's face.

Getting right to it, Eli says, "Riko distracted Andrew and Kevin so Jean Moreau could talk to me. He told me to come to Evermore over Christmas break, and when I told him to fuck off he said that Neil belongs to Riko and that resisting makes it worse. So of course I told him I don't belong to anyone, and I'm not scared of Riko."

"I was going to head back in, but then he started talking about Andrew," he says, feeling lingering rage bubbling beneath his skin. "He said Riko brought Drake to us. And that he's not the only rapist in Andrew's past, and he'll send another one unless Neil goes to Evermore."

Nausea lurches in Neil's stomach and he swallows back against it. Not the only one? And Riko wants to send them after Andrew just like he did with Drake. He can't, Neil will kill him first. He'll break his neck, he'll—

His heart drops into his stomach as he suddenly realizes where Eli is going with this. "No," Neil says, wide-eyed. He shakes his head, dread pooling in his lungs. "Eli, no, you can't go. You know what he'll do to you in there."

"What's the alternative?" Eli demands. "Have him send monster after monster to hurt Andrew? There's no shortage of rapists in the world, Abram, and Aaron can't kill them all. What if next time we aren't there to stop it? It was a fluke we were there this time!"

"Let me go instead," Neil says instantly. Eli opens his mouth to shut him down, but Neil talks over him. "Eli, if you keep throwing yourself in front of danger like this, I'm scared that one day you're not going to get back up again! I can't fucking lose you. Just let me do this one thing. Please."

"No," Eli says viciously. "Listen to me. It's either I go or neither of us do. And before you get it in your head to do something stupid like sneak off and try to get there first, let me make myself perfectly clear. If you step a single foot into that hellhole I will walk in there and blow our cover without hesitation. I will do whatever it takes to get you out of there, even if it means vowing loyalty to Riko fucking Moriyama."

He grabs Abram's chin, making him meet his eyes. "Do you understand, Abram? I will keep you safe. At all costs, any means necessary. You will not go to Evermore."

Neil glares at Eli. "I'm the only reason Riko even knows about us. I'm the one who wanted to come here and play Exy. I'm the one who ran my mouth at the interview and pissed him off at the fall banquet. This is all on me, not you."

The sickening truth of it churns in his stomach, and guilt crashes over Neil as he thinks about Andrew. Neil brought this hell into Andrew’s life and Andrew doesn't even know it was his fault.

"I can't just sit here and let you clean up my mess this time," Neil begs Eli. "It's not fair. Don't make me do it."

"I'm sorry, Abram," Eli says, shaking his head. "I'm supposed to protect you. I'll go, and you'll stay here and make sure everyone is safe. Do you understand?"

Neil wants to yell and punch through a wall. He knew from the start there was no way Eli would listen, that there was nothing Neil could do to convince him otherwise, but he still had to try. His hands are shaking and he digs them into his hair and tugs at it, trying to think of some way to convince Eli, any other way out of this. There's nothing.

"Fuck." Neil squeezes his eyes shut to block out Eli's horrible, resigned expression. "You have to come back, Eli. I—" He cuts himself off, swallowing hard, and opens his eyes again. "You just have to, okay?"

Eli grabs Abram's hands, tugging them out of his hair, and leans forward to press their foreheads together.

"I'll come back," he says. “I promise, Abram, I'll come back. You just keep them safe while I'm gone, okay? And try to be nice to Aaron."

That doesn't even get a little bit of a reaction, so he tries, "I expect you to have a backlog of makeout experience to tell me about when I get back."

Neil believes Eli. He has to believe him, or he wouldn't be able to let him go. Eli will come back, and everything will be okay.

Eli's comment about makeouts startles a small, wet laugh out of Neil. More of a hiccup than a laugh, really, but it's enough to break a tiny bit of the tension. He's so grateful to Eli for trying to protect his feelings even now, and he also hates it because it's just another way that Eli keeps prioritizing Neil above himself. It's the same reason Eli won't let him go to Evermore in his place.

Eli smiles at his brother's little hiccuping laugh. He pulls him into a hug, clinging to him while he can.

They don't even try to sleep in separate beds that night. Eli sleeps better than usual, his brother's warmth at his back, but still wakes up several times to exchange texts with Aaron. Fuck. He's going to miss everyone so much.

The next day dawns too quickly and Eli slips out of bed without waking Abram to start packing his bag. He keeps it even lighter than usual, assuming he'll have it taken from him.

He and Abram exchange grim goodbyes, and another long, tight hug before Eli slips out of the tower. He doesn't want to have to deal with lying to everyone, especially not Aaron.

Notes:

Hopefully it makes sense how we decided to play this :') There was just no way Eli would ever let his brother go to Evermore with the way we built up his character 😭

Chapter 22 Summary:

The Monsters go to New York. Aaron calls a friend.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- references to Drake & the other rapists
- self-harm & minor injury (punching a wall)
- depression
- panic attack

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Aaron wakes up with a light feeling in his chest. It's the start of winter break, he managed to survive all his finals and the end of the Exy season, and Eli still likes him. Even better, Eli and Neil are going to be joining Aaron and his family (minus Nicky, who's heading off to see his beloved Erik) in New York for the holidays, to visit Matt’s mother. Aaron's been looking forward to two whole weeks with his best friend with no school or Exy obligations to get in the way, and now that the confusion from yesterday is dealt with, there's nothing to get in the way of his plans.

He spends the morning packing and texting Katelyn to let her know everything is okay again with Eli, and before long, it's time to head off to the airport. Aaron follows Andrew, Nicky and Kevin downstairs. He's just loaded his suitcase in the trunk when he looks up to see Neil walking toward them, his better half nowhere in sight.

"Where's Eli?" Aaron asks him in lieu of a greeting.

After Eli leaves, Neil allows himself one solid minute of grief and guilt, and then he holds it to his chest and packs it down and away so it can't show on his face.

He throws things in his duffle bag absent-mindedly, then heads down to meet the others at the car. Of course the first thing Aaron asks is where Eli is.

"He's not coming," Neil says, tossing his bag in the trunk. "Our Uncle called last night. There's an emergency. Eli went to visit him."

"What?" Aaron says, taken aback. "What kind of emergency?" He pulls out his phone, but Eli hasn't texted him anything.

"He had a heart attack or a stroke or something," Neil says. "He wasn't really clear. Just that our Uncle needs help and that he'll be back before break ends."

Andrew raises an eyebrow, obviously not buying anything Neil is saying.

"Shit," Aaron says, disappointment sinking like a rock in his stomach. "That really sucks. Are you guys gonna be okay being separated for that long?"

Aaron knows how much Eli hates being away from Neil for more than even a few hours at a time. He can't imagine it's going to be easy for either of them to be apart for two whole weeks.

Neil closes his eyes against the loneliness that threatens to consume him.

"We'll be fine," he says tersely.

Nicky looks at him with big sad eyes. "Have you guys ever been away from each other this long before?"

Neil shakes his head. "We've never even been apart for longer than a day."

Nicky makes a small, wounded noise.

"Neil, does this have anything to do with what happened at the banquet?" Kevin asks in French with narrowed eyes. His face is pale, like he already knows the answer.

"Shut up, Kevin," Neil says in English.

Damn it. Aaron hates that he actually feels sorry for Neil. Neil looks fucking miserable right now.

"Maybe your uncle will recover fast and then Eli can come join us," Aaron says hopefully.

"And maybe we'll all miss our flight if we don't get in the car," says Andrew. "Come on."

Aaron rolls his eyes but gets into the middle seat like usual, trying not to miss the feeling of Eli’s legs draped over his lap.

Neil is silent and sullen on the drive to the airport, and when they get there he has to give the news to the others, as well. There's a lot of sympathetic noises and promises to keep him occupied so he doesn't miss his brother too much.

On the plane ride, Neil can't stop thinking about how he's off for a fun-filled vacation and his brother could have already arrived in hell.

Nicky's flight to Germany isn't until later in the day, so he hangs out with them at their gate and bids them a tearful goodbye as Aaron, Andrew, Kevin, Matt and Neil get on the plane to New York.

Aaron hates airplanes with a passion, but even the sick anxiety of being this high off the ground isn't enough to distract him from his disappointment about Eli’s absence. He almost wishes he could have just gone with Eli to see his sick uncle, as shitty of a vacation as that would have been. He wonders why Neil didn't go with him, but Neil's mood is stormy and Aaron decides not to ask right now.

When they touch down, Aaron powers up his phone and texts Eli that he hopes he's okay and wishes he was here with them. He doesn't receive a response, but Eli might still be traveling, so he doesn't worry about it too much.

No one bothers Neil much on the plane or in the airport. His mood is probably very apparent despite his attempts to hide it.

They meet Matt's mother, who sweeps each of them into a hug, except Andrew, whose hand she shakes. Neil, whose only experience with a mother is his own, is deeply unsettled by this.

Randy Boyd is tall and friendly and loud just like her son. Matt must have warned her about them ahead of time, because she avoids getting herself stabbed, offering Andrew a handshake instead of grabbing him up in a hug. Aaron awkwardly thanks her for paying his bail and she waves him off, saying she was happy to have a chance to pay them back for last year. Aaron decides not to mention that he didn’t really have anything to do with that.

She piles them and their luggage into a couple of taxis and they head off to her fancy uptown apartment. Aaron's never been to New York City before and he stares out the cab window, taking in the view. Parts of it remind him of San Jose, though instead of the sprawling skyline of his hometown, the buildings here are squeezed together like sardines one after another in endless rows. Aaron hasn't spent time in a big city since leaving California and it brings back an unexpected rush of nostalgia and grief.

When they get to Randy’s place, the doorman greets her with familiarity and helps bring their luggage inside. Another employee loads their bags onto a trolley and takes it upstairs for them, though Neil insists on carrying his own bag like a weirdo. The apartment is on one of the highest floors, and when they get inside, Andrew goes right to the edge of the floor-to-ceiling windows and stares down at the ground several dozen stories below. Aaron grimaces and resists the urge to pull him back.

Randy gives them a tour of the place, which is a lot bigger than Aaron expected. Aaron and Andrew will be sharing a room with two twin beds, but everyone else gets their own room. Aaron wonders if Neil will even be able to sleep without Eli around, then feels irritated with himself for worrying about Neil at all.

Neil finds himself mostly unimpressed with what little he sees of New York from the cab window. He's never been here before—too close to his father's territory for his mother—but he's underwhelmed. It's crowded and loud and doesn't smell very good.

When they get to the apartment building, a man tries to take his bag and Neil glares at him, clutching it tighter and saying a terse "no, thank you." Luckily that's all the man needs to back off.

The apartment itself is nice, he guesses. It's big, and there's a bunch of weird looking furniture decorating the place that Neil assumes is very expensive. He joins Andrew at the giant windows, getting a sense of vertigo as he looks down.

"Much farther down than the roof of Fox Tower," he notes. "This fall would definitely kill you."

Andrew slants him a bored look and goes to look at where he'll be sleeping. Neil does the same, dropping his bag next to the bed and sitting down. It hits him suddenly that there will be no protective warmth at his back tonight, no even breathing in the bunk above him. Neil's gotten better about sleeping alone, but on rough nights Eli still ends up curled next to him in bed.

He feels his brother's absence like a physical thing, a bleeding wound in his side where Eli should be. He doesn't know how to handle this.

Andrew glances briefly into his and Aaron's room, noting with some relief that it doesn't have any windows. He's still uncomfortably aware of how high up this apartment is, but at least there's nowhere he can fall out of. The flight was bad enough; it’s a good thing that Matt didn't tell them his mom lives a million fucking miles off the ground or Andrew would have been dreading this for the entire plane ride as well.

Aaron starts to settle in and unpack his shit, so Andrew goes off to look for Neil. He finds him sitting on his bed and staring at the wall, looking grim and frightened. Andrew closes the door behind himself and sits down next to him. Neil looks resigned, like he already knows exactly what Andrew's going to say.

"Where is Eli?" Andrew asks.

Neil bites his lip uncertainly.

"He doesn't want you to know," he says.

"I don't give a fuck what he wants," Andrew says, his voice calm and level. "Is he in danger?"

"He's coming back," Neil says, because that's the thing he's clinging to.

"Coming back from where?" When Neil stays quiet, Andrew grabs him by the chin and forces Neil to meet his eyes. "Have you forgotten I made a promise to protect both of you? I can't do that if I don't know where he is. Tell me."

Neil looks into Andrew's steady eyes and tries to breathe evenly.

"Evermore," he says softly.

Andrew's stomach sinks and he tightens his grip on Neil's chin. "Why would he go there? What does Riko have on you?"

"He doesn't have anything on us," Neil says.

"So Eli just felt like West Virginia would be a nice change of scenery? Left you here by yourself for two weeks on a whim?” Andrew shakes his head. “I thought you were past selling me these obvious lies, Neil. I will ask you again. Why?"

Neil swallows nervously. Eli doesn't want Andrew to know, and Andrew will hate the answer, but he already feels like he's fraying at the edges, and Andrew has held steady under the weight of all their secrets so far.

"Riko sent Drake after you," he says. "He was going to send another unless Neil went to Evermore over break."

There it is.

Andrew lets go of Neil and gets up, then slams his fist into the wall with a loud thump. Pain radiates up his arm, grounding him, and he closes his eyes as hatred boils up inside him. At Eli, at Riko, and most of all at himself.

He turns back to Neil, flexing his fingers and watching the blood leak slowly from his knuckles. "Drake and the others are my problem. Your brother should not have made the mistake of thinking I need his protection."

Anger flares up inside of Neil, quick and bright.

"It doesn't matter if you think you need it," Neil snaps. "I would've gone in his place, if he hadn't threatened to reveal himself."

Andrew steps closer to Neil, itching to hit something again. "I said I would keep you both alive this year. You make it infinitely more difficult for me when you actively try to get yourselves killed. The next time someone comes for me, stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?"

"No," Neil glares. "Not if it means losing you."

He takes a deep breath, unclenching his fists. "He's not going to get killed. He's coming back."

Not if it means losing you.

A horrible, overwhelming emotion floods through Andrew’s chest and his jaw clenches with rage. Who the fuck just says shit like that? Neil Josten can’t be real.

There's a knock on the door and Matt pokes his head in. "Hey Neil. I heard a noise, are you—" His eyes land on Andrew's bloody fingers and he pushes the door all the way open and steps inside, studying Neil like he's searching for a bruise. "Is everything okay in here?" he says cautiously.

Andrew remains silent, too angry to speak.

"We're fine," Neil says. Matt looks dubiously at Andrew's bleeding hand, then back at Neil. It takes him a moment to realize that Matt might be worried about Andrew hurting him. Exasperated, Neil says, "Which one of us is bleeding, Matt?"

Matt pinches his lips together, unhappy at having to see logic. "I'll bring the first aid kit."

Andrew bandages himself up and Aaron apologizes to Randy for Andrew having punched her wall. She laughs and insists on going to see the damage herself. Just a bit of chipped paint; he hadn't been able to break through the wall. Randy comes back with a big smile and praises his strength, then gives him a few tips on how to hold his fist better, and Andrew reluctantly decides he tolerates her.

He pushes down his anger at Eli and Neil to be dealt with later. It's unfortunately quite clever the way Riko set this up. Andrew can't leave Kevin and Neil to go fetch Eli from Evermore himself, nor can he drag his charges along with him lest he risk their safety. He could send someone else to fetch Eli, but then Eli would reveal himself to his father. The only way for Andrew to keep his promises and keep everyone else safe is to wait for Eli to return on his own.

Their first night in New York is nothing mind-blowing, in Neil's opinion. Matt's mom takes them all out to a restaurant that is too packed and noisy and doesn't have prices on the menus. Neil is mostly quiet, subdued from his talk with Andrew, and doesn't speak unless he's asked a question.

After that they return to the apartment. Neil watches Matt interact with his mom as they catch up, sees the easy affection between them, and it makes his chest feel hollowed out. He escapes to his room early, but it's nearly impossible to fall asleep. The city outside is loud, but the inside is too quiet, only his own breathing filling the room.

He wonders what Eli's doing, and his brain is flooded with all the terrible possibilities, so he shuts that line of thought down immediately.

He sleeps very little, and what rest he does manage is filled with nightmares.

*****

Aaron wakes up several times during the night sweaty and terrified and unsure where he is. It takes him several minutes each time to calm down, and he listens for Andrew's quiet breathing in the bed across the room to reassure him that his brother is okay.

Every time he wakes up from a nightmare, he texts Eli, but he doesn't get any responses back. Eli usually texts Aaron a couple times during the night himself when he can't sleep, so it's unusual not to hear from him at all. Aaron tries not to worry. Eli is probably just busy with his uncle.

The next morning, though, when Aaron still hasn't gotten a single text back, he decides it's time to talk to Neil. He corners him in the hallway after breakfast.

"Have you heard from Eli at all?" Aaron asks Neil, his eyebrows scrunched together. "He hasn't texted me since he left."

Fuck. Neil hadn't considered how to explain away Eli not texting anyone. Which was stupid of him, because he knows Eli texts Aaron throughout the night. His brother had been over the moon about it when they started, all soft smiles and pleased looks.

"No," Neil says, frowning and shaking his head. "He hasn't messaged me either."

He doesn't offer up an explanation. He feels a flash of resentment, at Aaron for asking this, at Eli for leaving him to deal with it, at himself for letting his brother throw himself into danger once again.

"Aren't you worried?" Aaron says, confused. Neil seems unbothered about the fact that his brother hasn't contacted him, which makes no sense considering how protective the Jostens are about each other. "Should you call your uncle or something and make sure he got there okay?"

"Of course I'm worried," Neil snaps. He suddenly recalls Eli telling him to try to be nice to Aaron. Being nice is not a skill he employs very often, but he forces himself to say, "Sorry."

He takes a deep breath, making an effort to relax his shoulders.

"We had a... disagreement," Neil explains vaguely. "He didn't want me going because it's safer here. He'll text when he texts."

Safer here? Wait, does that mean Eli could be in danger right now?

Aaron frowns. "I thought he was just visiting your uncle. What's so unsafe about that?"

God fucking dammit. Could Aaron stop asking questions for five minutes?

"Our uncle works with some shady people," Neil says, walking around Aaron. "Guess he didn't want me around that."

He heads to the living room, where Matt is watching TV while eating a bowl of cereal. He waves at Neil, who nods back at him.

Aaron stares after Neil, irritated about the way he’s brushing him off. Shady people that Eli doesn't want his brother to be near? That sure isn't making Aaron any less concerned about Eli's well-being. The fact that Neil doesn't seem to care to get in touch with him is also jarring and confusing.

Aaron stays in the hall and tries calling Eli's number but it goes directly to voicemail. His phone must be turned off. Aaron sends him another "u ok?" text and then puts away his phone.

He doesn't like this at all. Why didn't Eli say anything to Aaron about this before he left? He should have at least texted him by now. Eli's always texting him these days, practically anytime they're not in the same room and sometimes even when they are. Aaron goes to the kitchen to grab himself breakfast and coffee, then sits down in the living room to eat, silently watching whatever Matt has on with worry simmering in his gut.

Neil forces himself to eat breakfast despite his lack of appetite, Mary's voice in his head reminding him that wasting food is not an option. When everyone has eaten and dressed, Matt's mom informs them that she's bought them some sort of tour through the city.

He tags along because there's nothing better to do. He is not adjusting well without his brother. Throughout the day, Neil finds himself turning to the side to exchange a look or snarky comment with Eli, only to be jolted back to reality when he isn't there. He keeps expecting to feel a hand ruffling his hair or a shoulder nudging against his. A few times, his brain fills in the ghost echo of his brother's laugh when someone says something he'd find funny.

It's unsettling. Neil feels off balance the entire day, barely interacting with anyone, even Andrew or Kevin. Fatigue lingers in his limbs from his lack of sleep, and his appetite doesn't return.

The tour is kind of interesting, but Aaron is distracted and can't stop checking his phone to see if Eli has responded yet. It's impossible to focus on the tourist attractions when his brain is worriedly buzzing about whether Eli is safe or not. It's killing him not to know, and he doesn't understand how Neil is acting so nonchalant about it.

Neil seems to be avoiding everyone, even Andrew. He looks tired and sort of unhappy. Aaron guesses he probably didn't sleep well last night without Eli around.

Randy takes them out for another fancy dinner, which Aaron can barely taste. At this point it's been nearly forty hours of radio silence from Eli and Aaron is really fucking worried. When they get back to the apartment, he ducks away to call Eli's phone and it goes straight to voicemail again. Aaron hangs up without leaving a message and stomps off to find Neil.

Neil wonders distantly how much money Matt's mom has, that she's willing to drop so much on a group of her son's friends for so long. He's pretty sure it's rude to ask though, and he doesn't care enough.

After they return to the apartment, Neil is prepared to sequester himself in his room again and worry about Eli, but Aaron ruins that by barging in after him.

"What?" Neil asks, already annoyed.

Aaron sets his jaw stubbornly. "I still haven't heard from Eli. Have you? Do you even know if he got to your uncle's house?"

Neil grits his teeth.

"I haven't heard from him," he says shortly.

Aaron's heart sinks. "I tried calling and his phone goes right to voicemail," he says, crossing his arms. "I know you guys are having an argument or whatever but can't you just call your uncle and make sure Eli's okay?"

Neil shakes his head.

"I don't talk to my uncle," he says. "I doubt he'd take my call if I tried."

Both these things are true.

"Seriously?" Aaron says, his temper flaring. "So you're just not even gonna try? You're fine with not knowing if Eli's okay? I don't fucking buy it, Neil. What's going on?"

Neil can't fucking handle this right now.

"Follow me," he orders.

He storms across the hallway, Aaron following behind, and walks into the room Aaron and Andrew are sharing. Andrew looks up from his phone, raising an eyebrow. Neil shoves Aaron in his direction.

"Deal with him," he tells Andrew, then turns on his heel and leaves, slamming the door behind him.

*****

Andrew is hiding out in his room, recovering from a long day of being around too many strangers, when Neil suddenly shows up, shoves a visibly distressed Aaron at him, and leaves. God, Andrew hates Neil so fucking much. He turns his raised eyebrow onto Aaron, waiting for him to explain what this is about.

Aaron is fuming. What the fuck is Neil's problem? Why can't he just swallow his pride and call his stupid uncle and ask about Eli?

"Neil's being an asshole," Aaron tells Andrew. "Eli hasn't contacted either of us and his phone is just going to voicemail, and Neil won't just call his fucking uncle to check if he got there safe."

He glares at the door like it might transfer his displeasure to Neil.

Of course this is about Eli. Once again the Jostens have created a problem out of thin air and dropped it onto Andrew like a cartoon anvil. Anger bubbles under Andrew's skin at the reminder of where Eli actually is. What the fuck does Neil even want him to tell Aaron? Presumably anything but the truth.

"I'd advise you to stay out of their family problems," Andrew says, his tone bored. "Eli can take care of himself."

"This whole fucking thing is weird, Andrew," Aaron says. "Eli didn't say anything about going to see his uncle, and he hasn't messaged me since the day before break. He wouldn't just cut contact like that! What if something happened? And Neil's acting like he doesn't even give a shit."

Aaron kind of feels like he's going crazy, anxiety making his skin crawl. But he knows something is wrong. Eli wouldn't just disappear without a word and stop messaging him, especially after they talked that night. He said Aaron is his best friend! They text constantly, and even if they didn't Eli wouldn't just ignore his messages at night, when he knows Aaron has likely awoken from nightmares.

Something is wrong and it seems like Aaron's the only one who gives a shit.

"Fuck Neil," he says, starting for the door. "I'm going to make him tell me what's going on. I'll call his stupid uncle myself if I have to."

God fucking damn it. Aaron is very obviously not going to let this go. He’s visibly radiating stubbornness and desperation, and Andrew despises Neil for bringing this mess to his doorstep.

Andrew sighs and steps in front of Aaron, blocking him from the door with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I will tell you where he is," he says, watching Aaron's face carefully. "But you will not tell anyone else, and you will not interfere. It is not safe. Do you understand?"

Aaron freezes, his heart dropping.

"What do you mean it isn't safe? Where is he? What's going on?" he asks, voice edging on desperate. Fuck! Fuck, he knew this felt off. Eli never would've left Neil alone, never would've abandoned Aaron.

Andrew knew that Aaron and Eli had been growing fairly close, but Aaron's reaction makes him wonder just how close they've gotten recently. Has Andrew missed some new development, distracted by his own preoccupying thoughts about the Jostens? Aaron seems halfway out of his mind with worry for Eli, and Andrew feels a fresh wave of hatred for Eli being the cause of it.

"He is spending winter break in Evermore," Andrew tells his brother. "Riko likely will not allow him access to his phone for the duration."

"What?!" Aaron shouts. Fuck, that hadn't even crossed his mind. "What the fuck is he doing there? We have to get him out!"

Riko shattered Kevin's dominant hand and he actually tolerated Kevin. Riko will rip Eli to shreds, and every one of those brainwashed motherfuckers will stand by and watch it happen. They haven't gotten a whole lot of details out of Kevin but what he has told them is enough to paint a gruesome picture of what Eli must be going through.

"We can't," Andrew says. Bitter anger simmers at the base of his throat and he forces his words out calmly and slowly. "Apparently Riko's connections run deeper than Drake Spear. He threatened to send more of them after me if 'Neil Josten' did not come to Evermore. Eli decided to play hero and left by himself without telling me."

Andrew's gut twists and burns with guilt. He hates Neil for making him tell Aaron about this, his latest failure.

"You will not interfere. Do you understand? Eli will be in greater danger if you do," he tells Aaron sharply. "I don't know what he has told you of his past, but there are bigger things to worry about than Riko Moriyama."

Aaron cannot process all of this information, not when the world is crumbling around him. Eli, in the hands of a psychopath, pretending to be Neil so Riko won't send another fucking rapist after his brother? Aaron feels sick. He feels like he can't breathe. He feels blood on his hands all over again.

"What do you mean?" Aaron chokes out. "You mean his dad?"

He remembers Eli shaking apart in his arms at the thought that he might be like his father. Eli telling him about how their mother fled from him, the lengths she went to in order to keep them hidden. That their dad is still looking for them.

But could Eli's father really be more of a threat than Riko?

Andrew's gaze flicks across Aaron's face. He doesn't know how much Eli has told Aaron, but Aaron clearly knows at least a little bit about the Jostens' dangerous father.

"Yes," Andrew says, not elaborating.

It's more than that, of course. The main branch of the Moriyama family is also a threat, but Andrew is not about to unravel all of that for Aaron. Especially not when he looks like he’s about to fall to pieces from what Andrew has just told him. He’s breathing shallow and fast, clearly on the brink of a panic attack, and Andrew grabs him by the shoulders and pushes him down onto the bed. He sets a hand on the back of his brother’s neck and shoves Aaron’s head between his knees.

"Breathe," Andrew commands.

Aaron is manhandled onto the bed and doesn't even try to fight it. When Andrew tells him to breathe he becomes aware of his own gasping inhales. He brings his hands up to tug at his hair, but all he can think of is Eli locked up in some dark room underground at Riko's mercy. And what's to stop Riko from using one of his 'connections' to sic a rapist on Eli? Aaron isn't there to kill them this time.

"Fuck," he gasps. "Andrew..."

Andrew keeps his hand on the back of Aaron's head. "Shut up," he says firmly.

He wishes he did not know how Aaron feels right now.

Painfully slowly, Aaron manages to get his breathing under control. His chest and throat ache, and he feels exhausted and wrung out. His eyes sting and water and Aaron blinks back tears, wishing fervently that Eli was here right now to hug him and tell him to rest, that he'd be there to keep watch.

"Okay, okay," Aaron says, and Andrew lets him straighten up. Aaron looks at him with wide eyes, but he knows his brother. Once Andrew makes a decision, he isn't likely to be swayed from it. But still, Aaron has to try. "We can't leave him there, Andrew. We can call Coach, he can get him out. Fuck, if he can't he can at least check on him or something."

"No," Andrew says harshly. "You're not listening. I told you, it is not safe." He glares at Aaron, needing him to get this through his thick head.

"Coach can't know. The police can't know. No one can know until Eli comes back. If anyone interferes with Riko's plans, Eli will put himself in greater danger. He has threatened to reveal himself to his father if Neil tries to stop him. He made his choice and there is nothing we can do about it now. Tell me you understand."

"He wouldn't do that," Aaron denies. "Eli's terrified of his father."

"He would.” Andrew’s mouth twists with distaste. "Eli has a martyr complex and no sense of self preservation. Neil believes his threat is genuine. He would not have allowed him to go otherwise."

Aaron closes his eyes against the white-hot rage that overcomes him. Neil. He can't fucking believe that he let this happen; that he let Eli jump in to protect him again. And then lied to Aaron about it, repeatedly.

"There has to be something," Aaron says, voice hoarse and raspy.

"If there was, I would have done it already," Andrew says, impatient with Aaron for not accepting the reality of the situation. "I made a deal to protect Eli. You know what that means."

"Yeah. I know," Aaron says. He feels the fight go out of him like a physical thing, leaving him leaden and heavy. He rests his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his hands, trying to focus only on counting his breaths.

There's nothing he can do. There's nothing to be done.

Andrew sits on the other bed and watches his brother. He does not offer Aaron any empty words of comfort. All he can do is keep him safe until Eli gets back.

Andrew sits with him in silence. Aaron doesn't know if this is better or worse than if he'd just left Aaron to deal with his breakdown alone. All he can do is try to focus on breathing and try not to cry.

A part of him is surprised at having such a strong emotional reaction. In the grand scheme of things, Aaron hasn't known Eli for very long. But despite that, Aaron can't imagine living a life without Eli in it, now that he knows what it's like. Maybe that's weird, or too intense, but Aaron can't bring himself to care about what he should be feeling, too overwhelmed with what he is.

Eventually, after a long time has passed, Aaron crawls under the covers without bothering to change. He digs his phone out.

Aaron: i wish u told me
Aaron: im so mad at u
Aaron: i hope ur ok

Andrew leans against the wall and watches Aaron struggle to hold himself together. It's always unsettling to see the mirror of his own face twisting with intense emotion.

When Aaron finally crawls into bed and pulls the blankets over himself, Andrew lets his own eyes close and drifts into an uneasy half-sleep until morning. He blinks awake again and again at the slightest sound, each time checking to make sure Aaron is still there, which he always is. Andrew doesn't think either of them get much rest that night.

*****

Aaron sleeps like shit. Between each nightmare he reaches automatically for his phone, only to stare tiredly at the message thread filled with his own texts and feel his heart crack in half all over again. After the third time he wakes, he sends a message anyway.

Breakfast the next morning is awkward. Aaron, Andrew, and Neil have bags under their eyes, and Aaron shoots Neil such a poisonous, hate-filled glare that Neil actually takes a surprised step back. Good. Fuck him.

When everyone else leaves for the second day of the tour of the city, Aaron stays back. Andrew gives him a severe look, probably a warning not to do anything like call Coach and tell him despite what Andrew says, but Aaron just shakes his head.

After everyone leaves, Aaron sits on the couch and calls Katelyn.

Katelyn's in the bathroom doing her hair, getting ready to head out for a late morning shopping trip with her mom and sister, when her phone buzzes with a call. It's Aaron, and she picks it up immediately.

"Aaron, what's up?" she greets him cheerfully.

She's been a little worried about him ever since the Christmas banquet, because he'd been so upset about Eli not talking to him, but he texted her later that night to say they had worked it out. She still doesn't know the details, though, and she's been dying to get it all out of him.

"Hey, Katie," Aaron says, feeling a bit of the warmth that talking to her always brings him. "You busy?"

Aaron basically never wants to talk on the phone unless it's something important, so Katelyn isn't about to turn him down.

"I was about to go shopping with Mom and Vanessa but I can meet them at the mall later, they'll be out all day," she says. "Just gimme a sec!"

Katelyn's sister finally just found out she's having a boy, so the two of them and their mom have been having the time of their lives shopping for cute baby clothes and toys and accessories. Even her dad's been getting into it, insisting on buying a tiny toy hunting rifle he found. The baby won't even be old enough to use it for years, but none of them could talk him out of it, he was just too excited.

She goes into the kitchen and covers the phone with her hand to let her mom and sister know she'll meet them later. They tease her about her 'boyfriend' and she rolls her eyes and insists once again that Aaron is not her boyfriend.

She heads to her room and kicks the door shut, plopping onto her bed. "Okay, I'm back. What's going on?"

Aaron waits patiently, listening to distant, tinny voices over the speaker. He sighs when he hears the word 'boyfriend.' Is it really so hard to believe that they can just be regular, platonic friends?

"You know how we were all supposed to be going to New York?" Aaron says. "Eli didn't come."

He pauses. Katelyn doesn't know anything about the Moriyamas. She doesn't know anything about Eli and Neil's family, or the way they grew up. Aaron doesn't want to lie to her, but he can't tell her those things, and he really needs her support right now.

"He had to run off to go help his uncle after a heart attack or something," Aaron says. "But he hadn't messaged me in like two days, and Neil wasn't telling me shit. I just found out last night that he's in danger there, because his uncle works with some shady people, and he can't even keep in contact while he's gone."

Katelyn gasps. "Oh my gosh. Aaron, what? That's so scary! Oh, poor Eli." She hates to think of her friend in danger in some house full of creeps.

"Neil didn't go with him?" she asks, surprised.

Some sort of weird combination of emotions rolls through him. Fuck, finally, a normal fucking reaction.

"No, Eli wouldn't let him come," Aaron says. "They got into a fight about it, apparently."

Or so Neil claims. Aaron's thoughts about Neil have been very uncharitable since Andrew told him the truth, and he can't parse what's reasonable and what's an emotional reaction.

"Oh, that’s so awful," Katelyn says. "I thought those two were incapable of having a fight with each other."

She knows Eli is mega protective over Neil, so it makes sense that he wouldn't let Neil go, but getting in a fight over it seems huge. Neil must be so upset.

"Are you doing okay?" she asks, biting her lip.

Aaron sinks lower into the couch and sighs.

"No," he admits. "I'm really not. I practically begged Andrew to do something when I found out, but he says there's nothing to be done and Eli made his choice. I think I had a panic attack. Haven't had one of those in awhile."

They were at their peak in the months after Andrew locked him in the bathroom, but they slowly tapered off. He hadn't had one in over a year until last night.

"Oh, babe, I'm so sorry," Katelyn says, her heart aching.

It hurts that she can't be there for Aaron and wrap him up in a hug. He's always been a little weird and flinchy about physical comfort, but she thinks Eli's getting him more used to it nowadays. It must be so awful for him not to have Eli there to comfort him the way he's gotten used to over the past few months.

"You wanna tell me about it? It might help just to get it all out," she offers.

Aaron is so fucking grateful that Katelyn is in his life. He feels tears prick at his eyes and blinks them back.

"I'm just really fucking worried," he says. "I can't stop thinking about all the bad shit that he might be going through. We were supposed to spend break hanging out and having fun, and now I won't even get to talk to him."

"Of course you're worried," Katelyn says sympathetically. "Eli's tough and I'm sure he can take care of himself, but it's still a scary situation. Especially not being able to hear from him at all. Oh, Aaron, I'm so sorry. I know you were really looking forward to this."

He'd kept bringing it up during their study sessions. It was honestly really adorable. Katelyn thinks back to when Aaron was too nervous to even talk to Eli, and look at them now, practically attached at the hip. Even if Aaron hasn't figured out his feelings yet, she's still proud of him for allowing Eli into his life and learning to trust him. Especially with Andrew hovering over Aaron's shoulder and making it all way more difficult than it needs to be.

Just having Katelyn affirm that it's normal to feel this way makes Aaron relax a little. He knows that Eli can take care of himself, but it doesn't stop him from being afraid of him getting hurt. Andrew and Neil react to things so fucking weird, it makes him feel like he's the freak sometimes.

"Yeah... I messaged him last night even though I knew he wouldn't answer," he says. "Kind of stupid, but we always text each other whenever we wake up at night. It felt weird not to. You think he'll mind?"

Oh my gosh. They text each other throughout the night? That's so freaking adorable, Katelyn can barely hold back a delighted squeak. She allows herself one romantic sigh of appreciation instead.

"It's not stupid," she says. "It's totally sweet. He'll be really happy you were thinking about him, I know it."

Despite the awful situation, Aaron feels himself flush. Is it sweet? He hasn't had many examples of sweetness in his life, so he isn't the best judge.

"We talked a little, after we got back from the banquet," Aaron says, because he thinks Katelyn will find this sweet, too. "That whole thing was a mistake, by the way. Eli switched places with Neil and he thought no one would notice. Moron." He rolls his eyes fondly.

"But yeah, afterwards he explained and we talked. He said I'm his best friend."

He feels unusually shy, telling her that, but also proud in a way he doesn't fully understand.

Aaron's voice turns adorably soft and fond when he talks about Eli. Katelyn just wants to squeeze him. It's so silly that he hasn't figured out he has a crush yet!

"How would he expect us not to notice?" she says, laughing. "What the heck, Eli! Well I guess that explains why he was acting so weird." She rolls her eyes. She is absolutely going to tease Eli for that so much once they're back at school. What a goober.

"But also oh my gosh, best friend? I can't, that's so cute," Katelyn gushes. "Did you tell him he's your best friend too? Tied with me of course." She sticks her tongue out even though Aaron can't see her.

There's no one here to see it, so Aaron lets himself smile a little.

"That's almost exactly what I told him," he says. "Then he said I give good hugs and fucked up my hair, and then he left." His good humor abandons him. "Then the next morning he was gone and Neil told us he wouldn't be coming."

Katelyn internally squeals at the thought of them hugging and messing up each other's hair. They're so insanely cute she doesn't know how everyone else hasn't figured them out already. At least Neil's finally on the right page, even though it took Eli spelling it out for him to get there.

"That's so sudden. He must have found out at the last minute, or else I'm sure he would have told you about it," Katelyn says reassuringly. "I'm glad you guys made up first. It would have been so much worse if he left before you had a chance to talk it out, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," Aaron says, frowning at the thought. "It would've sucked to spend two weeks thinking he got sick of me already."

He remembers Eli saying that he'll never not care about him, and it makes his stomach squirm in that very particular way he associates only with Eli.

"Aaron, what?" Katelyn says, affronted. "How could you ever think he was sick of you? There's no way. That boy is crazy about you, trust me."

He shrugs, even though Katelyn can't see it.

"I'm a lot to put up with," he says. Before she can protest, he says, "C'mon, Katie, we both know it's true. I'm rude to everyone but you and Eli, and Andrew threatens people with knives. We had to have a secret friendship for nearly a whole year. Not a lot of people want to deal with all of that, and I don't blame them."

"Everyone has baggage," Katelyn insists stubbornly. She hates that Aaron is talking bad about himself this way, like he's not worth Eli's time and effort. If she thought Eli actually felt that way toward Aaron, she would yell at him so hard about it, so it's a good thing he doesn't!

"Okay yeah, the Andrew thing is kind of a lot," she admits. "But Eli's obviously not scared of him, so I don't think he cares. And he doesn't care if you're rude to people either. Neil's like, the rudest person in the world and Eli adores him."

She lies down on her stomach and picks at her bedspread thoughtfully. "Maybe that kind of stuff would be off-putting to some people, but Eli already knows you. He's not going to change his mind now that he's decided you're worth caring about."

"Yeah, Eli's kind of a special case," Aaron muses. Dealing with Neil all the time probably makes Eli find rudeness endearing or something, which is why he's so good at putting up with all the Foxes and their bullshit. "You are too, obviously, but you don't have a rude as fuck twin, so I don't know what your excuse is."

He sighs. He can't believe he's about to tell her this, but talking about everything really has helped, so. "He told me he'll never not care about me. Which was really good to hear, and I'm trying to believe it. It's hard, though."

Katelyn squeals and covers her mouth. "Aaron! Shut up, are you kidding me? That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Come on, what did I literally just tell you? He's crazy about you."

She wants to smush the two of them together like Barbie dolls so bad. They loooove each other. She smiles to herself and kicks her feet.

Aaron's face goes hot and he groans.

"Why do you have to say it like that?" he complains.

"How else am I supposed to say it?" Katelyn asks. "It's just the truth! Anyone with eyes in their head can see how much he likes you, dummy."

"I don't know," Aaron says. "Any other way? You make it sound like he has a crush on me or something."

Katelyn rolls her eyes at the ceiling, fond but extremely exasperated with Aaron's willful blindness to his and Eli's feelings for each other. She's not about to break Eli's confidence, but maybe it's time to give Aaron a tiny bit of a nudge.

"Well geez, I wonder why it would sound that way!" she says sarcastically. "I mean it's not like he's constantly flirting with you or anything. Or bringing you gifts. Or telling you how much he cares about you, and texting you all night long to make sure you're sleeping okay."

Aaron's stomach squirms wildly and his face feels molten.

"That's just him being my friend," Aaron defends. Admittedly, he's never had a friend act like that before, but he hasn't had many friends. And besides, "Eli's just like that. He's just... he's really nice. He's just a good person."

Katelyn sighs and sits up, realizing she might need to tread a bit more carefully here. "Aaron. Come on. Does he act that way toward anyone else? He's not texting me all night or bringing me sixteen of my favorite types of snacks just so he can play video games with me."

"I could be wrong," she lies, "I'm just telling you what it looks like to me. Would it really be such a bad thing if he did feel that way about you?"

Aaron swallows nervously. Eli doesn't act that way towards anyone else. And he doesn't kiss anyone else's hair or foreheads, either, to Aaron's knowledge.

"I—I don't know," he says. "I guess not."

If Eli did have a crush on him, Aaron wouldn't be nearly as uncomfortable with it as if it was a different guy, because he knows Eli. Eli wouldn't be creepy about it, the way Nicky is when he finds someone attractive. Eli would back off if Aaron told him no. He wouldn't even hold it against him, Aaron knows.

"But it doesn't matter, because if Eli liked me, I'd know," he says. "He'd just ask to sleep with me. You should see him with Matt and Dan."

Admittedly, Eli hasn't flirted with them recently. Aaron wonders if he's given up on them.

Aaron gives Katelyn less resistance than she was worried he might, and she flops back onto her pillows with relief. Maybe he's actually making some progress after all. A really, really tiny bit of progress.

"He might not say anything if he was worried about making you uncomfortable," she says. "Like with Matt and Dan, he doesn't really care what they think of him, right? But with you it would be different.”

"My sister was this totally major flirt back in high school, but whenever she actually really liked a guy she would get super shy about it and never tell him." Katelyn giggles, remembering how nervous Vanessa had been when she met her now-husband, blushing pink and barely able to speak a single word to him. Katelyn teased her so much in front of him that Vanessa dumped out all her expensive conditioner in revenge. "If Daniel hadn't gotten up the nerve to ask her out first, they never would have gotten together, and then I wouldn't be about to be an auntie right now. So I'm just saying, you can't be completely sure."

"I don't think Eli's been shy a day in his life," Aaron says dryly. But this isn't entirely true, he realizes as he thinks back on it. Eli's seemed uncharacteristically shy before, but Aaron has never looked for a common thread in these occurrences. He wonders what he'd find if he did.

"It—it still doesn't matter, Katie. I'm not gay, remember?" he asks.

Aaron likes girls. He's always liked girls. It doesn't matter if he's kind of flattered and pleased that Eli might like him, because he's always been attracted to girls.

Except.

Except he'd had a pretty fucking inappropriate bodily reaction when Eli wore that cheerleading outfit. And he still sometimes feels frozen for a moment when Eli meets his eyes without contacts in. And sometimes his eyes linger too long in the locker room, even when he isn't trying to sneak a good look at a particular scar, distracted instead by the movement of muscle under skin. And he'd liked it, when Eli kissed his hair, when he squeezed his hand but only when they were hidden from view, like he knew Aaron would be embarrassed otherwise. And there's the weird little squirmy warmth he gets when Eli is involved.

Oh.

That's... Aaron doesn't know what to do with all that. If it means something.

Katelyn hesitates. She doesn't really know how to handle this sort of thing, how hard she can push before she'll be doing more harm than good.

"Sure, of course. But you know it would be okay if you were though, right?" she says quietly. "I'm not trying to say you are. Just—I wouldn’t think of you any differently, that's all."

Aaron closes his eyes against the humiliation.

"Jesus Christ," he says, mortified. "You already know. How long have you known? How did I not know?"

Katelyn winces. Okay, he's figured it out. That's a good thing! That's the hard part done already. She can work with this, she just needs to not screw it up from here.

"Well, um... you remember back when you and Neil were looking up symptoms about your 'Eli problem'?"

Aaron's mouth falls open.

"You—you!" he splutters. "I can't believe you! We were looking up symptoms for weeks!"

Katelyn covers her mouth, torn between wanting to giggle and feeling guilty. "I'm sorry," she pleads. "But oh my god, Aaron, you guys are so dense. You were literally describing the exact feeling of having a crush and neither of you could figure it out!"

Aaron groans, covering his face with his free hand.

"How was I supposed to know?! I've never liked a guy before! It didn't even cross my mind that might be it. And Neil's never liked anyone," he complains. "God, we were the worst possible people to figure it out."

"Yeah, Neil might actually be even stupider about this stuff than you," Katelyn says. She honestly finds it sort of impressive.

She twirls a piece of hair around her finger nervously. "Well now that you know... are you okay? Are you freaking out?"

"Yeah, a little!" Aaron says, voice pitched too high. "I mean where did this come from? I've never been attracted to a guy before! You'd think that's the kind of thing you'd notice!"

He drops down so he's laying on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Does this make me gay?" he wonders. "Is it just an Eli thing? Or am I like him and it doesn't matter to me? What the fuck am I supposed to do when he comes back? God, Nicky can never know. He'll try to throw a fucking party or something."

Katelyn finally loses the battle of suppressing her giggles at the thought of Nicky throwing Aaron a 'welcome to being gay' party. At the same time, her heart hurts knowing that Nicky never had that kind of support from his own family. She doesn't know any of the details there, but the few things Aaron has told her about his aunt and uncle paint a pretty depressing picture. The fact that Aaron is already certain that Nicky will be supportive of him, even if it's in his annoying, over-the-top way, sort of makes her want to cry.

"Oh, he absolutely will," she assures him. "But you don't have to tell him, or do anything about it if you don't want to, okay? It's fine to just have a crush, nothing has to change if you don't want it to."

As much as she would die to see Aaron and Eli become a couple, she really just wants her friends to be happy, whatever that means for them.

"I don't know if you're gay or bisexual or something else," Katelyn says, thinking about it. "I guess if you still like girls you're probably not gay? But it could also be that you're straight and Eli's just an exception. I can do some more research about it when we get back to school."

The idea of Katelyn researching his sexuality is embarrassing in a way he's never experienced before. But he doesn't know if he can do it himself, not without either wanting to die or being found out by his family somehow.

And even if he does decide he wants to do something about his crush on Eli, he can't. Not with Andrew's deal in place. He may have allowed a re-balancing of it once, but Aaron doubts he will again, and he doesn't have any more bargaining chips. Andrew tolerates Eli a lot more than he does most other people, but Aaron has no delusions about that meaning he'll make an exception.

Even knowing that, Aaron can't help but ask, "You really think he likes me?"

"Yes, you dummy!" Katelyn laughs. "He's obsessed with you. It is painfully obvious."

She doesn't know if she wants to shake Aaron or give him a hug. How is he so smart and so stupid at the same time?

"That seems like an exaggeration," Aaron says doubtfully. The squirming feeling happens again, and now he's able to identify the feeling as butterflies in his stomach. God, he feels like an idiot for not realizing sooner, but also like he wasn't ready to know. He doesn't think he'd ever be ready to know.

"It's really not," Katelyn says dryly.

An idea pops into her head. "You know... if you wanted to find out for sure, you could always wear something a little slutty around him and see how he reacts. Like next time you're at Eden's, you know, flash a little skin. Or just try some flirting of your own and see if you can fluster him."

You're welcome, Eli. She smirks.

Aaron's stomach swoops violently at the idea of actually trying to flirt with Eli. He doesn't even know how he would do that. What would he say? Is it like flirting with a girl? Assuming he didn't swallow his tongue in the attempt, how would Eli react?

"...I don't think I own anything slutty," he grimaces, thinking of the extremely short shorts and tiny crop tops that Nicky likes to wear to Eden's sometimes.

"Oh my god," Katelyn says, sitting up and clapping. "That's it, we're going shopping when you get back. I'm going to make you look so delicious you won't even have to say a single word and he'll be falling at your feet."

"Katelyn," Aaron says fearfully. "Please god no crop tops or booty shorts. I'm begging you. I don't want to look like Nicky."

"Obviously not," Katelyn says, offended by Aaron's suspicions. "Eli doesn't want a Nicky clone, he wants you. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

She would consider enlisting Allison to help them out too, because she's been dying to get some fashion tips from her, but unfortunately she knows Aaron would rather drink bleach than have Allison know any of his personal business or even spend any time with her outside of practice. Katelyn has no idea why. Aaron just has no taste.

"Okay," Aaron says, mostly placated but still suspicious. "But if I say no to something you can't try to force me into it."

He's okay with showing a little skin; it's Eden's, after all. But no way in hell is he giving anyone complete control over how he dresses, even Katelyn.

"You get ultimate veto power," Katelyn promises. "Oh my gosh, Aaron, you're going to drive him crazy! I can't wait."

Eli's tongue is going to fall out of his mouth and roll away out the door, she just knows it.

"If you say so," he says doubtfully. Aaron still isn't entirely sold on the idea of Eli having a crush on him, even if he's been forced to recognize his own feelings.

So far the people Aaron knows for sure that Eli has been into are Nicky, Matt, and Dan, all of whom are tall, conventionally attractive, and generally good-natured. Aaron isn't any of those things.

"I do say so," Katelyn says smugly. "Which one of us actually knows how to recognize the symptoms of a crush, hm?"

"Oh my god," Aaron says. "Shut up. That was Neil's fault. I'm taking no responsibility for it."

"Neil's fault?" Katelyn cackles. "Aaron Michael Minyard, you are so full of it!!"

"Don't middle name me, Katelyn Elizabeth McKenzie," Aaron says. "It's his fault if I say it's his fault. I asked for his help and he completely failed me. Last time I ever make that mistake."

"I'm hitting you over the head with my pillow right now," Katelyn says. She puts her phone down and thwaps it with her pillow, then picks up the phone again. "Did you feel it?"

"Ow," Aaron says, completely monotone. "You bitch."

Katelyn breaks into giggles so hard that her eyes start watering and it takes her a minute to calm down.

She flops on her back and sighs. "I miss you already, you butthead. You gonna be okay?"

Katelyn's familiar giggling has him cracking a smile, but it fades at her question.

"I think so," he says. "I mean, I have to be. Eli's gonna need his people for support when he gets back. So I guess I have until the end of break to spiral and figure myself out, and try not to panic about him being hurt in the meantime."

He sighs. "I miss you too. Hopefully this break passes quick."

Katelyn's heart hurts for Aaron and Eli. "Yeah, I hope so too. You keep me updated if you hear from Eli at all, okay? Or if you have any gay questions! I can write down a list of stuff to look up when we're back at the library."

Aaron pinches the bridge of his nose and reluctantly says, "Yeah, I'll do that. Bye, Katie. Talk to you later. And thank you."

He really does feel a little better after talking to her. Not by much, admittedly. But obsessing over a sexuality crisis is a lot lighter material than whether or not his best friend is being tortured.

Katelyn hangs up the phone and chews on her lip. Poor Eli, poor Aaron and Neil. She's so worried about them, especially about Eli's safety, but she's also incredibly proud of Aaron for finally starting to figure out his feelings. It's bittersweet.

She sighs and goes to find her dad, who's whittling a wooden duck at the kitchen table.

"Everything okay, sweetheart?" he asks her, pushing up his glasses and squinting at her.

"Yeah, I think so. Aaron's just having a rough break," she says, sitting down next to him. She picks up a wood shaving and twirls it around. "I think he'll be okay though."

Her dad is the only one who believes that Aaron isn't her boyfriend, though she's not sure if that's just him being in denial that his baby girl is old enough to date anyone. Still, she'll take it.

"You tell that boy to come visit next Christmas," he says, nodding decisively. "His brother too, that one who likes knives. Some time outdoors will do them a lot of good."

Katelyn privately thinks that taking any of Aaron's family members on a hunting trip would result in at least one homicide, but she smiles and nods at her dad anyway. "Sure, I'll let them know."

Notes:

katelyn mackenzie MVP of this fic 💖 without her aaron takes 9,000 more years to figure out hes not straight

Chapter 23 Summary:

Andrew distracts Neil.

Notes:

Content Warnings
- depression & dissociation
- smoking
- explicit sexual content
- references to sexual trauma

Chapter Text

Neil is just as disengaged from day two of the tour as he was day one. He doesn't really see the point. It's all 'look at this thing, here's some history about it' and then some shopping opportunities, and then more travel and they repeat it all over with breaks for snacks in-between. He thinks Aaron had the right idea, hanging back at the apartment.

Today the tour doesn't last as long. They finish up mid-afternoon, stop at another overpriced place to buy food, and head back. Aaron isn't anywhere to be seen, so Neil assumes he's in his room because there was no sign of forced entry that he could see.

Everyone gets settled, and Neil finds himself without something to do. This used to be a very common occurrence, but hasn't been since coming to Palmetto. He used to stave off the boredom with Eli, but. Well.

He thinks that maybe wandering around the city might be more enjoyable without a tour guide and wanders over to put his shoes back on. It's better than laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and wondering how bad a shape Eli is in.

Andrew knows Neil is having a bad time without Eli. It reminds him, oddly enough, of Kevin when he first came to them from the Nest. Always looking over his shoulder for a missing partner, listening for a voice that isn’t there. Wandering aimlessly through the day like an untethered balloon.

When they get back to the apartment, Andrew first checks to make sure Aaron hasn't offed himself, then hangs around and lazily watches Matt play a video game. After a while he sees Neil get up and head for the door. Andrew follows him, reaching Neil just as he's tugging his shoes on.

"Going somewhere?" Andrew asks, stepping on Neil's shoe to prevent him from tying it.

Neil looks up from tying his shoe, too numbed inside to even feel annoyed.

"Out," he shrugs. He tries to push Andrew's socked foot off of his shoe, but is largely unsuccessful. He sighs. "Do you want something?"

"Not alone you aren't," Andrew says. "You're going to overdose on brooding, or get yourself kidnapped. Kevin." He raises his voice, not looking away from Neil.

Kevin grumbles a reply.

"Time for a walk," Andrew tells him. "Go fetch your leash."

Kevin scowls at him but does still get up and join them, eager for the opportunity to get some exercise as Andrew knew he would be.

Neil frowns, but putting up a fight sounds too exhausting right now, so he silently waits for the other two to put on their shoes, and then they leave. Neil picks a direction to walk at random, habitually keeping track of the turns they take in the back of his mind.

Kevin chatters, unusually upbeat, about the things they saw today and additional facts about New York that he's read in his book. Neil does not absorb any of this. On a normal day, he'd probably engage in the discussion, but on a normal day Eli would make it more amusing by attempting to derail it, so.

It all just seems a bit pointless without him here.

Kevin doesn't seem to mind that neither of them are paying attention to him, and his chatter melds in with the street sounds, functioning as the soundtrack to their walk.

Andrew stops in front of a gift shop window and Neil halts alongside him. There's a little display of Exy figurines, including a tiny Kevin Day and Jeremy Knox. They've made Kevin's nose look strangely bulbous.

"I do not look like that," Kevin says over their shoulders, indignant. "For a thirty dollar toy they could at least get my nose right."

"It looks exactly like you," Andrew tells him.

For a long few moments, Neil doesn't understand what Andrew and Kevin are talking about, too busy staring at his transparent reflection in the window. Then his eyes drift downwards, taking in the little figurines. He looks between Kevin and his small counterpart. They don't look anything alike, really.

"It's like they cloned you," Neil says, voice bland. Kevin is not amused, and makes this loudly known. Neil feels his amusement like it's far away, just a bit out of his reach. Andrew, at least, seems pleased, mouth curling subtly on one side in his own version of a smile.

Andrew drags them into the shop and buys the stupid overpriced Kevin Day toy. The shopkeeper is overwhelmed to see the real life Kevin in her store.

"I think they did a great job on this series, don't you?" she says breathlessly.

Kevin gives her his public-facing smile. "Very high quality stuff."

Andrew makes Kevin sign the box that the toy comes in. This will be his Christmas present for Nicky, he decides. He's never gotten Nicky a present before, unless you count beating four men nearly to death in an alley. Nicky will probably cry and try to hug him. Andrew supposes he can just stab him if he does; that can be his Christmas present to himself.

While Andrew bullies Kevin, Neil looks around the store. There's a lot of Exy stuff, but mostly for professional teams. Kevin's little figurine has a pair in a tiny Riko. Neil drops the last box on the shelf onto the floor and kicks it under the gap.

When he looks up from his petty, ineffectual revenge, Andrew is watching him. Neil wanders over.

"Are we done?" he asks. Andrew holds up his bag in answer and Neil leads them back out onto the street.

Kevin complains at Andrew as soon as they're out of earshot of the store owner, and Andrew ignores him and lights himself a cigarette, taking a long drag.

He offers the pack to Neil as well and Kevin scowls. "Don't you dare get him hooked on those cancer sticks," he warns Andrew. "He's going to be Court one day, he can't afford to fuck up his lungs."

"I don't smoke," Neil says, tapping out a cigarette. Andrew passes him his lighter and he lights up. Kevin snatches the cigarette from his fingertips and throws it on the ground. Neil feels a brief pulse of annoyance before it's smothered by the same apathy that's plagued him since Eli left.

"Absolutely not," Kevin says, pointing a finger at him.

Andrew glares at Kevin. "Waste my cigarettes again and I will pour all your vodka into your locker and light it on fire."

Kevin shoots him a betrayed look. Andrew walks away, pulling out a new cigarette and handing it over to Neil. He doesn't know why he bothers, when Neil doesn't even properly smoke the things.

Kevin glowers at them both as Andrew smokes and Neil inhales the smell. It's grounding in a strange way, making him feel more firmly anchored in his body. He's sure that weird, uncomfortable drifting sensation isn't too far gone, though. He won't be whole again until Eli returns.

It's good to know there are ways to stave off the feeling, though.

They keep wandering. The cold makes the tip of Andrew's nose turn red, which is pretty cute. Occasionally, something in a window will grab either Andrew or Kevin's attention, and they'll dip inside to look around. They each buy a few things, but Neil leaves empty handed every time. He doesn't need any of these things. Everything he needs can fit in his duffle bag and he likes it that way.

Eventually Andrew gets tired of wandering in the cold and drags his charges into a coffee shop. He orders himself a hot chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream, and sips it while Neil stares unblinking at his own small coffee. Kevin gnaws on the protein bar he brought in his pocket and shoots Andrew's beverage a dirty look.

Andrew kicks Neil's shin under the table.

Neil stares at his coffee and wonders if there's any truth to twins having a psychic link. He wonders if he'll know if Eli dies. He wonders if—

A sharp pain in his shin startles him out of his thoughts. He blinks at Andrew, confused, and holds out his cup, offering his coffee, wondering if Andrew decided he doesn't like his own.

Andrew gives Neil's plain black coffee a disgusted look. "No."

He kicks Neil's shin again.

Neil sets his cup back on the table, even more confused.

"What?" he asks, kicking Andrew back, in case it's some sort of game.

"Stop thinking so loudly," Andrew tells him in German. "You're making Kevin uncomfortable."

Kevin frowns at them. "What are you talking about? I heard my name." Andrew gestures to Kevin as if this proves his point.

Neil frowns.

"Kevin isn't uncomfortable. He would say so if he were. He wouldn't shut up about it," Neil says, also in German.

"Seriously, what are you saying about me?" Kevin asks. He's ignored.

"How am I supposed to think quieter?" Neil asks. He doesn't know what Andrew means.

"You need a distraction," Andrew tells him. "You are going to drive yourself crazy like this."

He sets his drink down on the table. "Tell me what will help you stop thinking. Sparring. Alcohol. What do you want."

"I'm not good at not thinking," Neil says.

"Are you still talking about me?" Kevin demands. Neil waves a lazy hand at him like shooing away a fly.

There's only three things Neil can think of that get him out of his head. Playing Exy, running until he drops, and kissing Andrew. Exy isn't available, Andrew won't let Neil run by himself and no one else can keep up, and kissing... They haven't done anything since that first time. Maybe Andrew lost interest, or isn't open to it after being attacked.

Neil would feel weird asking to make out to distract himself from his brother's misery, anyway. Though Eli did say he expects Neil to have a lot of experiences to tell him about when he gets back. But that was a joke. Probably.

Andrew can think of one thing that might get Neil out of his head, but he doesn't know if Neil is up for anything like that right now. He supposes it can't hurt to test the waters, though, so he takes a sip of his hot chocolate and deliberately gets whipped cream on his upper lip. Then he flicks his tongue out and licks it away, watching Neil's face for his reaction.

Neil's eyes drop automatically to Andrew's mouth, attracted by the movement, but get stuck there as his tongue drags across his upper lip. Neil swallows, eyes lingering for a moment before he manages to drag his eyes back up to meet Andrew's. The knowing look there makes his face heat.

"We said later, and it is later now, if you are interested," Andrew says, still in German. "Tonight. Yes or no?"

"Yes," Neil says immediately. Then thinks to add, "Are you sure?"

He doesn't want Andrew to kiss him just as a distraction. He wants Andrew to kiss him because he likes it.

Andrew rolls his eyes. "Don't be an idiot. Yes."

He kicks Neil's shin one more time for good measure.

"Okay," Neil says. His lips almost feel like they're already tingling.

He kicks Andrew back again, and twitches a tiny smile at him for the look it earns him.

Andrew finishes his hot chocolate in silence, feeling it warm him up from the inside out. Kevin eventually steals Neil's untouched coffee and drinks it himself.

The sun has set by the time they start walking back. It's dark out, and quickly getting colder. Andrew nudges Neil and Kevin ahead of him so he can keep an eye on them while they walk. Neil is bundled in a jacket and his usual baggy jeans that don't reveal anything of his lean muscled form, but Andrew has a good imagination. He watches Neil's back as he walks, and considers what he might do to him later tonight.

It takes a while to get back. They'd wandered further than Neil thought, and he's almost wishing he had a scarf by the time they arrive back. Matt's mom greets them warmly and tells them she packed their dinners up in the fridge for later. Kevin thanks her with his press smile and leaves to warm up in the shower.

While they were gone, Aaron emerged from his room. He's playing a game with Matt, and doesn't look up when they enter. Neil wonders if Aaron is going to be pissed at him all break. He doesn't blame him if he is, but it's still annoying.

Neil and Kevin both disappear for a while and Andrew joins Aaron and Matt in the living room to watch them play games. Aaron is sullen but not verging on catatonic, so Andrew figures he doesn't require an intervention right now. Matt seems a bit wary of Andrew's presence at first, but seems to calm down once he realizes Andrew isn't planning to randomly stab him.

Eventually they eat their dinner leftovers, then Andrew showers and changes into comfier clothes. He hangs around the living room until the others go to bed. When the house is finally quiet, he pads his way over to Neil's room in socked feet and knocks quietly on the door.

Neil isn't entirely sure when 'tonight' means. It's already tonight. But he supposes asking for an exact time isn't allowed, so he doesn't text Andrew even though he wants to. He showers, changes into his pajamas, and sits with Kevin for a bit. They don't talk, which is why they don't argue. But Kevin soon shoos him away so he can sleep, and Neil returns to his own room.

He doesn't get too long to linger on the loneliness of it before there's a knock at his door and his heart trips over itself. He opens the door to Andrew, standing aside and closing it behind him.

Andrew sweeps his gaze over Neil from head to toe. Neil’s hair is slightly damp, his pajamas are ratty and worn-out, and he has a hole in his sock. Andrew wants to eat him.

"If it is a no to anything, at any point, you will tell me." Andrew says, stepping closer to him. "Understand?"

Neil nods.

"You too," he says. He knows Andrew defends his own boundaries viciously, but Neil wants him to know that he doesn't have to.

Andrew's temper flares in irritation but he doesn't bother responding to that inane statement.

He leans in as close to Neil as he can without actually touching him, then takes hold of his chin. "Kissing?"

"Yes," Neil says. He slips his hands in his pockets so he doesn't give in to the desire to touch. Andrew's eyes are darker in this light, but no less nice to look at. They're pretty, Neil thinks. He doesn't think Andrew would appreciate him saying so. He's tempted to do it anyway.

Andrew pulls Neil's face close and presses their lips together, inhaling sharply at the rush of desire that hits him. It's only been a week since that day on the rooftop, but Andrew sinks into this kiss with fevered desperation. He's been hungry for Neil ever since he first saw him all those months ago, and the taste he got last week has only worsened the ache. His grip on Neil's chin is too tight and he forces himself to loosen his fingers so he doesn't leave a bruise.

Neil sighs his relief into Andrew's mouth as he kisses him. There's a rough edge to it that wasn't there last time, but Andrew softens his grip and gentles his approach, even though Neil doesn't mind either way.

He has a sudden image of Andrew licking that whipped cream away, and he flicks his tongue out, curious if he might still be able to taste it. He can't, which is disappointing, but Andrew opens his mouth to him, so that's okay.

Neil dips his tongue into Andrew's mouth almost like he's trying to taste Andrew rather than kiss him. Andrew opens for him easily, licks and kisses back and allows himself to be tasted.

He wonders what exactly Neil wants from him. Neil seems to be enjoying himself and he was clearly eager to try this again, but Andrew has no idea how much is going to be too much for him. He doesn't know if Neil knows what will be too much. He thinks they should probably talk about it, but then Neil sucks on his tongue and Andrew exhales roughly and shudders, every last coherent thought flying out of his head.

Neil feels the way Andrew reacts to him and adjusts accordingly, sucking on his tongue again. He feels a little light-headed and a lot excited to see what else he can do to make Andrew shiver like that again.

He experiments, taking note of what gets him the most satisfying reactions. He nips at Andrew's lower lip, flicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, moves his tongue in long strokes against Andrew's. He feels like an explorer, mapping out the best paths to success.

It seems getting that small reaction out of Andrew has inspired Neil to try anything he can to get another. Andrew fights to hold back his body's responses. He’s well-practiced at not allowing any moans or whimpers to escape even when he feels them rising at the base of his throat, but he can’t stop the shiver that wracks his body when Neil surprises him with a little nip at his lip, nor the way his breathing starts to speed up more with each new trick Neil tries with his tongue.

He feels himself hardening hot and heavy and ignores the way his hips ache to pull flush together with Neil's and grind away the tension. Instead, he takes back the reins by burying both hands in Neil's hair, licking and biting into his mouth. He drags his fingers down the side of Neil's neck and presses a thumb to his throat, feeling the rabbity pulse thrumming under Neil’s skin.

Neil makes another one of those embarrassing noises as Andrew takes back control of the kiss and runs hands through Neil's hair. His scalp tingles pleasantly, and then Andrew is running fingers down his throat, a strange sort of tickling sensation that makes his dick twitch.

"Andrew," Neil pants, but loses track of his thought when their lips meet again. Everything narrows down to Andrew's mouth, hot and wet, and Andrew's hands, warm and soft. Slowly, he feels himself harden. His hips twitch forward of their own accord when Andrew bites at his lip again, and Neil has to make an active effort to press them back against the wall with a whimper.

Andrew swallows up Neil's panting breaths and moans and tiny twitches like he's starving for them. He keeps his eyes shut tight so he can focus on cataloguing the way Neil sounds and tastes and feels under his hands and mouth. It feels like he could stay here forever, hovering on this edge and drawing reactions out of Neil, who doesn't seem inclined to hide them the way Andrew does. At the same time, he feels unbearably impatient to get his hands on the rest of Neil, to touch bare skin to skin and wring an orgasm out of him.

Andrew pulls back slightly and glances down to where Neil is tenting his pajamas. His mouth waters at the sight. He does his best to ignore the identical situation in his own sweatpants and flicks his gaze back up to meet Neil's, dropping a hand to Neil's waist to thumb lightly at the elastic band. "Yes or no?"

Neil blinks his eyes open, dazed, and breathes an eager "yes," without even realizing what Andrew is asking. All he knows is that Andrew makes him feel good and Neil would very much like to keep feeling good, thank you.

After a moment he becomes aware of Andrew's thumb rubbing over his waistband, and somehow there's enough blood left in him to rush to his face. Andrew's hand is warm and heavy at his waist, and he swallows nervously. But he nods.

He's never done this before, and that's kind of scary in the way that all new situations are kind of scary. But he trusts Andrew, and he doesn't want this to stop so soon.

Neil looks nervous and flushed, but pleased too, his expression open and trusting. Andrew hates him so deeply.

Andrew’s jaw clenches and he slips his hand down the front of Neil's baggy pajama pants and into his boxers, covering Neil’s dick with his palm. Then he wraps his fingers around it, feeling out the weight of him. Neil is hot and hard and twitchy in his grip, and Andrew watches his face with rapt attention.

Neil gasps softly at the feeling of Andrew's palm against his abdomen, slipping into his pants. He's never had someone else's skin pressed against him there and it's nice, but a little overwhelming. That's nothing compared to the feeling of Andrew's hand wrapping around his dick, hot and firm.

He moans low in his throat, an odd little tremble running through him, and his eyes flutter closed. God, Andrew is just holding him in his hand and it already feels so much better than any time Neil has ever touched himself.

Andrew's breath catches in his chest at the look on Neil's face, like he's already completely blissed out just from Andrew grabbing his dick. Fuck. How is Neil even real?

This much already feels like an indulgence Andrew does not deserve, something he will be cosmically punished for later, so he figures he may as well continue to indulge for as long as Neil lets him. He allows himself some time to simply explore by tracing his fingers over Neil’s dick, feeling around the head and the underside of the shaft, then pressing the pad of his finger lightly against the hole at Neil's tip.

Neil is surprised when, instead of starting to stroke, Andrew's fingers move over him curiously. It's not what he expected but it still feels good, and he makes little noises as Andrew's fingers drag over him. When there's a gentle pressure against his tip, Neil gives up and lets his head fall against Andrew's shoulder, breathing heavily.

"Yes?" he asks, nosing against Andrew's neck, letting his hot breath puff over his skin.

Neil rests his head on Andrew’s shoulder, so soft and easy and trusting, and asks Andrew to keep touching him. It makes Andrew's chest fizzle with anger. How dare Neil place this kind of faith in him? He hates the way Neil acts like Andrew would never, ever hurt him. It's terrifying and humbling and it makes Andrew want to tear him apart piece by piece until there's nothing left.

Andrew feels Neil's nose and hot breath against his neck and he shudders, closing his eyes at the sensation. "Impatient," he chides Neil, but wraps a heavy hand around him all the same. He gives Neil a few tight strokes, then, irritated at the dryness, takes his hand back out and spits in it before returning to jerk him.

Neil's eyes widen when Andrew spits into his hand, but he can't argue with the results. His hand glides over Neil's dick, wet and tight and hot, and Neil gives a full body shudder, muffling his moan by burying his face into Andrew's neck.

It's hard to focus, with what Andrew is doing to him, but Neil doesn't want to just take and give nothing back. He mouths softly at Andrew's neck, just his lips, then flicks his tongue out, lapping at the soft skin there as his hips start to rock in Andrew's hand.

Andrew clenches his jaw and stifles a groan as Neil's wandering tongue sends shuddering waves through his frame. "Your neck fetish is not attractive," Andrew grits out, but he doesn't pull away.

He tightens his hand to distract Neil and jerks him harder and faster. Arousal coils in his own gut at the way Neil's hips stutter into his grip, and once again he has the urge to press against Neil and grind into him, to take and take until he is sated. Instead of the usual disgust and shame he expects to follow such a thought, there's a dangerous spark of curiosity, a what if that keeps drifting back even after he angrily swats it away.

"You like it," Neil says into Andrew's ear. "I like that you like it."

He gasps, dropping his head back to Andrew's shoulder. There's a tension coiling low inside of him, winding tighter and tighter.

"Fuck," he whines. "Never felt like this before."

"Shut up," Andrew demands, his voice ragged.

He feels liable to burst into flames at any moment, like he's been doused in gasoline and each of Neil's words is a spark that threatens to send a fire ripping through him. He tangles his free hand back into Neil's hair and attacks him in a bruising kiss to stop him from talking.

Oh, Neil thought this couldn't get any better, but he's proven wrong when Andrew kisses him again. He can't stop the needy little noises he makes as he rocks his hips into Andrew's hands and slides their tongues against each other.

That tension coils more and more until it snaps, and Neil's orgasm rolls through him with such intensity that his knees go weak. He gasps out Andrew's name as he spills, trembling with the sensation, muscles going taut.

Neil's whole body shakes as Andrew wrings the orgasm out of him. Andrew hears his name leaving Neil's mouth like a whispered prayer and his cock throbs so violently that he almost thinks he's come too. He grits his teeth and closes his eyes against the feeling while he jerks Neil through his climax.

Once Neil's breath starts to slow, Andrew pulls his hand out of Neil’s pants and examines the mess. He can't help himself—he lifts the hand to his mouth and tastes Neil off his fingers. It's bitter and dirty and good.

Andrew strokes him through it, and Neil feels like he might shake apart. When it's over, he slumps against Andrew. He turns his head and watches with wide eyes as Andrew licks Neil's cum off his hands. His stomach swoops and his dick twitches.

He rubs his cheek against Andrew's shoulder, moving close enough to press little closed-mouth kisses along Andrew's neck.

"You too?" he asks, still a little breathless.

Andrew closes his eyes and imagines just for a moment what it would be like to touch himself in front of Neil. His brain allows him half a second of euphoric excitement at the thought before sick guilt slams into him and fear skitters down his back. He realizes his fingers have dug far too tightly into Neil's hair and he pulls back, the usual mixture of shame and frustration heavy in his chest.

He intends to tell Neil a flat no, but instead finds himself saying, "Not tonight." He frowns and clamps his lips shut so no other treacherous words can fall out, then backs away toward the door.

Neil nods, and when he feels Andrew pull away he takes a shaky step back. He isn't sure what he sees on Andrew's face but it doesn't seem good, and Neil hates that.

"Movie?" he suggests, tilting his head a bit as his eyes sweep over Andrew head-to-toe. His eyes linger on the tenting in Andrew's pants and he adds, "When you're done?"

Andrew feels Neil's eyes rake over him like a physical touch and turns away without a word, his jaw tight and angry. He despises Neil for knowing he needs space. For being obviously interested but not pushing him on it. The casual, unquestioning acceptance burns in Andrew's gut and he wants to destroy it.

Down the hall in the bathroom, Andrew quickly takes care of himself and washes the evidence down the sink. It takes a while to calm himself down after. The feverish desire he'd felt for Neil was frightening, the way it had him for a few moments considering the limitations of his own boundaries. He was right from the very beginning, he thinks. Neil Josten is dangerous. Andrew should have gotten rid of him at the start. He should get rid of him now, before Neil has the chance to burrow further under his skin and make himself at home there.

Andrew goes back to his room and silently checks on Aaron, who is asleep. Then he stops by the living room to steal Kevin's laptop and brings it back to Neil's room, silently cursing himself the whole time.

Neil isn't sure if Andrew will come back. It's fine if he doesn't, of course, but Neil will be a little disappointed.

Feeling languid and relaxed, he changes his boxers, grimacing at the mess in them. He doesn't have enough clothes to be dirtying them so thoroughly. Next time—if there is a next time—the boxers are coming off.

He climbs into bed, checking his phone. Nicky has sent a barrage of messages after a few days of radio silence. Allison and Renee both sent him a message, too. He replies to each of them, and then looks up when his door opens.

Andrew walks in holding a laptop and Neil sits up eagerly, moving to lean his back against the wall.

Andrew's chest spikes with anger at the way Neil is looking at him, but he doesn't have the words to argue about it.

He sits down next to Neil and pulls up the folder of movies he's pirated onto Kevin's laptop. Kevin doesn't know anything about this, of course. He’s always complaining about how small the storage is on his computer and how he always has so many viruses. Andrew hands the laptop over to Neil to let him pick, because it's funny how Neil knows nothing about movies but will still try to pretend he does.

Neil looks over the selection of movies curiously. There's so many of them, and none of them sound familiar. He looks up at Andrew.

"What kind of movies do you like?" he asks.

Andrew rolls his eyes and takes back the computer. He starts up the Silent Hill movie and sets it on the bed between them, playing at a low volume. Aaron hates this movie because he thinks it doesn't do justice to the video game series, but Andrew appreciates its commitment to being viscerally unpleasant to watch. The barbed wire scene at the end is particularly gruesome.

Andrew doesn't say anything, but Neil isn't sure if it's because he can't or doesn't want to. Either way, he puts on a movie and Neil settles in to watch.

It's a confusing mess, and Neil asks questions throughout that Andrew doesn't acknowledge at all. This does not deter him, but Andrew doesn't get up and leave, which means he can't be that annoyed.

Halfway through, Neil starts to get sleepy. He hasn't been sleeping well lately, and having Andrew's steady breathing and warmth at his side is relaxing. His eyelids start to droop, and his head dips.

Neil doesn't seem bothered by the fact that Andrew isn't replying to anything he says. If Andrew really needed to, he could probably force words out right now, but he doesn't want to expend the energy when it's not necessary.

After a while, Neil goes quiet and his head slumps over, his neck bent at an awkward angle. Andrew elbows him and Neil startles awake. Andrew rolls his eyes and grabs onto Neil's head, then pushes it down onto his shoulder in a command to sleep.

Neil jerks awake, only for Andrew to force Neil's head onto his shoulder. Neil freezes for a moment in surprise, then melts against him, squirming happily as he gets comfortable.

He doesn't bother trying to continue watching the movie, closing his eyes and focusing on Andrew next to him. He's warm and sturdy, strong. He smells really good, too, like laundry and body wash and smoke. His shirt is soft against Neil's cheek, and he can't resist rubbing against it a few times.

Sighing out a quiet breath, he feels sleep tugging at him again. He leans into it gratefully, safely tucked against Andrew's side.

Neil's contented little wiggle and sigh as he leans his weight on Andrew is as infuriating as everything else he does. And Andrew allows it, just like he does everything else. Somehow Neil’s touch doesn't even make his skin crawl.

Andrew turns the laptop volume down to a whisper. When the movie ends, instead of leaving, he starts up another one. He can't fall asleep like this, not with someone else's body touching his, so he stays up through the night, determined for Neil at least to get some rest.

Neil sleeps soundly, protected even from bad dreams by the body pressed against his. Eventually, he climbs back to wakefulness, yawning and nuzzling his face into the softness of his pillow.

He blinks his eyes open to be greeted by the sight of sunlight coming in through the window and a laptop on the legs of the person next to him.

Brain still moving slowly, Neil peers up at Andrew's face. He looks like he hadn't slept at all, and Neil feels guilt pulse through him.

"Morning," he mumbles.

When Neil finally stirs early in the morning, he nuzzles his face into Andrew's shoulder and looks up at him with big sleepy eyes. Andrew wants to deck him in the face for it.

“Don't look at me like that," Andrew grits out. He grabs Neil's chin and brushes a kiss against his lips, then gets up and walks out the door.

He doesn't run into anyone on the way to his room, but once he gets there, he's confronted by Aaron, who is sitting upright in bed and squinting at him suspiciously. "Where the hell have you been all night?"

Andrew ignores him and curls up in his own bed to try to steal a few hours of sleep before the day begins.

Neil's heart rate ratchets up when Andrew kisses him, chaste and brief, before leaving. Neil is left blinking after him. He didn't know kisses like that were allowed. He wonders if it's only an Andrew thing, or if Neil can drop little kisses on him without it leading to anything.

Stretching, feeling better—physically, at least—than he has in days, Neil gathers up his clothes and takes a shower. It's a little bit easier to eat breakfast this morning. When Kevin manages to rouse himself, he looks around the living room with alarm.

"Has anyone seen my laptop?" he asks.

Neil shrugs and settles back for the morning's entertainment.

*****

Andrew wakes violently a few hours later when Kevin throws a pillow at him and tells him to get ready to go to a museum. He chucks his phone squarely at Kevin’s face in retaliation, but Kevin unfortunately catches it, then pockets it and leaves, which forces Andrew to get up and go after him. There's a pile of donuts and pastries in the kitchen, courtesy of Matt's mother. Andrew eats six of them in one go. He isn't even hungry after the fourth one, but Kevin is so horrified that it's worth the stomachache to keep going.

The Met museum is almost as boring as a library as far as Andrew is concerned. Of course Kevin is having the time of his goddamn life. One of the exhibitions is a bunch of depressing photographs of Hurricane Katrina, and Kevin stands in front of it, giving their group an unprompted lecture on everything he’s read about this artist. Several of the other guests even stop and listen in, apparently mistaking Kevin for a tour guide. This only makes Kevin more pleased with himself, which is the worst outcome that Andrew can imagine.

Aaron spends the whole time at the museum on his phone, ignoring the rest of them. Neil and Matt wander off to the cafe at some point and don't come back, and Andrew joins them after a while just to escape Kevin's lectures. They go out to another fancy dinner afterward where Andrew has a surprisingly pleasant conversation with Randy, in which she describes various injuries she's given people throughout her boxing career. Kevin gets recognized by the waitress and has to pretend to be likeable, which is funny. Aaron switches back and forth between glaring at Neil and glaring at his phone. Andrew keeps eyeing Neil across the table as well, presumably for different reasons than his twin. His mind keeps supplying him with vivid memories of last night, and from the blush on Neil's face when Andrew catches his eye, Neil is thinking about the same things.

Back at the apartment, after everyone's gone to bed, Andrew once again slips away to Neil's room. This time he doesn't knock, he just lets himself in.

Neil spends the day sneaking looks at Andrew and feeling like he's being very obvious about it. He can't stop thinking about last night. Not just Andrew's hand around him, but the way he'd stayed the entire night, letting Neil sleep cuddled up to his side. It makes his chest feel weird and tight, like it's too small for all the emotions inside it.

The day is a lot more bearable than the ones previous. Neil still finds himself looking automatically for his brother, hearing his laughter and snarky comments in his head. But it's easier to pull away from those thoughts instead of falling into them when Andrew is right there, an easy distraction.

He isn't sure if or when Andrew will want to kiss him again, so he's pleasantly surprised when the man pushes his way into Neil's room, closing the door behind him.

"Hi," Neil says from his position on his bed.

Neil looks infuriatingly pleased to see him. Andrew moves toward the bed and joins him on it. "Hi," he returns mockingly.

Andrew's mocking tone makes Neil's mouth try to twitch up into a smile but he bites it back.

"Did you need something?" he asks innocently.

What a little brat. "Shut up," Andrew tells him.

He plants a hand on Neil's forehead and shoves him onto his back. He crawls over the top of Neil and looks down at his self-satisfied face. "Yes or no?"

Neil lets Andrew push him down and stares up at his handsome face, blond hair falling forward. Neil wants to tuck it behind his ear, so he pushes his hands behind his back instead.

"Yes," he says, eager for more of the brain-melting feelings Andrew gifts to him.

Holding himself up over Neil and caging him in with his limbs, Andrew dips his head down to meet Neil’s lips. Neil's hot mouth eagerly kissing him back is agonizingly good. Andrew thinks he might never be able to get enough of it, and that's a terrifying thought.

Neil squirms underneath him but keeps his hands behind his back, always careful not to overstep. After a few moments of deliberation, Andrew sits back up a bit and reaches for Neil's wrists, gripping them and giving them a light tug.

Every time they kiss Neil thinks it couldn't possibly get better, but he's consistently proven wrong. He sighs into Andrew's mouth, tension flooding out of him. With Andrew above him, his arms and legs boxing him in, Neil feels small, safe, tucked out of sight from the view of the world. He thinks the only thing that would make it better is if Andrew pressed him down, resting all his weight on him.

When Andrew sits back up, breaking the kiss, Neil is incredibly disappointed. He blinks up at Andrew and lets his hands be tugged out from under him, keeping them loose and pliant in Andrew's hold. He tilts his head to the side, curious but trusting.

Neil allows his arms to be moved easily. Andrew watches his face as he considers what he’s about to do. Several long moments pass, then he lifts Neil's hands up to the sides of his own head.

He fixes Neil with a hard stare. "Just here,” he says, then lets go of Neil's wrists.

Neil's eyes widen and his body rushes with warmth at the trust Andrew is placing in him. His eyes are hard, like he's daring Neil to break that trust and see what happens, but Neil would never. He cradles it like the precious thing it is.

Gently, Neil runs his fingers through Andrew's hair. It's soft, and there's a little wave to it. He tucks a piece behind Andrew's ear, running his finger along the shell and resting at the hinge of Andrew's jaw. He realizes he's smiling, but it doesn't feel dangerous.

Andrew watches, hopelessly mesmerized by the smile that bursts over Neil's face like daybreak. His chest burns at the beautiful, unfamiliar sight. Neil's smile is a little rough and sharp on the edges, like the expression isn't quite at home on his face, but it's full of honest warmth, and Andrew has to tear his gaze away, unable to stomach the feeling any longer.

The hands in his hair are soft, gentle, undemanding. Andrew hates him so much it burns like acid in his throat. He drops his hands back onto the mattress to hold his weight as he leans over Neil and kisses him punishingly, biting at his lips to release his anger at Neil for being so frustratingly intolerable.

Neil moans into the rough kiss. He keeps his own hands gentle, carding through Andrew's hair. His hands come forward, cradling Andrew's jaw, and he brushes his thumbs lightly over Andrew's skin.

It seems that with every soft touch Neil gives him, Andrew has to respond with something harsh. His lips tingle and throb where Andrew bites at them, and his tongue thrusts into Neil's mouth like it's making a point. It's different from before, where Andrew treated him careful and gentle, but Neil likes it anyway. He thinks he might like anything, if it was with Andrew.

Andrew's skin tingles everywhere Neil touches him. He waits for the disgust and fear to kick in or for Neil to try moving his hands elsewhere, to push for more than he's been allowed, but Neil keeps his hands exactly where he’s been told and all Andrew's body wants to feel about it is good.

Anger shifts and transforms into burning, frustrated need, and Andrew keeps kissing Neil rough and hard, wanting to hear him moan like that again.

Neil gasps out Andrew's name, his dick hardening in the onslaught of rough kisses. He whimpers and moans, and he might be embarrassed about the sounds being pulled out of him, but each one only seems to spur Andrew on further.

He pants, his heart beating loudly in his ears, and his hips twitch up without his permission, searching for friction. He brushes up against Andrew's thigh and groans, head thrown back, before realizing what he's done and forcing his hips back to the mattress.

"Sorry," he says breathlessly, staring up into Andrew's pretty eyes. He wonders if his own pupils are so dilated.

Every noise Andrew draws out of Neil stokes the heat in his gut and makes his head spin, the sensation building up more and more until all he can feel is that all-consuming fiery need. Neil's hips twitch up into him and Andrew can suddenly feel the hard line of Neil against his thigh. It's startling, but it lasts for only a moment before Neil pulls back with a breathless apology.

Andrew checks himself for that sick, crawling fear, but there is none. Only the desire to continue tearing Neil's composure apart piece by piece. Neil's eyes are wide, and he’s still wearing those big brown lies of contact lenses. Andrew frowns at them. He hadn't realized yesterday, too caught up in touching and tasting Neil, but now that he’s noticed, it’s bothering him to have them in the way.

"Take those out," Andrew says, nodding at Neil's eyes.

Neil's brain is lagging behind, so when Andrew orders him to 'take those out' he first thinks Andrew means his eyes. Then he remembers Eli telling him that Andrew made him take out his contacts, and he laughs helplessly. At Andrew's raised eyebrow, he says, "Eli told me you were a freak."

Andrew does not seem impressed by this. Neil sits up and Andrew moves with him, letting him get out of bed and dig out his lens case. He pops the contacts out, blinking away the sensation, and returns to sit on the bed.

"Better?" he asks. Neil doesn't know why Andrew wants to see the harsh, cold blue of his eyes, but he's seen it before so it doesn't really matter. It makes Neil feel a bit exposed, but Andrew had his hands on Neil's dick last night, so.

Jesus Christ, is there anything those two don't tell each other? Andrew doesn't even want to know.

He waits for Neil to take out his lenses, then drinks in the sight of that sharp, intoxicating blue. It's just as unreal as the first time Andrew saw it. His jaw tightens and he nods in answer.

He leans in and starts kissing Neil again, then sets his hand on Neil's waist, feeling him up over his shirt. He runs his palm over Neil’s abdomen, up his chest and across his shoulders. Neil has definitely packed on more muscle since he and Eli first arrived in Palmetto. Andrew supposes he can admit that Exy has a few benefits if it makes Neil's body feel like this.

Andrew's hand explores Neil’s torso, the heat of it transferring through his thin sleep shirt. He wonders if Andrew can feel his scars through it. He must know that they're there, even if he hasn't seen them. He wonders what Andrew thinks of them.

Swallowing nervously, Neil gently grabs Andrew's wrist. He thinks about Eli saying that they already know so much, what's one more thing? He guides Andrew's hand to the hem of his shirt and slips his fingertips beneath it. The heat of them scalds the skin of his stomach.

"Yes?" Neil asks, searching Andrew's eyes.

When Neil takes hold of Andrew’s wrist, Andrew assumes that means Neil wants him to stop touching him there, and he's fully prepared to pull his hand away. But instead Neil guides his hand down just under the edge of his shirt to let Andrew feel his bare skin. He looks at Andrew with those big horrible eyes and asks if it's okay, as if Andrew would ever want to say no to this.

In answer, Andrew pushes his hand further up under Neil's shirt, brushing over the lines of scarring that he could barely feel through the fabric. His fingertips trace over the bumps and ridges of unevenly healed skin as he memorizes every detail of this truth that Neil is giving him.

Andrew's hand is careful as he runs it over Neil's skin, feeling over scar tissue and dragging fingertips along the edges. Neil can't feel the actual scars—though sometimes they ache or feel tight, and often are uncomfortable against his clothes—but the areas around them light up under Andrew's touch, like his fingers send his nerves into overdrive.

Leaning forward, Neil kisses him again, but keeps it light. Then he moves his lips to kiss along Andrew's jaw, to his ear. He nips at the earlobe and kisses down the line of Andrew's neck, enjoying the hitch in his breath, the stutter of his fingers.

His dick had calmed down a bit in the interim, but it perks back up now, with Andrew's hands blazing a trail across Neil's bare skin.

Neil is a fucking menace. He knows exactly what he's doing to Andrew when he kisses down his neck like that, and Andrew hates him for it, hates that he can't bring himself to push Neil away either.

Each little nibble of Neil’s lips sends a shiver down Andrew's spine and he can feel himself straining in his underwear. Just like last night, there’s a tug of desire to grind down on Neil, to get them both off together. It comes with a sick nervous feeling, and Andrew knows it's not a good idea, but… maybe eventually, one day, it could be? Andrew honestly isn't sure. Neil seems to be an exception for all of his other rules, so why should this one be any different?

For now he contents himself with exploring Neil's stomach and chest, pushing his hand up and up as far as he can reach with Neil's shirt still on. He feels around Neil’s back, too, the skin hot under his touch. When Andrew opens his eyes, Neil is looking at him, cheeks flushed and pupils dilated, mouth wet and soft. A wet dream sent directly from hell to torment him.

Everywhere Andrew touches tingles pleasantly. Neil hadn't realized how good it could feel to have a hand running down his spine or spanning over his shoulders. A little tremble starts up under his skin, following the path of Andrew's fingertips.

He thinks maybe his reactions are over the top. He doubts a normal person would twitch and shudder and gasp at a light touch on bare skin, but Neil doesn't get touched like this. It's overwhelming but in a really good way.

Andrew's eyes are closed, his expression soft except for the furrow of his eyebrows. His mouth is slightly open, and Neil licks his own lips. Before he can lean in, Andrew's eyes open and meet his and Neil has to lick his lips again. He reaches out, runs his fingers through Andrew's hair, and kisses him, flicking his tongue against Andrew's lip, dipping it just slightly into his mouth before retreating, and doing it again.

Andrew's grip digs harder into Neil's skin as he tries to hold himself together under the swirling hurricane of sensations in his body. Neil's keen attention on his mouth is overwhelming on top of everything else. His hips ache to push forward and chase down a release for all this pressure. He feels like he's about to burst open, a steam valve hissing dangerously in his chest.

He needs to do something about it, and soon, so he draws back, panting harsh and loud in the quiet room and tugs at Neil's waistband. "Can I blow you?" Andrew asks, eyes darting over Neil's face.

Neil feels smug about the state Andrew is in, messy hair and spit-slicked, bruised lips. Eyes dilated and cheeks flushed, breathing heavy. Neil did that to him, and it's a very heady feeling.

Which is washed away when Andrew asks to blow him. Neil's eyes widen and his face goes hot. The thought of Andrew's mouth on his dick, his tongue... he shivers just from the imagined sensation.

Neil nods, voice caught in his throat.

Neil's face goes from self-satisfied smugness to shocked pleasure in a blink. Andrew can't resist leaning in to taste his lips one more time. Then he moves off the bed to kneel on the floor between Neil's legs, grabbing Neil by the hips to drag him right to the edge of the mattress. He pulls Neil's pajama pants down his thighs, the boxers coming with them.

Neil's cock springs up, hard and pink and perfect between his legs. Andrew's mouth waters. He sets a hand on Neil's thigh and looks up at him cautiously to make sure he's still on board for this.

Andrew manhandles him so easily and for some reason that makes Neil's stomach swoop and his dick get impossibly harder. Having his dick out, hard and wanting, inches from Andrew's face, makes him lightheaded with want and embarrassment.

But Andrew doesn't do anything more, just places a hand on Neil's thigh and peers up at him through his light lashes.

"Andrew," he whines, hips rolling forward just slightly, but it's enough to make his dick bob in the air. "C'mon."

Andrew's eyes catch on the bounce of Neil's flushing cock, God, he wants to bash himself over the head with a brick, he's so absurdly turned on. Neil is hard and whining and wanting, desperation written over every line of his body, and Andrew has his permission to feast on it all.

He wets his lips and darts in to lick a stripe up the underside of Neil’s dick, pushing his tongue flatter when he reaches the head. Neil tastes like soap-clean skin and he's leaking just a bit. Andrew licks it up, not wanting to waste a single drop of him.

Neil gasps helplessly as Andrew licks a line of heat up his dick. When his tongue swipes over his head, Neil whimpers and fists his hands in the blanket beneath him.

"Oh my god," he pants out. A muscle in his thigh twitches when Andrew drags his tongue down his length and back up again. "Andrew, fuck."

It's so much, and all Neil can do is sit there and try to keep his hips from thrusting up. He's mostly successful, his hips only rolling up and back down in small, aborted movements.

Neil's reactions are as intoxicating as the feeling of him hot and hard against Andrew's tongue. Andrew finds he doesn't actually mind the way Neil’s hips keep stuttering up toward his mouth despite his obvious efforts to stop them. Nevertheless, he wants to be able to swallow Neil down all the way, so he grabs him by the hips to hold him still as he takes him into his throat.

He lets go of Neil briefly so he can direct his hands back into his hair, knowing that Neil won't take it as permission to shove Andrew’s head down or fuck his face. Then he places his own hands lightly back on Neil's hips to steady him. It's not so much to hold Neil still as it is to feel him trembling as he twitches and falls to pieces under Andrew's mouth.

Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck.

That's all that reverberates in Neil's mind as Andrew takes him to the base, his mouth hot and wet, surrounding him. When Andrew hollows his cheeks and sucks, Neil gives a raspy sort of cry.

Somehow, his hands end up back in Andrew's hair. His shaky fingers run through the strands gently, but when Andrew presses his tongue firmly against the underside of his dick, massaging right beneath his head, Neil's hands tighten in his hair automatically. He quickly loosens his grip, petting through the locks like that might erase his overstep.

"Sorry," he gasps out. He's breathing like he's run a marathon and they aren't even finished yet. "Didn't—didn't mean to."

Neil's grip in Andrew’s hair starts to verge on painful but Neil quickly lets go and apologizes. Andrew hums and hollows his cheeks around him again, easily accepting it. Neil sounds like he's on the edge already and Andrew doesn't want this to be over yet, but he can't bring himself to slow his pace either. He sucks Neil down sloppily, savoring the impossibly good feeling of Neil’s cock stretching his mouth open and pushing into his throat.

Andrew’s own cock is so hard that it's actually starting to hurt, and he moves one of his hands off Neil's hip and down between his own legs. He presses the heel of his palm firmly down onto himself and shudders at the sensation it sends through him.

Andrew doesn't stop, thank god. Neil's head falls back and his eyes flutter shut, lost in the feeling. Everything narrows down to Andrew's mouth around him, the obscene, filthy noises it makes, only covered by the symphony of sounds from Neil's own throat.

When he starts to feel that tension coil up again, he looks back down at Andrew. He's greeted with the image of Andrew grinding his palm down against himself, still sucking Neil off with fervor.

The knowledge that Andrew is feeling good, is touching himself through this, makes Neil spill over before he's ready, before he's able to get out more than, "Fuck, gonna—"

Neil gives Andrew about one second of warning before spilling hot and salty down his throat. Andrew watches his face with rapturous attention, taking in the way Neil’s eyes widen and then squeeze shut as his orgasm rocks through him. He swallows down every last drop until Neil is trembling and panting, then pulls off, his gaze flicking from Neil’s wet, slowly softening cock to his flushed face to those sharp blue eyes that are once again staring at him.

Neil cums hard, body shaking through it, and Andrew keeps sucking him until it's almost painful. But then he pulls off and Neil wishes he'd kept going.

Dazed and brainless, Neil stares at Andrew, chest heaving. His thighs twitch and tremble, and there isn't a single thought in Neil's head except for how pretty Andrew looks on his knees, rubbing his palm against his crotch almost mindlessly.

Andrew drops a kiss onto Neil's bare thigh before he can think too hard about it, then stands up on shaky legs to go take care of his problem. He's still not willing for Neil to see him at his most vulnerable, though it's disturbing how much it's starting to seem more and more like a question of when rather than if Andrew will allow that to happen.

He locks the bathroom door and leans back against it as he shoves his pants down and takes himself unceremoniously in hand. Closing his eyes, he pumps himself hard and fast as he conjures up the immediate and vivid memory of Neil blowing a load down his throat. It takes about two more seconds before a desperate hitching gasp escapes him and he shoots off into his own tight grip.

He cleans up, feeling unusually light and unbothered, which is somewhat confusing and bothersome in itself. When he passes by his and Aaron's closed bedroom door on the way back, he considers just going to bed. He could probably use a proper night of sleep, and Aaron will be even more suspicious if he doesn't come back tonight. But he thinks of Neil lying alone in bed, tired but too afraid to nod off, and his dumb feet keep walking him down the hall. He sighs, deeply irritated with himself, and lets himself back into Neil's room.

Neil is too dazed to ask Andrew to watch a movie with him, and he stares at his closed door disappointedly. But it's fine. He pulls up his boxers and pajama pants and lays back on the bed, catching his breath.

He can't believe he just had Andrew's mouth around his dick. He can't believe how good it felt. He can't believe the sweet little kiss Andrew dropped to his thigh before leaving.

He can't wait to tell Eli.

The thought of his brother dampens his spirits considerably. He hopes Eli is alright. Alive and fighting. He thinks about what Eli would say if he were here, the way he'd laugh and drag every embarrassing detail out of him. God, Neil misses his brother.

He's resigned himself to another sleepless night when his door opens and Andrew walks in. Neil brightens like the sun at the sight of him and sits up.

"Don't," Andrew says, pointing at the look on Neil's face. He shoves at Neil until he moves up against the wall, then gets in next to him and pulls the blankets over them both. He sticks a pillow between them even though the bed isn't quite big enough for it.

"Tell me now if you want me to leave," Andrew warns him. "I'm not staying awake all night again. If you touch me in my sleep I will very likely punch you."

Neil blinks at Andrew, confused about what he's not supposed to be doing, but doesn't get a chance to ask. Andrew pushes at Neil until he's near plastered against the wall, and even with a pillow between them it's so similar to how he and Eli sleep that something deep inside him settles.

"I don't want you to leave," he says. "I don't move much in my sleep."

Neil thinks of that morning, the quick little kiss Andrew gave him before leaving. He's still not sure if that's an Andrew-only thing, so he asks, "Can I kiss you?"

Andrew blinks, surprised. After all the kissing they've been doing, he wouldn't have expected Neil to bother asking permission for it. It dawns on him that perhaps this is another way Neil understands him. He gets that just because something has happened once, doesn't mean Andrew will always be okay with it.

"Yes," Andrew says, and rolls onto his side to face Neil. The pillow is blocking Neil’s face and Andrew shoves it further down between them in irritation.

Neil smiles, a tiny thing, and leans close to press his lips against Andrew's. Soft, hardly even a little brush of their mouths before he pulls back, extraordinarily pleased.

It's such a little thing compared to what they've just done, but it makes his stomach swoop just the same.

Andrew's heart does a violent backflip at Neil’s tiny smile and his soft brush of a kiss. He exhales harshly, annoyed with himself, and rolls onto his back, clicking off the light on the bedside table to drench them in darkness. Underneath the covers, his hand finds Neil's and their fingers tangle together.

Neil settles down, rubbing his face into the pillow and squirming until he's comfortable. Andrew takes his hand beneath the covers and their fingers intertwine, and Neil's never held hands like this before. He buries his smile in his pillow and closes his eyes.

With Andrew's even breathing so close, the warmth radiating from him, the connection of their fingers, Neil is able to relax, knowing he's safe. He drifts off to sleep easily, and hopes Andrew is able to find some rest tonight, too.

Andrew holds onto Neil's hand for a long time and listens to his soft breathing even out. Eventually he lets go and rolls over, closing his eyes. He doesn't expect to be able to fall asleep with the weight of someone else's body in bed with him, but after a while his eyes grow heavy and he finds himself drifting off, not trying to fight it. If Neil gets himself punched, that's his own fault.

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