Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Kwak Jiseok wasn’t interested in romance. Really. Romantic relationships were gross, and a waste of time, and he didn’t feel that way about anyone. He was a busy student, too preoccupied with building software and circuit boards to care about dating or anything of the sort. On top of that, he was in a band, and they were making important music! It was much more important to focus on guitar chords than trying to strum the ones in his heart. 

And that’s why, when his sophomore year of college came around, Jiseok decided to ditch his friends living on campus to move in with his great bandmate, Kim Jungsu, instead. A completely reasonable and intelligent decision. A hundred percent beneficial towards his engineering studies and band participation. Zero ulterior motives. 

It was the most practical option, really. Jiseok loved his friends: Jooyeon, Hyeongjun, and Seungmin. And it wasn’t that he didn’t like rooming with Jooyeon in his freshman year. But Jiseok was in STEM and the dormitory with his friends was smack in the middle of all the liberal arts buildings, so it was just so much work getting to the math buildings…. 

And well, each dorm could fit a maximum of three people so they had to split two-and-two… and that was just so much more expensive and difficult than finding a room with three people…. 

And well, the air conditioning was always a little too cold…. and the ground had a weird texture... and the windows were always open…. and Jiseok didn’t like the color of Jooyeon’s sheets…

Definitely lifestyle conflicts, right? 

So when Jungsu offered his couch for Jiseok to sleep on for the year, who was Jiseok to say no? I mean, who cares if Jungsu always likes it a bit cold, or how he likes the breeze coming in from the open windows, or how his bedsheets were the exact same color as Jooyeon’s. To be honest, his studio apartment was probably the exact same distance to the math buildings as the dormitory was.  

Well, Jiseok sure as hell didn’t mind! It was only going to be for one school year anyway, because Jungsu and Gun-il were planning to move in together as soon as they found a worthwhile apartment.

“Jiseok-ah,” Jooyeon sits across from Jiseok on the train. He’s clutching onto his bass gig bag, hugging the neck with the body cradled between his legs. Hyeongjun sits next to him, eyes closed and wired earbuds disappearing into his long, dark hair, with his guitar bag in his lap. “I miss rooming with you. I’m sick of rooming with these two.” 

“You’re sick?” Seungmin retorts. “I’m sick of you!” 

Jooyeon pouts. “I’m always third-wheeling these two. They’re both such introverts! I have to drag them everywhere!” 

Jiseok gives a sympathetic laugh. “Bro, it’s okay, we still hang out all the time,” he remarks. 

“It’s not the same! Now, I have nobody who will watch anime with me in the middle of night, or fix my laptop when it shuts down…” Jooyeon sighs and brushes his fringe back. “And on top of that, I have Seungmin on my ass every morning nagging me to wake up. He’s even splashed me with cold water once.” 

“I wouldn’t have to do that if you just woke up to your first alarm?” Seungmin rolls his eyes. “I bet Jiseok is internally ecstatic that he’s out of your room. He’s moved onto better horizons.” 

Jiseok giggles awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s true. At least Jungsu knows how to do his laundry properly.” 

“But Jungsu will never replace the hole I filled in your heart…” 

“Eww….” Jiseok cringes and sticks his tongue out. “No, I’m glad I can get away from you. Weirdo.” 

“Oh, right!” Jooyeon’s eyes widen and he claps his hands, sitting straight up. “I told Junnie and Seungmin already, but you were in my dream last night! Basically, we were all in the studio practicing, but I was the drummer, and Junnie was the vocalist, and Seungmin was playing guitar, and get this! You were playing the oboe!” 

“What?! Not even a brass instrument?” Jiseok gasps and twitches his head. Seungmin, sitting next to him, laughs with that pleasant voice of his. 

“Jooyeon is suddenly dreaming about woodwinds. He must be thinking about making our band a marching band, or something,” Seungmin jokes. 

Jooyeon shakes his head, smiling. “No, no, no. But you were good at it. Still headbanging, like this.” He put his hands in front of his collar and lets his hair cover his face as he pumps his upper body forward in a quick rhythm. He imitates the rich sound of an oboe with a ridiculous hum. 

Jiseok laughs, pointing at him. “No, I think you want to be the oboe player!” 

Seungmin puts his hand up. “Jooyeon is the oboe player, Jiseok on saxophone, Junnie is the flutist---no, piccolo…” 

“No, no, I don’t want to play the oboe,” Jooyeon whines, putting his air-oboe away. “I want to sing!” 

“Join the choir, then! Nobody in the marching band sings!” Seungmin flicks his wrist. He closes his eyes and takes a breath, much to Jiseok’s amusement. “I will be…. the drum major.” 

Jiseok blinks. “Oh, like Gun-il?”

“No, I don’t mean an actual-“ 

“Wait, let me finish my story,” Jooyeon orders, extending his hand out. “Basically, you were playing the oboe and-” 

“Wait,” Jiseok frowns. “Where’s Jungsu and Gun-il?” 

“I’m getting there! You were playing the oboe and we were practicing our new song, but then it became night and zombies started invading the studio-” 

“Was Jungsu a zombie?” The image of Jungsu with his hair over his face, stumbling towards Jiseok with extended arms, flashes in Jiseok’s mind. Kinda like how he looks after a bad day at work, when the customers at the coffee shop are especially irritable or demanding. 

“No, but you know who was? Gun-il! And he was freaking scary! He started chasing us and he even threw his drumsticks at us, but you were beating him with your oboe so we got to run away. And then the setting changed so we were back at school, and you were all in my statistics class, but guess who our teacher was?” 

“Jungsu-hyung?” 

“No, it was Gun-il again! And he was still a zombie so he wasn’t even talking properly. He was talking in drum beats, like dum-dum, dum-ppshh! But I knew something was wrong so I tried to get out of there and bring you all with me, but Jiseok, I couldn’t find you anywhere! So I ran out calling your name, and I finally found you on the roof of our old high school, but guess who you were with!” 

Jiseok blinks. “Uh, Jungsu-hyung?” 

“No, you were with Hyeongjun! You guys were teaching each other the guitar, but I knew Gun-il was coming, and it turns out Seungmin already got bitten, so I grabbed both of you and we all jumped off the building together, and guess where we ended up!” 

“Uh…”

At Jiseok’s scrunched up face, Jooyeon adds, “you know this one!” 

“Oh! Jungsu-hyung!” 

“Yes!” Jooyeon exclaims, jumping up in his seat. “We were in his house- uh, apartment-studio-thing… well,” he pauses, “ I guess your guys’s apartment-studio-thing, now.” 

Jiseok nods. “And then what?” 

“I ran to his room but he was asleep, like a baby, like this!” Jooyeon presses his palms together and places them at his cheek as he pretends to snore. “So I shook him awake, but get this! He was already a zombie!” 

Jiseok frowns. “You shook him awake?” 

“Yeah, but his eyes were bugged out and when I told him there was a zombie, he just started singing the DAY6 song. ‘I feel like I became a zombie…’ And so I said, ‘oh my God, you’re the zombie!’ And then he bit us all and we all died.” 

“Oh,” Jiseok furrows his eyebrows together. “Hey, that doesn’t make sense.” 

“Probably because it’s a dream,” Seungmin chuckles next to him. “And zombies don’t exist?” 

“You can’t shake him awake, Jungsu sleeps like a baby,” Jiseok explains. “He only wakes up to his alarm cause he uses the horrible siren one.” 

Jooyeon shrugs. “Well, you don’t play the oboe.” 

Jiseok purses his lips. “Oh. True.” 

Jooyeon sighs and leans against his seat. “Jiseok-ah, you should really come back to our dorm. I don’t care if it’s more expensive or less convenient, or whatever it is you told us! I’ll even move next to the STEM buildings with you. You’re the only one who reacts to my dreams.” 

“I do too,” Seungmin insists. 

“Seungmin thinks my dreams are stupid…” 

“Because you’re always trying to say that it’s some omen for the future!” 

“Jooyeon, we think your dreams are stupid because they are,” Hyeongjun’s voice cuts into the conversation. He gently takes the plugs out from his ears, shaking his head and pressing his eyebrows into that flat, worried look he always gives. “You guys talk way too loud, you know.” 

Jooyeon laughs, giving Hyeongjun one of his signature grins. “I thought you couldn’t hear us cause of your earbuds!” 

“Well, I’m trying to concentrate over here and figure out our new track, but then I hear: ‘Jungsu-hyung? Jungsu-hyung?’” 

At Hyeongjun’s high-pitched imitation of Jiseok’s voice, Seugmin and Jooyeon break into laughter. “Oh, you’re right! Jiseok started asking about Jungsu right away,” Jooyeon giggles, glancing over at Jiseok. “‘Where’s Jungsu-hyung? Where’s Jungsu-hyung?’” 

Jiseok stares at them, his cheeks heating up against his will as he presses his lips into a flat line. “Guys.” 

“Guys,” Jooyeon echoes playfully. “Guys.” 

“Guys,” Seungmin repeats. “All guys. Listen now. I’m Jiseok and we need to find hyung.”

“Guys, come on,” Jiseok waves his hands around, giving his friends an exasperated look. 

Hyeongjun gives the interior of his bottom lip a soft bite as his lips curl up. “Guys, I’m Jiseok and I really need to find Jungsu-hyung.” 

“I’m Jiseok, and I’m looking for guys,” Seungmin proclaims, almost earnestly. 

“Guys. Yes,” Jooyeon continues, mimicking Jiseok’s breathy tone. “Yes, I’m Jiseok and I like guys.” 

“What?”

“I’m Jiseok and I love kissing guys-” 

“Ew! No!” Jiseok finally exclaims in a flustered shout. “No, I don’t! See, this is exactly why I left you all!” 

“It’s okay, Jiseokie,” Seungmin gives a comforting nod. “I mean, I love kissing guys.” 

“I know you do,” Jiseok cringes, “but I’m not kissing anyone! All three of you suck!” 

“Not even Jungsu-hyung?” Hyeongjun asks. He says it sarcastically, but his eyebrows give a slight raise and he stares intently at Jiseok, who’s clamping his arms around his guitar at this point. 

“Especially not Jungsu-hyung,” Jiseok mutters, and Hyeongjun gives a small exhale with his nose. 

For some reason, the casual silence that follows makes Jiseok’s stomach churn. Thankfully, it isn’t long before Jooyeon pipes up, pointing at himself with wide, expectant eyes. “How about me?” When Jiseok turns to look at him, he squeezes his eyes shut and puckers up his lips. 

“Absolutely not. I’m gonna throw up. Get out of my sight.” 

Jooyeon laughs and claps his hands, and the four of them continue to joke around and converse until the train finally reaches their stop. Jiseok slugs his guitar bag over to his shoulder as they exit the vehicle, and slides his sleeve down to check the time on his watch. 6:05PM. 

“Oh, practice started already. We’re five minutes late,” Jooyeon states, loudly next to Jiseok’s ear as he peers over the shorter’s shoulder. 

“Just tell Jungsu and Gun-il that we’ll be there in a few minutes,” Hyeongjun yawns, slumping his shoulders as he walks. The studio was only a couple blocks away from the train station. 

“You do it.” 

Hyeongjun squints his eyes and frowns, sliding his hands into his pockets and trudging forward instead of taking his phone out. 

“It’s fine, we’ll be there soon, anyway,” Seungmin sighs. “Let’s just hurry so we’re not keeping them waiting.” 

Jiseok walks side-by-side with Jooyeon, turning his head away from the group to admire the nice scenery. Since it was evening, the sky was beginning to pale into a dark navy, and stars were starting to peek out from over the trees. Jiseok loved this nice, cold breeze that slid against his cheeks and rustled his blonde hair just enough. He was wearing shorts, so he could feel it from his knees and down, too. 

It was about this time of year that he met Jungsu for the first time. Jooyeon came up with the brilliant idea to start a band way before their freshman year of college, and when he and Jiseok got accepted into the same university, he practically begged him on his knees to join and finally bring his dream into fruition. It was like an adventure collecting the rest of the band members; Jooyeon practically dragged Hyeongjun and Seungmin into his mess after discovering their fantastic instrumental abilities. They found Gun-il by some miracle off of social media, then Jungsu since he was a year older and basically lived at the music buildings. By the time winter came around, they were borrowing someone’s garage almost every night to play rock songs together. 

When Jiseok saw Jungsu for the first time, he truly didn’t think too much of it. He seemed like a sweet enough guy---easygoing and laughed at everything. He had nice big hands that played the keyboard well, Jiseok remembers thinking. But there was something about Jungsu’s voice that activated a switch in Jiseok’s brain. It was just so clear and mesmerizing, like the crystal waves that crash on the shore of a pretty beach, or the way raindrops refract visible light and create rainbows in the sky. And Jiseok was no stranger to a beautiful voice, having been friends with Jooyeon his whole life, but Jungsu was just different. He sang like he was setting himself free from the world. He sang like there was happiness and hope to be found through living. 

Jiseok doesn’t really know. It’s not that he was particularly hopeless. He just liked it, and he couldn’t help watching Jungsu between sessions and the way his eyes squeezed shut whenever he belted out a high note. His nice hands that moved diligently across the keyboard, or tugged at his shirt collar while he sang, or folded up his jacket whenever he took it off, or twisted open water bottles and brought to his lips. Jiseok liked the look of his black hair that framed his face. He liked the squint of his eyes and how he blinked whenever he was nervous. He liked how Jungsu always asked if he needed anything, how he always brought Jiseok jelly from the vending machines because it was his favorite food, how he always brushed Jiseok’s hair out of his face after a hard song. He liked how he always laughed at Jiseok’s ridiculous remarks, or even Gun-il’s jokes that didn’t make any sense. And the more Jiseok looked, the prettier Jungsu’s face got.

It was all normal, right?

I’m doing it again. I’m thinking about him, Jiseok gives a click of his tongue and sighs. As the days passed and Jiseok spent another night crashing at Jungsu’s studio, the dread he felt walking into band practice was just increasing more and more. Actually, the dread of seeing Jungsu at all was seizing him by the throat in a way that made him want to curl up into a little raisin to sell off at an organic food market and get eaten. 

He could have possibly persisted if he was able to just ignore the way his heart skipped a beat whenever Jungsu waved at him. Jiseok was just being weird, so it didn’t matter as long as he could brush it off. But it was-- well, to put it simply, it was Jungsu. He was weird. Almost weirder than Jiseok. So it really didn’t help. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Jiseok is startled by the husky whisper in his right ear. Jooyeon blinks at him, his eyebrows furrowed. “You’re kinda quiet today, Jiseokie. Are you okay?” 

Automatically, Jiseok lets out a high-pitched “haha” and flicks his wrists around wildly in dismissal. “Yeah,” he answers, giving a bright smile to hide the pink in his cheeks. “I was just thinking about the band, and all. And our new songs. And stuff.” 

Jooyeon grins and nods. “I actually never thought we would make it far enough to release our first EP… but I’m freaking excited!” 

“Well, it’s not done yet.” 

“It’s about to be!” Jooyeon claps his hands. “We’re just finishing up the lyrics, aren’t we? And then we can record!” 

Jiseok giggles. “It’s still gonna be a lot of work.”

“Psh… that’s nothing.” 

The chime of a bell cuts through their conversation. Jiseok’s face contorts into something of restlessness as he sets his eyes on the dingy block of construction which they called their studio. It wasn’t the prettiest place to rent out a space, but it got the job done. Seungmin swings the door open, making the bells jingle more as he steps into the hallway and beckons for the rest to follow. 

It’s normal. It’s all normal, Jiseok finds himself mentally reciting as he treks towards the room which Gun-il rented. He fidgets with the straps of his guitar bag as the four of them reach the door. The muffled sound of speaking from within the room escapes through the door hinges, and Jiseok grimaces when he recognizes Jungsu’s voice immediately. Act normal. 

“Ah! Finally!” Gun-il exclaims as the door swings open. He and Jungsu are bent over a small table, scratching over an open notebook with ballpoint pens. “Hey, guys!” 

“Sorry we’re late,” Seungmin bows politely while Hyeongjun and Jooyeon give their casual greetings. Jiseok gives a cute wave, looking explicitly at Gun-il but he can feel the way Jungsu’s eyes bare into his face as he does. He stiffly spares Jungsu a glance, giving a flat-lipped smile. His hair looks really good today. His roots are all bleached and the tips are black, but his eyebrows are a pale yellow that make his face look softer. God, it’s a good look. 

Jungsu gives a smile and a wave, normal and friendly like he always does, which simultaneously puts Jiseok at ease and also constricts him even more. Why is he so normal? Jiseok suddenly feels embarrassment wash over him with the comparison that he’s barely holding it together these days. 

“Did you guys finish up the words yet?” Jooyeon asks. 

Jungsu grumbles something and runs his fingers through his hair. “No…” 

“This one is kinda hard,” Gun-il agrees with a sigh. He closes the notebook shut and sets his pen down. “The words just aren’t coming. We’ll keep working on it.” 

“What do you guys have so far? I can help, maybe,” Jooyeon offers earnestly, his eyes opening wide. 

Jungsu clicks his tongue, sliding the book towards Jooyeon. “It’s a love song.” 

“Oh,” Jooyeon purses his lips and flips through the pages. “I mean, these aren’t too bad.” 

“It’s just… I don’t know, it doesn’t hit properly,” Jungsu explains with a frustrated grunt, fixing his hair again. “I don’t know how to write it the way I want it to sound like. It sounds too easy, like it’s easy to love someone.” 

Jiseok keeps his mouth shut, not even bothering to check out the commotion happening over there. He sets his stuff down and takes his guitar out, plucking the strings with his thumb to make sure they’re tuned properly.

Eventually, his friends settle down and the six of them go over their new songs. Jiseok had some adjustments to make to his guitar line, as well as Seungmin, who changed up his notes to mesh better with Hyeongjun’s riffs. After an hour or so of practicing, Jiseok’s fingers were already starting to sore. 

“This is sounding a lot better,” Gun-il comments after the song finishes, using that soothing, approving tone of his. “Let’s keep this and get some water.” 

“Gun-il, I completely forgot, I needed to tell you about my dream!” 

Jiseok heaves out a sigh, setting his guitar down on his chair and rolling out his wrists. He makes his way to the stuff he left on the floor, searching for the plastic bottle he kept in his bag. The approaching footsteps behind him would have made him tense up even more if not for the fact that he knew this was coming. 

“Hey.” That beautiful, clear voice tingles in Jiseok’s ear. 

“Hey-o,” Jiseok answers. He grabs his bottle, opening it and taking a sip as he straightens up his posture. Finally, after taking a breath, he turns behind him to see Jungsu’s face up close for the first time today. 

He’s waiting for Jungsu to say something, but the taller just smiles and blinks in that way that he does. Jiseok tries to return the smile, but he can already feel his gaze slipping and panning down Jungsu’s neck to his collar and down to his waist. He’s wearing a white shirt with some cute drawings on it, on top of a pair of straight-legged jeans that look damn good on him. 

Jungsu chuckles, which makes Jiseok stiffen up and shoot his eyes back up to Jungsu’s face. 

“What?” 

Jungsu raises his eyebrow and grins. “Why are you so tense today? I’m just talking to you.” 

“I’m not tense,” Jiseok shakes his head and sets his water bottle down. He makes his way back to where his guitar is.

“Uhuh,” Jungsu laughs, following closely behind him. “Well, I just wanted to ask what you want for dinner. We can grab something on the way back to my place.” 

“Oh, hmm…” Jiseok purses his lips, feeling strangely hot. “I’m fine with whatever.” 

“Just pick something. Hey, stop moving and look at me.” 

Jungsu grabs onto Jiseok’s arm and steps in front of him so they’re standing face to face again, and the noise of Jooyeon’s story telling or Seungmin and Hyeongjun’s conversation in the background slowly drown out. Jungsu’s face looks so handsome when he’s earnestly blinking down at Jiseok like this. Jiseok pauses, staring at his features, then giggles. It was a nervous habit.  

“What is this?” he asks. 

“You know you should look at me when you’re talking to me. It’s a sign of respect ‘cause I’m older than you.” Jungsu raises his eyebrows and lifts his upper lip so Jiseok can see a part of his canines.

“Just by a few months,” Jiseok retorts. The words start to come naturally when he’s not focused on how weird he feels. “You get way into your head about that.” 

“It’s enough for me to be a whole grade above your’s, so…” 

Jiseok giggles, half because he can’t argue against that, and half because he was honestly happy that Jungsu was older than him. He was always the type that liked to follow around his upperclassmen. 

“Dinner?” Jungsu repeats, and Jiseok squints his eyes, squirming around in his spot.

“Maybe… pork?” 

“Okay. Pork belly?” 

“That sounds good.” 

Jungsu’s hand grazes against Jiseok’s ribs and gently cups against the side of his waist, making his body jolt for a moment. “I think we can go to that market area near the apartment. Remember we went there once?” 

“Yeah,” Jiseok breathes, feeling nothing but how the warmth of Jungsu’s hand seeps into his skin through the sheer fabric of his shirt. “I like it there.” 

“Actually, I think it’s good we go there. It’s important to eat a balanced meal, so let’s buy some kind of salad to eat while we’re at it.” 

“Yep,” Jiseok agrees, staring up at Jungsu as he slides his hands up and down the sides of Jiseok’s torso. 

“And if that’s not enough, I remember we have some rice or something from yesterday in the fridge, right? So we can have that, too.” 

Jungsu’s finger slips under Jiseok’s shirt. His palms press into Jiseok’s bare skin, traveling further to caress the small of his back. Jiseok gives a long sigh, his lips parting slightly as he drops his head and studies Jungsu through his eyebrows. His hands are so nice and warm. Jiseok has to fight the urge to arch his back into Jungsu’s touch, just like how he’s pushing aside this ridiculous desire to press up against Jungsu’s whole body and grind himself against his leg.

You know… or something.

“Hyung…” he whispers, blinking slowly while staring up at the keyboardist in front of him. 

Jungsu apparently finds something hilarious because he’s giggling his little head off. His hands slide up from Jiseok’s small to somewhere mid-back. “You really should look at yourself.” 

“What’s wrong with me?” Jiseok asks. 

“Nothing.” 

“Why are you laughing?” 

Jungsu smiles and slides his tongue between his teeth. “Sorry. You’re just so obvious.” 

Jiseok shivers as Jungsu retracts his hands out from Jiseok’s back and puts them on the sides of Jiseok’s arms instead, missing the warmth from his fingers. Jungsu does the thing where he slides his hands back and forth, like how you caress a kid to console them. 

“What’s obvious?” Jiseok asks stupidly, even though he knows what Jungsu is talking about. He can’t help it. It wasn’t anything serious, really, the way he wants Jungsu’s thick arms wrapped around him, or his small, pretty mouth staking claim over his entire body. He didn’t mean to. Jiseok wasn’t a pervert or something weird like that. It was just a natural thought that occurred every now and again, and it was just rather intense on this particular day. And the recent days of the past. 

Jungsu leans in and whispers in Jiseok’s ear, tucking one of his blonde strands back. “That you love it when I’m all over you like this.” 

A brief pause. Jiseok writhes in his spot. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh, I’m sure it doesn’t.” 

The sound of Gun-il’s voice and Jooyeon’s bass strumming a few chords cuts off their exchange. Jiseok glances over to the side and sees the rest of the members set up for another session. Jungsu pulls away from Jiseok, letting his hand linger for one second on Jiseok’s elbow before returning to his keyboard a few paces away. Jiseok is left standing there, feeling oddly cold, and he watches Jungsu as he casually calls out to Gun-il and flips some pages in the book in front of him. He was so good at that. Acting all normal after something like this, while Jiseok’s heart is racing and his mind is filled with distracting thoughts. 

Jiseok blinks a few times, frozen in place, before retreating to his guitar and pulling the straps over his shoulders. What the hell was he doing? Acting like that? He rubs his face as if that will get the flushed pink out before strumming a few chords to get back into the mindset, and it doesn’t take long for all six of them to warm up again and get started on a different song. 

The rest of practice is all normal. He and Jungsu don’t talk again except for some offhand remarks or suggestions about each other's parts. The hours pass by quickly while they work, the sound of explosive, energetic music filling their small room. It’s all normal, even when Jiseok catches himself staring at the supple curve of Jungsu’s jaw. Even when he’s humming along to his own chords, looks over at Jungsu, and sees him give a wink and a minor bite of his lip. Even when he’s seated, leaning back on his chair while his fingers lazily strum at his strings, mouth open as he stares at Jungsu as if he’s some kind of oasis to Jiseok’s barren, ashy desert. 

Before he knows it, practice is over. Gun-il tells everyone to pack it up, and Jooyeon, Seungmin, and Hyeongjun make their merry way back to the dorms. Gun-il promptly says his good-byes so he can take the train back to his own apartment, which is a surprisingly far distance from the studio considering how often he comes. Jungsu and Jiseok are the only ones left, and they pack their bags with silence between them. 

“Ready?” Jungsu asks as Jiseok zips up his guitar and lugs his school bags onto his back. 

“Yep.” 

“You first.” 

Jiseok slides out the door and the two of them make their silent trek through the city. It’s dark and quiet, and although Jiseok was eager to burn holes by staring into Jungsu’s skull earlier at rehearsal, it was different now with just the two of them side by side. Jiseok focuses on the feeling of his feet pressing against the concrete ground, or the slight sway of the trees as they walk past. Jungsu does the same, hands in his pockets and the occasional sigh. 

The thing was: this wasn’t unusual either. Jiseok and Jungsu had days where they practically clung together, talked for hours on end, or got so close that Jiseok could count the pores on Jungsu’s pretty face. And then, they had moments like this, where neither spoke or Jiseok couldn’t even dare to look at him. Jiseok never knew when it was coming. And the two of them never acknowledged it; they always let the moment pass without looking it dead in the eye. 

That’s how most things went with the two of them. Unacknowledged. And Jiseok knew it was mainly because of himself, and Jungsu was kind enough to let him be---because confronting all these nuances between their friendship was a declaration that things were weird between them. It meant recognizing it was all real, and that meant recognizing it was all a little strange. 

Jiseok tried to make it as normal as possible but that didn’t change the fact that he fantasized about Jungsu sinking his lips deep into his neck, or how he wanted Jungsu’s hands running all over his whole body. He wasn’t so stupid that he didn’t see the way Jungsu licked his lips or sized Jiseok up whenever he wore something like a tank top or a particularly high pair of shorts. Was it normal to touch yourself thinking about your roommate? The one who invited you to stay with them on an offhanded remark but you wanted to so badly that you came up with a bullshit list of reasons just to see his face every morning? 

Jiseok didn’t know.

But it wasn’t right. Not in an unethical way or a prejudiced way, or anything like that. It just wasn’t right for Jiseok. He wasn’t this kind of guy. He wasn’t ready for this kind of stuff. For as long as he could remember, it was like this. Even when his friends fell in love or pursued their crushes or asked others out, it had always been Jiseok by himself. He had never fallen in love before, and he never wanted to pursue anything romantic because… what was even the point? Didn’t that mean tethering yourself down to one pole before you’ve even seen the whole world? There was stuff Jiseok wanted to do. 

So who cares if maybe he was a little interested or a little entranced by some guy? Maybe he just admired him. And maybe he was just a little horny. Jungsu simply played along sometimes. There was nothing wrong with that. 

“Your hair looks good today,” Jungsu says, looking up at the dark sky. 

“Thanks,” Jiseok answers, his voice almost a mumble. “You too.” 

“You’re a pretty blonde.” 

Jiseok doesn’t answer. He gives a chuckle or a scoff, looking at the ground and seemingly mesmerized by the sight of his own steps. He feels all hot and weird again, so he lets the night breeze cool him down as the two of them make it to the marketplace Jungsu mentioned earlier. 

Although it was late, the shop Jungsu had recommended was still open and eager to serve Jungsu his take-out box of pork and a box of boiled greens on the side. Jiseok watches Jungsu flip through his cash and hand a generous sum to the store owner, whose eyes lit up in gratitude. Then, it was the two of them walking, again, back to Jungsu’s apartment. It wasn’t a far walk by any means, but it was slower since they were eating. Jungsu and Jiseok each pulled out a pair of disposable chopsticks from the takeout box, with Jiseok holding the container of veggies while Jungsu carried the paper box with all of the pork. They took turns feeding each other—-Jiseok would mumble something and gesture to the pork, then Jungsu would grab a piece with his chopsticks and deliver it into Jiseok’s open mouth. Jungsu might hum a note and Jiseok would feed him a stalk of greens. 

It continued like this until their dinner was almost finished and they made it to Jungsu’s studio. No real words exchanged until Jungsu clicks the door to his place open and announces to nobody in particular, “We’re home.” 

“Home,” Jiseok echoes quietly behind him, his eyes wide and blinking and he peers into the sizable room. It was his home, albeit temporary. His home with Jungsu. 

They do the standard operation, where Jungsu walks in first and dumps all his crap on the ground, then Jiseok follows and leaves his crap on the couch where he sleeps. 

“Jiseokie, finish this?” Jungsu says, leaning against the kitchen counter. He gestures to the takeout box on the counter. Jiseok peers inside and sees a lone flap of pork left inside. 

“Okay.” 

Jiseok brushes his bangs behind his ears and stands in front of Jungsu as he plucks out the piece of meat with a pair of chopsticks. He obediently holds his mouth open as Jungsu brings it closer to his mouth. 

Once again, Jungsu is finding something very funny and he waves the piece of pork around Jiseok’s face, causing the blonde to scrunch up his face while he follows it with his head. “Hyung, hey.” 

The sounds of Jungsu’s pleasant, rich laugh erupt into the room. “Sorry.” 

Jiseok shakes his head and Jungsu offers out the pork, giggling while Jiseok holds him by the forearms and delicately presses his front teeth into the meat. 

“How come you’re so cute today?” Jungsu laughs. He puts the chopsticks down and grins, poking at Jiseok’s cheeks while he chews. 

Jiseok frowns. “What do you mean?” 

“Earlier today. At practice, you were acting so cute too.” 

“No.” 

“You don’t remember? Like when you were staring at me so hard after I asked you what you wanted for dinner. There were hearts in your eyes. Like this.” Jungsu widens his eyes and flutters his lashes, blinking rapidly. 

“No,” Jiseok’s face morphs into something like disgust. “I just like pork.” 

“You sure it’s just the pork?” 

“It’s not my fault. You were acting weird!” 

“What was weird?” 

Jiseok hesitates, brushing his hair back again. “You know. Like, touching… me.” 

Jungsu laughs again, his eyes crinkling up in amusement. “Touching you? Like this?” His tone is laced with something challenging, making Jiseok want to shrink into himself. “This is enough to make you freak out? I do this all the time.” Jungsu reaches out a hand to put on Jiseok’s waist again, like he did before. 

Jiseok squirms. “That’s not what you did.” 

Jungsu laughs and crawls his hands under Jiseok’s shirt again, but this time Jiseok lets out a yelp and sternly grips onto Jungsu’s wrists, displacing them from his body. “Jungsu-hyung, stop it,” he says with a dropped head, clenching his eyes shut as his face burns red with shame. 

Jiseok feels the way Jungsu’s hands pause and go limp within his hold. “Jiseokie,” Jungsu says calmly, his voice softening. 

“Mm,” Jiseok mumbles. 

“What are you so scared of?” 

“I’m not. It’s just embarrassing."  

Jungsu combs back some of Jiseok’s hair and sighs. “Okay.” 

Something quiet falls between them again. Jiseok lets go of Jungsu’s hand, running his finger over his knuckles before he does. Jungsu really had nice hands. His nails were well-taken care of and short. 

“It’s not weird. Your back and stomach are pretty,” Jungsu says casually, clearly meant to be comforting. “Your waist.” 

“Jungsu-hyung,” Jiseok breathes out.

“It’s just a nice shape. I like feeling it.”

“Jungsu-hyung. Stop talking.” 

“Okay.” 

More silence. Still, Jiseok can’t bring himself to tear his feet away from next to Jungsu’s side. A part of him is dying to reach out and grab Jungsu’s waist instead, to slide his hands up his back and whisper into his ear. Just so Jungsu will know what it feels like. But the rest of him is mortified at the thought alone of doing something so embarrassing. He tries to catch a glance at Jungsu again, but retreats as soon as he sees the older’s gaze staring back at him. 

Finally, Jungsu gives a shrug and heaves out a breath. “Well, okay. You take your time, Jiseokie.” 

“God,” Jiseok mutters, pulling at the sides of his face again. 

“You’ve gotta stop beating yourself up. At least stop looking at me like you wanna kiss my face off all the time.” 

“It’s not like that.”

Jungsu pauses and purses his lips. “Okay, it doesn’t have to be like that. It can be casual.” 

“I’m casual,” Jiseok says under his breath. 

“No, you’re not. But we can be,” Jungsu offers, tilting his head into Jiseok’s face, even though the younger is still staring intently at the ground. “Let’s just agree on something.” 

Jiseok finally lifts his head and shoots Jungsu an unpleasant look, his lip curving into itself in a pout. “What the hell are you talking about?” 

Jungsu shrugs. “Benefits?” 

Jiseok blinks, at first slowly, then forcefully. His heartbeat jumps in his chest while he registers the words, feeling the familiar wave of heat rush into his face. “You- what? Seriously?” 

“You act like you don’t want it,” Jungsu snorts. “Just think about it.”

Jiseok runs his hand through his hair. He feels hot and dizzy when he leans back against the counter, his brows digging into his forehead. He presses one of his palms against his cheek. 

“Hyung, I don’t- I don’t know. Isn’t that…” his voice wavers. “Isn’t that weirder?” 

Jungsu sighs. “Why are you so obsessed with what’s weird or not? What’s weirder is how much you hate talking about it.” 

Jiseok buries his face into his hands. He whispers, “Jungsu-hyung.”

“Jiseokie, you obviously like me-“ 

“Jungsu-hyung.” 

“You’re so obvious about it, and-“ Jungsu clicks his tongue. “Look, I like you too, okay? It’s right there for us-“ 

“Hyung, I don’t know.” Jiseok repeats, his voice beginning to tremble for no real reason. 

“What do you not know about?” 

Jiseok is quiet, biting the inside of his cheek while he mulls over the question. He didn’t really want to answer. He didn’t really know.

Jungsu interrupts his thinking with a follow-up question. “Do you want it, though?” 

Jiseok searches the floor like it’s gonna tell him what the best thing to say next is. “Do I want… what?” 

“You know,” Jungsu answers, but he hesitates. “Touching. Kissing. That kind of stuff. It can be casual.” 

“Those are the benefits?” 

“Yeah, I mean,” Jungsu shrugs again and scratches the back of his neck. “We don’t have to fuck. Or anything.” 

Jiseok blinks at him.

Jungsu presses his lips into a flat line. “Unless you want to, obviously.”

And then: “Do you want to?” 

What the fuck? “Hyung,” Jiseok swallows. 

“Yeah?” 

“Stop.” 

“Okay.” 

Jiseok feels sick, like someone’s washing him inside out. His face holds back a horrified look and he can’t bring himself to look at Jungsu for any longer. There’s an overwhelming, burning desire to just run away. But Jiseok somehow keeps himself planted and just buries his face back into his hands, groaning.

He hears Jungsu take a breath from beside him. “Sorry,” he apologizes. “I don’t really know what I’m saying.” 

“It’s fine,” Jiseok answers, his voice hoarse. “It’s just embarrassing.” 

“I really like you, Jiseokie. We aren’t living together next year, anyway, so if it goes wrong, it’s fine.” 

Jiseok hugs himself closely, thinking about their arrangement. Somehow, his stomach soured even more thinking about Jungsu and Gun-il moving into a new apartment to work on their music together. Without him. “Jungsu-hyung.” I like you, too. The words clog up in his throat. 

“It’s not like we’re gonna date or something,” Jungsu continues. “Let’s just fuck around and find out.” 

“Fuck around and find out,” Jiseok echoes. His hands crawl over his face, still, and he imagines what that might mean. Jungsu often liked to caress Jiseok’s arms or slide an arm around his waist. It just usually wasn’t so overt as the one from today. So… more of that? 

Kissing? When? Like what? Like on the lips? Jungsu just said kissing and touching. How much of that did he actually mean? Jiseok shivered just thinking about Jungsu on his waist, caressing up his back or maybe down to his thigh like he’s done before. But Jungsu all over him? Crawling under his shirt and feeling up his whole body? Wrapping him up in his arms and breathing into the nape of his neck? Or even---oh, God---down his boxers? Wrapped around him? Like that? That was touching, too. Was he gonna do that? Because Jiseok wasn’t sure if he could take it, he wanted it so bad. 

…Fucking? 

Jiseok bites his cheek. Did he really mean that? Did Jungsu seriously offer to have sex with him if he quote-unquote “wanted to?” What did that even mean? Would he really do that? 

“It’s okay, maybe just think about it-” 

“Hyung,” Jiseok breathes. He presses one palm against the side of his face and stares down at his shoes, letting his blonde hair brush over his eyes and hide his face. His voice goes quiet, and he feels himself tremble ever so slightly when he says, “...Would you… actually?” 

He hears Jungsu pause. “Yeah.” 

I want it. I want you. Jiseok fails to formulate any words so he just glances over at Jungsu with wide, owlish eyes, pleading for everything and nothing at the same time. Touching. Jiseok wanted to run his hands up Jungsu’s shirt and feel his chest on his fingertips. He wanted to suck on his V-line and pull down his clothes. God, he wanted to touch Jungsu, too. 

Jungsu offers a smile and a quiet laugh. He blinks, thinking about something while he presses his lips flat again. “Jiseokie,” he says Jiseok’s name softly. “Let me kiss you.” 

Jiseok looks at him between worried brows. 

“Just over here, on your jaw,” Jungsu adds, tapping the space underneath his own ear. “To just show you what I mean.” 

Jiseok’s breathing has gotten so loud that it’s making him light-headed. He fidgets with his thumbs, looking down at his trembling hands, before tucking his hair back and hesitantly offering the side of his neck.

Jungsu puts one hand on Jiseok’s cheek and the other on the back of his neck. When he hovers close over Jiseok’s frame, Jiseok can hear the other’s heart beat, fast and hot out of his chest. He closes his eyes as he feels Jungsu’s warm breath absorb into his skin, his lips just barely grazing over his jaw. 

It’s so light, but enough to send an electric spark running down Jiseok’s body. Jungsu’s lips press delicately right under his ear, and with a quiet smack, he pulls away. It’s enough to make Jiseok’s face go hot and his legs to tremble enough with a mix of fear, want, and need, that he’s gripping onto Jungsu’s shirt and squeezing his thighs shut. 

“See, that wasn’t bad, right?” Jungsu jokes, pulling away and craning his head. He smiles, sliding his hands down Jiseok’s torso. “Something like that.” 

“Hyung,” Jiseok swallows. His heartbeat is going so fast he think he genuinely might pass out if it goes for any longer. His grip on Jungsu’s shirt slides desperately to the sides of his ribs, then up to his shoulders, then up to his face. He almost has to tiptoe in order to reach Jungsu’s face and properly cup the sides of his cheeks. “Jungsu-hyung.” 

“Mmhm?” 

“It’s casual,” Jiseok breathes. It’s almost a plead, like he’s about to get on his knees and start begging for the truth to bend at his own words. 

Jungsu gives a subtle nod. “It’s casual,” he repeats. 

Jiseok returns the nod, then his gaze trails all over Jungsu’s face while he heaves his breath in and out. “Yes.” 

“Mhmm.” 

“Yes.”

I’m just going to do it. Jiseok squeezes his eyes shut and pulls their lips together, wrapping his hand around the back of Jungsu’s neck as he presses hungrily into his face. He hears Jungsu let out a sharp breath as he stumbles against the counter, one hand stabilizing himself against the marble and the other wrapped around Jiseok’s waist, pulling them together. 

His lips are soft---unbearably soft, and it’s driving Jiseok crazy as he holds Jungsu’s face with both hands. The taste of pork still lingers in his mouth. He whimpers a bit, straddling Jungsu’s legs and leaning into his body. He smells so good. Jungsu was always so sweet, smelling like flowers. 

“Hyung,” Jiseok whines as Jungsu pulls away for a breath. 

Jungsu’s laughing again, and he brushes Jiseok’s bangs away with a gentle flick of his wrist. “Oh, you’re so cute.” 

“Hyung,” Jiseok repeats, and he closes the gap between their faces again. This time, Jungsu leaves his lower lip slightly open, enough for Jiseok to feel the edge of his bottom teeth when he pulls in. Jungsu kisses back, his hands travelling up to Jiseok’s hair and grabbing a fistful of his blonde curls. Jiseok lets out some kind of breathy moan, and he sinks his core against Jungsu’s waist until his thighs brush along Jungsu’s knees. 

Jiseok is starting to scare himself with how badly he aches between his legs. He presses himself against Jungsu’s jeans, grinding through the fabric of his own shorts. 

“Jiseokie,” Jungsu whispers, and Jiseok whines out again. He buries his face into the crook of Jungsu’s neck, trying not to gasp out while he humps against Jungsu’s thigh. 

“Jiseokie,” Jungsu repeats, and Jiseok moans into his shoulder. It’s bad---he can’t tear himself away from Jungsu’s broad figure. He wraps his arms around him and squeezes his eyes shut, desperately buckling his hips into Jungsu’s legs. Any sense of friction is enough to send some version of relief spiraling through Jiseok’s mind, but his legs are trembling underneath him and he’s honestly starting to rock his whole body against Jungsu in this shameful pursuit of pleasure. Jiseok moans into Jungsu’s neck again, and he feels Jungsu’s hands return to the small of his back. He plays with the rim of Jiseok’s shirt before sliding it down and onto Jiseok’s skin again, murmuring something like comfort but Jiseok can’t register what he is saying. 

Oh, God. Jiseok goes faster, his movements turning into variations of thrusts while he moans incomprehensibly into Jungsu’s trapezius. “Hyung, hyung,” he whimpers, his body burning up and his legs unable to stop trembling. 

“It’s okay,” Jungsu soothes. One of his hands runs up Jiseok’s neck and into his hair, pulling gently at his curls like he’s petting him. 

Jiseok moans out his name, fucking into Jungsu’s leg like an animal. “Fuck,” he curses between breaths, feeling the heat pump through his insides and build up between his legs. His legs spread wider and Jiseok feels something coming on. I need to stop. What the hell am I doing? Jiseok cries out in frustration, his face going red, but he can’t stop. It comes out as a moan. The embarrassment seems to flood him all at once, then leave again and be replaced with a fleeting, temporary pleasure that feels so damn good that Jiseok might start crying just from how much he wants it. 

Jungsu hums something and strokes the side of Jiseok’s head, but it’s starting to be less and less effective as Jiseok practically clenches onto Jungsu’s body and whimpers into his shoulder. “Fuck,” he gasps. “Fuck, fuck.”

“Mmhm.” 

“Fuck,” Jiseok cries again, moaning and gasping as the precum becomes enough to make the seams of his shorts feel soiled. “Hyung, hyung, please,” he moans, desperately buckling into Jungsu’s thigh. “Ah, fuck! Hyung,” Jiseok gasps, grunting as his movements become faster and faster. His legs are shaking. “Hyung-“

“Mmm…”

“Jungsu-hyung-!”

“Yes?” 

“No,” Jiseok cries. “No, no.” 

“It’s okay.” 

“No, no, no,” Jiseok repeats. Real tears begin to formulate in his eyes, even as he’s gasping and moaning and he’s lifting his leg up like a dog just so he can fuck higher up on Jungsu’s waist. “No, no. Jungsu-hyung-“ 

“Jiseokie, it’s okay.” 

“I’m gonna- I’m gonna cum,” Jiseok whines, digging his forehead into Jungsu’s neck. “Hyung… hyung…”

“It’s okay.” 

“Jungsu-hyung, Jungsu-hyung…” 

It’s all Jiseok can say—-Jungsu’s name over and over as he moans into his neck and gives one last, pathetic hump into Jungsu’s leg. It comes spilling out, seeping through the fabric of his shorts and dripping down his pale thighs. He gives a final gasp into Jungsu’s neck, his hands limply falling from the back of his shirt down to his sides, before properly erupting into tears. 

“Good job, Jiseokie,” Jungsu cooes, playing with Jiseok’s hair and rubbing his back. Jiseok peers down at Jungsu’s leg, seeing a stream of his release which spilled onto his jeans. He starts crying, rubbing at his face in shame. 

“I’m sorry,” he begs, hiccups spasms erupting in his chest. “Fuck my stupid fucking life. Oh my God. What’s wrong with me?” 

“Nothing’s wrong with you.” 

“Oh my God. I’m sorry. I’m- I’m gross,” Jiseok sobs, stumbling back and trying to rub some of the liquid off his leg before it hits the floor. “Oh my God. I need to change- I need to change-“ 

“No, no, Jiseokie, it’s okay. It’s good.” 

“I need to shower. I- Oh my God. I made a… mess-“

“No. Hey. Jiseokie, stay here,” Jungsu says sternly, grabbing Jiseok by the wrist. He holds his shaking fingers with both hands. “Don’t say sorry. I like it, okay? I like it. That was cute.”

“Hyung,” Jiseok whines, his face wrinkling up. He looks down again at the mess still leaking through his underwear. “No, hyung. My shorts-“

“No. Where the fuck are you going?”

“God, I’m so fucking- I’m so fucking stupid,” Jiseok cries, burying his face into his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

“Jiseokie, it’s fine.” 

“I need to shower-“ 

“No, you don’t,” Jungsu stresses. “No, you don’t. Not yet.” 

“Jungsu-hyung-“ 

“Jiseokie,” Jungsu breathes out. He fidgets his feet in place, tugging at his jeans. “Please suck me off.” 

Jiseok sniffles. “What?” 

“If you’re sorry, then suck me off,” Jungsu pleads. “Have you ever given a blowjob before?” 

“No,” Jiseok whispers, wiping his tears away. He looks Jungsu up and down, his eyes snagging onto the way his pants cling tightly around his groin. “Is that bad?

Jungsu quietly lets out a groan, brushing his hair back and closing his eyes. “No. Okay. That’s fine,” he says. 

“Do you… should I?” 

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to.” 

“I’ve never done anything like that before.” 

“That’s okay. I’m not mad or anything,” Jungsu answers, taking a reluctant breath. “I’m just-” he cuts himself off, staring at Jiseok with a strange look on his face. Jiseok feels stupid with his wet shorts and the way Jungsu burns his gaze into his whole body. “You know what? I have something,” Jungsu blurts out, almost pacing around in his spot. He gestures for Jiseok to come towards him, who obeys. “I’m gonna be gross, too. Just bear with me. It’ll be quick.” 

“Hyung, I look like I pissed myself,” Jiseok mutters. Jungsu grabs his waist and swiftly hoists him up onto the counter. 

“That’s okay. Still cute,” Jungsu breathes. “I’m gonna touch myself. Is that okay?” 

“What?”

Jungsu leans close to the counter and hastily slides his hands down to his jeans, unbuttoning them and almost ripping his fly down. Jiseok squirms in his seated position as he peers down to the prominent bulge of Jungsu’s boxers underneath. “I’m jerking off,” Jungsu reiterates. “To you. Is that fine?” 

“Oh,” Jiseok blinks away the wetness in his eyes. “Sure.” A pause. “I never asked you if I could-” 

“Jiseokie,” Jungsu exasperates, shoving his hand into his underwear. “It’s okay. I really don’t fucking care.”

Jiseok can’t see the rest because Jungsu promptly pulls his shirt up, grazing his hands over Jiseok’s ribs, until Jiseok’s shirt rides just above his nipple. The weak breeze of the AC hits his chest, and Jiseok grips the side of the counter as Jungsu digs his face into the side of Jiseok’s body, his lips pressing against the soft curve of his stomach. 

Jungsu moans out, something like a mix of a breathy sigh and a desperate whimper. One hand on Jiseok’s thigh and the other hidden beneath the counter. All Jiseok sees is the slow rhythm of Jungsu’s arm moving, pumping himself from under the table. Jiseok’s shirt falls back over Jungsu’s hair as he’s pressing his cheeks against Jiseok’s barren torso and leaning weakly against the edge of the counter that stands between Jiseok’s legs. 

Jiseok’s heart feels like it’s beating out of his chest. Jungsu’s hot breath blows against his stomach, and it makes his whole body crave that feeling all over him. He swallows down the saliva that pools under his tongue, his hand hesitant as he gently combs through Jungsu’s duo-toned hair with his fingers. He can’t see what Jungsu looks like down there, and he considers craning his head to the side to maybe steal a glance. 

The wet, obscene noises of Jungsu’s fist slapping against himself is enough to make Jiseok freeze up. Jungsu moans out his name, his knees bending over and his face pressing harder into Jiseok’s ribs. “Jiseok, Jiseok.” 

The younger shifts at the new weight, leaning back a bit and pushing the back of Jungsu’s head into his body. His shorts stick to the counter. “Hyung,” he says shakily. He wanted to see what Jungsu looked like. How hard he was. Was he dripping with precum yet? Jiseok opens his mouth again, but closes it as soon as Jungsu whines out his name again. 

“I’m close,” he breathes, his arm moving faster from under the counter. 

I want to see, please show me, Jiseok clamps his mouth shut, not daring to let those words come out. I want to see your dick. I want to see it.

God, he was so stupid! Jiseok could have had it in his mouth! Why did he say he’d never given a blowjob before? Was it too late? Was he cumming yet? 

“Hyung-” 

“Fuck, Jiseokie,” Jungsu gasps, almost ramming himself into the counter at this point. “I’m gonna cum…” 

Let me see. Please, let me see. Jiseok swallows. “Okay.” 

“Jiseokie,” Jungsu moans. Even from above, Jiseok can see the way Jungsu buckles into his hand, fucking his fist as he slides it up and down his length. He lets out a grunt, then a whine as he buries his face into Jiseok’s body. “I’m cumming…” 

“Okay.” 

“Jiseokie. Fuck.” 

Jiseok watches in real time as Jungsu’s body trembles, then goes still. Jungsu whines out again, writhing around for a moment. Jiseok’s sure he’s milking out every drop of cum from his tip, and another wave of regret that he wasn’t swallowing all of that up hits again. “Hyung…” Give me some, please. I want to see. I want to see so badly. 

“Okay,” Jungsu finally breathes out after a moment. He pulls his face away and the air hits Jiseok’s ribs again before the gravity pulls his shirt back over his skin. “Okay.” 

Jiseok perks up and peers down, hoping to see the sight of Jungsu’s cock now that he’s retreated from the counter. But all he can see is a faint trail of black hair that quickly gets covered by the fabric of his boxers. Jungsu is already tucking himself back into his underwear.

“Hey,” Jiseok sputters out, frowning. 

“I came all over the floor,” Jungsu gives a hollow laugh, palming himself through his boxers for one final time. “That’s worse than your’s.” 

Jiseok sits there, eyebrows furrowed as he watches Jungsu pace around the studio, looking for a roll of paper towels. He looks down at the floor and tries to spot the spurts of Jungsu’s cum on the ground, but it’s dark, so he’s not sure if he’s looking at the right things. But before he can ask, Jungsu is already crawled on the floor, wiping it all up with a tissue. 

Jiseok lets out a quiet huff, leaning back and supporting himself with his palms against the counter while Jungsu cleans up. “Not really,” he mutters, rubbing a hand over his crotch, which is still wet and sticky. 

“I hope I got all of it,” Jungsu sighs, crumbling up the tissue and tossing it into the kitchen trash can. He even washes his hands in the kitchen sink, and Jiseok internally judges him for doing so after not letting him go take a shower and clean up too. When he returns to Jiseok, he leans in to kiss him on the corner of his lips, soft and quickly. Jiseok cringes, then pouts. 

“What?” Jungsu asks.

Jiseok’s lips twitch and his mouth hangs open for a moment before he can speak. “Your… your dick,” he finally croaks out. 

“What about it?” 

“I… you… it’s just…” Jiseok blubbers. 

Jungsu frowns. 

“I didn’t see it…” 

Jungsu blinks at Jiseok, who is dropping his head down in embarrassment. “You didn’t?” 

“No…” 

Jungsu laughs. “You wanted to?” 

“I don’t know- I just- you know,” Jiseok murmurs, ruffling the hair on the back of his head. “I don’t know. Maybe.” 

Jungsu laughs even harder, clapping his hands together. He laughs even when he tucks Jiseok’s hair back behind his ear, his eyes crinkled up in narrow lines as a giddy smile spreads over his face. “You’re so cute,” he says, giving Jiseok a kiss on the cheek. Then one on his neck, right under his ear. “Maybe later.” 

Jiseok’s heart drops to his stomach. “Not… now?” 

“Guess you shouldn’t have missed it.” 

“I was trying..!” Jiseok protests, before running his hand up his face again. “Ugh. Whatever.” 

Per usual, Jungsu can’t stop giggling, and he’s kissing all over Jiseok’s neck. “Jiseokie, you’re so adorable. I wanna put you in a jar or something.” 

“I like you, hyung,” Jiseok breathes out. The words tumble out of his mouth. “Jungsu-hyung. I really like you.” 

“Mmhm. I know. I like you, too.” 

I want to fuck. When can we fuck? Jiseok lets the words simmer on his tongue, but they run away almost immediately. “I like you,” he repeats, stupidly. 

Jungsu laughs and prods at Jiseok’s cheek. “Look at you. You were so shy earlier.” 

Jiseok inhales. “You said it’s… casual.” 

Jungsu smiles and tilts his head. “You still want it to be casual?” And Jiseok hesitantly nods his head.

Jiseok didn’t know what he wanted anymore, but he wasn’t about to start committing to something he wasn’t sure of. He was just treading lightly, or maybe a bit fearfully. Maybe he just wanted Jungsu so bad that it terrified him. 

No. What the hell was he talking about? Jiseok was obviously smitten! God, he wanted to die! 

No. This was good. Jungsu wanted to kiss him, and he wanted to kiss Jungsu. Jiseok didn’t have to date anyone and he didn’t have to tell anyone that he was going crazy at the thought of another man’s hands on his body. He and Jungsu could maybe do whatever they wanted for a bit, until these feelings maybe went away and maybe he would get bored, or at least until he figured out what the fuck he was gonna do about his stupid chud life and the stupid chud butterflies that wrecked the inside of his stomach in a way he wasn’t used to. In a way he wasn’t ready for. 

Jungsu chuckles a bit. He gnaws on his bottom lip, looking at Jiseok’s serious expression with an amused smile. “Okay, Jiseokie. If you want.” 

Oh, thank God. Jiseok couldn’t handle confronting his feelings for any longer. He puts on an awkward smile for Jungsu, the one where he bares his bottom teeth and stretches his lips wide. In return, Jungsu offers a grin and a light peck on the lips.

Right. Kwak Jiseok and Kim Jungsu. It was nothing serious. Maybe they would kiss, or maybe they would touch, but that was all it had to be. 

Perfectly normal relationship. For now, at least.