Chapter Text
Katie’s house was a complete and utter disaster. Glitter glue and craft paper covered every spare inch of space in the room, a box of stickers was scattered across the floor, and in the middle of all was Katie, crouched over her kitchen table.
She didn’t pay much attention to pink-tinted mess, focused instead on the card below her. Carefully, she applied another shaky line of glue and slapped down a pink ribbon over the photo of her and Tomate. It was perfect.
A buzz from across the table pulled her attention away from her work, and she looked up to see her comms had pinged with a new message. Tapping a button on the little device, she watched the cracked screen light up, and Ash’s name appear in small pixel font.
- I need to talk about something serious. Can I come see you? The message read, plain and direct. Ash had told her before that he intended to schedule another session, but she hadn’t imagined it would be so soon. There was still so much to do. Katie looked down at the table before her, the invitations were still unwished, the church hadn't even been decorated, and she hand't even seen her final bouquet yet. Sure, a part of her was thrilled that it was finally happening, she'd been riding the same high since Tomate had proposed, but a part of it was still daunting. But Ash needed her, and that would always come first.
Wiping her hands off on her pants, she picked up the communicator, typing out a reply.
- Yes!!! Come to the therapy office in 5. She set down the device, moving to begin cleaning off the table when another reply pinged.
- No. Was Ash’s only response for a moment, before another message came through, - I don’t want an appointment. I just need to talk to you.
Katie frowned at the ambiguous message, quickly sending a response.
- Are you okay?
Little dots animated on the screen as Ash typed, pausing and restarting a few times before another message finally came through.
-Please, Katie.
She clutched the communicator a little tighter, looking around the room again at the mess, and replied. - Okay. But my house isn’t very breakdown friendly right now. Meet me at Schlatt’s.
- I’m not having a breakdown. His response came quickly, and Katie thought she could practically see his expression through the screen.
- Sure. She typed back.
- Whatever. I’ll see you in 10.
Katie sighed, setting down the communicator on the table and lifting her gaze to survey the room. There wasn’t much point in trying to clean up the mess; she still had at least a dozen more invitations to finish, so she let it be, climbing back up the ladder to the island.
Outside, the sun was beginning to set, and the air was cool. It was almost summer, at least Katie thought it was. None of the islanders were quite sure of the exact day or month since the ship had crashed. Everything was sort of untethered here on the island, days slipping to one another, moments going on forever. She hadn’t noticed it as much in the first few weeks, but now she couldn’t help the unease that settled in her every time things started to slow down.
Katie had only been waiting in Schlatt’s house for a few minutes when a gentle knock sounded at the door. She was standing at the stove of his kitchenette, watching over a pot of water as it slowly came to a boil.
“It's unlocked,” She called out, “Just come in.”
The door swung open with a soft creak, and heavy footsteps treaded slowly inside. The water had begun to steadily bubble, and Katie moved toward one of the cabinets, pulling out two mugs and setting them on the counter. She listened as the footsteps continued, moving further into the house, and the soft thump as a body dropped onto the couch.
Pulling open another drawer, she grabbed a couple of tea bags, slipping one into each cup and pouring the water carefully. The steam warmed her face as she carried the mugs over to the living room, pausing just in front of the coffee table to set them down. It was then that she finally got a look at Ash.
He was looking down at the ground, hunched over on himself slightly, almost as if he were in pain. His hands clenched tightly into the fabric of his pants, and he huffed out an acknowledgment of Katie’s approach, lifting his head to meet her gaze.
His eyes were the first thing she noticed. Even though he rarely smiled, or at least tried very hard to keep a straight face, there was always a sort of light in his eyes. Passion, a fury to keep fighting the Federation or the North, or whatever problem arose in his path. Now that light was gone, replaced with a hollow, haunting expression that chilled something deep within Katie.
She sat down slowly, careful to keep an easy distance between the two of them.
“Ash?” Katie paused as she tried to think of what to say. This was always so much easier when she was in the office, playing up the act. Now it all felt too real. In the end, she chickened out, eyes flitting back over to the mugs on the table. “Do you want some tea?”
Ash scoffed before collecting himself and nodding slightly, reaching forward to grab the cup. He didn’t drink from it, just sat with it warming his hands, as if the heat was enough to satisfy him. Katie remembered his hesitance to hug her before in the Pantheon, his unfamiliarity with the action, and wondered just how much of his cold demeanor was really an act.
“What… um, what did you want to talk about?” Katie couldn’t keep the unease out of her voice. She picked up her cup, taking a small sip and wincing as she burned her tongue slightly on the tea.
“I guess it would be most concise to say I’m worried, Katie.” Ash’s tone was cold and direct, just like his messages. Katie almost thought he might have rehearsed the line a few times on the way here.
She looked up from her mug to see Ash’s stare focused on her, the tiredness in his eyes having been traded in for a withering intensity.
“Oh?” Katie inquired for him to continue, setting the mug back down on the table. "Is it the Regime?"
“No, it's not that. I mean—" Ash paused, reflecting for a moment as if unsure of his own claims, "with Tubbo gone, and Haiper’s sickness, things are getting…unstable. I—I’m running this all by myself.”
Katie nodded, fidgeting with a stray thread on the couch. She didn’t like Ash’s tone; there was something he was avoiding, or something he knew she didn’t want to hear.
He continued in the wake of her silence, “But no. I’m telling you this because even though things are…difficult right now, I can handle the Regime. That’s not my problem. What I’m really worried about is you.”
The thread Katie had been pulling on snapped, and she frowned at Ash for a second before breaking into a soft grin. “Oh, come on. I mean, I know I’m not the best at a lot of the fighting and building stuff, but you’ve seen me, I’m getting better. Don’s been helping, and I’m—“
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” Ash cut in sharply. “Don’t try to deflect. Please. I know you’re overworked, and you keep on taking jobs, and making shit deals, and getting harassed and attacked. And to a certain point, I’m sure you’ve got it figured out. I’m sure you can handle yourself. But…” Ash paused, struggling to find the words. He’d seemed so confident before, but the wariness had returned to his eyes now, the mask slipping.
He sighed, “It’s just with Tomate, and this wedding. Loyalty, trust, it’s all we have in the Regime at the end of the day.”
A knot twisted in her stomach at the implication, “You can trust me!” Katie broke in, voice strangled.
“I do!” He defended. “I do trust you. You helped me, Katie, really helped me. But this union, it seems…” Ash coughed, rubbing tiredly at his eyes, and he turned away for a moment before composing himself again.
“I don’t want to be another asshole relying on you all the time, but… but I still feel like I’m about to lose you.” His voice cracked a little on the last word, and he squinted his eyes shut tightly. His hands were clenching on his legs again, wrinkling the fabric. He looked somewhere between exhausted and panicked.
Katie couldn't recall much, but some part of her knew Ash had always been like this. He was the youngest, and some part of him would always expect to get his way, to be seen as the ultimate voice of reason. And just like all those years ago, Katie couldn't seem to talk her way out of it.
It was strange how out of the three of them she could remember their parents the most clearly. She had spoken to Don about it before, and his recollection was never as strong. Ash didn't talk about them either, but it never seemed to be out of malice, only disinterest. Katie couldn’t place their faces, but the voices, the words, the distant eyes, they stuck with her. She was always caught in the middle of it all, swallowed up and passed over in the shadow of her brothers.
Maybe that was why those memories had stuck with her so vividly, because it was so different here on the island. She wasn’t glanced over or forgotten. People sought her out, they wanted to talk to her, to know her, to love her. Ash couldn't understand what that meant to her.
She tried to appeal to his own line of reason instead, “Ash, I—I know this is a big change, but me and Tomate are really happy, and honestly, I think it will be good for the Regime if anything. I mean we could get inside information, and maybe it would even bring peace, or…” Katie trailed off from her rambling as she noticed Ash didn’t seem to be listening. He was still curled in on himself, tight and defensive, face turned to the floor.
“Ash?” Katie shuffled a little closer on the couch until she was close enough to place a hand on his shoulder.
Ash flinched at the touch, jolting upwards from his position. And Katie saw it all then. His reddened cheeks, the ugly dribble of snot running over his lip, and the big shiny tears welling in his eyes.
“Oh. Oh, Ash. Shit. Shit, no, wait.” Katie inched closer again, unsure what to do with her hands, before placing them carefully on his shoulders. He didn’t flinch this time, only sniffling loudly. “No. Ash, it’s gonna be okay. The Regime is gonna be strong again, and even after the wedding, I’m gonna be there the whole time, no matter how busy I get. It’s all…It’s gonna be okay. I—“
“It's not.” Ash interrupted, voice thick as he tried to push down the tears. “It’s not gonna be okay. Sure, that’s what you always say, but what happens when Tomate turns on you for the Feds?” Ash’s voice cracked, and tears were beginning to spill, running down his cheeks, “What happens when someone bombs your headquarters, or takes advantage of your work again, or attacks your fucking wedding. It’s a pattern, Katie, and you won’t let yourself see it.” He raised a hand, wiping furiously at the tears.
“Ash…” Katie moved her hands without thinking, running them in small soothing patterns over his arms.
“It’s not fucking okay.” He sobbed and swayed a little, falling closer into Katie’s arms. She pulled back then, grabbing at Ash’s hand where he was still angrily wiping his face, pulling it away. He looked up then, watery eyes meeting hers.
“I’m right here, Ash. You can let go.” Katie tried for a soft smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
It didn’t seem to matter to him, as something in his expression changed, a knot of tension or fear working itself free, and he finally crumbled. Ash collapsed in Katie’s hold, sinking his face into her shoulder and letting his tears soak the fabric of her suit. A lanky arm wrapped around her back in a tight, almost uncomfortable hold. Katie returned the gesture, wrapping her arms around him more gently.
Katie got the feeling Ash hadn't given her the entire truth. Maybe he'd lied about holding himself together in his co-leader's absence, maybe it was something else entirely. Katie knew he was good at keeping secrets, she just wished he would talk about himself for once, instead of always complaining about what other people were doing.
He continued speaking faintly as he shook in her arms, his voice cracking on some words, sentences muffled by tears, but Katie tried her hardest to listen to every word.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” He mumbled, “And I’m sorry if I’m kind of a dick about it, and maybe Don and Ewron are right, and I’m being too tough and serious, but I don’t care. The Fed’s…they’ve killed before, and—and you’re getting too close to it all.” Ash paused again, inhaling another shaky breath. “You’re the first person in a really long time that made me think there was hope. Real hope that things could change. I can’t lose that, Katie. We can’t lose you.”
Katie wasn’t sure how long they sat there, at one point Ash had quieted and she almost thought he had fallen asleep. She pulled back, only for him to tighten his grip on her suit, mumbling an unintelligible plea into her shoulder. She sighed, patting his back, and he finally looked up, eyes still wet as he stared into hers sadly.
Inhaling a deep shuddering breath, he spoke once more, ”Please, Katie. Don’t do this.”
Katie frowned, looking away from Ash and staring unfocused across the room. “It’s gonna be— the wedding will be great.” She leaned back a little more, pulling her arms away from Ash. “You’re still my brother, even if we don’t agree.” Ash shifted a little, almost as if he were chasing her receding touch, before he stopped himself, inching over slightly on the couch.
“Besides,” she finally turned to look at him again, “Things here always seem to work out eventually don't they?"
Katie stood then, walking over to one of the armchairs across the room and picking up a faded blanket. She held it out to Ash in offering, and albeit hesitantly, he reached up and took it.
"Why don't you stay here for the night. I'm sure Schlatt won't mind too much.”
Ash scoffed at the thought, but still he began to unfold the blanket.
“I’m serious, he’s not supposed to get back from his trip till tomorrow afternoon.”
“Is he even coming to the wedding?” Ash asked, unlacing his boots. The question sounded more accusatory than curious but Katie ignored his icy tone.
“He said he’d try to make it, but uh… well, you know how he is.”
Ash didn’t respond, and he pulled his legs up onto the couch, curling into himself with the blanket loosely wrapped around him. Katie’s heart ached at the sight, a memory from years ago, sometime, somewhere distant she couldn’t place, tangling with the version of Ash now. Kneeling down, she pulled at the blanket, tucking it around him. He’d changed so much since…since whoever he was before all of this. It killed Katie, the empty space absorbing memories in her mind.
“I’m not just gonna forget what you said, y’know.” She whispered, and Ash leaned down, resting his head on a velvety throw pillow Schlatt had on the couch. He let his eyes flutter shut and she lifted her hand once more, carefully brushing the hair on his forehead. “I care about what you think...and feel. And—and I can’t stop this. I love Tomate and he...he really loves me. But I’ll remember what you said.”
“Okay, Katie.” Ash whispered tiredly, but the words were hollow and unbelieving.
“You’re still gonna come right? I need you there, as my ring bearer. And my family.” Katie inhaled a deep breath as she finished speaking, seconds seeming to stretch on for hours as she waited for his response.
Ash’s eyes opened once more, and he looked at Katie deeply. His gaze wasn’t empty, or sad, or angry, but swimming with something warm and familiar. His eyes almost seemed to glisten in the moonlight, and Katie wondered if another tear would fall.
“Of course.” He whispered back.