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B’Elanna Torres sat in the living room of her apartment on Earth. She had returned from the Delta Quadrant about six months prior, the same day she had given birth to her daughter Miral. Like all of the former maquis aboard Voyager, she had been pardoned for her involvement with the maquis and offered the chance to continue working for Starfleet. Her husband, Tom was working for Starfleet in innovating navigation technology. She had decided to take a break from work and be a full time mother for a while. She still hoped to go back to being an engineer soon, whether it be with Starfleet or not she hadn’t decided. Tom was trying to repair his relationship with his father Admiral Owen Paris. B’Elanna really wanted to get along with her father-in-law for Tom’s sake but she had lost control and ended up fighting with him several times since they’d been back on Earth. Owen had recently suggested B’Elanna see a Starfleet counsellor. B’Elanna’s initial reaction to the suggestion had been anger but, once she calmed down and thought about it, she had decided it was a good idea. Tom said that she shouldn’t feel pressured to do it but he supported it if she really wanted to do it. So now here she was, meeting with a counsellor. Counsellor Deanna Troi was at B’Elanna’s apartment for their first session. The baby was asleep and Tom was at work.
“So, what made you decide to seek counselling?” Asked Counsellor Troi, once the both of them had gotten comfortable.
“Well, it was my father-in-law’s idea” B’Elanna answered “he and I have been fighting a lot since I’ve been back on Earth. I guess he thinks I need help with my anger issues”.
“He may have suggested it but you agreed to it” Counsellor Troi said “I’m more interested in what you think you need help with than what your father-in-law thinks you need help with”.
B’Elanna was hesitant. Troi was a stranger to her and she wasn’t quite comfortable sharing her feelings yet.
“Well I have always struggled with anger issues” B’Elanna said “It has gotten me in trouble a lot over the years. When Admiral Paris first suggested I get counselling, I was angry and told him that he was the only reason I had anger issues but that wasn’t a fair thing for me to say, I had issues long before I ever met him”.
“And what motivates you to want to better control your anger?” Troi asked.
“Well, a lot of things” B’Elanna answered “I know Tom has a difficult relationship with his father and I don’t want to add to that. If it all came down to it, he’d choose me over his father, but I don’t want him to feel like he has to make that choice. I want him to work on their relationship without me getting in the way. I don’t want to cause problems”.
“That’s very thoughtful of you” Counsellor Troi said “and what else motivates you?”
“I want to be a good influence on my daughter” B’Elanna answered “my mom wasn’t always a good influence on me. She had anger issues too and was never able to teach me how to control my anger. I don’t want to pass on generational trauma. I don’t want my daughter to go through the difficulties I went through, I want her to be successful in school and her career without a bad temper getting in her way”.
“I can relate to having a difficult mother” Counsellor Troi said with a bit of a smile and roll of her eyes. B’Elanna felt more at ease. She was seeing a more personal side of Troi. She smiled a little too.
“You’ve told me what you want for your husband and your daughter” Troi said “and it’s wonderful you’re thinking of others, but what do you want for yourself?”
“Well, at some point I’d like to go back to working as an engineer” B’Elanna replied “I haven’t decided if I want to work for Starfleet or not but, either way, I know I need to be on my best behaviour at work. On Voyager, I got a lot of chances because I was difficult to replace. Now, back in the Alpha Quadrant, there are a lot of engineers just as talented as I am. I won’t get away with losing my temper constantly at work. I guess the reason I agreed to get counselling is I want to make sure I’m ready when I eventually go back to work. I want to not get in trouble a lot like I did when I was at Starfleet Academy. I made a lot of progress on Voyager, but when I returned to the Alpha Quadrant, I kind of backslid”.
“Well you’re in a different environment now” Counsellor Troi reasoned “it may take some time to adjust. What helped you on Voyager?”
“Commander Tuvok was helping me practice meditation” B’Elanna said “but after we returned home, he said he wasn’t going to have as much time to help me because he needed to focus on his wife and children. I got angry with him and said he only cared about me when it was his job to. We haven’t talked since”.
“What were you feeling when you said those things to him?” Counselllor Troi asked.
“I felt angry because I felt like I needed his help with meditation. Something I depended on was being taken away. I didn’t know how I would function without it. So I panicked and lashed out”.
“If you were away from your husband and child for seven years, what would be your priority when you returned?” Counsellor Troi asked.
“You’re right” B’Elanna sad, somewhat reluctantly “of course I should have understood that his family would be his priority. And he was still offering to help me, just not as often. He didn’t have to offer to help me at all. He doesn’t show emotion much but I think I hurt his feelings”.
“What do you think you should do about it now?” Counsellor Troi asked.
“I’ll call Tuvok today and apologize” B’Elanna promised “I don’t know if he’ll still be willing to help me with meditation after I was so mean to him”.
“He might be” Counsellor Troi said “it’s worth a try”.
“I hurt people a lot” B’Elanna said regretfully “I say mean things and sometimes I threaten them. But I regret it after I calm down”.
“I can feel that you don’t mean to hurt people” Counsellor Troi said empathetically “even I lose my temper sometimes. The way to avoid it is to think things through before we act. To think about you goals, your values, and why you feel the way you do. I think with time and patience, we can work together to help you do that. I’ve spoken with Admiral Janeway and she speaks very highly of you. She says she’s thankful you taught her the value of second chances”.
“I’m glad to hear that” B’Elanna said “but still I know she only. Gave me so many chances because we were out in the Delta Quadrant. I’ll need to work on my anger to succeed here”.
“Well you’ve taken a positive step by agreeing to counselling” replied Counsellor Troi “it will take patience but you can improve. How about you tell me about one of your fights with Admiral Paris”.
“Sometimes we argue about how I’m raising my daughter Mial” B’Elanna said “he thinks she needs to be on more of a routine. A few weeks ago, he wanted me to try and put Miral to bed while I wanted to let her play a bit longer until she was ready to go to bed. I felt that he was out of line and it escalated, I started yelling at him and Miral got upset. I felt bad, I want my daughter to grow up in a calm and peaceful environment. I felt embarrassed and that made me more angry”.
“What thoughts were going through your head?” Counsellor Troi asked.
“I was thinking that he was trying to control how I raise my child” B’Elanna said “that he didn’t think I was good enough to be a mother. But later, after I calmed down, I saw that he had good intentions. He wants what is best for his granddaughter, just like I do. He was trying to be helpful”.
“It sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your father-in-law” Counsellor Troi remarked “there must be a way to compromise and allow him to help without him overstepping”.
“That would be ideal” B’Elanna said “I want to get along with Owen but when he criticizes me, it just triggers something in me. That’s why I got angry when he suggested counselling, it made me feel like he thought something is wrong with me”.
“What do you think it is that triggers you so much about Admiral Paris?” Counsellor Troi asked.
“That he’s a Starfleet admiral” B’Elanna confessed “he represents Starfleet. When he criticizes my parenting or my housework or anything else about me, I feel like he thinks I’m not good enough for his son and that reminds me that I wasn’t good enough for Starfleet. I know he had misgivings when he found out his son had married a maquis”.
“What makes you say you weren’t good enough for Starfleet?” Counsellor Troi asked.
“I got kicked out of the academy” B’Elanna answered.
“It was my understanding that you voluntarily left the academy” Counsellor Troi challenged.
“It was sort of mutual” B’Elanna said “I got in trouble a lot because of my temper. I had a talk with the chancellor and we sort of mutually decided Starfleet wasn’t a good fit for me. I left because I didn’t want to get kicked out”.
“You were afraid of being rejected by Starfleet, so you rejected them instead” Counsellor Troi said.
“I couldn’t handle the idea of them rejecting me like my father did” B’Elanna replied “I couldn’t face those feelings again".
“But you don’t know that you would have been kicked out” Counsellor Troi remarked “was there nobody in the academy who wanted you to stay”.
“Some of my teachers wanted me to stay” B’Elanna replied “my coach on the. Decathlon team wanted me to stay”.
“So in some ways, you did fit in” Counsellor Troi said “and you proved on Voyager that there is a place for you in Starfleet. It was difficult at times but in the end it seems everyone on Voyager came to respect and value you”.
B’Elanna shed a tear.
“I guess I could have given the academy more of a chance” B’Elanna said “and now I need to give my father-in-law more of a chance if I want to have a good relationship with him”.
“And eventually, with time, you’ll be ready to give your career another chance” Counsellor Troi said encouragingly.