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Ves sighed unhappily to himself as he climbed onto the bus. He’d had a crappy week and just wanted to escape the world, to disappear where nobody could find him to ask him to explain a simple process or to tell him about another upcoming test.
He felt like he should be happy that the week was finally over, that he was on his way home, but he wasn’t. So many things still needed to happen before he could relax. Dinner needed to be made, laundry probably needed to be done, he needed to shower, and so many other things he couldn’t think of.
He craved simplicity. He didn’t want to have to cook dinner. That was too many moving parts, too many things he had to keep track of. He didn’t want to do homework or look at the group project coming up or file last week’s graded assignments.
He just wanted to lay in II’s arms and breathe in his scent. He wanted to curl up beside him, make himself as small as possible and—
But that was stupid. He was over six feet of gangly limbs and too-big feet and hands. There was no chance to make himself anything other than large and awkward.
No matter how deep the desire in him ached, it was stupid and selfish to think he could just pawn his troubles off onto II and be carefree for the evening. II didn’t deserve that. If anything, II was the one who deserved to take the evening off. While Vessel was off playing student, II was the one earning their rent and keeping food on the table.
Sure, Vessel had his part time gig at the corner store, but that barely provided enough income to cover a few smaller bills.
Vessel finally stepped off the bus and walked the last few blocks to their flat. It was small, but they didn’t need anything big. It was just the two of them, and had been since high school.
He took a deep breath and went inside, locking the door behind him. He leaned back against it and sighed. The week was finally over. Something clawed at the inside of his chest, an ache to let go of all of his responsibilities. He shoved it down with another deep breath and pushed away from the door to take off his shoes and coat, put his keys on the hook, and finally shuffled into the living room.
II smiled up at him from his spot on the recliner, book in hand. It had actually been his day off, and Ves found himself smiling just at the idea that his love had been able to relax and enjoy some alone time.
“Hi, love,” II said as he set his book aside and stood up. He opened his arms and accepted Vessel’s embrace. “Welcome home.”
Vessel leaned down slightly to bury his face in II’s shoulder. He mumbled an answer that was only further muffled by II’s neck.
II laughed. “What was that?”
“How was your day?” Ves tried again, adjusting himself only enough that he could be understood. He didn’t loosen his arms one bit, clinging to II like he could settle the steadily growing thing in his chest that kept gnawing at him.
II kissed his head. “My day was fine. A little boring, but I got a lot of cleaning done. Is it safe to assume yours was not so good?”
Finally standing back up, Vessel scrubbed his hands over his face and groaned. “It was just long. This whole week has been too long.” He let his arms drop, hands slapping against his thighs.
II nodded. “It has been. Would you like to rest while I make dinner?”
Vessel frowned. “No.” He wanted to rest, yes, but he wanted II with him.
“Would you like to help me cook?” II asked, his gaze flicking over Vessel’s face.
Vessel groaned again and shook his head. He was being stupid. Cooking was part of adult life, and he was an adult. If he and II did it together, then it wasn’t as bad and it got done faster. But he still felt a bit petulant about the existence of cooking to begin with.
II chuckled softly. “Okay, love. Come on.” He reached out and took Vessel’s hand, squeezing gently as he led the way down the short hall to their bedroom. “Come lay down with me for a minute.”
He did as he was told, climbing into bed beside II and fighting the urge to curl up next to him. Instead he forced himself to take II into his arms.
“This wasn’t exactly what I was picturing,” II said, face smushed against Ves’s chest.
“No?” Ves looked down at him. II was looking at him with an expression he knew all too well. “Don’t look at me like that,” Vessel said with a slight frown.
II smirked. “Like what? Like I know what you need and you’re being a silly goose?”
His frown deepened. “I’m not a silly goose.”
II’s smirk twitched into a full smile. “You’re going to be a serious goose tonight then?” He managed to twist his face into an exaggerated version of Vessel’s frown.
It almost worked to make Ves smile despite himself. “I’m not a goose at all.”
“Mm. Okay,” II said easily, his face smoothing back out to his soft smile. “Then what are you tonight?” He leaned back into Vessel’s side and kissed his cheek.
“I’m just Vessel.”
“Just Vessel. I can work with that.” II pushed himself up so he was sitting cross-legged next to Vessel. “Tell me about your week.”
“It was long. Sometimes it felt like the days would never end. Like I’d be leaving for class one minute and what felt like three days later I’d be just getting back home.” He sighed and rubbed his face again, pressing the balls of his hands into his eyes to feel the slight pressure.
“And then we had three different quizzes this week, all worth more than their fair share of the grade, so it was extra stressful. And work was stupid busy. People kept coming in to buy that new soda like we were the last store on Earth to stock it.”
II’s patient gaze watched him as he spoke, making the thing in his chest ache all the more.
“That all sounds very stressful,” II said softly.
Vessel nodded and fought the urge to pout about it.
“But you had a stressful week, too,” Ves said, not letting himself take all the attention.
“I did,” II said with a nod. “But I also didn’t have to deal with quizzes or with the public.” He reached out and took Ves’s hand again. “You know what I would really love right now?”
Vessel met his eyes and hummed, eager to have something else to focus on.
“I would really love to hold you.”
Dropping his gaze to their hands, Vessel swallowed. “I don’t need to be held. I’m too big for that.”
He watched as II lifted their hands and kissed his knuckles.
“First of all, I didn’t say you needed to be held. I said I want to hold you. Second, we have plenty of past experience to prove that you are not actually too big for me to hold you.” He rubbed his cheek against Ves’s knuckles and met his eyes. “Please?”
Vessel really couldn’t argue with either of those statements. And II’s soft plea broke what little resistance there still was in him. He nodded and sat up, and the bed shifted as they rearranged themselves until Ves was tucked carefully against II’s chest.
“There we go,” II breathed happily. “Now I have you. Isn't this better?”
It was. Vessel felt a little overwhelmed at how much better it was. He nodded and swallowed down a rush of emotion that threatened to choke him.
“You know, Ves,” II started as he rubbed his back, “I think I’m in the mood for grilled cheese tonight. What do you think?” He tucked his chin to look down at him.
Vessel peeked up and nodded. “It sounds good to me too.”
“Yeah? Maybe after dinner we can get you in the bath and then snuggle up to sleep? I can read to you a bit if you want, too.”
The ache in his chest nearly burst right through.
“I’m too big for that.”
II kissed his head. “Are you, really? Or is that just your mind being mean?”
“It’s stupid to want that,” Vessel finally said out loud.
II hugged him tightly. “It’s never been stupid before and it’s not stupid now,” he said heatedly. He pressed another kiss to Ves’s hair before he spoke again. “I know this is something you have to fight with every time, but I’m going to be right here to fight alongside you, every single time. It’s not stupid. You’re not stupid for wanting this. For needing it.”
Vessel sniffled, his thoughts turning darker as the thing in his chest became desperate. “But it’s selfish. You shouldn’t have to take care of me.”
“Ves, sweetheart, there is nothing more in this life I love to do more than take care of you. Whether that’s like this, or the mundane day-to-day, or romantically. I want to see you happy, and if you need an evening or even a whole day to be my little buddy to be happy, then that’s what we do. It’s not like it’s any hardship for me; I love spending time with my buddy.”
“Even when I don’t help with the grown-up things?” Ves asked.
“Even then,” II said with a nod. “But for tonight all that boring stuff was done earlier so I have more time to spend coloring with you, and maybe we could watch some of those cartoons you like while we eat our grilled cheese.”
“I feel like I’m taking advantage of you,” Ves sighed. He was almost out of excuses. He’d almost let himself go enough to drop, but he needed a final push.
II rubbed his back. “That’s impossible. My little buddy doesn’t know how to do that. I’m willingly giving you my love and support, Ves. There’s nothing to take advantage of. If, somehow, I ever did feel like you were overstepping or taking more than I was offering, I’d tell you.”
Vessel had to admit the truth of that statement. II had absolutely no qualms about standing up for himself. He demanded respect in the same gentle way he so freely gave it.
He sighed as he was finally able to allow the thing in his chest freedom, let himself feel small and innocent, let the cares and worries of the last week drain out of him like the plug had been pulled.
He snuggled closer to II, nuzzling into his shoulder and curling up as best as he could. “I like how warm you are,” he heard himself say. Even his voice had taken on a slightly different tone.
II kissed his head and squeezed his shoulders. “I gotta be warm so you don’t get cold.”
“What if you overheat?” Vessel looked up at II, wondering how much he needed to worry about that.
But II smiled. “Nah, ‘cause if I got too hot I’d just come snuggle you and you’d keep me cool.”
Vessel nodded, his sudden anxiety calmed quickly. “Okay.” He sighed peacefully as II began gently combing fingers through his hair.
“Tell me when you get hungry and I’ll make us some dinner, okay?” II’s voice was soft and caring.
“Okay,” Ves said again with another happy sigh.
Eventually he realized he was getting hungry, so they got up and Ves sat himself at the kitchen table with a sketchbook and a box of crayons while II cooked.
Instead of watching cartoons while they ate, II asked him to explain some of the messily drawn monsters he’d colored.
“They’re not monsters, though,” Vessel corrected. He pointed at one holding two axes with a large box for a head. “They’re gods! Ancient gods who don’t control anything, they just fight over control.”
II’s brows rose up his forehead. “Is that so?”
Vessel nodded and took a bite of his sandwich. He always liked how crispy II made his, the sound was much better than anything Ves could make himself.
“Do they have names?” II asked after swallowing his bite.
“Not yet,” Vessel said, looking at II. “Maybe you can help me give them names?”
II smiled. “I’d be happy to.”
After they finished eating and named a couple ancient gods, II declared it was bath time.
“But I don’t need a bath tonight.”
II gave him a look. “Bath time is not optional,” he said, playfully stern. “It’s like drinking water or brushing your teeth. You don’t get a say.”
Vessel huffed but nodded. “Fine. Can we color some more after?”
“That we can do.” II stood up and planted a kiss to the top of Vessel’s head before collecting their plates. “Go pick out pajamas for tonight while I get your bath ready.”
Vessel nodded and went to do as he was told. He could bathe himself, but it was so much easier and faster when II helped him, especially with his back and his hair. He could never be sure he got all the soap out of his hair by himself, and more than once he’d gotten out only to find that he still had suds somewhere.
After he was declared squeaky clean, Ves got out of the bath and dried off, then got dressed in his comfiest pajamas. II helped him dry his hair a little more, then they brushed their teeth and went back out to the kitchen table to color some more.
“Can I tell you more about the gods?” Vessel asked excitedly.
“Please do.”
II watched and listened carefully as Ves talked about his creatures. Gods, he called them. Vessel’s creativity never failed to amaze him.
They both colored on the pages as Ves talked about rising above his past and learning how to love himself enough to start living his life again. It wasn’t nearly as grown up as that, and it was all disguised behind each god’s story, but II heard the truth in it.
And truthfully, he was so proud of Vessel, every day, for surviving his parents and his past the way he had. Ves would never know just how proud II was. There were no words in any language sufficient to express it, so instead of trying, II opted to just do his best to make sure Ves had all the support he could ever need to continue to heal and move forward.
It was only in recent years he’d been able to start working and had decided to get his degree so he could find a career and, as he put it, be on II’s level.
Whether he succeeded or not wasn’t the point. Not to II. The point was that he felt the urge to try. He saw a future for himself, and that alone was worth every bit of pain in their past.
As he listened to Ves talk about the current god he was drawing, a figure with three heads and four arms, he found himself feeling even more grateful that he could have these moments.
Ves struggled so hard with his needs as it was. Being deeply depressed and anxious to the point of making himself sick was bad enough in Ves’s mind, even with treatment, and it had taken a good year to coax out of him this relatively new development.
They’d been twenty years old when II first got a glimpse of Ves in his Little state. He hadn’t known what it was at the time, thought maybe Vessel was just overwhelmed and having a strange breakdown of sorts.
It was thanks to another friend of his that he even figured it out. He had a feeling Ves would never have outright told him. He’d still be hiding it now if II hadn’t vented to a friend about Ves hiding something and his friend connecting the dots II was missing.
II had heard about Little space and age regression before, but mostly in terms of adult babies and always being the brunt of a joke. It was no wonder Ves didn’t want to admit what was going on.
So II poured his energy into learning as much as he could about it in hopes of curating a safe space for Ves to explore that part of himself without any shame or embarrassment.
It was probably too much to hope for Ves to fully embrace this part of himself. He may always feel ashamed of it to a degree, but II made it his mission to make sure Ves knew he loved every single facet of his existence. He could love Ves in his adult state as his equal partner and still love Ves in his Little state as his buddy. He treasured the trust Ves had in him every single time he could let go and be himself.
After a few more pictures were colored and talked about, it was time for bed. Vessel yawned hugely even as he tried to say he wasn’t tired. II chuckled and herded him back to the bedroom.
“Come on, Ves, come get comfy.”
They climbed into bed and II accepted Vessel into his arms. “There we go,” he cooed softly as Ves relaxed into him.
“Thank you for being so nice to me, Two,” Ves said softly, nuzzling against his shoulder.
II secured the blankets over them a little better and kissed his head.
“Thank you for trusting me to be nice to you,” he whispered in return. “I love you very much.”
Vessel nodded. “I love you too, in all the different ways.”
II’s heart squeezed and he hugged Vessel tightly.
“Sleep well, sweetheart.”
Vessel hummed. “Mm, you too.”
II blinked happy tears from his eyes and kissed Ves’s head again. Whether he was Big again in the morning or he stayed Little throughout the weekend, II was eagerly looking forward to spending the time with him.