Chapter Text
May 2014
Shane Hollander was so fucking over Ilya Rozanov.
Rozanov spent two years poking and prodding and flirting and teasing Shane, trying to get him to hook up again. Shane stoically held Rozanov at bay, until a well-timed incendiary text toppled his defenses. What followed was mind-blowing sex which did nothing to quell Shane’s confusion over his sexuality, nor his feelings for the Russian. In fact, being on the receiving end of penetrative sex for the first time might have cracked Shane’s heart open. He couldn’t help but feel vulnerable and tender towards the man who’d so caringly guided him through a new sexual experience, one that Shane had spent years worrying over. Shane thought he’d felt the same tenderness mirrored in Rozanov’s final kiss in the stairwell.
But apparently, he’d been wrong. Rozanov was just an asshole who’d relentlessly pursued Shane and used him for sex, only to discard him once the chase was over. In Sochi, Rozanov gruffly told Shane they were not anything, and rudely asked him to go even though all Shane wanted was to know whether the Russian was okay. Rozanov never answered Shane’s texts in Russia, nor since. Radio silence since their hookup in December.
Well, fuck that. Now that the Metros were out of the playoffs, Shane had a trip to LA to discuss a brand deal. And he was determined to find a way to hook up with someone else, Rozanov be damned.
If only he'd known that a 100,000 year old man was (at least partially) to blame for Rozanov's behavior...
***
Five months earlier
Private chat between Dinosaur and Russia's greatest chirp machine
Dinosaur
Heyy Rozanov, do you have a minute? I have something important to discuss with you.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
What do you want, Hunter? Need to fundraise for new mobility aid?
Dinosaur
No. It’s a private and sensitive topic. If you’re alone, I could call you?
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Is not good time, I am with team on bus.
What is this about?
Dinosaur
It’s about Sochi and your safety as a person with certain… preferences.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
…
what are you talking about
Dinosaur
You know exactly what I’m talking about.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Are you threatening me, old man??
Dinosaur
No! I’m on your side, I promise! I am honest to god worried about your safety because I know something and I’m worried other people will know too.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
All right spit it out. What do you know.
Dinosaur
Okay so. Remember your first All-Stars game, back in 2011?
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Yes
Dinosaur
I may have overheard you whisper your room number to a certain someone, during the skills competition. I was in the room next door. I overheard the two of you – I think our bathrooms shared a wall, and I was in the shower at the same time as you.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Fuck. Okay. So what, you want to blackmail me about this? Get me to pay you, so you do not go to league or media?
Dinosaur
No!! I promise I am only here with good intentions.
I thought it was just a one-time thing, especially since your counterpart looked like a lost puppy scanning the room for you at the NHL awards later that year.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
What makes you think it was not?
Dinosaur
Yesterday I chirped him about you and he tried to punch me in the face. On the ice, *after* the game, while the cameras were still rolling.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
That is why Mr. Sportsmanship fought you??!! over me???!!
Dinosaur
Yup.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
What did you say? What did he say?
Dinosaur
He was unnecessarily rude to me so I said he was starting to sound like you. Didn’t think anything of it, wasn’t trying to imply that you two have anything going on. Just that he was more of an asshole that his golden boy image lets on, and he’s not so different from you. And that’s what set him off.
Clearly what I said hit a sore spot.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
…
Dinosaur
Look you don’t have to tell me anything, I don’t need to know what you guys’ deal is.
But what I do know is that you guys are not as subtle as you think you are. And you’re a Russian citizen. And both of you are going to the Olympics in Sochi next month.
You guys need to be more careful, for your safety. That new law is no joke.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
I already told him we could not meet there.
Dinosaur
You should tell him to stay away entirely, just while you’re there.
Before texting you I went back and looked at footage from your last game against each other. Dude, the sexual tension was palpable. I don’t think you can even be in the same space without giving it away.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Fuck, okay.
Dinosaur
The only reason nobody’s caught on yet is because of comphet
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
What is comphet?
Dinosaur
It stands for compulsory heterosexuality. It means that society (and in our case, hockey players) assume that everyone is straight, in a way that becomes like mandatory and totally engrained in people’s beliefs. So much so that a lot of people don’t even think of queerness as an option.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
How do you know all of this?
Dinosaur
How do you think, Rozanov
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
You are not straight?
Dinosaur
Gay as a kite, if a kite lived deep, deep, deep inside a closet
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
I do not know this saying but okay I guess
Dinosaur
How about you?
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Me what?
Dinosaur
Come on, I took a risk reaching out to you to save your neck when I didn’t have to, and I just told you my biggest secret! Least you can do is tell me your sexuality.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Fine. I am bisexual.
Dinosaur
Thanks for telling me 😊
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
You are such a boring old man
Dinosaur
Hey, may I remind you that I didn’t need to do any of this. I could have just let you go off to Russia and act stupid and get yourself imprisoned or beaten up or god knows what else.
And you haven’t even said thank you.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Ugh fine. Thank you Hunter.
Dinosaur
Good. You gonna tell H to stay away?
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
I think he is smart enough to know this.
Dinosaur
The kid’s smart but probably isn’t aware of the risk. You know he lives and breathes hockey. He probably hasn’t paid attention to non-hockey news in like 4 years.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Oh. I did not think of this.
I will tell him if he talks to me at Olympics.
Dinosaur
… you know you can just text him, right?
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Is not like that, we do not ever talk
Just sext or make hookup plans. And when we see each other we usually have our mouths full, so no talking either.
Dinosaur
Jesus christ Rozanov, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I want to hear things about you guys going at it with each other. Fucking hell.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
You are just jealous you are not having insane athletic sex with two hottest men in league 😎
Dinosaur
Fuck off. What makes you think I’m not having insane athletic sex?
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
The way you perked up, couple days ago, when you told me to go fuck myself and I said “be more fun if you were there” 😉
Dinosaur
I hate you.
Russia’s greatest chirp machine
Feeling is mutual.
See you in Sochi, try not to break a hip.
Dinosaur
🖕
***
Back to May 2014
Private chat between Hollywood and Baby gay
Hollywood
Heyy gorgeous, it was great to meet you!
I promised you a queer education so our first order of business: you’re watching the most recent season of RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Baby gay
Heyyy there, I had a good time! 😊
And thanks but… do I have to?
Hollywood
Look I know we’re just strangers who gave each other BJs in a disgusting club bathroom, and we don’t owe each other anything, but JFC you didn’t even know that you’re a bottom!!
Your cluelessness gave me second-hand embarrassment.
I cannot possibly let you roam these streets in this state. You’re gonna get your baby gay ass handed to you one day.
SO! RuPaul is non-negotiable 😉
The show’s been long running enough that they also do All-Stars seasons now – maybe you can watch one of those and pretend it’s hockey or something!
Baby gay
I… I don’t even know if I’m, that.
Gay, or whatever.
Hollywood
Oh babe, sorry for pushing a label on you.
Tbh I was using gay as an umbrella term here, for like every queer identity.
Also baby gay is a concept for people who are still figuring themselves out, unclear where they stand in queer culture, and just trying their best. It can apply to any queer person, regardless of their specific identity.
Baby gay
Oh. I guess that makes sense.
Hollywood
May I ask, is it that you’re not sure whether you like men, or you’re not sure what specific label applies? Maybe I can help you figure it out 😊
Baby gay
I know I like men. I’m just not sure whether I agree with it. I really just want to be normal and play hockey and get a house with a wife and kids and everything.
Hollywood
Oh honey. Internalized homophobia’s a bitch.
Baby gay
I haven’t heard that one before either, what’s it mean?
Hollywood
It’s homophobia that’s turned inward against yourself. Often it comes with emotions like shame or guilt around your own sexuality.
Baby gay
Wait how was this homophobic though?
Sorry if I’m being insensitive, I really don’t mean to be, it’s just that I’m around hockey players 24/7 so my standard for “not homophobic” is “avoided using a slur”…
Hollywood
Jesus ok. Well, the way you said it, it sounds like you think being queer is abnormal. It isn’t. It’s not a matter of opinion either. It’s just a fact of life. A normal expression of human diversity.
Thinking of queerness as something abnormal or unnatural comes from homophobia.
Also, you can absolutely be queer and settle down with a partner and a house and kids, if that’s what you want. It’s just that your partner might be a guy, and it might be a little harder to get kids than a straight couple. Doesn’t mean you need to throw away your white picket fence dream.
Baby gay
Oh. Sorry.
Hollywood
You’re good babe, I know it’s not on purpose.
Baby gay
Okay.
I still have a question. How will watching cars race help with my queer education??
Hollywood
Oh good lord you really do know nothing.
***
June 2014
On the way to the airport, the morning after the NHL awards
Baby gay
Hey, can I ask you something?
Hollywood
Gay guru reporting for duty! What do you need, babe?
Baby gay
Advice about this guy I’ve been seeing. I don’t understand where we stand.
Hollywood
Yeah hit me with it!
Baby gay
Okay so for context. We’ve hooked up a handful of times over the past 4 years. This guy was my first everything. Well, only guy until you and I hooked up.
And I’m not much of a hookup kind of person, with women either. So I don’t really know the rules.
Hollywood
Okay, what rules are you confused about?
Baby gay
Like… is it normal to not kiss during a hookup?
Hollywood
Plenty of people don’t kiss during hookups, for different reasons. Maybe they find it too intimate. Maybe they don’t like how the other person kisses.
Baby gay
Oh.
But what if usually you make out a lot, and he kisses you like he’s drowning and you’re oxygen, and then you hook up and there’s no kissing at all?
Hollywood
Oh. Different wheelhouse then. Were other things different during that last hookup?
Baby gay
Um, yeah. He made me put on a show for him, and then we had rough sex. Also he was weird after.
Hollywood
Oooh kinky, fun!
How was he weird after?
Baby gay
Like, I don’t know. I was trying to make conversation by bringing up the last time we ran into each other, but he was distant and super quiet. He’s not the most communicative but usually he does tease and flirt.
Hollywood
Oh, well that could have been top drop (I’m gonna go ahead and assume you have no idea what that is so I will explain don’t worry).
Dropping is something that can happen after kinky or intense sex – both to the person who was submissive and the person who was dominant.
It’s like, feeling sad or vulnerable or disconnected, or feeling physically off. It happens because during the kinky sex, you can get super euphoric and high on adrenaline and endorphins, and then all of that stops suddenly. So you kind of need to be eased into the come down.
Baby gay
Oh… I think maybe I dropped too. I really didn’t feel good after he asked me to leave. And I still feel kind of bad.
Hollywood
Okay so if you guys are gonna do kinky stuff, you really need to do your research and learn about proper aftercare!!! Like cuddling, drinking water, eating, staying warm… it helps prevent or minimize the drop.
Baby gay
Oh damn okay. I’ll look into that.
Hollywood
Good boy.
The other thing I can think of is, maybe it was about the conversation itself. What happened the last time you ran into each other?
Baby gay
… he was weird then too. Super rude to me, basically told me we weren’t anything to each other and to fuck off. Also he ghosted me for months after that. But then we ran into each other yesterday and he wanted to hook up again. And it was super hot but also no kissing and weird behavior. I’m very confused.
Hollywood
Okay maybe something happened at that event that put him in a bad mood. Or maybe we need to rewind even more, to your previous hookup. What happened then?
Baby gay
We did anal. It was my first time. And he was so careful and kept checking in to make sure he didn’t hurt me and that it was good for me. The sex was mind-blowing honestly.
And I was so blissed out I think I kissed his forehead after. And he kissed me so so sweetly before he left. I really thought maybe he liked me back.
I’ve never told him I liked him, our dynamic is usually to insult and piss each other off, except when we’re having sex. Which is always supposed to be just casual sex.
Hollywood
Oh babe. Four years is a long time to keep coming back for “just casual sex”.
I think maybe he realized he’d caught feelings and that scared him. Wouldn’t be the first time an emotionally constipated man reacted to feelings by putting up walls and cutting people off.
Baby gay
You think so?
Hollywood
I mean there’s only one way to be sure, and that’s to ask him, but yeah. I think maybe that explains your previous run-in and the ghosting.
And then maybe last night he saw you and just couldn’t stay away. You’re pretty hot you know 😉
Baby gay
But then why wouldn’t he kiss me?
Hollywood
Maybe he was worried that kissing would make it too intimate and he wouldn’t be able to keep those feelings at a distance.
Baby gay
Oh.
Okay.
So what should I do?
Hollywood
Well, talk about it with him, first of all.
If you don’t, at least have a conversation around expectations when it comes to sex. Proper communication is essential for safe, sane, and consensual kink!
You should discuss things like safe words and boundaries, like laundry list of things you like and don’t like.
Baby gay
I don’t think I could do a list without dying of mortification.
Also I wouldn’t even know what to list, I don’t have that much experience.
Hollywood
Babe, at least tell him that kissing is nonnegotiable for you. And bring up aftercare.
Baby gay
Okay. I will. Thank you ❤️
I’m glad you forced me to exchange numbers. Really appreciate your help.
Maybe even more than the BJ lol
Hollywood
Listen here, young man!
Baby gay
We’re literally the same age dude!
Also, not my fault nobody is better at BJs than the guy I’ve been telling you about 😝
Hollywood
I don’t think you’re really qualified to assess that, based on a sample size of 2 😂
But fine, good for you I guess that the first guy you ever hooked up with is apparently a sex god.
Baby gay
I knowwww that’s part of why I can’t stay away
Hollywood
That and you like him 😌
Baby gay
Shut up!!!
Anyways all that to say, if you ever wanna hang out again next time I’m in LA, I’d be down 😊 you can lecture me about more queer stuff, I’m sure you’d like that
Hollywood
I'm literally a massive nerd I’d love to lecture you, but I don’t actually live in LA! I was just there with my friend Elena who was on a fancy work trip.
Baby gay
Oh! I didn’t realize. Where are you from then?
Hollywood
NYC babyyyyy
Born and raised in Brooklyn!