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What Is This I’m Feeling?

Summary:

The arrival of a new performer at the circus turns Caine’s mind completely upside down. What are these feelings? Why is he having such inappropriate, unfamiliar thoughts? Why does his body betray him and react this way?… He’s never felt like this before, and it’s overwhelming every system he has.

Who would’ve imagined that the egocentric, stubborn ringmaster would now be entirely at your mercy? You had him in the palm of your hand, willing to break every rule he once set… all for you, and only you…

♦I’m not great at tagging, but I hope it’s clear that this is a slow-burn romance with a lot of passion. This is an original story of mine translated into English, so sorry if there are any inconsistencies or parts that don’t quite fit. I also want to add that I headcanon Caine as submissive, so expect a few tears and some pleading from him—you know… Caine is such a good boy 😛 (eventual 18+ content warning)

Notes:

I hope you enjoy my story!! Just as much as I’ll enjoy writing a Caine who’s yearning for you and struggling against his own reactions so he doesn’t scare you hehe

18+ content will be noted in the opening notes of any chapter that includes it, for readers who prefer to be aware in advance

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Tu nueva vida

Chapter Text

-Your new life -

5:00 AM

Your day begins. The alarm rings, pulling you out of a deep sleep and reminding you it’s time to get up.

You get ready—wash your face, brush your teeth, and get dressed. Breakfast is simple: a fried egg and a cup of coffee for energy. You turn on the TV, letting cartoons fill the quiet room.

You were a “new” adult, just starting your working life… Recently graduated as a psychologist—with honors. You had been an excellent student. Too bad that didn’t come with extra income.

You glance at the clock: 7:30.

You leave your apartment at a slow pace. Your office is nearby, which is convenient—at least that’s something you can’t complain about. Still, the weight of adult life is already catching up to you.

Is this it?

Is this what the rest of your life will look like?

Back then, becoming a professional was a dream.

Now… it feels more like a nightmare.

Lost in thought, you arrive at your office after a thirty-minute walk. You consider it a good way to start the day.

You look up.

There she is.

A pale girl with short brown hair in a pixie cut. Her large eyes and round face gave her an almost childlike appearance.

Your patient.

-  Good morning. How are you feeling? Up early, huh?

?:  Doctor! Good morning… I’m sorry for coming so early…

-  It’s alright. Come in.

You open the door to your office—a cozy space with a faint scent of honey.

The session begins. She seems overwhelmed by her life and decisions.

?:  I wish my videos got more attention… I enjoy making them, but it wouldn’t hurt to get some recognition…

She pauses, then suddenly blurts out—

?:  I’m going to explore an abandoned building.

You remain calm.

-  Oh? What made you decide that?

?:  There are stories about people leaving that place traumatized… some don’t even come back. If something happens, my video might go viral. 

-  Don’t you think that’s… dangerous?

?:  It is. But that’s what people like. I’m sure it could boost me.

You smile gently.

-  I understand… but please be careful.

?:  Come with me, doctor!

You chuckle softly.

-  I don’t think I can, but I’d definitely like to see your video.

?:  ...I’ll show you next week!

-  I’ll be looking forward to it. Monday?

?: Of course!

It was the last time you saw her.

A month passed since her disappearance. No one knew where she was. The guilt gnawed at you… if only you had gone with her.

You searched for any clue.

Nothing.

There were at least ten abandoned buildings matching the rumors.

You checked them all.

Until you got here.

An old building with a faded logo from a long-dead company: C&E

The sixth one.

Just like the others—decayed, fragile, barely standing.

Still, you went in.

The air was damp, thick with cobwebs. As you walked, a strange light caught your attention.

An office.

Fully lit.

Servers—still running.

Doors labeled “Employees Only” and “Test Subjects.”

Before you could choose, a computer flickered to life. Bright colors flooded the screen—circus tents, attractions, laughter.

You sat down.

Clicked.

WELCOME TO THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS — Beta Version”

The colors pulled you in.

“To access, please wear the C&E® augmented reality headset.”

You look around.

A box full of headsets.

You hesitate… then connect one.

Take a deep breath.

Maybe this is a bad idea.

But you try anyway.

You put them on.

Darkness.

Then—

A circus.

Bright. Vibrant.

- Wow… this looks incredible…”

WOOOOW!! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT, MY DELIGHTFUL LITTLE CARAMEL APPLE!! 

You turn, startled.

There he is.

A bizarre figure—teeth for a head, a top hat where hair should be, mismatched eyes shining from inside his mouth. A tight red suit that looks almost… too perfect.

- Oh my god…

You circle him curiously.

- Are you some kind of host? Your design is… really interesting.

He puffs up dramatically.

-INTERESTING?! MY DEAR, I AM A MASTERPIECE IN MOTION!... But I’ll accept the compliment—you clearly have excellent taste.

He bows with exaggerated flair.

-AND YOU, NEWLY ARRIVED, FRESH-OUT-OF-THE-OVEN HUMAN…!

- I am absolutely certain you and I are going to be SPECTACULAR together! 

- What is this place?

- AH! WONDERFUL QUESTION! TOP MARKS! I LOVE THE ENTHUSIASM!

Confetti bursts around you.

-WELCOME TO THE AMAZING, ASTOUNDING, UTTERLY UNFORGETTABLE DIGITAL CIRCUS!! , YOUR NEW HOME!!

- “Your… new home?”

- CORRECT! DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER! 

- What exactly is this circus?

He begins floating around you, moving in impossible ways.

-A place where you’re free…

Free from responsibilities! Free from boredom! Free from… well, quite a few things that probably don’t matter anymore! 

Your only purpose is to have fun…

And participate in FABULOUS adventures designed by me—your humble, brilliant, and completely irreplaceable host!

- That sounds… fun…

-OH, IT IS! TRUST ME, IT IS!

Dramatic pause.

-CAINE! That’s my name.

-Caine… that’s a nice name. I’m…

You stop.

Your mind goes blank.

- I… don’t remember my name…

He pauses.

…Yeah.

That happens.

Shrugs dramatically.

-Minor side effect. Nothing serious! …depending on who you ask. 

- Everyone…?

You try to remove the headset.

It’s gone.

- Caine… how do I take it off?

- Take off what, my confused little star? 

- The headset… I want to leave…

Your voice trembles.

He goes still.

Then smiles.

Too wide.

Ah… that.

Pause.

- YOU CAN’T LEAVE

Silence.

- But don’t worry!

Because this is your new, exciting, unpredictable, and WONDERFUL life!

You freeze.

- What…?