Archive of Our Own

Shane has been nervous since they woke up together, Ilya can tell. He's been fidgeting and quiet which indicates to Ilya that he's been thinking, stuck deep in his own brain. They eat breakfast in silence, Ilya doesn't even comment on how gross Shane's birdfood diet is.

It's Shane's birthday today. Maybe he's nervous about the party later? He's overthinking about that? could be. It's not that Shane's upset at Ilya or anything because he said happy birthday very enthusiastically first thing in the morning, accompanied by a great blowjob. Shane was so happy and sleepy after. What happened?

Ilya is done with this. Shane told him early on in their serious relationship that he likes when Ilya is direct with him. That it’s the best way to communicate with him because he doesn't always pick up on social clues.

Okay out with it.

“What is wrong, Shane.” It sounds like it should be a question but lands like an order.

Shane's head snaps up, not expecting the sudden noise in the silence of the morning. He seems to consider the question. His mouth opens and closes a few times, looking for the words.

Ilya has never claimed to be a patient man. He stands from the bar stool he's sitting on and strides through the kitchen, closing the distance between the two men. He wants to know every single thought Shane has throughout the day. He slides in behind Shane and puts his hands low on Shane's hips. Ilya starts kissing and biting Shane's neck, sucking on the places he knows drive Shane mad. Shane gasps. “Ilya..” He sighs.

“What is bothering you moy lyubimyy?” Ilya smiles into Shane's neck, hearing his breathing speed up. Ilya loves that he can make Shane so hot and bothered in record time.

“Ilya… i-” Shane cuts himself off with a low moan. “What, Shane? Tell me.” Ilya pulls away when he decides his kisses are becoming more distracting than encouraging. He stands in front of Shane, who has turned completely red. Interesting.

“I want…” Shane puts his head in his hands. Ilya pulls them away, forcing Shane to look at him with his other hand on his chin. Ilya loves his beautiful eyes, dark and full of love. “It's my birthday.” Shane states like it should clear everything up for Ilya. It doesn't.

"Yes, sweetheart. I know-” “Im not done just, let me talk until im done okay?” Ilya nods, curious as to what has Shane's panties in a twist. He never interrupts Ilya. This should be interesting.

Shane lets out a deep sigh. “I want to fuck you,” Ilya laughs but before he can say anything, Shane continues. “I wanna fuck you. For my birthday. I want to try to make you feel good the same way I do. I dont want to always fuck you or anything, i love your cock inside me too much but, i wanna try.”

How adorable. “Ah, you were nervous about asking me this, yes?” Ilya says with a teasing smile. “You got all worked up about you putting something in me, you got, ah, flustered.”

Shane looks away from Ilya and turns even more red. He's so cute. “I just, didn't know how you'd react.” Shane admits softly. Ilya softens immediately. “Shane. I will try anything with you. We figure it out together. Don't be nervous to ask me, okay?”

Shane lets out a small laugh. "Yeah, I know.”

“I dont, know, exactly about you fucking me. But, because it is your birthday, I will let you finger me.” Ilya says, his smirk returning. “But I doubt you can make me feel as good as I make you feel. You always cry and moan and whimper, oh ilya yes harder!” Ilya says in a high-pitched imitation of Shane's voice. There's nothing Ilya loves more than rilling Shane up before sex.

“Are you bullying me because you're nervous?" Shane asks points an accusatory finger at Ilya. Ilya scoffs. Maybe. “No, of course not. I just tell the truth.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

—

Ilya is lying on his back in their bed. He made a show of stripping in front of Shane, who returned the favor. Shane is sitting excitedly between Ilya's legs. Ilya thinks that if Shane had a tail, it would be wagging right now. He's clearly excited for this. “You have been thinking of this for a long time, haven't you Shaney?” Ilya says, gazing down at the beautiful man between his thighs. Shane looks caught. “Yes.” He says while grabbing the lube out of the bedside drawer. The bottle looks small in Shane's big hands. He coats his fingers and rubs them together to warm up the lube. Ilya laughs. “slutty of you, hollander, thinking about fucking me all the time.” He teases, him taking it up the ass today doesn't mean Shane is suddenly the dom.

“Not all the time! Just- just shut up.” Shane pouts. Ilya lies back with a smirk on his face.

“You did jerk off thinking about it? fucking up into your hand while- ah! fuck!” Ilya is interrupted by Shane putting a finger in his ass. “Fuck hollander, you have to warn m- ah!” Shane starts moving his finger, pumping it in and out of Ilya. “Oh, Shane, ah, yes.” It feels fucking good. Shane is great at this.

Shane smiles. “You like that?” He starts pressing into a small rough patch inside of Ilya. Ilya buzzes from the inside as his prostate is hit over and over. He cant even think anymore, it feels so good. His thighs tremble slightly and he tries to stop it because they've only just begun but it doesn't work.

“Cant even answer me huh? This is a great way to shut you up then.” Shane says teasingly while all Ilya can do is let out little moans and whimpers. “What are your safewords Ilya?” Shane stills his finger inside of Ilya. Ilya groans. “Green for good, yellow for slow down and red for stop.” Shane hums happily and starts sliding his finger in and out of Ilya again.

“You fucking love this Ilya, fuck, your body is trying to keep me in.” Shane says looking at how Ilya is clenching down on his finger. “Can you take another one baby?”

Ilya nods enthusiastically. He wants it bad. Shane slows his finger to a stop. Ilya opens his eyes and looks at Shane, his eyes rimming with tears. “Why did you stop?”

“I want you to beg. Beg for my fingers.” Shane says.

Ilya is shocked by this display of dominance from Shane as he slowly shakes his head. “No, Shane, just- just give me more!” He wont beg, Shane is crazy if he thinks he will.

“Beg and you'll get what you want.” Shane purrs.

Ilya shuts his eyes and lets his head fall back onto a pillow in frustration. He'll do this without Shane then if he wants to be a brat. He reaches for his neglected dick, but Shane is faster.

“Ah ah ah, you come on my fingers or not at all.” Shane takes both of Ilya's wrists and pulls out some fluffy handcuffs. He attaches the handcuffs and then Ilya's wrists to the headboard. Ilya is so fucked.

“You don't need to use your hands right now.” Shane smiles evilly. He puts two fingers against Ilya's rim while pulling his asscheeks apart with his other hand. Ilya feels really fucking exposed. “Now what do you say Rozanov?”

Ilya writhes on the bed, trying to buck back onto Shane's finger but it doesn't work. "Please. Shane, please, I need it. I need to come. Please.” Ilya begs. Okay so maybe he can beg. But only this once.

“Good boy Ilya.” Ilya didn't know he liked that, a zap of arousal shoots up his spine. “That's all you had to say.” Shane presses two fingers into Ilya. Ilya sighs happily. “Thank you- ah, it feels-” He cuts himself off. He has run his mouth too much already, he doesn't want to give Shane the satisfaction yet.

“It feels what? How does it feel, baby?” Shane slows down his fingers again. Ilya feels like he'll die without them. How can Shane be so mean?

“No no please! It feels good! It feels good, please keep going.” Ilya pleads, feeling closer and closer to the edge by the minute. He's gonna die. It feels like he's gonna die.

“Good boy. You love it.” Shane starts fucking his fingers hard in and out of Ilya, hitting his prostate dead on every time. Ilya is making noises he never thought he'd make, whimpering and moaning loudly. By the time Shane adds a third finger, Ilya is too out of it to even notice.

“Fuck Shane, please, feels so good, harder please im so close.” Ilya says while also making little ah ah ah noises that make shanes dick so fucking hard. “You gonna come for me? You gonna come on my fingers, rozanov?” Shane says, fucking his fingers harder inside of Ilya. Jesus what the hell happened to Ilyas subby shane today?

“Yes! Gonna come on your fingers!” Ilya moans out while bucking and writhing. He truly seems to not have any control of his body or what comes out of his mouth. Shane slows to a slow grind of all three fingers on Ilya's prostate. “Ask me. Ask me if you can come.”

Tears escape Ilya's eyes, he's so close, so frustrated, he just wants to come. “Please Shane. I need it please. Can I come? Please baby i cant-”

“You can come malysh.” Shane says while using four fingers to fuck Ilyas ass. It feels so good. Ilya cries out and comes so hard it hits his chin. Holy fuck. “thank you, yes oh yes. Thank you.”

Shane works him through it, not stopping the movement of his fingers. He doesn't stop when Ilya makes little overstimulated moans. “Hollander, I came, I'm done.” Shane only starts fingering him harder. “Shane! I already came please- ah.” Shane keeps hitting his prostate and Ilya feels another orgasm painfully building in his belly. “Please, no, i cant do more, i cant take it anymore please.” Ilya pulls at the handcuffs and now really starts crying. Shane takes pity on him.

“No more baby?” He grinds against Ilya's prostate. “You can't take it anymore?” He slows his fingers to a stop. “Okay then.”

Ilya cries out in despair, now needing another orgasm. “No, I take it back please. I need it. more please.” Shane laughs. “I thought it was too much? Were you lying to me baby?” Shane takes out his fingers which makes Ilya cry harder and try to buck up and down for any friction. “Yes I lied, I'm sorry I need it.” Ilya says while kicking out his legs. He needs it now.

“Hmm, well I think a liar deserves a bit of punishment, right?” Shane says standing up and walking to the closet where they keep their sex toys. Ilya follows him with his eyes. “No i dont need a punishment, please Shane I can be- I can be a good boy!”

“Color?” Shane asks while he gets back on the bed holding a spreader bar.

Ilya cries a little more in frustration. “Green.” He lets out. Shane smiles.

“Then here's what's gonna happen. Since you can't sit still, I'm gonna lock you in this spreader bar. Then im gonna fuck you until i come. you can come whenever, but im not stopping until i come.”

Shanes gonna fuck him, his dick is finelly getting some action. Ilya nods. “Yes please, ride me.”

Shane laughs. “Oh no, you misunderstood. Im going to fuck you, with my cock. You'll love it.” Shane says while spreading Ilya's legs and putting the spreader bars cuffs on his ankles. Ilyas legs are stuck wide open, revealing his defenceless hole. He feels exposed all over again as he tries and fails to close his legs.

Ilya lets out a small sob. “It- it wont fit.” “I'll make it fit.” Shane responds, parroting something Ilya says all the time. Humiliation throbs through Ilya's body.

Shane is rockhard, his cock having been neglected this whole time. Ilya has a big dick but Shane isn't far behind. His penis is thick and almost 8 inches. Ilya eyes it and dissolves into sobs again.

Shane lowers himself over Ilya and kisses him, bringing him some comfort he needs. “Okay Ilya?" Ilya nods and kisses him back. “Okay.”

Shane’s cock kisses Ilya’s rim and Ilya lets out a yelp. “It wont fit please i cant take it,” “You will.” Ilya can't help but try to buck back into Shane, the pressure feeling so good. He needs to come so bad.

Shane slowly plunges his cock into Ilya until he's taken it all. Ilya tries to writhe but is stopped by his restraints, the spreader bar and the handcuffs, holding him in place. He can't escape Shane's slow, deep rhythm, as Shane fucks into him.

“So good, Ilya. Fuck, youre so tight.” He angles his thrusts to hit Ilya's sore prostate. Ilya is gonna come again. It feels like there's a fire burning in his gut. “Shane, Shane! I'm gonna come!”

Shane pays him no mind, and certainly doesn't touch his dick. “Come then, im not stopping. It wouldnt if i were you, the overstimulation is gonna hurt like a bitch.” He groans out, his pace becoming faster. Ilya cries. He holds off.

After what seems like forever to Ilya, Shane finally starts huffing and moaning in a way that Ilya recognizes as him being close. “Shane please come, please I need it. I want it in me, ah,” Ilya needs Shane to come. He needs to come himself.

Shane starts jackrabbiting into him. “Fuck yes take it. I love you. Come with me okay?” Ilya nods as his eyes roll to the back of his head. He lets out a sob that sounds like a moan and comes hard, thick white ropes hitting both his and Shane's chests. Shane follows him quickly, fucking into him a few more times before coming deep inside of ilya. Shane collapses on top of Ilya and stays there for a minute, both men catching their breath.

After a little bit, Shane releases Ilya from his restraints. “Good?” He asks, suddenly looking unsure. “Fuck hollander, you killed me.” “Was it bad? Too much?”

Ilya looks up at Shane, looking serious. The last thing this all was bad. It'd been great. “No Shane, I loved it. You made me come so fucking hard.” Shane relaxes at that, continuing to clean everything up. Ilya sinks back into the bed. “But we're not doing it again anytime soon. And I'm going to take my revenge on you for edging me.” He says winking at Shane.

“Cant wait to see you try, Rozanov.”

“What has happened to my sweet krolik huh?” Ilya says when Shane comes to cuddle with him, settling his head on Ilya's arm. “So mean to me today.”
Shane pouts and huffs. “You literally edge me for hours and then make me come 3 times in 1. I don't want to hear it.” He buries his face in Ilya's chest as Ilya laughs.

“True, but I have been doing… that for years. Why now this dominance?” Shane's face comes off of Ilya's chest and he looks almost scared. Ilya picks up on it. “Dont worry, I liked it.” Ilya says, smiling down at his boyfriend.

Shane sighs out happily. “I just, i think i wanted to take some control back in my life. Getting older, especially because we play hockey professionally, is scary. I can't control that I'm getting older, that I'm going to get slower, that I'm going to need to retire one day. I hate it. I just, for today, wanted to be in control, even for just a little while.” Ilya's heart clenches. Shane truly thinks too much. He is also very smart, which is why he's pretty sure Shane will understand what he's about to say.

“You know using sex to be in control maybe isn't, ah, the most um-”

“Emotionally responsible? Yes, I know. I just wanted to see how I would like it. I'm using other coping strategies, and also prolonging my career by making sure my body is as healthy as it can be.” Shane says, using language that sounds more like a health book than someone expressing their emotions but Ilya knows that's just how Shane communicates his wants and needs sometimes. He likes to detach himself from what he's feeling. Especially after he's already been vulnerable.

“Okay. Just making sure.” Ilya lets some questions and answers hang in the air, not sure how to approach everything he wants to know with Shane.

As far as they've come, both Ilya and Shane still don't always communicate about what's bothering them. They've become great at communicating stuff like BDSM wants and needs. Sex has always been their first language. They both speak it fluently. They can escape with each other with sex. But some conversations need to be had in English or Russian. They never are, both men touching each other or hinting at each other in hopes of the other understanding, seeing. It never works.

Ilya feels the hole in his heart grow a little. He knows he's like his mama. He knows but he pretends he doesn't so it doesn't become real. He knows Shane's birthday will be just a few people because Ilya is there. Shane could have a big party with many guests he loves. But now it'll be just a few, the few who know about him and Ilya. The people Shane has told. Ilya knows it's his fault, that Shane isn't living his life to the fullest. If Ilya was anyone else, this wouldn't happen.

Shane has to leave after his party. He has to drive all the way back to Montreal for practice. The darkness will come back, and Ilya knows every time he sees Shane, he will leave again. The sunshine Shane brings will leave with him and Ilya will fall into the darkness again. He won't be sad. Definitely not happy. He won't feel anything. Maybe that's why it's okay that he hasn't told anyone. He's not even sad. He just doesn't feel anything, or want anything, or do anything.

He's fine, he thinks, unless he can't help it.