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It’s cold as shit in here.
You can't hear anything beyond these white, steel walls because of the damn hidden seals in place. That’s fine, you tell yourself, you have plenty of material to play around in here.
You glare at the ANBU guards stationed here to watch over you in this underground emergency bunker. They all stand so stupidly stiff in whatever best positions are to ‘protect’ you and would've been eerily silent if it weren't for their buzzing chakra signatures. You know one of them is Kakashi, what with the dog mask and messy, almost frizzled silver hair being dead giveaways even without hearing the popping and crackling sound of lightning emitting from him. Yamato is also here, you’re sure, sounding as calm and steady as a forest. The two of them are a package deal during their ANBU days, after all. The rest? Both fire? You don’t give a shit.
You continue to glare at them all before you pinpoint your narrow eyes on Kakashi only. You glare and glare, never blinking even once. The Sad Wet Dog Man continues to look up ahead, pretending to be nothing but a statue.
“Oh, you’re good,” Your annoyingly squeaky voice broke the silence, and suddenly, you could feel all eyes on you. You refrain from smirking. “Normally, people would be shivering in their little boots because ‘oh~ it’s the devil child! Run away!’ Or ‘Go dig yourself into a hole and die, you piece of scum!’ Like they did tonight!”
That last bit of your sentence ended in a chirp as you wore a sharp smile, not bothering to hide the contempt and malice you harbored inside as you continued to stare down at Kakashi. Letting it be very clear that his inactions and his loyalty to this shitty village are hurting you. That he failed his beloved sensei and his wife’s child.
That he failed you.
The lightning storm peters out a bit before it’s back to its usual crackling. Their eyes have not left you.
“So~ how many people have you fought, Shinobi-Inu-san?” You tilt your head, a finger touching your chin as you put up an air of innocence before it shifts to a blank face. “How many people have you killed?”
The air grew much colder, and the lightning storm stills.
“Ahh~ must be a lot, huh?” Your voice carries in the sterilized bunker as you give him an easy smile, the malice disappearing and hidden from your audience. “No wonder you’re not scared of me. You fought much scarier things than a devil child like me, right?”
The lack of lightning storm almost overtakes the entire room with its silence. The Sad Wet Dog Man must be thinking ‘yes’, like his inner demons or some shit in a dramatic and depressing internal monologue. The thought causes a snort to spill out of you.
“Ehh~ do you not like those questions?” You smoothly recovered, upping the child act like how you physically are as you do little hops towards Kakashi’s long legs and widen your eyes doe-like. “Can you not answer them? That’s ok! I can ask something else, like, how many cats did you scare with your dog mask?”
Not caring about his personal space, you bounce closer and grab a bit of his pant fabric— internally gleeful at the minute flinching from him— before taking a few sniffs at it.
“Yep, you smell like dogs, too,” You nod after backing away from him and you can feel the palpable relief. Big mistake. Then you let out a dramatic gasp, hands on your cheeks as you whirl around to who you think is Yamato— the one with the tiger mask— with a distraught face. “Shinobi-Neko-san! Does he scare you, too?! Is he a meanie to you?!”
The air shifts again as things become less apprehensive and more humorous. You know the other two ANBU— a frog and an avian (it looks to be a hawk?)— are watching all of this go down with hidden amusement as you drag Kakashi and Yamato to be your unwilling victims of entertainment.
“He is, isn't he?!” You point an accusing finger at Kakashi before landing it on Yamato, your expression turning serious. “Listen to me well, Shinobi-Neko-san, you must show the meanie who’s boss! Do not show fear! No weakness! Show him your superior dominance! Make him your bitch! Make him do doggy-style!!”
…
Not even a crack from these guys. All of their chakras even went completely still for a moment. High-quality indoctrinated military soldiers indeed. A derisive sneer almost spreads across your lips.
“No answer, huh?” You deflate, displaying a petulant frown as you step over to Yamato before giving him a solemn stare. “Don’t worry, Shinobi-Neko-san, I believe in you. You'll make it through your years. Hell, I’ll even help you. I'm sure I can track you down to your home and give you a leash or something from one of the nice ladies in the Red Light District. You do smell pretty fresh and woody. Do you live in the forest? Do you speak for the trees? Are you secretly a furry, orange gremlin with an amazing mustache?”
The lightning storm returns as it comes out of its hiding, now accompanied by the sound of soft rustling leaves. You did not miss the reddening on both Kakashi and Yamato’s ears as your words had their effects. In the corner of your eye, you latch onto the slight tremors from Frog’s shoulders as they silently laugh, their fire practically cackling. Finally. Now, how can you resist when they offer themselves up as a plaything for you?
“Shinobi-Kaeru-san!” Your shout instantly causes their fire to freeze over while they, in turn, freeze into a statue. No way are you letting them get away from pretending like they weren't laughing at their colleagues’ suffering a second ago. Taking a few sniffs in their direction, you scrunch up your facials into a disgusted frown as you bluntly state, “You smell like shit.”
The shit in question being all the poison and bodily fluids you're pretty sure are clinging onto them no matter how many showers and baths they take. Do they work at T&I? How many people did they torture? Are they a poison-type Tokubetsu Jonin? What poison-type Tokubetsu Jonin do you know from canon actually?
As these questions run in your head, you point to the Frog Mask and blurt out, “R’you a hobo?”
Again, silence except for all of their chakra such as Frog Mask’s fire sputters while the rest laugh.
The lack of visible reactions is slowly grating on your nerves as the small ones along with their chakra signatures become less satisfying. Come on, the least these guys can do is entertain you if they're not gonna bother giving you, like, a coloring book or some shit to combat your boredom here.
You drop your head a bit and blow a raspberry before turning to the last member of this certainly merry gang. “Shinobiiiiiiiii-Taka-san? Farukon-san? Shinobi-Tori-san,” You stare, and stare at that blank face of an avian mask with squinted eyes, just long enough for the silence to drag into deeper uncomfortable territory and get this motherfuckering fire to sweat before you finally continue with a shrug. “I got nothing.”
Bored from all of this, you languidly head over to Kakashi, plant your crouching self in between his legs, and let out a pleasing hum at the warmth brushing against your exposed skin. You wrap both of your arms around his legs respectively, holding him hostage.
To further prevent any escape from the Sad Wet Dog Man, you chirp out, “You really are warm, Shinobi-Inu-san, just like I thought you’d be! Your muscles are so tight and strong, too!”
Your beaming smile is nothing but devilish as you know where this pervert’s mind is going while he keeps facing forward, never looking down at you. Glancing at the other merry band members, you easily show your mischievousness to them. They won't tattle on you. None of these interactions matter in the end. They're of no use to these professional elite ninjas after all.
Before you could move on trying to provoke these guys another way, the singular door to this hidden bunker opens, and in enters Hiruzen, the most useless fucker ever.
His old gaze takes a quick sweep of the room before it lands on you sitting in between Kakashi’s legs as you hug them tight. An exasperated sigh leaves his mouth along with that irritating, tobacco-scent breath, the fondness disgustingly heard from him as Hiruzen utters, “Naruto-kun, please leave Inu-san to do his duties.”
“But he's so waarrrrrm,” You whine, tightening your arms around Sad Wet Dog Man’s long legs before protruding your bottom lips out to a petulant pout. “And it’s fuckin’ cold in here.”
“Then let us go somewhere warmer,” he tries to coax you with a wave of his hand and an expected smile. His fire is ridiculously quiet. “Like your new home perhaps?”
New home? You squint at those last bit of words as you tentatively inquire, “I’m not going back to the orphanage?”
“No, you’re not,” his grandfatherly persona cracks a bit as an exhausted air surrounds him. “It has come to my attention that it might do you some good to be in a new environment, away from your old living space.”
Huh, is that administrator finally letting you go after these four years? Or did one of Hiruzen’s much smarter confidants finally convince him to get up his old, lazy ass off behind the desk and do something beneficial, like Shikaku maybe? Whatever the case, this is Hiruzen’s pathetic attempt at an apology for what just happened tonight.
Tonight is the anniversary of the Yondaime’s death as well as his wife, aka, Minato and Kushina’s ‘heroic’ sacrifices. They were so beloved that Konoha made a whole new ass holiday to celebrate them. How precious.
However, tonight is also technically the anniversary of the Kyuubi’s Attack, aka, your birthday. And like the impulsive little child you are, you snuck out of the orphanage to see what’s up with the village tonight and almost got shanked by an angry drunk for your troubles. You’re not hurt in any way thanks to Kakashi— oh, sorry. Ehem. It was all thanks to Inu-san whisking you away to this cold bunker of safety~
I wonder if that drunk bastard is paying for his crimes? The thought almost makes you sneer with dark glee.
“So~ I don't have to share my space with snotty little brats anymore?” You conjure up an admittedly genuine, small and hopeful smile as you lean a little towards the old man.
Hiruzen chuckles and if it were anyone else and not you, they would've relished in his warm display. “Yes, but only if you come with me now.”
You squeeze your current victim’s legs even tighter as you shoot the old man a scowl and reply with a definite, “No.”
He blinks, puzzled at your continued protest, and then exasperates another sigh. “Naruto-kun.”
“Your age is showing, old man,” A taunting sneer makes its way to your lips as you continue. “Don't your wrinkly old brain remember what I just said before? I’m fucking cold.”
He chuckles again, gaze still filled with mirth as his delusional self still thinks you're just joking with him. “Hokages like me do not have poor memory, boy. And you can ask for a jacket and I’ll provide one for you.”
“No.”
“…Naruto-kun.”
“I like Shinobi-Inu-san and Shinobi-Inu-san is warm,” You smile, “I’m stayin’ with Shinobi-Inu-san.”
Hiruzen takes a moment to digest all of that because, whether he admits it or not, he’s still old, and his carefully hidden dementia will still be in effect. Then his old gaze darts between you and Kakashi a few times before he comes to a conclusion with a mirthful smile. “Alright then, Inu-san,” he calls to Sad Wet Dog Man and you can feel the walking depression straightening even further somehow. “Please carry Naruto-kun to our destination. Follow me.”
With that order spoken, you’re suddenly picked up under your armpits— and very awkwardly, too, might you add— and then was maneuvered in a better, secured position against the armored chest, though not any more comfortable. Kakashi’s hopeless. Not wanting to fall off because of his incompetence with kids, you wrap your short arms around his neck and hold on tight before your surroundings shift.
Gone were the boring, steel walls. Hello, dark room with light walls that looks— actually, this looks like an empty apartment. Getting tired of being cradled like a toddler, you squirm around Kakashi’s hold of you before he loosens up a bit. You don't hesitate to pounce on that given chance to maneuver around and settle onto his shoulders as you take a few sniffs of the air. You immediately reel back from the sharp scents of something sour and iron-like, hiding half of your face in wild, white hair.
“Ugh, did someone die here?” You groused as you wrinkled your poor nose.
Hiruzen lightly chuckles from where he steps out of the shadows like the old creep he is to stand in front of you and Kakashi. “Why would you think that, Naruto-kun?”
“Because I can literally smell the leftover blood and piss in here. Someone didn't do a good job cleaning.” The old guy is always asking things like this to you, trying to decipher how your brain works because shinobi and all. He also definitely delu-lu himself into seeing Minato in you. Refraining from rolling your eyes with this boring song and dance between you and Hiruzen, you instead lean against Kakashi’s head with your arms on top as you shoot the old man a derisive sneer and say, “You’re not even trying to hide your dementia anymore, old man. I'm honestly surprised your back didn't break from the trip here.”
“Oh, come now,” Hiruzen huffs a laugh with a wave of a hand. “Don’t discriminate.”
With those two words, your nails dug deep into Kakashi’s scalp as it took every single ounce of your self-control to refrain from lunging at the old fucking hypocrite and suppressing your hatred and malice at him. At Kakashi. At Konoha. At the Hidden Villages. At the system. The Daimyos. Everyone on this goddamn, fucking pathetic planet that’s infected by plant leeches.
The audacity of this old, worn-out war criminal saying that so casually, making it into a light joke when he’s very aware of the suffering he had placed you in. How he continues to be a bystander with incredible power and authority and do fucking nothing with them.
You want to tear his throat out. To watch him choke on his gurgling blood on the ground. To hear his forest of ash and fire to peter out of existence.
You want him to rot at the bottom of hell and never get out.
Plastering on a smile, you loosen your grip around white hair and reply to him, “Stop making it so easy then.”
Hiruzen doesn't deem that an answer as he prompts a little tour of your new apartment. It’s the usual one-room, one-bathroom combo, nothing too special. Of course, not. The Hokage can't show such blatant favoritism amongst the orphans, especially not to the Kyuubi holder— the center of everyone’s problem. Oh, the horrors~
His voice drones on and on, boring you to death as your eyelids start drooping. This four-year-old body has its needs and, unfortunately, one of those means lots of naps. You don’t wanna fall asleep like a baby in front of these bastards but nothing’s interesting to bother paying attention to here and you weren’t lying when Kakashi is ridiculously warm. Seriously, he’s wearing nothing but the usual ANBU uniform and those don’t look like they carry much heat in them. Apparently, you were wrong as you went into Dreamville while still riding on Kakashi’s shoulders.
Kakashi was about to end it right then and there because what do you mean he and his team have to watch over Naruto? How the hell did the little brat snuck out of the orphanage and now heading to the village center?!
It was barely midnight sharp when the crowd of civilians went into a panic as soon as the first witness pointed to Naruto and shouted, “Demon child!!” at the top of his lungs. Then all hell broke loose.
It was on instinct when Kakashi dived in and scooped up the surprised Naruto into his arms like a potato sack— a very light potato sack what the hell?— and then shunshin-ing out of there before the broken glass bottle could hit the kid. He lands on top of a random rooftop before he’s dashing off to the secret bunker while carrying Naruto against his chestpiece, the rest of his team in tow. The scent of fresh grass and old blood assault his nose, his brain automatically locking that information somewhere safe and sound.
Soon enough, they made it, and his team took the necessary guard formation as Kakashi placed Naruto down in their temporary shelter and if his fingers linger just the tiniest bit before separating from them, that’s his own damn business. Then he goes to his point of position next to the entrance while they all wait for things to calm down and for further orders.
“What the fuck?” Naruto’s high-pitched voice echoes in the room.
They squint their startlingly blue eyes at him and his team, swiveling in their spot as they take in their surroundings, and Kakashi, in turn, takes a good look at the kid for the first time ever. The blond hair and blue eyes combination might as well have jabbed him in the guts as the image of Min— the Yondaime overlaps over Naruto. They both would've looked one-to-one if not for the whisker patterns on the cheeks, the rather androgynous features, and the shoulder-length hair. Bar the patches of dirt clinging onto Naruto’s body. Then there's the oversized shirt that acts as an improv dress hiding their severely unweighted physique. Kakashi can almost hear Kushina screaming at him from the afterlife, admonishing him for the mistreatment of her child. The Yondaime’s heavy stare as his child’s terrible state was revealed. Rin, being a former med-nin-in-training, feeling utter distress at the entire situation.
Obito would be having a fit.
Perhaps Kakashi should've paid better attention to Sarutobi-sama when he tries to tell little snippets of Naruto’s life to him instead of leaving the office with his invisible tail between his legs. Like, how the kid recently goes out to the forest surrounding Konoha to hunt and set up traps to catch little critters and cook them. Apparently, their trapping skills are rapidly improving, and that explains the smell of dried blood. Perhaps he would've known about this on his own if he mustered up the will to check up on them even once.
Ah, hello, self-hatred and regret. Please stop suffocating him.
Kakashi— Hound shoves those familiar feelings to the back of his brain as he watches Naruto. The pup has a concentrated look on them before they're sniffing the air. Oh, right. Didn't Hokage-sama mention something about having stronger senses than others? Naruto clicks his tongue in annoyance, a telling, and then turns to the steel walls with narrowed eyes.
Hound wants to run.
Those calculating blue eyes are eerily reminiscent of the Yondaime’s whenever he catches something of interest, usually a new seal, and wants to decipher it.
Again, Hound wants to run.
Naruto walked to the nearest wall, laid their hands on the surface, and just, stayed still. A few seconds passed before it became minutes, and despite the urge to flee still being very present, Hound had a job to do and was admittedly curious. Then the pup steps back with an intrigued smirk as they mutter, “So that's how that works.”
Did the kid just sense the security seals?
Hound is both amazed and stunned, and he can feel his team’s surprise as well.
Like father, like child. He inwardly, weakly chuckles.
This continues for a while as Naruto inspects the other walls before Hound watches the interest and curiosity visibly disappear to boredom taking over their facial expression. He thought they were going to fall asleep right on the spot with how they kept yawning and rubbing their eyes to chase away their exhaustion. Instead, the kid’s droopy expression sharpens into a glare pointed at him and his team, especially at him. It would’ve been pretty cute— a little pup trying to be a big, tough wolf— if the blatant hatred in those suddenly cold eyes weren’t present.
His chestpiece promptly feels too tight and too heavy, constricting his breath.
“Oh, you’re good,” Naruto breaks the silence, garnering everyone’s attention in one go. “Normally, people would be shivering in their little boots because ‘oh~ it’s the devil child! Run away!’ Or ‘Go dig yourself into a hole and die, you piece of scum!’ Like they did tonight!”
They’re lashing out. The faux cheer in their voice and their derisive sneer made that very clear, even without factoring in those cold eyes that didn’t leave him. Hound does not blame the pup because he ultimately deserves it. He failed Naruto. He failed everyone. Plain and simple.
So he doesn’t flinch at Naruto’s cutting words. He just keeps facing forward and quietly surrenders to being their verbal punching bag and ignores his team’s concerned gazes.
“So~ how many people have you fought, Shinobi-Inu-san?” Naruto asks, inclining their little head, and while it’s quite the cute action, Hound is confused about where this is goin— “How many people have you killed?”
…
That blank expression is going to be in his nightmares.
Hound isn’t very grateful he’s currently on ANBU duty because— just— how was he supposed to respond to that? ‘Oh, well, you see, one of my former teammates got crushed under a boulder because of my selfish actions, and the other one, I straight up killed via punching through her chest! Then, after doing shit to help your parents who are now dead, I flee to the ANBU like the coward I am and start living up to the moniker Friend Killer and kill every other enemy shinobis’ friend and teammate that comes my way!’ Actually, he’d probably avoid the question like his life depended on it and run away but, yeah, no, though he’s not normal in the head by extreme standards, even he knows you’re not supposed to give a straight answer to that when a fucking kid asks it.
He should’ve paid more attention to Hokage-sama— to Naruto, damn it— just what the hell did he miss??
“Ahh~ must be a lot, huh?” Naruto smiles at him, the hatred radiating from them all gone as if it never appeared in the first place. Is this what whiplash feels like? “No wonder you’re not scared of me. You fought much scarier things than a devil child like me, right?”
Please stop calling yourself a devil child. Hound inwardly pleads, the guilt and shame becoming very nauseating, and damn it, his stupid emotions cannot compromise his duties right now.
Naruto let out a small snort as if they found his pain hilarious, and for some weird reason, Hound actually believed that was the case. “Ehh~ do you not like those questions?” They ask as they hop over to him with wide eyes. “Can you not answer them?”
Yes. Hound inwardly answers as he pulls out all the tactics he knows for compartmentalizing his mind and emotions. He’s a seasoned shinobi, a jonin, an ANBU captain— he must have discipline.
“That’s ok! I can ask something else, like, how many cats did you scare with your dog mask?” Hound internally curses himself for flinching from the abrupt proximity of the kid bouncing over to him. Way to have discipline, loser. Again, he pointedly ignores his team’s looks and focuses on Naruto as they grab his pants, and disregards his personal boundaries as they take a whiff of the fabric.
“Yep, you smell like dogs, too.” Hound does not slump over in relief when the kid thankfully steps away from him but it is a near thing. Then they dramatically gasp with a distraught face as they whirl around to Tiger and shouts, “Shinobi-Neko-san! Does he scare you, too?! Is he a meanie to you?!”
Hound is not a meanie to his little kouhai, thank you very much. He’s the best senpai the other could ever asked for. But… He and Tiger exchange small glances as they both realized they’re about to become victims of bullying.
The things that was spoken by Naruto made Hound wonder if perhaps it’s possible to adopt some personality traits from the Kyuubi. He does not know if the Kyuubi has a personality outside of being a giant and powerful chakra construct that’s the embodiment of hate and violence. Kushina never even mentions anything about him influencing her aside from giving her major headaches because ‘he’s a grumpy old dope’. But if there is such a possibility then when Hound factors in the usual fox character stereotype, it fits Naruto perfectly. Their blue gaze glints mischievously, eyes crescent with blatant mirth as every word they say is meant to get a reaction from the recipient and they’re succeeding.
(Doggy-style???
Leash???!!!
And what’s this about a furry, orange mustache creature???? Is there a mutated squirrel somewhere?)
Note to self; up Frog’s training regiment. Hound tells himself as he glares at the snickering Frog.
He takes great pleasure as Frog and Hawk are not spared and get dragged into the bullying.
Then boredom returns on Naruto’s facial expression as they step over to Hound again and decided that he’ll be acting as a human heater for them. While he doesn’t want the pup to be cold, just why did they plant themselves in between his legs in a crouching position? And why hold his legs hostage???? Don't they know he can easily kill them in forty-seven ways where they sat?!
“You really are warm, Shinobi-Inu-san, just like I thought you’d be!” Naruto chirps from below wearing a beaming smile. “Your muscles are so tight and strong, too!”
‘So tight~’
‘So strong~’
…
The brat is doing this on purpose— he can see them smirking, damn it!
Then Sarutobi-sama finally arrives, and Hound feels like he can think straight again and not have to deal with any annoying brats for a long while. That hope was quickly cut down as horror seeped into him, and to the rest of his team, at the amount of disrespect Naruto is throwing at their village leader. Even when Sarutobi-sama placates the pup somewhat with a new home and has Hound accompany the two of them there, Naruto continues to be an absolute brat.
A very sharp brat at that.
“Ugh, did someone die here?” They grumbled above his head.
Yes, a rapist. Hound’s brain supply, as well as the memory detailing a report of the victim drugging their rapist and then dragging him here in the middle of the night before stabbing his body about fifty times.
(He pushes away the nausea threatening to drown him at the thought of Naruto living here now.)
Then, Hokage-sama and Naruto continue exchanging words before the former jests with “Don’t discriminate.”
Sharp nails instantly dig into Hound’s scalp as Naruto’s bloodlust spikes into the air before it promptly disappears in less than a second.
Another second passed where Hound was mentally reeling from the whiplash.
Where the Hokage keeps an amicable disposition in his frozen spot.
Where his team from outside takes in the fact that that came from Naruto.
Then, “Stop making it so easy then.”
Hound and the Hokage exchange winces.
Brushing that harsh jab aside, Sarutobi-sama begins a tour of the place, informing everything there is, providing their functions and such to Naruto. Some of the rooms were already furnished as well, such as the bedroom with a desk table, a lamp, and a futon laying in the corner. Words were exchanged by the two while Hound quietly trailed after his Hokage around the apartment and carried the kid on his shoulders.
Eventually, exhaustion finally catches up to Naruto, and stimulating more heat than usual through his chakra pathways paid off. Hound maneuvers their sleeping form from his shoulders to his arms before they could fall, and then he lays them on the provided futon, blanket covering their little body and everything.
Then Hound and his team, along with Bear and Horse, were in the Hokage’s office, standing at the ready with their arms behind their backs. Sarutobi-sama silently watches them all where he sat, expression contemplative, before he utters in a grave voice, “Naruto-kun’s status as a Jinchuriki has been leaked.”
How though? Hound wants to ask, but he holds his tongue.
“What happened tonight at the village center was just a glimpse of what they’ll be facing in the near future,” He then frowns. “And judging by how they reacted to the civilians’ hostility, there will be harmful incidents.”
Hound continues to breathe and listen.
“This is why I decided there will be a new ANBU surveillance team with the following members: Hound, Hawk, Bear, and Horse.”
Again, he continues to breathe and listen even if his heart stutters at the thought of being near the little pup’s vicinity again. One time is enough, especially after the animosity those cold, blue eyes hold, reminding Hound of his failures. Of his cowardice. Everything.
Oh, but there's the ridiculous urge to redeem himself for the kid’s sake. This information leak was their fault, not Naruto’s. The pup doesn't deserve the future discrimination they’ll experience from the village because of someone else’s incompetence.
Hokage-sama sends him an apologetic look before glancing over to Tiger and speaking, “Tiger will take over Hound’s captain position for the time being for Team Ro, and Fox will fill in for Hawk.” After receiving the necessary affirmations, he sweeps his gaze over them all with a solemn expression before continuing with a definitive tone, “Watch over and protect Naruto Uzumaki from any harm.”
“Hai, Hokage-sama!”